Welcome to Vikings and Valkyries, an actual play
podcast. We are playing When the Wolf Comes,
an RPG etched in runes and bloodied in war. My
name is Ian Stuart -Sharpe and I will be your
ruler of treachery in the adventure ahead. Joining
me for the wolf's feast are Bill, Steve and CJ.
Welcome to you, Dogs of Odin. Hi. You'll never
take me alive. Where are the red shirts? You've
run out. Yeah. We need some victims. Every time
we present someone, no matter whether they're
an artist, an author, a professor, you manage
to... dispense with them, sometimes within the
space of the world record so far is for Matt
Forbeck with, I think, 46 minutes. Some people
ask the end of the episode. Anyways, we've had
an exciting week. CJ, I've noticed that you've
not only released your audiobook version of The
Failed Deeds of Fate, but you told everyone that
you've decided to pack it all in for life as
a full -time author in France. That is correct.
The audiobook is due on May 6th. It's going to
be released by Tantor Media. And yes, I parted
ways with my previous employer and I was doing
some consulting. It just seemed like a good opportune
moment. My family's been working on moving back
to France for a couple of years now. And we just
were in a really solid position to basically
just do that now. Congrats. Thank you. that's
fantastic it is exciting news and obviously we'll
look forward to using your new home as a as the
launch pad for viking raids around the world
yeah oh and part of this is i'm not making this
in a vacuum either i mean i did the books did
get picked up by wf how in europe to be translated
in swedish to start so i'm going to be famous
in sweden soon i think maybe and then i have
a publisher in france who's starting a whole
publishing tour Well, that is wonderful. Now,
what I wanted to do this week, before we start
today, is just do a little recap of your bound
objects, your magic items. So, what goodies have
you picked up in your travels? I think only the
skull, the raven skull. That is true. You have
in your possession the skull of Munin. A cigarette
case. So Air has got the ghostly cigarette case.
Yes. I think the lion's share of the other bound
objects are pretty much with Gigi. I have the
god's tongue that is grafted to inside my mouth.
Yep. That enables you to detect falsehoods and
speak all tongues with Kvasir's gift. Which is
fun. And then I have bear paw. That's a good
one. And then I have the golden torque. When
bound to the torque, the wearer gains the binding
vow. Yeah, so the idea there is similar to a
Norse king or a Geachish king like Beowulf compelling
people to do his bidding like that, that you
now have that bestowed upon you. And so you wield
the authority of the kings of old. Now, that
is a lead -in for our question this week, which
is also about mighty artifacts. And so the question
I'm going to ask you is this. What did the Sons
of Ivaldi make for the gods? Maybe my recording
equipment? Didn't they make Mim? Ah, so you've
got to bear in mind the Sons of Ivaldi are...
both an origin in this game, but they are also
a mythological race of beings. That's where the
origin comes from. So I'm talking in the mythological
corpus. What did the Sons of Ivaldi make for
the gods? Weapons? Sure, they did. And it's absolutely
fine if you don't know and want to pass on your
inspiration point again. I mean, if I had to
take a stab at it, I would say they made weapons.
And specifically, let's see, if they made weapons
and you say yes, that means that I'm on the right
track thinking they were dwarves, so they made
Mjolnir? They did not. Oh, okay. Never mind.
I was convinced, CJ. Like, I was totally buying
it. i should really brush up on my norse mythology
i haven't really looked into it in a really long
time why start now good tip for your future self
you know and perhaps you can use the raven skull
go back in time 15 16 episodes brush up on your
norse mythology and then come back we will move
on past the quiz in the interests of time and
momentum our adventure this week begins alongside
the funeral pyre of Beowulf, king of the Geats.
The king is placed on a huge burning platform
while his thanes plunder the wreckage of the
Falkir, loading whatever they can into carts.
The old king's remains and much of the treasure
are then buried in a huge barrow constructed
by his disconsolate people. big life does not
begrudge you the king's last gift but he urges
you to return to odin with some alacrity and
curses the norms that brought you to his land
and there's also the matter of air exploding
with the strain of the last battle imagine him
on the hilltop just go no one is actually injured
but your fracturing reality around you certainly
gives people The willies. A couple of bits of
housekeeping. The first is, CJ, for your honourable
treatment of the refugees and the slaying of
the dragon, you may add one honour to your score.
It can't really go much higher, but the good
news is that you are firmly established amongst
the exalted heroes of the realm. Conversely,
Bill... I'm going to give you one shame for refusing
to heal those poor people, despite your ability
to minister them tenderly. And Steve, I'm going
to balance you in with no change to your honor
and shame, partly because of your charity and
your dragon -slaying black hole, but because
you also killed the professors and set back the
advance of civilization by several centuries.
I'm going to balance it, so no honor or shame.
All right. Big Life, like I said, has suggested
that you leave the land of the geeks, and it's
up to you to work out how exactly you do that.
I propose we return to that priestess who told
us to return when our task was done. Sounds logical
and, frankly, crazy talk. Okay, then obviously
we're on the right path. We're a short one spaceship,
so traveling through space is going to be a challenge.
I propose we walk there. So... Odin's V is the
holy sanctuary for the geats where those sacrifices
are offered to the gods in a clearing in the
forest of oak, ash and hazel and the priestess
Ili greets you at the edge of the grove and you're
delighted to see that your two Isbjorn cubs are
playing with the hems of her robes. As you advance...
Into her sanctuary, she says, the scalds will
sing of Beowulf's brave deeds from now until
the sun grows cold. You have no idea. I can now
return you, huntsman, to Olfin, but first I will
make you this suggestion. The Dísir are close
by this mother's night, and the spirits might
decide to aid your quest. For understand this,
two ravens flew from Orphan's shoulders, Hugin
to the hand, Amunin to the slain. Memory you
hold in your hands, but it is thought that you
must ensure comes calling. So you mean to say
that we need to find... Thought. That's been
our problem all along. If only I had the thought.
My offer to you is a simple but gruesome one.
A volunteer must join the ranks of the hanged
men outside the temple. Then if you are lucky,
the raven will come to the hanged one and whisper
his secrets. Now, of course, in Norse society,
human life was the most valuable sacrifice that
the Vikings could make to their gods. We know
from written sources that Odin often demanded
a sacrifice by hanging and was known as the Lord
of the Hanged. It's just up to you as to whether
you wish to seek the advice of the Dísir. How
does the sacrificing work? Is it just... hung
by the neck from a tree branch? When you entered
the grove last time, you saw all manner of beasts
hanging, some hens, some horses, some people,
some dogs, all hanging from the trees in nooses.
