We're starting this episode with a big, deep
breath. The week I am taping this, something
big is happening. My daughter, my only child,
is turning 18. In just a few short months, she'll
be packing up her life and heading to college
in another state. I always knew this day would
come. But now that it's here, I'm feeling everything
at once. Pride, excitement, and uncertainty.
We've always been incredibly close and the thought
of not seeing her as much is a little overwhelming.
Not gonna lie. But allow me to get a little honest
and reflective with you for a second. I realized
something. Life has actually been quietly preparing
me for this moment all along. Five years ago,
when I got divorced, I had to learn what it meant
to share time. To go from being together every
day to only half the time. And then as she grew
into an independent young woman, I saw her less
and less, especially after I moved a little further
away a year ago. Her world started expanding
beyond mine. And now, here we are. We're in the
final stretch. before this big transition. So
today I want to talk a little bit about what
happens when parenthood shifts, when the role
you've poured your heart into for so many years
suddenly changes, how we embrace the next chapter,
not just for our kids, but for ourselves. How
do we find joy, purpose, and even new dreams
in this new stage of life? So today's conversation
is a bit personal. And if you're on this journey
too, or know you'll be here someday, I hope it
resonates with you and we can figure this out
together. Thank you for joining me for another
episode of Life's Next Lesson Plan. I'm Rachel
and I started this podcast during my 29th and
last year as a high school teacher. Goal of my
work with Life's Next Lesson Plan as well as
my Live and Learn Patreon is to create a connection
where we are all teachers. We all have lessons
and stories to share that can help others. I'm
so fortunate to be able to extend the four walls
of my previous classroom to an unlimited audience.
where we can all learn from each other. And my
guests are some of the most inspirational people
with the best stories and lessons I know, which
is why I want to share them with you. Their words
are something everyone should hear. It is my
hope that you are able to take away something
from each episode to apply to your own life,
whether that be a career search, path to a more
fulfilling life, or new ideas on current topics.
This episode of Life's Next Lesson Plan is sponsored
by Litteratus. Litteratus is more than just a
bookstore. It's a hub for connection, community,
and incredible stories waiting to be discovered.
Rather than sending my listeners to big online
retailers, I want to encourage you to support
this beloved local business. Whether you're picking
up a book we've discussed on the podcast or browsing
their website for your next literary adventure,
Literatus has you covered. Every week on the
podcast, we dive into books that inspire, challenge,
and transform. And now I'm thrilled to share
a way for you to get those books while supporting
a local treasure. Literatus, right in my own
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you're not just buying a book. You're investing
in our community. And who doesn't love the smell
of fresh pages while you sip one of their handcrafted
drinks, enjoying the charm of your local bookstore
visit? Stop in today at 401 Vane Street in Watertown.
or visit their social media or website to order
online. Let's support the places that make our
town special. Before we get too deep into today's
episode, I just wanna share a little announcement
about a decision I've made regarding the podcast.
Yes, I'm still loving it. And yes, I'm still
going to continue. But I'm going to go back to
the schedule that I started out with, where I
have just one episode on life's next lesson plan
per week. And then I'm going to be pouring in
a little bit more energy into my Live and Learn
Patreon. So my episodes will release each Monday
as they have been, and then I'll probably do
a mixture of guest and solo episodes as I always
have. And I'm going to be concentrating a little
bit more on my Patreon. So if you're interested
in checking that out, I do have some paid episodes
and I do have some free content there as well.
You just go to patreon .com slash live and learn.
Patreon houses more personal episodes because
they're behind a paywall and I will just again
be very transparent and honest and saying that
I have held back. a little bit while I'm still
in the classroom and as I'm getting my toes dipped
into the podcasting waters but I am much more
comfortable now and ready in my new chapter to
sort of go all in on Patreon and that's part
of why I'm making this decision as well because
I still want to connect with all of my listeners
here on the Life's Next Lesson Plan podcast but
I also have had again some serendipitous things
come up in my life that are giving me signs and
nudges that I need to put some energy there as
well. So if you're really enjoying some of the
more personal content here I would love to have
you be part of my patreon community again at
patreon .com live and learn. And speaking of
Patreon, I have another big announcement, but
I'm going to save it until the end of the episode.
