Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media wondering why someone else seems
to have it all together?
Career success?
A picture perfect family?
An exciting life?
If so, you're not alone.
Comparison is a natural part of being human, but when it leads to self-doubt, anxiety,
or feeling like we're not enough, it can steal our joy and sense of purpose.
In this episode, I'm opening up about my own struggles with comparison, how it crept
into my thoughts, shaped my perception, and what I've done to break free.
We'll dive into why we compare, the emotional toll it takes, and most importantly, how to
shift from measuring ourselves against others to finding confidence and fulfillment from
within.
If you've ever felt stuck in the comparison trap, this conversation is for you.
Let's start letting go and embracing our own unique paths.
Thank you for joining me for another episode of LifeSnacks Lesson Plan.
I'm Rachel and I started this podcast during my 29th and last year as a high school teacher.
Goal of my work with LifeSnacks Lesson Plan, as well as my Live and Learn Patreon, is to
create a connection where we are all teachers.
We all have lessons and stories to share that can help others.
I'm so fortunate to be able to extend the four walls of my previous classroom to an
unlimited audience where we can all learn from each other.
And my guests are some of the most inspirational people with the best stories and lessons I
know, which is why I want to share them with you.
Their words are something everyone should hear.
It is my hope that you are able to take away something from each episode to apply to your
own life, whether that be a career search, path to a more fulfilling life, or new ideas
on current topics.
100% of men and women have hormones.
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important than ever to make mindful choices in the products we use every day.
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Q&G has played a key role in this transformation, offering safe, effective, non-toxic solutions
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If you listened to episode 16 with certified Mayo Clinic health and wellness coach Tracey
Danielson Mitchell, you heard our talk about the importance of hormone health.
Coming in March, I'll be doing a deep dive into heart and hormone health on my Live and
Learn Patreon, where I'll list all the tests, supplements, and product swaps that have helped
me balance my hormones in my 50s.
Plus, Tracey will be back to answer all your heart and hormone health questions at the
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We're getting real today in admitting that we all do it.
We compare.
We ask questions that reflect our own insecurities, aspirations, or need for self-assessment,
like, how can they afford that lifestyle?
How did they get that opportunity?
How did they find such a great partner?
Why does their family seem so close and happy?
Why does their life look so exciting on social media?
How do they get so many likes and followers?
We compare ourselves to others because it's a natural part of how humans evaluate themselves
and their place in the world.
This process, known as social comparison, helps us understand our abilities, opinions,
and social standing.
Here's some key reasons why we do it.
First is self-evaluation.
We use others as kind of a benchmark to gauge how well we're doing in various aspects of
life.
So, we might look at someone who's maybe just a little bit ahead of us in life and look
at their career success, their relationships, or their personal achievements.
This helps us identify areas where we might want to improve.
So, for example, small business owner sees a fellow entrepreneur in their industry, and
they're featured in a major publication.
They start questioning why their own business hasn't received the same recognition.
Wondering if they're not working hard enough or missing key opportunities.
This sparks a mix of self-doubt and motivation.
They begin analyzing their marketing strategy, networking efforts, and business growth to
identify areas for improvement.
While comparison might initially trigger insecurity, it could ultimately lead them to refine their
approach and set new, meaningful goals for their own success.
But I want to just stop here for a second because this is something that I've been doing with
podcasting.
For example, like I'm in a couple podcasting groups and people who've been doing it longer
than me or have different niches that their podcast audiences fall into.
It's very easy to, you know, because I'm still learning, look at what other people are doing
and say like, I should work harder.
I need to be doing this.
I should have changed my cover art.
You know, we have to be careful because we're hustle and grind mentality.
We have to be careful not to burn ourselves out.
Right?
Like, yes, you could stay up all night and change a bunch of things and perfect a bunch
of things.
I go through spurts of this where it's like, I should be doing more.
I'm not doing enough.
And then I'll see a comment of someone in that group who says, just enjoy the ride.
And as I've said before, I'm such a person who needs to see 10 years down the road and
I'm trying more and more to just say, this is what feels natural to me.
This is, you know, not overwhelming me at the moment.
It's not robbing me of my joy.
And so I just want to remind you with everything we're going to talk about today.
