Welcome back to Heidi and Justin unfiltered. I am your host Justin Metcalf and you are their other host.
Heidi.
Thanks so much for being here. We are talking about mindset, the importance of mindset in our industry, which is the beauty industry.
And we have had some pretty amazing discussions so far. We are now on episode four of this little mini series on mindset.
And it's a fun part, it's another fun part, where we talk about how to cultivate a positive mindset.
And we were talking in the break that maybe this is where I shine because the transition from fixed to growth.
I was trying to think of a funnier way to say it, but the only things that came into mind were swear words.
But yeah, having a not so great attitude and shifting it. So thanks again for being here. We're going to jump right in.
We want to make sure that this time you're spending with us is valuable. So thank you again for listening.
So let's talk about self-awareness. One of the keys to cultivating a positive mindset is a self-awareness.
Being able to identify, I'm not going to say being able to, just doing it. We're all able to.
Identify your limiting beliefs and your negative thought patterns. And I said in the break, I'm really good at this.
So Heidi gave me this look. Her eyebrow went up and she was like, excuse me, clarifying question, sir.
She said you're good at identifying them. I said, no, I'm good at having.
I'm good at having limited beliefs and negative thought patterns. Yeah. I'm an expert. Yeah.
But because I have very recently become very good at identifying them. I do feel like an expert in that field too.
Well, you're getting there. Oh, thanks. You're welcome.
So what are your thoughts on that self-awareness and the identification of these things, the limiting beliefs and negative thoughts?
So this is why we've talked about, we're really kind of talking to that middle 60% of people, right?
Right. Because I believe if you have a growth mindset, you're going to be able to find and identify these beliefs.
But if you're a fixed mindset, you're not even listening to this podcast.
You tuned out after episode one and you went on your merry way and said they don't know what they're talking about. They're stupid.
Maybe like they're going to listen to a funny Simpson podcast.
Or, you know, they're listening to some other business one thinking it'll say something different and then they're all going to say the same thing.
I mean, let's be honest. That is how you were for how many years.
I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, exactly.
The point is that I mean, yeah, to your point that 60%.
So just to clarify, we're talking about, you know, top 20% top of their field, best in the business, bottom 20%.
I'm never going to change your waste of my time. Those of us that are in the middle. Right.
We know that we can get up. We can push higher. Right.
There's no shortage of people to be at the bottom. And that's you know what?
You're going to do what you're going to do. But we want to talk about how to get better.
So identifying your limiting beliefs. I. I really did.
I spent a lot of time having these limiting beliefs and you would say to us, say us because our kids, too.
I've passed that on to some of our kids. I can't do this.
I know I can't. I keep wanting to say I don't want, but it was I can't.
I can't go to work today because I'm sick. Yeah, that's my favorite one.
I'm sick. I don't feel good. OK, well, what are your symptoms? My head hurts. My tummy hurts.
I don't feel I'm sick. I'm sick record. I didn't say my tummy hurts because I'm a man.
I'm a grown ass man. Don't look at.
That's the one time. Right. Anyway.
And what was my response? It's usually. Yeah, it's in your head.
I mean, who doesn't wake up and have a bad morning? Who doesn't?
And stress and anxiety, they will cause physical ailments. Yeah, I'm not saying that's not true.
What I am saying is what you have is not contagious. Get your ass out of bed. You can go to work.
You're not sick. Right. You are making yourself sick and you have symptoms of sickness.
That is undoubtable. Right. But your mindset was I have to stay in bed because I'm sick.
Whereas my mindset was, yeah, you probably feel like crap. We all have those days that that happens.
But why does that make you not accomplish something? Right.
So from my point of view, for so many years, first of all, I was like, how how would you just have the perfect immune system?
You jerk and like that perfect metabolism. Right.
OK, no, that's different because that's a thing.
But I would also feel like you have no sympathy or compassion for people when they get sick.
Yeah. And it's just so mean. And I would just get so in my head about how how mean that was.
And I mean, I realize now much, much later the difference.
So now when I wake up and I don't want to wake up, we go to the gym now twice a week at my alarm goes off at five twenty five.
And I don't want to go. And I remember getting up a couple of weeks ago.
And this is not to just toot my own horn. It's just I'm recognizing the difference.
But I woke up and I did not feel good. I had symptoms of illness.
