Welcome to Vikings and Valkyries, an actual play podcast. We are playing When the Wolf
Comes, a role-playing game set in a reimagined Ragnarok. My name is Ian Stuart Sharpe and
I will be your Barrow Lord for the ongoing campaign which we call the Thought and Memory
Saga. Joining us this week are a group of writers and musicians that I like to call
the authors of their own misfortune. Welcome to you, ornamenters of verse.
Hello, hello. Thank you. Please send help.
So let's just do some introductions because this week we're joined by Josh, the author
of the Gatewatch trilogy, amongst many other things. Josh, just tell us a little bit about
yourself and your Viking magnum opus.
Oh, fantastic, guys. My name is Josh Gillingham. Very excited to be joining this madness here
on the podcast. I'm the author of The Saga of Torren Ten Trees. It's packed full of riddles
and follows a group of troll hunters through the wilds of the realm of Noros. Third book
is coming out in the new year, so I'm excited to wrap that trilogy. I'm also the designer
of Althingi, One Will Rise, which is a board game that puts you in the seat of an Icelandic
chieftain at the height of the Viking age where you have to accrue influence and wealth,
and of course, destroy your foes. Yeah, those are my two main Viking related projects. Of
course, I should probably mention the connection with Ian. I had a little part in the Old Norse
Phrasebook, which I think has been featured on the podcast a few times too. So that's
me.
Very good. Old Norse for Modern Times. Yeah, we collaborated on that. And lots of board
gamers at the table here, so perhaps they might like a little bit of Orthdingy, the
board game that was mentioned. Now, you're a little bit of a musician as well, and we've
got Jason with us today. Jason is also a musician. Jason, do you want to tell us a little bit
about Oba and what you've got going on?
Sure. I'm in a band called Oba, and we just released a song called Could Have. It's on
Spotify. It's on Apple Music everywhere you can find music. And feel free to go check
that out.
And if the two of you start a kind of loving duet or strumming in the background, then
we'll know why. CJ, you've just announced the new exciting release coming up next year.
Actually, it was a surprise release yesterday. Surprise! It's out. It's really...
Yay!
It's what I like to call a soft launch. There are a couple different ways to go about a
book launch. And there's the one where you build it up, build it up, and then do the
big release day, which is more and more becoming difficult. Or there's the soft launch where
you do the slow build.
Wow.
I saw that you'd release that first chapter.
Yeah, you can go to the website or go to my website. You can read the first chapter. For
those who have read the first trilogy about the Viking Hasting, it starts right up. You'll
know where we are and what's going on with him. And then it's also designed as a new
trilogy so it's accessible to new readers who have no idea what Hasting is all about.
And you get to know him all over again in a new phase of his life. He's now middle-aged.
Good God, poor man.
Now Steve, given all of the stuff that we've been talking about, about these Northern Lights
in the podcast and the search for the mystery behind them, one of your signature series
is all about HMCS Borealis, no?
It is indeed. It was meant to be a trilogy, but I'm really bad at counting.
Counting?
Yeah. So it wound up being five books. So it's the story of HMCS Borealis, a Canadian
ship that gets flung to the far end of the universe by accident, which keeps happening,
and their adventures and perils on their way home.
Very good.
It's great fun. I have read all of Steve's books because when I've known him a long time,
I kind of have to. But they're good. They're still good.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy, authorial schedules to participate in the
Vikings and Valkyries podcast again this week. We are at the auspicious point in the evening
where I'd like to test your Norse mettle and dangle these inspiration points in front of
you.
CJ, we're looking at you. J M, we're looking at you.
Yeah.
I'm a little confused because J as a musician, Ian was giving the impression this was like
a musical podcast. We're not going to break down the song here or what?
Yeah. Ian's got all of us here by deceptive means.
I was told there'd be show tunes.
Yeah.
Hold on to your hats. So the question this week for an inspiration point is, can you
name me three places that the Norse go to when they die?
Oh, Valhalla.
Valhalla. Valhalla.
So that's the easy one. Valhalla is the afterlife for those who die in battle.
Well, well, technically. Sessrúmnir as well. It's an agreement that Freyja gets half the
dead warriors, so half go to her as well.
I'm enjoying J M already.
And that's very good. That's very good, Josh. And her halls are actually in Folkvangr, right?
That's her afterlife. And she, yes, chooses half of the slain to die with her. Okay, so
that's two. That's good.
Do they go to hell?
Well done, J. Yes, they can go to hell.
Oh, they go to hell.
It is.
With one L though. With one L.
It is with one L. It's an underground realm that's ruled by Loki's daughter, the eponymous
Hel that's the afterlife for most individuals. So you might think that all Vikings go to
Valhalla, but they don't, as we've just seen there. I do want to just refresh your memory
about the troll's tongue, what we call the atastupi. We encountered that in a previous
episode. Now that was actually drawn from one of the Icelandic sagas, Galtrek Saga,
and members of the household in Gautrek Saga believe they will go to Valhalla after sacrificing
themselves to Odin by jumping off the precipice known as the atastupi, or the family cliff.
And I wouldn't want you to think that it's just by dying in battle that you get to Valhalla.
If you take a big long leap off a huge cliff, then apparently that also gets you there,
many different ways.
What happens if you're mauled by a bear and then a group of ne'er-do-wells throw you
off the cliff? Would he have ended up somewhere nice as well?
Don't remind me.
I'm sure there's some kind of paradise that was awaiting Huleif, the horse gelder. Let's
kick off this week. We're going to open in the dilapidated driftwood trapper cabin at
the outskirts of Hjálpmakaar the once belonged to Bjarni Bjarnason, but now houses the penniless
Eir and Ljomi. It's actually becoming something of a witch's hut, isn't it? Because the two
of you have taken your expert paths. You've levelled up. Can you tell us a little bit
about what you've chosen and why?
Ljomi thinks out loud to himself. Although the details of the last few weeks are somewhat
muddled for me, I remember a great explosion, and we're back here now, and I remember clearly
the death of my close friend and companion, Eir. Some called him an abomination. Some
called him atrocity, but I called him only friend, and in his memory I've decided I need
to better fulfill my own destiny as a speaker for the spirit of the great tree, Yggdrasil,
and bring a more sober approach to saving life in the world all around me in memory
of my poor dead friend, that tortured spirit and yet great, great personage that has fallen
now in battle.
You stupid bastard. I'm right here. I'm trapped in a dverg.
Silence machine, I'm thinking.
I support clear cut logging.
For the audience members who might be a little lost, the trials and tribulations of that
last episode where a fallen englar, an angel from another timeline caused mayhem and carnage,
you've actually suffered a little bit of shock to the system, both of you, and so as your
trauma totals exceeded your will, you've actually taken a disorder, and so Bill, your disorder
is?
I have some memory loss. Clearly my character has suffered the most. I'm not sure what Steve
is going to complain about, but my terrible suffering for the only...
In your case, Bill, I do want to just remind you to reduce your trauma to zero. You will
take double trauma from now on from sources, but right now it's zero. You've become a
Thread Rider, able to reel and ravel the twines of life and fate, something akin to a hedge
wizard, almost literally in your case.
Yes, exactly. I plan to spend a lot of time in the hedges.
Steve, you took the path of a Scratcher.
Of a Scratcher, yeah. Eir suffered rather a great deal of trauma, and it's affected
his grasp of reality, that and hanging out with Ljomi. As a result, yes, he's become
a Scratcher, which allows him to manipulate his own tenuous grip on reality for additional
combat capability, which is really the sort of thing he's looking for. He feels like he
needs to lash out more against everyone.
Now, scratcher might sound like an odd name for a class or a path, but in Old Norse it
would be Skratti. Skratti is actually where we get our nickname for the devil when we
talk about Old Scratch. That's where it all comes from. It comes from the Skratti, it
comes from the scratcher. So you really are right up there as a devil priest. Well done.
Can you tell us a little bit about how you're adjusting to what we've heard a little bit
about how you're adjusting to your new form?
Very poorly. Eir was hoping that if he got killed, he would go back to Valhalla, where
he was previously. That hasn't happened yet. Instead, he found himself crammed into the
body of an obsolete deactivated Dverg and is now following around his least favourite
tree. Yeah, no, he's not coping well. He is struggling to cope with things. Having his
quote, friend, unquote, the tree, forget that he's still alive, isn't helping.
It would have been a valid fourth answer to the question I posed at the beginning for
you to say, inhabiting Steve's mechanical body.
I was going to suggest nowhere at all as a fourth answer. But yeah.
CJ, you have taken a much more illustrious path. Do you want to tell us about that? You've
not only been surviving, you've been thriving.
I'm rolling my eyes. You can't see it.
I'm rolling my eyes in case you missed it.
Yeah, Gigi has been doing all right, standing his ground, facing enemies. And so he has
chosen the path of the Varangian. It sounds sexier than it is.
It sounds like an ethnicity or nationality.
I was going to say a medical condition.
The Varangians were the faithful companions, the sworn bodyguard of the Byzantine emperors.
