Riddidididu opening theme song.
It's just a placeholder.
Hey, welcome back to the Justin and Heidi unfiltered podcast.
I'm Justin Metcalf.
And I'm Heidi.
Metcalf.
Can you hear her roll her eyes at me?
Hey, so we're still talking about mindset.
This topic is now spanned five episodes.
There's just so much to go into.
So, yeah, we're going to keep moving right along.
All right, so we're going to start with a question.
I'll ask it and then you can answer and I'll answer and we'll go from there.
When did you first realize the power of mindset in your own life?
So that's one where I don't know that I can say there was a defining moment because I don't know if I believe you're born with a specific mindset.
But I definitely believe that your environment creates your mindset.
How do you mean?
Just the way that you're raised and how those situations in life, how you deal with them or how your parents deal with them just is going to influence.
And cultivate.
Yeah, the way you think about things and how you think about things.
Yeah.
Well, if I'm answering this question, when did you first realize the power of mindset in your life?
I would say through my second upbringing.
Your marriage?
Yeah.
I mean, my parents did a great job.
I think I'm a fairly well-rounded individual.
I never had any trauma until I got married, ironically.
I believe your therapist would say otherwise.
Anyway, I think there were inklings here and there.
You know, like you would you would tell me something's just in my head and I'd roll my eyes because that's not how that works, Heidi.
It's not just in your head.
So there would be moments throughout our marriage when you would say something like that. And even if I rolled my eyes, I'd remember it.
And eventually I started hearing from other sources.
You know how when parents tell their children something and they don't listen, but then if the children hear it from somebody else, they're like, wow, that's really.
Yeah, that's you're smart.
Yeah.
And parents have already said it.
Same basic principle.
I heard it from other people.
But then I remember that you had said it for years, decades.
You know, it's in your head.
I started to really understand what it's in your head means.
My attitude is controllable.
The way that I perceive things is controllable to an extent.
And just a lot more was in my head than I really understood.
So that's when I started to grasp the idea and the understanding of mindset.
And most of that has come in the last few months.
And I'm really excited for what the next several months have to offer.
So anything further on that?
Aha moments of your.
No, but I mean, just in daily interactions, it becomes more and more apparent.
We've talked about that top 20 in the bottom 20 percent, and then there's that middle 60.
But in the daily interactions, it's more and more apparent who really are the people that are in the top.
Because it's all in how they react to different circumstances, different things that are happening to them.
And it is interesting because even in our interactions, I can tell when you're not in a good place because of the little things you start doing again,
the critical things you start thinking or seeing again when you're in the right mindset, the little things that other people do that bother you.
They're not as apparent.
I'd agree with that.
I would, because I spent how much of my life it's been maybe a year or two ago when I really started to to say, you know, those little things like people chewing with their mouth open or talking in a theater or at all.
Breathing, breathing, existing.
These things would drive me crazy. All of these other people on the planet.
How dare they.
And you said something very important to me that stays between me and you and my diary.
The point is that that moment that we had in the discussion was when I decided, yeah, I don't, I don't need to be like that.
I don't need to.
That doesn't have to control and define me. And we should have Ryan on and share his amazing story because that was, I was amazing.
But anyway, so let's let's talk a little bit more about mindset.
Where where it starts because the next question I had is it's an interesting one.
I mean, we kind of go to the nurture versus nurture debate, nature versus nurture debate. Sorry. Is mindset something you're born with, or is it developed?
And how much can we really change it?
Well, like I said, I don't think you're born with a specific mindset. I do think that you are born with specific talents and maybe traits that definitely will play into how strong your mindset can be one way or the other.
I agree with that. I think you have a you just have a natural affinity to understand mindset and control yours.
Right. But it's not that you couldn't get to the point where I'm out with mindset.
Right. But I also didn't spend much time in my life nurturing it.
Yes. And that's so that's the difference is I don't like I do think it is a trait that needs to be nurtured. But I don't think it's it.
I don't know, because the natural man, like even in the Bible, putting off the natural man and stuff. So I mean, there is there is a point which all of that plays into your mindset.
Yeah. But I still don't think it's something that like you were born this way. You can only be this way. I don't know if I believe that. Not like a talent.
Right. When it comes to understanding mindset. Right.
