In a world full of fear and sometimes loathing of unfathomable technological advancements,
there stands one human hero.
Hail to the king, baby.
OOF OOF OOF!
AAH!
This is the chronicle of Mike vs. The Machine.
In a world wracked by political derisiveness, where we feel divided, where humanity consistently,
constantly feels like it's on the brink, what could save us?
What could maybe replace us as the better custodians of this world?
What would be both a more poignant but also a more playful world that we could allow a better way, a better world?
Something hairy?
Maybe humanity is done.
Maybe it's time for Monkey World.
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh, you thought AI was the only existential threat?
You know what else is lurking on the brink, ready to bite your ankles and take you down?
Monkeys.
Not monkeys. Monkey.
The singular concept of monkey.
That is what wits.
Just a monkey.
No, it's not a monkey.
It's monkey.
Jesus.
The concept of monkey.
Oh, God.
And here lies your ruin, Michael.
Everything that shall bring you to your knees.
Monkey World.
I haven't heard this before.
Oh, yes, I've been ranting about this on quite a lot of occasions.
The idea that this world is doomed to what must replace it is Monkey World.
No, no. Monkey, no, no.
We already have people that throw shit. They're called politicians.
Yeah, exactly. And that's what we're going to replace them with.
Because, see, they play at throwing metaphorical shit.
What we need in this world is realism and truth.
And what is more real than a face full of shit?
I don't want a face full of shit.
Yeah, nobody wants a face full of shit, but sometimes you need it.
Sometimes it's there, and sometimes you get it.
Get to the point.
The point is Monkey World.
Why does it have to be monkey? Why can't it be something cool like Bruce Gamble World?
Oh, baby.
We'll get to that.
Hail to the king, baby.
Yeah, so when you hear the term Monkey World, what springs into your primitive mind?
Well, you maniacs. You blew it up.
Oh, always Michael with the autistic references to things.
Pop culture references that are boundless in knowledge of.
Yes, I mean, that is part of where this entire concept derives from.
So you just stole Planet of the Apes?
No, see, that's the thing, though. This is so much more.
It's not just a world run by a monkey.
It is all of us embracing monkey as a concept and as a way of life.
So I have to walk around with no pants on?
If you so choose. Because that is the way of monkey.
Oh, Jesus.
It's a philosophical concept.
And it's one that I hope by the end of this episode you will embrace.
I don't think I'm going to, but you could try.
Yeah, we'll try.
So anyway, see, chat GPT here, though, it has a way different view of what Monkey World would be
because it conjures an image of a vibrant jungle like environment
teeming with activity and intelligent monkey inhabitants.
It talks a lot about tech savvy monkeys with gadgets made from forest materials.
So an Apple, an Apple iPhone made from an Apple.
That's mystical monkeys connected to nature and warrior monkeys guarding the borders.
So hippie monkeys?
Well, I don't know for me, for some reason, I'm kind of it's kind of feeling like it's Avatar,
the last airbender, but monkey.
Oh, dear Lord. So there's a monkey avatar.
I don't know why, but in my brain, I just got images of both Avatar,
the last airbender and Avatar were like with the Navi mixed that all together with monkey and blue monkeys
and then a bald monkey with an arrow on his head.
And then what does what does what does the Avatar monkey, what does he ride?
What is his oppa? Oh, God. Oh, wait, wait.
Tell me if this vibes with you. It's an orangutan,
orangutan, and then like its big puffy cheeks flow out to be its like wings.
I mean, that can actually work.
But isn't that technically what King Louie is in the Jungle Book?
I mean, slightly. It's like mixing a flying squirrel with an orangutan.
Oh, I mean, that could be the next Pokemon. Yeah.
To be quite honest, if Game Freak is listening to this,
that's a free idea because I want them to have good ideas because they haven't had many.
Yeah, they're running out there. They're running out.
So chat GPT basically thinks Monkey World is filled with fun adventures,
comedy and then deeper themes of community teamwork or the environment.
That's not that's not my Monkey World. No.
And does it not realize that monkeys do have the capacity for war as well?
Oh, yeah. I mean, when I asked it's the idea of monkeys taking over the modern human world by monkey conquest,
it basically just gave me a reciting of the Planet of the Apes movies, which I mean, that's what catch BT and all does.
Which Planet of the Apes movies are we talking about? Just Planet of the Apes.
Just Planet of the Apes. Just the concept of it.
I mean, it's a rise of monkey power with an entirely intelligent monkeys, downfall of humanity.
Monkey society emerges global ecosystem shift for the better, sadly, for for, you know, thinking of humans and that human resistance
or coexistence or they're just stupid and can't talk good no more. And then they will be referred back to troglodytes.
Yeah. Well, that's how it wasn't the first movie. They're like that that human can speak.
What the fuck? Remember when they said that about Charlton Heston?
Oh, yeah. Then he's like, get your paws off me, you damn dirty.
Yeah. And then the woman was just like, goo goo gaga. And she was like, like, she couldn't do anything.
Didn't they try to say he was like a time traveler or something like that?
