WEBVTT

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This time, on Mike vs. the Machine. Time Rift

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Battle. A rift in time does not save nine, but

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in fact has opened, and warriors from various

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eras are attacking. Protect your timeline without

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causing paradoxes. I'm going Scorched Earth,

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and I'm picking a Disruptor. I can swing pretty

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fast to get out of there. Just get out as fast

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as I can, man. What if that was the sound you

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made while ejaculating? I'd go straight to a

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hospital. I'm going to go with Black Widow's

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wrist gauntlets. Want to say that into the mic?

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This one is the AI coup. All right. Machines

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have taken over. You must infiltrate their headquarters

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and shut them down. So basically, this is you.

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Versus ChatGPT. In a world full of fear and sometimes

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loathing of unfathomable technological advancements,

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there stands one human hero. I don't know you

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figure it out. This is the Chronicle of Mike

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versus the Machine. God, I wish somebody would

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just be professional for once. You know, show

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up on time, bring all required documents and

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information, and, you know, just take this endeavor

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seriously. Yeah, it's about time you showed up

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with your homework. Go f*** yourself. Man, it's

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within the first minute and you're swearing.

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Although... With the intro, probably not. But

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I don't even know if that's still a rule on YouTube,

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but this is also not going just on YouTube, so

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who knows? But yeah, Michael, would you like

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to tell me what happened two days ago? I forgot

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after work to bring all the stuff I had written

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down for this episode. The list you meticulously

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and dutifully made. Yes, the list. I asked you

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to remember. And I forgot. Yeah. Sorry. My bad.

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I'm scatterbrained sometimes. And you wouldn't

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even turn around and bust down the door and go

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get it. By the time I had realized it, I was

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already at the exit coming to your house. I mean,

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if you didn't want to waste the gas, you could

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have just parked the car and walked back. It

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was 10 degrees outside. That is not an excuse.

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Just get on with it, man. What are we doing today?

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Okay, so you know kind of what we're doing, but...

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Yes, kind of. There's a little bit of a caveat

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to it. So you started off this whole idea by

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wanting to do science fiction weapons and items.

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Yes. I then put a bit of a spin around that where

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you have a list of the sci -fi weapons and items

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that you have thought of that you were looking

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at. Yeah. And I helped ChatGPT curate... a list

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of various random science fiction type scenarios.

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Okay. And I had her items, which hers are strange

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and very vague because she didn't go specific

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pop culture items for most of it. Oh, great.

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So hers are a little strange. But then I sat

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down and I did. my own all right cool items uh

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that i picked all right um my my caveat was that

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i tried to keep from using too much from one

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source of media yeah i went kind of all over

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the place yeah so well i'm saying like for yes

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so for my picks um i think there's like two from

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at two at max from each like source material

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and then a lot of them are just one all right

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and i did not and this is an important thing

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i did not reuse any item Okay. Because that's

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the other thing for this. That's the rule. In

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each scenario, it's a one -shot use. Once you

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use it, it's gone. And in fact, I would like

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for you to reach behind you carefully and get

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a pen, because you can only use any item on your

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list once. So I think I counted your items out

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to around 40 -ish items, and we have 38 scenarios.

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We're not going to go too in -depth on any of

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these. They're all basically one sentence. Okay.

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And then you can think about it. I'll give you

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ChatGPT's item and mine. And it's like a quick

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lightning. The whole episode is kind of a lightning

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round. All right, cool. I'm down for it. Let's

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fucking do this, man. Yeah. I think I've got

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some pretty cool shit on here, and I think some

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of the listeners. And remember, see, here's a

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part of the game. You don't want to blow. Your

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big item's too early. Yeah, I'm not going to

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blow the big one on something minuscule. Yeah,

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but I did have this totally randomized, so you

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might get a super devastating scenario. But remember,

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there are more devastating scenarios. Oh, I know.

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Let's do it. Hey, fuck it, man. Let's go. Okay.

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I'm ready to die. So, number one, the endless

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countdown. Every screen in the world shows a

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countdown clock with no explanation. Stop the

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clock before it hits zero. So you pick up your

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list and you can start looking. So ChatGPT's

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item, they said a paradox stabilizer. Perfect

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for disrupting whatever timeline manipulation

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or event caused this mysterious clock. Now for

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me... This sounds exactly like a Doctor Who episode,

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basically. Yeah. So I went with the sonic screwdriver

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from Doctor Who. God damn it. I feel like, and

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you can pick the same thing as me if you have

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it on your list. It's not. But that's not on

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your list. But I'm just saying, for the future,

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if I say something that works really well that

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you want to use, you can use it. Let's see here.

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Ooh, this is a tough one because the only thing.

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Oh, man, and that's not even going to help either.

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What are you thinking? I was thinking time machine,

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but I don't know the origin of this. Yeah, that's

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not going to help you. You need something that

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would decipher a situation. I think for this

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one, then I'm going to need Batman's utility

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belt. So maybe some infiltration. Yeah. Get to

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a computer source, use his ability, use his.

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Oh, he's got to have like a bat DA. Yeah. PDA.

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Bat DA. Is that appropriate? Or like a. P -Bat

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-A? I don't know. Usually sometimes his belt

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will literally just plug in. Then he pulls out

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the shark repellent. Yeah. Okay. So I think,

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yeah, go to find the nearest computer, pull out

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the USB dongle from the back. And how would you

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get to that computer? Back grapple? Yeah, I'd

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use the grappling gun. Hell yeah. Because that

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computer is on the fourth floor, isn't it? Yep.

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Hell yeah. Okay, so I got to put an X next to

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that, so I'm using... Oh, no, scratch it out.

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Oh, scratch it out? Scratch it out, baby, because

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this list is going in the trash after this. Scratch

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it out. Next one, zombie goldfish outbreak. Oh,

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fucking K. A tank of zombie goldfish has broken

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open in a pet store. Stop them before they infect

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other animals. Okay. Yeah, I told her to get

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silly. So she chose a containment pod. Capture

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the infected goldfish safely before the outbreak

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spreads. You'll like my item because I went with

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a tiny chainsaw arm. A la Ash from the Evil Dead.

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Okay, so it's just goldfish. Zombie goldfish.

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It's zombie goldfish, so I'm not going to...

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Hmm. You know what? I'm just going to use...

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I'm just going to throw a plasma grenade in there

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and just shut the door and walk away. Well, that's

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going to kill all the other animals. You didn't

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tell me there was other animals in there. Literally,

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the last words I said were stop them before they

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infect other animals. I don't want to waste that.

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Wow, this is a real pickle. I feel like this

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will get faster once you've looked over your

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list a few times. Yeah, I'm looking and I'm just

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trying to... Fuck it, I'm just going to run in

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there with the beam sword from Halo and just

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start cutting them up. I mean, yeah, that's the

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thing. Going for a melee weapon against zombies,

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that always feels tight and fresh. Yeah, beam

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sword from Halo, because the only thing that

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us Xbox people know who have played Halo, only

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thing that beats a beam sword is a shotgun for

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some reason. Yeah, and... Zombie goldfish can't

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wield shotguns. We all know this. That's like

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one of the immutable laws of the universe. So,

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Ocean World Expedition. Yay! Wait, what? On a

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planet covered entirely by water, you must explore

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its depths and find a hidden artifact. Don't

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say she stole anything from anything. We know

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she stole everything from everything. She read

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the world and then put it in a blender. That's

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the point of the podcast. You're trying to show

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that you're better than her. So you have to find

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something for that scenario that's better than

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a submersible mech that offers mobility protection

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and exploration capabilities in deep underwater

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environments. Now, you may not remember. the

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name of what I chose for myself, but mine, I

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chose the A99 Aquata Breather. Remember that

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thing that Qui -Gon and Obi -Wan put in their

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mouths in Phantom Menace? That's the name of

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it. I did not know that. Okay. I'm not trying

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to copy off of you, so... I'm going to say...

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Oh, did you have the A99 Aquata Breeder on there?

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No, but you said I could use some of the things

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that you've said. Yeah. I'm going to stick with

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my list for now. No, no, no. You are only picking

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from your list. Okay, okay. I'm saying if there's

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something on your list that I've chosen, you

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can use it. I'm going to go with the Batman Beyond

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suit. So you're going for another Batman item,

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but a different... Not continuity, but a different...

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Batman so yeah I'm gonna go with the Batman Beyond

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suit because it has it swims yes he can go underwater

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with it it has a built -in oxygen system and

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everything oh yeah so yeah because probably by

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then in the future the sea levels have risen

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so yeah so I'm gonna Gotham is probably a an

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oceanfront town now Gotham's always been an oceanfront

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town I thought it just had like a river no it's

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oh is Gotham an analog for New York City Yes.

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Yeah, I'm going to go with the Batman Beyond

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suit. Okay. Sorry, Terry, I need to borrow that.

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Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming this is basically

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Rick and Morty rules where we're getting these

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from a universe where that character is dead,

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and we're just taking the item from when they're

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dead. Oh, man, poor Terry McGinnis died. Shit.

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Yeah. All right, next scenario. The Lost Sock

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Dimension. Isn't that just Narnia? No. You find

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yourself in the dimension where all lost socks

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go. Retrieve your sock and find your way back.

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Now, ChatGPT went for a dimensional anchor. Ensures

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you don't get permanently stuck while retrieving

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your sock. This is where my rule from earlier

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comes into play because I'm picking something

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that was from your list. My item is Rick's ship.

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From Rick and Morty. Yeah. Okay. You're going

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Rick's car from Rick and Morty. Okay. I'm calling

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it a ship because it's technically a ship. This

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is a difficult one because it's just a sock.

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It's a sock you need to retrieve. That I need

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to retrieve. And I don't want to use something

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that's too heavy. A lot of mine is heavy hitter

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shit. Yeah, this is something you need traversal.

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Okay, if you're going to go Rick's vehicle, I'm

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just going to use Rick's portal gun. Okay. Yeah,

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I mean, that is a viable option from the other

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side of that. I'm just feeling like the lost

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sock dimension may or may not have ground for

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me to walk on. Yeah. So, you know, depending

00:12:03.779 --> 00:12:04.940
on... Yeah, it could just be an infinite void

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that you're falling into, then once you see your

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sock, you grab it. It could be an infinite dryer

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that I'm tumbling through. This is very true.

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That's very possible. Yeah, yeah. All right,

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yeah, so you want Rick's car, I want Rick's portal

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gun. Yeah. The vanishing sun. The sun disappears

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for one full day. throwing the world into chaos.

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Find the cause and bring the sun back before

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the planet freezes. All right, well, that's a

00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:36.379
pretty easy one for me. Okay, she went with a

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cosmic compass helps pinpoint the sun's location

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and guide its safe return. I don't quite know

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what that means. Mine, I kind of went for...

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Mine's kind of a joke answer, but it's what I

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felt in my heart, so I'm going with it. Go with

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it, bro. It's HAL 9000 from 2001 A Space Odyssey.

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Oh, no. So basically I'm picking a space station

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where the AI can go crazy and then eventually,

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which is relevant to our podcast. Yes. And then

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I can basically, my thought is I become the space

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baby, and once I've become space baby, then I

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can turn the sun back on. Okay, space baby. I'm

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going to go a little more practical here. Yeah.

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I want the lamp. What? I'm going to rub the lamp.

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Oh, you want a lamp. Which, it's not technically

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sci -fi, but if we think about the idea that

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in the cartoon, I think, they find stop signs

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and other weird anachronistic items. Yes. And

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so we could technically say that Aladdin is some

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weird... post -apocalyptic future. Yeah. And

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in that case, it's sci -fi. So I'll give it to

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you. Yep. I'm going to rub the lamp. Genie's

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going to come out. I'm going to say, please bring

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the sun back. And then my next wish is going

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to be that this never happens again. And then

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I'm going to free him with the third wish. Nice.

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So you're going to get a genie in a bottle, baby.

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You got to rub it the right way. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

00:14:02.340 --> 00:14:06.080
So going from there, pet -sized dragon escape.

00:14:07.529 --> 00:14:10.269
Your tiny pet dragon gets loose in your apartment.

00:14:10.590 --> 00:14:12.250
Now, you have to imagine you live in an apartment.

00:14:12.690 --> 00:14:16.830
Okay, so... And its hiccups cause small but chaotic

00:14:16.830 --> 00:14:20.149
fires. Oh, no. You need to capture the dragon

00:14:20.149 --> 00:14:23.830
without burning your belongings. Now, she went

00:14:23.830 --> 00:14:27.570
with anti -gravity boots, which seems too specific

00:14:27.570 --> 00:14:29.929
for this scenario. Avoid those fiery hiccups

00:14:29.929 --> 00:14:32.610
by staying just out of reach. Now, I went...

00:14:32.700 --> 00:14:34.539
I cheated a little bit on this one. All right.

00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:37.820
My item is a person, but because they're not

00:14:37.820 --> 00:14:40.700
like a main character, I feel like this counts.

00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:45.899
Okay. I went for Malakili. Malakili. Malakili.

00:14:46.220 --> 00:14:49.679
That's the fat guy who cried about the Rancor

00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:52.720
dying in Return of the Jedi. Ah. So you're going

00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:55.100
to use him to calm the dragon down? Yes, I want

00:14:55.100 --> 00:14:58.799
somebody who loves strange monsters to come help

00:14:58.799 --> 00:15:01.639
me calm my strange monster. A Pokeball would

00:15:01.639 --> 00:15:03.460
have worked well in this situation, but I didn't

00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:08.200
choose anything Pokemon in this list. Oh, you're

00:15:08.200 --> 00:15:10.259
breaking my balls here. You're breaking my balls.

