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Sound the Gjallarhorn and dig out your ear spoons.

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It's time for another episode of Vikings and Valkyries, an actual play podcast featuring the reimagined Ragnarok of When the Wolf Comes.

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I am Ian Stuart Sharpe, your mound hastener for this evening, ready to digest my cleverly crafted Kennings, are Gamers, Bill, Steve, Mike and CJ.

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Welcome, Wormfood. Hi.

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It's a promising start.

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That was a warmer welcome than some other ones. That's good.

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Yeah, no, that was good.

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I was trying to be polite and welcoming that time around.

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Now, Bill and Steve, we know you from the oldie times of yore, both as characters and humans who've lingered perhaps too long on this world.

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Bill, a little bit of an intro to you. We know you as a jack of all trades or in Norse, a þúsundþjalasmiður, the equivalent being a craftsman of a thousand rasps.

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You're a professional dungeon master in your spare time. How do you think we're doing from a kind of critical eye?

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Well, I think the thing that I've been enjoying tremendously when I take folks through a dungeon or a game of any kind, an RPG of any kind, is the creative way I bring death to the players.

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And although I frequently am the only one who seems to be laughing out loud, I take it as a given that the players, even the dead ones, are laughing on the inside.

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So it's going quite well. I'm very positive.

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Good. Well, you've exposed several people's insides over the past two episodes by having them eviscerated.

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Steve, I presume that you're calling in from the labyrinthe below Bill's house now.

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Bill doesn't know that.

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He doesn't know that. He hasn't just in tuned.

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We weren't going to talk about that.

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And now we weren't going to talk about that. I've implanted all the surveillance devices I need. He's being well cared for.

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You yourself has penned many works of fiction. So is the novelization of this podcast in the works?

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It is. Absolutely. It's gone very well.

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I think you'll find the novelized version to be greatly enhanced over the visual version, particularly the scene I added with my character and the group of Valkyries.

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I think it'll really turn out well. We just have to get the right casting for it.

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I look forward to reading it. We'll check back next week to see how many more pages you have turned in.

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Now, CJ and Mike are newcomers to the game, and that's partly because everyone else keeps dying.

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CJ, you host the Vikingology podcast as well as writing Viking sagas yourself.

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Do you think your Norse expertise will give you what it takes to survive?

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That really depends on what you throw at us. So far from what I've listened to, I have very little hope.

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But that's OK. It's out of my control. We'll let fate decide.

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And Mike, you are a giant among men on the tech scene, but a humble initiate when it comes to the gaming table.

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Have you done any special prep to avoid being thrown to the wolves?

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I admittedly am completely new to this. So I grabbed every lifeline and life preserver I could.

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I've read what I could in the short time, and I'm excited. Whether I'm prepared or not, I don't really know if I am.

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What I liked about our interaction over the past couple of days is you took the whole PDF and you gave it to the AI,

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the great AI gods, in order to digest it and make sense of it for you.

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And in just five minutes, they took my 400-page rulebook and they turned it into a 10-minute piece of badinage.

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What do you think? Did that make head or tail of it for you?

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Well, I can tell you the Google's Notebook LM podcast hosts are far more engaging than you are so far, Ian.

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So you have competition.

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Welcome, Michael.

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Yeah.

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But I really think there's a name change afoot because they kept referring to you as Sharpay.

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It's a very difficult name to pronounce. Sharp.

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Sharpay. It's the physical resemblance, is it?

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Sharp to the Sharpay.

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Sharpay, yeah.

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It's very simple. It's one syllable. My grandfather added the E because he wanted to be a bit more pretentious

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and have nothing to do with the common or garden Sharps without any. But here we are.

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Mike, thank you for being so kind in your intro there.

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We'll try to be equally gentle with you as a novice to role-playing and hope that you survive these next couple of hours.

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We really should have set you up with one of the Sons of Ivaldi characters who were the origins

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where these incredibly wealthy technocrats upload their consciousness into machines.

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Now, before we start on today's saga, I do want to test your Norse metal, a little warm up perhaps to get your

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thwz working and your rrrs rolling. We talked in the intro there about kennings.

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CJ, you've probably got a good definition for a kenning for me.

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The poem.

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Well, it is a structured saying.

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Yeah, a compound expression from old Norse poetry.

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It often has a metaphorical meaning. Instead of saying the word ship, the Norse would say oar steed.

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So to get us in the mood, I'm going to give you a pop quiz to start this episode.

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I'm going to give you two kennings and I will get your fingers on the buzzers.

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And the person who can guess the answer to what this kenning represents, I'm going to give an inspiration point

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just to make it a little bit more interesting.

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So if you heard the old Norse kenning of the trout of the beach, what would I be referring to?

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Me on holiday.

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Oysters or clams, a shellfish of some kind.

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No correct answers yet.

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Trout of the beach.

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Beach as in B-E-A-C-H, not B-I-T.

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The sandy beach.

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Checking the context.

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It's like a walrus or something.

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I'm afraid I'm going to have to give it to you. It is a serpent.

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A serpent in Old Norse. One of the kennings for serpent would be the trout of the beach.

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I'll give you another one. Perhaps this one will be a little bit easier.

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This one is the thong of the bedmate of Þundr.

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I'll repeat it for you.

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The thong of the bedmate of Þundr.

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500 bucks a night.

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No, not the one.

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Not the one. Perhaps a special offer you saw in the old lechon.

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We heard thong and our brains locked up.

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CJ, anything?

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A noose?

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It's not bad.

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I get a sense that CJ's scholarship is not so focused on all the dirty stuff.

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He's referred to a book, right?

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He's much more erudite.

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I'll give it to you again. Sadly, the inspiration points do not go to the uninspired.

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The thong of the bedmate of Þundr is actually just another kenning for serpent.

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The whole point of Norse mythology is to, in a very convoluted way,

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instead of saying snake, just come up with these much more poetical.

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What is wrong with these people?

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For newer players, I want to point out that the GM constantly gives little hints

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that are not clearly hints until much after it would have been useful to have known that that was a hint.

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Oh, well, as you see that.

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When we get into Mike's character, I wanted to give him a little bit of a warm-up

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because he has got a connection to serpents and snakes that will become clear when we intro his character.

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Let's dive into this week's thrilling installment, which is the second adventure in the Thought and Memory saga.

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It is entitled The Book of Daniel.

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It takes place a couple of weeks after we left the events of Nobody Dies in Hjalpmakaar.

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Bill, your character Ljomi, and Steve, your character Eir, are the survivors of the Holmgang

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with the Jarl of the Town, a guy called Finnbogi,

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Gnocchi to his friends, who he regularly impales upon his sword.

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Can you tell me a little bit about what you've been up to in the past two weeks of downtime?

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Because you have leveled up to level one and been keeping yourselves gainfully unemployed.

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Shall I begin?

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I wish you would.

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Okay, so speaking as Ljomi, we've been sitting in this cabin,

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the cabin of Ornus and Bjarni Fartzite, the dead guy.

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Respectful as always.

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Yes. Well, men, you know.

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Let's hope his shade does not come back to haunt you.

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It is indeed. Let's hope not.

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And although I remain active in this building of found wood and rotting iron,

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covered in rust and filled with insects,

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Eir has, let's say, chosen to simply sit and stare,

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statue-like into the near distance, the far distance, who can tell.

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I'm choosing instead to embrace the world of the living,

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and thus as a lesson to the abomination.

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I have encouraged many of the local insects to join the throngs already in residence on my person.

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We make a lively and happy family. My soul rejoices.

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And I introduce each new member of the family to the atrocity, but he seems not to care.

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So you're saying you're festooned with cockroaches.

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I am with cockroaches and other members of the family I had previously.

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And it has occurred to me that maybe Eir is not just sitting staring, but, happy thought, perhaps he has died.

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I am living in hell.

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I am occupying this wretched little hovel with a tree covered in bugs.

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It smells of insect waste. It smells of his waste, for that matter.

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This is one of the most depressing places I've ever been in.

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I sit and I contemplate what sequence of events in life and after life led me to this point.

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I can't really think of a good reason.

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I'm reminded repeatedly during the day that yes, in fact, I am an abomination.

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And I think longingly of the Troll's tongue and look forward to the day when I perhaps will yeet myself off of it

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in the hopes of ending this existence and returning to the afterlife from which I was wrenched.

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But for now, I shall sit here in my magnificent stone prison and watch without comprehension

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while this bizarre roommate seems to enjoy having cockroaches crawling all over his body.

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Well, if you wouldn't mind just giving us a brief insight into your chosen path.

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You have both perversely and bizarrely chosen the path of the wise.

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Well, we have both taken the path of wisdom, presumably in the hopes of finding some.

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The world of the living has very little to commend it and very little of it makes sense.

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I have decided that if I'm going to be sentenced to spend some time here back in the world of the living against my will,

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the least I can do is try to make things more interesting for myself and for others near me.

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And so I've managed to work on learning a few skills that I think will lead to my considerable amusement.

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So you have now spells at your disposal.

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I do a few tricks I've picked up.

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And Bill, you've been singing soft lullabies to Eir, have you?

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To Eir to the bugs.

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You know, it is true that we have seen our share of death on these adventures.

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And it's taught me to to look to embrace life and health and growth.

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And that's the reason I'm following the path of the wise.

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Unlike my dour companion, I'll be calling up the living force of the great tree, Yggdrasil,

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and learning the craft of spell song.

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And it will help me find the secret path or it will help me bring the biting charms against my enemies.

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Or I will sing the dirge of death or perform the glorious weapon song.

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That's bringing light and health to life.

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All right. Well, thank you for that little recap.

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Now entering into this scene, the world's edge, the town of Hjálpmakaar,

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a frozen bunion on the backside of the north come two new characters.

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CJ, would you like to tell us a little bit about who you are playing and why on earth you are here?

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I will be playing the role of Grjotgarð, the magnificent. Grjot, grjot, Grjotgarð.

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I've got to get it right because I'm going to be holding you all accountable to get it right as well.

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He is a Jöfurr, a Jöfurr. So how do I describe the Jöfurr?

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Let's see. Think of Star Trek, Wrath of Khan.

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He's Khan, genetically enhanced, jeans spliced, also in that vein.

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His entire race think of themselves as demigods, exceptionally wealthy,

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superior to men in all ways, shapes or form.

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But also I find really interesting about this race as far as professions are concerned, none.

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A life of leisure growing up.

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Some things to note about Grjotgarð, the magnificent,

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a silver medalist in the toga hönk, essentially tug of war, toga hönk at the all Asgard games.

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And I do love that, that you basically spent your entire fortune, heritage, reputation

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on basically tug of war and winning a silver medal.

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So I presume that you're lined with muscles and rippling with sinew.

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Well, about that. So yes, large, let's see, builds like Ganger-Hrólf.

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So large that I cannot ride a horse, evidently. I don't know if that's hyperbole or not. We shall find out.

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And also in terms of physical appearance, like a peacock, very vain, showy clothes.

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Quite the eccentric character, I think, we're about to find out.

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And can you tell us a little bit of why you were in the frozen north or is that a deep and dark secret?

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As much as, well, you know what? I'm going to let Grjotgarð, the magnificent, tell you.

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I'm looking for something and it's none of your business.

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Very good. Now, if I'm correct, and my north might be a little bit rusty, doesn't that translate to rock hard?

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Grjotgarð? I think it translates to rock hard. I might be wrong.

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Again, I didn't want to sully your good name so early on. So we will stick with Grjotgarð.

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The idea is the Jöfurr named themselves after famous heroes and gods because they believe themselves to be of that level.

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So he is so named after Grjotgarð, the king of Laid, father to Hakon, first king of Laid.

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Oh, that one. Oh, yeah.

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An illustrious lineage.

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On the mother's side.

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The funny thing is, Bill, you probably...

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Yeah, knew him.

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Actually knew him because you're a dead Viking spirit in a tree body.

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I remember the historic girth part. I remember meeting him. I committed his name to memory.

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That sort of thing comes to me easily. As men go, not bad.

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Do you feel that a thousand years being caged in an arboreal body has somewhat attenuated your memory?

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Not at all. And I have the bugs. Did I mention the bugs? I have a lot of bugs.

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CJ, anything else you would like to tell us about your new entrant into this Merry Throne?

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I really think we should let him speak for himself.

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Very good. I look forward to it.

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Now, Mike, we rolled you up a character just over the weekend.

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Would you like to introduce Eric Raudserk?

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Well, Eric Raudserk, he's an interesting character. He's a grisly, haggard guy.