And in this universe, they form a similar role as the sworn protectors of their locale,
their neighbors. So we expect great things, CJ.
On your return from the blown up fuel station, Krapti, the law speaker, has called for an
investigation and he has sent to you, he has sent round to you two detectives or Shire
Reaves, sheriffs, as we would call them in modern English. He sent these two detectives
down the long foreboding road to your trapper cabin to ask some pertinent questions. So
enter Josh and Jay. Why don't you each take a little bit of time to tell us about your
characters and then feel free to start the interrogation of these unlikely heroes.
Great. Jay, you want to take it away and then I'll fill in some details.
My name, or just not my name, my character, I'm already in character here, is Grettir,
great cloak, and I'm 30 years old. I'm a little on the larger side. I get my pants are a little,
they have some good elasticity and I'm a nice homely kind of guy. I'm here to just do my
job and I got long, beautiful hair. So that'll paint the picture for you.
Fantastic. Well, if you can't tell already, who's going to be a good cop, bad cop. I'm
playing Tryggvi Ten Trees. He's coming somewhere in his mid forties. He's kind of spending
enough time outside that it's hard to tell his age. He comes from a long line of dedicated
troll hunters. He's got kind of like scraggly sort of starting to gray hair. He's got a
bit of scruff for a beard. He's a little unkempt, but very, very lean, very mean. He is got
one great passion in life besides hunting trolls, which is brewing mead and then drinking
in large quantities. He's part of the fellowship of the fulltrui and is a loyal servant of
the Aesir. It does his best to rid the realm of evil and things that would would harm his
hird. Other things I would mention about him is he's a little paranoid and he does have
a disorder, that disorder being that he is an alcoholic, not surprising, seeing as he is
able to supply himself with vast quantities of both mead and ale.
You wouldn't be a hard bitten cop if you didn't have a drinking and gambling problem. You've
been sent by the law speaker to try and get to the bottom of exactly what happened in
the preceding episodes because these characters, Eir, Gigi and Ljomi have been, anyone who
kind of hangs around with them for too long seems to disappear into the ether. So over
to you.
I feel like I'm seeing the scene from from Grettir and Tryggvi's perspective and give
a sense of what's the weather, what's the environment like, we're kind of trudging along
the path.
This adventure is actually set in the far north. It's in a region called Heimslit, which
is the Old Norse for the edge of the world. Now in particular, this is set during the
golden autumn and so the migratory birds have begun to prepare for their long flight southwards.
The plants are preparing for another long winter, shrinking back into the tundra and
the ground itself has become red and orange, the mountain tops covered in the first snow.
And crucially, whilst the previous adventures have all been in bright daylight, the bright
daylight of the glowing Arctic summer sun, now the midnight sun has begun to brush the
horizon and so during twilight, the sky is tinted with these beautiful colours in the
mornings and evenings.
Fantastic. Alright, so we're treading up to this cabin. It's rather cold, the evening
is falling, it sounds like, and so there's kind of crisp bitterness to the air. I turn
to Grettir and I say, Gret, what I would do for a cup of mead right now. You really
think we're going to find these guys? Any interesting information?
Trig, your mead is half as good as your detective work. And what's that supposed to mean? We're
going to find out. All the partners I could have had, had to be. Come on now, Trig, you
know I'm a good guy. We're here to do a job. Fat, fat, softy. Alright, let's get this over
with. Is that the cabin there? The cabin is a run down, rammed down cabin.
Ramshackle edifice that is pretty much held together with rust and logs.
Alright, let's get this done so I can get back and keep brewing my mead.
Let's open the door.
Hey, open up in there.
Who knocks on the door? What wisdom do you seek? What help can I give you? How can I
heal your illness and set you on the straight path?
Who knocks on the door? Who the hell do you think you are?
It's alright, Trig, it's alright, Trig. Listen, we're just here to ask a couple questions
and do our job. Would you let us in please?
Certainly come in and I will teach you of the ways of the world and the wealth of spirit
using small words.
Okay, that sounds like a yes.
I mean, come in.
So we enter through the door, we're kind of shaking off the cold, we kind of slam the
door. I think Trig would be sort of, you know, looking to just get in there and get some
answers.
Waddling in.
Give us a sense of the layout inside the cabin. What do we see inside the cabin?
There isn't actually much to see. There is this alfar, this stately long-limbed alfar
who is festooned with bugs and in the other corner is a decrepit mangled and presumably
powered down Dverg that doesn't so much as look up in your direction, but there's not
much in the way of furniture or living space. There is a pot-bellied stove that once kept
the trap of Bjarni Bjarnsen warm, but these two haven't even lit it, presumably because
it might set Bill on fire.
I think air is currently in some sort of an idle state, like a rest state sort of thing.
Okay. So what is your name, Tree?
I am Ljomi, a speaker for the wisdom of the great tree now dead, but continuing on the
tradition of bringing life to all worlds.
Life? Have you looked outside? Not much life here. What's your business? Tree and a dwarf?
This is very suspicious.
Well no, the Dverg simply followed me. I don't really understand. I assume it's...
Is he stalking you?
Is he following you?
But yes, yes. I don't know. I don't know really where he came from or what he's doing. It's
very annoying. We had another one, but that one got broken.
Grettir. Start letting this down.
Got broken.
Already on it, partner.
It was a terrible accident in town.
Now I don't know about an accident. All I know is we got a body on our hands. Do you
know anything of Hulif, the horse whisperer? He had a bad case of the head falling off.
He was a noble man who threw himself in front of a charging Ísbjörn to save myself and my
great now dead friend, alas, Eir. And we honor his memory constantly. Not a day goes by we
didn't wish we still had him with us in case we run into more bears.
I'm still here. Come out.
It says things like that from time to time. I don't really know. Some sort of maloperation.
So it's alive or...?
I used to be.
I am Eir.
It seems to need air. It keeps saying it needs air. And I opened the door and it doesn't
allow you to...
I used to be a tree. I was murdered and stuffed in Hagen-Holstein,
Dverg.
All right, Trig, you got to go rough this guy up, man. This guy's giving us some bullshit,
some grade A bullshit.
Please trump him up.
Tryggvi pushes the tree aside rather unceremoniously, grabs Dvergr and just lifts him up. Surprising
given he's got a kind of a thin wire frame, but he's able to do this. And he just starts
shaking him and be like, look here, Dvergr, I've got the bucket full of mead at home.
I'm looking forward to drinking. And the only thing standing in my way is you and getting
an answer to why this guy lost his head. So start speaking up.
So Gigi knocks at the door and you hear from near the south of the door, Ljomi, it's Gigi.
My other great close personal friend, another man much like yourselves, I'm sure you will
all have much in common. He does not seem to like bears particularly.
Tryggvi drops Eir on the ground, turns around.
Okay, open the door.
Who the fuck are you?
All right, all right, all right.
I'm not supposed to be here.
What is wrong with you people?
Seriously.
Why are you scared of a droid?
I have looked at the robot. I cannot find a volume control.
I'll give you a volume control. If somebody doesn't start giving me some answers, we've
got people disappearing. Give me some information now.
Answers to what? We're busy. Ljomi, we must go.
Busy, busy with?
This man is frightening my family.
What's your name, sir?
Who, me?
Yes, you.
Gigi flits back his cape and says, I'm Grjotgarth, the Magnificent. You may know me from the
All Asgard games.
Listen, that might be a little past my time, maybe. I'm not sure. But why don't you come
on in for a second and we're going to ask you a couple of questions along with these
two fine fellows.
So Gigi bends forward to get through the door.
And as he bends forward, Tryggvi winds up and tries to give him like a knee in the stomach
for insolence.
Ooh.
Police brutality.
So that...
These guys are not being cooperative.
Given your size, your knee is just going to hit my shin.
Right, which will be very comical. So let's do it.
Now before we have an internecine squabble and everyone ends up in fisticuffs, I'm going
to interrupt proceedings because there is the sound of shots fired. A submachine gun
rat attacks bullets into the air and you see another two people follow the now increasingly
well-worn path. You recognize them as the bodyguards of Finnbogi Asbiönsen and they are
coming in, weapons hot, firing into the air. One of them yells out,
Only thing, your balls drip below your dress. Come out and face your doom.
The other one pipes up, Murderers, you're no more Norseman than fish.
Who the fuck are they?
I assume that Tryggvi and Gigi immediately bond now having just about to fight and having
a common enemy. This is like the most Viking way to become friends. I was going to fight
you, but now we've got some other people to fight. So they kind of just have this moment
of looking at each other and they're just like, all right.
They have called you nithings, the worst Norse insult and one that cannot go unavenged.
Ljomi steps forward and explains these two men are with a man named Gnocchi who lives
in town and is the man who broke the previous robot.
Okay. I take my rifle out.
As do I. And we like cock them like simultaneously.
Yeah. Back to back.
Yeah. 100%.
And Gigi turns around and steps outside to face them.
Very good.
He splits his cape back and he says once again, I am Grjotgarth, the magnificent. You may know
me from the All Asgard games.
And then like that moment of distraction, I feel like that's when I take my shot kind
of from like behind his cape. I just like pop out and.
