Welcome to Vikings and Valkyries, an actual play podcast. We are playing When the Wolf
Comes, a role-playing game where the sun never sets on the Viking Empire. My name is Ian
Stuart Sharpe and I will be your wand bearer for the ongoing campaign which we call the
Thought and Memory Saga. Joining us this week are the three sole surviving members of the
Bloodbath ongoing. Welcome to you, eagle feeders. Good evening. Thank you. We haven't learned our
lesson yet. Still alive. Now, Bill, we've all been waiting with baited breath for you to start
playing on Start Playing. How is it all gearing up? Are we going to see a New Year resurgence?
Yes, absolutely. It's ramping up nicely. I'm about to launch some short games in Gamma World,
which is a really old post-apocalyptic role-playing game, which has got some crazy systems that sound
like a lot of fun. Just quick one-offs and then I have an existing dungeon up there that's the
original AD&D. We'll be adapting that to 5e and then there are two more in that series that'll
be going up. So a lot of new content going up and I'm always looking to add additional titles. I'm
hoping there'll be additional interest in some of these really old things. I have a bunch of old,
old games being old, old myself, so might provide a new experience for everyone. So yeah, I'm quite
hopeful about all that. You're using the word old when you should be using the word classic.
That's right. I'm a classic. That's what I'm going to start telling my adult children now.
Very good. Well, we look forward to getting the invites so that you can do the DM ing for a change
and give my larynx a rest. Let's resume with the usual format. So every week I like to see you earn
your author or your inspiration points. And so let's see if you are overcome with divine madness
this week. I don't know if you've detected, I always kind of link it to the adventure that is
to come. So there is some kind of... So the clues are in the stuff we haven't been exposed to yet.
Is that correct? I just want to understand. Yeah. I'm giving you a kind of thematic intro to the
episode with these questions. Well done. He said since. All right, so you know from the end of the
last episode that Bjarnie Bjarnardson is now a draugr, a revenant, also known as a haugbui or barrow
dweller or an aptrganger and again walker. These are perhaps less familiar to the modern listener
or modern reader than the vampire that we all know from Dracula and Interview with a Vampire,
Everything Anne Rice. So we all know how you deal with vampires. It's the crucifix, it's the garlic,
it's the stick through the heart. What I'm going to ask you today for your inspiration point is,
can you give me three precautions that Norsemen would take to prevent the dead wandering round?
Obviously throwing them off a cliff is not one of them. Right. Well we thought it was. That was my guess.
That was the go-to. Yeah. Burning the bodies. Oh good. Yeah, good guess. I will give you that one on
the basis that destroying the corpse was definitely one way to make sure that they wouldn't wander
around afterwards. But generally speaking, the Norse buried their corpses in these barrows and
so those are the bodies that I'm talking about here. The barrow dwellers, the revenants, the grave thralls.
Was there some sequence of runes that they could carve or apply or something that would have an effect?
I will grant you that on the basis that there were all kinds of runic curses against the dead.
Runes were secrets. The magic words behind them would tie the corpses to their coffins or to wherever they were interred and prevent them from rising again.
How about something to do with the, and I'm not sure they have one, but the bone from a whale penis.
Maybe just use that to pin them down. They use them for everything. It feels kind of in the right genre.
The right worldview. Well maybe that's just my worldview. It's in the right kind of direction.
So we got all the points. The penis of something. No, no, no. I didn't say you got all the points.
I said you're in the right kind of direction. How about tying down or constraining the body?
You know, like put them face down and then if they wake up then they can't move.
I'm going to give you that one in the sense that you were close enough. Let me explain.
So generally the position of the body in the barrow or in the burial mound was indicative of whether they might rise again.
So the Norse did a whole bunch of things according to tradition to confuse the dearly departed.
One of the things that they did was to tie together their big toes or to put needles through the soles of their feet to stop them being able to walk.
Another thing they did was to take the corpse and to turn it around in midair so as to confuse a possible draugr sense of direction.
All of those things were very similar to what you said. So in the interest of keeping you alive a little bit longer will give you that inspiration point.
So did they have a lot of trouble with the dead walking the land back then?
They did. It's a common occurrence and there's different types of draugr as well.
There's the land draugr and there's a whole subset of sea draugr who would return with seaweed for heads.
It's being a nautical group the Norsemen would have foes from underneath the waves as part of their superstition and folklore.
Now you did get an inspiration point last week when your valiant cop heroes were here to answer those questions about the afterlife.
You didn't tell them that they could spend those points and you just let them die.
Which means they're yours to trade in this time around.
Just so you're clear on the rules, it's not just converting a success to a failure.
You can also use it to change a dice six roll to a six which is valuable for damage, fate rolls, weals and woes.
You have a finite pool. They may run out as you found before. Again, feel free to use them in the first five minutes.
Feel free to use them for when you might want to really make sure that stick of dynamite lands where you want it.
May I just add that this impending battle with the undead is really good timing.
Because this episode is going to release somewhere in the holiday season.
And my understanding is in Norse mythology around the winter solstice is when the activity of the undead starts to increase.
For them the winter solstice was more about staying inside because outside there are dangerous things.
And Steve, Bill, we have ventured outside.
Yes, repeatedly. Yeah, and I think CJ even in modern times there's a similar problem at this time of year.
Relatives that we thought may have been long dead actually show up at the door.
So, still a problem.
What's the Norse for bah humbug, I wonder?
If anyone should know, Ian.
The sentiment is a good one. It's certainly the case that these winter nights are all the more chilling in the Norse mythos.
And as you will see from where you're sitting in the Troll's Tongue with the evenings drawing in and the perpetual daylight changing, shifting towards 24 hours of night.
You will probably find even more ghostly times ahead.
Let's open up and zoom in on the scene where we left it.
So the three of you survivors are standing on the Troll's Tum, a large and imposing cliff that stretches out prominently from the surrounding tundra.
Its rough weather-beaten features rise sharply against the sky and they create a sharp contrast to the open expanse around.
You are standing there in a state of shock and awe because you have just seen your new friend and colleague.
Or perhaps you didn't care for him at all, but Grettir Greycloak has just plummeted over the side of the cliff in the cold embrace of another former character,
Hulif the Horse Gelder, who has now become Hulif the Headless.
And that is where we pick up the endless daylight of summer, giving way to these shorter days and lengthening in shadows.
And out of the shadows lurch these gravedrawls.
Also, you heard the sound of Bjarnie Bjarnason returned to life, walking again as a draug.
Somewhere out there, Bjarnie is lurking.
But as far as you're concerned right now, you just have these five grave thralls lurching towards you, arms outstretched.
Some of them have heads and utter guttural cries.
Others are decapitated and as silent as the grave.
All right, guys, what weapons do we have?
I got a Hrithskottabisa.
Oh, yeah.
Storm shooter.
It's a machine gun.
Gigi with a machine gun.
Yeah, dangerous.
Yeah, I was going to say that's going to end well.
In the previous episode, Gigi had arranged for you to take two storm shooters, one of which has presumably gone over the troll's tongue into the Abyss Beyond with Grettir Grey Cloak.
He arranged for you, Bill, to take a hail stick or what we would know as a shotgun.
Presumably we're in combat right now, right?
So if I wanted to enhance my Hrithskottabisa with a spell, it would burn a turn.
Yeah, we'll launch straight into combat and give you the ability to take that fast turn and go first.
Troll's tongue is a long, not very thin precipice, but certainly there are choke points.
There is the ability to retreat further up the cliff, there'll be less room for all of those ghouls and ghasts to surround you.
Oh, so gather them in a smaller area.
A choke point, if you will.
I came up with that myself.
I want everyone to know that.
Do you think it'll catch on?
It might.
You should also be aware that, as I've said before, there is a 700-metre drop to the icy depths below.
Falling off the troll's tongue would prove fatal.
Okay.
Quick confirmation, the undead do not have weapons? Outstretched hands, you said?
One or two of them may have a seax or some kind of rusty blade.
They don't appear to have the ability to wield melee weapons or ranged weapons with any degree of competence.
Okay.