Yes.
There are always ways that it can motivate us to do more, but like, let's be reasonable
about that.
Right?
Let's be kind to ourselves and take it all with a grain of salt.
I'm definitely all about having role models and, you know, looking up to people whose
work I respect, but I am about in this portion of my life trying to scale back.
And so I'm going to have to constantly be honest and reevaluate, you know, whatever
I'm doing in the next year and take a step back and say, is this really matching this
next step that I wanted for myself, which was supposed to be more joyful and less stressful.
So with that said, the second reason is that we fall into this comparison trap is because
of social belonging.
Like humans, number one need because they're social creatures is that we want to belong,
whether that's a small group, a big group, whatever the case is, like we want a sense
of belonging.
So we determine how to connect and compete and collaborate with other people.
It's just like natural instinct.
So another example from real life might be, you know, we have a new mom.
She joins a parenting group and she notices that the other parents seem to have strong
friendships and they confidently share their parenting wins and struggles.
And she starts comparing herself, wondering if she fits in or if she's doing things
right.
At first, she feels a bit out of place, but over time she realizes that everyone is navigating
challenges in their own way.
By engaging in conversations and sharing her experiences, she begins to feel a sense of
belonging, understanding that comparison initially made her question herself, but ultimately
helped her find her community.
So this is, you know, another one of those cases where I feel like, you know, based on
what your gut is telling you, like, do I feel comfortable with these people?
Are these my people?
And that's, you know, that takes time.
You're not just going to jump into a parenting group and everyone's your BFF.
You know, there's a lot of different styles of parenting and in any group that you're
in, you know, you're not going to be BFFs with every single person in the group.
So again, stay in tune with your intuition, how you're feeling.
It's okay to constantly reevaluate that.
As I mentioned earlier in the episode, like we want to use comparison as much as possible
for good, right, in positive ways.
So sometimes comparing ourselves who, you know, to those who are a little ahead of us
can inspire self-improvement.
This is actually called upward comparison.
And it's meant to motivate us to set goals and strive for better outcomes.
Again, goal setting, being reasonable with this.
So I did this a ton.
Oh my goodness.
When I took over the journalism program, I had been a reporter in high school.
I had been a reporter in college, but this is like interviewing people and at the time,
oh, I'm a dinosaur, like writing it, handwriting it out.
And then eventually in college, we had typewriters and computers and then typing it out.
That's one thing, but when I took over journalism only like 11 years ago, it was layout and
the way it was being done at my school was very antiquated and they were about 20 years
behind in technology that was being used.
And then, you know, yearbook got thrown on top of doing the newspaper.
I had to, the only way that I could get any better and learn was to look at what other
people who knew what they were doing were doing.
I had to.
And yeah, there were moments that I felt really bad about myself and what I didn't know, but
you know, you can't compare your day one to somebody's year 10, right?
And as long as you are dedicated to improvement, you're going to get there, right?
If it's important to you and you have passion for it.
And holy cow, even now that I'm at the end of my journalism career, there are so many
things that I would still like to do if I had the energy, right?
And if all I taught was journalism, I still have a lot of ideas for growth, but it's
time to turn that over.
That's a whole other conversation.
But that's where even with this podcasting venture, like I listened to a ton of podcasts
in my car, I knew certain people who I admired what they did.
And then I used them as a model for what I wanted to try to do on my own, right?
And baby steps, baby steps, continual learning, right?
So I've been seeing and interviewing people who as an example of this have written books.
And when students ask me like, if you weren't a teacher, well, you know, what, is there
something else you'd want to be?
Or did you ever, you know, did you always want to be a teacher?
And truth be told, I wanted to be a writer.
And as everybody knows, you don't just like wake up one day, write a book, and then, you
know, you have benefits and can pay the bills.
So I thought that I would write while my students wrote, and then I didn't factor in grading.
But all of this to say that I've been seeing a lot of people my age publishing books.
Okay.
And at first, yeah, you're like, why haven't I done this yet?
But instead of dwelling on self doubt, I've looked at what I have done in the meantime.
And you know, maybe look at what does it take?
What do they have to do if that is a goal that you have?
Do am I willing to block out time of my day to write consistently?
