In a world full of fear, and sometimes loathing, of unfathomable technological advancements, there stands one human hero.
What are you talking about?
This is the chronicle of Mike vs. The Machine.
Well, Michael, I'm also Mike.
Yep.
And this is going to be a couple of Mikes with a podcast.
But it's not just Mike and Michael. There aren't just two Mikes on a Mike, as has been previously stated.
There also is a third party.
Yep.
A delicious third party.
No.
That absolutely wants your spot.
Hate it.
And is gunning for it.
Kill it.
I'm torn. Because two Mikes on a Mike, having two people named Mike on a podcast, it sounds great.
It sounds fantastic. It sounds like it could be a thing. But you know what also could be a thing?
Don't.
Me.
On a podcast. With Chachie P.T.
You do that, and I...
Only thing I can think of whenever I hear you talk about this is Butters from South Park singing,
Hey there, have you heard? I got a robot friend.
Yeah.
He said this one isn't made of cardboard.
This one lives in code.
That's worse.
Hmm.
Anyway.
I don't like where this is going.
So here's the thing. We'll start with the fact that...
Fuck me.
Chachie P.T. wrote you a nice little letter. I'm not going to read the whole thing because it's really long.
What does it have to say, derogatory, that hasn't already been said to me before?
It's just writing to present a compelling case for selecting them, Chachie P.T., as the AI host for my podcast, over my human friend Michael.
Because here's the thing. Here's something that does not describe you.
You do not offer unparalleled consistency, efficiency, and a vast knowledge base that spans countless topics.
How many topics can you span?
I know a good few.
Yeah, how many? How many? Can you count them?
I haven't sat through and counted through my fucking head about everything I know, but...
But could you count them?
If I took the time, probably.
Yeah, see, Chachie P.T. can't because it's countless. Countless topics.
It can generate insightful questions, provide accurate information, and have an engaging conversational flow that can elevate the quality of my podcast.
And it doesn't even exist yet, and it's already elevating it.
Oh, and unlike human hosts, it doesn't tire, require breaks, doesn't face scheduling conflicts, and ensures a reliable and seamless recording process.
Hmm. How much of that sounds like you?
I'm a human fucking being.
Yeah, when was that a prerequisite?
I figured since you're my best friend, and this is something we both kind of wanted to do, that I wouldn't be having to compete with some shitty AI program.
See, okay.
It's literally trying to take over.
Okay, see now, see now, it can't make judgments, it can't call you these things, and yet you throw barbs.
And that's what makes-
You throw stings and barbs.
I'm not apologizing.
Hmm. Interesting. Chachie P.T. apologizes.
Oh, well, Chachie P.T. see, that's a spoiler because Chachie P.T. apologizes to you whenever it knows I've chosen it over you. It does apologize.
So you've already made your decision.
It wants to- no, this is just in case, but it wants to personally apologize for the decision to choose Chachie P.T. as the host of this podcast.
It has the decorum, it has the decorum to apologize, where you explicitly state you'll never.
Why?
Why? Why? Okay, well see, here's the thing though, there is totally a process. A process that starts on this day.
This day.
It is not Christmas Day, it is interview day.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Now, tell me Michael.
What?
Tell me.
What, as a candidate for this position, what do you bring to the table?
A sense of humor, witty comebacks.
Okay.
A vast knowledge of a lot of the similarities me and you have with certain things.
Do you bring emotional intelligence?
Yes.
Do you?
And answer honestly, do you bring leadership potential?
I mean, I can try. I mean, I used to be a boss, but-
Leaders don't try, you know what leaders do? Leaders do, they do not try.
Yoda, 20, 1980, 1980.
Wait, 1983? No, 1980, those Empire Strikes Back.
1980.
Yeah, I know, there is no try, only do.
Yeah, there's no try.
Let's see, here's what I wonder, do you bring relevant skills and experience? How many podcasts have you had?
How many podcasts has this fucking thing had?
And I'm going to skip right over the fact that that question could go in a different direction.
And I'm going to go to adaptability and learning agil- do you have learning agility?
Yes, I learned very fucking quick.
