A harrowing howl echoes through the frigid northern air as the terrifying sea serpent
devours the rudder, causing the stern to splinter and the sea to seethe.
The beleaguered vessel beneath your feet begins to take on water, groaning as the ice flows
raked against the hull. The cries of fearful Jotnar sailors are partly masked by the grim
retorts of their rifles, but there is no mistaking the panic.
Welcome to Vikings and Valkyries.
Okay gang, what's the plan?
Plan? I suggest panic.
Okay, so we're all on the boat and is Joe...
Well I suppose we ought to introduce Joe. What I was trying there was a cold open, as
they call it in the biz. See, it was a little pun because not only was it cold, it is cold
because you're in the middle of the Arctic. So that was a scene setter for you. But we
do need to introduce Joe. Joe is the author of the comic Vikings vs Samurai and he's joining
us today full of drengr and bushido. And I invited him on because I wanted to show
everyone how a real Viking takes care of business. So Joe, tell us a little bit about yourself,
your role playing pedigree and a moment or two on your epic comic.
Okay, well for background, I've been playing role playing games since I was 12. There was
a 30 year gap in between, but got back into it. Most recently I played some Mothership,
I played some Zasarkala, which is like really super grim dark. So grim dark it was ridiculously
fun and some Dark Heresy. So yeah, I'm back into the thick of it. So I appreciate the
invite. As far as my character goes, he's a Jotnar. And if I get the name right, it's
Akrath. So he's big, he's huge, he's a marine, he's a sailor. I'm a battle scarred veteran,
thick and burly. My arms are huge, like a gorilla, strong like a bull. And I'm the right
hand man or cabin boy to Captain Daniel. So that is myself. And as far as Vikings versus
Samurai, the pitch is right there in the title. It's Vikings duking it out with Samurai. If
you want to learn more, just go to Vikings versus Samurai.com. But enough of that. I'm
here to play.
I did think because we've had that cold open, we ought to do a little bit of an icebreaker
as well before we dive into things. Again, I like to just do this to give you the opportunity
to earn some inspiration. And you can use those inspiration points to reroll the dice
and turn a failure into a success a bit later on. So I have here three phrases that are
related to the current crisis. And I'm going to read them to you in Old Norse. And if you
can tell me what they mean and the film that they are from, then I will introduce unto
you an inspiration point. Okay, so the first one is this. Þurfa munu vér skip stærra
Oh, yeah.
I used to have one of those.
Yeah, that was the Romeo and Juliet with DiCaprio in it, I believe.
Very close. Certainly a love affair of sorts. I thought I heard something and it sounded
like ship.
You did. You heard the word skip, which is the Old Norse precursor to ship.
So love affair involving a ship. That's more the purview of Bill's character, I think.
The old man in the sea. I don't know. I'm kind of guessing.
Now, wait, have you translated these from your you're basically giving us a line from
an existing film that was not in that dialect? Is that right?
Yes, they didn't make too many films in the Viking Age.
Yeah, well, I was going to guess 13th Warrior every single time that maybe it would have
been from that Antonio Banderas, of course, as a Viking.
I'm going to give it to you.
You didn't speak Norse in that movie.
No, you're right.
I'm going to give you the answer then.
OK.
It actually means we're going to need a bigger boat.
Right.
From the movie Jaws.
One down, two more to go.
This second one, again, appropriate for the setting that you're facing.
Því eru þat ætíð slǫngr.
That which does not kill you makes you stronger?
A little bit too literal, but you were I think you were picking up on the slonger.
Try and bring it back to what you're currently dealing with.
The stoor worm.
Give you a little clue.
Is it a beach trout?
I want to talk about the beach trout again.
You were very close, but I'm still not going to give you any inspiration.
You always say very close.
It was.
Yeah, and we're nowhere near.
Why does it always have to be snakes from Vagis?
Oh, I actually was.
OK.
And one last one, which is Eigi ero þetta velmennin er leitar þú at.
A good I know, but I don't.
I want to give everyone else a chance.
That's very kind of you.
I think now would be a good time to specify that all of my research that I've done is
about Viking invasions in France and England, where they didn't leave anything written behind.
So Old Norse is not my forte.
I can do French and Latin, but you study the interesting stuff.
I study what other people tell us.
Not a clue.
Sorry.
That one is these are not the droids you're looking for.
My word.
Wow.
There's an old word for droid.
Well, men in his means machine man.
This being a very old Norse being a very poetic language where they just splice words together.
And so they they do a lot of those compound words.
And it is perfectly possible to take those old movie phrases that one from Star Wars,
obviously, and translate them into Old Norse to be fair, CJ, don't think that I was able
to do that myself.
I have the help of an Icelandic professor of medieval literature.
Was this more of an obviously more of an Icelandic dialect?
No wonder Bill didn't get it.
Yeah.
No, thanks, Steve.
I didn't want to bring that up.
It felt petty, but I appreciate your support.
For Bill's benefit, I'm going to do a quote from the 13th warrior.
Go hide in a hole if you like.
You won't live one instant longer.
Nice.
Yeah.
Very good.
I will translate that to Old Norse in the background.
All right.
We will resume with the action.
Like I said, the harrowing howl has echoed through the frigid northern air.
There is a thud and the remnants of your former friend, Erik splatter onto the deck.
Daniel the head man roars as he turns around and he sees the huge store worm rising above
the boat, dripping with venom and seawater.
And he cries out, how fucking dare you.
I'm the king of the bears.
From hell's heart I stab at you, you damn snake.
Now we do have a little bit of rolling to do, I'm afraid, because this is a frightening
beast and it was also quite a traumatic event to see your friend gruesomely snatched from
the deck and crunched into bones.
Above the table comment, I feel like we're getting used to this sort of thing now.
I was thinking exactly that.
You get used to it after a while.
Eir and Ljomi are going well, there you go.
I wouldn't want you to get complacent, but I will require if you please a couple of rolls
from you and these are our will challenge rolls.
This huge devilish horned beast with its maw ringed with razor sharp teeth that have just
devoured your erstwhile colleague is a grim sight.
I rolled an 18 minus one, so a 17.
I rolled 13 plus three, which is 16.
Very good.
CJ?
Gigi got a seven plus zero.
I got a two.
Okay, so Joe Bakrauf got a two to start off with.
Minus one.
So your initial entry into the foray is to be trembling into your boots whilst the various
denizens of death, the álfar and the dökkálfar are actually relatively fine.
CJ, in the interest of being a generous games master, I will remind you that your gift of
nature for being a euphor is to have the steadfast ability you can counter at that trident tree.
Oh, I get to roll again.
I will take it.
Three.
No better.
Well, I did try and make a man of you.
I'm throwing this thing out.
Yeah, you tried.
I did try and make a man of you, but unfortunately that was no use whatsoever.
On the back of that, CJ, this was your esteemed friend and colleague.
He's never again to see his like.
That's going to cause you trauma.
So if you give me yet another will challenge roll, please.
19.
You aren't going to take any extra trauma, but for the next three turns, you are frightened.
That means that when you do anything, you're going to do it with three woes.
The same applies to you, Joe.
So whenever you're going to roll a dice 20, you're going to roll three dice six alongside
it and you're going to take the highest of those numbers.
You're going to subtract it from your dice 20 roll.
That's the way the wheels and woes work as a swing of the pendulum.
Steve and Bill, you have got a kind of steely gaze and a resilient carapace.
You're used to this.
Perhaps it's all of those centuries in the afterlife, but you are still a little bit,
a little bit maudlin about the demise of poor Eric.
So can you just also give me a will roll for that speech, please?
A will roll, you say?
A will roll.
Yeah, three minus one.
18.
Steve is like a man of steel.
Like he's rock.
Stone.
I am, yes, the rock.
Hearts of stone, exactly.
Bill, I'm going to give you one trauma.
Perhaps the various bugs that chitter up and down your body have more of a conscience than
you do.
We've heard a little bit from Daniel who has yelled at the beast.
He turns to you, Gigi, and he says, fucking hell, I choked for your mate, but do me a
solid and lug it in the cake hole.
Now I'm frightened, correct?
You're frightened.
Now we're going to start combat, which means that you can choose to take a fast turn or
a slow turn.
When you take a fast turn, you can either move or use an action.
When you take a slow turn, you can do both.
I'd like to go first, if I may.
Eir is getting ready to cast a spell, you can tell because the metal inlays in his body
have begun to glow.
And he's muttering, really, about an evil eye that he can summon, because he's an abomination,
this is the thing he does.
And it has the best chance of working if we haven't actually attacked it yet.
So if he can convince everyone to hold off just a moment while he stands forward and
gets ready to do something foolish.
You're effectively acting like a snake charmer on a colossal scale, standing in front of
this creature with a ring of teeth.
