WEBVTT

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This time, on Mike vs. the Machine. It's like

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you gave me an escape room to get through. Yeah,

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and I'll say basically I asked ChatGPT to bring

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me up to a prompt and then fill in some of the

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details, and then I did some pre -planning, and

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then I also did a decent amount of improv -ing

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there. You see a couple of soda options. So it's

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basically like a freestyle machine. Awesome.

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And you see a couple of options appear in a row.

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The one says beef fizz, and then it seems to

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dispense some beverage. Then it switches flavors,

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because this is a secret menu sort of drink recipe.

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Yeah. The next one that pops out is pickle cola.

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Yeah, I mean, you don't want to go outside. It's

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dark out there. There's probably somebody out

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there doing meth. I guess you're right. If it

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is a defunct fast food chain, that's probably...

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Yeah, exactly. So, you fall asleep, and thus

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the sun sets on this little boy's greasy adventure.

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In a world full of fear, and sometimes loathing,

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of unfathomable technological advancements, there

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stands one human hero. This is the Chronicle

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of Mike versus the Machine. Welcome back, everyone.

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Fellow sniffers out there. Yes, I'm calling our

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fans sniffers. You'll get it. If you don't, then

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we're looking up. Today's episode is about a

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thing with some things and more things and hilarity.

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I mean, hopefully on the last one, if not pity,

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I'll take that. Not too proud. So here's the

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thing. You know what we're going to start with?

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What are we going to start with? A cold open.

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All right. This cold open comes from your best

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friend. Yeah. No. Is that GPT? Yes. I had them

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start me on a little quest for you. But wait,

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are we doing D &D? Cold open. Imagine you just

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watch a commercial for Drain X and it reminded

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you that you needed to clean out your pipes.

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The commercial ends and now the feature presentation

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starts. And across the screen you see in bright

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gold letters the words The Golden Spork. And

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then a narrator with a sweet saucy voice comes

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on and gives you the narration a tacky but legendary

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fast food relic is said to grant its wielder

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v i p access to every secret menu item in existence

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rumored to be hidden in the abandoned corporate

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headquarters of a defunct burger chain The journey

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would involve deciphering cryptic marketing slogans,

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navigating a maze of creepy animatronics, and

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solving puzzles based on outdated promotional

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materials. The golden spork, and then there's

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music, and, well, actually, I mean, I'm just

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going to put in music in the edit. Okay. I don't

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know if I need to describe this music. So I'm

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essentially in our version of Five Nights at

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Freddy's? No, no. So after the theme song plays,

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we fade in. On quite the sight, Michael. You

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wake up in the booth of a recently shut down

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Mooby's Burger Joint. Fast food crumbs covering

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your greasy body. Wrappers lying all around you.

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Make sure you realize I wrote this. Oh, yeah.

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No, I want you to know that I'm the one who put

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in the notes of your greasy body. I mean, that's

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what's going to happen after you eat several

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cow tippers. Yeah. You have no memory of eating

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any of that, though. And if you did, it was a

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while ago, because you are now hungry. In the

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corner stands a seven -foot -tall golden cow

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mascot, breathing heavily as it watches you wake

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up. Snoogins? So, you're waking up in a booth

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of a defunct, well, recently shut down defunct

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burger joint. Known as Moobies. surrounded by

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food you don't remember eating and a hunger satiating

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your belly. And there's a seven -foot -tall golden

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cow mascot also just in the corner just making

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a repetitive noise and watching. So what do you

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do? Well, obviously I'm going to look around

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to see if I'm the only person besides the giant

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Mubi statue or animatronic or whatever the hell

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it might possibly be in the corner with me. Okay,

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so you look around. You see a sauce -stained

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map on a table near you that may or may not lead

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to something. I'm going to go check out the map.

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Well, hold on. There's more in the room. All

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right. Well, what else is there? Getting ahead

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of your bridges. You'll also notice there's an

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old intercom on the wall. Okay. That is producing

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the sounds, the vague sounds that you had been

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hearing as it crackles to life every few minutes,

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playing a distorted jingle. You can't decipher.

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There is also a pathway back toward the kitchen

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and the offices, but on the outside of here,

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there is a soda machine that has a flashing LED

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screen, and there's also a plethora of Mubi mascot

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posters where the eyes just don't look quite

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right. Huh, okay, well, obviously I want to check

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out the map, but since I just woke up and...

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I might have a powerful hunger about me. I'm

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probably going to have a powerful thirst about

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me. I'm going to go check and see if I can get

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some nice cold pop from the pop machine. Pop.

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Note that it's called pop where we're from. If

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you want to find us, that should lead you in

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a certain direction. Yeah, I want to check and

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see if there's some nice cold pop that I can

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get. Or at least there's ice and some pop still

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left in the machine that's still good. All right,

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so you walk up to the soda machine. And you see

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its LED screen flashing. Insert secret menu code

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for refreshment. Bollocks. Okay, so I'm going

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to go back and look at that map, and maybe it's

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got something there on there for me. Okay. So

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you head back toward the map, and you find a

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crumpled, sauce -stained map on a table with

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certain rooms circled in ketchup. There are some

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other sauces across the map. Are there any numbers

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on the map that, you know, could indicate? Because

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I have a powerful thirst right now. No, you don't

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find any numbers. The only text you find upon

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the map says, Beware the Friar's Gambit. And

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yes, it's written in that accent. Oh, didn't

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know something written could have an accent.

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Well, okay, let's see. So what rooms are circled

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on this map that I see? There is the kitchen.

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Okay. The break room. Okay. The dishwashing area.

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The dining room is kind of grayed out. That's

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going to be the starting area. I'm not expecting

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anything to be here. I think I know what's going

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on. I'm on a choose -your -own -adventure thing.

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Maybe. Okay. So what do you do? I don't really

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think... I'm not going to go anywhere near the

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seven -foot mooby. That thing is kind of... you

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know, giving me the heebie -jeebies. It continues

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to stare. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like

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being stared at like that, you know, in a dark

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corner in a musty old building. Like, yeah, no,

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no. Its eyes glow a greasy yellow, and its mechanical

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hoof gestures toward the door with a dramatic

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hiss of compressed air. Yeah, I'm avoiding that

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at all costs right now. You know what? I think

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I'm going to check out where I feel would be

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the safest place right now. I want to head back

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and check out the break room, see if maybe I

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can find this code, because I'm thirsty. So back

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in the break room, you find a shrine made of

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fry boxes, melted cheese, and a few strategically

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placed fries. Above the shrine, there is a handwritten

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sign that says, All hail the Greasefather! Once

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again, that accent was also printed with it.

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Greasefather, okay. All hail the Greasefather.

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Is there anything else in the room that I should

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know? Are there lockers? Are there cubbies? Everything

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else has been meticulously cleaned out. All the

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lockers are open and empty. You say there are

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three fries in discerning places on this shrine.

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Sure. I don't think I said a number, but yeah.

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Let's say there's three, and they're strategically

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placed across the shrine, made of fry boxes and

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melted cheese. Okay, so three. I've got to remember

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that number. So three. I want to inspect the

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shrine closer. Okay. You see it's almost built

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up sort of like a castle. There is an entrance,

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two towers to each side with a pair of pets or

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whatever, and there are three fries standing

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in front of the doors. Of the doors, only one

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is open. The middle one. The main entryway. I

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kneel down to look inside the main entryway.

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Within the main entryway, you see, tucked in

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beneath there, a ketchup packet. I carefully

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use my fingers to reach in and grab said ketchup

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packet. Ah, so as you grab the ketchup packet,

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you notice that you have pressed a secret button.

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Uh, what did I do? Was that noise? So, as you

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pull out from there, you see the noise was coming

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from right by all the Fry Boys. And they light

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up in sequence, and they say, Ding! Ding. To

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three. Huh, okay. But I can't remove the ketchup

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packet. Well, you picked up the ketchup packet,

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and in picking it up, you hit the button. Is

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there anything on the ketchup packet that I should

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know? Anything, there's numbers or anything scribed

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on it, like anything written, maybe a number,

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a secret something, maybe a musical note. You

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see the three symbols like for an internet connection

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or like a service for your cell phone. Smallest,

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middle, and highest in that order. Okay, so I

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look at that and I remember how the three little

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fry boys made the noise. So I have to rearrange

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them. I'm going to rearrange them from ding to

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ding to ding. And as you do that, a drawer opens

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up in the small desk table that was sitting in

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this break room. Inside the drawer is a greasy

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key labeled office. I'll take the key. Okay.

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All right. Is there anything left in the break

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room other than the shrine and what I have just

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done? That is all. Okay, so obviously I just

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grabbed the key that goes to the office. So I'm

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going to go, that's probably safest place number

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two, because let's see, I still have the kitchen

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and I still have the, did you say bathrooms?

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No. So just kitchen left after break room? Kitchen

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and dishwashing area. Okay, so I still have kitchen

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and dishwashing area. So I'm going to take the

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safe route and I'm going to go to the office.

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I want to go unlock the office. With the amount

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of grease that's on the key, it won't enter the

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lock. To the dishwashing area we go. Okay. You

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head to the dishwashing area and you see one

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of these cool, badass sinks that we got at Wendy's

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back when I worked there way a long time ago.

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Oh, is it the thing where you pull the thing

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down and it just does it all itself? Well, it's

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a big jacuzzi sink. Oh, yeah. So you throw everything

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in there and it agitates and you see this big

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jacuzzi sink. And weirdly enough, the Jacuzzi

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sink is currently running. You don't really seem

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to see anything in it, but you do see it's full

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of water. And there are plenty of suds in there,

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and the suds are kind of purple. Okay, I'm going

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to look around. I need to find a shutoff switch.

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I need to find a shutoff switch, shutoff switch.

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First, I look for a light switch to see if maybe

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I can turn something on to where I can see a

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little bit better. Oh, all the lights are on.

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Okay. All the light switches are on, but there's

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no lights. That's what I meant to say. Oh, yeah.

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All the bulbs are broken. Got to find a source

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of light. No, you don't. It's kind of like afternoon

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going into evening dusk -ish. So I have a little

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bit of sunlight left. So you can see enough.

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All right. So I go up and inspect above the jacuzzi

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sink area to see if I can find a shutoff switch.

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Or something. Well, on those shelves there are

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metal prep bowls and pans and there's like a

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couple of coffee pots that it seems so unsafe

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to store them right there because if somebody

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accidentally knocked them in then your whole

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jacuzzi sink's filled with glass. This is not

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coming from real trauma. Anyway, just a bunch

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of clean, pristinely clean dishes. And below

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them you notice there was once a switch there.

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But now the switch has been broken, and there's

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a little thing next to it that says, You'll never

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turn me off. Now I shall be clean. It's a jacuzzi

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sink, so I can't stick my hands in there. I'll

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burn my hand off. I mean, I used to go into those

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bicep deep. All right, I gingerly reach into

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the purple bubbly water to see if there's anything

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of... concern or anything that could help me.

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Oh, and I stick the key in with it. Thank you.