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He's, you know, kind of 40 years old.

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You know, I'm prematurely aged because I've just had a hard scrabble existence.

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Because you've been on this podcast too long.

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Yeah, that's right. You know, medium height, broad and somewhat athletic.

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Huge fan of Gríotgárd because of the Asgard Games.

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I won modest fame as a glíma, which is wrestling, for those of you who need that information.

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My personality, I consider, you know, he's noble. He's committed to what is right.

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Even if insisting on it would cost me my life, his life, he'd do it.

212
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:43,000
And something that's interesting, he's also a follower of Fanqool, if I'm pronouncing that correct.

213
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000
And what is Fanqool?

214
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Well, it is a religion that is really kind of, it's all about snakes and serpents.

215
00:19:54,000 --> 00:20:02,000
They worship them. They are creatures that they are totally just engaged with.

216
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:07,000
And they pray to them. And I've actually wrote a prayer.

217
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:14,000
That's nice. Do you want to recite it now or would there be a moment later on where you wish to begin?

218
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,000
I'm sure. I'm sure. Should I do it now?

219
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,000
Sure. Give us a taste of your forked tongue.

220
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,000
Okay.

221
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:34,000
O sacred serpent, wise and silent guide, in your shedding grant us renewal. In your patience teach us peace.

222
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,000
There you go.

223
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:41,000
That's one. Should we all say amen at the end of that or just bang a hammer on the...

224
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,000
No, no, no. You have to do the...

225
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,000
Very sibilant.

226
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:57,000
A point of erudition, if I might. I believe in the Norse world serpents were referred to as the route of the bitch.

227
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:03,000
So that's something you guys can just remember that, kind of color the performance tonight.

228
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,000
Have the termites completely burrowed through your brain?

229
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,000
Sorry, the termites are speaking to me right now.

230
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Thank you. Thank you, Mike, for the intro. So given that you are a kind of semi-famous, semi-retired wrestler,

231
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:30,000
are we looking at those kind of WWE legends like there are the Viking Raiders or are you more like a Papa Shango or The Undertaker?

232
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:37,000
Probably. I mean, I'm shocked that you know that much about WWE.

233
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,000
He knows everything.

234
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,000
I think I actually have a little of that right now.

235
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:49,000
But I'm probably more in the line of a more subdued character.

236
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:55,000
Probably, you know, and I don't know anything about WWE, but other than Hulk Hogan.

237
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,000
I think I'm slightly more subdued than Hulk Hogan.

238
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000
It probably is a little bit too cold outside for spandex.

239
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,000
Yeah, and I'm not ripping my shirt off.

240
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:17,000
Okay, very good. But you do you are somewhat enamored with CJ's character in the same way as that Bill is somewhat disparaging of Steve's character.

241
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,000
I thought it was just Steve he was disparaging.

242
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,000
Art and life, you know, they mingle.

243
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:28,000
Bill, we were supposed to make characters to roleplay rather than just being ourselves.

244
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,000
Yeah, I don't know. That sounds like work, Steve.

245
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:39,000
Well, I'm going to open this scene in this new adventure, the book of Daniel.

246
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:44,000
We're going to open it in Hjalpmakar, same place as we left off.

247
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,000
It is still high summer.

248
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:53,000
The world's edges warmed by the glowing midnight sun that toils in the sky.

249
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:58,000
The coastal ice has melted somewhat, allowing for the safe passage of ships.

250
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:12,000
And on one of those ships come your two new companions as they enter into the town, searching for something in a given directions to what passes for a door.

251
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:18,000
Obviously, the trapper cabin that you've been living in for the past two weeks is ramshackle.

252
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:41,000
And the door is barely on its hinges. But amidst the frenzy of squawking birds that announced their arrival, I will hand over to CJ to wrap on your door and disturb you from whatever space you were staring into.

253
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,000
Did you hear that?

254
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:48,000
I just made my dog bark. Unusual foley work there.

255
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,000
Hello, is anyone home?

256
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,000
Atrocity, can you answer that please? I'm adopting.

257
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000
No, I'm not your servant. Answer it yourself.

258
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,000
Answer it. Oh, very well. Come along, children.

259
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,000
I open the door.

260
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,000
Yes. Man.

261
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,000
Hello there. Thing.

262
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,000
Yes, I'm adopting. What did you need?

263
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:18,000
I'm looking for something. An escaped dverg thrall.

264
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,000
Have you seen one?

265
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:26,000
We had a we had a device traveling with us for some time.

266
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,000
Quite gooey.

267
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Gooey?

268
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Yes, he was constantly leaking lubricants.

269
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
And prone to acts of affection.

270
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,000
Have you woken up then, Atrocity? Is that what's going on?

271
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,000
Hello, hello, I'm the Atrocity.

272
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,000
It's good you've embraced it.

273
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,000
I have no choice.

274
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,000
We had a machine. There was a machine. The machine was one of the locals.

275
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:56,000
Some fellow, Goal Becky, Do Donkey.

276
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,000
Something along those lines.

277
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:04,000
He chopped it in half. It was horrible and completely without merit.

278
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
And we did nothing to bring that on ourselves.

279
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:11,000
Immediately behind you, you are interrupted by yet more thumping.

280
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:26,000
Your conversation is difficult to carry on because behind you is a huge, evil-looking Jotun who is pummeling a stake into the ground.

281
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:32,000
The creature has a great humped back that she carries higher than her head.

282
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:41,000
One eye in the middle of her forehead, two overgrown teeth stuck out from her chops, and her bottom lip hangs down to her chest.

283
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:52,000
And you realize that she really would be able to give a powerful kiss if her ability to maneuver her lip matched its size.

284
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,000
Ljomi, I think she's here for you.

285
00:25:54,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Exactly what this Jotun is doing becomes apparent as you crane your next round.

286
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,000
You find that she's hammering a fish skull onto the post.

287
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,000
The post itself is etched with runes.

288
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:20,000
And she turns this fish skull round before slathering another one on top, impaling it so that there are two.

289
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:26,000
Then she adds a third each of the heads she turns towards you.

290
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:36,000
And you recognize that she has been creating a nithing pole or a curse pole.

291
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:41,000
CJ, perhaps you know something about those with your Norse background?

292
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:46,000
Yes, the question is where is she pointing the nithing pole?

293
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:51,000
She is pointing it generally in the direction of the heart.

294
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:59,000
But the gaze encompasses all of you, their glazed eyes staring dead-like.

295
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:04,000
But the teeth themselves, despite being dislodged from the body and gnashing,

296
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:10,000
these needle-like teeth are continuing to twitch and snarl.

297
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:20,000
The Jotun begins to say to you, prowling shadows, slayers of my kindred skin,

298
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:31,000
here lies a time, this curse pole and this curse I turn to you, bear biters.

299
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,000
I think she's cursing us.

300
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:41,000
This curse I turn also on the álfar who dwell in this land

301
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:51,000
that they may fall to blight until their ignorant servants do penance for their crimes.

302
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:59,000
You cannot turn from your fate, for it is bound to the ice. The bear is our blood.

303
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:05,000
I feel like she's trying to speak with us, but I can't understand her.

304
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:10,000
Can anyone here translate?

305
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000
Ljomi, you speak crazy person, don't you?

306
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:17,000
Yes, I'll speak to her and I'll use small words.

307
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,000
Please, please.

308
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:25,000
Greetings, large man thing. What offence have we committed?

309
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:31,000
I don't understand. My friend is even more confused. Tell me the offence again, please.

310
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:36,000
I am going to just do a couple of roles in the background.

311
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:44,000
The curse pole has, it emanates its kind of psychic disturbance.

312
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:48,000
It places this vexating curse on you.

313
00:28:48,000 --> 00:29:02,000
And Ljomi, as you utter your diatribe, you face six damage and you are also incredibly frightened.

314
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000
You are seized by terror.

315
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:12,000
The spell that has been cast from this curse pole has ridden you to your very core.

316
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,000
Sorry, I took six damage?

317
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,000
That is correct.

318
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000
I'm just checking my spell list.

319
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,000
Is this creature within short range?

320
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:33,000
The post has been hammered into the ground, into the tundra, immediately outside your shack, as if it were your male brothers.

321
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,000
Okay, is she within short range?

322
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,000
Correct.

323
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:43,000
I would like to try to get her to, yeah, I would like to use Evil Eye on her.

324
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:48,000
And make a Wits attack against the target's will. So that would be, we have not attacked her in any way.

325
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,000
We haven't done anything harmful yet.

326
00:29:51,000 --> 00:30:00,000
First of all, as you do that, and you're perfectly willing to do so, but I just want to make sure that with your effect of this curse on you,

327
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:14,000
you have taken seven damage and you are also horrified, terrified and frightened as this ancient curse reminds you of the Tartars,

328
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:21,000
the horsemen who attacked your village, their shamanistic qualities all those centuries ago.

329
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,000
And it is so haunting that you are also frightened.

330
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:30,000
So when you cast your spell, please do so with three woes.

331
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:37,000
However, it says when he casts his, deep-minded, I make an attack. Does this count as an attack roll? I cast a spell, yeah.

332
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:42,000
Well, I get one wheel and they, so that's only two woe then for me.

333
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:49,000
Correct. Because you have taken the path of the wise and it has the talent of being deep-minded.

334
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:59,000
And you are using your evil eye to effectively wink at this young lady in order to charm her. Please go ahead.

335
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,000
OK, so...

336
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,000
You would make a striking couple, if I may just say.

337
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Well, thanks. OK, so, raise the die twenty and then...

338
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:19,000
OK, so that is total of, so that's eleven and I'm going to add my wits, so that puts me at fourteen.

339
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:28,000
Which is a good roll. She finishes pummeling the heads into the ground. The heads themselves continue to denounce and hiss.

340
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,000
But she turns to you and says,

341
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:43,000
Oh, you look like a promising man to me. I'd be interested to try out such a thing and lose my virginity and have my belly skin stretched.

342
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:52,000
The gray beast I have between my legs is starting to yawn now and wants to be fun.

343
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,000
I may have overdone that.

344
00:31:55,000 --> 00:32:00,000
Take one for the team.

345
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:04,000
See, I'm already dead. How much worse can it get?

346
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:13,000
I do need to. There is collateral damage from the two newcomers who have unfortunately wandered into your bear baiting business.

347
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:26,000
And so, CJ, I'm going to need you to take seven damage and you are also frightened by this unearthly curse.

348
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:34,000
And for some reason, Eric, you have entirely shrugged off this curse. You are free.

349
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:38,000
Perhaps you are made of sterner stuff. Perhaps you have mental fortitude.

350
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:43,000
Perhaps the gods are smiling on you and you are just lucky.

351
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:52,000
But nothing has permeated through to you and you are free of the vexation.

352
00:32:52,000 --> 00:33:02,000
Probably because I was like really close to Grjotgarð because I'm such a fan of him. I hid behind him.

353
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:12,000
Maybe the case. Line of sight. You were so hidden behind his bulging biceps from his toga honk silver medal winning performance that you were saved.

354
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:22,000
Everyone else though has this curse and unfortunately you don't necessarily know this as players but as individuals here.

355
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:29,000
You cannot be healed until this curse is lifted.

356
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:43,000
So Grjotgarð is going to reach back to Eric and say, Eric, Eric, you seem to be immune to this. Will you go kick down that kneeling pole? Please and thank you.

357
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:50,000
The kneeling pole is the curse pole that's been put in front of you with the fish heads on it.

358
00:33:50,000 --> 00:34:00,000
Again, because you are new to the game, I'm going to remind you, Mike, you do have an ability called Udal right where you can ask the GM one yes no question.

359
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:11,000
And this is the kind of environment where you might want to ask it. Is it a good idea to kick down the curse pole that has benighted my friends?

360
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,000
I think I will take advantage of that question.

361
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:21,000
Is it a good idea to go put my shoulder into that pole and take it down like a pro wrestler that I am?

362
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:32,000
I'm going to say just in the spirit of this, not just a yes no, I'm going to say no, of course not.

363
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:38,000
Right, because pushing down the pole probably still doesn't lift any of their...

364
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:50,000
The nature of these curses is it summons the spirits of the land, the land vaettir, to plague and persecute the people to whom the curse is directed at.

365
00:34:50,000 --> 00:35:06,000
So merely removing the pole itself just incenses them further so that you will continue to be grounded until such time as the curse is lifted or you have atoned for whatever sins

366
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:12,000
the person who has bestowed this curse upon you elaborates as to what that is.

367
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,000
So should I respond to Krakow?