So you can catch the second big announcement
at the end of today's show. Today we're diving
into how we can embrace the freedom and opportunities
that come with an empty nest. From rediscovering
your own personal joys to maybe pursuing new
career paths and hobbies Whether you're in this
phase now or preparing for it soon Let's talk
about making this transition one of growth excitement
and purpose So I think probably the best place
to start is just my own personal journey and
I'll be careful not to get too personal because
I want to protect my daughter and save some of
that for Patreon but I think it's gone kind of
in stages where she will be the first to admit
that she had a pretty idyllic childhood for the
most part and her parents had mostly when she
was younger an equal role in her life and then
I think that Definitely when we moved when she
was in second grade, that started to shift a
little bit as her dad had more responsibilities
and we were kind of spending most of the time
just the two of us together. And then as things
got closer to the divorce in her middle school
years, there was definitely. a lot of turbulence
at home. And when I left for the divorce two
months before the world shut down for COVID,
she wasn't really on speaking terms with her
father. So, you know, it was the two of us against
the world, it kind of felt like. And so there
was that. And then a lot of work went into rebuilding
that relationship with her father and I would
say thankfully for the both of them they're at
the height of their relationship now. And all
of this is to say that you know we all we all
have our own journeys and if I had to go through
this transition to an empty nest and her leaving
home five years ago it would have been a very
different and very difficult situation. So, I'm
such a firm believer in things happening the
way they're supposed to, even if they're extremely
difficult at the time. It's typical that when
I look back, it usually seems in the long run
to be for the best. So long story short, I'm
definitely more prepared now than at any point
in our relationship for her to spread her wings
and move on to her next chapter. I think because
her father and I are both in new relationships,
she has shared with me that she feels a little
bit untethered and is having a hard time establishing
either of our new places as her home. You know
she really longs for kind of that feeling of
home that she had growing up and so she's ready
to build her adult life and you know move to
a new city and sort of establish adulthood I
would think and that was hard to hear. You know
there's been a lot of pieces of this journey
that have been hard to hear based on you know
decisions that were made but I understand and
again this might be good for her as a child who
always felt really attached to home and to her
parents this might be good timing for her too
and without getting you know too deep into it
again I'm trusting the process and accepting
that there definitely will be ups and downs but
To me, I feel like we're as prepared as we could
be. I don't know if we're ever fully prepared
for life's big moments. When you decide to have
a child or buy a house or any big life transitions,
I think there's always a little bit of uncertainty
and trepidation. So that goes with the territory.
But we can take steps to prepare for the transitions
we know are ahead of us. And that's kind of what
I want to focus on today. Probably any parent
who has had teenagers know that kind of once
they get their license at 16, and they have jobs
and they have sports and they have clubs and
they have friends it's you know their home less
and less and maybe that's the universe's way
as well as for you know kind of getting us ready
but as we do look ahead at this new chapter and
I you know I'm such a planner that obviously
I've been thinking about this for a long time
and you know will I be okay and again years ago,
I probably wouldn't have, but I feel like because
I've been sort of putting things in place and
mentally preparing myself, I definitely feel
ready and I see her less and less. And again,
that's good and bad. But, you know, I've been
doing obviously a lot of things to sort of redefine
my next chapter. I never would have thought that
I would have been leaving teaching at the exact
same time that she'd be transitioning to college.
And really the two are totally unrelated. It
just happens to be when, you know, my original
plan a year ago was to stay for at least four
more years while she was in college because then
I'd have that guaranteed salary. And, you know,
we all know how that goes, but I just couldn't.
was getting a really strong tug and a very strong
feeling that this is when I needed to go but
neither one of them have I you know anything
to do with each other and some people might say
this is terrible timing to do that because you're
already going through this other transition and
some people might say it's a great time to do
that you know because when you look at the next
chapter and again for me I only have one child
so it's she's out of the nest the nest is empty
you know there are different things to think
about as far as like unexpected joys of more
time and space and then there's also how do we
fill in that time especially if you're someone
who has had your child at home with you 24 -7
you know like I used to but as life should have
it I went from 100 % to 50 % or there was some
gradual change to that and then now even less
than that. So you know I have already I think
found ways to fill that extra time. Over time
I've been doing that so maybe it's less abrupt
for me and that's something that I would... Highly
highly recommend. I mean, I think I just had
a conversation with a friend yesterday about
how important it is to have your own identity.
