His Imperial Majesty Kaiser Adolf von Hitler
the Hohenzollern of Germany traveled to my family
home in Yerrigan to check if Mr. and Mrs. Webb
really lived there in early 1972. He was planning
to check if my parents could have a technically
eligible baby for his imperial family, provided
the information he had was correct and they really
lived there. He used the details he found in
Births, Deaths and Marriages, Victoria, Australia
that he looked up to see if my mother got married
when she was around 18, of which there was only
one entry. My father Kevin G. Webb marrying my
mother Judith M. Marslan on the 3rd of May, 1958
in Moe, Victoria, Australia. that entry included
the family home address at 27 campbell street
yarragan victoria australia he thought it was
hilarious to go to the family home on the 18th
of january as that date was a german imperial
public holiday and national day commemorating
my imperial family becoming the constitutional
monarchy of germany in 1871 kaiser adolf one
brought an employee of his to australia who was
paid to come along on the trip his mechanic and
handyman mr b they met in around 1962 and kaiser
adolf wolfgang to italians employed him for as
a mechanic and handyman four jobs he needed done
particularly restoring and repairing cars kaiser
adolf purchased which were left to me in his
italian estate they spent quite a bit of time
together but were never sexually partnered on
an ongoing basis in any way mr b had been sent
to italy from france to attempt to spy on adolf
he ended up getting the job as mechanic and handyman
They parked outside my family home in Yerrigan,
on what was going to be a severely hot day over
100 degrees Fahrenheit, hours after I had already
been born at approximately 5 .45 AM that morning.
It was around lunchtime, between 12 and 1 PM,
on the 18th of January. Kaiser Adolf went to
the front door to knock and check if anyone was
home. There was no answer. He looked around like
he was strangely familiar with the place, went
around the veranda, checked the back door, and
could not find anyone there, and headed back
towards the car. on his way back to the car he
saw a nice looking man across the road bending
over in his garden who had been watching him
whilst he was trying to find out if anyone was
home and had a good look at him the man stood
up and turned around they looked at each other
and both smiled and my father's across the road
neighbor said are you looking for kevin and judith
i want to make it clear kaiser adolph was skeptically
going to the address from australian marriage
records not even knowing if mr and mrs webb even
really lived there thinking it was probably an
attempt at a cruel practical joke of sorts he
came here for a look at gippsland like a tourist
and a laugh my great -grandfather kaiser adolf
one paused in shock at the question then in a
broad faked australian accent he could not stop
attempting said yeah cynically like if it was
a practical joke it was getting more elaborate
our neighbor replied with they're not home she's
having a baby you could try the local hospital
in worrigal she went in last night he was quite
excited about my father kevin having another
child and politely gave him friendly directions
and they were on their way towards worrigal The
instructions were to take the Prince's Highway,
go past the Worrigal Cattle Yards, turn left,
and head south towards the hospital on the hill,
can't miss it, big obvious building on the hill
with a big chimney. They drove through Dunham
and Milmer, and headed for Worrigal, seeing the
hospital to the south on the hill to the left.
