WEBVTT 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:03.240 Welcome to Prep and Play, where we have conversations 00:00:03.240 --> 00:00:06.480 about safer sexual pleasure. This podcast is 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.080 dedicated to empowering listeners through open, 00:00:09.339 --> 00:00:11.679 honest discussions surrounding keeping our minds, 00:00:11.900 --> 00:00:14.800 bodies, and spirits healthy while being sexually 00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:19.859 active. My name is Danielle, and I'm the Rural 00:00:19.859 --> 00:00:22.359 Outreach Specialist at AIDS Alabama South. And 00:00:22.359 --> 00:00:25.100 today I have with me two guests, including... 00:00:25.100 --> 00:00:27.559 Devin Burton, Community Outreach Specialist with 00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:32.100 AIDS Alabama South. and Dr. Antonio Brito, AIDS 00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:36.520 Alabama South development coordinator. And today 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:39.460 we will be discussing sexual health conversations 00:00:39.460 --> 00:00:43.500 to have before having sex. So we're going to 00:00:43.500 --> 00:00:46.280 be diving into some essential topics here, talking 00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:49.560 about everything from STI disclosure to turn 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:52.659 ons and power dynamics. But I'd like to start 00:00:52.659 --> 00:00:55.859 off just by talking about why we should talk 00:00:55.859 --> 00:01:00.170 before we get to touching. So why are pre -sex 00:01:00.170 --> 00:01:03.369 conversations important, not just for safety, 00:01:03.649 --> 00:01:08.829 but for connection and consent? So I'm very big 00:01:08.829 --> 00:01:17.069 into intimacy. And to be honest, I am someone 00:01:17.069 --> 00:01:21.549 that if we have a first date and it goes wonderful, 00:01:23.030 --> 00:01:26.109 I personally am not one of those people who will 00:01:26.109 --> 00:01:30.909 wait. three to six months. So, you know, after 00:01:30.909 --> 00:01:33.689 our date, I kind of want to figure out where 00:01:33.689 --> 00:01:40.049 your head is sexually. And for me personally, 00:01:40.670 --> 00:01:45.829 I would like to know how you play because there 00:01:45.829 --> 00:01:48.510 may be things that you're into that I'm not. 00:01:48.950 --> 00:01:52.489 And I just want to know how you are in the bedroom. 00:01:52.950 --> 00:01:55.890 What about you, Devin? Well, I'm somewhere on 00:01:55.890 --> 00:01:58.609 that spectrum maybe a little off to the left, 00:01:58.730 --> 00:02:04.450 you know intimacy for me Isn't always a prerequisite 00:02:04.450 --> 00:02:09.930 when it comes to Having sex with someone Various 00:02:09.930 --> 00:02:11.789 communities that I've been, you know, I've been 00:02:11.789 --> 00:02:15.770 a part of sexual health conversations Involve 00:02:15.770 --> 00:02:18.710 the likes the dislikes the things that bring 00:02:18.710 --> 00:02:22.490 pleasure the things that don't Those all those 00:02:22.490 --> 00:02:27.759 aren't always preceded by a date, if that makes 00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:29.819 sense. But so you're saying that even though 00:02:29.819 --> 00:02:33.479 you don't necessarily go on dates and form intimate 00:02:33.479 --> 00:02:35.800 relationships with people before having sex, 00:02:36.259 --> 00:02:38.560 you do still have those conversations about what 00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:42.460 gets you going, what turns you on and off. Yes, 00:02:42.659 --> 00:02:45.340 you know, even when we talk about, you know, 00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:47.840 having like anonymous partners and using apps 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:50.639 and things like that that are completely anonymous. 00:02:51.289 --> 00:02:54.650 there's still a conversation that happens beforehand. 00:02:55.930 --> 00:02:57.669 Antonia's making a face, so go out and jump in 00:02:57.669 --> 00:03:00.689 here, boo. So are these conversations that you 00:03:00.689 --> 00:03:04.930 guys are having, it's that basically what is 00:03:04.930 --> 00:03:09.270 on your About Me in these apps and throughout 00:03:09.270 --> 00:03:14.430 these sex clubs and dungeons? Like, that's a 00:03:14.430 --> 00:03:17.050 real question for me to ask you. Like, do you 00:03:17.050 --> 00:03:21.870 say, hey, I'm into this through a glory hole? 00:03:22.550 --> 00:03:25.969 Like any good improv, yes and. But no, the apps, 00:03:25.969 --> 00:03:27.569 you know, we have the about, you have the about 00:03:27.569 --> 00:03:29.710 me sections and you can get as detailed about 00:03:29.710 --> 00:03:35.949 it as you want or it can be as blank as you want. 00:03:36.789 --> 00:03:40.610 And. So just to clarify, Antonio brought that 00:03:40.610 --> 00:03:43.409 up because you are usually meeting partners via 00:03:43.409 --> 00:03:47.550 quote unquote dating apps, correct? Sometimes. 