Welcome to Vikings and Valkyries, an actual play
podcast. We are playing When the Wolf Comes,
an RPG set in a world stretched to breaking point
by the ever -present peril of Ragnarok. My name
is Ian Stuart -Sharpe and I will be your ever
-wondering one. in the adventure ahead joining
me for yet more ruination are bill steve cj and
taylor welcome to you life robbers hello hello
i'm here hello you great towering intellect so
is everyone ready to ragnarok and roll in this
last episode nice hell now after that one oh
my god i don't understand the reference Bill,
we know that the adult spirit that you play here
was the first to die at the Battle of Breville.
How do you rate your chances for this last session?
I think my chances of dying are extremely good.
Particularly if CJ's backing me up. If Gigi's
behind me with his throat stormer or gut bringer,
I forget what the term is. I think my odds are...
Storm shooter. There you go. I had one of the
words. That's something. Yeah, I think I have
a good chance of dying. Thanks for asking. Steve,
your character's original manifestation, you
talk about taking an arrow to the knee and a
sword to the head. Any predictions as to how
you might snuff it? Yeah, it'll probably be something
completely pointless. Probably incompetence.
Maybe his own, but no guarantee of that. And
Taylor, you join us again. And in the background,
we've talked about your fondness for the Rohirrim.
And I've remarked about how the late, great Bernard
Hill played both Theoden King in Lord of the
Rings and Captain Smith in Titanic. You've already
gone down with the ship. So does that mean you're
going to ride to everlasting glory today? I mean,
that's the hope. There's a nagging voice in the
back of my head that somehow Cole is going to
get killed by Gigi somehow. That's the fear I
have. A red sun rising. Exactly. Might I remind
you that Gigi was outdone by air who sucked two
of our guests, not one, but two into a black
hole. Thank you very much. I only gunned down
one guy. Much like Thaddeus King was killed by
his horse. I feel like I'm going to be killed
by my friend here. It's just going to happen.
But he'll just roll over you much like the horse.
Exactly. And then CJ, the hero of your novels.
has been described as the lusty and terrifying
old warrior of the Loire and the Somme, and he
lived to a ripe old age for a 9th century Viking.
So do you see yourself going to Valhalla or dying
a straw death like Hastings? We think he lived
a long time, but it's improbable that he did,
because if we are to believe the sources, then
a crusty old Viking would have lived into his
90s, which is... really improbable. But anyway,
that aside, what's Gigi going to do? Who knows?
I don't know if our listeners have picked up
on this, but the whole it's none of y 'all business
piece was because how Gigi got roped into all
this isn't because he wants to be a hero. It's
because he's been desperately trying to conceal
the fact that how he got embroiled in this in
the first place was to conceal the fact that
he had a sex robot and it got away from him.
And yet no one has picked up on this or Gigi
has not. So it still hasn't come out. So I think
the better question is not whether or not Gigi
is going to survive today, but whether he's going
to be able to preserve his honor by keeping that
a secret. What did you do to the robot? Why did
they don't want to know? Turning it off and turning
it back on again. Now, it's funny because Hastings,
depending on your. source for the name of the
hero. He's been described as lots of things,
but my favourite, and paraphrasing it because
the do -do of St. Quentin list is quite long,
but he's called Death -Dealing Uncouth, Fertile
in Ruses, Warmonger General, Traitor, Fermenter
of Evil, and Double -Dyed Dissimulator. That's
my favourite. I just wondered if you've borrowed
some of that in your portrayal. of gg gg is too
aloof i think right because the whole point of
hasting is that he's cunning and cruel a shrewd
businessman is what i like to say uh gg is none
of those things gg is still kind of clueless
all right we're going to change things up a little
bit for our quiz in that i'm not going to ask
you our supposed heroes for the answer instead
i'm going to throw it open to our listener And
instead of offering up an inspiration point,
I'm going to do a giveaway. So in the saga, we've
had Death by Bear, Bullet, Blade and Black Hole.
And so I'm going to pose a question to our listener.
And the question is this. How many player characters
have died in the whole Thought and Memory saga?
If you send me your answers to ianstuartsharp
at vikingverse .com. If you're correct, I will
send you some Viking verse goodies. Bill's just
signifying on screen here, multiples of 10. So
again, we wouldn't have been able to answer that
anyway. So come on, listeners. You can do this.
We don't really track them once they fall. They're
not really so useful anymore. There's no point.
No. Now, at the same time, we're also going to
do an internal. prize giving we're going to give
one of our guests an ask here so what is an ask
here i hear you cry well the oscars do best film
best director etc and the askers are the norse
equivalent we only have one category or at least
one category that you can vote on and that is
for best death So again, if you're listening
to the podcast, you do come find me on at Vikingverse
on social media or reach out via vikingverse
.com or send me an email with your vote for who
should be showered in glory for the way that
they went out. Now, any early votes from the
assembled heroes here? Any thoughts as to who
really deserves to clutch that ask here and make
a speech? Well, Taylor, for one, that was really
good. He's not dead yet. There's a count. Much
like he on the rocket ship. What happened? There's
so many to choose from. So many senseless deaths.
It's wonderful. I was quite fond of Jay Hopkins'
death. That was a fun one. He's died multiple
times. Yeah, exactly. I enjoyed Joe, Leo, because
that battle that we did with the bone bear at
the beginning, and all of us were not only incompetent,
but also very low level. Air ran for the hills,
if you guys recall. Luomi didn't want to catch
fire. Gigi failed, I think rolled a one in the
middle of the battle. And then he picked up the
bone bear and carried it into the fire to save
us all. I think that one has my vote. Joe from
Vikings vs. Samurai has obviously got those two
great, honorable societies combined in one. I
actually really liked Ed, the sex robot sacrifice
early on, attempting to cheat at the big fight
and then just being cut in half. It was pointless
and futile, and I think a beautiful embodiment
of everything that had happened already and everything
that was yet to come. Very good. Well, if our
listener does want to write in and vote for someone
that they feel went down swinging, then please
do so. And if you're one of our guests and you're
listening to this and you want to start a campaign
to earn that ASCII for the best death, then feel
free to take to social media and get the Academy
on your side. May I add one more honorable mention,
though, because I just thought that this was
great. Have you seen the movie The Departed?
And there's that shocking scene where Martin
Sheen gets thrown off the building, and then
you just see him just go, right? We had one of
those in the show. It was Josh Gillingham. He
goes up on the roof, and whatever that thing
was up there, and he just gets hurled up. It
was so beautiful and shocking at the same time,
because then when he fell, and he's just dead.
And everyone paused, and we all looked at each
other, and none of us... It didn't really sink
in for at least three seconds. They died instantly.
Lots of memorable moments. All right, well, let's
see if we don't have a few more to add to the
tally. We begin our adventure on the edge of
Havmakar. You have been charged by Min to return
the raven's thought and memory to Odin. You hold
one raven skull. around your neck and you have
been drawn by the spirit of the other back here
to this frozen town in the arse end of nowhere.
The name Help Makar means help each other and
today we will see whether that is indeed the
fate carved for you by the Norns. If you fail
you have been warned that the boundaries between
past, present and future will collapse. Now,
Taylor has returned as Old King Cole, who has
now lived two lives for a total of nearly three
millennia. And in case you were wondering, Taylor
has come back because as the Falkir made planetfall,
it travelled further back in time, landing a
week before the Weaver and two weeks before the
rest of it. He obviously survived, perhaps because
he carried the seeds of Yggdrasil from the doomed
planet, or perhaps because he is an unwitting
pawn in a game of cosmic chess. So, Taylor, as
you stand with these, what did you call them,
fucking idiots at the end of the last episode?
As you stand surveying the dark... curfew town
of Helmikar that you know is defended to the
hilt by the Sons of Ivaldi and their overclocked
legions and their Drin warriors. Do you have
a plan? I believe I do. Fifteen hundred years
of sitting around waiting gives one a lot of
time to think. So, you still have the Ravenskulls,
I trust? Singular, yes. The Ravenskulls, right?
The what? This plan thing. You know, that's not
how we usually do things, but hey, what the heck.
Yes, I know we're going against the grain here,
but we're actually going to try and execute a
plan here. For the plan is based on chaos. For
we are the Black Swans, and we are chosen to
sow chaos and confusion. So therefore, no one
will expect what we're about to do. So the first
thing. Gigi, big man. You know there are hostages
that we need to take advantage of rescuing? I
had no idea. Okay. I should have assumed. Now
ask me if I care. News update. I can guess. However,
it is important that we rescue the hostages that
are being held in the church of the One Zero.
It's right over there. That big, temple -y looking
building that you can see. We need a way for
you to get in there, get those hostages out,
and return to us here. Some sort of distraction
would be... Probably the best way to do that,
perhaps. Bane an illness or enter as a person
seeking immortality from this temple and church.