368
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,000
By all means.

369
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:30,000
Oh my mighty friends, I think that not a good idea. I don't think it will help you and our two new friends if I do so.

370
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:44,000
Being somewhat of a religious man and knowing curses, I know that that will do nothing to what has befallen us. We must help both you and our two new friends.

371
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:50,000
That's all well and good. Since you know so much about it, what can you do?

372
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:58,000
I think we must travel forth and find someone who can lift this curse off of all of you.

373
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:08,000
Naomi speaks to air, sotto voce and says, can you have a word with your girlfriend, please?

374
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,000
She is out of control.

375
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:17,000
Yes, she is. Yeah, so does she seem to be responding or paying attention?

376
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:36,000
She has at this stage her arms draped around you as revealing a rather fetid armpit and the two teeth I mentioned protruding above her lip are now resting daintily on your ornate stone shoulder.

377
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,000
Well, beggars can't be choosers.

378
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:47,000
So, good woman, can you tell us why we have been cursed?

379
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:59,000
Daniel has placed this curse upon you. He sends me where the curse fall. You have offended him.

380
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,000
Who?

381
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:07,000
Only Daniel can believe you are this curse.

382
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:11,000
Did you say only a banjo can lift you from this curse?

383
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:16,000
I just kind of what I heard. So, a banjo.

384
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,000
Why does this sound as if she's trying to speak to us?

385
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,000
It is starting to fall into place.

386
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:27,000
Again, sotto voce. I say. Why doesn't she talk properly?

387
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:31,000
Sotto voce, did you understand any of that?

388
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,000
No.

389
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,000
Sorry, what was the name again who placed the sotte voce?

390
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,000
Daniel.

391
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,000
Oh, Daniel.

392
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:42,000
He is the headman of the village of Spikbotg.

393
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,000
Spaniel, I've got it now. Spaniel.

394
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:51,000
Spaniel from Sicabog. Spaniel from Spaniel. Okay.

395
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:57,000
What have we done to offend Spaniel of Ichabod?

396
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:04,000
You have baited the bear.

397
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,000
You baited the bear?

398
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:10,000
Bear, you allowed the bear to eat two of our friends.

399
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:16,000
That's what you did. And they were all paying for it.

400
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,000
It's just the sort of thing I'd expect.

401
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,000
Yes, that's right. Yes.

402
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:26,000
So, the crime was that someone's bear ate our friends.

403
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,000
And we are to be held responsible for this?

404
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:36,000
You must speak to Daniel. I can only give you pieces.

405
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,000
Yeah.

406
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,000
What an eccentric performance.

407
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:43,000
Thank you.

408
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:53,000
Now, the Jotnar are all refugees from the war, the Jotun War that raged for several decades.

409
00:38:53,000 --> 00:39:03,000
The Jotuns were on the losing side, but there are some refugee camps on the southern side of Heimslit.

410
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,000
Spikborg itself, the name means blubber town.

411
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:14,000
They make a living there as whalers, cleansing the whales and bringing their oil,

412
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:21,000
the so-called gold of the sea from the southern shore of the island archipelago.

413
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:29,000
That is presumably where this Jotun has come from or been sent by her headman, Daniel.

414
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:35,000
There's a couple of other things that I will, in the interest of elucidation,

415
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:41,000
because the accent is perhaps a little challenging for you off-worlders.

416
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:48,000
She said in her curse, prowling shadows, slayers of my kindred's kin.

417
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:57,000
And then she killed you bare-baters, and she turned this curse on the alfar who dwell in this land.

418
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,000
The alfar?

419
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,000
And just bear in mind that you are not the only two alfar.

420
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,000
Oh, yes, there's...

421
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:10,000
So other trees have been misbehaving, so we need to be punished?

422
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000
I think we've misbehaved.

423
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,000
What did you do?

424
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Old... No, it's what you did, and Old Dungar is the alfar at the temple.

425
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,000
Old Dungar what?

426
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,000
Oldungr.

427
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000
Old Dungar, OK.

428
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:29,000
Old Dungar. His picture is up on roll 20 if you look in the journal section.

429
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:36,000
Oldungr is the priest of the Temple of the Bear,

430
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:44,000
whom you had tried to get to deliver expert testimony before the Hong Gang in your last adventure.

431
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:50,000
In actual fact, he took you under his wing, or under his branch, under his eaves,

432
00:40:50,000 --> 00:41:01,000
and he has been given some kind of instruction in the arts of the wise to Mr. Hopkins, to Bill, and his character Ljomi.

433
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,000
Right.

434
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:10,000
OK, so we need to find this Daniel of...

435
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:15,000
I wrote down Ichabod, and I'm pretty sure that's not right, because...

436
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,000
Spikborg.

437
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,000
Spikborg.

438
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,000
I wrote down Ichabod also, Steve.

439
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:25,000
Yeah, I know, and that's why I... Yeah, thank you. Thank you, everyone.

440
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,000
Spikborg, right.

441
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,000
This wonderful...

442
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:37,000
He was commanded at a curse to be laid upon us because the bear of a completely unrelated person ate several of our friends.

443
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,000
There's a connection I'm not getting.

444
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,000
No, that's the connection. You've got it.

445
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:47,000
We should move forward. We should speak to my friend, Old Dungar.

446
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,000
You have a friend?

447
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:53,000
Yes, to Old Dungar. I'll put in a good word for you. I can't promise anything.

448
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:57,000
And the men might as well follow us. That's my feeling.

449
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:04,000
Because we may run into more bears, and we know how to use men when we run into bears.

450
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,000
We know their purpose.

451
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,000
We do.

452
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:15,000
I'm not entirely sure that CJ would like being referred to as a man, since he is the genetically enhanced jofurr.

453
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,000
Ah.

454
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,000
Yeah, how could you be so insensitive?

455
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:23,000
All right, so the wafer and the man will follow us, then.

456
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,000
What are you, like, not a man?

457
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:31,000
You have names? No, the other one's the man. You're the wafer. You have names?

458
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:35,000
Hmm. My name is Eric.

459
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,000
Urkel, yes. What's your last name?

460
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,000
Raudserk.

461
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:47,000
Urkel Red Silk. Got it. And you, the not-man?

462
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:51,000
I am Grjotgarð the Magnificent.

463
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:55,000
Grythfod the Malaprop. Got it.

464
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,000
No, no, no. Grjotgarð. Gryotgarth.

465
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,000
Grjotgarð.

466
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:07,000
Look, look. I understand. It's a hard name to pronounce. My friends call me Gigi.

467
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,000
Sold.

468
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,000
Gigi.

469
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:21,000
It's difficult talking when your lips are made of bark and you have beetles going in and out of them the whole time.

470
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:29,000
They also burrow into his memory and eat it, apparently.

471
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:36,000
I will transport you to the Temple of the Bear, sitting slightly to the outskirts of the town.

472
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:42,000
Are you coming with us or staying here with your lady friend?

473
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,000
I think I should bring her with me.

474
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:50,000
Please do not leave me, Lover Boy.

475
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:54,000
You make a compelling offer, I have to say.

476
00:43:54,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Why don't we find somewhere quiet and I will caress your gilded cage?

477
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:13,000
I want this to be special, so if you stay here, I will be back in an hour and a half.

478
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:17,000
And it will be an experience you won't soon forget.

479
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:24,000
Seems reasonable. Now, the Temple of the Bear, as I said, it's akin to a huge timber mead hall.

480
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:31,000
It's adorned with intricate carvings of bear paws, roaring bear heads, and the statues of the gods.

481
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:37,000
These are the hallowed grounds where the townsfolk revere and honor the Isbjorn,

482
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:41,000
the divine emblem of courage and primal power.

483
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:48,000
You have been here before seeking audience counsel and you can do so again.

484
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:53,000
The doors are always open to the brethren of the bear.

485
00:44:53,000 --> 00:45:01,000
Right. Ljomi walks into the temple and calls out, Brother! Brother!

486
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:13,000
Brother! Brother! Oh, it is good to see you. I had fear that the worst had befallen you.

487
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:18,000
In some respects, brother, it has. I still travel.

488
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:30,000
Heavy matters, heavy matters. Such a curse! I have never seen heaven-soul gin. In summer, a savage clamor.

489
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:35,000
How are the bear cubs? Do they prosper?

490
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:42,000
It is so kind of you to ask. They do well despite the lack of their mother's care.

491
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:48,000
My companions and I, there is the atrocity who you met before.

492
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:58,000
I have Urkel and Gerthfart with me as well. Two men, well, one man, one bigger man, I think.

493
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:03,000
The distinction is lost on me. We seem to have been cursed, except for Urkel.

494
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:09,000
And I wonder if you had knowledge in how to deal with this terrible affliction.

495
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:12,000
We are badly injured, in fact.

496
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:23,000
Do you have incurred, dear parishioner, a plague most cruel and unkind, imposed by those who hunt the noblest beyond with impunity?

497
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:36,000
These worshippers of the White Christ, with rights most dark and sacrilegious, have cast upon you a curse, a tempest, a tribulation to the poor men, who lie so.

498
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:46,000
It is not a hex easily undone, nor a charm to take lightly. Barely the bear's fierce grip it clings to.

499
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:55,000
How would we, I worry not for myself, but for my companion, how would we rid ourselves of this terrible curse?

500
00:46:55,000 --> 00:47:10,000
Stay thou, course, thou son of Midgard, and hear this year's song. You must high to the court of the crafty yought.

501
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:16,000
Thank you, thank you, brother. We will seek out this spaniel of Ichabod.

502
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Make your best haste and go to Spikborg, to the court of Daniel, a place famed for the Christian that keep upon it.

503
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:38,000
And as you enter his realm, be sure to persuade him to leave the Ispion alone, to forestall his hunting.

504
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:43,000
We will discuss this with him. It will be our primary goal.

505
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:49,000
Please do bring an end to their barbarous practices.

506
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000
Yes, brother.

507
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:57,000
Ljomi turns to the two, the human and the superhuman, shall we call them, the superman, as it were,

508
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:04,000
and suggests perhaps the donation would be in order.

509
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:09,000
We gave a donation last time we were here, a very generous donation of a full crown.

510
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:14,000
Something along those lines would be a good idea.

511
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:19,000
The blessings of the gods. What say men and not men?

512
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:26,000
Asgard is actually obscenely wealthy, having been born into the halls of Asgard.

513
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:30,000
I should probably say more like birthed into the halls of Asgard,

514
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:39,000
because there is some confusion as to whether they are born naturally or hatched in test tubes, such is their perfection.

515
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:46,000
So the group, Garth, is staring at you suspiciously about this request.

516
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:50,000
Well, I made a donate. You may ask my brother, Oldungar.

517
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:55,000
I gave a donation on behalf of our party to take care of the bear cubs.

518
00:48:55,000 --> 00:49:02,000
He is devoted to the care of the isbjorn, and I think it would be excellent for you to follow in this fashion.

519
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:11,000
Or perhaps your bedmate or fellow or whatever the relationship is might offer something up.

520
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,000
Anything would be appreciated.

521
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:19,000
May I just say before I give you any money, you got me into this mess.

522
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:23,000
You got me cursed, and now you're asking me to pay?

523
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:29,000
I think the facts will show we were living quite happily in the cabin,

524
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:33,000
and you show up and all of a sudden there's a great deal of trouble.

525
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:40,000
And I don't think it's terribly hard, even for a man, to follow the logic of that sort of series of events.

526
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,000
His girlfriend put the damn pole up!

527
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,000
Well, technically she wasn't his girlfriend at the beginning.

528
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:49,000
She looks like a girlfriend.

529
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,000
Really? Sorry, no, shouldn't judge.

530
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000
Fine, fine, how much?

531
00:49:54,000 --> 00:50:00,000
Well, as I said, two or three full crowns would probably be good.

532
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:04,000
In all fairness, that's probably a little excessive.

533
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:09,000
You last posted a single solitary shilling into the...

534
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:12,000
I'm not good with the names of the money, particularly.

535
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,000
I'm good with people's names, but not with the money.

536
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:23,000
The alfar Priest Oldungr takes your generous donation of a shilling and says,

537
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:28,000
Strain out into the palms of avarice and dishonor,

538
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:34,000
for therein lurk the beasts of Loki's deceit.

539
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:35,000
Right.

540
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,000
Very wise.

541
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,000
Andy Tiff.

542
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
What?

543
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,000
Question for the GM.

544
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:47,000
I'm looking at the maps. Which map should I be looking at to be able to spot Spikborg?