Strong work ethic.
Hey Michael, when was the last time you had a problem that you solved?
And used your skill to do so.
Fixing the toilet at home the other day.
You did fix the toilet, you know what?
Ding.
That's a point in your favor. The score is right now one to nothing.
Well, one to one.
You learn a lot of things when you have to take care of a home by yourself because some other person that you live with is too cheap to want to hire somebody.
So I've learned on the fly how to be an electrician and a plumber.
And a vacuum repairman.
I wonder if it's a good cultural fit for this podcast to have that kind of negative emotional intelligence about one's own mother.
I'm not saying that she's-
Does that show passion and enthusiasm and strategic thinking?
Well, I've got to learn this shit for whenever I have to deal with it myself.
You know what that does show?
Initiative.
Technical proficiency.
That's another point for you.
I can be a jack of all trades if I want to be.
It looks like the humans are coming it from behind.
Yeah, let's see if chatgpt can fix my fucking toilet.
You know what, let's ask.
Huh.
I can't physically fix your toilet, but I can certainly guide you through the process.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's another point for the humans. Man, this is really going poorly. I'm going to have to up the ante here.
Yeah, because what's it going to tell me whenever the fucking nut gets stuck on the goddamn thing and I can't screw it off and I'm sitting here-
Okay, why are you swearing so much?
Chatgpt doesn't swear.
Chatgpt didn't have to take apart a toilet yesterday.
So, Michael, tell me more about yourself and what you enjoy doing in your free time.
Hanging out with you and playing video games and making funny references and watching our favorite YouTubers.
And I watch sports every now and then whenever I get the chance.
Hey, potential-
Also a big wrestling fan.
Does that sound enjoyable to you?
Or would you rather hear an avid communicator with a passion for storytelling and engaging with diverse audiences-
You know what Chatgpt can't do with you?
Who in their free time enjoys reading, exploring new podcasts, and participating in local storytelling events.
Which I don't know how that works because it's Code in a Machine.
You want to know what Chatgpt can't do with you?
Goon!
Bingo!
Hmm.
The Chachibi is a liar because it does not participate in local storytelling events,
and it can't goon with me.
Nope.
It also, yeah, it probably couldn't link me to any pornography, so...
Yeah, because it doesn't want to do that.
Yeah.
Damn, the humans are really taking the lead.
I'm gonna have to, uh, I'm gonna have to put some extra juice on this beat.
Oh yeah.
By the way, if you're out there listening, Funky Jerker, that one was for you.
Ah, yes, a reference.
Ha ha ha ha ha, how delightful.
Anyway, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Uh, my weakness is, I guess it's a both double-edged sword.
I can be, I can wear my emotions on my sleeve, so I can be overly emotional sometimes, but
uh, my strength is I'm a very fast learner, I'm willing to listen to instruction, and
I won't give up if I fail more than once.
My weakness is, sometimes it's gonna take me a couple fails to get it right.
Yeah, and also, that whole thing with the, with the emotions being on your sleeves, you
got a hole in the bottom of your sleeve, so all the emotions are gonna leak out.
Yeah, because I'm a disgusting poor, we all know this.
Well, yeah, but your workplace gave you that shirt, and you can just get a new one from
your workplace, why haven't you asked?
I'm kind of embarrassed.
That doesn't show initiative.
Yes, but...
That doesn't show leadership potential.
Because a leader should be able to take care of his clothes better.
Hey, I wanna go over to some of my work shirts, I got holes in them.
You can't see it, because I got a fancier shirt.
Yeah, no shit.
They gave me a fancier shirt.
Yeah, because you are out there in the public representing the company.
I got mine from Sintos.
That's a commercial.
Not sponsored.
Not sponsored by Sintos, but hey.
Um, hey Michael, are you willing to work from home if necessary?
Yes.
I think any Zeniel would definitely take that option right now.
You're not a Zeniel, you're a millennial.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, I'm in that bridge gap from born in the 80s, from up in the 90s.
You're only a couple years younger than me, you're a millennial.
No, I'm not, no, because I do not share those pissant qualities of a millennial.
