1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,040 Welcome back for another deep dive. 2 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:03,360 Today we're gonna be talking about something 3 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:07,280 that a lot of couples find a little bit, well, uncomfortable. 4 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:08,120 Oh yeah. 5 00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:11,280 And that is how couples handle money in relationships. 6 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,120 That can be tough. 7 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,440 Yeah, really tough and awkward sometimes. 8 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,500 And we're gonna be talking about this using an interview 9 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:19,920 that we found really fascinating with Ramit Sethi. 10 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,560 Oh yeah, I know Ramit Sethi. 11 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,520 He wrote the book, I Will Teach You to Be Rich. 12 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,440 Great book. 13 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,520 And this interview was from the YouTube channel, 14 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,200 The Diary of a CEO. 15 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,120 Oh cool. 16 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,120 Get ready for some really, really interesting aha moments. 17 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,000 I'm ready. 18 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,240 Because Sethi does not hold back at all. 19 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,120 And the thing that I found most striking right off the bat. 20 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:39,960 What's that? 21 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,320 Was the statistic he drops really early on. 22 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,160 Okay. 23 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,800 He says that 50%, 24 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,720 a full 50% of couples 25 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,280 don't even know their total household income. 26 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,000 That is mind blowing. 27 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,120 I know right? 28 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,040 I was floored. 29 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,080 It really makes you wonder, 30 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,880 like if you're not on the same page 31 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,840 about something as fundamental as like how much money 32 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,080 is coming in, what other financial blind spots 33 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,200 might be lurking? 34 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,720 Yeah, and even scarier, it gets even more intense. 35 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:10,720 He goes on to say that 90% of couples who are carrying debt 36 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,480 have no idea how much they actually owe. 37 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:14,360 Wow. 38 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,240 It's like they're afraid to even look at the numbers. 39 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,760 It sounds like classic financial avoidance. 40 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,600 Yeah. 41 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,400 It's human nature to like shy away 42 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,040 from uncomfortable situations. 43 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:23,880 Yeah. 44 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,000 But you know, when it comes to money, 45 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,000 burying your head in the sand almost always 46 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,480 just makes things so much worse. 47 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,760 Yeah, you're not solving the problem. 48 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:31,960 You're letting it build up. 49 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:32,800 Exactly. 50 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,560 Those numbers just keep piling up in the background, 51 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,440 adding stress to the relationship. 52 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,280 Absolutely. 53 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,080 And speaking of different ways that people approach money, 54 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,880 Sethi identifies four common money types. 55 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:44,720 Okay. 56 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,600 That often show up in relationships. 57 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,720 And this is really interesting. 58 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,440 I love these personality based financial framework. 59 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,280 Me too. 60 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:51,120 They're so fascinating. 61 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,720 Yeah, and it's like a shortcut to understanding 62 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:53,560 Exactly. 63 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,960 Why people behave the way they do with money. 64 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,680 Okay, so the four types are avoiders, optimizers, 65 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,360 warriors, and dreamers. 66 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,960 Okay, I think I know some of these people. 67 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,000 I think we all do. 68 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:03,840 So first up. 69 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:04,840 Yeah. 70 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,040 The avoiders. 71 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:06,880 Okay. 72 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,480 So imagine someone who strategically changes the subject 73 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,200 every time the word budget comes up. 74 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,040 Oh yeah. 75 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,240 They might even like leave the room. 76 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,080 Oh my gosh. 77 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:15,920 That's an avoider in their natural habitat. 78 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,760 I know the type they might joke about being bad with money. 79 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,600 Yeah. 80 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,280 But deep down there's often this like fear of conflict 81 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,840 or even a lack of confidence in their financial skills. 82 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:27,680 Absolutely. 83 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,880 And that could be a major relationship red flag, 84 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:30,720 wouldn't you say? 85 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:31,560 100%. 86 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,640 Like if you can't even have a conversation about finances, 87 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,320 how can you plan a future together? 88 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,360 Communication is so key in a relationship. 89 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,360 So important. 90 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,880 So let's talk about optimizers. 91 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:42,720 All right. 