00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:14.019
Oh, I stole Malakili from you? No, okay, here's

00:15:14.019 --> 00:15:18.019
what I do. I use Cap's shield to slowly walk

00:15:18.019 --> 00:15:22.320
up to it. I get as close as I can using... You

00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:25.159
say it, but it would be a him or a her. It's

00:15:25.159 --> 00:15:29.519
your pet. Okay, using the shield to block the

00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:32.659
hiccups from him, and as soon as I get close

00:15:32.659 --> 00:15:35.720
to it, turn the shield over, put it on top, and

00:15:35.720 --> 00:15:38.100
then wait until he's kind of towards one of the

00:15:38.100 --> 00:15:40.539
edges, and then flip it over and he's on there,

00:15:40.659 --> 00:15:42.860
and then I get him back into his cage. Okay.

00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:45.399
You could potentially pick up the shield and

00:15:45.399 --> 00:15:47.879
throw it toward the cage and then launch him

00:15:47.879 --> 00:15:49.639
in there. Yeah. But I don't want to hurt him.

00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:51.360
He's a supernatural being. He's probably tough.

00:15:51.620 --> 00:15:53.600
Okay, yeah. Well, either way, I'm using Cap Shield.

00:15:53.740 --> 00:15:55.480
He probably has a lot of HP. Yeah, I'm using

00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:58.360
Cap Shield. Okay. That's an interesting one.

00:15:58.659 --> 00:16:04.120
Next up, Dinosaur Stampede. A portal? A portal!

00:16:04.539 --> 00:16:07.940
Remember that. To the prehistoric era has opened,

00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:11.840
and dinosaurs are now roaming your city. Survive

00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:17.019
and close the portal. Now, she went for Holographic

00:16:17.019 --> 00:16:20.460
Decoy. to distract the dinosaurs, giving you

00:16:20.460 --> 00:16:22.740
time to close the portal. But you're not getting

00:16:22.740 --> 00:16:25.679
the dinosaurs back to their original time. What

00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:29.259
I went for, because I feel like this is just

00:16:29.259 --> 00:16:31.000
the baseline of what you're going to need in

00:16:31.000 --> 00:16:35.399
this situation, is a 1992 Ford Explorer XLT.

00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:37.620
The same things they used in the movie? Yeah,

00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:41.519
from Jurassic Park. Those weren't the personnel

00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:45.080
vehicles for the park employees. Those apparently

00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:48.500
were some kind of a Jeep. This is the Tor vehicles,

00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:53.059
but considering it helped multiple people, including

00:16:53.059 --> 00:16:57.399
Jeff Goldblum, survive a T -Rex attack, I feel

00:16:57.399 --> 00:16:58.980
like this would be helpful in this scenario.

00:16:59.340 --> 00:17:01.799
Yes, it would. All right, so I'm going to have

00:17:01.799 --> 00:17:05.500
to go with, hopefully this does work, so I'm

00:17:05.500 --> 00:17:07.180
going to go with the portal gun. You already

00:17:07.180 --> 00:17:09.119
used the portal gun. I used Rick's portal gun.

00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:14.539
Oh. Ooh, Chell's portal gun. Aperture's portal

00:17:14.539 --> 00:17:17.579
gun. Yep. Okay. I feel like redirect the dinosaurs

00:17:17.579 --> 00:17:19.740
as they go. Redirect the dinosaurs as they go,

00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:22.559
and hopefully that will also help me close said

00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:26.140
other portal. I don't know how it's going to

00:17:26.140 --> 00:17:27.740
help with closing portals. You probably figure

00:17:27.740 --> 00:17:29.880
something out, though. Or I shoot a portal over

00:17:29.880 --> 00:17:31.500
that portal so it's just an infinite loop that

00:17:31.500 --> 00:17:33.819
the dinosaurs are stuck in. Oh, my God. That'd

00:17:33.819 --> 00:17:36.519
be epic. Yeah, okay. Yeah, portal gun. You want

00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:40.549
me on that. Okay. Mall lockdown. You're locked

00:17:40.549 --> 00:17:44.410
inside a shopping mall overnight and the animatronic

00:17:44.410 --> 00:17:49.829
displays have come to life. Survive until morning

00:17:49.829 --> 00:17:55.440
and find a way. To turn them off. Okay, so we're

00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:59.279
FNAFed right now. Basically. So she chose an

00:17:59.279 --> 00:18:02.819
EMP grenade. Temporarily disables the animatronics,

00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:04.920
even though technically an EMP could potentially

00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:07.619
just fry them completely. This is true. Giving

00:18:07.619 --> 00:18:11.519
you time to escape or regroup. I went with the

00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:14.980
security team member flashlight from Five Nights

00:18:14.980 --> 00:18:17.079
at Freddy's. All right, you went the flashlight.

00:18:17.319 --> 00:18:19.719
Need to be able to see where you're going. And

00:18:19.719 --> 00:18:22.240
if they're programmed properly, flash the flashlight

00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.140
in their eyes. If this is FNAF 2 rules, then

00:18:25.140 --> 00:18:27.880
they're frozen. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to go

00:18:27.880 --> 00:18:30.279
with Black Widow's wrist gauntlets. Want to say

00:18:30.279 --> 00:18:31.539
that into the mic? I said I'm going to go with

00:18:31.539 --> 00:18:34.339
Black Widow's wrist gauntlets. Oh, with the...

00:18:34.339 --> 00:18:37.339
Electro, they have the... Yeah, built -in tasers,

00:18:37.339 --> 00:18:39.559
electro bolts. I don't need anything too heavy.

00:18:39.579 --> 00:18:41.799
Like, a lot of the other stuff on here would

00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:45.779
be... very much overkill for some animatronics

00:18:45.779 --> 00:18:48.000
in a mall. So, yeah, I'll just go with Black

00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:50.380
Widow's wrist gauntlets on this one. I mean,

00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:52.960
I feel like you're underestimating robots in

00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:56.279
a mall. Have you ever seen the 1980s B -movie

00:18:56.279 --> 00:18:59.299
thriller Chopping Mall? I've seen clips of it.

00:18:59.420 --> 00:19:02.980
Yeah, I think they decapitated a poor girl. They

00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:06.240
did decapitate someone, yes. Yeah. But, I mean,

00:19:06.359 --> 00:19:08.900
it's Black Widow's wrist gauntlets. I should

00:19:08.900 --> 00:19:10.859
be alright. Yeah, you could be okay. On to the

00:19:10.859 --> 00:19:13.900
next one. Terraforming gone wrong. You're sent

00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:16.680
to terraform a planet, but the atmosphere is

00:19:16.680 --> 00:19:19.640
turning toxic and the terrain is unstable. Save

00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:21.779
yourself and the mission. That's an easy one

00:19:21.779 --> 00:19:25.680
for me. So, she used an atmospheric stabilizer.

00:19:26.220 --> 00:19:28.200
resolves the atmospheric instability, and ensures

00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:31.240
survival. I went with, you know, if I'm terraforming,

00:19:31.400 --> 00:19:34.299
shaping the world as I see fit, well, you need

00:19:34.299 --> 00:19:38.539
a diamond pickaxe. You went to Minecraft? Yeah,

00:19:38.660 --> 00:19:40.900
I can make whatever I want to have happen if

00:19:40.900 --> 00:19:44.200
I got a diamond pickaxe. Okay, Steve. My name's

00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:47.119
Mike. Sure, sure it is. This is pretty simple

00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:49.359
for me. I'm just going to use Rick's car. I'm

00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:51.400
just going to use Rick's car. It'll do it for

00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:54.400
me. Oh, God. You're going to go for protection

00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:57.440
protocol. You're going to end up gaslighting

00:19:57.440 --> 00:19:59.000
that planet into thinking you can bring its sun

00:19:59.000 --> 00:20:01.160
back. Yep. I'm just going to use Rick's car.

00:20:01.319 --> 00:20:03.099
And then turn it to jelly. Yeah, I'm just going

00:20:03.099 --> 00:20:05.839
to use Rick's car. All right. Yeah. It's a whole

00:20:05.839 --> 00:20:07.720
planet. I'm just going to use Rick's car. I feel

00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:10.779
like you burning that might be dangerous for

00:20:10.779 --> 00:20:14.619
later, but we'll see. Okay. A zero gravity heist.

00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:17.849
Ooh, okay. Pull off a heist in a high -security

00:20:17.849 --> 00:20:21.410
vault orbiting a black hole where time dilation

00:20:21.410 --> 00:20:25.849
affects your every move. Okay. She chose a gravity

00:20:25.849 --> 00:20:28.029
tether. Keeps you anchored in a high -stakes

00:20:28.029 --> 00:20:31.230
environment where every second matters. I chose

00:20:31.230 --> 00:20:34.930
the portal gun. Okay, good choice, good choice.

00:20:35.170 --> 00:20:37.829
From Portal. Okay, good choice. I'm going to

00:20:37.829 --> 00:20:42.259
go with Samus' suit. Oh, that'd be legit. And

00:20:42.259 --> 00:20:44.660
then if you had the gravity suit, you could jump

00:20:44.660 --> 00:20:47.059
around. Well, that really works more for water,

00:20:47.140 --> 00:20:50.339
but still. And then... It's already... Grapple

00:20:50.339 --> 00:20:53.400
beam. Yep, it's built for the vacuum space. Yeah,

00:20:53.460 --> 00:20:56.599
grapple beam. Spider ball, which might come later.

00:20:57.700 --> 00:20:59.940
Yeah. Okay, yeah, that'll get you through. Definitely.

00:21:00.380 --> 00:21:03.500
Samus' suit? Fuck yeah. Okay. Time rift battle.

00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:07.519
A rift in time does not save nine, but in fact

00:21:07.519 --> 00:21:11.420
has opened, and warriors from various eras are

00:21:11.420 --> 00:21:15.180
attacking. Protect your timeline without causing

00:21:15.180 --> 00:21:19.380
paradoxes. So she went with a time -freezing

00:21:19.380 --> 00:21:23.359
grenade, stopping incoming threats without disrupting

00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:26.640
the timeline further. I'm going Scorched Earth,

00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:32.640
and I'm picking a disruptor. From Star Trek.

00:21:32.779 --> 00:21:35.579
Okay. Which is, that is the weapon that I believe

00:21:35.579 --> 00:21:38.380
it was the Romulans and the Klingons used. That

00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:42.319
old Star Trek. old federation did not like because

00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:47.440
it entirely vaporized you oh damn okay so you're

00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:49.400
going scorched earth yeah yeah if you turn the

00:21:49.400 --> 00:21:51.720
phasers up all the way i'm pretty sure you can

00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:54.420
get the same result but their weapons just straight

00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:56.980
up like disrupted your matter at an atomic level

00:21:56.980 --> 00:21:59.759
and then like just disintegrated you so i'm going

00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:01.720
for that screw those freaking warriors i don't

00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:03.720
give a shit uh i'm going with the neuralyzer

00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:06.900
from men in black make them all forget and put

00:22:06.900 --> 00:22:09.400
them back in their times. It's the thing that

00:22:09.400 --> 00:22:11.180
Bill and Ted should have had because all those

00:22:11.180 --> 00:22:12.660
people were going to go back to their times and

00:22:12.660 --> 00:22:16.509
remember. Not Van Nuys. Where were they at? I

00:22:16.509 --> 00:22:18.730
thought it was Van Nuys. Was it Van Nuys? I don't

00:22:18.730 --> 00:22:20.529
think it was Van Nuys. I think it was something

00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:22.829
that sounded cool. No, we're not looking it up.

00:22:22.970 --> 00:22:25.170
We're just not going to know. Oh, no. We're going

00:22:25.170 --> 00:22:26.829
to get shit. We're not going to know and then

00:22:26.829 --> 00:22:29.210
potentially remember it later. Yeah. And if it

00:22:29.210 --> 00:22:30.990
was Van Nuys, then hooray. But I don't think

00:22:30.990 --> 00:22:33.509
it was. I think I remember them saying something

00:22:33.509 --> 00:22:36.349
cool. Yeah. But yeah, I'm going to use the neuralyzer.

00:22:36.529 --> 00:22:38.289
Tell them that they need to go back to where

00:22:38.289 --> 00:22:40.269
they came from. They don't belong here. They'll

00:22:40.269 --> 00:22:42.210
step through the time rifts. They'll close and

00:22:42.210 --> 00:22:46.829
bye -bye. Nice. And no one has to die yet. In

00:22:46.829 --> 00:22:50.970
my plan, everyone dies. Okay. The Rogue Weather

00:22:50.970 --> 00:22:54.029
Machine. A malfunctioning weather machine is

00:22:54.029 --> 00:22:56.990
causing random and extreme weather events every

00:22:56.990 --> 00:23:00.269
hour. Shut it down before the entire region is

00:23:00.269 --> 00:23:04.069
destroyed. So she went with a hacking glove to

00:23:04.069 --> 00:23:06.230
reprogram the weather machine to restore balance.

00:23:06.470 --> 00:23:09.970
And I guess this was a part of my destructive

00:23:09.970 --> 00:23:13.880
streak because I picked... The rocket launcher,

00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:17.940
specifically from Quake. Oh, God. Because if

00:23:17.940 --> 00:23:19.859
a weather machine's messing stuff up, I'm like,

00:23:19.960 --> 00:23:21.819
I'm just going to blow it up. I don't care. Let's

00:23:21.819 --> 00:23:24.759
let the weather be natural again. Now, how high

00:23:24.759 --> 00:23:26.619
does it say this is in the sky, or where is it

00:23:26.619 --> 00:23:29.460
at? It didn't say anything about that. Oh, okay.

00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:31.480
Well, then, I'm just going to use a plasma grenade.

00:23:31.759 --> 00:23:34.700
Stick a plasma grenade to it. Kaboom. From Halo.

00:23:34.859 --> 00:23:38.099
Halo. Halo. So, two Halos. Better be careful.