I leave the theatrics up to you. I'm sorry. Wait,
wait, wait, wait. I must interject. I'm sorry,
Cole. But do you mean to tell me you've had 1
,500 years plus knowledge of the future to plan
this and this is the best you've got? It's phase
one. Let's workshop it. I'm going out the steps
one by one so you can all digest it. It was it
was a wonderful 1500 years until you lot showed
up. But here we are. Now, you will serve as our
distraction. Meanwhile, you will be monumental
in helping us to make our way into the city.
We are facing quite a few enemies in there, and
among them will be likely hordes of drones. These
drones will be incredibly effective in disrupting
any stealth mission we want to achieve in this
endeavor, and I think you are well -placed to
take care of that. You mean Kaboom? Kaboom, Kaboom.
Big Kaboom. In short, you'll meet. Since you
have the Raven Skull, you have the ability to
sneak in and return it, while the rest of us
create a diversion. Error will be taken care
of. clearing your path. And while all this is
going on, I will draw out all the forces, give
them a distraction to come fight. There's no
way for this to fail. None whatsoever. It is
bulletproof, because every step of it is based
on the knowledge that you will not do exactly
what we think you will do, and that will aid
us. Is Gigi not jumping on the roof of the temple?
I think I'm slightly confused. What do I do once
I'm inside? You need to rescue the hostages inside
there. We need to get them out of there and to
safety. Hell's advocate, if we're trying to prevent
the end of the world, what do the hostages matter?
He said trying to maintain his honor of plus
nine and inherit the title of Jarl of Habmaka.
Not much point being a ruler of a barren waste.
Exactly. So for me, for Yomi, it's just putting...
The skull we have with the other skull. That's
all that I need to do. I see it. I wasn't really
paying attention. I was waiting for Gigi to do
something. You all have very specific individual
tasks that are as simple as I could make them,
knowing that that's basically the attention span
I'm working with here. While all this is going
on, I will assemble a small force that will charge
in to draw their forces out, leaving the town
as unmanned as possible. I have been spending
time creating a wonderful collection of Isbjorn
that can come into the fray. They're far more
than bears at this point. They are the most wonderful
beasts that will lay waste to all the foes in
front of us. Turns out that when you leave bear
cubs back in the past, it gives these elder trees
the ability to nurture them into a fighting force,
into bear cavalry. So thank you for forgetting
the bear cubs with me. It actually worked out
very well. All part of the plan. All right, CJ,
let us then begin with your distraction. So the
Church of the One Zero stands on the site of
the former Temple of the Bear, which was burnt
down. And then this new facility was recreated,
built in record time. And it is a bright, glowing
electric edifice. into which the surviving townsfolk,
which include people like Gunner Weatherbag,
Solveig, Cooking Kettle, the diverged Wetgret,
and various others, they've been herded into
this church, perhaps to use as bargaining chips
because you'll remember that Bangsir Valdison,
the head of the Winter Wires, knows you are coming.
So, Gigi just walking up by himself might be
suspect. And if he's going to feign illness,
so he's going to turn to everybody. This might
ruin our plan. Do we have any other people with
us who can help with this? The only other people
that you have are the Alpha, who are all mounted
on their Ispion as the bear cavalry to ride alongside
Cole as he comes to your rescue and helps evacuate
the hostages once you have found your way in.
Right now, you suspect that they have a gun held
to their temples. She's thinking. You find it
likely that they will believe that a bear is
carrying you to a temple for healing more than
you coming on your last reserves of strength.
Oh, is that the purpose of the temple, is to
heal? That would have been good information.
I know nothing about 1 -0. So you remembered
that the Church of 1 -0 is trying to create a
unification of man and machine for the purposes
of ascension to godhood. Ah, I know. All right,
I shall go. So Gigi's going to start walking
toward the Temple of One -Zero by himself, evidently,
since you all have other things to do. So you
crunch through the ice and snow. The buildings
around you are all dark and abandoned, boarded
up with no lights on in the curfew, apart from
the electric halo of the church. There are stained
glass windows in an old... almost Christian style,
and the huge timber door stands before you, ready
to be knocked upon. Then Gigi shall step up to
the door and knock. Three times! Three is a very
important number in Norse mythology. It's prophetic.
It is indeed, and the door swings open, and inside
can see the townsfolk all. tied and bound, manacled
to the pews, and in front of you, a familiar
figure in the form of Steingrimmer Evaldissen,
the green -robed priest, the berserker you met
once buried an axe in this gentleman's head,
but he is clearly alive and well, presumably
the benefits of being a member of a clone race.
Does he say anything to Gigi? Gigi kind of looks.
He strides over to you and he says, Well, I do
declare, if it isn't the word of Diggler himself,
have you come to repent and make amends for your
sins? And she is going to drop to his knees and
grasp at his robes and say, Thank the gods you
answered the door. You won't believe I've been
wounded, poisoned. Something, I'm dying. I need
your help desperately, please. There is no need
to thank the gods, for there is only the great
and mighty Mim. What is it that you want as guardian?
I need to be healed and repent, as you say. Why,
that is mighty noble and courageous of you. We
welcome you then. By the grace of the great Valdi,
you will serve as a role model for all of these
ingrates and naysayers. And he gestures to the
whimpering townsfolk surrounding him. Yes, yes,
that's what I want. What must I do? Well, you
have reached childhood end, and now you can bloom,
bathed in a skin of steel. for is it not the
will of Mim the Rememberer to become one with
the machine? Do not worry, for the pain of the
molten metal is fleeting, and you will be born
again. I do not know the will of this Mim, but
I am not against enhancements. Look! He pulls
out his tongue. With the Os rune. Praise be!
Praise be to the Lord Mim, for the Messiah has
come! He is one with the great machine in the
sky. Am I? Yes, I am. Oh, I repent. No, wait.
You repent. Now, in the background, you see Solveig
Kuttenkettel, the feisty proprietor of... the
local inn. She is tussling with one of the guards,
a kind of cybernetic sentry. She is due to be
executed next. You hear her say, I do not want
my long hair to get bloody, so you best leave
me alone. I feel like that was a hint that one
of the church brethren holds her braid as she
kneels, as they get ready to execute her. Wait,
wait, wait, wait! Why is this woman being put
to the axe, sword, machine? Why is she being
put to death? Because we need every single skull
we can get to repower. Mean the money. Only by
giving it brains to reconstitute the thought
and memory that was lost is the machine going
to be powered once again. Are you implying that
these feeble brains are going to feed your machine
that is meant to be infinitely intelligent? That
would be the case if only we had the raven skull
that was missing. What if I told you I could
find it for you? At that moment, Solveig... jerks
her head back and the executioner's gun goes
off. Because he was holding her braid, she has
pulled him off balance. The shot that was destined
for her temple ricochets against the roof and
hits the stunned Steingrimmer. A second soldier
rushes towards her but is tripped by Gunnar Weatherbag
and drops his weapon. Solveig promptly picks
it up, wriggles into cover and begins to shoot.
Gunner Weatherbag looks at you and says, Well,
what are you waiting for, you great big bloody
oaf? Hold on. I'm so tempted to just start shooting
everybody. But it might be a mistake. So Gigi
has an ally, feels that sense, that rush, and
he'll say, To Volkwanger! Valhalla is for the
bravest, and he's not. So he's going to pull
out his storm shooter. No, wait. The shaker.
He's got a shaker. So where is everybody in relation
to Solveig versus the people? Can I blast somebody
in the face, like short range, and just kind
of take him down right out of the gate? So you're
trying to fight in a more precise manner. Is
that right, Gigi? I don't want to kill my ally
just yet. Right away, yeah. So imagine that you
are in a classic church with pews either side
and an altar at the far end. You're in the central
aisle. To your left and your right are the townsfolk,
all tied or manacled or shackled to the pews.
Dying Grimmer would walk straight towards you,
towards the door. He has now fallen, a bullet
through the brain, and both Solveig and Gunnar.
are towards the far end by the altar where they
are now taking matters into their own hands and
raining fiery vengeance on the half a dozen or
so overclocked sentinels that are in the room.
You could quite easily aim your shaker at the
four advancing guards, the bodyguard of Steingrimmer,
the people. that had once executed Paul Matt
Forbeck. Yeah, them. Then make your roll. Gigi
pulls the trigger. If you do full auto, you don't
need to roll. You just roll for damage. Right.
And then I've got 3d6 plus... Oh, I didn't...
I should have cast Blood Runes on the gun before.
Oh, well, I will use Orlog instead. And then
I get... Per level, I get an extra d6, right?
Yep. Let's just do two and I'll roll five. Ooh,
that was good. Ooh, that was really good. 18.