92 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,840 They're the opposite end of the spectrum. 93 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:44,680 Okay. 94 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,560 So if spreadsheets and budgeting apps were Olympic sports. 95 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,400 Oh yeah. 96 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,080 These folks would be gold medalists. 97 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,240 They'd be on the podium. 98 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,080 Yeah. 99 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,400 They'd love to color code, categorize their transactions. 100 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,440 They'd love a graph. 101 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,680 Oh, I bet they do. 102 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,920 And while their organizational skills are amazing 103 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,960 for keeping your finances on track, 104 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,480 Sethi points out that even optimizers 105 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:06,720 have a potential downside. 106 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:07,560 Oh really? 107 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,400 What's that? 108 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,720 They might get so fixated on sticking to the plan 109 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,320 that they forget to actually enjoy 110 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,280 the benefits of their financial discipline. 111 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,120 Right. 112 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,840 They might be saving for a rainy day. 113 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:18,680 Yeah. 114 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:19,520 But they forget to savor the sunshine. 115 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,360 That's such a good point. 116 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,800 It's all about balance, isn't it? 117 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:22,640 Exactly. 118 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,120 Saving for the future is important. 119 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:24,960 Yeah. 120 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,800 But so is enjoying the present. 121 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:27,720 Absolutely. 122 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,880 Okay, so next we have the worriers. 123 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:30,960 Oh boy. 124 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,120 These are the people who are perpetually convinced 125 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,920 that financial disaster is right around the corner. 126 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:38,760 Right. 127 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,480 For them, anxiety around money just stems 128 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,240 from deep seated emotional patterns. 129 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,280 Maybe even from childhood experiences. 130 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,080 Like their parents were always stressed about money. 131 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:48,920 Exactly. 132 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,560 And that can be carried forward into adulthood. 133 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,800 Like sense. 134 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,840 And the last type, these are the dreamers. 135 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:54,680 Okay. 136 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,000 These are the people who are always chasing 137 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,360 that next big opportunity. 138 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,200 Oh. 139 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,840 Often getting swept up in get rich quick schemes. 140 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,080 Oh, the eternal optimists. 141 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:03,920 I know. 142 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,200 You gotta admire their enthusiasm. 143 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:09,120 But dreamers sometimes neglect the fundamentals. 144 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,800 Like budgeting, saving, 145 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,000 building that solid financial foundation. 146 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,200 The boring stuff. 147 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,240 Exactly. 148 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,760 It's like they're so focused on the penthouse suite. 149 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,600 Yeah. 150 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,640 That they forget to lay the bricks for the first floor. 151 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,520 That can lead to instability. 152 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,360 Yeah. 153 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,920 Both financially and emotionally. 154 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:25,760 Absolutely. 155 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,360 Especially if those high risk ventures don't pan out 156 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,800 the way they had hoped. 157 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,960 So I want you to think about this for a second. 158 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,040 Yourself, your partner. 159 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:33,880 Correct. 160 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,360 Which of these money types resonates most 161 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,480 with each of you? 162 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,720 That's a great question. 163 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,080 It's really important to have this self-awareness. 164 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:41,920 Yeah. 165 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,360 Because recognizing your own tendencies and your partners 166 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,920 can be a great starting point 167 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,160 for having more productive money conversations. 168 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,000 Absolutely. 169 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,560 It's not about judging or labeling each other. 170 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,040 It's about understanding the different ways 171 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:55,880 you approach money. 172 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,520 And that actually leads to another really fascinating 173 00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,640 aspect of the interview. 174 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:00,480 Which is? 175 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,720 How traditional gender roles are evolving. 176 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,560 Ooh. 177 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,800 And what that means for couples and their finances. 178 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,640 All right. 179 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,720 So we're gonna get into that in part two. 180 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:09,720 I can't wait. 181 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,360 This is where it gets really, really interesting. 182 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,320 So stay tuned. 183 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:13,960 Okay. 184 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,160 So we've got these money types. 