1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,960 All right, so we are diving deep today into confidence. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,080 The confidence. 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,440 And not like the cheesy kind of like the real deal, 4 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,640 you know, what does it actually take to cultivate that? 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,160 And we are unpacking a really fascinating interview 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,240 with James Smith. 7 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,080 Oh, okay. 8 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,880 He is a personal trainer and author, 9 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,680 and he was on the diary of a CEO YouTube channel. 10 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,760 I've seen that one, yeah. 11 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,600 Have you seen it? 12 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,440 Yeah, it's a good one. 13 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,520 It's a great interview, isn't it? 14 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:29,360 Yeah. 15 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,720 You know, he's helped tons of people build confidence. 16 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:32,560 Right. 17 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,240 But what struck me is he admits 18 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,120 he doesn't always feel super confident himself. 19 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,760 I think that's what makes him so relatable, you know? 20 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:40,600 Totally, yeah. 21 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,720 Like, hey, I'm working on this too. 22 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,360 It's not like I've got it all figured out. 23 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,200 Yeah, it dismantles that myth. 24 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,040 Yeah. 25 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,040 That some people are just born confident. 26 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,600 Right, like it's just in their DNA. 27 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,480 Yeah, you either have it or you don't. 28 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,320 Yeah. 29 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,720 And he's like, no, no, no, it's something you build. 30 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,560 You build it? 31 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:55,960 It's based on evidence. 32 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:56,800 It's evidence, okay. 33 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,800 So it's not like height, it's more like. 34 00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,640 It's more like a skill. 35 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,000 Building a skill. 36 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:01,840 Yeah. 37 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:02,680 Okay, I like that. 38 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,360 What kind of evidence are we talking about here? 39 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,120 So he talks about his experience in door-to-door sales. 40 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:08,960 Oh, wow. 41 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,680 Which honestly, like, that sounds terrifying to me. 42 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:12,520 My man. 43 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,960 Just knocking on strangers' doors all day. 44 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:14,800 Yeah. 45 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,840 But he said he learned to see it as a numbers game. 46 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:18,680 Okay. 47 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,400 Each, no, it wasn't a personal rejection. 48 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,080 It was just like a step closer to a yes. 49 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,280 And he actually applied that same mindset 50 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,840 to building his social media following. 51 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,440 Or interesting, so it's like detaching 52 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,760 from the outcome in a way. 53 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,920 Yeah, kind of like taking the emotion out of it 54 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,760 and just focusing on the process. 55 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:35,600 That's so powerful. 56 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,440 Yeah. 57 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,440 Because it shifts your perspective, right? 58 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,280 Totally. 59 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,720 If you're thinking about approaching something 60 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,320 daunting as a numbers game. 61 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:42,160 Yeah. 62 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,560 The fear just feels less paralyzing. 63 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:45,840 Less personal, right? 64 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,600 It's not about you, it's just part of the process. 65 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,440 And it reminds me of when I first started public speaking. 66 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,280 Oh, yeah. 67 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,880 Every time I got up on that stage, 68 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,960 even though I was terrified. 69 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,280 It was like gathering evidence that I could do it. 70 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,120 You did it. 71 00:01:59,120 --> 00:01:59,940 I did it. 72 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:00,780 You survived. 73 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:01,620 I survived. 74 00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:02,460 Another piece of evidence. 75 00:02:02,460 --> 00:02:05,520 Yeah, and that ties into another point that he makes. 76 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,360 Okay. 77 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,120 About identifying your pain points. 78 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:08,960 Pain points. 79 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:09,800 Interesting. 80 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,240 Like he encourages us to go deeper 81 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,640 than just those surface level desires. 82 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:15,480 Okay. 83 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,480 So like you might say you wanna lose weight. 84 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:18,320 Right. 85 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,320 But what's the real driving force? 86 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,160 What's underneath that? 87 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,000 Yeah, is it loneliness? 88 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,360 Is it wanting to feel more energetic? 89 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,200 Oh, I see. 90 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,020 What is it? 91 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:27,860 You so get to the root of it. 92 00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:28,960 Get to the root of it. 93 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:29,800 Yeah. 94 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:30,620 Okay. 95 00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:32,400 Because there's deeper reasons, the emotional stuff. 96 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,240 Yeah. 97 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,600 That's what fuels you when your motivation dips. 98 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,520 That's good, because motivation comes and goes, right? 99 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:38,360 Oh, totally does. 100 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,840 So you need something deeper. 101 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:40,680 Absolutely. 102 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,520 Keep you going. 103 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:42,920 Now, Smith also says something 104 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,400 that I think is really important. 105 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,240 Okay. 106 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,280 He says doing nothing is still doing something. 