00:03:48.090 --> 00:03:54.860 Most times. All right, so actually, you know, 00:03:54.860 --> 00:03:57.280 I'll weigh in a little bit on this too. So I 00:03:57.280 --> 00:03:59.919 personally think pre -sex conversations are important 00:03:59.919 --> 00:04:06.979 because somebody taught me a long time ago, if 00:04:06.979 --> 00:04:09.990 you... fail to plan, you plan to fail. And now 00:04:09.990 --> 00:04:12.430 I'm not saying intimacy needs to be carefully 00:04:12.430 --> 00:04:15.509 orchestrated or anything like that. But I like 00:04:15.509 --> 00:04:18.310 to be on the same page as my partner, as far 00:04:18.310 --> 00:04:23.850 as protection goes, as far as what I like goes. 00:04:24.910 --> 00:04:28.670 Because I don't like to have bad sex, if I'm 00:04:28.670 --> 00:04:31.149 being perfectly honest. And a very good way to 00:04:31.149 --> 00:04:33.389 have bad sex is for me to get in the bedroom 00:04:33.389 --> 00:04:35.269 with somebody who likes something entirely different 00:04:35.269 --> 00:04:38.819 than I like. I've had it happen so many times, 00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.060 and when I actually do have those conversations 00:04:41.060 --> 00:04:44.060 before sex, that problem doesn't occur because 00:04:44.060 --> 00:04:45.920 we already know going in, okay, this is what 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:47.920 I like, this is what you like, this is where 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:51.240 we meet on those things. And so to go along with 00:04:51.240 --> 00:04:53.199 that, some of the risks of skipping them, I'll 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.139 go ahead and say first and foremost. Bad sex. 00:04:56.680 --> 00:04:59.379 But with today's dating and hookup culture, what 00:04:59.379 --> 00:05:01.379 are some risks that y 'all can think of that 00:05:01.379 --> 00:05:05.259 might be associated with skipping a sexual, a 00:05:05.259 --> 00:05:08.939 pre -sex conversation? HIV is a really huge risk. 00:05:09.379 --> 00:05:16.899 STIs are also very huge risk. And personally 00:05:16.899 --> 00:05:21.379 for me, being someone who is on PrEP, now for 00:05:21.379 --> 00:05:24.259 me, it is a lot easier seeing how I am on the 00:05:24.259 --> 00:05:26.649 shot. But before I started receiving the shot, 00:05:26.709 --> 00:05:31.370 which is Apertube, I was on the pill and Disco 00:05:31.370 --> 00:05:34.610 V and I did not have a really good relationship. 00:05:35.449 --> 00:05:37.589 I know I'm not the only person that doesn't take 00:05:37.589 --> 00:05:41.769 their vitamins every day. So I also didn't take 00:05:41.769 --> 00:05:47.490 my PrEP every day. So condoms for me will always 00:05:47.490 --> 00:05:50.230 be in the picture, even though I am on PrEP. 00:05:50.970 --> 00:05:58.540 And the thing is there's no look a certain person 00:05:58.540 --> 00:06:01.319 has that says that they are HIV positive, that 00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:09.399 they have an STI or hep C. So I can't trust for 00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:13.560 you to be. on prep or undetectable. I have to 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:19.300 make sure that I stay safe in order to have sex 00:06:19.300 --> 00:06:21.879 with you. But still, I will always use a condom, 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:25.939 even while on prep. I definitely agree with you 00:06:25.939 --> 00:06:31.379 on, you know, keeping myself protected as a HIV 00:06:31.379 --> 00:06:35.579 negative person who has been on prep since 2015. 