WEBVTT

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Good evening and And welcome to Live with Dr.

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Andre Jerry, your trusted space for real conversations,

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practical wisdom, and purpose -driven insight.

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I'm your host, Dr. Andre Jerry, and we're broadcasting

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live from beautiful San Juan, Puerto Rico. This

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show was heard in over 128 countries, and we

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featured artists, authors, entertainers, entrepreneurs,

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and thought leaders from across the globe. Wherever

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you're tuning in from tonight, on behalf of myself

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and the Artist First Radio Network, I want to

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thank you for being part of the conversation.

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Your continued leadership truly means more than

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you know. Okay, so before we move forward tonight,

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I want to give a special shout out to Dr. Stephen

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Bond. He was our guest from last month's episode.

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We got a lot of great feedback on this show.

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He joined us to discuss his powerful new book

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called Suffering in Bleak Silence. It's now available

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on Amazon. And this book offers an intimate look

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into the often unspoken mental health struggles

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of public school educators. Some really interesting

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stories in this book and it's stories that teachers

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live quietly every single day. So I really urge

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you to check it out, especially if you have children

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in school or you simply just want a deeper understanding

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of. The people who are entrusted with educating

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the next generation. So like I said, pick up

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a copy. You will really love this book, and it

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really has a way of changing how you see and

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appreciate and interact with teachers long after

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you turn the last page. All right. So, hey, happy

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new year to everyone. Welcome to 2026. We made

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it through another year. And I don't want to

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say that lightly. Some of us came through with

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a lot of wins, and that's great. Some of us came

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through with lessons. Some of us came through

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a little banged up. a little scraped and tired

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and then you know all of that but by the grace

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of God we're still here we're still here we made

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it and you know sometimes that alone is the wind

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now this is the part I don't want us to gloss

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over so much or rush past we got a lot to do

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this year we all have our individual goals all

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the things that we're trying to get done and

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not because we're forcing it Not because we're

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competing with anybody, but just because we are

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clear on what our goals are. Most of us didn't

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walk into this new year empty -handed. We walked

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in carrying something. It could be a financial

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goal, it could be getting healthier, losing weight,

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or just feeling better in your own body. Maybe

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this is the year that you finally stop surviving

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and start being intentional about the kind of

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life that you say you want. Whatever that thing

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is for you this year, I want you to hear me when

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I say this. I believe in you. I believe in you.

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I believe that you are more than capable than

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you give yourself credit for. And honestly, you

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probably already have more than enough of what

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you need than you think you do. And so this is

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why I love New Year's. New Year's matters. It

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gives us a time to pause and reset. and give

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us a chance to look back and just be real with

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ourselves for a minute. What worked last year?

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What didn't work? Where did we actually grow?

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And then where are those places where we avoided

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doing the work? We all have those areas too.

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What parts of our lives have we been neglecting

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and that now we can give our attention to and

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our focus and our care? That kind of reflection

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matters because 2026 I don't know how you feel

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about it, but to me, it doesn't feel like just

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any other year on the calendar. It's something

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different about this year, something different

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energetically, mentally, even spiritually. This

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year feels like it's calling for alignment with

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less forcing, less performing, and more intention,

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more honesty, more clarity about what we say

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yes to and what we finally let go of. So tonight

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I want to start unpacking what 2026 represents.

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And not just in terms of goals and resolutions,

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but in terms of energy, alignment, and manifestation.

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What kind of year is this really asking us to

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have? And maybe the bigger question here is who

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is this year asking us to become? Last year,

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I made some pretty big life changes and those

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who tune in regularly to the show know a lot

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of this, but just for the benefit of those who

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may be newer to the show, I officially retired

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from Federal Civil Service at the age of 46.

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And that still feels really wild to say it out

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loud. But, you know, I stepped away from that

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whole chase of chasing titles and promotions

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and the next position after the next position,

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the next paycheck, you know, what people call

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the grind. Some people call it the matrix, but

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it's that feeling where you're always reaching,

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always having to prove yourself, always being

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performative or having to be performative. Last

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year, I also moved back to Puerto Rico, this

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small island here that I fell in love with over

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a decade ago. And, you know, coming back here

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wasn't just about location. It was about slowing

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down. and enjoying life, breathing, getting back

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to myself. Last year I really took time to just,

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I don't know, just be. To reconnect with nature,

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to go to the beach, to sit with myself, meditate

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more. And in that space I started shedding some

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weight. Not just physical weight, I've lost some

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weight too. I pretty much got rid of my little

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dead body. But I'm talking about some of the

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heavy stuff. The weight of expectations. You

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know The weight of trying to be everything to

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everybody the weight of people pleasing all the

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time and Constantly having to adjust myself so

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that other people can be comfortable. I Had to

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stop and ask myself where I even learned this

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stuff from What did I learn it from because it

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definitely didn't come from my parents. My parents

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weren't like that but somewhere along the way

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I picked up this habit of shrinking. This habit

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of over giving and bending and corning myself

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into whatever shape that felt acceptable to that

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particular group of people. And, you know, honestly,

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I think it goes back to the bullying. Those of

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you who follow the show, you know, I talked about

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how I was bullied growing up, just wanting to

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be accepted, wanting to belong to a group or

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something, be accepted. When you grow up, people

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who have been bullied will understand this. When

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you grow up feeling different, you start believing

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that you're the problem. You start believing

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that you're not like everyone else, so something's

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gotta be wrong with you. That's how you grow

