ever feel like you're on a treadmill.
Just going and going, but not really getting anywhere.
You're achieving things, staying busy,
but there's this feeling of emptiness.
Well, in this deep dive, we're gonna explore that feeling.
And you might be surprised by what we uncover.
Sounds good.
To help us navigate this, we're turning to Dr. K.
Oh yeah, I've heard of him.
He's a Harvard train psychiatrist and a former monk.
Wow, what a combo.
I know, right?
His interview on the diary of a CEO YouTube channel
was amazing.
He blends neuroscience with ancient wisdom.
So interesting.
In a way that's actually really practical.
I like that.
Yeah, so we're gonna pull out
the most impactful takeaways from his interview.
Lipping forward to it.
Okay, so let's dive in.
Dr. K. talks about this loneliness epidemic
that's kind of sweeping the globe.
And he links it directly to our increasing reliance
on technology.
Makes sense.
But he doesn't just say, like, tech is bad.
He explains the how and the why.
I like that.
He says, our brains are literally wired for connection.
When we replace those real life interactions with screens,
the parts of our brains that help us,
like read social cues and feel safe, start to shrink.
Wow.
He calls it digital atrophy.
Digital atrophy.
Yeah, and he says it's a huge contributor
to the rise in social anxiety.
Interesting.
So you're saying that feeling awkward in social situations,
it isn't just a personality trait.
It could be because our brains are actually starving
for that real life connection.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like we're not getting the nutrients we need.
Interesting.
And he points out that this isn't just about feeling lonely.
It also impacts our ability to control our impulses.
Okay, now I'm intrigued.
Okay, so.
Tell me more about this.
He uses this phrase.
Okay.
It's really vivid.
He calls it a dopamine roller coaster.
Okay.
So we describe what happens when we're like
constantly bombarded with notifications and likes and stuff.
Yeah.
Our brains get hooked on these like quick bursts of pleasure,
making it harder and harder to resist checking our phones,
even when we know we should be doing something else.
It's like we're trading long-term fulfillment.
Yeah.
For these fleeting moments of like digital satisfaction.
Exactly.
You know, each notification, each like each swipe
triggers the surge of dopamine.
Right.
Which is our brains reward chemical.
Yeah.
And this creates like a feedback loop
where we just crave more and more of these digital hits.
Makes sense.
But the problem is, the more we indulge in this cycle,
the harder it becomes to focus on anything.
Right.
That doesn't provide that instant gratification.
So it's almost like technology is hijacking our reward system,
making it harder to find satisfaction
in the slower, more nuanced aspects of life.
Absolutely.
Wow.
And this is where Dr. K's message really hits home.
Okay.
He argues that before we even try to fix ourselves
or our habits, we need to understand what's driving them.
Right.
Simply labeling yourself as lazy or unmotivated
isn't gonna cut it.
We need to dig deeper.
So instead of just beating ourselves up
for not achieving our goals,
we need to understand the why behind our actions.
Exactly.
Especially the ones we might not be proud of.
Exactly.
Dr. K actually tells the story about a patient
who struggled with heroin addiction for years.
Wow.
And what finally helped him turn his life around
wasn't just willpower.
It was understanding the underlying reasons
that led him to impulsion in the first place.
So it's not about blaming ourselves.
Right.
It's about investigating those deeper forces
that are shaping our behaviors.
Exactly.
This is starting to make a lot of sense.
Good.
And sometimes those forces aren't even on our radar.
Right.
Dr. K says that past traumas,
even ones we might not consciously remember,
can have a profound impact on how we navigate the world.
They can cast a really long shadow.
So you're saying that past experiences
can shape our present in ways we don't even realize.
Sometimes.
Tell me more about this.
So Dr. K observes that people who have experienced trauma.
Whether they're aware of it or not,
often develop this like defense mechanism.
Interesting.
They might be driven by a deep seated fear
of repeating those painful experiences.
Okay.
Which can manifest in a variety of ways.
That's really interesting.
Even in the interview, the host, Steven,
starts to make connections to his own life.
He talks about how his childhood experiences
fueled his like relentless drive to achieve.
He's built an incredibly successful career,
but he admits it hasn't necessarily
brought him more happiness.
It's like he's trying to outrun his pain.
Yeah.
By staying busy and productive.
That's such a relatable example, isn't it?
It is.
Many of us try to outrun our pain
by staying busy and productive.
But that doesn't address the root of the issue.
No, it doesn't.
This has already given me a lot to think about.
Knowing that our past can cast such a long shadow.
It's unsettling, but also kind of empowering.
