WEBVTT 00:00:01.170 --> 00:00:03.149 The easiest way for my great -grandfather Kaiser 00:00:03.149 --> 00:00:04.889 Adolf Hitler the Hohenzollern to keep me quiet 00:00:04.889 --> 00:00:06.690 and not draw the attention of the man who drowned 00:00:06.690 --> 00:00:08.289 me to the storage cupboard he was hiding me in 00:00:08.289 --> 00:00:11.490 was to talk to me. So, after going through some 00:00:11.490 --> 00:00:12.970 memories for something common to my situation 00:00:12.970 --> 00:00:16.570 to talk to me about, he said. How about this 00:00:16.570 --> 00:00:19.530 heat? It's hot, it's so fucking hot here, ooh, 00:00:19.649 --> 00:00:22.190 I shouldn't swear, unbelievably hot. The hottest 00:00:22.190 --> 00:00:23.870 day I can remember in Germany was when I had 00:00:23.870 --> 00:00:25.609 to make a speech at the Olympic Stadium in Berlin. 00:00:26.230 --> 00:00:27.769 There were tens of thousands of people there 00:00:27.769 --> 00:00:30.350 and it was really hot and humid that day. Everyone 00:00:30.350 --> 00:00:32.710 was fanning themselves and sweating. There was 00:00:32.710 --> 00:00:34.329 that weird sticky sweet sweating mass of people 00:00:34.329 --> 00:00:38.350 smell. But not like this, it's so hot here. He, 00:00:38.409 --> 00:00:40.689 Kaiser Adolf, was 82 and still bizarrely muscular. 00:00:41.649 --> 00:00:43.869 I had not been washed since my birth before sunrise 00:00:43.869 --> 00:00:45.469 and I was laying in what turned out to be 100 00:00:45.469 --> 00:00:47.829 degree heat until after lunch, over 7 hours and 00:00:47.829 --> 00:00:50.189 was extremely smelly. Baked on birth grunge. 00:00:50.770 --> 00:00:52.810 Kaiser Adolf was the first person to touch me 00:00:52.810 --> 00:00:54.609 with any kind of normal human response after 00:00:54.609 --> 00:00:56.350 my father Kevin left the hospital just after 00:00:56.350 --> 00:00:59.270 early sunrise. I still have finger marks in my 00:00:59.270 --> 00:01:00.929 chest that now match my own fingers that are 00:01:00.929 --> 00:01:02.689 almost exactly the same as his from where he 00:01:02.689 --> 00:01:05.849 performed CPR on me. My savior Adolf Hitler. 00:01:06.390 --> 00:01:09.209 He was beautiful. The grunting thing started 00:01:09.209 --> 00:01:10.989 panicking trying to talk to my gurgling mother 00:01:10.989 --> 00:01:12.609 saying they had to be out of the hospital before 00:01:12.609 --> 00:01:14.209 the next shift of staff arrived as they would 00:01:14.209 --> 00:01:16.709 be real hospital staff. After a bit of a consult 00:01:16.709 --> 00:01:18.730 and a half a brain panic they tried to find Kaiser 00:01:18.730 --> 00:01:20.549 Adolf with a did you see where that old man went 00:01:20.549 --> 00:01:22.870 with that baby. They were trying to focus on 00:01:22.870 --> 00:01:24.469 something to get themselves on track to somewhere. 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:26.959 They had a quick look around, then decided to 00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:28.439 just leave my mother then and split from the 00:01:28.439 --> 00:01:30.859 hospital as fast as possible. Went downstairs, 00:01:31.060 --> 00:01:34.040 got in their car, and left. Kaiser Adolf, my 00:01:34.040 --> 00:01:35.680 great -grandpa, became more upbeat after they 00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:37.379 left and we emerged from the cupboard, I guess. 00:01:37.939 --> 00:01:41.219 He was quite chirpy. He had a go at washing me, 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:42.939 starting with trying to wipe the goop off my 00:01:42.939 --> 00:01:45.219 face. Then looked at my hair and had a quick 00:01:45.219 --> 00:01:47.079 wipe at it with a wet cloth or towel to see if 00:01:47.079 --> 00:01:49.420 the goop would come off easily. It glued my little 00:01:49.420 --> 00:01:51.099 newborn hairs down to my head like his iconic 00:01:51.099 --> 00:01:53.959 old haircut from the 30s and 40s. he paused pulled 00:01:53.959 --> 00:01:55.760 a face then gently squiggled my hair with his 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.760 fingers down my forehead and said the word frederick 00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:01.640 he tried his best to wash me in a basic way talking 00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:03.219 to me the whole time with the odd tiny giggle 00:02:03.219 --> 00:02:05.920 even threw some baby or talcum powder on me to 00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:08.199 try to help with the smell which by then had 00:02:08.199 --> 00:02:10.560 migrated to him and then tried to wrap me up 