And I said to you, I don't feel very good.
I can't remember what you said.
It wasn't a challenge and it wasn't like you weren't putting me down and weren't asking.
Like, I think you just asked me, are you going?
Then are you going to the gym? I think that's what you said.
And I just knew this is my new life.
I don't want to fall back into what I've done for 40 years.
So I said, yeah, I'm going to the gym. You know, I didn't feel that I think I even threw up in like in the middle of the night.
Like, it sucked. I did not feel good. And you know what?
I went to the gym and it wasn't very fun, but I did it.
And you weren't contagious. None of us got sick.
No, you know, and that's part of it, too.
Like, yeah, if you've got a fever, you've got hot and cold sweats, that's totally different.
Totally different. And I have never to to be honest, I've never made any of my kids go to school when they're truly sick.
Yeah, no, she's not like a heartless monster.
I don't want to make sure I'm not painting that picture.
And those times when I have what what's called the man cold.
Yeah, no, I don't love that. That's what that's called.
Or the fact that it's a stereotype for a reason. Yeah, it's for a reason.
When I had the man cold and I could barely get out of bed and I had the hot, the sweats and the chills all night long.
Like, hey, yeah, be in bed all day. But then the next day, if I was still doing it, that's when you would be like, OK, come on.
Yeah. And in reality, yeah, I was feeling better. Yeah.
But I just didn't want to get up and do because I wasn't 100 percent.
So why can't I just lay in bed again for another day?
And then I realized. You don't have a perfect immune system. You got sick, too.
You just you acted differently. Yeah.
I mean, I get sick. I've been sick. Yeah.
I I joke about this because I've never had to cancel a day because I've been sick.
Come on hairdressers, we know like it's not like me calling in sick to work.
No, I got to reschedule like all my clients and I'm not I'm I'm booked out.
I don't have somewhere to just put them in that same week, let alone possibly that same month that would work time wise, day wise, all of the things for them.
So and that's. I don't get sick leave.
That's if I don't work, I don't make money. Right.
That's not one or the other. Whereas I was a banker and if I needed to miss a day. Yeah.
You just call in sick. Yeah, they figure it out. Yep.
So I always joke because I'm like, I've never had to cancel a day from being sick.
Like, God just knows I can only be sick on the days that I don't have work.
But I honestly do believe our mind is that powerful. Right.
That that is what happened is that the days that I was not feeling really good and really should stay home.
It was always on my day off almost always.
Well, I think there's I found that to be true in a lot of ways, too, because
the power of your mind is just it's it's amazing, but it's also so stupid.
When I first was getting into my banking career, not long after we were married, I I was studying for this test, a series six test to become licensed to sell, you know, insurance and.
Yeah. And I got sick the morning of the test for years.
I was like, what a what a horror. The timing so dumb.
And my wife is so mean, she says it's all in my head that I did it to myself.
What kind of sociopath? Sick twisted human. Yeah.
And the irony of the of the whole thing is at the time you had to score a 70 to pass and I scored a 69.
I missed it by one point. And so for years, you know, and I went I retook it and got worse every time.
I think I got a 66 my next time and then a 58. And then I never took it again.
But all three of those days that I tested, you were sick. I was sick.
What are the chances, Heidi, that I would get a cold that no one else in our home had before or after the day of my test?
And then I was better the next day. Yeah. What are the chances?
Yes. Call stress. I didn't have an understanding or a belief that that was possible, that you could stress yourself out so much that you started to exhibit symptoms of sickness.
Yeah. Now we see it in our 13 year old.
We've seen it all. Yeah. But I've also come a long way in that regard, too, because when when our kids would say, call us or, you know, now they text us, I don't feel good.
Instead of, oh, no. OK, I'm coming right now. Yeah, I'll be right there.
I'll come pick you up, which I mean, my answer was like, well, I'm at work. So right now.
No, and I had the option. But now, I mean, our kid texted today, I feel sick.
And I texted right away. Well, it's a good thing there's only about an hour and a half left to school.
Fuck up, little miss. She flipped him off.
She did. She sent me then a text privately with the middle finger.
We should talk about that more when we're done with this privately.
That might be another podcast. That might have to be. Lord.
Dick move. What kind of parents we are.