They're effectively feral beasts ripped from the grave.
Then some kind of entangled spirit is animating the mouldering body and driving them with this terrible rage.
Okay, so above the table still, guys, should we be finding a choke point where we can kind of force them to come into a concentrated area and then just blast away?
Yeah.
Are we between them and the edge of the cliff or are they between us and the edge of the cliff?
Good question.
If the apex of my hands is the tip of the tongue where you would have no choice but for them to dive off the edge,
then they are appearing at the base by my thumbs. They have effectively cut you off.
If you were to burst through them, then you would be able to get to the mainland, to the tundra, and flee back in the direction of Hjalpmakaar.
Otherwise, you have to retreat up the troll's tongue.
May I take a quick action and start shooting to cover their retreat to the choke point?
There's at least 20 yards between you and these creatures, so it puts them at medium range.
They all homed in on poor Grettir, so you've got two turns before they were right on top of you, and more were you to retreat to a different vantage point.
I'm going to take a fast turn to try and take one down, explicitly to see if they have any resistances.
If the machine gun doesn't work, then we can run.
I will also take a shot at long range, then, or cast a spell at long range, then.
I'm going to move back towards the choke point, and then I want to cast the biting charms on my shotgun to make it more effective.
Should those two fall in battle, I will remember them.
That's a given, then, Bill. We'll let you do that. You're going to back off, putting perhaps 10 yards between you and your comrades.
CJ, did you want to fire using the automatic fire rules, the burst rules?
Yeah, I'm going to Rambo this.
Atta boy!
Automatic. Also, I have special dice that my friend gave me that are quote unquote Viking dice, so hopefully I roll higher than a three today.
Awesome.
Alright, so you're going full auto.
Yeah, so how many turns does that give me with 20 ammunition?
You have 20 ammo total, so that's going to give you two bursts with that before you have to switch to your shotgun.
Gigi is going to be quite imprudent with this, and he's going to full automatic first round with two.
I can hardly believe it.
He's honor bound, he's stood his ground every time, he just has a roll high.
I was being sarcastic, I apologize.
So the rules for this are a little bit different.
You don't actually have to roll because you're spraying the whole area and these creatures don't have cover because they're standing out in the open.
So why don't you describe to me your stance and what you're doing with this storm shooter.
And then I will tell you how it's affected the creatures.
Ooh, that's a good one.
So can I still use, can I use Orlog on this spray?
Because as a Varangian I can use Orlog on a successful roll.
Yeah, so what's going to happen is creatures in an area, which is pretty much all five of them,
are going to make a slight challenge roll to reduce the damage and they'll take half damage unless they roll a 20 or more.
Oh, but I can try and hit all five with the machine gun and then with Orlog I get 1d6 and because they're haunts I get an additional 1d6.
Let's do this.
Wow.
Let's go.
All right, so Gigi is going to take a, if there are any tennis players out there, wide stance, shoulder length apart, aim it like Rambo.
And he's going to say, more lead bullets please, and fire.
Now Orlog, it's 1d6 extra damage per rank of spell that you expend.
So minimum is 1d6.
So are you expending a rank 0 spell, a rank 1 or a rank 2?
Oh, well it's my first shot.
Let's do 2.
Yeah, baby.
Yeah.
Big out of the gate.
You're going to do 2d6 for the storm shooter in general, 2d6 extra for the spell you just expended, and 1d6 for the fact that they're haunts.
So it's going to be 5d6 that they're going to take at least half of.
OK, so a total of 13 plus one more.
Another three.
16 total.
Your hail of bullets flies into the charging grave thralls and blasts some of them backwards onto the icy ground in a shower of rotten flesh.
Two of them stumble forward still.
They are limping as opposed to looming.
Excellent.
OK, I would like to cast Wounding Wand at one of them, if I may.
They're at medium range, you said, right?
Correct.
OK, so this is medium range.
So a shockwave is directed at them.
I compare my wits against their might.
I'm going to get a, because of Deep Minded, I'm going to get a weal.
Now remember, as a Scratcher, you can also boost that spell.
Yeah, you know what, might as well.
I think Gigi has really set the example here to just go all in from the word go.
And the consequences are a problem for future us.
So that's going to be OK.
So two weals then, if I'm reading this right?
Yep.
OK, that's eight.
And then I take the best one.
So that makes a total of 13.
Then your shockwave strikes home.
That's happy news.
Your Gand spell delivers the shockwave and it knocks one creature right off its feet,
toppling it to the ground.
Do you want to give me the damage?
Yes.
2d6 plus one adds up to eight.
Eight points of damage.
The feet that you just knocked it off remain on the tundra as they separate and sever from
the shins.
It will now only be able to crawl towards you.
Yeah, it's loaded down pretty good.
All right.
Now we do have to do a couple of things though here because these are frightening creatures.
So I've let you give those volleys, those bursts of attack, but I do want you to all
make a will roll.
I'm going to give you one wheel because you have responded with extreme prejudice and
you've already blasted them.
That's not good.
Nine minus three.
Are you using the Viking dice?
Yeah.
Okay.
Total of six.
I have a feeling Gigi is about to run for the hills.
Again as a reminder, you do have the steadfast ability that enables you to revolve.
Oh yes.
May I?
I invoke the steadfast gift.
Oh yes.
Here Odinn.
So your ancestral spirit bolsters your belief when you become frightened you can use a triggered
action to make a will challenge roll.
Let's go with the first roll.
Just kind of a feeling.
The second one's not worth mentioning.
I rolled a natural one.
These are the Viking dice, are they?
Are these the Viking dice?
Yes.
There's no helping you, C.J.
I had a good Rambo moment.
I rolled 16 plus two and then I minus one because of my will is low.
So altogether I got a 17.
So I'm having no problem.
Okay.
Altogether I'm a 10.
Said with confidence, Steve.
Okay.
No, I'm confident it's a 10.
Gigi has got the frightened affliction which means that three woes on any attacks that
you make, the good thing about burst fire is because you're not making a roll that is
rolling for damage it doesn't necessarily affect you but it sounds like you're down
to your last spray.
Let's go to the top of the next round.
The creatures will all take a slow turn and move towards you as best they can desperate
to grab you in their grave like a grasp.
I recommend more violence.
Can I shoot at them from where I am without endangering my fellows or am I too far back
now?
No, I think your field of fire will be clear if needs be.
Well, go ahead.
Go ahead, Gigi.
I was just going to ask, can I take a slow turn and move back beside him and then do
a second round of machine gun burst?
You can.
Good luck.
Good luck, Eir.
I'll take a slow turn.
No, also a slow turn to move back and cast.
Good choice.
I'm dumb but I'm not that dumb.
Okay, so you all three stand shoulders abreast now ready to face the onslaught of the great
heroics.
Very heroic.
Let's go with Gigi first as he backs up stammering and spluttering not steadfast at all but
able to cover his retreat with a blaze of hail.
More god than man.
Yes, absolutely.
It's not them I'm afraid of, it's the awesome power of this gun.
No one suspects a thing.
Full machine gun burst, number two.
Slightly less dice now because you can't use a second level, you can't expend the casting
of a second level spell so it would be four dice.
Because I could still do Orlog with a level one spell.
Correct.
Lovely.
Alright let's do it.
Let's spray him.
Let's see, first roll is seven plus, ooh, twelve, nice.
So nineteen.
Nice.
Okay, you.
You unload your submachine gun rounds into the creatures, the two ones nearest you are
reduced to a shredded heap of tainted carnage.
Nice.
The other three behind them are still walking forwards into your onslaught.
They are hit by the bullets and blood and fragments of bone enrich the chilling arctic
wind.
Oh god, the smell of the gun, not them.
The shambling horde is very much reduced, Steve and Bill, so take your attacks.
Steve, what did you want to cast?
Well I was thinking, a point from last time, they cannot be frightened can they?
They cannot.
Yeah.
I didn't miss anything there.
Whether out of mindlessness or fury, they are immune to the frightened condition.
Or just bloody mindedness.
Wounding wand hits the hardest, so I'm going to try it again because it worked so well
last time.