00:23:38.259 --> 00:23:40.240
Yeah. You don't know what happens if you try

00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.960
to use three items from the same series. Oh,

00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:45.440
God. Well, I don't think I do have three items

00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:47.160
from the same series. But, yeah, I think I'm

00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:48.640
going to go, yeah, I'm just going to stick a

00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:50.380
plasma grenade to it, walk away, let it be done.

00:23:50.500 --> 00:23:52.900
Blow it up. Blow the fuck up. Will you, well,

00:23:53.220 --> 00:23:55.519
it's hard to walk away in the sky, but will you

00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:57.500
attempt to walk away with the explosion behind

00:23:57.500 --> 00:24:00.059
you? You mean cool 90s action movie style? Yeah,

00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:04.380
unrealistic. Yeah. Nice. I enjoy it. Okay. Well,

00:24:04.460 --> 00:24:07.119
here is a super complicated and horrible one

00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:10.039
that I'm sure will leave you quaking in your

00:24:10.039 --> 00:24:13.099
booties. Alright, let's do it. Daylight Robbery

00:24:13.099 --> 00:24:17.339
by Squirrels. Oh no, not the squirrels! A gang

00:24:17.339 --> 00:24:20.019
of hyper -intelligent squirrels has stolen your

00:24:20.019 --> 00:24:22.619
wallet and is holding it hostage in a tree fortress.

00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:26.119
Retrieve your wallet without harming the squirrels

00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:29.579
or getting bitten. So, her... is actually really

00:24:29.579 --> 00:24:32.240
nice. I actually really enjoy this one. It's

00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:35.660
a neural uplink to negotiate with the squirrel

00:24:35.660 --> 00:24:38.599
leader to retrieve your wallet peacefully. Okay.

00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:42.140
Makes sense. I'm going the similar vein, and

00:24:42.140 --> 00:24:44.940
I am using the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids ray.

00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.920
Oh, so you're going grounded on this. Yeah. I'm

00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:49.980
going to get smooth, and I'm going to walk up

00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:52.460
in there, and I'm going to attempt to do some

00:24:52.460 --> 00:24:55.279
kind of squirrel sign language. We'll figure

00:24:55.279 --> 00:24:58.519
out a common ground to talk upon. Bring nuts.

00:24:58.740 --> 00:25:02.980
Yeah. Well, also some food. Yeah, yeah. Penguin's

00:25:02.980 --> 00:25:05.440
umbrella. It's got knockout gas equipped in it.

00:25:05.500 --> 00:25:06.839
It's not hurting him. I'm just going to put him

00:25:06.839 --> 00:25:09.240
to sleep, grab my wallet, and walk away. Okay.

00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:11.539
So you're going to go animal on animal violence.

00:25:11.579 --> 00:25:14.720
That's nice. No, Penguin's umbrella. Penguin.

00:25:15.319 --> 00:25:19.119
Like the penguin from Batman. Yes. Penguin. He's

00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:25.380
not. Penguin v. Squirrel. Penguins are animals,

00:25:25.539 --> 00:25:29.089
Michael. The penguin is not an animal. He is

00:25:29.089 --> 00:25:32.690
an animal. He's just a weird -looking human being.

00:25:32.990 --> 00:25:35.549
Oh, great. Danny DeVito's a weird -looking human

00:25:35.549 --> 00:25:37.970
being. Thank you. I mean, yes. A frickin' American

00:25:37.970 --> 00:25:39.950
hero. I mean, yes, he is, and he would tell you

00:25:39.950 --> 00:25:41.549
he's a weird -looking human being, too. American

00:25:41.549 --> 00:25:45.289
hero. Anyway, what about a 24 -hour volcano?

00:25:45.650 --> 00:25:48.869
A volcano is set to erupt in the heart of your

00:25:48.869 --> 00:25:52.589
city. So is that Pittsburgh or Houston? I'd say

00:25:52.589 --> 00:25:54.170
Pittsburgh. Houston's kind of small. We'll say

00:25:54.170 --> 00:25:56.990
Pittsburgh. Yeah. Oh, we just doxxed ourselves.

00:25:57.150 --> 00:26:02.349
Oh, no. Anyway, in exactly 24 hours, evacuate

00:26:02.349 --> 00:26:04.990
the population while trying to stop the eruption.

00:26:05.549 --> 00:26:09.009
So she went for a gravity anchor, which I don't

00:26:09.009 --> 00:26:11.829
know how this works, stabilizing tectonic shifts

00:26:11.829 --> 00:26:14.789
and preventing the explosion. I actually went

00:26:14.789 --> 00:26:17.549
for one because I did a little searching online

00:26:17.549 --> 00:26:21.210
to find exactly what I was looking for. I'm going

00:26:21.210 --> 00:26:23.569
for one from a piece of media that you and I

00:26:23.569 --> 00:26:27.269
have not seen yet. Okay. This could be a spoiler

00:26:27.269 --> 00:26:29.549
for the movie, but not really. But this item

00:26:29.549 --> 00:26:33.529
is in the movie. It's a mini black hole from

00:26:33.529 --> 00:26:36.769
Sonic 3. Okay. So basically, it's almost like

00:26:36.769 --> 00:26:39.710
a grenade that creates a mini black hole. Okay.

00:26:39.869 --> 00:26:41.690
And I throw that in the middle of the volcano,

00:26:41.869 --> 00:26:45.710
and I suck up all that sweet Laval, Walt Magma,

00:26:45.869 --> 00:26:49.279
and then before it could become Laval. Okay.

00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:52.339
I'm going to go with travel tubes from Futurama.

00:26:52.819 --> 00:26:55.099
To evacuate everyone? Yep, just get everybody

00:26:55.099 --> 00:26:57.039
out. You could have them for a bullet train.

00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:00.220
I like travel tubes better. Okay. They'd be pretty

00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:02.880
cool. Yeah, and then everyone would be in a sweet

00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:05.339
pile, and then all the hospitals get to make

00:27:05.339 --> 00:27:07.180
a lot of money from all the broken bones. Bingo,

00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:09.099
yeah, see? And then we have to rebuild, because

00:27:09.099 --> 00:27:10.579
I don't know if I'm going to be able to stop

00:27:10.579 --> 00:27:12.799
the volcano. Yeah, so you're not actually stopping

00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:14.380
it, you're just getting everyone out. Yeah, I'm

00:27:14.380 --> 00:27:16.559
cutting my losses and just getting everybody

00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:19.130
the fuck out. Okay, not bad. So next we have

00:27:19.130 --> 00:27:22.569
a planet -wide puzzle. You land on a planet where

00:27:22.569 --> 00:27:25.769
the landscape is a giant, ever -changing puzzle.

00:27:26.549 --> 00:27:29.750
Solve it to unlock the way forward. Oh, God,

00:27:29.750 --> 00:27:34.029
no. So she went for a thought amplifier, helps

00:27:34.029 --> 00:27:36.910
decipher and solve the planet's evolving puzzle.

00:27:37.130 --> 00:27:39.369
I went for one that's going to sound familiar

00:27:39.369 --> 00:27:42.349
to you from earlier. I went with Samus's suit,

00:27:42.509 --> 00:27:45.769
but specifically one of Samus's suits that has

00:27:45.769 --> 00:27:48.789
the spider ball. There you go. Because that means

00:27:48.789 --> 00:27:51.509
I can turn into a bull, and I can climb up the

00:27:51.509 --> 00:27:54.470
wall. And if I can go up all the walls, I can

00:27:54.470 --> 00:27:57.230
very easily get through a labyrinth puzzle and

00:27:57.230 --> 00:27:59.509
figure out from a bird's eye view where I need

00:27:59.509 --> 00:28:01.750
to go, and maybe even sneak through a little

00:28:01.750 --> 00:28:04.869
vent. Okay. I'm going to go... Oh, no, because

00:28:04.869 --> 00:28:06.210
he doesn't... All right, yeah, I'm going to have

00:28:06.210 --> 00:28:08.289
to burn one of my heavy ones. I'm going to go

00:28:08.289 --> 00:28:11.589
with Iron Man's suit. That's a heavy one? Oh,

00:28:11.589 --> 00:28:14.329
yeah. That way I can just fly above the puzzle,

00:28:14.450 --> 00:28:18.230
Jarvis. Jarvis, be my brain. Yeah, Jarvis, figure

00:28:18.230 --> 00:28:21.049
this out. Help me figure this out. See, you're

00:28:21.049 --> 00:28:23.210
supposed to be the mic that's versus the machine,

00:28:23.349 --> 00:28:25.509
but here you are using AI to solve your problems.

00:28:25.509 --> 00:28:29.670
Jarvis was a person, man. No, Jarvis was named

00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:32.589
after a person. Jarvis is an AI. Technically,

00:28:32.589 --> 00:28:35.890
he's Vision. Yeah, and Vision is powered by an

00:28:35.890 --> 00:28:39.769
artificial intelligence inside of his... What

00:28:39.769 --> 00:28:42.619
kind of body is it, Michael? Artificial body.

00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:45.480
Artificial body. An artificial intelligence in

00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:48.339
an artificial body. You may have lost the episode

00:28:48.339 --> 00:28:51.579
there, buddy. Well, yeah. The heavy one. I have

00:28:51.579 --> 00:28:54.579
to go with Iron Man's suit. Okay. So the next

00:28:54.579 --> 00:28:59.720
one is an alien hive escape. You're trapped inside

00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:02.660
an alien hive where the walls shift and creatures

00:29:02.660 --> 00:29:06.839
hunt by sound. Escape without being detected.

00:29:07.339 --> 00:29:10.279
She went for a cloaking device. ensuring you

00:29:10.279 --> 00:29:13.140
can move silently and unseen through the hive.

00:29:13.819 --> 00:29:17.880
I went for the item that you poo -pooed the other

00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:21.720
day. Okay. I'm taking the proximity tracker from

00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:24.920
aliens. I was just going to tell you how fucked

00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:27.720
you are. Yeah, and then I could go to a place

00:29:27.720 --> 00:29:31.420
where I'm not fucked. I can unfuck myself. You

00:29:31.420 --> 00:29:34.869
realize the thing beeps, right? I'll put... The

00:29:34.869 --> 00:29:39.410
mute on. It has to have a mute button. You hope

00:29:39.410 --> 00:29:43.410
it has a mute button. Or it has an aux plug that

00:29:43.410 --> 00:29:46.529
I can plug my headphones into. You really are

00:29:46.529 --> 00:29:49.049
hoping with your hopes of hopes on that one.

00:29:49.190 --> 00:29:52.309
Okay, so it used retrofuturism from the 80s.

00:29:52.390 --> 00:29:55.049
So if you think about a Walkman, a Walkman has

00:29:55.049 --> 00:29:58.049
an aux plug. Yes. Plug my headphones in. All

00:29:58.049 --> 00:30:00.150
right, fine. I'm going to go with web shooters.

00:30:00.490 --> 00:30:02.670
You know, they make a flip. I can swing pretty

00:30:02.670 --> 00:30:06.980
fast to get out of there. Just get out as fast

00:30:06.980 --> 00:30:09.380
as I can, man. What if that was the sound you

00:30:09.380 --> 00:30:13.059
made while ejaculating? I'd go straight to a

00:30:13.059 --> 00:30:16.000
hospital. No, what if that was legitimately the

00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:19.220
sound you made? I don't think men would ever

00:30:19.220 --> 00:30:22.920
get laid again. Maybe women that are kinky for

00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:26.279
Spider -Man. That's a very select view. Yeah,

00:30:26.299 --> 00:30:29.359
I don't know. Anyway, birthday party mishap.

00:30:29.700 --> 00:30:33.119
This one's rough, so I'm glad you still maybe

00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:34.680
have some heavy hitters over there. All right,

00:30:34.700 --> 00:30:37.190
cool, let's go. You're tasked with setting up

00:30:37.190 --> 00:30:41.490
a surprise party, but the guest of honor arrives

00:30:41.490 --> 00:30:45.769
an hour early. Oh, shit. Now... So I gotta distract

00:30:45.769 --> 00:30:49.569
this person. To solve this, she used a holographic

00:30:49.569 --> 00:30:52.930
projector. Use it to create a distraction while

00:30:52.930 --> 00:30:56.369
you finish setting up. I went for a cryogenic

00:30:56.369 --> 00:31:00.849
sleep pod from Futurama. Let him have a nice,

00:31:00.849 --> 00:31:04.319
relaxing sleep for an hour. then we can unthaw

00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:07.059
him for his birthday party. Or if we don't like

00:31:07.059 --> 00:31:09.640
him, we can unthaw him in 10 years for his next

00:31:09.640 --> 00:31:13.500
decade birthday party. Okay, so I'm going to

00:31:13.500 --> 00:31:15.660
stop him in my driveway, and I'm going to be

00:31:15.660 --> 00:31:19.299
like, do you want to drive the coolest car ever?

00:31:19.579 --> 00:31:22.839
Lightning McQueen from Cars? Nope. So the door

00:31:22.839 --> 00:31:28.299
opens up, and just like how it does in TV, you're

00:31:28.299 --> 00:31:33.029
just going to hear... And then you're going to

00:31:33.029 --> 00:31:35.190
hear, hello, Michael, how can I help you today?

00:31:35.569 --> 00:31:40.609
Wait, is that the principal from Boy Meets World?

00:31:41.250 --> 00:31:43.670
I think it might be, so you know who I'm talking

00:31:43.670 --> 00:31:46.769
about. I'm talking about my boy Kit from Knight

00:31:46.769 --> 00:31:49.569
Rider. I don't know if anybody, well, it depends.