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up thinking. So you start this performing, and

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you start this people -pleasing stuff. And you

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start abandoning, rather, Little bitty pieces

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of yourself just so you can fit in and be liked

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by a certain group of people And that's something

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that I've been actively Trying to unlearn. So

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let me give you a real -life example of what

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I mean And this is something that literally just

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happened like last week. Okay, so last week my

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partner and I we went out with a couple of friends

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and Let me be clear some of y 'all know this

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about me. I'm a homebody. Okay I prefer to stay

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at home, but I was in a decent enough mood, you

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know, so I went I just went with it and Then

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I actually started out fine But somewhere along

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the way that familiar feeling started to kick

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in it was it's like a social fatigue and I could

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just feel myself just slowly shutting down and

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Defaulting back to my introverted modes, you

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know and pulling out my phone I pull out my phone

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not because I'm rude. I pull out my phone because

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it's a mechanism to help me cope. You know, I'm

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just trying to survive the moment without being

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completely drained, you know, because I don't

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like crowded spaces. I don't like bars and things

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like that. You know, on top of all of that, everybody

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was speaking Spanish, which is fine. I actually

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prefer that people speak Spanish around me because

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I have to learn. And I can understand some of

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it, but not enough to fully participate. You

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know what I mean? So when you're sitting at a

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table and you're kind of present, but you're

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not really included, it kind of does something

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to you mentally. And it's exhausting in a way

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that's hard to explain unless you've lived it.

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And then there's the restaurant hopping. OK,

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so we had dinner at one place, right? We were

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there for over an hour. It was fine. We had drinks

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at another place And then you think that you

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would think the night were in there. We end up

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going to a bar after that so oh and let me tell

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you about the the last part that we went to we

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got there we found a place for all of us to sit

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right and Just a couple of minutes after sitting

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down some guy some guy just randomly put a gram

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of weed on the table and he told me that I don't

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know what he said he said this is on the house

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or this is for you or something like that no

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charge he said some shit like that and I just

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kind of looked at him and I looked at the people

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who I was with and they were giving me this look

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like Andre he's giving you free drugs and you

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know like it was a mint or something and I was

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like I'm not taking no drugs for some stranger

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you crazy And so one of the young ladies who

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was with us, she ended up taking it and putting

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it in her pocket or whatever. And I was like,

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good, take it, because I'm not touching it. OK,

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so how about the next day? She's sick as a dog.

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Even right now, she's at home sick. She has some

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type of mysterious illness. I don't know what.

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That's why I don't mess with drugs and shit like

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that, and especially from people I don't know.

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I don't like bars anyway. It just was not my

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type of vibe. You know, if I'm going to go to

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a bar, rather for it to be something kind of

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more upscale, or if it's not upscale, just let

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it be more of like a chilled, relaxed vibe that's

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kind of exclusive and you can have a conversation

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without yelling over music. I guess I'm turning

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into an old man. But yeah, if I'm gonna go out,

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that would be more of my type of vibe. Now, I

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will say this about Puerto Rico. This is something

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that I love. Weed is illegal here. You know,

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unless you have a prescription or something.

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But here, people don't bother you. And almost

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everywhere you go, you're gonna smell somebody

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smoking weed. You'll see people smoking weed

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in the park or on their patio at home. No one

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cares. No one's gonna bother you unless you're

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like disturbing the peace or something. People

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just leave you to hell alone here. It's not like

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in the states where you have to constantly look

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over your shoulder, you know, and you know, there's

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speed traps on the highways and roadblocks and

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all this type of stuff. There is none of that

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here. It's a very chill vibe here in Puerto Rico.

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There's no racial profiling. There's no harassment

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from the police. It's just chill. But if you

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are a social person, I'm not, but if you're a

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social person and you like to go out and be seen

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and enjoy the nightlife and all of the things,

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you'll love it here. You'll love it. Even if

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you're a backpacker type and you like to do zip

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lining and hiking and do all that adventurous

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stuff, all of that is here in Puerto Rico. I

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know I sound like a tourist air right now, but

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I... The point I'm trying to make here is that

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there's something for everybody. So by all means,

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if you have not visited Puerto Rico yet, by all

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means, please come and visit. You will love it.

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But anyway, back to hanging out with my friends.

00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:18.779
So when we left, initially when we left the house,

00:13:18.779 --> 00:13:23.039
it was like 630 in the evening. That night, we

00:13:23.039 --> 00:13:29.340
didn't get home to almost midnight. And for an

00:13:29.340 --> 00:13:34.399
introvert like me, that's a lot. It's like an

00:13:34.399 --> 00:13:36.259
endurance test. It's not a light. That's not

00:13:36.259 --> 00:13:38.000
a night out for me That's an endurance test,

00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:40.700
but uh by the time we got to that last spot where

00:13:40.700 --> 00:13:43.299
the guy offered me the drugs I was done by that

00:13:43.299 --> 00:13:46.799
point. I had completely tapped out. I was quiet.