And yeah, he's slow to adapt, so what the hell.
So we're going to make another wits, we're going to cast Wounding Wand again.
That would be another wits attack roll against their might.
And are you again using your Scratcher ability?
They're still coming aren't they?
Yeah, I think he's getting alarmed about the whole thing already, that they've been sprayed
twice and they haven't gone down yet.
So yes, we will use it again because bad choices are how we move forward.
Now's the time, and use an inspiration should the thing arise.
In fact, maybe Gigi should have used one of our inspirations on that roll.
Anyway.
So it's 16 and then we add the alert, so that makes a total of 20.
Okay, roll your damage.
20, okay so yeah, attack roll 20 plus, target takes an extra die six, so that's 3d6 plus
one.
Come on dice, don't disappoint.
Total of 10.
So with Grim Resolve, you cast your Gand spell and the nearest grave thrall, one with a head,
at least temporarily, for it explodes in a gruesome splatter of gore and mist.
Nice.
Or I mean, that's terrible.
You are now faced with just one of the horde lurching forward.
Clearly one of the bodyguards that's still wearing the livery of Finnbogi Asbjornsen is
the only one that is still advancing.
Before we do that though, Steve, I do need you to make a will roll.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Because such is the path you have chosen that you hear the whispers of the yawning void
and the entities that dwell there.
So roll a will roll with two woes.
Okay, reduce and subtract the largest one, so my total is six.
There's no way for this to go wrong.
So what happens is this, at any round in which you've strained yourself by tinkering with
the tapestry of probability, by willfully warping the environment with your troll scat,
what happens is that reality begins to fracture around you and you've got two power, correct?
I have, that's a great question, I'm glad you asked that question.
Yes, I have two power.
So there is a fracture in reality and unless you're spending an inspiration point to convert
that to a different result, your comrades are both going to take nine down.
What are you going to choose, Steve?
Just this once, just this once, I'm going to choose the inspiration instead.
Next time, though
Okay, so your strain is still building, this is the challenge of being one of the wayward
wise that can snap reality.
You're best to cast your spells a little bit away from your friends, because that way if
you do detonate existence, they won't be caught in the blast radius.
Okay, from the radius in yards equal to your strain total.
Oh, so it's only two yard radius.
You just need to not be right next to them.
I'll just angle off a bit as I back up.
We now go to, Ljomi, the gun-toting alfar and the avenging angel of Yggdrasil is now
about to, are you going to unleash the gun?
I am.
I'm just going to let this last one have it right in the, does this one still have a head?
If so, in the face.
Or body, chest, you know.
Is it a case of, you know, you want to wander up, insert the barrels into the head of the
grizzly moor?
I am tempted, but that sounds more like a Gigi move than a Ljomi move.
I think Ljomi will take a step back and blast with both barrels, hopefully moving the other
two slightly in front.
Okay, give me your damage roll.
So it's 2d6, but no reduction for haunts or whatever, because I cast that spell.
What do you mean, oop?
I made a typo.
Six points of damage.
Six total, you take your hailstick, you pump a blast into the grave thralls chest and the
pellets all rip through its rib cage and fly off into the tundra beyond the creature.
Doesn't so much as a grimace or bat an eyelid, it remains fixed on you, determined to reach
out and drag its putrid claws along your bark.
However you sidestep just in time and it stretches its grasp into the air, missing you entirely.
It's about time somebody else missed, don't you think, fellas?
Next round!
So one remaining adversary standing toe to toe with you, its toes a little bit more rotten.
Alright well I'm going to use the shotgun as a club, which I believe is an option.
I blame CJ.
I rolled a one.
Let's get him out now.
I'm curious how you blame that on CJ.
Just unfairly.
I unfairly blame it on CJ.
Oh okay, fair enough.
It's straightforward.
No, that's fair.
Hey, at least we're getting them out now.
Yes, don't want to waste them on combat.
I'm wondering if I should use an inspiration on that, but I'm going to open it up to the
group to see what we think.
Should I use an inspiration to re-roll?
Well we have one creature left.
And it's already wounded.
You have no bullets left.
That's fine, I've got a sword.
I have spells.
Oh okay, okay.
I can also, I can heal you with analgesics.
Well I have a lot of healing spells.
No one has as yet been wounded and this grave thrall that stands in front of you is sluggish
but forceful.
Alright, let's save it then, I think is what we're leaning towards.
What's aiming to swing is decaying arm at you again, perhaps with a rot infected claw
at your face.
But if you're taking fast turns, you may well dispense with it before such time as it lands
below.
Dispense with it.
I'm going to take a slow.
What about you, GG?
You're taking a slow?
I'm going to take a...
Yeah, because I'm going to back, I'm going to get 13 plus feet away from you.
Oh, I see.
Remember that?
Grotgarth is going to draw his sword and hack at the thing.
In the legs to try and take it down.
Drop it, drop it down.
Okay, make your might attack roll.
Now I have a, I have a woe, correct?
You do actually have three because this frightening creature in front of you, it's teeth gnashing
as it tries to take a bite out of the enemy's branches.
The barrow fiend causes you to recoil in horror.
All right, here we go.
Not too bad.
What does that mean in the context of the night's woes?
I like it.
Oh, it's a 15.
And then my highest woe is five.
So 10, does a 10 hit?
Does a 10 hit?
It does not.
Poop.
You strike wide and growling with unadulterated hunger.
That last grave thrall prepares to lunge with its decaying fist.
Apparently it's a vegetarian.
It's probably screaming grains, grains.
Oh, wow.
Fortunately for you, that decaying fist again passes wide.
So Steve, your slow turn, you may resolve that.
Yeah.
Error will back up away from, away from the undead and from the rest of, and from his
companions so as to not blow them up.
And then, you know, cause he's a humanitarian that way.
And I want to make sure we drop this thing.
So we will use, yes, it's gandfly that gets, let's be, yeah, let's be automatically hit.
I don't have to worry about any rolling or anything like that.
One dissects damage and it must make a might, if it's a creature, make a might challenge
roll or become fatigued.
I'm not sure how much fatigue applies to the dead.
Okay.
So roll your damage.
Oh, that's spectacular.
That would be a one.
Jesus Christ.
Boink.
I blame CJ.
Again?
Now you could use your inspiration point again to turn that one into a six.
Could.
Do it.
Yeah, do it.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Okay.
And I will, I will, I will defer to the will of the collective and Eir will somehow find
inspiration to guide the, to guide that destructive pulse rate into the face or facial area of
the, of the recently departed.
Yeah.
The spell was the divine madness comes upon you and the spell hits with a bone crushing
thud and the skull of the grave thrall crumples into blood and gore and falls in pieces to
the tundra below.
All five of those thralls are now dispensed with leaving you alone on the trolls tongue
somewhere.
Bjarnie Bjarnardsson still resides.
He was not amongst those bodies.
Do I have to, do I have to deal with the strain now?
No, because you didn't incur an extra strain in that.
Okay.
So you didn't have to add a wheel.
So it's only on a round where you incur additional strain.
Okay.
So the strain that has already been incurred remains.
It doesn't disappear.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now this is, this is a, this is a slowly building problem.
That's great.
I'm looking forward to it.
You are a ticking time bomb.
In so many ways.
So standing alone on the windswept trolls tongue behind you, the path back to Hjalpmakaar,
there's nothing that would reveal immediately where Bjarnie Bjarnardson is hiding.
Treesight certainly reveals no hidden or illusory characters.
Gryotgarth is going to investigate the fallen haunts.
And if they still have legs attached to anything that resembles a body, he's going to cut them
off with his sword to make sure that they can't start walking again and follow.
Wonderful.
Good thinking.
Will you perform a little, a little bit of a cliffside dismemberment?
A little, yes.
An eloquent way of putting it.
A little, little hack and slash and yes, reduce everything to bloody chunks.
Just so that they can't get back up again.
Very wise.
And while doing that, also looking around for the tracks where these haunts came from.
See if there are any tracks to be followed.
So the haunts all came from, all wandered, all shambled and shuffled from the direction
of Hjalpmakaar.
