WEBVTT 00:00:00.110 --> 00:00:03.250 Welcome to Prep and Play, where we have conversations 00:00:03.250 --> 00:00:06.490 about safer sexual pleasure. This podcast is 00:00:06.490 --> 00:00:09.070 dedicated to empowering listeners through open, 00:00:09.349 --> 00:00:11.669 honest discussions surrounding keeping our minds, 00:00:11.929 --> 00:00:14.810 bodies, and spirits healthy while being sexually 00:00:14.810 --> 00:00:18.390 active. My name is Danielle, and today we will 00:00:18.390 --> 00:00:20.570 be continuing the conversation we started on 00:00:20.570 --> 00:00:23.609 our last episode. So let's jump right back in 00:00:23.609 --> 00:00:27.739 where we left off. All right. So moving forward, 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:31.059 this one I would love to hear a lot about. So 00:00:31.059 --> 00:00:33.840 vetting and choosing a partner and building trust. 00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:36.619 We talked a lot about negotiation and stuff like 00:00:36.619 --> 00:00:39.460 that in the last segment, but what does vetting 00:00:39.460 --> 00:00:41.899 mean? Vetting is a process of getting to know 00:00:41.899 --> 00:00:46.020 someone's capabilities, boundaries, ethics, experiences, 00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:49.659 especially where power or risk is involved. And 00:00:49.659 --> 00:00:52.840 the term vetting is not just used in the BDSM 00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:56.200 lifestyle. Vetting can be used for people who 00:00:56.200 --> 00:00:58.460 you want to bring into a vanilla organization. 00:00:58.740 --> 00:01:00.740 Like who are you? what do you want, what are 00:01:00.740 --> 00:01:03.200 your terms? Asking people the questions is just 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:06.439 a get to know you process. And when you want 00:01:06.439 --> 00:01:08.939 an Aveda partner for a scene, especially if you 00:01:08.939 --> 00:01:11.719 don't know this person like me. I like to ask 00:01:11.719 --> 00:01:14.420 people about them. Like if I see that they're 00:01:14.420 --> 00:01:16.799 a mutual friend of yours on Fat Life, Fat Life 00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:19.060 is like Facebook for kinksters. That's the best 00:01:19.060 --> 00:01:21.760 way I can describe Fat Life. So you're gonna 00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:24.299 ask about, okay, your experience level, your 00:01:24.299 --> 00:01:27.319 specialties, your safety practices. And it's 00:01:27.319 --> 00:01:29.659 important to ask those questions because some 00:01:29.659 --> 00:01:32.359 people have answers that's a red flag because 00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:34.719 there are some people who can be bad dominants 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:36.680 and there are some people who can be bad submissives. 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:39.799 So asking them about their education, you know, 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:42.700 kink circles are you in? What groups are you 00:01:42.700 --> 00:01:45.079 hanging around? Asking those questions, because 00:01:45.079 --> 00:01:48.079 if somebody says, well, I've never been, I've 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:50.719 been in the lifestyle 10 years, but you ask about 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:53.599 the events going around. Now, I'm not gonna say 00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:55.799 there are some people who are quiet practices 00:01:55.799 --> 00:01:59.299 of, practices of kink, but if you're saying that 00:01:59.299 --> 00:02:02.500 you've been in this lifestyle for 20 years, and 00:02:02.500 --> 00:02:05.620 where we live at is small, so. And you mean nobody 00:02:05.620 --> 00:02:07.879 know who you are? And you say you been a nobody, 00:02:08.620 --> 00:02:11.599 nobody. And there's a lot of elders in this who've 00:02:11.599 --> 00:02:13.620 been in the lifestyle longer than a lot of us 00:02:13.620 --> 00:02:16.080 have been alive. So, and you saying none of them 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:18.919 know you, you've never been to any public event? 00:02:19.460 --> 00:02:21.340 Why? So that's like something I'll question. 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:24.419 Like why aren't you being invited to these events? 00:02:24.520 --> 00:02:27.319 Why aren't you going to these events? Cause they 00:02:27.319 --> 00:02:30.020 all have doms who just be so eager. I said that 00:02:30.020 --> 00:02:32.379 they're not doms, they're just. people who want 00:02:32.379 --> 00:02:34.919 to hit another person and you don't want to do 00:02:34.919 --> 00:02:37.460 the safety. They don't know anything about safety 00:02:37.460 --> 00:02:40.500 or they don't know how to properly use their 00:02:40.500 --> 00:02:43.439 tools. They're tying wrong. They're doing things 00:02:43.439 --> 00:02:46.379 very sloppily. So if they can't give you clear 00:02:46.379 --> 00:02:50.659 and concise answers, I personally wouldn't play 00:02:50.659 --> 00:02:53.000 with them if they don't have enough education. 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:56.419 Cause I've seen thousands upon thousands of dollars. 00:02:56.539 --> 00:03:00.300 I fly to a con out of state at least twice a 00:03:00.300 --> 00:03:01.560 year. I haven't been able to go this year because 00:03:01.560 --> 00:03:04.240 of my new job, but I'll fly to a education con 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:07.240 out of state. I'm always asking questions. I'm 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:10.159 the one who, I go to different organizations 00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:13.120 that are based on teaching, and I ask them, I 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:15.639 love to ask questions. I went to an event where 00:03:15.639 --> 00:03:19.319 I got to learn about fire flogging, because the 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:23.139 group I'm with is very hands -on, so they will 00:03:23.139 --> 00:03:26.849 teach you. About they'll teach you like you want 00:03:26.849 --> 00:03:29.550 to do this because one person was like, okay, 00:03:29.650 --> 00:03:31.750 come get this. I'm like no I'm scared. He's like, 00:03:31.870 --> 00:03:34.150 get this girl. And I'm like, okay, cause he's 00:03:34.150 --> 00:03:36.069 trying to teach me how to fly a flog. And I'm 00:03:36.069 --> 00:03:37.689 like, I'm scared I'm gonna set my husband on 00:03:37.689 --> 00:03:39.509 fire. So I'm scared to get the flog. He's like, 00:03:39.629 --> 00:03:41.810 get it. Like they're very hands on teaching. 