And yes, she did cut them and spray blood, such
is the fun nature of sacrifice to the gods. Does
it have to be a human? Certainly has to be someone
who has an esophagus. Because... You would just
effectively form a pendulum. I would just be
an ornament. I was going to ask if they had any
really strong ropes so we could hang air. I don't
think it'd be effective as a sacrifice. Perhaps
we could find a volunteer. We could find a volunteer.
here, but we've arrived with none. We killed
them all. One of you's a rock, one of you's a
tree. There's only one option. It's me. Or you
can forgo this kind offer from the priestess
and simply make your own way home. Um, Leomi?
Yeah? We know now that you're well -versed in
the healing arts. Indeed. Hypothetically, our
friend and our revered Jarl here were to sacrifice
themselves. Could you later undo the effects
of it? I don't know that I've ever raised someone
fully from death. I'm hoping not to sacrifice
him to death. Just to the point where he's almost
dead. Just to discomfort, maybe. He can claim
he's feeling better. Oh, bliss. Or what? Hang
from the neck until you are blissful. I'm sure
it'll be fine. I mean, I'm pretty sure. It's
probably not a risk. I expect he'll come back
no problem. Is it hanging from the neck, or is
it hanging from the tree and then other things
to try and kill me? I'm not sure. I will not
pierce your side with a spear, if that is what
you mean. Rest assured, should you venture into
the spirit realm and descend to hell, I can bring
you back with my incantations, for I know the
spell to awaken the dead. Well, that sounds like
a yes. Every hero must die and be reborn. This
is my chance. Let's do it. Apostasis it is. You
are hung by the neck and dangled from the branches
of a great oak tree in the grove. Your eyes bulge
in your skull and your throat goes taut as you
gasp for breath. The world goes entirely black.
The Priestess proceeds to paint runes in blood
all over your corpse and utter strange incantations
to resurrect you from the dead and you recall
nothing of this experience at all apart from
seeing a huge raven approach as the noose is
tightened and then moments after illy finishes
the spell you open your eyes and immediately
utter three pieces of advice that appear to have
been delivered directly from Hugin itself. Would
you care to tell us what those pieces of advice
are? The sons of Evaldi carved runes on the tip
of Ganungir and stole the wings of Hugen and
Munin. To defeat your foe, you must call forth
the Lanvatir, compelled by law and deed. The
Weaver's Web holds your deliverance. Spooky.
I thought I'd go full Norseman on that one. Those
cryptic words of wisdom, such as they are, may
well enable you. to conclude this adventure and
the campaign. I got parts of it. Yeah. It's easy
still waking up and going, where am I? What happened?
I'm thirsty. Does someone have a drink? Ely plans
to use the Doors of the Dead spell to send you
home, but she says that without a clear destination,
the wreck of the falcon, or rather the lair of
the dragon, is vital to the spell's success.
She divines that that's what is meant by the
weaver's web holds your deliverance. So Odin's
spear is Gungnir, is it? Yes, it is. Ah, and
so... What's the land that's here? Spirits of
the land in the old Nordic religion. Yes, I...
I've seen a magic book with them drawn in there.
They look like aliens. Funny enough, they look
like Steve and Bill. We've referred to you all
as land whites, as land fatigues throughout the
whole saga. You perhaps hold the secret to your
success, compelled by law and deed. What documents
do you possess that may compel the spirits of
the land? Huge coincidence. Caesar, I happen
to have a deed. Yes. What are the chances? You
do. I see all. I know all. Now, you must wear
hell shoes made from the remains of your ship.
That will enable you to return to Lord Odin.
Okay. Anyone here good at making shoes out of
spaceships? I buy shoes. I don't make them. I
didn't actually think that. I'm just checking
if a cobbler is one of mine. You have a profession.
I don't. Really? What have you done with your
time? You're four. We study and read and win
at Tonga Honk. So I'm still enjoying the GM hitting
us over the head with deed, law and deed, deed,
deed, deed. And then eventually, eventually.
I didn't realize 6th century Europe had deeds.
Luckily, this is a CRS with a command of past,
present and future and insights into all kinds
of things that are going on in this campaign.
Now, it's not necessarily a case that you have
to cobble yourself together some shoes of ironwood,
but merely taking something that will enable
her to anchor the spell on a destination and
a time, that's the vital ingredient. So you can
simply strap on pieces of ironwood hull to your
feet, a bit like impromptu sandals, and then
when you are ready, Ely will open the greenways
and send you back. to Himeslip, ready to face
the future. Of course, she doesn't know that
that's what she's doing. She has only a very
vague notion that she is returning you to where
you belong. She thinks you are part of Othin's
wild hunt, and that you will be returning to
Asgard. Okay, we shall return to the ship, I
suppose, and find some bits. I guess, should
we? Yeah. And the popcorn maker. It's a good
thing we blew it up good, because now there's
quite a lot of debris to select from. All right,
well, I guess I'm going to strap some remnants
onto my footsies. And he says to you, just before
she begins to cast the spell, she says to you,
Laramie, did you want to say goodbye to your
bear cubs? Yes, please. Yes, please. We have
traveled far with them and they have never been
far from my thoughts, even if occasionally slipping
from my memory. And occasionally, well, that's
one of the problems of having memory loss as
a character and as a player. It goes hand in
hand. Wait, shouldn't we take them with us? They
could grow up and devour your ancestors, my ancestors.
We shouldn't leave them here. I think they would
be happier here. I think they'll be safer here.
They've been through much. The world is younger.
Are you not listening? They could devour our
ancestors. They could devour yours. They could
be a sproutling. Well, listen, I'll talk to one
of them and make it clear they're not to do that.
And I think they're bears of great wisdom. I
think it'll be just fine. I'll use my bird charms
gift to say farewell. And also, Gigi, I will
make sure they don't eat your ancestors. But
you don't really have any. You were born in a
test tube, weren't you? Someone had to make the
test tube. Yes, okay. All right, and so no glassmakers
then either. No one working in the crafts at
all. We'll assume that you're just emanating
love, care, and compassion towards these bears.