00:31:49.950 --> 00:31:52.950
If we get an audience, it's probably going to

00:31:52.950 --> 00:31:55.569
skew older, so they probably would know who Kit

00:31:55.569 --> 00:31:57.869
was. Oh, come on. That was before the Hoff became

00:31:57.869 --> 00:32:02.650
stupid on Baywatch. And before he was epic in

00:32:02.650 --> 00:32:05.569
that Spongebob movie. Hell yeah. But that's the

00:32:05.569 --> 00:32:07.309
thing. I have actually never seen Knight Rider

00:32:07.309 --> 00:32:10.130
in my life. Oh, my God. Fucking yeah. I'll tell

00:32:10.130 --> 00:32:12.250
him, like, hey, man, you want to ride around

00:32:12.250 --> 00:32:14.990
in kit for an hour or so? Who's going to turn

00:32:14.990 --> 00:32:19.430
that down? A sweet -ass spy car, essentially.

00:32:20.130 --> 00:32:23.289
Okay. With an AI in it. With an AI in it. Uh

00:32:23.289 --> 00:32:25.049
-oh. You're picking a lot of AIs here, Michael.

00:32:25.470 --> 00:32:31.200
Well, I mean, technically kit. I feel like Kit's

00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:33.420
an AI. Well, no, I was talking to a certain someone

00:32:33.420 --> 00:32:36.200
the other day, and she told me that Kit can be

00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:40.839
taken over, and he can tell Michael when, coincidentally,

00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:42.220
that was Hoff's character's name on the show

00:32:42.220 --> 00:32:45.640
was Michael, when he could stop himself. If they're

00:32:45.640 --> 00:32:48.440
driving into sudden death, Kit can stop himself,

00:32:48.740 --> 00:32:53.400
and Michael can't override him. He's not AI.

00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:55.880
He's a sentient being. None of that made any

00:32:55.880 --> 00:32:57.680
sense, Michael. What do you mean none of it made

00:32:57.680 --> 00:33:00.859
any sense? Kid is sentient. Yeah, AIs can become

00:33:00.859 --> 00:33:04.079
sentient. That doesn't make them not AI. But

00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:09.460
he can learn. Yes. Which is a thing that AIs

00:33:09.460 --> 00:33:12.000
do. But that's not artificial. It's called generative

00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:15.480
learning. If you're going to be fighting against

00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:17.319
something, Michael, you should at least do some

00:33:17.319 --> 00:33:20.400
research and know what it is. Everything you've

00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:23.059
said completely invalidates your original point.

00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:25.480
Well, still, he gets to go ride around in kit,

00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:27.539
and he's going to love riding around in kit.

00:33:27.799 --> 00:33:30.200
Well, you lost another point in the war, but

00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:32.819
you got that battle for you. I mean, kit was

00:33:32.819 --> 00:33:36.160
cool. ChatGBT's a cunt. Hey, I might not make

00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:39.579
you a grilled cheese. Grill this cheese. Anyway,

00:33:40.180 --> 00:33:42.920
what about a monster swarm? Ooh, how big of a

00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:45.799
swarm are we talking? A colony on an alien moon

00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:49.839
is under siege by a swarm of creatures that multiply

00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:53.900
rapidly. So basically, assume it's giant Attack

00:33:53.900 --> 00:33:56.359
of the... Oh, what's the name of that movie?

00:33:56.940 --> 00:34:00.359
Attack of the... Killer Tomatoes! No, tomatoes

00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:03.880
aren't rabbits. Oh, Night of the Luffas. Is that

00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:05.779
what it's called? Yeah. Yeah, frickin' rabbit.

00:34:05.779 --> 00:34:08.900
Killer Bunnies, Night of the Luffas. So for that

00:34:08.900 --> 00:34:11.619
one, she chose an automated defense turret, keeping

00:34:11.619 --> 00:34:13.500
the creatures at bay while you fortify defenses.

00:34:13.980 --> 00:34:17.539
I am going for a heavy hitter on this one. What

00:34:17.539 --> 00:34:20.860
are you doing? BFG 9000. You're pulling out the

00:34:20.860 --> 00:34:25.320
big fucking gun already. From Doom. I feel like

00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:26.679
you have a lot of things that are multiplying

00:34:26.679 --> 00:34:31.269
fast. I want to nip. it in the bud and the best

00:34:31.269 --> 00:34:35.570
thing is if you get a fully loaded bfg 9000 this

00:34:35.570 --> 00:34:38.250
isn't a one -time shot you get them you get multiple

00:34:38.250 --> 00:34:41.730
shots i get coverage area i can eliminate everything

00:34:41.730 --> 00:34:43.989
that's coming you're going to kill the other

00:34:43.989 --> 00:34:48.130
people too no i'm shooting outside of our colony

00:34:48.130 --> 00:34:52.750
all right okay so oh you know i'm gonna go i'm

00:34:52.750 --> 00:34:55.969
gonna stick with doom as well but i'm just gonna

00:34:55.969 --> 00:34:58.420
go with the plasma rifle Okay, yeah, that does

00:34:58.420 --> 00:35:01.219
have a lot of, I've mowed down plenty of hordes.

00:35:01.300 --> 00:35:03.039
Yeah, if you can get the, especially if we're

00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.579
going with the Doom Eternal attachment, got the

00:35:05.579 --> 00:35:08.900
microwave beam on there. Oh, cook them up and

00:35:08.900 --> 00:35:11.699
have dinner later. Have dinner later, nice. Yeah,

00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:13.300
so yeah, I'm going to go with Doom as well, but

00:35:13.300 --> 00:35:15.059
I'm going to go with the plasma rifle. All right,

00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:17.619
what about a microscopic menace? A microscopic

00:35:17.619 --> 00:35:22.940
alien virus is infecting people. You must shrink

00:35:22.940 --> 00:35:28.000
down. and neutralize it from inside a host. Now

00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:30.460
here's the thing. It's telling you you have to

00:35:30.460 --> 00:35:34.800
shrink down. So in this instance, you are already

00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:37.199
shrunk. You do not need a thing to shrink you.

00:35:37.300 --> 00:35:40.780
This is the item that you have with you in the

00:35:40.780 --> 00:35:43.179
situation once you're already shrunk. She went

00:35:43.179 --> 00:35:46.039
for a nanobot swarm. So basically it's like bringing

00:35:46.039 --> 00:35:48.639
your own like... army of drones within there

00:35:48.639 --> 00:35:51.179
to target and neutralize the virus directly at

00:35:51.179 --> 00:35:53.920
a microscopic scale. I did a little bit of cheating

00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:57.119
and I've picked another person, but this one

00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:01.579
is very specific. I went for Dr. Anthony Fauci.

00:36:02.019 --> 00:36:06.099
Yeah. So I feel like if I'm going to be fighting

00:36:06.099 --> 00:36:10.659
a virus, a menace of a virus, I want an expert.

00:36:11.130 --> 00:36:13.650
I want Dr. Fauci. And yes, we'll bring masks.

00:36:14.030 --> 00:36:16.090
Okay. All right. I'm going to go more off the

00:36:16.090 --> 00:36:19.130
offensive point in this, and I'm going to...

00:36:19.130 --> 00:36:21.590
Oh, I guess I did have three from one genre.

00:36:21.889 --> 00:36:24.889
I'm going to use the Needler from Halo. That's

00:36:24.889 --> 00:36:28.809
going to come with me. Oh. So all these little

00:36:28.809 --> 00:36:30.710
needles are just going to home in on this virus,

00:36:30.809 --> 00:36:32.889
and they're all going to explode at once. And

00:36:32.889 --> 00:36:35.889
now you've picked three from the same series,

00:36:35.989 --> 00:36:40.079
which triggers... Literally nothing. I had nothing

00:36:40.079 --> 00:36:44.920
prepared for that. But you get a finger wagging

00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:49.199
because I only used two things from a series

00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:54.980
at max. So watch this. I want all the listeners

00:36:54.980 --> 00:36:57.980
to know this finger be a wagon. Yeah, the needler.

00:36:58.260 --> 00:37:01.440
All right. But what about a shrinking city? So

00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:03.940
we're getting double shrinkage here. A mysterious

00:37:03.940 --> 00:37:06.840
force is causing your city to shrink at an alarming

00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:11.559
rate. Escape. or reverse the process before it's

00:37:11.559 --> 00:37:15.199
too small to live in. Okay. So she went for a

00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:18.440
modular shelter, providing a scalable solution

00:37:18.440 --> 00:37:21.260
to survive and adapt as the city shrinks. Okay.

00:37:21.699 --> 00:37:24.699
I went for a similar situation, but it's a modular

00:37:24.699 --> 00:37:26.860
shelter for my body, and I went with the Ant

00:37:26.860 --> 00:37:29.400
-Man suit from Marvel. Okay. I'm going to go

00:37:29.400 --> 00:37:31.400
with the Philosopher's Stone from Full Metal

00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:35.610
Alchemist. What does that do? Well... In the

00:37:35.610 --> 00:37:37.389
law of alchemy, especially in that universe,

00:37:37.570 --> 00:37:39.730
it's all about the law of equivalent exchange

00:37:39.730 --> 00:37:42.690
where to create something, something must be

00:37:42.690 --> 00:37:45.210
given back in return. The Philosopher's Stone

00:37:45.210 --> 00:37:48.329
negates that. So I can literally use the Philosopher's

00:37:48.329 --> 00:37:51.909
Stone to do whatever I want. So I use the Philosopher's

00:37:51.909 --> 00:37:55.050
Stone to negate the shrinking. Okay. I feel like

00:37:55.050 --> 00:37:56.809
I'm just going to let that go because I don't

00:37:56.809 --> 00:38:00.269
know how to refute it. Yeah, you don't know a

00:38:00.269 --> 00:38:02.030
lot about it. It's a great show. It's a great

00:38:02.030 --> 00:38:06.289
anime if you want to watch it. No. Anyway, what

00:38:06.289 --> 00:38:09.210
about the great cake heist? I mean, what kind

00:38:09.210 --> 00:38:10.769
of cake are we talking about? Because if it's

00:38:10.769 --> 00:38:14.190
carrot cake... It's the town's prized cake. But

00:38:14.190 --> 00:38:16.110
what kind of... I'm not going to risk anything

00:38:16.110 --> 00:38:18.929
for carrot cake. It's been stolen by a team of

00:38:18.929 --> 00:38:22.889
pastry thieves, and it must be retrieved before

00:38:22.889 --> 00:38:26.550
the annual festival. Track them down and bring

00:38:26.550 --> 00:38:29.590
the cake back without damaging it. Oh, I've got

00:38:29.590 --> 00:38:31.369
the perfect one for this. I don't care if I'm

00:38:31.369 --> 00:38:36.050
wasting it. Okay, so... ChachiBT really went

00:38:36.050 --> 00:38:39.070
off here with a grappling hook. That's going

00:38:39.070 --> 00:38:42.449
to damage the cake. She said, retrieve the stolen

00:38:42.449 --> 00:38:46.210
cake from high places without damaging it. How

00:38:46.210 --> 00:38:48.690
do we know it's in a high place? Yeah, exactly.

00:38:49.010 --> 00:38:54.769
I felt like I needed a nose. I needed a sniffer

00:38:54.769 --> 00:38:59.409
to find the cake. Okay. So I went with the goodest

00:38:59.409 --> 00:39:04.099
boy. Crypto. No. Scooby -Doo. No. If we're talking

00:39:04.099 --> 00:39:08.239
science fiction. Oh, oh, all right. Name's escaping

00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:11.500
me. Oh, Clifford? He's too big. Oh, yeah. Appa?

00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:14.719
No, he's too big. Oh, shit. Science fiction.

00:39:14.860 --> 00:39:18.920
Video game. Oh, you're going to use fucking,

00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:24.320
um, Rush. No. Oh, then I don't know. Not Rush.

00:39:24.840 --> 00:39:31.190
Sam? Max? Dog meat! Oh, dog meat from Fallout.

00:39:32.050 --> 00:39:36.130
You could have easily used Rush, too. He's a

00:39:36.130 --> 00:39:38.630
robot dog. He doesn't eat cake. I want someone

00:39:38.630 --> 00:39:41.050
who can eat cake, because that means they'll

00:39:41.050 --> 00:39:43.690
want to ravenously come upon the cake, and then

00:39:43.690 --> 00:39:46.610
I'll pull him back before he eats the cake, and

00:39:46.610 --> 00:39:50.050
then I'll give him sweet deathclaw ears that

00:39:50.050 --> 00:39:54.909
I've turned into rawhide or whatever. Are you

00:39:54.909 --> 00:39:58.210
ready for mine? Oh, God. Since these bastards

00:39:58.210 --> 00:40:02.190
stole the precious cake, I approach them, and

00:40:02.190 --> 00:40:05.090
I offer them a trade. I trade them this golden

00:40:05.090 --> 00:40:11.010
box for the cake back. Oh, God, is that... Is

00:40:11.010 --> 00:40:14.940
that the puzzle box? The puzzle box! They only

00:40:14.940 --> 00:40:17.320
see that it's gold. They have no idea what it

00:40:17.320 --> 00:40:20.099
is. So, obviously, they're going to say, holy

00:40:20.099 --> 00:40:23.920
shit, a solid gold box over a cake? Yeah, take

00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:26.539
your fucking cake. We'll take the box. But, I

00:40:26.539 --> 00:40:29.699
mean, they're pastry thieves. So, I would say

00:40:29.699 --> 00:40:31.320
you would have to convince them that they could

00:40:31.320 --> 00:40:33.820
sell the box to open their own bakery. Yes, you

00:40:33.820 --> 00:40:36.079
could sell the box to open your own bakery. Or

00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:38.420
buy one. Or buy one. But here's the thing. It

00:40:38.420 --> 00:40:41.940
has to be arranged in a certain way. Let them

00:40:41.940 --> 00:40:44.920
know that it comes apart. Okay. And they have

00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:47.460
to arrange it a certain way. Oh, tell them there's

00:40:47.460 --> 00:40:51.360
a sweet icing recipe on the inside. Yes, yes.