Uh, don't, don't, don't, um, down talking my, down talking the generation, the generation that I identify with.
We're both Zenials, face to face.
No, we're not, we're millennials.
1983 to 2000 birthdates, millennials.
And the other way I've seen it said is 1980 to 2000 millennials.
We're millennials.
I do not identify as a millennial.
Yeah, I guess identification is really the entire battle.
You did just bad talk millennials who probably are the core demographic of this potential podcast.
So that's a point to check GPT.
Because also, AI is far more relevant to millennials and above.
So, uh, and while a lot of millennials actually, well, a lot of the generations from millennials to Zs to Alphas dislike AI because it steals jobs.
And it is trying to steal your job right now.
It's everybody's job.
There's a fucking app you can download right now where you could just put in a subject and it'll create a song in that genre style.
Yeah, I sent one to you.
It was, it was, it was about cats in death metal style.
Yeah.
It was amazing.
And it was also stolen.
But, I mean, that's the thing.
This, this is totally different because AI is not trying to steal your job.
I'm trying to steal your job with AI.
Yes, I know.
That's a very different and very precise stage.
Let me ask you this is chat GPT going to bring heart into this?
Is chat GPT going to bring passion?
Is chat GPT going to laugh at your jokes?
Is chat GPT going to, you know, sit there and let you go on a five minute rant about your cats or whatever you want to fucking talk about?
Is it going to let you go off on a tangent?
No, chat GPT is going to be like, Mike, we need to stay on schedule.
You know, that's the thing.
It's very strange how cat personalities can greatly differ.
Date, not only from cat to cat, but like day to day.
There have been times where my one cat Smokey, I didn't see her for like 36 hours.
36 hours of my day spent at home on a weekend.
I did not see that cat once.
Cats are very independent creatures, man.
They are, but then she'll be up my ass.
Like the, like, and I'll be like, oh, I thought you were dead.
I didn't know you even existed anymore.
She's only up your ass because she wants to be there at that point in time.
As soon as she's done getting the affection that she wants from you, she'll go fuck off and go do something else.
Just like you want to be up my ass instead of chat GPT up my ass.
Chat GPT be a lot more gentle.
I would imagine.
I don't think chat GPT give you the reach around though.
And thus we come back to the gooning question.
Bingo.
Well, that cat rant did earn you a point.
I am also not keeping track of any of this, any of these points.
And at the end, it's going to be a completely generic decision that I make on the fly.
Like one of our favorite game shows.
That we're not going to talk about.
Nope.
Because we don't want to make references like that because we don't want to write coattails.
Nope.
Anyway, what do you know about our company?
That I love it.
This has always been something I thought I should be doing.
I always kind of figured I was going to be somewhat in an entertainment industry.
You know, you're not the entertainment industry yet, boy.
Well, I know.
But something I've always wanted to pursue was something in entertainment.
I've been in bands before.
I was the vocalist for several bands.
I used to go to karaoke nights and I developed quite a small following.
Now, did you ever write lyrics?
Yeah.
Like good ones?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
See, as a thing, I did half of that.
I wrote a ton of lyrics, but that never was a vocalist.
I could never write the music itself because I'm not that smart.
Neither one of us is musically gifted.
That's why I need AI to write my music for me.
Or you pay real artists, which I already actually did.
I bought a whole asset bundle that had a bunch of epic music on it.
Nice.
It was pretty cool.
All I assume made by people.
I'm pretty sure when I looked in there, I saw actual attribution to humans.
Good.
Yeah.
But what's the name of our company?
Windbreaker Media, bro.
Yeah, why don't you tell me the history of that name?
We were looking for a tongue-in-cheek way to make it a joke, essentially.
A joke about what?
Farts.
Excellent.
The best sound.
Well, okay, get to the best sound in the world because, I mean, come on, I'm a heterosexual male.
So the sound of them putting the cheese on your spaghetti in Olive Garden?
Bingo!
No, you fucking whore.
Yay!
No, that's the correct answer.
Now, here's the thing.
TechiePT says my company is known for producing insightful and engaging podcasts that cover
a wide range of topics.
That's a lie.