Somewhat shocked and surprised by the onslaught
from both sides, none of the cybernetic guards
make their rolls. And so taking 18 damage is
not enough to... fell them completely, but they
tumble to try and get some kind of cover amidst
the pews where they are immediately set upon
by the townsfolk themselves. Coming from good
Viking stock, they rip impromptu weapons from
the church itself, grabbing everything from balustrades
to candlesticks and beginning to cudgel the overclocked
into beloved corpse. Well, that was easy and
successful. Take that, Cole. The fire fight in
the church has echoed through the otherwise eerily
silent town and sirens begin to go off. If there
is a time to make that bear cavalry charge, it
is now. Excellent. So I'm assuming we're just
looking at the map. We're epically on a hill
looking down over at the city. That would be
very convenient. Looking at the map that's in
the campaign book, yes, you were probably best
poised somewhere near the old Asbjorn, some estate
that was burnt down, enabling you to sweep in
from the east. Right after Gigi would have left,
before the chaos broke out, I think Poe would
turn to the other two and say, all right, I will
assemble on the eastern hills. You have your
task, you have your missions. It'll be obvious
when we start our charge, and it'll be hopefully
even more obvious when Gigi has completed his
task. As soon as we begin, go. Don't wait. There
will be no other signal other than the triumph
of Gigi's bullets and the thunder of our paws
on the hill. So in the depths of midnight, the
alpha lion up around you there bark and bows
glistening with frost. and starlight mounted
on their snarling polar bears the spirits look
every part the mythical warriors of old demons
of the dead ready to fight one last battle with
their shimmering spears and sturdy shields they
await your commands to charge this is epic um
okay i will slowly begin to pace up and down
the the front of the line of other alpharn on
my polar bear I begin to hear the noises of the
chaos from the temple, so I know the moment is
nigh. And I'll turn and I'll say, Children of
the hallowed stars, kin of the elder flame, the
hour is upon us. Not one of wrath, nor of chaos,
but of balance, long denied. They have mistaken
our silence for surrender and our patience for
peace. But where they bring steel and noise,
we will bring stillness. The cold hush that follows
final breath. So ride now. Not for glory, not
for vengeance, but because this is written. Because
the stars will remember us. Because we are the
last line and the final vengeance. Let them learn
what haunts the dark between the worlds. Alphar,
ride. And I'll turn and charge. Pretty impressive.
Bill and Steve, you probably got about five minutes
to come up with your own little speech. Get going.
Leomi turns to air and says, I'm just thinking
I probably should have asked how I find the other
skull. I'm just, I'm not quite clear on that.
I have no idea. Yeah, well, I'm sure it'll be
fine. Gigi will jump on something. It'll be fine.
It always works out. All right, cool. The ischions
sprint towards the town. They swat away the drin
and they bowl through guards, their teeth punching
through their metal armor. Despite their formidable
size, they move at frightening speed. The alphas
sound their horns and fire round after round
as they run down the soldiers of the mimic church.
You may make a round of attacks if you can. And
then about how many, what was it, between 30
and 50 soldiers were stationed there overall?
You don't have an accurate number, but it is
a group that have come out of the Firefox Institute
in the center of town, and you are both charging
towards each other. They are spraying you in
the darkness using their infrared vision to be...
uncannily accurate and shots are winging and
whistling past the alpha and your ursa and steeds
the alpha look to shrug them off in the main
although one or two fall from their mounts as
i charge in i will raise my house fetter and
begin shooting wherever i see either forms or
muzzle flashes that are indicating their positions
And I will use weapon mastery and expertise and
all those variations to get as many shots off
as I can. So you should be able to make three
attacks at your high level. And because of weapons
handling, I can use a wheel on those. First attack.
That's going to be a 22. Second attack is a 12.
And third attack is a 21. The two that rolled
over 20 will both benefit from the portable strike,
which will enable you to add another dice to
roll. And the middle one there is a miss. Just
roll your damage. First one is going to be 13.
And the second one will be... Oh, that's great.
18. Your shots are fired with... deadly accuracy.
And again, whilst they don't kill any one of
your opponents outright, they are flung to the
ground by the accuracy of your shots. Do you
want to roll for the bear as well? Yeah, let's
do that. And he just gets... I think we're going
to say she, because your bear is none other than
Snow White. Hell yeah. That is very poetic. I
love it. She will... Use her claw attack. But
I'm going to go ahead and have her pick the closest
target and do the maul action. So first one is
a dirty 20. And the second one is... Ooh, that's
not great. That one is an 8. Okay, so roll for
the damage on that. You get an extra nice 6 because
of your saddle beast. That's right. So it's a
3d6 plus 1. So 12. There's no white glass. It
falls through the shoulder of one of the overclocked,
dismantling its servo -assisted arm, and it clatters
to the floor. Let us go to air. Steve, what did
you want to do from your... advantage by the
Asbjorn estate in the once smoldering ruins now
they are a forlorn ashen heap. Well from here
Eir would like to clear a path for not only for
the Asbjorn but for ourselves because we need
to get Ljomi and his and the useful skull to
the middle of town. Before Eir can take any action.
So Leomi reaches out and puts one hand on his
shoulder and says, I want you to know, you gaudy
abomination of stone, I have loathed you from
the very start. I know. Well enough. Yeah, fair
enough. Enough sentiment. We will drop a storm
seat on, which is a long range. uh area effect
attack on uh a handy looking group of these enemies
that are in the way and we're going to start
burning a path into town okay so you're just
doing one of those yeah so drop one and then
use wise counsel to let us uh drop a second one
maybe on the same group or may push it forward
uh further in based on how effective the first
one is i don't know if one will be enough to
to get rid of them. And are you applying any
of your abilities as a... We will... Air will
strain himself to make both of them potent, increasing
the damage. So the first is... Waiting for the
dice to roll. Total of 25. They can make a might
save of one more for half. Does that drop them
or just annoy them? There's math going on. At
least six of them are wrapped by the electricity
and crumble to the floor again, sparking and
twitching. Their overclocked bodies clearly cooked.
Okay. Then air will launch another storm seat
a little further in, creating a path towards
the center of town. Same thing again. He will
once again strain himself. If he had veins on
his forehead, you'd see them bulging. The diamonds
are popping off. Oh, yeah, diamonds are popping
off. Maybe they're lighting up. Maybe it's an
amusing light display coming off his head. A
total of 22 that time. Not quite as effective,
but at least three soldiers go down. falling
to their knees and seizing up their motors and
servos, whirring. A few others are jolted by
the electricity, but continue to speed forward
again. These are built to deal with incursions,
and they move with alarming rapidity to deal
with the threat. Now, Steve, you didn't cast
or use ancestral wisdom. So that means you could
be in danger of taking trauma. Yes. From the
strain. It's a possibility. I should have cast
that ahead of time, but that would require thinking
ahead. Cole told us to improvise. It's not Steve's
fault. Yeah. I think we need to make a will roll
with four words. Well, that's not great. Can
I use... No, I don't suppose he can use Boon
to roll twice. Because that would really help
right now. All right. D20. 12. Ben, you are fine.
You shrug off the effects of the strain that's
still building within you. The challenge of being
a scratcher as you're trying to contain all kinds
of realities. within you at the same time and
it may well burst forth if you don't take the
advantage of ancestral wisdom to deal with the
trauma reality is overrated bill let's go to
you what did you want to do in this effective
realm one well i think i i would have triggered
gandry on uh air's first attack so i can move
between the worlds and then i'm going to use
secret path as a fast turn Can I? Does that?
No, that won't get me. I always want it to move
me instantly, but it just moves me really fast.
Correct. If you use the spirits of the land to
guide your path towards a known destination,
which is presumably the Firefox Institute in
this case, you will move at double speed. And
obviously the gandrite itself is enabling you
to. walk between worlds you are a valkyrie able
to dance on the threads of fate and move incredibly
swiftly okay so because of gandried i can do
a fast and also a slow turn i will do a rush
moves me a bunch more right so quadruple speed
because of secret path and then i think i can
still do a move at that point Then you are a
shimmering blur dancing on the tides of time
as you spiral through the town of Hatmakar, almost
unseen in the darkness. Yes, as I plan. You are
about halfway to your destination, a mote of
light on the moonbeam outside the Church of the
One -Zero. Let's go to the top of the round.
To Taylor, you find yourself now atop Snow White
in toe -to -toe combat, or paw -to -claw -to
-servo. combat you are wrestling top your beast
with bowmen all around you the lightning has
crackled up ahead creating a path for liomi to
dance through but it is up to you to stem the
tide of overcott and the dream that are now advancing
I'm going to whip out my Dainsleif sword and
begin hacking at whatever I can reach. I guess
I should clarify real quick. Is Gigi still in
the temple right now? He's not on the battlefield.
