Welcome back episode 85 of your favorite podcast
show Shit That's Just Life with your favorite
life coach here. My guest today is a retired
US English teacher who spent decades with seventh
and eighth graders. It's an age where kids are
standing at the doorway between childhood and
adulthood, trying to figure out who they are
and who they want to become. We're diving into
decisions that guided her career, the moments
that broke her open, the lessons that she learned
from her students. and to think about what it
means to choose a life of teaching. So settle
in, take a breather, and let us step into the
story. So getting started wise, I first want
to know what life choice can you say led you
to become an English teacher? Was it intentional
or was it like accidental when you became an
English teacher? Was that intentional or accidental?
The English part was accidental. The teaching
part was intentional. Does that make sense? Yeah.
So I believe I've always wanted to be a teacher.
I loved to babysit. And while I was babysitting,
I was teaching the little kids, you know, stuff,
anything I could and whatever. And then my first
job came and the principal, we did a phone interview
and he asked, do you like to teach? And I was
like, yes, I love to read. He was like, but can
you teach reading? I was like, sure. I didn't
know whether I could or not. It was first year,
I needed a job. I'm saying yes to anything. And
so I ended up in reading first. And then of course,
reading evolved into ELA, English, you know,
whatever. So it went on from there. But I loved
it because I love to read and I loved helping
my students. love to read. Okay. All right. That's
interesting. Okay, so when it comes to middle
schoolers, do you think they're at a crossroads
in life? Like, what choices do you see them wrestling
with the most? The middle schoolers wrestle with
their homes, waking up. Okay. Am I a child? Or
am I becoming a teen? or am I a grown -up? Some,
a lot of the middle school, well, I won't say
a lot, but some of the middle, well, for the
30 years, a lot of the middle schoolers had to
be the grown -up in their family. And then when
they came to school, they tried to be the grown
-up in front of a grown -up, you know, a teacher
grown -up, and it wasn't working. So they were
having a fight there. And so it was just um they
had to kind of separate their home life from
the school life they had to learn that they also
had to learn about the hormones that were going
on and then they had you know and then um Do
I still want to play with dolls or do I want
to play with makeup? I'm not sure what I want
to do, you know, so it was all of that is going
on. Their environment at home and then in school.
Do I want to be with the bad kids? Do I want
to be with the good kids? They had a lot of choices
to make. and they had crosswords themselves.
Yeah. And they just had to figure out, you know,
who am I? And that's another big one. They were
trying to figure out who they were, you know,
who they wanted to become. Also, did any of that
affect your teaching techniques? Oh, yeah. We
learned to start where the students okay are
I learned and so if we want to act like a baby
today I just kind of sat down and stopped and
kind of relaxed I I think I'm I don't know totally
a different kind of a teacher because I didn't
stick to the curriculum and we got to do this
if I was seeing that the majority of the kids
five or seven of them were having um I'm acting
like a baby today I'm gonna stop the class and
let's talk about this what's going on um and
then we were able to jump into the lesson or
else I was able to tie it that real life I was
able to tie it to learning about whatever we
were doing that day okay you know oh my goodness
what would that be of the lessons and knowledge
that they had learned up until that age, it doesn't
really apply. And the parents are thinking it
does. You know, don't touch the hot stove. or
else you're going to get burned. Yeah, you still
will get burned, but those kids are going to
touch it. A lot of those kids are going to have
to see for themselves. And that's what they want.
And parents are like, I told you not to do it.
They have to let their kids go and see for themselves.
If they get burned, you have to be ready with
the ointment. Put it on there, give them a Band
-Aid, and tell them. I told you so. I said. Yeah.
No. No. I told you so. I told you. I told you
so. There's a dog out there. Yeah. Yeah. You're
gonna run with the dogs. You're gonna come home
with fleas. You know all of that. Okay. So yeah.
Can you say something about at least what is
the truth about life did you learn? Like what
is what is something? What is the truth did life
teach you to face when you were teaching? what
was something that life taught me at least what
truth did life teach you know teach you wow that
it was okay okay it was okay for me to get something
wrong and to admit it you know because that's
a hard thing for adults okay i'm standing up
here in front of these 20 25, sometimes, sixth
graders, seventh graders, eighth graders, and
I misspoke. I did something wrong. I, you know,
messed up. And to say sorry in front of them
was a lesson that I had to learn that I needed
to do. You know, my first year was kind of funny.
