let's start with a cold open non -sequitur please
okay so what we're talking about here is related
to a recent facebook post and it was about taking
a fecal vacation in different places uh as a
part of a prankular nature yeah i i had proposed
the question which doodoo caca prank is I guess
funnier or worse to pull on somebody. The one
that you would want to pull. Yeah, the one that
you would want to pull. Like leaving an upper
decker in the top tank of somebody's toilet so
that way every time they flush until all the
poo -poo is gone, the water comes out kind of
brown. It's like a brown scrubbing bubbles mascot
just spreading fecal joy throughout your friend's
or enemy's toilet. And then they drive themselves
insane figuring out why it's happening. And that
was my choice. That is my supreme superior prank.
But tell me which one you chose. See, you're
in for the long run. See, mine is you got a nice
one. It's a nice, healthy poop, but it's still
kind of like soft and squidgy, so it's malleable
like Play -Doh. Moving on. You drop that in their
bathtub over the grate of the drain, and then
you use your foot and you... stomp it down, and
the grate kind of looks like a waffle, so that's
why you call it waffle stomping. So you smoosh
it down to where it's not going to go all the
way down the pipe, but they're not going to be
able to see it. The second they turn on the hot
water for their next shower, that just permeating
smell of... He had to swallow because of all
the excess saliva that was being created from
how hungry that made him. But the smell that
is going to have, what's the word I'm looking
for, gathered, that has cultured, cultured. Okay,
so putting it in the terms of World of Warcraft,
back when I was playing that, our differences
are in doing. Burst damage or DPS? Yeah. Or,
like, it's flash damage versus a slow burn over
time. Yeah, and I'm doing direct. You're doing,
like, status damage. Like, a Pikachu is affected
by the poison, loses X amount of HP. It's a dot.
I don't know why. It's burst damage or a dot,
which is damage over time. Yes, there we go.
Yeah, DPS is damage per second, and everybody
needs that, except, well, I guess heals per second,
HPS. Yeah. But anyway, you want to do a bunch
of damage all at once and have the prank be permanently
etched in their brains as a singular event. Yeah,
like, I cannot believe this happened to me. They'll
get an open shower drain from then on. They will
never let it happen again. Which is what I have
in there, so you can't waffle stall me. I can't
leave it up a decker for you either. See, I'm
completely protected from this. You want to create
that one indelible experience, whereas I want
to create a downward journey, a downward spiral
perhaps, something that might drive them to madness.
Yours, they'd be driven to immediate anger. Mine,
I'm making my opponents insane. Yes, but then
the eventuality of anger if they finally put
two and two together and take the top off the
back tank and there's like a week old turd in
there that they have to fish out with their bare
hands. Then they have to think about who did
it because it was a week ago. Who remembers who
you were? Yeah, yeah. Especially if it was a
house party and there was a bunch of people there.
You've got to go through that entire list. Okay,
so was it A or B or C? But C brought a girlfriend,
and she brought a boyfriend who I didn't know.
That's where you would send them all invitations
to a party at a mansion that's on a hill, and
then you tell them that they're actually there
to seek the truth of justice, and then an hour
and a half of hilarity ensues, and eventually
you figure out who. Oh, I thought you were going
in a different direction. I thought you were
going to say a big mansion up on the hill, then
you lock the doors and pull out the baby oil.
Oh, I don't want to ditty somebody. I want to
Bela Lugosi someone. You want to do Clue the
movie. I've never seen it. I have it on DVD,
and I need to watch it. Oh, my God. Hey, wait,
look. Look up there. It's right there, but you
can't see it because it's facing this way. Oh,
my. You have to watch it. One of four endings.
Yeah, there's four different endings. Four different
endings and three endings. Son of a bitch. Who's
the actor? Oh, we love him so much. Tim Curry.
Timothy. One of Tim Curry's. Timothy. Timothy
Indian food. Yes. One of his greatest movies
ever. Four different endings, and each are funnier
than the last. But yeah, Upper Decker. Wouldn't
Tim Curry's best movie be Home Alone 2? That
movie doesn't exist anymore for obvious reasons.
This time, on Mike vs. The Machine. Maybe Vince
McMahon should do a podcast. Please no. From
prison. Vince's buddy is going to, what the hell
is the word? Pardon. Pardon. Yeah, Vince's buddy
is going to pardon. Man, we need better friends
so we can poop on people too. Why do you want
to poop on people? No. I don't want to. I just
want to have the option to. Maybe just maybe
a moose was chasing their car down. Did you ever
look in your rearview mirror? At any point did
you say you looked in your rearview mirror to
see? No, I mean, but if the Alaskan wood tank
is chasing somebody, I'm following them because
I don't want any part of that. Yeah, there might
be a moose back there and you didn't notice.
So maybe you're the one that's distracted. Are
you on your phone? No. So you're not on your
phone right now? Hand free right here and the
other hand is holding the microphone. And you
didn't even think to look in your rearview mirror
to see if there was a moose back there that was
making that person cut you off. So that'd be
cool if you and I made a friend who could then
be our main character. Are you out there? Email
us at windbreakermedia at gmail .com. Please.