You know, am I interested in networking with publishers?
You know, am I interested in attending webinars and workshops about writing a book?
If that is a very real goal, like podcasting was a very real goal for me, that seemed more
tangible, then you have to say, okay, here's my goal, I'm going to write this many words
per day, I'm going to attend one workshop every six months, I'm going to learn about
publishing.
So you know, if it is a very real goal of yours, there are people to use upward comparison
with where you say I'm going to use them as a model, and I'm going to emulate what they're
doing.
I'm not going to be them overnight.
But I would say that upward comparison has worked very, very well for me.
Not compared to what we've just talked about, another reason that we fall into this comparison
trap is to seek validation and self-worth.
So we want reassurance that we are doing okay.
We have had success, like, hey, I'm doing okay compared to these other people.
And if you see that other people are struggling with some of the same things that you do,
or they have tried similar things that you are trying, it can provide comfort and give
you a little self-esteem boost, right?
So I've seen, this seems to be a big trend on social media of, you know, sleep issues
with newborns.
And a new parent, and I was there many years ago, feels overwhelmed by sleepless nights
and the challenges of caring for a newborn.
They scroll through their feed, right?
And they see other parents sharing similar struggles, exhaustion, self-doubt, frustration.
They read these experiences and it reassures them that, okay, it's not just me.
My feelings are normal.
Seeing others navigate the same challenges helps them feel more capable and boost their
confidence and their ability to handle parenthood.
Now, the flip side of that is, if you are in parenting groups or you are following certain
people on your feed, your algorithm is serving you up, people who make you feel like a failure
at something that is not good for you, right?
And I've definitely unfollowed, you know, things, we all go through seasons, right?
And sometimes people are, what they're doing is just not realistic as it was for you at
a different stage in your life.
I mean, there are different podcasts that I used to listen to when I was going through
certain things in my life that no longer apply to me.
And that's okay, right?
Like, we're all growing, we're all changing, we're all going through these different seasons.
And so you are in control of what you are consuming and how often you are consuming it.
So if you are watching things that make you feel worse, then that is up to you to change
that, right?
And the last reason that we fall into this comparison trap is cultural and social influences.
So we have the modern media and social platforms amplify comparison.
We all know this.
We are constantly being fed others curated lives, making it difficult not to measure
our own experiences against these sugar coated idealized versions of people's lives.
So let's just take an example of me scrolling through social media.
You see influencers, I see influencers my age or people my age posting glamorous vacations
perfectly decorated homes, you know, they're living in a sunny state, they seem to have
endless amounts of money and no worries about where it comes from.
And they seem to have effortless success, right?
The perfect life.
Well, yeah, I wonder what the heck did I do wrong, right?
And I'm obviously not doing enough or I didn't make the right decisions.
And I stop because especially when it's people who I know, they're real lives and this isn't
Patreon so we're not going to get into it.
But most of this is BS, right?
You know these people, you've had conversations with these people and you know that their
lives have a lot of the same struggles that your life does or they're trading glamour
and happiness and you know, for lavish lifestyle.
But we are getting a sugar coated version often of people's lives and that's why so
many people who go viral on social media are authentic.
It's because of their authenticity.
People like that they're real.
I mean, I was just listening to a clip from Alex Earl who I would never know who that
is if I didn't have a teenage daughter and I asked her, I remember a year ago, why do
you like her?
She's real.
She shows up without makeup.
Now this one, this is you know, a year ago, but so I don't know if that has changed because
I don't really follow her.
But I remember my teenage daughter saying like, she struggles with this, she's struggled
with that and my daughter can't possibly relate to this girl's lifestyle now.
But there is a reason she is as popular as she is, right?
So let's just remember that a lot of what we're seeing are highlights and don't fall
into that negative self-talk, which reminds me, speaking of Patreon, I went very, very,
very in depth with this whole negative self-talk and comparison and self-love on my February
collection, self-love collection on Patreon.
So if this is a topic that you really enjoy, you can just purchase that collection or just
purchase, I had three episodes, but you can purchase just a single episode that you find
interesting.
All you have to do is go to patreon.com slash live and learn.
Okay, so I did a lot of this on there already.
