All right, so we are diving deep today into confidence.
The confidence.
And not like the cheesy kind of like the real deal,
you know, what does it actually take to cultivate that?
And we are unpacking a really fascinating interview
with James Smith.
Oh, okay.
He is a personal trainer and author,
and he was on the diary of a CEO YouTube channel.
I've seen that one, yeah.
Have you seen it?
Yeah, it's a good one.
It's a great interview, isn't it?
Yeah.
You know, he's helped tons of people build confidence.
Right.
But what struck me is he admits
he doesn't always feel super confident himself.
I think that's what makes him so relatable, you know?
Totally, yeah.
Like, hey, I'm working on this too.
It's not like I've got it all figured out.
Yeah, it dismantles that myth.
Yeah.
That some people are just born confident.
Right, like it's just in their DNA.
Yeah, you either have it or you don't.
Yeah.
And he's like, no, no, no, it's something you build.
You build it?
It's based on evidence.
It's evidence, okay.
So it's not like height, it's more like.
It's more like a skill.
Building a skill.
Yeah.
Okay, I like that.
What kind of evidence are we talking about here?
So he talks about his experience in door-to-door sales.
Oh, wow.
Which honestly, like, that sounds terrifying to me.
My man.
Just knocking on strangers' doors all day.
Yeah.
But he said he learned to see it as a numbers game.
Okay.
Each, no, it wasn't a personal rejection.
It was just like a step closer to a yes.
And he actually applied that same mindset
to building his social media following.
Or interesting, so it's like detaching
from the outcome in a way.
Yeah, kind of like taking the emotion out of it
and just focusing on the process.
That's so powerful.
Yeah.
Because it shifts your perspective, right?
Totally.
If you're thinking about approaching something
daunting as a numbers game.
Yeah.
The fear just feels less paralyzing.
Less personal, right?
It's not about you, it's just part of the process.
And it reminds me of when I first started public speaking.
Oh, yeah.
Every time I got up on that stage,
even though I was terrified.
It was like gathering evidence that I could do it.
You did it.
I did it.
You survived.
I survived.
Another piece of evidence.
Yeah, and that ties into another point that he makes.
Okay.
About identifying your pain points.
Pain points.
Interesting.
Like he encourages us to go deeper
than just those surface level desires.
Okay.
So like you might say you wanna lose weight.
Right.
But what's the real driving force?
What's underneath that?
Yeah, is it loneliness?
Is it wanting to feel more energetic?
Oh, I see.
What is it?
You so get to the root of it.
Get to the root of it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because there's deeper reasons, the emotional stuff.
Yeah.
That's what fuels you when your motivation dips.
That's good, because motivation comes and goes, right?
Oh, totally does.
So you need something deeper.
Absolutely.
Keep you going.
Now, Smith also says something
that I think is really important.
Okay.
He says doing nothing is still doing something.
Whoa.
Like you're always making a choice,
even if it's to stay stuck.
That's a good one.
It's kind of a gut punch, isn't it?
It is, yeah.
It makes you think.
Because it makes you really consider
where you might be holding yourself back.
Yeah.
Are you choosing to stay stuck
or are you choosing to move forward?
Exactly.
And this leads us to how he describes the difference
between anxiety and confidence.
Okay.
How does he differentiate those?
He says anxiety is predicting failure.
Okay.
And confidence is predicting success.
Interesting.
Your expectations, he says, can become
self-fulfilling prophecies.
Yeah, I can see that.
Right.
If you're constantly thinking you're gonna fail,
you're probably more likely to.
Totally.
And so if you're constantly telling yourself
you're gonna fail,
you're setting yourself up for it.
Yeah.
But if you start predicting success,
even if you don't totally believe it yet,
it can shift your mindset.
Fake it till you make it kinda.
Sort of, yeah.
It's like you're priming your brain
for a different outcome.
I like that, priming your brain.
Yeah.
And he even gets into the placebo effect.
Oh, wow.
And the expectation effect.
He says, acting as if you're confident
can actually influence your performance.
Interesting.
Even if you're not fully feeling it.
So there's something to be said
for just like putting on that confident persona.
Yeah.
And he cautions against outright lying to yourself.
Right.
Because that's not sustainable.
No.
It's more about just like nudging your expectations.
Okay.
Testing the waters.
Yeah.
And speaking of getting out of your comfort zone.
Okay.
He talks a lot about audacity.