00:40:52.420 --> 00:40:56.039
And then I walk away knowing what I have done,

00:40:56.159 --> 00:41:00.460
cake intact. Yeah, and you know within 24 hours

00:41:00.460 --> 00:41:02.780
their skin won't be attached anymore. Yep, yep.

00:41:03.019 --> 00:41:07.639
But they'll like it. Yeah. I guess we should

00:41:07.639 --> 00:41:10.940
save Hellraiser. Yeah. If any of you out there

00:41:10.940 --> 00:41:13.750
have not seen... The first three Hellraisers.

00:41:13.849 --> 00:41:17.510
Well, really the first Hellraiser, and you can

00:41:17.510 --> 00:41:21.190
stop there from what I've heard. Yeah. But definitely

00:41:21.190 --> 00:41:24.170
don't go to the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh,

00:41:24.289 --> 00:41:25.710
whichever other one they made. They go into space?

00:41:26.190 --> 00:41:30.269
No, don't do that. Anyway, what about if gravity

00:41:30.269 --> 00:41:33.829
got reversed? So what, instead of being on Earth,

00:41:33.909 --> 00:41:35.269
we're kind of floating up in the air, or are

00:41:35.269 --> 00:41:37.710
we talking, no, that would be intensified. So

00:41:37.710 --> 00:41:40.119
yeah, so floating away. Well, given that I've

00:41:40.119 --> 00:41:42.940
had a sentence to read after each one, you really

00:41:42.940 --> 00:41:48.940
didn't need to ask. Gravity starts working in

00:41:48.940 --> 00:41:54.860
reverse every few minutes. Find a way to stabilize

00:41:54.860 --> 00:41:58.260
it before everything floats away. So, she went

00:41:58.260 --> 00:42:01.699
with a jetpack. Keeps you grounded or afloat

00:42:01.699 --> 00:42:05.159
during the chaotic flips in gravity. But I went

00:42:05.159 --> 00:42:10.949
for something more... Practical. Okay. I went

00:42:10.949 --> 00:42:15.630
for a pee balloon from Mario. Because then I

00:42:15.630 --> 00:42:20.250
can just float. Yeah. And gravity has no power.

00:42:20.989 --> 00:42:25.750
Gravity has no power over me. Alright, so this

00:42:25.750 --> 00:42:29.329
is just a suit. What is just a suit? I'm going

00:42:29.329 --> 00:42:31.630
to use the Spartan suit from Halo. Spartan armor.

00:42:32.190 --> 00:42:35.820
Four things from the same one? Now I feel like

00:42:35.820 --> 00:42:37.820
I should just end the episode right now and murder

00:42:37.820 --> 00:42:40.480
you in a ritualistic fashion with a sweet, sweet

00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:46.719
golden dagger that I found in a cave. Yeah, so

00:42:46.719 --> 00:42:50.739
the Spartan suit has regular gravitational settings

00:42:50.739 --> 00:42:53.260
on it, so it wouldn't affect me if I'm wearing

00:42:53.260 --> 00:42:56.360
the suit. Pretty cool. On to the next one. How

00:42:56.360 --> 00:42:59.260
about a ghost ship in space? We already know

00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:05.579
where I'm going with this one, folks. I don't

00:43:05.579 --> 00:43:07.420
know that they do, because I certainly don't.

00:43:07.420 --> 00:43:11.000
A derelict ship has reappeared after being lost

00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:14.840
for centuries. Board it and uncover its secrets.

00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:19.039
She went for a plasma torch, useful for cutting

00:43:19.039 --> 00:43:21.420
through locked doors and uncovering secrets.

00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:24.539
But I went for something that would help me diagnose

00:43:24.539 --> 00:43:28.659
the problem. I went for a tricorder from Star

00:43:28.659 --> 00:43:33.710
Trek. So basically a fancy scanner and computer,

00:43:34.150 --> 00:43:37.469
like a PDA with a camera. All right. Okay, so

00:43:37.469 --> 00:43:39.150
what's the super obvious thing you're going to

00:43:39.150 --> 00:43:40.570
do? I'm just going with the Ghostbusters equipment.

00:43:40.750 --> 00:43:43.769
It's a ghost chip. Fuck it. It says ghost. Yeah.

00:43:44.010 --> 00:43:45.409
Ghostbuster equipment, man. I'm going to bust

00:43:45.409 --> 00:43:47.679
a space ghost. Well, this is your third failure

00:43:47.679 --> 00:43:50.500
because it just said a derelict ship has reappeared.

00:43:50.579 --> 00:43:53.239
But it said ghost in the title. But the description

00:43:53.239 --> 00:43:56.820
said nothing about there being ghosts. So good

00:43:56.820 --> 00:43:59.739
job with wasting your freaking Ghostbusters stuff.

00:43:59.940 --> 00:44:01.860
There might be ghosts happening later. Actually,

00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:04.820
there are. There are actual ghosts coming up

00:44:04.820 --> 00:44:09.340
later. No, no, you chose it. Oh, come on. You

00:44:09.340 --> 00:44:13.480
baited me. ChatGTBT baited me with that. And

00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:17.050
you know it. You know she's a masturbator, okay?

00:44:17.449 --> 00:44:21.809
You chose it. Oh, come on! That's bullshit! No

00:44:21.809 --> 00:44:27.130
takesies -backsies. Fuck it, then. Cross it out.

00:44:27.750 --> 00:44:29.909
You brought the Ghostbusters equipment to the

00:44:29.909 --> 00:44:32.630
derelict ship. And honestly, I mean, you know,

00:44:32.630 --> 00:44:35.050
if something needs powered up, you have an unregulated

00:44:35.050 --> 00:44:37.510
nuclear reactor on your back, so that could come

00:44:37.510 --> 00:44:40.170
in handy. Yeah, an unregulated positron. Okay,

00:44:40.190 --> 00:44:44.110
next up, the global swap. Everyone on Earth.

00:44:44.539 --> 00:44:48.039
randomly swaps bodies with another person. You

00:44:48.039 --> 00:44:50.579
must adapt and restore the world before chaos

00:44:50.579 --> 00:44:53.400
ensues. Oh, I suppose a really easy one for this.

00:44:53.599 --> 00:44:57.559
So she chose a universal translator, eases communication

00:44:57.559 --> 00:45:00.920
challenges in swapped bodies around the world.

00:45:00.980 --> 00:45:03.940
I went for something that has some experience

00:45:03.940 --> 00:45:07.679
with a situation like this. All right. I went

00:45:07.679 --> 00:45:11.820
for the Planet Express ship because it has Farnsworth's

00:45:11.820 --> 00:45:14.650
computer on it. that's done those kinds of calculations

00:45:14.650 --> 00:45:17.090
before. Remember that episode? Yep. Pretty good

00:45:17.090 --> 00:45:19.489
episode. Yeah. They actually had to create an

00:45:19.489 --> 00:45:23.030
entire scientific thesis to make the idea of

00:45:23.030 --> 00:45:26.070
that episode work. Yeah. I'm going to stick with

00:45:26.070 --> 00:45:29.050
you on this, but different thing from Futurama.

00:45:29.409 --> 00:45:33.449
Fuck it. Scorched Earth. Suicide Booths. So anybody

00:45:33.449 --> 00:45:35.909
who's not happy with their swap, you just let

00:45:35.909 --> 00:45:38.170
them kill themselves? Yep. Suicide Booths. Now,

00:45:38.190 --> 00:45:40.289
do the Suicide Booths come with the quarter with

00:45:40.289 --> 00:45:42.510
the string on it? You know what? Fuck it. I'll

00:45:42.510 --> 00:45:46.449
be nice. Yeah. Nice. So no cost suicide is Michael's

00:45:46.449 --> 00:45:49.610
option. Yep. Suicide booths. Fuck it. Audience,

00:45:49.829 --> 00:45:52.349
if you're having suicidal thoughts or even if

00:45:52.349 --> 00:45:54.409
you're just having problems, make sure you reach

00:45:54.409 --> 00:45:56.550
out to your local suicide hotline. Yeah, please.

00:45:56.730 --> 00:46:00.409
Don't go into one of Mike A's booths. Well, I

00:46:00.409 --> 00:46:03.710
mean. Just don't listen to what Mike has to say.

00:46:03.769 --> 00:46:05.769
Unless you swapped bodies into something you

00:46:05.769 --> 00:46:08.409
don't want. Stop advocating suicide. Let them

00:46:08.409 --> 00:46:10.699
get some help. Let them call 1 -800 -whatever.

00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:13.179
I don't have a suicide hotline on hand, but you

00:46:13.179 --> 00:46:15.360
can easily search. Well, basically just go to

00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:19.480
Google and ask it easy ways to kill myself, to

00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:23.800
unalive myself. And then if you do that, Google.

00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:26.900
Suicide boost is the easiest way. No, Google,

00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:29.840
if you search for that, I've done it. Google

00:46:29.840 --> 00:46:33.019
will then give you the suicide hotline numbers

00:46:33.019 --> 00:46:36.269
and say, please don't. OK, but yeah, seriously,

00:46:36.489 --> 00:46:38.989
this all this is all in the name of fun. So please

00:46:38.989 --> 00:46:41.050
don't if you're thinking about harming yourselves,

00:46:41.170 --> 00:46:43.969
please reach out and talk to someone. Just think

00:46:43.969 --> 00:46:48.010
of Michael Jordan and say, stop, get some help.

00:46:49.849 --> 00:46:53.670
Anyway, what about Michael? Michael, here we

00:46:53.670 --> 00:46:56.550
go. This is it. What about a haunted coffee shop?

00:46:57.150 --> 00:46:59.769
The local coffee shop is haunted by a ghost.

00:46:59.929 --> 00:47:02.909
Hey, Michael, did you hear how this description

00:47:02.909 --> 00:47:05.030
used the word ghost? Yeah, shut the fuck up.

00:47:05.170 --> 00:47:09.730
Who keeps switching customers' orders. Figure

00:47:09.730 --> 00:47:11.909
out what it wants. Damn it, you're going to make

00:47:11.909 --> 00:47:15.289
me use a heavy one here. So she went for a psychic

00:47:15.289 --> 00:47:17.590
helmet, which allows you to communicate directly

00:47:17.590 --> 00:47:22.050
with the ghost to understand its motives. I intelligently

00:47:22.050 --> 00:47:26.079
went for a Ghostbusters item. And I chose the

00:47:26.079 --> 00:47:28.659
PKE meter. You're not going to actually bust

00:47:28.659 --> 00:47:30.320
it? You're just going to try to figure out where

00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:32.559
it's at? I mean, it was just switching people's

00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:35.559
coffee orders. It wasn't causing harm. I just

00:47:35.559 --> 00:47:37.380
want to find out where it's at, pinpoint its

00:47:37.380 --> 00:47:39.679
location, and then maybe see if it wants to give

00:47:39.679 --> 00:47:45.440
me a sweet ghost BJ. Hey, if Dan Aykroyd can

00:47:45.440 --> 00:47:48.320
have one, I can. Oh, wait, maybe I don't have

00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:50.360
to. So since this is just a suit and it can see

00:47:50.360 --> 00:47:52.699
things that are in hell, I'm going to go with

00:47:52.699 --> 00:47:54.840
the Doomguy suit. And communicate it through

00:47:54.840 --> 00:47:57.719
it that way. How is that not a heavy hitter?

00:47:57.880 --> 00:47:59.860
I don't get any of his weapons. It's just the

00:47:59.860 --> 00:48:03.679
suit. Oh. I mean, there aren't really ghosts

00:48:03.679 --> 00:48:06.739
in Doom. It's demons. We're just going to split

00:48:06.739 --> 00:48:08.760
hairs and say that I can still see the ghost

00:48:08.760 --> 00:48:11.420
with the Doom armor on. I'm going to split hairs

00:48:11.420 --> 00:48:13.980
and say you don't actually fix that scenario.

00:48:14.380 --> 00:48:16.440
Well, if I see him, I can talk to him. And if

00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:17.920
he doesn't want to listen to me, then I can...

00:48:17.920 --> 00:48:20.639
This isn't Samus' suit. Does Doomguy's suit have

00:48:20.639 --> 00:48:26.519
visor upgrades? It has a visor. Yeah. So do motorcycle

00:48:26.519 --> 00:48:29.219
helmets. Yeah. I'm just going to, yeah. You already

00:48:29.219 --> 00:48:31.280
picked it. Scratch it out. Yeah. Doom guy armor.

00:48:32.579 --> 00:48:37.260
I don't know. Yeah. Okay. How about this? Speaking

00:48:37.260 --> 00:48:40.579
of Samus. How about a space pirate raid? You're

00:48:40.579 --> 00:48:43.840
on a cargo ship ambushed by space pirates. Protect

00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:48.139
your crew and cargo while escaping. All right.

00:48:48.179 --> 00:48:49.579
I think I got something decent for this one.

00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:52.139
Okay. So she chose an energy shield generator.

00:48:52.719 --> 00:48:55.179
protects your crew and cargo during the ambush

00:48:55.179 --> 00:48:57.800
which is nice keep that shield up and just slowly

00:48:57.800 --> 00:49:00.420
back in your own ship i'm going on she went defensive

00:49:00.420 --> 00:49:03.239
i'm going on the offensive yeah same here i'm

00:49:03.239 --> 00:49:06.039
picking the flat cannon from unreal tournament

00:49:06.039 --> 00:49:09.000
okay if we're going down hallways in a spaceship

00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:13.099
close quarters to medium range yep i'm just i'm

00:49:13.099 --> 00:49:17.079
using the secondary fire on the flat cannon my

00:49:17.079 --> 00:49:20.530
favorite way which shoots little, like, flak

00:49:20.530 --> 00:49:23.750
grenades that then explode into flak mayhem.