00:06:36.500 --> 00:06:41.230 You know, as much disclosure as we do, Give when 00:06:41.230 --> 00:06:43.670 it comes to meeting people on the apps or just 00:06:43.670 --> 00:06:46.370 having casual conversations, you know, we never 00:06:46.370 --> 00:06:51.649 know how Adherent someone is to their medication 00:06:51.649 --> 00:06:54.829 and you know might not get into that question 00:06:54.829 --> 00:06:57.170 Oh, you're on prep. Do you take it every day? 00:06:57.170 --> 00:06:59.610 Are you are you on the shot? Let's compare notes 00:06:59.610 --> 00:07:02.949 like probably not gonna get into that deep of 00:07:02.949 --> 00:07:06.589 a conversation before we get down but you know, 00:07:06.709 --> 00:07:08.449 there are you know, there are also individuals 00:07:08.449 --> 00:07:10.920 out there that say they're on PrEP and they're 00:07:10.920 --> 00:07:14.040 not. They say they're undetectable and they're 00:07:14.040 --> 00:07:17.779 not. They say they're negative and they're not. 00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:20.680 You know, I've had personal experiences with 00:07:20.680 --> 00:07:25.439 individuals such as that and, you know, it is 00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:29.399 incumbent upon me to make sure that I am protected 00:07:29.399 --> 00:07:33.860 so that, you know, I can do the things that I 00:07:33.860 --> 00:07:37.240 like. Because I know that my disclosures on the 00:07:37.240 --> 00:07:40.329 apps are truthful. But I don't know if other 00:07:40.329 --> 00:07:42.810 people's disclosures always are that's a really 00:07:42.810 --> 00:07:46.550 good point people lie I will say another risk 00:07:46.550 --> 00:07:50.089 that I thought of here We talk about having these 00:07:50.089 --> 00:07:51.970 conversations for safety connection and consent 00:07:51.970 --> 00:07:55.769 and you guys touched on safety A lot there with 00:07:55.769 --> 00:07:59.589 with the sti and hiv concerns One thing though 00:07:59.589 --> 00:08:02.850 that can be very important is that consent aspect? 00:08:03.910 --> 00:08:06.850 one risk of not having those conversations can 00:08:06.850 --> 00:08:13.430 be Assault, you know If so if one partner likes 00:08:13.430 --> 00:08:15.610 anal and the other one doesn't and they don't 00:08:15.610 --> 00:08:19.509 discuss that I mean I feel like I Feel like I'm 00:08:19.509 --> 00:08:22.389 looking at two gay men right now and maybe y 00:08:22.389 --> 00:08:26.509 'all don't relate but for me personally You know 00:08:26.509 --> 00:08:29.449 In my sexual experience life. What if you know, 00:08:29.529 --> 00:08:31.670 what if I what if I'm not down for that and a 00:08:31.670 --> 00:08:35.179 guy tries without having that conversation I've 00:08:35.179 --> 00:08:37.120 had no way to express that that's not something 00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:39.419 I desire, and he's had no way of expressing that 00:08:39.419 --> 00:08:41.440 that's something that he wants. And that's why 00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:43.399 these conversations can be used as a part of 00:08:43.399 --> 00:08:45.139 foreplay, you know, if we're talking about what 00:08:45.139 --> 00:08:47.039 we do and don't like, you know, how we're going 00:08:47.039 --> 00:08:48.759 to protect ourselves. If we're, you know, if 00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:50.379 we're getting hot and heavy, if we're sexting, 00:08:50.500 --> 00:08:51.919 if we're sending pictures back and forth, it's 00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:54.159 a good time to think about those things as well. 00:08:54.909 --> 00:08:56.730 And speaking of the sexting and listening pictures, 00:08:56.889 --> 00:08:58.429 we talked a little bit about dating apps earlier. 00:08:58.690 --> 00:09:00.929 So in general, how do you think technology has 00:09:00.929 --> 00:09:04.389 changed how and when we have these pre -sex conversations? 00:09:05.129 --> 00:09:08.570 I think it's very much normalized them. Um, I 00:09:08.570 --> 00:09:13.210 know it's really funny. This is just my, just 00:09:13.210 --> 00:09:15.789 my little personal tidbit. Um, cause you know, 00:09:15.789 --> 00:09:20.330 I have been an avid sexter in my, in my life, 00:09:20.870 --> 00:09:24.090 but sometimes You never know what the person 00:09:24.090 --> 00:09:26.490 on the other side of the phone is doing. So, 00:09:26.490 --> 00:09:32.470 you know, sometimes I am sexting this glorious, 00:09:32.470 --> 00:09:37.389 wonderful throw -down of a thing, but I'm really 00:09:37.389 --> 00:09:39.149 just laying on my couch looking bored as I'll 00:09:39.149 --> 00:09:45.370 get out. And sometimes I catch myself because 00:09:45.370 --> 00:09:49.750 I'm like completely detached from what I'm saying, 00:09:49.929 --> 00:09:53.600 writing. the romance novel and thinking about 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:59.279 what I'm gonna eat for dinner. But it's normalized 00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:02.440 it to the point sometimes I think we can be very 00:10:02.440 --> 00:10:07.000 desensitized