It's good we've added someone who's not quite so rash to the group.
This kicked off quick.
I would I would counsel that again because you are lawmen. You would you would know this
in Norse law. You can kill someone in public without suffering serious consequences as
long as you're open, honest and report exactly what happened. It's not considered murder,
especially if someone has called you a nithing, the ultimate insult, then you can deal with
them in such manner as you so choose.
We will go straight into combat since we've got some trigger happy cops. You let me know
what you want to do.
Take cover, Trig. I'm going to try and shoot at him, but take cover.
So I take cover by the door.
And I yeah, I sort of like run rush out from behind Gigi's like magnificent magnificent
flowing cape and there's sort of like a rock and I kind of like like just like dive straight
down baseball style like onto my stomach and I'm just like ready to go.
Okay, well, air will fortify himself in the event of a stray shot because that's the sort
of thing that happens.
He will shield his children and step back into the hut.
All right, I'm going to take a shot.
Give me your rolls.
Okay, so so yeah, I got 20.
Oh, that's my partner right there.
16 plus four.
Very good. Now, so row your damage.
Eight. I got 18.
Okay, impressive stuff.
And Josh, whatever you are at the end of your barrel.
So I rolled my d20 for 16 plus we said modifier of two or four.
I got Sleight of two.
Yeah.
So and then you roll a die six as well to add a weal.
Okay, and that's just one d6.
All right, here goes.
Four.
Okay, so that brings you above 20.
That means that you have an Oathsworn ability to do extra damage.
So I think you're going to roll four die six then.
Oh, fantastic.
I'm going for the slightly higher pitched voice guy, the second guy.
The one that called these the people that you're interrogating, he called the murderers.
Yes.
Yeah, that's the one.
And so I got we're just looking for the sum on this one of these four.
Yep, please.
Sum is 11.
You come out guns blazing back to back and instantly fell both of the bodyguards.
CJ, did you want to do anything?
Did you want to deliver a coup de grace?
I think he's just in shock.
We haven't rolled more than a three.
What is it?
Professionals here.
You're surprised.
It took me three throws to throw the dynamite into the building.
Is this what competence looks like?
I get a coup de grace, well, no, actually, he's going to go up there still.
They're writhing in pain, right?
Correct.
He's going to go up and grab one by the collar and say, where is my dvergr?
The person who you shake passes out with pain and doesn't afford you the opportunity to
get any answers.
They are bleeding badly all over the tundra, having just been filled with lead.
So he drops that one and grabs the other one.
Where is my dvergr?
Some of the perils about shooting first and asking questions.
Yeah, potentially we should have a trick.
We maybe should have asked them some questions.
Huh?
Nobody calls me anything.
All right, I'm going to say.
I perhaps could heal them.
I am skilled in the ways of healing.
No, no, don't bother.
We more or less know where they are.
With these two, we might get in.
So you can take us to where we're trying to get to with the answers we want to figure
out.
Is that what you're telling me?
Yes.
What do you think, Trig?
What's your gut say?
Well, we need some answers and seems like these guys are dead.
So I guess it's our best shot.
A third person now rushes down the path towards the cabin in this twilight.
You recognize him as the law speaker, Krapti Thorfridsen.
He is half dressed.
It clearly has been interrupted by the sounds of shots fired and trying to hastily don his
official robes.
Just to be clear, Jay and Josh, he is the person who employed you.
He is the ultimate authority in legal terms in this town.
And he bustles up and says, my goodness, yet more bodies.
Will this madness never end?
There was I worried about Fulk the Fair and the delightful Brynn.
But now look at this.
Gigi throws up his hands.
They're covered in blood and goes, it wasn't me.
Gigi sort of shrugs and he says, well, solving these murders would be much easier than the
other ones, that's for sure.
This isn't even beginning to be on my list of ever growing concerns.
I was just on my way to find you.
There has been another killing.
Who?
Finnbogui Asbjornsson has been slain.
Isn't that who has my droid?
I believe so, but I am all of a flutter.
Of course, I do understand that you cannot have had anything to do with it.
Even if you were the quick fire arsonist, then you would have to be tried and sentenced
in my court and not killed like dogs in the street.
But you will need to both dispose of his bodyguards at the Troll's Tongue and you will need to
go to the Asbjornsson estate and investigate this most heinous crime.
Grettir and Tryggvi, please attend to the matter.
We must get to the bottom of this.
We must be seen to be acting with alacrity.
All right, Grettir, looks like we've got our case.
What do you think?
Should we bring these guys along with us?
I don't think we can trust them not to run away.
Yes, they could be handy.
They could be useful.
Ljomi nods sagely and says, If we are traveling to the Troll's Tongue, I believe we should
bring some flares.
Ah, OK.
Would that be for anything in particular?
Yes, for the bears.
I'm very wise in the ways of the north now.
I've been traveling here a long time and apparently lack of flares was part of the problem last
time.
And talking of bears interrupts crafting.
I must surmise that Snow White has made the kill, obviously not set fire to the whole
estate, but the body of the Jarl has all of the hallmarks of a classic Ísbjörn attack,
a crushed head and a snapped neck.
I believe the men, says Ljomi, should lead the way.
So shall we go investigate the murder or shall we deal with these bodies?
We have to take these two bodies to the Troll Tongue, though.
The Jarl, that must be your first priority.
How cold is it out?
It's now entering what's called the Blue Hour.
The Blue Hour is when the particles of light from the setting sun are bent by the atmosphere
and it mixes with these nuances in red and purple.
And it certainly becomes much more chilly as the sun just just flirts with the horizon.
Below freezing?
Yes.
Ah, I suggest we investigate first.
The cold will keep the bodies.
Oh, genius.
Yes, ZZ.
Gigi.
Gigi?
Is that your name, Gigi?
I don't believe I gave you my pet name.
Well us detectives have our way.
We have our ways.
That's incredible.
My friends called me Gigi.
Did we drink in a tavern before, you and I?
That's very possible.
I don't remember drinking, so possibly.
Yes.
Very possible.
All right.
Well, let's go then.
All right.
No time to waste.
Let's go.
You hightail it through the town, which is all abuzz with the rumor of the Jarl's demise.
There are people chattering on street corners.
There are people who point at you.
You've all got something of a reputation locally.
And as you stride through the town, even escorted by the two Shire Reeves, there are plenty of
exclamations of shock and horror and the odd just howl of abuse.
On the far side of town, up on one of the hills that roll up towards the glacier, you
see the Asbjornson Mansion.
It is a charred, smoking ruin.
Can I use my deduction to maybe find some useful information from the scattered ashes
of the ruined hall?
You can.
I'm going to just ask you to hold that thought a minute, and we will make an awareness roll
in the background.
But as you come up to the mansion, you see a familiar figure in the form of Val Toki,
the Dverg who runs the sickhouse, who appears to be on site to examine the body and perhaps
provide a cremation license.
Finnbogi is rich enough to be exempt from the usual death law rules.
The Dverg, when it sees you, wheels over and says, just what do you think you are doing,
Meatbag?
I think Tryggvi just sort of stomps off and starts investigating the scene, ignoring the
Dverg.
I'll walk over and talk to him, and I'll say, listen, we're just here to investigate the
murder.
If you have any information based off of what you gathered from the body, please let us
know.
We're just here to do our job.
I don't want to have to slam anyone's ass here.
I'm saying, I just want it to be easy.
Sure, I take out my rifle.
I say, how's this for a little bit of identification, you little piece of shit?
Most acceptable.
Death was caused by massive blunt force trauma, possibly caused by a landslide.
Grjoltgárð approaches the Dverg and also, in the level up, learned a new language, Doppel-Dverg.
And so he speaks to the Dverg in Doppel-Dverg.
Yes, you now effectively speak machine code.
Well done.
I speak machine code and ask in machine code.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Ask in machine code where his Dverg might be in the rubble if it knows.
100107.
No, wait, 1001110.
You are asking about the whereabouts of your property.
The Dverg diagnostician has no idea of what you're talking about.
He's really just focused on the broken body of Finnbogi that lies in the middle of the
tundra, not protected in any way from the elements, not protected from prying eyes.
If this is a crime scene, it is a poorly kept one.
I'm going to walk over to Trigg and I'm going to ask him, what do you think of partner?
And Trigg sort of stands up.
He's been kneeling like in the dirt.
He's got some like sort of ash on his mouth because he's been sort of like tasting and
scanning the ground.
And can I do an awareness check to see if I...
Give me an Awareness check, yep.
You get a wheel on that as well.
Okay, perfect.
I am on fire and I just rolled a natural freaking 20.
So Trigg is on it tonight.
Can you come back every week?
Yeah, I was going to say that.
My dice karma is going to run out real fast here.
All right, so Trigg looks around and is able to quickly deduce a range of things.
So firstly, you see that even in the few rooms untouched by flames, the heat has softened
the window glass, caused paint to blister and the furniture to char.
And you get a sense that the structure around you could collapse further.
It's very unstable.