107 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,100 Whoa. 108 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,520 Like you're always making a choice, 109 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,440 even if it's to stay stuck. 110 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,280 That's a good one. 111 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,160 It's kind of a gut punch, isn't it? 112 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,000 It is, yeah. 113 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:57,840 It makes you think. 114 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,920 Because it makes you really consider 115 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,320 where you might be holding yourself back. 116 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,160 Yeah. 117 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,120 Are you choosing to stay stuck 118 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,820 or are you choosing to move forward? 119 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:07,660 Exactly. 120 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:09,720 And this leads us to how he describes the difference 121 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,800 between anxiety and confidence. 122 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,640 Okay. 123 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:14,480 How does he differentiate those? 124 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,120 He says anxiety is predicting failure. 125 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:18,960 Okay. 126 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,400 And confidence is predicting success. 127 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,240 Interesting. 128 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,400 Your expectations, he says, can become 129 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,240 self-fulfilling prophecies. 130 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,640 Yeah, I can see that. 131 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,480 Right. 132 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,720 If you're constantly thinking you're gonna fail, 133 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,560 you're probably more likely to. 134 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,400 Totally. 135 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,680 And so if you're constantly telling yourself 136 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,760 you're gonna fail, 137 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,280 you're setting yourself up for it. 138 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,120 Yeah. 139 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:38,960 But if you start predicting success, 140 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,920 even if you don't totally believe it yet, 141 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,720 it can shift your mindset. 142 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,880 Fake it till you make it kinda. 143 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:45,720 Sort of, yeah. 144 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:46,880 It's like you're priming your brain 145 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:47,880 for a different outcome. 146 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,360 I like that, priming your brain. 147 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,200 Yeah. 148 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,960 And he even gets into the placebo effect. 149 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:52,800 Oh, wow. 150 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,360 And the expectation effect. 151 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,720 He says, acting as if you're confident 152 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,360 can actually influence your performance. 153 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,200 Interesting. 154 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,360 Even if you're not fully feeling it. 155 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,440 So there's something to be said 156 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,680 for just like putting on that confident persona. 157 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:05,520 Yeah. 158 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,880 And he cautions against outright lying to yourself. 159 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:08,720 Right. 160 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,880 Because that's not sustainable. 161 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:10,720 No. 162 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,600 It's more about just like nudging your expectations. 163 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,440 Okay. 164 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:14,280 Testing the waters. 165 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,120 Yeah. 166 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:15,940 Yeah. 167 00:04:15,940 --> 00:04:17,800 And speaking of getting out of your comfort zone. 168 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,640 Okay. 169 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,520 He talks a lot about audacity. 170 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,360 Audacity. 171 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,720 Like being willing to put yourself out there. 172 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,560 Yeah. 173 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,680 Even when you're afraid of criticism. 174 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,520 That's a tough one. 175 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,360 It is tough. 176 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,880 Because nobody likes to be criticized. 177 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:30,720 No. 178 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,200 But it's like if you're not putting yourself out there, 179 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,240 you're never gonna grow. 180 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,080 Exactly. 181 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,080 And he acknowledges that like putting yourself out there 182 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,560 invites negativity. 183 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,400 Right. 184 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,520 But he encourages focusing on those 185 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,400 who resonate with your message. 186 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,240 Yeah. 187 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,080 Tune out the haters. 188 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:44,920 Tune out the haters. 189 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,360 Focus on the people who get it. 190 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,520 Exactly. 191 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,680 So push yourself out of that comfort zone. 192 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,840 It might feel uncomfortable, 193 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,200 but that's where the growth happens. 194 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,040 I agree with that. 195 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,160 Now let's shift gears a bit 196 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,640 and talk about Smith's take on happiness. 197 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:57,480 Okay. 198 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,960 He emphasizes finding balance between work. 199 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:01,800 Okay. 200 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:02,640 Relationships. 201 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:03,480 Uh-huh. 202 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:04,320 And personal pursuits. 203 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,040 So like a holistic view of happiness. 204 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:06,880 The holistic view. 205 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:07,720 Yeah. 206 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,960 And he actually shared his own happiness recipe. 207 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:10,800 Oh, interesting. 208 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,600 Which has evolved as he's gotten older. 209 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,440 Makes sense. 210 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,280 We change as we grow. 211 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,100 We do. 212 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:15,940 We do. 213 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,240 And it's interesting how he's become increasingly 214 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,960 focused on productivity. 