And you're going to look at it in its many beady eyes and try and use your seidr spells
to get it to retreat to the icy depths.
That's what we're describing, is it?
Yeah.
You stand in the boat, start muttering the words of a spell and trying to bend it to
his will.
It's audacious.
Thank you.
And how do you propose relaying this information to Gigi, who is in conversation with Daniel
and frightened?
Just stand up face to face, put a hand out and say, I've got this.
I, you know, me says I've got a bad feeling about it.
Oh, I don't get me wrong.
There is only one slight.
There is one slight flaw with.
Oh, there's more than that.
There are seven slight flaws.
The the scene that I set in the very beginning talks about the grim retorts of the rifles
from the jotunn whalers.
Upon seeing the creature, they immediately began a barrage of fire in an attempt to drive
it off.
Right.
So when it says if you or members of your group attack the target, we're talking a very
loose, very extended, extended concept of group to include people in the boat that we really
don't like.
Yes.
Well, never mind that open fire.
The stoor worm is is not making the distinction between you and the Jötnar sailors.
As far as it's concerned, you're all edible morsels.
Then I think it's a bit classist.
Also murderous.
In that case, Gigi will look at Daniel and say, you're the one who said you wanted to
stab it.
Go stab it.
Well, look at me, Guvnor.
You clearly said you wanted to stab it.
You should go stab it.
You got claret all over your clobber, chief.
Ljomi starts casting weapons song in preparation of charming Gigi's weapon so he can do more
damage should he decide to fight.
CJ, Daniel's response to you is to say, do what?
I'm having a ding dong with Loki's brood and you're giving me grief.
Would you Adam and Eve it?
Get in there.
Lost your bottle av you? give it a wallop.
Sounds like you're the coward to me.
Well, fortunately, being lashed by rain, no can see the fact that I pissed myself.
Encouragement from the captain.
Do I have any resolve to fire?
Am I still a coward?
Well, you're perfectly able to level a shot.
It's just your hands are somewhat shaky.
You're fumbling as you as you reach for the rifle and adding in the ammo.
All right.
So I'm going to grab one of my crewmates and use them as a shield and fire off around with
my rifle.
Give me a sleight roll.
So I got a 17.
So plus one.
Did that make?
Oh, wait, wait.
Don't I have to roll my 3D6?
All right.
So I got a six.
That was my high roll.
So that's been done to like a 12, I guess.
In which case you fire high and wide.
The shot misses the creature, although it does fix its row of beady eyes on you, staring
malevolently in your direction as if you might be its next meal.
All right.
Well, the person I'm using as my crewmate that I'm using as a shield, I'm pointing
to him like...
You've obviously learned from listening to previous episodes that that is generally what
these guys do.
So Bill, you started your song in the hope that CJ would do something.
The weapons song invigorates the recipient.
So CJ, were you to fire your own ornate runic pistol at the beast, you would do something
so with one wheel?
Lovely.
Well, in that case, Gigi will lit out a very long sigh and then pull his gun and aim it
at the beast and fire this pistol.
Oh, that's not good.
So I got a 15 minus eight.
So what are the individual D6 scores?
Four and four.
Okay.
So you take the...
When it's a woe, you take the highest dice.
So since they're both four, they're equal.
So you rolled 15 minus four.
So it's an 11.
11.
Yeah.
Ah, woof.
Okay.
Still within the sphere of, oh no.
Again, this is a massive target, a huge great creature that has emerged from the ice enticed
by the fresh blood.
It slithered up the side of the ship and is now munching into the gunwhales, but your shot,
perhaps fired with a trembling arm, goes wide of the beast.
Now on its turn, the stoor worm continues to crawl up the side of the Swan Hvitr.
It's a slithering mass of these tiny eyes, rows of knife-like teeth, and it latches on
to the rudder.
It's trying to tear the ship apart.
And all around you, the terrified crew are firing their guns, but they barely deter the
creature.
So we will go to the top of the next round where Daniel takes the fast turn and he yells
out, fucking hell, don't just stand there Bakrauf looking like a tit in the trance.
I'm off.
Into the fisherman's door.
Let's get out of here.
He executes a swift dive, clambering to the side of the ship and plunging into the icy
water before powering away towards shore.
Look creature, food.
Go fetch.
I'm going to, I have six rounds of that same spell, so Ljomi continues to cast the spell
on CJ's runic pistol, as described.
You can, whilst singing, do something else.
What Yomi does is steps up behind the new giant, Bakrauf, and in the same fashion that
Bakrauf is pointing at the crewman in front of him, I am pointing at Bakrauf in front
of me, while singing and casting a spell on CJ.
Got a whole little sort of conga line going, if you will.
I don't know how to say that in Old Norse.
And you know how a Serpent works in that it's got this elongated body.
It could just sequentially munch you off.
Yeah.
It's nice of you to line up as an amuse-bouche.
Well, we're excited.
What can I say?
Can CJ take a glance around the ship?
What's around the ship?
Are we just out in the middle of clear water?
Is there anything nearby?
Yeah, how far from shore?
You are probably 200 meters.
What's that, 250 yards?
Something like that from shore, it would be possible to swim there, but somewhat daunting
in the icy cold arctic waters.
Around you though are these splintering and groaning flows of ice, and it might be possible
to either jump onto one of them or to scurry down the side of the ship.
Again, CJ, just in the interests of helping you out with your runic spells, there is at
least one spell in your repertoire that would enable you to alight with a plumb.
Although you would have to have taken it and perhaps you haven't got the full complement
of spells.
In which case, I apologize for giving you false hope.
You were going to the bottom of the sea.
Yeah, I don't think I have that.
Davey Jones's icy locker.
Actually speaking of which, yeah, I think that would probably be my action.
Is to climb off the boat and sink.
I assume I sink, I'm made of stone, and then I'll walk calmly to shore.
Yes, you would as a dokkalfar, as a living statue, you would plunge into the icy depths
and sink as far as the ocean bed.
Now whilst you don't need to breathe, I think that the rigid water would have something
to say.
I'm not immune to the cold and you might just freeze down there for all eternity.
A new type of cage for you.
So just give that a little thought as to whether you think that's entirely wise.
Well, it'll be above freezing.
I'm perfectly happy for you to attempt it.
I'm just not sure when, if in all of your several centuries on Midgard, you have ever
plunged into any icy, arctic depths before.
Well he did jump off the troll's tongue that one time, but he probably broke everything
at the time, so I'm not sure if he would have experienced the cold in quite the same way.
Some of the other Jötnar sailors around you are doing exactly what you just suggested
and are either dive bombing or cannonballing into the water, casting aside their rifles
in fear and panic, perhaps discretion being the better part of valor.
They are all swimming their way to shore without so much as glancing back at you.
What's Ljomi doing?
Is he still standing there trying to helpfully point out other people as targets?
Well, and I'm also essentially blessing Gigi's weapon.
Okay.
I do have a spell that would do something fairly effective, I think.
So Gigi's going to go, ah, I remember now, and cast Sharp Runes on his own pistol.
And here's what Sharp Runes does.
Mark the target weapon, or loaded ammunition, so I guess he'll do it to the bullet, and
cause it to become highly penetrative for the duration.
Whenever a creature attacks with the weapon, gets a 20 or higher on its attack roll and
exceeds the target number by five or more, the target of the attack takes 2d6 extra damage.
Lovely.
I worry that this thing has maybe hundreds of hit points, but I guess we don't know.
Roll like the wind, Gigi.
Let's find out.
Hey, so do the woes count if I roll a 20?
Be a wind lord.
Would that be a critical success?
Different game system, man.
You can't...
I didn't get it, so...
You can invoke the Lords of D&D, Lords of Water.
This is V&V.
So unfortunately I rolled a seven with my woes.
Would you like to describe how far wide the shot goes?
Perhaps it ricochets off a nearby iceberg.
He almost hits Daniel.
Who's busy free-styling his way to shore.
Alright, so Steve, did you decide on your action, what you wanted to do?
No, I'll just sit and wait and see what happens.
An alpha of action.
Joe, what is Bakrauf thinking right now as the stoorworm devours the rudder and begins
to gulp down huge chunks of timber?
Alright, you tell me if I can pull this off.
What I would like to do is I'm still throttling my crewmate and using him as a shield.
I'd like to fire off a round and then jump off the ship and use my crewmate as a flotation
device.
You can certainly attempt that.
So you want to fire first?
Yes.
Alright, so make your roll.
Alright.
Have a taste of my leg.
Oh man, I got a five minus one minus, let's see, my woe.
Oh, I'm like a negative one.
So whilst the boat doesn't need any more holes, you managed to put another one in the deck.
Now give me a, we're going to make a might attack roll.