But I've passed on that gene, you know, that belief system, and they've got to train the way out of it.
I think a lot of kids do that. Like, you're not born inherently able to just have a positive mindset all the time.
No, it's no, it's definitely something that grows in time, but it does depend on and that actually is really important to talk about, too.
It depends on who is in your your circle. Yeah, it very much depends on what are you surrounding yourself with?
Right. Because you cannot stay in a growth mindset when you are surrounded by fixed mindset.
Right. It's I found that it's kind of like the same thing we do, like a 12 step program.
So like you're a recovering alcoholic should not be spending his time at a bar. Right.
It's it's the same thing. If you if you want to be lifted up and inspired and have positivity in your life,
don't surround yourself with things that are dramatic and tear others down. Right.
Because that's something that's within your control. Right. It is.
And here's the other sad truth is a lot of salons, just the culture of salons, there are they're changing.
Times are changing. But until we get to a full, complete change on this, a lot of the culture in the salon is that backroom banter.
Yeah. It's that it's that what they're all back there bashing the no show, bashing the client that had left a bad review bashing.
And those are the things you want to steer clear from. Those are the those are the things that you don't want influencing your day.
And I know this because I went through a period in my own career where I was fixed because the people I was surrounded with were fixed.
And I didn't realize it until I got around growth again. And when I got around growth again,
it's it's something that as as someone who wants to continue to grow and wants to enjoy my life,
what I'm doing, find joy and happiness. I have to control what I can control, what's within my sphere of control.
And what's within my sphere of control is who I associate with. Right.
And some people argue with that. They're like, well, I can't control who I work with. Well, you can control how much time you spend around them.
I have a stylist recently that was reaching out to me and she's on her third salon in one year.
And she's finding the same thing at this one that she found at the last two.
But when she starts all of these new salons, they are all pretty new and they're perfect.
And she's so excited. And then it's the people within.
And it's it comes to a point in which you have to realize, yes, you can only control what's in your sphere of control.
But moving from salon to salon to salon isn't going to change the fact you're always going to have those people there.
Yeah. So what do you do? Limit yourself. Yeah.
Don't leave yourself open to that and find what it is going to take to keep you in that growth mindset. Right.
So you can still work in this salon. You can work around those people, but don't find yourself in the back room talking to them.
Then maybe stay out front and watch somebody see what they're doing. Maybe when you have downtime, instead of staying in a salon, walk outside.
Go look at the buildings and the businesses around you. Where can you grow your target market?
Where can you grow within where you're at? If you love this salon, the location, the vibe of the salon, it's got to be the same in that area.
But if you just keep sitting in the toxicity or the toxic environment and just keep allowing it to seep in, you will find yourself going down that negative route.
Yeah. I mean, it's kind of like making a stew or a soup. You sit in that pot, you're going to absorb those flavors and the flavors from the other things that are in there.
It's just the way it is. Right. So if you good and bad. Exactly.
So I think self-awareness is definitely the first part. It's the first part in a lot of other programs like self-help programs or recovery programs.
You've got to acknowledge that it's there first. So identifying your limiting beliefs and putting a name to them, because it also makes it less of a mythical creature and more of something you can tackle.
So then we start with how what else you can do to cultivate a positive mindset, affirmations and positive self-talk. Yeah.
So one thing that came to mind was sticky notes. Yeah. You know, people put sticky notes all around. Yeah. Like on the mirrors or. Yeah.
And it was really funny in the morning. Yeah. I mean, there's a really funny joke about that in the new movie with Ryan Gosling.
He plays a stunt man and the character that he is stunting for, you know, the main actor is dumb.
He has to use post-it notes for every aspect of his life. So there's hundreds. Really funny joke. But that works for a lot of people. Yeah.
Or they write little inspirational messages on their mirror. And I know it's cliche, especially in Utah. People get a lot of shit for it.
Having stuff in your home like live, laugh, love and love is grown here.
And I mean, yeah, we make fun sometimes. Well, I don't because I'm not a dick. But.
That's positive affirmation. You know, first of all, I haven't forbid somebody put something in their home that makes them feel better.
But that's what we're talking about. Positive affirmation. Find a way that works for you. Right. Like for me, it was it's my screen savers.
It's my social media. Like I I curated a social media. Now I'm adding puppies into it because it's freaking cute.