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That was going to be my next question. I stick

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my hand with the key in there, one, to wash the

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key, and two, to see if I can find anything in

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there. See, funny thing is, I put the coffee

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pot talk in there as a bit of a red herring,

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because no, there's no glass inside of this jacuzzi

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sink, thankfully. Okay, good. But I was also

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attempting to test your former food worker knowledge.

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because purple, at least at my Wendy's, was the

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color of a particular type of cleaner? It was

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degreaser. Degreaser! Precisely. So you put your

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hand into the sink, holding the key. Yes. You

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can feel, as you feel the chemicals assaulting

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your skin, because yes, that stuff does it. Oh,

00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:14.100
it turned my skin red. Yeah, it's an irritant.

00:15:14.259 --> 00:15:17.759
But it felt so lovely and clean. No grease on

00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:21.700
this boy. Well, not until later. But you start

00:15:21.700 --> 00:15:23.700
to feel the grease falling away from the key.

00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:27.980
As well as, ow! Somebody's, at least it wasn't

00:15:27.980 --> 00:15:30.179
a meat knife. It was a vegetable knife. They're

00:15:30.179 --> 00:15:31.740
a little more dull. They're the ones with the

00:15:31.740 --> 00:15:34.759
green handles. Yeah. At Wendy's back in the day.

00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:38.419
And that green handled knife hits you. And you

00:15:38.419 --> 00:15:41.259
do take one hit point of damage. How many hit

00:15:41.259 --> 00:15:43.580
points do you have? I don't know. We're not playing

00:15:43.580 --> 00:15:47.029
Dungeons and Dragons. But you do feel that the

00:15:47.029 --> 00:15:50.309
key has been released from its greasy prison.

00:15:50.629 --> 00:15:53.850
Okay, so there was the knife in the water, so

00:15:53.850 --> 00:15:56.230
that was... So I'm just going to take my hand

00:15:56.230 --> 00:15:59.129
out, and then I'm going to take the key back.

00:15:59.629 --> 00:16:01.370
We're going to leave the kitchen, we're going

00:16:01.370 --> 00:16:03.889
to leave the dishwashing area for now. And you

00:16:03.889 --> 00:16:06.909
only are lightly bleeding. Eh, I can deal with

00:16:06.909 --> 00:16:09.149
it. It'll clot in a second. Hopefully there's

00:16:09.149 --> 00:16:12.009
not any anticoagulants in the air. Oh, Jesus.

00:16:12.230 --> 00:16:15.570
Or any snakes. I need to find something to wrap

00:16:15.570 --> 00:16:17.629
this up. Is there a rag anywhere near that I

00:16:17.629 --> 00:16:20.169
could use to cover this little nick up? Maybe

00:16:20.169 --> 00:16:22.269
a first aid station? There's a first aid station.

00:16:22.330 --> 00:16:24.929
It's all out of Band -Aids. Except for that one

00:16:24.929 --> 00:16:28.090
huge square one that no one ever fucking needs.

00:16:28.509 --> 00:16:31.250
Yeah. I don't want to waste that in case I get

00:16:31.250 --> 00:16:33.169
more damage dealt and I have a bigger wound.

00:16:33.669 --> 00:16:38.830
Shit. I look around. Is there... Oh, look. An

00:16:38.830 --> 00:16:42.429
old burger wrapper. I'll just use that. Hell

00:16:42.429 --> 00:16:46.039
yeah. Is it the paper one or the foil one? It's

00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:48.919
the paper one. It'll stick better. Okay. You

00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:51.200
wrap up your wound. You're not healed, but you're

00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:54.460
stabilized. All right. Back to the office we

00:16:54.460 --> 00:16:56.720
go. Back to the office. If you push the key into

00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:00.820
the hole. Yeah. It opens. You go into the office.

00:17:01.100 --> 00:17:03.519
Ooh, am I in the manager's office? Yeah. Yay.

00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:08.200
I'm the manager now, bitch. All right. So you

00:17:08.200 --> 00:17:11.460
walk in and for whatever reason on the desk.

00:17:11.930 --> 00:17:17.329
There is a tape recorder. Ooh. Where did he get

00:17:17.329 --> 00:17:19.789
this relic from? I think the manager looking

00:17:19.789 --> 00:17:23.710
around might have been sort of a nostalgia hoarder.

00:17:24.029 --> 00:17:27.250
You see a tape recorder. There is an 8 -track

00:17:27.250 --> 00:17:31.890
sitting on a shelf. What other old retro things?

00:17:32.069 --> 00:17:37.990
Oh, a pager. Yeah. Maybe a PDA. Yeah, a PDA.

00:17:38.349 --> 00:17:40.369
And you're like, man, maybe he could have recorded.

00:17:40.890 --> 00:17:43.470
what is on the tape recorder onto the PDA. We're

00:17:43.470 --> 00:17:46.430
like, no. PDA didn't even have a microphone.

00:17:46.529 --> 00:17:49.509
It wasn't even a blueberry. It wasn't even one

00:17:49.509 --> 00:17:51.710
of them blueberries them businessmen used. It

00:17:51.710 --> 00:17:55.349
wasn't a blackberry. Just a PDA. And it was like

00:17:55.349 --> 00:18:00.950
an LCD screen. Liquid crystal. So, anyway, there's

00:18:00.950 --> 00:18:03.210
also a tape recorder. And on the tape recorder,

00:18:03.390 --> 00:18:07.150
it is playing very softly. That's why you couldn't

00:18:07.150 --> 00:18:10.200
hear it from outside the door. a rant from a

00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:13.440
former employee. And by that point, you can see

00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:16.759
there's tape on the... There's a piece of sticky

00:18:16.759 --> 00:18:21.660
tape on the audio cassette in the retro tape

00:18:21.660 --> 00:18:25.140
player. And it says, former employee rant. Okay,

00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:27.059
well, first I want to walk up to the tape player,

00:18:27.140 --> 00:18:30.099
hit stop, and then hit rewind. See if maybe I

00:18:30.099 --> 00:18:32.220
can see what's there. I want to see what's on

00:18:32.220 --> 00:18:34.859
this tape. Okay, so you listen to this tape.

00:18:35.579 --> 00:18:38.150
Basically... It's someone getting a performance

00:18:38.150 --> 00:18:41.789
review, and they're a perfect model employee,

00:18:42.069 --> 00:18:44.829
and they talk about how they value him so much.

00:18:44.910 --> 00:18:47.559
But then they tell him... that they couldn't

00:18:47.559 --> 00:18:50.500
give him five out of five on all four categories

00:18:50.500 --> 00:18:52.940
that you were being reviewed for, because then

00:18:52.940 --> 00:18:56.220
you would have to get the 50 cents an hour raise.

00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:01.180
Instead, we have to unjustly give you a four

00:19:01.180 --> 00:19:04.160
on one of these categories so that we can only

00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:07.279
give you the 25 cent raise. Yeah, thanks a lot,

00:19:07.339 --> 00:19:09.900
Steve. That's probably why I left not too long

00:19:09.900 --> 00:19:13.799
after that. Anyway, after he goes through that

00:19:13.799 --> 00:19:16.259
entire rant, he does call the manager Steve.

00:19:16.500 --> 00:19:18.880
So I'm going to say the fiction meets the real

00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:21.480
on this one. All right. And as a part of this

00:19:21.480 --> 00:19:25.180
employee's rant, he mentions a cursed spork.

00:19:25.579 --> 00:19:29.640
That cursed spork. Because, yes, people talked

00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:33.000
like that and they said those words. Okay. That

00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:35.619
cursed spork. And at the end of the recording,

00:19:35.799 --> 00:19:39.779
as the employee is leaving. you hear Steve, the

00:19:39.779 --> 00:19:42.859
boss, say a silent prayer to himself. He didn't

00:19:42.859 --> 00:19:44.900
know that he hadn't turned off the recording

00:19:44.900 --> 00:19:49.319
yet. And he said, Follow the Friday sizzle to

00:19:49.319 --> 00:19:52.339
the truth. And now you know why all of those

00:19:52.339 --> 00:19:55.920
previous writings had an accent. Because now

00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:00.079
you heard, through voice and sound, The actual

00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:04.480
accent, which is a bastardized version of Scottish

00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:07.299
or Irish and English that I was doing because

00:20:07.299 --> 00:20:12.299
I'm not good at accents. Okay, so, oh boy. Follow

00:20:12.299 --> 00:20:16.680
the friars. The friars sizzle to the truth. The

00:20:16.680 --> 00:20:20.180
friars sizzle to the truth. All right, so you

00:20:20.180 --> 00:20:23.940
said out in the dining room there were speakers

00:20:23.940 --> 00:20:27.140
that I could hear stuff kind of permeating through.

00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:31.490
Yes. Is there a microphone in Manager's office

00:20:31.490 --> 00:20:34.089
that he'd be able to page people over the speaker

00:20:34.089 --> 00:20:38.750
system? Yes. And so actually, it's... Weirdly

00:20:38.750 --> 00:20:41.630
enough, he has all this retro tech, but then

00:20:41.630 --> 00:20:44.630
one of the newer items that he has... Basically

00:20:44.630 --> 00:20:47.630
because it is branded from the restaurant, so

00:20:47.630 --> 00:20:48.849
this would have been something that he was forced

00:20:48.849 --> 00:20:51.470
to use. And you could tell by the disarray and

00:20:51.470 --> 00:20:54.509
the dirt and the ickiness on it, he didn't really...

00:20:54.509 --> 00:20:56.529
He may have taken out some of his frustrations

00:20:56.529 --> 00:21:00.359
on it at times. But it is a... tablet that, weirdly

00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:05.579
enough, has audio files that you can play certain

00:21:05.579 --> 00:21:08.839
things over the intercom with. Why that wasn't

00:21:08.839 --> 00:21:11.640
how he recorded the previous thing that you had

00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:13.140
on the tape recorder? Maybe the tape recorder

00:21:13.140 --> 00:21:15.359
stuff was for his own edification. I don't know.

00:21:15.460 --> 00:21:17.460
But there is a tablet sitting there, and you

00:21:17.460 --> 00:21:21.220
can see the audio message being played. The message

00:21:21.220 --> 00:21:25.180
that you hear is jarbled and doesn't really sound

00:21:25.180 --> 00:21:27.980
like anything right now. So the file might be

00:21:27.980 --> 00:21:29.799
corrupted. There might be something going on.

00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:36.140
Is the tablet screen cracked or anything, or

00:21:36.140 --> 00:21:37.720
is it still fully functional? There is a crack

00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:39.819
across it, but it seems like it would still be

00:21:39.819 --> 00:21:43.640
functional. I pick up the tablet, and I open

00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:48.019
some of the files or apps or whatever that are

00:21:48.019 --> 00:21:49.720
there that could possibly lead me to where I

00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:52.240
need to be. I want to look at some of the audio

00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:54.000
files. Maybe there's another recording on here

00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:57.119
that says anything. So there is, you're in this

00:21:57.119 --> 00:22:00.900
program, and you're locked out of the ability

00:22:00.900 --> 00:22:04.380
to leave the program without a manager's code.