Anyone that was killed in the course of the proceeding adventure obviously then arose
and followed you to the cliff top Val Toki and the law speaker, Krapti Thordfridson, and it
both asked you to dispose of the bodies.
You didn't, you left them lying around and they all got up and just followed you to the
edge of the world.
I believe we just disposed of them.
Yes, yes.
We were getting to it.
It was just, there was just a time delay.
We were going to, we were going to deal with them eventually and in actual fact you did
save yourself some of the kind of legwork and brow sweat because you just let them perambulate
you.
So the fact that it was a delay was actually a brilliant plan.
Now I will remind you of the riddle that was daubed in the wall in cows Blood that
said, I hold to a secret land ward, the rudder of speech, the oar of words, the guardian
of the corpse fjord, there the icy stream under dark hills goes downwards.
That was the clue that was left in the barrow and you had determined that there might be
some kind of hidden cave underneath the Trolls Tongue
Of course, getting down to that cave is a different matter entirely since there is a
truly terrifying drop of 700 meters and the last person that attempted it, Grettir Greycloak,
oh let's just say that there's not much margin for error.
The first 699 meters are actually pretty straightforward.
Yes, it's just the ending that's a bit tricky.
Do you have featherfall among your spells Steve?
Just blue-skying here a little bit.
No.
That's a very relevant question.
Ironically in Old Norse there would be something like Fjaldahamr, which would be feather form,
feather shape.
The Norse gods like Freya had a falcon cloak that would often go flying.
That's what I meant.
What did I say?
I meant to say that's exactly what I meant.
That's exactly what I meant.
CJ does have things in his repertoire that are of value here.
He could probably climb down one-handed while singing his own praises, I imagine.
Yeah, he would.
I mean, he's a rope-pulling expert.
That's got to count for something.
If only we had rope.
If only you ever came out prepared.
Well you know, Ian, you say that but it's really not our style and I think it's added
a lot to the adventure over time.
That need to just improvise in every sense.
At least now you have flares.
Eight episodes in, you have flares.
And in fact, I'm carrying them in private life now as well since you sent that news
story about the bear attack in Ontario.
Sorry CJ, you were trying to do something useful.
Go ahead.
You were trying.
What's in a bailout bag?
A parachute, ideally.
Yeah, sounds like it.
Stuff in a bailout bag is all of the things that are necessary for you to survive in one
handy kit form.
So it includes a pack, sleeping bag, mat, multi-tool, lighter, tinder, headlamp, lantern,
tarp, a week of ready-to-be-machined 20 yards, 20 yards of cordage, and a water tank.
Oh 20, yeah we've got ropes.
Please no ropes.
Do you all have a bailout bag with 20 yards of cordage?
If we tie three 20-yard ropes together we get 700 meters.
That's correct.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
The math works.
And of course we have a bailout bag because we're not idiots despite recent evidence.
You don't have one do you?
No I have a bailout bag.
Are there any tracks leading to the side from where we're standing along the edge of this
cliff in any direction at all?
He's smart.
He is.
Good thing he's here.
And no they were not.
Well nothing more we can do.
Back to town.
I could use a drink.
I could use a latte.
If you recall two things.
There was a lot of confusion around flying bears and thrown rocks and all kinds of other
things that were potentially the cause of Finnbogi's death but there were no tracks
of him either.
Now CJ you've dabbled with rune or runecraft and you should have spells that can alter
reality itself by carving the runes.
And you've got Limbrunar?
No?
No that is not one of the ones they have picked out.
No check again.
I think you'll find it's there.
I'm fairly sure from the New Level 3 character you did.
I'm editing it.
I mean I'm checking it now.
Yeah it's right here in pencil.
I think it's called Branch runes.
Branch runes yeah.
For the duration it can move.
Oh I can move across walls, ceilings, overhangs and I don't even need to make a challenge
roll to climb.
Yeah so CJ Branch Runes is a spell that you have and would enable you to cut those magic markings
onto a rope or some such.
It would give you the ability to scale down at least a portion of the choice done while
that spell was in effect.
How tall is this thing?
Isn't it 600, 700 feet tall?
Metres yes.
700 meters.
Oh yeah that's worse.
It is quite a bit.
Almost three times worse.
But the duration is one hour.
So I mean but I would be climbing down the...
Well what do I do with my companions?
You carry us clearly.
You string us on ropes when over each shoulder.
You're more god than man.
Good god god man.
Yeah we've seen that work in my favor a few times.
Okay so I could use branch runes and tie these ropes so that I can bring everybody down.
And if you drop the robot no one's upset.
And then climb down but the key here is can I make, can I do 800 meters in an hour?
Probably.
I mean if it runs out we'll just go faster.
I'm gonna make your dilemma a little lighter in that if you were to do as I said and cut
the branch runes into rope or your climbing equipment then it's actually you don't have
to go all the way to the ground because about 50 meters down there is a series of hidden
ledges hidden from the vantage point of it but being on the troll's tongue proper the
hidden ledges are used by nesting seabirds and they reveal the entrance to an ice cave
where the constant summer sun has warmed the ice and the melt water has created a channel
that goes down all the way to the bottom of the glacier and so while it is this is kind
of elemental confluence of ice water and rock but this cave as you see it from your
vantage point on these hidden ledges is the epitome of polar beauty.
It is stark and glistening and also incredibly dark within.
Like me.
Magnificent.
Did you say 50 meters?
50 meters yep.
So our three things of cordage could have gotten us there.
But you did it with style.
You did it with runes.
Now you're thinking with runes.
Alright so cut the runes into the ropes.
Got us down.
Okay we're in 50 meters.
Gigi looks around and says who has the flares?
I guess I do.
I kept insisting on them.
I certainly do.
Here they are.
You kept telling us.
Great handfuls of them.
Do not some of us see in the dark as well or am I misconstrued that?
Not Gigi.
No, Eir has, well it's infrared.
It's not quite the same thing.
Exactly.
So without man, well not in this instance because without man made light the darkness
is so complete your infrared vision can't detect any temperature variation.
Once we light the flare you better cover your eyes.
Lighting a flare in front of your face would effectively dazzle you.
So yes you are going to need to shine a headlight, a headlamp.
You do have those in your bailout bags as well.
So all of this time you've had all of these things in the bottom of a rucksack and now
they're coming in.
Well no we all thought they were parachutes.
That's all that's happened there.
Even then you still have the trolls.
Yeah that's true.
Okay, okay, my cover story is falling apart.
So if you do shine your headlamps or light these flares the darkness gives way to this
main passage which reveals a glittering cathedral of snow and ice.
No footprints.
Still no footprints but here it would be hard to leave a trace.
The ice cave has been etched into the side of this glacier and you can hear the haunting
sound of trickling water that echoes as it drips from the icicles that hang overhead.
The floor itself is a very slippery plane of hardened ice and there are dotted here
and there with air pockets that are caught in time.
The cave might offer a haven away from the winds outside but it is cold and unforgiving
and the floor is incredibly slippery.
We should investigate further.
Let's go.
From the back of the cave out of sight somewhere amidst the glistening ice you hear a voice
call out.
Call me Bjarnie.
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
See Bjarnie just took what was rightfully his.
The deed to the whole shebang.
I believe he mentioned the deed.
He did.
That we've been looking for.
How convenient.
I think he's narrowed down the search.
Should we ask him for it?
We could start with that.
Yes let's ask him for it.
I'll start.
Bjarni!
Hello!
Show yourself!
Come say hello!
Foul spoken coward!
You thunder with your tongue but with your weapon nothing dare perform.
I'm reloading my shotgun.
Ljomi, Ljomi darling, lighten my life I'm not gonna hurt you.
Not for you, old friend.
You didn't let me finish my sentence.
I said I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm just gonna bash your branches in.
I snap the shotgun closed.
I have to be able to see him to use cause, mocking, taunts.
Yeah and it would affect him in combat.
But feel free to yell out abuse.
There is a gulf between you.
A gulf of icy cathedral floor between you and wherever he is lurking presumably holding
the deed that you believe he may have.