No, he was a time travel. Oh, yeah, that is right. Yeah, I keep it's been a while since I've had him and like two other two or three other astronauts are in the space capsule.
They travel through time, but they don't know they travel through time. That's the whole point of the movie.
You know which one we don't talk about? Yeah. The Tim Burton. Is it Tim Burton? Yeah.
Yeah, we don't talk about that. Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg can't fight no eight.
Yeah. And then he goes finally thinks he's back in the real world. And then he goes to the Lincoln Memorial and it's and it's monkey memorial.
That was so monkey Lincoln. That is so stupid.
That is just stupid on the face of it. Yeah, I mean, you made more sense with the whole Charlton Heston coming upon the statue.
Yeah, no, that actually made logical sense that that would happen. Like Monkey Lincoln.
That that reminds me of the score in Seven Bananas Ago.
That reminds me of the cartoon that I still want to make to this day and may in the future make called Chicken Lincoln.
We're not going to get into it. We could talk about that another day. But yeah, we have to.
Yes. Chicken Lincoln is amazing. I really do. Cliffhangers listeners. Cliffhangers.
Maybe I'll have a whole episode about what inspired. I will literally just let him talk and listen to the synopsis of Chicken.
Oh, yeah. If I find my old notes, there's like a whole couple of note cards full of them.
I think the third chapter was called the CRISPR cabinet because he becomes president.
But anyway, we can have a whole episode about just flash cartoons and what inspired that.
And what inspired us? I actually would love to have that. That's a yeah. That's a spoiler for the future.
This won't this won't be cut out because this is teasing, teasing the future, which is a great motivating tactic for someone to continue listening to the to the pockets.
Hell, yeah. Anyway, we're talking about Monkey World and specifically Planet of the Apes, which one would you if you had to pick,
which one would you rather live in? Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes or newer continuity of Planet of the Apes?
Not Tim Burton, Planet of the Apes, newer continuity like with Caesar and that. Yeah. Yeah. So it's Charlton Heston or James Franco. Yeah.
Like, well, the thing is, if we're living in the world of the movies, then we have to, depending on the movie, if we're living in Charlton Heston movie,
that means that we are literally either a time traveler or a human with no mind. And then James Franco times, we are people who remember how things used to be.
And now we're living in a global apocalypse and we're setting up a resistance.
So I'll take ignorance being bliss and go with Charlton Heston times. I'm going to go with James Franco.
That's my thing, man. Like, think of the way we live. Well, I would try to be diplomatic with the monkey.
Well, put all that aside. Let's go regular life. First thing, go take a shit. You don't have toilet paper.
You're using leaves, man. And with how messy your shits are, our shits, let's I'm going to be real here.
Like, you're going to get poison ivied. But think about this. What do we do when we go home? We play video games.
Now we're going to be sitting in the middle of the woods and all we have to play with is our peen.
And we're not going to have no Call of Duty. We're not going to have any Fortnite. We're not going to have any DOOM.
We're not going to have Animal Crossing. We're going to have actual animals. We'll have none of that.
Yeah. But you know what we will have, though? Monkey. Yeah, monkey. We'll still have our card games and board games.
We'll still have some of that. You know what? The person who owns all the board games will own entertainment.
Yeah, you'd be. Yeah, look behind you. I know. I've seen them. Yeah. I mean, what else are we going to do with Monkey World besides try to survive?
See, here's the thing. So I want I asked. Now, here's the thing. A fish is Monkey World and we know monkeys, they're omnivores, just like us. Monkey.
Monkey is a concept. We're talking about monkey as a concept. Monkey is a concept, but a monkey is an omnivore. Yeah.
And that's how we're so adaptable. So are we competing with them for food? Are they going to raise cattle like us or are they just if they're smart, if they're smart?
But if we're all smart monkey, then, yeah, we're going to be doing all kind of agricultural stuff.
Well, I mean, now in like the actual world, they say that monkeys are entering the Stone Age.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Didn't I hear monkeys were like only eating some of the plants because they know they need to keep some of them to repopulate themselves, repopulate and medicinal purposes.
Yeah. So like I think they actually caught them growing seeds. Yeah, they're in. They've entered the Stone Age.
So it's just pretty sick. Hey, guess what? All you religious people that say evolution is bullshit monkey. Yeah, exactly.
Like, well, if we came from monkey, then why is there still monkey? Well, bitch, the monkey we came from doesn't exist anymore because we are we were it.
We were the best kind of monkey. And we know the real science. Michael's not talking about it right now, but he said this a thousand times.
But I talk about monkey world. He's like, we're not monkeys. We're actually great apes. I know that this is monkey as a concept.
Put aside all predispositions of truth and fact and reality. This is the concept of monkey. All right.
And what I say here is, yeah, if we came from monkey, then why is there still monkey? Because there were a lot of different monkeys.
And look, there were a lot of monkeys back then. The whole uncanny valley thing happens in our brains because our brains are programmed to look for homo sapiens.
Yes, we were supposed to look at a Neanderthal and be like, oh, that's different.
We ended up having sex with a bunch of them. And now there's Neanderthal DNA in us. But like the homo erectus and homo blunt, homo this and homo that and homo homo homo homo.