545
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,000
Is it on one of the maps?

546
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,000
It is.

547
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,000
Map of the region? Would it be that one?

548
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,000
Map of the region, yeah.

549
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:59,000
Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, we're a long way.

550
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:06,000
Might I suggest, brother, that rather than find yourself in Valhall,

551
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:15,000
where the glory lets go, that you avail yourself of the hospitality of Gunnar Weatherbag

552
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:25,000
and hire a dog sled team to take you all the way south across the Yolton trails.

553
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,000
It's going to cost me money, isn't it?

554
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000
Do you have some?

555
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,000
Do I look like I have some? Of course I have some. I'm a jöfurr.

556
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,000
Yes, a  jöfurr. Yes.

557
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:39,000
Is Gunnar, is that the Gunnar at the gun store? He really likes us, as I remember.

558
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:42,000
Correct. It is. Gunnar Weatherbag.

559
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:47,000
He is our old friend. Excellent suggestion, brother. Thank you.

560
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:54,000
And I think we, as a party, will hire our way to Gunnar's gun store.

561
00:51:54,000 --> 00:52:01,000
Bunch your way along the gravel path and find yourself at the visiting neon sign.

562
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:09,000
It looks out of place because the whole day is lit up by the midnight sun of this polar region,

563
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:14,000
but it does kind of reflect the glowing cross that is still in the sky.

564
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:23,000
You notice that the supposed aurora borealis hasn't faded and is still looming large above the town.

565
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:32,000
It seems to spark with the same neon glow as Gunnar Weatherbag's Travel Emporium sign.

566
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:44,000
Ljomi turns to our new companions and says, do you, men and not men, do you require foodstuffs, sustenance?

567
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:48,000
Myself and the atrocity, we need none such things.

568
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,000
You still like food?

569
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:57,000
Yes, yes, yes. Back when you hurt your knee, I believe. You fell or something. I can't remember.

570
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,000
I had an arrow in the knee.

571
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,000
Something along the... some sort of injury.

572
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,000
And then a sword through the head.

573
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:05,000
But did it stop me?

574
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Yes, yes it did.

575
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:11,000
Anyway, are men and not men with the money?

576
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:23,000
Perhaps you need to acquire some things to survive before we take the dog sled ride, which I believe involves a sled and some dogs.

577
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,000
This is my understanding of it.

578
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,000
How long of a journey are we talking?

579
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:37,000
Oh, I'm sure you may need several meals. Perhaps Gunnar will be able to tell us. He's very friendly.

580
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,000
Why don't you go in and ask him? He's very friendly.

581
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,000
No, I'm not!

582
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:46,000
I'm going to disguise myself as...

583
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:50,000
It's the middle of the bloody night. What are you doing knocking on my door?

584
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:55,000
I know the sun's in the sky, but haven't you got any airs or graces?

585
00:53:55,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Greetings, friend. We have returned. You had suggested we should come back...

586
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,000
I can see that!

587
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,000
We should come back.

588
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,000
Being the brain obvious!

589
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:16,000
Yes. Well, here's the thing. You told us to come back when we had money. And we have, in a rather clever way, solved that issue.

590
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,000
And we have money. If I may...

591
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:24,000
Diamonds, is it? Diamonds ready for the diamond trade? I'd love to get my hands on some of those.

592
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:31,000
My companion, who's busy doing something right now, he's making a big hit with the ladies, by the way. Very popular in town.

593
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000
He should be here any moment, I'm sure.

594
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,000
Yeah, he is...

595
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,000
Is it someone you can introduce me to?

596
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:38,000
Yes.

597
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Probably, yeah. You are...

598
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,000
I used to be quite a charmer in my day, you know.

599
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,000
You're just her type.

600
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:54,000
One can see it. Anyway, we have the not-man who has great quantities of money, he tells me. And the diamond...

601
00:54:54,000 --> 00:55:03,000
Oh, my word! Oh, I recognize you, don't I? Oh, weren't you the silver medalist in the All Asgard games?

602
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:09,000
Oh, I think I've got some of your merchandise back here somewhere in the stock room.

603
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:16,000
Grjotgarð puts his hands on his hips and slits his hair backwards and goes, yes, that's me.

604
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:20,000
Oh, my word, what a magnificent specimen you are!

605
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,000
Why, thank you.

606
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,000
Steve, what are you disguising yourself as?

607
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,000
Is it... Oh, may I get a...

608
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:31,000
Graft, have you... Do you inscribe things with runes?

609
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:35,000
I do, as a matter of fact.

610
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:42,000
Oh, I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance. Oh, I hope I aren't behaving in a manner unbecoming.

611
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,000
It's just I've never seen anyone quite so illustrious as yourself.

612
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:51,000
Oh, and hang on, hang on. Isn't this Eric the Redshirt? Isn't this Eric the Redshirt? Oh, my word.

613
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,000
You're aware of his success as a wrestling champion.

614
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:58,000
I've got trading cards with his face on it. Oh, it's amazing.

615
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:06,000
What you did in the ring back in... back in 72! I've never seen footwork like it.

616
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:14,000
Well, thank you very much. I'm surprised that anyone still has those stickers and remembers me.

617
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:19,000
What are you hanging around with these two reproates for?

618
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:28,000
We just happened to knock on the door. I was following the great Graft, and we got caught up in this crazy adventure.

619
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:32,000
I told you, Eric, call me Gigi. Oh, sorry, Gigi.

620
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:37,000
It's a wonder they haven't been used as firewood.

621
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:42,000
I think they're so wet that wood would never light.

622
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:46,000
Well, that one's basically just hot stones, isn't he?

623
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:49,000
I just met them, so I cannot say.

624
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:56,000
What can I do for you fine gentlemen? Leave the other two outside, unless you're willing to speak about the diamonds.

625
00:56:56,000 --> 00:57:01,000
Steve, are you... Oh, I haven't... I haven't found the diamonds yet.

626
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:05,000
I'm untied. Wait for no man. Yeah, but I'm not a man.

627
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,000
Side question to the DM. How do dogs respond to me?

628
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,000
How do dogs respond to you? They just pee on you, don't they?

629
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:14,000
Yeah, none of us are tree. Yeah, they pee on me.

630
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:17,000
And welcome it is to. The whole family enjoys it.

631
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:23,000
I think we've heard a fair amount of dogs responding to you this episode.

632
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:27,000
Whenever you've spoken, it appears that the dogs have started barking.

633
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:32,000
Oh, right. Then maybe...

634
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:39,000
Then I should disguise myself as a nondescript man

635
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:44,000
in the hopes that we can get aboard the dog sled and away before they lose their minds.

636
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:51,000
That's a reasonable supposition. You are now using your seiðr spell of Glamour Sight.

637
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:56,000
I am. If I'm correct, so that you can blend in.

638
00:57:56,000 --> 00:58:02,000
I'm not sure that it affects scent, but for the purposes of this, I will let you get away with it.

639
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:07,000
What is it, Steve? Steve, I've just heard you referred to as an atrocity.

640
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:11,000
Yes, that's what he is. Correct.

641
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:18,000
My character is a dark elf, essentially.

642
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:27,000
My character was killed long ago and went to the afterlife, had a passable time there.

643
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:37,000
Then, as a result of someone's malfeasance or misadventure, was dragged forcibly from the afterlife

644
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:47,000
and encased in this admittedly magnificent stone body that is just a perfect physical specimen made entirely of black stone.

645
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:53,000
Wow. Whereas I was chosen to inhabit the holy body of a tree.

646
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:59,000
Not a misadventure. I was chosen because I'm special.

647
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:01,000
Oh, but you are.

648
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:11,000
A living statue of the dark elf were yanked from the afterlife by some appalling experiments gone wrong.

649
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:21,000
And that Viking warrior that died seven centuries ago now inhabits this rock-like facade.

650
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:28,000
With all the bad attitudes of youth, because I'm twelve hundred years old. He's only seven hundred.

651
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,000
With any luck, I will still get back to the afterlife before you.

652
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:41,000
Now, you want to hire some dogs? If you want to hire my state team, I'm more than happy to do so, oh, illustrious peacock.

653
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:51,000
But what I would say is, you know, we'll waive the fee as long as you can get me a nice full blubber pot from Spikborg.

654
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:59,000
Fill it up with all of that lovely whale oil. I'll make a mint and I'll even share the proceeds with you.

655
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:01,000
Sounds fair to me.

656
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:16,000
Well, it's wonderful to work with someone who's actually willing to do a deal without saying they're going to sully themselves with the with commerce, filthy commerce.

657
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:19,000
Too good for you, is it, Dökkálfar?

658
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,000
Yes.

659
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:30,000
In his head, he's thinking whatever it takes to make to make this person stop.

660
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:43,000
Now, the only problem is your elastriousness is I'm not really sure I've got a sled big enough for you, but you're quite a sizable gentleman.

661
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:53,000
And we might have to whip two sleds together in order to carry your magnificent carriage.

662
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:56,000
And the problem is?

663
01:00:56,000 --> 01:01:06,000
Well, no, no, no, silly me for bringing it up. No problem at all. I'll get to it straight away.

664
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:17,000
Man, man speaking, would would the sleds and the dogs be best or one of those machine things?

665
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:21,000
I don't remember what they're called. They have wheels and tracks and things.

666
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:29,000
You're talking about the skidverg. This universe is skidoos.

667
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,000
Intelligent skidoos.

668
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:38,000
Yeah, so they're automated skidoos that are driven by machine intelligence.

669
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:51,000
Unfortunately, all of the ones that Gunnar has are in for repair and he doesn't own any himself. It's only the dogs that are on display today.

670
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,000
My dog's not good enough for you.

671
01:01:53,000 --> 01:02:01,000
Afraid they're going to nibble at your branches. That's going to toss your stick and chase it.

672
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:08,000
I welcome all life as my magical path of wisdom shows to anyone who cares to look.

673
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:15,000
Well, they're well trained beasts. They're loyal to a fault. Make sure no arm comes to them.

674
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:21,000
We are very careful around all living creatures. I think the record also shows that.

675
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:28,000
I'll leave you men to discuss the man things. I should be over here soaking in some sunlight.

676
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:37,000
As we've just talked about Gunnar is very willing to lend a sled or sleds to the team.

677
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:47,000
You will need to tell me your marching order, so to speak, because each of you will man their own sled with six dogs.

678
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:53,000
The mighty jöfurr will indeed have 12.

679
01:02:53,000 --> 01:03:05,000
And because you have pride of place, you will also carry the blubber pot, which is a large iron cauldron that will attach to your sled,

680
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:14,000
which the merchant expects to be filled up as part of your dealings with the Jotnar of Spikborg.

681
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,000
OK.

682
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:20,000
Did you guys acquire supplies?

683
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:23,000
No, they went quiet. I assume they're done.

684
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,000
We need food.

685
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,000
Oh, food again.

686
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:30,000
Of course, of course you do. How foolish of me, your humble servant.

687
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:40,000
May I, I will provide you with saddlebags and stuff it full of all the finest delicacies that I have in my store.

688
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:45,000
Man, we also need flares, flores, flures.

689
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:51,000
Yes, whatever the jöfurr requires, he may have.

690
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,000
We need flares to scare away the day.

691
01:03:53,000 --> 01:04:03,000
And of course, we must make sure that Eric Raudserk is very warm for his journey. We wouldn't want him catching a cold out on the ice.

692
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:08,000
Please, Eric, do take this seal skin coat with my compliments.

693
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:14,000
Oh, thank you very much, Gunner. Is it his Gunner, right? Am I saying the name right?

694
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:16,000
I'm so honored that you remembered my name.

695
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:20,000
Oh, well, who could forget? Such a fine person.

696
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:30,000
Oh, I'm blushing. First of all, an autograph in rooms and now all these famous sports people frequenting my sporting goods store.

697
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:34,000
Perhaps we can talk branding and merchandise when you return.

698
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:38,000
Happy to help you in any way I can.

699
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:49,000
He gives you a hearty wave and mushes the sled so that you are well on your way within the hour.

700
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:53,000
It is an exhilarating ride.

701
01:04:53,000 --> 01:05:02,000
You whip down the glacier on these rickety wooden sleds, the team of dogs bounding in front of you silently, though, because they're so well trained.

702
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:10,000
The only sound is the scraping of the runners as they cut through the snow and all around you.

703
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:15,000
The primal mountains are all but a blur.

704
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:19,000
Anything in particular that you're doing on your journey?

705
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:25,000
Is it just sitting back, watching the world go by, mushing the dogs?