I'd agree with that. I think it's I mean, I'm proof of that, because my whole life I didn't agree with it. That's just not how I am, Heidi.
You know, you're you're you can do that. I can't I don't have that ability.
And they started changing behaviors.
And I realized that it could happen. Yeah, it's hard. And I think one of the things that needs to just be stricken from the English language and narrative is I can't know.
And I've debated this with other people before. Again, I do think there are things that were born naturally to do talents that we have that we're stronger at.
I don't think that means we can't do anything. I think we can. If we put our mind to it, we really want to do something. And if you had a gun to your head and they said do this or die, I believe you would be able to do it.
I do. Yeah.
But would you love it? Well, is it something you're going to cultivate? Is it something you're going to be really, really good at? Not necessarily.
Yeah, I think for me, and I hope I hope I'm not alone in this, but it had to do just I had to get to a certain point in my life, you know, that we'll call it the gun to the head moment where it was really like an ultimatum.
It wasn't quite an ultimatum. It's just like a, you know, what are you doing with your life kind of thing? You know, and you helping me understand these are things that I can control about myself.
And those other factors are not controllable. I cannot control if other people talk in the theater. And we can argue about this because people can say, well, yeah, well, what if you go get an usher? I've done that.
Does not make it any better. No, I turned around and said, hey, can you please be quiet? I almost got in a fight.
Like none of that makes anything better. But when I just focus on what I can control, which is how I'm enjoying the movie, then I mean, it's hard.
But eventually it got it got easier. Not that we go very often, but still, I can go and not have a miserable time because of the people around me.
Yeah. And I will say, I mean, there are there are definitely times when you're like, oh my gosh, you you hear the things around you. And again, I do feel like it depends on, I think largely what's going on in your own life that makes you so aware of your surroundings.
Yes, I definitely agree with that because I've had I've had many moments of heightened anxiety and anxiety for one, you know, any strong emotions that you're feeling, they're going to heighten things like that.
You're going to be more susceptible to hearing noises that are going to aggravate you. So.
And that's just one example, I think having high stress is going to exacerbate any issue when it comes to mindset.
Definitely. But I do find it interesting when people talk about like high stress careers or high stress jobs or anything that causes anxiety for me. It's kind of one of those words like.
So what are you doing to control that? I love that you you asked that because I my next question I was going to say is what's one mindset practice or tool that you use regularly to help you out.
So when you ask, what are you doing about that?
I don't know if a lot of people have an answer, because I don't think that it's a regular practice for people to address it, especially when they have mindset like mine like this is just how I am.
I can't control that.
So now through painstaking trial and error and getting into therapy, talking with you and having open dialogue with other people and being open minded.
I have realized that I've got things that that I can do every day to help me have a positive mindset.
And it comes back to things we've already discussed like positive affirmations, practicing gratitude.
That's been one of the biggest things for me is focusing on positive things.
But then also, I think the most important thing is focusing on things that are within my control.
That was the number one thing that I that I removed from the situations, and they've almost all improved almost any situation I can think of.
When I've removed the fact that I, I'm not going to beat my head up against the wall, trying to change something that I have no control over.
It just went away.
Because I had new choices.
Oh, I can just walk away.
I'm not invested in this.
I can leave.
I can do I mean that's probably the best way to walk away.
That is one of the best ones, honestly.
Yeah. So when I think about jobs specifically, I'm a hairdresser so that's the one I'm going to talk to you because that's the one I know.
And for me, it's, it's November, we're, we are in the holiday time for hairdressers.
And everyone wants to look good in November and December, they've got parties, they've got families, they got family pictures.
So this is that this is the stressful busy time of year for a hairdresser more so than other times.
And one of the things that I learned really early on in my career is I can only control what I can control.
So think ahead, reschedule my clients and let them know like I've been scheduling clients for November and December, since you know, July, September, because if they schedule every eight weeks, that puts us that puts us like one more step towards the holidays to where it's like, if I'm booking them right now and they're booking for October, I know we need to start talking about the end of the year.
So it's kind of like, okay, let's book your next appointment. Oh yeah, that you're going to be coming. Oh, that means that do you want to book now for the holidays as well because then you'll get whatever spot you want.
Right, because it's not fully yet.
And for me, I learned that's within my control.