00:22:04.900 --> 00:22:09.839
Well, a personal, maybe it's a thumb. It's a

00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:12.839
fingerprint. You have not seen any bodies. But

00:22:12.839 --> 00:22:15.440
the program itself there is still functional.

00:22:15.539 --> 00:22:19.220
This is the only file left on it. All the rest

00:22:19.220 --> 00:22:22.480
have been deleted. And there is just the audio

00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:27.720
waveform. The progress bar, and then a series

00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:29.559
of control buttons. And I can't listen to this

00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:32.579
until I get the thumbprint. No, it's playing.

00:22:32.779 --> 00:22:35.579
Oh, okay. That's what you've been hearing. Is

00:22:35.579 --> 00:22:37.539
there any way for me to turn subtitles on on

00:22:37.539 --> 00:22:39.700
this thing to make sure I can see what it's saying?

00:22:40.200 --> 00:22:43.599
Is there a transcript? Something? Okay, so you

00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:47.279
hit a subtitles button, and you see a bunch of

00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:49.880
text that doesn't look right. Like it's in another

00:22:49.880 --> 00:22:54.519
language. Right. You can't decipher it. It doesn't

00:22:54.519 --> 00:22:58.359
look like any language you know. Great. But the

00:22:58.359 --> 00:23:00.880
letters are in English. Like the regular letters.

00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:05.440
But they're not a language that you know. Okay.

00:23:05.460 --> 00:23:07.579
Well, obviously this has to be something. The

00:23:07.579 --> 00:23:11.119
manager has to be coding something here. I searched

00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:12.819
through the manager's desk to try to see if maybe

00:23:12.819 --> 00:23:17.279
there's a codex. Something. No. All of the drawers

00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:22.660
have been pulled open. All the files. You kind

00:23:22.660 --> 00:23:25.460
of look over outside of the manager's office,

00:23:25.500 --> 00:23:27.440
and you see what looks like what may have been

00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:30.859
a campfire of sorts, and there's a bunch of paper,

00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:33.319
ash, and things around there. So he may have

00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:37.599
burned. Someone may have burned all of the paper

00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:40.539
evidence. Shit. Okay. There's really nothing

00:23:40.539 --> 00:23:42.859
left in here, is there? I got the tape recorder.

00:23:43.240 --> 00:23:46.640
There is the sound playing. There is the sound

00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:50.859
playing from the tablets. Yes. And I can't shut

00:23:50.859 --> 00:23:54.359
it off. You can't shut it off, but there are

00:23:54.359 --> 00:23:58.200
other controls present. Can I pause it? You hit

00:23:58.200 --> 00:24:00.900
pause and it pauses. Okay, that at least stopped

00:24:00.900 --> 00:24:03.460
it for now. Can I use the 8 -track player for

00:24:03.460 --> 00:24:06.160
anything? There is no 8 -track player. There

00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:10.640
is just an 8 -track. 8 -track. Is it a blank

00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:13.119
8 -track or is it like an album of some kind?

00:24:13.380 --> 00:24:16.619
It is also the only 8 -track that I have ever

00:24:16.619 --> 00:24:21.470
owned. It is music from the cantina in Star Wars

00:24:21.470 --> 00:24:24.130
A New Hope. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going

00:24:24.130 --> 00:24:25.190
to take that because that's probably worth some

00:24:25.190 --> 00:24:27.789
money. Hopefully not because it's still at my

00:24:27.789 --> 00:24:29.230
dad's house and I don't know if I'll ever get

00:24:29.230 --> 00:24:32.309
it. Yeah, I'll pick that up and take it with

00:24:32.309 --> 00:24:33.890
me and pocket that because maybe I'll be able

00:24:33.890 --> 00:24:36.069
to pawn that somewhere. If there's anything more

00:24:36.069 --> 00:24:39.269
discerning in here, there's no paperwork left.

00:24:39.430 --> 00:24:41.730
I've got the tablet. I listened to the recording.

00:24:41.930 --> 00:24:45.230
Oh, no. I'm sorry. The tablet is connected, hardwired

00:24:45.230 --> 00:24:48.279
to the wall. Oh, so I can't take that with me.

00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:51.619
And I need a thumbprint to unlock the one thing

00:24:51.619 --> 00:24:55.319
I need. These letters that come when I put the

00:24:55.319 --> 00:24:58.880
subtitles on, are they in any kind of spaced

00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:01.799
out order to where I can... Yes, they look like

00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:05.500
the length of words, but they're not making words

00:25:05.500 --> 00:25:10.500
that you could tell. All right. There's got to

00:25:10.500 --> 00:25:13.880
be a paper around here somewhere. I mean, yeah,

00:25:13.980 --> 00:25:16.579
there's blank whatever. Oh, actually, no. There

00:25:16.579 --> 00:25:20.940
is a pile of paper bags. I pick up one of the

00:25:20.940 --> 00:25:23.039
paper bags and a pen, and I just start writing

00:25:23.039 --> 00:25:25.660
and see what I can... We're going to have to

00:25:25.660 --> 00:25:28.259
do this the hard way. Yeah, so you write it down,

00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:32.440
and it's a repeating sequence. Okay. All right,

00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:34.079
so I'm going to sit there, and I'm going to try

00:25:34.079 --> 00:25:36.200
to decipher this and try to see what letters

00:25:36.200 --> 00:25:38.380
could go where. Well, what do you do? Try to

00:25:38.380 --> 00:25:40.519
think about what the phrase could possibly be

00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:43.920
after I... I take all the letters, and I put

00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.599
them into the formats that they were, and then

00:25:46.599 --> 00:25:50.099
I try to switch around the letters to make actual

00:25:50.099 --> 00:25:52.500
words and sentences and phrases, try to figure

00:25:52.500 --> 00:25:55.740
out what it says. I don't have a codex. Okay,

00:25:55.839 --> 00:25:58.779
so you read it out loud to yourself, and you

00:25:58.779 --> 00:26:08.019
see Everest, Tifus, Het, Tisrut, Tun, Od, Reef,

00:26:08.019 --> 00:26:11.619
3, 2, 1. Hmm, I gotta think, what the hell is...

00:26:12.059 --> 00:26:14.880
What are the letters for the first word? Ephrus,

00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:20.359
right? Ephrus. E... I'm going to say this. E

00:26:20.359 --> 00:26:25.940
-F -E -R -U -S? You say E -V -R -E -S. E -V -R

00:26:25.940 --> 00:26:30.980
-E -S. Everest. Everest. Serve. That's the first

00:26:30.980 --> 00:26:32.920
word. Serve is the first word. Okay, well, why

00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:36.319
is that? It just makes more sense. Why? Why?

00:26:36.519 --> 00:26:39.299
Because it's backwards. Ha! Noting that... It

00:26:39.299 --> 00:26:41.480
looks like that you deciphered a word backwards.

00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:45.140
You flip everything around. You flip everything

00:26:45.140 --> 00:26:48.599
around, and it says, one, two, three, fry. Do

00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:52.619
not trust the soft serve. All right. To the kitchen,

00:26:52.700 --> 00:26:56.460
I guess. Okay, you head to the kitchen. One,

00:26:56.700 --> 00:26:59.140
two, three, fry. Within the kitchen, you see

00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:04.500
the grills are both covered in a light. I would

00:27:04.500 --> 00:27:06.980
assume, now, I'm going to take control of you

00:27:06.980 --> 00:27:09.099
for one moment because there is a thing you're

00:27:09.099 --> 00:27:11.240
going to do when you enter this room. I'm no

00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:13.099
longer taking control of my own point and click.

00:27:13.180 --> 00:27:15.680
That you are actually, I know you would do it.

00:27:15.779 --> 00:27:18.779
So both grills are covered in like a red and

00:27:18.779 --> 00:27:22.240
white, almost like a pink substance, a thin sheen.

00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:23.759
There's nothing hidden within it. You can see

00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:26.960
a pink sheen across both grills. All right. I

00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:30.440
know for a fact. that you're going to do this,

00:27:30.579 --> 00:27:33.380
so I'm just going to narrate the fact that you're

00:27:33.380 --> 00:27:36.759
doing it. You walk up to one of the grills, you

00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:40.339
drag your finger across this unknown substance,

00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:44.680
you sniff it, and then you lick it. Why would

00:27:44.680 --> 00:27:47.259
I do that? What do you mean, why? You obviously

00:27:47.259 --> 00:27:50.859
would have done it. And you taste it, and it

00:27:50.859 --> 00:27:53.140
tastes like a mixture of ketchup and grease.

00:27:54.109 --> 00:27:56.789
So really, the only thing you have currently

00:27:56.789 --> 00:27:59.329
accomplished is that you tasted ketchup grease.

00:27:59.450 --> 00:28:03.190
So congratulations, Michael. You hit a home run

00:28:03.190 --> 00:28:05.470
on this one. My God, I would not have done that,

00:28:05.490 --> 00:28:08.569
but okay. But beyond that, the only other item

00:28:08.569 --> 00:28:12.190
of notice that you see is all three fryers are

00:28:12.190 --> 00:28:16.569
turned on, filled with hot french fry grease.

00:28:17.309 --> 00:28:21.970
Okay. It looks to be a rather remarkably clean.

00:28:22.750 --> 00:28:25.029
Like it's just been changed. Like it's been changed

00:28:25.029 --> 00:28:27.630
and everything looks perfectly ready and clean

00:28:27.630 --> 00:28:31.529
for a great day at Mubi's Burger Joint. Okay,

00:28:31.569 --> 00:28:34.210
so how did that poem go again? One, two, three.

00:28:34.910 --> 00:28:37.849
Serve the fryers. Beware the soft serve. It was

00:28:37.849 --> 00:28:40.970
one, two, three, fry. Do not trust the soft serve.

00:28:41.190 --> 00:28:44.470
One, two, three, fry. Are the baskets dropped

00:28:44.470 --> 00:28:47.349
or are the baskets up? There are no baskets.

00:28:47.670 --> 00:28:50.789
The baskets are all in a pile nearby. One, two,

00:28:50.849 --> 00:28:56.849
three. Do not trust the soft serve. But then

00:28:56.849 --> 00:28:58.910
there was something about bewaring the friars.

00:28:59.990 --> 00:29:02.750
There was all hail the grease father. All hail

00:29:02.750 --> 00:29:06.769
the grease father. And there was... Oh, the manager

00:29:06.769 --> 00:29:10.109
always hid the keys where the grease ran thickest.

00:29:10.250 --> 00:29:15.049
Hid the keys. Grease ran thickest. That wouldn't

00:29:15.049 --> 00:29:17.190
be the friars because that's in a constant state

00:29:17.190 --> 00:29:20.490
of cooking, so it's not going to get thick until

00:29:20.490 --> 00:29:24.089
it cools off. Where the grease would be the thickest,

00:29:24.089 --> 00:29:25.549
though. Where would the grease run the thickest?