00:03:41.990 --> 00:03:45.430 So I'm lucky that I'm surrounded by a community 00:03:45.430 --> 00:03:48.469 who's teaching me a lot. That's why the vetting 00:03:48.469 --> 00:03:50.849 goes in because I had to be vetted into this 00:03:50.849 --> 00:03:53.710 community. So I take it very seriously because 00:03:53.710 --> 00:03:56.469 they welcomed me into their community. I don't 00:03:56.469 --> 00:03:59.590 want to just bring any old body in with me cause 00:03:59.590 --> 00:04:01.560 then they gonna look at you, because you are 00:04:01.560 --> 00:04:03.379 an extension of the people you bring in, and 00:04:03.379 --> 00:04:05.680 that's with anything. So they're like, you brought 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:08.319 this person in here, they're being rude, they're 00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:10.780 being intrusive, so that is why it's important 00:04:10.780 --> 00:04:13.319 to get to know people before you bring them into 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:16.660 your space. And you know, you can have the conversations, 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.139 like I said, the community connections, expectations, 00:04:20.439 --> 00:04:23.800 ask about limits, and if a submissive tells you 00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:27.980 they do not have a limit, that is a red flag. 00:04:28.439 --> 00:04:31.120 That is a big red flag when people like I'm down 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:33.220 for anything usually when somebody say I'm down 00:04:33.220 --> 00:04:35.860 for anything I'm like, okay So let me stab you 00:04:35.860 --> 00:04:38.560 cross your back and pour a line of salt in it 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:42.259 since you down for anything You know, I know 00:04:42.259 --> 00:04:44.740 that's kind of extreme. But since you're down 00:04:44.740 --> 00:04:48.189 for anything You're down for that. Yeah, you 00:04:48.189 --> 00:04:50.370 mentioned there were bad doms who portray a level 00:04:50.370 --> 00:04:52.509 of experience that they don't have. There are 00:04:52.509 --> 00:04:55.029 also bad submissives who portray a level of openness 00:04:55.029 --> 00:04:57.430 that they do not have. Yeah, because and then 00:04:57.430 --> 00:05:01.009 also don't think because you see somebody and 00:05:01.009 --> 00:05:03.769 there's a lot of submissives who want to play 00:05:03.769 --> 00:05:06.389 monkey see monkey do because they'll see someone 00:05:06.389 --> 00:05:09.670 else doing something. They'll think that, OK, 00:05:09.689 --> 00:05:11.689 I can do it, too, because like me and one of 00:05:11.689 --> 00:05:13.649 my friends, she does wax on me a lot because 00:05:13.649 --> 00:05:18.209 I love wax. And she does my, now when it comes 00:05:18.209 --> 00:05:21.029 to doing wax, you're supposed to do wax away 00:05:21.029 --> 00:05:23.149 from the skin, because the further you are, the 00:05:23.149 --> 00:05:26.069 cooler it is. But because I'm a heavy bottom 00:05:26.069 --> 00:05:28.810 and we've played together several times, she 00:05:28.810 --> 00:05:31.550 knows that she can do the wax like half an inch 00:05:31.550 --> 00:05:34.550 to an inch away from my skin and I'm fine. But 00:05:34.550 --> 00:05:37.870 somebody else may see her doing that to me and 00:05:37.870 --> 00:05:40.480 it's like, oh, I wanna do that. and they'll go 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:42.800 tell somebody I want to do wax and I love it 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:44.800 close to the skin and the next thing you know 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:48.100 they have a burn on their back because they didn't 00:05:48.100 --> 00:05:49.860 assess the risk they just wanted to do something 00:05:49.860 --> 00:05:51.920 they saw somebody else to do and they'll get 00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:54.920 into things such as sub frenzy and sub frenzies 00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:56.439 when they just got to do everything everywhere 00:05:56.439 --> 00:05:59.560 all at once that happened to me like when I first 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.220 went to a con this is when I was still more trying 00:06:02.220 --> 00:06:05.139 to find I thought I was a submissive And I just 00:06:05.139 --> 00:06:06.660 wanted to do everything. I got kind of frenzied 00:06:06.660 --> 00:06:08.319 because I was like, I'm going to do this with 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:09.500 this person. I'm going to do this with that person. 00:06:09.579 --> 00:06:11.439 I'm going to do this with this person. And I 00:06:11.439 --> 00:06:14.439 was very frenzied because it was so much to do. 00:06:14.600 --> 00:06:18.459 so many things to experience, so you have to 00:06:18.459 --> 00:06:21.500 watch out. And you know, sub -frenzy is not necessarily, 00:06:21.819 --> 00:06:23.639 I would call that a yellow flag, because that's 00:06:23.639 --> 00:06:25.399 something you need to talk about to them and 00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:27.399 tell them, you know, calm down, because there's 00:06:27.399 --> 00:06:29.639 nothing wrong with teaching somebody who doesn't 00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:32.040 know anything. There's nothing wrong with you 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:35.240 as an experienced person being somebody's introduction 00:06:35.240 --> 00:06:37.420 into this lifestyle, but making sure you are 00:06:37.420 --> 00:06:40.480 a safe introduction. It's very easy to hurt somebody 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:44.000 and end up in the ER with a less than still a 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:47.639 So, making sure you're properly educated and 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:50.480 asking questions. And also, you know, ask people 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:54.000 about their SCI sexual health status. Now, that's 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:56.560 a question. It's kind of, it's one of those things 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.920 where, and I know we're, you know, this is AS, 00:07:00.060 --> 00:07:02.480 so we're all about, you know, safety and getting 00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:06.240 tested. But with some