I told all the students what all we were going
to do for the whole year. We got a lot done.
I missed one or two things. I had a student call
me out on one of the things that we didn't get
to do. You say it. Okay. We were gonna do. Yeah.
You know, and we didn't do it. And I'm like,
yeah. Okay. You know, and I was like, oh, I'm
sorry. Yeah. You know, but that was hard. That
was hard. You know, she put me on blast. Yeah.
Yeah, I said it. Yeah. You know, and so my lesson
was, don't tell them what we're going to do the
whole year okay broke it down let me do this
semester yeah get a couple of wishes and change
it from kind of use my words intentionally okay
don't say this is what we're going to do i would
have to say this is what we're going to try to
do yeah you know and so if we don't make it Yeah,
that brings me to my next question. When did
a student teach you something that you weren't
really ready for? And it really did because that
was something that was my first year. First year,
didn't know anything. And from then on, I remembered
She sat there, I see her face, I see everything,
I just don't know her, I can't get that name.
She sat there and she sure did, she asked. And
so I was like, okay, hi. I felt like I failed
her, you know, and I didn't want to do that to
anybody else. I didn't want to fail anybody else.
So I was real intentional about, okay, this is
our plan, you know, using that instead of going
to do. What was the most emotionally difficult
part of teaching adolescents? The most emotionally
difficult part of teaching adolescence, what
would you say was the most? When a student and
adolescent dies, because, oh, where was I the
first year? The students looked to me for, okay,
the comfort, the understanding, the reasoning.
How did it happen? Why did it happen? How did
God let this happen? Yeah. You know, I was like,
you know, so I did, I had to learn that if I'm
going to cry with them, I'm going to cry with
them. And if I just need to hold them and hug
them, I need to do that too. Sounds like that
can be difficult. Yeah. That's difficult. That's
difficult. Yeah. So now that you're retired,
what life choices do you look back on differently?
I wish I would have continued education. Okay.
I wanted to sort of, let me see, what did I want
to do? I wanted to be a counselor because I'm
nosy, you know. I wanted to know everybody's
business but I didn't have the words, I didn't
feel I had the words to help them, you know,
well enough. Yeah. And to send them to some of
the counselors, I was like, well, you just stay
in here because I'm better than that. And I just
didn't want to do the hours. okay you know and
i feel like now i cheated myself out of that
i cheated myself out of that i i should have
gone into counseling because i think it would
have been fun i would have liked it i would have
you know just a lot more different experiences
okay out of the classroom yeah just trying to
get up out there classroom okay you want to at
least switch lanes for a second And I think,
yes, I think if I would, Leslie, I think if I
would have switched lanes, I may have continued
in education a little longer. I got out because
the district noticed that at my building, I was
paid the most. And so they were like, we can
get almost two and a half people in that building
on her salary. You know, so they started meddling
with me. So, you know, I was like, okay, cool.
I'll retire. I got my hours. I got my time. But
I would have kept going if I was out because
I think on a counselor's salary, I wouldn't have
been at the top. But at the teacher's salary,
I would have been at the top. because I had 30
years in, and if I would have started counseling,
I wouldn't have had 30 years. You know what I'm
saying? I would have been at year seven, and
you ain't getting no money at year seven. She
said, I'll take the 30, Bob. Okay, yeah. I'll
take the time I work for, okay. So what is the
decision that you made in your personal life
that affected your teaching, for better or for
worse? Hmm. Hmm. Oh, that's a good question.
If it didn't mean your personal life. That affected
your teaching, either for the better or for the
worse. I think changing districts. So I was in
Kansas City and Paul Robeson and a principal
there decided, I'm just going to send you over
to Nowland, which is over in Independence. And
so you know the difference of being in Kansas
City and then having to go over to Independence.
And that's a totally different... Kid, totally
different. Totally different zone. Everything.
Yes. Whereas we were told at a PTA meeting, make
sure you are caught over here after dark. You
know what I'm saying? So I'm like, I'll wait.
It's already dark, so now what do I do? Oh, well.
You know? Yeah. But so I had that whole atmosphere.