185 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,400 But the financial landscape itself is changing too, right? 186 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,240 Oh, absolutely. 187 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,320 As we were saying before, 188 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,520 more and more women are becoming top earners. 189 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,360 Yeah. 190 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,180 It's amazing. 191 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,240 We're moving away from that provider model. 192 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,080 Right. 193 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,080 Where it was always assumed that. 194 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,280 The man was the breadwinner. 195 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,920 Exactly. 196 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,080 Outdated. 197 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,000 So Sethi has this story in the interview 198 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,880 that I thought really drove this point home. 199 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:35,720 Ooh. 200 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,560 What's that? 201 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,360 He's talking about a woman who's earning $200,000 a month. 202 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,200 Wow. 203 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,040 That is a power earner. 204 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,640 Talk about shattering glass ceilings. 205 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,600 No kidding. 206 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,760 And she's dating this guy 207 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,800 who was doing pretty well himself. 208 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,280 But obviously not making anywhere near $200,000 a month. 209 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,120 Right. 210 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,800 But she wanted him to prioritize 211 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,720 contributing more to his IRA. 212 00:05:58,720 --> 00:05:59,880 His retirement fund. 213 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,720 Yeah, exactly. 214 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,120 Instead of always insisting on paying for dinner. 215 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:03,960 Interesting. 216 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,600 Because it kind of flips the script, doesn't it? 217 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:06,640 Yeah, it really does. 218 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,360 Like she's prioritizing long-term financial security. 219 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,280 Even if it means challenging these sort of old school ideas 220 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,120 of, you know. 221 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,720 Yeah, who takes care of who. 222 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:15,560 Exactly. 223 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,720 It's like she's saying, hey, 224 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,480 investing in our future is more important to me 225 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,680 than this symbolic gesture. 226 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:22,520 Exactly. 227 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,340 So refreshing. 228 00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:24,180 I love it. 229 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,560 Yeah, it shows how important open communication is. 230 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,400 Yeah. 231 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,640 And that financial needs and desires, 232 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,520 they can evolve too, right? 233 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:32,360 Absolutely. 234 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,560 Gender roles are changing. 235 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,400 Things are shifting. 236 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,560 So couples need to talk about these things. 237 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,600 So what advice does Sethi have 238 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,320 for couples who are trying to figure this all out? 239 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:47,160 Well, he really stresses being upfront about your needs 240 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,040 and expectations, even if it's a little uncomfortable 241 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,040 to say out loud. 242 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,120 And a little compromise can go a long way. 243 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:53,960 Exactly. 244 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,800 In the case of this woman and her partner, 245 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,160 they worked out this system. 246 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,000 Okay. 247 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,320 Where he could use her credit card to pay for dinner. 248 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,160 Okay. 249 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,920 But the understanding was that he would also be 250 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,320 prioritizing those retirement contributions. 251 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,920 I see, so they kind of met in the middle. 252 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:09,760 Exactly. 253 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,560 They found this way to meet both their emotional 254 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,720 and financial needs. 255 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,920 It's a good compromise. 256 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,360 So, you know, speaking of navigating 257 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,520 these tricky financial conversations. 258 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:19,360 Yes. 259 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,400 Sethi brings up some major red flags. 260 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,840 No, red flags, okay. 261 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,800 To watch out for that can signal trouble brewing 262 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,400 in a relationship. 263 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,440 I'm all ears. 264 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,880 So the biggest one he mentions is a partner 265 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,240 who just refuses to talk about money. 266 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,880 Like it's taboo or something. 267 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:36,720 Exactly. 268 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,560 That's a big one. 269 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,680 It speaks to a lack of trust and transparency. 270 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,760 Yeah, imagine trying to build a house 271 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,000 and never discussing the blueprints. 272 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,560 Ooh, that's a good analogy. 273 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,080 That's what it's like trying to build a future 274 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,000 with somebody who just won't talk about money. 275 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,600 And it's not just about the numbers themselves, right? 276 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,440 Right. 