people, it's kind of like 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:08.540 one of those things where people be like, I don't 00:07:08.540 --> 00:07:12.519 owe you my status if... we're not having sex. 00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:16.000 So there are some people who feel that way because 00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:19.180 they're like, if there's not a risk of sexual 00:07:19.180 --> 00:07:20.860 intercourse, they feel like they don't have to 00:07:20.860 --> 00:07:23.670 tell the status me. I'm all about being open 00:07:23.670 --> 00:07:25.589 with somebody and telling them, you know, this 00:07:25.589 --> 00:07:28.089 is it, this tell people their status, but some 00:07:28.089 --> 00:07:29.509 people don't, so that's something you have to 00:07:29.509 --> 00:07:32.449 really decide among you. Like, if you wanna play 00:07:32.449 --> 00:07:35.209 with a bottom who tells you, okay, I don't need 00:07:35.209 --> 00:07:38.189 to tell you my status because we're just playing, 00:07:38.209 --> 00:07:41.170 but then you draw blood and you don't know they're 00:07:41.170 --> 00:07:42.670 HIV positive or something, you don't know how 00:07:42.670 --> 00:07:45.370 to properly clean it up, that could, you know. 00:07:45.709 --> 00:07:47.970 And that's a really good point. We mentioned 00:07:47.970 --> 00:07:50.370 talking about STI and sexual health status in 00:07:50.370 --> 00:07:53.269 conversations before sex. But just to clarify, 00:07:53.529 --> 00:07:57.790 you know, not all BDSM includes sex. It doesn't 00:07:57.790 --> 00:08:00.149 know it's perfectly normal and common to have 00:08:00.149 --> 00:08:03.310 these practices and power exchange without sex. 00:08:04.189 --> 00:08:06.050 I feel if someone's going to be a regular part 00:08:06.050 --> 00:08:07.949 night is different. I'll say like if you're just 00:08:07.949 --> 00:08:10.750 doing some play with someone, pick up play, you 00:08:10.750 --> 00:08:12.290 may not have to sit there and tell that person 00:08:12.290 --> 00:08:14.670 your whole sexual health is up to you and your 00:08:14.670 --> 00:08:17.750 comfort. But also if the person asks you don't 00:08:17.750 --> 00:08:19.589 lie, I'm the kind of person that if someone, 00:08:20.029 --> 00:08:23.029 I feel like being open and honest in all situations, 00:08:23.329 --> 00:08:25.730 but that's something you need to think about 00:08:25.730 --> 00:08:27.990 within yourself and think about do you want to 00:08:27.990 --> 00:08:29.889 risk because you got to think about stuff like, 00:08:29.889 --> 00:08:33.529 you know, HSV, which is skin contact, which is 00:08:33.529 --> 00:08:35.750 very rare that it can happen, but you know, you 00:08:35.750 --> 00:08:38.029 can spread it like if they touch your genitals 00:08:38.029 --> 00:08:40.750 and you're shedding or you're on the cusp of 00:08:40.750 --> 00:08:42.509 an outbreak or they don't know what an outbreak 00:08:42.509 --> 00:08:45.710 looks like, that can be a problem. Yeah, definitely. 00:08:46.230 --> 00:08:48.370 And so when you're in this vetting process, what 00:08:48.370 --> 00:08:50.629 are some red flags to look out both as a dominant 00:08:50.629 --> 00:08:54.070 and as a submissive? People who want to rush 00:08:54.070 --> 00:08:57.389 into intense play, like I talked about, refusing 00:08:57.389 --> 00:09:00.429 to say they won't allow negotiations. There are 00:09:00.429 --> 00:09:03.110 some doms who will be like, I don't allow safe 00:09:03.110 --> 00:09:05.830 words or I don't let you say no. And it's like, 00:09:05.850 --> 00:09:10.169 who? OK, peace. Or people who want to keep secrets 00:09:10.169 --> 00:09:14.429 and not be open and honest who have disrespectful 00:09:14.429 --> 00:09:18.389 behavior who wanna push your boundaries and not 00:09:18.389 --> 00:09:21.129 listen or minimizing your limits. They're like, 00:09:21.129 --> 00:09:24.049 I don't believe in limits. If they're doing anything 00:09:24.049 --> 00:09:27.330 like that from the sub or the dominant or the 00:09:27.330 --> 00:09:30.690 switch, that's a red flag and that's something 00:09:30.690 --> 00:09:34.340 you should. Not play with them or be very cautious 00:09:34.340 --> 00:09:36.679 when playing with them because it can go from 00:09:36.679 --> 00:09:40.960 happy to sad to mad really awesome And so if 00:09:40.960 --> 00:09:43.580 we are engaging in this type of play we want 00:09:43.580 --> 00:09:46.179 to we want to talk about ways to be safe risks 00:09:46.179 --> 00:09:49.720 to be aware of and ways to reduce harm. So what 00:09:49.720 --> 00:09:52.500 are some physical safety guidelines? So with 00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:54.600 the physical safety guidelines, you want to know 00:09:54.600 --> 00:09:57.500 when impact play. You want to know what places 00:09:57.500 --> 00:10:00.000 you can hit and what places you can't hit. Like 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.240 you should avoid hitting people like on. Now 00:10:02.240 --> 00:10:04.519 some people like this, but in general, you should 00:10:04.519 --> 00:10:06.840 avoid hitting people on their spine. You should 00:10:06.840 --> 00:10:09.600 avoid hitting joints. You should avoid hitting 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:12.500 people on their tailbone. You should avoid hitting 00:10:12.500 --> 00:10:14.820 people on their kneecaps, the back of the knees, 00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:18.230 the elbows. You should know what are okay to 00:10:18.230 --> 00:10:21.009 hit and what areas are not okay to hit. And just 00:10:21.009 --> 00:10:24.789 because one person says you can hit them hard 00:10:24.789 --> 00:10:26.889 on this spot doesn't mean the next person can 00:10:26.889 --> 00:10:29.399 because people have different. Like me, like 00:10:29.399 --> 00:10:31.919 I said, my friend can punch me in my butt because 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:34.259 I don't have any hip problems. But if somebody 00:10:34.259 --> 00:10:37.500 has hip problems, and technically you can hit 00:10:37.500 --> 00:10:40.320 somebody on the behind, but if they got hip problems, 00:10:40.779 --> 00:10:42.620 you can't hit them as hard or maybe they don't 00:10:42.620 --> 00:10:44.580 want you to hit like right on their hip meat. 00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:47.379 They want you to go further in. So you just gotta 00:10:47.379 --> 00:10:50.809 know. where to avoid the kidneys also, the chest, 00:10:50.970 --> 00:10:53.070 the heart. Like if you're doing some kind of 00:10:53.070 --> 