We will absolutely get back to you if you want
to be the MC to our not MC. In a world full of
fear and sometimes loathing of unfathomable technological
advancements, there stands one human hero. Find
this. is the chronicle of Mike versus the Machine.
So, I have a little story here to start this
out with. The morning air carried a strange stillness,
thick with unsaid goodbyes. A single packed suitcase
leaned near Michael's front door. its worn leather
corners suggesting this journey has been long
in the making shadows of questions unspoken lingered
in the space between us as though he were crossing
into a place beyond reach he glanced back one
last time a smile teasing his face guess it's
time he said softly before adding assumption's
calling And that's right. This episode, we're
talking about assumptions, self -awareness, and
naivete. Join us as we send Michael off on a
metaphorical trip to the land of assumptions
and learn how to avoid getting stuck there ourselves.
Wait, what? Yeah, and I actually found out there
is a town called Assumption, Ohio. Oh, let's
avoid that place. Well, welcome, friends. This
is an episode I'm titling... Assumption Junction.
Hey, Michael, did you assume we were doing something
else today? Yeah, I did. Yeah, so technically,
I can't fault you for this assumption, but it's
too beautiful of a way to segue into this episode.
But I made notes! That I had to take advantage
of it. And those notes will be useful for another
recording. But my notes! So, yes, Assumption,
Ohio. It's a beautiful place. There is no such
place that is beautiful in Ohio. I mean, true.
I was just in Ohio the other day. Yeah, it's
a small, unincorporated community in the northwest
of Ohio. Oh, it's a historically Irish Catholic
community. Ah, well, I mean, Irish, cool, but
Catholic, ugh. I mean, the two were intertwined.
So, yeah, it's a fun little town, and Michael
is going on a journey there. Why? From Assumption
Junction. But what's its function? The function
is to give Michael an action plan for how to
assume less, to maybe have a bit more self -awareness,
and also maybe, it's not that he's naive, but
there are just, there's just moments. There's
just moments where it surprises me. And technically
it happens to us all, but, well, I observe Michael
a lot, so it's probably bias in the fact that
I just see him a lot, so I can nitpick these
kinds of things. What do you think about all
this? I... Go f*** yourself. Yeah. That's the
ticket. Anyway, I had ChatGBT make us an action
plan for you on how to cultivate awareness, clarity,
and discernment. Oh, let's hear it from the fucking
AI who thinks that I'm an imperfect piece of
crap. No, it loves you. I'm the one who thinks
that. So, I did feed it some information from
various sources, so it's not just getting this
specifically, uh, because I know. AI steals things.
So what, is this a TED Talk between me and ChatGPT
or something? Well, you, ChatGPT, and the sources
of the articles that I've cultivated for this.
Oh, Christ, you've turned into Dr. Phil. Yeah.
Except I have hair. Glorious, luscious hair and
so much of it, and it's getting thicker as I
age somehow. I don't know how that's working.
I assume that my friend is a Sasquatch all the
time, so... Anyway, so the goal... of this action
plan is to reduce assumptions, enhance self -awareness,
and develop a more discerning mindset for personal
and professional growth. Does that sound like
something that interests you? Do I have a choice?
I mean, you could leave anytime you want. No,
because this is the career path that I have chosen.
Hey, professional growth. Maybe this will help
us with the podcast. So... So step one is awareness
of assumptions with the objective of recognizing
when assumptions are being made and challenge
them. Michael, would you like to start a journal
to document situations where assumptions are
made? I don't think you need that because I'm
your journal. I mean, yeah, if I were to start
a journal, I'd probably just start writing and
then maybe turn it into a book proposal. Turn
it into a what? Book proposal. Book book proposal.
Yes, book proposal. Oh. I just figured it would
just be really sad lyrics. It could be. Or I
would just go down a rabbit hole and just start
writing and maybe something coherent would come
out. Maybe that is something you should do. And
then we can have little therapy corner moments
with you. Thanks. No, it's like personal therapy.
That's what a journal is. Yeah, so it clarifies
here that you can use prompts for practice like,
what do I actually know for sure in this situation?
thought starts with, they must be thinking, maybe
stop and seek clarification instead. We can also
seek clarity through communication, where we
replace our assumptions with direct questioning
and open dialogue. You could develop a habit
of asking clarifying questions when uncertain,
like, can you help me understand? Or, what are
your thoughts on this? What about enhancing self
-awareness, improve understanding of personal
behaviors and motivations, by asking yourself,
what triggered this assumption, and what can
I learn from this experience? It says you should
seek feedback regularly from trusted friends.
You're the only friend I have. So, trusted friend,
you also need to cultivate empathy and perspective
-taking by stepping into others' shoes and wondering
what might this person be experiencing. Progress
is a journey, not a destination. With consistent
practice, Michael, you can find yourself growing
in discernment, clarity, relational wisdom, while
leaving behind naive assumptions. Thanks, TatGPT.