from what we're actually saying, 00:10:07.179 --> 00:10:10.220 from what we're actually doing. You know, sexual 00:10:10.220 --> 00:10:15.419 conversations are so normal for me. Sometimes 00:10:15.419 --> 00:10:18.210 it's like reading an instruction manual. Well, 00:10:18.210 --> 00:10:23.649 for me, I guess I look at dating apps as I feel 00:10:23.649 --> 00:10:29.649 like it takes the human components away. I'm 00:10:29.649 --> 00:10:31.350 one of those people that really like that one 00:10:31.350 --> 00:10:33.210 on one time, that one on one connection. I like 00:10:33.210 --> 00:10:37.110 to meet someone out because I do believe that 00:10:37.110 --> 00:10:41.450 people are one way on paper and they're completely 00:10:41.450 --> 00:10:46.379 different outside of that. And whenever I hear 00:10:46.379 --> 00:10:48.559 a lot of my friends talk about meeting people 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:51.460 online and on these dating apps. It's like a 00:10:51.460 --> 00:10:55.899 catfish type of deal. They are talking to one 00:10:55.899 --> 00:10:58.100 person online, but the person that they meet 00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:01.600 is the complete opposite. So I just kind of like 00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:04.000 to meet you where you are. And sometimes are 00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:07.480 the complete opposite from their pictures. So 00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:12.039 let's get into some must have health talks to 00:11:12.039 --> 00:11:15.500 have. in these pre -sex sexual conversations. 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:19.440 So some things about sexual history, I would 00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:22.259 say. How do you usually bring up a sexual history 00:11:22.259 --> 00:11:29.019 conversation? Okay, so for me personally, I am 00:11:29.019 --> 00:11:37.279 one of those that will tell you that I've, you 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:40.549 know, I like to cut my numbers down whenever 00:11:40.549 --> 00:11:43.370 we have the conversation. So I've only been with 00:11:43.370 --> 00:11:47.889 three people. So my go -to is actually always 00:11:47.889 --> 00:11:50.289 a lady never tells because I know the number, 00:11:50.350 --> 00:11:54.730 but you're not going to see, but you know, okay. 00:11:54.950 --> 00:11:56.809 And I agree with that. I'm gonna start saying 00:11:56.809 --> 00:12:05.210 that. But But I mean there are also members of 00:12:05.210 --> 00:12:08.470 the community that sometimes derive a little 00:12:08.470 --> 00:12:12.409 Pleasure from knowing that you've been with multiple 00:12:12.409 --> 00:12:16.850 people They kind of you know, they kind of get 00:12:16.850 --> 00:12:19.070 off to this is actually not what I was asking 00:12:19.070 --> 00:12:22.190 I didn't necessarily mean our our body counts 00:12:22.190 --> 00:12:23.750 here when I was talking about sexual history 00:12:23.750 --> 00:12:26.590 So meet for me personally this conversation looks 00:12:26.590 --> 00:12:29.090 more along the lines of like when was the last 00:12:29.090 --> 00:12:31.429 time you were tested? Have you had any recent? 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:35.299 partners or known exposures like, okay, when 00:12:35.299 --> 00:12:37.000 was the last time you were you were tested? And 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:38.500 if they say like two months ago, okay, have you 00:12:38.500 --> 00:12:40.000 had any partners since then? Because that's all 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:41.980 I need to know about is the partners that you've 00:12:41.980 --> 00:12:44.860 had since the last time you were tested. So for 00:12:44.860 --> 00:12:49.639 me, I'm actually working here and being in prevention, 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:52.220 I do know that getting tested is very personal. 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:57.240 And it can be very, very scary. And normally 00:12:57.240 --> 00:13:01.620 the type of guys that I do dates, they have not 00:13:01.620 --> 00:13:09.100 ever been tested. So for me, I have always been 00:13:09.100 --> 00:13:11.620 one of those people. That is why I always make 00:13:11.620 --> 00:13:14.279 sure that you have a condom, that we're using 00:13:14.279 --> 00:13:20.360 condoms, that I am on my prep. And because I 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:24.309 can't still trust what you say. even if you tell 00:13:24.309 --> 00:13:27.389 me, oh, I was tested last week and we've been 00:13:27.389 --> 00:13:29.850 at testing events where that is what we hear 00:13:29.850 --> 00:13:31.769 a lot of the times. Oh, I was already tested. 