But if we're unconsciously being driven
by these past experiences.
What can we do to break free?
That's the million dollar question.
Dr. K's answer to that is both simple and profound.
We need to develop emotional awareness.
Okay, so what exactly does that mean?
Is it just about being more in touch with our feelings?
Well, it's more than just noticing your feelings.
It's about understanding why you're feeling them.
Remember, our emotions are a primary source of motivation
if we're numb to them or we're misinterpreting them.
We're essentially flying blind.
That's a great analogy.
So how do we start to see more clearly,
emotionally speaking?
So Dr. K has a particularly interesting suggestion,
especially for men,
who might find it difficult
to articulate their emotions directly.
He recommends paying attention to physical sensations
as a gateway to understanding what's happening emotionally.
So like if you feel a tightness in your chest,
that could be a sign of anxiety.
Exactly.
Or a knot in your stomach could indicate stress.
Exactly.
Our bodies are constantly giving us signals,
but we're often too distracted or disconnected to notice them.
By tuning into those physical sensations,
we can start to decode the language of our emotions.
This is starting to feel like
we're learning a whole new language.
The language of our own inner world.
Yes, it is.
And by becoming fluent in that language,
we can start to rewrite the story we tell ourselves
about who we are,
which Dr. K says is crucial for changing our future.
Absolutely.
Wait, so our identity, the story we tell ourselves,
actually shapes our future.
Yeah.
I've never thought about it that way.
It's a powerful concept.
Yeah.
Think about it.
If you constantly tell yourself you're a failure,
you're more likely to act in ways
that confirm that belief.
Right.
But if you start to see yourself as capable and resilient,
your actions will reflect that new belief.
So we're not just passively shaped by our past.
Nope.
We can actively choose who we wanna become
by changing the narrative we're telling ourselves.
Exactly.
This is powerful stuff.
It is.
And that choice is directly tied to our sense of purpose,
which is something a lot of people struggle with.
Big time.
Speaking of purpose,
it seems like everyone's on this quest
to find their one true purpose in life.
Yeah, it's a big buzzword these days.
It is.
Finding your purpose.
Yeah.
But Dr. K has a really refreshing take on that.
Okay.
He argues that purpose isn't something you find.
It's an attitude you bring to your actions.
An attitude.
Yeah.
So it's not about having a specific job or goal.
Yeah.
It's about how you approach your life.
Exactly.
He's this beautiful analogy.
Okay.
Imagine how you act when your child is upset
about something seemingly trivial.
Okay.
You don't have some grand goal in mind.
Right.
You're connected with love and care.
Yeah.
That's purpose and action.
Okay.
I'm starting to get it.
It's about being present and responsive in each moment.
Yeah.
Rather than constantly striving for something in the future.
It's about finding meaning in the everyday,
rather than chasing some elusive external goal.
Exactly.
And that shift in perspective
can be incredibly liberating.
It really can.
It takes the pressure off of finding that one right path
and allows us to find meaning in the everyday moments.
I love that.
Dr. K is weaving together neuroscience,
ancient wisdom and practical advice
in a way I've never heard before.
He's brilliant.
This is honestly blowing my mind.
It's pretty amazing.
He's definitely challenging us to rethink our assumptions
about how we approach life, our goals
and even our own happiness.
He really is.
It really is a paradigm shift, isn't it?
It is.
And if I'm hearing Dr. K correctly,
a lot of our unhappiness stems from this.
Like baggage we're carrying.
Yeah.
Traumas, limiting beliefs
and this constant need to strive for more.
It's like we're always chasing that carrot on a stick, you know?
Totally.
Never fully satisfied.
Dr. K actually challenges Stephen, the interviewer,
to try something kind of radical.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Spending time each morning just sitting
and observing his thoughts and feelings.
Wow.
Which, as you might imagine,
wasn't easy for someone like Stephen.
Right.
Who thrives on forward motion and action.
Yeah, I always gotta be doing something.
He even admits that he struggles with stillness.
Interesting.
Yeah, it's interesting though,
because Dr. K points out that Stephen's constant drive
might actually be a way of avoiding something deeper.
Okay.
Something from his past that he hasn't fully dealt with.
It's like he's trying to outrun his pain
by staying busy, you know?
Exactly.
It's a fascinating observation though.
It is.
I mean, we often try to outrun our pain
by staying busy and productive.
But as Dr. K points out,
this avoidance tactic might actually be preventing Stephen
from experiencing true happiness.
He uses this term, toxic fuel, to describe this pattern.
Yeah.
Is he talking about using external achievements
to kind of mask internal struggles?