Bjarnie why are you hiding from us?
I can't see you come closer.
I had a most terrible nightmare.
I dreamed that I killed you but I didn't just kill you.
I cut you up into tiny little pieces.
I believe we've gotten off on the wrong foot.
Bjarnie you and I have not formally met.
I'm Gryotgath the Magnificent.
My friends call me Gigi for short.
Come in further and I'll tickle your catastrophe.
I'm gonna cast sharp runes on my sword.
No heat sources right?
No heat sources.
Everything within the ice cave is the same temperature.
Air, bodies, ice.
Gryotgath is gonna start walking toward the voice.
I'm casting weapon song on my shotgun.
You're less casting weapon song and you're more bursting into the alfar song.
You're banging your winnowing drum and you're very much announcing your arrival in melodic
tones.
Indeed, indeed.
Exactly that.
That is what I meant to say.
Eir is casting helm of concealment to become...
That would enable you to become hidden.
Yes it would.
Yes.
I don't want to complicate things.
I am gonna ask all of you to make a sleight roll.
Sleight roll with...
No that's...
1d20.
Okay.
Slight roll of 13.
Same here.
13.
Also 13.
Wow.
We are totally in lockstep.
Lucky 13.
You threaten to slip and slide and fall flat on your face but you manage to steady yourselves,
perhaps leaning up against each other with those rolls and you do realize that were you
to move with any speed here, then you might come a cropper.
So if you move faster than half speed during your turn, I'm gonna ask you to make a sleight
roll, unless within your pack of many things you have crampons or any kind of...
Are the feet of the droid body have treads or cleats of some sort?
Your antiquated hunk of junk.
Excuse me.
Is as susceptible to falling over as anyone else.
Don't hold back in your description.
No need to be rude.
Wow.
I guess we advance carefully.
I mean I don't know what else we can do.
We have to go find this...
Shit head.
Yeah.
Okay.
This cave is also filled with an evil reek.
A foul stench of decay that wafts out from the broken body of the draugr beyond.
Can you all make a might roll for me please?
Is this to hold back the vomit?
In this case Steve, I am going to accept you though because your nasal sensors are immune
to this kind of thing.
Also...
Bill's rolling his eyes and holding his hands.
Also I don't have to breathe.
I rolled a 30 I think.
No a 3.
Turned out it was a 3.
Yeah.
Not a 30.
Oh, that's my point.
Oh my god.
Unfortunately, you suffer from breathing in the stink of the bloated and hideous creature.
The vile stench means that you are impaired for the next round.
That's an extra whoa.
You know I feel like I wrote the rule book just for you to make that.
Yeah, absolutely.
Hopefully I've been keeping it down to once a week.
But I probably haven't.
Because this creature is horrifying, I will need you all to make a will roll please.
Not a problem.
You've been rolling really well.
Use the Viking dice CJ.
Yeah, I got a 19 plus what's my will?
1.
Can I give a guest council because of deviancy?
This seems like a pretty abnormal messed up thing going on.
It's worth a try.
But not connected with magic or ritual.
That's when I've ruled that you can use that.
Well, it's worth a try.
This is simply a creature that craves its former life so much that it's clawed its way
back to terrorize the living.
I think Eir would actually empathize with this.
You could be buds.
Sure.
He's going, oh no, I understand this guy.
Feel free to bond in heartfelt embrace.
I rolled a 13 and then I add 3 for my will so 16.
Resolute trio.
Brave and brave.
Facing down the draugr, the bloated and hideous creature described in Norse legend as Hellblar
or Hellblue.
How would you like to proceed?
You have overcome the general hideousness of its necrotic dead flesh and reek of decay.
You are now face to face with this second abomination.
Oh, so we see it.
What range is it at?
It is within the penumbra of your headlamps.
I think you should try and talk to it, Eir.
So medium, medium well.
Thank you.
Medium well.
I'm going to taunt it.
Mocking taunts.
What is your mockery?
You smell like my grandmother's cat's fart.
And slightly of elderberries.
It's almost as if Snorri Snurlson came up with that one himself.
Well is it effective?
Were he to attack, he would be forced to do so with one word.
Steve I think you should talk to it.
I think that you're... or are you hiding?
You're totally hiding.
Okay never mind.
Do we have the flare?
Do we have a flare?
Yes.
These abominations don't particularly enjoy fire.
You should light it.
Perhaps not me, being that I am made of wood.
I will pass you the flare.
I will light it.
Give me the flare.
I would like the GM to acknowledge that my character is learning.
Staying away from the fire.
Bjarnie says to you as you insult him and taunt him, he says, you minion are far too saucy.
The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes.
Wow he's out taunting you.
How dare you!
Light...
Gigi's gonna light the flare.
We're doing something next now.
Yeah I know it's good.
It was a good one.
It was A.P. Audio.
And so you're lighting the flare and tossing the flare?
Nope just pointing it at him.
See if he's affected by the light, the fire.
He doesn't appear to be and he just says, your kiss is as comfortless as frozen water
to a starved snake.
Your face is not worth sun burning.
Don't take that.
Come back at him CJ.
Yeah come on.
You got this.
He's really good.
Try to think of any insult that I can...
Ljomi says to the creature, may we see the deed, the famous deed that proves your rights
to the land?
You may.
Up close and deep.
Up close and personal.
He then his body dissipates into a roiling cloud of smoke that flies towards you like
a gale force that then resumes its normal form right next to you and glares at you fearfully
as it swipes one of its long necrotic claws in your direction and your defense is?
My defense is...
Insanity.
So my defense is 12.
His talons rake down your side and you suffer nine damage.
You realize that this grave walk ability, this ability to transform into a gaseous cloud
is how you saw the creature depart from the rooftop and presumably how it slew Finnbogi
without leaving the place.
May I taunt him again?
Seems the least you could do.
Taunt at will.
You call that a swing?
My grandmother churns butter harder than that.
What would you like to do in the face of the onslaught of this creature from beyond the
grave?
Well I guess I'm going to unload the shotgun on him.
He seems to have suggested this is, you know, we're not going to have a discussion about
real estate law.
No?
By all means, off you go, roll your sleight roll.
Oh that's better.
I rolled a 12 and then I add two.
So 14 together.
The creature is as bloated as an ox and so it's just all target.
It's almost impossible to miss.
Okay.
So I'm firing both barrels, I guess I'm doing 2d6 and then I add 1d6 because I sang the
song of extra damage.
The weapon song.
Yep, okay, roll your damage.
See, I'm also one who can refer to the rules you guys.
I can come up with things that are a little clever.
Nice.
12 points in total.
Nice.
Despite the fearsome report of your shotgun, your hell stick, the draugr, he appears unfazed,
the discharge causing no more damage than the faint hiss of cold vapor.
Gigi's going to take a gamble with how bloated this thing is and cast fart runes upon it
to release the gas.
Oh no.
With a lit flare.
It's the Hail Mary.
Again, the Eddas, the sagas are full of these kinds of stories of using the fretrunir
and the fart runes, carving them to bring down the swollen forms of your foe.
So make a will attack roll.
Wits attack roll.
This is the one, Gigi.
So you're going to add your wits modifier to a roll.
That 20, doesn't matter.
Yeah, buddy.
Do you know, this is actually quite interesting.
Because rolling a natural 20, not only does your target become uncontrollably flatulent
for the next minute, during which time it is impaired and you make attack rolls against
it with one will.
It's also dazed for the next round.
I made him fart so hard he can't do that.
So your carving of the secret fart runes has proved very telling.
Bjarne Bjarnason is beside himself with wind, flatulent and impotent rage.
For the next round, he can do nothing, so you have a free round in effect.
Steve, you can have, you didn't have an action, you can do two things sequentially.
You can have this free round to wail upon the bloated, farting, fetid form.
It was already noxious and noisome to begin with.
I've used all of the N words.
That was pretty good though.
And, but now it is standing in between you all, just exuding stench and vitriol.
Eir will back off and chuck a big lead shot at it, a gandball, which is wits versus might
Okay.
That's okay.
That adds up to, am I reading that right?