And they might be like, oh, I don't even know what I'm doing yet. So, let's see now it's in their court.
Now they're thinking about it. And so they'll either text me sooner than later once they figure out what's going on. And most of my clients that are regulars that are like it's every eight weeks every six weeks like it doesn't matter.
They just know they're going to want it in six weeks, then they're like, yeah, let's do that because they know, even if I have a party that's probably on a Friday or Saturday. So if I come during the week I should be fine.
I know what my work schedule is I work Monday through Friday, nine to five, you know, so I learned early on.
That's within my control.
The thing I can't control. What if they get sick. Right. What if they need to reschedule because they do have something that came up.
Those things are going to happen. Now I can get really irritated and be like,
I can't believe you're doing this to me. You can't schedule you can't move you can't do any of these things, or I can go in with the mindset of probably going to happen.
Right. Human nature I've been doing this for 25 years.
There is bound to be somebody that's going to either cancel because they're sick and I would rather they do that than come in and get me sick. Right.
Or something comes up.
So I can just know and my family all knows.
I'm going to be busy.
I'm probably going to work I don't work Mondays and probably going to be working a couple Mondays. Yeah.
I don't usually work later on Fridays and Saturdays. I might be.
I usually take off in the middle of the day to pick up kids from school and you know do the mommy thing. I might not do that.
I might need help during those times. Yeah.
Not every day. Not every time.
No, but you plan ahead and we know ahead of time. If you just plan ahead. So could this is like for most people this is such a busy stressful time, but it doesn't have to be.
Right. If you keep things within your control and you look at what what could possibly happen and plan for it. Right.
So I would say the same thing for people in high stress jobs.
What makes it high stress deadlines. Okay. Well, how do you control that unexpected things. Okay. Well, how do you control that.
It might be they're not hairdressers, but we all have the same. That's what makes them high stress.
So how do you control that if there is no way of controlling that you got to go to the drawing board and figure it out because there is a way a lot of times setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries. Yeah. When people when people try to put measures on you and deadlines and things that that are unreasonable.
And yeah, you have to set boundaries. Yeah. But and that's the thing is it's like if your boss is coming to you saying this came up and now this needs to happen and I need this done by this time.
Okay. That means this isn't going to happen. Right. Is that like setting a boundary. Right. Right. Understanding you've got to probably move some of your workload to another time or pass it to someone else.
Right. Bring that up with the person who's asking you to do this. Yeah. Reasonable. And I will say this like even if I do have a guest that that needs to reschedule their appointment because of something.
I'll do my best to work around that. But if I don't have anything because I also have a life and family and kids and parties.
Then the possibility of that being moved to not the ideal time for them. They know that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But and it's one of those where. Yes. But it is one of those where it's like but I get cancellations.
People get sick. If that happens would you like me to contact you. I mean 99 percent of the time the answer is yes please. And if it works it works. And again if it doesn't. After all I'm not a doctor and I'm not saving lives.
It is hair. Yeah. It's important. I like to think my job is important. I think a lot of people would agree. But you're not going to die if it doesn't get done. Right. I've yet to lose a client that way. Right. That would be a first.
I think that would be a first. So thinking about some other areas I can't help but think about like entrepreneurs. So when you when I say entrepreneurs as somebody that's a very successful business person.
Does anybody specific come to mind. Me. Of course. Great. You have already been the protagonist for our story. You've already been an example. So let's think of somebody else. And I don't have any specifics. I think of Donald Trump.
And this is not a political thing. So whichever side of the aisle you're on just calm down. Let's talk about Donald Trump as a business person. How do you think mindset plays a role in his success and failures.
So this is this is interesting because you know after the elections his name has come up quite a few times of course. You don't get to be in the position that he's in without learning a lot of things along the way. Right.
One of the major things that I've noticed with this campaign as opposed to his last campaign. And I don't watch the news and I'm not on Twitter. So you know take this with a grain of salt. Sure. He has addressed the country very much differently than he did the first time.
I think that we could probably all agree on that. Yeah. He's not on Twitter saying I mean he's he's I feel like he really grew more the last four years in just his presentation.
And how he is putting himself out there. Yeah. Then he did the first four years. Now if you ask me that means he's got an open mindset to change. Yeah.