215 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:20,800 Okay. 216 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,760 And he sees that as a key ingredient in his well-being. 217 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,600 So like being effective with his time. 218 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,440 Yeah. 219 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,360 And accomplishing things that are meaningful to him. 220 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,200 Got it. 221 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,840 And he also talks about how even those small things, 222 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,440 like getting enough sleep or taking breaks, 223 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,440 can have a huge impact on our mental health. 224 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,280 Oh, absolutely. 225 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,920 We often overlook those things. 226 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:40,760 We do. 227 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,760 And he's also pretty honest about his relationship 228 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:43,600 with alcohol. 229 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,440 Okay. 230 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,480 He realized that drinking actually decreased his happiness 231 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,360 because it hindered his productivity. 232 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,200 It got in the way. 233 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,480 It got in the way, yeah. 234 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,320 So it's not about being anti-alcohol. 235 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,520 It's about being mindful of how our choices align 236 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,200 with our values. 237 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,040 I like that. 238 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:00,880 Right. 239 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:01,720 It's about being intentional. 240 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:02,560 Yes. 241 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,400 With your choices. 242 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,680 And this brings us to a topic that sparked a lot of debate. 243 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,880 Ooh, what's that? 244 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,000 His perspective on monogamy. 245 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,400 Monogamy, okay. 246 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,480 He argues for its value in creating stability, 247 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,200 especially for raising families. 248 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,320 Okay, traditional view. 249 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,160 Yeah. 250 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,720 But he also acknowledges the complexities 251 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,440 and temptations of modern relationships. 252 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,080 Yeah, it's a different world now. 253 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:25,920 It is. 254 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,040 Than it was maybe a generation or two ago. 255 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:28,880 For sure. 256 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,000 And he sees how societal norms are changing. 257 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,840 Yeah. 258 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,360 With people delaying marriage and kids. 259 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,240 And it makes you wonder if we're undervaluing 260 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,760 family life sometimes. 261 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:38,640 Interesting point. 262 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,000 He also brought up this thing called 263 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,640 the sunk cost fallacy. 264 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,840 The sunk cost fallacy. 265 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,760 Where people stay in relationships 266 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,680 just because of the time and effort 267 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:47,640 they've already invested. 268 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,480 Oh yeah, I've heard of that. 269 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,880 Which can be a real confidence killer. 270 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,400 It can be if you're staying in something 271 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,680 that's not serving you anymore. 272 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:55,520 Exactly. 273 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,400 But he reminds us that we always have the power 274 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,960 to reevaluate. 275 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:00,800 Right. 276 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,880 And make changes that support our happiness 277 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,720 even if it's difficult. 278 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,000 Yeah, sometimes you have to make those tough decisions. 279 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,760 Now one of the most intriguing concepts he discussed. 280 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,600 Okay, I'm intrigued. 281 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,720 Is what he calls the utility of deprivation. 282 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,240 The utility of deprivation. 283 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,120 He challenges us to think about abstaining 284 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,640 from things we enjoy. 285 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,840 Even things like junk food. 286 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,640 Or excessive screen time. 287 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,680 Just things that we kind of indulge in. 288 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,680 Yeah, our little vices. 289 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,480 Our little vices, yeah. 290 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:35,280 And his argument is that by temporarily abstaining, 291 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,280 you kind of hit the reset button on your pleasure receptors. 292 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:38,960 Oh, I see. 293 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,080 So you appreciate it more when you come back to it. 294 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,280 So it's like a palate cleanser, but for life. 295 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:43,880 Exactly. 296 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,360 I love that. 297 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,920 You're recalibrating your system. 298 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,880 Okay. 299 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,480 He specifically mentions the potential impact 300 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,120 of excessive pornography consumption. 301 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,400 Okay, that's a big one. 302 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,000 It is. 303 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,560 A lot of debate around that these days. 304 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,360 There is. 305 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,480 And he's not saying it's inherently bad. 306 00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:58,880 Okay. 307 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,960 But he argues that it can desensitize people 308 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,880 to real life intimacy. 309 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:04,680 That makes sense. 310 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,400 And it kind of ties back to that idea 311 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,440 of being intentional with our choices. 312 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,000 Right. 313 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,480 Are we just going for the instant gratification? 314 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:11,840 Yeah. 315 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,080 Or are we willing to delay it for something more meaningful? 316 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:15,680 To fulfill. 