But you do notice that the fire that caused this conflagration, the inferno that reduced
this house to a charred smoking ruin, has actually been started by explosives from within.
The blast radius or whatever started the fire has thrown debris out from the center of the
house as opposed to down from a collapsing timber frame.
Okay, so I stand up, I sort of like wipe my lips a little bit and say, ugh.
Yep, just as I suspected, this is not a kitchen fire.
Explosives.
There are a couple of staff members who have survived, who are standing, shuddering, shivering
in the cold without their outdoor clothes, standing just in shock as to the death of
their master and also understanding full well what will happen to him on his passing.
Tryggvi, son of brilliance, guide us through this perilous riddle, my friend.
Let's go talk to those people.
Yes, see if we get any information.
In the meantime, Ljomi is going to engage tree site and just check there aren't any
invisible or hidden items or illusions in play.
You see nothing with your extrasensory perception out of the ordinary.
So we've got the witnesses or sort of the servants who were part of the household sort
of like lined up and they're kind of huddled together.
I don't know if we like start a fire or something, try to warm them up or...
Let's start a fire.
As we start a fire, we're kind of gathered around it.
There's already been enough of a fire.
The whole estate and all of his outbuildings have been down.
Set it back on fire.
Ljomi is stepping back.
Just providing some warmth for you fine folk over here.
Anything you guys need that we can help you out with?
If you're talking to the kitchen staff, they're happy to give you what happened in their own
words.
Please, please do.
You see, Herr Asbjörnsson went out as usual for his blue hour walk and in the course of
which he was in the habit of smoking a cigar, but he never returned and I found the hall
door open, became alarmed and went in search of the master and his footprints, his foot
marks were easily traced to where he was slain, but there were no other marks.
Hmm, suspicious.
And that old hunk of junk over there said possibly a landslide.
There's literally no evidence of any rocks or rubble.
The man is in clean, open tundra.
Now, Trigg, correct me if I'm wrong.
Was that fricking hunk of junk first one on the scene here?
Something is not adding up here.
He did say that.
Yes, he did.
You're not losing your mind.
I'm still a little lazy.
I found some meads that I was investigating as well and I'm a little blurry, but yeah,
no, he did say that.
That's true.
The second servant says,
The chimney flute must have been blocked because before it was backpuffing something terrible
and there was a great old stink.
I went to open the windows before I noticed that the chimney exploded and I slid outside
covered in glass.
And I slap him in the face and I say, pull yourself together, man.
Pull woman.
I was going for someone of a more female persuasion.
I still say, come on, man.
Even the good cop's not that subtle or careful.
This is a Viking Norse world, so yeah, good cop is a relative term.
I do have anger management issues.
That's true.
It's more drunk cop, sober cop.
I try to be a good guy, but sometimes it comes out.
Yeah.
Gryotgarth is going to go to one of the windows and look in and look for his droid.
What's this droid you're on about?
I ask, what you on about?
I didn't say I was looking for a Dvergar.
I just see you looking for something over there.
OK, well, that's not our main worry, is it?
With a little bit of rummaging around in the rubble, you can find the remnants of a machine
thrall that was cleaved in two and hung above the mantle piece.
Both parts are there for you to reclaim, should you be able to prove that it was indeed your
Dreg and remains under warranty.
So Gigi does his little code or whatever and retrieves an item from the Dvergar.
So you're going to pocket something secretly from or at least upload it into your new gambat-
tein?
I'm going to...
Or sorry, Gigi is going to, yes, pocket it secretly and hopefully no one saw.
Even though Grettir was watching the whole time.
But could he have seen...
He's trying to be very sneaky about it.
Grettir doesn't say anything.
Maybe you need to do a roll.
Give me a Sleight roll against Grettir's awareness, because it's a challenge roll.
So Grettir, your awareness is what?
13?
My awareness is 14.
OK, so with your slight roll, CJ, you've got to get higher than a 14.
Yeah, that's not going to happen.
It's good that Gigi doesn't stand out in the crowd or anything.
10.
That was unusual though.
That was a good roll.
That counts as a huge roll.
So, Jay, whether Grettir decides to...
I just mention it to Trigg.
Yeah, Tryggvi just sort of nods.
And Grettir, something isn't adding up here.
These new strangers, you know, explosion, even the story of the kitchen staff, we're
missing something here.
What is it?
I'm interested in that.
The one who we talked to first that I talked to earlier.
Why don't we give him the old one too?
Yes, let's go back and see if we can cause him to offer us some more information that
would be useful.
You're talking about Val Toki, the Dverg doctor?
Val, yes.
That's the one.
Do we have a history with this guy?
Like, are we local?
Do we know him?
Or is this like we're just from out of town and this is...
He runs the sick house.
He's with the sick house.
He has this town's equipment of a hospital.
He would be on crime scenes that you've dealt with in the past as a kind of either a first
responder or as the meat wagon to take away the bodies and take them back to the morgue.
So we'd be well acquainted with him.
Okay, all right.
All right.
He's the world's biggest conversationist, you might not be well acquainted with him,
but certainly you know of him.
All right.
So shall we approach?
Yeah, so we walk up to him.
What is he doing as we walk up to him?
He is wrapping up the body in preparation for a Viking funeral that he tells you will
be on the morrow.
The jarl will be burned, sent back to his ancestors and then his ashes entombed in the
family vault.
I just want to say, hold up, Val.
I want to inspect the body myself.
This is still an active crime scene.
You can't start destroying the evidence quite yet.
Yeah.
We need to figure a few things out.
Hey, what's this about the landslide?
We don't see any evidence of a landslide here.
Why did you say that?
You are in error.
I suggest you look harder.
Okay, I come from behind him and I grab him, hold him back.
I'm holding him there.
I'm holding him.
You know, I got him in front of me, kind of in a, like I got two, if he's got arms, I'm
holding his arms.
Yeah, 100%.
I'm holding him there.
And Tryggvi just like gets right up to his face.
Yeah.
Listen, you little brass can, you're going to tell us all that you know about this landslide
and help us fill in a few pieces or else.
This burial is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
I look at, I look at Grettir.
I'm going to narrow my eyes a little bit.
And I nod.
Ljomi wanders forward to have a better look at the body.
You're right in that it clearly was caused by massive blood force trauma.
There is no rubble or loose rocks in the vicinity, but the body, as Krapti has suggested, has
all the hallmarks of a classic Isbjorn attack, a crushed head and a snapped neck.
I have a medicine scientific professional background as well as a reuse.
So does the medicine allow me any bigger insights into the injuries or anything?
It's just, he's beyond.
Give me a Wits roll.
Okay.
Yep.
All right.
Moving between three different locations to do that dice roll.
I rolled 13 and added a three.
Stop being so observant.
Finnbogi clearly died after a vicious and bitter struggle and was crushed to death.
Okay.
So I say, Ljomi, what's the, what's the sitch?
What do you see?
The, the Gnocchi has definitely died from being crushed.
I don't think it's completely clear what caused the damage.
Perhaps a bear, perhaps something pretending to be a bear.
I'm not really sure.
I did notice our old friend.
The bolt bag is, is hanging on the wall over there.
If that's important to you, that's the one that was damaged earlier.
Where is our current bolt bag?
I am right here.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't notice you.
I know.
Well, we know he didn't do it, right?
I sort of nodded and kind of stumble away from the, from the, from the conversation.
And I'm gonna start scanning the ground to see if I could see any tracks.
And I've kind of like a little bit blurry in my eyes, but I think I see something.
Can I roll?
Can I roll to see if I have the awareness to recognize the tracks leading away from
the, from the scene?
You don't need to roll anything because as the witness, the first witness had suggested
to you, the only tracks that are in the tundra, pressed into the tundra, are Finnbogi Asbjornsons's
boot tracks.
There are no other tracks around at all.
I kind of poke my head up, look at Grettir and say, Grettir, there's no other tracks.
You know what that means, right?
Suicide.
Oh, yeah.
I was thinking since he was crushed, it's kind of hard to crush yourself by suicide,
but maybe something that doesn't walk attacked him.
Maybe something that flies.
What detective school did you go to?
You only as impressed by the clear thinking of these new detectives.
Killer was just a stone's throw away.
Okay, so I, I'm going to roll Val down onto the ground and say, you're not going anywhere
until we get more information out of you.
We know you're lying.
No, and I just kind of give him like a little kick for emphasis, like I'm backing up.
Yeah.
Say, I want to be a nice guy, Val, but you're making it real hard.
The Dverg Diagnostician rather than resist simply says this conversation can serve no
further purpose and powers down.
Damn it.
There goes one of our witnesses.
Not not dead, just refusing to have anything to do with you by going inert.
So you're saying on the wall there is Eir's old body.
Is that correct?
Or was it what was on the wall?
Something was pinned to a wall.
It was the, it was the two separate halves of a Dverg that was cleaved into a ritual
combat known as a holmgang by Finnbogi himself.
Okay.
Using his illustrious heirloom sword in the bear paw sword forged by Vikings next a thousand
years ago.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm stumped, Trig.
I'm stumped, man.
Oh, this mead is not helping.