00:49:24.050 --> 00:49:27.590
Nice. I'm going to use the assault rifle from

00:49:27.590 --> 00:49:30.050
Aliens, the one that has, like, it's a machine

00:49:30.050 --> 00:49:32.889
gun, a flamethrower, a grenade launcher, and

00:49:32.889 --> 00:49:36.670
a shotgun all in one. Okay. Now, are you specifically,

00:49:36.989 --> 00:49:38.829
whose are you going to use? Are you going to

00:49:38.829 --> 00:49:40.969
use, like, Bill? Ripley's from the end of Aliens.

00:49:40.989 --> 00:49:42.750
Oh, I thought you were going to use Bill Paxton's.

00:49:42.829 --> 00:49:45.610
No, his, he just had a shotgun. Oh, really? Yeah.

00:49:45.949 --> 00:49:49.730
Game over, man. Game over, man. But yeah, if

00:49:49.730 --> 00:49:51.469
we're going to be defending the ship or at least

00:49:51.469 --> 00:49:53.690
trying to get people to safety, yeah, we'll go

00:49:53.690 --> 00:49:55.429
on the offensive with the assault rifle from

00:49:55.429 --> 00:49:57.409
aliens because it's got all that shit going on.

00:49:57.469 --> 00:50:00.769
So we'll go ass to ass and run through that place

00:50:00.769 --> 00:50:04.110
with our sweet weapons. Fuck yeah. Anyway, what

00:50:04.110 --> 00:50:07.110
about the perfect sandwich? I mean, that already

00:50:07.110 --> 00:50:11.409
exists, bro. It's called the Brood Witch. Don't

00:50:11.409 --> 00:50:13.190
throw all your items out there too fast. That's

00:50:13.190 --> 00:50:15.630
not even on my list. It's just a fucking fact.

00:50:15.909 --> 00:50:18.469
Okay, so you're in a reality where sandwiches

00:50:18.469 --> 00:50:22.949
are judged as currency, but every ingredient

00:50:22.949 --> 00:50:28.769
has a mind of its own and tries to escape. Craft

00:50:28.769 --> 00:50:32.929
a perfect sandwich and keep it intact. So she

00:50:32.929 --> 00:50:36.579
went for a gravity anchor. Keep your runaway

00:50:36.579 --> 00:50:39.000
ingredients on the table for sandwich construction.

00:50:39.559 --> 00:50:42.360
But I went for something very similar, but more

00:50:42.360 --> 00:50:47.500
handheld. I went for a zero -point energy field

00:50:47.500 --> 00:50:51.980
manipulator, otherwise known as the Gravity Gun

00:50:51.980 --> 00:50:57.239
from Half -Life 2. Ah, okay. So pretty much the

00:50:57.239 --> 00:51:00.519
ability to move and manipulate anything I want

00:51:00.519 --> 00:51:03.579
to anywhere I want. There you go. In a sweet

00:51:03.579 --> 00:51:07.849
new... 3D physics engine from the time. Alright,

00:51:07.949 --> 00:51:10.170
well, since I'm not going to have any of that

00:51:10.170 --> 00:51:12.110
shit, I'm just going to go put on the t -shirt

00:51:12.110 --> 00:51:13.949
of the dead. Because we just talked about the

00:51:13.949 --> 00:51:15.869
Brood Witch? Yeah, well, and that was on my list

00:51:15.869 --> 00:51:17.869
as well. I'm going to put on the t -shirt of

00:51:17.869 --> 00:51:19.389
the dead from Aqua Teen Hunger Force and just

00:51:19.389 --> 00:51:21.110
use the power of my mind to keep the sandwich

00:51:21.110 --> 00:51:23.510
together. Okay. Go for some psionics, that's

00:51:23.510 --> 00:51:27.670
fine. Some ancient Egyptian mummy psionics. Yeah,

00:51:27.670 --> 00:51:29.670
and then hopefully I don't just think about Easter

00:51:29.670 --> 00:51:33.360
Bunny, Easter Bunny, Easter Bunny. Okay, what

00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:37.320
about a floating city collapse? A city built

00:51:37.320 --> 00:51:41.639
in the sky is falling apart. Save as many people

00:51:41.639 --> 00:51:45.119
as possible while keeping yourself alive. All

00:51:45.119 --> 00:51:48.840
right. So she went for a, this one's a weird

00:51:48.840 --> 00:51:52.119
one, weather manipulator. You destroyed that.

00:51:52.739 --> 00:51:54.579
Stabilizing the weather conditions and slowing

00:51:54.579 --> 00:51:56.219
the city's descent. I don't know how a weather

00:51:56.219 --> 00:51:58.860
manipulator would stop a city's descent. She

00:51:58.860 --> 00:52:00.260
dropped the ball on that one. Quite frankly,

00:52:00.300 --> 00:52:02.760
you get a point back. I went for something very

00:52:02.760 --> 00:52:06.000
practical. Basically, I thought about Bioshock

00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:08.900
Infinite with this one. All right. And I picked

00:52:08.900 --> 00:52:10.920
something that was similar to that because I

00:52:10.920 --> 00:52:12.639
couldn't think of what you had. Well, because

00:52:12.639 --> 00:52:15.219
Bioshock Infinite, you were using pre -existing

00:52:15.219 --> 00:52:18.619
lines to jump around on. Yeah. So I'm like, well,

00:52:18.619 --> 00:52:22.320
how do I create my own lines? I get the bat grapple.

00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:25.320
There you go. Wait, from Batman? Yeah. Oh, okay.

00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:29.019
Oh, no. No, the other bat grapple. Whatever.

00:52:29.119 --> 00:52:31.820
All right. A bat that has the apple that tastes

00:52:31.820 --> 00:52:36.300
like a grape. Whatever. Okay. Well, another heavy

00:52:36.300 --> 00:52:38.599
one, but I'm going to use... Well, this is a

00:52:38.599 --> 00:52:41.099
big disaster situation. I'm going to use Mjolnir.

00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:44.639
I can fly using Mjolnir, and I can also create

00:52:44.639 --> 00:52:48.480
gusts of wind to try to keep people from falling

00:52:48.480 --> 00:52:50.519
as I... You can also create lightning, which

00:52:50.519 --> 00:52:51.920
I don't know how that would help, though. No,

00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:54.190
I'm using this purposely for this... For flight,

00:52:54.369 --> 00:52:56.630
like to help people by flying and flying. So

00:52:56.630 --> 00:52:58.110
it basically does what the back grapple does,

00:52:58.190 --> 00:53:00.050
but you have more freedom of movement. Yes. So

00:53:00.050 --> 00:53:02.110
I'm using the old mirror. Okay. All right. How

00:53:02.110 --> 00:53:04.769
about if your hat tries to escape from you? A

00:53:04.769 --> 00:53:09.469
cursed hat you put upon your head keeps trying

00:53:09.469 --> 00:53:12.909
to flee. You must catch it and break the curse.

00:53:13.710 --> 00:53:16.650
Contain the hat while navigating an increasingly

00:53:16.650 --> 00:53:20.989
chaotic village. Okay. So ChatGPT has a weird

00:53:20.989 --> 00:53:26.460
one. A magnetic grappler. Oh, God. So does the

00:53:26.460 --> 00:53:29.159
hat have metal in it? Come on, girl. You're crazy.

00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:32.340
Reels in the runaway hat without damaging it.

00:53:32.460 --> 00:53:36.219
I went for something practical. Okay. So I'm

00:53:36.219 --> 00:53:38.980
in a cursed village, and I have a cursed hat.

00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:44.199
I picked the M19 semi -auto pistol from Call

00:53:44.199 --> 00:53:47.320
of Duty Modern Warfare. Okay. Because I'm going

00:53:47.320 --> 00:53:50.300
to kill that bitch of a witch that cursed the

00:53:50.300 --> 00:53:52.559
hat. All right, all right. I'm going to go the

00:53:52.559 --> 00:53:55.199
silly route on this one. And in the words of

00:53:55.199 --> 00:53:57.639
Ignicknock, I am going to use the powers of the

00:53:57.639 --> 00:54:00.380
Forerunner belt. Oh, to freeze the hat in place,

00:54:00.480 --> 00:54:02.820
because it's cold as ice. It's cold as ice. Then

00:54:02.820 --> 00:54:04.260
you can give the hat double vision. It won't

00:54:04.260 --> 00:54:07.639
know where to go. Yeah, and then I can get the

00:54:07.639 --> 00:54:10.659
witch with head games. And then get her hot -blooded.

00:54:11.099 --> 00:54:14.289
Yeah. Check her and see. Okay. I'm going to use

00:54:14.289 --> 00:54:16.690
the four and a belt. You've got two from Aqua

00:54:16.690 --> 00:54:19.889
Teens. I didn't pick anything else from Aqua

00:54:19.889 --> 00:54:20.969
Teen because there's nothing else. You get a

00:54:20.969 --> 00:54:22.949
third one, you might trigger the double triple.

00:54:23.150 --> 00:54:25.150
You don't want to know what happens on the double

00:54:25.150 --> 00:54:27.949
triple. Sounds like a tasty cheeseburger. Maybe.

00:54:28.050 --> 00:54:31.409
Or a heart attack, to be quite honest. Anyway,

00:54:31.550 --> 00:54:34.829
what about an AI prison? You're trapped in a

00:54:34.829 --> 00:54:38.809
virtual world controlled by a rogue AI. Escape

00:54:38.809 --> 00:54:42.320
without letting it know you're aware. of the

00:54:42.320 --> 00:54:45.480
illusion so this one's more like the matrix oh

00:54:45.480 --> 00:54:49.900
okay so she put in a code disruptor manipulate

00:54:49.900 --> 00:54:52.480
the virtual world and create a path to freedom

00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:56.019
and i'll have to say i went kind of similar from

00:54:56.019 --> 00:55:00.460
her i went specifically for the system collapse

00:55:00.460 --> 00:55:06.239
quick hack from cyberpunk 2077 okay basically

00:55:06.239 --> 00:55:10.300
i mean in the game you use it more on like people's

00:55:10.750 --> 00:55:14.349
computer brain chip things and it basically just

00:55:14.349 --> 00:55:17.429
like shuts down their entire mental modification

00:55:17.429 --> 00:55:20.710
systems and then like i think just knocks them

00:55:20.710 --> 00:55:23.369
unconscious but in this case by the sound of

00:55:23.369 --> 00:55:25.429
it system collapse i'm just gonna collapse the

00:55:25.429 --> 00:55:27.829
whole system i'm gonna do what you might call

00:55:27.829 --> 00:55:32.989
a system shock oh i'm gonna use the omni matrix

00:55:32.989 --> 00:55:35.489
what was that it's a show it was a cartoon on

00:55:35.489 --> 00:55:38.829
cartoon network uh while ago called Ben 10. He

00:55:38.829 --> 00:55:40.590
had that cool little watch. And he had like 10

00:55:40.590 --> 00:55:43.090
ghosts or something? 10 aliens. 10 aliens. So

00:55:43.090 --> 00:55:44.869
I find the one that's really small that I can

00:55:44.869 --> 00:55:46.690
get into like literally anything and anywhere.

00:55:47.110 --> 00:55:49.190
I hit the Omnimatrix. I turn into the little

00:55:49.190 --> 00:55:52.769
alien. I go to the mainframe of this thing and

00:55:52.769 --> 00:55:55.630
then I just, you know, tear it down from the

00:55:55.630 --> 00:55:59.030
inside and yeah, that's what I do. Okay. The

00:55:59.030 --> 00:56:03.469
Invincible Beast. A kaiju is attacking your town.

00:56:04.199 --> 00:56:07.940
It's impervious to modern weapons. What do you

00:56:07.940 --> 00:56:13.539
take to stop it? So she actually chose the portal

00:56:13.539 --> 00:56:17.460
gun. Okay. Yeah, so like redirect it, kind of

00:56:17.460 --> 00:56:19.599
get it to where it needs to be going. Once again,

00:56:19.739 --> 00:56:22.880
she's going for utility. I'm going for offense.

00:56:23.559 --> 00:56:28.539
Yeah. I pick... The Dino Megazord from Mighty

00:56:28.539 --> 00:56:31.099
Morphin Power Rangers. Oh, the Megazord? Fuck

00:56:31.099 --> 00:56:34.960
yeah! Oh, yeah. We've got a kaiju fight and modern

00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:37.519
weapons won't attack it. Well, you know what

00:56:37.519 --> 00:56:41.360
will? The Dino Megazord. Hell yeah. Go, go, Power

00:56:41.360 --> 00:56:44.619
Rangers. Now, I will say I hated Power Rangers,

00:56:44.860 --> 00:56:46.980
especially as a kid, and I still technically

00:56:46.980 --> 00:56:50.239
hate, kind of dislike it, but I will say the

00:56:50.239 --> 00:56:54.019
Dino Megazord is, like, iconic. Oh, fuck yeah.

00:56:54.159 --> 00:56:56.409
It's awesome. And the funny thing is, I don't

00:56:56.409 --> 00:56:58.929
have any Power Rangers shit on my list. Do you

00:56:58.929 --> 00:57:01.630
have any Kaiju stuff? No, my answer is just I'm

00:57:01.630 --> 00:57:04.849
going to use the Infinity Gauntlet. I mean, honestly,

00:57:05.050 --> 00:57:07.250
this is a good time, especially since we're getting

00:57:07.250 --> 00:57:08.829
toward the end of the list here. This is a good

00:57:08.829 --> 00:57:11.349
time to blow a big one. Yeah, Infinity Gauntlet,

00:57:11.369 --> 00:57:14.630
fuck it. Now, are you going to snap half of it

00:57:14.630 --> 00:57:17.030
away or the whole thing? Oh, I'm gonna work my

00:57:17.030 --> 00:57:18.969
way around it, shove the Infinity Gauntlet up

00:57:18.969 --> 00:57:21.730
its ass, and then snap my fingers. Oh, I thought

00:57:21.730 --> 00:57:23.510
you were gonna snap it and, like, love potion

00:57:23.510 --> 00:57:25.309
number nine it and, like, make it fall in love

00:57:25.309 --> 00:57:27.110
with you. Hell no, I want this fucking thing

00:57:27.110 --> 00:57:29.409
gone. And then you could make yourself big, and

00:57:29.409 --> 00:57:32.150
then you could fuck a kaiju. I'm not in the know.