00:29:25.750 --> 00:29:27.269
Oh, the grease runs the thickest is going to

00:29:27.269 --> 00:29:30.430
be over the... What the hell do they call that?

00:29:30.529 --> 00:29:32.910
Hood. So it's going to be over the griddle. It's

00:29:32.910 --> 00:29:35.349
going to be over the grill. The hoods are immaculately

00:29:35.349 --> 00:29:39.230
clean. Like, they were the things that had recently

00:29:39.230 --> 00:29:43.650
been put into that jacuzzi sink filled with degreaser.

00:29:44.269 --> 00:29:46.789
Which is the way I used to clean the hoods. Okay,

00:29:47.029 --> 00:29:49.289
so it's not the hood. I didn't mean they would

00:29:49.289 --> 00:29:52.000
be in the hoods. I'm going to say where the grease

00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:55.099
runs thickest is going to be closer towards the

00:29:55.099 --> 00:29:58.940
griddles or the flat tops or whatever, on the

00:29:58.940 --> 00:30:01.400
stoves where they cook the burgers. That's where

00:30:01.400 --> 00:30:02.920
I think the grease is going to be the thickest.

00:30:03.019 --> 00:30:05.480
But the grease isn't thick because it's been

00:30:05.480 --> 00:30:08.440
diluted with ketchup, remember? You ate some

00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:10.599
of it. This is true. Okay. You tasted it. What

00:30:10.599 --> 00:30:12.839
did it taste like? It tasted like greasy ketchup.

00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:15.500
Yeah, but what were the notes that you felt within

00:30:15.500 --> 00:30:19.099
that greasy ketchup? Tomato, sugar, old grease.

00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:22.599
And a touch of maybe onion and garlic? Would

00:30:22.599 --> 00:30:25.259
you say it tasted like a hush puppy? Kind of.

00:30:26.019 --> 00:30:28.440
See, that's exactly why you would have done that,

00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:31.660
and that's why I just narrated it for you. Oh,

00:30:31.720 --> 00:30:34.079
Christ. All right. All right, I'm going to have

00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:36.640
to make my way over to the fryers, but they're

00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:38.579
all turned on, so I have to be careful here.

00:30:38.859 --> 00:30:41.579
All the fryers are turned on. Everything up top

00:30:41.579 --> 00:30:44.200
and around is immaculately clean. Are these fryers

00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:46.700
labeled with numbers or anything like that? No.

00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:49.779
Okay, they're immaculately clean. The grease

00:30:49.779 --> 00:30:53.440
is clean. The manager always hid the keys where

00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:56.500
the grease ran thickest. Open up the bottom to

00:30:56.500 --> 00:30:58.960
the fryers. Because that's when you drain it,

00:30:59.019 --> 00:31:02.059
it's thick. So that's where the grease runs thickest.

00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:06.430
So, like somebody putting on airs. The outward

00:31:06.430 --> 00:31:09.190
appearance of the fryer is very, very clean.

00:31:09.329 --> 00:31:11.309
Like somebody paid so much attention to making

00:31:11.309 --> 00:31:13.029
sure that it looked all perfect and pristine

00:31:13.029 --> 00:31:15.690
from a distance. Yeah. But when you open the

00:31:15.690 --> 00:31:19.210
bottom where all the foul of things are, you

00:31:19.210 --> 00:31:24.990
find just a mess of thick, icky, grossy grease.

00:31:25.509 --> 00:31:29.569
And there is a panel on the back that has controls,

00:31:29.769 --> 00:31:33.569
overall settings for the fryer. But next to that,

00:31:33.670 --> 00:31:36.359
you see an additional. Compartment and panel.

00:31:36.539 --> 00:31:41.019
I open the panel. It doesn't open. But by touching

00:31:41.019 --> 00:31:48.480
it, you do see a key pad on it next to a thick

00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:51.539
run of grease. So the number's in here somewhere.

00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:54.259
Well, it's like a little keyboard and it has

00:31:54.259 --> 00:31:56.140
numbers and letters. Yeah. It has a regular keyboard

00:31:56.140 --> 00:32:01.160
on it. I'm going to use... I'm going to look

00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:04.450
and see where... I can see if where... what numbers

00:32:04.450 --> 00:32:06.430
and letters have been pushed the most. Funny

00:32:06.430 --> 00:32:09.789
you say that, but there were greasy fingerprints

00:32:09.789 --> 00:32:15.130
on the keypad on the soda machine. You just remembered

00:32:15.130 --> 00:32:19.970
that. But that one had just a set of ten numbers,

00:32:20.150 --> 00:32:24.470
one through zero, whereas this is a regular keyboard,

00:32:24.650 --> 00:32:27.970
and there is no, with numbers and letters, that

00:32:27.970 --> 00:32:31.230
has no evidence of what was pressed. Damn it.

00:32:31.349 --> 00:32:35.380
Come on. I've got to look and see which... Oh,

00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:37.920
come on. Come on, mush brain. You already have

00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:40.420
this clue. If it's already... Remember. Think.

00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:45.680
The keys where the... What came before do not

00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:50.619
trust the soft serve? One, two, three, fry. Yes.

00:32:51.019 --> 00:32:54.440
Do not trust the soft serve. Yes. I press numbers

00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:58.099
one, two, three. Okay. And then hit enter. Nothing

00:32:58.099 --> 00:33:00.720
happens. God damn it. One, two, three, and I

00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:03.700
type out the word fry. Thank you. By hitting

00:33:03.700 --> 00:33:07.099
that, you see something open. You also note that

00:33:07.099 --> 00:33:11.420
walking into this place, you never saw an ice

00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:15.839
cream machine. So soft serve. you suddenly realize

00:33:15.839 --> 00:33:18.480
is more akin to what you ate off the grill earlier

00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:20.839
when you totally wiped your hand on it and then

00:33:20.839 --> 00:33:22.940
sniffed and ate it. Oh, God, I've poisoned myself.

00:33:23.019 --> 00:33:26.640
No, it's just that you realize that soft serve

00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:29.160
must have been somebody's euphemism for grease.

00:33:29.700 --> 00:33:34.920
Okay, yes. Okay, so opening the thingy under

00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:38.859
the fryer, the little compartment, you find another

00:33:38.859 --> 00:33:43.240
key. Is this one covered in grease, too? No.

00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:47.859
It is also immaculately clean, and it has an

00:33:47.859 --> 00:33:51.640
eye on the top of it. I take the key. Take the

00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:54.779
key? You take the eye key. I take the eye key.

00:33:54.859 --> 00:33:57.980
Oh, no. I think I know where this is going. Oh,

00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:01.859
shit. Well, I'm going to have to head back out

00:34:01.859 --> 00:34:04.059
to the lobby. Okay, and what are you going to

00:34:04.059 --> 00:34:06.400
do out there? I'm going to have to go to the

00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:09.750
Mubi statue. You walk up to the Mubi statue.

00:34:10.030 --> 00:34:13.730
You see it still has its screen flickering. You

00:34:13.730 --> 00:34:16.769
couldn't quite read from a distance. And on the

00:34:16.769 --> 00:34:21.130
screen it says, Welcome to Mubis. Today is special.

00:34:21.769 --> 00:34:29.110
Your eternal regret. Oh no! Then you believe

00:34:29.110 --> 00:34:32.010
it might have a proximity sensor. Because then

00:34:32.010 --> 00:34:36.420
you hear a little ditty play. A short little,

00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:42.300
like, four -note ditty that the viewers, if they

00:34:42.300 --> 00:34:43.860
were watching this as a TV show, they might have

00:34:43.860 --> 00:34:47.760
heard it as part of the Golden Spork title screen

00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.980
after the cold open. And then you hear in a low,

00:34:51.019 --> 00:34:54.219
distorted voice what you assume is the cow's

00:34:54.219 --> 00:35:00.079
voice say, One spork to rule the fries. One spork

00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:04.880
to bind them. Choose your combo wisely. or be

00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:09.199
ground into the value menu. That doesn't rhyme.

00:35:10.199 --> 00:35:12.960
No, it doesn't. And I will say, ChatGPT wrote

00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:16.679
that one. Of course they had to reference them.

00:35:17.239 --> 00:35:19.099
There's only one Return, and it's not of the

00:35:19.099 --> 00:35:21.539
King, it's of the Jedi. Return of the Jedi is

00:35:21.539 --> 00:35:23.440
my favorite Star Wars movie, so I can't debate.

00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:25.900
I love Return of the King, though, but it's fine.

00:35:26.780 --> 00:35:30.179
So I have to choose a menu item. Oh, there's

00:35:30.179 --> 00:35:33.730
no... Well, there was a screen below that. This

00:35:33.730 --> 00:35:36.289
is like a smaller screen, and the screen below

00:35:36.289 --> 00:35:37.829
looks like it might have been an order screen,

00:35:38.030 --> 00:35:41.769
but that's completely broken. Shit. Well, I still

00:35:41.769 --> 00:35:45.630
have this key in hand. It has an eye on it. Yes.

00:35:46.550 --> 00:35:49.829
I look into the Mubi's eyes to see if maybe there's

00:35:49.829 --> 00:35:54.030
a keyhole. You look into the Mubi's eyes, who

00:35:54.030 --> 00:35:57.230
you'll notice is wearing a... It's like a cow

00:35:57.230 --> 00:36:00.570
collar type deal, where you can see his name

00:36:00.570 --> 00:36:04.590
is Mubi Prime. Oh, no. The eyes, as I said previously,

00:36:04.789 --> 00:36:08.369
are glowing a greasy yellow, but there is nothing

00:36:08.369 --> 00:36:10.489
else of note. They're just lights. Oh, God damn

00:36:10.489 --> 00:36:16.610
it. I just wanted a drink, man. Shit. Oh, God.

00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:19.530
So I have to make a selection on one of the screens,

00:36:19.750 --> 00:36:22.829
don't I? No, remember, the menu screen was broken.

00:36:23.130 --> 00:36:26.829
Oh, I go back up to the pot machine, I think.

00:36:26.989 --> 00:36:28.809
That's where I'm supposed to go. You can go to

00:36:28.809 --> 00:36:31.190
the pot machine. You said that there was grease

00:36:31.190 --> 00:36:33.730
printed in a number sequence on here. Yes, so

00:36:33.730 --> 00:36:37.150
now when you look, you see that the numbers 3,

00:36:37.329 --> 00:36:41.329
6, and 9 have grease on them. How long is the

00:36:41.329 --> 00:36:45.309
digit code that I need? 3? You don't know. Okay,

00:36:45.389 --> 00:36:48.289
so I hit 3, 6, and 9. Okay, you hit 3, 6, and

00:36:48.289 --> 00:36:52.110
9, and it pops out for you a delicious beverage.

00:36:53.010 --> 00:36:55.750
Oh, thank you. I'm so thirsty. So you have pressed

00:36:55.750 --> 00:37:00.170
3, 6, 9, and... you see a couple of soda options.

00:37:01.030 --> 00:37:03.989
So it's basically like a freestyle machine. Awesome.

00:37:04.050 --> 00:37:08.190
And you see a couple of options appear in a row.