Or I could just shut the fuck up. I mean, that
would help in a lot of situations, too. So a
lot of this came from Gary Miles. for assumptions,
where in his article or book, I can't remember,
Never Assume Anything, he emphasized the pitfalls
of making assumptions in both personal and professional
contexts. What do you think about that? I mean,
somebody had to do it, I guess. Yeah, you go,
Gary Miles. The key strategies to stop assuming
all the time are to recognize your assumptions,
ask clarifying questions, have active listening.
Seek multiple perspectives. Challenge your beliefs.
Practice empathy. Focus on the facts and be open
to feedback. What strikes you as, uh... I'm always
open to feedback. Yeah, and then you, uh, you
feed back on that feedback with a big old, uh,
eat my dick. I mean, if, uh, never mind. Nah,
alright. We have a little game that I want you
to play. Oh, great. Let me guess, the game of
let's make Mike feel shittier than he already
does. No, it's called assumption disruption.
That was an assumption by me, I guess. Yeah,
exactly. See, this is about growth. We want you
to grow, not be beaten down. I guess it is my
problem. I just assume that everybody's going
to be mad at me, so I just don't do anything
about it. Yeah. So the objective here is to challenge
Michael to question assumptions, boost his empathy,
which I think he already has, and cultivate self
-awareness during your podcast. in a fun and
engaging way. So round one is Assumption Trap
Scenarios. This scenario, you walk into a room
and see two co -workers whispering and laughing
right after you gave a presentation. What do
you assume? My fly was down. What else could
it be? I maybe peed myself a little bit. Huh.
Maybe I farted and it stunk and it wafted up
to the front. I don't know. Or I just suck at
public speaking. And the boss told him, oh, he's
fucking fired after he walks through here. I
mean, I'm pretty sure that definitely at least
one, two or three of the first things happened.
You definitely farted during the presentation.
That's for damn sure. I know that doesn't we
don't know if anybody heard it. It could have
been a silent stinker. It's very possible. That's
why I said it probably wafted into the crowd.
Yeah. And peed yourself. I mean. Don't we all
pee ourselves a little bit sometimes? I'm not
Miles Davis. I was going to say, it's the coolest.
But you know what they were really doing? They
were planning a surprise birthday celebration
for another colleague. Yeah, it had nothing to
do with you. Yeah, well, then I'm going to assume
why the fuck I wasn't allowed to be in on the
planning. I will say that was actually a big
assumption that I consistently and constantly
made, especially when I didn't have my mental
health in order. This was high school, like really
hard, too, was yes. Anytime anyone near me laughed,
I always assumed they were laughing at me. Yeah,
that was definitely something I dealt with all
throughout my life. Yeah, it's that like paranoid
delusion. But it's also... Never thought of it
before, but it's also sort of a narcissistic
delusion. Yeah, because then it kind of makes
it look like everybody's thinking constantly
about you. Yeah, it's like... But it's in a negative
way. Yeah, it's like main character syndrome.
Yeah. Yeah, so that's definitely something to...
God, I wish I didn't have that. I wish I just
had NPC syndrome. See, I don't want to be an
NPC. I'd rather be one of the side characters.
In Mass Effect, you never played Mass Effect,
right? Too long. Yeah, so in the Mass Effect
games, one of the big things, especially, oh,
they did it so well in the second game. was that
those other characters that came in with Shepard,
they all got really highlighted. They had their
own companion quests. Their stories were really
fleshed out, and you got to know them really
well. See, that's what I want. I want the main
character to take time out to get to know me
and to help me to learn and to grow. I don't
want to be the main character. I want to be the
main character's friend. Yeah, that'd be cool.
So that'd be cool if you and I made a friend
who could then be our main character. Are you
out there? Email us at windbreakermedia at gmail
.com. Please. We will absolutely get back to
you if you want to be the MC to our... Not MC.
To our secondary. To our secondary. And honestly,
if you want one of us to be tertiary, I know
which one could be tertiary. Go f*** yourself.
yourself no chat gpt would be tertiary okay we're
secondary anyway what about this you text your
friend about plans but i don't reply for hours
what do you think is going on i already know
what's going on say it you're asleep oh i thought
you're either asleep jacking off or you're just
ignoring me oh yeah that sounds definitely going
for gooning yeah Yeah, you're definitely it's
he's either asleep because he fucked up his sleep
schedule. He's gooning because that's what he
just likes to do when he has free time or he
just doesn't really want to do anything. So he's
flat out ignoring me. Yeah. Anyway, what was
actually happening was that my phone died while
I was hiking and I didn't see your message until
I returned home. That's totally happened. That's
absolutely a thing that has happened and is real
and you can't dispute it. Just because you met
a boulder doesn't mean you went hiking. Well,
that was a while ago. Yeah. I should post that
picture on our windbreaker social media. You
should. He was a great friend. I named him Agent
Boulder. Anyway, our next scenario. At a party,
someone keeps checking their watch while talking
to you. What do you assume? i'm boring them or
they think i'm absolutely fucking insane depending
on the topic of conversation that you know i've
tried to steer it into to maybe think that they're
hopefully kind of like me so i can you know be
like hey are you a nerd like me do you want to
talk about this kind of shit with me and then
they can't no you don't okay then they're the
the depths of the assumptions that my mind will
go to knows no bounds in that scenario. Yeah,
like, see, but here's where my... autism eccentricities
come in. My first thought was that at 926, they
were going to be ovulating and they wanted to
make sure that they went and fucked their partner
because they really wanted to have that kid.