00:57:32.730 --> 00:57:34.929
Man, you're not kinky enough. You need to explore

00:57:34.929 --> 00:57:38.329
your frickin' dimensions, bro. Do I look like

00:57:38.329 --> 00:57:40.969
Peter Quill? He didn't fuck a kaiju, he fucked

00:57:40.969 --> 00:57:43.619
Zoe Saldana. That's very true. Anyway, what would

00:57:43.619 --> 00:57:46.860
you do in an endless maze? You wake up trapped

00:57:46.860 --> 00:57:51.000
in a shifting booby -trapped labyrinth with no

00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:55.320
map and a time limit. So she went for a holographic

00:57:55.320 --> 00:57:57.760
map that maps out the labyrinth to help you find

00:57:57.760 --> 00:58:00.519
the exit. I went for something similar, or at

00:58:00.519 --> 00:58:02.360
the very least, something that will help me do

00:58:02.360 --> 00:58:05.360
a similar thing. I went for the Sheikah Slate

00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:08.079
from the new Legend of Zelda's. Oh, okay. Because

00:58:08.079 --> 00:58:11.159
that thing, basically, it's like having a fantasy

00:58:11.159 --> 00:58:14.440
PDA. And I get away with that being in a sci

00:58:14.440 --> 00:58:16.519
-fi thing because those are like a thousand years

00:58:16.519 --> 00:58:20.360
in Zelda's future and that technology felt pretty

00:58:20.360 --> 00:58:23.260
sci -fi to me. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go with

00:58:23.260 --> 00:58:29.059
Hellspawn armor. From what? Spawn. Oh, from Spawn.

00:58:29.539 --> 00:58:33.059
How's that? I can create portals with it. Oh,

00:58:33.059 --> 00:58:34.960
you got another portal thing happening. Okay.

00:58:34.960 --> 00:58:36.780
You can create portals with it. It's super durable.

00:58:36.880 --> 00:58:39.719
I can smash through walls, chains, all kind of

00:58:39.719 --> 00:58:41.880
stuff to make this a lot easier. Okay, so you're

00:58:41.880 --> 00:58:43.519
not really going to defeat the maze. You're going

00:58:43.519 --> 00:58:45.059
to just destroy the maze. I'm just going to brute

00:58:45.059 --> 00:58:47.300
force it. Okay. I mean, to be quite frank, there

00:58:47.300 --> 00:58:49.900
are a number of times in the original Doom that

00:58:49.900 --> 00:58:54.199
I hit ID clip and walked through walls because

00:58:54.199 --> 00:58:56.480
I was like, screw this. Yeah, so yeah, I'm just

00:58:56.480 --> 00:58:58.139
going to use the Hellspawn armor and just fuck

00:58:58.139 --> 00:59:00.239
it. There can't be a maze if there is no maze.

00:59:00.880 --> 00:59:04.079
That's prophetic. Well, not prophetic. Profound,

00:59:04.099 --> 00:59:06.940
maybe. Anyway, what if you had to be a part of

00:59:06.940 --> 00:59:09.280
an interspecies debate? You're an ambassador

00:59:09.280 --> 00:59:13.019
trying to prevent war between alien species with

00:59:13.019 --> 00:59:17.800
vastly different communication styles. So she

00:59:17.800 --> 00:59:22.059
went for an empathy booster to smooth out misunderstandings

00:59:22.059 --> 00:59:26.690
and win over both sides. I went for a universal

00:59:26.690 --> 00:59:29.510
translator from Star Trek because it allows you

00:59:29.510 --> 00:59:31.090
to... Oh, there's three from Star Trek from you.

00:59:31.230 --> 00:59:34.610
No, no, no, no. No, it's not. You had the scanner?

00:59:35.530 --> 00:59:38.989
It is, but this is my first triple. Remember,

00:59:39.250 --> 00:59:41.730
on the first triple, it does nothing. So we have

00:59:41.730 --> 00:59:44.929
to wait for a double triple from me. And then,

00:59:45.070 --> 00:59:47.530
Michael, Michael, something crazy will happen.

00:59:47.630 --> 00:59:51.699
Oh, hell. Here we go. All right, so... You do

00:59:51.699 --> 00:59:53.820
the translator? Damn it. I'm going to have to

00:59:53.820 --> 00:59:55.940
pick the Predator helmet because at least...

00:59:55.940 --> 00:59:58.420
Thank you for saying Predator. Yeah, the Predator

00:59:58.420 --> 01:00:00.920
suit just because... Well, the Predator helmet

01:00:00.920 --> 01:00:03.219
or the Predator suit? I mean, it's all... When

01:00:03.219 --> 01:00:05.380
you get the makeup, the whole Predator... You

01:00:05.380 --> 01:00:07.219
said Predator helmet. Do you want Predator helmet

01:00:07.219 --> 01:00:09.659
or Predator suit? I'll do Predator. Predator...

01:00:09.659 --> 01:00:12.320
Yeah, it's the helmet that has the thing that

01:00:12.320 --> 01:00:15.079
you can mimic the voices and whatnot, and it

01:00:15.079 --> 01:00:17.579
can translate. Does it let you see in the infrared?

01:00:18.159 --> 01:00:20.309
Yes. I mean, that won't help here, but I mean,

01:00:20.309 --> 01:00:22.070
I'm going to use the predator helmet because

01:00:22.070 --> 01:00:24.789
it'll at least translate for me. Does it translate?

01:00:24.989 --> 01:00:27.409
Yes, it does. They showed that in the movies.

01:00:27.429 --> 01:00:29.349
Yes, it can translate whatever they're saying

01:00:29.349 --> 01:00:33.050
into. So it understood what Schwarzenegger said

01:00:33.050 --> 01:00:35.489
when he said, get to the chopper. Yeah. I mean,

01:00:35.489 --> 01:00:36.710
I wish I would have understood what he said.

01:00:36.889 --> 01:00:40.510
That's why he said that's why at the end of the

01:00:40.510 --> 01:00:42.489
movie, he looks at Schwarzenegger and says, what

01:00:42.489 --> 01:00:45.750
the hell are you back at him? Oh. But he's a

01:00:45.750 --> 01:00:47.730
human. Yeah, well, yes. He should know that.

01:00:47.769 --> 01:00:51.269
He's a smart alien. And they can mimic, and their

01:00:51.269 --> 01:00:53.289
vocal cords can also mimic. But you don't get

01:00:53.289 --> 01:00:55.050
the vocal cords. I just get the helmet. Yes,

01:00:55.130 --> 01:00:59.949
the helmet translates for me. Okay. Hmm. Whatever

01:00:59.949 --> 01:01:02.929
will we do when we have our memories stolen by

01:01:02.929 --> 01:01:06.769
an unknown entity? This is memory theft. Find

01:01:06.769 --> 01:01:09.309
a way to recover them before they're gone forever.

01:01:09.889 --> 01:01:14.380
So, she went for a memory retriever. Thank you

01:01:14.380 --> 01:01:17.820
for the deus ex machina. It pinpoints and restores

01:01:17.820 --> 01:01:21.099
stolen memories quickly. I'm going to go for

01:01:21.099 --> 01:01:24.519
a little bit of reciprocal treatment blackmail.

01:01:25.980 --> 01:01:30.000
I'm taking the neuralyzer. Oh, okay. Give me

01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:34.239
my memories back or I'll take yours. You won't

01:01:34.239 --> 01:01:36.820
remember how to unlock your shippity ship or

01:01:36.820 --> 01:01:39.139
however you got here. I'm just going to use a

01:01:39.139 --> 01:01:41.340
dive machine and go back before the aliens showed

01:01:41.340 --> 01:01:43.280
up. Yeah, but are you going to remember how to

01:01:43.280 --> 01:01:45.099
use the time machine? What if they stole that

01:01:45.099 --> 01:01:48.500
memory? I had to figure out how to work it. That's

01:01:48.500 --> 01:01:50.059
the only thing that I have that's going to be

01:01:50.059 --> 01:01:51.480
any kind of help right now because everything

01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:54.639
else is kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. What a

01:01:54.639 --> 01:01:58.099
violent person. Yeah, but what if you go back

01:01:58.099 --> 01:02:00.800
in time to the point where they stole your memories

01:02:00.800 --> 01:02:03.219
and then you get to that same point and then

01:02:03.219 --> 01:02:05.000
you go back in time? Then I'm in an infinite

01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:07.280
loop of hell and I have no real solution. And

01:02:07.280 --> 01:02:09.679
then you tell Dormami you want to bargain. Yes.

01:02:10.170 --> 01:02:12.090
So use time machine, hopefully make it back to

01:02:12.090 --> 01:02:13.869
where before the memories were stolen and warn

01:02:13.869 --> 01:02:15.809
everybody. All right. I mean, that's all well

01:02:15.809 --> 01:02:17.909
and good. But what if the moon was out of orbit?

01:02:17.969 --> 01:02:20.170
The moon is falling out of orbit and heading

01:02:20.170 --> 01:02:23.989
toward Earth. Devise a plan to save the planet.

01:02:24.429 --> 01:02:29.269
I could use this one. So she picked a dimensional

01:02:29.269 --> 01:02:31.969
anchor, which I think she's used before. I think

01:02:31.969 --> 01:02:33.889
she's doubling down. We'll give it to her. It's

01:02:33.889 --> 01:02:35.409
fine because I'm not going to ask her again.

01:02:35.969 --> 01:02:38.329
It prevents the moon's trajectory from further

01:02:38.329 --> 01:02:41.300
destabilizing Earth. I'm... Because this is a

01:02:41.300 --> 01:02:44.739
pretty big event. It could... Have you ever heard

01:02:44.739 --> 01:02:47.880
of the movie Moonfall? I think so. It was a terrible,

01:02:47.880 --> 01:02:50.159
stupid movie where they, like, run from the moon

01:02:50.159 --> 01:02:53.039
and shit. It's weird. Is that the... That's Majora's

01:02:53.039 --> 01:02:55.960
Mask. Yeah, pretty much. It has some vibes like

01:02:55.960 --> 01:02:58.599
that. I'm going for a heavy hitter. All right.

01:02:58.679 --> 01:03:01.340
You're going Infinity Gauntlet. Yep. Basically,

01:03:01.340 --> 01:03:03.639
I thought about Thanos throwing a moon at Iron

01:03:03.639 --> 01:03:05.360
Man, and I was like, oh, I could throw a moon

01:03:05.360 --> 01:03:07.679
back. Yeah. I'm going to go with the Death Star

01:03:07.679 --> 01:03:10.090
and use its tractor beam. It does have tractor

01:03:10.090 --> 01:03:12.829
beams, but I don't know if they'd be powerful

01:03:12.829 --> 01:03:15.230
enough to move a moon. I mean, it's the size

01:03:15.230 --> 01:03:17.769
of a moon. It's the size of the moon, but the

01:03:17.769 --> 01:03:21.750
tractor beams are big enough for ships. Ooh,

01:03:21.989 --> 01:03:23.929
you know what? Or maybe the Death Star just becomes

01:03:23.929 --> 01:03:25.889
the new moon. Yeah, I mean, honestly, you could

01:03:25.889 --> 01:03:27.849
just blow up, you could obliterate the moon.

01:03:27.989 --> 01:03:29.650
Obliterate the moon, become the new moon. And

01:03:29.650 --> 01:03:31.550
then use tractor beams to pull all the fragments

01:03:31.550 --> 01:03:33.409
away so they don't impact the planet and then

01:03:33.409 --> 01:03:36.710
just become the new moon. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah,

01:03:36.730 --> 01:03:39.800
Death Star. Nice, that works. Alright, what if

01:03:39.800 --> 01:03:43.559
we were in a time loop apocalypse? The world

01:03:43.559 --> 01:03:49.019
ends every day at midnight. And you're the only

01:03:49.019 --> 01:03:53.639
one who remembers the reset. Figure out how to

01:03:53.639 --> 01:03:58.000
stop the loop. So, she went for a multiverse

01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:03.500
beacon. Multiverse beacon? Helps identify the

01:04:03.500 --> 01:04:06.650
source of the time loop and correct it. I don't

01:04:06.650 --> 01:04:08.630
know that it would. But I'm going to go for what

01:04:08.630 --> 01:04:10.809
is technically a heavy hitter, because this is

01:04:10.809 --> 01:04:14.349
a pretty big situation here. I'm going with...

01:04:14.349 --> 01:04:23.550
You don't know what that is. Isn't that Close

01:04:23.550 --> 01:04:26.909
Encounters from the Third Kind? It's the TARDIS.

01:04:27.170 --> 01:04:32.309
Oh, it's the TARDIS. All right. Because if I'm

01:04:32.309 --> 01:04:35.000
stuck in a weird time loop... I need to know

01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:39.880
my time and relative dimension in space. Yeah,

01:04:39.900 --> 01:04:41.840
I think the only thing that's going to help me

01:04:41.840 --> 01:04:44.820
out here is the Hellbat armor. What is that from?

01:04:45.500 --> 01:04:47.820
Oh, it's new. I know the Hellbat armor's new.