We were just talking about in a relationship
or in a marriage that, you know, a lot of times,
you know, you become the couple and your identity
is wrapped up in that and your happiness is wrapped
up in that other person. And it's so important
to maintain your own identity. You know, if your
identity is wrapped up in being a mom or a parent,
same thing, right? Like what happens when that
part of your identity shifts and I've had this
conversation on this podcast with people who've
retired about if your identity for 29 years has
been a teacher again what happens when that shifts
and you know I always remember Anne Cook and
her story talking about same thing happened to
her she became an empty nester and you know her
teaching career was over and it was a difficult
identity shift for her. So I always have thought
of that story and have been planning for it,
I would say. So I definitely have a lot of hobbies
and things that I look forward to doing by myself.
The other part of the conversation I had with
my friend yesterday was, if something were to
happen to your significant other, God forbid,
you know, how do you fill that time? And I had
to do a lot of soul searching during COVID when,
you know, that I was isolated and there were
only so many things you can do. And I've always
enjoyed working out and running, but that's when
I found cycle bar, which at that point in my
life was super pivotal to me. I had kind of a
community there. I ended up working there. I
loved the workouts, still do. I don't go as much,
but I still really love that. Found paddle boarding,
found kayaking, you know, more time outside.
Now we're going to be spending more time camping
and hiking. And again, some of these things I'm
doing with a life partner, but a lot of that
is things that I would do on my own. I mean,
even in my previous marriage, I would go to the
lake by myself. You know, I would go for walks
with the dogs by myself. I would go running by
myself. So I think it's just really important
to think about, like, how am I going to fill
that time and what... are the parts of my identity,
like what is my identity as me, not related to
a career, not related to a parenting role, not
related to a relationship. I think that's really
important. And then, you know, all the plus sides
of, you know, both this happening at the same
time as my career shifting and hopefully having
a little bit more flexibility in my next role
is like all the things that I feel like I have
been putting on hold I'm going to little by little
try to make an effort to do so you know similar
to like having a coffee day yesterday with a
friend and carving out time you know to now I
can travel not just three times a year, not just
summer, winter break and spring break, you know,
like all the most popular times to travel and
how will that look and having more spontaneous
plans and more flexibility. So really trying
to look at the silver lining and I definitely,
if I'm being honest, you know, there have been
times where have felt guilty and I know again
try to protect my daughter's story but it's hard
I'm sure to watch your parent move on without
you and enjoy life. And that has been hard, I
know, for a fact. And there's this guilt that
comes with like, am I allowed to enjoy this chapter
of my life? And maybe, you know, I'm so emotional,
maybe that's just harder for me, but I'd be curious
for those of you who have been through this,
you know, how you feel about some of the things
that I've talked about, you know, establishing
your own identity. Was this an easy transition
for you? What did you do? What helped you adjust
to the transition? I'd be curious. So we're going
to take a little break here because I feel like
I've been sort of rambling on and then we'll
be back in a little bit. 100 % of men and women
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years and even been one myself. If you are looking
for education and support in your own wellness
journey, I would love to invite you to the wellness
community I am currently in that keeps me accountable
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are a Facebook user, you can search for our free
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coach, Megan Grimord, who is a certified trainer
and nutrition coach. She offers lots of education
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want to get to know Coach Megan Moore, you can
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like me who works full time, so I appreciate
her practicality mixed with some tough love to
keep me going. And that sound means we are ready
for the ask the teacher anything segment and
today's First question is what's one dream goal
you have for life's next lesson plan? Podcast
that seems out of reach right now Well, I think
it's sort of twofold one, you know, it's really
hard to Spread the message of the podcast and
I guess that happens organically if you have
good content and it's hard for me to know like
if I have good content that's just based on feedback
that I get and then people sharing the podcast
so you know if I ever find that I feel like it's
not growing or you know, maybe people aren't
valuing the content, then that's a sign to me.
