Welcome to The Educational Dilemma. I'm your
host, Emma Goldsmith, head of the Dragon School
in Oxford. Thank you for listening. Welcome to
this edition of The Educational Dilemma. And
today we're going to be talking about starting
school, actually starting the educational journey
for your children. And I am delighted that I
have two very experienced teachers with me, but
also parents. So I'm going to ask them to introduce
themselves. So we'll start with Bruce. Hello,
I'm Bruce Anderson. I'm head of lower school,
which is year four. I'm also one of the safeguarding
leads. I'm also a father to a son who's in year
four and a very exciting journey of a daughter
who's just about to start in reception. Hello,
I'm Emma Gage. I'm head of early years at the
Dragon School. I'm also a parent. I've got three
children, slightly older than Bruce's. I've got
one who's 15 at senior school and a 13 -year
-old who's about to leave the Dragon. And I have
an 11 -year -old as well. Wonderful. Thank you.
And yes, I do have four children, but it's a
long time ago since they started school. But
it's interesting because it is a moment, isn't
it? As a parent, it's a real moment when you
suddenly realise we're on this first step of
their journey. I mean, can you remember, it's
probably closer for you, Bruce, but can you remember,
what are the anxieties as parents that we have
with our children starting school? I think the
biggest thing for me is you want your children
to be happy. You want them to come to school.
You want them to have friends. I also think that
for some of us, we can bring in our own experiences
as well. If there were particular things that
didn't go well for us at school, whether that
was academic side, friendship side, a sense of
bullying, we can always bring that with us as
a sense of anxiety for our children. That's so
true. Do you know what? You've actually just
triggered me there, Bruce, because actually.
My own starting school was absolutely etched
in my mind because we moved locations. So I was
in a totally new location. And it was at a time
where there was not, you know, no one had thought
about taster days or transition or anything like
that. And my poor mum, you know, literally we
moved house the week before, actually, the new
term started in September. And she took me to
a totally alien environment. She looked at me
and I looked at her. And then we looked at the
teacher. And so the teacher said, oh, well, say
goodbye to mummy. I wasn't having any of that.
So I absolutely kicked off. I kicked the teacher
and refused. Refused to stay. So my poor mother
was then, who was a teacher, what do I do now?
But, you know, it shows how far we have come.
And talking to my mum about that now, you know,
we just thought we'll just go to school without
really thinking about what an emotional time
that would be for me as a young child, never
having even been in the building before. So,
yes, my own trauma just came through there and
we'll return to that. But Emma, as a parent,
do you remember that feeling when your children
were starting school? I remember being very excited
about it and in a way saying, oh, it's great,
you're going to start school, you're going to
big school. And then I also remember that nervous
feeling for them of, oh, my gosh, actually, now
it's real now. Now you've started your educational
journey and suddenly you're no longer. kind of
my little babies anymore and you're off to school.
I think it was most acute when my youngest started
school. Really? So the eldest, that was an exciting
thing, but when the youngest started and I suddenly
had that realisation that... Now they really
are growing up. Yeah. And that's it now. There's
no going back almost. Absolutely. Because I think
when we talk about the transition to school and
how we support children in school, I think we
do need to think about the parents that we're
supporting as well. And, you know, I know there'll
be parents who are listening who are managing
those emotions about how they should kind of.
prepare themselves and how how they should talk
to the children about what what's going to happen
i mean what would be your thoughts about i mean
emma obviously you know you're dealing with so
many parents in this situation what would be
your advice to parents about how they should
manage themselves with their children in preparing
because it's a long run -up in the summer holidays
isn't it as you're anticipating starting so how
should parents kind of be managing themselves
i think one of the things that they should try
and always do is be really positive about starting
school but Also understand for their child that
that's quite a nervous thing too. I think over
the summer in particular, there are lots of times
when you meet up with family and people say,
oh, you're starting big school. How exciting.