Kaiser Adolf I and the mechanic headed towards
the hospital, and turned left to go up the hill
to it. They arrived and parked in the car park,
with a Mr. B staying in the car. Kaiser Adolf
I went to reception in the lower part of the
hospital at 1 and and asked, with a skeptical
grin, if Mr. and Mrs. Webb were at the hospital,
who were having a baby. he was asked what relationship
he was to mr and mrs webb and replied with i'm
the great grandfather meaning of the baby he
was directed to the second floor of the other
end of the building he went to the other end
of the hospital and headed inside as he went
in he had garbled strange female screeching noises
kaiser adolph one headed up the same stairs my
father kevin did before sunrise but in unbelievably
hot after lunch conditions and hearing the noise
of a screeching screaming woman getting louder
as he went up the stairs when he got to the top
of the stairs my mother screeched in a garbled
out of control tongue exhausted way kill it kill
it have you got a gun just fucking shoot it or
something and etc she had been yelling like a
lunatic since my father kevin left the hospital
to go back to work around 6 a .m for over seven
hours a few topics with few variations on repeat
the whole time i was dead in the sink across
from the stairs not breathing with no pulse my
heart had stopped whilst kaiser adolf was climbing
the stairs I was being held under the water by
yet another grunting thing, probably on drugs,
possibly doing an impersonation of his own of
what the baby from 1944 would have looked and
behaved like when adult, who had something clearly
missing, called Slobodan Praljak. I only found
out who he was after he committed a very public
suicide. He replied to my mother who was through
the doors in a room she had been in since morning,
no, I don't have a gun, as if everything was
fine, I was dead, no need to panic, everything
was under control. Kaiser Adolf once said, what
the fuck is she screaming that for? What is she
screaming that for? then casually brain scanned
her for injury and pain and said she's not in
pain or anything what is she screaming like that
for mr praljak saw a little silhouette of a man
reflected in a backsplash of the sink let me
go thinking i was dead and panicked thinking
he was busted with a dead baby and a screaming
lunatic people pretending to be hospital staff
drugs etc he started making hurried excuses why
she was yelling including claiming she was just
exhausted but could not speak english well enough
to communicate what he was trying to say and
headed towards her to shut her up when kaiser
adolf said and what are you doing he headed directly
to my mother through the doors to try to shut
her up even put his hand over her mouth kaiser
adolf one noticed something in the sink bubbling
a little as he got closer he realized it was
a baby me and then hurriedly reached in grabbed
me and pulled me out in both hands extremely
gently he recognized his dna was in there somewhere
when he touched my bare skin with his hands and
held me out there was a very heartfelt and sad
oh no how awful the poor little child he noticed
i was not breathing and maybe dead but i was
not cold and was seeming to move slightly or
be strangely not totally dead So, he started
CPR immediately and tried to revive me. Kaiser
Adolf Hitler the Hohenzollern held me upside
down trying to get water out of my lungs, then
realized that was wasting time. He then flipped
me up and held me in one hand, bending me over
backwards, holding my head and neck with his
two forefingers so that my head was tilted back
and my airway was open in the palm of his hand.
He reached in and found my heart muscles with
his two other forefingers under my underdeveloped
ribs with his fingers almost crossed at the tips
and started pumping my heart muscles as gently
as he could with the tips of his fingers and
then breathed in my mouth. he repeated this getting
more rhythmical almost getting a foot tapping
thing going on and as he did i seemed to get
more responsive he kept going until i started
trying to breathe on my own and started making
noise and then he felt my heart restart under
his fingertips when it became clear he had revived
me he said at what seemed an annoyingly loud
volume on multiple levels zig hailed a young
baby and was instantly absolutely thrilled with
himself He decided it was best to quietly walk
off with me just to make sure I was okay and
take me away from the grunting thing who clearly
nearly totally killed me in the sink who was
through the doors with my mother pleading her
to shut up and putting his hand over her mouth
to try to magically make her shut up with a hand
signal. Kaiser Adolf wandered off with me thinking
he better find a place to hide me and keep me
safe in case the man who drowned me came looking
for me to finish me off after returning to the
sink and noticing I wasn't dead in it. He took
me into a small medical storage room similar
to a closet closed the door then checked if the
door could be secured. He sat down in the storage
room and held me up against his chest gently
with both hands with me lying down sideways on
and tried to make sure I was breathing properly.
He described what my heart should be beating
like to me trying to calm me down telling me
I would be fine. The storage room was almost
totally sealed tight and completely dark apart
from the light of the clear hot summer day coming
through under the door. He started speaking to
me quietly saying he wouldn't let anyone hurt
me I'd be fine and tried to keep me quiet to
avoid attracting the attention of the man who
drowned me to the medical storage room. He got
the usual are you going to be present for the
birth like newborn question from me the equivalent
of and who might you be kind sir. He paused very
quietly sighed and said quietly and slowly my
name is Kaiser Adolf Hitler but I'm really a
Hohenzollern and I won't let anybody hurt you.
He then tried to think of a similar situation
he had been in to talk to me about to make me
feel better and keep me quiet running through
memories to find one. the registration documents
for me were initially partially filled in by
a nurse who was part of the afternoon shift who
asked my mother for relevant details then completed
fully by my father kevin after he arrived back
at the hospital sometime after 10 p .m the day
i was born they did not get the registration
forms out until mid -afternoon after a change
of hospital staff had occurred and that was hours
after my two triplet siblings were already gone