00:10:55.450 breast play, avoid hitting in the heart. Like 00:10:55.450 --> 00:10:57.269 knowing where those organs are, you gotta have 00:10:57.269 --> 00:11:00.490 a basic sense of anatomy. And like when you're 00:11:00.490 --> 00:11:03.429 doing bondage, you know, make sure that you're 00:11:03.429 --> 00:11:05.789 tying tight enough to have them restrained, but 00:11:05.789 --> 00:11:07.529 you're not cutting off their circulation. Like 00:11:07.529 --> 00:11:11.690 knowing if their fingers are going numb. or if 00:11:11.690 --> 00:11:13.909 they start feeling heavy pulsing, you're seeing 00:11:13.909 --> 00:11:16.929 a lot of bruising that's not, cause some people 00:11:16.929 --> 00:11:19.409 bruise easily, but if their arms and stuff start 00:11:19.409 --> 00:11:22.570 like turning purple or black, you may need to 00:11:22.570 --> 00:11:26.169 check in on that. You know, keeping safety, like 00:11:26.169 --> 00:11:28.389 the person who was teaching me rope told me, 00:11:28.769 --> 00:11:31.210 you never do rope without safety shears. And 00:11:31.210 --> 00:11:33.549 knowing the proper shears to have with rope, 00:11:33.570 --> 00:11:36.970 cause you can't use the scissors that you use 00:11:36.970 --> 00:11:40.370 doing rope on a curvature, so you can go under 00:11:40.370 --> 00:11:42.850 and cut because normal scissors are at a point 00:11:42.850 --> 00:11:46.029 and you could sever and otter it if you use pointed 00:11:46.029 --> 00:11:48.590 scissors. So having the special safety shears 00:11:48.590 --> 00:11:50.789 when you're doing bondage, when you're doing 00:11:50.789 --> 00:11:53.509 rope, always checking in with the person. Are 00:11:53.509 --> 00:11:55.870 you okay? You cannot check in too much. Are you 00:11:55.870 --> 00:11:58.950 okay? Like with fire play, having a fire blanket, 00:11:59.429 --> 00:12:03.190 having water near, having something to smother 00:12:03.190 --> 00:12:06.450 out the flames, knife play, having first aid 00:12:06.450 --> 00:12:09.009 kit handy in case you know someone gets cut. 00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:11.740 too deep knowing when someone needs to go to 00:12:11.740 --> 00:12:14.940 an ER and get stitches and with stuff like edgier 00:12:14.940 --> 00:12:17.059 play like I mentioned sound and electro play 00:12:17.059 --> 00:12:19.759 knowing what you are doing so you don't hurt 00:12:19.759 --> 00:12:22.240 someone. If you are engaging in fire knife or 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.779 electro play proper training and education becomes 00:12:24.779 --> 00:12:27.620 really important in those situations. Yes because 00:12:27.620 --> 00:12:30.480 just a little story with electro play I have 00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:34.220 a copper IUD. I won't do electric play because 00:12:34.220 --> 00:12:37.820 I have had too many conflicting answers on if 00:12:37.820 --> 00:12:41.840 the copper in my uterus can conduct electricity. 00:12:42.259 --> 00:12:45.019 So I don't let nobody do electric on me. Even 00:12:45.019 --> 00:12:47.679 when I'm practicing stuff, I don't handle electricity 00:12:47.679 --> 00:12:50.460 because some people are like, it won't do anything. 00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:53.120 Some people are like, God no, don't do it. I 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.220 have not gotten, I don't want to be the person 00:12:55.220 --> 00:12:56.960 to test the theory and I don't want to be the 00:12:56.960 --> 00:13:01.600 example. So I stay away from it because I've 00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:04.360 asked people who have done this for years and 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:07.860 everybody has a different answer. So risk aware, 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:10.580 consensual kink. I know the risk of having copper 00:13:10.580 --> 00:13:13.539 in my uterus. So I don't take that risk. I just 00:13:13.539 --> 00:13:15.820 don't, I don't engage in it top or bottom. That 00:13:15.820 --> 00:13:18.460 makes a lot of sense. And then, so what are some 00:13:18.460 --> 00:13:20.419 ways that we can keep ourselves mentally and 00:13:20.419 --> 00:13:23.480 emotionally safe? Keeping yourself mentally and 00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:26.679 emotionally safe. One thing is be prepared for 00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:30.139 a drop. and what drop is, it's just like it sounds 00:13:30.139 --> 00:13:32.220 like when you're in kinking and when you're in 00:13:32.220 --> 00:13:34.940 a scene, you get this high, you're on this emotional 00:13:34.940 --> 00:13:36.919 high, but then once you're, it's almost like 00:13:36.919 --> 00:13:39.019 an orgasm. You know, you have an orgasm and you 00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:41.659 hit that pivotal point and then you're coming 00:13:41.659 --> 00:13:45.039 down. Drop is like where all those emotions just. 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:47.960 come down on you all at once, and you're just 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:51.559 feeling like everything, especially after a really 00:13:51.559 --> 00:13:54.940 intense scene, and that's why aftercare is important, 00:13:54.980 --> 00:13:57.220 knowing what you need. You need affirmations, 00:13:57.679 --> 00:14:00.320 ground, and snacks, a blanket, a cuddle. I'm 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:04.379 not a big cuddler, but if the person I'm playing 00:14:04.379 --> 00:14:07.000 with wants to be cuddled, that's their aftercare, 00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:09.179 so I'm gonna cuddle. Like I said, I'm not a big 00:14:09.179 --> 00:14:12.019 cuddler when it comes to people, but I will do 00:14:12.019 --> 00:14:16.299 it because... It's what they need and as the 00:14:16.299 --> 00:14:18.179 dom in the situation, you have to know how to 00:14:18.179 --> 00:14:21.100 help them through that sub drop and asking them 00:14:21.100 --> 00:14:23.659 what aftercare looks for them, asking about those 00:14:23.659 --> 00:14:26.139 triggers and trauma they've been through and 00:14:26.139 --> 00:14:29.179 having conversations. I'm gonna keep saying is 00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:33.129 having those conversations. About what it looks 00:14:33.129 --> 00:14:35.389 like for them because there are some people I've 00:14:35.389 --> 00:14:37.549 seen some people who can get their asshole at 00:14:37.549 --> 00:14:39.889 the frame and then go eat a slice of pizza They 00:14:39.889 --> 00:14:42.470 don't need any aftercare But then I've seen some 00:14:42.470 --> 00:14:44.610 people who need to be held in the corner for 00:14:44.610 --> 00:14:47.950 20 minutes knowing what the person Because Dom's 00:14:47.950 --> 00:14:51.110 can drop too because you will be like oh my some 00:14:51.110 --> 00:14:53.169 people be like, oh my god Did I just do this 00:14:53.169 --> 00:14:56.029 to another human being even though it's consensual? 