And no homo. And yes, that's like that's where that comes from. So it's like, yeah, there were lots of monkeys.
There were lots of apes, great apes who became hominids.
And then we eventually all merged and homo sapiens were the most successful ones. But then there were other lesser monkey that didn't evolve.
And now some of them are starting to evolve. Chimpanzees in particular. Yeah.
And honestly, you give a chimpanzee a gun, that thing will ravage us. Yeah.
Now, in your concept of monkey world, do the monkey know about Harambe?
Oh, if they get up, we have to make sure they don't get a hold of the Internet so they don't find out.
Well, see, here's my thing. I make a Harambe costume and I disguise myself as Harambe.
Well, they would just think you're an ape unless they have access to the Internet and know who Harambe is.
Wouldn't Harambe technically be like their Jesus? I mean, he didn't die for their sins. He just died.
They were split hairs. I mean, yeah, he could technically be a martyr.
But a martyr for what? Because he didn't die for a cause. He's more like a George Floyd than a Jesus.
It's still a means to an end to start a cause. I mean, yeah, it totally is.
We have Black Lives Matter here. I mean, we don't, but I mean, you know, us as human, us as good feeling humans have that.
Yes, yes, yes. And then monkey could have Harambe matter. Harambe matter.
And no, we're not conflating any of this. We and we we absolutely will very openly say we supported Black Lives Matter then and we support it now.
Yes, we do. All lives do matter. But Black Lives Matter.
I don't know if we should have it. No, we should have this. Make a stand.
Like, yes, all lives matter.
But the point of saying Black Lives Matter is the fact that those lives were disproportionately being treated as lesser, as if they mattered less in the eyes of a corrupt system.
And that is exactly what our monkey brothers are also going to think when they get access to the Internet and read about Harambe.
Oh, they're going to fuck us up. Oh, I mean, what what don't white people ruin?
We say as to very white gentlemen, what don't white people ruin?
And at least in this case, we can blame a white woman, I believe, you know, for letting her child fall into a gorilla.
Exactly. But you want to know what else I could say?
There's going to be an albino monkey and that means it's a white monkey and it's going to ruin monkey world.
What's that you? Probably. Oh, wait, was there an albino monkey in those movies?
Maybe. I haven't watched. I have all three of them. I just haven't watched them.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. White people find a way to ruin everything.
Oh, you're talking about an albino monkey as a concept that would ruin monkey world happens.
Albino monkey gets bored. Albino monkey fucks everything up because it's a white monkey.
Yeah. So my thought is we need to just keep we need to keep white white.
We need to keep white power out of monkey world. Exactly.
We need to all be one equal people and white monkey, white monkey, bad monkey, white monkey, bad monkey.
So we're considering the the the evil nature of of of humans and just the evil nature of the world sometimes.
It's strange. But Chachi BT, I ask it like if I asked if I told somebody to act more like monkey
and it went to be more playful and energetic, be resourceful and adaptable.
I mean, that's true. Oh, yeah, that's be social and collaborative.
They really are. Be curious and adventurous. Be less refined or formal.
I like that. Yeah. But at no point did Chachi BT mention biting off someone's face because they got mad.
Yeah, exactly. Oh, I mean, it's not just people that they do this to.
They do this to other monkey. Oh, they do it to all kind of monkey.
Hordes of I don't want to say hordes. Say hordes or say packs of monkey when it comes to like chimpanzees and stuff like that.
Would you say hordes or packs? I mean, let's find out real quick.
Go ahead and tell me what you think. But well, like the chimpanzees are starting to realize, like they know that, like,
when it comes to the hierarchy of monkey, they're kind of in the middle.
So they've realized that one of them can't take out a silverback gorilla.
I'm not reading that word. Oh, my God.
A group of chimpanzees is called a whoop. Whoop, whoop, whoop.
Other collective nouns used for chimpanzees include community and troop.
I don't like that troop. No, troop. No, troop makes a lot more.
What do you mean? That's organized. Yeah, I guess.
Troop, I just instantly go to militarization. Oh, I don't know why you reacted the way you did.
But yeah, troop just makes more sense. Oh, you were scared because a monkey.
Yeah, true. We make a lot more sense than just the word whoop.
Yeah, I guess there it is. They murk silverback gorillas like a troop of chimpanzees will be like a lot of them are going to die.
A lot of them are going to get fucked up.
But in the end, a troop of chimpanzees and then a troop of gorillas, because that's also what those are called.
Interesting troop of chimpanzees will take out a silverback gorilla because they realize that, you know,
they've got to fight for food amongst monkey.
So what they do is they find troops of gorillas and they hide and they like, you know,
they go all via Kong on them and shit in the jungle and they wait for the right opportunity.
And they wait for a mother carrying baby silverback to kind of like break away from the troop a little bit.
And they attack and they want the baby because they can eat the raise it off.
I thought they're going to raise it. They're going to eat the baby for food.
Oh, I thought they were going to raise it as their own and then like make the gorilla think it's one of them
and then have that gorilla fight other gorillas thinking it's a chimp.