I think so.
That looks like 27.
Yeah, because you rolled 17 plus four and then a six.
And then six more.
Yes.
So the damage, a glorious three points of damage that he won't soon forget.
It sounded so promising.
It starts off really strong, like so many things, start off really strong and then just
kind of fizzle.
Your spell hits home, leaving a gruesome splatter of necrotic flesh on the floor as the draugr
spins round to face you.
That was the end of your turn.
He's still paralyzed or dazed for the next turn.
One of the things that you could do is ask your companions to back off and then unleash
your fractured fate whilst next to the creature, because that would do him damage.
I can voluntarily release it?
No, but if you failed the roll, having supercharged yourself.
Because if you spend a strain this time around, it will be three woes.
Oh, right.
Okay.
So if I could run next to him, everyone else backs off, Eir runs in close to him, uses
strain to boost a spell, sort of in the hopes of failing.
Is that an accurate statement?
Yeah, so then you go boom.
I do go boom.
And as long as on the next round you get the hell out of there or you self-fortify, it
is a tactic that you can potentially use.
I like the sounds of that.
Okay.
If that works for everyone else, let's try that.
Bjarnie Bjardarsson is dazed, is venting gases.
You can all effectively take a free turn.
How far is Gigi from him?
Are you not next to him right now?
Could you strike and then move away?
You are within striking distance with your sword.
Well, I'm not going to use my sword.
So describe to me this thing.
Because in the town it was, wasn't it big and wasn't it big and kind of nebulous and
round, right?
Or does he still have the shape of a person or is he kind of like monstrous?
Okay, so he has two forms.
So it's to be clear, he has two forms.
He has, he's generally this hulking zombie-like monstrosity.
He is a bloated ox.
He has the ability to grave walk and turn into a kind of shimmering mist where he can
zoom forward and then reassemble his body.
And so that's what you've seen.
You've seen him both in mist form and in humanoid form.
So he's in humanoid form.
Now he is dressed, right?
In his trapper fur, that's correct.
Okay.
They are strewn with ice crystals and icicles hang from him.
He's blended into the ice cave.
He has no body temperature.
Yeah, I still think it's going to be a hard play to pull Trou and stuff.
You're looking for an opening is what you're telling us.
I'm looking for an opening.
So I'm going to have to go down the front.
So I'm going to, so Gigi is going to flip the flare around and reach out and grab him
by the jaw and kind of press in the jaw, you know, where in the hinge and then shove the
flare down his throat like, night, just like it's a grenade.
And then he's going to step back and go, I was going to have a really good line for that,
but really he's just going to look at me like, just, I'm proud of this.
His whole esophagus begins to glow with an eerie spectral light as the flare catches
light in his throat and begins to spark.
His whole face erupts in flame.
Unable to move or defend himself because of the fart runes, the maneuver has been especially
effective.
He's beginning to smolder and his ice blue face begins to blacken.
I was hoping it would light the methane.
Still a fabulous effect.
Next round, let's see what happens.
So Bill, you've got a round.
CJ, CJ's backed off.
Yes, I'm stepping as back as I can back away because now we're setting off a cloud of methane
creature.
So, yeah, I don't want to be anywhere near that before Steve self explodes.
Yay.
But you do, you can fire off some more buck shots.
Yeah, okay, sure.
I'll take another shot.
Let's do it.
My pleasure.
That is a slight roll, correct, for the shot.
So 15 plus 2, so 17, a palpable hit.
And your damage?
Coming up.
You pepper the draugr with lead shot.
It's brutal.
44.
It's just 4.
4.
Just 4.
Yeah.
Well, instead of peppering maybe, here's a dash.
A dash of salt.
A bay toss of salt.
And Steve, what would Eir like to do to complement this feast of attackers?
I think this calls for some bad decision making.
So he will roll forward until he's close, like, I mean, not within claw range ideally,
but within, certainly within 10 feet, somewhere 10 to 5 feet away from the horrible monstrosity,
you know, one monstrosity to another.
And then he's going to summon everything he can to throw another gandball in the hopes
of overstraining himself.
Wow, there's a theme here.
Now in the hopes of overstraining himself and causing something interesting to happen.
You are actively attempting to fracture reality.
So roll your, so what spell is it that you're casting?
We'll give him another gandball in the face.
Another nice lumpy lead shot.
So that's a wits it's going to be with two weal, if I'm reading this right.
One for deep minded and the other one for straining himself.
Oh, it might be just as well.
No kidding, huh?
Okay, so that adds up to nine.
Rolls up to, that's your roll to hit.
Yeah, that's the roll to hit.
Yeah.
Still enough because the bloated monstrosity really does just take up all of your half
of the cave itself.
And so your shot flies true, roll for your damage and then make your will roll.
Damage three more damage.
Totally a trend here.
Damage and then the strain roll.
So that's a will.
So that's a will now with three woes.
Yeah.
That would be six.
Then your slightly maverick plan has paid off.
Reality begins to fracture within your reach and the creature takes another ten damage
as it straddles the line between this universe and whatever part of the yawning void you
tap into.
All right.
Broke reality.
What a great round.
You are standing perilously close to it though for the next round.
Do you want to take fast turns or slow turns?
I would like to take a fast turn and fortify.
Very good.
Then you will take half damage as you reassemble your molecular basis in order to defend yourself
against or resist or reduce damage from any incoming blows.
CJ, the farting belching burning monstrosity is now looming above your dokkalfar friend.
Gigi is going to draw his hand pistol and he's going to take a shot in the midsection
in the hopes of puncturing whatever organ is between the flare fire and the gases so
that he can ignite the thing.
You can do something called a called shot.
So if you're aiming for a specific point, a called shot requires that you make your
shot with two woes but on a success the attack has an additional effect as determined by
the GM.
No way that could go wrong.
No, no way at all.
All right so with my woes I rolled a two.
Well it's twice as good as a one sir.
I mean you squint, you focus, you level your pistol aiming for the immense belly hoping
to rupture it and instead at the last minute the shot flies wide and hits an icicle that
begins to rent itself from the ceiling.
What will Ljomi do?
It's all up to you.
I'm going to have another shot.
Have you reloaded this shotgun recently?
Well not after the last two shots.
Say yes.
Yeah I mean yes.
No I had two shots in a row so perhaps not.
I'll be reloading them.
Your round is going snap.
Very aggressive snap.
All right well we now have to see what Bjarnie has to say about things.
Steve you take half damage from this because you are fortified so that will be six damage
as Bjarnie slams you with his shoulder aiming to toss you to the ground and jump on top
of you.
Knocked down.
So we can go to the next round now.
Does Gigi have any more flare tricks ready?
Biani does say as he shoulder barges you to one side he says I'll huff and I'll puff and
I'll bash your brains in.
Could you do that again but more muffled since you have a flare in your mouth?
Kind of right down his throat if I understand.
Wow nice.
The flare is still fizzing.
There is the opportunity for more mayhem if you just get your shot right.
Grjotgarth is going to take another cold shot before.
He's going to mock again and this time he's going to get very personal because he is so
well dressed.
He's going to say are those the clothes you died in?
Where did your mother shop for those Costco?
At least the living know how to dress.
Costco obviously being a franchise that has got all the way to Hjálpmakaar.
It's the Norse references, the cultural references that I really appreciate in CJ's
performance.
I'm sure he's got a Platinum membership card.
So roll 20 with two woes.
Man this is just not getting better for me.
Oh that was okay.
That was not okay.
Okay with my will a one.
I'm going to remind you of the wonderful world of Óðr the inspiration.
This is the moment with my shot.
So with the d20 what does that do?
I just reroll?
Nope.
Turns a failure into a success.
Oh okay well then let's do that.
Is everybody in agreement that your shot should have a success?
100%.
Absolutely.
Well then inspiration point and shooting right for the separation between the flare and the
gases to ignite this bulbous ball of.
Bobosity.
Of course you'd have to have an inspiration point for that to work.
Do we not have one?
No of course you do.
Wow.