00:14:56.330 --> 00:14:58.850 they still will feel bad about it because it's 00:14:58.850 --> 00:15:01.220 sometimes I've done something and it's like That 00:15:01.220 --> 00:15:03.919 wasn't nice. I done walked on these shoes everywhere 00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:07.460 and I done made him put his mouth on them. I 00:15:07.460 --> 00:15:10.679 don't think like, oh God, the germs. You'll think 00:15:10.679 --> 00:15:12.679 about stuff like that afterwards. So knowing 00:15:12.679 --> 00:15:15.240 to tell yourself, no, he knew what he was doing 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:16.899 or she knew what she was doing. Cause I play 00:15:16.899 --> 00:15:20.059 with male, I play with anybody. I'm pansexual, 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:22.179 I play with anybody. I don't care what's in your 00:15:22.179 --> 00:15:24.799 pants. And then keeping ourselves sexually healthy 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:27.960 and safe. What are some common practices there? 00:15:28.360 --> 00:15:31.960 Of course STD, STI testing come to places like 00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:36.259 Shell Health, AAS, get tested, get on PrEP, because 00:15:36.259 --> 00:15:38.759 I didn't even know from, you know, from talking 00:15:38.759 --> 00:15:42.940 with people who work for AAS, you know, I didn't 00:15:42.940 --> 00:15:44.940 even know that they had years ago, they had made 00:15:44.940 --> 00:15:47.240 a PrEP that was safe for people who are assigned 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:49.580 female at birth, because I thought for years 00:15:49.580 --> 00:15:51.860 PrEP was only for people assigned male at birth, 00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:54.179 and I was like, oh, now they have another PrEP, 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:56.279 and then I found out they have a PrEP injection 00:15:56.279 --> 00:16:00.350 now, so. going to those different places, Googling 00:16:00.350 --> 00:16:03.490 sexual health resources, free testing sites, 00:16:03.590 --> 00:16:07.970 because you can get tested. You should not avoid 00:16:07.970 --> 00:16:10.590 getting tested because of the finances, because 00:16:10.590 --> 00:16:13.830 there are places to get tested for free. That 00:16:13.830 --> 00:16:16.230 van from this organization always parks on work. 00:16:16.490 --> 00:16:18.970 You can go get tested. You just have to do a 00:16:18.970 --> 00:16:21.149 little research. That's why I always send people 00:16:21.149 --> 00:16:23.870 here. I'll tell people, you need to get tested. 00:16:24.379 --> 00:16:26.940 there are ways to get tested for free. And you 00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:29.299 know, using condoms, gloves, like when I'm playing 00:16:29.299 --> 00:16:32.620 with somebody, like if I'm using my hands, like 00:16:32.620 --> 00:16:35.100 on someone anally or vaginally, I'm going to 00:16:35.100 --> 00:16:37.159 wear rubber gloves because I'm not sticking my 00:16:37.159 --> 00:16:39.840 hands because if I got a cut or something on 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:42.940 my hands, a micro tear, you have an infection 00:16:42.940 --> 00:16:46.600 that can get into my bloodstream. So using gloves, 00:16:46.879 --> 00:16:50.240 I put condoms on my toys, knowing how to properly 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:53.080 clean your toys, knowing what you can use on 00:16:53.080 --> 00:16:56.210 your toys. also a part of and using like dental 00:16:56.210 --> 00:16:59.149 dams and other barriers if you decide to have 00:16:59.149 --> 00:17:03.169 more sexual scenes and know you know how that 00:17:03.169 --> 00:17:05.670 power play intersects with safety practices. 00:17:06.009 --> 00:17:09.589 And that's why negotiation matters even more 00:17:09.589 --> 00:17:12.289 here because you got to know, okay, what is your 00:17:12.289 --> 00:17:14.869 limit? How do you practice safe sex or how do 00:17:14.869 --> 00:17:17.230 you practice a safe scene? Asking those questions. 00:17:17.309 --> 00:17:20.089 I keep telling y 'all it's all about the conversation. 00:17:20.190 --> 00:17:22.309 And then as far as public spaces and community 00:17:22.309 --> 00:17:25.309 events go, how can you engage safely in those 00:17:25.309 --> 00:17:27.430 community play environments? Look for the dungeon 00:17:27.430 --> 00:17:29.890 rules. Every dungeon has their own set of rules. 00:17:29.950 --> 00:17:32.130 I've been in some spaces where they're like no 00:17:32.130 --> 00:17:34.529 cameras. Put your phone away. Some places are 00:17:34.529 --> 00:17:36.960 like just be polite. with your camera, some places 00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.559 are like, you can take a picture, you just gotta 00:17:39.559 --> 00:17:42.140 ask somebody to watch over your picture to make 00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:44.809 sure nobody's in the picture, so. Ask the rules 00:17:44.809 --> 00:17:46.809 of the space you're in. If you're not familiar, 00:17:47.670 --> 00:17:50.069 most spaces will have like, when you come to 00:17:50.069 --> 00:17:52.430 their group or play party, they may have like 00:17:52.430 --> 00:17:54.210 an orientation or something for new members. 00:17:54.569 --> 00:17:58.450 So you'll know the rules of that space. And you 00:17:58.450 --> 00:18:00.609 know, like I said, the other rules everybody 00:18:00.609 --> 00:18:02.730 should know. Don't be touching people's stuff. 00:18:02.829 --> 00:18:06.049 Don't interrupt anybody's scene. Be courteous, 00:18:06.109 --> 00:18:10.069 be polite. Voyeurism is a quiet sport. Find out 00:18:10.069 --> 00:18:11.930 who, if you're in a large dungeon, like if you're 00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:14.410 at a playhouse or something, find out who the 00:18:14.410 --> 00:18:16.910 DMs are, like DM that stands for dungeon monitors. 00:18:17.049 --> 00:18:20.069 They're the people who are going around making 00:18:20.069 --> 00:18:22.190 sure everybody is safe, making sure the rules 00:18:22.190 --> 00:18:24.650 are enforced. Learn who they are so if you have 00:18:24.650 --> 00:18:27.509 a problem, you can go to them. And just learn 00:18:27.509 --> 00:18:31.130 how to engage safely in a community environment. 