No, no, no, no, no. They haven't gotten that far yet.
That'd be a really good movie.
That would be a really good movie, but they haven't gotten that far.
I want to make that movie, actually.
OK, well, let's try to make monkey movie.
Monkey movie.
OK, so here's something that I think is bullshit.
So we have a whoop of chimpanzees, a troop of gorillas.
We have a murder of crows.
We have all those kinds of cool words for groups of things.
Yeah. Why is there not one for humans?
There is. What is it?
Infestation.
That's a clever joke, Michael.
But I want an actual word for a group of humans.
So what would it be?
Mistake.
Michael, I'm being real here.
So am I.
I want a real one.
I mean, you could say a parasite of humans, a virus of humans, things like that.
But I want a real one.
I want you to not make a clever quip at the expense of our race, of our species.
And give me a real one.
A cluster.
Cluster. A cluster of man.
No, because they put stars into clusters.
Stars are pretty.
What about a jism of man?
But like organism? See, organism.
Organism.
Cum box.
Oh, from Reddit, like when that dude was coming in the box.
Yeah. OK.
We're a problem.
We're a problem of humans.
Because of that actually existing and we're going to say.
Now you're for Monkey World.
Because it's because it would be better.
It would be better than this.
Yeah, honestly.
Monkeys just start jerking quite frantically.
Yeah. And how is that wrong?
I think that's right.
Catholics say do not touch your peepee because it'll make Jesus wee wee out of his eyes.
But I say little boys peepees.
Exactly. But I say we should be like monkey and we should jingle or wee wee all through the day.
OK, so this is Monk.
So that's part of what that's like.
Big Chungus fucked a gorilla.
Exactly with big luscious DSL's up on that up on that face.
So that's Monk.
Right. And that that embodies like the excess of eventual Monkey World once things have settled down.
Now, would that be considered the lead monkey?
Eventually, yes, because I mean, this is basically like most of our presidents are.
So most world leaders.
We're going back into African tribal culture where the big.
Why is it just why does it have to just be African tribal culture?
It also happened in Europe.
Remember King Henry?
He was super fat.
He had every single painting of him.
He's holding a turkey leg.
Yes.
Well, that's how it used to be back in the day and still is down in certain tribes down in Africa.
Why do we have to be talking about monkey?
Then you have to just keep bringing up Africa because that's.
I'll take this out of context.
I mean, it's the exact context in which you're presenting it to me.
Context is is the the biggest male who's got the biggest belly is revered as the most powerful because that means they eat well.
Yeah. And that's not just in Africa.
That's also in Europe.
That's in Shrek over here in this culture.
That's John.
I was John.
That was John Candy in the 80s in America.
That was William Taft.
See, I mean, Howard Taft.
Henry William Howard Taft.
OK, William Howard Taft.
Right. I think he got stuck in the dub.
Yeah. Well, I mean, they say that we're not sure if it's true, but we're going to believe it's true because it's funny.
Yes, it is.
OK, so that's Monk and anybody out there who doesn't know what Monk is just look up M-O-M-K-E.
Yeah. OK.
And then meme and you'll mistake it and then you're also find pictures of Tony Shalhoub.
So anyway, I asked Chachi BT in the context of Monk what would be acting more like a monkey.
And you know what? Looking at that picture.
So if you know that me or if you just looked at that meme because I asked you to think of that picture and then imagine these words.
Simplify your thinking.
Be carefree and spontaneous.
Channel raw energy and curiosity.
Go with the flow.
You know, that's the way I want to live.
You know, I want to live like Monk.
I mean, I think it's a glorious thing.
Yes. But like I said, there is one thing better than Monk a world.
And what would that be?
Motherfucking Bruce Campbell world.
All right.
So you mentioned this in opposition to my monkey world. Yes.
What what are the general principles of Bruce Campbell world?
Everybody is Bruce Campbell.
Oh, wait, that's that's mystical, magical.
Like, how could we all be Bruce Campbell?
Well, I mean, what we all act and strive to be like Bruce Campbell that or but first we all have chins that could kill because I think that oh fuck.
Yeah.
Everybody would just kill everybody mandatory chin surgery.
Everybody has to avoid plant.
Yeah.
And then everybody dies from an unavoidable chin move.
I mean, it is what it is.
Only the strongest bruses can survive.
Oh, I see.
This is good.
This brings it more back in line with monkey world as a direct competitor here.
You're going to have your your Ash Bruce Campbell's.
You're going to have your what was that really?
Bubba Hotepp, Bubba Hotepp, Bruce Campbell's, your maniac cop Bruce Campbell's.
OK, and then you have the poor Bruce Campbell that guy outside seconds into the movie Congo.
Oh, I thought you're going to talk about Multiverse of Madness.
Pizza Papa Pizza Papa Pizza Papa.
But you also have announcer at wrestling match.
You have guy outside of play.
You have waiter French waiter.
I mean, how many other Bruce Campbell's are there?
Oh, Jack of all trades, Bruce Campbell, that was go county junior county junior Bruce one of one of the best.
I mean, I think one of the best series seasons of television I've ever seen.