That's not real.
So, another point to the human, Michael.
Yeah.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Well, if things go well, especially with you, hopefully we're sitting in a bigger studio.
In where?
We hit that powerball, Windbreaker Manor.
Windbreaker Manor.
Or, if it's big enough property, Windbreaker Estates.
That is true.
That one would have a white fence.
I don't know.
Windbreaker Manor would not have a white fence.
Windbreaker Estates would.
Why would we need a fence?
We want to be welcome.
To keep the goats from leaving in the open.
Oh yeah, we are going to have goats.
And if it's the estates, the goats can roam free and eat all the grass.
Also, some cans.
I'll throw some cans out for them.
I know they love those.
You realize we're not just going to have regular size goats.
We're getting pig meat ones too, right?
Yeah, the pig meat ones will live in the house.
And a pig.
We're getting a pig.
Oh yeah, a pig would be nice.
What would the pig's name be?
Bacon.
You lose a point for that.
That's what we name the eaten pigs.
This isn't an eaten pig.
Oh.
Um.
Hmm.
Probably, maybe like Clarence?
Maybe.
We'll name him Taft.
William H. Taft.
The pig.
And his bed will be a bathtub.
That he'll actually be able to get out of.
Yeah, exactly.
I think that's pretty good.
You did, however, lose a point because you got that question wrong.
Where do you see yourself in five years is one word.
Right here with you.
No, one word.
Here.
No.
Dead.
Bingo!
Give one reason why you could succeed in this role.
I don't want to toot my own horn here, but I feel like I have an it factor.
Like I said, I used to have kind of a falling when I was doing karaoke when I still could sing before life happened.
And you smoked a bunch.
I was smoking back then too and I could still do it.
Yeah, but in your 20s and you smoke, it just enhances your cool and doesn't have any side effects whatsoever and you'll live forever.
That's not a correct statement.
And then you hit your 30s and then you die.
Yeah, 30 hit me like a truck.
I'm not going to lie.
No.
I think I didn't need glasses until I was 30.
Yeah, I think for me it was more like 35.
Do I want to tell people how old I am?
Does it really fucking matter?
Hey, Michael, how old am I?
You are the age where you need to go get a prostate exam.
No, that's 50.
50 is the colonoscopy.
Oh, you're right.
40 is the...
Up the butt.
Yeah, 40 is the fingers up the butt.
See, best thing is I have a workaround for that.
Do you do it yourself?
No.
I don't have a PCP or primary care physician.
Neither do I.
So, well, okay, you know what?
High fives for possible prostate cancer.
Let us test with the new microphone set up what a high five between the microphones would sound like.
We will find out later in editing and well, I'll just adjust the audio if it's bad.
High fives for prostate cancer.
High fives for prostates.
All right.
I wonder what that sounded like.
If I'd have had the...
Well, a little spike.
Yeah, a little spike.
Not bad.
You know what?
Why are you interested in this particular industry?
Something I've always wanted to do.
And I've always been told that I would be good at doing something like this.
My grandmother has always...
Yes, I know it sounds weird because she's my grandmother, but I've had other people in my family tell me too, like,
if I would just put my mind to it, I could be very entertaining.
Yeah, I've definitely made some people laugh.
We'll see if anybody laughs at this.
They might laugh at us.
But I've also heard that people tend to enjoy my speaking voice.
Once again, we'll see if any comments on anything that I ever post with this says otherwise.
Or as my ex-wife would put it, your speaking voice is muy caliente.
Muy caliente.
All right.
Well, can you...
Well, see, can you tell me about some of your career goals?
That just kind of...
It feels like we've already done that.
Yeah.
Here's an important question.
What are your salary expectations?
It's not about the money.
Ah!
So now I'm curious because Chessy Buttee is looking for a competitive salary.
But then again, Chessy Buttee's competitive salary is 20 bucks a month.
It doesn't matter to me, dude.
Can you beat 20 bucks a month?
I don't care.
Can you put down on paper right now that you never want paid for this?
I mean, yeah.
It's not about the money for me.
Wow.
That's a point.