317 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,120 More fulfilling later on. 318 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,960 Like choosing long-term satisfaction 319 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,280 over short-term pleasure. 320 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,040 Exactly. 321 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,120 And that leads to this fantastic analogy 322 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,440 he uses about choosing your passengers. 323 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:26,680 Choosing your passengers. 324 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,600 Okay, I like this. 325 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,280 Imagine a long road trip. 326 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:29,720 Okay. 327 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,160 Would you want to be stuck with someone negative? 328 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:32,880 Ugh. 329 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,800 In draining? 330 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,880 No, I want someone fun and supportive. 331 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:36,480 Exactly. 332 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,440 Someone who brings good snacks. 333 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,880 Yes, good snacks are important. 334 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:41,800 Very important. 335 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,280 And so he's saying, like, we should evaluate the people 336 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,480 we surround ourselves with. 337 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,000 Okay. 338 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,160 Are they lifting us up or are they holding us back? 339 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:48,360 Yeah. 340 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,120 Are they good passengers for the journey? 341 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,240 I like that analogy. 342 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,960 It's about recognizing how much energy we give 343 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,480 to certain relationships. 344 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,440 Makes sense. 345 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,240 Which brings us to the fear of judgment. 346 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,360 Ooh, the fear of judgment. 347 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,000 That thing that stops so many people 348 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,000 from pursuing their goals? 349 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,040 Right. 350 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,160 It can be paralyzing. 351 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:06,840 It can be. 352 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,560 And he emphasizes that people are generally far less focused 353 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,840 on us than we think. 354 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,520 We think everyone's watching and judging. 355 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,320 We do. 356 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,520 But they're probably not. 357 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,320 They're probably not. 358 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,760 They're too busy worrying about themselves. 359 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:18,240 Yeah. 360 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:23,560 So he encourages taking small steps outside our comfort zones 361 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,880 to build confidence and overcome that fear. 362 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:26,600 Little by little. 363 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,600 Little by little, yeah. 364 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,080 Okay. 365 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,800 And he has this challenge in his book. 366 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,480 Oh, a challenge. 367 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,840 He calls it the 10% discount challenge. 368 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:33,840 Okay, I want to hear about this. 369 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,760 Ask for a 10% discount on your next coffee purchase. 370 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:38,400 That's it. 371 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:38,960 That's it. 372 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,600 Like, just walk in and be like, can I get 10% off? 373 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:41,960 Yeah. 374 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,680 And he says it's not about actually getting the discount. 375 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:44,960 Okay. 376 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,960 It's about pushing yourself to do something uncomfortable. 377 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:48,520 Oh, I like that. 378 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,400 To just like get out of that comfort zone. 379 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,880 Just to feel that awkwardness. 380 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,840 To feel that awkwardness. 381 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,120 Yeah. 382 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,360 And I actually tried it. 383 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:54,920 You did. 384 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:55,280 I did. 385 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,400 I felt so awkward. 386 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,760 Did you get the discount? 387 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,040 I didn't get the discount, but the barista laughed. 388 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:00,440 Okay. 389 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,800 And he said no. 390 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,640 But he gave me an extra shot of espresso for free. 391 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,360 Okay. 392 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,400 That's almost as good. 393 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,000 I felt like it was a win. 394 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:08,680 I take it. 395 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:09,080 Yeah. 396 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,080 And that ties into another point he makes. 397 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:11,480 Okay. 398 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,280 The importance of asking questions. 399 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:13,800 Oh, yeah. 400 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:14,880 Questions are powerful. 401 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:15,560 They are. 402 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,000 They open up possibilities. 403 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:17,760 Exactly. 404 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,960 And he believes that asking questions can lead 405 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,680 to unexpected opportunities. 406 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,280 Like what? 407 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,880 He shared a story about how a random conversation inspired 408 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,400 him to read a book that ended up changing his life. 409 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:29,880 Wow. 410 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,920 So be curious. 411 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:31,840 Ask questions. 412 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,440 You never know where they might lead. 413 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,400 I like that. 414 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,760 Now, this next idea is a big one. 415 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,160 Okay. 416 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:36,880 Hit me with it. 417 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,840 He says the opposite of happiness is boredom. 418 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,400 Whoa. 419 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,160 The opposite of happiness is boredom. 420 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:43,600 Yeah. 421 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:44,960 So we got to stay stimulated. 422 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:45,440 Yeah. 423 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,560 And he described feeling bored even 424 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,440 while achieving external success. 