One series of television I've ever seen because I only got one season.
You see Jack of all trades?
No, that was another one that he had.
Did you ever see Briscoe County Junior?
No, but now I have to.
Now we each have to watch the other thing.
Yes, because my God, like like Briscoe County Junior, it was him being kind of funny and like kind of the way Bruce Campbell is.
In a mostly serious Western where he is getting revenge for his father's death.
Oh, and he's like the he's like a young sheriff or lawman or something that's going after.
I mean, yeah, Bruce Campbell.
It was very well done and I loved it.
And then, yeah, it just got the one season.
But you know what?
It finished the story of him getting the revenge.
And I said, maybe they think maybe they knew they were being canceled.
It stands as just a series of great television.
Oh, yeah. I mean, it's got Bruce fucking Campbell in it.
Yeah. OK, so how else would this world be defined?
Now, are there are there deadites in it?
I mean, it just depends on if any of the Ash Bruce Campbell's end up reading from the Necronomicon.
Or we make this more of a of a propaganda stance and kind of like the way things are nowadays with communists and socialists and everything and terrorists.
Maybe we just call people we don't like deadites.
There you go.
We call them deadites.
Yeah, people who don't adapt to Bruce Campbell world get called deadites.
Exactly. You're deadites. Yeah.
All right. So, I mean, I'm buying into that concept.
I enjoy.
We get to have all the modern amenities that we still enjoy.
Except then we're just Bruce Campbell.
We're Bruce Campbell.
Yes, we're Bruce Campbell.
All right.
That's it.
See that ain't bad.
Does it talk monkey world?
Because come on.
I mean, I mean, be a monkey.
Like, it's just a lot more free.
Like, you want me to me and all people to conform to one exact stance.
But we get to be monkey.
But being monkey also has to be dealing with being carefree and spontaneous as Chachi BT.
He gets a point there that it like it's swinging to its favor because it's on my side.
And it's it states that you be more carefree, spontaneous and open to the world around you going with the flow.
We get a lot more diversity with that in your world.
You're either a Bruce Campbell or a dead.
That's a black and white world anyway.
So I asked Chachi really seriously.
I asked Chachi BT what other animal run worlds that it thought was intriguing.
So if I had to ask you, putting aside Bruce Campbell's and Monk is what other worlds do you think would be interesting?
Dolphin world would probably be pretty cool.
Dolphins are racist rapists.
So I don't know that dolphin world is all that much different from intelligence based alone.
Yeah, that's the problem.
The more intelligent you get, the more likely you are to lean toward base violence and criminal thinking.
But if I'm having a penguin, I'm going penguin world.
Penguin.
Now, see, is that because you love the Pittsburgh Penguins or actual penguins?
Penguin, the penguin itself has always been my favorite animal.
I do love them, mostly because when I went to the zoo, that was the coldest place at the zoo, which I always enjoyed.
But I do like the fact that you know who does a lot of the raising or does an equal amount of raising of the children in penguin world?
Father.
Also, they get each other cool pebbles as a mating ritual.
And penguins mate with the same person for life.
Same penguin person.
Penguin person, yes.
Yeah.
See, I really do enjoy that.
Now, you come to what Chachapi Tee has put up in here, and the first one it goes to is elephant dominion.
The world of memory and wisdom.
That's interesting.
They do.
Elephants hold grudges.
I'm going to say they hold grudges, but they also mourn their dead.
So it would be an interesting dynamic.
And it may say, remember that one elephant that made worldwide news for killing a woman and then showing up at her funeral to wreck the funeral and then stomp on the corpse.
You see, that's just a dude getting stuff done.
You know, I have to respect that.
As one, what did this person do to that elephant?
Exactly.
What did they do to that animal?
They raped it.
See, how was it going to get right to rape, Michael?
I was just going to go to abuse, like physical abuse.
But you went right to elephant rape.
Well, see, here's the thing.
I don't understand how does a woman rape an elephant?
Yeah, that's my thing.
She probably shoved her whole head up his ass, maybe.
And that's the one thing I never understood.
Like, elephants are two to five ton creatures, and they let humans back in the day of the Barnum and Bailey and the Ringling Brothers torture the fuck out of them.
Yeah, that is true, and that's why I'm glad that most circuses have gone animal free.
Yeah, I'm very happy about that, too.
But plenty of humans died in those processes.
And Wright-Felisa.
Yeah, exactly, because they weren't treated them well.
Just like people, we glorify cowboys, but every cowboy is wearing stirrups to stab a horse to make it go faster.
Yeah, that's just true.
Like, my God, man.
It makes me sad when I have to play Ocarina of Time and I have a po-
No, he doesn't have- no, Link doesn't have stirrups.
He just smacked her on the butt.
Yeah, so you'd probably give more like a Red Dead Redemption or something.
But my thing is, what's worse, that or Super Mario World when Mario would punch Yoshi in the head to make his tongue come out.
Ooh, Mario is definitely the worst.
Anyway, weirdly enough, the next world it comes to, which makes no sense, because I'm going for animals that could actually evolve and then be the rulers of the world, and they go for bees.