706
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:28,000
Or are you engaged in any any banter?

707
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,000
Do you want to give me that marching order so I know who's first?

708
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:38,000
I believe that Ljomi says the pride of place should go to the not man.

709
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:44,000
So we fine with that. Do you want to go first, Eric or Gigi?

710
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:50,000
Gigi can go first. Gigi is looking quite displeased by this entire ordeal.

711
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:55,000
I just wanted to throw that out there that he's got this kind of...

712
01:05:55,000 --> 01:06:01,000
Just I'm over this. We were doing something. Now I'm stuck on this strange quest to be uncursed. This is just...

713
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:07,000
He's not having a good time and he's making it very apparent through his body language.

714
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,000
You get used to it.

715
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:22,000
It's a good reminder that you are all wracked by this psychic pain with the exception of Eric, who appears to be in the prime of his rude health.

716
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:26,000
Eric, have you got any thoughts on your journey through the tundra?

717
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,000
He's had a lovely day.

718
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:39,000
I mean, I'm excited just to be near Gigi, but I keep asking him questions about his exploits and he keeps kind of shutting me off in a curt way.

719
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:47,000
I don't think he's enjoying my inquiries into his past and all of his achievements.

720
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:53,000
Did you want to share any stories of pulling ropes?

721
01:06:53,000 --> 01:07:01,000
I'm happy to share the stories, but no one's interested in me when you have someone like Gigi around.

722
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:05,000
Gigi, do you carry your silver medal with you at all times?

723
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:07,000
No.

724
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,000
No.

725
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:12,000
Where is it? Is it safely locked away?

726
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:16,000
It's an Asgard. That's where the jofurr keep their stuff.

727
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:24,000
Very well. Very wise. You wouldn't want to risk it while riding on sleds with these reprobates.

728
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:41,000
All right. So as you whip through the tundra, you soon pass by a landmark that you recognize, the Yfir Forest, an old growth forest, something called a knot on the southern spine of the island.

729
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:45,000
It is known for its millennia old bristlecone pine trees.

730
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:58,000
The forest itself sits on this isolated ridge. It protrudes from the ice sheet, so the glacier surges around the bedrock and it allows the plant life to survive.

731
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:12,000
The knot is used for transportation off-world. It is a passage through the greenways, the mechanism by which you can reach other parts of the nine home worlds.

732
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:17,000
But it's broadly inaccessible. It looks like it's been cordoned off with razor wire.

733
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:27,000
It certainly looms above you as you rattle nearby, the dogs bounding silently ahead of you.

734
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:33,000
Now, some of you have got a power score of one or more.

735
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:47,000
And so if I'm correct, that should be CJ, it should be Bill and it should be Steve. Mike, your character being an oathsworn, more of a warrior, hasn't dabbled with magic.

736
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:52,000
And perhaps that's one of the reasons why you fended off the curse.

737
01:08:52,000 --> 01:09:10,000
The ones of you with that dalliance in the magical arts, you look over as you soar past the Yfir forest and in the mid distance you see an old man standing on the rise, on the rocky ridge.

738
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:18,000
He seems to be beckoning you over or waving. He's wearing a hooded, fur lined cape and linen riches.

739
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:23,000
He stands barefoot despite the icy cold.

740
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:29,000
Now, Eric, Mike, you only see where the others see a man.

741
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:41,000
You see a huge, hulking isbjorn, one of the ice bears that patrol and prowl around this region.

742
01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:51,000
And you see, whereas the magicians, the wise among you see something else, you see this immense bear.

743
01:09:51,000 --> 01:10:04,000
I turn my sled towards the figure and announce, Ljomi announces, I shall speak to the creature using small words.

744
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:09,000
But you see a man, right? You don't see a bear.

745
01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:13,000
Okay. How long does it take me to get to him?

746
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:20,000
So you're going ahead without comparing with the group, despite the fact that Mike sees a bear?

747
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,000
Yeah.

748
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:27,000
Despite the fact that you're cursed, that Mike's not cursed, and you're going ahead.

749
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:30,000
Is Mike the only one who doesn't see a bear? I thought, oh.

750
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,000
No, I'm the only one who sees a bear.

751
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:36,000
Oh, right. The only one who sees a bear. Oh, I thought it was both the men.

752
01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:44,000
All right. Well, I'm going to rein in just a little. Does anyone else see that man over there?

753
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:53,000
Say, gentlemen, I do not see a man. I see a bear. Should we not keep far away?

754
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:59,000
Yes. We've had a bad experience with bears. That seems to be what started all of this.

755
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:03,000
Well, to be fair, atrocity, our experience was not so terrible.

756
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:09,000
I think perhaps the menfolk, the man and the not man, should advance towards the bear.

757
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:13,000
That has served reasonably well in the past, it seems.

758
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:17,000
The edible ones. Now, there is sense to that. I can't deny it.

759
01:11:17,000 --> 01:11:19,000
So I see a man.

760
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:20,000
Yes.

761
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:23,000
Eric sees a bear.

762
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:26,000
I also see a man.

763
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,000
I also see a man thing.

764
01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:33,000
So is it a man or a bear or both?

765
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:39,000
Let's send Erkol to ask him. I think that might be good.

766
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:42,000
Well, if it's a bear, you don't just walk up and introduce yourself.

767
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:45,000
Well, do you see a bear, not man?

768
01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:51,000
I see a man. Well, what if we sled by and say hello?

769
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:54,000
Yes. Yes. Lead the way. Excellent.

770
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:59,000
If it says hello back, it's a man. If it growls, it's a bear.

771
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:04,000
Yes, precisely. But with speed. So if it growls, we go faster.

772
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:09,000
As an aside, little tip to the new players. Watch the GM's image.

773
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:12,000
If he does this, it can be a suggestion.

774
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,000
Yes.

775
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:14,000
We've taken the wrong tack.

776
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:19,000
Now, because this is an audio podcast, you need to describe the physical.

777
01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:20,000
Face palm.

778
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:25,000
Face palm. It could be that I'm just giving you the finger.

779
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:31,000
Well, I suspect that's what your hands are doing nearly the whole time below the camera anyway.

780
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:38,000
You fly on the wooden runners, the dogs pounding silently across the tundra.

781
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:42,000
The tundra is flowering right now in this midsummer season.

782
01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:45,000
The scene does not change.

783
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:55,000
Eric continues to see a bear on the rise above, looming out of the trees of the Yfir forest.

784
01:12:55,000 --> 01:13:02,000
The rest of you swear that you see an old man beckoning and waving.

785
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:12,000
Is it a product of the curse? Is it a product of your powers of the wires and your connection to the spirits of the land?

786
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:14,000
How will you find out?

787
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:22,000
Friends, I recommend that I go forward much like Gigi suggested.

788
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,000
I use Tree Sight.

789
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,000
Ljomi is going to use tree Sight

790
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:32,000
Oh, which has a variety of sensors and receptors that enable a creature to detect and respond.

791
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:37,000
Did normally I get so caught up in the story, I forget all about my character's powers.

792
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:41,000
Enable creature to detect and respond to input from the physical environment.

793
01:13:41,000 --> 01:13:49,000
The creature makes challenge roles to find hidden or invisible creatures with one wheel and automatically recognizes illusions.

794
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:54,000
Illusions, I say, for what they are.

795
01:13:54,000 --> 01:14:00,000
Very good. And I do like the eureka moment that crossed the palm of your cross to your face.

796
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:04,000
I've got a trait that deals with this.

797
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:08,000
You were thinking it was too early to sacrifice the man.

798
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,000
No, not really. That was never too early.

799
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:12,000
No, not.

800
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:19,000
Tree site for the alfar is akin to all of the various and multiple senses that real trees have.

801
01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:22,000
They can tell chemical imbalances in the air.

802
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:29,000
They can communicate with each other because you're in the middle of the Yfir forest or at least approaching it.

803
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:34,000
The person that you can see is in the Yfir forest.

804
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:51,000
You are able to tell that there is some kind of deep and powerful magic involved and that the figure is neither man nor bear, but something all the more powerful.

805
01:14:51,000 --> 01:15:00,000
Certainly not an arctic mirage, but it is something that is of the bones of the earth.

806
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,000
Well, that just sounds interesting.

807
01:15:02,000 --> 01:15:05,000
The name of the tree says atrocity.

808
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:06,000
Yeah.

809
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:11,000
The bones of the earth. Similar to you. You may make another friend.

810
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:16,000
Oh, lucky me.

811
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:21,000
Do you talk about like, is that a term used to refer to my people, the bones of the earth?

812
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,000
It sounds like it might be.

813
01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:42,000
I was merely talking of something that was more kind of primordial, more primeval, something that would have stretched back to the days of Ymir himself, the Titan from whom the world was forged.

814
01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:47,000
So we're talking something altogether more vast than any of us.

815
01:15:47,000 --> 01:16:06,000
And I feel like as an aside, as a player rather than a character, I should offer, Steve already knows this, but for Michael in particular, who's brand new and CJ has only just met me, although I'm full of ideas, there is no guarantee that any of them are good.

816
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:07,000
This is known.

817
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:14,000
My character is a bit pompous, a bit aloof, a bit of a know-it-all who doesn't know a lot. So anyway.

818
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:16,000
Oh, your character. Yeah.

819
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:19,000
Life and art, Steve.

820
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:20,000
Life and art.

821
01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:38,000
Recognizing that the form has been perceived, the man stroke bear, vanishes into the forest, leaving a brush of falling snow that drifts from the branches in his wake.

822
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:45,000
Whatever it was, was trying to deceive us, which is not a great way to meet new people.

823
01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:47,000
Isn't that how you met your girlfriend?

824
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:49,000
Yes.

825
01:16:49,000 --> 01:16:52,000
Like I said, not a great way to meet people.

826
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:53,000
All's fair.

827
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:56,000
I don't trust it.

828
01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:59,000
I think it probably had some horrible end in mind.

829
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:04,000
And as soon as we saw through its disguise, the game was up.

830
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:11,000
Or does someone want to pursue it and make a new friend involuntarily?

831
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:19,000
Would it help us remove the curse? If no, I suggest we just move. Move on. Keep going.

832
01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:35,000
One other thing, CJ, just as a counterpoint is if that was a creature reminiscent of the old gods, then you're not particularly interested, presumably because you belong to the Church of the New Gods.

833
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:38,000
And as far as you're concerned, you know, you are a demigod.

834
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:42,000
Maybe you'd have something in common.

835
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:44,000
You could share recipes.

836
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:49,000
And that thing, hold your tongue or whatever is in your mouth, sir.

837
01:17:49,000 --> 01:18:10,000
We will leave that potential encounter, the old man in the fur cloak, and allow you to continue along your way to Spikborg again, following the Jotnar trails over the glacier.

838
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:21,000
Now, most of these these trails are generally assumed to be safe, but when the weather is bad with strong winds and drifting snow, it's possible to wander into danger.

839
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:34,000
And it's also possible when the sun is high in the sky that some of the glaciers tend to groan and crack under the weight of passersby.

840
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:41,000
And unfortunately, this is what happens as you, Gigi, take the lead on your sled.

841
01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:47,000
There is a thunderous crack as loud as lightning shattering stone.

842
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:55,000
The ice shivers and then the dogs that lead your sled erupt into panicking cries.

843
01:18:55,000 --> 01:19:03,000
The sled plunges nose first through the ice, slipping first an inch and then another.

844
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:18,000
I'm going to have you make a slight challenge roll to see whether you can swerve and avoid the crevasse that has opened up and threatens to entomb you.

845
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:26,000
So that is a D20 modified by your slight, which I believe is 11 or 12.

846
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:28,000
Oh, slight. Oh, yes. Plus one.

847
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:30,000
Okay. Yeah.

848
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,000
Is it a lucky dice?

849
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:35,000
Oh, yeah. It's got fire. It's fire.

850
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:39,000
Oh, that is lucky. Good in the north.

851
01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:42,000
We'll see. Hang on. I need to warm it up.

852
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:46,000
Although you are on cracking ice.

853
01:19:46,000 --> 01:19:49,000
Oh, yeah.

854
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:51,000
17 plus 118.

855
01:19:51,000 --> 01:19:53,000
Oh, nice.

856
01:19:53,000 --> 01:20:04,000
The the All Asgardian toga honk champion steers his sled.

857
01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:06,000
Exactly.

858
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,000
There is no one.

859
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:13,000
There is no one better suited to perform an emergency breaking maneuver.

860
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:16,000
You have to remember he's riding two sleds at once.