Or maybe it is.
I don't know.
Not helping with the case.
Yes.
It sure is a headache.
Ljomi has a closer look at Finnbogi
Finnbogi has treads.
Is that right?
Treads?
He moves around on treads or wheels?
What's it?
Val Toki.
Val Toki
Oh yeah.
It's my character that's supposed to have trouble with the names.
Just really channeling.
Val Toki moves around on a state of the art chassis with exquisite lar steel wheels designed
for the tundra.
And are there marks around him where he moves?
There are.
Yes.
Okay.
But none near, okay.
So this man was killed by a bear, right?
We've discerned that much, Trig.
Isn't that right?
Seems so.
And the first suspect that we came out here to investigate was also killed by a bear.
Was he not, Trig?
I think we've got a bear problem here, Grit.
Someone called a park ranger.
Yeah.
I guess that's us.
So I guess we're going on a bear hunt then.
Yes, so.
Should we bring these guys along with us?
Or they just slow us down?
I think we for sure bring that little, that weird little guy.
That weird little robot guy.
Let's bring the weird robot guy.
Yeah, let's do it.
You notice on the periphery of your vision a plume of smoke back on the other side of
the car, which would presumably be in the direction of your trapper cabin.
Oh, good.
They're burning that house down.
Wasn't much in there, was there?
Nope.
All right.
I mean, that could be a ruse, right?
It could be a trick.
So we got to be aware of ambush because what are they burning down really?
There was nothing of value in there.
It's burning that down.
We're trying to distract us from something else that's going on.
Yes.
Or maybe it's one of those bear arsonists.
I was going to say, these arsonist bears, we've got to get this under control.
Is Val Toki still where we are?
Val Toki is still there?
He stopped talking.
He is indeed.
I'm just going to give you a little bit of Norse background, a bit of Norse lore.
Husbrenna, house burning, was a technique sometimes employed in blood feuds and political
conflicts to assassinate people.
Typically attackers would surround the house to prevent the escape of inhabitants.
And although they sometimes let women and children go, they just set fire to it, wouldn't
let people leave.
It was usually seen as highly despicable because there was little opportunity for victims to
defend themselves, but it may well be that a blood feud or some kind of conflict has
taken place and Finnbogi has been...
Actually, it was intended that he was to burn to death in his house and he escaped.
I'll give you that as a little bit of extra detective work.
All right.
We're just to be clear.
We said there's no way to track this up for Finboggi's that lead away.
There's no kind of scattered crowd that might have come and burned or there's no paw prints
that we can kind of see in the vicinity of the ashes and the burned structure.
All of those things are true.
There is nothing that can be seen, footprints or evidence.
Trig, you ever seen a bear fly?
Never seen a bear fly.
I have seen a bear dig though.
Maybe that's too off language.
Am I onto something here or am I just too deep into the mead Trig right there?
Give me a swig and I'll think about it for a second.
Is there a chance that Eir's current diverged body includes some sort of mead attachment?
It would be really handy right now.
We could be brewing on the...
So you can all drink to the dearly departed.
Well, I will.
Let's do this.
Okay.
The townsfolk all gather solemnly and you see throngs of people come to pay their respects
There is copious drinking.
There are flagons passed.
There are horns raised and much quaffing takes place and you're all kind of caught up in
the grief, the displays of regret and remorse and the drinking carries on all the way through
the night to the next day when a funeral pyre is gathered.
The few bits of wood that do drift to these farflung shores are gathered and the jarl
is draped in new clothes prepared specially for the funeral and you are all gathered at
his side to see him off into the afterlife.
The law speaker does insist that you leave Val Toki be and let him go about his business.
It does seem to be a vast overreach of your procedural police powers to intern the local
doctor.
Well, Tryggvi and Grettir maybe not quite so involved in the preparations as they don't
have such a connection sort of personally to them.
Maybe we're sifting about asking if anybody's seen any sort of evidence of these ice fairs
anywhere.
Maybe caves while out there hunting or tracks or droppings.
And even asking also about there was obviously a fire that we didn't go to, right?
Yeah, yeah.
The fire you find out about quite quickly, indeed the Bjarnie Bjarnardsons shack has burned
down to the ground leaving poor Bill and Steve entirely homeless.
Someone has burned that down at the same time as you were searching the rubble of the Asbjornson
estate.
There are some other eager witnesses who come forward as you are probing and prodding the
various assembled mourners.
Some diverge come up to you and say, we are delighted to be making your connection.
Look at him this one, sworn to go to the scrapheap.
You are what we call a vintage, yeah?
We want to report to you that we saw a lonely valker truddling off to the town and then
he was followed by a greedy tooth.
Only when we rode to the rescue and chased away the ice bear, there was not even a morsel
of meat in his left.
These are the diverge miners from mine number seven who have apparently seen something on
the tundra.
Trigg, it sounds like an old case of suicide by bear.
Suicide by bear, classic.
You don't want to make enemies with them bears.
No, you don't.
So do we have a location from these people of where exactly, you know, what they saw?
Can they point us in the direction?
It was out by mine number seven on the way to the Troll's Tongue, but decorum would suggest
that you hang back a little bit and pay your respects to the senior nobleman of the settlement
and attend to his funeral pyre before you carry on your inquiries.
Trigg is kind of getting like a little bit anxious, you know, kind of like squirming
and stuff a little bit and he just wants to get on the trail, but he realizes his employer
and his partner would probably suggest that he stay.
So I guess we attend the ceremony.
Yeah, you know, the Jarl actually posed Grettir a debt of gratitude and I guess I'll never
get that, huh?
That is true.
That's okay.
Not in this life.
The stately Alfar Oldinger leads the town in songs, chants and ceremony.
The funeral pyre is built like a syndrome drifted in satellite.
It burns fiercely under the setting sun and then in the blue hour of dusk, tributes and
gifts are gathered.
It includes the two surviving thralls who are ritually and wordlessly beheaded.
The townsfolk also drag over a disgruntled skidverg and kick it into the fire.
Some of the mourners alongside you, they remark that it's comforting for the rich, but when
they die, they can shuffle off this mortal coil surrounded by their slaves, pets and
livestock.
You will be glad to know though that Snow White, the secret is beyond, is not to be
seen, is not sacrificed or interred.
And after a long and slightly drab ceremony, you feel free to say something for the dearly
departed.
You knew Finnbogi well.
If you wish to pay homage to the man, you're welcome to do so.
I just got one thing to say about him.
He owed me a couple of beers and I'll never get those back.
So I'll see you the next life.
CJ anything from the next ranking member of the nobility?
No.
Spirit horn?
Fair enough.
Nothing elegant or sad crosses your lips or furrows your brow.
All of you are happy to move on and follow the various townsfolk back into town.
Finnbogi's ashes are placed, as I said, in the family burial mound near his house
and townsfolk begin to wander back somewhat sozzled from all of the drinking, return in
slow procession back to town proper.
As you all reach the corner by Gunnar's store, you hear an ear splitting scream.
Sounds like it's coming from the Cooking Kettle.
I think Tryggvi is finally feeling himself again now that he's partaken in a much funeral
for wine and mead and so he's back to his regular sort of sharpness.
And so he hears a sound, looks great here.
Well, shall we investigate?
That's what we're here for, isn't it?
Let's do it.
The cooking kettle is the local hostery that you have imbibed the finest ales in many times.
It's owned by Solveig Cooking Kettle, who greets you at the door.
She won't go in, she's hysterical and beside herself.
It was her who presumably let out the ear splitting scream.
She says, Oh, my darlings, who would do such a thing?
They've killed Bessie and Brownie and Buttercup.
So we sort of arrive at the scene, we sort of like dash past her, we look in, what do
we see inside the building?
Give me a will challenge roll if you would.
All right, will challenge roll.
So I have got for you, Jay, for Grettit, that's giving me a will change roll and anyone
else who is following them.
Steve, are you in hot pursuit?
I wouldn't say hot.
He's in.
I don't think he can manage that sort of speed.
But yeah, no, he'll be rolling up behind them because he wants to see who's going to die
next.
So anyone give me a will roll if you were going into the cooking kettle to see what
Solveig is so upset about.
Is deviancy help in any way in this case?
You know, I will, because there is definitely something that has been sacrificed beyond.
Then I will offer guest counsel to my new allies so they get one will on their challenge
rolls because I am a deviant.
Okay, everyone roll their dice 20s.
The mead has and wine has not had the effect we had hoped for.
And I rolled a two.
Oh, I rolled minus one.
Wow.
Now this is feeling more normal.
Oh, what did you get?
I got a net 20.
Fantastic.
The gods are with us.
Steve, what did you get?
Can I take a picture?
Eleven.
I don't get the advantage of my own guest counsel, right?
Okay, then just eleven.
Jay, what did you get?
I got a plus three.
It's only Josh who suffers despite having hopefully a strong stomach as you delve deeper
and you go into the basement where there is a dairy.
Obviously, you don't want the cows wandering the tundra, so there's a dairy below.
The room is hot and still apart from the clanking of a broken fan, but the smell of slaughter
hits you like a wall.