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:12.879 he had several goes which either fell off or 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:14.620 were not great until he managed to secure me 00:02:14.620 --> 00:02:17.039 in a wrap of sorts he then held me up and said 00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:20.060 oh you must be hungry he then decided to head 00:02:20.060 --> 00:02:22.659 towards my mother his motivation was clear he 00:02:22.659 --> 00:02:24.159 wanted to have a stern chat with her about her 00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:26.719 behavior attitude yelling and involvements he 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:29.159 walked towards her holding me safely he stopped 00:02:29.159 --> 00:02:31.620 in front of her a contempt distance away she 00:02:31.620 --> 00:02:33.560 was still trying to yell but just making screeching 00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:36.419 squeaking gurgling noises he then very sarcastically 00:02:36.419 --> 00:02:38.259 said would you like to breastfeed your baby mrs 00:02:38.259 --> 00:02:41.719 webb she took a deep long snotty slobbering intake 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:43.340 of breath with her head oscillating from side 00:02:43.340 --> 00:02:45.099 to side and screamed as loud as she could manage 00:02:45.099 --> 00:02:47.960 no i'm not breastfeeding it then flaked it totally 00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:49.860 and fainted to sleep absolutely exhausted with 00:02:49.860 --> 00:02:51.460 a slightly fake sounding snore coming shortly 00:02:51.460 --> 00:02:54.659 afterwards when the next shift of hospital staff 00:02:54.659 --> 00:02:56.740 arrived he tried to politely and patiently explain 00:02:56.740 --> 00:02:59.419 my mother was a freaking lunatic some of what 00:02:59.419 --> 00:03:01.120 she had been yelling etc and that they should 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:03.560 be really careful the hospital staff took over 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:05.060 and he followed them around butting in making 00:03:05.060 --> 00:03:07.719 suggestions he made sure they washed every part 00:03:07.719 --> 00:03:10.379 of me every nook and cranny more than once my 00:03:10.379 --> 00:03:13.400 ears toes fingers nails hair repeatedly they 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:15.939 weighed me measured me he insisted on more measurements 00:03:16.639 --> 00:03:19.319 ankle hip and skull circumference length of big 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:22.719 toe length of elbow to wrist bone noting it down 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:25.400 in his notebook he then stopped did some calculations 00:03:25.400 --> 00:03:27.419 with the numbers scribbling in his notepad and 00:03:27.419 --> 00:03:29.180 wrote a final figure saying there he'll be around 00:03:29.180 --> 00:03:31.759 six feet two he supervised it all in some way 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:33.520 including me being wrapped up and clothed a little 00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:36.379 the natural normal course of events for the hospital 00:03:36.379 --> 00:03:38.039 staff was to move on to filling in the registration 00:03:38.039 --> 00:03:40.960 documents so after a chat they decided to try 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:42.860 to wake my mother up carefully and ask her if 00:03:42.860 --> 00:03:45.830 she knew any details Someone went over to her 00:03:45.830 --> 00:03:47.349 and made like they stood back and poked her with 00:03:47.349 --> 00:03:49.789 a stick. Saying hello there Mrs. Webb, we have 00:03:49.789 --> 00:03:51.710 registration documents, for your baby, to fill 00:03:51.710 --> 00:03:55.969 in. She said, exhausted, oh okay. The staff member 00:03:55.969 --> 00:03:57.590 asked, do you know what your baby's name is going 00:03:57.590 --> 00:04:00.689 to be? She said, after a pause, oh yeah, Brian, 00:04:00.849 --> 00:04:03.789 with an I, like his uncles. Staff member, middle 00:04:03.789 --> 00:04:06.930 name. Judith, James, like his grandfather, grind 00:04:06.930 --> 00:04:09.770 of the teeth. Staff member, and it's Webb obviously 00:04:09.770 --> 00:04:13.020 Mrs. Webb. She said, yes, like the alien -human 00:04:13.020 --> 00:04:15.840 hybrid in the movie Species. The staff member 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:17.579 asked, we have the registration documents here, 00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:18.959 would you like to fill them in now, yourself? 