277 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,040 It's about understanding each other's values, goals. 278 00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:58,880 It is. 279 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,320 Fears, exactly. 280 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,480 Money is so emotionally charged for a lot of people. 281 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:04,560 It really is. 282 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,720 So avoiding those conversations can create 283 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,080 distance and resentment. 284 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:08,920 Absolutely. 285 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,760 What other red flags does he mention? 286 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,320 So he mentions things like excessive secrecy 287 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,840 around finances, controlling behavior. 288 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:17,680 Oh, yikes. 289 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,240 Or constantly blaming each other for money problems. 290 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,280 That's not good. 291 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,000 These can be really damaging patterns. 292 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:23,840 Absolutely. 293 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,880 So what should couples do if they see these things? 294 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,920 Well, you've got to address them head on. 295 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,240 Easier said than done. 296 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,520 I know, but maybe that means seeing a professional. 297 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,800 Okay, like a therapist, right? 298 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,000 A financial advisor. 299 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:35,840 Yeah. 300 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,720 It's important to recognize that these are just behaviors 301 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,000 that are often symptoms of something deeper. 302 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:41,840 Absolutely. 303 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,640 So you have to get to the root of it. 304 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,120 Okay, let's switch gears and talk about this debate 305 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,840 that's been raging forever. 306 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,760 Renting versus buying. 307 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,280 Oh, yeah, good one. 308 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,400 So Sethi makes this interesting argument 309 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,120 against the whole renting is throwing money away thing. 310 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,440 Okay, I've heard that a lot. 311 00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,360 I think we all have. 312 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,040 But in lots of cities, 313 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,760 renting can actually be more financially sound. 314 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,640 Really? 315 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,760 Especially when you factor in the hidden costs 316 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,840 of home ownership. 317 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,800 That's a good point. 318 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,600 So Sethi uses this example. 319 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,680 Let's say you're paying $3,000 a month in rent. 320 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,520 Okay. 321 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,880 Buying a comparable property could mean 322 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,040 a $6,600 a month mortgage payment. 323 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,480 More than double? 324 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,400 That's not even counting property taxes. 325 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:24,240 Oh, great. 326 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,440 Insurance, maintenance, and all the surprise repairs. 327 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,280 Like what? 328 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,920 A new roof, a busted water heater, foundation issues. 329 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:32,880 It adds up. 330 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,560 So the dream home can become a money pit. 331 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,000 Pretty quickly. 332 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,680 Sethi's point is that there's no one right answer. 333 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,520 Of course. 334 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,320 It depends on your individual circumstances. 335 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,760 Goals, lifestyle, it's all part of creating 336 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,280 this rich life vision that he talks about. 337 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,400 I love that concept. 338 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,240 Me too. 339 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,920 Making conscious choices with your money. 340 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:51,760 Yeah. 341 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:52,600 Based on your values. 342 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,800 So it's not just about restriction. 343 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,880 No. 344 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,240 It's about supporting the life you wanna live. 345 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,280 Living abundantly. 346 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,360 But before we dive into that, 347 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,560 I wanna talk about another interesting idea he brings up. 348 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,400 What's that? 349 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,920 It's a difference between what he calls $3 questions. 350 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:06,760 $3 questions. 351 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,160 And $30,000 question. 352 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,280 I like this already. 353 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,040 He says that couples waste so much energy 354 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,360 arguing over little everyday expenses. 355 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,200 Yeah, like what? 356 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,400 Like who pays for takeout? 357 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,240 Oh yeah. 358 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,200 Or whether you really needed that fancy latte. 359 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,320 The little thing. 360 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,760 These are the $3 questions. 361 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,600 Okay. 362 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,520 Small expenses that can become 363 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,200 these symbolic battlegrounds. 364 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,360 Oh, I've been there. 365 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,360 For deeper issues. 366 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,200 For sure. 367 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,880 And they often distract us 368 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,920 from the bigger, more impactful conversations. 