You cock your pistol fire into the belly of the brute and this time it clearly hits some
kind of organ that's expelling ruptured gases and the thing goes up like fire.
It begins to belch fire like a dragon and flail its arms in panic.
It's burning from the inside like an internal combustion engine
Wow.
Aren't we lucky that I passed anatomy class?
Steve, Bill what did you want to do?
I'm gonna shoot because I did reload as we all heard as the recording will show.
And here we go.
Oh that's better.
16 plus 2 so an 18.
And then we got a total of 11 that's a little bit more like it.
Put the shotgun to the side of the creature's head and blast away most of its grinning skull.
Excellent.
Is it dead?
As a life giver and a healer.
Well sometimes one has to cut in order to save.
Take it away.
Yes, Eir will back up so he's not in the range of infinite peril next to the Hindenburg here
and then he will lob his last gandball at it.
Well, you say that Steve but I think we need to just check one thing.
We need to check one thing because when you do trigger your fracture your strain total
drops to zero.
Oh yeah and I gain a trauma.
But you gain one trauma.
Now what happens Steve when you gain a trauma?
Well I go to therapy usually.
But you're also because of the trials and tribulations in the past few episodes aren't
you narcoleptic?
Narcoleptic.
Strange you should mention that.
I'm fairly sure you go to sleep.
You're absolutely right.
That's glorious.
That's eight minutes.
So you've effectively broken reality and then just had a little nap.
Yes.
He tears reality apart bit by bit and then it then reassembles himself sort of and as
the pieces come together he goes to roll away and the lights flicker and he just sort of
I don't know maybe he just says oh balls and powers down for a while.
Nighty night.
And Gigi's response is unusual behavior.
Laughing at inappropriate moments.
So you just also hear at the same time he falls asleep and you hear Gigi go.
We're so fucked.
We're all horribly damaged.
This is wonderful.
Oh my word.
Oh that's great.
This time the hideous beast lurches towards you Gigi ignoring everyone else as the person
who has insulted him most and displaying this terrifying strength.
The again walker advances aiming a bone crushing kick designed to send you sprawling on your
back and that is twelve damage.
Walk it off.
We should come up with a way of dealing with this guy.
The creature exhibits supernatural speed and prepares again to charge with horrifying intent
its grimy claws swiping for your throat.
Let's go to the top of the next round.
Well I feel like I should be healed by someone.
I mean one of you is asleep one of you is dying.
I think I have a shot left but I could also heal.
Alright well I'll do a cure on Gigi then.
Cure runes heals damage for you up to half of your healing rate.
It's really a bit like him giving you a kiss on the knee and saying you've got a boo boo
isn't it.
I will also say to you Bill that narcolepsy doesn't mean that he's fully asleep for eight
rounds if he is awoken.
So if you are able to amuse me with your description of how you awaken your narcoleptic dokkalfar
friend then he will turn to the friend.
I banged violently on the case with the butt of the shotgun just bang bang bang bang bang
bang bang.
Just hammering on him as if he's like the shutters.
He's a stupid machine I don't really speak to him.
There you spark back into life perhaps with a robotic snore of a laugh.
CJ the creature is right on top of you affording you a point blank shot.
Sword time.
Gigi draws his sword he's honor bound and feeling like this fight is starting to get
interesting and he says back you foul flatulent beast even a troll wouldn't stand downwind
from you and he's going to stab the sword as close down whatever throat is left since
Eir blasted the top side of the head off right.
Yep and you've got sharp runes on this right.
I've got sharp runes on it and also I have oar log and I can do it at level one still
right I still have level one slots.
So stabby stabby.
Like a bull fighter right down the top.
Now let's see what happens.
Wooo.
So sixteen and six twenty two.
That means that you've rolled higher than twenty on your attack roll with the sharp
runes so you're going to roll two die six damage another two.
I think your total is going to be five die sixteen.
Alright so fifteen plus four nineteen.
Nineteen damage is an impressive amount.
It reflects the wisdom of the runes.
All of your powers have been brought to bear and the sword slides into its gullet severing
the head that slumps to the floor and rolls away on the icy surface.
The rest of the body slumps and lies heavily on top of you dripping ichor and fumes all
over your fancy silk clothes.
Now is it dead?
It does appear to be but if you wanted to continue the torching and set fire to it and
make sure there's absolutely nothing left the twitching remnants can be easily disposed
of.
First loot the body then set it on fire.
Order of operations is critical.
Wise words.
Yes find the deed.
And his and his wallet.
Tucked into the trapper furs kept close to his body at all times is a vellum scroll that
allegedly transfers the whole archipelago of Heimslit from the local tribes to Bjarnie
and his descendants.
The reason why this scroll has survived its icy interment and perhaps its nautical adventures
in the Helsund when you tossed Bjarnie over the edge is vellum is water resistant and
so has survived the travail.
There's also at the back of the cave two things that catch your eye glistening in the light
of your headlamps.
The first is an ornate sword and the second is a purse containing 50 crowns.
You actually recognize the sword.
I was going to ask that.
Is it in fact bear paw?
Look at you with the recall.
It is bear paw the sword that sliced poor Legsko in half.
Should we take it?
Asking for a friend.
We take everything.
Then you may decide amongst yourselves who is best to wield the ancient Viking sword
and also pack the land deed somewhere safe and pocket the 50 crowns before we conclude
proceedings because that was a relatively successful.
No one died and we killed things intentionally.
We hit things intentionally.
We bordered on competence.
Can you kill something that's dead?
Yes.
Yeah, we just did.
Have you not been paying attention?
It's already dead.
We just more dead than it.
We re-killed it.
It's now double dead.
Wait, what was the Norse word?
It's the the the the Againwalkers.
Aptr genger.
Aptr genger?
It's a again walkers, right?
So, we're the we're apte deaders
They're never again walkers?
Is the dad joke signifier?
Yeah.
and the podcast screeches to a grinding halt.
What I would say is think about the ramifications in the repercussions of the dead rising from
the grave.
think about the implications of having this land deed and decide, as the kind of epilogue
to that epic combat, how you might like to proceed back at the town of Hjalpmakaar
I think at this point the people of the town are at least passingly aware of the perils going around after the killing spree.
Sure, they don't necessarily know that it was Bjarnie Bjarnason.
Right, we can apportion blame as a critical part of any project.
We should go back to the law speaker because he actually assigned us this job to go figure out who killed Finnbogi
So we go back to him, we tell him what's happened.
I think Gigi takes the sword, he's honestly the most competent fighter.
Absolutely.
And you hide the land deed in one of your slots.
Oh yes, I have slots, don't I?
I will insert it about my person.
Yes, indeed.
But I don't know whether we take the deed back to Daniel or we take it to the law speaker
and if any one of our party might have a claim on the land somehow.
I'm trying to think how to translate possessing this deed into a claim on something.
So the deed says that it belongs to Bjarnie's descendants.
It's not like a whoever holds it owns it sort of thing.
Correct. Inheritance law applies to add to mining law and property law.
So it transfers ownership away from, you said, the native people, the local residents?
The original inhabitants of the archipelago several hundred years ago.
Do we know who they are?
I wonder if they would be happy if the deed were to be torn up.
Because otherwise we tell them here's the deed and they go, great, we'll give it to Daniel.
And then that's the end of that.
The law speaker is going to have to basically certify it to say this is real, it's legitimate.
And then from there that's when the big decisions can be made.
Gigi is also covered in icky.
And so he's going to say, before that, could we go back to the hotel and take a bath and with some of this money new clothes?
Right, new clothes.
And possibly a dry cleaner.
Oh, I could just do with new clothes.
I'm sorry, foolish of me.
They went out of fashion a week ago.
We will allow you to perform such ablutions and perfumery as you desire.
And then we will shimmer dissolve to the law speaker's dining room where you enjoyed a lovely lunch of lutefisk.
If you present the deed to him, the law speaker is incredibly excited.
And he says, well, I will need a few days to study the deed.
But you can tell by the calligraphy and this black wax seal.
It seems very, very authentic.
But before I can proclaim that it is genuine, we need to understand the implications, the ramifications, because you do know what this means.