00:18:31.309 --> 00:18:33.750 If somebody's making you uncomfortable, tell 00:18:33.750 --> 00:18:36.049 one of the leaders, tell one of the dungeon monitors. 00:18:36.740 --> 00:18:39.500 Don't go off with somebody. Some places will 00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:42.359 have an open door policy where you can't go behind 00:18:42.359 --> 00:18:44.279 a closed door with somebody because everybody 00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:46.920 should be able to monitor. So just knowing that 00:18:46.920 --> 00:18:48.940 if you know if you're shy you don't want to be 00:18:48.940 --> 00:18:51.160 seen and that's one of the rules that the doors 00:18:51.160 --> 00:18:54.259 have to stay open or you need permission to lock 00:18:54.259 --> 00:18:56.859 a door and you have to ask because you can't 00:18:56.859 --> 00:18:58.440 break a rule because like I said, that's the 00:18:58.440 --> 00:19:01.779 rule. So just knowing the rules. of that space, 00:19:02.099 --> 00:19:04.460 always being smart, staying on your piece, staying 00:19:04.460 --> 00:19:06.859 on your cue. And we got into this a little bit, 00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:09.640 but let's just go over fully. What are some types 00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:13.160 of play and common practices? Okay, well, my 00:19:13.160 --> 00:19:17.230 favorite types of play are... Impact play. And 00:19:17.230 --> 00:19:19.730 impact play is just what it sounds like. You're 00:19:19.730 --> 00:19:23.369 using tools like, you know, floggers and paddles 00:19:23.369 --> 00:19:26.230 and canes for sensation. Like you're using them 00:19:26.230 --> 00:19:29.009 on different body parts for, cause you're making 00:19:29.009 --> 00:19:32.670 an impact with body, with instrument. And I love 00:19:32.670 --> 00:19:36.049 sensation play. And sensation play is cause I'm 00:19:36.049 --> 00:19:38.970 more of a central sadist. So I made. punch you, 00:19:39.069 --> 00:19:42.490 but then I'll rub it out. So I love playing with 00:19:42.490 --> 00:19:44.890 wax. Wax is one of my favorite things to do. 00:19:45.329 --> 00:19:47.089 So playing with the temperature, I may put some 00:19:47.089 --> 00:19:48.930 wax on you, then I may take some ice and put 00:19:48.930 --> 00:19:51.730 some ice on it, and play around with the different 00:19:51.730 --> 00:19:54.509 temperatures, or Wardenburg wheels, which is 00:19:54.509 --> 00:19:57.309 a little spiky wheel that looks like a meat tenderizer, 00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.470 and you just roll it and it's prickly. Or like, 00:20:00.470 --> 00:20:03.230 you know those shears that you shred, like when 00:20:03.230 --> 00:20:06.069 you make like a Boston butt, and you shred those, 00:20:06.150 --> 00:20:08.579 where you can use those. I like to keep my nails 00:20:08.579 --> 00:20:11.220 long so I can use them to rub them across somebody 00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:14.200 back. And then bondage, I'm into bondage. I'm 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:16.240 still learning rope. That's just tying people, 00:20:16.500 --> 00:20:19.680 restraining them, taping them. And role playing, 00:20:19.799 --> 00:20:24.059 I love role playing. That's where you and a person 00:20:24.059 --> 00:20:27.220 decide y 'all gonna take on these roles. I'ma 00:20:27.220 --> 00:20:29.480 be the car and you gonna be the mechanic and 00:20:29.480 --> 00:20:32.779 you gonna give me a tune up. Or pet play, where 00:20:32.779 --> 00:20:35.519 somebody's like, you're the handler, and they're 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:37.599 the pet, they're the horsey, they're the puppy, 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:40.380 they're the kitty. Or, you know, like I talked 00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:43.279 about the dominance and submissive, and you know, 00:20:43.380 --> 00:20:45.640 some people like humiliation, like when I say 00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:50.059 humiliation, they like to be degraded, they like 00:20:50.059 --> 00:20:53.259 to be talked down on, they like... to be like 00:20:53.259 --> 00:20:55.279 humiliated and embarrassed. Like when I told 00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:57.519 you, I'll tell somebody, you know, you ain't 00:20:57.519 --> 00:20:59.460 worth but shit under my shoe, clean the bottom 00:20:59.460 --> 00:21:01.119 of my shoe with your tongue, stuff like that. 00:21:01.180 --> 00:21:03.440 There are people who are into that. And then 00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:06.680 praise kings, I like people who like to be uplifted 00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:08.759 and they just like to be regarded and they like 00:21:08.759 --> 00:21:12.279 to be worshiped. You know, praise king. And sensory 00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:14.200 deprivation, where it's like, you know, they 00:21:14.200 --> 00:21:17.299 have those hoods where you can't see, you can't 00:21:17.299 --> 00:21:20.259 hear. Some people go full into it where you can't 00:21:20.259 --> 00:21:23.519 see, you can't hear. They'll put your hands in 00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:26.660 something so all your senses are messed up. Oh 00:21:26.660 --> 00:21:29.880 lord, I'm too claustrophobic for that. And edge 00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:33.640 play, which are edgier plays with knives or breath 00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:35.240 play where you're cutting off somebody's breath 00:21:35.240 --> 00:21:37.200 or sounding where you're putting things into 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:41.460 the urethra and things like that. Stuff like 00:21:41.460 --> 00:21:44.000 that, you shouldn't be doing that unless it's 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:45.839 a profession. That is not something you try the 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:47.599 first, second, third, fourth, or fifth time. 00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:50.900 That edgy play is stuff you have to really educate 00:21:50.900 --> 00:21:53.859 yourself on. And I do just want to mention that, 00:21:53.859 --> 00:21:55.880 you know, people explore these practices for 00:21:55.880 --> 00:22:00.109 many