What's the name of your teacher? And there's
a lot of talk about it, but actually the children
underneath feel quite... nervous still and I
think it's okay to say to your child it must
be feeling really nervous that's okay I'm feeling
nervous for you too and just helping to validate
those feelings for the children and acknowledging
them absolutely I think that that is absolutely
key isn't it but it is important I think to stay
calm about it because i think in the anticipation
of that beginning of term i certainly recognize
in myself you're harrying around probably just
come back from holiday you're harrying around
trying to get the uniform sorted and i think
a piece of advice i would give as kind of a mum
and and a teacher is don't come back from holiday
the day before you're going to start school um
you know do just give yourselves a few moments
i mean bruce would you agree with that i mean
whatever time you're going to transition into
a school absolutely also think that ultimately
those feelings are infectious if as parents we're
starting the term in a very stressed place our
children are ultimately picking up on that so
us being the sort of the emotional regulators
within that household and being in a good place
and prepared for the start of term means that
we can help our children be prepared as well
yeah i mean In anticipation of that, obviously
a lot of schools do transition days in the summer
term and they really now have such a great understanding
of importance of the child knowing where they're
going. But one tip that someone once shared with
me, which I thought was brilliant, is actually
doing the school run, a bit of a dry run. And
Emma, you're nodding here, so we'll love your
thoughts on it. But just almost that visualisation
of what it's like to go to the school gate and
this is where we'll be. fizziness, weren't they?
With everybody excited. There'll be people who
are saying hello to old friends in the older
year group. So, I mean, Emma, you agree that's
quite a good thing to do. Yes, I think it's excellent
for the children to familiarise themselves with
what's going to happen. I think you move from
a summer holiday when there's no early wake up
and you've just got lots of time to do what you
want to suddenly the start of term and you're
straight into it. I think doing a dry run of
the school run. is really helpful walking up
to school also putting on school uniform before
the day before wearing school shoes everybody
gets new school shoes and the first day of term
as a teacher four -year -olds they'll think oh
look at my new shoes I've got new shoes I've
got new shoes but sometimes those new shoes really
hurt yes because it's the first time they've
worn them so my advice to parents would be to
wear those new school shoes in a little bit so
that you don't get blisters on the first day
but also try on your school uniform get the children
used to wearing it as well yeah that's a really
good point and I think my other tip would be
you know buy those school shoes I know you don't
want to buy them too early because obviously
they will grow at an enormous rate but eat Equally,
you don't want to feel different. And there's
nothing worse than you going to the shop and
they haven't got your size and it's got to be
ordered and they're not going to arrive till
a week into term. You don't want to feel different
on that first day by not having the shoes on,
do you? You don't want to be in trainers or whatever.
The other thing is socks. Because in the summer,
children don't tend to wear socks, do they? I
mean, Emma, do you find the children struggle
a little bit? Yes, socks. Lots of parents help
their children to put shoes on. But they don't
necessarily help children to put socks on. At
school, quite often, when you're doing PE or
dance or something, we ask children to take their
shoes and their socks off, and then we ask them
to put them back on again. And I know as a parent,
and I was guilty of this as well, it's very easy
to say your child's struggling, you know you
need to try and get them to be more independent,
but you're late out the door, so you're like,
oh, just put your shoes and socks on. But socks
are much harder to put on than shoes. So over
the summer, helping your child to put their socks
on and their shoes by themselves is a really,
really important thing. Absolutely. Thank you.
And, you know, these practical things for young
children are so critical, aren't they? Because
I think as parents, we worry about the big things,
but actually they worry about where they're going
to hang their coat. When are they going to have
lunch? What is lunch going to look like? I think
they're the things that we've got to remember
for the children are really big things. Bruce.
The friendship element of starting school is
a big thing for children, isn't it? And their
anticipation of will they have friends, particularly
if they're not going to join with people they
know. I mean, how do you, how as parents can
we talk to children about that anticipation?
So this was exactly what we experienced with
my son coming and joining into year four after
being at a previous school. And he came to his...
sort of taster day and he was so excited about
meeting his new teacher and as parents I think
we'd given him so much enthusiasm and energy
about this day and he came with this great expectation
that he was going to make his best friends for
life in the 40 minutes with his class teacher
and it was just going to be this wonderful time.
So ultimately he came back with a bit of disappointment
because that's not the reality. So I think being
able to prepare children for it, but being realistic
about things as well. We also found that, sitting
with our daughter now coming through, that having,
talking about scenarios as well, thinking about
the fact that actually we're sitting down together
as a family and having our meal. This is what
you're going to do when you're at your new school.