Audacity.
Like being willing to put yourself out there.
Yeah.
Even when you're afraid of criticism.
That's a tough one.
It is tough.
Because nobody likes to be criticized.
No.
But it's like if you're not putting yourself out there,
you're never gonna grow.
Exactly.
And he acknowledges that like putting yourself out there
invites negativity.
Right.
But he encourages focusing on those
who resonate with your message.
Yeah.
Tune out the haters.
Focus on the people who get it.
Exactly.
So push yourself out of that comfort zone.
It might feel uncomfortable,
but that's where the growth happens.
I agree with that.
Now let's shift gears a bit
and talk about Smith's take on happiness.
Okay.
He emphasizes finding balance between work.
Okay.
Relationships.
Uh-huh.
And personal pursuits.
So like a holistic view of happiness.
The holistic view.
Yeah.
And he actually shared his own happiness recipe.
Oh, interesting.
Which has evolved as he's gotten older.
Makes sense.
We change as we grow.
We do.
And it's interesting how he's become increasingly
focused on productivity.
Okay.
And he sees that as a key ingredient in his well-being.
So like being effective with his time.
Yeah.
And accomplishing things that are meaningful to him.
Got it.
And he also talks about how even those small things,
like getting enough sleep or taking breaks,
can have a huge impact on our mental health.
Oh, absolutely.
We often overlook those things.
We do.
And he's also pretty honest about his relationship
with alcohol.
Okay.
He realized that drinking actually decreased his happiness
because it hindered his productivity.
It got in the way.
It got in the way, yeah.
So it's not about being anti-alcohol.
It's about being mindful of how our choices align
with our values.
I like that.
Right.
It's about being intentional.
Yes.
With your choices.
And this brings us to a topic that sparked a lot of debate.
Ooh, what's that?
His perspective on monogamy.
Monogamy, okay.
He argues for its value in creating stability,
especially for raising families.
Okay, traditional view.
Yeah.
But he also acknowledges the complexities
and temptations of modern relationships.
Yeah, it's a different world now.
It is.
Than it was maybe a generation or two ago.
For sure.
And he sees how societal norms are changing.
Yeah.
With people delaying marriage and kids.
And it makes you wonder if we're undervaluing
family life sometimes.
Interesting point.
He also brought up this thing called
the sunk cost fallacy.
The sunk cost fallacy.
Where people stay in relationships
just because of the time and effort
they've already invested.
Oh yeah, I've heard of that.
Which can be a real confidence killer.
It can be if you're staying in something
that's not serving you anymore.
Exactly.
But he reminds us that we always have the power
to reevaluate.
Right.
And make changes that support our happiness
even if it's difficult.
Yeah, sometimes you have to make those tough decisions.
Now one of the most intriguing concepts he discussed.
Okay, I'm intrigued.
Is what he calls the utility of deprivation.
The utility of deprivation.
He challenges us to think about abstaining
from things we enjoy.
Even things like junk food.
Or excessive screen time.
Just things that we kind of indulge in.
Yeah, our little vices.
Our little vices, yeah.
And his argument is that by temporarily abstaining,
you kind of hit the reset button on your pleasure receptors.
Oh, I see.
So you appreciate it more when you come back to it.
So it's like a palate cleanser, but for life.
Exactly.
I love that.
You're recalibrating your system.
Okay.
He specifically mentions the potential impact
of excessive pornography consumption.
Okay, that's a big one.
It is.
A lot of debate around that these days.
There is.
And he's not saying it's inherently bad.
Okay.
But he argues that it can desensitize people
to real life intimacy.
That makes sense.
And it kind of ties back to that idea
of being intentional with our choices.
Right.
Are we just going for the instant gratification?
Yeah.
Or are we willing to delay it for something more meaningful?
To fulfill.
More fulfilling later on.
Like choosing long-term satisfaction
over short-term pleasure.
Exactly.
And that leads to this fantastic analogy
he uses about choosing your passengers.
Choosing your passengers.
Okay, I like this.
Imagine a long road trip.
Okay.
Would you want to be stuck with someone negative?
Ugh.
In draining?
No, I want someone fun and supportive.
Exactly.
Someone who brings good snacks.
Yes, good snacks are important.
Very important.
And so he's saying, like, we should evaluate the people
we surround ourselves with.
Okay.
Are they lifting us up or are they holding us back?
Yeah.
Are they good passengers for the journey?