425 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,000 Yeah. 426 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,040 It's like he reached a summit. 427 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:52,440 Uh-huh. 428 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,000 And then he felt lost. 429 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:54,480 Oh, I see. 430 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,040 So it's not just about achieving those goals. 431 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,200 It's not just about that. 432 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,920 It's about finding something that keeps you engaged. 433 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:01,440 Yes. 434 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:02,960 And excited about life. 435 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,520 And he calls those incompletable goals. 436 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,880 Incompletable goals. 437 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:07,560 That's interesting. 438 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,920 Goals that keep you constantly engaged, 439 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,760 challenged, and learning. 440 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,120 Look, what kind of goal would be incompletable? 441 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,120 He used his passion for jujitsu as an example. 442 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:17,720 Oh. 443 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,800 It's not about reaching a final destination. 444 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:21,200 Right. 445 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,520 It's about enjoying the process. 446 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,040 The journey. 447 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:24,840 The journey. 448 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:25,280 Yeah. 449 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,840 And both he and the interviewer were really passionate 450 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:28,720 about this. 451 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,360 Yeah. 452 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,040 I can see how that would be really motivating. 453 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,000 And it's like this deep dive we're doing right now. 454 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:33,800 It is, kind of. 455 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,040 We're exploring and learning together. 456 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,680 And there's no real end goal in sight. 457 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,160 Yeah. 458 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,760 It's about the process of discovery. 459 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:41,360 It is. 460 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,080 And sharing these ideas. 461 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,480 And I think that's a beautiful way to approach life. 462 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,240 It is. 463 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,840 To find those things that light us up. 464 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:50,080 Yeah. 465 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,640 Keep us curious. 466 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,280 And just embrace the possibilities. 467 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,080 Absolutely. 468 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,080 You know, it's interesting. 469 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,960 Smith talks about how his parents actually really 470 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,920 modeled this idea of confidence through action. 471 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:02,840 Oh, really? 472 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,840 Yeah. 473 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,720 They weren't flashy or chasing fame. 474 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,220 Right. 475 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,560 But they consistently showed up in their work 476 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:10,480 and their family life. 477 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,680 It's those small, everyday actions, right? 478 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,160 Probably. 479 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,840 That build that foundation. 480 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,360 Yes. 481 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,400 And they create this sense of stability 482 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,360 that allows you to kind of go out and take risks. 483 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,040 Exactly. 484 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:25,680 It gives you that secure base to explore and try new things. 485 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,120 And pursue your own dreams. 486 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:27,520 Yes. 487 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,200 And it reminds us that our actions, even the small ones, 488 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,320 have a ripple effect. 489 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:32,960 That's a good point. 490 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,480 And we're all part of a larger story. 491 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,440 Yeah. 492 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,080 Now remember how we were talking about confidence 493 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,200 being built on evidence? 494 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:38,880 Mm-hmm. 495 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,400 Well, Smith also points out how our past experiences, 496 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,560 especially the tough ones, can really 497 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,480 shape our beliefs about ourselves. 498 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,280 It's like those early experiences 499 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,280 create a lens through which we see the world. 500 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,160 Yes. 501 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,600 And sometimes that lens gets a little smudged. 502 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:54,920 You know? 503 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,240 It does. 504 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:55,480 It does. 505 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,440 Past traumas can leave us with this mountain of negative 506 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,840 evidence that can be so hard to overcome. 507 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:02,440 It can be. 508 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,160 It can be really challenging. 509 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:08,080 But he encourages us to see those experiences, even 510 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,080 the painful ones, as opportunities for growth. 511 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:11,720 OK. 512 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,840 He calls it understanding your path to progression. 513 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,520 So instead of getting stuck in self-doubt, 514 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,920 we can reframe those experiences. 515 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:20,400 Yes. 516 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,720 Choose to see them differently. 517 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,480 And use them as fuel to move forward. 518 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,480 Exactly. 519 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,320 It's about recognizing that our past doesn't 520 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,680 have to define our future. 521 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:28,360 I love that. 522 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,080 We always have the power to choose a different path, 523 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:34,080 gather new evidence, and write a more empowering story 524 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,160 for ourselves. 