So with that, we're going to take a little break and then when we come back, we're going
to do some reflecting and I will give you some practical tips and some action steps for homework
around this topic.
To those of you who have followed me for a while, you know that I value mental and physical
wellness.
Personally, I've worked with a few different coaches over the years and even been one myself.
If you are looking for education and support in your own wellness journey, I would love
to invite you to the wellness community I am currently in that keeps me accountable daily
with my nutrition and movement.
If you are a Facebook user, you can search for our free group called Team MG.
This group is led by my coach Megan Grimord, who is a certified trainer and nutrition coach.
She offers lots of education and support for your wellness journey.
If you want to get to know coach Megan more, you can follow her on Instagram at all lower
case Megan M E G A N underscore Grimord G R I M O R D or even listen to her on episode
10 of the podcast.
She has also created a discount code for my listeners.
Just go to her website www.team-mg.com and enter called lesson plan 10 to get $10 off
any of her premium coaching packages for the first month.
Coach Megan is a busy mom like me who works full time, so I appreciate her practicality
mixed with some tough love to keep me going.
Although all you guys did you just hear that sound effect like the bells or something.
I've been wanting to play around with sound effects as transitions and so there you go.
My options were kind of limited, but we're at the part of the episode that makes me so
happy, which is why I'm like kind of giddy, which is ask the teacher anything.
So this week's two questions.
Number one, what are your future goals for life's next lesson plan and your personal
journey?
So I just learned something in episode 20 from someone I admire greatly, Michael Hernandez,
who's a brilliant, brilliant man.
And he said, just go in the direction the universe takes you.
I've been setting goals and, you know, checking goals off my list my whole life.
And I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and do things a little bit differently.
So maybe I can say this because I still have not solidified what I'm doing next.
I have another meeting this week and it will become clearer hopefully soon and I can share
that with you.
But my goals for the podcast are to continue to learn and enjoy doing it and share wonderful
people's stories and any tips or tricks that I have for you up my sleeve.
And then same thing with my personal journey, more joy, more love, more relaxation, just
living without the feeling of regret and being happy with the choices that I'm making.
If ever I don't feel an alignment with that or in alignment with my core values, which
I talked about in a previous episode, I am going to make a change sooner rather than
later because it's my life and I can do that.
And that's what being in your 50s affords you, right?
Question number two, what's your plan for balancing podcasting with more time on the
road?
Haha, yes.
At the end of April, we're going to be picking up our cute little baby, our Luna Rover Camper,
which we spent months and months and months comparing and picking out, looking at different
models and kind of envisioning this short term time that we're both still working but
want to be out and about exploring a little bit more nearby.
So the beautiful thing about the Luna Rover was that she's brand new and we were able
to basically design her however we wanted to.
And so she has a beautiful lithium battery that if we are not in an electrical spot,
so it is electrical and it has the capacity for water as well, then there's always a backup
with that lithium battery.
So I will be able to sit by the fireplace and TV in my cute camper.
Oh my gosh, what?
Or you know, sit out in nature where it's nice and quiet and record my podcast because
I can get wifi and I can record.
So it will not interrupt.
I made sure to ask all these questions when we were doing our upgrades and the man at
Jerry's Camping World said, yeah, there's a guy that comes in here for his RVs.
He's got a some sort of bourbon podcast.
And so he goes on the bourbon trail and he records and he interviews people when he's
doing that right out of his RV.
So there you go.
The plane's going to hold me back.
I did post a little video tour of the Lunaroma.
Actually today, the day that I am recording this, it just happened to be scheduled for
today in my YouTube shorts.
So if you're following my countdown out of the classroom, I think I posted it because
we had a work day today.
And so it falls kind of between like 57-ish days to go.
But there's a cute little tour.
Obviously, if you follow my YouTube or my social media, Instagram, you will see more
behind the scenes.
Definitely the day that we pick her up.
Definitely when we start to outfit her for all of our adventures.
First one being at the end of May.
I think we have four adventures scheduled already for the summer.
So you'll be able to follow along with that.
So if you're not already on social media with Life's Next Lesson Plan, what are you doing?
And please, please, it helps me in my new adventure if you subscribe to my YouTube.