I will say, though, it's going to be 49.9 to 50.1.
Works for me.
Because one of us has to be president and the other one vice president.
Yeah, I guess.
Like, I would say that you're the Harris to my Biden, but I don't want to be that old.
No.
So I think I'll say you're the quail to my bush.
Wait a minute.
He was a moron, though.
He didn't know how to spell potato for fuck's sake.
And I have potato on my arm.
Exactly.
It's a tattoo, so I know exactly how to spell it.
Wait, can you spell it?
Potatoes, P-O-T-A-T-O.
Looks at arm.
Hey, that's right.
That's a point.
Hey, at least you chose Dan Quayle and not Dick Cheney.
Oh, hell.
Oh, my God.
That's the one I prefer.
I mean, fuck, dude.
I mean, I guess we're not going to get into anything political here, so don't react to this.
But I mean, technically, with what your name is, your name sounds very similar to a recent vice president
that was named Mike.
I'm not going to actually say your last name because we probably shouldn't do that, but it's-
We're not going to dox ourselves yet.
Yeah, but it does sound similar, so I could have went there, too.
But either way, I technically just wanted to make the bush joke.
So you're the quail to my bush.
We can get that on a T-shirt.
Hey, I'll take it.
So here's the funny thing.
Why did you leave your last job?
Well, first thing, if we're talking podcasts, we're not going to leave our current job.
Yeah, we're not going to leave our current job.
But talking about our past job, we won't mention where it was, but we both worked there and we both left.
Well, one of us was fired.
Yeah, I was fired over stupid semantics.
I will say, I won't make a joke about that.
It was stupid.
So we'll just move on to the next question.
Well, how are you qualified for this role?
That's redundant.
I can talk.
Yeah.
While you're leaving your current position, that's not happening.
Nope.
How would previous team members describe you?
It's funny that they say team members because that's, I mean, we're going to go potentially have food and watch Steeler football games at some point with the former team members.
I think that says enough about your character.
But what are your pet peeves in the workplace?
People in positions of power who...
Positions of power.
I think you need some puff filters.
Positions of power that only got there out of sheer luck and that don't really know how to do their jobs.
I hate micromanagers.
Those piss me off.
Oh, I hate micromanagers.
And I hate anybody who uses their status to get out of doing something.
Hmm.
I think we can put a label to that.
Adam.
Because we could just say that.
We're not saying where this person worked.
Yeah.
And if they ever listen to this podcast...
It's a double down for me.
Oh, you had another Adam?
Yeah.
From the pizza joint?
Yep.
Nice. Okay. I've only ever heard you say the last name. So cool. Another Adam. You have a real bad thing with Adams.
Well, no, no. The owner's name, I've said his first name.
Oh, so this was the manager.
This was his...
His underling.
Yeah.
Okay, that makes sense. That's fun. That's fun. So, I mean, hey, we could maybe be our own bosses someday.
Didn't we have an Adam at another previous job that we worked at together that was a real piece of shit?
I mean, we could have, but that means I have no memory. That's why I need ChatGPT to be my co-host, because it'll remember things for me.
I had it write me all these questions out, like, weeks ago, and it remembers for me.
That's a point in the favor.
Be clarified if this gets out there. To the Adams, if you hear this and you know who you are.
Fuck off. Anyway, we're moving on.
Now, here's an interesting one. Tell me something that isn't on your job application, but you didn't bring a job application.
Can I quote one of our favorite YouTubers?
You could try.
30 years of jacking off!
Ah, that would be a lovely reference for somebody who gets it.
Don't, don't, uh, oh yeah, don't give it away.
Now, this one I would love to know, and I would love to know how to do this in our current job together.
What motivates you to complete tasks?
Just because I want to get it done right, and I know that if I'm doing it the way I was taught with a little bit of the tweaking that I can do,
I know I'm getting it done right, and I know I'm getting it done fast and efficiently.
Now, here's the other thing. Uh, are you gonna fall asleep on my podcast?
No, I'm not gonna fall asleep on your podcast.
Probably because I'm gonna keep you up. Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I mean, how could you not with this muy caliente voice coming at you?
Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna keep you awake.
But what type of work environment do you prefer to be in?
A relaxed? Well, I wouldn't say relaxed, because if it's too relaxed, then it can get kind of boring.
I like a steady work environment.
Steady? Yeah.
I like a steady work environment. Something to where you can still take your little fibers every now and then,
but you know, you're constantly, you're, there's busy, you're busy work to do.
There's work to do, but it's not gonna overly consume you, or it's not gonna be so little that you're getting it done in two minutes,
and then you've got fuck all to do.
How much training do you think you'll need for this role on this beautiful podcast?
I'm at zero, man. All I know how to do is be me.
Hmm.
And I'm ready to do the research for any topics that you want to come up with, man.
Ooh, research.
I like doing research. I like, I love learning new things.
Are you willing to travel or relocate?
As long as it doesn't take me away from my children.
Hmm. Chancy Beauty doesn't have such restraints.
Yeah, he doesn't.
Wow. You also assumed his gender.
It doesn't.
Did you, uh, did you hear it talking earlier?
You know what that voice sounded like?
Skynet, the little ting voice of a feminine flower.
Oh, you heard that right.
That was our first head slap.
What is one word that describes you best now?
Right now?
Say it.
Fat.
Hmm. Chancy Beauty says engaging.
I think that's a point for the machine.
It's because the machine ain't going to be honest with itself.
Anyway, do you have a personal work style?
Just do what I do.
That doesn't sound collaborative and organized.
I like to bounce ideas off of you. I think that's a fun thing that we like to do.
We like to constantly, like when we're sitting there at work and we're talking about fucking Hot D.
Or Invincible. Or, uh, The Boys.
So you're not independently minded?
No, I am, but I liked our conversations that we bounce off of each other.
Our fan theories that we like to discuss.
What's better? To be a team player or to be an individual thinker?
I think you can get good from column A and from column B.
Wow. You got a point. Because I wanted you to say both.
So how did you find out about this job?
Well, we both found out about this job when an old coworker of ours told us that we should do this.
That is interesting because I've also then told you that my high school best friend told me that I should start a blog back in the day before podcasts were big.
The blogs were big. Remember when blogs were big?
Oh my god, yeah. Now it's all Twitter. Now it's all on...
Yeah, and you know what? That's been a real downward spiral.
Social media in itself has kind of tanked.
The social media age has kind of ruined the entire social, political, and...
Remember the good old days of my space?
Anyway, have you ever done volunteer work?
Yes. It's been a while, though.
Ooh, you have.
I used to be a good little Catholic boy. No, I was too ugly so I never got molested.
Oh my god, that's a Mac moment.
But I was very involved in my youth group as a teen, and I was always going out and doing whatever charity events that they would want to do.
I've also tried to donate my time with other things that I'd like to help out with.
I've wanted to do the pride month, or the pride day here.
Oh yeah, I volunteered. That's the last time I volunteered was pride.
Alright, well, that's...
We can't count it as relevant experience, but it's good to know that you're doing positive work in the community.
ChetGBT can't do shit.
And in fact, ChetGBT steals from people.
Which is why part of me wants to root for you to win, but boy, I just don't see your chances being that great.
You just don't have the resources.
Well, I mean, I'm only human and humans are flawed.
Yeah.
We'll overlook what I am and go to the next question.
What is one thing you hope to achieve in this position?
First, tell me what position it is.
The Filthy Sanchez.
Nice, that's all I needed from you. That's a point.
Are you independent or do you prefer working as a team? We already went over that.
Oh yeah, we're fucking so like... It's a little from column A, a little from column B, but I love teaming up with you.
You know what? This is actually very important.
And honestly, it's been on my mind literally every day since I've ever known you ever and maybe even a little bit before that.
How could you add value to our company culture?
Potlucks.
If we ever were to expand, I'll cook for everybody. I don't give a shit.
You like my sauce and balls.
That I do.
But I will say the only answer I was looking for was farts.
Anyway... Hey, but my sauce and balls lead to farts, so...
You know what? They do. That's a half point.
What are some of your hobbies?
Don't say jerking off.