All of the cows within have been exsanguinated and their tongues cut out.
The carcasses look like giant, deflated plush toys and trade your mead that you've been
drinking the funeral wine instantly comes up and splashes all over the floor.
To which Solveig says, oh, man up, princess.
Use your initiative.
What's wrong with you?
Tryggvi is sort of like kind of falls back, stumbles back.
He's having flashbacks of seeing many of the previous partners and colleagues killed in
a similar way and it's sort of causing him to start to neurotically gaze about and start
to breathe faster.
Well, what am I going to do now?
I don't know.
How am I going to give this hulking prima donna his morning latte?
Oh, I.
No sooner have you examined this commotion in the cooking kettle, you are alerted to
yet another fracas at the sickhouse.
You can hear a clamor.
You can hear people screaming and streaking and running through the streets.
Also, all of the dogs in town are suddenly howling themselves mad, foaming at the mouth
and three bull elks tear down the main street, letting out loud screeching bugles.
Something at the sickhouse has clearly disturbed them all.
Let's go to the sickhouse.
Loud and safe.
And everybody, let's get to it.
Let's get there.
All right, so we get to the sickhouse for all like Trig.
He's a little bit out of breath, but his adrenaline is pumping.
His blood is rushing.
He's fighting down the image of what he saw just then.
And what do we see when we get to the sickhouse?
So Val Toki, the dverg that you abused just a few hours ago, is standing in the doorway
and he says to you, I did not get a good look at the assailant, but it was much taller than
the average meat bag or in the order of magnitude of your well manicured muscle head here.
I do detect fewer malodorous particles, however, from this gentleman.
May I interest you in some happy death day merchandise?
I am offering a discount as I do not calculate a successful ROI in the near future.
I think it could be sort of like shoves him aside and starts.
I don't know.
What else do we see at the scene behind this idiotic robot?
Give me an awareness roll.
All right.
Eleven.
You notice that there are puddles of melt water lying around the office.
The assailant had obviously walked recently across the wet and boggy tundra.
Some of the patients in actual fact, you recognize, at least some of you recognize someone called
Heimric, who was a technician who accompanied you to the fuel station.
Heimric is in one of the sick house beds.
He has the covers clutched around him and he is trembling.
He says, something ain't right.
There's an evil presence, I tell you.
Evil.
All right.
Let's evil presence.
We got big shadows, big, big, tall, double sized meat bags.
Ice bears.
Any sign of an ice bear here?
The technician, Heimric, says, no ice bears, but there's something up on the roof.
Climb the walls it did.
Be in against the tiles so hard that every beam in the place was cracking.
Triggvi sort of looks at Grettir here and sort of narrows his eyes again and then they both
look up at the same time.
Do they see anything?
You don't see anything immediately inside, but you might be able to get access to the
roof if you so decide.
So Triggvi turns to Grettir
I guess there's only one way to find out what's on that roof, eh?
Let's get up there.
Let's go.
Could Eir use Black Sight from inside the room to look up at the roof?
Or is he too far away from the ceiling?
You are a little bit far, but in the interest of the narrative and since you do try on a
routine basis to use Black Sight, I will let you glance through the rafters and up onto
the tiled roof where you can indeed see a heavy form, a hulking form that is clamping
along the rooftop.
Are there adjacent buildings close enough that one could jump from rooftop to rooftop?
There are.
If you, Jay, wanted to go and find one of those while Tryggvi went up the main staircase
perhaps?
I'm going to say Triggy.
I'm going to try and get us a better angle out there if you want to try and corner this
bastard.
All right.
I'll start climbing.
So I'll head outside and I'm going to try and get on a neighboring roof.
Do you need help or should I finish this latte?
Please accompany our friend Trig there if you could.
Can do.
All right.
Bring the latte.
Tryggvi, you are a warden and you cannot be surprised such as your senses are well honed.
As you step first up through the fire escape towards the roof, you see a bloated, swollen
form, a corpse hell-blue and rotten, dressed in the furs of a trapper.
Will you take a fast turn or a slow turn because combat has instantly begun?
Oh, I'm taking a fast turn.
Tryggvi under his breath says, I think I'm about to find out how these other people died.
OK, fast turn.
You get to go first and make your roll.
Perfect.
OK, so I take my roll here.
You can mark the target and add a weal to that roll.
OK.
Oh, no.
All right.
I got three plus three, so six.
OK, in haste, you try and fire a volley from your gun, whatever this swift moving, foul-smelling
creature is.
You've just been puking up your guts and now you're retching even more because of the decaying
smell.
Whatever it is, once you... that's 20 damage.
I also going to need you to make a slight roll to see whether you can stay on the roof.
Come on.
OK, there's a slight roll and I get a bonus, I think, here of...
I get plus...
What is this?
Plus two for Sleight.
OK.
So I've got...
Oh, OK, five plus two.
Seven.
I'm going to need you to take another 15 damage as you fall from the third store, landing
heavily on the porch below.
Where am I at this point?
You're watching your partner be flung from the building like a rag doll and land heavily,
presumably before his bones breaking as he hits the ground with a sickening thud.
I just like the crunch and crackle of every bone.
My God.
You started so well, but I think you've taken so much damage there that you have been eliminated
from proceedings.
I think Tryggvi has fired his last shot, that is for sure.
That is for sure.
Down in a blaze of glory, though.
He went down several stories in a blaze of glory.
There was that.
Josh, thank you for joining us.
We will maybe see you in Valhalla or in Folkvanger or maybe just in Hell.
Maybe, maybe.
Well, thanks for having me on.
Thanks to my partner there, too, Jay, for playing Grettir.
And yeah, it was fabulous to be part of this little adventure.
Jay.
So am I on the roof of another?
Am I on a roof or am I on the ground still?
You were on the roof looking over at your partner who was flung from the rooftop.
Can you make me a will challenge roll with two woes, please?
Oh, good.
I'm not suicidal, just so you know.
OK, here we go.
Roll.
So here we go.
Oh my God.
I got a four on the D20 and now so four minus four.
I know you just take the larger one.
Yeah, four minus three.
Not much better.
So a roll of one.
Feel free to describe the shock to your system as you watch your partner of many years tumble
off the rooftop.
It has cost you dearly in terms of your mental fortitude.
I instantly have bubble guts and I have a little accident in my pants.
And then I shout to the sky.
I shout, why?
And then I bang on my big belly like, oh, and then so I'm trying to I'm getting mad,
but I'm feeling crazy.
CJ, you're standing right there at the top of the fire escape as the warden is tossed
off the rooftop.
You see only a smoky haze, whatever body was there briefly momentarily dissipates into
a gaseous form and drifts down the side of the building and off into the tunnel.
OK, am I dead?
No, you just shit yourself.
It may feel like it.
Oh, OK, OK.
You're still.
I'm just asking God.
So he looks over the side of the fire escape and says, oh, no, I also like that one.
Your lead detective appears to have expired.
Ljomi calls up to Gigi, I am terribly sorry for your loss.
The machine is making noise again.
I really must have it fixed.
Eir will approach Val Toki.
You have a nice balloon.
You're going to need to translate that for me, I'm afraid.
Oh, yes, if there was a nice balloon to commemorate today's many deaths.
I think he said there's one on sale.
Yes, I heard there was a sale.
Yeah.
Gigi speaks double dverg.
Surely he could have dressed.
He just doesn't care to.
You may indeed purchase anything from his fine line of happy death day merchandise.
Val Toki does go and scoop the fallen hero up off the floor, then turns to you and says,
I will need volunteers to take the various bodies to the troll tongue.
None of these gentlemen have sufficient funds to be burned on the pyre, like the Viking
Jarl.
Can Gigi go onto the roof and investigate the area where the nebulous it was swirling
around and see if he can find anything of interest?
There are a few puddles of meltwater, as I described, suggesting that someone had walked
across the tundra.
And it's common for all of you as you walk through the boggy tundra, the mud and moisture
accumulate.
But other than that, there's nothing else.
Well, Eir is heavily traumatized.
And in the past, that has helped him to see things that aren't actually there or aren't
necessarily there.
So he will probably believe that that will help him again.
Does he see anything that the others do not?
Anything horrible and traumatizing?
He does not.
Treesight, as well.
There are no trees here.
Will you stop that?
With Treesight, you see a rapidly receding, swirling mist that disappears towards the
west out of town and into the tundra in the direction of Mine 7, the attestupi troll's
tongue.
Mine 7 and the troll's tongue.
They were all at the same time, if you remember.
Gigi's going to come down from his from the roof.
Careful.
And yes, very carefully down this rickety little ladder.
From the roof, but not from his high horse.
No.
Got some problems.
Oh, such a commotion.
What are you doing?
Making a mess of things as usual.
He's gonna wear the bag.
I'm not sure you could hit water if you fell out of a boat.
Hello?
Shut up.
What's this?
An old Model T, Dverg?
What happened to that devious devil priest of yours who wouldn't sell me diamonds?
He...
It is gone.
Collapsed into rubble.
Oh, gone, is it?