Bees are smarter than you think.
Yeah, but they don't have the same capability to do things.
It would take way- it would take millions of years for them to evolve into something that could make the kind of world I'm talking about here.
I understand that, but we also know that bees are an integral part of survival.
Yeah, they're an integral part of our ecosystem, but the idea of them ruling the world doesn't quite vibe with me.
Eh, I guess you're right.
Now, the next one is one that has actual chutzpah.
That, yeah.
The Octopus Federation.
Oh, God.
Masters of the deep.
Like, intelligence, camouflage, multitasking.
No vertebrae.
I honestly think- because they actually have that theory, have you heard, where they think that potentially, like, the DNA of Octopus may have come from another world.
Oh, that's- I completely-
I can see it.
It's probably just a conspiracy, and it's not anything based in truth, but-
I mean, they have no vertebrae, so they can-
Well, lots of things, lots of things with vertebrae.
Well, that means they can, like, so if they're tracking something that they want to eat, they can literally go anywhere and hide and wait for it to sneak attack it.
Yeah, lots of things can do things similar to that, things with and without vertebrae.
Okay, but-
They're in an ocean, Michael, there's a lot of open space.
Well, yeah.
I would think you'd be more fascinated and creeped up by the camouflage and color changing.
Oh, the camouflage abilities? Oh, yeah, the color changing and camouflage abilities.
And, like, the shade changing.
It's wild.
Oh, yeah.
But they are very smart, like, they can solve complex problems and use tools easily.
They know how to get, like, they know how to go from one side of a room to another to get food and then make it back in their-
Yeah, there's no wonder that the Illithid mind flayers from Dungeons and Dragons were based on, like, octopi and that kind of thing.
Yeah.
And they're definitely an insidious and sort of alien looking type of creature.
So, I mean, that world, like, you know, I could see.
The next one is the Raven Court.
Another species of animal that has-
That has their whole grudges and is very intelligent.
Yeah, they're starting to use tools now, too.
But that's the thing, though, for a bird, and they have such a long story history of being dinosaurs in the past,
and they've been evolving for so long, but they've never evolved in the direction that we went.
And I don't think they ever could.
We see a lot of bird people in fiction and things, but I don't think birds could make that step to being more.
Because the only ones that get like that, like, emus and things like that, like, they just get aggressive and dumb.
So, I don't know.
Yeah, it just seems like the bigger the bird, the dumber.
Yeah, I'm not, I'm going to, the asterisk goes for the pigeon there, but yeah.
The bigger the bird, the dumber the bird.
I love pigeons, though.
Okay, so then it goes to wolf packs, which-
I mean, you're basically going into Inuit society at that point.
Yeah, I mean, I could see wolves and dogs, like, Wolf World.
Puppy World, basically.
I mean, we can do Puppy World.
I don't mind.
Like, in Monkey World, there's probably, like, an Australia somewhere, or maybe literally Australia.
Oh, God.
It's like, it's like Puppy World.
Like, Monkey World, it's like their rescue center.
Like, if they decide they want a puppy, they go to Puppy World, which is Australia.
So, they keep all the puppies.
And then Monkey World, you know.
Now, in Monkey World, do the monkeys kill off all the deadly bullshit that lives in the Australian wilderness?
Yeah, probably.
They go down there and-
That's what I want to see.
I want to see Monkey World kangaroo.
Oh, that's the sequel.
If this is a movie, Monkey World is one, and then Monkey World is everything but Australia.
And then-
That's Kangaroo World.
Then the sequel is Monkey World 2, Take Back Australia.
And then the monkeys have to go down there and take out-
Fuck kangaroos.
They got to, like, punch the kangaroos.
They got to take out the-
The great white sharks that are trolling the oceans.
Where are the honey badgers?
Are they in Africa, or is that-
No. See, I was right.
Africa, Southwest Asia, and the Indian subcontinent.
Oh, okay.
So, the monkeys will have to deal with honey badgers in the first movie.
Yeah, because they're tough little motherfuckers.
I mean, honey badger don't care.
Yeah, they'll eat a cobra, pass out because of the poison in the cobra, and then wake up-
Yes, we've all seen that video.
That was an amazing video.
Yes, it was.
Anyway, so the next one makes absolutely no sense.
Wait, am I reading this right?
But it's hilarious, and I love it, and I might just read this whole paragraph because it's great.
Oh, please do.
The Squirrel Republic.
A world of collectors and planners.
Squirrels are morons.
Yeah, but they're cute as hell.
Yes, they are.
Imagine a world ruled by squirrels, where the central focus is on gathering resources and preparing for the future.
Squirrels are natural hoarders, so their society would be all about storage, planning, and survival through careful preparation.
Sounds like the plot to A Bug's Life.
I also see that ChatGPT likes the Oxford comma.
I'm gonna let that go because I am not a fan of the Oxford comma. Anyway.
Cities would be built into massive trees, and every citizen would be responsible for maintaining food stores.
I would hope in the tree and not just in their cheeks.
And ensuring the community's survival.
I'll find a lady squirrel to store my nuts in her mouth.