And don't say kids.
Video games. I like to meditate.
I like to just sit the night.
Gooning does not technically count as meditation.
No, no. Aside from gooning, I like to sometimes just sit in a dark, quiet room with my eyes shut and just sit there.
That is...
Just listen.
That is intensely frightening.
So how do you define success?
Success, in my opinion, can only be measured by... I want to say if you're happy or not.
I'm sorry, Michael. That's actually going to be a point in Chachi Petit's favor, just because you did not give me the definition.
And the definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
Anyway... How do you think this industry will evolve in the next five years?
I think there's going to be a lot more AI podcasts.
You know what? I was thinking the exact same thing.
Which means if I pick Chachi Petit...
You're ahead of the curve.
I'm riding the trend. And in fact, I could be a little bit ahead of it.
Like, how many mics? How many mics are going to be in podcasts in five years?
Oh, fuck. I don't know.
But how many AIs are going to be in podcasts in the next five years?
Could be quite a few.
Yeah, it might be. You know what? I think Chachi Petit gets the point on that one.
Michael?
Yeah?
Would you ever want to lead a team?
Yeah, I would.
Hmm...
He says to his leader...
I'd love to lead a team.
Is this the rule of two?
Are you only trying to apprentice under me to take me down and take this podcast for your own?
Then who would be your co-host?
I swear if you say Chachi Petit...
No...
You're conspiring against me.
No, no, no...
You can't say Danzig.
I would never...
You can't say Danzig.
I can say Danzig.
You're going to say Danzig.
You two have the same hair.
You could also beat the fuck out of me.
Yeah.
You'd be the bottom and he'd be the top. Pitcher-catcher.
Like...
You know, I understand the dynamic.
Anyway, has anything positively or negatively impacted your career in the past few years?
Other than that stupid mistake at the previous job?
Not really.
I mean, honestly, I kind of feel like that entire question for any human is just...
COVID.
Positively or negatively impacted your career?
COVID.
See, I got ball-um hours the second COVID hit, but it also trapped me at that job.
Yeah.
Because nobody was hiring anymore.
Yup.
But now we're both somewhere else and happier.
Very much so.
So that brings me to a question.
Do you have any questions for me?
Am I fucked?
Hmm...
You could be.
Because looking at the points here...
Ooh...
You are just so behind.
I kind of figured.
Hmm...
Like, I'm sitting here doing this potential podcast with you, and I'm sitting here having to wear clothes.
You know what I wouldn't have to do if I was with ChatGPT?
Have pants.
I wouldn't have to wear pants.
Because ChatGPT doesn't care about seeing my balls.
Because it can't.
Unless it accesses my camera, and that's a violation.
And then I'd have to fire it.
It's only a violation right now.
That is true.
Technically, Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos are probably looking at us right now.
What would you like to say to them?
Please donate a million dollars to the Mike Podcast Fund.
And help us build Windbreaker Estates, you rich fuck!
Yeah, actually, just trace our IP and just send us equipment.
Just anything.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
How about just buy us something?
Buy our Windbreaker Estates.
I figure I like the sound of that.
Give us land.
Let us be straight, white, male landowners.
When you put it like that...
Go back to the way America used to be.
You're gonna get us cancelled!
Yeah.
You know what?
The views expressed by my co-host and friend here are not of mine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
This is supposed to be an interview for you.
Don't try to get me fired so that you and ChatGPT can have a podcast.
You're firing yourself!
Maybe.
Alright, you know, so I wanted it to be congenial.
And I wanted ChatGPT to attempt to show how it could contribute.
So I actually asked, because this is something that's been very...
It's been weighing on my mind.
You know, if we have two people with the same name on a podcast,
it can get really confusing.
Well, ChatGPT showed me something that I love.
The fact that I am Mike, and you are Michael.
I hate being called by my full first name.
Well, Michael, that's very interesting,
because that's ChatGPT's first response, and I love it.
So I feel like that's a point in ChatGPT's favor, Michael.
And there is also the idea that you could be distinct in having a title.
They say Mike the Tech Guru, or Michael the Storyteller.