So this is one that is opposed by your former friend who is not best pleased about being
dragged around like a human shield and tries to both avoid your grapple and grasp and also
struggle back to place you in front of a beast instead.
Alright, do I still have to use my woe roll for this as well?
You do.
Fortunately, he's also equally terrified.
Having a beast of myth and legend emerge from the depths is enough to cause anyone to have
conniptions.
Alright, well, I'm, fortunately, I am at a four with my woe roll.
So I did three plus four.
Your dance partner evades your grasp and with a laugh and a sneer disappears over the side
of the boat.
The stoor worm itself now begins to constrict the hull much like a serpent would with its
foils tightening around the vessel, splintering the wood.
Now you realize that you are the only crew members left on board the Svanhvitr.
Everyone else has had the good sense to dive into the arctic waters and make their way
towards shore.
Now it's not to say that the beast might not pluck them from the water, but right now it
seems intent on smashing the boat to smithereens, that the hefty mast is ripped to pieces as
if it were a matchstick.
Round three.
So it's not attacking us yet.
Do you know that scene in Jaws where it kind of takes out the back of the boat and then
Robert Shaw's character slides down into the mouth?
Doesn't necessarily need to attack you if it can shovel you into its moor using gravity
as a scooper.
Nice.
Is there a large piece of ice I could stand on or Gigi could stand on?
There's certainly one that you could attempt to vault on.
Are my rock and tree friends still nearby?
Are they still on the boat?
Yeah, for now.
We're considering options, I would say, at this point.
So she's just going to turn to them and say, you rock man and you tree man, there's ice
there, jump, it's old jump, go.
And then I'm going to use my turn to leap off the boat onto this piece of ice that is
however large you have not described in the hopes that we can get out this thing.
You can spy a fairly substantial piece of ice that would be, let's say, the size of
a garden deck.
So something you could land on quite comfortably.
Were you able to make this slight roll, showing off your nimbleness, your dexterity, your
poise and grace under fire, if you can give me a slight roll again with those
woes, unfortunately.
I got a 19 and my first roll was a 1.
Oh darn it, 6.
But even so, 13 is enough, whilst it wasn't quite the Olympian dive that you might have
pulled off were you back at the All Asgard Games, it's certainly functional and despite
almost losing your footing as you go over the gunwhales, you land on the ice floe and
you may wish to punch the air in triumph.
Alright.
Ljomi, you next or me?
You can go ahead.
Don't forget, don't forget, well, Joe, just because Bakrauf is new to the team, you
can't just...
Well he seemed, you know, biggest and most able to survive a giant serpent, so, you know,
that's...
Yeah.
Go on, Joe, go for it.
Yeah.
Joe, you need to give me a slight roll if you are escaping over the side.
Alright, I got a 3.
I'm not having the best of rolls today.
The Norns are not smiling on you today.
There's an old Norse phrase, none shall outlive the night when the Norns have spoken and, Joe,
it's not looking great.
You splash heavily into the water, perhaps it's a belly flop and you immediately begin
to sink into the icy depths.
If you would also give me a might challenge roll, exactly the same thing again, and I
tell you what I'm going to do, I'm going to remove the woes at this point because we're
going to say that the icy water has done a lot to bring you back to a full alertness.
Right into the drink I go and I get a 10.
Which is just enough.
You manage to just rest one of your huge muscled gorilla-like arms on the ice floe ready to
pull yourself up next turn.
Alright, Steve and Bill here and Loon.
The last two people on the ship.
Steve sitting there like Rodan's the Thinker.
Yeah, I felt like I was...
I talked myself out of it before, but you know what?
No, I need to actually try this.
We're going to stand up in the boat.
This is a slow action, right?
So it's action and then movement.
So the action is going to be, yeah screw you giant worm, we're going to try to force it
to my will and what happens happens.
We're going to cast Evil Eye on it.
We're setting new standards for bravery here.
Sure, let's call it bravery.
And so that's a wits attack.
I understand I get one woe because we've been fighting it, but at the same time I'm deep
minded so I get one wheel so on the face of it, it looks like a flat roll.
It looks like the mathematics might work in your favor.
I don't know if I'd say that, but they may not be sharply against me.
So you are making a wits attack roll against its will.
Yes, that would be a seven.
That was worth a try.
The stoor worm glittering in the winter sun simply continues to hiss and chomp its dead
yellow fish eyes staring in your direction.
It seems almost to not have noticed your attempt to ensorcel it.
Then I will say screw this in a loud clear voice and hop to the nearest ice floe or try
to give me a slight roll.
It's this should be good.
That would be nine.
Road 11 minus two narrowly, so narrowly.
I'll take it.
So you edge to the side of the vessel, the Swan Hvitr, with your sailor staff in hand
preparing to jump to the nearest ice floe.
Instead, you do drop like a proverbial stone plunging into the depths, disappearing beneath
the icy waves before anyone can do anything to grab you.
You're in Terminator when he holds his thumb up as he disappears below the surface.
That except really quick.
I'm not sure how far down you'll go because I don't know offhand the depths of the continental
shelf off the coast of Heimslit.
But I will.
You don't?
That's the first thing you've ever not known.
I'm making a note here.
I'm going to say that there's at least a kilometer of inky darkness before you get to the seabed.
You said we're 200 meters offshore.
That's a hell of a drop.
It's one of those oceanic ravines.
Oh, this is going to take a while.
Bill, you were last seen pointing at various other people who have now jumped off the boat.
So presumably you are just now following them with your fingers as they disappear to the
horizon.
Yes, I'm delicately inching to the edge of the boat and Ljomi leaps for the ice flow,
majestically trying to emulate the apparent attempted bravery from yet another fallen
comrade.
Can I just ask, because you are a father to so many insect children, have you thought
about the children?
Won't you think about the children?
Ljomi's attitude towards this is it is a harsh world and they have to learn some time.
Okay, so you can always get new bugs.
I don't like to say it that way, but the story of Job comes to mind.
You get new bugs, everyone's good.
But if all your bugs flap their wings at the same moment, would that help you?
I'm not sure your ideas are really standing the test of the moment here, Eir.
Thank you so much.
Plus what I heard from you was, all right, good luck.
You're on your own.
Yeah, bubble, bubble, bubble, bubble.
Okay, give me a slack roll then as we attempt to see where the iron would fling.
This is going to be roll of the evening.
Guarantee it.
18 plus 2.
Yes.
Roll of the evening.
I do a double summer salt and land with a twirl.
At least in your mind.
I managed to not fall into the water like certain other people.
I'm also going to remind you, we're well into episode 4, and the notion of these inspiration
points that can turn failure into success appears to be a rule that you want to ignore.
Is it too late for Eir to suddenly have an inspiration before he falls into a kilometer
of icy water?
My character sheet says I don't have any.
Is that not accurate?
The group has some.
You have a group pool of inspiration points.
You don't know how many there are.
They are a finite resource you may try and use with them and find out that the collective
has no more to spare, but they represent the interference of the gods, the hand of destiny
guiding you.
Something to reflect on as you continue to descend.
What was the name of that submersible that went in search of the Titanic?
What was that called?
Eir, obviously.
The one that imploded.
I had a lack of air by the end.
Perhaps there's some flotsam and jetsam, some detritus and some wreckage that is bobbing
somewhere near you and you might want to...
If anything comes within reach, we will try it.
And you want to...
Maybe that's the sort of thing that...
Feeling inspired, feeling the hand of the gods upon your shoulder, that might be what
you want to reach out for.
Okay, and how would I do that?
By merely saying the words, I would like to use an inspiration point.
Okay, I would like to use an inspiration point.
Again, being a benevolent one-eyed god, I do like to keep you from dying.
But you can use that inspiration point.
You may not have many left in the collective tank, but you are able to reach out to a bit
of the mast as it topples into the water, the whole vessel is now tilting, listing at
an alarming rate as the store worm crunches through the hull and you're able to grab hold
of the mast and at least haul yourself out of the inky depths now.
The stoor worm this round slinks back into the sea and may be attracted by the threshing
of your fellow yacht mast sailors.
It rears from the water, rises up and then plunges back down engulfing one of the yacht
mast sailors and then with a splash submersing itself below the water once more and drifting
below the ice flow that Gigi is on and that Bakrauf is clinging to.
You see its huge elongated form shimmy below the ice flow and disappear into the depths
itself.
The ship rises temporarily averted.
What would you like to know?
Gigi is going to help Backrauf Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph
Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph Bach Ralph
he's going to make he's going to retire and make some bosses for us.
Let's get him onto the onto the snow.
I'm going to put I'm going to help him out of the water and onto the ice.
Or could we use a tree man to swim ashore?
There's enough room on this ice for you.