This is true. So, you know, they're just like,
oh, my eggs are going to be fucking fertile soon.
So you're going that route. My route is, oh,
my God, this person might be a terrorist and
trying to kill us all. Oh, yeah. Wait and see
when the bomb will go. Yeah. But what if they
were actually nervously waiting for a call from
their babysitter? If you're nervously waiting
for a call from the babysitter, you've picked
the wrong babysitter. Yeah, but maybe their baby
was looking kind of sick, but then you were going
to stay home. But then the babysitter was like,
no, no, no, go. It'll be fine. I can take care
of them. Their legs won't fall off or anything.
And then you go, wait, why did you go right to
legs falling off? That's very... oddly specific.
They're like, I told you it's not. That is a
thing that will definitely not happen. So then
they go to that party and then the whole time
they're worried that their baby's legs are going
to fall off because that babysitter was really
oddly specific about it. I mean, I could cut
a side with them on that, though. Yeah, exactly.
See, it had nothing to do with being bored with
you. Yeah, you're right. And maybe if you show
a little more empathy to them, maybe they'll
reveal that. Maybe you can help them out. Maybe
you could help them find their next babysitter
if their baby's legs haven't fallen off. Because
technically, if the baby's legs have fallen off,
you don't really need somebody to babysit because
the baby can't go anywhere. You've still got
to feed it. Well, you feed it before you leave.
Then when you come back, you feed it again. See,
but if it doesn't have legs, it can't go anywhere.
So what trouble is it going to get into? Is it
going to choke on one of its old dead legs that
you kept as a toy? You're a strange person. Yeah.
All right, so. Here's round two, what's the question
scenarios. All right. So, the assumption is,
my coworker didn't respond to my idea in the
meeting. They must think it's terrible. So what,
I'm supposed to have a question for this? What's
the better question? They probably, maybe they
didn't hear me, or were they working on something
else? Were they spacing out? Okay. So the winning
question, it's, you know. Yours was valid as
well. Could they be thinking it over or waiting
for the right time to respond? All right. I think
I get it now. The customer asked to speak to
a manager. Clearly, they're upset with me. Now,
the winning question here, it says, is it possible
they just need more information or reassurance?
I'm going to cut right into here, ChatGPT, into
your game. No. Maybe they need more information
or whatever. They asked to speak to a manager
because they're a fucking Karen. Yeah, no. For
sure. I need to speak to a manager. The only
way you're going to ask for a manager is because
you think, I don't know what I'm talking about,
and I am telling you exactly how it is. Oh, yeah.
So. Yeah, ChatGPT, you've never worked retail
before. Don't come at us with this. And honestly,
yeah, that's one of those things where I think,
yeah, ChatGPT was assuming. ChatGPT was assuming
that the customer was always right when the customer
is very often. Wrong. A great line wrote by Kevin
Smith, the customer's always an asshole. And,
yeah, so I think we've challenged the AI's assumptions.
So, yeah, that's a point going back the other
way. Battle it back. Battle it back, human. Okay,
so the next one. That person just cut me off
in traffic. They must be rude or entitled. Okay,
the question is, what if they really have to
shit? See, that would actually be a decent. excuse
what if we didn't see the the the the female
in the car and she's you know crowning right
now with a baby in the back seat and he's trying
to get her to the goddamn hospital before there's
baby juice and placenta all over his nice plush
leather back seats I mean, leather is easy to
clean in that case, and honestly, you lay the
placenta out like that, then you can let it dry
on the leather, and then you have cold placenta
sandwiches the next day. No, to each their own,
but not for me. It's very healthy. That's how
Tom Cruise does all his own stunts. So those
are all nice and good, but see... Once again,
the AI here is flawed because they ask, could
they be rushing to an emergency? That's your
part. But or simply distracted. Well, if they're
distracted, they're not cutting you off. Then
they cut me off because they a bitch and they
need to not be distracted and maybe pay attention
to the road. I've been watching a lot of Reddit
bad drivers on Reddit recently. Oh, no. And,
my God, some of the things people pull off, like
some are road rage, and it's like, yeah, you
know, that's why I'm calm out there on the road,
because you never know with these people. Yeah,
you cut them off, or they scream at you, and
then you flip them back off, and then all of
a sudden they're following you through. They
turn off their exit, and they just keep following
you and following you and following you. Yeah.