861
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:19,000
Dude, side by side.

862
01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:34,000
The fanboy is worthy of himself, especially since you're carrying an extra 200 pounds of blubber pot, which would add to the lethal momentum.

863
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:43,000
But you avoid the demise of those loyal dogs and catastrophe is averted.

864
01:20:43,000 --> 01:20:45,000
Right.

865
01:20:45,000 --> 01:20:48,000
Well, with that, I'm going to go around.

866
01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:50,000
I'm going to go around.

867
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:58,000
Ljomi turns to Eir and says important note, not just good for bears.

868
01:20:58,000 --> 01:21:00,000
Good for finding peril.

869
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,000
Well done for surviving that.

870
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:10,000
And you are well done for making the the human cry to allow your comrades to not have to roll as well.

871
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:19,000
I'm sure they all appreciate that, given their slight scores are in the toilet and we're already injured.

872
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:21,000
And you're already injured.

873
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:23,000
We're near death to start with.

874
01:21:23,000 --> 01:21:34,000
I mean, again, we will shimmer dissolve a few more hours past driven by the relentless rhythmic pace of your sled dogs.

875
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:43,000
You glide into view of the wailing town of Spikborg nestled between the ice laden sea and the budding tundra.

876
01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:51,000
You see on the horizon growing closer all the time a humble sprawl of weathered timber structures.

877
01:21:51,000 --> 01:22:01,000
The Jotnar within are toiling in labor, dragging gargantuan slabs of whale blubber from the shore to their cauldrons.

878
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:12,000
The air is heavy with a mix of burnt fat and salt spray, a fetid perfume produced from the continuous rendering of the oil.

879
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:16,000
Would you care to proceed all the way to the town proper?

880
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:19,000
I would like to disguise myself again.

881
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:23,000
Yeah, just look like a nondescript human.

882
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:29,000
Now, in order to do so, you only have one casting of that.

883
01:22:29,000 --> 01:22:31,000
Is it the same day?

884
01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:33,000
It is the same day.

885
01:22:33,000 --> 01:22:39,000
You can all decide to rest before proceeding into town.

886
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:44,000
You won't heal anything, but you will regain use of such spells that you've casted.

887
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,000
I will allow you to do that.

888
01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:58,000
You were well provisioned, and perhaps it is time to have a quick rest before you face the wrath of Daniel, the headman of the town who placed this curse upon you.

889
01:22:58,000 --> 01:23:08,000
I want to read the description of Spikborg that you gave us a snippet of a while back in, because it has some interesting facts in it, including one of real import to me.

890
01:23:08,000 --> 01:23:14,000
Spikborg, Blubber Town, is made of 16 buildings, including a fort at its center, built ward off interlopers.

891
01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:18,000
The alleys between the buildings are cobbled with drainage gullies.

892
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:24,000
The settlement is built around the remains of Vjilhelm Bjarnardson centuries ago.

893
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:28,000
I may have mangled that slightly. And only partially excavated camp.

894
01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:32,000
About 40 Jotnar work here, all monstrous beings.

895
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:34,000
All the Jotnar are monsters.

896
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:38,000
I don't think you should speak of Steve's girlfriends like that.

897
01:23:38,000 --> 01:23:43,000
Fair. I certainly wouldn't want to upset him.

898
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:52,000
Boiling blubber into oil, cleansing whales, great word, cleansing, and coopering casks to pour the oil into, making barrels, in other words.

899
01:23:52,000 --> 01:24:02,000
The town headman, Daniel, came to the island following a messianic vision and is a better rival of the alf-old, Oldungr that I wanted.

900
01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:08,000
It's clear that there is no love lost between Daniel and Oldungr.

901
01:24:08,000 --> 01:24:15,000
Daniel and his Jotnar clearly hunt whales, they clearly hunt bears, they do what is needed to survive on the tundra,

902
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:25,000
whereas the alf Oldungr wants to preserve nature, want to protect the ísbjörn and regard them as sacred.

903
01:24:25,000 --> 01:24:35,000
So there is a clash of religion, a clash of cultures, a clash of outlook on what the resources of these northern climes are all about.

904
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:38,000
Alright, so as a party we're resting.

905
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:47,000
Very good. Now the sun does not set, again it stays glowing in the sky along with the bright red cross.

906
01:24:47,000 --> 01:25:03,000
It might descend to the horizon a little and create a beautiful painter's tapestry of, you can't have a painter's tapestry, a painter's palette of purples.

907
01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:14,000
A canvas of purples and oranges, but then it quickly, the sun again, a Sol quickly ascends into the sky.

908
01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:25,000
As best you're able to, you try and shrug off the pain of the curse, the vexatious nagging in your mind for everyone apart from Erik,

909
01:25:25,000 --> 01:25:33,000
who has a long half-comatose sleep and exudes loud snores.

910
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:39,000
And the rest in the sunlight does not heal me, even with my alfar nature.

911
01:25:39,000 --> 01:25:48,000
The plague, the pox that has been placed upon you does not enable you to heal, even with the rest.

912
01:25:48,000 --> 01:25:56,000
Alright, okay. Could I heal myself and one other person before the rest and then recharge that?

913
01:25:56,000 --> 01:26:05,000
You have something called the Song of Praise as a skald, as one of the great Norse poets in the heroic tradition.

914
01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:15,000
You are able to invigorate and compel people to behave beyond the norm.

915
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:25,000
Unfortunately, despite your best efforts to drive people to new heights, it doesn't overcome the curse.

916
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:33,000
And so whilst you can rest and regain the use, your exhortations before you sleep were of no use.

917
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:43,000
Such is the power of the curse pole, the nithing pole that has benighted your existence ever since it was hammered outside your hovel.

918
01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:50,000
Just out of interest, what is the gap now between your damage and your health?

919
01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:58,000
Yeah, okay. GM ever says that, Michael? Don't believe the if, just out of interest part.

920
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:04,000
My health is 10 and I've taken 6 from the initial curse.

921
01:27:04,000 --> 01:27:07,000
Health is 9, I took 7.

922
01:27:07,000 --> 01:27:09,000
Loser.

923
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:11,000
And CJ?

924
01:27:11,000 --> 01:27:14,000
I was at 16, I took 7.

925
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:16,000
16?

926
01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:18,000
He really is great.

927
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:23,000
He is buff and burly.

928
01:27:23,000 --> 01:27:31,000
Now, for those of you who have taken over 50%, you are in the injured status, which in game terms doesn't mean too much.

929
01:27:31,000 --> 01:27:45,000
It does interplay with certain spells and effects, but you just note that you are injured, doesn't apply to CJ, and it doesn't apply to Michael, whose character, Eric, is in rude health.

930
01:27:45,000 --> 01:27:47,000
I'll say.

931
01:27:47,000 --> 01:28:00,000
Enjoying cavorting with the dogs and basking in the reflective glory of his idol, who's spread-eagled across his two sleds, singing you all songs to try and get you.

932
01:28:00,000 --> 01:28:04,000
Is it just me, or is it hard to like these men?

933
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:07,000
Yeah, it's...

934
01:28:07,000 --> 01:28:10,000
The gods have favorites, you know.

935
01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:12,000
And it's not us.

936
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:19,000
My character sheet definitely says, you are gregarious, others find you warm, friendly, and open-minded, and make friends easily.

937
01:28:19,000 --> 01:28:21,000
Other humans, perhaps.

938
01:28:21,000 --> 01:28:40,000
That would be true of most normal people, but unfortunately you got saddled with these denizens of death, these spirits of yesteryear, who are really quite sound on the fact that they died and got stuck in these bodies, whereas you are a prime specimen.

939
01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:47,000
Someone that they perhaps once used to know, you were almost like a star-cat figure who died in the same battle as you, Bill.

940
01:28:47,000 --> 01:28:49,000
Yeah.

941
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:57,000
As far as Gigi's concerned, he thinks he is making quick friends with you guys.

942
01:28:57,000 --> 01:28:59,000
Everybody likes you.

943
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:01,000
Yeah.

944
01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:07,000
I think these two are kind of like Felix and Oscar from The Odd Couple.

945
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:10,000
It has been mentioned.

946
01:29:10,000 --> 01:29:13,000
Okay, not the first time that's been mentioned.

947
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:18,000
Just gets mentioned when they're in supermarkets together.

948
01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:42,000
Anyway, now, having rested and tried to deal with the racking pain of the curse, you are now able to approach the village of Spikborg, these rusted, salt-encrusted buildings that cling together against the biting wind, smoke billows from chimneys that suggest warmth and shelter within.

949
01:29:42,000 --> 01:29:46,000
Yeah, I would like to disguise myself as an ordinary person.

950
01:29:46,000 --> 01:29:48,000
An ordinary man.

951
01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:50,000
Maybe as a Jotnar.

952
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:51,000
You should be a Jotnar.

953
01:29:51,000 --> 01:29:55,000
I don't think I could pull that off.

954
01:29:55,000 --> 01:30:17,000
So, the scene that greets you, there's this huge whale bone arch. They've taken the jaws of some beast that they've dismembered and taken the flesh off and they've turned the moor into a huge arch that acts as a gateway to the village.

955
01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:29,000
And everything else is adorned with carved whale pieces, the ivory, the baleen that comes from these creatures' pieces, its arms, its armor.

956
01:30:29,000 --> 01:30:38,000
It really is everywhere ornamenting their daily existence. You really can get a sense that they live off the sea.

957
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:49,000
As you approach the village, you do see a group of Jotnar walk towards you.

958
01:30:49,000 --> 01:31:09,000
One of them is what  is perhaps for a woman. She wears a shriveled skin garment, has a skin bag on her head, and her hair is like eagle's feathers that reach right down to her shoulders. Her face resembles more of a wild wolf than a human.

959
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:31,000
She carries in her hand a large ivory pole and in the other a halberd, which looks very sharp. Treading heavily, she also, you know it is, is just carrying the remnants of two walruses that she's clearly recently slain and dismembered.

960
01:31:31,000 --> 01:31:38,000
Behind her are half a dozen other of these monstrous Jotnar.

961
01:31:38,000 --> 01:31:48,000
So just a point of precision for the jöfurr character, seeing as his upbringing would have included a thorough education in all things.

962
01:31:48,000 --> 01:32:01,000
I just wanted to mention that up to this point, Gigi has been narrating and telling everyone all about whale anatomy and which bone is what.

963
01:32:01,000 --> 01:32:12,000
And so when he encounters this woman, the first question is, what types of bones is she wearing? What would Gigi point out?

964
01:32:12,000 --> 01:32:25,000
They're mainly going to be tusks of teeth from a variety of different beasts. Are you posing that as a pop quiz to your comrades or are you actually asking?

965
01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:29,000
I was asking what she would have on her that he would point out.

966
01:32:29,000 --> 01:32:39,000
Anything that the tundra will divulge, they've been able to get their hands on.

967
01:32:39,000 --> 01:32:52,000
The furs of perhaps arctic foxes, the the hide of reindeer, the pelts of bears, all of those things are what they dress in.

968
01:32:52,000 --> 01:33:00,000
Now there is a rather incongruous greeting that echoes from this woman as she says,

969
01:33:00,000 --> 01:33:13,000
Grace and peace be yours in full measure. Have you come to repent and cast off your sins?

970
01:33:13,000 --> 01:33:23,000
I, uh, Ljomi nudges air in the ribs hard and goes, looks like one of your type.

971
01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:31,000
I don't know what you mean for I am Olaf, a perfectly normal human and certainly not an abomination.

972
01:33:31,000 --> 01:33:32,000
Just the sort of-

973
01:33:32,000 --> 01:33:41,000
Wake up, sleepers, wake up! Rise from death, the light of the white Christ will shine upon you.

974
01:33:41,000 --> 01:33:43,000
Well-

975
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:46,000
She said we can cast off sins. That might help.

976
01:33:46,000 --> 01:33:49,000
Uh-huh.

977
01:33:49,000 --> 01:33:51,000
Maybe we should learn more.

978
01:33:51,000 --> 01:33:57,000
Yes, as a human you perhaps could, you know, prepare to serve the white Christ.

979
01:33:57,000 --> 01:34:05,000
For what it's worth, I'm going to sort of mimic what Eric does,

980
01:34:05,000 --> 01:34:16,000
because Eric is doing things that look like what normal humans do, so I'm going to sort of, you know, vaguely and probably not very well do the things he does

981
01:34:16,000 --> 01:34:20,000
and assume that that is what looking like a normal person looks like.