Let's get you dry first.
All right then.
So what's what's around us?
I mean we're on one piece of ice.
Are there more pieces of ice?
You're on you're on one piece of ice you could with a hop skip and a jump perhaps make
it all the way to shore.
There are several hopskips and jumps some of those platforms may well be more precarious
than others but it's it's not beyond the realms of possibility.
There are also plenty of other ships in Daniel's fleet that were out there the whalers that
were herding the pod of whales to shore and you're fairly sure that if you raise the
hue and cry and hollered loud enough that someone would come and pick you up from the
ice floe now that the storm threat has abated.
If the captain if Captain Daniel's nearby he would be my top priority I would like to
snatch him and pull him onto the ice floor with us.
And that is very thoughtful.
Daniel having leapt into the water is well on his way to shore.
Yeah right.
And because they're they're hardy, Jötnar souls who are used to these Arctic temperatures
they probably shrug off the effects of the cold.
When they are on land you'll notice that they they daub themselves in blubber and fat in
order to get warm very quickly.
As you do.
So let us shimmer dissolve let us assume that a whaling ship picks you up heralded by Bak
rauf who as a kind of first mate can ensure that you all embark safely and are brought
to shore and whether you were fleeing to a mast and rescued or whether you were pirouetted
gracefully onto the ice floe and stood there looking sublime and Olympian either way you're
brought on board the rest of the whaling flotilla and brought to safety where on the shore you
are met by Daniel and Daniel's cohorts.
Fucking hell Bakrauf you're a proper diamond geezer eh?
Last man standing.
That's right captain.
Oh it could have been you being go down with the ship last man and all.
Ah that's as maybe.
We're all killers on land and sea.
Kings and serpents all.
Well where do you are this captain?
Well I promised these fine gentlemen a feast that's what's the order of the day.
I've been told I've got a great skaldic poem coming to me something that honours me old
man in the inner fitting tradition and besides I still want to get my hands on all of that
lovely gold under the tundra I want the land deed and you are gonna get it for me.
Lovely have you got have you have you taken the intervening week to compose your skaldic
verse?
Oh for Daniel yes yeah yeah absolutely he thinks.
Well that's I have it right here.
Yes it's ready to go I mean it is a it is a spell for my class here so I'll just cast
enthralling performance.
Wonderful very very sly.
Alright you are led back into the town of Spitborg and you will be relieved to know
that Daniel turns to you and says I haven't seen anything quite like it outside the funny
farm but you did alright by me I lift the curse the land spirits and their and the peril
that they have caused is undone.
Ah thank you.
Now I can't wait to hear about this poem see to my understanding to produce a mighty book
you must choose a mighty theme no great and enduring saga was ever written on a fucking
plea.
What have you got?
Tell you what give me a few minutes while we've been out getting the blubber pot filled
well the rest of the fellas they've been on a bear and and we're gonna have a right old
feast right old knees up there's gonna be more than you can possibly eat.
All laid out in front of you what do you say to that?
Sounds wonderful set the mood.
Well in terms of setting the mood as you are brought into the great mead hall that sits
in the center of town you are all announced by these melodious tones of clanging frying
pans bashing kettles and clashing potlids and you are invited to this stupendous meal
of whale meat, bear stew and salted blubber.
Now Joe this is obviously a party repast for most people but for you this represents weeks
of effort and borderline starvation that your people have suffered threatens to go away
now with this with this great and sumptuous meal.
So who is supposed to do the skaldic poetry?
Is that Gigi?
Do you want Gigi to do to do an actual poem?
It was the skaldic poetry so don't be disappointed in the great man you hear.
It was the cadence and the tone by which he said it like you you want me to take the dog
out for a walk in this.
The captain's generosity knows no bleeding boughs it don't.
Now by the way by the way.
Are you ready?
By the way just bear in mind last week Mike playing Erik did his poem thinking that it
would sway the sea serpent and look where that got him.
Top crown.
All right.
This is this is wonderful.
Ode to Daniel's father the bear hunter of your tune.
This is great in the lands where shadows stretch and shiver where mountains breathe and rivers
quiver lived a your tune fierce of name untold with might unmatched and spirit unbowed.
They called him the bearsbane terrors called the father of Daniel feared by all a giant
amongst giants strength refined with heart of stone and iron mind to frozen woods he
strode alone with sharpened spear and granite bone tracking beasts of tooth and claw who
dared to tread where giants saw.
The bears would rise with furies raw yet fell like leaves upon the floor his laughter
echoed through the night a victor sound of strength and night.
Whoa.
Crikey Moses me old China.
That's a that's a fucking masterpiece.
I'm going to bleed it tears.
I can't say it was particularly about me old man considering that he was men folk and never
set foot on your nine.
But a little bit of reworking.
I think we can edit it and we'll call it the king of the bears and we'll just change it
around.
So it's about me.
Sounds lovely.
Wonderful.
Here it comes.
Drink up.
I've got the finest ale in all Spikborg here ready for you to consume.
It's made little local recipe little touch of fermented whale testicle.
We like to steep it in steel done.
Will you invite I'll have some Ljomi says and steps forward and delicately slips part
of a root ball into the tip of the thing.
The fat I assume and encourages some of his children to to partake of the delightful nectar
of the gods.
Anybody else having having a hearty quoff of this you can be a quick question.
I don't have to drink but what happens if I do usually just wait a minute.
Are you still underneath the waters?
Oh that's a good question.
Where how far did I get?
I said through the use of the inspiration point that you would grab onto the mast right
and be able to haul yourself ashore.
So I didn't make it on time.
Okay.
I'm assuming that you are in this needle with everybody else not just left behind on a sinking
ship bobbing up and down going well this is typical.
I think he's turning into Marvin the Martian.
I think basically what would happen if you tipped the flag and it would just pull down
your ornate stony front.
That's what I figured.
You don't have the various pipes and yeah particularly in order to digest this stuff
which is a shame because you're going to be missing out on on whale testicles smoked in
the sea.
I will shut him aside and take a big gulp.
This puts hair on me already hairy chest it does.
I believe Grjotgarth has not quite understood what exactly it is that everyone's drinking
and doesn't recognize it as anything of value.
And so kind of crosses his arms recoils a little bit and disgusts and says I think I'll
pass thank you.
Well you're right it's certainly not the mead of poetry but Daniel is somewhat offended
that you won't take a sup of his local ale.
Joe and Bill I'm going to ask you to make a might challenge roll if you would.
This is strong stuff.
18.
For Bakrauf this is something that he quarks on a regular basis and so it has no intoxicating
effect on him whatsoever.
In actual fact you can slam that first one down and reach for another flag and.
I rolled a seven however.
And you slide under the table.
The deck is moving once again.
So Bakrauf you drinking the beer doesn't cause you any problems as I said the ale keeps
flowing around you.
Daniel insists that you match him flagging the flag and so whilst Ljomi is doing a personal
impression of the table by going under the table Gigi's not drinking looking disgusted
air can't drink so it's only Bill that is inebriated.
Well actually again after in the spirit of congeniality what I'd like to do is throw
an alarm around Gigi and just hoist a beer and toss it down his throat laughing all the
while.
Are you going to are you going to go along with it CJ are you going to join in the celebrations.
There's certainly a lot of tub thumping and hurrahring going on because after all today
people were saved from the storm when apart from poor old Eric and you know there is a
there are a few conversations going on about how someone ought to make a toast to the fallen.
Ljomi me says another poll.
I drink.
I drink for the dead bear thing the worm bear thing that we use the.
This is any different from your usual thing.
Are you doing something?
So Gigi taking a look around the room using a little bit of situational awareness realizing
hmm probably not the best day to to refuse drink.
After all that's happened then accepts the flag and handed to him by.
Buckle up.
And he he sniffs it and says might as well and he takes his his.
His Olympian ability to drink mead opens up and drinks back the al.
Give me a my channel then you are a robust fellow perhaps you can pack it away like everyone
else.
And I'm not cursed and I don't and not don't have any well right.
Correct and so just it will be what it will be your your your health is all restored back
to its maximum.
Oh good.
Well maybe not for long.
Thirteen which is fine.
See you you neck that first flag and obviously some of it the more dungy part sticks in your
claw but otherwise you know it's reasonably palatable.
Daniel leans in conspiratorial and says the secret of my paternity lies in a watery grave
and I must learn to live with it.
But we've got to put our thinking caps on.
How do we get hold of this land deed.
It's worth a fortune.
All of the riches of the Arctic Circle and it's mine all mine.
I'm willing to cut you in.
But you see you must understand that I've only met these things recently.
This deed that you speak of is not something I'm aware of.
You must speak with the tree man.
He will have your answers but unfortunately he looks quite incapacitated.