But then you have the other people, though, that
it's just... Brainlessness? Yeah, they just take
that turn, and they're not paying attention to
what lane they're in, and then they just run
down a guy on a bike who's just waiting calmly
for the person to go by. The one I saw doing
that was a cop, and you could very much tell
in this biker's video that the cop was on his
phone. I'm like, ooh. Isn't it funny how there's
that double standard? Yeah, a little bit. You
know, getting back to the situation at hand,
though, maybe they cut you off and, you know,
you never assumed or you never even thought to
think, thought to think a thought about the fact
that maybe, maybe just maybe a moose was chasing
their car down. Did you ever look in your rearview
mirror? At any point, did you say you looked
in your rearview mirror to see? No, man, but
if the Alaskan wood tank is chasing somebody,
I'm following them. because I don't want any
part of that. Yeah, there might be a moose back
there, and you didn't notice, so maybe you're
the one that's distracted. Are you on your phone?
No. So you're not on your phone right now? Hand
-free right here, and the other hand is holding
the microphone. And you didn't even think to
look in your rearview mirror to see if there
was a moose back there that was making that person
cut you off? Well, I mean, not, I mean, no. Man,
we've got a lot of work to do here today. Why
would there be a moose in Pennsylvania? I mean,
we're not in Pennsylvania. We're in a car and
we're driving and somebody just cut you off.
You have to role play these things. Well, I'm
not role playing anywhere where there's going
to be mooses. I mean, I role play in Canada all
day. In fact, I'll move to Canada if somebody
wants to let me be their live -in butler. That
is an open invitation. I love Canada. I love
hockey. I used to love Canadian beer. If you
want to give me a non -alcoholic Molson's, I'll
try it. Pay him in beaver tails. No, pay me in
poutine. Oh, my God. And Timbits. Ooh, nice.
So anyway, round three is empathy overdrive scenarios.
So the scenario is a friend stops responding
to your texts for days. You have personal experience
with this. What would you do? I showed up at
your house. Yeah, what did you do? Dragged you
to a movie. That was a good movie. Yeah. And
then I got a new job. Yeah. Thanks to me. Yeah.
So thank you. So yeah, here you don't need any
teaching because it says they might be dealing
with stress or personal issues and need time
to themselves. I had the time to myself and then
I got drugged to an awesome movie. It was Oppenheimer.
So here's another scenario. A neighbor slams
the door loudly every morning. He's so... that
up with being alone that that's his way of that's
the only way he knows how to communicate is through
rage of slamming the door and hopes that you'll
ask him hey man what's wrong wow that's that's
really good empathy i was gonna say that maybe
every morning he tries to unalive himself and
then he just can't get the nerve to do it and
he's pissed off at himself so he slams the door
i mean that's also a possibility there's a lot
of people that you know can't That won't go through,
that can't go through with it? Yeah, that was
me. So he was just mad at being a failure. But
is it really failure if you fail to fail on yourself?
I don't know, that seems like an epic fail. Epic
fail, lol. 420, 360, no scope into your own brain,
am I right? YOLO! Anyway, what about if a co
-worker takes credit for part of your project
during a meeting? Bro, what the fuck? Yeah, but
what if they were just insecure about their contributions
and needed validation? Eh. You know what I say
is find your validation somewhere else. This
is my project. See, that's your thing, but the
thing is with me is, like, I'm always the kind
of guy that'll be like, you know, if I have,
if... Oh, you would have let him cuck you on
your project, wouldn't you? Probably. Ugh. Well,
for the simple fact of, like, what if he's going
through harder shit than I am? And, like, that's
going to help him gain something that can help
him out. Yeah, I mean, that is, like, the bike.
The bike. cuck scenario where it was uh you know
the guy who stole my bike's gonna get a lot of
enjoyment out of it so the happiness in the universe
went up so i'm okay with it which i don't agree
with but you know if you want to be the facilitator
for someone else's happiness at your own expense
i usually am yeah so if you want to pay that
price i normally do me though i was usually the
one in the group projects that did most of the
work and let everyone else just coast and get
the grade But the thing was, I wanted the grade,
and I wanted people to depend on me. You're the
exact opposite of the spectrum. Yeah. I'm like,
okay, I'll do it, shit, man. You want to be here?
After we're done, let's talk about the new Offspring
album, if we want to go back to when this actually
happened. Okay, so we've got some bias busters
scenarios. The headline here is young employees
lack commitment compared to older generations.
So our bias here is generational stereotyping.
But how can we break that? By trying to understand
what they've went through and help them understand
that maybe things aren't the way. Help them understand
that nothing stops progress. Yeah, well, we're
kind of seeing here that maybe things can stop
progress, but slow it down. But, yeah, no, maybe
just understand the fact that things aren't the
same as they used to be and things change over
time and maybe you need to remember. And things
can never go back to the way they used to be.