Yeah. The princess continues her incantations,
and before you know it, you reel, tumble, and
fall through the greenways. For a moment, you
are lost in a giant arboreal maze, a place of
visions. Up above you, the northern lights crown
the majestic tree with their haunting motion.
Generations of your ancestors hang from its branches
like brittle leaves, mouthing silent warnings
through starved lips. And then you thump onto
ice and rock, the wind knocked out of your body,
except for air, obviously, or possibly from Leomi
as well. In actual fact, CJ, you're the only
one that has the wind knocked out of your body.
The Norse call it staggering because the journey
feels exactly like trying to run when five flagons
into a feast. I guess we should determine when
we are. Yes. And I guess we should determine
where we are. And I suppose we might as well
try to figure out who we are. And how. And how.
And why. Well, I'm not sure there's any answer
for that. That's the biggie, yeah. Is the landscape,
like the general shapes of the landscape, familiar?
To where we left, you know, have we just moved
only in time or have we also moved in place?
That is a very good question. You are in the
middle of a very dark forest during the polar
night. There is no glimpse of light in the sky,
just uninterrupted darkness. The frigid air bites
at exposed skin and every noise seems amplified.
in the silent, eerie stillness. Surrounding you
are trees that loom like icy sentinels, an old
-growth forest that you recognize as being near
the southern shore of the world's end archipelago.
The scar in the sky is gone? The scar in the
sky has indeed gone. Well? Are we home? The last
time you were in the Ife Forest you spied this
old man beckoning you and you promptly ignored
him but this is a knot. This is like one of the
gates to the greenways although it's been locked
tight and the whole area you remember is cordoned
off with razor wire and warning signs partly
as an attempt to protect the trees from the effects
of glaciation but also perhaps to stop people
using this method to travel off -world. Before
you can properly get your bearings, however,
you notice a hooded, visored figure lurking in
the forest beyond. For we have a special surprise
guest star. Hello, boys. Hello. I've been waiting
for you to get back. I'm glad you're all in one
piece. Now wait just one minute. Last I saw you,
you went flash and you were gone. Where did you
go? Well, my body disappeared, darling, but my
entire intelligence can be downloaded into a
new one. Do you like it? And as you look closely,
she's showing not just blue, but yellow robes.
It's lovely. Thank you. I think it suits my hair
a bit better, don't you? Now, before we kind
of get down to business, because I know we're
in danger, can I ask, do you have it? Is it secret?
Is it safe? A thought? No, none. She's just sadly
not looking at Gigi at this point. Do you have
the skull? Do you have the raven skull? Is it
safe? Yes, we have it still. Would you mind showing
me it? I've heard of it, but I've never actually
seen it. All right. Naomi holds it out for her
to see. It's so small. Can I just hold it for
a second? I don't know what to do. Yeah, I heard
yellow robes. Are those yellow Sons of Evaldi
-style robes? You'll remember that the Sons of
Evaldi wear robes according to their bank balance.
Okay. So, for example, when you last met Brynn,
Evaldi's daughter, She was Bryn B 'laar. That
means blue. You've met various other characters
like Bangsy. Bangsy is the white. Bangsy Fynta
of Baldur's. And so, depending on how much wealth
they have, their clothes change. And also, you
remember that you saw past Bangsy on Mimisbrunner
wearing green robes. In the present, he was always
adorned with the finest white. I think I'll just
hold on to the skull for now. You've seen it.
Really? You can trust me. I'm not going to run
off with it. I could have had you all rounded
up by now if I was. How did you know to wait
for us here? Good question. And now? Good question.
And why? Why? Because when I returned, I learned
you'd all gone. And I was like, well, where could
they have gone? So I have, amongst other things,
been trying to look out for you guys. But here,
in the dark forest, in the middle of nowhere,
in the eternal night? Can we see the skull you
have? Oh, I don't have one, unfortunately, darling.
I'm not that important yet. We're all making
faces. It's such a shame there's no video for
the recording. Gigi's just crossing his arms.
Could you give us one moment, please? And Gigi's
going to huddle. Whisper. He's going to huddle
and whisper with the rock and the tree. Yeah,
that's what it does. I don't remember much from
the dream, but I remember the Sons of Evaldi.
being the bad guys. We should be careful. She
seems nice, but devils often show up as small
girl -like children. And we don't know what else
has changed. We can't assume everything's going
to be the way we left it. Things might have changed.
I mean, you know, in case we had an influence
on the present. through our actions in the past.
Also, we seem quite nice, but a lot of people
have died all around us. Yeah. Including her!
At this point, you're going to hear a sound from
behind you all, and it gets louder and more manic,
and it evolves into one of those maleficent cackles.
And she'll say, well, there might yet be a mote
of intelligence between you all yet. But my patience
is short, and so is my time, and my time is money,
so if you're not going to hand it to me, I will
have to take it. And she almost whistles, a little
bit like touching a dog. Bad Grin, as we call
her, is not alone. Through the trees, you see
a huge, hulking war machine splinter through
the forest. as it guns the area with automatic
fire, the flashes of the gun muzzle lighting
up Polar Night. In the darkness beyond you also
see through the trees are cybernetic soldiers,
presumably of the Church of One Zero, literal
converts to their machine god. They sprint with
unnerving speed through the snow. modified for
increased performance and rapid response to threats.
They take cover behind the ancient trunks, firing
short bursts as they advance. What a compliment.
An entire division just for me? I must be dangerous.
Before we go too much further, obviously we're
joined again by the like of Becky Hill, who is
reprising her character as the clone. Bryn, Evaldi's
daughter. Before we go on, we paused at the beginning
of the episode because I asked the quiz question
and our intrepid trio here, Becky, surprisingly
weren't able to get it. But being related to
the sons of Evaldi, the great Evaldi, I'm going
to ask you the question now and see whether you
can earn the inspiration point for using the
battle ahead. So the question... The question
is this, what did the Sons of Ivaldi make for
the gods? If I remember correctly, there was
a ship that could fold like a handkerchief for
the god Frey. There was the spear Gunnir for
Odin. And then I think they made the thing that
was what was really wanted was Sif's golden hair,
since Loki cut it off. That is correct. The inspiration
point is yours. Yes, they did indeed fashion
Skiffbladnir, the flying ship of Freyja. Dungnir,
the spear that never missed. And yes, Sith's
golden hair to replace that which Loki had cut
off. And CJ, just to double back to your comment
earlier about weapons, Mjolnir was actually made
by two dwarves, Brokkr and Eita, along with Droughtnir
the Ring. And it was made after a bet saying
that Brokka and Eitri couldn't make better gifts
than the three already made by the Sons of Ivaldi.