525 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,800 Now, one thing that really taught my attention 526 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,200 was Smith's take on modern dating 527 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,880 and how technology is playing a role. 528 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,120 Yeah. 529 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,400 He had some strong opinions about dating apps. 530 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:44,960 He did. 531 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,480 He sees them as both a blessing and a curse. 532 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,040 OK. 533 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:48,880 I can see that. 534 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,440 On one hand, they offer convenience and access 535 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,400 to a wider pool of potential partners. 536 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:54,600 Right. 537 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,600 You're not limited by geography anymore. 538 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,840 Exactly. 539 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,080 But on the other hand, he's concerned 540 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,000 they might be creating this culture of instant gratification. 541 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:04,960 OK. 542 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,240 And hindering our ability to develop those face-to-face 543 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:08,920 social skills. 544 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,440 Right, which are so important. 545 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,560 So important for building real connections. 546 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,240 Yeah. 547 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,080 And he talks about how alcohol often becomes a crutch 548 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,640 in those dating app situations. 549 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:18,520 Yeah, like we courage. 550 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,720 Masking our insecurities and maybe leading to choices 551 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:22,840 we later regret. 552 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,880 Right, because you're not really being your true self. 553 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:25,560 Exactly. 554 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,920 Instead, he advocates for more authentic interactions. 555 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:29,680 Like what? 556 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,800 Like meeting for a walk or coffee. 557 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:32,160 OK. 558 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,600 Activities that allow for genuine conversation 559 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,560 and connection without needing that liquid courage. 560 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,000 I love that. 561 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,440 It's about being vulnerable, putting yourself out there, 562 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,440 and being willing to risk rejection. 563 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,520 Because ultimately, that's the only way to find real intimacy. 564 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:46,920 It is. 565 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,280 You got to put your heart on the line. 566 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,240 You do. 567 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,920 He also brings up a fascinating point 568 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,400 about how the easy access to pornography 569 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,600 might be impacting modern relationships. 570 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,760 This is a big way. 571 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:58,160 It is. 572 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,080 It's a sensitive topic, but I think it's important to discuss. 573 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:01,880 For sure. 574 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,720 He suggests that it might be desensitizing people 575 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,080 to real life intimacy. 576 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,800 It's like we're constantly bombarded 577 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,760 with these unrealistic expectations. 578 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:10,240 Right. 579 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,680 And it can make it harder to connect with a real person 580 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:13,600 on a deeper level. 581 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,160 Yeah. 582 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,880 And this ties back to that utility of deprivation concept. 583 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:17,280 Right. 584 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:21,360 By choosing to abstain from those easily accessible sources 585 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,320 of instant gratification, we can potentially reset our baseline 586 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,200 and rediscover the joy of authentic connection. 587 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,120 It's about creating space for intimacy to flourish, 588 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,440 both with ourselves and with our partners. 589 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,640 Now let's talk about Smith's thoughts on ambition 590 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,160 and the pursuit of success. 591 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,680 He has a really unique perspective on goal setting. 592 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,160 So. 593 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,960 He actually warns against the danger of reaching a summit 594 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,200 and then feeling lost or unfulfilled. 595 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,920 Oh, like you achieve that big goal you've been striving for, 596 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:50,640 and then what? 597 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:51,400 And then what? 598 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,560 It's like, now what do I do? 599 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,480 Yeah, what's next? 600 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,400 Is this it? 601 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,960 And that's why he's such a big advocate 602 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,480 for pursuing those incompletable goals. 603 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:58,800 Right. 604 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,000 Those goals that keep you constantly engaged, 605 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,320 challenged learning. 606 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,200 He used his passion for jujitsu as an example. 607 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,080 It's not about reaching a destination. 608 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,640 It's about enjoying the process, the journey itself. 609 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,600 And this is something that both Smith and the interviewer 610 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,160 were clearly passionate about. 611 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,080 Yeah, they were. 612 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,160 They both shared examples of goals in their own lives 613 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,840 that are ongoing and constantly evolving. 614 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,720 It's like this deep dive we're doing right now. 615 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:25,440 It is, kind of. 616 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,840 We're exploring learning together, 617 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,840 and there's no real end goal in sight. 618 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,840 Yeah, it's about the process of discovery. 619 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,160 And sharing these ideas. 620 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:34,760 Exactly. 621 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,360 And I think that's a beautiful way to approach life. 622 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:37,880 It is. 623 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,000 To find those things that light us up, 624 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,160 keep us curious, and embrace the endless possibilities 625 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,680 that unfold when we commit to a journey of growth. 626 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,440 Absolutely. 