982
01:34:20,000 --> 01:34:22,000
So you're mostly gazing at-

983
01:34:22,000 --> 01:34:24,000
How's your butt scratching and-

984
01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:26,000
Uh-huh, butt scratching, got it.

985
01:34:26,000 --> 01:34:27,000
Okay.

986
01:34:27,000 --> 01:34:28,000
Yeah, nose picking.

987
01:34:28,000 --> 01:34:32,000
So you're mostly gazing fondly at the magnificent one, is that what you're telling me?

988
01:34:32,000 --> 01:34:36,000
I'm not going to do a little of that, but I don't want to, you know, I don't want to overdo it, yeah.

989
01:34:36,000 --> 01:34:43,000
So, yeah, ass scratching, nose picking, yeah, that sort of, yeah, okay.

990
01:34:43,000 --> 01:34:45,000
Gotta readjust your crotch every once in a while.

991
01:34:45,000 --> 01:34:50,000
Oh, there's, I notice a lot of that. I remember doing that once, long ago.

992
01:34:50,000 --> 01:34:54,000
I had a crotch worthy of adjusting, but that's all behind me now.

993
01:34:54,000 --> 01:35:04,000
Now, whilst you're busy rearranging your posture and inching your nether regions, the crowd parts

994
01:35:04,000 --> 01:35:13,000
and they almost begin to bow in solemn greeting as another Jotnar strides amongst them

995
01:35:13,000 --> 01:35:15,000
and he yells out,

996
01:35:15,000 --> 01:35:17,000
Oi oi, Savaloy!

997
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:20,000
He's wearing a polar bear pelt.

998
01:35:20,000 --> 01:35:27,000
He carries a large narwhal horn, perhaps as a sceptre of authority.

999
01:35:27,000 --> 01:35:36,000
It has a sharp end. It's typically the platinum globe that emits a bright light in all directions.

1000
01:35:36,000 --> 01:35:41,000
And this character is clearly someone of some importance.

1001
01:35:41,000 --> 01:35:47,000
It seems as hail or sleet blows out of his nostrils.

1002
01:35:47,000 --> 01:35:54,000
He has a bushy beard and a bald head and hands almost like eagle talons.

1003
01:35:54,000 --> 01:35:57,000
Cor blimey cat got your tongue?

1004
01:35:57,000 --> 01:36:01,000
Enough of that fucking Codswallop, let me get her butchers at ya.

1005
01:36:01,000 --> 01:36:05,000
Ljomi steps forward, that's all I was gonna say.

1006
01:36:05,000 --> 01:36:10,000
Welcome to fucking Spickborg, you bunch of murdering cunts.

1007
01:36:10,000 --> 01:36:16,000
Are all the Jotar from the UK then? Is that what I'm talking about?

1008
01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:27,000
This one speaks in the Jotnar brogue, which is a language of rhyming,

1009
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:35,000
a kind of thieves' camp that grew up in the war on the far-flung realm of Jotunheim,

1010
01:36:35,000 --> 01:36:40,000
as you had all of these Christian exiles who fled the empire,

1011
01:36:40,000 --> 01:36:47,000
treated as ne'er-do-wells and malcontents when they were spliced with the genes of animals

1012
01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:51,000
and the creatures of God's great bounty.

1013
01:36:51,000 --> 01:36:59,000
They took on a slightly different approach to language than the traditional Norse.

1014
01:36:59,000 --> 01:37:07,000
Ljomi steps forward and says, greetings creature, we seek the one name.

1015
01:37:07,000 --> 01:37:14,000
You'll address me as fucking Daniel or I'll break your branches off.

1016
01:37:14,000 --> 01:37:20,000
Me old man's brown bread and you come walking in here like the queen of fucking Sheba.

1017
01:37:20,000 --> 01:37:22,000
That's Daniel, it's Daniel.

1018
01:37:22,000 --> 01:37:27,000
I'm the breaker of rings in these parts. Daniel's the name.

1019
01:37:27,000 --> 01:37:34,000
Lor'lummey, bunch of fucking tea leaves telling porkies.

1020
01:37:34,000 --> 01:37:39,000
So Grjotgarð is going to step forward and have a conversation with Daniel.

1021
01:37:39,000 --> 01:37:44,000
I'm looking forward to hearing them talking to each other.

1022
01:37:44,000 --> 01:37:47,000
I'm sure he's a fan as well.

1023
01:37:47,000 --> 01:37:50,000
Well, this is Gigi's time to shine.

1024
01:37:50,000 --> 01:37:55,000
He's going to put his hands on his hips and split his hair back and give him the million dollar smile.

1025
01:37:55,000 --> 01:38:01,000
The million crown smile and says, I'm Grjotgarth, the Magnificent.

1026
01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:09,000
And I hear you can remove this curse that I was unjustly given.

1027
01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:15,000
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't string you up by your bollocks and leave you twisting in the wind.

1028
01:38:15,000 --> 01:38:20,000
I've got you rumbled. You're in a right two and eight.

1029
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:24,000
The inky smudge kicked you out of town and you're short of a sheet.

1030
01:38:24,000 --> 01:38:27,000
Let's get down to brass tacks.

1031
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:34,000
Did you mug it then, the deed? Is that why you did the old feller in?

1032
01:38:34,000 --> 01:38:40,000
So Grjotgarth is going to look back at the other two and be like, what is he talking about?

1033
01:38:40,000 --> 01:38:43,000
I'm sure if I listen quietly, this will all make sense shortly.

1034
01:38:43,000 --> 01:38:49,000
Do you speak of the old hunter, Balfrang? His name was difficult.

1035
01:38:49,000 --> 01:38:55,000
If you can't get me old dad's name right, get it out of your lips before I wipe it off your face.

1036
01:38:55,000 --> 01:38:57,000
You called his dad?

1037
01:38:57,000 --> 01:39:00,000
No, you'd killed his dad?!.

1038
01:39:00,000 --> 01:39:06,000
Your father's name was? I believe there may be some confusion here.

1039
01:39:06,000 --> 01:39:17,000
Bjarnie Bjarnardson. You bear-baiters brought him out onto the ice and had him mauled.

1040
01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:22,000
That curse ain't all you got coming to you unless you make amends.

1041
01:39:22,000 --> 01:39:29,000
Certainly, we and particularly the men would be interested in making amends.

1042
01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:39,000
However, it was really the bear that False Doggy is raising.

1043
01:39:39,000 --> 01:39:42,000
I'm not certain of the name.

1044
01:39:42,000 --> 01:39:46,000
Feltoggy, something like that. Anyway, he mistreats the sample.

1045
01:39:46,000 --> 01:39:52,000
Lick Spittles and Snolly Gosters. I don't need to listen to this.

1046
01:39:52,000 --> 01:39:59,000
Now, if you want the curse lifted, you're going to have to make amends. You're going to have to do penance.

1047
01:39:59,000 --> 01:40:05,000
Down this path, we're not in the business of holmgang and jewels of honor.

1048
01:40:05,000 --> 01:40:10,000
You're going to give arms to the poor benighted fuckers of Spikborg.

1049
01:40:10,000 --> 01:40:15,000
We're scraping a living out of the fucking tundra. And what are you people doing?

1050
01:40:15,000 --> 01:40:20,000
Look at him! Cock of the fucking North with his peacock feathers.

1051
01:40:20,000 --> 01:40:26,000
Ljomi nods, steps back and with a generous sweeping motion of his arm,

1052
01:40:26,000 --> 01:40:32,000
gestures towards the two men, particularly the tall one on the double slit.

1053
01:40:32,000 --> 01:40:35,000
Yeah? And what?

1054
01:40:35,000 --> 01:40:38,000
I believe your solution is there.

1055
01:40:38,000 --> 01:40:40,000
Traniel.

1056
01:40:40,000 --> 01:40:41,000
Traniel?

1057
01:40:41,000 --> 01:40:43,000
Traniel.

1058
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:45,000
Kavnel.

1059
01:40:45,000 --> 01:40:47,000
Spramiel.

1060
01:40:47,000 --> 01:40:52,000
I have an excellent memory for names. I'm sure it was Traniel. Traniel, perhaps.

1061
01:40:52,000 --> 01:40:59,000
Here's what we're going to do. I want the fucking land deed that you guys have half-inched.

1062
01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:05,000
I'm his bathbumb. I'm his fucking dustbin lid. All of this is mine by right.

1063
01:41:05,000 --> 01:41:14,000
This old archipelago teeming with Aegir's riches all underneath the tundra.

1064
01:41:14,000 --> 01:41:20,000
And it's all mine. That deed given to Vilhelm, given to my old grandpa.

1065
01:41:20,000 --> 01:41:26,000
Well, I said grandpa. Several steps removed. But all fucking mine.

1066
01:41:26,000 --> 01:41:28,000
Ain't getting your hands on it.

1067
01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:30,000
Where's the deed gone?

1068
01:41:30,000 --> 01:41:36,000
Lured the old bastard into the tundra so you could have him off?

1069
01:41:36,000 --> 01:41:46,000
Yes. Well, now, to the GM, I am, I'm just reminding you, I am by training.

1070
01:41:46,000 --> 01:41:51,000
I was a Reeve, so I should be able to do a bit of law talking.

1071
01:41:51,000 --> 01:41:57,000
And I'm assuming I would understand, as confused as I am, or at least as I'm playing myself,

1072
01:41:57,000 --> 01:42:02,000
I would understand the concept of deed. Yes?

1073
01:42:02,000 --> 01:42:04,000
Yes. Title deed.

1074
01:42:04,000 --> 01:42:05,000
Title deed.

1075
01:42:05,000 --> 01:42:13,000
In the same way as that perhaps Manhattan was given by the First Nations to the settlers,

1076
01:42:13,000 --> 01:42:20,000
at least in, according to the law, they were handed it over for a handful of beads.

1077
01:42:20,000 --> 01:42:28,000
Somewhere back in history, the land deed was assigned by the local Skraeling to, presumably,

1078
01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:34,000
an ancestor of this gentleman and his father who appears to have predeceased him.

1079
01:42:34,000 --> 01:42:41,000
Ah. All right. Okay. Well, he raises a good point.

1080
01:42:41,000 --> 01:42:52,000
Ljomi addresses Daniel and says, I know of what a deed is, I know of what its function is,

1081
01:42:52,000 --> 01:42:58,000
but we saw no such document. Are you certain it was in his possession?

1082
01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:06,000
Perhaps someone else has taken it from him before we arrived to escort him to the Trolls' Bung,

1083
01:43:06,000 --> 01:43:11,000
where he was to execute himself so as not to die in the city,

1084
01:43:11,000 --> 01:43:17,000
according to the laws that the men seemed very excited about.

1085
01:43:17,000 --> 01:43:24,000
Bloody hell. You wank to your own voice, don't you?

1086
01:43:24,000 --> 01:43:30,000
It's fucking taters in the mold outside. Get in. We'll sit down by the fire and discuss it.

1087
01:43:30,000 --> 01:43:33,000
What's you done with the body?

1088
01:43:33,000 --> 01:43:38,000
We threw it off the Trolls' Bung into the rock below.

1089
01:43:38,000 --> 01:43:45,000
You did fucking what? You threw my old man into the fucking fisherman's daughter?

1090
01:43:45,000 --> 01:43:51,000
We were told by one of the wheeled things in town that he was dying

1091
01:43:51,000 --> 01:43:59,000
and needed to be dealt with according to the rules of the town, so we were following that commission.

1092
01:43:59,000 --> 01:44:05,000
Fuck me, if I told you to just walk off into the ice and dunk your head in the fucking sea, would you do it?

1093
01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,000
Not again.

1094
01:44:06,000 --> 01:44:15,000
Did that sound in any way like it was a sensible fucking thing to do with all of my wealth tucked up in that old bastard's ho-

1095
01:44:15,000 --> 01:44:17,000
We, uh-

1096
01:44:17,000 --> 01:44:18,000
Is that how they keep it?

1097
01:44:18,000 --> 01:44:23,000
We, in his coat, did you say? In his coat?

1098
01:44:23,000 --> 01:44:29,000
Well, we've had you surveilled. It's not in his fucking cabin, is it? Because otherwise we'd have found it.

1099
01:44:29,000 --> 01:44:40,000
My assistant here, this other man who stands very quietly, he searched your father's remains after the bear attack and found no documents of any kind.

1100
01:44:40,000 --> 01:44:53,000
I believe the crime you're alluding to occurred before our engagement in what was really a mission of mercy and love and peace and bears, unfortunately.