00:13:31.850 --> 00:13:34.669 Oh, I've already been to the doctor. Or I just 00:13:34.669 --> 00:13:38.809 had a checkup, but you don't know if they had 00:13:38.809 --> 00:13:43.129 given you an HIV test or not. So for me personally, 00:13:43.210 --> 00:13:45.450 I believe that whenever you decide that you want 00:13:45.450 --> 00:13:48.490 to take it to a level where there are no condoms 00:13:48.490 --> 00:13:52.110 being used, then we should go and get tested 00:13:52.110 --> 00:13:54.779 together. But that's just me. I like that. I 00:13:54.779 --> 00:13:59.720 like that a lot. I think, I think from my side 00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:03.440 or as you like to say, me personally, you know, 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:05.919 I am definitely guilty of just like taking things 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:10.039 at face value. A lot of the, you know, a lot 00:14:10.039 --> 00:14:12.440 of the apps, you list all those things like when 00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:15.279 were you last tested? Here's the exact date. 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:19.360 It's usually my exact date. I don't know if it's 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:23.870 your exact date. Um, but you know, I also do 00:14:23.870 --> 00:14:28.610 prefer to have partners that are on prep. Um, 00:14:28.830 --> 00:14:32.330 even, even if the conversation isn't exactly, 00:14:32.330 --> 00:14:36.750 are you on prep? There, there generally becomes 00:14:36.750 --> 00:14:40.970 a conversation of types of prep or, you know, 00:14:41.090 --> 00:14:43.669 somebody will bring up mister or something like 00:14:43.669 --> 00:14:47.549 that. Um, so There are context clues in the conversation. 00:14:47.789 --> 00:14:49.610 And you want to explain Mr. for the listeners 00:14:49.610 --> 00:14:53.629 here? Is Mr. still a thing? Are they still finding? 00:14:53.629 --> 00:14:57.309 I saw an ad today. Oh, OK. So Mr. is where you 00:14:57.309 --> 00:15:02.029 can get at -home prep, at -home HIV testing without 00:15:02.029 --> 00:15:05.250 having to go into a clinic. It's a website. Yeah. 00:15:06.129 --> 00:15:10.279 Awesome. So this one is, you know, only if applicable. 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:12.700 So the next topic will be pregnancy prevention. 00:15:13.379 --> 00:15:16.259 And me personally, I have been on birth control 00:15:16.259 --> 00:15:18.559 since I was like 16 years old. I currently have 00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:21.519 Nexplanon in my arm. I've noticed that I'm usually 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.039 not the first one to bring it up just because 00:15:23.039 --> 00:15:25.259 like I forget about it. I know I'm protected. 00:15:25.500 --> 00:15:27.559 There is zero user error with Nexplanon. So it's 00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:30.039 just in my arm and I forget about it. Nexplanon 00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:32.100 is the birth control implant. And me and Rachel 00:15:32.100 --> 00:15:36.129 are discussing this on the birth control. episode 00:15:36.129 --> 00:15:38.070 if you want to hear more about pregnancy prevention. 00:15:38.950 --> 00:15:41.110 Since I forget about it so often, I usually do 00:15:41.110 --> 00:15:42.629 wait until a guy brings it up and he'll be like, 00:15:42.669 --> 00:15:44.529 are you on the pill? Do we need to get a Plan 00:15:44.529 --> 00:15:47.950 B? Whatever. And I'll be like, I'm on Nexplanon, 00:15:48.049 --> 00:15:51.690 you know? And I'll make him feel the little bar 00:15:51.690 --> 00:15:54.029 in my arm so he knows I'm not lying. They hate 00:15:54.029 --> 00:15:57.549 it. They hate to touch that bar. She says, I'm 00:15:57.549 --> 00:16:00.110 on Nexplanon. And they're like, will you please 00:16:00.110 --> 00:16:05.049 explanon that to me? No, but... In all seriousness, 00:16:05.450 --> 00:16:09.950 even though I am a gay man, I do have sex with 00:16:09.950 --> 00:16:14.590 members of the trans community. So if I am going 00:16:14.590 --> 00:16:19.690 to engage with someone who is female to male 00:16:19.690 --> 00:16:23.289 transgender, then that conversation does have 00:16:23.289 --> 00:16:28.889 to be had. There's a lot of... respect that goes 00:16:28.889 --> 00:16:33.230 