But if it continues to grow and I get good feedback,
you know, that's a goal is for it to reach more
ears. And then, you know, something that I've
been working on is basically just trying to cover
any costs of the podcast, which are pretty low.
But I did just this first week have my first
check. for a sponsor, Litteratus. And then yesterday
when I was out with a friend at one of my favorite
local health places, we've been in contact as
well and they said, oh yeah, we need to sit down
and reconnect about a meeting. So, you know,
more show sponsors and I think discounts for
my listeners of places that I frequent and products
that I use. You know, it would be nice to promote
them and my favorite places, but also So, you
know, cover the costs of the podcast. So those
are kind of two things that I've been working
on, but at the heart of all of that is really
trying to think about content that is meaningful
to people and, you know, finding really inspiring
guests. And then the second question is, oh,
it's a hard one. If you could go back 10 years.
What advice would you give yourself? So 10 years
ago, I was 41. I was still married. Unhappily.
Obviously since I got a divorce, but so it's
really hard since I'm someone who believes that
everything kind of has to happen in order for
you to get where you are now. And I'm so, so
like. definitely the happiest I've ever been
in my life now, that it's like, you know, if
everything wouldn't have happened exactly the
way it did, I wouldn't be where I am now. So
it's really hard, but I think, and this is really
an interesting byproduct of this podcast, is
I have had people... reach out to me who are
struggling with some things in their personal
lives and feel that you know I would understand
and not judge and that's been such an amazing
unexpected result of this journey because part
part of me wanted to just go into this next chapter
and sort of fade into oblivion like really my
plan was to probably not be on social media hardly
at all and just sort of I don't know have more
of a private life and it's sort of become the
opposite where you know I'm all over social media
promoting the podcast and I'm podcasting bits
of my life or actually a lot of my life on patreon
but You know, we'll see how long I feel comfortable
doing that and you know right now I'm really
loving the organic results that are happening
from it and Getting good feedback. Like I said
in the previous question. So I just Think I would
tell myself to trust my gut You know what you're
feeling is not crazy a you might be being gaslit
you your feelings are valid and protect your
peace, maintain your identity, follow your joy,
protect your daughter. You know, all of the things
I think that I did, a lot of us can probably
relate to like, I waited too long to do something.
And I think the same thing with, you know, making,
making any difficult decision to leave a marriage,
to leave a career, like, It's never easy and
it never feels like the right time And it happened
the way it did but you know always believe in
your gut intuition I think I would give that
same advice to anybody else including myself
at that time so As hard as these personal questions
are, I really enjoy getting them so you can always
submit questions to me on social media or there
is a question box on my website at Life's Next
Lesson Plan dot com. So for today's lesson I
think it's maybe just more of a reflection of
you know what work have you done if you are going
through this or maybe you know even if it's not
an empty nest transition if it's a career transition
or just sort of a crossroads in a relationship
you know kind of what work have you done to maintain
your individual identity you know reassessing,
like, is it time for a change in any aspect of
my identity or my life? You know, what are the
things that bring me joy? What are my values?
And as we talk about a lot on the podcast, am
I living in alignment with my values? It is never,
ever, ever too late. to change or to start something
new. And one of my favorite podcasters that I
follow gave me a suggestion or her listeners
a suggestion like two years ago that I started
doing is, you know, following accounts of women
for me, particularly who are 10 to 20 years older
than me, whose lives I would like to emulate,
right? Like there's this amazing train with Joan
account on Instagram. I'm sure you've seen her
if you're into fitness, but she's like in her
70s and she started, you know, her fitness journey
in her 60s and she's just a beast. She's like
a Lululemon ambassador. She's, you know, probably
outlifting me. So, you know, that's I think really
great is like finding parts of your life that
you feel, you know, you don't want to miss out
at the end of your life and say, I always wanted
to do that, or I wish I would have done that,
because you can. Like the time is now. And then
just thinking about, you know, any unexpected
benefits of working more flexibility and time
into your life, if this is a shift that you're
going to, you know, embark on in the near future.
you know, how are you going to spend that time?