When you're in nursery at the moment, you bring
your packed lunch in, but this is all going to
be different. So I think relating those to actual
experiences is helpful. Yeah, it is all about
that anticipation of things and things like using
a knife and fork. Because again, in the summer,
you might be having lots of lovely picnics, you
might be having barbecues, it's all finger food.
And then suddenly to be in that much more formal
scenario. I mean, Emma, do you see that with
the children when they arrive in early years?
Yes, I think knives and forks is a really interesting
way. At our school, we... Everyone has school
lunches and sometimes I know in other schools
people have packed lunches so children can be
given the food that they're used to. But for
us, it's quite good for the children to be able
to try a whole load of different foods over the
summer to get used to that or just try something.
It might not be the same as mummy makes, but
just try it because you might like it. So introducing
different tastes over the summer is a really
good way to help prepare a child for school.
Absolutely. I think changing in any respect when
children are young is tricky. How can we... talk
to children about change. I think I'd be really
interested in any hints and tips you have about
how you can talk to children in an age -appropriate
way about these transitions and these changes
to them. I mean, Bruce, what are your thoughts?
Absolutely. I think it's about having those open
conversations, talking about what's coming up.
It's also that reflection of when am I having
these conversations? Am I having them as a one
-off conversation or am I actually coming back
to it? Am I reminding children about the things?
that are going to happen. We're reminding them
about what things are going to look like and
how things are going to be different. There's
a wonderful episode that I've seen on Bluey,
which I don't know if you know. Yes, I know Bluey.
Yes, absolutely. It's an amazing episode. It's
just, they're moving house and there's this conversation
about moving house and parents are great in telling
them what's going to happen. Then suddenly the
removers come and bingo bursts into tears because
actually nobody explained to her. Yes, you're
selling the house, but actually you also need
to move out of it. So it's all those little elements
that come with it about, yes, you're moving to
a new school, but you also realize you're going
to be leaving the school that you're at. You're
going to be saying goodbye to these things along
the way. Yes. And actually the summer holidays,
that time. It just feels endless for a small
child, doesn't it? And therefore, you know, you
might have talked about it at the beginning of
the holidays, but it's that kind of returning
to it, isn't it? And just making sure that you're
continually talking about it in an appropriate
way that they're not being overwhelmed by it.
And it's not the biggest thing in their mind,
but just a kind of reminder over the summer.
Yes, I would say, as Bruce said, talking regularly
about what's going to happen. And a bit like
the Bluey episode, using stories. There are so
many stories out there that parents can share
with their child about starting school, about
change. And for a lot of young children, you
can talk about how they're feeling and this is
going to happen, but actually putting it into
a story that's happening to someone else is another
way they can relate. Amazing. Emma, I'm putting
you on the spot. Any titles of these stories?
There are lots out there. Yeah, I'm sure it's
an excuse to go to a bookshop, isn't it? Yes,
go explore. Or go to the library. Libraries are
excellent. There are brilliant stories in the
libraries. Ask a librarian about things that
you could find that would help your child settle
in. So obviously a lot of children will have
been to nursery, Emma, and then they go into
reception. what should parents expect kind of
the education to look at? Because, you know,
some parents go, well, I go and they just seem
to be playing. I mean, obviously I know and we
know what we talk about in terms of the early
years foundation stage, but what does it actually
look like? What can parents expect in the classroom?
So I think the first thing to say about the difference
between nursery and a reception year in a school
is that it is very, very different. And it's
different in that I think the children will get...
become more tired very quickly I think a lot
of parents think oh it's fine they've been in
in nursery and daycare they're used to long days
it's fine but actually when you move environment
and you're meeting a whole load of new faces
and different structure different routines it's
emotionally very draining on children so they
will become tired so I think that's one thing
that parents should be prepared for is that um
you know as as teachers we We encompass that
during our day and we're aware of it. But when
the children come out at the end of the school
day and meet their parents, that's when parents
should probably expect a few meltdowns. And that's
when those emotions will come out and they will
be super, super hungry as well. That's how it
manifests itself. So always bring a snack at
the end of the school day. Excellent. That's
my top tip. Bring a healthy snack for your child.