But I've curated a social media of when I open it up, I see the hair side because that is it is work.
That's I view social media as work. I don't view it as what most people do.
But the other thing that I see on there that's not just hair are those positive affirmations, those mindset things, those things that keep me in the right mindset.
And I curated that when I see something I really like, I save it. I I like it.
I comment on it so that I get more like it. Yeah. And it really is very important to curate in your life what's going to work for you.
Like I said, for me, it's my screen savers on my phone. It's when I do open up my social media, it's seeing those in my feed on the daily basis,
reposting them to my story so that other people can see them. Yeah.
But I don't do it because I hope somebody else sees it. I do it for me.
Well, I think there's a lot to say about understanding how algorithms work, specifically the ones that we spend our time on like TikTok and Instagram reels.
When you interact with something, the algorithms that are built into these platforms will then send more like it your way. Right.
So if you're the kind of person who, when you're stressed and when you're upset, you open social media to get that dopamine release,
you're probably not engaging with the with the kind of social media that you really that's healthy for you. Right.
You're maybe seeing stuff that's just encouraging that those thoughts, the toxicity.
But when you take a more mindful approach at your social media absorption and your consumption, it changes.
So when you see a reel, it's really funny, but it's like dark humor. First of all, we're friends.
Okay. My algorithm is nevermind. Point is, he's probably already seen it.
I bet I have. But for me, that's, you know, and I want to get out sometimes. That's what I do.
But that's not a toxic thing for you. You find it funny. Right. But if that's something that's hurting you, don't engage with it. Right.
And there are a lot of different steps you can take. Don't like it or like it and you'll see more.
Don't comment or comment and you'll see more. But to get rid of it, start searching things you do want to see more of. Yes.
And actively, actively like not in search. And yes, they'll all all of these give you the opportunity to to fix your algorithm.
Right. If you don't want to see something on your feed, say don't watch it, swipe past it, keep going.
And the more you go past it, the more you don't interact with it. Yeah. The more it gets the hand can also click on it and say, I don't want you to show me this anymore.
Right. And it's not perfect. It's going to keep sending him for a little bit. But I can attest eventually it stops. Right.
So the point, though, is that you've got to be mindful about it. Yeah. You got to be mindful mindlessly consuming your content.
Then, you know, you're going to get what you get. But all of growth mindset is about being mindful. Exactly.
And knowing that it's not I can only do it this way. I can't do that. I can't do this. It's it's take that word can't out of your vocabulary.
You are not able to use. I can't ever again. You can't use it. You can't. You are not able.
That's why I said you were very mindful of the words you chose. Yeah. You are not able to use that word.
I can't ever again because it's not I can't. It's what can I do. Right.
And I will say that is one of the biggest things that I whenever I look at anything in life, that is my thought process.
It's not I can't. It's but what can I again? What's within my sphere of control?
And there's more than one way to do everything. Yeah.
But if you don't have the right mindset, you're not going to come to that conclusion ever.
So the next thing is visualization. There are so many techniques. There are lots of different.
It's in movies. It's in karate mentalities and Tai Chi.
It's in what's the very might you sit down yoga is there's so many things about visualization.
Visualize an attack from the waterboy, one of the greatest documentaries of football.
I love it. I you've got to be able to visualize your goal.
But if you if you're if your vision is so clouded by the things that are bringing you down in activity, then you can't visualize it, which is where a lot of people get stuck.
So you've got to be able to visualize your goal.
The power behind visualizing your success is insurmountable.
And it may sound corny or even cliche, but you really there's just so much power in visualizing yourself at the finish line.
Let's take an example. What's what's an example we could use here like a goal in your life or my life or just a generic one.
Getting late. So let's let's let's just say buying a home.
OK, now I know for a lot of people right now, this is a hard thing to visualize and you're not wrong.
It has gotten harder to buy a home and there are a lot of factors.
But instead of focusing on the factors that are outside of your control, start with visualizing it.
And again, it sounds corny, but visualize yourself in your dream home.
Visualize it and then your ability to break down the tasks that you need to accomplish to make it happen become easier.
So then when the mindset is when the reality is, well, I have to have forty thousand dollars to put down as a down payment.
If that's your truth for the home that you want to be in and that's what you've got to do, then accept it.