Perhaps this would be a conversation best resumed tomorrow.
I expect that the bear eats a lot.
Bears ice.
Very very very helpful.
He says we're gonna have to put our thinking caps on.
Come up with something.
See weren't always like this.
Back on Jotunheim I had a vision.
Great bear rose out to see it did.
And I heard voices telling me to arise and devour the flesh.
Flesh of the bear.
And Daniel I took on the name from the Christian holy scriptures like a nom de guerre.
Began to trace my roots and that's how I found out that my dear old papa and his illustrious
lineage well they owned this whole land.
My mother told me she said I was the king of the bears.
And that's exactly what I've styled myself.
One of the things that occurs to me is that there's a couple of things that you set out
to do.
The first is to stop the bear hunt which has obviously gone on because you're now eating
lovely bear steak.
I had remembered.
Maybe a little fricassee bear steak.
And the second thing is to fill the blood.
Oi captain did this lot say that someone nicked the deed.
That's fucking right they've half inched it someone has.
Any idea who?
Well I was hoping that they could tell me before the gods have their way.
You've seen the red scar in the sky have you not?
I don't know what's coming but be what it will.
I'll go to it laughing.
Maybe we should put Daniel in touch with Finnbogi Asbjornsson.
They'd have so much to talk about.
I know for what?
Wakey wakey.
Oh Finnbogi Asbjornsson is.
You know him?
Oh thanks Ljomi
So is the good captain familiar with Finnbogi?
That's right.
Finnbogi and bears.
We're not just hunters down this park.
You see we recognise that the bear is a majestic beast.
A noble spirit.
We're not just in the business of slaughtering them.
The reason why we imbibe the bear is to take on its spirit.
To take on its magnificence ourselves.
Could you turn into a bear?
Are you having a giraffe?
Listen most of me and my fellows Backrauf included are devout Ostarrans.
The Isbjorn are a symbol of rebirth.
Do you know that bear cubs are born shapeless?
Their mother gives them form, licks them into shape.
Just like Christendom reforms and regenerates the sinner like you fuckers.
Well when a Jotun captures a cub it cements his legitimacy as ruler.
And that's why we do a little bit of a trade.
You know we capture the bear cubs.
The adults are a different matter obviously.
But the bear cubs I sold some on to Finnbogi not so long ago.
By eating the bears we become closer to the Lord Almighty.
That big fellow upstairs with the beard.
I'm trying to put this together in my head.
I'm having trouble with it.
Little bit of theology too much for you is it?
Above the table Steve.
So the Alfar back in town, the one running the temple for the bears, he wanted us to
get, say the name again Ian sorry?
Oldunger.
He wanted us to try and get the Jotnar to stop hunting and eating the bears.
Then there's the connection back to Finnbogi from these guys.
Maybe I don't know if we try and go after Finnbogi and court again.
Probably not.
I don't know.
Yeah I can't see that either.
I thought I had a thread there.
Yeah I thought I did too.
What's Finnbogi's angle?
What does he think about these folks down here eating bears?
I don't remember if he's upset about it or not.
The only one that is upset about the barbarous practices was Oldunger the Alfar priest at
the Temple of the Bear who laid a charge upon you to stop this benighted dark practice.
That's going to be an uphill climb.
There was a lot of them and not a lot of us.
Not nearly enough of us.
Then there's the deed issue which I'm hoping one of you remembers where it went.
Gigi has no idea.
Well again above the table this is the first mention of the deed is when Daniel started
yelling about it.
It was not something we found.
It wasn't something we saw.
So by sort of deduction I think we've reasoned that it was probably on the person of Bjarni
Bjarnisson who got flung off a cliff.
Even if the story is real I'm still not clear on how Bjarni is the father of Jötnar.
Would you care to ask?
Go on.
Disparentage.
How long does the ale last?
That's a big drink of.
That's why I'm doing all this above the table stuff.
You get some Dutch courage in you.
You can do it.
All right.
OK.
End scene.
Ljomi says to Daniel how is it that Bjarni is your father?
I don't understand.
Not man, he's man.
That's another not man.
It's very confusing.
Don't think too fucking hard.
That's my 11th commandment.
And kick when you can.
That's my 12th.
Anyways I was born Bjarki Bjarneson.
My mother she divorced Bjarni shortly after the evacuation of Kongstein.
Threw in her lot with the Emancipation Movement and delivered her unborn son to the cause.
I became a berserk, fought in the battles around Hnittborg and then when the war was
lost we came in, traveled through the greenways, the troll wives they found us away.
And yes indeed you have seen it with your own eyes.
This is something that is a known quantity or is it a story?
Just asking for a friend.
Quantity I really like.
Have I seen it with my own mince pies?
Can't say I've actually touched it myself but all of the fellas tell them Bakrauf we've
all heard about it.
We've all heard about how Bjarni Bjarneson has got the steed.
Me old mum she told me all about it told me I was a prince in waiting and that when I
returned to this land I would claim my birthright blood and soil eh Bakrauf but but before
I met the old man you went and done him in.
Fucking hell it's enough to make you turn to the bottle innit.
Let's get bladdered.
Wait captain seems sinful to me.
We're going to track down your father's body let him rest in peace and nab your bloody
deed.
That's some good thinking but here's your problem.
The Svanhvitr is at the bottom of the fisherman's door.
We ain't sailing nowhere and these lummoxes chuck the old fella in off the troll's tongue.
How are we going to go and get him from down the bottom of the inked debts eh?
Wait a minute the metal man we just toss him down he'll key get it.
That's some good thinking like a fucking anchor.
We just tie a rope round him and use him to go fishing.
Bloody right.
I think there's something in that you know the means are perfectly sane.
The motive and the object are a bit dodgy mind.
Ljomi briefly wakes up and says but what I don't understand is how he is your father.
Fucking hell come down to me man they're always looking for a barney ain't you.
Leave it at we got something here let me have a think.
Right drink up before we get.
Don't think too hard.
It's your eleventh rule.
One extra question if you will indulge me.
The deed is paper correct?
That's right.
And now it's underwater correct?
Yeah what's your fucking point?
She crosses his arms and stares up in the air looking around and says just thinking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to retrieve by the way the subtleness of the sea.
You saw yourself dreaded creatures gliding under the water hidden below those loveliest
tints of azure.
I'll tell you what I need to think.
You go and say your amends go and say your prayers over the body of the bear that we're
eating.
It's important to make sure that he knows you ain't got the ump with him.
All right and we can pick this up in the morning.
That's right.
So the reason he's suggesting this is because and Bakrauf will know this.
They treat the isbjorn that they've killed with a kind of with great ritual and ceremony
because they need to placate the bear spirit so it won't seek vengeance and the bear spirit
will ultimately return to the wild.
And so when they honor it that spirit will tell other bears about its treatment and they'll
allow themselves to be hunted in the future.
That's at least the theory.
So the dead bear bones are outside.
They're tied to a brass ring and some of the jötnar are singing to it in a ceremonial
way as if to like a mollify and placate that spirit and you're invited by some of the yotnara
priests to contribute to that and to convey your contrition or at least to say just how
tasty the bear was.
It laid out on this rug just outside the mead hall.
Again it's the middle of the Arctic summer so the sun is blazing bright in the sky.
You often much warmth but the bears carcass the bones are lying in front of you and the
priests expect you to say a few words.
Ljomi bows steps back and gestures towards Gigi.
Nudge him forward with great reverence.
When you say when you say bows you mean sways.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Good one.
I should have twigged to that one myself.
Oh don't please don't do that.
Does anyone want to say a few solemn words to the spirit of the bear?
These are kind of shamanistic people and they feel it's appropriate that effectively having
eaten of the bear that you pay respect to its spirit.
I'll encourage everyone to pay attention to the great words that Gigi is about to come
out with.
I bow and gesture.
You should have heard the poem.
Derry's got another one in there.
He is just the best Ljomi has.
All right.
So Gigi opens his hands.
And as you do so you hear a voice behind you.
First you stroke an old woman's groin and offer her bed money.
Then you're away into the wilderness.
There is a.
That's your girlfriend.
A wrinkled woman with a lopsided lip and two protruding teeth and one lolling eye standing
immediately behind you.
I cast a spell.
Which spell?
We're going to start off with.
Yes, I'm going to cast Helm of Concealment.
The metal strips in my body glowing brightly and then I just hide and use this precious
precious minute to be somewhere else.
Okay, so you begin to cast a spell and starting to fade from view and the last things that
you hear from her is I will have you as a plaything and you have a vigorous dangler
that will be far from people between my legs.
And with that you disappear.
All right.
Anyone else want to?
She's she's she's now hunting.
She's stomping.
She's she's peering behind every corner.
You have forfeited our wedding vows.