369 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:35,760 Right. 370 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,640 Those are the $30,000 questions. 371 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,160 Those are the big ones. 372 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,360 Saving for retirement. 373 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,200 Okay. 374 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,760 Investment strategies, paying off debt. 375 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,600 Yeah. 376 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,200 Maybe even deciding whether to buy a house. 377 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,440 Those are the big decisions. 378 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,280 Exactly. 379 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,280 The ones that can have a major impact long term. 380 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,880 Yeah, but those conversations can be intimidating. 381 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,280 So we get caught up in the day to day bickering. 382 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,080 Easier to fight about the latte. 383 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:56,920 Right. 384 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,600 So why do you think so many couples fall into this trap? 385 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,680 Well, sometimes I think it's a lack of financial literacy. 386 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:04,520 Yeah. 387 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,040 And I know enough to feel confident 388 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,440 about those bigger questions. 389 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,280 It can be overwhelming. 390 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,240 And there's that emotional component too. 391 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,080 Money's tied up in our sense of security. 392 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:12,920 For sure. 393 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:13,760 Our values. 394 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:14,600 Absolutely. 395 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,440 Even our self-worth. 396 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,800 It all comes out in our spending habits. 397 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:17,640 Right. 398 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,640 So those little expenses become like stand-ins. 399 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,480 Yeah. 400 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,920 For these bigger, unresolved issues. 401 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,640 So how do we break out of that cycle? 402 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,760 Well, I think that's where this idea 403 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,360 of a rich life vision comes in. 404 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,600 Okay, let's talk about that. 405 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,160 It's about moving away from these restrictive budgets. 406 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,000 Okay. 407 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,320 Creating a spending plan based on what really matters 408 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,440 to both of you. 409 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,280 Shared value. 410 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,720 Shared vision, exactly. 411 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,080 Okay, so there are a couple more big ideas 412 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,280 that Sethi brought up. 413 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,120 Oh, yeah. 414 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:44,960 That I thought were really interesting. 415 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:45,800 I'm listening. 416 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,800 And he kind of goes there. 417 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,480 He doesn't shy away from controversial topics. 418 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,320 Like what? 419 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,400 Like pre-nups. 420 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,480 Oh, yeah. 421 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,560 Those can be a little touchy. 422 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,400 Right. 423 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,240 Like not very romantic. 424 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,640 You're already planning for failure. 425 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:57,720 Exactly. 426 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,560 But he makes a really good point about why pre-nups 427 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,880 can be a smart move for certain couples. 428 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,320 Okay, I'm curious. 429 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,680 It's not about expecting things to go wrong. 430 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,280 It's about being realistic 431 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,160 and protecting both partners' financial interests. 432 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,440 Especially if one or both people are coming in 433 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,600 with a lot of assets. 434 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:18,440 Exactly. 435 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,960 Like a business or investments. 436 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:20,920 Makes sense. 437 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,840 And you know, Sethi actually has a pre-nup himself. 438 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:24,760 Oh, really? 439 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:25,600 I didn't know that. 440 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,080 And he's super open about how he and his wife 441 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,120 navigated that whole conversation. 442 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,360 Which I imagine was probably awkward. 443 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,200 Totally. 444 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,040 So how did they do it? 445 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,760 Well, they ended up working with a therapist. 446 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,600 Oh, interesting. 447 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,600 To kind of help them through the tougher parts 448 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,840 of the conversation. 449 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,440 It's so smart to bring in a professional sometimes. 450 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,280 Right. 451 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,480 Like even if you have good intentions, 452 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,880 having someone neutral can really help. 453 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:48,720 For sure. 454 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,000 And it just proves that pre-nups can actually 455 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,440 strengthen a relationship. 456 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,320 If you do it right. 457 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,160 Exactly. 458 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,080 With open communication. 459 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,520 So who does Sethi think should have a pre-nup? 460 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,840 Well, he thinks they're usually good idea 461 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:03,720 when one or both partners has significant assets 462 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:04,640 coming into the marriage. 