And how can we see that added flexibility and
spontaneity as a gift? So, you know, it's going
to encounter, you know, different daily habits,
possibly, and creating new routines, you know,
no more, you know, driving a kid to sports. And
again, that changes when they get their own license.
And so I think that's like a shift that happens
naturally. But you know, looking at how you can
maybe restructure some daily habits, how you
can shift your mindset to see this opportunity
as a positive and not a loss, although there
will be days that you feel loss and just like
that's a whole other conversation of like what
the routine going to be for you know are we texting
every day are we FaceTiming once a week you know
what is that going to look like which I just
laugh because that looks so different than when
I went to college and there weren't cell phones.
And, you know, I don't know if anybody knew if
I was alive or dead at college most of the time,
just so different. And then finding like -minded
people in this stage of life who you can lean
on and talk to and putting together sort of that
little community of support. And, you know, obviously
the financial To have realizations that have
to be considered for you know budgeting for a
career shift Budgeting for the financial burden
of college. Obviously, you know, that's a conversation
that we had to have You know, here's what you
can expect from me, you know, here's what you
can expect from dad You know, we had that conversation
and then here's what that looks like for you
and then you know with my daughter turning 18.
That's another conversation. I just had to fill
out paperwork to, you know, still have access
to her medical charts and, you know, your debt
in college is now your debt. And, you know, that
was a very big conversation when deciding on
where to go for school. You know, there's the
pie in the sky. I want to go here. I want to
go there. And then the reality of what the price
tag of college looks like. And, you know, if
your child is choosing, you know, or not choosing,
but is going to have to pay for some of that
expense on their own. That is a very deep and
big conversation to have. So, you know, I'm just
going to stop rambling, I guess, again, and say,
like, it's all personal to your own situation,
but I hope that You know, some of my own story
can help you in some way, shape or form, but
I'd also love to hear like advice that you have
and then something you're excited for or nervous
about. And so please reach out, you know, on
social media to share your thoughts about this
episode. As we wrap up today's episode, I just
want to remind you this transition, whether you're
facing it now or preparing for it in the future,
is not just about letting go. It's about stepping
forward. It's about trusting the foundation you've
built, embracing the unknown, and giving yourself
permission to grow alongside your child. Yes,
there will be moments of sadness, of uncertainty,
of wondering what comes next. But there will
also be moments of joy, discovery, of newfound
freedom to create that life that excites you.
So if you're on this journey with me, I'd love
to hear from you. What's one thing you're looking
forward to in your next chapter? Or if you've
been through this transition already, help us!
What helped you the most? You can connect with
me on social media at Instagram or Facebook or
dive deeper into these conversations inside my
Live and Learn Patreon. In fact, on Patreon,
I'm going to have a special April empty nest
collection. And so I have a few fun things planned,
including my daughter has agreed to be on a podcast
with me, even though she refuses to listen to
my podcasts usually. And also our guest Reagan
Zimmerman Shrestha from Episode 22. is going
to be back in a Patreon episode where she talks
about her tips for applying for college based
on what she knows as an MIT interviewer and also
she's going to explain her process and tips for
fleeing the nest. So I hope you join us in April.
Again, you can become a subscriber for just $5
a month and get all of these exclusive episodes.
We're also going to be including a packing list
on there and answering more questions. Or you
can just purchase per episode or per collection
by going to patreon .com slash live and learn.
As a quick reminder, starting next week, we're
shifting to one episode a week, so each Monday.
And I'll also have additional content on YouTube
and my Live and Learn Patreon. Lots of exciting
things ahead, and I can't wait to share them
with you. Until next time, remember, this isn't
the end of a chapter. It's the beginning of a
new one. And like every lesson before, we'll
figure it out as we go. Thank you for listening
and we'll see you next time.