00:04:20.100 --> 00:04:23.100 She replied, oh, no. My husband Kevin can fill 00:04:23.100 --> 00:04:24.600 those in for you if you like when he gets here. 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.180 I'm too tired. My father Kevin finished work 00:04:28.180 --> 00:04:30.959 I think around 6 .30pm at Yarragan Dairy. He 00:04:30.959 --> 00:04:32.600 was then taken to the local pub in Yarragan across 00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:34.399 the Prince's Highway, both are still there, by 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:36.019 his workmates to congratulate him on the birth 00:04:36.019 --> 00:04:37.600 of his first ever son, which he informed them 00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:39.060 of when he got back to work from the hospital 00:04:39.060 --> 00:04:41.670 well after 6am. They bought him drinks, gave 00:04:41.670 --> 00:04:43.730 him cigars, chatted, bought spirits, had a laugh, 00:04:43.829 --> 00:04:47.470 etc. He was there for around three hours. Adolf 00:04:47.470 --> 00:04:49.029 decided it was getting late and he had to be 00:04:49.029 --> 00:04:51.389 going before it got completely dark. He came 00:04:51.389 --> 00:04:53.029 into the room and found me, gently picking up 00:04:53.029 --> 00:04:55.290 my wrist and checking the name tag on it. Then 00:04:55.290 --> 00:04:56.889 gently touched me whilst looking at me and talking 00:04:56.889 --> 00:04:58.730 quietly until he got a smile out of me in my 00:04:58.730 --> 00:05:02.029 sleep. He then said, oh, what do I say to a baby 00:05:02.029 --> 00:05:03.649 I may never see again before returning to the 00:05:03.649 --> 00:05:05.649 foreign country? He was quite chatty about it 00:05:05.649 --> 00:05:07.930 and quite serious. Too many things to mention 00:05:07.930 --> 00:05:10.279 here. don't worry be happy overtones through 00:05:10.279 --> 00:05:12.680 it then said he had to leave because it was getting 00:05:12.680 --> 00:05:15.240 really dark then suddenly stopped straightened 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:17.860 himself up and said a formal goodbye and left 00:05:17.860 --> 00:05:21.040 kaiser adolf was the first person to pick me 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:22.879 up and hold me gently including up against his 00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:24.560 chest with both hands and handle me with any 00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:26.560 kind of normal human responses to a newborn baby 00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:29.180 my father kevin had not at sunrise because he 00:05:29.180 --> 00:05:30.759 thought he had missed my birth by minutes and 00:05:30.759 --> 00:05:32.300 i was put next to the sink for a first attempt 00:05:32.300 --> 00:05:35.019 to wash me off he did touch me talk to me show 00:05:35.019 --> 00:05:37.699 normal responses and let me hold his thumb Kaiser 00:05:37.699 --> 00:05:39.540 Adolf held me up against his chest, cleared my 00:05:39.540 --> 00:05:41.240 airways, monitored my heartbeat, talked to me 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:43.019 to keep me quiet, washed me, tried to wash my 00:05:43.019 --> 00:05:44.860 hair, powdered me, tried to wrap me up, and was 00:05:44.860 --> 00:05:46.720 the first person to assume I was probably hungry. 00:05:47.819 --> 00:05:49.660 My father Kevin arrived back at the hospital 00:05:49.660 --> 00:05:51.420 around an hour after Kaiser Hitler the Hohenzollern 00:05:51.420 --> 00:05:54.180 left, about 10pm. He was quite drunk, he was 00:05:54.180 --> 00:05:55.939 never a problem in that state though, and completed 00:05:55.939 --> 00:05:57.639 the registration documents for births, deaths 00:05:57.639 --> 00:06:00.220 and marriages, Victoria, Australia. They were 00:06:00.220 --> 00:06:02.040 collected, processed on the 26th of January, 00:06:02.300 --> 00:06:04.600 1972 in a batch with others, and a record added 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:06.339 for my birth to the publicly available records. 00:06:07.310 --> 00:06:09.410 I went home with my father Kevin G Webb and mother 00:06:09.410 --> 00:06:11.670 Judith M Webb to 27 Campbell Street in Yarragan, 00:06:11.750 --> 00:06:15.050 Victoria, Australia. The only biological child 00:06:15.050 --> 00:06:16.790 of my two married parents to be registered and 00:06:16.790 --> 00:06:18.569 go home in their custody from their entire marriage, 00:06:18.649 --> 00:06:20.329 which ended in divorce in the Dandenong Family 00:06:20.329 --> 00:06:21.889 Law Court in the late 1970s.