So Milnir was subsequent to the devices, the
artifacts that Becky, as our Norse expert, delivered.
So... I want to make sure I understand. So we
failed to get the inspiration point and now our
enemy. has got the inspiration point, as well
as the division of specialized constructed soldiers.
I just like to know the odds. That's exactly
right. And I'm going to remind you of a couple
of things. At the top of the episode, I did introduce
myself as the ruler of treachery. Well, we always
thought of you as that anyway. Yeah. Becky, we're
going to consider this a surprise round because
whilst the gentlemen are in their huddle working
out what on earth is going on with the appearance
of your clone, we're going to let you sock it
to them. Very good. Well, in that case, I would
like to initiate my trigger action of Skyshine.
It doesn't sound good already. No, it doesn't.
Becky has availed herself of the opportunity
to use the death metal expansion and take a character
from there called a Flamekeeper who uses the
Hellstones, the radioactive material that the
Doc Alpha found in Mine 7 or wanted from Mine
7, and she's now using it for her own nefarious
game. so she takes out a stone from her pocket
and it looks very much like something volcanic
almost like a meteor and it pulses and from its
pulse emits a blue light and it emits a light
that surrounds her from head to foot in a perfect
almost like perfectly fitting bubble and it's
partially obscures me makes me look a bit blurry
that's my sky shine which you will... You're
surrounded by a radioactive shroud. This is fine.
That was your trigger action. What was your main
action? And then for my action, she is going
to extend forth that stone and mutter some words
that you may or may not understand, and she will
summon forth her iron storm spell. I'm going
to ask our unsuspecting dupes, to make a roll
as an eerie purple glow spreads through the area,
turning the darkness into shadows. Two things.
So, first of all, you're all going to take five
damage. A hundred damage? No, five damage. Just
five damage. And then, if you could all make
a might challenge roll, please. Sixteen. Okay,
in which case, CJ, halve that damage to three.
I got a ten. Seven. Ten is enough for Leomi to
also half the damage, so three damage. But air...
Explodes. Not only takes that full damage, but
also becomes both fatigued and slowed by the
ion storm. So that's going to mean your rolls
are subject to one woe, and... Being slowed,
you can only take a slow turn. Now, the cybernetic
soldiers that are sprinting through the tree
line are a little bit too far away, but the huge
hulking war machine... is closer and just for
background because you know these war machines
are diverg they are war bots and this particular
one is called a battle brand it's manufactured
by logger hofford martin as an affordable countermeasure
alternative designed to optimize the man machine
team interface and mitigate direct threats to
the warfighter and it comes with a handy 30 -day
money -back guarantee and refund policy. Anyways,
these Vigvel or war machines, which were once
burned as not being particularly Norse, they're
now a commonplace stationed across the Neuheimer,
and Bryn has one at her disposal. It fires at
you with a howling dog. And you all please take...
17 damage. Is it a creature that is bigger than
size 2? It is a huge great machine thrusting
its way through the trees. I would like to use
Outwit. When a creature larger than you attacks
you, you can use a triggered action to make a
slight challenge roll. On a success, you impose
three woes on the triggering roll. You may do
so. The only thing I'm going to say is because
it's... full auto. He's not actually made a roll.
What I was going to say is that you can all make
a slight roll to take half of that damage. We'll
just do that. Should you have any abilities or
gifts or items, you may well consider using them
now. I was trying to... Well, yeah. How much
damage? How much damage did we take? I said 17.
And I can have that? You can have that if you
make a slight roll successfully. Yeah, I rolled
a 17 on mine, so I'll have that, which I think...
My math's not strong, but I'm thinking that's
another 3. I rolled a 15. Should I try using...
I'm talking to my team now. Should we try using
the skull? to get us back before the Betrayer
appeared? I was waiting for my turn to ask that.
I was going to have Gigi turn on a slow turn
and said, could we use the skull to go back an
hour to before our arrival? However, would that
take us back to the Geats? That's what I'm worried
about, yeah. 50 minutes before we arrived in
this forest so we can go get some reinforcements.
Yes. Do we try it? Yes. Yes. Because it doesn't
look like it's going to go our way right now.
Yes, I've been hunted by the entire army sent
to kill me, but yes, we should try something
different. You don't have to go back the whole
hour. Yes, we do. All right, so how long have
we been in the present time that we're now in?
Because I don't have it set. I think if you just
stepped back in time using your Waving Star,
just 10 minutes to when you popped out of the
greenways and Brynn, that Ivaldi's daughter,
was there waiting for you, she'll still say,
hello, boys. But at that point, you can perhaps
take a slightly different approach. Something
smarter. Huh. I wonder what that would be. You
are level 10. You have a range of abilities and
you have a range of objects. So feel free to
have an epiphany at any moment. Well, you know,
it's your optimism that I most appreciate. Before
stepping into the Greenway, Err would cast Ancestral
Wisdom on himself because something traumatic
is bound to happen. Actually, he should get to
the point where he just does that first thing
in the morning. While he's brushing his diamond
encrusted teeth. Yeah, it's just something horrible
is going to happen. I just know it is. Are we
in a place where we would be aware of how far
we are from our old friends, the other rock people,
the dwellers of the earth, a .k .a. the land
veteer? You do have a map in your campaign stuff.
Yes, so as Gigi consults the map. Yes, you are
in the Ithir Forest. Is that close or is that
far? It's very close to where you met Daniel
in Spickball. In actual fact, the last time you
passed the Ithir Forest, you saw an old man stroke
a bear and refused to have anything to do with
it. Ah, yes. But wait, Ed didn't? The other Dark
Alpha say they're watching us all the time. They
did. And I think my people will be keenly interested,
well, in the deed, obviously. So could you commune
with them and say, we need help? Lots of it.