Well, I hope he didn't go the same way as the wonderful Eric.
Eric Redshirt took him into the tundra and never brought back my sealskin coat.
Gigi just starts laughing.
Help!
Now, ordinarily, I would desire that we are better strangers, but looks like you're going
to be needing some of my hardware.
What kind of hardware do you propose?
Well, I do run a gun store, don't I?
And also, I do have a sideline in repairing Dverg if you want me to fix up this broken
down old crunk.
If you ask me, I'd rather take the battery out and use it for something else, repurposing.
Ljomi, do we care?
Perhaps, what else could we use it for?
This sounds quite interesting to me.
A rebirth, if you will.
A bringing back to life this discarded machine.
Anyways, I've been sent to come and get you because the Law Speaker's asked you to hurry
on over.
You, Grettir, he needs you to go to the Asbjornson burial mound.
It's meant to be impregnable to dissuade grave robbers, but it's been broken into.
You want me to go on the day that my partner has died?
Well, boo hoo, if you want to cry into your soup, then I'll tell the Law Speaker that
you're otherwise engaged.
Have a nice balloon, it will help.
Much better.
I don't want any of your bloody balloons.
Tell my boss that I have unfinished business here.
Why, you've been fucking telling me yourself, I'm not your bleed messenger boy.
Seems like you are.
Well, you know where I'm at.
I'll be back at the shop if you decide to equip yourself.
People need to arm up in order to ward off this terrible threat.
It's good for business.
People might be saying that I've done it myself, but I tell you, I've got an alibi
Wow, there's a lot there.
I was going to propose we should go speak to the Law Speaker because I saw the creature.
It's quite large, frightening, and we're going to need a large number of expendable men to
take it down.
This does sound like wisdom.
Now he gets it.
Now he gets it, yes.
I have been speaking with the machine much.
Ten days past, I will attempt to translate.
Yes, a good plan.
Okay, feel free to tell me exactly how you wish to proceed in your investigation if you
are able to summarize the clues that have been thrown at you as to the culprit and what
might be going on and where they might reside if you wish to do any further investigation
of the burial chamber or the broken dairy.
I don't think we've looked at the burial chamber.
I think we should do that.
It's obviously some sort of undead thing.
So shall we go and arm ourselves here?
That's an option.
Is a gun shop?
You have a gun.
You guys need anything?
What weapons does Gigi have?
A pistol.
And I have a bow and arrow, which I happen to be excellent with.
And Robot, you have some kind of combat abilities now, although not much in evidence.
I have a mead attachment.
He's a knee replacement.
I have a mead attachment.
Right.
Knee replacement was good.
Although I like knee replacement.
Actually, that works.
You are titanium.
This is working poorly and therefore awesome.
I think that Gigi is probably the only one with any money.
You were penniless to start with and then your hovel burnt down.
Other than that, it's going great.
I will describe to you the vault for our coming detectives.
Like I said, it's a steel vault dug into the hillside to create this burial mound.
There's no sign of forced entry.
The door is firmly shut.
And what was the rocket?
Why did we come here?
To check where the creature may have come from.
It was clearly something risen up from the dead.
So who's going first?
You are.
I'm soon.
Eir?
Any volunteers there to go first?
Maybe I'll die.
But if you die, you just come back.
All right.
And again.
Okay, look, I'm going to knock on the door.
If you're expecting someone to open a burial chamber.
I'm thinking maybe that guy's going to open the one that killed my good friend.
And your levels of politeness are off the chart.
It is possible to get the code to the chamber from the law speaker so that you can open
up.
Inside, you see the recently interred ashes.
Finnbogi's urn is there, but the decapitated bodies of his thralls are missing.
And also missing, you notice, is the famed Asbjörnsson sword, Bearpaw.
The only thing that remains in this Beyond the Ashes is a smashed up Skidverg, the
thing that the townspeople brought into the funeral chamber, and a discarded cow tongue.
There is also a scrawled and bloody note on the wall that is written in true Norse.
Ooh.
Gigi can read it.
As a Jöfurr
Then this is what it says.
He's well trained in reading.
Eir can read it as well, but won't let on.
Okay, so this is what it says.
It says, scrawled in cow blood, I hold to a secret land, ward the rudder of speech,
the oar of words, the guardian of the corpse fjord, there the icy stream under dark hills
goes downwards.
Okay, CJ, what the fuck?
That's a lot of cow's blood.
I believe we're executing a Baldric level cunning plan.
CJ's response was to wave his hands.
I saw, I saw.
That is their expertise, I get it, yeah.
In previous expeditions we have talked about cleverly crafted kennings, and perhaps you
can pick that apart.
Something to do with a tongue.
I'm gonna let you make a wits roll as a sklad to help you interpret it.
Well the troll's tongue maybe.
And it says something about undergrounds.
This is Steve asking, we did throw Bjarnie's body off the troll's tongue, right?
You did?
Ah.
It should be there.
Well that's where we left it.
Most of it, yeah thanks.
No, no, no, not all at once.
Am I doing a wits roll?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, wits roll.
Yep, do a wits roll.
Alright, 13 plus, what are my wits?
One.
14.
You're gonna ascertain two things.
First of all, since the heavy steel vault door was closed, a thief must have been hiding
inside all along.
The second thing that you surmise is that indeed someone is sending you some kind of
cryptic, taunting riddle about the troll's tongue.
The Guardian of the Corpse Fjord would be a place where people were tossed to their
death.
The Rudder of Speech, the Oar of Words would indeed be a tongue.
And Bill has correctly gleaned as well that an icy stream under the Dark Hills, perhaps
there is some kind of glacial cave beneath that troll's tongue.
So we can get into this burial mound if we go talk to the lawman.
We're already in it, I believe.
Are we?
We're in it.
Oh that went well.
Yeah.
Where is the law speaker?
How's our detective doing?
The law speaker gained you entrance.
I'm detecting that I could use some mead there if you could give me a glass.
The law speaker will be close by if you want to grab him.
He is hovering because obviously when you are the legal official in a town that is being
brought to its knees by a bloody rampage, then you know you tend to make yourself available.
So Grjotgarth is going to seek out the law speaker and hand him the note and say, muster
all the men you can.
We must march on the troll's tongue and smash out the threat that is whatever it says in
the rest of that note.
I appreciate the offer, but you are the martial hero.
I think that it behooves you as a Varangian to represent the town and deal with this creature
directly.
I agree and I shall lead them, but I need men.
By all means take Grettir with you as one of the Shire reeves.
He will be very useful.
He will have your back.
And no one else?
What about...
Well, you may be killing two birds with one stone, so to speak, if you took the Alfar
and this mechanical contraption with you.
Right, right.
I'm going to have another mead.
I'm getting plastered.
I am not a contraption.
Here, have some mead.
Thank you.
The stately old Alfar who you last saw officiating at the ceremony is also standing nearby looking
concerned.
And he says to you, Ljomi, brother, brother, brother, hateful death has put on his ugliest
mask even through these hollow eyes I spy him peering like a roach, this one is.
I, behoove you, strike off his head, burn his flesh and scatter the ashes along the whale
roads in the name of the Temple of the Bear.
OK, so get rid of the body.
Yes.
You've got a whole bunch of bodies that you do need to take.
We must take the bodies.
We must acquire some flares Ljomi offers again.
And the men should lead the way.
They are good for bears and flares are good for bears.
And we have a bear.
Where do we get flares?
This is my advice.
The weapon shop.
Yes, and perhaps another pistol for the big man.
Duelling pistol.
Or perhaps the rifle.
Take the rifle from the fallen detective.
We may have moved on.
Can we go back to the cabin and the hospital, the sick house and pick up the body of a rifle
through his pockets?
Is that what you're thinking?
Go back to the little dilapidated shack that we started in and we left two bodies there
and didn't they have like mini guns and stuff?
Submachine guns.
Yes.
Yeah.
They may have been burned.
Yeah.
Two things have transpired since then.
The first is the shack was burnt to the ground.
And the second thing is those bodies would have been removed.
The morgue while we are in the wild world north people don't just leave some machine
guns around for a period of hours.
So all of that has been moved.
Gosh, I feel like we should have just taken them right off the bat.
Yeah, I was thinking that I forgot.
Okay, well, sounds like let's get some flares maybe and we can head out.
And I think Eir said he was going to lead the way up in front.
Eir is dead.
I miss him.
I'm right here, you stupid creep.
I can see you machine.
That's not what we're talking about.
Thank you.
Gryotgarth is going to be very insistent about finding people to help, so he's going to lead
everyone to the tavern.
The cooking kettle is closed because the dairy has become an abattoir.
And as we said, the exsanguinated corpses of the castle have caused Solveig such distress
that she has closed for the day or possibly the week.
Weren't there villagers at some point walking around?
You can try and accost any of them.
However, your reputation goes far in advance of you.
And since at least eight people have gone missing on adventures with you, no one is
particularly happy to sign up.
Perhaps if we open with, today is a good day to die.
Yes.
Doors close, shutters come down, and people generally recoil from your approach.
I don't think they're buying it.