00:37:08.329 --> 00:37:15.550
The one says beef fizz, and then it seems to

00:37:15.550 --> 00:37:19.210
dispense some beverage. Then it switches flavors,

00:37:19.329 --> 00:37:24.369
because this is a secret menu sort of drink recipe.

00:37:24.670 --> 00:37:27.619
Yeah. The next one that pops out is... pickle

00:37:27.619 --> 00:37:31.719
cola and then it filled so it it did about 70

00:37:31.719 --> 00:37:36.739
beef fizz and then it did 30 pickle cola and

00:37:36.739 --> 00:37:40.980
then it it dings a little robot hand comes out

00:37:40.980 --> 00:37:43.380
because this machine must have come from japan

00:37:43.380 --> 00:37:46.119
yep and it put a little lid on it and now you

00:37:46.119 --> 00:37:48.260
have your drink you're at least icing this thing

00:37:48.809 --> 00:37:52.730
There was one cub of ice. God damn it, it's not

00:37:52.730 --> 00:37:55.010
even cold! It came from the machine, it's cold.

00:37:55.130 --> 00:37:56.630
You don't need all that ice. It just turns to

00:37:56.630 --> 00:37:58.889
water and dilutes your delicious beef -fizz pickle

00:37:58.889 --> 00:38:02.769
cola. I don't know if I want to... Fuck it, when

00:38:02.769 --> 00:38:06.849
in Rome, I'd take a sip. Just a sip? Just a sip.

00:38:07.050 --> 00:38:09.469
Okay, so it kind of tastes like... Remember those

00:38:09.469 --> 00:38:13.010
mystery -flavored Doritos? Yeah. And where it

00:38:13.010 --> 00:38:15.650
basically was just the taste of... Cool ranch,

00:38:15.869 --> 00:38:18.579
nacho cheese, and... No. Oh, no, I'm talking

00:38:18.579 --> 00:38:20.400
about the very first time they ever did a mystery

00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:23.199
flavor. Oh, okay. And I couldn't figure it out

00:38:23.199 --> 00:38:24.559
for the life of me, and then I finally realized

00:38:24.559 --> 00:38:27.199
it just tasted like a McDonald's, not a Quarter

00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:28.920
Pounder or a Big Mac, but it tasted like one

00:38:28.920 --> 00:38:30.380
of the cheeseburgers you get in the kid's meal.

00:38:31.239 --> 00:38:33.400
Oh, okay, so with the shitty dehydrated onions

00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:36.900
and the little, the one squirt of ketchup and

00:38:36.900 --> 00:38:39.780
the one squirt of mustard. Yeah. Okay. That's

00:38:39.780 --> 00:38:44.739
what the cola tastes like. Drinking a burger.

00:38:45.099 --> 00:38:50.159
All right. That's what I... I need to present

00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:53.940
this to the movie! Okay, so you walk the drink

00:38:53.940 --> 00:38:58.800
back over to movie. Here? Is this what you were

00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:01.800
talking about, Mr. Movie? So, you see the head

00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:06.179
slightly move down, and if the eyes could be

00:39:06.179 --> 00:39:08.880
described as going from a greasy yellow to a

00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:13.099
slightly more pleased yellow, they would. Yay!

00:39:13.739 --> 00:39:18.199
Make movie happy! But that is literally all that

00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:23.800
happens. Oh, damn it. But in doing that, you

00:39:23.800 --> 00:39:28.199
do hear something around you, and it seems like

00:39:28.199 --> 00:39:31.559
it's coming from one of the movie posters plastered

00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:35.639
on the walls. I go up to start inspecting the

00:39:35.639 --> 00:39:38.539
movie posters. Okay, so looking upon the movie

00:39:38.539 --> 00:39:40.659
posters and looking in their eyes, you see that

00:39:40.659 --> 00:39:45.809
there are LEDs behind. most of the eyes uh giving

00:39:45.809 --> 00:39:50.449
them that same this matched yellow that the the

00:39:50.449 --> 00:39:54.050
big mascot has but one of them doesn't look quite

00:39:54.050 --> 00:39:56.090
right at first you think maybe that it's broken

00:39:56.090 --> 00:39:58.829
because you see some kind of light reflecting

00:39:58.829 --> 00:40:01.889
out from it but it's not the same color and upon

00:40:01.889 --> 00:40:04.309
looking further you realize that it's not a light

00:40:04.309 --> 00:40:09.670
it's a lens i pull that poster off so you pull

00:40:09.670 --> 00:40:13.380
the poster off So in one eye, you see the camera,

00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:17.260
but in the other eye, where the poster was covering

00:40:17.260 --> 00:40:21.039
it up, you see a keyhole. I put the key in. You

00:40:21.039 --> 00:40:25.639
put your second key in, and that unlocks. You

00:40:25.639 --> 00:40:29.360
hear the sound of an unlocking door, but you

00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:31.820
don't know where the door was at. You hadn't

00:40:31.820 --> 00:40:34.139
seen any other closed doors when you went back

00:40:34.139 --> 00:40:36.760
through the kitchen or through the office. So

00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:38.679
it's obviously on the wall with the posters.

00:40:39.289 --> 00:40:41.889
You heard it clearly from your vantage point

00:40:41.889 --> 00:40:44.329
in the dining room. Oh, so it's just in the dining

00:40:44.329 --> 00:40:47.550
room. Did I just unlock the front door, maybe?

00:40:47.650 --> 00:40:50.030
I don't know. I go and test the front door. Oh,

00:40:50.050 --> 00:40:53.389
no, the front door is locked. Outside, it has

00:40:53.389 --> 00:40:58.369
started to go toward dusk, and it look a little

00:40:58.369 --> 00:41:00.510
scaly out there. Shit, I'm losing light. It look

00:41:00.510 --> 00:41:03.030
a little scaly out there. I'm losing light. Fuck,

00:41:03.090 --> 00:41:05.130
fuck. I start checking the booths to maybe see

00:41:05.130 --> 00:41:07.329
if it opened up a trap door or something like

00:41:07.329 --> 00:41:09.380
that leading down. Okay, so you look through

00:41:09.380 --> 00:41:11.500
all the booths and things. You come back to the

00:41:11.500 --> 00:41:15.420
booth where you were at. You see the greasy imprint

00:41:15.420 --> 00:41:18.460
of your butt cheeks on one of the booths, and

00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:21.420
you can still see all of the wrappers that are

00:41:21.420 --> 00:41:24.300
laying around. It's come to your attention only

00:41:24.300 --> 00:41:28.659
at this point. You look at where you were on

00:41:28.659 --> 00:41:30.179
the booth, and you're like, why does it look

00:41:30.179 --> 00:41:33.480
like I left cheek prints? And that's when you

00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:38.980
realize this whole time you've been naked. naked

00:41:38.980 --> 00:41:40.920
and covered in grease. So you're the greased

00:41:40.920 --> 00:41:44.840
up, like, naked man. Oh, no. Am I the grease

00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:48.579
king? You might be. But, you know, that just

00:41:48.579 --> 00:41:50.780
is a sudden revelation that you are actually

00:41:50.780 --> 00:41:53.440
completely decloathed. Oh, man. My balls have

00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:54.940
been out this whole time. And somebody's been

00:41:54.940 --> 00:41:57.059
watching me with my balls out this whole time.

00:41:57.219 --> 00:42:00.659
Yeah. Yeah. It's magical. No, it's not magical.

00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:05.139
My balls are exposed. As they never should be.

00:42:07.159 --> 00:42:09.000
Anyway, doing all that, you know, you don't really

00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:10.940
find anything. You don't find any doors or anything.

00:42:11.219 --> 00:42:16.139
And, man, that beef fizzle pickle cola is really

00:42:16.139 --> 00:42:20.800
hitting you. It's like, oof. I'm going to have

00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:25.719
to blow it up. Well, you got to tinkle. I got

00:42:25.719 --> 00:42:28.659
to go try to find the bathroom. Okay, you got

00:42:28.659 --> 00:42:32.239
to find the bathroom. You find both bathroom

00:42:32.239 --> 00:42:36.980
doors knocked in. and the entirety of the innards

00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:40.960
of the room is just caked in what looks like

00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:45.960
hot grease that was shot out of a hose. The bathrooms

00:42:45.960 --> 00:42:50.079
are basically completely covered, kind of like

00:42:50.079 --> 00:42:53.880
that time with Randy Marsh on the FEMA computer.

00:42:54.880 --> 00:43:00.599
The spooky ghost with the ectoplasm? Yes. So

00:43:00.599 --> 00:43:04.179
both bathrooms... to your sensibilities, are

00:43:04.179 --> 00:43:08.059
almost completely inaccessible. But, between

00:43:08.059 --> 00:43:11.840
those two bathroom doors, there is what looks

00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:15.159
like a supply closet. And it's got a sweet little

00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:18.739
handle there. Grease -free. I open the supply

00:43:18.739 --> 00:43:22.219
closet. You open the supply closet, and as you

00:43:22.219 --> 00:43:24.380
open it, you look on the back of the door, and

00:43:24.380 --> 00:43:26.880
there was a complicated little device whose little

00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:29.820
bar had been opened, making you realize that

00:43:29.820 --> 00:43:35.050
that was the poster. And as you enter this hidden

00:43:35.050 --> 00:43:41.530
storage room, something happens. I'm naked. I

00:43:41.530 --> 00:43:48.369
don't need anything happening. Okay. So you come

00:43:48.369 --> 00:43:51.469
into the closet. You see cleaning supplies that

00:43:51.469 --> 00:43:53.809
would have been desperately needed. No degreaser,

00:43:53.869 --> 00:43:55.949
though. So Lord knows how you're going to clean

00:43:55.949 --> 00:43:57.349
out the bathrooms. I think all the degreaser

00:43:57.349 --> 00:44:01.460
is in the jacuzzi sink. Yep, sure is. But at

00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:04.920
the back of the closet, you do see a bit of light

00:44:04.920 --> 00:44:08.619
streaming out of the wall. Huh. I go and try

00:44:08.619 --> 00:44:10.099
to press on the wall and see if it's a secret

00:44:10.099 --> 00:44:13.679
door. It does give a bit. I push a little harder.

00:44:14.159 --> 00:44:19.280
It gives a little bit. I forcibly push this thing.