1101
01:44:53,000 --> 01:45:00,000
I've added something to you. What about you? And he looks at you, CJ, and he says,

1102
01:45:00,000 --> 01:45:07,000
What's your story? You've got less brains than a packet of pork scratchings. Your mug's so ugly, even your mam's blushing.

1103
01:45:07,000 --> 01:45:17,000
I've seen better faces on the backside of a fucking baboon. I beg your pardon, those things are all absolutely false.

1104
01:45:17,000 --> 01:45:27,000
He casts his eye over to Eric next and says, What about you? About as much fucking use as a chocolate teapot or a knitted condom, ain't ya?

1105
01:45:27,000 --> 01:45:30,000
I'm a big fan of knitted condoms.

1106
01:45:30,000 --> 01:45:34,000
Well, you can kindly fuck off then.

1107
01:45:34,000 --> 01:45:44,000
Right, this is what we're gonna do. If you were expecting a happy ending, well, I'm sorry, it's just not that kind of fucking massage parlour.

1108
01:45:44,000 --> 01:45:56,000
You're gonna come out and you're gonna do the whale one. You're gonna get out there on the ice, you're gonna earn your keep, you're gonna get me some blubber, and then I'll think about lifting the curse.

1109
01:45:56,000 --> 01:46:14,000
We actually need the blubber, so yes, that works, mostly. Or, I have an idea. Since you love your grandfather so much, I can write you a poem about him, about his great deeds.

1110
01:46:14,000 --> 01:46:17,000
To live forever in memory.

1111
01:46:17,000 --> 01:46:19,000
A poem, eh?

1112
01:46:19,000 --> 01:46:21,000
Have you ever received such a gift?

1113
01:46:21,000 --> 01:46:24,000
Eh, dearie, then?

1114
01:46:24,000 --> 01:46:39,000
Well, you'll have to tell me about your grandfather and all the wonderful things that he did that you love him and remember him for before he was passed into a ravine by these...national phenomena.

1115
01:46:39,000 --> 01:46:47,000
Let's do this then. What we're gonna do, we're gonna have a right old knees up. First of all, we're gonna go get ourselves some blubber.

1116
01:46:47,000 --> 01:46:59,000
Then, once we've done a good old day's hard work and toil, we're gonna come here, we're gonna have a fire, we're gonna have a feast, and you can tell me all about it.

1117
01:46:59,000 --> 01:47:03,000
What do you say to that, you big tom tit?

1118
01:47:03,000 --> 01:47:21,000
As long as the curse is removed, that, by the way, must I remind you, was improperly cast upon me, I was just standing there, minding my own business, looking for...something. It's none of your business.

1119
01:47:21,000 --> 01:47:45,000
Anyone got anything else to say before the various jotnar around you heard you towards the makeshift jetty, the dock that juts out into the ice-strewn sea, you are asked to board a vessel called the White Swan , Svanvitr.

1120
01:47:45,000 --> 01:47:51,000
Steve, have a look at your sheet and find your best whale hunting spells. Hopefully you have several just like that.

1121
01:47:51,000 --> 01:48:02,000
I have a variety of them, actually. I have Summon Blubber, which is...I don't use it often, it's kind of an ish thing, but man, is it just the thing.

1122
01:48:02,000 --> 01:48:16,000
This is what we're gonna do. You're gonna jump aboard my mighty flagship, the Svanvitr, and we're gonna sail out to sea. My fellows here, they're gonna keep rifles trained on you so there's no funny business.

1123
01:48:16,000 --> 01:48:33,000
I don't expect you to get your hands dirty. Not you pretty types. We don't want to get blood under your fingernails, do we? Nah, you're gonna watch the ancient hunting tradition, the grindigap, or the grind.

1124
01:48:33,000 --> 01:48:55,000
And he goes on to describe this ancient tradition, and effectively what happens is his whalers will sail out, they will chase down a pod of whales, they'll maneuver their boats to drive the mammals to shallow water, and then the hunters with their huge knives will wade into the surf and kill them.

1125
01:48:55,000 --> 01:49:12,000
Oh shit! You are herded aboard a boat which sails out between the icy flows. The local stretch of water is called the Hellsand. It's the Hell Strait, it's full of ice flows as far as the horizon.

1126
01:49:12,000 --> 01:49:39,000
These huge slabs of frozen seawater that splinter and groan. It's quite a large boat. There are perhaps eight other yacht-nars sailors on board with you and with Daniel, who stands there with his polar bear pelt fluttering in the wind, his eyes gazing out to sea with a kind of pride.

1127
01:49:39,000 --> 01:49:51,000
You get a sense that he is really enjoying having people from out of town see just how skillful he is at hunting these whales.

1128
01:49:51,000 --> 01:50:12,000
Something that is going to come up is that after we've been in the boat for what, 40, 50 minutes or something like that, I'm just going to sit in the boat with everyone else, mind blowing business, not talk to anyone, but when the hour is up the disguise wears off and I look like myself again, and I will say nothing about it. See how long it takes for someone to notice.

1129
01:50:12,000 --> 01:50:21,000
You switch from being a human to a statue in a corner. It's almost as if you have turned to stone.

1130
01:50:21,000 --> 01:50:29,000
Yeah, man, I won't announce it or anything. I'll just, you know, continue to enjoy the amusing local custom.

1131
01:50:29,000 --> 01:50:51,000
Well, I presume then you are looking on the scene in aught of silence. Daniel's whalers heard a pot of whales to the shore and you can taste the iron in the air as they go about their brutal business of hulking the creatures to bloody death.

1132
01:50:51,000 --> 01:51:13,000
The sea turns red and pools of blood spread underneath the Svanvita and Daniel says, would you get a look at that? That's nature in all of its beauty. This is why they call it the gold of the seas.

1133
01:51:13,000 --> 01:51:22,000
Most impressive, you and me offers. Well done. Extremely, extremely bloody.

1134
01:51:22,000 --> 01:51:26,000
Quite the display.

1135
01:51:26,000 --> 01:51:41,000
It's interesting that given his diatribe, everyone's now been cowed into submission. You dare and say anything. Make for me, if you would, all of you, an awareness roll.

1136
01:51:41,000 --> 01:51:43,000
That's a D20.

1137
01:51:43,000 --> 01:51:47,000
Is D20 against your awareness?

1138
01:51:47,000 --> 01:51:52,000
I mean, my awareness is 19, I'm pretty sure.

1139
01:51:52,000 --> 01:51:54,000
Six.

1140
01:51:54,000 --> 01:51:57,000
I got a 10.

1141
01:51:57,000 --> 01:51:59,000
17 plus two.

1142
01:51:59,000 --> 01:52:01,000
Against a 12.

1143
01:52:01,000 --> 01:52:02,000
18.

1144
01:52:02,000 --> 01:52:13,000
CJ, I think you're the only one that doesn't notice. Would you care to describe what you're doing at this moment when something monstrous comes up on the starboard side?

1145
01:52:13,000 --> 01:52:33,000
Well, Grjothgart Gigi is actually quite curious about this whole process and speaking to our Jotun friends about the hunt and asking all manner of questions about how they do things. He's a student of life, essentially. So that's what he's doing.

1146
01:52:33,000 --> 01:52:43,000
He's actually asking Daniel about, oh yes, so the spears, the jaggedness, all the technical questions.

1147
01:52:43,000 --> 01:53:09,000
Whatever it is, is so all consuming that you do not notice rising up on the far side of the boat, a huge great sea serpent, a worm from Norse myth. It's more ringed with rows of sharp teeth. This beast is monstrous. It drips salt water onto the deck, but it does so almost silently.

1148
01:53:09,000 --> 01:53:19,000
It's like the three of you here, Ljomi and Erik, are the only three people to have seen this beast emerge.

1149
01:53:19,000 --> 01:53:23,000
Ljomi, it's that time again.

1150
01:53:23,000 --> 01:53:28,000
Yeah, I'm just making a note of yet another use.

1151
01:53:28,000 --> 01:53:45,000
I can say something. I immediately go down on my knees and clasp my hands together in prayer of this momentous occasion where, because of my religion, this is a sacred beast that has appeared.

1152
01:53:45,000 --> 01:54:09,000
You recognize it, Erik, as a stoorworm, a Storthegandar, a great sea serpent that's as wide as a tree trunk, horns on its head, and scales the glitter like the winter sun. Norse mythology speaks of these beasts as one of Loki's brood cast into the sea by Odin himself.

1153
01:54:09,000 --> 01:54:13,000
Yeah, like that.

1154
01:54:13,000 --> 01:54:19,000
I'm curious to see how this prayer goes. I have high hopes for Erik's success.

1155
01:54:19,000 --> 01:54:25,000
I'm preparing the secret path spell and looking back at the beach we left.

1156
01:54:25,000 --> 01:54:30,000
Is it the secret swim spell?

1157
01:54:30,000 --> 01:54:36,000
Sure.

1158
01:54:36,000 --> 01:54:40,000
Isn't it?

1159
01:54:40,000 --> 01:54:51,000
The stoorworm crawls up the side of the Svanvita, a slithering mass of these tiny eyes, these devilish horns, and its rows of knife-like teeth.

1160
01:54:51,000 --> 01:54:58,000
Mike, Erik was going to make a prayer to this beast. Would you like to utter it in them?

1161
01:54:58,000 --> 01:54:59,000
Please.

1162
01:54:59,000 --> 01:55:14,000
Yes.

1163
01:55:14,000 --> 01:55:34,000
In depths unknown, your shadow lies beneath the waves beneath the skies. With current strong and tempest wild, you guide the seas, both fierce and mild. Mighty serpent, rise and roam. In brine and salt, we find our home.

1164
01:55:34,000 --> 01:55:44,000
Bless us, Jormagandr, fierce and free, keeper of storms, lord of the sea.

1165
01:55:44,000 --> 01:56:08,000
Heartfelt and touching for a moment, the great storeworm just looks at you, pauses the kind of torrent of seawater pouring down off it before, in a lightning flash, it rips towards you. It's more already big enough to swallow the whole stern.

1166
01:56:08,000 --> 01:56:19,000
The beast grabs you in its mouth. That is a lot of sixes.

1167
01:56:19,000 --> 01:56:21,000
Oh no.

1168
01:56:21,000 --> 01:56:37,000
What falls to the deck is just gristle and bone. Most of you are swallowed instantly into the beast and gulped down.

1169
01:56:37,000 --> 01:56:47,000
I'm afraid, Mike, at that, we end your first session of roleplaying in the belly of the beast.

1170
01:56:47,000 --> 01:56:48,000
Nice death.

1171
01:56:48,000 --> 01:56:53,000
Well, more to the story, boys. Prayer does not help you.

1172
01:56:53,000 --> 01:56:59,000
Ljomi turns to Eir and says, it seems his prayers were answered.

1173
01:56:59,000 --> 01:57:00,000
Yes.

1174
01:57:00,000 --> 01:57:02,000
As were ours.

1175
01:57:02,000 --> 01:57:08,000
No, Eric did have a smell about him. I'm surprised he hasn't been vomited right back out.

1176
01:57:08,000 --> 01:57:20,000
At that moment, Gigi turns around, perhaps partly jealous at the rhythmic stylings of Eric, perhaps a little bit sad that his friend had been eaten.

1177
01:57:20,000 --> 01:57:26,000
But that's the first time that you notice the immense serpent that's looming above the boat.

1178
01:57:26,000 --> 01:57:35,000
And Daniel says, would you take a look at fucking that? I thought I'd fucking flushed it.

1179
01:57:35,000 --> 01:57:49,000
And then we will end the episode and pick up in due course next week to find out whether anyone else survives the onslaught of the stoorworm

1180
01:57:49,000 --> 01:58:01,000
I do want to note that I looked at my secret path spell a little more closely and it does specifically say land spirits reveal a path that leads you to that destination.

1181
01:58:01,000 --> 01:58:05,000
So no, not a swimming path.

1182
01:58:05,000 --> 01:58:09,000
As Daniel would say, yeah, fucking shit outta luck.

1183
01:58:09,000 --> 01:58:25,000
The Vikings and Valkyries podcast is hammered together by a dedicated team of scouts and Smiths.

1184
01:58:25,000 --> 01:58:32,000
Joining us this week was CJ Adrian, an award winning author of Viking historical fiction novels.

1185
01:58:32,000 --> 01:58:36,000
Find links to these works of myth and legend in the show notes.

1186
01:58:36,000 --> 01:58:43,000
In the meantime, please don't forget to like, share and sacrifice to the old gods.