It means that the Bjarnie's heirs have legitimate claim to the whole of the world's edge, a claim worth untold millions in mineral rights.
Talk about Draupnir's Dew.
If I were you, I would find the surviving family and perhaps claim a finder's fee.
Who did you say it was? Daniel the Jötunn?
Yes.
That's correct.
Well, of course, the challenge of Jötunn inheriting sacred land is legion.
You can imagine the uproar within the empire for Jötunn to claim imperial soil.
Fortunately, his DNA is very likely heavily corrupted and will not pass muster.
It is very unlikely to be able to legitimize his inheritance.
There may well still be imperial records in Kongstein, though.
Of course, the problem is that's Dokkalfar territory now.
Maybe less of a problem if your former colleague had survived.
Gigi is thinking, and this is the backstory of the Jöfurr, they do not like the Jötunn.
So he's thinking he's not enjoying the prospect of Daniel, who was not a particularly good host, having access to this deed that carries so much weight with it.
He definitely doesn't think Daniel is competent enough to do anything worthwhile with it.
So this is what he's thinking, and then he'll say, well, take your time, and we will do some research of our own.
Eir has some knowledge of laws and customs. Does a deed like this that gives title to the land, does that include what's below the land, the mineral rights and what have you, the caves and the caverns and all that down below the land to the depth of whatever?
Yes.
And what?
In imperial law, that would be the case. The nature of this deed is to give all of the land and all of the riches that it contains to the legitimate heir.
So if there is a Dokkalfar colony or settlement or something like that pre-existing below the surface, they suddenly wake up to find that their land is owned by someone?
Well, you'd have to dispute that and you'd have to claim that you were there first, so to speak.
Then it becomes a whole legal debate about whether the original owners were able to deliver this deed, whether they did so with sound mind, whether they did so having their arm twisted, whether they were conned, whether they were fooled.
There's all kinds of legal arguments that you could get into. Of course, that's not necessarily the Dokkalfar way. The Dokkalfar way is more likely to pop up and murder everybody.
Oh, good, because that's kind of where I was leaning.
And that's certainly what happened at Kongstein, which was the former capital of this region. Kongstein was evacuated. People like Bjarnie Bjarnson used to live in Kongstein. They're talking about his records being there.
People left in haste when the Dokkalfar emerged and took control of the diamond mines there.
Are the Dokkalfar in control of the records?
To the best of your recollection, having certainly when you left there, the Dokkalfar still reside in the mines below ground and have left the human settlement and habitation to fall to wreck and ruin.
Kongstein is effectively a ghost town and your people reside in the warmth and seclusion of the dark mines.
Because speaking about the table, I legit don't know how to proceed with this. Whether it's to go back and find the rest of my heirs people and tell them what's going on and rouse their righteous indignance to do something about it or kill Daniel's family or what, I don't know what to do.
We have the deed. Yes, we are possessors of it. Let's sell it. I know some rich people in Asgard. I'm a rich person, but I know even richer people who would love mineral rights and don't care about Daniel.
It's not ours to sell. Yes, it is. Oh, well, when you put it that way, I'm convinced.
I've got clothes at the hotel with blood stains that tell me otherwise. We own it.
So right now, Krapti has to run it through the area, has to authenticate it. And once he has proved that it is valid and enforceable land deed, then you may indeed decide how to deal with it, whether to sell it on, whether to give it to someone, whether to enforce one particular group's rights over the other.
Any and all of those decisions will have knock on effects and ramifications. So he will validate it and then give it back to us.
He is after all the law speaker. He is the epitome of law. He is the embodiment of doing the right thing, which is giving it back to the people who found it.
OK, well, that gives us leverage. Yeah. Unless he's murdered, he said casually speaking to almost hopefully.
I'm just saying we won't get it back if he's murdered and it's stolen.
Well, literally. Well, OK, who knows it's here. He does.
We do. And the ghost thing. Well, we killed the ghost thing.
I mean, now is it dead? Yeah. How dead is it?
Well, there is this clear evidence that the dead is rising. And so Krapti also says to you,
My friends, you have done the town a great service, but the town elders have organized a hasty meeting. We need to gather at the Firefox Institute. We've been summoned to explain what you have discovered to date.
You've been doing some investigation. We still haven't quite put our finger on where the lovely Brynn and my hirling Fulk have disappeared to. And we need to get to the bottom of it.
Bangsi Ivaldison, who is the lector at the Firefox Institute, he does want to interview you directly.
OK. All right. So you remember the Firefox Institute was this airy pine building that has the feel of a hall of learning.
And you remember perhaps two characters from that environment, both Blaine and Bangsi. Bangsi was the white robed overseer who stomped down into the foyer and demanded that the signal be turned off.
Blaine was the one who addressed you affectionately as grandfather. But also with them, as you enter the building, you notice two other people you've seen before dressed in trim black and white suits.
They've also got the insignia of the Nóatún Institute. And there are these two gap men, two agents of the Nóatún facility who are standing in the background, peering over their dark glasses, looking somewhat skeptical of you as a trio.
The prim, well-dressed peacock, the broken down heap of old shit.
Yeah, screw you two.
And the lofty long-limbed alfar.
Since the jöfurr are known to keep dverg around, then wouldn't they just assume that Steve's with me?
Possibly. I mean, certainly they won't be referring to him as grandfather anymore because he's not in that arcane and exquisite body that he once possessed.
And Steve, I would suggest to you that one of the ways in which you might be able to regain your former stature is to revisit Kongstein and house yourself in a more suitable body.
Oh, go home and get a new body.
Oh, is that how that works? Okay.
Yeah, in the meantime, there's no sense, there's no reason for the locals to know otherwise.
So, Eir will reluctantly pretend to be a personal assistant to Gigi.
Bangsi Ivaldison, the lector, addresses you. He is an academic with a ferocious intellect and almost a snarl playing around his lips.
You last saw him angrily berating his assistant, blamed for not dealing with the signal.
He glowers in your direction and says, well, what do you have to say for yourselves? What on earth is going on?
There are bad things happening, but we have somehow scraped out a life.
That didn't sound suspicious.
It is readily apparent that we find ourselves in an unprecedented crisis.
It has been alleged that the spectres of the deceased, once peacefully at rest, are now roused, stirring turmoil in our quiet haven.
Is this correct?
Yes, the dead rise, Ljomi offers, and strange creatures have faced us on the hill. Many mysteries have arisen.
We are working as we can best to understand them, but it is very challenging and complicated and a great deal of violence.
There has been much danger. Some of us...
Do not tax yourself too hard, alfar.
Now, responding to this burgeoning crisis, the law speaker, Krapti, tells me he has taken appropriate steps to confront it.
And these appropriate steps would be sending you to deal with things.
And what of Bryn Ivaldisdottir, one of our esteemed faculty members? Where will we find her?
We don't know that she... We don't know. Possibly in a different dimension.
There was a flash. There was a flash.
It was very bright.
A flash and strange beings.
And clearly not a flash of inspiration.
No.
No. No, definitely not.
She was very brave.
After a thorough investigation conducted under our vigilant supervision here at the Firefox Institute, a sinister revelation has come to light.
Contrary to reports of ancient curses or supernatural elements, the sons of Ivaldi have determined that a mutant strain of Raboon fever is at fault.
Traced back regrettably to unsanitary practices within the Jötnar fish markets.
Understandably, such a revelation demands swift and decisive action.
As of dawn tomorrow, the sick house will be under stringent quarantine, restricting the further spread of this contagion.
And to protect our citizenry from this rampant infection, all trade with Spikborg will be ceased.
These measures shall be on hold until we have restored our dear town back to normalcy.
And I implore that you and everyone else cooperate fully in these dire times for the benefit of our town and our shared safety.
Am I clear?
Do you mean to tell me that all of this is happening because of rotten fish?
Are you trying to insult our intelligence?
I fear it is impossible to insult what doesn't exist.
However, that is exactly what I am telling you.
It is fish from the Jötnar markets and dealings with those vermin must cease immediately.
We the Winter Wise have determined it.
It's hard not to like him.