He is still in the temple. Those shots have just
run out. We will not come to him this round,
but we'll come to him next round. So I will make
three attacks with the sword. So Air's kind of
standing back at the vantage point, striking
a pose as if he knows what the hell he's doing,
and he's going to sort of look and see how is
the path shaping up. Are there... um is the is
there like a group of them gathering somewhere
further into town are a bunch of them breaking
through and like getting close to him he's looking
for a super juicy target i suppose there was
a cordon of drones who were hovering atop the
firebox institute who are now gliding above the
overclocked and heading directly towards the
is beyond charge There are at least ten of those
aerial sentinels. Okay. You'll start off with
Ancestral Wisdom, which you should have done,
and then use Wise Counsel to let him do a second
thing, and that will be to create a black hole
in the air well above the Iceborn charge. Not
going to make that mistake more than two or three
times. And hopefully get those airborne drones
down. Okay, we'll come back to you in a second.
And Taylor, what did you have as you queue your
way through the robotic soldiers? I had a 21,
a 22, and a 24. And one of them was a Nat 20.
I forget if that is relevant. Nope, doesn't do
anything in the Vikingverse. It made me feel
good. 5 % chance. Alright. The first one... That
is a 6 for the first attack, so I'm going to
use the Danes' Left's special ability. No, I'm
not. I take that back. I feel like I'm not going
to be fighting a robot. So 6 for the first one,
14 for the second one, and 15 for the third one.
The white will get 2 attacks. That would be a
13 for the first attack. and a 25 for the second
attack. Okay, the second attack connects. 11
damage. Okay, between you and your bestial mount,
you savage and slay at least three of the wounded
guards around you. Perhaps they were already
reacting to the magic of air spell that you have
successfully driven the slaughter home. Yeah,
your black hole. Are they in a pretty tight clump?
He's either going to enlarge it or make it last
longer based on how clumped up they are. It's
got a 10 -yard radius, so that's 60 feet across.
The dwin were kind of flying in formation, so
it's not to be exploited all in one short order.
So you can expand the spell if you'd like to.
Grinch, your singularity, your plot of blackness
to suck them in. I don't suppose they'll see
it in the middle of the night. They have infrared
sensors. I'm not exactly sure how a black hole
appears in infrared spectrum. I imagine it does.
Or it wouldn't. Good comeback, Steve. I think
it's a black hole. Light doesn't escape, so that
includes infrared, right? I don't know. I'm making
this up. Okay, so all of them have to roll a
might with two woes. If they're in the effect
range, they have to roll, and if they fail, they
move toward the center. At least seven of the
drones have failed and are sucked mercilessly
towards the event horizon. They start to disintegrate,
their components flying apart as they shudder
towards. their inevitable oblivion now that's
just for the sake of argument take 10 by 6 being
the average of 35 right 3 .5 being the average
of the die six so considering each of them have
25 health we've got a fairly good chance of obliterating
all of those affected as they are sucked into
the Maelstrom and vanish from existence. Ian,
we'll go to you and your fast and your slow turns.
Yes, well, I think I'm going to start with the
triggered action, Dream Monster, become effectively
invisible, and then do a rush as a fast turn,
do a rush as a slow turn, and do a move at the
end. Flash. Flash. Is it flash as in flash? Yes,
I was afraid to do the ah. Are you going to save
every one of us? Yes. Well, I don't know that
the odds are so great, but hey, I'll give it
a shot. Okay, that impressive burst of invisible
speed means that you are no longer a moat dancing
in the moonlight, but a mere shadow. adrift on
the midnight breeze as you dance towards the
firefox institute where you had once hoped to
become a member of the winter wise and now you
find yourself in a very different position the
building itself is no longer the warm inviting
space that you once visited the winter wise have
dropped all pretense the windows are shattered
the pine walls are coated in frost And the reception
area that you can see is guarded by overclocked.
Not too many of them because they've been drawn
out. Perhaps two more are standing there. The
whole building has been turned into a fortress
with office doors barricaded, furniture turned
over, and looking like anything of value has
been removed. Let's go to the enemy's turn. There
are three remaining drin. which launch an aerial
assault on the Ispion cavalry, aiming to attack
the Alfa riders. I'm going to just have one of
those attack you, Cole, because the others will
pick on your fellows. It strikes you with a flurry
of blows from its tentacles. flailing away you
take 10 damage air is well out of range of the
overclocked but these creatures have a self -repair
ability and even some of the ones that are incapacitated
people have learned from the orcas they do not
die you can see them slowly repairing themselves
on the ground and some of them stagger upwards
again. They also, because of their excess voltage,
move incredibly quickly. And so Cole, one of
them hits you with six damage from a burst of
its own storm shooter that catches you on the
leg and goes on to wound Snow White. and a second
server arm comes out from another one of the
creatures, a lunge from out of the darkness that
hits you for three damage. And that six damage
was from bullets, correct? Correct. Okay, so
I have ballistic vest, so that halves it. Keep
working those angles. One of the other dren is
hit, swatted out of the air by another one of
the polar bear cavalry, and it explodes. When
Drin become incapacitated, they explode. The
blast extends in a five -yard radius. Please
make a slight roll call. Okay. Oh, that's a nine.
Yep, nine. It is not enough. You are hit by the
fiery remnants of the drone and shards. Pepper,
you take 14 damage from that explosion. Bill,
the two guards facing you, one of them lets out
a blast of gunfire. The second also lets out
some staccato shots, but only the first barrage
hits you for 11 damage. He can see me? Good point.
Finally turned the rules on him. Good point.
You are invisible. They can't pinpoint you, so
none of that applies to you, you alpha ninja.
Yeah. There is a swarm that has been cut through
the enemy, and the hostages can now safely be
removed from the Church of the One -Zero. So,
Gigi, is that what you wanted to do? You want
to start evacuating people? Yeah, this sounds
lovely. Follow me, everyone. I shall get you
to safety. By the way, I'm Griotgath the Magnificent.
My friends call me Gigi for short. Remember the
name. I'm taking you to safety. Gunnar says,
Oh, fucking hell. Not a more of him. It's either
me or death. Me or death. Me or death. Pick one.
Pick one. It's me. Let's go. Now, in the distance,
out in the Poland night, somewhere on the fjord,
you hear a ship's horn blow discordantly. Moments
later, there is a huge crunch as an icebreaker
ship runs aground, piling tons of splintered
ice onto the keep. Though you can't see it, Gigi,
you hear, The guttural cries of Jotnar. The wailers
are obviously leaping from the deck, hurling
Harpoon's ego to join the battle. Whose side
are they on, I wonder? Something the listeners
need to know is that Gigi is a Yofur, and he
detests Jotnar. So their arrival is not a pleasant
one for him. He's pretty much going to assume
he needs to start shooting at them. But first...
We need to get everyone to safety. Would you
know of a bunker? Isn't there like a building
where you can take them and kind of lock them
down? Because the thought process is, let me
get them to safety, and then I'm going to go
kill all the Yodnar. Okay. Well, the best place
to shepherd them to safety would be to hand them
to your esteemed colleague, Gorm. His squadron
of Isbjorn was designed to perform this feint
to lure. the main attack towards him but then
also the alpha being noble souls would want to
escort the innocent away from the field of battle
that would free you up to investigate the new
arrivals let's get them to safety cole be a good
lad take them away somewhere safe i did my part
I'm assuming the monstrous presence of Gigi's
voice would cut through the battlefield all the
way to where Cole is and I would hear that. I
think we've established he's quite a loud chap.
I think so. Fifteen hundred years to plan this
out and you're not here to get the hostages out.
I'm waiting. Oh my god. How many hostages total
are there? Sixty. So it's going to be an escort
mission. pile a couple on each is beyond it's
not going to be easy to ferry them to safety
but uh yeah that's kind of what i was wondering
if i could gather about 16 of my crew and put
like one on the back of each with with an alphar
rider and we peg them out from the back of the
bears you could were there further distraction
or demolition from his spells. Perhaps in concert
with him, he could rain electrical death from
above, like a latter -day Thor. I like that idea.
Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to
send 16 of my riders towards Gigi to meet up
with him and the refugees, or the hostages, I'm
sorry, and I'm going to ride over to try and
find air in all this and say some more lightning
would be most helpful right now. Can you help
me create a diversion? Where? Probably the center
of the mass of bad guys there would probably
be the most efficient. I think it is. If it's
air, it's turn. He was then going to use wise
counsel to meditate to get two storm seeds back.
I would suggest that you aim it on the overclocked
that have already fallen, because when they take
more damage, when they're incapacitated, then
they will not get back up again, and the self
-repair will be halted. That sounds perfect.