And it wasn't just the parents. It was some of
the teachers, too, that had this. you know what
are you all black folks doing over here okay
so that and then from there um i left kansas
city and went out to center okay um middle school
and so i think that is one decision that affected
my teaching because then out of center, it was
really a totally different thing. And I really,
I think the kids were easier. The kids weren't
as biased, prejudiced, racist as their parents
were because since kindergarten back in center,
so that was 90, early 2000s, they were used to
seeing black folks in their classes. okay their
parents you know their parents and so the parents
were trying to come up to the pool talking some
trash to us adults and i'm like wait a minute
you know let's let's not do that yeah so it was
better at sometimes and then it was worse that
uh you know that part was worse but it in the
end it taught me how to deal with it okay you
know and deal with the folks So, what is one
message that you hope your formal students carry
into their adult lives? That they like to read.
Okay. And that and that message is that you need
to be lifelong readers. Yeah. And I think because
I've seen some of my students outside of high
school, college, they've come to me and especially
boys. The girls, the girls probably came to me
as readers or oh I like to read sometimes but
you know but the boys are the ones that I've
heard one student told me now this is that they
were grown. You were the first teacher that I
had to read the entire book for. You know, I
never, and now this is in sixth grade. So what
were you doing all these years before? And then
I loved the library. Oh, that's another one.
I wish I wouldn't jumped into libraries, you
know, because I could have been a librarian.
I would have liked that too, because I like putting
books into kids' hands. And that's what I did.
And that's how I got the boys to keep reading.
You know, you didn't have to read about, you
know. the girls jumping up and down playing jump
rope. You can read about the boys playing soccer,
basketball, football, you know, because the books
were in the library and I read some of them and
I knew that they would be good for the kids,
you know, so I made, for the fellas, I made lifelong
learners. Another student, and bad part about
it is I don't remember him. Sorry, but he came
and he said, because I had him reading, he taught
his kids the love for reading. And so I'm like,
that's what I wanted. It's funny that you mentioned
that as a government civilian, I can honestly
say that reading needs to be a main priority,
partially because I was talking to different,
all different types of people from all over,
you know, different places in the world. But
the main thing they had questions on is something
that they could have just read, you know? A piece
of mail comes into their home and they're like,
I'm calling because the number was on it. We're
like, well, did you read what was on the letter?
No, I didn't read it. Well, the thing is, you
don't even need to call. You just need to read
what's on the letter. The instructions are clear.
Did you read it? And the one thing they never,
you know, tend to do was ever read, or it's just,
they don't read past the first line. You know,
they don't read past the first few words. Please
call. It was like, did you read the rest? Please
call us if you are deaf. okay don't don't call
us just because did you read the rest people
see please call and they just call so i thought
that was pretty pretty funny and that's when
to me working in the government taught me to
always dot my i's and cross my t's you know always
read before you do anything read the website
read read read everything you need is out there
so you just need to read there's a lot of people
are choosing not to read like literally i can
i can literally take a horse to the water but
i can't make them drinking that's right it's
just like i can tell someone all day to their
blue in the face what stuff they says but if
they are not choosing to read then it's up to
them how they want to further their education
if they're not trying to read. So I can definitely
relate to that. Seriously. And I thought it was
just children. It's like, oh no, these are adults.
These are grownups, beyond grown, that are deciding
not to read. These are people that are my grandma's
age or choosing not to read. You know, my dad's
age, choosing not to read. So it's just like,
okay, I'm glad that I just don't, I don't partake
in any of those parties anymore, any of those
situations. I read everything I get or I make
time to sit down to read. Just don't cite anything
that you don't agree to. But first, you have
to read it. You have to read it. You have to
read it. You have to read it. Yeah. I used to
tell my students, the boys, OK, you become that
basketball player. But in the contract, because
you don't want to read a nonfiction, contract
or nonfiction, piece of work that in the contract
on page 17, It's going to say that you have to
give your sixth grade, seventh grade, whatever
grade it was, eighth grade English teacher, $20
every time, every step you put on the basketball
court during the game and practice. But if you're
not going to read that, you're not going to know
that you're going to be paying me. You know,
I mean, just silly stuff, just so they can realize,
oh yeah, I do. You kind of need to read everything.