What he does with that how he does that. I mean sure. And we're not debating what kind of president he is or was or will be. Right. But the point is that he has had a very illustrious career. Right. Take take the moments before his presidency.
He's had many many ventures. He's declared bankruptcy multiple times. And he has bounced back multiple times. Right. And that was just the first one that came to mind. This really was not planned. But I think of others like Mark Cuban.
He's he's now regularly on the shark tank I think you know because he's one of the most successful billionaires. And there's a lot of people who are very successful people who I believe can be quoted saying things that are important about mindset because they're not the kinds of people who are just going to let things that are within their control stop them from being successful. Right.
Elon Musk. There's another one I actually was thinking Elon Musk and I was actually thinking I don't know his name but the Amazon guy Jeff Bezos Jeff Bezos. I didn't I know with me. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah I mean and that's just it. If you if you take America as a country as a whole.
The people who are rich in it there are people who are born in the money got that right. Yeah. They they look there are some lucky but I would say that's less than 1 percent. Yeah. Most people I don't know. Burn it. I mean most people we're talking about those people. It's also not something that happened overnight.
No. Like these these people's careers. It took a long time like there you can go back to Amazon and it's very beginning and it's it's different much different now than what it originally started being. Yes. Books. Yeah. Just books and then they went to e-readers and then they became what they are now. Yeah. Like a whole store a whole ship everything and ship. Same with Mark Zuckerberg. Look at where Facebook started and look at where all the
thing meta now. Yeah. Yeah. Who's the one Sam Walton Walmart. I mean there are a lot of examples that we can look at. Yeah. What about athletes. So think of who is please sit down Brady. Who is the greatest athlete. You know I'm going to say Peyton Manning.
But I will say because I OK here's why I say Peyton Manning one of one of the first reasons why he just seems like a genuinely nice guy. Yeah. I mean I'm in a matter but I want to say yeah he really like I think if you were to meet him and I'm not saying that Tom Brady wouldn't be the same way but I don't get the same feeling. Sure. And there's nothing really to back that up. So I've never met either of them. Couldn't tell you either. It's not as rough as any other people. Yeah. You know it's not a bad guy. I mean I've met him. I've never met him.
He took it really well, but but I think the point here is still the same with let's say both of them, okay
Tom Brady Peyton Manning Patrick Mahomes
Let's take Taylor Swift
Yeah, you Swifties we put her on the map
The NFL is very it's been very good for her career. Yeah that that quarterback is so famous because it's Taylor Swift
He's a tight end and you know it
Okay
Michael Jordan Dennis Ron Mascotti Pippen they're all from the Bulls
But anyway, I know I'm like that's funny jazz down where's Carl Malone and John Stockton. They know where they are
The point is all of these people have
Mindsets that are that are growth mindsets and it's proven by their the way that they work day in and day out
These people didn't get to where they they are in their sports careers or where they were at their peak
By just giving up right they they worked at it day in and day out to be the absolute best of
Their time and in their sport and I think the same could be said for Olympic athletes all over the world for sure
Yeah, for sure. Yeah
Well, and that's like
We've said it before you've got the top 20% and the bottom 20% it works for everyone
I was actually talking to a client today because we were she's from South Africa and she's now an American citizen
She's very happy to be here, but she was talking a lot about South Africa and one of the things it's it's democracy there as well
But one of the things that's tanking their
Her hometown is in South Africa
The government has stepped in so much that the taxes there are outrageous
But they don't take the taxes aren't used for what it should be used
So they they take care of the people so much that nobody works
And those who do work get penalized
Because their tax so heavily that they're all moving out of South Africa
The ones who are want to be earners and want to be rich
Or want to even just have a decent living want to be able to live well because the money isn't going to
their roads their environment their people
The the taxes are going to just pay people to
Sit around and do nothing right?
and that was
I find
Again, i'm not on a political rampage or anything. But one of the reasons I voted the way I did
is because
when I heard
I was a part of this four years and I liked everything and i'm not going to change anything
Well, I didn't I don't like what happened the last four years, so i'm not going to vote for that to continue
Let's see what this does right
Yeah, I think I think the important thing to to realize there is that you're
I mean, that's how you use your mindset
You know and that's again political things that are going to be used in the future
So it's again political things aside
It's um, you know, you've got to you got to make your choices
All right. So anyway, um, let's move on to
I've got a question for you
What advice would you give someone struggling with a negative mindset?