He will wind up and fling another potent storm
seat. Okay, so five dice is plus five. Twenty
-two points. Again, thunderous blast echoes from
the sky and the lightning short circuits in the
ear of the grown and floundering overclocked
soldiers. Taylor, we'll assume that you don't
have to ride all the way back to him, but that
you can yell out and issue those instructions
from atop your mount, raising your voice over
the fray of battle. You've learned something
from it. going back to the invisible bill what
did you want to do did you want to find your
way through yes if i can simply move past these
two hapless guards i think that would be the
thing to do using more rushes well at one fast
turn rush and then summon spirits to start giving
me a bit of an edge and i need to roll for that
And where are you headed through the building?
Because it is a many storied labyrinth of an
Institute. I'm guided by the vibrations of the
skull. I'm wearing around my neck. He said, hopefully.
Sure. But are you going to the upper floor or
are you going to the basement? What kind of,
I'm going to head down. I feel like these guys
are, they're going to be doing whatever they're
doing. Okay. As you dart through the abandoned
offices and laboratories of the Winter Wives,
you notice a lavatory. The sign glowing in the
dark, and you see that the door has been recently
opened. And you can continue to drift down towards
the basement, or you can adjust as it's creeping
shut. you could possibly put your head around
that door. Let's do that. Let's have a little
peeky -boo, as the Alphar like to say. Hiding
in one of the stalls is a fellow that you recognize
as Blaine of Alderson, one of the major domos
of the Firefox Institute, who once gave you the
mission to determine the source of the ghost
signal. He can see you because he wears... the
visor of the Sons of Ivaldi that makes him sightless,
that enables him to detect all kinds of visible
and invisible spectrums. And he does sound very
nervous. He says, hello, sir. Fancy seeing you
here, sir. I was just on my way to wash my hands,
sir. Wash my hands of the whole business, sir.
Wouldn't want to impede your egress, sir. Please
proceed upon your way and I will just ruminate
here. as it were sir oh you know what to do yeah
yes have i got moves left at this point then
well you've used your slow turn to cast summon
spirits and the result of that was how many spirits
five a five five years and so you can use your
fast turn to take an action if you wish all right
i think we'll do I don't want to suddenly become
subtle at this point in the campaign. So I will
use... No, I will invert Everlasting Runes. Go
for the auto -kill on this guy. Seems a bit harsh
for a man who just wanted to go to the bathroom
in peace, but, you know. I've had it at this
point. It's been a heck of a night. The whole
city's exploding. Gigi's killing everything.
There's bears everywhere. It's all very confusing.
I'm old. I'm tired. It's, you know, enough of
this. It was so obsequious. Leoming? I've loathed
you from the very start. A will attack roll,
if you please, that you could, if you wish, use
your wits on using Wisdom of the Ages. I thought
I'd get an auto kill, but here it is. You do
once you hit. It's a will attack roll first versus
his might. For the listeners at home, they couldn't
see me make a disparage hand. It's a might attack.
Can I... It's a will attack roll against his
might. Yep. But I would, if I were you, use your
wisdom of the ages to transfer it to a wits roll
because then you'll get a better modifier plus
a wheel. Yep. Yep. That's what I was actually
staring at that right now. So here we go. Eight
plus four plus five, so 17. Blaine Evaldison,
the spokesman for the Sons of Evaldi and a major
presence for the Winterwise in the town of Hamarkar,
is devolved into a puddle of protein and goo.
Very simple. You can flush him away if you wish.
Can I search the goo? I just want to make sure
there's not a raven skull in amongst the goo.
As a minor activity, you can search the goo.
It just sticks to your fingers. I've got bugs.
It's a bit gloopy. Bill, was that your first
kill? Yes, yes. Not my first attempted, but it's
never worked on anything before. That's right.
Congratulations. Thank you. I can die happy.
Thank you. You contributed. Sure. Let's go to
the top of the next round. Gigi, you have, in
those precious few seconds, you have bundled
the hostages out of the front door and you can
exit stage left and advance towards the wharf,
which is to the north. It's a brisk run away
and you can't really see anything unless you
go into your pack and... bring out your torchlight.
Or perhaps a flare. You haven't used a flare
for a few episodes. Good suggestion. Jiji's going
to reach into his pocket and pull out the torchlight.
And are you running towards the wolf? I feel
like the heavy suggestion... No, no, it's entirely
up to you. You can amble towards the wolf. You
can head back towards air. You may do whatever
you like. You were the one that said you were
almost fated to face. the Yotmar, who were your
despised foes. Yes, I mean, he knows they're
coming and he's not sure who they are, so he's
going to go look and see what's going on there.
So he's going to saunter. And yes, he'll use
a flare to light the way. And he's also feeling
confident because things really went his way
there, you know. He got into the temple. He got
the hostages out of the temple. You know. He's
like, wow, that's some people. You know what
they say about pride comes before a fall. Nope,
he does not know. I don't think it's pride. I
don't think it's pride. I think he's just delightfully
surprised. He did not expect it to go that far.
In the halo of a few lanterns at the edge of
the wharf and perhaps... In the searchlight of
the icebreaker that has crashed into the dock,
spewing ice shards onto the shore, you see a
huge, hulking Jotnar surrounded by other great,
looming beasts. These are hideous, deformed creatures
like many of the Jotnar who survived the war.
They are filthy, crusted, hairy beasts, the result
of bone and muscle and nerve transplantation
experiments on Jotunheim. Leading them is a more
normal figure, still cruelly scarred by war.
He is wearing a polar bear pelt. He snarls as
you approach and he says, Well, if it isn't Lord
Big Bollocks, caught with his grubby mitts in
the biscuit tin. Well, me old China, you know
what we do with tea leaves round here. If it
isn't my old friend Daniel, whose name is as
uncreative as his words. My fucking name's in
the Bible, mate, and this here is mine by birthright.
You can fuck off to whatever specimen cup you
were spaffed into, Asgard. Literal land of wankers.
I was hoping you'd say something like that, and
I'm gonna... Is he on a beast? No, he and his
Jotun whalers have effectively crashed their
icebreaker ship into the docks, summoned... by
the Norns to arrive at this exact moment to contest
your claim on Helmikar. How big is Daniel? If
he's a Jotnar, is he larger than a size 2? His
bodyguard are size 2. His bodyguard are size
2. You'll need to think about what you're going
to do for the next round because it's taken this
round to get you towards that scene of confrontation.
We will come back to you. Pretty sure he already
knows what he's going to do. Air. Yes. Now, you're
pretty much on your own on this hilltop overlooking
the city. And your focus has very much been on
bringing down shards of lightning from the skies.
And so you haven't noticed the Doc Alpha begin
to crawl. from the ground around you. You hear,
if it isn't the amorous Amakorting, what will
it be this time? Will you twine your legs around
a troll woman or merely make a date with disaster?
When I am done with you, you will spend eternity
caged in a kettle, boiled alive every night.
Immediately behind you as you turn around is
an old antiquated dverg. It is an obsolete model
destined for the scrapyard that you once inhabited.
Air has one storm seat left. Can he land it so
that it hits? put it behind the baddies so that
it hits a big group of them and this Diverg but
not himself? You could. Remember, there are other
Doc Alpha assassins who have emerged from the
soil using the underground tunnels that they
have sowed to navigate their way from Kongstein
to help the gun. Okay, another possibility is
that if he Where is it? The ability that lets
him walk into the ground. When Dark Alphar walk
through the ground, can they interact with other
Dark Alphar in the ground? Stonewalk enables
you to pass through walls. Doesn't enable you
to live there. So again, they dug these tunnels
and then drifted up through the earth. You could
reverse that and go through the ground into their
tunnels and make a run for it. Or are they all
around? Just behind, in front, or are they all
around? They are all to one side. They are all
flanking you. Well, I mean, he said pretty clearly
he's going to make me suffer forever, and there's
assassins all over the place. So, yeah, the best
defense is a good offense. We'll drop a storm
seed on all of them and see what happens. Oh,
and then book it. We'll start by making the roll,
then. All right, so that's 5d6 plus 5 once again.
That makes 24. 24 might save with two woes for
half. You're really kind of building up the strain
at this point. It's a stressful day. Whilst it
won't explode right at this moment, you're carrying
it with you, and it will. Eventually, like chickens,
come home to roost. Rooster, Bill, rooster. Yes,
I get that. Many of the Doc Alpha are flung to
one side by your quick -thinking blast. However,
Redgold, the Enclave leader, the heap of ironwood
that you once inhabited, simply begins to grind
and whir softly in the darkness with a series
of mechanical clicks and the smooth swivel of
gears the compact broken form unfolds into a
towering war engine plates and pistons locking
into place with a satisfying snap oh that will
be red gold's action for this turn. Transforming
like a Decepticon. Getting all the cultural references.
It helps with the hashtags. We'll go to you in
the Firefox Institute. Can I meditate to restore
Everlasting Runes? You can improve to meditate.