Your unsteady fastness.
Yomi leans into our residence skull and suggests perhaps a love song for the poor creature.
Another admirer.
I was about to suggest just going on with the bear prayer.
Yeah.
I was just as well.
I didn't charm the snake.
There's going to be a lineup out here.
Bakrauf does not have the words that JG has, but what he will do is he will throw his armor
on the captain and fill a tankard of the testicle Whale bear and say, is he a dearly departed
dad, captain?
And answer the spell to the mighty Yacht-Night Bears.
And just as you chink glasses, you see Daniel go wide eyed and stare over your shoulder
and past the woman who is scouring the mead hall looking for the errant dökkálf.
As you follow his gaze, you notice beyond the intoxicated jötnar who were lying and belching
around the mead hall, you see that the bear itself is the bones are kind of clacking,
are jolting, are knitting together.
And before your very eyes, the skeleton reassembles, doesn't have the muscles, it doesn't have
the sinew, it doesn't have the connective tissue, but the bones are all slowly reforming
into something that is very recognizable as a polar bear skeleton.
These bones are now moving with their own unholy momentum towards you.
Okay, Ljomi steps over to CJ and begins to cast Biting Charms because then your weapon
will do full damage against ghostly creatures.
I'm entirely ghostly, it is corporeal, it's skeletal, it does seem to glow with the iridescent
light shimmering from that scar in the sky.
Before you cast that spell, I would like you to all make yet another will roll in order
to deal with the terrifying sight of this haunt, this undead beast rearing from its ritual grave.
Well, as my first GM used to say, have dice will roll.
16.
Bah, 5.
18 minus 1, 17.
I have a 5 as well.
Not my day for rolls.
There should be a special title for this episode.
Rolls of the Damned.
So, let's deal with those one by one.
Grotgarth, this time you have found yourself made of sterner stuff and you stare down the
empty eye sockets of the skeletal bear, gazing into the void beyond with a chuckle.
Ljomi, I'm assuming that you're too drunk to care.
I mean, I've seen a lot, you know, I mean even just today there's been a lot.
I kind of like the whale testicle beer and I'd really just like to have more of that.
So this is, it's an annoyance more than a terrifying thing.
Steve, luckily for you the helm of concealment has shrouded you from sight and so whilst
your, whilst your jötunn lover is searching for you, the beast cannot see you either but
you are, you are nevertheless shaken to the core whilst in your hidden state.
I'm going to ask you to make...
It's not the bear I'm scared of.
Good, good.
I'm going to ask you to make another will roll if you wouldn't mind for trauma purposes.
For God's sake, Steve.
Big number.
Come on.
Nine.
I'm going to add three trauma to your total.
No, that's not great.
Three more to his total.
And it's seven.
You're also, for the next nine rounds you have the frightened state.
Luckily most of that you will be hidden.
So it depends on what you do from underneath your helm of concealment, one of your, see
the spells.
Joe, you are also frightened as you can see.
If you get some trauma, give me another will roll.
It is not a usual event for the bears that you hunt to arise in this form and as a good
God fearing Christian you lament the rising of the dead.
All right, here we go.
Three.
I do believe your dice is broken.
I was going to go for my other D20 but I'm like, oh no, this I can redeem itself.
So I pissed my trousers again and then when nobody's looking, I throw my tankard of ale
on my trousers and like, all right, I spilt my bloody ale again.
You are not only traumatized taking 3 trauma, you are frightened for six rounds and for
this first round you are stunned.
The appearance of this haunt has meant that you are literally unable to move.
You are petrified.
Daniel behind you sounds almost ecstatic as he says in this kind of religious fervor.
He says, fucking hell, the dead will be raised imperishable and we should all be changed.
He then backs away, his eyes still wide murmuring prayers, his hands clasped together and reaching
for his scepter of office.
He's clutching it almost as if it were a religious icon.
So unfortunately, Joe is unable to do anything.
Steve, you are under the aegis of your spell.
My plan is, I think it's entirely appropriate given the frightened state, is to run like
mad.
Good.
Well, in which direction?
Away from the bear and the scary lopsided woman.
That is the extent of his tactical analysis.
What's your shame score?
Oh, it cannot be measured.
It's an interesting point, because acts of such blatant cowardice in this Norse universe
are deserving of shame and may well be so by the end of this episode.
But he is invisible, so nobody at this point knows he's running away.
The norns are always watching.
Damn those norns.
The fact that also by virtue of being invisible and not becoming visible as soon as there's
danger, I think would be problematic.
I see what you're saying.
Okay, Ian, I was going to be casting the biting charms, but it sounded like maybe that doesn't
do anything in this instance.
Is that right?
It would be impossible to tell until such time as you had used the biting charms and
seeing whether they bit.
Okay, I'm going to do that then still.
On to CJ's runic revolver.
Okay, and will you use that as a fast turn or a slow turn?
And again, just to paint the scene, you have the mead haul to your back with lots of sozzled
jötnar staggering around.
Some of them have gone to their rifles.
It's becoming clear.
A slow turn seems like a good idea.
So I will do a slow turn, cast the spell and then move behind a mighty yacht gnats.
So you're going to head back into the mead haul next to the roaring fire that accompanies
all of these feasts?
Next to the vat of testicle beer, if possible.
Sure.
I like the way you've sandwiched yourself between the flames and the flammable.
As a wooden being, it seems to be kindling yourself.
Exactly.
You might want to make whimpering noises because you're stunned for this whole round.
The only thing that you can do is whimper.
Those were good.
As a congregant of the Church of the New Gods, would Grotgarth recognize this magical creature
as anything other than just a resurrected pile of bare bones?
No.
In all of your travels across the Niu Heimar, you have never encountered anything quite
so chilling as the dead risen from the grave.
This is not a D&D universe where there are revenants like this.
You have heard tales from the halls of Asgard of barrow fiends, of barrow wights, of draugr
who return to haunt the living, but you've never heard of a bear knitting its bones back
together and marching towards everyone with evil intent.
So given that it's bones and there's not a lot to hit with my tiny little bullets, I'm
going to instead draw my ringed sword.
It's a long sword and I'm going to cast sharp runes on it.
That will be your action for this turn.
You can move as well if you want to take a slow turn.
How close am I to the bear?
As of the bear emerging from its place of ritual burial, you're probably ten feet away.
You were over the top, looming over the top, giving it your condolences when it rather
than decided to rear up and rebuke you.
And it's looking right at me, right?
Yes.
You chose to stare it down as a way of overcoming your fear.
All right, Grjotgarth is going to further this trend and stand his ground and brandish his
sword at the thing.
And as you mentioned earlier, laugh.
All right, so you do have two spells active on you now.
Oh, hang on.
You've got the biting charms.
And then what was it that you were casting?
You were just warring your sharp runes.
Sharp runes on the sword.
Right.
However, you use sharp runes once, so you have to use a victory rune, which is your
other one, right?
You've got the Siguruna, the victory runes.
They can be cast.
You've used your sharp runes for today's casting.
Ah, yes.
Didn't you mention that we were healed, though?
Did we not get any rest?
You didn't.
You didn't get any rest.
The curse was lifted.
And so that psychic pain went away.
Ah, OK.
All right.
I misunderstood.
Sure.
Victory runes on the sword.
Let's do it.
Next turn, you've got victory runes and you've got the biting charm active on your sword.
In the meantime, the bone mother, or such as it is called, emerges from the pit clattering,
uphauling itself up on these skeletal claws.
It is lumbering, clearly ungainly on these new limbs, but it does manage to lurch towards
you.
Bakrauf is closest to it and with one of its claws, it swipes, hitting you for nine
damage.
OK.
I still feel safer near the fire and the alcohol.
However, this beast also comes with this terrible curse of brittle bones.
And I need you to please make another Will Challenge roll because you're frightened
this is going to be with four woes.
OK.
So I'm using a different die this time.
Good choice.
All right.
13 minus my one, so that takes it down to 12.
And how many my six-sided am I rolling?
You've got to roll four of those and take away the worst.
Oh, and they were all one.
I can tell from here.
That takes me down to an eight.
You feel this chilling eldritch curse course through your bones, turning your innards cold.
Your bones creak and groan and you feel that they might snap at any moment.
Next time you take damage, you will take one by six extra damage.
Got it.
All right.
We will go into round two.
As I've said, Daniel has backed off wide-eyed, murmuring with religious fervour.
A lot of the Jotnar are very drunk.
Ljomi, you are standing next to the hearth fire.
And Eir has vanished.
The only trace of the dark elf being the kind of soft impressions in the tundra.
I was hoping no one would notice that.
So fast hands.
Yell at everybody.
You can yell at everyone independently of your action.
Just bellowing at people is absolutely fine.