And also while we're talking about helping me on this adventure, thank you to those of
you who have given me so many wonderful ratings on Apple Podcasts.
I would love to see more reviews.
Just scroll all the way down and that would be so wonderful.
And please share, share, share.
Even if it's a single episode with someone you think would enjoy it, if you're enjoying
the podcast, it would really help me out a lot to spread the word.
So thank you so much.
Keep those questions coming either on social media or there is a box for them on Life's
Next Lesson Plan dot com.
We're back and we're going to just reflect briefly on what we've talked about and then
we're going to get into some action steps.
So we need to think about how we're spending our time online, especially and in real life
when we are comparing and just be mindful to be aware of what we're consuming and how
it makes us feel.
And also remember that much of what we see is sugar-coated BS.
So choose wisely the accounts that you're following and not only just how much time
you're spending, I actually heard this morning a statistic that many people are consuming
at least two hours of social media a day, which I forget.
I think it adds up to like five, 40-hour work weeks in a year or something like that.
It's crazy statistic.
So just really thinking about is this the best use of our time?
And if we are on there, yes, it's okay to have it for distraction, but we really need
to be careful what we're consuming.
And then shifting from, we don't need external validation to know our internal worth.
This is a huge thing that I went over in February for the self-love Patreon series.
And just if you find yourself as someone who needs that external validation, you may want
to take a listen to why that is and the psychology around where that comes from and then how
to work on that a little bit.
And then just celebrating your own strengths, your own uniqueness, your own path, your own
values, why you're doing things, and be honest about your journey and what you want it to
look like and what's important to you and don't ever compare the beginning of your journey
to the end of somebody else's.
So with that, we're going to get into what we can do to kind of keep ourselves in a positive
frame of mind and cultivate that internal validation so that we know our own self-worth
and we can operate in a place of confidence and self-awareness.
So to become more self-aware, I'm going to recommend things we've all heard a thousand
times, but that's because research shows that they work from a psychological standpoint.
So the first one is journaling.
I have found that I'm not good with a blank journal.
So I have some journals that I have purchased at different points in my life.
Some are kind of funny and vulgar and some are more serious, but I kind of like having
someone tell me what to do.
For a while, also I used the Growth Day app, which I actually think is really, really helpful,
but it does come with a fee.
So I kind of switched over to a different method, but I really liked that as well because
it gives you a prompt every day and it keeps everything in one place.
Also I'm so proud of myself in the last week or two I have gotten back into my Headspace
account.
So I have been doing mindfulness meditation before bed.
That is what really helps me kind of unwind my brain and focus on those words and there
is something about that guy's voice that is like a lullaby to me and puts me to sleep.
And actually last night I did the sauna and meditated and I don't know if it was the combination
or one or the other, but I got the highest sleep score that I've had in a while and probably
also because we had a work day today and I didn't have to teach and I always sleep better
when that's the case.
So journaling, mindfulness, setting intrinsic goals, meaning this is kind of just like looking
at what's important to you a little bit different from goal setting.
I would say this is more like aligning with your values.
So not what society says you're supposed to be doing, but what you are setting for yourself.
These don't have to be achievement goals.
These can be feeling.
This can be like I am going to add 10 more minutes of joy to each day based on things
that invigorate me.
And last Wednesday's episode we did this exercise or actually it might have been two Wednesdays
ago episode 21 I believe where we looked at things that give us energy and things that
deplete us.
And if it's not aligned with our values, it is going to deplete us.
So setting these goals to live by your personal beliefs and passions is going to help us feel
more fulfilled and definitely help our internal validation.
And we want to celebrate ourselves.
Small wins, large wins, everything.
So I'm a huge proponent of baby steps because that's usually only what I have capacity for.
And I celebrate those like every movement forward is progress.
So all of that should be celebrated.
And then more positive self-talk.
So really paying attention to the messages that we are playing in our brains.
This goes along with what we are consuming too, but practicing, supporting, affirming
language when you catch yourself in the negative spiral or you hear words that you would never
repeat to a friend or a loved one, but you're saying them to yourself, you have to catch
yourself, right?
And understand that we are not perfect.
We are not meant to be perfect.