into that kind of that kind of hookup per se 00:16:33.230 --> 00:16:36.350 you know what do I call it you know there are 00:16:36.350 --> 00:16:38.710 a lot of you know trans men out there that don't 00:16:38.710 --> 00:16:44.610 want you to refer to it in the feminine and you 00:16:44.610 --> 00:16:48.590 know the conversation of can you get pregnant 00:16:48.590 --> 00:16:52.980 does you know that does come up But the important 00:16:52.980 --> 00:16:55.600 thing here is to realize, although we're talking 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:57.440 about things like sexual health, things like 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:00.659 pregnancy prevention in these pre -sex conversations, 00:17:01.399 --> 00:17:03.100 the important thing here is that these talks 00:17:03.100 --> 00:17:05.039 are not meant to kill the vibe. They are meant 00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:09.039 to build trust and pleasure. When you know that 00:17:09.039 --> 00:17:11.460 you're safe with somebody, however your definition 00:17:11.460 --> 00:17:13.220 of safe is, whether it's being on prep, whether 00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:16.400 it's using condoms, whether it's knowing that 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:18.980 someone's recently been tested. However, you 00:17:18.980 --> 00:17:20.839 feel safe knowing that you're safe with somebody 00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:25.720 builds so much intimacy in sex I 100 % agree 00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:29.339 with that. Like I really really do Just a little 00:17:29.339 --> 00:17:31.380 bit about pleasure mapping here that that's another 00:17:31.380 --> 00:17:35.220 good topic to talk about, you know My biggest 00:17:35.220 --> 00:17:38.359 thing here is that sometimes I'm into things 00:17:38.359 --> 00:17:43.480 that other people aren't you know so how would 00:17:43.480 --> 00:17:46.890 you how do you bring up topics of turn ons, turn 00:17:46.890 --> 00:17:49.410 offs, kinks, boundaries, preferences, stuff like 00:17:49.410 --> 00:17:51.849 that. How do you bring that up? On the first 00:17:51.849 --> 00:17:55.009 day? I mean, do you bring it up on the first 00:17:55.009 --> 00:17:59.950 day? When do you bring it up, if ever? I can 00:17:59.950 --> 00:18:02.069 go ahead and start a little bit. Oh, please. 00:18:02.710 --> 00:18:05.470 But no, so I typically don't have these conversations 00:18:05.470 --> 00:18:09.109 on the first date, not. Because I'm like against 00:18:09.109 --> 00:18:11.509 that type of thing or anything. I just personally 00:18:11.509 --> 00:18:13.670 am looking to build some type of connection I 00:18:13.670 --> 00:18:16.950 find sex more pleasurable when I am connected 00:18:16.950 --> 00:18:22.329 to my partner and So this is usually like a third 00:18:22.329 --> 00:18:25.890 date conversation if we might get it on But I 00:18:25.890 --> 00:18:28.170 do ask you know, there are questions that can 00:18:28.170 --> 00:18:30.210 be asked like what are you into? What's off limits 00:18:30.210 --> 00:18:32.490 in bed? What do you like? I feel like that would 00:18:32.490 --> 00:18:34.690 be a great way to open it what I usually do I 00:18:34.690 --> 00:18:37.029 drop hints. I like to drop little hints that 00:18:37.029 --> 00:18:40.089 are slightly sexual and let the conversation 00:18:40.089 --> 00:18:42.430 go from there. My goal is to find out what the 00:18:42.430 --> 00:18:43.829 other person's into and maybe share a little 00:18:43.829 --> 00:18:45.730 bit about mine, but I'm usually not too direct 00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:48.130 in that conversation. Well, since I'm kind of 00:18:48.130 --> 00:18:53.769 taking the app side of the conversation, a lot 00:18:53.769 --> 00:18:56.450 of times that's like the second question. It's 00:18:56.450 --> 00:19:05.720 like, hey, hi, pick, into. Just straight into 00:19:05.720 --> 00:19:10.519 question mark list. Oh, I love that. It's so 00:19:10.519 --> 00:19:13.180 much easier than mine Like I'm over here playing 00:19:13.180 --> 00:19:15.680 games jumping through hoops raising a hoop hoping 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.839 they jump through it and you're just asking what 00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:21.700 are you into and You know, I do I do take that 00:19:21.700 --> 00:19:24.500 one a little bit more seriously than I do some 00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:27.640 other conversations because you know I'm a person 00:19:27.640 --> 00:19:31.640 in long -term recovery that is also very sexually 00:19:31.640 --> 00:19:37.420 active so you know, making sure that drugs are 00:19:37.420 --> 00:19:40.480 not going to be involved is very important to 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:44.299 me, and deciphering through all the lingo is 00:19:44.299 --> 00:19:47.940 very important to me. So, you know, I'll list 00:19:47.940 --> 00:19:51.099 off the things that I'm into, but I'll also say 00:19:51.099 --> 00:19:53.960 the things that I'm not into, which is drugs 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:57.190 and alcohol of any kind. plus a few other things. 