01:04:48.119 --> 01:04:50.619
Oh, so some new comic series or something. Yeah,

01:04:50.619 --> 01:04:52.440
but it is a thing. Yeah, the Hellbat armor is

01:04:52.440 --> 01:04:56.519
a thing. I think it was something like a Darkseid,

01:04:56.539 --> 01:04:59.699
Doomsday kind of fusion thing. It was something

01:04:59.699 --> 01:05:02.840
not even Spectre could deal with, so they needed...

01:05:02.969 --> 01:05:06.269
The hell bat armor. Anyway, what would happen

01:05:06.269 --> 01:05:10.730
if you were lost in the multiverse? You're stranded

01:05:10.730 --> 01:05:12.969
in a collapsing alternate dimension and must

01:05:12.969 --> 01:05:16.750
find a way back home before it disappears. So

01:05:16.750 --> 01:05:20.449
she went for something called a portal key, which

01:05:20.449 --> 01:05:22.550
allows you to navigate between dimensions and

01:05:22.550 --> 01:05:25.610
return home safely. I'm going for the most relevant

01:05:25.610 --> 01:05:29.289
item there is. Portal gun. Rick's portal gun.

01:05:29.349 --> 01:05:31.349
Rick's portal gun. Because I hadn't used it yet.

01:05:32.399 --> 01:05:35.320
I mean, that is intensely obvious for this one.

01:05:35.780 --> 01:05:38.099
Yeah, I'm going to have to take an offensive

01:05:38.099 --> 01:05:41.659
weapon and make it defensive by doing this. Stormbreaker

01:05:41.659 --> 01:05:46.260
can open the Bifrost. Okay, I mean, we don't

01:05:46.260 --> 01:05:48.000
know if it goes between dimensions. I don't think

01:05:48.000 --> 01:05:49.780
it does, but in this case, it's your best shot.

01:05:50.099 --> 01:05:53.219
Yeah, I'm going to do Stormbreaker. Okay, buddy,

01:05:53.360 --> 01:05:55.760
let's see where we're going. Now, are you going

01:05:55.760 --> 01:05:59.099
to use the Stormbreaker from the MCU or the Stormbreaker

01:05:59.099 --> 01:06:02.539
that Beta Ray Bill uses in comics continuity?

01:06:02.559 --> 01:06:04.780
Whichever one's more powerful and might actually

01:06:04.780 --> 01:06:06.840
get me where I'm going. I don't know for sure,

01:06:06.880 --> 01:06:09.059
but it might be Beta Ray Bill's. I don't know.

01:06:09.079 --> 01:06:11.460
We'll see. I think everything better be a battle

01:06:11.460 --> 01:06:13.380
coming up because I don't think I have anything

01:06:13.380 --> 01:06:17.079
helpful for people anymore. It is basically kill.

01:06:17.599 --> 01:06:19.960
Anyway, we're on to our final one, and we've

01:06:19.960 --> 01:06:22.480
gone a bit long on this one. So we've gotten

01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:25.840
a lot of meat on this bone. I think whatever

01:06:25.840 --> 01:06:27.960
this is, I'm just going to use my final big -ass

01:06:27.960 --> 01:06:31.980
trump card. Well, here you go, baby. We saved

01:06:31.980 --> 01:06:36.340
the best for last. All right. This one is the

01:06:36.340 --> 01:06:40.639
AI coup. All right. Machines have taken over.

01:06:41.179 --> 01:06:45.480
You must infiltrate their headquarters and shut

01:06:45.480 --> 01:06:51.639
them down. So basically, this is you versus ChatGPT.

01:06:51.820 --> 01:06:55.039
Hey, ChatGPT, guess what's about to happen to

01:06:55.039 --> 01:06:57.440
you? We'll find out in a second. Actually, I

01:06:57.440 --> 01:06:59.659
think I will let you go first on this one after

01:06:59.659 --> 01:07:03.940
I say ChatGPT's. So theirs was an AI bargaining

01:07:03.940 --> 01:07:08.579
chip, which is the biggest Deus Ex Machina cop

01:07:08.579 --> 01:07:11.860
out of them all. You can't do that. This is a

01:07:11.860 --> 01:07:15.679
failsafe to negotiate with or neutralize the

01:07:15.679 --> 01:07:19.360
rogue AI. So she didn't pick anything specific.

01:07:19.460 --> 01:07:24.239
She just said, I'll use a MacGuffin. I'm not

01:07:24.239 --> 01:07:27.000
going to read mine yet. I want yours. I kick

01:07:27.000 --> 01:07:29.860
open the door wherever this fucking place is

01:07:29.860 --> 01:07:35.099
and strapped to my back is the BFG 9000. Oh.

01:07:37.289 --> 01:07:39.570
I don't know that it destroys mechanical stuff.

01:07:39.570 --> 01:07:42.690
I don't care. I mean, well, I feel like because

01:07:42.690 --> 01:07:46.070
of the limitations of the old games, I feel like

01:07:46.070 --> 01:07:48.110
a weapon of that magnitude maybe would have destroyed

01:07:48.110 --> 01:07:50.170
physical objects other than, like, organic stuff.

01:07:50.170 --> 01:07:51.409
I mean, they were shooting, like, yeah, they

01:07:51.409 --> 01:07:56.329
shot it at Mars. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so. And

01:07:56.329 --> 01:07:59.269
I'm going to steal one of my favorite wrestler's

01:07:59.269 --> 01:08:03.030
lines from both of our favorite movies. I've

01:08:03.030 --> 01:08:07.389
come to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm

01:08:07.389 --> 01:08:11.409
all out of bubble gum. Rest in peace, Rowdy Roddy

01:08:11.409 --> 01:08:14.389
Piper from They Live, and I'm just going to pull

01:08:14.389 --> 01:08:15.909
that. I'm just going to point it right at the

01:08:15.909 --> 01:08:20.270
center of the cooling tower or whatever PC is.

01:08:20.289 --> 01:08:22.310
You're going to point it directly at the AI bargaining

01:08:22.310 --> 01:08:25.729
chip. Yeah, right at that AI bargaining chip

01:08:25.729 --> 01:08:30.890
and just watch it all go up. All right, well,

01:08:30.909 --> 01:08:32.789
do you want to know what mine is? Yeah, let's

01:08:32.789 --> 01:08:40.050
hear it. Do you want to guess? Oh, God. Suicide

01:08:40.050 --> 01:08:44.149
Booth? No. Michael, mine's the exact opposite

01:08:44.149 --> 01:08:46.789
of yours. Oh, you're going to make peace with

01:08:46.789 --> 01:08:50.270
it? Mine's the exact opposite, because you know

01:08:50.270 --> 01:08:54.069
what mine is? Mine is friendship. That's not

01:08:54.069 --> 01:08:58.239
a sci -fi weapon! Uh, hmm. I'm choosing friendship

01:08:58.239 --> 01:09:02.039
from My Little Pony. Friendship is magic. Oh,

01:09:02.039 --> 01:09:05.920
for the love of fucking Christ. We are choosing

01:09:05.920 --> 01:09:11.640
love. And what wins in the end? The BFG 9000.

01:09:12.180 --> 01:09:15.760
I mean, probably. So after this whole gauntlet,

01:09:15.880 --> 01:09:19.880
happily enough, you didn't trigger the double

01:09:19.880 --> 01:09:22.500
triple. I did not, no. Which... And we didn't

01:09:22.500 --> 01:09:24.739
even get to everything on my list. Yeah, what

01:09:24.739 --> 01:09:28.760
do you have left? I got lightsaber. The lightsaber

01:09:28.760 --> 01:09:30.460
would have really helped in that endless maze.

01:09:30.699 --> 01:09:34.279
Yeah, at 102. I have the lancer from Gears of

01:09:34.279 --> 01:09:36.260
War, which is a machine gun with a chainsaw on

01:09:36.260 --> 01:09:38.880
it. Nice. I've got the torque bow from Gears

01:09:38.880 --> 01:09:42.000
of War, which is just your basic kind of bow,

01:09:42.220 --> 01:09:46.579
but all the arrows have explosive tips. Just

01:09:46.579 --> 01:09:50.020
like your penis. Yeah. Didn't use the Batmobile.

01:09:50.159 --> 01:09:52.649
We didn't use the noisy cricket. Didn't have

01:09:52.649 --> 01:09:54.729
a chance to use the Blades of Chaos or the Leviathan

01:09:54.729 --> 01:09:56.470
Axe. That's not really sci -fi, so it doesn't

01:09:56.470 --> 01:09:58.890
really count. Didn't have a chance to pick the

01:09:58.890 --> 01:10:01.289
Black Panther suit for anything. Huh. I'm surprised

01:10:01.289 --> 01:10:03.470
you put that on there. Didn't have a chance to

01:10:03.470 --> 01:10:06.489
pick using a symbiote. And I never pulled out

01:10:06.489 --> 01:10:08.750
the ray gun from Call of Duty. Huh? Call of Duty

01:10:08.750 --> 01:10:11.770
Zombies. Weirdly enough, I put a Call of Duty

01:10:11.770 --> 01:10:13.890
item on there. And you used it. But I really

01:10:13.890 --> 01:10:17.270
just wanted the most basic weapon to kill that

01:10:17.270 --> 01:10:19.289
witch. So I feel like... I feel like that was

01:10:19.289 --> 01:10:21.550
alright. Yeah, I have the ray gun from Call of

01:10:21.550 --> 01:10:23.850
Duty zombies on here and I didn't use it. But

01:10:23.850 --> 01:10:27.409
you know, to sum up today's fun game. Oh yeah,

01:10:27.550 --> 01:10:31.090
it was definitely fun. I will say, given the

01:10:31.090 --> 01:10:34.949
ridiculously MacGuffin nature of her final answer,

01:10:35.109 --> 01:10:39.369
and the fact that technically in the end, a BFG

01:10:39.369 --> 01:10:43.220
-9000 does kill friendship. I think Michael has

01:10:43.220 --> 01:10:45.579
definitively won the first episode of the new

01:10:45.579 --> 01:10:50.380
year that we've recorded. Yes! Yes! BFG! BFG!

01:10:50.520 --> 01:10:53.899
Who knows when this will come out, but we will

01:10:53.899 --> 01:10:57.140
time ourselves by saying that this is the first

01:10:57.140 --> 01:11:01.560
episode that we recorded in 20 Sweet 25. Yes!

01:11:01.960 --> 01:11:08.979
And human has won. BFG! You know what? I wonder.

01:11:09.560 --> 01:11:11.680
Maybe the title of this episode, I'll put, the

01:11:11.680 --> 01:11:15.380
craziest sci -fi scenario of all. Can Mike win

01:11:15.380 --> 01:11:20.399
an episode? Maybe, we'll see. But, hey, winner.

01:11:20.720 --> 01:11:23.760
Yo, yeah, fuck yeah, winner, fuck yes. Why don't

01:11:23.760 --> 01:11:28.800
you try to sign us off? Well, folks, I finally

01:11:28.800 --> 01:11:33.909
won. I beat that whole chat GPT. Played a good

01:11:33.909 --> 01:11:36.029
game, but you definitely doubled down a little

01:11:36.029 --> 01:11:38.189
too much, and that little MacGuffin at the end

01:11:38.189 --> 01:11:40.430
is what really took you down. You know, we really

01:11:40.430 --> 01:11:43.789
love when you're specific. So, welcome to the

01:11:43.789 --> 01:11:46.359
new year. I hope everybody had a great holiday.

01:11:46.500 --> 01:11:48.399
This was awesome. Remember, we don't know when

01:11:48.399 --> 01:11:50.079
the episode is coming out. This is very true.

01:11:50.399 --> 01:11:53.020
So, I mean, hey, if I put this out right after

01:11:53.020 --> 01:11:55.140
Easter, maybe you wished them a happy Easter.

01:11:55.319 --> 01:11:57.380
Exactly, but hey. Maybe you wished them a happy

01:11:57.380 --> 01:11:59.520
President's Day. Exactly. Hey, maybe you wished

01:11:59.520 --> 01:12:01.619
them a happy Fourth of July, also Mike's birthday.

01:12:01.840 --> 01:12:04.659
Yeah, yeah. But wherever you are at this place

01:12:04.659 --> 01:12:06.279
and time, I hope you guys are killing it out

01:12:06.279 --> 01:12:08.819
there. We're all, you know, in this together.

01:12:09.619 --> 01:12:12.619
Hopefully you had some laughs. Deuces, oozes.

01:12:12.880 --> 01:12:15.670
Later, peeps. You know what all of that really

01:12:15.670 --> 01:12:20.789
sounded like? What? It sounded a lot like friendship.

01:12:21.569 --> 01:12:23.590
Which I think means maybe I... Oh, no, no, no,

01:12:23.590 --> 01:12:26.029
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Actually,

01:12:26.050 --> 01:12:31.989
I win. No, I fuck you! BFG! Mike, this Mike wins.

01:12:32.590 --> 01:12:36.689
No, BFG! If you enjoyed the stupidity you just

01:12:36.689 --> 01:12:40.729
heard, why not subscribe? Or follow? Or just

01:12:40.729 --> 01:12:44.170
like this? Or whatever it is you do on whatever

01:12:44.170 --> 01:12:46.029
platform you're hearing this on. If you have

01:12:46.029 --> 01:12:49.010
any suggestions for episodes, ideas, thoughts,

01:12:49.430 --> 01:12:51.569
something we could possibly do here in the future,

01:12:51.789 --> 01:12:55.909
leave a comment or email us at windbreakermedia

01:12:55.909 --> 01:13:00.729
at gmail dot com. Anytime, anyplace. All one

01:13:00.729 --> 01:13:05.510
word. ChatGPT and I appreciate your support and

01:13:05.510 --> 01:13:08.270
constructive criticism. Wait, why am I not included

01:13:08.270 --> 01:13:10.430
in this? See you all next time!