We are imperfect beings and we are lovable as imperfect beings.
And that's why people like us, right?
Like nobody loves a perfect person because they don't exist, first of all.
But second of all, our flaws are beautiful.
So they're what make us unique.
And it's okay.
It's all a part of who we are, right?
All these stories that I've been sharing on the podcast, they're not all smooth sailing.
So we all have gone through challenges and struggles and it's okay, right?
We're still good people.
So that goes along with just like who you surround yourself with and the relationships
that you have should be building you up.
And again, someday on Patreon, I'll get into some of the big changes that I've had to make
here.
But if you don't feel supported and you don't feel like people are putting into you what
you are putting into them.
I don't care who they are.
You have a right to change that.
And I have definitely done that.
And it has helped because a lot of my negative self-talk I realized and a lot of the feelings
that I was having about myself were stemming from unhealthy relationships.
We'll just say that, all right?
So we're going to limit our exposure to negativity.
We're going to limit our exposure to negative comparison on social media.
We're going to be careful about the messages in our brains.
We should also look at the small things in our lives that we appreciate and are thankful
for because what is the cliche?
The small things are what become the big things, right?
And it's so funny with aging, all these cliches that you hear when you're growing up and you're
like, that'll never be me.
That'll never apply to me.
Oh yeah, they exist for a reason, right?
So it is really true that that is all that matters.
And so just really appreciating the sun when it is out and your pets when they are healthy
and your children when they are healthy, right?
Like it's just all worth celebrating and continually evaluating just kind of where you're at, how
you're feeling, how far you have come, all the strides that you have made.
I was literally sitting at my desk today and I think I was filming a YouTube short just
about I had this moment of like, holy cow, how different I feel compared to five years
ago in 2020.
And yes, it was a crazy time for everybody because it was the pandemic, but I had just
left my marriage the day after Christmas in 2019, moved into a new apartment with my daughter
who at that time wasn't speaking to her father and started off 2020 in an apartment with
two dogs and a middle school child.
And then two months later, the world shut down.
And I struggled during that time because of the isolation and what I was going through
and what my daughter was going through.
And there were some days I did not do well at all.
And wow.
Just looking back like that is a win in itself.
And we all have been through times that we didn't know how we were going to make it through.
And we survived and we have to celebrate our grit and really just keep assessing like the
strength that we have within ourselves and continue to grow.
That's kind of going to be the last thing I think that I want to leave with is just pursuing
things that excite us, pursuing things that get us closer to aligning with our values
and living according to them.
Maybe that is something like from your invigoration list that we generated in episode 21.
Maybe that is just again, 10 more minutes of joy if that's getting outside for a walk,
if that is knitting, whatever the case might be.
And then if you feel like you are in a place where you need professional help with that,
there are those seasons as well, right?
I definitely have gone through many of those seasons and thank God for those people because
oh my goodness, they helped me navigate some very difficult decisions and open my eyes
to a lot of things and they're professionals.
That's their job.
That's their reason why they're there for.
And so please reach out to those resources that you have available to you.
So hopefully these things help you shift from looking at all of the external comparison.
And I liked the part today where we talked about upward comparison that it can be used
in a positive way.
Again, if you are curating your social media feed to have people in it who you admire and
who you want to apply certain aspects of their life to yours, then that can definitely be
a positive way to use comparison.
That's a wrap on today's episode.
I hope this conversation helped you recognize the ways that comparison sneaks into our lives
and how we can start shifting our focus back to our own unique path.
Remember that your journey is yours alone.
No timeline, no competition, just growth at your own pace.
If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Share your biggest takeaway with me.
And if you found this valuable, consider leaving a review or sharing it with a friend who might
need this reminder too.
And if you want to keep the conversation going, join me over on my Live and Learn Patreon.
Just go to patreon.com slash live and learn.
Again, this is a really great place to get more personal episodes and just have a little
bit more behind the scenes as well as on my Life's Next Lesson Plan YouTube, Instagram,
and Facebook.
And we want to continue to build this community to celebrate each other, celebrate our progress,
and shun this idea of perfection, right?
So as always, thanks so much for tuning in.
And until next time, keep embracing your own path.
One baby step at a time.