I like that analogy.
It's about recognizing how much energy we give
to certain relationships.
Makes sense.
Which brings us to the fear of judgment.
Ooh, the fear of judgment.
That thing that stops so many people
from pursuing their goals?
Right.
It can be paralyzing.
It can be.
And he emphasizes that people are generally far less focused
on us than we think.
We think everyone's watching and judging.
We do.
But they're probably not.
They're probably not.
They're too busy worrying about themselves.
Yeah.
So he encourages taking small steps outside our comfort zones
to build confidence and overcome that fear.
Little by little.
Little by little, yeah.
Okay.
And he has this challenge in his book.
Oh, a challenge.
He calls it the 10% discount challenge.
Okay, I want to hear about this.
Ask for a 10% discount on your next coffee purchase.
That's it.
Like, just walk in and be like, can I get 10% off?
Yeah.
And he says it's not about actually getting the discount.
Okay.
It's about pushing yourself to do something uncomfortable.
Oh, I like that.
To just like get out of that comfort zone.
Just to feel that awkwardness.
To feel that awkwardness.
Yeah.
And I actually tried it.
You did.
I did.
I felt so awkward.
Did you get the discount?
I didn't get the discount, but the barista laughed.
Okay.
And he said no.
But he gave me an extra shot of espresso for free.
Okay.
That's almost as good.
I felt like it was a win.
I take it.
Yeah.
And that ties into another point he makes.
Okay.
The importance of asking questions.
Oh, yeah.
Questions are powerful.
They are.
They open up possibilities.
Exactly.
And he believes that asking questions can lead
to unexpected opportunities.
Like what?
He shared a story about how a random conversation inspired
him to read a book that ended up changing his life.
Wow.
So be curious.
Ask questions.
You never know where they might lead.
I like that.
Now, this next idea is a big one.
Okay.
Hit me with it.
He says the opposite of happiness is boredom.
Whoa.
The opposite of happiness is boredom.
Yeah.
So we got to stay stimulated.
Yeah.
And he described feeling bored even
while achieving external success.
Yeah.
It's like he reached a summit.
Uh-huh.
And then he felt lost.
Oh, I see.
So it's not just about achieving those goals.
It's not just about that.
It's about finding something that keeps you engaged.
Yes.
And excited about life.
And he calls those incompletable goals.
Incompletable goals.
That's interesting.
Goals that keep you constantly engaged,
challenged, and learning.
Look, what kind of goal would be incompletable?
He used his passion for jujitsu as an example.
Oh.
It's not about reaching a final destination.
Right.
It's about enjoying the process.
The journey.
Yeah.
And both he and the interviewer were really passionate
about this.
Yeah.
I can see how that would be really motivating.
And it's like this deep dive we're doing right now.
It is, kind of.
We're exploring and learning together.
And there's no real end goal in sight.
Yeah.
It's about the process of discovery.
It is.
And sharing these ideas.
And I think that's a beautiful way to approach life.
It is.
To find those things that light us up.
Yeah.
Keep us curious.
And just embrace the possibilities.
Absolutely.
You know, it's interesting.
Smith talks about how his parents actually really
modeled this idea of confidence through action.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
They weren't flashy or chasing fame.
Right.
But they consistently showed up in their work
and their family life.
It's those small, everyday actions, right?
Probably.
That build that foundation.
Yes.
And they create this sense of stability
that allows you to kind of go out and take risks.
Exactly.
It gives you that secure base to explore and try new things.
And pursue your own dreams.
Yes.
And it reminds us that our actions, even the small ones,
have a ripple effect.
That's a good point.
And we're all part of a larger story.
Yeah.
Now remember how we were talking about confidence
being built on evidence?
Mm-hmm.
Well, Smith also points out how our past experiences,
especially the tough ones, can really
shape our beliefs about ourselves.
It's like those early experiences
create a lens through which we see the world.
Yes.
And sometimes that lens gets a little smudged.
You know?
It does.
Past traumas can leave us with this mountain of negative
evidence that can be so hard to overcome.
It can be.
It can be really challenging.
But he encourages us to see those experiences, even
the painful ones, as opportunities for growth.
OK.
He calls it understanding your path to progression.
So instead of getting stuck in self-doubt,
we can reframe those experiences.
Yes.
Choose to see them differently.
And use them as fuel to move forward.
Exactly.
It's about recognizing that our past doesn't
have to define our future.