This is an honor-centered world, right?
So Gigi is flabbergasted.
Get up, you cowards!
Get up!
What are you doing?
Don't leave me alone with that thing!
Ljomi is going to shoot an arrow.
I'm already back safely beside the fire and the fire.
You knock your arrow and let it fly.
Roll a slight roll and give me a woe for the inebriation.
Oops.
Slight roll.
I just thought before I did.
Let's not spoil it for the others.
I'm going to still roll the woe.
So the woe is a one, which is extremely lucky.
And my slight is 11, which means I get a plus one.
So, they cancel each other out, which means my natural roll of one stands as it is.
I believe my bow broke and I fell into the fire.
That would be my interpretation.
I think that's reasonable.
Let's go with that.
Your bow twangs, the string breaks, and the arrow flies straight up and straight back
down into the fire next to you where it instantly incinerates.
What it does do is also set fire to the vat of ale, the seal dung, and it's a kind of
noxious brew and it erupts instantly into a boiling, boiling fire.
There is a cloud of vaporized alcohol and then the fire roars out of the cauldron.
So, fermented whale blubber and seal dung make a vital concoction.
Gigi raises his shirt to his mouth.
Oh, God, the smell.
And what would you like to do, CJ?
Take your shot or head for the hills?
Grjotgath just had a tremendous idea.
Right now, he's thinking, wait a minute, aren't we supposed to stop them eating bears?
And now there's something that is more powerful than them that could potentially be helpful.
So, he's thinking, maybe let's not hit the bones.
And let's see if I can't encourage the Jotnar to try and put up a fight and see if that could go our way, potentially, since there's no hope of getting paper deed from the depths of the ocean.
So, I'm going to or sorry, Gigi is going to do a slow turn.
How far is Daniel?
About 10 yards.
Can I make it there on a slow turn?
Yep, your move is 10, I believe.
So, you would run up level with him.
Yep, run up level with him.
Grab him at the shoulders and shake him and say, get it together, man.
Fight this thing.
Rouse your troops and I shall sing for you.
Give me a will attack roll, this will be a social attack roll, to see whether your insistence and your charm overcomes his natural panic at this state of affairs.
I get really excited because I thought I had a plus on will, but I don't, it's a plus zero. 16.
Still pretty good.
You have roused him from his kind of torpor and he says, fucking hell, swear of me, path to my purpose is laid with iron girders. My immortal soul is fucking fated to run.
Well, shit.
Well summarized.
You might find that Bakrauf is able to lead a charge as the kind of fest mate.
Well, not in my current state. I am gibbering right now in fear.
That is true.
But you do have, it is now, it is your turn if you want to take a fast turn or if you want to move and take an action that will be a slow turn in order to escape because you were close proximity from the
bone mother, you will need to use the retreat action in order to not take an attack of opportunity.
Well, let me ask you this because I'm still frightened for another few rounds, this being the second round.
Am I able to do that or am I just in such a state of fear that I'm rooted to the spot?
No, you can certainly back away as you retreat.
I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.
That gets you a little bit away and you move up to half your speed, but you can do so without getting that attack of opportunity that I mentioned buying you a little bit of time.
Okay, so we've had, we've had Bill the Alfar archer.
One of the things about the Viking versus that the Alfar are not the pointy eared elves of Tolkien style who are good at loosing arrows, and you've just demonstrated that.
Well, well, well done. CJ you're trying to slap Daniel around and what you know he's clearly, he's clearly thinking about it.
He's in two minds. And so, because you were successful in your role while he is equivocating, you may find that he is stirred into action.
Next round, Steve, how are those hills that you're high tailing it to? Are they scenic?
Yeah, I mean, do they have undead bears and enormous lopsided women and how she found us here I can only begin to guess.
This is where she lives, right? This is the town. Love will find a way.
No, I thought she, wait, I thought that we, I thought that we charmed her when she came. Oh, she came from here to cast the curse on us so she actually lives here, and we came straight to her hometown.
So, we are geniuses.
So, clearly you were looking for her.
Yeah, as as areas is eating off into the hills pennies are dropping for him. He's having a piece.
Perhaps you should take up jogging because it's obviously good for your, your, your mental keenness.
So, we will go to the bone bear, which then charges and unfortunately background you are still the only person in its immediate vicinity that has done you 11 damage.
Oh, okay.
Plus I have to roll an additional six.
So, one.
Okay, so that takes me up to 12. Oh, that takes me to 21.
So that brings you so your damage is now equal to your health.
Yes.
Now this really is where we determine whether the fates are smiling on you, you are incapacitated and when you are incapacitated, you must make a fate roll to see what happens so the bear barrels towards you, it clatters into again with its claws ripping at your hairy hide, because your brittle bones and the curse that was laid upon you, you succumb to it more than you would have done.
Otherwise, if you roll a d6 for me, and I will tell you what the results of that is to see just whether the norms are smiling and whether you are a favorite of the gods.
I got a roll the two.
The outcome of that fate roll is that you fall prone and slump into unconsciousness, you will die in
one round, unless you are healed. It is a mortal blow you are on the brink of death, you are slipping away to, I would say, Valhalla, but as a good Christian Jötnar you will ascend the stairway to heaven, unless someone can heal you in that short space of time.
Hold on one question.
Is it possible, before I slip into the inky depths, can I apply an energy burst to myself to heal myself, or is that off the table?
No, that's fair enough. You can indeed use a triggered action to give you the energy burst. So we will rewind a little bit, and energy burst is a triggered action that enables you to get back one quarter of your health.
Nice. Great. I will take it.
So you're back to five, right? The margin is five, something like that.
Roughly that, yeah. Okay, five, I'll take it.
So the bear bows towards you, its claws slashing at your chest, but somehow you find inner reserves.
I think that describes it adequately. While it's doing that, I probably fall back and just instinctively use my energy burst to heal myself enough, and I roll away, hopefully, and feigning death. Hopefully the bear will think it killed me.
You are coursing with adrenaline, which keeps you from death's door. I think we are now moving to the top of the next round, so round three.
Daniel yells out to his various Jotnar, most of whom are not much use, but he says, Lord of Bastard in here! We have to set fire to it! Lock it in the mead hall! Bakrauf! Get back in here!
Luckily for you, perhaps you can glean the scope of his plan. You are in what is effectively a burning wooden building, and perhaps it will be possible to bring the creature inside and have everything, the flaming debris, topple on top of it and take it out.
It may well be more effective than the odd arrow. Or do carry on, because it was almost like Alexander the Great was dead.
It was epic. It was epic. Actually, I have tree sight. Ljomi has tree sight. So that means I can find hidden or invisible. Does that mean that when Eir did his little trick, I actually was able to track him?
Correct. Correct. Using your tree sight, which is an ability to detect all kinds of chemical disturbances and fluctuations in air pressure, all of those things that a tree might have, yes, you can get a good sense of where air is.
Furthermore, Your Honor, I posit that, well, can I in fact, can Yomi see anything from his current vantage point outside of the building? Can I see any features roughly in the direction that Eir took off to?
Eir would be heading out of the whalebone gates that act as the grand entrance to Spikborg. Otherwise, the tundra is flat, lone and level. And so you just, but amidst the smoke, which is now beginning to build up around you from the flaming alcohol infusion, you would see, yes, a stone figure cramping across the tundra.
Singing then, I begin to cast secret path aiming at the bone gate.
Okay. How did that grab you?
Very good. Your secret path entices with your alpha singing, the Alfsongar entices the spirits of the land to show you a path to safety and to hasten your footsteps towards that location. And so you may on your next turn, because you've basically conjured the spirits to create that path for you,
you may proceed along it with alacrity. Of course, your comrades here, should they wish to, may partake of that now because the spirits are clearly signposting a way to escape.
Come with me. I can save us all.
So that's one alternative or the one that Daniel has posited, which is to actually do almost the reverse, which is to bring the bear in.
Not the Alfar way, as we have demonstrated repeatedly.
Which is the mead hall, which is, you know, can very easily be ignited and turn the whole place into an inferno, a conflagration by which the bear may well hopefully be a bit more than singed.
Grjotgarth sees this opportunity, sees the intent behind it, and thinks wonderful. We have a way out. Let's lure the bear, pulls his gun and starts firing at it to lure it toward himself and Daniel.
OK, make your roll.
Five.
I thought your mic had died.
I didn't want to say it.
This being an audio vehicle, listeners at home wouldn't have seen your eyes just go to the right and then back again.
During that very pregnant pause, your shot rings out loud, but the bullet whistles between the bones of the bearish skeleton and it continues to lurch forward, scrabbling over the earth.