And you can get two spells back. Oh, okay. So
I'll get back Everlasting Runes. Dream monster.
It didn't end when I everlasting ruined the guy
into goop. Oh, it did? Look at you, knowing the
rules. Yes, you probably need to recommence your
Shroud of Invisibility. For the listener, I'm
tapping the side of my head in indication, unconvincing
as it is, my own deep intelligence. All right.
But I can cast that again anyway. Gandreed is
still... Gandreed will last another few turns
as well. All right, well, I think it's just Everlasting
Runes I have to restore. Oh, Summon Spirits,
I guess. So you're having a little pause, perhaps
under a desk. Yes. To rekindle your command of
the Galba. Over the PA system, the intercom,
you hear a voice crackle to life. You have stolen
the history of Empire and with it doomed the
future. Do not understand mankind cannot be ruled
by a tree. It must make its own destiny. Return
the Ravenskull or Ragnarok is complete. Think
of all the progress undone. The nine homeworlds
lost to our fleets. Do I recognize the voice?
It sounds like the arch tones of Bangsy Evaldason
speaking. from somewhere within the Institute.
Can I start moving my way down? You can, next
round. Go! Your squadron of Isbjorn is now pummeling
the remaining overclocked into the dirt. Some
of them are bloodied, battered, and bruised,
having taken the brunt of the small arms fire,
but to a large extent, the... Soldiers have been
overwhelmed, and what with the sorcerer's storm
from air, your alpha cavalry have made short
work of the enemy. The various townsfolk are
surrounding you, including the Deverg Vetkret,
who says, Oh, we are very pleased to be making
you our acquaintance. Thank you so much for coming
to our rescues. I could give you a kiss on the
cheeks. Shut up and get on a bear now. Which
cheeks would you like me to kiss you on? Your
ass. Now move. I want to get them going as fast
as possible onto the bears so we can start pulling
them out. Assuming I'm understanding the way
this battle's flowing, I think it makes sense
to kind of retreat southeast towards the old
mine, because that might be a good hiding spot
to keep them safe from anything that's about
to happen in the next couple turns. Does that
sound logical? That would be a sensible evacuation
plan. You would be away from the Doc Alpha incursion
to the east, the Yot -Nar invasion to the north,
and to the west, whatever the Firefox Institute
has to throw up against Naomi. How many of us
are left in the group? Like, how many bears are
left? Fighting fit and unwounded, we will say
half a dozen riders. Half of this, okay. And
are they strong enough to take multiple hostages,
or really only one? Going relatively slowly,
people holding onto the harnesses or tagging
along, the townsfolk themselves aren't walking
wounded, and so given that the threat is broadly
dealt with in the center of town, then you can
evacuate with some ease and just lead them all
out. Yeah, how about I'm going to order any injured
ones who are fighting feet should probably evacuate
with the hostages and kind of send them down
south towards the old mine. And then I would
take two bears who are fighting fit and the three
of us would ride after he needed to go support
him in his fight. And while that's all going
on, I would like to do energy burst to heal after
that battle. And I think it's my turn. You will
be able to ride to Gigi over the course of the
next turn and be with him one turn after. Gigi,
let's go to you. A couple of things happen by
the key. First of all, before you can unleash
whatever retribution you plan on delivering,
you see one of the Yotna, a grime -encrusted
female, calls out, Where is he, my bondsman?
I heard he bought me diamonds, and I wish to
grind him to show my appreciation. Oh, God, she's
back. Daniel says, Come on then, you buttfucker.
So is what you got. Are we ready? Are we ready
for this? I'm going to use Gigi the way he was
meant to be used. You're jumping on him. You're
jumping on him, aren't you? No, he's not big
enough. So I'm going to use an action to cast
Blood Runes, which will give me 3d6 extra damage.
Then I'm going to use a triggered action for
Hammer of the Gods, which is going to give me
a wheel on my attack roll. I'm going to use my
gift of shape strong to give myself an extra
action. And I'm going to take aim at Daniel's
face and I'm going to shoot. It's going to be
a burst, but it's going to be aimed right at
between the eyes. So that means that you roll
an extra D6 damage if you hit. So roll your...
Nice. Okay. You ready? Gigi lifts his gun up
to look at Daniel and he's going to say... Daniel,
you're about to find out what it's like to take
a silver medalist in the Tonga Honk up your ass!
Natural 20! Okay, so roll for damage. That's
8d6, right? Right between the eyes. 9d6, because
I aimed. This might take a while. Talk amongst
yourselves. Carry the five. Ooh, a six for the
last one. Uh, that's 38. In your face! You disgusting
piece of fish meat! I hate you! Funnily enough,
you should say that, because as your blast eviscerates
the Jotun chieftain and sends the bare fur tumbling
bloody to the ground, The sea behind you churns
violently, whipped into a frenzy, and a giant
stormworm breaches the surface. Its massive,
scary body coils and twists above you, sending
the Jotnar sailors to run desperately for safety
with a deafening roar. The serpent looms above
you, its ring of teeth glistening in the darkness.
Air, you're out. Okay. Transformers, duck out
far in disguise. Wow. Air's going... Jesus. Air
is going to use a triggered action. He's going
to use Boon, along with Great Wrath, in the hopes
of infuriating this Decepticon into attacking
one or more of its friends. In fact, anyone other
than him. God, hope this works. It's his wits
with a wheel against its will with a woe. I think
he's going to use his counterweave ability. So,
remove that blast to d6. So, 15 then. And a rude
gesture. Error will point at one of his random
other assassins and kill him! I think not. Red
gold was... And ears, something of a sorcerer,
just because you caged him in an errant piece
of old crap, doesn't mean that he doesn't possess
a steely determination and a magical mind. Oh,
that's not good. His retribution comes from exactly
the same hellstones as Brynn, Valdi's daughter.
fired upon you last time. Suspense, suspense,
suspense. Yeah. From the glowing hellstone that
he clutches in his hand as his implement, he
fires high energy niftined particles that spread
through the area. Can you make a might challenge
roll, please? Probably not, but we'll try it.
Any wheel or woe I should blow about? I mean,
clearly I'd get a bunch of wheels for some reason.
One woe. Oh, well, okay, fine. So, nine. A nine
when you need a ten, so you're going to take
six damage, but you are also blinded. You idiot!
You idiot! Well, hell. Alright, six points. Taylor.
Okay. Blinded. I am going to ask you to make
a will challenge roll because the emergence of
the storm worm that you are charging at through
the darkness is a horrifying beast, so a will
roll with one woe. Can I use wisdom of the ages
to make a wits roll? You can. And since that's
with one wheel, that negates the woe, right?
Correct. That is a 20. You are unfazed by the
emergence of the great sea serpent, the Ispion,
less so, and they balk, refusing to advance further.
You can leap off your mount and attempt to attack
the beast next round if you rush. to Gigi's aid.
Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll jump off Snow
White and rush up. And then, would that put me
now close enough that I could use Warden Tree
on Gigi? Enough so that you can teleport to his
side using the wires and wherefores of the Greenways
to provide your Guardian Tree protection for
your stalwart comrade. Beautiful. Bill, what
did you want to do? You may descend the stairs
into the Firefox basement. Yes, that's what I
wanted. But I will cast Dream Monster again.
Triggered action, Dream Monster, so I'm invisible
again. Okay, so you get a fast turn and a slow
turn. At the foot of the stairs is a sight. to
behold in the center of this room is a hideous
approximation of the super computer min comprised
of the gray matter of thousands of murdered skull
the machine has clearly been painstakingly rebuilt
far from prying eyes standing next to it in a
frenzied state slavering like a wolf on the prowl
is Bangzy Evaldason. At his back are two shadowy,
hungry wolves. Okay. I haven't used my fast turn
yet, right? You have not. Am I within reach?
Can I poke him with the Everlasting Ruins? You
could indeed if you wish to rush up to the white
robed lector of the Firefox Institute. Bangzi
is the leader of this shadowy cabal who has helped
engineer the sword form. You saw him pilot the
shuttle Gungnir into the heart of the sun. Clearly
his clones survived. He has benefited from the
vast wealth to set himself up. Here in the Firefox
Institute. Well, speaking as a healer, it's all
about the circling. So I would like to touch
him and do an offer. Wait! You hold the very
fate of the nine homeworlds in your hand. Will
you not think of the consequences? Will you not
help me power up? this machine so that the Empire
can thrive. Without it, there will be no connection
between the worlds and everything will fade to
myth. What can I give you? What will seal a bargain
for my survival? Would you perhaps like me to
bring the Falkir from a museum? Would you perhaps
like to fly the Skiff Vladimir flagship? What?
Is your price alpha? My price is exadril. I touch
him with the everlasting runes. Reversed. I'm
going for my second kill. All right, so I can
do the wisdom trick? You can. Okay. Steve, I
need all your magic mojo in the background. Oh,
and I can use my... I haven't used any of my
spirits either. How many of those could I use?