But I think in terms of what it looks like, yes,
there is still lots of play. And that is important
because it's a way that children socialize. They're
getting to know each other. And it's how children
learn. So there is lots and lots of play. But
into that, as practitioners, we're trying to
engage with the children. We're trying to get
to know the children. So we will spend a long
time talking with the children, playing with
the children. And then very slowly, we'll start
integrating some learning into that. So we might
do small chunks of phonics learning. which they
might have had at nursery. Some nursery settings
still do that. But the expectations are slightly
different in school. And we're just helping to
train them, get them used to what's happening
in school. But as Bruce said straight at the
very start, one of the things we really want
is for children to want to enjoy being at school
and have fun at school. So like you said, you
want your child to be happy when they're at school.
We also want them to be really happy and we want
school to be a fun thing. Yeah. I mean, I always
sort of anticipate, you know, the first week
is really exciting. And, you know, I know we
always sort of start halfway through a week so
that the children have time and then they get
a bit of a break over the weekend. But Bruce,
when the children, there's that first flush of
excitement and I'm putting on my new shoes and
I've got my new bag and everything's new. There
will come a point where possibly there's a moment
when the children don't want to get up and go
to school. Now, how can we support parents or
what advice could we give parents about those
moments? I think, first of all, it's very normal.
Yes. I remember my son when he started in reception.
He'd done his Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and
then the weekend, Monday morning, time to get
up, go to school. I've already done it. I was
like, oh, no, darling, sorry, I haven't explained
to you. Actually, it's not just a three -day
thing, school. It's a long, long journey. And
I think that's a very, very normal thing. And
I think parents sometimes worry, especially if
they've made big moves, if they've moved to relocate
to come to a certain school or big changes in
their life and moving from abroad, that actually
as soon as their child says, I don't want to
go to school, it sends them. into a panic into
a worry um and often that then results in us
as parents saying things or doing things or we
say we're trying to encourage them but in reality
we're sort of threatening them that if they don't
move out the house very quickly then there's
going to be some consequence. I think taking
time in that moment and just being with your
children through that. Absolutely, because obviously
sometimes our anxiety about getting to work,
oh no, I can't, you know, you're melting down.
But just those five, 10 minutes of calm and acknowledging
how they're feeling is so important, isn't it,
in that moment? Because it is normal. And I think
there's so much in the press about, you know,
school refusal and so on, that people panic.
Is this the start of it? No. We all know what
it's like when you start a new job. Your output
is huge, isn't it? And that socialisation, as
you rightly say, they're all trying to get to
know each other. And that can be really challenging.
Can I just pick up on what Emma mentioned before
about the tiredness as well? Because I think
that's also something we really see at this time
of the year. Because actually as parents and
as adults, the sort of change we experience over
a year, two years, five years, is relatively
small. But our children are going through a huge
amount of change. And then as it comes towards
the end of the year, there is... tiredness at
the end of a school year there's also the worries
about the change is going to come and this as
it does in reception can also look as in emotional
dysregulation as well and children really struggling
in the moment and lots of tears and as you said
before just being beside the children at that
moment and listening to them not trying to solve
all their problems for them but just being with
them it's a really key thing because effectively
they're just showing their emotions aren't they
and as a child as children are learning it is
going to be just an explosion of emotions as
they They come to terms with them. I think the
other thing is parents are often worried about
how much to share with the school about their
particular situation. And I don't know, Emma,
how much should parents share with you as the
reception teachers and their new teachers about
maybe things that are going on at home or their
family situation? So I would say that as teachers,
we view parents as partners in learning. So in
their child's educational journey. we work together
it's kind of like a triangle there's the parents
there's a school and there's a child and we're
all working together um so my advice to parents
would be to share almost everything the more
we know the more we can get to know your child
better the more we can better support your child
in their in their education and so i think to
parents they if there's something that they're
worried about if there's something that they
think oh i don't know whether to share this or
not do because the Teachers then are armed with
a bit more information and know a bit more and
can help. And have that sensitivity as well,
because, you know, I always cite the situation
of maybe a pet dying. And for teachers to have
that understanding and that knowledge just allows
them to contextualise maybe what's happening
in the classroom that day or the conversations
that the child might be having. It's so important
for us to hear. I mean, Bruce, would you agree
with that? Absolutely. And I think that relationship.
between school and between home is absolutely
key because if as parents you feel that you have
a relationship with the school then when little
things happen you go to them and you feel supported
and you feel held. When there's not that relationship
and things are happening you've got nobody to
talk to those worries or anxieties suddenly grow
huge. And you're not able to respond to them.