00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:48.620
I was just on my phone I was just trying to get

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through it, you know and I guess that shift from

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the second place to the third place was kind

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of noticeable because all of a sudden everybody

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switched seats and the lady that was Sitting

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to the end on the other side. She sat right next

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to me She was also with our party and she just

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started talking to me and asking me questions

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and stuff like that and trying to force Conversation,

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you know just so I can feel included and I get

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it. I got what she was trying to do but And she

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wasn't asking anything invasive or anything like

00:14:20.110 --> 00:14:22.350
that She mostly was asking about my former work

00:14:22.350 --> 00:14:25.350
in public service and stuff like that Okay, so

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here's the thing with with me Yes, I've had a

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very full accomplished career but I've never

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really been very good at talking about it casually

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especially when I'm already like mentally drained

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and I was talking to her and I could hear myself

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talking and I was kind of stumbling over my words

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and I just I had that awkward feeling I wasn't

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making much eye contact with her and internally

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I'm just thinking to myself why am I even doing

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this why am I here you know and no disrespect

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to the lady because like I said she was just

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trying to be nice and make sure I was you know

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feel included and all of that and the only reason

00:15:05.769 --> 00:15:08.049
why I entertained the conversation with her was

00:15:08.049 --> 00:15:10.710
just out of politeness and because she's an older

00:15:10.710 --> 00:15:13.889
lady so it was just it sort of was just a respect

00:15:13.889 --> 00:15:16.970
thing but you know I thought about it later on

00:15:16.970 --> 00:15:19.809
I was like yeah she's older than me and all that

00:15:19.809 --> 00:15:24.210
but I'm almost 50 years old like I don't I don't

00:15:24.210 --> 00:15:26.789
have to entertain this if I don't feel like it

00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:30.039
And that's when it hit me that, you know, this

00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:33.580
isn't me being just anti -social. This is a form

00:15:33.580 --> 00:15:39.740
of anxiety. It's a form of, I guess you could

00:15:39.740 --> 00:15:44.620
call it overextension. It's me staying somewhere

00:15:44.620 --> 00:15:48.720
a little longer than my nerves, my nervous system

00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:52.039
can handle. You know, just all out of being polite.

00:15:52.519 --> 00:15:54.820
And I realized that I'm kind of tired of that.

00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:57.220
And I know I'm not the only person that does

00:15:57.220 --> 00:15:59.799
it. But, you know, like I said, I'm damn near

00:15:59.799 --> 00:16:03.159
50 years old. I shouldn't feel obligated to force

00:16:03.159 --> 00:16:06.320
myself to be social when I don't have the mental

00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:09.240
bandwidth to do it. And so I feel like I've earned

00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:12.720
the right to not have to answer questions or

00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:16.240
over explain or over share just so nobody feels

00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:19.820
awkward. You know, I should have stayed my ass

00:16:19.820 --> 00:16:22.600
at home. Or I should have just told the lady,

00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:25.169
look, Hey, I appreciate what you're trying to

00:16:25.169 --> 00:16:27.289
do, but I'm not really in the mood to talk right

00:16:27.289 --> 00:16:30.830
now. And I know that would have made for an uncomfortable

00:16:30.830 --> 00:16:33.289
moment and, you know, but at least it would have

00:16:33.289 --> 00:16:36.250
been honest. It would have been honest. And so

00:16:36.250 --> 00:16:40.389
I'm at this place in my life where honesty matters

00:16:40.389 --> 00:16:45.190
more than just being nice. I've accepted my,

00:16:45.190 --> 00:16:47.669
I won't say flaws. I've accepted myself. I know

00:16:47.669 --> 00:16:50.169
I'm deeply introverted. I know them. I'm kind

00:16:50.169 --> 00:16:53.940
of a weirdo. I'm fine with that. I don't enjoy

00:16:53.940 --> 00:16:58.320
a lot of socializing, but I'm done forcing myself

00:16:58.320 --> 00:17:03.019
into these situations that drain me, just so

00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:04.960
I can meet other people's expectations. I'm sick

00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:08.079
of that. That's the part of what I've been trying

00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:10.380
to unlearn, and I'm gonna be working on that

00:17:10.380 --> 00:17:13.839
more this year. So next time when there's an

00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:17.019
invitation to hang out and I know that I'm not

00:17:17.019 --> 00:17:20.339
100 % up for it, I'm just gonna politely decline.

00:17:21.990 --> 00:17:24.809
Declined thank them for the invitation and you

00:17:24.809 --> 00:17:28.710
know, I don't care who gets mad about it And

00:17:28.710 --> 00:17:34.549
that takes me to friendships um And this has

00:17:34.549 --> 00:17:36.569
nothing to do with you know, the people I was

00:17:36.569 --> 00:17:38.470
hanging out with this is just in general But

00:17:38.470 --> 00:17:41.670
with me, I don't know if it's just me. I can

00:17:41.670 --> 00:17:46.869
really do without friend groups You remember

00:17:46.869 --> 00:17:48.950
how back in the day some of us used to live?

00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:51.789
for a good friend group like Sex in the City

00:17:51.789 --> 00:17:55.369
or something. You know, people we could let our

00:17:55.369 --> 00:17:58.569
hair down with and share inappropriate jokes

00:17:58.569 --> 00:18:01.329
with and talk shit about people and say and do

00:18:01.329 --> 00:18:06.569
all the things. But as you get older, or at least

00:18:06.569 --> 00:18:09.269
as I have gotten older, it's just a little different

00:18:09.269 --> 00:18:14.589
for me. Today, my circle is so small, it's almost

00:18:14.589 --> 00:18:19.410
like a period. A couple of shows back, It's probably

00:18:19.410 --> 00:18:22.730
been about six or seven shows ago but I told

00:18:22.730 --> 00:18:26.109
you guys about a little experiment that my one

00:18:26.109 --> 00:18:31.410
friend Emily suggested that I do and that experiment