Commune, commune. And tell them I'm dreadfully
sorry for killing that chieftain and a few other
people. including the seer in your ear. Question
for you, Gigi. When you inevitably become Jarl,
I wonder if we could make a deal wherein you
are Jarl of everything on the surface and my
people have the mineral rights to everything.
I think I could float that past them. Yes, whatever
it takes. In fact, I think the heir could ask
the seer in his ear whether or... Okay, maybe
we're getting ahead of ourselves here. Why don't
we part the division of the spoils of the land
until such time as you've dealt with the immediate
threat, which is a platoon of the Sons of Ivaldi,
led by a familiar face. It's important to recognize
that we are multifaceted idiots. There's a lot
going on here. We're multitasking. idiots in
a number of different ways at the same time.
We're not just stupid in one direction. That
would be very unfair. Like an onion. Yeah, that's
true. Like an onion that someone stepped on and
it's a bit old. So, yeah. Okay. Hey, Steve, you
figured it out. What should we do? So we're still
going to arrive at the same place with Bryn waiting
for us. We can't do anything about that. So...
If that's the case, then the moment we arrive
and see Brynn, we open fire. Why change? It seems
a bit subtle for us. I could use the god's tongue
to have a chat with Brynn and perhaps talk us
out of having to fight to the death, which would
go our way. I'm certain of it. It's for them.
So the god's tongue would enable you to determine
whether she was speaking the truth? That could
be useful. But she hadn't said any, she hadn't
even really made any statements other than she
wanted the skull, which I think we know was truthful.
But the army didn't show up until she did her
maniacal laugh. So if I talk to her, call her
out on her lie, and then distract her by telling
her how very, very bad she's being by lying,
that could buy us a little bit of time to prepare
better. How stupid. I'm going to cast sharp runes.
No, wait, not sharp runes. I have a better one
now. Bloody runes on my shaker. Steve, you were
in the process of having some kind of brainwave.
Yeah, it doesn't happen often. Air has the new
ability called Lawspeaker that allows him to
construct a legal argument that forces another
creature to comply with your wishes. But it only
lasts for one round. Yeah, it was a great plan
until I got to the last for one round part. And
I was trying to think if there was a way to use
that. And apparently it killed Bill. I feel that
you are very slowly feeling yourself towards
a solution. If only you had something that represented
the bonds of kinship. All right, Gigi is going
to use Binding Vow from the thing that he got
from Beowulf. And so here, I'll read it so that
you guys know what it is. You demand a solemn
oath of undertaking when you spend at least one
minute talking to a creature that can hear and
understands what you say. Make a wits attack
roll against the target's will. On a success,
you may describe a course of activity that is
obviously not suicidal. And that can be summarized
in a sentence or two. So basically, I can make
her make an oath to me to do something for me.
So Xixi could just say, so I have this new ability.
I could have her make an oath to me. And that
oath could be to not kill us. And not take our
things, though, because we don't want to give
up the skull. And go away. Obey you. I could
instruct some legal, well, let's face it, bullshit
that will compel her to agree to that deal briefly.
But you don't need to, you see, because I have
a magical object that will compel her to do what
I say. So I could send her on a mission to, oh,
I have an idea. I will send her to go find. bought
the other raven skull go fetch it for me fetch
nice by the way she's probably hearing everything
that she's saying right now the entire time yes
i've just got a vision of time paused around
you three having this pretty deep internal discussion
that's very kind of you options it's so good
to see you can i cast it i'm trying i'm gonna
do it so first of all You have to spend at least
a minute talking to her. Make a wits attack roll
against the target's will. So Brynn, what is
your will? My will score is 11. Okay, so you're
going to have to roll on 11, and before you do
so, since she's got the inspiration point and
you don't, can I suggest that you arm yourself
with as much? guidance or legal counsel or any
abilities that you can throw at this to make
sure that that role goes your way because otherwise
you've got the equivalent of gunfight at the
OK Corral. Guest counsel usually gets one wheel.
Can I provide guest counsel as well? I was a
thing that had to do with stuff. Hang on one
second. You were a thing. I was a reeve. magistrate,
so yeah. I'm just going to make that into a woe
just because. It's so mean. Yeah. What do you
want to do then, CJ? What is the quest that you're
going to compel Brynn to perform? Alright, so
how many wheels or woes do I have on this roll?
Guidance can give plus two wheel. I guess, Gansel.
That's three wheels. So while they're doing that,
Gigi's going to show up and see Bryn and say,
Bryn, what a delightful surprise. Hello, boys.
I've been waiting for you to get back. We haven't
seen you in forever. The last time I saw you,
you disappeared into a flash of light. It's so
good to see you. You won't believe all the things
that we've seen in the past since we've last
met. By the way, is that a new colour on your
robes? That's incredible. Where did those come
from? And this is just going to keep going for
a minute. And meanwhile, he's going to roll.
Woo! Blattery. I'll get you everywhere. The highest
was four, so total of 19. Very good. Well, that
will be enough to use the binding vow of Beowulf's
tool to compel Brynn to perform a task that you
set her. Now it's up to you to use that task
wisely because this is where the plan gets weak.
She could be a valuable informant. Well, hearing
kind of like the friendly overtones from Gigi
and then the magic underlying that conversation,
you'll see her original kind of like stern but
serious face changing to the more amicable, gentle,
little geeky scientist that she was when you
first met her all those moons ago. And she will
appear quite shocked that you're all here, because
she will then remember what's lurking in the
trees behind her. Then she will start saying,
you shouldn't be here. You need to leave. You
need to go. You need to take the skull somewhere
safe. Speaking of skulls, do you know where the
other one is? Unfortunately, I don't. As you
notice, my colours have changed, but I don't
have that kind of knowledge. Unless, I don't
know, there might be a way. Hmm. What I do know
is that you can't go any further beyond these
trees. There's a whole battalion of, well, what
can we say, followers, so to speak, of that church,
the 1 -0. They're looking for you and obviously
the skull that you have. What has changed? What
are the sons of Vivaldi up to right now? The
plan that she reveals to you. because she has
the inside information as to what the sons of
Avaldi are up to, is that they have been using
the cloak of this Fimbulvita, this great winter,
in order to rebuild Min in their image, in order
to help their ascension to godhood. And in the
same way as that... rare earth minerals are needed
for today's iPhones and smart TVs, they are also
using the vast polar wealth to help create the
new version of Min and power it with the skulls
of Hoongin and Moonin, which effectively act
as the CPU and the RAM. So you can think of the
Ravenskulls as an integral part of this new Norse
supercomputer that they were building in Sokvebeka,
but now have relocated to the Firefox Institute.