Yeah, I think that's a great way to put it.
It's relying on external validation
that look at me, I'm successful feeling,
to avoid confronting those deeper issues
that might be causing unhappiness.
I think a lot of us can relate to that.
Definitely.
We build these impressive lives.
Yeah.
But sometimes it feels like we're running from something.
Even if we can't quite put our finger on what it is.
It's like, there's this like nagging feeling.
Totally.
Dr. K's message is that true happiness
comes from facing those inner demons,
from healing those old wounds.
But how do we even begin to do that?
Right.
Especially if, like Stephen, we're not even fully
aware of what those wounds are.
It's a great question.
Where do we even begin?
Yeah.
Dr. K suggests starting with awareness, which
might seem obvious, but he points out that most of us
are alexithemic.
Alexithemic.
What does that even mean?
It essentially means we're colorblind
to our own emotional state.
We don't have the vocabulary or the awareness
to accurately identify what we're feeling.
Wow.
And he says, this is especially common in men.
So we're not just like out of touch with our emotions.
We might not even know what we're feeling in the first place.
Sometimes.
That's a bit unsettling, isn't it?
It can be, yeah.
OK.
Dr. K argues that because men are often not
taught to like tune in to their emotions,
they end up suppressing them.
Right.
Which only makes things worse in the long run.
So how do we develop this like emotional literacy?
Yeah.
Do we need to start journaling or meditating or?
Those can be helpful tools.
OK.
But Dr. K actually has a really interesting suggestion,
especially for men who struggle with identifying
their emotions.
He says, to start by paying attention
to physical sensations.
Physical sensations.
Yeah.
Can you give me an example?
Absolutely.
OK.
Let's say you're feeling stressed.
Instead of trying to immediately label that emotion,
notice what's happening in your body.
Are your shoulders tense?
OK.
Is your jaw clenched?
Is there a knot in your stomach?
Interesting.
He says that men are often much more comfortable.
OK.
Using the language of physicality to describe
their emotional state.
It's like saying, I feel like I got punched in the gut.
Right.
Instead of saying, I feel heartbroken.
Exactly.
OK.
And by turning into those physical sensations,
we can start to decode the emotional language of our bodies.
So we need to become more aware of our emotions.
Yeah.
Especially through physical sensations.
But then what?
How do we actually heal from past traumas and limiting beliefs?
So Dr. K says, it starts with creating a sense of safety.
OK.
If you're constantly stressed or surrounded by toxicity,
your brain won't be able to heal and grow.
So that means removing ourselves
from unhealthy relationships or environments,
setting boundaries to protect our well-being.
Exactly.
It's about prioritizing your mental and emotional health.
It's hard to heal when you're constantly in survival mode.
That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
Once you've created that sense of safety,
what's the next step?
Dr. K says, the next step is to start
challenging the stories you tell yourself about who you are.
OK.
Those limiting beliefs that keep you feeling stuck.
You mean those negative thoughts like, I'm not good enough
or I'll never be successful?
Exactly.
OK.
He emphasizes that our identity is essentially
a narrative we've constructed based
on our most emotional experiences.
So if we've had a lot of negative experiences,
we might start to believe we're not worthy of love or success.
And those beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
That's exactly what Dr. K is getting at.
Wow.
If you believe you're a loser, you're
more likely to act in ways that confirm that belief.
But if you start to see yourself as capable and resilient,
your actions will reflect that new belief.
So how do we rewrite that narrative?
How do we start to believe in ourselves again?
He says, it starts with emotional awareness and regulation.
OK.
We need to be able to feel our emotions, process them,
and let them go rather than letting them control us.
But what if we've been suppressing our emotions
for so long that we don't even know how to feel them anymore?
Right.
Where do we even begin?
Well, there are a lot of different techniques that can help.
OK.
Dr. K recommends things like deep breathing, exercise,
and even something called tapping.
Capping?
Yeah.
Is that like acupuncture without the needles?
It's actually a technique called emotional freedom
technique.
OK.
And there's growing evidence to support its effectiveness
for trauma healing.
I'm definitely going to have to look into that.
Yeah, it's pretty fascinating.
So once we've started to heal those old wounds
and rewrite our story, what about finding our purpose?
Right.
Is that something we actively pursue?
OK.
Or does it just kind of happen?
This is where Dr. K's perspective gets really interesting.
OK.
He argues that purpose isn't a destination.
It's an attitude.
OK.
It's not about finding the perfect job
or achieving some grand goal.
Yeah.
It's about how you approach your life and your actions.
OK, but how do you actually cultivate that attitude?
