Last week, we kind of ended the show with a huge
cliffhanger and yeah, that's it. Any questions?
No kidding. Okay. So yeah, last week there was
a question, you know, asking what are our genders?
And we stated them. Some people had some questions
and we didn't really answer that. We just kind
of like dropped it. We were like, Tune in next
week. Have fun by which dog dad has pointed out
in chat already. You know, hey, I thought we
were going to talk about this. We were we were
just waiting for waiting for more people to kind
of come in. Because right around this time, I
think is like kind of when we peak on Twitch
and YouTube and stuff. So anyways, yeah. So I
think a lot of people were kind of Shocked, I
guess when I said like, yeah, my pronouns are
they them? Especially since for the majority
of this show, I'm. Yeah, I had a pretty big beard
and I was as Alex put a pretty big guy. I think
I think the beard thing was the first thing that
really shocked them. I think that was the bird
to be fair, the first week that you had shaved
the beard, that was that was where everybody
went, huh? What's up? Yeah, and I even had at
work the director of marketing say, oh my gosh,
you shaved your beard. That is pretty much your
brand. And I was like, yeah. And he was like,
and I know you're in MBA school and changing
your brand can be kind of a hard thing to do.
Also not getting on a tangent here, but if you
look at how Cracker Barrel tried to change their
band brand, it didn't really work out. They lost
over a hundred million dollars very quickly.
By the way, by the way, by the way. That's a
crazy story that I can't wait to talk about and
probably like my next MBA class. But because
I know that's going to come up. Yeah. So they
then. Where did that come from? Well, pretty
much. Alex is really pushing for five thousand
subs on YouTube, and he said the only way we're
going to get there is if we have if it's not
two guys on this podcast. So here we are. I had
nothing to do with this. I'm kidding. That was
a joke. But. Yeah, so a long story short. I am
just exploring my gender, which a lot of people
probably are not going to understand that. Like,
what does that mean? And honestly, like, I don't
even know fully what that means. I have been
asked why now, you know, you're in your you're
like mid thirties. Why are you exploring your
gender now? Typically? That's something that
happens like in your 20s I am and the easy answer
here is Yeah, I grew up in Florida so when my
doctor my doctor literally asked my doctor and
this was probably the most Uncomfortable thing
I have so far went through in my doctor asked,
you know why now I am But as soon as I said,
well, I'm from Florida I just recently moved
to the Seattle area. He literally was like, oh,
yeah, OK, never mind. That makes sense. Growing
up in northwest Florida. You don't really explore
things like this. Some people do. I had a few
few of my friends go through this. And it did
not go well for them. They were bullied, they
were harassed. They were disowned. They were
kicked out of their houses. And then they finally
left Florida to come to a few of them came to
the promised land of Seattle. That's kind of
what put Seattle a little bit on the map, but
then also just traveling in general. My wife
and I came out here at least three times on vacation
before we decided to move. But Like, yeah, it's
exploring my gender. I can say. First of all,
Alex, do you have any questions so far or are
there any questions in chat that you want to
ask? Mostly, I'm seeing a lot of support in chat.
A lot of people are saying I'll read off. Your
journey is your journey. Jake West bravely venture
boldly. Tip says they figured you were in self
discovery mode, which I don't think is a bad
way to put it. Somebody else in YouTube chat
said facial hair is a bra for your jaw. Feels
great to whip it off, which I loved. That was
that was a good one. Mostly, again, the beard
was the the shocking part. So far, again, a lot
of a lot of support coming out of the chat. Yeah,
well, thank you guys. I'm. Yeah, growing up,
I am. I can say this. So my mother passed away
three years ago. I grew up with my father. My
father had a complete 100 % custody of me when
I was in, I don't know, elementary school. I
want to say around like the third grade. When
my mother, just before my mother passed away,
She felt so horrible. I am and she told me she
was like, you know, I feel I feel really bad.
I feel like I left you and and I knew how your
father was and and how he could be very abusive.
I am and she said she was like, you know, when
you were a kid, I thought we had hung out too
much. So supposedly my mother would dress me
up as a girl, put makeup on me. And I wanted
to do girl things when I was a kid. So she she
was like, I, you know, we thought you were gay
as a child. But. This was this is kind of funny,
but also really not. She was I think you playing
soccer and then you going to church really helped
you. And you became like the man you are today.
And that was like a huge knife into my side.
I was like, oh crap. Because I do remember I
am in elementary school. I made the mistake of
asking there was like some sort of. Well, I don't
know some sort of like limited doll, limited
edition doll, and I asked for it for Christmas
and it did not go over well. Let's just say that
and. I'm growing up with my father. So I will
say, I come from a military family without being
a military family, if that makes sense. So my
father wasn't in the military by the time I was
born, but both my grandparents were in the military.