00:19:57.630 --> 00:19:59.809 Wow, I'm actually really glad that you brought 00:19:59.809 --> 00:20:01.509 that up because that's one of those risks we 00:20:01.509 --> 00:20:04.069 didn't think about earlier. Safety in the form 00:20:04.069 --> 00:20:06.109 of somebody's recovery could be at risk without 00:20:06.109 --> 00:20:08.670 having a pre -sex sexual conversation. And I 00:20:08.670 --> 00:20:10.750 would say also that what are you into question 00:20:10.750 --> 00:20:14.309 is super important because I mean, I have I like 00:20:14.309 --> 00:20:16.509 intimacy in my sex, but baseline, I'm having 00:20:16.509 --> 00:20:19.750 sex for pleasure. I'm not I'm not trying to produce 00:20:19.750 --> 00:20:21.950 a baby right now. I'm having sex with pleasure 00:20:21.950 --> 00:20:24.730 and I want to ensure that my pleasure needs are 00:20:24.730 --> 00:20:28.369 met. Did you have anything to add? Once again, 00:20:28.390 --> 00:20:31.730 I definitely agree with you on making sure that 00:20:31.730 --> 00:20:34.869 my pleasure needs are met. I definitely believe 00:20:34.869 --> 00:20:43.289 that for me personally, I like to look at sex 00:20:43.289 --> 00:20:51.069 as a seed and you plant that seed and as Time 00:20:51.069 --> 00:20:55.349 goes on that seed develops into something so 00:20:55.349 --> 00:20:58.630 I I'm one of those people that just believe that 00:20:58.630 --> 00:21:03.490 you know, you grow sexually with someone but 00:21:03.490 --> 00:21:07.849 Turn -ons and turn -offs aren't really things 00:21:07.849 --> 00:21:13.569 that I talk about at first Because I really want 00:21:13.569 --> 00:21:17.960 to get to know like this person But if we do 00:21:17.960 --> 00:21:25.240 decide to experience a sexual relationship, honestly, 00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:28.240 the biggest turn on for me is that you do have 00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:31.839 a condom. And the biggest turn off for me is 00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:34.799 if I pull out a condom, you run away from it. 00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:38.599 I love that for you. So I would like each of 00:21:38.599 --> 00:21:42.640 us to share one important tip, piece of advice, 00:21:42.839 --> 00:21:48.500 question, you know, whatever. For helping people 00:21:48.500 --> 00:21:51.220 start a sexual health conversation with some 00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:59.240 confidence. I think for me personally Just knowing 00:21:59.240 --> 00:22:04.940 who you are Before you even get into the conversation 00:22:04.940 --> 00:22:08.079 what you like what you dislike it doesn't matter 00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:13.400 if you're on This side of the spectrum that is, 00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:16.960 you know Condoms only must be on prep this that 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:19.400 of the third or if you're on this side That's 00:22:19.400 --> 00:22:21.900 like I like anonymous partners and I don't have 00:22:21.900 --> 00:22:24.619 to see your face before you get here, you know, 00:22:25.740 --> 00:22:28.319 just know that about yourself before you engage 00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:32.319 in those conversations and Don't try to fake 00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:36.720 being some other kind of person Because when 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:39.079 they get there and you've said that you like 00:22:39.079 --> 00:22:41.079 this and you really don't you were just trying 00:22:41.079 --> 00:22:43.819 to bag them then you're in a little bit of a 00:22:43.819 --> 00:22:46.000 conundrum because now you're not having pleasure 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:50.539 because you lied. I love that. Absolutely love 00:22:50.539 --> 00:22:54.440 that. I really love that. I really love that. 00:22:55.019 --> 00:22:58.299 For me, it would be confidence is actually key. 00:22:58.819 --> 00:23:05.859 Understand that you don't have to settle. So 00:23:05.859 --> 00:23:10.480 whatever you want, because you are also in this. 00:23:11.950 --> 00:23:14.349 Understand you have boundaries and respect your 00:23:14.349 --> 00:23:18.490 own boundaries. If you want condoms, use condoms. 