OK, that's my reality. But now you're visualizing that and you accept it.
You've identified where you're falling short with your bad mindset issues.
That's so I'm going to go back to when we started this podcast and my husband didn't know where to start.
And he's got these outlines and everything. You know, as someone with a growth mindset and when you take something like buying a home and you take it to someone like me.
First of all, I'm a hairdresser. I'm not in real estate. I've never I mean, we have bought a home together now.
Yeah. But first time I'm going to go to the experts like I'm not going to be what do I what do I need to start this?
I'm going to ask somebody else. Well, what do I need to start this? Sure.
And then I kind of I do kind of just jump in and learn as I go. But I'm learning as I go.
But you're also able to trust that the expert is going to say, OK, you need forty thousand dollars down.
You need to you need to do this. And then but I feel like your mindset already is, OK, I'm going to take their advice.
Yeah. And then I'll figure it out. I'm going to earn forty thousand dollars.
So then my next step is and it still comes back to breaking it down. Right.
What are those bite sized chunks? I'm not looking at forty thousand dollars going. How am I going to get forty thousand dollars?
I'm going, OK, well, if I cut this out and I cut this out and I cut this out and I'm still happy.
Yeah. Like I want a home more than I want that. Yeah.
And so that and then it's like at the end of the month, you budget, you see how you are, you see what you've done and you go, where are we doing good?
Yeah. And could we do better? And so breaking it down, though, is what it always is going to come down to.
So instead of focusing on I have to get forty thousand dollars, how am I going to do that? It then becomes I put away four hundred dollars this month.
This month. What can I do better? Or was that good enough? Exactly. I mean, four hundred dollars in one month.
I mean, that's going to take forever to get to forty thousand. It is.
So just an example. Right. You don't have to. But that is where but that is where I'm going to go.
Could I have worked more? Right. Instead of instead of.
And this is what I do instead of going out or coming home after work that day when that one client wanted to get in that night.
And it would have put me there later than I want to work. Yeah.
Well, what did I do when I got home anyway? Like, I'm still the stylist that works nights and weekends.
And a lot of stylists in my position are like, no, I'm done with that crap. I work my time.
I don't need to do that anymore. More power to you. I think that's fantastic.
But for me and where we are with our life right now and where our kids are in their lives right now,
I mean, I can come home after five o'clock, but I'm usually sitting doing nothing because you're busy doing your thing.
The kids are busy doing their thing. I'm not missing home life. Right.
Now, does that mean that when my son has a band concert, I can't take that night off? Oh, no, for sure. I'm taking that off.
I'm going to a band concert if my daughter has a soccer game or something.
Like, I feel like I can definitely mark those times out in my schedule. You need to know beforehand. Sure.
I'm not afraid to take the nights off, but I'm not afraid to work them. Right.
I'm not limiting myself in my earning potential because I think I should be able to not have to.
Yeah. I think that's a big difference. Definitely.
And I'm glad that we have both sides of this here because there's still a lot of things that you say that as a recovering fix mindset person.
It's I mean, it's it's it's hard to fathom, you know, and it's it's tough.
But you're you're absolutely right. When you just have that when you've done it so much that it's second nature,
that's when you know that you're you know what? You're you're going to be OK.
So what we're trying to encourage is how to how to get it to where it's a habit. Yeah.
So yeah, it's like visualizing or positive affirmations, but also gratitude practice.
Yeah. Such a big thing. It's true.
So what comes to mind when I say gratitude practice?
Being thankful for even being able to wake up in the morning. Yeah. Being thankful for even being able to work on the daily.
I mean, we could get hit tomorrow with anything. The covid proved that. Oh, yeah.
That never would have thought that that could happen. Right.
So but being grateful for even just waking up for even just being able to get out of bed.
All of those little things. And it's it's not like I'm sitting there bowing down every time I do something,
thinking the heavens. But in my mind, in my heart, I am.
I am grateful to be able to work nights and weekends and not miss out on life.
I know a lot of stylists, they get in this work life balance kind of thing. Right. Right.
And that's a limiting belief as well. Like if I'm at work, I have to be doing work.
If I'm at home, I have to be doing home. You know what?
Again, you've got to figure out what's going to work for you and what's going to be best for who you are.
But for me, like I switch into work mode and home mode, like constantly throughout the day.