One side was a Marine. One side was a Ranger
in World War II. My father was in the Army. And
then my father became a police officer in Detroit
during the 70s and then moved down to Florida
and had me. So there is this my father also comes
from the farm kind of lifestyle. So my father
raised me how he thought I should be raised.
I think he saw a couple of things. I think he
saw a kid that was more like my mother than him
and he did not like that. And also I think he
saw a kid that growing up I was always really
small and you could yell at me and I would just
cry. So he saw like kind of a weak kid that needed
to be tough enough if I was going to go out into
the world. So, yeah, and that's what he kind
of set out to do. So if I got in trouble for
something stupid, like if I made a bad grade
in a class, I would be punished for that physically.
And then once he was done, he would say, OK,
now I'm going to punish you for crying. So I
grew up. Really quickly learning not to be myself
If I was going to survive I had to be who my
dad wanted me to be I had to be who? Everyone
else wanted me to be I am this worked out really
really great growing up I became very popular
had a lot of friends Even when I graduated I
was able to get a job move up really quickly
because if you If you work for like a corporation
and you say I'll be whoever you want me to be.
And I'll work however many hours a week you want
me to work. You're going to move up. Yeah. And
you're you're reinforced. Right. I mean I went
from living in a trailer growing up in a trailer
growing up homeless to then all of a sudden buying
a house at the age of 21. You get all of these
things. You buy the nice car that you want to
get. You buy all the things you want to get.
You do all the things that you're supposed to
do. You go out, you get married, you get a fancy
engineering degree. But no matter what you do,
you're never really, truly happy. And I think
a couple of things happened. One. My entire family
like passed away. So my father passed away. My
mother passed away. And then we left Florida.
And I think once I got into a safe environment
where people asked me like I don't like I'm not
going to tell you who you are. Like I want to
know who you are. And once I started, you know,
kind of being involved with like LGBT Councils
and stuff like that. I started opening up a little
bit more and Obviously going through a lot of
therapy I decided to start exploring my gender
that I didn't really have the courage to when
I was younger so I'm gonna pause there Alex.
What do you think? I mean this obviously this
this is not about me I have known about this
for a little while not like forever, but for
a little while Let me let me chime back in with
some chat stuff for you though Somebody chat
said they hope they're not out of line, but your
dad sounds like an asshole You know Somebody
said they're glad you got out of Florida. It
won't be safe until Miami like breaks off to
the Caribbean and everyone north of Miami Dade
and Proud Counties runs like is gone migrates
north. Semi serious question. Did the movie Fight
Club speak to you? Right. I I've always really
liked Fight Club. I'm I'm kind of curious like
why. Like. Why why the question I don't know
Very good question. Oh, I I love that movie.
I've seen it probably like a hundred times I
mean I was gonna make a con that I I'm gonna
backtrack that one joke there, but I'm leaving
that one Hurray therapy fantasy football for
your feelings. I like that one. That's a good
one Yeah, so again a lot of a lot of support
coming from our chat. Thank you chat for being
so supportive and an understanding of this it's
you know, again, we've been kind of mulling this
one for a couple of weeks couple three weeks
now about when to talk about it and then somebody
asked last week in the chat what Jay's pronouns
were and Jay just to clarify because I don't
think we've we've kind of put a Hard button on
that and somebody else did ask in the chat. Are
we are we sticky with they them for now? Yeah,
so they them I'm You know, I've I've I've been
asked a lot for like, you know, oh, do you think
you're like non -binary? Do you think you're
trans? Do you think your gender fluid? And I
don't know honestly, I really don't I'm I'm just
sticking with they them for now and I will say
I am I changed at work. So my work is I They're
a huge advocate for like pronouns putting your
pronouns and your email signature Stuff like
that. Um, so I sent an email to the Kind of a
group of people I work with the closest letting
them know that I was changing My pronouns today
them very very brief reasoning why? Nothing this
detailed And I primarily did that Because I like
to joke around a lot I'm always like, I don't
know the one that's making jokes laughing having
a good time and I didn't want to Do something
like wear more feminine clothing to work and
then someone think it's a joke and like oh ha
ha like like look at Jay like That's so funny
and it's like no not a joke Primarily for kind
of kind of to notify everyone like hey, this
isn't a joke like I'm going through this like
kind of Exploring phase which everyone I work
was super supportive I am I really work at like
a amazing place with amazing people Yeah, they
them for now I'm still going through therapy
obviously and I have been now for I think like
four years now every Friday, but yeah, so I don't
I don't know where it'll go. But yeah, they them
for now. Adding to the the question that you
asked about why I asked about Fight Club The
response was there's a part where Tyler Durden
talks about his dad's advice, you know, his dad
said go to college Okay, been to college now
what get a career? Okay got a career now what
get married? Okay. Now what you know what you
were saying earlier in your your talk here Apparently
made them think of that. So that makes sense,
you know, okay I see the parallel now chat Yeah
All right. So yeah, that that does make sense.