reasons. Pleasure, trust. intimacy, catharsis 00:22:00.109 --> 00:22:03.450 or creative expression, you know, there's different 00:22:03.450 --> 00:22:06.430 practices and different, different reasons behind 00:22:06.430 --> 00:22:09.130 them. Don't judge anybody. Like we've talked 00:22:09.130 --> 00:22:12.349 about that though, not judging people, de -stigmatizing 00:22:12.349 --> 00:22:15.470 sex because there are people who have sex or 00:22:15.470 --> 00:22:18.309 who are kinky who are ashamed of the way they 00:22:18.309 --> 00:22:20.970 are. Like they feel shame. You know, even people 00:22:20.970 --> 00:22:23.630 who are married are embarrassed to tell their 00:22:23.630 --> 00:22:26.430 partner, you know, I want you to spank me. I 00:22:26.430 --> 00:22:29.529 want you to do this. And it's like, Even if you're 00:22:29.529 --> 00:22:31.630 a Christian, the Bible says, you know, what it 00:22:31.630 --> 00:22:35.309 is? The marital bed is undefiled. So you're married 00:22:35.309 --> 00:22:38.950 and you're worried about someone. You're like, 00:22:39.089 --> 00:22:40.210 when people are like, oh, well somebody's going 00:22:40.210 --> 00:22:42.369 to talk about me or it's like, who are you telling 00:22:42.369 --> 00:22:45.640 your business? If you like this and you're keeping 00:22:45.640 --> 00:22:47.799 it to you and your partner, you shouldn't worry 00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:49.299 about it because the only way somebody's gonna 00:22:49.299 --> 00:22:51.039 know your business is if you go out and tell 00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:53.660 them. So not feeling bad because you like the 00:22:53.660 --> 00:22:55.359 things you like. Now there are some things that, 00:22:55.460 --> 00:22:57.000 again, I'm not gonna get into that, that are 00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:00.759 dark and you should seek mental health help if 00:23:00.759 --> 00:23:04.299 you are liking people in a non -consensual way 00:23:04.299 --> 00:23:06.640 or parties who can't consent. That is not right. 00:23:06.670 --> 00:23:09.049 Let me say that. Let me stand ten toes down. 00:23:09.089 --> 00:23:12.329 That is not right. Anything non -consensual with 00:23:12.329 --> 00:23:17.009 a person or thing or that cannot consent, that 00:23:17.009 --> 00:23:19.349 is never okay. You should seek some kind of mental 00:23:19.349 --> 00:23:23.509 health. Quick, fast, and then a hurry. But outside 00:23:23.509 --> 00:23:25.490 of that, all other sexual desires are normal, 00:23:25.690 --> 00:23:28.170 healthy, and can be expressed in healthy ways. 00:23:28.309 --> 00:23:30.630 Yes. Like I said, I'll never kink shame, but 00:23:30.630 --> 00:23:33.789 I will kink question. Kink side eye. I will kink 00:23:33.789 --> 00:23:38.819 side eye. I will kink shrug. All right, and let's 00:23:38.819 --> 00:23:41.599 talk a little bit about the emotional and spiritual 00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:44.380 dimensions of kink. So kink can be very intimate 00:23:44.380 --> 00:23:47.529 and vulnerable. So you wanna talk a little bit 00:23:47.529 --> 00:23:50.829 more about that? Yeah, it's like a power exchange. 00:23:50.849 --> 00:23:54.650 It can be so much trust and connection because 00:23:54.650 --> 00:23:57.349 you're giving somebody a piece of you and in 00:23:57.349 --> 00:24:00.470 the same time, you're being trusted with a piece 00:24:00.470 --> 00:24:03.289 of someone. So it builds that connection. It 00:24:03.289 --> 00:24:05.609 helps you explore things in your relationship 00:24:05.609 --> 00:24:09.029 you never knew you would explore. Like my partner, 00:24:09.029 --> 00:24:12.289 he was like really weird about, cause we were 00:24:12.289 --> 00:24:14.430 trying to force ourselves into this box where 00:24:14.430 --> 00:24:16.869 I ever, Everybody who knows me knows I'm a very 00:24:16.869 --> 00:24:20.190 dominating person. So it's the fact that he was 00:24:20.190 --> 00:24:22.589 so worried about being submissive that he tried 00:24:22.589 --> 00:24:26.470 to force himself to a box. He wasn't meant to 00:24:26.470 --> 00:24:28.509 be in, because he's more switchy submissive. 00:24:28.650 --> 00:24:31.910 So once we started exploring his submissive side, 00:24:32.109 --> 00:24:34.670 he was able to be vulnerable and know, yeah, 00:24:34.670 --> 00:24:37.329 I like to sit at your feet. I like to service 00:24:37.329 --> 00:24:40.329 you. I like to do stuff for you, and I'm OK with 00:24:40.329 --> 00:24:43.710 it. I have to kind of tell him, because he loves 00:24:43.710 --> 00:24:46.730 me down. So he never lets me put my own shoes 00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:49.309 on. So he'll be like, okay, let me put your shoes 00:24:49.309 --> 00:24:51.529 and your socks on. So then I'll be at my mom's 00:24:51.529 --> 00:24:53.569 house and he'll go put my shoes on, let me get 00:24:53.569 --> 00:24:58.180 your shoes. And I'm like. I tell people he likes 00:24:58.180 --> 00:25:01.119 to wait on me handing. I'm lucky, but because 00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:03.740 I was able to help guide him to that place of 00:25:03.740 --> 00:25:05.759 submission and not make him feel ashamed because 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:08.940 he's a black man and a lot of black men feel 00:25:08.940 --> 00:25:11.259 the need to be dominated overbearing. They never 00:25:11.259 --> 00:25:14.019 get to show their soft side. So he was able to 00:25:14.019 --> 00:25:17.839 trust in me to guide him to showing his soft 00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:20.380 side. People use kink as a form of communication 00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:23.559 where it's like. I can't really express this, 00:25:23.859 --> 00:25:26.000 but I can show you this. It's like, okay, I've 00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:28.440 been through this trauma, help me work through 00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:31.099 it by doing this with you. Now I recommend if 00:25:31.099 --> 00:25:33.559 you're gonna work through traumas, that you also 00:25:33.559 --> 00:25:35.420 get mental health care. I don't think you should 00:25:35.420 --> 00:25:38.980 just go like saying, I'm gonna do this to work 00:25:38.980 --> 00:25:41.420 through it, to face this trauma without first, 00:25:41.460 --> 00:25:43.839 you know, seeking mental health care because 00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:45.960 at the end of the day, you're still gonna have 00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:48.680 to process it the same. Yeah. And many people 00:25:48.680 --> 00:25:50.940 do learn a lot about themselves, their desires. 