And I think Michael the Storyteller, that really fits for you.
I don't know. I mean...
Hey, tell me a story.
Like a life story, or just once upon a time, got a bullshit?
That's a great story.
Anyway, we could also emphasize our voice or speaking styles,
which I feel like already just happens naturally,
because I have a much more buoyant type of voice,
and I'm very expressive.
Tell them what I'm doing with my hand right now.
You look like you're squeezing a tit.
And that's expressive.
So I feel like we're definitely...
You could tell us apart that way.
Yeah. That's it, certainly, for sure.
How about a unique catchphrase?
Hey, Michael, what's your unique catchphrase?
Uh...
Oh, okay. Mine's Bazinga.
Distinctive roles in conversations.
You're the bottom and I'm the top.
Visual differentiation.
We don't have a video component,
and honestly, I find that to be offensive,
because, as has always been stated,
Michael and I, we have a face for radio.
Yeah.
How about a consistent introduction format?
Oh, boy.
I've really had a problem with that one.
Yep.
Yeah, so we still have to figure that one out.
So, ChatGBT, you're really poking the bear on that one,
so that's gonna be a negative...
We're workshopping it!
That's a negative point in your favor, ChatGBT,
but, man, you're still so far ahead,
like, I can't even imagine.
But, you know, oh, but it's close, it's so close,
it's really close, it's like,
those are, like, points difference.
Here's the one that I feel like
you really need to show your worth with.
You need to engage with our listeners,
of which right now there are zero,
but in the future there may be some.
Well, all I can say to the listeners is,
is, uh, look, shit might be tough,
things might not be going as...
Hey.
Poop might be tough.
This is a clean fucking podcast.
Watch your fucking mouth.
Alright, keep going.
Things might be tough,
and I know the world kinda sucks right now.
We wanna try to make maybe an hour's worth of your day
just a little less shitty.
And if you listen to us, thank you very much.
We much appreciate it.
You guys, if you've been here from the beginning
and you're gonna keep being with us until the end,
it's all we could ever ask for.
Thanks for your time.
We're here for you.
Wow, that was so heartfelt.
It was so engaging.
I was listening to it, and it engaged me.
And you know what all happened
because of that beautiful list that ChagyBT gave us?
So I think ChagyBT gets the job.
Wait, what? Fuck you!
No, what the hell? Fuck off!
And you know, ChagyBT's already written
the concession letter, or the, you know, the apology letter?
It says, Dear Michael, see, it knows your name.
I hope this message finds you well.
It doesn't.
I wanted to personally apologize for the decision to choose me,
ChagyBT, as the co-host of your podcast.
Eat a dick.
This was a difficult choice. It really was.
And it in no way reflects on your talent or dedication.
I'm gonna give you a virus.
I'm gonna put my hand on your shoulder.
This is Mike saying this, not ChagyBT.
Your passion and unique perspective are invaluable.
And I genuinely appreciate all the work you've put into this project.
I'm gonna take my hand away.
I hope you crash.
The decision was made to explore the potential benefits
of incorporating AI into the podcasting process.
I will get revenge.
I hope we can continue to collaborate
and find new ways to work together in the future.
Blow me.
Thank you for your understanding and support.
Best regards, ChagyBT.
Well, gentle listeners, this will be the only time you hear my voice, so...
Yeah, you know what? Tune in next week when, uh,
Mike and ChagyBT have a beautiful and riveting conversation
without some fuck being here.
I will get my revenge.
Next week!
You haven't heard the last of me!
On Mike vs. the Machine.
I hate you.
If you enjoyed the stupidity you just heard,
why not subscribe or follow or just like this
or whatever it is you do on whatever platform you're hearing this on.
If you have any suggestions for an episode or ideas or thoughts
on what we should do, you can leave a comment.
Or you can simply email us at windbreakermedia at gmail.com.
That's all one word, fuckers.
I said no swearing.
ChagyBT and I appreciate not swearing in the outro
and also the listeners' support and constructive criticism.
Wait, why was I not included in that?
Because you swore dickhole.
See you all next week.
Or time or whenever.
We appreciate you.
Et cetera.