00:18:31.410 --> 00:18:34.009
was a game changer for me and it really helped

00:18:34.009 --> 00:18:37.130
me to remove a lot of fringe people from my life

00:18:37.130 --> 00:18:40.390
and hangers on you know and it helped me to tighten

00:18:40.390 --> 00:18:43.329
my inner circle and for those that missed that

00:18:43.329 --> 00:18:44.970
episode or may be new to the show I'm just going

00:18:44.970 --> 00:18:48.640
to quickly recap. that social experiment for

00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.059
you. And this is for anybody listening who feels

00:18:52.059 --> 00:18:55.480
burdened by always being the one reaching out,

00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:58.180
checking in on folks, keeping in touch, bringing

00:18:58.180 --> 00:19:01.200
everybody together, being a sounding board for

00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:04.960
everyone, always the one giving advice, leading

00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:08.059
the group chat, loaning money, always the one

00:19:08.059 --> 00:19:11.900
sending a happy birthday, all that stuff. I want

00:19:11.900 --> 00:19:15.319
to tell you exactly what my friend Emily told

00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:19.390
me, okay? She told me, and this was back when

00:19:19.390 --> 00:19:22.609
I was in Saudi Arabia the first time. She said,

00:19:22.609 --> 00:19:27.210
I want you to go silent for three months. I'll

00:19:27.210 --> 00:19:28.809
do you one better because really it doesn't even

00:19:28.809 --> 00:19:30.630
take three months. You can do just one month.

00:19:32.009 --> 00:19:35.970
Go silent for one month. Don't call anyone. Don't

00:19:35.970 --> 00:19:39.410
text anyone. Only respond if somebody sends you

00:19:39.410 --> 00:19:42.730
a message or calls you. In that month, I want

00:19:42.730 --> 00:19:46.349
you to take note of all the people who Reach

00:19:46.349 --> 00:19:48.730
out to check on you to see how you're doing,

00:19:48.890 --> 00:19:51.730
to see if you're alive, to see if you need anything.

00:19:53.490 --> 00:19:56.490
At the end of that month, I promise you, you

00:19:56.490 --> 00:20:00.069
will be surprised by how many people can go one

00:20:00.069 --> 00:20:03.930
month, two months, even up to three months without

00:20:03.930 --> 00:20:06.549
hearing from you at all. They won't even bother

00:20:06.549 --> 00:20:10.349
to call or text to say hello, you okay, go to

00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:14.490
hell, fuck you, nothing. And it'd be the very

00:20:14.490 --> 00:20:17.789
people that you've done the most for, or the

00:20:17.789 --> 00:20:19.869
people that you have gone out of your way to

00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:23.390
help. It'd be them. Now I want to say this. This

00:20:23.390 --> 00:20:26.250
experiment isn't for everybody, you know, because

00:20:26.250 --> 00:20:29.390
it can be very humbling and very eye -opening.

00:20:30.730 --> 00:20:33.910
If you're someone that's tender -hearted or someone

00:20:33.910 --> 00:20:36.869
that doesn't deal with isolation very well, then

00:20:36.869 --> 00:20:39.539
I would... Urge you to exercise caution if you're

00:20:39.539 --> 00:20:41.359
going to do something like this because it can

00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:45.799
lead to severe depression. Particularly if you

00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:48.940
already have mental health issues going on. So

00:20:48.940 --> 00:20:52.119
just be mindful of that. But do take note of

00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:55.799
the people who do call in to you know or text

00:20:55.799 --> 00:20:57.819
to check in on you because those are going to

00:20:57.819 --> 00:21:00.559
be your people. Those are going to be your people

00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.779
moving forward. Those are people that you're

00:21:03.779 --> 00:21:07.119
going to go above and beyond for. Those are people

00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:09.279
who when they call you're gonna you're gonna

00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:12.880
answer it if they're letting it go to voicemail

00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:18.680
Does anybody even check voicemail anymore Like

00:21:18.680 --> 00:21:21.099
seriously, I don't know I haven't checked my

00:21:21.099 --> 00:21:24.779
my voicemail in like years There could be messages

00:21:24.779 --> 00:21:29.500
on there from you know job offers family People

00:21:29.500 --> 00:21:31.450
could have passed away out The lottery could

00:21:31.450 --> 00:21:33.549
have been telling me how I won something. I wouldn't

00:21:33.549 --> 00:21:35.569
know. I have not. I literally have not checked

00:21:35.569 --> 00:21:39.529
my voice been on like since 2024. I'm scared

00:21:39.529 --> 00:21:41.690
to check it at this point. Listen, if you need

00:21:41.690 --> 00:21:45.710
to contact me and if it's important, please text

00:21:45.710 --> 00:21:47.890
me or send me an email or something that I can

00:21:47.890 --> 00:21:50.670
read because I, you know, I need to see if there's

00:21:50.670 --> 00:21:53.730
something I even have a mental capacity to deal

00:21:53.730 --> 00:21:57.750
with because I'm all about peace right now at

00:21:57.750 --> 00:22:01.029
this time in my life. I will go out of my way.

00:22:01.150 --> 00:22:05.049
I will capitulate. I will walk away. I will relocate.