And yeah, again, I think it was you're kind of
taught like, oh, if you do this, you'll be happy,
right? Like if you buy a house, you'll be happy.
If you get that promotion, you'll be happy. If
you get a I don't know, a harder degree, right?
Like an engineering degree, you're going to get
a nice job. You're going to be happy. Well, maybe
if you move out of Florida, you're going to be
happy. And that's not really the case. And that
was like one thing that I first started going
to therapy for was like, I feel like I'm just
going to the next milestone. Like. OK, like now,
what do I need to do? Like, I'm not happy. What
do I need to do now? Is it? Getting my masters.
Will that make me happy? Will I get if I get
my PhD? Will I be happy? If I move up in the
company that I'm currently out, will I be happy?
So you keep looking externally for things that
will make you happy. And yeah, I realized very
quickly that I was getting worn out. I was getting
worn out and physically like my health. It's
kind of like, I don't want to say like declining,
right? But like, I am the most out of shape I
am now that I ever been in my life. So I'm like
six one, right? I used to be like 140 pounds,
which is way too skinny. But now I'm like 240,
which is a lot more. I will say I was on the
soccer team and I ran track. So Oddly enough,
when you stop running like 10 miles a day, you're
going to start gaining weight. But yeah, I just
kind of. And I think also the thing that really
hit me out here really hard when I first moved
out here, because we moved. We moved into our
place. Halloween 2021. 2021 was a very tough
gray period. Our neighbors told us like, oh,
that was a very abnormal, like more gray than
usual. I did not know you're supposed to take
like vitamin D supplements. And from Florida,
what the heck are vitamin D supplements? So I
became very depressed pretty quickly. Part of
it seasonal depression, part of it also just
Not really knowing what I'm supposed to do with
my life, right? I am And yeah, I think I think
I reached a moment where I was like something
has to change right like I I don't think I can
keep going on the way that I'm currently going
on like Oddly enough. I'm going to therapy which
I couldn't really do I'm When my dad, for instance,
was alive. And again, if you've never lived in
the South, the South is like the polar opposite
of the Pacific Northwest. No one talks about
mental health. You're not supposed to talk about
mental health. Like my father, I grew up listening
to my father make fun of people who went to therapy.
So waste of money, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you
don't place like places that you work at. They
don't have mental health programs. They don't
talk about it. You're not supposed to be yourself
at work either. Like you show up to be the person
that they want you like you show up and you become
the person that they want you to be. And then
when you leave work, you can be your your own
person. Polar opposite from but the Pacific Northwest
from what I've experienced so far So yeah, I
was able to kind of get into therapy But the
more therapy I had I I felt like I was getting
like more and more depressed. Um so I realized
like something had to change like I need to Kind
of figure out who I am if I'm ever going to be
happy. Um So yeah, Florida sucks I know some
of you are probably wondering So I have mentioned
that I'm married. I do have a wife. Like what
does that? What does all of this mean to her?
I will say somehow right somehow I have found
an amazing person I am And she we've talked obviously
a lot and she was like, you know, you deserve
to be happy Even if you transitioned, right?
Even if you started growing boobs and she was
like, I would prefer you not to, right? Like
I'm not like attracted to women, but even if
you grew boobs, I'm not going anywhere. Like
you're still the same person I fell in love with.
You're still the same person I love. It might
be a little awkward when we lean in and kiss
each other and I feel boobs press against me,
but I'm not going anywhere. So I was like, okay,
which obviously, if you come out to your to your
wife, and you're having these thoughts, you know,
I was kind of prepared for like a divorce. And
I try to make sure that like, I would understand
you like I try to make sure that she understood
that I like I understood like, Hey, totally get
this. Like if you're not into this if you want
to leave that's fine We can still be friends
everything like that. Like I don't want to feel
like you're I don't want to make you feel like
you're trapped in this at all But no, she's been
super supportive Everyone has been super supportive,
which is kind of surprising. I I'm not gonna
lie. I was expecting Career was over at work.
I'm gonna lose all my friends. I'm gonna get
a divorce. I'm gonna become homeless and see
I had all like boom, whole life changes. And
I think that's a lot of one coming from Florida,
but then also like the fears of like just thinking
about everything for, you know, your entire life.