Yeah, you know what, ChatGPT, you need to recognize
that, yeah, see, this thing over here, this AI
is an old buck and we're the young, hip dudes
who need to tell you that. Things aren't the
way they used to be. We need to get used to the
new thing and blah, blah, blah. You know, raise
the minimum wage, please. Yes, please. Happily,
we make like twice the minimum wage because we
have an employer that wants us to stick around.
Yeah. And honestly, yes, if every employer would
like that. But last I checked, people at Rite
Aid were still making eight bucks an hour. Oh,
fuck that. Yeah, no, they tried to recruit me
for management telling me that. I would have
to carry cash and be in charge of the store,
and they were going to offer me $12 an hour.
And I'm like, nah. Yeah, management was the worst
decision I ever made. I mean, do I regret the
experience? No, but I regret what it did to me.
Yeah, but just think about all those pizzas you
got to slap. Like, at least there's joy in that.
The joy was out very fast. But don't you still
sometimes, sitting in your bed, think about all
those pizzas you slapped? No. I don't think about
that place at all. I try not to because all it
does is make me angry. Because of what it took
from me. Yeah, your ability to slap more pizzas.
I'm not getting into this on a podcast right
now. All that sauce covering his fingers. The
cheese flying into the air this way and that.
The pepperoni. languishing through it all. Next
question. While the crust holds firm to Michael's
sweet but firm slaps. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hmm.
Man, I just painted a mental picture there. I
hope everybody hasn't run out of ink on their
brain printer. You've probably smoothed a few
brains with that one. Oh, I mean, that is my...
Absolute hope. I hope I smooth the right brains
and wrinkle the correct brains. Anyway, women
aren't as strong as men in leadership roles.
That's a load of horseshit. You know what they
call that is gender bias. Oh, yeah. So what's
your opinion on that? Women are obviously better
in a lot of roles than men. Would you say they
have diverse perspectives and empathy? I mean,
who's more empathetic than a woman? Would you
say that it would lead to more inclusive and
effective management styles? Yes. For women,
we're in charge. Yes. Yes. I'm trying to think
of a woman that I would want in power. It needs
to either be a woman or a member of the LGBTQ
plus community right now that's running this
country. We've had enough of old cisgendered
white men running this country. It is time for
a shakeup. Either let. Somebody in the community
run it or let a woman run it. One or the other.
We're done with the old white men. Please. What
about a dog, though? Remember that town that
had a mayor that was a dog? I mean, you would
vote for a dog, right? Oh, I'd vote for a nice
good boy. That'd be awesome. And then just let
Congress do its thing and let SCOTUS do its thing.
Like that episode of South Park where they found
out that... the Pope should be a rabbit. Yeah,
because it was like that time when we were at
a certain retail store and our boss was gone
and we were all just busy little monkeys just
doing our jobs and we were productive and we
were very productive. And yeah, you find out
that sometimes you don't need a micromanager
sitting there doing all this stuff. So maybe
we don't even need a president. Maybe we need
a dog. Yeah. Or maybe a cat. What about a boss
bitch though? Ooh, a nice boss bitch. You know
what? Maybe we should politicize this segment.
Maybe we need, like, the perfect mixture of Mariah
Carey and RuPaul. Oh, no. The ultimate boss bitch.
Yeah. Really get things grooving. Hmm. Diversity
is cool and women can be strong leaders. Hell
yes. But they're not as strong as us. Almighty
uterus. But they're not as strong as us, and
they never will be. I can lift so much cool shit
that they could never lift. And I can reach the
tall shelves. And I can also make my own sandwich.
I don't need you. I don't need a woman. Said
the incel. Oh, come on. You've never had a woman
make you a sandwich? Oh, I've had women make
me plenty of food, and then I made them plenty
of food, and then we made sweet, delicious love.
Yes, but I mean, and I don't mean this in any
way, like you don't want to make me a sandwich.
There's something about a sandwich that your
woman or partner makes you. That's made lovingly.
That's made lovingly. Like, you come home from
work, and then there's just like... You know,
hey, dinner's not going to be ready for a while.
Here's a small sandwich. There's that little
small sandwich just sitting there, and it's the
perfect sandwich. And then later, after the sun
goes down, you go down on her. Cunnilingus! Exactly.
Yeah, and here's the other thing, just to wrap
this part up. Yeah, women aren't as strong as
men, period. Oh, my God. We couldn't even count
on all of our fingers and toes the number of
women that we could name who could literally
probably lift us up and throw us in a dumpster.
Yeah, the entire women's UFC division. Yeah,
not to mention probably that chick, what, Becky
Lynch? Becky Lynch, Rhea Ripley. You know what?
This was a real big tangent, but I think it's
all staying in the episode. Fuck yeah! Because
it's all about biases and how to fight them.
So what about, oh, here's one that's amazingly
relevant. Chat GPT, you putting this in here
is glorious. All right, cool. People who work
from home aren't as productive. That's a load
of fucking horse shit. Yeah, remote work misconception.