It hasn't given up the chase of you, Bakrauf. Whether you are able to rolled safety or scrambled safety is now up to you. Or do you want to do something suitably heroic and bring the bear into the mead hall, since you are its current prey?
All right, so here's the plan. I'm going to run to the mead hall, lure it in, and hopefully the minute it plunges after me, I'm going to dart right back out of the door. So here we go.
So I'm going to run past the bear and say, oh mother, sod off you filthy old slag.
And run into the mead hall and waving my arms for it to follow me. And then as soon as I, like I said, as soon as I get in there, I'm going to duck down the door and hopefully dart out as soon as it enters.
Almost a foolproof plan. Were you not under the haunting effects of this emergence of this undead beast which has frightened you? So give me a sleight roll to see if you can scramble away, but make it with the woes. We don't want you to trip an inopportune moment.
Four. I get an eight and then I rolled my woe roll. You know, you are rolling a d20, right? Because I say that because every number that you've said...
They've all been below six.
The dice are not ever in my favor today. I'm thinking as a group, we should specialize in warning shots and anything that requires low rolls. I think it's where our strengths seem to lie.
You feel the chilling embrace Bakrauf as the bear grasps you in a hug. It rolls on top of you, still trying to imitate the behavior that it might once have exhibited.
Its bones aren't able to completely crush you, but you do feel like you are caged by this creature. It almost hangs on top of you. You are down. That's another five damage.
All right, that takes me back to 21 again. So I am unconscious or dead.
Let's make a fate roll again.
Okay, die six. All right, thank you. Here we go.
I got yet another two. With the weight of these, this bone yard on top of you, you fall prone and slip into unconsciousness. If not healed within the round, you will take your first steps on the stairway to heaven.
Okay, instead of following the secret path. Can I apply Yggdrasil's gift to our fallen comrade?
Just going for everyone. What that means.
Sure, I can use an action to stabilize a creature. And if the total of my role is 20 or higher, and frankly, I'm the only one tonight who's had much of a shot of doing that. Steve's had a couple of good rolls. Sorry, you heal your damage equal to your healing rate.
So you're going to rush over to the fallen background. You're going to ignore the alluring call of the spirits. You're going to make a witch challenge roll. You're going to make it with one. Whoa.
I believe in you, Bill.
Thank you. So I rolled a 16 plus two, which is 18. And then my my we my whoa was also a two. So 16 is the end result.
The healing spirits of the alfar flow from your fingers and bring your fallen warrior sputtering back to a semblance of life. So one health. Literally, you can see the choir of angels.
In this crazy mixed up world where you're not sure whether they're angels or alpha, you know, could have been either. I'm presuming, Steve, Steve, I'm just I'm just presuming that you're getting to be an ever increasingly distant echo.
Sure, it sounds like a great plan.
Grjotgarth is going to follow suit and sing a song of praise. And that is, I can use an action to heal damage equal to my healing rate, then choose one creature other than myself that is within short range.
The target also heals damage equal to its healing rate.
Just look at the love that's in the air here as we're trying to keep the whole group.
Keep joking that Joe. So Joe, what he's basically doing is he's he's he's he's extemporizing an edict verse he's exhorting you to stand again and rise empowered by the spirits of your ancestors and full of the vigor of tales of old and you get five more health back.
So you're back to six. It's a bit like a yo-yo.
Yeah, the only thing that's concerning me is tactically we are ignoring the threat that cut him down.
But, you know, details.
Right. Well, it's easy. We'll end the turn by yelling out, Bakrauf, lead it in here.
All right, so we're into round four.
We've never lasted this long before.
You've normally scarpered by this point.
Well, we have some people following the traditional plan.
You've gone very avant-garde.
Whereas the dokkalfar, they believe in tradition.
There are the proper ways to respond to any given situation.
All right, as usual, fast and slow, tell me what you would like to do.
All right. Am I too close to use my bow because I think I'm really mastering it?
And I think we said that your string snapped.
Oh, yeah. OK, I draw my sea axe then and take a swing at it.
Or I am a mighty tree and a warrior.
A warrior to guard the young spriglets.
Yep, got to go for it. We got to bring this thing down.
Or we lose our chat knife.
Or the Daniel being the head man of a village who's fought in the Jotun War,
who has some kind of tactical nouse who laid out a plan for you beyond...
I mean, literally, literally, it burned the bear or poked the bear a little bit.
Poking the bear historically doesn't work.
So, OK, yes.
But I'll be it from me, Bill, if you want to draw your slightly large knife.
Give it.
Yeah, I'm going to try. I'm going to try.
Sometimes you got to stand and fight no matter how badly it goes.
OK, I rolled a seven.
You do manage to effectively parry the air.
See, getting better.
The wisps of smoke that are exuding from the fire that is beginning to burn up the side of the mead hall.
You do move some of those around by creating a variant airflow.
Well done. I'm having impact. That's the important thing.
Grjotgarth, seeing this situation unfold.
Not brave display.
Might he attempt?
It's problematic for him.
So he's going to abandon Daniel's side and rush over and place himself between Ljomi and the bear.
That's what I'm talking about.
He's going to say, get back.
I wish that were that had been a more impactful statement.
But anyway, and and then use an attack, a swing of a sword to attract the bear, I suppose.
Like to a plan.
Stay away from my three friends.
I need you alive.
For many reasons that I can't talk to you about yet.
And then I'm going to I'm going to swipe this thing.
OK, I'm following over in my chair and falling over in my chair.
What is it? A mic roll?
Two plus two. Oh, my God.
We're like we somehow we should invert this and go to a casino.
I like I don't know how you do that, but we're really beating on.
So short version, entire party is dead.
Except for Eir.
Yeah, I'm not even going to bother to describe that sort of thrust.
Joe, what will Bakrauf do?
I am no longer afraid.
So what was that apply to me?
It does not have the full weight of a bear.
It's still heavy.
I'm going to try and lumber into the meat hall.
Once again, with this thing on top of me.
Give me a Might attack roll and a drum roll.
20. 20.
There we go. Very good.
Favours the brave holding on to the beast, the dear life flinging onto the bones that are wrapped around you.
You stagger into the meat hall towards the flaming vat of whale beer and seal testicle juice.
All right. If I can throw the bear off me into it, I will.
If not, then I will just toss myself and the bear into the flames.
It will take you another action to throw it.
If you wanted to just rush into it, it would be a continuation of your movement.
I think I will do that.
I will rush into it.
A brave act of self-sacrifice there, Joe.
That's the stuff that is worthy of sagas.
I expect Gigi will adapt the poem he wrote for Daniel's father.
He changed a few words.
Sort of his candle in the wind, if you were.
You crash into the cauldron, holding on to the bone mother, gripping it tightly, and it erupts in flames around you, immolating yourself.
You go up like a Jotun candle.
It's like the Fourth of July as you burst into flames.
You're taking eleven damage.
All right. Well, that puts me at twenty-six, so...
You are roaring in pain and rage, but the bone mother, the unnatural aberration from beyond this veil of existence, is also eerily, silently also burning, and the bones start to decay, blacken, and break around you.
Daniel lets out a howl of anguish as his first mate goes down on his knees, the smell of burnt flesh and bone blanketing the meat hall.
But that is unfortunately that, and Joe, Bakrauf is no more.
The hellman starts clapping.
The homie.
Bravo!
Ljomi says, ah, not another one.
I need a drink.
I did go out in a blaze of glory.
You really did, and the sklads will presumably sing your story for ages to come.
Thank you for contributing in such a heroic manner.
Now, Steve, what have you got to say for yourself?
Is there anyone following me?
No.
There's about to be.
But now the helm of concealment is about to wear off.
Okay.
I will warily make my way back and see if there's anything horrible waiting for me.
Your paramour is scouring the hills, searching through the various shacks, leaving no flagstone left unturned, but she has not yet found you. Were you to retreat to your sled dogs, you could mush them and be back along the trails north before she found you, returning to Hjalpmakaar.
Or you could face the music.
Yeah, you know, as a friend of mine once said when we were playing a game of Paranoia, who the hell am I kidding?
I will make my way back towards the meat hall and wait to be discovered.
It shouldn't be long. I think it is a little time in the wilderness. He's had some time to reflect on the inherent futility of existence, especially this one.
I sure hope now that I sure hope everything is the party still in full swing back in the meat hall and nothing terrible has happened.
Yes, exactly. In the brief include while you've been away.
The whole thing is turned into a big contradiction.
I've been gone what? 30 seconds tops.
Well, as you return back to the scene where you have one smoldering corpse, one undead abomination, and the rest of the party is standing around in solemn dismay, thinking about the battle that has just been won and yet another fallen comrade.
You do hear just whispered in your ear Steve.
Wedding bells are going to chime.
I walk over and say atrocity. Let me be the first to offer my congratulations.
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