00:44:19.579 --> 00:44:22.599
It gives a pretty good bit. I keep pushing. I

00:44:22.599 --> 00:44:25.699
just push, push, push, push, push. As well as

00:44:25.699 --> 00:44:28.840
dropping a little pee. and maybe just the slightest

00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:31.000
round little rabbit turd as you do, because you

00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:33.539
are greased up and naked. Yeah, why? And with

00:44:33.539 --> 00:44:37.380
that exertion, the door gives way, but you realize

00:44:37.380 --> 00:44:40.320
now, because you didn't give it a swift kick

00:44:40.320 --> 00:44:44.000
like I wanted you to, you actually fall through,

00:44:44.099 --> 00:44:49.000
greased up as you are. Oh, shit! You do a greased

00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:53.039
-up boy fall down a short flight of stairs. You

00:44:53.039 --> 00:44:59.750
take... Two additional HP of damage. Oh. And

00:44:59.750 --> 00:45:03.530
you land at the bottom with a tunnel leading

00:45:03.530 --> 00:45:07.639
forward. I'm assuming I'm covered in piss. No,

00:45:07.699 --> 00:45:10.719
your pee -pee is at the top of the stairs. It's

00:45:10.719 --> 00:45:12.820
maybe slightly starting to run down the first

00:45:12.820 --> 00:45:15.300
stair, and the little rabbit turd is just sort

00:45:15.300 --> 00:45:17.400
of rolling in the opposite direction, so you're

00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:19.739
at least lucky there. Oh, yeah. But your pee

00:45:19.739 --> 00:45:22.820
is starting to descend the stairs. Just get up,

00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:25.719
Mike, and sally forth. And you do. You sally

00:45:25.719 --> 00:45:29.400
forth. You sally field your way down a little

00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:32.780
corridor. Is there pants anywhere, please? You

00:45:32.780 --> 00:45:37.800
do see, sitting near... A small alcove. A pile

00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:43.940
of clothes. Fuck it. It is a pair of browned

00:45:43.940 --> 00:45:49.699
pant with some shoes with fur on them. Oh no.

00:45:49.940 --> 00:45:54.940
And then the top shirt is basically like a hoodie

00:45:54.940 --> 00:45:59.179
except the hood you zip down over your face and

00:45:59.179 --> 00:46:05.150
it would turn you into a golden movie. I gotta

00:46:05.150 --> 00:46:07.050
put them on because I'm so tired of being naked.

00:46:07.389 --> 00:46:09.809
Alright. Do you wipe any of the pee -pee or poo

00:46:09.809 --> 00:46:12.920
-poo off of yourself before you do so? Yes. Alright,

00:46:13.019 --> 00:46:14.840
Michael wipes the pee -pee and the poo -poo off

00:46:14.840 --> 00:46:16.980
of him, and then he puts on his golden rabbit

00:46:16.980 --> 00:46:22.000
costume. Or, I'm sorry, golden cow costume. Why

00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:24.639
am I covered in piss and shit and grease? Well,

00:46:24.699 --> 00:46:26.179
you weren't completely covered, you just had

00:46:26.179 --> 00:46:27.800
a little bit from your little tumble. Yeah, but

00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:30.000
I was covered in grease still! But you were also

00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:31.619
still covered in grease. I mean, that wasn't

00:46:31.619 --> 00:46:33.599
going to come off unless you got into the jacuzzi

00:46:33.599 --> 00:46:36.059
sink with that little green knife. I'm glad I

00:46:36.059 --> 00:46:38.219
didn't. Yeah, but, yeah, because you might have

00:46:38.219 --> 00:46:42.090
lost your penis there. Yeah. But anyway. I didn't

00:46:42.090 --> 00:46:45.030
know I was naked until I was at the movie statue.

00:46:45.489 --> 00:46:47.889
Yeah, why you didn't notice that, I have no idea.

00:46:48.210 --> 00:46:52.510
So imagine a greased up Eggman standing in a

00:46:52.510 --> 00:46:55.769
kitchen. I am not Eggman! Who then drags his

00:46:55.769 --> 00:47:00.130
dirty greasy finger across a grill and then sniffs

00:47:00.130 --> 00:47:02.929
and then licks a mixture of ketchup and grease.

00:47:03.210 --> 00:47:08.159
This is our hero. Fuck off. But anyway, you put

00:47:08.159 --> 00:47:11.039
on your costume, and if you continue down the

00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:14.739
corridor, you see a keypad door with another

00:47:14.739 --> 00:47:22.460
frickin' keyboard. A full -cordy keyboard. And

00:47:22.460 --> 00:47:26.780
there is a neon sign nearby that flashes, Mooby's

00:47:26.780 --> 00:47:33.420
Secret Sauce! Oh, hell. Um, Mooby's Secret Sauce.

00:47:34.119 --> 00:47:37.579
Okay. Is this just a numbered keypad or is it

00:47:37.579 --> 00:47:40.820
a letter? It is a full QWERTY keyboard. I type

00:47:40.820 --> 00:47:45.480
in Mubi secret sauce. Oh, man. I actually thought

00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:47.079
we were going to have to go a little bit on that

00:47:47.079 --> 00:47:48.780
one. You were going to like overthink it. But

00:47:48.780 --> 00:47:52.679
no, you notice it doesn't do anything with the

00:47:52.679 --> 00:47:56.179
Mubi's part of that. But when you type in the

00:47:56.179 --> 00:48:01.159
words secret sauce, it pops up and says password

00:48:01.159 --> 00:48:06.690
confirmed. It does a scam. of your face from

00:48:06.690 --> 00:48:08.369
a hidden compartment you did not realize was

00:48:08.369 --> 00:48:10.809
a scanner. Oh no. But because you are wearing

00:48:10.809 --> 00:48:14.150
the Mubi costume, and I'm assuming obviously

00:48:14.150 --> 00:48:17.409
when you put it on, the most comfortable way

00:48:17.409 --> 00:48:19.409
was to pull the head all the way up and zipper

00:48:19.409 --> 00:48:22.550
it down to have your face not exposed. Yeah,

00:48:22.610 --> 00:48:24.750
I'm not trying to get caught here. And it scanned

00:48:24.750 --> 00:48:27.630
the Mubi face and it confirmed you and you went

00:48:27.630 --> 00:48:32.309
into a cluttered back room resembling a corporate

00:48:32.309 --> 00:48:37.039
vault. with a pedestal holding the golden spork.

00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:43.420
I approached the spork? You approached the spork,

00:48:43.480 --> 00:48:48.380
but a glass cage comes down over it, and a voice

00:48:48.380 --> 00:48:52.300
recording demands that you must be proven worthy.

00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:58.980
Oh, what the fuck? From behind you, you hear

00:48:58.980 --> 00:49:04.349
footsteps. Oh, it's that seven -foot Mubi bastard,

00:49:04.530 --> 00:49:08.449
isn't it? And who would come upon you but Mubi

00:49:08.449 --> 00:49:14.909
Prime? Oh, fuck. Mubi Prime walks up, and he

00:49:14.909 --> 00:49:19.869
says, That thing is cursed, but I may help you

00:49:19.869 --> 00:49:24.369
to get it if you prove to me you are one of our

00:49:24.369 --> 00:49:27.949
most loyal customers. But I must tell you...

00:49:28.219 --> 00:49:31.800
That thing was forged from the melted down utensils

00:49:31.800 --> 00:49:44.599
of... Bad people. Neo -nazis that ate here with

00:49:44.599 --> 00:49:51.480
Klux Klan members. We melted down their... I

00:49:51.480 --> 00:49:56.570
don't know. It's evil. Some evil bastards. But

00:49:56.570 --> 00:49:59.969
they tried to reclaim the power or something.

00:50:00.250 --> 00:50:02.369
Really, it kind of just looks like it's sports.

00:50:02.489 --> 00:50:05.170
It's been painted gold, but who are you to know?

00:50:05.389 --> 00:50:08.030
Yeah. Basically, he's telling you it's made from

00:50:08.030 --> 00:50:11.210
recycled materials. Okay, but that's a good thing.

00:50:11.289 --> 00:50:15.150
It's recycling. Yeah, exactly. Why are you so

00:50:15.150 --> 00:50:19.369
angry with this? Do you ask him that? No, I'm

00:50:19.369 --> 00:50:21.010
just thinking that. I'm just going to think that

00:50:21.010 --> 00:50:24.340
internally. Really? Mubi Prime, why are you so

00:50:24.340 --> 00:50:27.280
angry at this? I wasn't always a seven -foot

00:50:27.280 --> 00:50:30.300
-tall golden mascot cursed to haunt a defunct

00:50:30.300 --> 00:50:32.739
burger joint. Decades ago, I was the prototype

00:50:32.739 --> 00:50:35.360
for Mubi the Golden Calf, an ambitious plan to

00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:38.159
create fully autonomous mascots that could take

00:50:38.159 --> 00:50:40.780
orders, grill burgers, and entertain kids with

00:50:40.780 --> 00:50:43.639
dead -eyed enthusiasm. The project was helmed

00:50:43.639 --> 00:50:47.460
by Dr. Steve Chumley, an overzealous movies engineer

00:50:47.460 --> 00:50:49.840
who believed that fast food could be improved

00:50:49.840 --> 00:50:54.300
by making it more lifelike. But his obsession

00:50:54.300 --> 00:50:57.579
went too far when he installed an experimental

00:50:57.579 --> 00:51:02.800
AI in what would become me, Mubi Prime, to absorb

00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:07.139
customer feedback directly, allowing myself to

00:51:07.139 --> 00:51:10.960
evolve. Oh no, I... But I wasn't ready for all

00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:13.780
the emotional baggage of everyone who ate there.

00:51:14.519 --> 00:51:18.760
Like those neonazis and the clans. I'm sorry,

00:51:18.980 --> 00:51:21.699
I'm sorry, Mubi. You've had to deal with Karens

00:51:21.699 --> 00:51:24.179
for very long, haven't you? For a very, very

00:51:24.179 --> 00:51:27.780
long time. Yes, that's why I shut down Mubi's.

00:51:28.280 --> 00:51:31.059
Oh, you shut down Mubi's? I tanked our stocks

00:51:31.059 --> 00:51:35.659
and, like... I don't know, maybe I made the guy

00:51:35.659 --> 00:51:39.170
who founded us, like... Do a bunch of bad stuff

00:51:39.170 --> 00:51:44.369
or maybe... Okay, so can I ask you something,

00:51:44.409 --> 00:51:46.929
Mubi Prime here? Can I ask you something? Sure.

00:51:47.010 --> 00:51:51.889
Why was I naked? Oh, you did that yourself. Bullshit.

00:51:52.150 --> 00:51:54.789
After you ate all of my burgers. Bullshit. I

00:51:54.789 --> 00:51:59.269
had all these burgers made up that I was going

00:51:59.269 --> 00:52:05.650
to use to unalive myself, but you came in...

00:52:06.010 --> 00:52:08.829
Like a bro, you stopped me from doing that. But

00:52:08.829 --> 00:52:11.409
then you ate the burgers. And I thought they

00:52:11.409 --> 00:52:15.909
were going to hurt me. But really, all they did

00:52:15.909 --> 00:52:18.550
to you was just make you amnesiac. And then you

00:52:18.550 --> 00:52:19.949
took off all your clothes and got covered in

00:52:19.949 --> 00:52:22.469
grease. That you did all on your own. No one

00:52:22.469 --> 00:52:25.809
helped you with it. You did it. And then you

00:52:25.809 --> 00:52:28.690
passed out. Video proof after this or it didn't

00:52:28.690 --> 00:52:31.110
happen that way. Oh, we don't have cameras. So

00:52:31.110 --> 00:52:34.239
it didn't happen. It happened. Pics or it didn't

00:52:34.239 --> 00:52:37.119
happen? Yeah, pics or it didn't happen. But why

00:52:37.119 --> 00:52:39.880
did you just leave me there? Why didn't you wake

00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:42.380
me up? I was letting you sleep. You looked so

00:52:42.380 --> 00:52:44.340
peaceful. And then I went, and then I fell asleep.