She also reveals to you that some of the soldiers,
the cybernetic soldiers that you saw there, are
people who, as I mentioned, are literally converted
to the Church of the One Zero. Not just in the
sense of their faith, but they have been grafted
with the same cybernetic components that the
Sons of Avaldi sport in order to turn them into
superhuman soldiers. Almost a sort of, oh, what
would the phrase be? Cybermen. There you go.
Hatchie, what about the Hounds people? Are they
being converted? Like, against their will? Or
what are they doing? Are they in danger? Yes,
the townspeople are in danger. They're all being
converted one by one. No one's getting a chance
to say no. They're all going under the same process.
So if we approach the town, we're going to make
it worse. So Error now has the ability to sit
and concentrate for a minute. and think about
a place where he has been within 100 miles. And
at the end of that time, he will now have a vision
of that place as of right now. You'll be able
to see what's going on there right now. So if
we were to look in on somewhere, where would
that be? Would it be the Institute or the Church?
Or, you know, the Church of the One... Two? The
Church of the One Zero. Yeah. You know, it's
quite easy to remember because it's binary. See?
One, zero. The church of the one, two. I'm sorry,
I'm a man made of stone. I don't understand this.
That's the dancing church. The church of the
one, two. Of the five, six, seven, eight. Take
this waltz. And shove it. So if we were to look
in on somewhere, any suggestions? No. Okay. All
I can recommend is the Firefox Institute. That's
where the new MIM is being built. You can see
the progress or lack of. Because without that
skull, there's a bit of a problem. So they're
trying to fix it as best they can. So the Chair
of the Norns spell will enable you to effectively
scry as if you had a palantir. You visualise
a place, which you've seen at least once, like
you said. That could be... all of help makar
itself so you could get a full sense of what
is happening in the town you would be able to
should you find a position of safety because
you are about to be inundated by an elite troop
of overclocked warriors but then you know once
you were able to concentrate you could use that
chair of the norms to see okay what the town
was like and then plan your strategy so you can
see the whole town it's not just a A ground POV
sort of thing. Yeah, okay, so let's deal with
the armored division coming our way, and then
we have options. I do have a question for Bryn.
Please ask. How did you know we were going to
be here and now? I was sent here, Gigi, because
Bangsy knows you're coming. He knows where you
are. He can see things a lot further than, I
don't know, Leomi or Aircam. He's got some ability,
some very strong ability. So this is why I was
here. It's all planned. And I was following orders.
I wonder if he knew you would fail. Remains to
be seen. We still need to get you guys away from
what's in those woods. They're waiting on my
signal. then the oath that we should have her
take is to take the army off on a wild goose
chase that way, pointing in a random direction.
That way? That way. Up, down, left, right, north,
south, away from the town. That's a given. And
away from us, like off a cliff, for instance,
would be great. And that shall give us enough
time to recruit our good friends the Lundveteer.
We could raise an army of our own since there
were so many of them. What a good idea. A whole
army of abominations. They have an army. We'll
have an army. And then we will pay this bangsy
a visit. I feel like the oath needs to be really
specific. Take them away. Run them off the cliff.
And then... disappear. Oh wait, no. We could
make it even better than that. Have her swear
an oath to protect our lives with everything
she's got. Including them. From everything. That
way she's loyal to us to the end. Keep us on
her good side. And then we can keep her as a
free agent to keep helping us down the road.
So you shall now swear an oath to me to protect
me with your life. in all circumstances and help
you with your plan and to help us with our plan
using all the resources at your disposal using
all the resources at your disposal very well
nice i swear a couple of things then yeah suggested
activity would be potentially harmful for you
you can make another will challenge role and
is not effective on the success and so looking
after Being a babysitter for these guys is known
to be one of the most harmful occupations on
Midgard. So give it another roll. So this is
a will challenge roll. That's nine plus one is
a straight ten. Well, you know what? She shrugged
off the binding vow. Screwed. Because you made
it potentially harmful to her. It is no longer
ironclad. She may wriggle out of it. I mean,
that was our best plan ever. Yeah. Failed immediately.
Yeah. But still, it was good. Good while it lasted.
I liked it. Yeah. Yeah. It felt good. Can I keep
talking to her for another minute and cast it
again? She's now immune. However, events now.
Luckily for you, intervene. Because in the pitch
darkness, you hear a distant thunder growing
louder and more insistent. The air carries a
sharp cold breeze infused with a metallic tang
of adrenaline and the musky scent of bare fur.
As they draw nearer, the ground vibrates more
fiercely with the weight of ispial charging through
the dark. There's a fainter underlying itself,
too, leather creaking and armor rattling with
each stride of the massive beasts. Suddenly,
the night air is pierced by the song of the Alfar
as the scions of Yggdrasil burst into the fray,
scattering the lurking enemy from atop their
earth -side stairs. Rin, it's probably a good
time for you to swear insult these chaps and
run off into the night as your ambush has been
detected by the alpha of the region and thwarted.
You're all blundering idiots. You couldn't even
get me on your side. I will see you later that
you run off into the forest. Until the next time.
Thanks for making it worse. Thank you for not
killing me. I appreciated you all trying not
to kill me, but we respected you if you have,
so it's all good. We certainly gave it a good
think. Yeah. That went better than planned. Went
better than expected. Well, mostly because somebody
else saved us, but you know. It went the alpha.
A stride there is beyond mounts. Rear in front
of you, and you can smell the fetid, fishy breath
of the polar bears. From atop one of the mounts,
you hear a familiar voice. Brother, mine eyes
deceive me, for I reckoned thee claimed by the
merciless winter tempests. How dost thou tread
upon this? Still amongst the living. Hail, brother.
We have traveled far beyond imagining and had
adventures beyond imagining, but protected and
guided by the great spirits of the world and
of reality. We've come back. How fair is thee?