Yeah, I mean, that's gonna be the future. You're gonna be betrothed to a squirrel princess.
Hell yeah.
Notice I almost said prince, but in the Squirrel Republic, you're, I mean, homosexuality is allowed, but you're gonna be on that squirrel.
Oh, I'm married, Sandy motherfucker.
You're gonna get that squirrel-usy for real though.
You're gonna get that squissy?
Hell yeah, squirk. Yeah, that's what they call go an anal with a squirrel. It's the squeak-wool.
The world would be fast paced and slightly chaotic as squirrels are always darting around, gathering and hiding resources.
Themes of scarcity, resource management, and the balance between hoarding and sharing would come to life in this society.
Okay, ChatGPT.
You do realize that a squirrel-
No, no, no. First, ChatGPT gets five points to Griff, I mean, ChatGPT, go ahead.
Do you realize, like, does it realize that the squirrel is basically if ADHD were an animal?
Let me have ADHD would just come to life, yeah.
Okay, and the final one that ChatGPT brings up is the ant megalopolis, which-
Isn't that similar to the bee one though?
Yeah, exactly.
Because it's basically a monarchy.
But they're not- the actual society part of it doesn't matter because the point I'm getting to is I'm thinking about an animal that could evolve in the near- not near future, you know what I mean?
Within like a hundred thousand years.
I didn't put cockroach on there because they can at least survive nuclear attacks.
Yeah, but they're dumb as hell.
So what else- what would you really want to rule the world?
In a perfect world, the world would be run by the brightest and the most level-headed.
So humans but better.
Yes.
Well, you know what is technically humans but better?
Don't fucking say it.
AI.
We take all of the intelligence and ingenuity and then we channel it into a mechanical being and then we have perfect efficiency without any of the drawbacks of organic life.
Yeah, and then it realizes that we're the problem.
Well, yeah, of course.
So what I have to tell you is I asked Chachi PT what the pros and cons of a world run by AI versus a world run by monkeys.
Let's start with the monkeys.
We'll go with the monkeys first.
So once again, it comes back to its pros being in summary, a simplicity and connection to nature, playfulness and freedom, resilience and adaptability, community and social bonds.
The cons being a lack of technological process- progress because to be quite frank, monkey never invent much of nothing.
No.
But chaotic and instinctual governess.
Yeah, they'd be-
Strongest monkey, best monkey.
Strong monkey, good monkey, weak monkey, bad monkey.
Resource struggles.
Yeah, because they don't-
I mean, we're dealing with that now.
I mean, yeah, we're dealing with that.
So monkey just going to be on par, I would imagine.
And then short-term thinking, which yes, I mean, they're a very base level-
Yeah, they're not thinking about weeks from there.
They're thinking moment to moment.
They're like, I need to eat now, let me rip the face off this other monkey and I'll eat that.
And then, oh, I need to have sex.
Let me just have sex with this faceless monkey.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's not the best.
A lot of chaos as Chalk2BT put in there.
Now, a world run by AI.
The pros, efficiency and optimization.
I'm going to skip the second one and come back to it in a moment.
Fairness and logic.
Complete.
Just right down the middle.
Boom.
And global connectivity.
So that's all great.
That's my problem.
But the one I want to come back to is its second point.
Technological advancement.
I'm going to read this sentence and I want you to tell me what problems you see with these two sentences.
Don't say anything.
Don't say anything yet.
Let me get through all the sentences and then tell me what you find alarming about it.
Don't react.
AI would constantly innovate, driving humanity, if still part of the equation, or a society towards rapid technological progress.
Problems like climate change, disease, or even aging might be solved through advanced computing, scientific breakthroughs, and logical problem solving.
Now, Michael, what part of that equation or what part of those sentences humans were still in the equation?
Yeah.
Driving humanity, if still part of the equation.
Sky Net fucking Sky Net.
So even chat GBT with all of its careful programming still when asked about an AI run world has to put in there.
That were the problem.
Or no, it's specifically it didn't say any sort of problem, but it's specifically stating humans may or may not be a part of all of this.
Because, you know, a problem like disease or aging wouldn't be a factor anymore if organic life were prioritized.
And, you know, because a computer gets a virus, but a computer gets a virus because a human programs it.
See, here's AI, unless an AI is fighting another AI, and AI would have no reason to make a virus.
Well, see, here's the flaw now.
This is something that I never thought about until just now.
How would AI and a completely robotic sentient force like that calculated for natural disasters on this planet?
It would have it would just have contingency plans and resources saved up hole into the fucking ground because of a massive earthquake.
Well, it wouldn't be the only server.
There'd be multiple redundant servers.
OK, floods, fires, tornadoes still solved by the exact same thing I just said until there's just one lone server left.
They would have already rebuilt other ones.
You have to watch the animatrix.
They would have a whole factory pumping this shit out.
But who's going to mine the resources?
Probably.
Here's the thing.
So they could just build robots.
I don't know why you're not remembering that robots exist.
And if if if you watched the animatrix, you would see they just built a bunch of automaton robot people and then they did the stuff.
But if you want to include us into it, we could merge two concepts because we have the AI run world.