You kind of think things are going to go one
way and you're often that's not the case. So
that is good. What is Alex, what's chat saying
now? Mostly that Florida sucks. Yeah, mostly
Florida sucks. There's a lot of there's there's
a lot of Florida sucks in the chat, which I can't
I can't rightly disagree with Florida kind of
sucks and we don't like it because it's Florida
and Florida I don't go through Florida for a
reason. I've been to Florida I have no desire
to go back to Florida at this current point in
time For many many reasons, but yeah, it's a
lot right now. We're a lot of Florida sucks again
A lot of people are kind of like echoing your
your thing about self -fulfillment, right? And
and you know, oh this thing's gonna make him
but what's gonna make you happy? You know a lot
of people happy for you and again, it's it's
it's a lot of I think a lot of understanding
I Think that there are a lot I think that the
number of people Whether it's and it's not always
necessarily sexuality but I think that the number
of people who at varying times in their lives
for whatever reason struggle with a sense of
identity right and I think that that's that's
that's most we focus on it a lot these days when
it comes to gender identity and sexual identity
and things like that but I don't think that that's
the only place it stems from and I think we would
have a lot more understanding for people in the
lgbtq plus community if if we frame it more from
a position of everybody kind of struggles with
identity who the fuck am I right like as a as
a core thing and for some people that's sexuality
for some it's gender for some something else
so again i think there's a lot of people who
whether they've they've done it in the form of
of sexual or gender identity and i'm not speaking
for anybody in the chat i think there's a lot
of people who are going yeah i i don't i've gone
through points in my life where i did not feel
that sense of i feel comfortable in my own skin
with who i am right and I think a lot of people
go through that and and I think that that's why
again I think we're getting some of the reaction
that we're getting uh from chat again I think
it's it's a lot of understanding again I I think
that the way that you put it is really really
good I think that a lot it you know and you and
I I think had this discussion a while ago where
where my theory has always been a lot of it is
exposure and a lot of it is how you're introduced
to the LGBTQ Plus community right and and that
that manner in which you are first because I
think I told you about the first time like I
Knew that I was around trans people and the environment
that I was in and how that came to be Made it
a lot easier for me to be like, okay. This is
this is fine. This is normal like Yeah, cool,
right And I, you know, I could, I could get myself
into that frame of mind and not look back. And
I think that, again, I think that, that stories
like yours, situations like this, where you can,
you can draw those parallels and explain it,
I think puts it into a perspective for people
that again, I don't think happens enough. If
that makes sense. Yeah. I think, I think it totally
does. And That's the really sad reality of Florida
is that you have all these people are going through
like. When you grow up in a place like northwest
Florida, which is really just the south. It's
the south. Yeah. In the south, you think you're
like the only one going through it. You think
you're the only. Weirdo, right? Like that's feeling
this way or going through this when you're really
not like. I Yeah, it's it's kind of crazy there
was a study that came out I am When I was in
engineering school at FSU I am I think it was
something like 50 % of all engineering students
were like Depressed and then like a lower number
was like suicidal. I am which is crazy because
no one talks about it like No one talks about
it. And I started advocating for mental health
when I was at FSU. I got out of Florida pretty
much as soon as I graduated from engineering
school from FSU. And I remember my best friend
in college, insanely smart guy, finished like
Magna Coolade. I said that right. But Yeah, incredibly
smart my best friend I I told him like what I
was not gender, but I told him like how depressed
I was and he was like Holy crap, dude, like you
like no one No one would ever think that you're
going through anything like you were like the
happiest guy like you're the guy that everyone
looks to and They're like Jay has it figured
out Jay is like he's on a path. He's on a war
path He is happy. He is the one that's always
like laughing and joking He's like uplifting
everyone else and I would like I'll never forget
it. He made a parallel between Myself and Robin
Williams, and I don't want to compare myself
to him at all Jesus, but because I think he's
an amazing person But he was like you're like
the person that makes everyone else laugh and
feel happy and like at ease and then you're like
super depressed and like struggling with like
Suicidal thoughts and like no one no one knows
it and I think This is a really sad thing for
Florida that I'm really sad about is that everyone
That could really make a change in Florida everyone
that could change Florida, whether it be like
mental health, whether it be LGBT or whatever.
They leave Florida like no one is that I saw
me personally. I don't think that's just a Florida
problem. I think that's anywhere that's that's
of that. That similar cultural thing, right?
And they talk about like rural brain drain and
kids not going back to rural communities all
over the country. And I think that's that's definitely
Why that happens and I'll be honest, I don't
know what the solution there is I really don't
I have no idea Anyway I think yeah Unfortunately,
I don't think it'll ever change with everyone
leaving but also I don't blame it anyone for
for believing like you'd need to be happy Yeah,
what's that is That is my story. That is the
very long explanation of my pronouns