00:23:18.569 --> 00:23:20.829 If you want to ask a question about someone getting, 00:23:21.289 --> 00:23:24.210 when's the last time they were tested? Please 00:23:24.210 --> 00:23:29.690 do. If you want to know that if they are on prep 00:23:29.690 --> 00:23:33.309 or if they are undetectable, ask. Never shy away 00:23:33.309 --> 00:23:37.009 from any type of conversations that could possibly 00:23:37.009 --> 00:23:42.240 affect you. and know that we here at AIDS Alabama 00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:48.420 South are always here to help you with sexual 00:23:48.420 --> 00:23:51.240 health conversations and to get your sexual health 00:23:51.240 --> 00:23:54.740 intact. We have prep here. We have free HIV testing 00:23:54.740 --> 00:23:58.140 here, STI testing, and we provide treatment. 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:03.759 So I feel like the resources are at your disposal. 00:24:04.059 --> 00:24:07.279 So always stay confident and mean what you say 00:24:07.279 --> 00:24:10.380 and stand on business. for your own sexual health. 00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:14.420 Wow, I love that too. I would say mine is a little 00:24:14.420 --> 00:24:18.740 bit twofold. I would say, know your status regardless 00:24:18.740 --> 00:24:22.900 of HIV, STI, whatever, get tested, know your 00:24:22.900 --> 00:24:27.619 status. That one is huge for me before having 00:24:27.619 --> 00:24:29.480 any sexual health conversations. Get tested, 00:24:29.599 --> 00:24:33.559 know your status because sexual health is super 00:24:33.559 --> 00:24:35.980 important. The more you know, the more you can 00:24:35.980 --> 00:24:41.670 do. Also, Don't know and this is just my personal 00:24:41.670 --> 00:24:43.710 opinion, but you know, these are topics like 00:24:43.710 --> 00:24:47.470 sexual health protection Turn -ons and turn -offs 00:24:47.470 --> 00:24:50.910 preferences if you cannot have these conversations 00:24:50.910 --> 00:24:54.470 with somebody before engaging in physical intimacy 00:24:54.470 --> 00:24:58.490 with them Really consider why that is. Is it 00:24:58.490 --> 00:25:01.569 the person is it your own level of maturity? 00:25:02.549 --> 00:25:06.319 Is it your own comfort with sex in general? I 00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:08.960 guess that would be my biggest piece of advice. 00:25:09.079 --> 00:25:11.420 If you feel uncomfortable with discussing any 00:25:11.420 --> 00:25:16.640 of this, really examine why. This has been a 00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:19.160 great episode, y 'all. I'm gonna have y 'all 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:22.640 back. But so just to recap some major points, 00:25:23.299 --> 00:25:26.559 these conversations here are so important for 00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:30.039 safety, sexual health, consent, and intimacy 00:25:30.039 --> 00:25:32.720 and connection, but also pleasure. Sex is supposed 00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:36.019 to be pleasurable. You know if you need to get 00:25:36.019 --> 00:25:40.519 tested as Antonio said we do have free STI and 00:25:40.519 --> 00:25:43.819 HIV testing and treatment Here at shell health 00:25:43.819 --> 00:25:46.299 our on -site clinic at AIDS, Alabama South located 00:25:46.299 --> 00:25:49.420 at four three two one downtown or loop north 00:25:49.420 --> 00:25:52.279 in Mobile, Alabama And if you are not in the 00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:56.380 mobile area, you can always search HIV and STI 00:25:56.380 --> 00:25:58.980 testing near me and find a local organization 00:25:58.980 --> 00:26:01.920 or health department that can do so for free 00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:05.640 or low cost I would like to thank you all for 00:26:05.640 --> 00:26:08.000 listening. Thank you Devin and Antonio for being 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:11.619 a part of this today. And so please tune in to 00:26:11.619 --> 00:26:14.440 our next episode where we will be discussing 00:26:14.440 --> 00:26:17.480 birth control. Thanks. Bye bye.