I love that.
We always have the power to choose a different path,
gather new evidence, and write a more empowering story
for ourselves.
Now, one thing that really taught my attention
was Smith's take on modern dating
and how technology is playing a role.
Yeah.
He had some strong opinions about dating apps.
He did.
He sees them as both a blessing and a curse.
OK.
I can see that.
On one hand, they offer convenience and access
to a wider pool of potential partners.
Right.
You're not limited by geography anymore.
Exactly.
But on the other hand, he's concerned
they might be creating this culture of instant gratification.
OK.
And hindering our ability to develop those face-to-face
social skills.
Right, which are so important.
So important for building real connections.
Yeah.
And he talks about how alcohol often becomes a crutch
in those dating app situations.
Yeah, like we courage.
Masking our insecurities and maybe leading to choices
we later regret.
Right, because you're not really being your true self.
Exactly.
Instead, he advocates for more authentic interactions.
Like what?
Like meeting for a walk or coffee.
OK.
Activities that allow for genuine conversation
and connection without needing that liquid courage.
I love that.
It's about being vulnerable, putting yourself out there,
and being willing to risk rejection.
Because ultimately, that's the only way to find real intimacy.
It is.
You got to put your heart on the line.
You do.
He also brings up a fascinating point
about how the easy access to pornography
might be impacting modern relationships.
This is a big way.
It is.
It's a sensitive topic, but I think it's important to discuss.
For sure.
He suggests that it might be desensitizing people
to real life intimacy.
It's like we're constantly bombarded
with these unrealistic expectations.
Right.
And it can make it harder to connect with a real person
on a deeper level.
Yeah.
And this ties back to that utility of deprivation concept.
Right.
By choosing to abstain from those easily accessible sources
of instant gratification, we can potentially reset our baseline
and rediscover the joy of authentic connection.
It's about creating space for intimacy to flourish,
both with ourselves and with our partners.
Now let's talk about Smith's thoughts on ambition
and the pursuit of success.
He has a really unique perspective on goal setting.
So.
He actually warns against the danger of reaching a summit
and then feeling lost or unfulfilled.
Oh, like you achieve that big goal you've been striving for,
and then what?
And then what?
It's like, now what do I do?
Yeah, what's next?
Is this it?
And that's why he's such a big advocate
for pursuing those incompletable goals.
Right.
Those goals that keep you constantly engaged,
challenged learning.
He used his passion for jujitsu as an example.
It's not about reaching a destination.
It's about enjoying the process, the journey itself.
And this is something that both Smith and the interviewer
were clearly passionate about.
Yeah, they were.
They both shared examples of goals in their own lives
that are ongoing and constantly evolving.
It's like this deep dive we're doing right now.
It is, kind of.
We're exploring learning together,
and there's no real end goal in sight.
Yeah, it's about the process of discovery.
And sharing these ideas.
Exactly.
And I think that's a beautiful way to approach life.
It is.
To find those things that light us up,
keep us curious, and embrace the endless possibilities
that unfold when we commit to a journey of growth.
Absolutely.
It's about shifting our focus from achievements
to experiences from external validation to internal fulfillment.
Now, before we wrap up this part of our deep dive,
I wanted to circle back to something we touched on earlier.
OK, what's that?
About the role of trauma in shaping our confidence.
Yeah, it's such an important topic.
It is.
And one that deserves deeper exploration.
Smith had this really interesting point.
Go on.
About how we can actually develop a sense of gratitude.
Gratitude.
Towards our inadequacies.
Our inadequacies.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
How can we be grateful for the things
we feel inadequate about?
Because those inadequacies can reveal our path to progression.
Oh, I see.
So it's about seeing those weaknesses
as opportunities for growth.
Exactly.
It's about recognizing that our vulnerabilities and imperfections
are what make us human.
Yeah, they're the cracks that let the light in.
I love that.
The catalysts for growth and transformation.
And it's in those moments of discomfort
when we face our fears and challenge our limiting beliefs
that we discover our true strength and resilience.
It's not about pretending those difficult experiences
didn't happen.
Right.
It's about integrating them into our story.
And using them as fuel for growth.
Like Smith's experience of failing in his personal training
business in Australia.
Right.
As painful as that was, it ultimately led him to the path
that brought him the success he has today.
It's a powerful reminder that sometimes our greatest setbacks
can become our greatest teachers.