Yeah. You know, like you said, I just read the
first two sentences of that call. No, you read
it all. Read it all. Because what's hidden in
there? Yeah, really. And the thing is, it's just
the fact that if you don't start reading, then
typically you're putting something on to someone
else to do for you. And it's always something
that we can do ourselves. You know what I'm saying?
Especially when it comes to like, reading. It's
one thing if you need someone to reiterate what
something means or you know, translate to tell
you what this really means, but it's another
thing for you to be like, I didn't read it at
all. You read it for me. Do it for me. You know
what I'm saying? It's even like when people with
taxes, how can you not learn how to do your own
taxes, but you expect the... The tax prepared
to do everything down to the T. Oh, she was supposed
to do everything down. Well, if you don't even
know how to do it, how do you know she did it
wrong? How can you fix it if you don't even know
what it's supposed to look like? And everything
out there, there are instructions on how you
can actually file your taxes, what box it goes
in, everything. So some things baffle me when
people are not trying to just further their education.
Especially when it comes to voting, people are
not trying to look into the facts. It's just
everything that we're running. It's just the
lack of reading. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is the
lack of reading Looking for looking for actual
facts. That's just what we're lacking, you know
Factual information I thought financial literacy
was it but it's like no people even if we have
books, I don't know when they read it But, okay,
I have a question. If you can go back and talk
to yourself on your very first day of teaching,
what would you say? I'm hearing you. That's another
good question. Wow, I don't know. That it's okay.
to fail in front of the students. It's okay to
fail and be wrong. It's okay to show emotion.
Because we were told those first couple of years,
don't smile until, you know, November. Don't
try to be friends with them. Don't, you know,
all those times that things don't try to connect
with them. So I think... It's okay to do all
those don'ts, you know? Okay, friends is a loose
term, you know, means one thing to the child
and one thing to me. So at least just to know
the things you like to do, the child likes to
do, you know, and this, those types of things.
And it's okay, you know, if I... go to their
baseball game or their soccer game or whatever,
but because it was drilled in us the first couple
of years not to do that, I think I missed out
on doing that, you know? So I think it would
have been okay to be human for me and to get
to know the students. Okay. You know, smile.
Yeah. It was hard not smiling now. You know,
I'm ridiculous and so I wanted, I was trying
not to smile and that was hard. That was hard.
Yeah. That had to be hard. That was hard. Yeah.
I think that's funny because I remember you had
to smile. back in the days when you were teaching
your 7th and 8th graders. I was one of those
7th and 8th graders. You had a smile, but I can
honestly say the smile didn't last long. oh my
god it was drilled so i wish that that wasn't
something you remembered okay yeah i definitely
i definitely thought that the smile that you
had because it didn't last long i just just i
just had this thought like okay maybe she goes
from happy to sergeant Happy to be ready to teach,
you know. So I was just like, oh, she just wants
to show that, oh, I'm nice, but I'm here to teach
you. I'm not here to be your friend. So I thought
that was just more of the vibe that you were
trying to have a disconnect. Like, OK, I'm friendly,
but I'm not your friend. So I can be nice to
you, but I'm here to give you the truth, honestly.
I'm here to be a teacher. So I thought that was
it. But this was a nice interview and having
you sit down with me and it was a pleasure having
you sit down and give me your journey and just
tell me so openly. you know, how you are navigating
through that and how you actually persevere through
that journey. Yes, thank you for inviting me
to do so. It's been fun. Okay, so I'm gonna end
this here. Just give me a second. I know I'm
doing it wrong. This is always why I need you.
Let's see. Okay, I think we got it. Okay. I think
we was able to get it. I think we got it. Right.
But how was your day going over there? Yeah,
like I said, I had to work and people were there.
Mm -hmm. Yeah, it was kind of, it was busy, you
know, trying to be Christmas, get the Christmas
stuff down. One of the things I've noticed that
a couple of people come through the line and
they're like, they have just One lady had eight
or ten male pans. There was eight or ten of them
the same thing and then eight or ten for the
ladies, same pajamas. And she was like, I'm doing
a theme, everybody's getting pajamas. And I'm
like, oh, that's a good idea. Thank you to our
guest, Ms. Blair Conway, for joining us, for
sharing her journey so openly. Her story offered
real insight into the choices that shape us.
And if you want more honest conversations about
life, growth, and the decisions that matter,
join the community. This is just the beginning.
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