00:22:05.150 --> 00:22:09.069
I'll do whatever I need to do to maintain my

00:22:09.069 --> 00:22:14.450
peace. Yesterday, I saw a video. It was a video

00:22:14.450 --> 00:22:19.349
on YouTube. This guy was talking about family

00:22:19.349 --> 00:22:21.329
and other things and cutting people off. And

00:22:21.329 --> 00:22:23.470
he was saying, if you got to cut family off,

00:22:23.950 --> 00:22:27.890
then cut them off. He said, Blood is not thicker

00:22:27.890 --> 00:22:31.450
than my peace of mind. And I just love the way

00:22:31.450 --> 00:22:34.289
he put that. I feel like he hit the nail on the

00:22:34.289 --> 00:22:37.150
head. Blood is not thicker than my peace of mind.

00:22:37.329 --> 00:22:41.410
That's exactly how I feel right now. And it was

00:22:41.410 --> 00:22:44.049
just refreshing to hear someone else share that

00:22:44.049 --> 00:22:48.470
same point of view because when you start finally

00:22:48.470 --> 00:22:52.720
putting yourself first, and unsubscribing from

00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:55.000
everything that starts to chip away at your peace

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:58.339
of mind, including family sometimes in some instances,

00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:02.660
you almost feel guilty at first. You sort of

00:23:02.660 --> 00:23:06.839
feel like the bad guy. And it can be a really

00:23:06.839 --> 00:23:08.880
lonely road for a lot of people unless you're

00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:12.960
built a certain way. For me, I love solitude.

00:23:13.660 --> 00:23:15.920
I love solitude. I love being alone. It doesn't

00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:19.630
make me feel lonely or anything like that. If

00:23:19.630 --> 00:23:23.289
anything being alone Recharges me and that's

00:23:23.289 --> 00:23:26.990
often when my best creative energy flows, you

00:23:26.990 --> 00:23:30.809
know But yeah, needless to say my inner circle

00:23:30.809 --> 00:23:33.369
has gotten really small over the years and I'm

00:23:33.369 --> 00:23:36.569
totally okay with that I'm totally okay with

00:23:36.569 --> 00:23:40.789
that Meeting new people and acquaintances all

00:23:40.789 --> 00:23:45.130
that is fine But I really don't have a desire

00:23:45.130 --> 00:23:47.730
to make friends the way I used to back in the

00:23:47.730 --> 00:23:49.670
day. It's just For me, it's just more trouble

00:23:49.670 --> 00:23:52.529
than it's worth. And you know what else can be

00:23:52.529 --> 00:23:57.130
challenging too? When you're dating someone or

00:23:57.130 --> 00:24:00.589
you're married to someone and they have pre -existing

00:24:00.589 --> 00:24:04.829
friends or friend groups that you kind of sort

00:24:04.829 --> 00:24:09.589
of get grandfathered into, sometimes that can

00:24:09.589 --> 00:24:13.849
be kind of dicey because maybe you don't really

00:24:13.849 --> 00:24:17.279
like their friends like that. Especially when

00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:20.059
there are other couples in the group because

00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:22.420
Invariably, you know how this goes guys There's

00:24:22.420 --> 00:24:24.880
always gonna be one person in a group that you

00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:28.660
like better than the other one and it never fails

00:24:28.660 --> 00:24:31.359
Especially with couples there's always one that's

00:24:31.359 --> 00:24:36.619
cool. And then there's one that's not so cool

00:24:36.619 --> 00:24:40.680
I Really want to say something else. I'm not

00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:43.319
gonna say that but basically there's always one

00:24:43.319 --> 00:24:47.539
bitch And a lot of time, and I don't mean women,

00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:50.180
you know, because if you haven't noticed, and

00:24:50.180 --> 00:24:51.779
I've said this to some people, some people might

00:24:51.779 --> 00:24:54.059
take this the wrong way, men are the new bitches.

00:24:55.220 --> 00:24:58.500
I've been saying this for years. I stand on it.

00:24:58.579 --> 00:25:01.680
Some of the bitchiest people I have come across

00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:04.579
over the years have been men. I don't know what

00:25:04.579 --> 00:25:07.839
that's about. And I feel like women are the new

00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:13.619
men. I think, not even me, think about any married

00:25:13.619 --> 00:25:17.019
couple that you know personally. Think about

00:25:17.019 --> 00:25:19.460
any married couple and think about who really

00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:22.400
wears the pants in that relationship and who

00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:25.460
runs the show. You don't have to answer because

00:25:25.460 --> 00:25:28.500
I already know. I already know it's her. Eight,

00:25:28.539 --> 00:25:31.819
nine times out of ten. Think about your job.

00:25:32.380 --> 00:25:36.079
Who's running the show at your job? Who's bossing

00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:39.059
everyone around? Who's running your company's

00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:42.579
HR department? Oh, HR. Think about your company's

00:25:42.579 --> 00:25:46.420
HR department. You probably can count the number

00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:51.819
of men in HR on one hand. HR are the gatekeepers,

00:25:51.859 --> 00:25:54.539
by the way. You guys know this, right? They know

00:25:54.539 --> 00:25:57.819
all of your business. HR knows where all the

00:25:57.819 --> 00:26:01.200
bodies are buried. They know who has drug and

00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:04.759
alcohol problems. They know who's about to get

00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:09.039
fired, who's about to get hired. They know everything.