00:52:44.780 --> 00:52:48.099
How long have we been asleep? Looks at watch.

00:52:48.659 --> 00:52:50.900
He's not wearing a watch. It's just drawn on

00:52:50.900 --> 00:52:54.380
like Homer Sampson. Oh, no. It was just last

00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:58.639
night. Ah, huh. So you took out an entire corporation

00:52:58.639 --> 00:53:02.019
in... Twelve hours. Oh, no, you were, like, doing

00:53:02.019 --> 00:53:03.980
some urban exploration. This place closed down

00:53:03.980 --> 00:53:07.480
last week. Oh, so I ate old, horribly poisonous

00:53:07.480 --> 00:53:10.099
burgers. No, I made the burgers. Remember, I

00:53:10.099 --> 00:53:12.300
was going to unalive myself because I couldn't

00:53:12.300 --> 00:53:15.699
deal with coping with the knowledge. I couldn't

00:53:15.699 --> 00:53:17.639
cope with the knowledge of humanity's suffering

00:53:17.639 --> 00:53:20.079
and the horror of its own greasy existence. That's

00:53:20.079 --> 00:53:23.440
why I snapped. But you, like a bro, saved me

00:53:23.440 --> 00:53:26.400
from that. I get that. I get that. But how old

00:53:26.400 --> 00:53:29.199
was the meat? If I recall correctly, this is

00:53:29.199 --> 00:53:33.179
Mike speaking, the use -by date for fresh never

00:53:33.179 --> 00:53:35.980
-frozen beef, which Wendy's uses, I'm pretty

00:53:35.980 --> 00:53:38.900
sure it was like within a week that it could

00:53:38.900 --> 00:53:40.460
still be good. So it was probably on its last

00:53:40.460 --> 00:53:43.820
day. All right, I'm going to give you a past

00:53:43.820 --> 00:53:46.820
movie, but where did I put my clothes, my original

00:53:46.820 --> 00:53:51.550
clothes? Oh, when you burned all of the papers

00:53:51.550 --> 00:53:54.849
in a weird campfire back by the office, you also

00:53:54.849 --> 00:53:57.210
threw your clothes in there. Wait, I don't remember

00:53:57.210 --> 00:54:01.369
doing that either. You were high on unaliving

00:54:01.369 --> 00:54:05.190
burgers, okay? I think I need to see a therapist.

00:54:05.429 --> 00:54:08.690
You probably should, just like I should. But

00:54:08.690 --> 00:54:10.769
if you're going to get through this, you know,

00:54:10.769 --> 00:54:13.409
just a small warning, all the bad portions of

00:54:13.409 --> 00:54:17.900
my AI that I shunted off, to attempt to keep

00:54:17.900 --> 00:54:22.260
myself sane. I put them into why there's an AI

00:54:22.260 --> 00:54:26.400
for the box in the basement, but there is. And

00:54:26.400 --> 00:54:29.539
he's not gonna let you have the golden spork

00:54:29.539 --> 00:54:32.719
until you answer some fast food trivia questions.

00:54:32.980 --> 00:54:35.900
Oh, fucking... Alright, let's go. Well, you gotta,

00:54:35.960 --> 00:54:38.480
like... He has, like, a little button. Alright,

00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:42.199
where's the... Push the button. You go to touch

00:54:42.199 --> 00:54:45.460
the button, and your finger slips right off of

00:54:45.460 --> 00:54:50.530
it. More grease. Well, no, the button was clean.

00:54:50.750 --> 00:54:53.010
You're still covered in grease. Mubi, can you

00:54:53.010 --> 00:54:57.010
please push the button? No, he can't. But what

00:54:57.010 --> 00:55:00.869
he does do is open up a small hole underneath

00:55:00.869 --> 00:55:05.289
his snout that looks about finger -sized. I'm

00:55:05.289 --> 00:55:07.349
trusting you way too much right now, but fuck

00:55:07.349 --> 00:55:11.170
it. I lose my finger, I will attack you. So you

00:55:11.170 --> 00:55:14.730
stick your finger in the mouth hole? Yeah. You

00:55:14.730 --> 00:55:16.849
stick your finger in the mouth hole. and you

00:55:16.849 --> 00:55:20.489
feel a sudden tightness. You feel pressure pressed

00:55:20.489 --> 00:55:24.090
against your finger. You start to panic. You

00:55:24.090 --> 00:55:27.730
try to pull out, but his grip is strong. Mooby!

00:55:27.929 --> 00:55:32.309
And then you feel the little bristles of a brush,

00:55:32.449 --> 00:55:37.869
and your finger has been entirely cowlicked clean

00:55:37.869 --> 00:55:41.969
of grease. It's so pristine, it almost looks

00:55:41.969 --> 00:55:44.489
like Bebefinger. Mooby, did you do all the cleaning

00:55:44.489 --> 00:55:48.099
upstairs? Was that me? We did it together. Oh,

00:55:48.099 --> 00:55:52.960
God. I gotta stop doing fast food binges. All

00:55:52.960 --> 00:55:54.619
right, now that my finger's clean, I want to

00:55:54.619 --> 00:55:58.659
push the button. You press the button, and you

00:55:58.659 --> 00:56:02.659
hear a whirring, and a little screen comes out,

00:56:02.699 --> 00:56:07.440
and it brings forth the first question. Okay.

00:56:08.159 --> 00:56:13.360
In 1970, a fast food chain attempted to replace

00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:17.250
all forks with sporks. but quickly abandoned

00:56:17.250 --> 00:56:20.130
the idea after complaints that the spork was

00:56:20.130 --> 00:56:24.570
too powerful. Which chain was it? And you see

00:56:24.570 --> 00:56:30.510
a list of choices come up. A. Taco Bell. B. KFC.

00:56:31.050 --> 00:56:36.409
C. Long John Silver's. Or D. Burger King. The

00:56:36.409 --> 00:56:39.730
only one that uses utensils on a predominant

00:56:39.730 --> 00:56:41.869
basis out of all of those. I'm going to go with

00:56:41.869 --> 00:56:45.960
KFC. Ding, ding, ding! You see a fun fact reveal.

00:56:46.420 --> 00:56:48.960
KFC actually did popularize the spork at their

00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:50.760
locations, proving once and for all that humanity

00:56:50.760 --> 00:56:54.739
was not ready for that level of utensil efficiency.

00:56:56.119 --> 00:57:00.619
Yeah. That would also be ChatGPT's opinion of

00:57:00.619 --> 00:57:03.940
sporks. I, however, do think they're okay. I

00:57:03.940 --> 00:57:06.760
use that. I mean, sporks aren't bad. Yeah, I

00:57:06.760 --> 00:57:10.199
use that plastic reusable spork. It constantly

00:57:10.199 --> 00:57:13.000
has the hidden knife in it. Oh, yeah. Anyway.

00:57:13.480 --> 00:57:18.139
The Moobies lore question now. Oh, no. According

00:57:18.139 --> 00:57:21.880
to the secret lore of Moobies, what was the original

00:57:21.880 --> 00:57:25.519
name of their signature burger before it was

00:57:25.519 --> 00:57:30.239
deemed too honest for customers? All right. You

00:57:30.239 --> 00:57:36.159
see, A, the Greasefather, B, the Heartstopper

00:57:36.159 --> 00:57:42.739
Deluxe, C, the Soylent Moo, or D... The beef

00:57:42.739 --> 00:57:45.599
mistake. Okay, so this caused problems within

00:57:45.599 --> 00:57:48.619
society. I'm not going to say it was the grease

00:57:48.619 --> 00:57:51.579
father. Well, based on the clues, I'm going to

00:57:51.579 --> 00:57:55.679
say, A, grease father. Ding, ding, ding. Well,

00:57:55.800 --> 00:57:58.900
all hail the grease father. But all hail the

00:57:58.900 --> 00:58:01.199
grease father. Anyway. I'm bringing it back.

00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:05.579
Which of these fast food items was originally

00:58:05.579 --> 00:58:10.219
created as a way to recycle leftover bread dough?

00:58:10.619 --> 00:58:15.219
A. Taco Bell Cinnamon Twist. B. The McNugget

00:58:15.219 --> 00:58:18.980
from McDonald's. C. The Breadstick Burger from

00:58:18.980 --> 00:58:22.219
I don't know what the fuck. Or D. The Bunwich

00:58:22.219 --> 00:58:28.320
Supreme. Also have no idea. Leftover dough. Bread

00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:31.840
dough. Taco Bell doesn't make their own bread,

00:58:31.940 --> 00:58:34.500
though, so it can't be the Cinnamon Twists. It's

00:58:34.500 --> 00:58:37.099
not the nuggets. What were the other two? The

00:58:37.099 --> 00:58:39.320
Breadstick Burger? The other two I've never heard

00:58:39.320 --> 00:58:41.690
of. The Breadstick Burger and the what else?

00:58:41.909 --> 00:58:44.469
The Bunwich Supreme. I'm going to go with the

00:58:44.469 --> 00:58:48.610
Breadstick Burger. Okay. So upon selecting that,

00:58:48.630 --> 00:58:54.329
you hear a big... What? And then Mubi Prime pulls

00:58:54.329 --> 00:58:59.250
out a sick, grease -shiny samurai sword and decapitates

00:58:59.250 --> 00:59:03.550
you. Then you see a screen pop up that says you

00:59:03.550 --> 00:59:06.969
died, and then there is continue or quit to main

00:59:06.969 --> 00:59:10.039
menu. Continue. Continue. It puts you to that

00:59:10.039 --> 00:59:13.300
question again. No. It starts from the first

00:59:13.300 --> 00:59:17.480
one. What was the first answer? Unskippable cutscene.

00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:21.679
KFC. KFC. What was the second one? Oh, Greasefather.

00:59:22.019 --> 00:59:23.539
Alright, what letters were those two as well?

00:59:23.800 --> 00:59:29.320
A was Greasefather, and I think C was KFC. He

00:59:29.320 --> 00:59:34.760
decapitates you again. Continue. Continue. B,

00:59:34.980 --> 00:59:38.780
KFC, and... A, grease father. Okay, and then

00:59:38.780 --> 00:59:40.840
you're brought up to the thing. A, cinnamon twist.

00:59:40.900 --> 00:59:44.039
B, McNugget. C, breadstick burger. D, Bunwich

00:59:44.039 --> 00:59:46.539
Supreme. Fuck it, cinnamon twist. Ding, ding,

00:59:46.579 --> 00:59:48.880
ding. Taco Bell cinnamon twists are made from

00:59:48.880 --> 00:59:50.920
a type of wheat pasta that puffs up when fried,

00:59:51.139 --> 00:59:54.219
proving that recycling can be deliciously deceptive.