627 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,280 It's about shifting our focus from achievements 628 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:53,960 to experiences from external validation to internal fulfillment. 629 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,080 Now, before we wrap up this part of our deep dive, 630 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,400 I wanted to circle back to something we touched on earlier. 631 00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,080 OK, what's that? 632 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,560 About the role of trauma in shaping our confidence. 633 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,480 Yeah, it's such an important topic. 634 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:04,960 It is. 635 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,120 And one that deserves deeper exploration. 636 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,600 Smith had this really interesting point. 637 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,100 Go on. 638 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,800 About how we can actually develop a sense of gratitude. 639 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,400 Gratitude. 640 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,080 Towards our inadequacies. 641 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,040 Our inadequacies. 642 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,760 That's interesting. 643 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:18,080 Yeah. 644 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,640 How can we be grateful for the things 645 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,240 we feel inadequate about? 646 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:25,960 Because those inadequacies can reveal our path to progression. 647 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:26,480 Oh, I see. 648 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,760 So it's about seeing those weaknesses 649 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,640 as opportunities for growth. 650 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:32,520 Exactly. 651 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:36,000 It's about recognizing that our vulnerabilities and imperfections 652 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,480 are what make us human. 653 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,120 Yeah, they're the cracks that let the light in. 654 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:40,840 I love that. 655 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,360 The catalysts for growth and transformation. 656 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,680 And it's in those moments of discomfort 657 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,160 when we face our fears and challenge our limiting beliefs 658 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,000 that we discover our true strength and resilience. 659 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,360 It's not about pretending those difficult experiences 660 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,040 didn't happen. 661 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:55,540 Right. 662 00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,520 It's about integrating them into our story. 663 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,600 And using them as fuel for growth. 664 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,800 Like Smith's experience of failing in his personal training 665 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:03,920 business in Australia. 666 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:04,480 Right. 667 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,640 As painful as that was, it ultimately led him to the path 668 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,520 that brought him the success he has today. 669 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,120 It's a powerful reminder that sometimes our greatest setbacks 670 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,760 can become our greatest teachers. 671 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,040 They force us to reevaluate our priorities, 672 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,880 tap into hidden reserves of strength, 673 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,280 and discover a resilience we didn't know we possessed. 674 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,440 So this brings us to a thought-provoking question 675 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,080 to consider. 676 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:27,760 What's that? 677 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,080 How can we cultivate a sense of gratitude 678 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,680 for our own challenges, even the ones that leave us feeling 679 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,080 broken or defeated? 680 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:34,920 That's a tough one. 681 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,040 It is a tough one. 682 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,000 But I think it's an important one to ponder. 683 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:38,640 It is. 684 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,560 It invites us to embrace the full spectrum of human experience. 685 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,200 Yeah, to find beauty in the brokenness. 686 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,120 And to recognize the transformative power of adversity. 687 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,880 Our scars, both physical and emotional, 688 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,160 are not signs of weakness. 689 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,360 But badges of honor. 690 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,480 Testaments to our resilience and our capacity to overcome. 691 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,480 And it's in those moments of vulnerability 692 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,840 when we allow ourselves to be seen and heard 693 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,280 in our imperfections. 694 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:01,720 Right. 695 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:06,200 That we create space for genuine connection and growth. 696 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,480 So as we move into the final part of this deep dive 697 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,240 on confidence. 698 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:09,960 Yeah. 699 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,920 Let's remember that it's not about perfection or flawlessness. 700 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,280 It's about embracing our whole selves. 701 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,680 Imperfections. 702 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,240 I like that. 703 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,120 Confidence is a continuous process of growth. 704 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,440 A journey of self-discovery that unfolds 705 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,800 one small, courageous step at a time. 706 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,280 And it's in those moments when we dare 707 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,120 to step outside of our comfort zones. 708 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:32,620 Yes. 709 00:19:32,620 --> 00:19:34,840 That we discover the true power and beauty 710 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,440 of our authentic selves. 711 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,520 You know, it's like that Japanese art of kintsugi. 712 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:39,280 Kintsugi. 713 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,800 Where they repair broken pottery with coal. 714 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:42,280 Oh, yeah. 715 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:42,840 I've seen that. 716 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:43,880 It's beautiful, isn't it? 717 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:44,280 Yeah. 718 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,400 And it kind of highlights the imperfections. 719 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,000 And it actually makes the piece even more beautiful. 720 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,680 More beautiful for having been broken. 721 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:51,960 For having been broken, yeah. 722 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,320 What a perfect analogy for this whole idea of confidence. 723 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:54,820 Yeah. 724 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:58,360 It's about finding the beauty in the brokenness 725 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,120 in that journey of healing and becoming whole. 