Sure. I don't have you find the time to do both. Yeah. To do both.
And I feel like it's a good mix. It's most of my family's getting used to me now.
If I'm on my phone, you can talk to me. I might even respond, but I'm not listening. It's not likely.
It's not like. And our kids are relatively well adjusted. They still they still like us.
For the most part. I mean, they're still living at home.
Paying our phone bills, though. Well, it's true. And their food bills, their housing bills.
But at the same time, there is this limiting belief that you have to have work here
and life here and you can't. It's not a it's not a firm line in the sand, though.
There isn't. Not a great. Yeah. So that's the mentality, though.
But having that gratitude of being able to do both. Yeah.
Having that gratitude of knowing you can learn more, knowing you can continue to grow, knowing you've got to be grateful
for the one who gave it to us all anyway, which is God. Yeah.
We wouldn't be here without him. And if you're atheist and don't believe in God, I don't know how you do it.
But we'll find a way. Find a way. I mean, this this makes sense for you and I because of our belief and our faith.
But if if it's not a God that you're giving gratitude to, who it is, who is it?
So like and I want to come back to. Or what is it?
But I want to come back to how giving gratitude looks, because there was a time in my life
where if somebody were to say, let's talk about gratitude practice.
Oh, I love that idea. That's great.
And the visualization that I get in my head is the gratitude journal.
And it's setting aside time every day to write it down.
And then the first day that I screw that up, the entire project is dead.
You know what I mean? And there you know what I mean, because you've seen it in your your husband for 20 years.
But for other people who have a similar mindset that I have had, that resonates with them.
And they're they're shaking their head right now. They're saying, yes, I've been there.
And it sucks. But what you pointed out was that why does gratitude sharing have to look that way?
Right. You wake up and you're just you're not praying to Mecca.
You're not kneeling on the ground to give thanks for every single thing in your in your day throughout the day.
You just saying it in your heart, in your head.
You can be driving and saying, you know, I'm really grateful that I have a car that works.
I look out. There have been times like even last night, looked out at the mountains and just the beauty of what I was seeing was just.
Yeah, it was grateful I could even see it kind of a thing.
But and we actually were discussing this with our oldest daughter just last week.
Prayer doesn't mean kneeling and praying.
Prayer is talking to that higher being. Yeah.
Whenever you're talking to them and having that ability just means you can share gratitude at any point of your day.
And if you want to write it down, if you like the gratitude journal, if that's fulfilling to you, there's nothing wrong with that.
But again, there's no one way to do anything. And don't let it stop you.
If you set it up, that's how it has to look and that's how it has to be.
Or it's not gratitude. That's the limiting belief belief system.
And that's where you go wrong with.
And that's why it's so disappointing because you're like, oh, I was trying to do this good thing.
And it worked for this person and they're so successful.
And yeah, because it did. It worked for them. Yeah, because they they were successful at that.
But there's no one way of doing anything.
So the first time you don't do it, it's like I gave myself the beginning of summer.
I wanted to study 20 minutes every day doing something because I did it with hair.
So I thought, oh, I'm going to apply it to this.
I do try to do it, but I have not been successful in even like doing it like multiple days in a row yet.
But you've done it a few times.
But I keep doing it and I keep and I will keep going back to it and I'm trying to get better at doing it.
And it's not even because I don't enjoy doing the studying I'm doing. I enjoy every time I do.
Yeah, but it can't happen every single day.
But it can't happen every single day.
And I'm not going to look at myself and say I'm a failure and stop doing it because I didn't do it for.
I mean, there's even been almost a full week where I haven't even done it once.
I haven't quite gotten to that where I haven't. I've at least done it one time in a whole.
But you accept that you were able to do it at least once and it went well.
And I enjoyed it. So I'm going to keep trying.
I really am going to keep trying for that 20 minutes every day, but we'll see if I get there.
So far, not there yet.
That's fine because.
But I don't have that limiting belief.
Exactly.
If I fail at day two, then I'm just not going to do it again.
Yeah.
Well, like we said, we've tried to keep these to about 30, 35 minutes.
So we're going to end this one now.
But like we've said already, the mindset continues.
So we have more to talk about.
So we hope you join us for our next episode.
Thanks for listening.
Bye.
You have to say your bye.
Bye.