I get one wheel already, I believe. So let's
add two more. So I got 12 plus 4 is 16, and then
16 plus 4, so 20 altogether. Not a natural 20,
which of course has a 5 % chance of occurring
anyway. The cybernetic sorcerer, the head of
the Firefox Institute and the Winter Wires, dissipates
into dust and drips off throughout the basement.
The two wolfish spirits behind him. leap from
his now desiccated body and fly into the machine
behind you, the great abacus that's constructed
with human heads instead of beads, with skulls
skewered in neat rows of electronic circuitry.
And suddenly, the overcomputer shudders into
life. Experiments that were caged within Bangsy
of Alderson, The wolfish spirits of Geri and
Freki. Hunger and greed now power MIM 2 .0. Or,
as it is known, the Death Mask. I don't happen
to see a raven skull. Make an awareness roll
for me. I was very tempted to fake it and just
go, natural 20! I didn't feel I could do it.
And do I have to announce wheels before I roll?
Preferably. Okay, let's do two whales, preferably.
So delicate. 17 plus four. Amongst the screaming
skulls that are threaded by the circuitry, you
notice the wolverine head of Alma. You notice
many other familiar faces, their rictus smiles
grinning back at you. If there is a raven skull,
if there are other familiar skulls, you are so
shocked by the sight of so many fallen comrades
being used, being harvested to power this obscenity
that you are shocked and stumble backwards as
the machine begins to slather and howl its curses
at you. Hear now, Alma's song. It will be sung
full soon, so that it is heard the whole world
around. Harmful to those who hear it, but most
fell for the so -called friends who I now curse.
Shall trolls and elves and tricking witches,
shall dwarfs and ettins burn down thy mead hall.
Shall thyrsus hate you and horses ride you shall
all straws stick to you and all storms stun you
may thy bed be for thee like burning straw thy
high seat unsteady like a heaving wave yet woe
awaits thee much worse by far minded forever
to murder your kin your foul deeds will be told
far and wide Have a great life. And on that bombshell,
back to Gigi. Oh, so Gigi is staring down the,
what do you call the inside of a giant worm's
mouth? A maw. A maw, okay. A maw, nice. A toothy
maw. Yeah, he's looking down his toothy maw and
he's been wanting to climb on something really
large ever since he became a giant spade. And
so his first action. is going to be to rush it
at twice speed. And then, as a triggered action,
he's going to use Giant's Bane and climb on it.
And while he's climbing on it, he's going to
use his gift of Yarn Glowfar, which allows him
to hold on to the creature and ride it like a
horse. And then... I mean, if you're using your
shape -strong ability, then you can take... several
of these turns, but I'm still going to need an
attack roll from you in order to grab the creature
and move onto its body. 13. That do it? Lucky
number 13. Let's see what happens. You need to
beat its might. You have unfortunately failed
to grab the creature whilst you might snatch
at the air as it reads above you you have been
unable to land and grab find any purchase in
order to haul yourself onto its back so I'm going
to use shape strong and give myself another action
but since I failed to climb it then I'm going
to cast wave runes on the ground and surround
myself in the shield so that when it decides
to try and bite at me, I will be okay. In which
case, make me the might roll because you're using
your genetically enhanced abilities to give you
an extra burst of adrenaline and stamina. I got
another nat 20. Oh, okay. What's happening to
me today? Nat 20 is two in a row is like a one
in... 400 chance or something like that. I'm
really worried about next round. These percentage
calculations you're doing off the top of your
head, Ian, I think are the nerdiest single statements
I've ever heard you utter. And that is really
saying something. Probability. I agree. I think
that might be the new slogan for this podcast.
Probability. Fun for everybody. We'll come back
to you then. halve the wave runes to create a
protective barrier against you and the monstrous
worm above you that may well be forced to attack
the approaching coal. It can use a triggered
action to make a slithering attack, so if you
enter its range, a toothy maw and its darting
fangs may be headed in your direction. Watching
the Real caution to the wind and jump. I'm going
to hold back and I think I'm going to pull my
Haas Fetter out and fire into the beast from
a safer distance for now. We'll do the usual
three attacks. 26, 16, and 8. Although you need
to make a woe. on attack rolls against its defense.
So maybe that first one will hit and you can
roll for damage. It will halve the damage because
of its steely skills. Got it. Good roll, though.
Math, math, math. 21 points of damage. It uses
its Slithering Escape. So when you get a failure
on an attack roll against a Stormworm, it can
use a triggered action to move half its speed.
And then on its slow turn, it circumvents the
Waveroo. So it is going to do you with its bite.
You take a 13 damage, but I also need you to
make a might challenge roll with three woes as
this beast drips. Ita, the Norse primordial poison.
Yeah, it's going to be negative one. Oh dear.
You also take damage equal to half your health.
Total health is 62. Okay, so you take 31 from
the poison. In addition, the store one slithers
around you using its body too. constrict and
crush you. You are grabbed. And next round, you
will take even more damage. As if the primordial
poison. That was insane. Steve, you face down
Redgold, your former mentor, confidant, nay,
lover. I've just made that up. What? You've really
been making time all over the place. Why, thank
you. Ideas. It's been a very stressful day so
far, and Air has really been straining himself
a lot, and I think it's time for him to just
let it all go. Just let all that strain out,
and let them feel the strain and the unhappiness.
If you want to blow up entirely, as you have
done before, Yes. Which is the fractured fate.
I'm also going to remind you that you are blinded,
so it's going to be difficult to pinpoint exactly
where these people are. I know where they were
a moment ago, and fractured fate is an area effect
centered on himself. No, a point within your
reach. Yeah, now we'll just drop it right in
front of him. he's going to make a bit of an
educated guess here where he thinks they probably
are based on where they were a moment ago and
he'll uh he'll he'll do it blind and he'll release
all of his strain in one go all right so that
would be uh uh dice extended per point of power
so that's 5d6 to everything in the area other
than me oh okay so first of all you have to fail
that will test right a will with number of woes
so your woes are Number of words equal to your
strength, so that's I believe it's five so that's
Yeah on a failure I can't just choose to fail
No, because that would make it too easy to just
explode you have to know you're bottling up this
rage and pain You don't want it to be easy How
about I'm just throwing stuff out. How about
boom to roll twice? Sure Right, yeah, I'm hoping
for the fail, yeah. Bit of an act of desperation.
Oh, a 5 and a 15. Let's go with the 5. And so
that's... 5 is fine, so they'll roll your damage.
5d6 to everything in the area except me. Because
you trigger your Fractured Fate, your strain
drops to 0 and you gain 1 trauma. You're immune
to that trauma because of your Ancestral Spirit.
So the blast radius was 5d6, which is 13, which
is garbage. The shockwave erupts and any of the
Doc Alpha that were supporting the lumbering,
hulking form of red gold are now disintegrated
by the fractured thing and tumble back, becoming
one with the earth in which they came from. Red
gold. staggers back from the blast but he then
unleashes using his hellstone some furs energy
a concentrated blast and you take 14 damage okay
yeah that's not great we need to stop doing this
bill i'll heal steve oh no wait no wait You have
a long range heal, right? Across town healing,
you face the deadly death mask. Is it in the
name? Yes. Yes, I know. Oh, goodness. The skulls
emit a piercing howl, but before you can do anything,
you must make a will challenge roll with three
woes. I have one spirit left. No, I don't. I
used all five. I don't know why I used all five.
Because I take the highest of the woes, right?
Okay, so two of them were six, and one of them
was five. And the final number is? Awful. It
was an eight minus six. So, dude. The screams,
the nightmares, the howls, the... The loss, the
sadness, the death of all of your comrades over
these last 22 episodes come flooding into your
adult brain. The memory loss make them all the
more disassociated. I'm afraid you have to take
12 trauma. Really? God. It's because your memory
loss is doubled. So that puts you in an interesting
position where I need you to roll four shell
shock because I think you've gone well over your
limit. So roll a dice 20. Would you come back
to me later? I rolled a four. Probably not great.
And so he had a stroke and died. Yes. Again.
My trunk split in two. You develop tremors, ticks
and trembling, and are stunned. Stunned basically
means you cannot move or use actions. You get
an automatic failure on any challenge roll. You
would make all other creatures use attack rolls
against you with one wheel. You are effectively
standing before the Great Wall of Skulls. that
are all screaming obscenities, hatred and curses
at you and shuddering slightly. Sounds good.
Quick recap as we go to the top of the round.
We've got Cole embraced in the serpent's kiss.
We've got Steve playing air who is facing down
a death machine. We've got Bill who's also staring
a machine of death in the face. And then CJ,
protected by his runes, watching as this great
beast drips ichor and venom onto his friend.