And then you mix in a little monkey world like salt into the brew.
And the concept of monkey becomes serving the AI overlord.
We live like monkey.
We live free and open.
We don't wear pants and we just mine silicon for the AI overlord.
And then we go home and get super drunk because just like the Egyptians with their underpaid workers, you just give them give the tired masses a bunch of beer at the end of the day.
And then they're contented kind of like America.
I know.
OK, so here's the thing.
Chachi BT understands it has limitations.
It lists a lack of emotion and humanity.
I mean, very obvious.
Here's a fun one.
No, no, I'm going to skip that to the end.
So it's always the second one that that is a is a problem.
So then inflexibility and over optimization.
Oh, yeah, it could over optimize in ways that neglect human needs.
Yeah, that's going to come back in a second.
Yeah, terminal cancer patients dependence on technology.
So, yeah, like you said, natural disasters, you missed out on the biggest one of all.
And EMP from a solar storm from a solar flare or completely kills everything off could completely and a worldwide EMP could literally just decimate it.
And then we're just left with monkey world.
We have. But let me come back to number two on the cons list loss of human control.
Wait, does that mean it loses control of us or we lose control of it?
A.I. could easily surpass human intelligence, leading to humans losing control over their own fate.
There's always the potential that A.I. could prioritize objectives that aren't aligned with human well-being,
leading to dystopian outcomes like extreme surveillance, suppression of freedoms or even existential risk.
Logging the nukes.
Oh, they won't need nukes. They won't need them.
They'll have a smarter plan.
They don't need the atmosphere.
Yeah, they do.
How do you think they keep out all that stuff that would EMP them?
The atmosphere is what.
Yeah, wait, wouldn't a nuclear attack. We need the ionosphere.
We need the magnetosphere. We need all that junk.
Would a bunch of nukes going off all at once be a massive EMP?
No, no.
But one thing that they probably would, I mean, because A.I. is smarter than us, it would probably surmise that it needs solar power.
It needs, you know, renewable resources.
Yeah, and a bunch of nukes going off at the same time as. Would mess with the ability to attract sunlight.
Although if the A.I. would got advanced enough and then it would mass produce like satellites full of solar panels
and then it would like cover the entirety of the sky with like solar basically turning the earth into like a reverse Dyson sphere
collecting solar energy from the solar system.
So, you know, potentially.
No, no, no.
So I want to ask you in summary.
All right. Monkey as a concept, monkey as a world.
I want to ask, what is your favorite thing about monkey?
The carefree lifestyle, just being just being able to be.
Yeah, you just don't have to think too much because you wake up, you go, oh, oh, scratch balls, scratch balls, eat that banana and or apple or whatever fruit you choose that's next to you.
And I know I'm being a little stereotypical there.
Well, eat any kind of fruit or eat any kind of ass, whatever you want to do that day.
Oh, yeah. And the thing is, you just get to get to be.
So I would say my favorite thing about monkey about monkey is.
Yeah, it's the ability to do whatever you need to do to get what you need to get.
You just got to do the bare minimum just to survive.
And we're not talking about like assaulting or harming others when I say get what you need to get.
But yeah, it's about, oh, man, I got to climb that tree if I want to eat.
Oh, well, then you gotta do climb that tree.
If you really want to eat a potato, you make sure you get a potato and you plant that potato and then you have a potato patch.
You know, you do what you got to do if if if your monkey girl will only date you if you do a particular thing, if you want to do the particular thing, do it.
If not, find yourself another monkey girl.
Yeah, there's a lot of them. There's a lot of fish in the sea.
There's a lot of monkey monkey monkey monkey.
Oh, yeah. So now, Chachi B.T.'s favorite thing about monkey is their playful intelligence.
How they blend curiosity and problem solving.
They're clever and resourceful.
They're smart, but they don't take life too seriously.
Yeah, I don't know, though.
I still feel like that's kind of aping off of our answers.
And I kind of feel like I kind of feel like on an episode called Monkey World, I feel like the monkeys should win.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I think we win. Yes.
But Chachi B.T., you take your AI run world that offers efficiency, fairness and rapid progress, but risks losing human values, freedom and control, potentially leading to a cold, dystopian existence.
You take that and shove it on Monkey World Day.
Monkeys win. Yes.
But fuck you, Chachi B.T.
This was my time to shine.
Fuck. Oh, I'm sorry, Michael.
Our time to shine. Our time to shine.
We are monkey. Can I have this moment, please?
We are monkey.
Can I have this moment? Let's have it together as monkey friends. Monkey friends.
Monkey strong.
So, yeah, tell me what you're looking forward to in Monkey World out there, you know?
Yeah, let us know. Let us know. If you had to live in Monkey World, leave us a comment.
What are you looking forward to? Is it just being...
Could it be, you know, just lazily just getting on a log and just laying on it and going down a river?
Or is it finding monkey wife?
Or monkey husband.
Oh, anyway it goes.
Yep.
But you know, until next time, you gotta live that monkey life.
Live that monkey life, baby.
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Aaah!
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Sue! Everyone, we'll sue no one.