00:26:09.869 --> 00:26:12.390
And you can go complain to them if you want to

00:26:12.390 --> 00:26:14.730
about shit that's going on in the workplace and

00:26:14.730 --> 00:26:18.009
what's fair and what's not on You can do that

00:26:18.009 --> 00:26:21.029
if you want to and they will make you think that

00:26:21.029 --> 00:26:24.289
they are your advocate They'll let you think

00:26:24.289 --> 00:26:27.089
that and they will let you spill your guts out

00:26:27.089 --> 00:26:30.609
and tell everything but trust and believe your

00:26:30.609 --> 00:26:34.130
personnel file is Being annotated with coded

00:26:34.130 --> 00:26:37.769
language that signals. You are not a team player

00:26:39.420 --> 00:26:42.539
Just hear me on that. This is what happens You

00:26:42.539 --> 00:26:45.380
will be applying for promotions and you you might

00:26:45.380 --> 00:26:47.440
even get interviewed a couple of times But it's

00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:50.920
just the formality, but you will not be selected

00:26:50.920 --> 00:26:54.839
Okay, I'm going off on a tangent. My point is

00:26:54.839 --> 00:26:58.680
that HR knows everybody business. They're not

00:26:58.680 --> 00:27:01.200
your friend If you think any of that stuff that

00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:05.000
you tell them is private you need to think again

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:08.009
if you ever find yourself wondering how you Personal

00:27:08.009 --> 00:27:11.210
business and your private stuff got out and everybody

00:27:11.210 --> 00:27:13.950
knows it and especially if it's a work related

00:27:13.950 --> 00:27:17.410
or work adjacent Matter or something like that.

00:27:17.410 --> 00:27:21.309
It was HR. I'm telling you because if you think

00:27:21.309 --> 00:27:24.710
about it At the end of the day those people in

00:27:24.710 --> 00:27:26.849
HR. They're just like you they have spouses.

00:27:26.869 --> 00:27:30.450
They have siblings They have best friends and

00:27:30.450 --> 00:27:35.130
confidants just like you do Okay, imagine Imagine

00:27:35.130 --> 00:27:38.349
one of your friends Maybe not your best friend,

00:27:38.490 --> 00:27:39.950
but just one of your friends, one of your good

00:27:39.950 --> 00:27:43.309
friends calls you and they share something personal

00:27:43.309 --> 00:27:45.890
with you and they ask you not to tell anybody.

00:27:47.930 --> 00:27:51.829
Seven times out of ten, you're probably on speakerphone.

00:27:52.690 --> 00:27:55.150
Think about who's in the room who may have overheard

00:27:55.150 --> 00:27:57.690
it. It could have been your spouse, your kids,

00:27:57.750 --> 00:28:00.130
whoever. They may have heard bits and pieces

00:28:00.130 --> 00:28:03.029
of the conversation. Let's scratch that and say

00:28:03.029 --> 00:28:06.269
you were alone and nobody overheard the conversation.

00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:11.859
No matter how tight -lipped you might be, everybody

00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:16.380
has that one person who they tell stuff to with

00:28:16.380 --> 00:28:19.240
the understanding, hey, don't tell anybody. But

00:28:19.240 --> 00:28:22.420
most people, it's their spouse, right? Even if

00:28:22.420 --> 00:28:25.220
someone agrees not to say anything or to keep

00:28:25.220 --> 00:28:26.660
your secret, they're not going to keep a secret

00:28:26.660 --> 00:28:30.180
from their husband or from their wife. So now

00:28:30.180 --> 00:28:34.160
that's two people who know your secret. Your

00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:38.039
spouse has a best friend. He or she is gonna

00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:41.680
tell someone who they trust again with the understanding

00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:43.920
that you know Don't say anything keep it a secret

00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:46.720
and it just kind of goes from there and that's

00:28:46.720 --> 00:28:50.019
how secrets get out That's how your business

00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:53.680
gets in the streets All that stuff is from telling

00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:58.220
just one person Or some folks in HR don't tell

00:28:58.220 --> 00:29:00.200
them folks in HR none of your business I'm telling

00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.700
you they are not your friends and if you're sleeping

00:29:03.700 --> 00:29:06.599
with a co -worker or your boss and That stuff

00:29:06.599 --> 00:29:09.440
goes left. You better keep your mouth shut about

00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:13.559
it. If you have substance abuse issues or, you

00:29:13.559 --> 00:29:16.799
know, your job has like a drug test thing going

00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:19.599
on and they give you this line about, hey, if

00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:21.259
you come to us and let us know you're struggling

00:29:21.259 --> 00:29:24.099
with addiction, we can help you. Yeah, they will

00:29:24.099 --> 00:29:26.640
help you. They will help you right out on the

00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:29.680
street. You know, I don't want to be the dead

00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.599
horse. Y 'all get the point. If you have something

00:29:33.599 --> 00:29:36.519
that you really Want to get off your chest best

00:29:36.519 --> 00:29:39.400
person to give it to us to give it to god God

00:29:39.400 --> 00:29:43.680
has not broken a confidence yet ever Now the

00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:46.339
bible does say that the lord is a revealer of

00:29:46.339 --> 00:29:49.019
secrets, but that's referencing something else

00:29:49.019 --> 00:29:51.920
that's referencing truth that's Being purposely

00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:55.640
hidden for time until god decides otherwise But

00:29:55.640 --> 00:29:58.839
yeah, by all means go to god with whatever is

00:29:58.839 --> 00:30:01.400
troubling you It doesn't matter if you haven't

00:30:01.400 --> 00:30:04.460
spoken to god in 50 years It doesn't matter.