I don't think anyone wants to come.
If this were a western town at high noon, then you can kind of picture the scene as
everyone scurries indoors away from Main Street.
Just a bit colder outside, with a few more mad barking huskies.
This thing one-shotted our friend who one-shotted people who could have one-shotted us.
We're going to need help.
Nothing, eh?
No response to that.
We just crickets.
Ah, I have an idea.
Did we see a bear that my friend saw simultaneously as a man?
Could we seek him out?
Is that on the way to the Trolls Tongue?
No, that was directly to the south on the way to Spikborg.
But yes, you did see what might have been an ice mirage or an arctic mirage out by the
Yfir Forest and you chose to sled on by.
Nice crab, though.
Right, right, right.
Trying to recruit anything at this point as a shield.
I feel the fates Ljomi offers, the Norn and the powers that be are arrayed against us
in our search for more men to walk in front and soak up the bears.
Well, in that case, I shall at least purchase a bigger gun.
We can settle on that.
Gunner's Gun Store is open for business, although the grasping man has marked up all of his
prices by 100%.
Aha.
Out of every good crisis comes an opportunity for profit.
Can I just kill him?
The lawman could have requisitioned something.
That might be a contravention of your principles of honor.
Just a little bit.
All right.
Can I convince him to allow us to use some weapons?
Because I'm the law.
The law is asking.
The law is requesting.
Yes.
Well, I suppose I won't recompense after the fact, though.
Of course.
What can you give us?
I suppose I can give you some...
Oh, and he's looking forlornly at a crate nearby.
He says, well, I've got a new consignment of hail sticks, which would be the North's
equivalent of shotguns.
Could use that.
How many we got?
Well, I suppose I could outflank you all with shotguns and shells.
What about flares?
Yes, yes, we may take flares, if only to honor the memory of Eric Redshirt.
Thank you.
At least I can say that his trading parts have gone up in value.
Do you have any storm shooters?
We're getting technical now, are we?
Plasma rifle, 40 watt range.
How about a harpoon cannon?
Oh, sorry, spear flinger.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I suppose if you want to take some storm shooters, I had some requisition from Finnbogi's bodyguards.
I was having them refitted.
So if you want to take those, then you may.
Or automatic firing mechanisms.
Yes, that plus rounds, lots of rounds, plenty of rounds.
Have a bandolier.
Lovely.
And there's two, correct?
Yes.
One for myself and one for our friend.
Yes, I didn't know how to count.
Thank you very much.
Yes.
Well done.
And for the tree man, a hail stick?
Or is that too fiery for you?
Lot of good, it will do him.
He has a bow.
Storm shooter!
Yes, I worry because he's not so much brain as earwax.
Lovely.
Alright, shall we be on our way?
We should.
Thus armed, we walk to the edge of town, strolling with the good wishes and the fervent stares
of the townsfolk at your rear.
Looking at my ass.
They were saying a kind of collective sayonara.
One can wish.
Sigh of relief, possibly.
The troll's tongue.
It's a fair hike.
You've done it once before.
This time you are travelling in a twilight dusk that has now descended on this autumnal
scene.
The tundra is orange and russet red and it's considerably colder than when you last walked
this path.
Rather than describe the whole journey, I'll just enable you to complete your expedition
and arrive at the top of the troll's tongue.
You remember it's a huge great edifice that juts out across and atop the icy Helsund.
Below you can see 700 metres down, straight into the sea.
A truly terrifying drop below you.
The ice groans and shears against the coastal bluffs.
Here we are.
So we're all standing at the edge of this cliff.
You have made your way to the edge of the cliff and as a detective you can see numerous
footprints as if relatively recently a gaggle of people have marched this way.
Going towards the cliff?
Going towards the cliff.
Not coming back?
Assuming that.
Going where?
Busy place.
And so if I do a bit of observation, what kind of footprints are we dealing with?
Are we dealing with human footprints?
Yep, there's a variety of human footprints all wearing a variety of different sizes of boots.
Make a wits roll for me.
Okay, 11.
You would actually go so far, you've got a hunch.
You recognise some of these boots.
You've known your partner for a long time.
These are his boots.
Someone's wearing his boots.
They're his footprints that's perambulating around the top of the cliff.
It's Val.
It's got to be Val, right?
I mean, we saw him scooping up the body.
Ljomi wants to use tree sight again, stare down at the area where the footprints are.
Is there anything odd?
Perhaps a deviant view might help as well.
There is nothing hidden or invisible.
So there is a thief living in the burial.
That's very weird.
There was Val scooping up all the bodies, which are the ones that he's been in touch with.
No, wait, Val had treads.
Val had treads, but was he not collecting the bodies of all these things?
In his capacity as the mortician.
That's what we're led to believe.
I don't have my partner here to bounce my ideas off of.
I just got three schmucks here.
You're not wrong.
Yeah.
So who could it be?
Just bringing these bodies back.
Someone with feet.
Someone with feet?
That's fantastic.
I do want to point out.
Someone with feet.
That's fair because some people have treads.
Precisely.
Including you, Dverg.
Yeah.
There is one person who's been present at every turn that I would like to point out.
Our dear friend, the law speaker.
And he sent us on an impossible mission to start with.
He tried to get us killed.
He got most of us killed.
And now we're back in a giant thing is trying to kill us again.
It must be the law speaker.
So CJ is trying to frame your boss.
I was thinking I was due for a promotion.
And he didn't promote you, did he?
No.
And he sent you out here with us to die.
He did, didn't he?
Did he?
Did you see that thing?
Did you see what it did to your partner?
And he sent us out here without an army, without support to fight it?
Us, me, the tree, the robot, the thing?
He said I could.
And he also said I would be at the front of the pack.
I remember him saying something like that.
Ljomi says if only there had been some other clue, some tiny little thing that we might have noticed.
Some strange behavior in anyone.
He's staring at the detective.
Any strange behaviors we saw in anyone.
And sort of kicking his head as much as he has one.
His woody head towards the taller members of the group.
Yes, and I'm pretending like I'm not noticing what you're saying.
I'm pretending because I'm picking up on something.
And since something occurred to me that someone went in there and picked something secretive up.
Which I'm sure is nothing.
It's none of your business is what it is.
Well why don't you tell us what it is.
Empty your trousers.
I beg your pardon.
Drop them.
While the argument ensues.
Ljomi, this is where your Dream Sight comes in.
Nice.
Behind you, shambling towards you are...
Oh, that's not a good word.
A group of moldering bodies that look like they are animated by a terrible rage.
Two of them are dressed in the livery of Finnbogi's servants.
Decapitated.
In the ancient ritual they are for obvious reasons as silent as the grave.
A third shuffling body looks like the corpse of your old colleague, broken and mangled.
Two other bodies, corpses shuffling towards you are the two bullet ridden bodyguards you shot at as the adventure began.
All of these grave thralls are marching towards you, their hands outstretched.
Well, it's the consequences of everything we've done all the time.
As a reminder, there is a blood red scar streaking across the sky that has partly blended into the maroon hues of the Blue Hour,
but very definitely connected to the prognostications of Daniel in Spikborg.
Jay, would you be so kind as to give me a dice 20 roll and I'm gonna make this an extreme trauma event,
because not only are these creatures horrifying, it involves your dead partner.
11.
And roll 4, dice 6 and take the highest one away.
The highest one away, so 6 away.
Is this a deviant situation?
You subtract 6 from the 11, but...
Unless your deviancy involved necrophilia, then no.
In my case, I never could have didn't.
Yeah.
Grettir Greycloak, one of the creatures that you see emerge from this ravening pack of undead,
is yet another familiar figure to you, dressed in the garb of a stableman.
Hulief.
Hulieff, the horse gelder that has also returned to life, and between these grave thralls they all reach out to you
and begin to rip at your flesh, to strangle you.
You can do nothing because you are so overcome with fear and terror at the onslaught,
you back away, back away constantly, stepping back, trying to dodge these creatures,
trying to evade their grasp from the grave.
You step back one too many times.
Make a sleight roll, please.
And because you are afraid, I need three woes on this.
Oh.
Oh, God, okay.
What was the d20, Jay?
One.
You may not need to roll the others.
Oh, no.
Ljomi offers, this is fine. It is, it's fine. This is fine.
Oh, it's not fine.
I, okay.
So, yeah, I rolled a one and then I rolled the four.
You are doing a possible impression of the birdman of Hjalpmakarr as you plummet over the edge of the troll's tongue,
taking the corpse of Huleif, the horse gelder, with you.
You spiral through the air, falling 700 meters until your ultimate demise.
Oh.
The last thing that goes through your mind, I don't know, is your face.
My own face?
Your own face goes through your mind.
Wow.
The rest of you turn because you hear a guttural, wobbling voice call out,
Here's Bjarnie.
Oh, shit.
Ljomie says again, this is fine. This is fine.
It's not so much a cliffhanger as a cliff tumbler.
I like that one.
The Vikings and Valkyries podcast is hammered together by a dedicated team of skalds and smiths.
Please don't forget to like, share and sacrifice to the old gods.