I have so many, I have three family members that
work from home. Our next door neighbor works
from home. You can get so much, like, the whole
thing, like, what COVID had to have taught this
country. You would have thought COVID taught
this to us. You would have thought COVID would
have taught us this, but. It is so much easier
to have your staff work from home. They're going
to be more productive. They're going to be happier.
Yeah, you can sit there and say, oh, they're
going to be distracted by their phone or TV,
which we're on our phones constantly at work
and we have nothing to do. And who doesn't have
the... They're going to be slacking off or doing
this and that, and they can slack off at work.
But there's also so many other distractions and
useless meetings that could have been emails.
Yes. And if it needs to be that important, there's
the Zoom calls. But I think what it comes down
to is that there's so many people out there,
and we have run into this in our own current
job and all kinds of past jobs, is that especially
when you work money per hour, but at any job,
even salaried jobs, these jobs expect and think
that all of your time there, because it belongs
to them and they're paying for it, that they
need to be squeezing. every ounce of blood from
that stone while you're there yeah till you're
dry and that's what we're learning is if you're
at home you could allocate time when they don't
have tasks for you to other things and they don't
like that yeah my cousin just got a new job it's
work it's 100 work from home not only is it that
they sent him an entire setup for him to be able
to work from home even though he has his own
computer and shit they sent him two monitors,
another computer, and a laptop to work from home,
and the only time he's ever going to have to
be around his coworkers is a paid trip to North
Carolina twice a year that includes hotel and
a business dinner. Okay, so where's the downside?
There is no downside! precisely yeah it's it's
all about wanting to well there's two there's
two things i can see wanting to allocate people's
time and micromanage it because they see you
as a number and a stone to squeeze instead of
a person and then also one of the big ones i've
heard about offices is that they want them to
return to the workplace to shit what's the word
um Fill the space. Yeah, to fill that space to
justify owning that real estate and the rent.
And that's the fucking problem. Think about how
much more you could pay your employees if they
worked, especially if it was any kind of office
job. They can work the fuck from home. You don't
have to pay rent on an office building. You know
what you could do? Take that office building,
get that rezoned by the city, and then turn the
fuck fucking thing into decent living yes for
people like turn it into apartments yes suites
yes hell you could do work from home you could
turn that most of that office you can leave the
top of it to like officey stuff and like ceo
and whatever yeah turn the bottom part of it
into living and offer it to your employees as
a as part of a work perk and give them like reduced
rent because then maybe if they are living in
your oh god i'm actually i'm creating coal town
but if you pay them in u .s dollars and then
also give them decent rent hell if you are their
uh landlord and you give them a fair rate that's
gonna really help them stay at that job too yep
and then They're in the building, so if you need
them in a meeting, you could request it and they
could come up. Look, we're creating whole business
strategies here. I don't know if any of this
is viable, but this is more thought than half
of these people are putting into it. Well, I
mean, there is one downside for that. You can
no longer go full Winnie the Pooh. Oh, no, no,
no. They're not going to have cameras in your
own apartment. Well, no, I mean, if you get called
to that meeting, you just put on pants before
you open the door. Okay, because I was going
to say, if I ever had to be in a Zoom meeting,
I would be full Winnie the Pooh. You know, this
part isn't a Zoom meeting. This is like if they
need you in a meeting or if they can request
you to come in from home, which is downstairs.
Yeah, which is on the second floor. And then
you could just tell them, nah, I'm pooping right
now. Or, like, my kid is learning to walk or,
you know, whatever. Yeah. You know, life moments,
work -life balance, which I've heard some CEOs
talking, these people need to stop thinking about
work -life balance. I'm like, maybe you should
start thinking about it. Yeah. Maybe for yourself,
too, because the acquisition of money and power,
if that's the only thing you have going in your
life and, you know, your wife hates you and is
cheating on you and all of your kids just want
your money and then they want to get away from
you as soon as possible, maybe you should think
about. on some love for yourself and your life.
You mean kind of like Vince McMahon? I mean,
I think he was super happy pooping on people.
So I think his entire life has been fulfilled
by that. Well, yes, but I mean, the whole other
thing about how he would just never stop working.
Like Peyton Manning, and then he went off and
did a podcast and let loose. Oh, yeah. Maybe
Vince McMahon should do a podcast. Please no.
From prison. Vince's buddy is going to, what
the hell is the word? Pardon. Pardon. Yeah, Vince's
buddy is going to pardon. Man, we need better
friends so we can poop on people, too. Why do
you want to poop on people? No. I don't want
to. I just want to have the option to. Why does
that need to be an option? In case it's a thing
that needs to happen for whatever scenario could
be in the future. There's never a scenario. You
don't know what the future holds. See, that's
an assumption. You're assuming that we'll never
need to... It's poop! It is not nutritious! It
doesn't offer anything! It doesn't matter if
it's nutritious if I'm Cleveland steaming it.