They force us to reevaluate our priorities,
tap into hidden reserves of strength,
and discover a resilience we didn't know we possessed.
So this brings us to a thought-provoking question
to consider.
What's that?
How can we cultivate a sense of gratitude
for our own challenges, even the ones that leave us feeling
broken or defeated?
That's a tough one.
It is a tough one.
But I think it's an important one to ponder.
It is.
It invites us to embrace the full spectrum of human experience.
Yeah, to find beauty in the brokenness.
And to recognize the transformative power of adversity.
Our scars, both physical and emotional,
are not signs of weakness.
But badges of honor.
Testaments to our resilience and our capacity to overcome.
And it's in those moments of vulnerability
when we allow ourselves to be seen and heard
in our imperfections.
Right.
That we create space for genuine connection and growth.
So as we move into the final part of this deep dive
on confidence.
Yeah.
Let's remember that it's not about perfection or flawlessness.
It's about embracing our whole selves.
Imperfections.
I like that.
Confidence is a continuous process of growth.
A journey of self-discovery that unfolds
one small, courageous step at a time.
And it's in those moments when we dare
to step outside of our comfort zones.
Yes.
That we discover the true power and beauty
of our authentic selves.
You know, it's like that Japanese art of kintsugi.
Kintsugi.
Where they repair broken pottery with coal.
Oh, yeah.
I've seen that.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah.
And it kind of highlights the imperfections.
And it actually makes the piece even more beautiful.
More beautiful for having been broken.
For having been broken, yeah.
What a perfect analogy for this whole idea of confidence.
Yeah.
It's about finding the beauty in the brokenness
in that journey of healing and becoming whole.
I love that.
And that makes me think about what James Smith said
about the importance of being audacious.
Audacious, OK.
Putting yourself out there, even when you're
afraid of failing or being judged.
Yeah.
That's easier said than done.
It is.
But it's so important.
Yeah, it is.
It's like he's saying the only way to truly grow
is to embrace the discomfort, to step outside those carefully
constructed comfort zones, and risk getting a little messy.
And you know what he reminds us?
That everyone feels like an imposter sometimes.
Even the most successful people.
It's part of the human experience.
It's just part of being human.
Yeah.
The question is, what do we do with that feeling?
Right.
Do we let it paralyze us?
Or do we use it as fuel?
To push ourselves further.
Yeah.
To learn.
And ultimately, to become the best versions of ourselves.
That's where having the right people in your corner comes in.
Yes, your support system.
Like Smith's analogy of choosing your passengers
for that road trip to confidence.
Right.
You want people who will cheer you on, support you,
especially when you stumble.
Choosing those passengers wisely is so crucial.
It is.
It's about surrounding yourself with people who believe in you.
Yeah.
Who challenge you to grow.
And who celebrate your victories big and small.
It's about building that community of support.
Yes.
Yeah.
A network of people who are on a similar journey.
And it's not just about receiving support.
It's about giving it to.
Giving it to.
Sharing our own stories.
Even the messy parts can be so empowering.
Both for ourselves and for the people around us.
It creates this ripple effect of courage and connection
that can inspire others to step into their own greatness.
So as we wrap up this deep dive into confidence,
I think it's important to remember
that it's not about reaching some perfect flawless state.
It's not about perfection.
It's about embracing our whole selves.
Imperfections in all.
And recognizing that confidence is a continuous process.
It's a journey of self-discovery that unfolds one step at a time.
And if confidence really is built on evidence,
like James Smith suggests.
Yeah.
What kind of evidence are you gathering in your life right now?
That's the question, isn't it?
It is.
Are you actively seeking out experiences that challenge you?
Push you out of your comfort zone.
Because those experiences, even the uncomfortable ones,
are the building blocks of true, unshakable confidence.
So what small, courageous step can you take today
to start gathering that evidence?
That's a great question to reflect on.
To support the confident, capable person you are.
Remember, it's never too late to start building your confidence.
Absolutely.
To rewrite your story.
And create a life you truly love.
Be bold, be curious, be kind to yourself.
Yes.
And never stop learning and growing.
Goodness, I did better myself.
And that's a wrap on this deep dive into confidence.
Oh, it was a good one.
It was a good one, wasn't it?
Yeah, I learned a lot.
Me too.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for joining us.
Of course.
We hope you found it insightful and maybe even a little bit inspiring.
I hope so too.
Go out there and make some amazing things happen.
You got this.