And I think it's to remember that the teachers
in your schools are professionals. You know,
we see this year in, year out. You know, you
welcome new children, new families every year.
And it is important for parents to really, really
trust those professionals and really kind of
seek advice for them. And I'm sure, you know,
as we do here, you know, there are often... meetings
or information that the school provides, which
can be really helpful. And I'd always say to
any parents, really engage in any of the meetings
or information evenings that are there because
it's really helpful, particularly when, for example,
the big thing is you get the reading book coming
home, don't you, Emma? And it's really important
that parents know how to support their child
when they're on that reading journey. I mean,
is there anything that parents need to be aware
of when things start coming home that they need
to do? Or is that not even going to happen? to
them in reception uh yes they will still get
books home i think the biggest thing by giving
a book to a child to take home to read is actually
the connection with the parent it's that one
-to -one time reading a story it might be a library
book it might be a reading book that is helping
them in their in their learning to read but it's
that one -to -one precious time with your child
when you can ask questions and they love it they're
seeking that special special time and that's
really important so giving even if it's just
five minutes but giving your child kind of A
dedicated time just for them to talk about things,
to share a story together and to develop those
emotional connections is really, really important.
Absolutely. And the great things about the books
that they have, they normally are focused around,
you know, emotional situations and how a child
might deal with that. So it can stimulate really,
really positive conversations, can't it, in how
to deal with those tricky things. Bruce, when...
Children have an experience at school that a
day hasn't gone particularly well. Perhaps they've
fallen out with somebody and they go home and
they offload this to a parent. Your immediate
response as a parent is, I want to solve this
and what on earth is going on? How should parents
manage that situation and particularly the relationship
with the school and the teacher? I think it's
about being very open with the school as well.
Saying that they've come back, that they've talked
about these things and this has happened. Trying
to keep the emotion. out of it. And I think for
that child as well, just not trying to solve
the problem for them. I think it's so easy as
parents in which we go, don't worry, I will sort
it. I will phone the school. I will talk to the
head. I will deal with it all. Actually, the
children don't even want that. Sometimes they
just want to be able to tell you, this has happened.
It's annoying, but actually I'm okay with it.
And I think as parents, our response becomes
so escalated that actually the children start
to go. Oh, actually, it's bigger than I thought
it was. I thought it was just a little falling
out. But actually, my parents are now telling
me this is really serious. So I think having
that perspective is really key. Yeah, I mean,
would that be your experience as well? I mean,
that's important. Yes, I think so. I think often...
Parents, when you ask your child what happened
at school, because we love to know, we're desperate
to know what's happened in their day. And it's
very easy to kind of, the first thing, you meet
your child when they come out of school and they
run out to you and say, how was your day? And
then they just say, fine, good, okay. It's not
often that you get a lot if you ask a question
like that. So I think sometimes asking the question
in a different way, particularly for younger
children. um some children are greater opening
up other children are not so you can frame it
in a different way if you want to know information
you know say oh i bet you had custard at lunch
today yeah and they'll go no i didn't it was
jelly and then you automatically know oh well
i found out what they have for lunch it's asking
things in a different way but sometimes i also
think um parents often just hear the bad things
sometimes because if children do have something
to say they will hold on to that one little negative
thing. And they might say, well, no one played
with me at playtime today. Now, as a teacher
watching that, and if I was listening to that
conversation, I would know straight away that
that's not the case. But for maybe two minutes
at the start of playtime, no one did. But for
a four -year -old, that's really massive. And
that's what they want to share. So I think sometimes
you need to take what your four or five -year
-old or with a little bit pinch of salt as a
parent. And again, that goes back to talking
to the school if you have a worry or something,
but also trying to get around it by trying to
think, well, what else happened? You know, getting
some positive things from your child as well,
because they do sometimes hold on to the negative
things. But there's so many other lovely things
that happen during the day as well. Context is
so important, isn't it? And contextualising for
the child, but also, as you rightly say, the
context that might have happened in school. So
it's always important to contact the school to
make sure that we're getting that other thing.
Just thinking for a moment, Bruce, because obviously
this Emma is very much welcoming children in
as a big group, everyone starting together. If
your child is going into a primary setting, perhaps
starting at year one or year four, how does that
differ from that initial experience? Is there
anything else that parents need to think about?