You have an army. Indeed, brother. I'll come
to me for the sons of Avalir. shrewd and cunning
did purchase the land from amongst those garbed
in the rags of fortune and thereupon commenced
to raise a stronghold grand in a cavern deep
as the bowels of the earth they labor to shape
fate against the impending doom indeed the drift
has shown itself a sanctuary most fortuitous
Cradled far from the clashes of men, stable as
ancient stone, and nestled high, beyond the grasp
of the swirling seas, tunneled profound in yon
steadfast mountain. Did you say they bought the
land from someone? Indeed I did, from the former
Jarl. The man you know as Finbogie Asbjornsson,
he fell upon hard times. Did you also say, honored
cousin, that they're building their project underground?
Indeed, such was the case. In their fortified
vault, Bangzi, ever persuasive, hath moved the
Empress to house the whole of the Imperial lore
within its cold embrace. And perhaps my people
could help us get it without going through the
town. Perhaps they know of a way underground
to this abomination they're creating. And it
takes one to know one, I get that. And to this
abomination they're creating under the ground.
That may be so, if you wish to throw in your
lot with the forces of darkness. Well, kind of
judging a bit here. One question. Did we fulfill
the deal we made with them that allowed us to
escape the last time? They asked us for something.
I cannot remember what that was. They wanted
something. Did we do that thing? They asked you
to secure the rights to Mind7 and indeed all
of the rights, especially... That was his original
mission. The reason he was sent forth from their
dark elf enclave in order to secure the radioactive
materials, the hell stones that Bryn just demonstrated
the efficacy of. Result. We have the deed. Therefore,
we have the power to give them those rights.
We must simply assert them. But the sons of Vivaldi
appear to have bought something. They think they
have. So we need to speak to my people, I think.
We also have my brother, the Alfar, with a whole
army of Alfar on Isbjorn. I mean, maybe we could
think of something to do with them. If nothing
else, we could put them in front of us. Perhaps
it would be helpful for me to take a moment to
commune with things and catch a vision of what's
happening in Helmikar right now that may help
guide our choices. Sorry, brain short -circuited,
trying to think. We'll edit this out. Or not.
I like to eat them in. At this point, the party
put themselves trying to think. If Ian wanted
to, he could deliver a blooper collection that's
longer than the entire series. I will summarize
for you before you implode. Before you sit on
your chair of the Norns, I will remind you that
the spirits of the land include both the Doc
Alpha, and the loss alpha. They also include
those who have a prior claim based on blood and
soil, which would be the Jotnar of Spikborg,
your good friend Daniel. You haven't seen for
many episodes, but certainly they might come
to your aid. Or a fourth potential beneficiary
would simply be the Jarl in Waiting. Grok of
the Magnificent, who did have some kind of claim,
although it would need to be legitimized through
his heroic deeds and sealed by the Empress herself
were it to become official. You effectively have
four choices. They are embrace the Doc Alpha,
align with the Los Alpha and the Ispion, to work
with the Jotnar of Spikborg, the Wailing Giants,
or to bet on CJ and his ability to carry the
day single -handed. I mean... I vote number four.
Air, you still have a wife among the Jotnar.
I mean, surely that's an advantage. You must
be dying to see her again. I'd also like to point
out the irony, because I felt... so bad over
these past few episodes that we played a ride
of the Valkyries at the beginning of every episode
and then CJ wants to ride everything that he
possibly can and so I gave him a great hulking
war robot to jump on and for the first time ever
he didn't jump on it oh I thought about it he
was thinking about it he was like oh I want to
jump but but But, you know, dying was imminent.
He's grown. He's grown. He's more restrained,
more thoughtful, deeper. He has layers. Another
onion. Another onion. If the town is an armed
camp and we attack over land, they might wipe
out the townsfolk. That can't be honorable, letting
that happen. Certainly not. You know, there'll
be no one left to sing songs about you. We can't
have that. Can you remember, Steve, just how
well you led relations with your kinsmen? Wasn't
great. You took their leader's body. Yeah. You
are roaming around in Redgold's body. You stole.
Like invasion of the body snatchers. Are you
giving it back? I liberated. They were going
to kill us, so I thought it worked out fine.
You recycled. You recycled, you reused. I'm trying
to find a way through this that doesn't screw
air's own people, and I'm having some trouble.
Might be your fastest way back to Valhalla. There's
a poem where it's about, like, you know, how
did you get this land? My father gave it to me.
Where did he get this land? His father gave it
to him. How did he get this land? He fought for
it. Right. So there's the whole idea that to
make Gigi the Jarl requires the seal of the Empress.
But since we're in a pinch and she's not on planet,
then just say Gigi's the Jarl and go around and
recruit all the armies and bring them together
and fight the sons of Vivaldi. And then with
the promise of once it's all said and done, everybody
kind of, you know, you split up all the stuff
the way that they want. We have the deed, so
we technically have that power. And then if we
don't, well, you know, we still win. So you're
taking a swing at a sitcom ending. Where everybody
ends up happy, and it all works out, and we freeze
on the final shot of everyone laughing in joy.
Yes, and then we get to do a montage of recruiting
armies, right? I'm in. Okay. It did sound a bit
like the Battle of the Five Armies. If you know
any eagles... But four of them will be on our
side. Gigi, how do we make this work for you?
Well, I'm already a Jarl. I have land. I have
possessions. I have... I have bear claw. I have
fiddle -baggy sword. And we have the deed to
the land. Now we shall declare me Jarl of this
entire land wherever the light doesn't touch.
I like it. Yeah. I second the motion. Let's do
it. Let's ride for Gigi. Second place in the
Honky Tonk. Silver medalist in the Poker Honk.
It'll be gold next time. I'm level 10 now! You
might earn a new Polar Star. Let's do the Chair
of the Norns stuff to help you with your deliberations.
So now from the relative safety of this frozen
forest, you can try and locate the secret Avalian
facility that is housing this newly rebuilt MIM.