00:30:04.460 --> 00:30:07.640
He has all the time in the world. Whenever you're

00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:11.220
ready, he will be there waiting for you without

00:30:11.220 --> 00:30:15.599
judgment. So I hope whoever needs to hear that

00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.140
really heard that. All right, look, on that note,

00:30:18.359 --> 00:30:21.859
let's take a quick commercial break. Go and refresh

00:30:21.859 --> 00:30:24.740
your drinks. Text a friend or a family member

00:30:24.740 --> 00:30:26.660
and send them the link to this show so they can

00:30:26.660 --> 00:30:29.059
catch the second half of it. All right. You're

00:30:29.059 --> 00:30:30.880
listening to Live with Dr. Andre Jerry. We'll

00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:34.670
be right back. Hi, I'm James Baller of Artists

00:30:34.670 --> 00:30:36.430
First Radio, and I would like to tell you about

00:30:36.430 --> 00:30:38.930
a fascinating new book from Crime Beach's Ron

00:30:38.930 --> 00:30:42.009
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00:30:42.009 --> 00:30:44.309
Robin Hood of the Hood, The Life and Times of

00:30:44.309 --> 00:30:46.930
Teddy Rowe, Policy Kingpin, and it's published

00:30:46.930 --> 00:30:50.430
by Strategic Media Books. The book is a historical

00:30:50.430 --> 00:30:52.769
account of Theodore Teddy Rowe, who courageously

00:30:52.769 --> 00:30:55.089
fought the Chicago Mafia, more commonly known

00:30:55.089 --> 00:30:58.029
as the Outfit, for control of the lucrative policy

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racket in the Windy City. Policy, often called

00:31:00.910 --> 00:31:03.170
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00:31:05.789 --> 00:31:08.309
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00:31:18.470 --> 00:31:21.089
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00:31:21.089 --> 00:31:23.769
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00:31:23.769 --> 00:31:26.809
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00:31:26.809 --> 00:31:29.690
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Robin Hood of the Hood chronicles an exciting

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00:32:20.500 --> 00:32:23.140
Welcome to another broadcast of Spiritual Concerns,

00:32:23.160 --> 00:32:25.240
the Deborah Ruffini Show on Artists First Radio

00:32:25.240 --> 00:32:28.000
Network. We're live from England on Saturdays

00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:31.599
and Sundays, 3pm New York, 8pm London. All past

00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:33.660
shows or podcasts, find them at artistsfirst

00:32:33.660 --> 00:32:36.539
.com. I'll be your host where issues relating

00:32:36.539 --> 00:32:39.079
to the spiritual matters of concern will be largely

00:32:39.079 --> 00:32:50.130
examined and discussed. Enjoy the show. Hey everybody,

00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:52.509
welcome back to the show. Thanks for staying

00:32:52.509 --> 00:32:55.109
tuned through the commercial break. We have a

00:32:55.109 --> 00:32:56.630
lot of fun during the commercial break. I was

00:32:56.630 --> 00:32:58.589
just laughing at something. Hey look, if you

00:32:58.589 --> 00:33:01.230
guys are just tuning in, you're listening to

00:33:01.230 --> 00:33:03.289
Live with Dr. Andre Jerry. Tonight we're talking

00:33:03.289 --> 00:33:06.750
about boundaries, peace, and what it looks like

00:33:06.750 --> 00:33:09.849
to stop forcing ourselves to be on for everybody

00:33:09.849 --> 00:33:12.230
else. We've been having an honest conversation

00:33:12.230 --> 00:33:16.289
about friendships and social fatigue, introversion.

00:33:16.670 --> 00:33:18.970
And yes, we've been having some conversations

00:33:18.970 --> 00:33:22.750
about that damn HR department at your job. So

00:33:22.750 --> 00:33:24.990
I hope you guys are able to refresh your drinks

00:33:24.990 --> 00:33:28.789
and whatnot. Speaking of drinks, I need to give

00:33:28.789 --> 00:33:32.789
you guys an update on something. OK, so this

00:33:32.789 --> 00:33:35.650
is not something I planned in terms of putting

00:33:35.650 --> 00:33:40.049
it on my New Year's resolution list or anything

00:33:40.049 --> 00:33:44.430
like that. But I've decided to go dry this year.

00:33:45.130 --> 00:33:47.490
I decided to go dry. I'm not going to drink alcohol.

00:33:49.109 --> 00:33:50.750
Now, I'll be clear. Those of you that follow

00:33:50.750 --> 00:33:52.369
the show, you already know this. I've already

00:33:52.369 --> 00:33:55.910
reduced significantly my alcohol consumption

00:33:55.910 --> 00:34:00.369
last year. But for 2026, I've decided to detox

00:34:00.369 --> 00:34:04.470
completely from alcohol. Not forever. I'm just

00:34:04.470 --> 00:34:06.609
doing it for the rest of the year. This is not

00:34:06.609 --> 00:34:09.570
a lifetime declaration. But it may be. Who knows?

00:34:09.829 --> 00:34:11.550
Who knows how I feel at the end of this year?

00:34:12.820 --> 00:34:16.860
And what's interesting is that I'm really good

00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:20.320
with this decision. There was no fear. There

00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:24.400
was no internal bargaining. No, oh, damn, this

00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:25.719
is going to be hard. I don't know how I'm going

00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:28.760
to get through this. It's been surprisingly easy.

00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:31.179
I'm going to tell you how this came about. It

00:34:31.179 --> 00:34:34.219
was either the first or second day of the year.