I think it also depends on the school. Some schools
will mix and change year groups every year. And
I think that also helps them be able to make
new friendships and for new children coming in.
It can be just a little bit daunting for the
children coming into this. already established
class setting. It can also be quite hard for
the parents as well because they're feeling like
they're trying to break into a friendship network
that already exists and that's quite a quite
a challenging part. I think for those that are
coming in new one of the key things I think about
for children is actually giving children some
choice in what's happening because ultimately
they've not chosen to move house, they've not
chosen to move school, all this has happened
to them. So when they come to their new school
parents are often thinking do you know what I'm
going to be so efficient I'm going to sign them
up for all these clubs because they'll absolutely
love it but actually sitting down with your child
and going look there are all these options what
do you think you might like to do is just so
empowering for the children to have their voice
heard oh that's so true isn't it because we again
it's about us overlaying what we think the child
might want but the child's voice in all of this
is is so important even if you even if you're
just listening to it it's not necessarily you're
going to act on it but it is just that that moment
of of giving the time to to listen um Obviously,
we see a lot of different learning profiles of
children as they join us. And certainly, you
know, we read in the press that there is a real
growth in, I guess, us identifying children with
needs. I mean, you know, when you are seeing
children coming into this environment and then
maybe in the first term, you start to see learning
behaviours that you want to talk to the children.
How do you approach that, first of all, in terms
of talking to parents? If you do start to see
things that you might think, actually, that might
need a little extra support, what can parents
expect from a teacher in that scenario? How do
you manage that scenario? I would say that...
A really good teacher is very good at identifying
and getting to know a child. And when you know
that child, then you start spotting when things
maybe aren't quite what they should be, where
they should be. And it's all about communication.
It's all about being open with parents about
what you see, asking them if they see the same
at home and whether together you can work to
make things better for that child and how you
can help them to make their learning journey.
as smooth as possible yeah so it's all about
communication and being open absolutely and i
think children come from lots of different contexts
and it's sometimes that they just need support
in a in a very small area to get their confidence
going or whatever but you know All of the all
of the teachers that will be working with your
child will have such experience that I think
it's important that parents listen to a teacher.
And if a teacher is saying, you know, we're starting
to see this in school, is this something, you
know, please be honest and open to those conversations.
I think I'd say to any parent, because it is
important that the communication is both ways
and it's not just from from the. or the teacher
one way from that point of view. Just thinking
about the kind of expectation of the teacher
about the progress that a child will make in
that first year in school. I mean, people talk
about that it is one of those years where they'll
make so much progress. I mean, what can be the
expectation of a parent from kind of start to
finish? What are they going to see developing
in the child in that first year? So I'd say the...
Primary change that you see is the children developing
confidence and developing personally and socially.
That's massive. It's very easy to see how their
academic progress comes along because you see
it in their writing and their learning to read.
But I think sometimes what we miss is how much
confidence children get from starting school
and how that builds, how suddenly they change
from these children who start. in September when
they don't really have that much independence.
And as they grow in that year, it's massive,
the change that we see. And actually, it's so
important as well. And it's one of the big areas
in the foundation stage is this personal, social
and emotional development, including independence
and confidence. And suddenly they turn from being
kind of an infant to being a real proper person
with views and opinions and their voice starts
to be heard. It's really lovely to see. I think
it's one of those years that's really magical
as a teacher and a parent seeing all of that
kind of progress being made. Parents will start
to anticipate parents' meetings. And I remember
as a parent going, even as a teacher going, oh
my goodness, I'm going to have to sit there and
hear about my child. I mean, what are the purpose
of parent meetings really, Bruce? Because it
is something that's new to you as a parent and
you sit on those little chairs and not quite
knowing what's the purpose of those first meetings.
I think for most parents, I think in a good school,
actually the information you're being shared
with you shouldn't be coming as a surprise. If
you're sitting down in that parents' meeting
and the school is saying to you, well, I'm worried
about this and I'm worried about this, actually
there's been something wrong there with communication.
We should have been sharing our observations
from quite early on. I really see it as an opportunity
to just... update parents on where we get to,
share some of the great successes that they've
had in different areas and just celebrate those
areas and just give a few key targets in moving
forwards, both about the academic side, but also
thinking about how, as you say, Emma, how they've
grown as individuals as well. And are there any
questions that parents should ask, Emma, do you
think, in those first parent meetings? It's a
tricky one. I think a lot of parents want to
know what they're learning because they see school
as an environment where they're going to just
learn academically. So for your first reception
parents evening, actually, my question would
always be, firstly, are they happy at school?