726 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:01,960 I love that. 727 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,120 And that makes me think about what James Smith said 728 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,680 about the importance of being audacious. 729 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,680 Audacious, OK. 730 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,320 Putting yourself out there, even when you're 731 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,560 afraid of failing or being judged. 732 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:11,840 Yeah. 733 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:12,960 That's easier said than done. 734 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,460 It is. 735 00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:14,760 But it's so important. 736 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,280 Yeah, it is. 737 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,880 It's like he's saying the only way to truly grow 738 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,760 is to embrace the discomfort, to step outside those carefully 739 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,440 constructed comfort zones, and risk getting a little messy. 740 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,000 And you know what he reminds us? 741 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,720 That everyone feels like an imposter sometimes. 742 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,160 Even the most successful people. 743 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,640 Even the most successful people. 744 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,160 It's part of the human experience. 745 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,640 It's just part of being human. 746 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,140 Yeah. 747 00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:38,040 The question is, what do we do with that feeling? 748 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:38,360 Right. 749 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,880 Do we let it paralyze us? 750 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,360 Or do we use it as fuel? 751 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,800 To push ourselves further. 752 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,280 Yeah. 753 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,120 To learn. 754 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,800 And ultimately, to become the best versions of ourselves. 755 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,440 That's where having the right people in your corner comes in. 756 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,680 Yes, your support system. 757 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,280 Like Smith's analogy of choosing your passengers 758 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,880 for that road trip to confidence. 759 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:56,380 Right. 760 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,320 You want people who will cheer you on, support you, 761 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,840 especially when you stumble. 762 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,120 Choosing those passengers wisely is so crucial. 763 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:04,760 It is. 764 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,600 It's about surrounding yourself with people who believe in you. 765 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,080 Yeah. 766 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,880 Who challenge you to grow. 767 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,520 And who celebrate your victories big and small. 768 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,320 It's about building that community of support. 769 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,000 Yes. 770 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,500 Yeah. 771 00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:19,040 A network of people who are on a similar journey. 772 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,200 And it's not just about receiving support. 773 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,080 It's about giving it to. 774 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:22,920 Giving it to. 775 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,200 Sharing our own stories. 776 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,480 Even the messy parts can be so empowering. 777 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,760 Both for ourselves and for the people around us. 778 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:33,200 It creates this ripple effect of courage and connection 779 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,560 that can inspire others to step into their own greatness. 780 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,560 So as we wrap up this deep dive into confidence, 781 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,600 I think it's important to remember 782 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,360 that it's not about reaching some perfect flawless state. 783 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,720 It's not about perfection. 784 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,720 It's about embracing our whole selves. 785 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,920 Imperfections in all. 786 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,480 Imperfections in all. 787 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:58,080 And recognizing that confidence is a continuous process. 788 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,520 It's a journey of self-discovery that unfolds one step at a time. 789 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,440 And if confidence really is built on evidence, 790 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,400 like James Smith suggests. 791 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,360 Yeah. 792 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,880 What kind of evidence are you gathering in your life right now? 793 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:11,800 That's the question, isn't it? 794 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:12,280 It is. 795 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,240 Are you actively seeking out experiences that challenge you? 796 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,840 Push you out of your comfort zone. 797 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,480 Because those experiences, even the uncomfortable ones, 798 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,840 are the building blocks of true, unshakable confidence. 799 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,640 So what small, courageous step can you take today 800 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,120 to start gathering that evidence? 801 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,120 That's a great question to reflect on. 802 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:35,880 To support the confident, capable person you are. 803 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,200 Remember, it's never too late to start building your confidence. 804 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:39,880 Absolutely. 805 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,400 To rewrite your story. 806 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,000 And create a life you truly love. 807 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,440 Be bold, be curious, be kind to yourself. 808 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:45,920 Yes. 809 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,040 And never stop learning and growing. 810 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,360 Goodness, I did better myself. 811 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,400 And that's a wrap on this deep dive into confidence. 812 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,200 Oh, it was a good one. 813 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,240 It was a good one, wasn't it? 814 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,240 Yeah, I learned a lot. 815 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,040 Me too. 816 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:56,880 Thanks for having me. 817 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,000 Thanks for joining us. 818 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:58,600 Of course. 819 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,240 We hope you found it insightful and maybe even a little bit inspiring. 820 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,320 I hope so too. 821 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,840 Go out there and make some amazing things happen. 822 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,640 You got this.