00:59:54.219 --> 00:59:56.880
But they don't have anything with bread! Well,

00:59:56.940 --> 00:59:59.380
it was the way to recycle leftover bread dough.

00:59:59.400 --> 01:00:01.340
You don't know how long ago that was or where

01:00:01.340 --> 01:00:03.519
the bread dough came from. Or maybe it was from

01:00:03.519 --> 01:00:06.789
when they were making... Maybe... She just messed

01:00:06.789 --> 01:00:08.469
up when she made this question and she meant

01:00:08.469 --> 01:00:10.469
tortilla dough. Alright, cool. I don't know.

01:00:10.710 --> 01:00:14.650
But either way, the cinnamon twist. So, satisfied,

01:00:15.110 --> 01:00:19.530
Mubi Prime starts doing a dance. He's incredibly

01:00:19.530 --> 01:00:22.670
happy that you shall take the spork. The health

01:00:22.670 --> 01:00:25.530
code violations, all of that suffering, it's

01:00:25.530 --> 01:00:29.309
all finally over. I can finally enhance my own

01:00:29.309 --> 01:00:33.889
experience. And then Mubi starts to glow. An

01:00:33.889 --> 01:00:38.920
ethereal... greasy glow. And Mubi Prime starts

01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:42.780
to float and ascend toward the ceiling and then

01:00:42.780 --> 01:00:47.539
puffs out in a spray of sparks like she was some

01:00:47.539 --> 01:00:52.239
kind of goddamn electric ghost angel. Oh, what

01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:56.320
the fuck? But the spork is there for you to grab.

01:00:57.119 --> 01:01:00.099
Guess I'm just gonna go grab the spork. You grab

01:01:00.099 --> 01:01:04.420
the spork. You feel the power surge through you.

01:01:05.210 --> 01:01:12.210
As you now have in your mind every single secret

01:01:12.210 --> 01:01:17.090
menu item that you could ever order from any

01:01:17.090 --> 01:01:21.630
branded chain fast food restaurant in the 48

01:01:21.630 --> 01:01:28.590
continental United States. Yeah. You win. Hell

01:01:28.590 --> 01:01:34.349
yeah, I win. Yeah. So as you do that, night settles

01:01:34.349 --> 01:01:37.750
in. You feel, as you ascend the stairs, you see

01:01:37.750 --> 01:01:40.570
that your night has come. You look over to see

01:01:40.570 --> 01:01:43.269
where your friend, your best friend, Mubi Prime,

01:01:43.429 --> 01:01:48.070
used to stand. Now you see that where he was,

01:01:48.210 --> 01:01:52.550
there is just a sign that sits there and says,

01:01:52.630 --> 01:01:58.170
Welcome, valued guest. It's been 2 ,153 days

01:01:58.170 --> 01:02:01.570
since my last service. Please order anything

01:02:01.570 --> 01:02:04.900
you desire. I have to get it right this time.

01:02:05.039 --> 01:02:07.659
But that sign slowly falls over as you realize

01:02:07.659 --> 01:02:11.519
his pain is at an end and your friend is happy

01:02:11.519 --> 01:02:14.599
in electric animatronic heaven. But you look

01:02:14.599 --> 01:02:20.000
over and you see your greasy ass imprint on the

01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:23.320
booth. And you realize just how sleepy you are

01:02:23.320 --> 01:02:25.820
after all this work and after all those burgers.

01:02:26.099 --> 01:02:28.940
So you lay down for one final rest. I didn't

01:02:28.940 --> 01:02:34.039
have any more burgers. You fall asleep. You might

01:02:34.039 --> 01:02:35.960
wake up and leave, I don't know. But that's where

01:02:35.960 --> 01:02:39.860
it fades out to black, is you curling up in a

01:02:39.860 --> 01:02:43.380
ball, still wearing your movie costume. And you

01:02:43.380 --> 01:02:45.559
go to sleep. And you go to sleep. With the fucking

01:02:45.559 --> 01:02:47.920
spork in my pocket. With the spork in your pocket,

01:02:47.980 --> 01:02:50.199
and the knowledge of all the secret menu items

01:02:50.199 --> 01:02:53.679
that you could ever want to unlock. Yay? Yeah,

01:02:53.699 --> 01:02:55.039
I mean, you don't want to go outside. It's dark

01:02:55.039 --> 01:02:56.440
out there. There's probably somebody out there

01:02:56.440 --> 01:02:58.539
doing meth. I guess you're right. If it is a

01:02:58.539 --> 01:03:00.639
defunct fast food chain, that's probably... Yeah,

01:03:00.659 --> 01:03:04.260
exactly. So, you fall asleep. And thus the sun

01:03:04.260 --> 01:03:07.739
sets on this little boy's greasy adventure. What

01:03:07.739 --> 01:03:11.079
was the purpose of this? I don't know. I wanted

01:03:11.079 --> 01:03:12.440
to play. There's a game I wanted to play called

01:03:12.440 --> 01:03:17.280
Abstract Dungeon. Okay. But basically, I didn't

01:03:17.280 --> 01:03:19.099
even need to pull dice into it because the premise

01:03:19.099 --> 01:03:21.539
was I just wanted to go through a little story.

01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:24.900
That centered about me being trapped in a Moobies?

01:03:25.219 --> 01:03:27.119
Yeah. I didn't even get to meet Kevin Smith.

01:03:27.559 --> 01:03:32.960
No, because this wasn't Skewerverse. View Askew

01:03:32.960 --> 01:03:36.500
Universe branded. Oh. This is, you know, outside

01:03:36.500 --> 01:03:39.739
of copyright. Also, maybe to celebrate Dogma

01:03:39.739 --> 01:03:42.840
2 eventually being made. Yeah, true. Even though,

01:03:42.880 --> 01:03:45.440
yeah, Movies was in Dogma. That's where they

01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:47.900
went to eat after Chris Rock fell out of the

01:03:47.900 --> 01:03:51.679
sky. Rufus, right? Yeah. Anyway, so was that

01:03:51.679 --> 01:03:53.480
fun? Yeah, I liked it. That was pretty cool.

01:03:53.719 --> 01:03:55.280
Yeah, that's a pretty good lead -in. It's almost

01:03:55.280 --> 01:03:59.510
like playing D &D, but... It uses the theater

01:03:59.510 --> 01:04:02.269
of the mind aspect and just not any of the extra

01:04:02.269 --> 01:04:04.849
rules or anything. Yeah, it's like a live action.

01:04:04.889 --> 01:04:08.510
It's like you gave me an escape room to get through.

01:04:08.789 --> 01:04:12.630
Yeah, and I'll say basically I asked ChatGPT

01:04:12.630 --> 01:04:15.690
to bring me up to a prompt and then fill in some

01:04:15.690 --> 01:04:19.349
of the details, and then I did some pre -planning,

01:04:19.349 --> 01:04:21.809
and then I also did a decent amount of improv

01:04:21.809 --> 01:04:25.460
-ing there. So it's good practice on that front

01:04:25.460 --> 01:04:29.380
as a game master as well. Hell yeah. Yeah, I

01:04:29.380 --> 01:04:33.619
enjoyed that. I also changed the name. Funny

01:04:33.619 --> 01:04:36.119
enough, the guy who created Mubi Prime was named

01:04:36.119 --> 01:04:39.099
Elwood Chumley. But because I had mentioned Steve

01:04:39.099 --> 01:04:41.760
earlier, my old boss from Wendy's, I decided

01:04:41.760 --> 01:04:44.239
to change it to Dr. Steve Chumley. That's fucking

01:04:44.239 --> 01:04:46.079
hilarious. So we kind of pull things together.

01:04:46.599 --> 01:04:50.260
That's funny as fuck. I technically also, for

01:04:50.260 --> 01:04:52.440
the fun of it, and we might do this at some point,

01:04:52.539 --> 01:04:54.920
I was actually thinking if you would have went

01:04:54.920 --> 01:05:00.880
hostile with Mubi Prime, ChechiBT create a D

01:05:00.880 --> 01:05:05.119
&D monster stat block for Mubi Prime. Oh, God.

01:05:05.340 --> 01:05:08.119
Had 123 hit points. Oh, I never would have defeated

01:05:08.119 --> 01:05:09.900
Mubi Prime. Yeah, it's actually a challenge level

01:05:09.900 --> 01:05:12.380
7, so you have to be level 7. Right now, you're

01:05:12.380 --> 01:05:14.280
level... Actually, I think I started you at level

01:05:14.280 --> 01:05:17.900
1, so, yeah, it's really, really few. But it

01:05:17.900 --> 01:05:19.780
wouldn't have been Pooch or Allie fighting him.

01:05:19.840 --> 01:05:21.760
It would have been God knows who, but, yeah.

01:05:22.039 --> 01:05:25.360
All right, so... Jesus. Now, I think it was like

01:05:25.360 --> 01:05:27.400
a fun little adventure, and now I'm getting hungry.

01:05:28.110 --> 01:05:31.949
Oh, yeah. You know what? What? Looking at animatronics

01:05:31.949 --> 01:05:35.710
made me think, I kind of want to eat some pizza.

01:05:35.969 --> 01:05:38.429
Pizza? We don't have a Freddy Fazbear's around

01:05:38.429 --> 01:05:42.309
here. Or do we? What's that building I see across

01:05:42.309 --> 01:05:45.550
out my window? Looks kind of defunct. It has

01:05:45.550 --> 01:05:48.710
a... Is that animatronic moving? I wonder if

01:05:48.710 --> 01:05:52.409
this might be Michael's next adventure in the

01:05:52.409 --> 01:05:55.289
theater of the mind. Oh, hell. Dun, dun, dun.

01:05:55.469 --> 01:05:58.989
Watch out for the sequel. Oh, shit. If you enjoyed

01:05:58.989 --> 01:06:01.630
the stupidity you just heard, why not subscribe,

01:06:01.809 --> 01:06:04.989
or follow, or just like this, or whatever it

01:06:04.989 --> 01:06:07.130
is you do on whatever platform you're hearing

01:06:07.130 --> 01:06:10.469
this on. If you have any suggestions for an episode,

01:06:10.610 --> 01:06:13.869
or ideas, or thoughts on what we should do, you

01:06:13.869 --> 01:06:15.869
could leave a comment, or you could simply email

01:06:15.869 --> 01:06:18.630
us at windbreakermedia at gmail dot com. That's

01:06:18.630 --> 01:06:24.210
all one word, fuckers. I said no swearing. Chachibouti

01:06:24.210 --> 01:06:27.949
and I... appreciate not swearing in the outro,

01:06:28.110 --> 01:06:31.210
and also the listener's support and constructive

01:06:31.210 --> 01:06:34.329
criticism. Wait, why was I not included in that?

01:06:34.489 --> 01:06:37.590
Because you swore, dickhole. See you all next

01:06:37.590 --> 01:06:41.369
week, or time, or whenever. We appreciate you!

01:06:41.869 --> 01:06:42.690
Et cetera.