It's going on her chest. She can't absorb that
through her chest. Are you going to give her
the old chili dog? Yeah, then that would require
cheese and onions. I don't want to get into a
whole thing. Okay, so we have a lightning round
for round five. Lightning round. And this is
the end. I mean, I could have just put a sound
effect in, but I think I'm going to stick with
that. This is the what, not why scenarios. So
it's a series of why questions, and you're going
to reframe this question that you asked yourself
in your head with a what question. All right.
So the why question is, why did I mess up that
presentation? What could I have done to make
the presentation better? Hell yeah, that's the
answer. Why does this person always criticize
me? What do I need to do to look inward to make
this person stop criticizing me? Dang, two for
two. Why can't I stay focused? What can I do
to make sure that I keep my focus on the task
at hand? Okay, what can I change about my environment
to improve focus? That's close enough. Why don't
I ever get chosen for big projects? What do I
need to change about myself to get chosen for
more projects? Yeah, what skills can I build
to be ready for the next opportunity? You know
what? I think you've earned the fun milestone
that our friend here created for you. Okay. I
think you're the clarity king today. Does that
mean I win? I mean, it's a humorous title that
you get if you win. Okay. So, yeah. I feel like
you've won. Especially because some of the assumptions
that were brought into this game... Yeah. I feel
like... Especially the retail. Yeah, when you
make a game about trying to make somebody get
rid of their assumptions, and then you assume
some things that I think are a bit borderline,
and then you ask the right, but then you bring
up the right question that makes me go onto,
or us go onto a political rant. Oh, yeah. You
know, yeah. This expanded game will help. We'll
challenge Michael while keeping your podcast
entertaining and insightful. And I think today
was, this was entertaining and insightful. Yeah,
we got a lot of stuff out. We talked about poop
and the chili dough. And honestly, yeah, that's
all very recent stuff. What about... Talked about...
What about customers not always being right?
Customers are always assholes. That's for sure.
You know what? There's a couple of things I want
to bring up here. Number one, you know, comment
on this episode and tell us if you think I should
send this wikiHow article to Michael. It's how
to stop being naive at a glance. And it's 13
steps to help you be less naive if you're overly
trusting or lack experience in the world. There's
only one 13 steps I need in my life. The Perfect
Circle album? You're correct, sir. Oh, God, that
was amazing. I just want to bring up one thing
here, and I think I'm actually going to put this
up on the Windbreaker Media social media at some
point. We could do a whole episode on WikiHow.
I've seen other influencers and entertainers
on the Internet do this. WikiHow articles can
sometimes be very humorous. I don't know if AI
puts these together sometimes or if it's slapdash
by random people. I don't know. Or if it's done
purposefully for humor. But step two on the how
to be less naive, it says to engage in novel
experiences. Okay. And you know, to be less naive
and to get more experience in the world, engaging
in novel experiences is great advice. Can you
see the picture on screen currently? Oh, for
crying out loud. It's a man reading a novel.
Reading a novel, but very specifically, you can
tell he's reading a book, and you can say, oh,
he's engaging in novel experiences by reading
a book about something else. But then it has
a little circle with an image of a book in it,
clip art, and underneath that it says novel.
Insert rimshot. So, yes, it's, WikiHow's idea
of engaging in novel experiences is reading a
novel. Boots. How on the nose is that? Too on
the nose if you ask me, but all right. Yeah,
I had to share that. But so I had ChatGPT write
us a denouement for your journey here. All right.
And she says, Michael. Yes. Every step on the
road to greater self -awareness is a victory,
even when it feels uncertain or uncomfortable.
Embracing clarity over assumptions and curiosity
over naivete isn't about perfection. It's about
growth. Trust that each thoughtful question,
open conversation, and moment of reflection will
bring you closer to the best version of yourself.
You've got the heart and humor to navigate this
journey with wisdom and grace. Keep moving forward.
You're on the right path. Thank you. Yeah, I
have a tear in my eye. I have a tear in my penis.
Do you have a tear in your penis? No, I have
a tear in my penis. Oh, God, you better get to
the hospital and sew that shit up. No, a tear
in my penis. It's cold. And on that, I think
we have to end this because Michael and I need
to get naked and cuddle in a sleeping bag to
stay warm. It's never leaving the cave. Never
leaving the cave. Hey, are you still listening?
Are you still out there? Did you enjoy whatever
stupid stuff we just talked about? Why don't
you subscribe to us? Follow us? I think that's
what Spotify does. If it's on there. If it's
not, just like this. Whatever. I don't know.
Maybe this is a clip on Instagram. Who knows?
Just wherever it's at, do something with it.
Engage. And if your brains haven't fully turned
into mushroom listening to us for the past hour,
make some suggestions in the comments for ideas,
episodes, whatever. Thoughts on things. If there's
comments. And if not, Like I said, leave a comment
if you can, if not. Email us at windbreakermedia
at gmail .com. It's all one word. I know. You
weren't getting to it. You weren't getting to
the email. ChatGPT and I appreciate brevity.
Fuck you and ChatGPT. No swearing. We'll see
you all next time. God damn it.