463 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:05,480 Right. 464 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,120 Like things they owned before they got married. 465 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:07,960 Exactly. 466 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,680 So it's about protecting what they built before. 467 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:10,520 Makes sense. 468 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,200 But he also says most couples don't really need a pre-nup. 469 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,040 Right. 470 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,240 Because usually if you get those assets during the marriage. 471 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,760 They're split pretty evenly. 472 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:18,640 Big and divorced, yeah. 473 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,360 So pre-nups are more for when there's that pre-existing 474 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,520 financial difference. 475 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,360 Exactly. 476 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,880 And even then, the key is to have those conversations 477 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,600 with empathy and compromise. 478 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,040 You're the team. 479 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,000 Always. 480 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:31,840 All right. 481 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:32,680 So shifting gears a bit. 482 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,520 OK. 483 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,520 Sethi talks about this concept of enough. 484 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,560 Enough. 485 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:37,880 Yeah. 486 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,760 Like is there really a magic number? 487 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:40,200 Ooh. 488 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:40,840 Good credit. 489 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:41,800 Once you hit it, you're like. 490 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,640 Except for life. 491 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,920 Financially secure, totally content. 492 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:45,400 Yeah. 493 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,920 I've wondered about that too. 494 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,600 He seems to think that it's not about reaching 495 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,920 a specific number. 496 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,600 It's more about how you feel about it. 497 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,100 Yeah. 498 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,160 Like aligning your spending with your values. 499 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:54,640 Yeah. 500 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,160 Living a meaningful life. 501 00:13:56,160 --> 00:14:00,560 And he shares that he's at a point now where objectively. 502 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,800 He has enough. 503 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,560 He's got enough to live comfortably 504 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:04,600 for the rest of his life. 505 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,160 Interesting. 506 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,800 But he still finds fulfillment in working, investing, 507 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:09,840 even saving. 508 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,800 So it's not just about the money. 509 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:13,200 Right. 510 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,920 It's this ongoing journey. 511 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,680 I like that. 512 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,760 A journey, not a destination. 513 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,120 So we got to define what enough means to us. 514 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,240 And use our resources to support that. 515 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,440 Exactly. 516 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,920 And enough for one person might be totally 517 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,200 different for another person. 518 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:28,600 For sure. 519 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,160 Some people might want to travel. 520 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:30,360 Yeah. 521 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,680 Some people might want to spend more time with family. 522 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,120 Or give back to their community. 523 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,680 It's all about what's important to you. 524 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,520 And using your money to support that. 525 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:38,880 Wow. 526 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,880 This has been such an eye-opening conversation. 527 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,440 I know. 528 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:42,960 So much to think about. 529 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,520 From those money types and tricky conversations. 530 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,720 And some prenups and enough. 531 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,840 We even talked about raising money-savvy kids. 532 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:50,080 Yeah. 533 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:50,920 It's been great. 534 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,480 And I think ultimately this interview really 535 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,160 highlights that money is a tool. 536 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,360 A tool, yeah. 537 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,400 It's up to us to decide how to use it. 538 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,880 To create the life we want. 539 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,040 A life that's meaningful, that's aligned with our values. 540 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,840 Couldn't have said it better myself. 541 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,080 So to all our listeners out there, 542 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,600 have those open conversations with your partners. 543 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,880 Talk about your vision. 544 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,280 Define what enough means to you. 545 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:15,760 Yeah. 546 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,440 What does enough look like? 547 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,280 And remember that true wealth isn't just about the money. 548 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,600 It's about the whole picture. 549 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,040 It's about experiences, relationships, purpose. 550 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,760 Living a rich life. 551 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,000 Thanks for joining us on this deep dive into couples and money. 552 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,400 We'll be back next week with another fascinating topic. 553 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,040 But until then, keep learning, keep exploring, 554 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:53,600 and keep striving for that truly abundant life.