00:25:50.759 --> 00:25:53.279 boundaries, confidence through kink exploration. 00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:55.420 And as you mentioned, it can also be a space 00:25:55.420 --> 00:25:57.480 for healing and empowerment for people who've 00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:00.059 experienced trauma, especially to reclaim autonomy, 00:26:00.700 --> 00:26:03.519 especially marginalized identities. And it is 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:05.400 important to handle that carefully and do not 00:26:05.400 --> 00:26:09.359 frame kink as therapy, but rather as potentially 00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:12.220 affirming consensual play. Yes. That's why I 00:26:12.220 --> 00:26:16.359 say it can be therapeutic. It is not recommended 00:26:16.359 --> 00:26:19.420 for therapy. Do not use kink as your only source 00:26:19.420 --> 00:26:23.180 of therapy. seek help from a therapist and find 00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:27.380 you a BDSM kink aware, educated therapist who's 00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:30.480 able to understand, there is hard, especially 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.059 when it comes to finding black sex positive kink 00:26:33.059 --> 00:26:34.819 aware therapists, but they're out there, you 00:26:34.819 --> 00:26:37.940 just gotta find them. So, and tell them, you 00:26:37.940 --> 00:26:40.059 know, so they'll be able to understand that this 00:26:40.059 --> 00:26:41.940 is why you do this because you're trying to face 00:26:41.940 --> 00:26:44.700 this, but don't use kink as your only form of 00:26:44.700 --> 00:26:47.539 therapy. I am still a proprietor of getting proper 00:26:47.539 --> 00:26:52.059 mental health care. Awesome. And so how can beginners 00:26:52.059 --> 00:26:55.140 who are interested in BDSM and kink get started? 00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:59.160 I would say, you know, start educating yourself. 00:26:59.339 --> 00:27:02.759 Start looking up different spaces for education. 00:27:03.099 --> 00:27:05.099 Look up classes you can take. There are a lot 00:27:05.099 --> 00:27:06.640 of, you know, after the pandemic, there are a 00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:09.660 lot of online classes you can take. Get on Fat 00:27:09.660 --> 00:27:11.960 Life. Go on the community events. Start with 00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:15.119 going to munches because a munch is basically 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:18.440 like a gathering of people who are into kink 00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:20.920 and a vanilla scent. So that's how I started 00:27:20.920 --> 00:27:23.619 getting to know people. I started going to munches. 00:27:23.740 --> 00:27:26.750 And once I met around everybody, at the munches 00:27:26.750 --> 00:27:28.589 and people got to know me, I was able to get 00:27:28.589 --> 00:27:31.170 invited to the education events where you can 00:27:31.170 --> 00:27:35.730 learn. Go to things like Kinky College. It's 00:27:35.730 --> 00:27:38.289 in Chicago. It's a big kink education event. 00:27:38.950 --> 00:27:42.230 Educate yourself first. Then start off small. 00:27:42.289 --> 00:27:44.750 You may be smarter with one flog or soft stuff 00:27:44.750 --> 00:27:48.170 like blindfolding. Maybe some light spanking 00:27:48.170 --> 00:27:51.930 role play. Ease into it and go for the heavier 00:27:51.930 --> 00:27:55.339 stuff the more you educate yourself. And find 00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:58.440 books. Reach out to people. If you see me doing 00:27:58.440 --> 00:28:01.579 something or presenting in public, ask me a question. 00:28:01.619 --> 00:28:03.640 I love answering questions. And if I don't know 00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:05.799 the answer, I know people who can answer it. 00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:08.259 Just talk to people. A lot of people in this 00:28:08.259 --> 00:28:11.500 lifestyle who are the real OGs, the real educated, 00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:14.740 they love to answer questions because they would 00:28:14.740 --> 00:28:17.480 rather you ask a question and have the proper 00:28:17.480 --> 00:28:20.559 education than go rogue and hurt yourself or 00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:24.250 somebody else. And when it comes to edgier play, 00:28:24.890 --> 00:28:29.049 like some things you can learn from videos, but 00:28:29.049 --> 00:28:31.470 some things are hands on and you should have 00:28:31.470 --> 00:28:34.230 a professional guide in you. When it comes to 00:28:34.230 --> 00:28:36.930 things like sounding, the breath playing, all 00:28:36.930 --> 00:28:39.990 of that, don't just rely on a video watching 00:28:39.990 --> 00:28:45.369 somebody. Do the research as professional. Don't 00:28:45.369 --> 00:28:48.819 be ashamed. Love yourself, love who you are, 00:28:49.099 --> 00:28:52.559 explore who you are, never be afraid to ask questions 00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:56.000 and you should go listen to the Safe Word podcast 00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:59.339 on all streaming sites where you can find a plethora 00:28:59.339 --> 00:29:02.319 of information on these topics we've discussed 00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:05.960 and more. Awesome. And I just want to reiterate 00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:08.900 that BDSM and Kink are fundamentally about choice, 00:29:09.339 --> 00:29:12.799 communication, care, and consent. As Zee said, 00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:16.319 we want to encourage you to get to know yourself 00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:20.049 and keep learning. Thank you so much, Z. You 00:29:20.049 --> 00:29:22.609 mentioned your podcast, The Safe Word. For some 00:29:22.609 --> 00:29:26.529 reason, we started that podcast in 2020. We were 00:29:26.529 --> 00:29:29.950 the only Safe Word podcast. Look for the Safe 00:29:29.950 --> 00:29:33.829 Word podcast with Mystique and Mr. Everlasting. 00:29:34.549 --> 00:29:37.769 Awesome. Yeah. So that is all for today. Stay 00:29:37.769 --> 00:29:40.269 tuned for our next episode, which I'm sure I'll 00:29:40.269 --> 00:29:42.390 figure out eventually. Thank you all for listening.