MIM 2 .0. There's a few flashes of inspiration
that perhaps will come to you. There is. You
remember that you saw the room master, Raul de
Cerdin, on the space station, and he was evacuating
before you found Min. You saw Bangzi leave. You've
heard Brim talk about the fact that the Sons
of Ivaldi were... stealing the secrets of the
Skald, who were the techno -priests who ran that
facility. You know that those priests were the
ones who had devised thought and memory drive
by cutting loose the ravens from Odin. And you
also know that inadvertently they cut loose Odin's
walls in Gery and Frecy. And you have seen those
said same walls cavorting with. banshee has his
spirit animals so make of that what you will
sitting in your seat of the norms able to peer
over the realm towards help makar you can see
clearly despite the fact that it is still the
polar night and incredibly dark that the town
has been placed under martial law and there's
a strict curfew in force Now, you do have the
town map and the locations remain the same, but
Hap Makar is now patrolled heavily by the new
converse to the Church of the One -Zero, the
Church of the One -Two, and they're all doing
the quick step around town. The Church of the
One -Zero, these heavily augmented overclocked,
there appear to be at least... 35 that's 50 soldiers
in the garrison now the church of the one zero
itself has been constructed quickly and elegantly
on the foundations of the temple of the bear
replacing that structure and you can see that
the perhaps there are around 60 survivors 60s
townspeople including Solveig Cooking Kettle
and including Gunnar Weatherbank who are holed
up in the church, herded into the church perhaps
for use as bargaining chips. The Firefox Institute
itself appears to be protected by drones or to
use the Norse term drinn. They are at roof level.
50 yards apart, forming a moving cordon that
starts and ends at the town's power station.
So there is an aerial flotilla that is monitoring
for incursions. All of the rest of the buildings
in town are partially boarded up or, like the
Temple of the Bear, have been burned to the ground.
The Rowdison Hotel is also boarded up, and you'll
remember that. Many moons ago, you moved into
Bjarne Bjarnason's check. That was fortunately
already burned down before you left town. All
of those trapper cabins are now just derelict,
tumbled down, or outright destroyed. So Eir will
describe all this while he's seeing it. If they
see us coming, they might kill the townsfolk
in the church. Kind of the impression I'm getting.
How close can we get before they see us? I wonder.
Gigi, you're a tactical genius. I'm sure you
have an excellent plan. Well, if our little friend,
whom turned dark side, light side, then dark
side again, had anything valuable to share, it's
that Bangsy appears to already know we're coming.
And from what you've described, patrols in the
town, they... I believe they've... already expect
us to arrive so if they were going to kill the
villagers they would have done it already okay
that's my view we just ride into town and let
the let the games begin or well we need an army
so the espion is one then we need your people
to agree it's two i'd prefer not to have the
help because they are detestable beings that
i I'll leave it at that. Agreed. Yes, and the
eagles and the... Yes. The eagles and the dwarves,
yes. They create a distraction. We go into the
facility. We find the other head of the raven
to return to Oðinn and hopefully prevent... Do
we want to prevent Ragnarok? That doesn't sound
very Viking of us. Shouldn't we welcome it with
open arms? Shouldn't we precipitate Ragnarok?
Wow, that's a good question. Do we want the sons
of Ivaldi to become gods? No. No. Is there any
way that we can get them out of the way and we
get to the make -me -a -god machine? Your divinatory
spell enables you to... work out that the new
computer, the new supercomputer, MIM 2 .0 that
has been grafted in secrecy is to be found in
the subterranean basement of the Firefox Institute.
However, you cannot peer further because it appears
that Bangzi Avalison has shielded the area because
you are able to scry and peer and eavesdrop.
You are able to listen in as some of his students
are discussing the conundrum that they face because
the supercomputer is effectively offline or not
working completely because it doesn't have its
RAM, its memory, its moon in skull. The Imperial
fleet has been... grounded, then that is going
to cause all kinds of problems for the Sons of
Evaldi. Also explains why you weren't met with
another drift or warship as you were when you
found your way to their military base. The fleet
is unable to move and is basically stuck in dock.
Okay. Yeah, Err would like to ask a question
to the seer in his ear. Would the Doc Alphar,
we spoke to previously, agree to help us if they
gain the deed, the mineral rights for everything
below the surface, leaving our new Jarl in charge
of the same territory on the surface? Would they
go for that? No. Oop. Worth a try. See, I'm trying
to have my cake and eat it too, right? Let's
do all four! Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing.
How do we all get cake and eat it too? And whilst
that is some kumbaya. Yeah, it's not going to
happen. I think Air is not particularly bothered
if his people want him dead because they didn't
like him much to start with. But it would be
nice to have their army and to be able to attack
the underground facility from underground. That
would be helpful. Do you think we can do it with
just the Icebjorn? Gigi? Let's see. Well, because
remember the Yothworld have a disdain for the
Yothworld. So that's a no -go for Gigi right
off the bat. So the Icebjorn is kind of the only
option with Gigi becoming the Jarl of everything
and trying to cobble everything together. Going
back to what the group was supposed to witness
with the Rune Master who detonated a star to
stop the Orkness and then bring that information
forward to prevent Ragnarok from happening is
what Mim told us, right? That's what Mim was
saying. Oh, yes. Right. They're supposed to prevent
it. So we're supposed to prevent. So the question
is, does Mim want us to prevent? Ragnarok by
destroying MIM2 or by empowering MIM2 to turn
online. No, MIM2 will make Ragnarok happen, right?
Unbelievable. The crucial thing that MIM had
said to you was to return thought and memory
to their rightful owner, otherwise past, present,
and future would collapse in upon themselves.
Ah, yes. Yes. That would be bad. So they have
been stolen. and used for the creation of this
new supercomputer in in earthen's image but it's
not necessarily a legitimate enterprise i will
offer you this oldinger the alpha who you had
mistakenly assumed had died but had merely fled
into the wilderness to avoid any repercussions
or tussles with the sons of avaldi he says, With
the Ispion as an escort, they take you through
the Iphir forest and in the heart of this dense,
and dark polar forests you come to an ancient
tree towering and majestic its massive trunk
is gnarled and thick with age having survived
centuries in this harsh freezing climate the
bark is deeply furrowed and covered with a layer
of frost and around its base the undergrowth
is fast unable to compete with the colossal roots
that spread like a network of history into the
frozen earth This ancient sentinel, cloaked in
perpetual twilight, exudes an aura of timeless
strength and enduring mystery. And so you're
quite surprised when it says, You fucking idiots!
I've been waiting for 1500 years for you to show
up! Luckily, that's enough time to come up with
a plan. The Vikings and Valkyries podcast is
hammered together by a dedicated team of scalds
and smiths. Please don't forget to like, share
and sacrifice to the old gods.