Who did they play with? How are they interacting
with other people? That for me is much more important
than the academic learning. They've got many,
many years ahead of learning to read and write
and how they are. academically in the class and
I think they're also little people they're all
individuals and they all grow at different rates
so if you think of a child growing taller no
child is ever at the same height and everyone
kind of develops at different stages and that's
the same for their academic journey as well so
I would definitely ask about how they're they
are socially That's a really lovely analogy about
the height, isn't it? Because that's a really
visual, you can remind yourself, yeah, of course
everybody is in different speeds. What about
the shy child? So the child that really doesn't
feel confident being with other people. How can
a parent support that child to feel confident
when they're getting to school on that first
day? I think pushing a child to say, oh no, off
you go, go talk to your teacher, that's your
teacher, go and say hello. Almost it's the worst
thing you could do. I think let that child grow
themselves, develop that confidence. It will
come and they will start to become less shy as
they, I mean. I'm personally quite a shy person
and to go into a room with adults that I don't
know, I will naturally gravitate towards the
people I know rather than talk to people I don't.
And that's me as an adult. If you imagine you're
four and you're going into a place and there's
someone saying, off you go, off you go, you'll
be fine. Just give it time because I think sometimes
some children take a little bit of time to get
used to their surroundings and they need that
time to just feel a little bit more secure. And
then they will start doing it at their pace.
So don't put too high expectations on your child
when they start school. Give them time to settle
in would be my advice. How should a parent manage
it if, for example, they have a particular toy
that they are attached to and it's almost a comforter
in a way. How does a parent manage that when
they're coming to school and the child's going,
oh, well, can I take this toy with me? How do
you manage that? So I would say if the child
needs that toy to help them feel settled and
manage that change, that's absolutely fine. So
in my setting, that would be okay. And then as
a teacher, I would very gradually start saying,
oh, well, your little fluffy rabbit, why don't
you have him here while we take the register?
And then when we're doing our learning, why doesn't
he have a little play over here? Or would you
like to go and sit in your bag and he could look
out at you? And watch you and then you could
get him at playtime. So as a teacher, that's
how I would manage that situation. I think parents
should maybe ask the teacher how they would like
to do it. Because quite often it's much easier
as a teacher for me to take on that role than
it is for a parent to say, oh, no, you mustn't
take your toy to school. As a parent, it's harder
because the child will push back. Yeah, absolutely.
And again, that comes down to the communication
and the partnership and so on, isn't it? Yes.
So in summary, Emma, what are your top do's and
don'ts for children starting school? My top don't
would be don't stress about it too much. Don't
worry. And especially to parents, don't worry
if you get it wrong. We all get it wrong. We
all forget to pack their PE kit on one day. I've
done that many times. We might forget things.
It's OK. Everybody does it. It's normal. My top
do's would be or little tips to help parents
starting school. Enjoy the summer is my top tip.
Spend lots and lots of time with your child.
That's the best preparation that you can give
them is spending time and enjoying being with
them. Take them to the playgrounds lots because
that's really good on physical development, helping
them to build physical skills. I would say. Sometimes
people think they must write their name before
they get to school. That's not true. That's my
job as a teacher, is to teach a child how to
write their name. But it's really helpful if
they can recognise their name, because if they
can recognise their name, then they can find
their place. They can find their peg and find
their bag, all the things that are personal to
them. So recognising their name is a really good
one. Another good idea, which lots of parents
do use, is to put a little heart on the child's
wrist, just in biro, draw a little heart, and
then one on your wrist and say to your child...
Or if you're feeling sad today, just press a
little heart because that sends me a hug and
I will know that I'm thinking of you and you
will be thinking of me. And it's like an invisible
link between the two of us. And it's really reassuring
for children to have that little symbol of you
if they're missing you when they're at school.
It's a really lovely idea. Also, as a parent,
name absolutely everything. Things get lost at
school. So stick a name tape in everything that
you have. And put it in a place where the child
can find it. So don't put it on the care label
on the inside of a jumper because no four -year
-old is ever going to look inside a jumper. But
do put it in the neck so that they can find it
easily. So name everything, including the toys.