Bill, you can't do anything. Taylor, you can
try and escape if you wish to. DJ, what have
you got in your impressive arsenal of things?
I've got a question. Does Boon take an action?
Boon can be used as a triggered action. Triggered
action. Okay, so I'm going to use Yarn Glowfar
to climb the dang thing again. And I'm going
to use Boon as a triggered action to give myself
two rolls since I used up all my luck in the
last three rolls. And see and hope that one of
them works. And now I add my Might modifier to...
These rolls, correct? Yep. All right. You're
trying to wrestle the huge, great world serpent
off of Cole. The idea is I'm going to grab it
and then hopefully get it to release him. Roll
number one. You're not going to believe it. Oh,
God. It's another 20. Fantastic. I can't believe
it. I've never rolled like this in my life. So
the chances of that happening are incredibly
slim. Well, we'll assume it's the norms. Well,
it's the norms. You clamber on the back of the
stalwart. It figures they're favoring you, you
bastard. You big bastard. The rest of us are
all dying. They were impressed by the silver
medal. Yeah. Okay, so you can move into the creature's
space. What do you want to do now that you have
clambered atop? Oh, yes. of shape strong uh to
use another action and while i'm up there i'm
going to sing a song of which will heal it said
well hang on wait a minute i'm up there do i
have something else I think that's how we end
it. We end it with CJ on top of... It becomes
a musical. CJ goes on top of the Great Big One
and just sings show tunes. And that's it. It
becomes an all -singing, all -dancing number
around the Church of the One -Two. And the chorus
girls come on doing the can -can. The Isbjorn
are doing a shimmy. But I have an improved song
of praise which will allow me to heal Cole, who
is still in the mouth of the beast. And at least
give him a fighting chance to not die immediately
next turn. And hopefully it's distracted enough
to let him go. And hopefully, I mean, the singing
will help heal Cole. But I also hope that it
will be so jarring to the creature's ears that
it will start writhing and let him go. Like a
dog whistle for a snake. Snake whistle. What's
that song that's really popular with men in their
30s right now? Uh, was it dancing at the Pink
Pony Club? Pink Pony Club! I'm gonna keep on
dancing at the Pink Pony Club! The storm worm
merely tightens its coils, constricting you further,
irritated by the singing. Do you want to make
a roll to escape there, Colin? Yeah, did I get
healing from that? you get healing you get your
you get 10 points because you're an alpha you
get a third of your health you're healing a third
of it oh beautiful okay uh because my one hit
point was looking pretty grim there yes i will
try and make a roll to escape uh might yeah first
flight either actually let's definitely do might
then oh that's not bad that's a 19. All right,
we will allow you to wriggle three from the serpent's
coils and clamber to safety. Thank you, D. Steve.
Right. What do I do? Oliver's wise counsels are
gone, so you can only do one thing. So his plan
is to try Helm of Concealment and then Scarper.
All right, so Helm of Concealment. Make a sledge
roll if you would. Because it sees you disappear
and wires to your tricks. It sprays the whole
area. All right, Bill, you're watching this.
This better be good. Yeah, I'm watching. Yeah.
Oh, that's 15. That's better than I expected.
It was almost three. but it tipped over. Little
moment of horror there. In which case, you take
13 damage. Ow, my everything. We proceed with
plans, Carper. Bill. You got this. Can I get
out of being stunned and shaking and dribbling
and dropping thugs on the ground and whatever
else? Unfortunately for you, You are drawn by
the creature, by its robotic tendrils and wires
that reach out and begin to wrap your stunned
body and draw you into the computer. You are
relentlessly dragged into the beating heart of
the machine. Your eyes cloud, your memory fades.
Your last glimpse is of the second Ravenskull,
the head of Ugin. Taylor, you still got poisoned,
so please make a might challenge roll. There's
a 20 plus 3, so 23. Very good. Nice. The storm
begins to slowly move off, slithering back towards
the sea. Hasn't quite reached the end of the
jetty yet where it can plop back in, but it has...
satiated itself by eating Daniel and is now retreating
back to the depths. CJ, you are still on it.
That is correct. What do you want to do? So it's
going away? It'll be back, right? It's coming
back, right? Right now, it looks like it's headed
towards the sea. Like I said, it's just eaten
the person that it was. destined to eat. Oh,
that's all it wanted? Would Gigi even notice?
No. No. I didn't think so. So Gigi is going to
use his ability Mejignord to try and steer the
creature. That is a triggered action, by the
way. Yeah, very good. So steer away. Might attack
roll against the creature's will. Actually, as
an action, I am going to use Boon, since it was
a waste last time and it seemed to go in my favor.
So as an action, Boon. And as a triggered action,
Medjin Yord, trying to steer the creature. This
is going to be fun. Because now she's just like,
baby, I can get it on our side. That's good,
solid thinking. So 10 plus 3 would be 13. Does
that win? I'll roll again if not. It does. You
may steer the creature like... We're mixing all
of the sci -fi films here. You are now riding
the store one, the C7, like Paul Atreides, as
if it were in June. Where do you want to take
it? To go help my allies. Which one? They're
in different directions. They are? From the ocean?
I don't know who's... To lure me because he has
the Raven Skull. And I will use shape strong
again because I want another action because I
want to raise the Raven banner, which will stop
others from being afraid of the creature who
are on my side so that that way I'm not scaring
the crap out of all of our troops and the Isbjorn
and they can still fight. Steve, your ancestral
wisdom has ceased at the beginning of this round.
You are invisible. Are you hightailing it to
the hills? Well, if I take an action, the invisibility
will drop, and that would be bad. So, yeah, not
to the hills, no. Into town, because that's where
the action is. Headed into Halpmeca, towards
the Church of the One Zero. That direction, yeah.
Behind you, the war machine is moving with immense
rapidity. And it catches you, despite your invisibility,
because it has the senses of the world tree.
It is able to pluck you, grabbing you by the
heel and thumping you onto the ground. I may
want my diamonds back. That is 11, 17, 20. three
damage as it picks you up and thumps you, using
you like a club to hammer against one of the
nearby buildings. Well, that's not great. I'm
at negative 13 now. Do you want to make a fate
roll for me, please, by six? Sure. By six. Yeah,
I could just say no, couldn't I? That would be
a two. Better find another rock. Want to go to
Valhalla? Want to go back to Valhalla? You fall
prone and lapse into unconsciousness, your diamond
-imprested form cracking as you lie prone in
the perpetual midnight. Blessed Oblivion. The
last thing you see is your Jotun widow lead a
berserk attack that drives off Redgold, and she
comes to you. cradling your broken head. Do not
leave me, my diamond. Leave me. You are in the
process of being devoured by this machine, sucked
into its innards, your various ronds and branches
and leaves being ripped from you. It's at that
moment that a huge, Ispion wanders down the stairs
into the Institute, and he growls at the cave
spirits and the wolves, Gary and Freckie, that
were powering the machine. Leave it and trot
to him. And then, with a caw of thanks, the raven
around your neck flies off the perch on the bear's
shoulders, and the second raven emerges from
the machine. and also a light on top of the bear
landing on his snout. For a moment, you see an
old man in a white fur coat, and he seems strangely
reminiscent of the old ferryman or the lunatic
mathematician on the space station. He taps you
and he says, That'll do, Faginbold, that'll do.
There's wine to be drunk and more battles to
be fought. And then he ambles off up the stairs
into the wilds without another word, dragging
your spirit from your corporeal body to follow
you. Minutes later, he passes by the crumpled
body of air, ignoring the racking sobs of his
Yot -Nar widow. It's time now, Einar. Let us
be up. Back to my hall. He turns briefly to you,
CJ, still riding your storm worm heroically.
He tips his hat, or perhaps he, depending on
what you see, he might just twirl his white polar
bear whiskers. But either way, the man bear catches
your eye and says, Over to you now, y 'all. Don't
fuck it up. Keep your proclivities in your pants.
We don't want any prayer fiascos now, do we?
And with that, he turns and disappears into the
mist, ascending Bicrossed with two bickering
spirits in tow. As he's riding the worm and sees
him disappear, he thinks to himself, What? Who
the fuck was that? Is it the same man -bear thing
that we... completely ignored when we were writing
to go see the Otnar. It's been Odin who's been
following you the whole time. And you've been
nothing but voodoo ignored him. It turns out
that Odin was the friends we made along. Gigi's
writing this thing, but now there's nobody left
to fight, right? Is there anybody left to fight?
So we close our campaign with... Cole looking
on in bemusement as you basically ride round
on a stalwart, waving your hat and your cape
and shouting for pure delight. Do you think they
give silver medals for serpent riding? The Vikings
and Valkyries podcast is hammered together by
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don't forget to like, share and sacrifice. to
the old gods.