Yeah.
Can you give me a concrete example?
He suggests thinking about how you respond to your child
when they're upset.
OK.
There's no ulterior motive.
Right.
No grand plan.
Yeah.
You simply respond with love and care.
Mm-hmm.
That, he says, is purpose and action.
So it's about being present and responsive in each moment.
Yeah.
Rather than constantly striving for something in the future.
Exactly.
It's about finding meaning in the everyday rather
than chasing some elusive external goal.
Exactly.
And that shift in perspective can be incredibly liberating.
It really can.
It takes the pressure off of finding that one right path.
Yeah.
And allows us to find meaning in the everyday moments.
I love that.
This is resonating with me so much.
Good.
I think I've spent a lot of time chasing external achievements.
Yeah.
Hoping they would feel some internal void.
And Dr. K's message is that the true fulfillment
comes from within.
Yeah.
It comes from understanding ourselves, healing our past,
and approaching life with a sense of presence and purpose.
It's a challenging message.
It is.
But also incredibly liberating.
It is.
It gives us the power to choose our own path.
Uh-huh.
And create a life that's truly meaningful.
I love that.
And it all starts with that willingness to sit with ourselves,
to listen to our inner voice, and to embrace
the bitter sweetness of life.
You know, it's interesting because Dr. K actually
describes this as a key to happiness.
Really?
Especially as we get older.
Interesting.
He says the ability to embrace the bitter sweetness of life
to accept both the joy and the sorrow
is what allows us to find contentment,
even as our circumstances change.
That's a beautiful thought.
It's like accepting life as it is with all its ups and downs
and finding peace in the midst of it all.
And that's a powerful lesson.
It is.
No matter what stage of life you're in.
Yeah.
It really is a powerful reminder to slow down
and appreciate the present moment, isn't it?
Instead of getting caught up in that constant striving.
Dr. K talks about moving from a life of reaction
to a life of response.
OK.
And I think that really captures the essence of what
he's trying to convey.
So instead of being driven by our past traumas or insecurities
or that need for external validation,
we're choosing to act from a place of awareness and intention.
Exactly.
OK.
And that shift in perspective can
have a ripple effect on every area of our lives.
It's like a domino effect, right?
Yeah.
By becoming more aware of our emotions
and healing those old wounds, we create space
for a new sense of self to emerge, one that's
grounded in authenticity and purpose.
And from that place of groundedness,
we can start to build a life that's truly fulfilling,
one that's not driven by fear or insecurity,
but by a genuine desire to connect, to create,
and to contribute.
It's like we're finally free to be ourselves
without all the baggage and the striving.
Yeah.
You can just show up authentically
without needing to prove anything to anyone.
And that freedom, that sense of peace and contentment
is ultimately what we're all searching for, isn't it?
I think so.
It's not about the external achievements
or the material possessions.
It's about finding that inner harmony.
Right.
It's about making choices that align with our values
and living a life that feels meaningful.
Absolutely.
Dr. K's message is both challenging.
It is.
But also incredibly hopeful.
It is.
He's reminding us that we have the power
to choose our own path and create a life that's
truly fulfilling.
He's giving us a roadmap.
This deep dive has given me so much to think about.
I feel like inspired to start paying more attention
to my inner world, to my emotional landscape,
and to the stories I'm telling myself.
It's a good place to start.
I'm even curious to try that tapping technique, you mentioned.
Oh, yeah.
You should definitely check it out.
For our listeners who are feeling inspired to start
applying these insights, what's one small step they
can take today?
I'd say start by simply observing your thoughts
and feelings without judgment.
Notice what comes up for you throughout the day,
especially in those moments when you feel triggered
or reactive.
Just bringing awareness to those patterns is a huge first step.
That's a great suggestion.
It's about becoming more mindful of our internal experience,
isn't it?
Exactly.
And as you become more aware, you'll
naturally start to gain more control over your choices
and your actions.
You'll start to see those old patterns
and make conscious decisions about whether you
want to continue operating from it.
It's like taking the driver's seat in your own life.
You're no longer just reacting to circumstances.
You're consciously choosing how you want to respond.
And that's where the real transformation begins.
This has been such a powerful conversation.
I agree.
Dr. K's insights are truly life changing.
They are.
And I hope our listeners are feeling inspired to embark
on their own journey of self-discovery and transformation.
I think they are.
Thank you for joining us on this deep dive.
It was my pleasure.
We hope you found it insightful and inspiring.
Yeah, me too.
And we'll leave you with this final thought.
Could true happiness lie in simply being,
rather than constantly striving?