And we can we can do this in two parts
within our industry
And then maybe in general
I think I honestly I don't think my advice would change
Fair enough
Because if you're struggling with a negative mindset, you've got to
You got to start looking at the gratitude journal
You started you have to you have to put yourself in a positive mindset. So that's daily affirmations gratitude. What brings you joy?
Honestly, what brings you joy?
What makes you feel like that because you can't
Change who you are unless you like who you are
And if you're a stressed out anxious ball of a mess
How do you change that
Yeah, I think there's I think there are instances where you can change yourself if you don't like who you are
Um
I don't know if you'll have a clear vision. It's probably harder but
At least accepting who you are. Yeah
It's funny because it brings to mind
that
Video we watched when we were in seminary. Um, mojana you ugly mojana you ugly
She was a six cow wife
but
That's mindset
When you tell someone their whole life you're ugly you're stupid you can't do this. You can't you can't you can't you can't
What do they take away from that?
You can't right but when you start telling yourself
No, you can you can it might be hard. It's going to be difficult
But you can you can like literally just tell yourself you can every time you think I can't do something
The first thing you should do is say no, I can't
Do I want to and what will it do? Yeah?
Those are different understanding the difference. There is is a big deal
I think it goes back to your comment about upbringing, you know if
People have been torn down their whole lives
It is pretty common to see
that
Be their own trauma
Maybe not one traumatic event, but just traumatic childhood with no support
There are a lot of people that that grew up in that kind of scenario
Who never really
Can amount to anything?
And that sucks because they don't deserve that nobody does no nobody does but that's where
And and that's where it's really hard with the
Nature versus nurture. Yeah, because
If you're even if you're growing up in a place where it's like
Don't do this
Don't do that. You can't do this. You can't do that. You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do that
That can be really hard to be
Open-minded. Yeah
Yeah, I think that you're the point there is probably delivery and
An explanation
Because if you say to your kids you can't do this
And that's it
And they don't have
A way to ask questions and they don't have context
That's probably not going to go very well
I it just it builds walls, right? Yeah, and when you're building walls
You don't see
The possibilities behind it. Yeah
And so I I think the funny thing with however
I grew up was I mean don't get me wrong. We're all human
So it's not like my parents ever said you can't you shouldn't you would like, you know
Of course that was part of the upbringing
but it does come with
I don't want you to do that because or
No
Let's do this like that. It's a redirect or it's a
But they explained it so that your curiosity is at least
Satiated or well and and
I do believe that I was we grew up in a family where we we communicate we talk we fight or do you ever communicate?
and fight
Yeah, but it was also one of those words like because they didn't
Shy away from us having an opinion, right?
Or voicing it you guys will fight
But you still have dinner together like within six months
But you still have dinner together like within seconds. I never understood that I know
Now when you fight with someone they're your enemy and you leave you leave or they leave
And you don't talk until they apologize your
Your you say apologize like that because you're making a point that that's ridiculous. I feel like that's what your nose intentional
All right. Look
It's been a half an hour
And we're closing out our series on mindset. Is there anything else that you think you would like to leave our?
17 listeners with
Currently 17. I thought it was five
I thought I actually felt like maybe one but stop it. Thanks for listening holly
um
is there anything that you want to leave our listeners with that you think is just
Either something we haven't covered or just a point that you think is most important when it comes to mindset
Two things I said one. Nope two things
you can
But figure out what you can control
You can
But figure out what you can control. Okay
I think the last thing I would add is just
Not add but just reiterate the importance of being open-minded
The importance of being open-minded. I mean if you're if you're not open to the possibility
Of a mindset shift there won't be one
it's just
It's not going to happen
Those people stop listening on episode one
So the last thing that i'll say is
We've got a call to action
Um, we want to encourage people to implement one new strategy for improving your mindset
There's a lot that we talked about there's a lot of things that you can
Like if you're super motivated and you want to try to implement all these things that you learned
If you're like me, you're going to fail
I wouldn't recommend that try just one strategy
And uh, we'll leave you with this quote. This is from theodore roosevelt
Believe you can and you're halfway there
Thanks so much for listening. We'll talk to you next week
Next week. Bye