Keep a routine. Do keep a really regular routine.
A bedtime routine is really important. As we
said, children get really tired. Keep doing that.
And the last one would be, it's an interesting
one, this one. It goes back to playing with your
child and enjoying time with your child. Not
letting your child always win. So if you're playing
games, you're playing board games and you always
let your child win, which is what we all do as
parents. We all kind of go, oh, wouldn't it be
lovely? They can win. Well done. You're the winner.
Actually let them lose because when they come
into a class and they're up against other four
and five year olds, they're not going to give
in and let them win. So learning how to lose
is a really good tip or just practicing that
a little bit before you start school. Wonderful.
Thank you, Emma. And Bruce, from you, any top
tips? I think three top tips. Firstly, relationships.
Build those relationships up with the school
because actually you're going to have a long
journey together and being open and honest about
things is just so key. Preparation, talking about
what's coming up. Role -playing scenarios as
well for the younger children. Actually being
able to relate to things they're doing. For instance,
ah, we're doing this. This will be a bit like
when you're in school next year. And my final
one is actually things will go wrong. Your children
might not get into the teams they want to get
into. They might not get the exams they want
to get. And this is very normal. This is life.
And being alongside your children. Listening
to them, being empathetic and supporting them
through this without solving all their problems
will help them but will also give them the resilience
they need for future life as well. Absolutely.
And I think the final thing for me is never compare
your children to other people. Someone wisely
once said that children like popcorn. They will
all pop at different times, but they all will
eventually pop. So I hope some of that advice
is really useful for all of you who are anticipating
your children changing schools or starting schools.
Well, I'm going to give you a little minute to
think about this, but I ask all the guests on
this podcast about. who you have met in life,
whether it's a famous person, whether it's somebody
you know, who would make a fabulous teacher,
but never went into teaching. And I just wonder
whether you two have got anybody in mind. I know
it's always a really, and everyone always looks
at me going, thanks Emma for that. But I think,
you know, there are those people naturally who
are brilliant with children, are inspirational.
I just wonder whether there are people that you've
come across in your lives, you think, do you
know what? You'd have made a great teacher. Do
I do have one? Oh, Emma, well done. I think Baroness
Florella Benjamin would be amazing as a teacher.
I've read her autobiography and also her children's
book, Coming to England. I think she has so many
stories about her life, what's happened to her
life. I also think she's kind of really passionate
about education as well. And particularly, I
think... I'm a child of the 80s, so I grew up
with Play School. I was going to say, I was going
to say, Floella Benjamin, she was my hit. I loved
her. So for me... That would be, I think she
would make an amazing teacher. I think that's
such a good answer because I remember even through
the screen, I felt her empathy and she was talking
to me and she was clearly talking to you. I mean,
that's a real skill in a teacher for everybody
to feel that they are important, aren't they?
I've given you some time there, Bruce. Have you
caught up with anybody? I've struggled a little.
I think for me, it's been more reflecting upon
my children as they've grown and the people that
have been there to support them. Some of the
key people in my children's lives that they've
been growing up have been their childminders,
which we've sort of selected as those key people
who would just be there to support them. And
I just think that what my children have experienced
from them to actually whole classes of children
and hundreds of children could have experienced
that level of care and compassion and thought.
That has really shaped those early years for
my children. Isn't it interesting? Because in
other podcasts that we've done, you know, people
have looked towards people who've got a particular
knowledge, you know, AI or something like that.
But it's interesting that in this conversation
about preparing children for school. you're choosing
individuals who have that empathy, that warmth,
that care of children. And that's so important,
isn't it, for those early years and those children
starting school. So what a wonderful place to
finish. Thank you so much. It's been such an
interesting conversation. And for anybody who's
listening whose children are starting school
in the near future, good luck. It is an adventure,
but I think hopefully some of the things we've
talked about today will be really helpful. Thank
you both for being here. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for listening to today's dilemma. If
you'd like to hear more about what I get up to,
please follow me on Instagram at headinheels.
Or if you want to learn more about the Dragon
School, our Instagram account is dragonschooloxford.
And if you've got any ideas or dilemmas you'd
like us to discuss, please do email us at podcast
at dragonschool .org. So until next time.