00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.800
We had already rang in the new year. And I was

00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:41.199
meditating. I was deep in meditation. And something

00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:44.099
just came over me. I don't know what to call

00:34:44.099 --> 00:34:49.800
it. It was an awareness, a state of being. I

00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:52.300
don't know what it was, but the message was very

00:34:52.300 --> 00:34:55.719
simple and clear. It said, you don't need to

00:34:55.719 --> 00:34:59.260
drink this year. I wouldn't say it was God speaking

00:34:59.260 --> 00:35:03.920
to me directly. It felt different. It felt like

00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:06.539
a higher version of myself, Stephanie, or something.

00:35:07.059 --> 00:35:11.119
But in either case, I understood immediately.

00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:14.039
you know, what I needed to do. There was no resistance,

00:35:14.300 --> 00:35:17.739
there was no protest, just an inner knowing that,

00:35:18.019 --> 00:35:21.739
hey, we're gonna do this. And so far, so good.

00:35:22.300 --> 00:35:25.300
You know, I already feel lighter, I feel clearer,

00:35:25.980 --> 00:35:30.380
more present. So, yeah, I'm all in with this

00:35:30.380 --> 00:35:33.139
and I'm looking forward to it. You know, we forget

00:35:33.139 --> 00:35:38.429
sometimes that ethanol, And ethanol is the alcohol

00:35:38.429 --> 00:35:41.590
that's present in beer, wine, liquor, stuff like

00:35:41.590 --> 00:35:46.409
that. Ethanol is a cellular toxin. So what that

00:35:46.409 --> 00:35:50.650
means is that when we ingest it, our bodies literally

00:35:50.650 --> 00:35:54.170
treat it like it's poison. And it prioritizes

00:35:54.170 --> 00:35:57.329
breaking it down over anything else that your

00:35:57.329 --> 00:36:01.570
body has going on. So abstaining from alcohol

00:36:01.570 --> 00:36:04.820
for 12 months, You know, that's a reasonable

00:36:04.820 --> 00:36:09.579
sacrifice to make for my health and for my overall

00:36:09.579 --> 00:36:12.400
wellness. You know what I mean? And plus, this

00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:14.059
is something I've done before. I've done this

00:36:14.059 --> 00:36:17.480
before. I've shared with you guys many, many,

00:36:17.480 --> 00:36:19.619
many episodes ago during my first deployment

00:36:19.619 --> 00:36:22.619
to Saudi, I didn't drink for that first year.

00:36:23.480 --> 00:36:27.300
And that was largely because I wasn't clued in

00:36:27.300 --> 00:36:29.760
yet. I wasn't clued in about how to get access

00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:33.889
to alcohol, that we could even get alcohol. because

00:36:33.889 --> 00:36:37.730
alcohol is of course banned in Saudi, along with

00:36:37.730 --> 00:36:41.769
weed and everything else. So I naturally assumed

00:36:41.769 --> 00:36:44.829
that it wouldn't be made available to us. I was

00:36:44.829 --> 00:36:50.429
fine with it. But if you go to another, and I

00:36:50.429 --> 00:36:52.849
didn't know this, but if you go to another country

00:36:52.849 --> 00:36:56.110
on a diplomatic mission and you have a diplomatic

00:36:56.110 --> 00:37:01.159
passport, you are able to get access To otherwise

00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:04.099
restricted or banned items just depends on what

00:37:04.099 --> 00:37:07.219
it is and with limitations, of course But you

00:37:07.219 --> 00:37:09.440
go through the US Embassy. They have a whole

00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:12.900
program. It takes Probably like two weeks or

00:37:12.900 --> 00:37:15.400
you know a month depending on your your admin

00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:18.659
how slow there there are how fast they are to

00:37:18.659 --> 00:37:21.380
get Approved for but you basically go through

00:37:21.380 --> 00:37:23.980
the US Embassy to get access to alcohol and other

00:37:23.980 --> 00:37:27.239
things And I didn't find that out until near

00:37:27.239 --> 00:37:30.739
the end of my first deployment to Saudi Arabia.

00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:34.559
So it pays to be clued in with the right people.

00:37:35.300 --> 00:37:39.019
And in my case, it was for the best. It was definitely

00:37:39.019 --> 00:37:43.619
for the best because I had just lost my mom.

00:37:44.260 --> 00:37:47.079
I was still grieving. I was very heartbroken.

00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:51.739
I was a bit lonely. I don't get lonely a lot,

00:37:51.739 --> 00:37:55.639
but I was a bit lonely. I was homesick. I was

00:37:55.639 --> 00:37:58.199
detached from my support system that I was used

00:37:58.199 --> 00:38:02.530
to. you know, my family, my loved ones. So having

00:38:02.530 --> 00:38:07.110
direct access to alcohol at that time, it wouldn't

00:38:07.110 --> 00:38:10.170
have been the best look for me. Not then. I would

00:38:10.170 --> 00:38:15.190
have likely abused alcohol in all honesty. So

00:38:15.190 --> 00:38:18.989
God knows what he'd be doing. You know, I was

00:38:18.989 --> 00:38:21.909
already kind of heavy on alcohol on a good day.

00:38:22.190 --> 00:38:24.650
So you can imagine how I would have threw back

00:38:24.650 --> 00:38:27.920
the drinks in a depressed state. while I'm grieving

00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:32.760
the biggest loss of my life. I don't think I

00:38:32.760 --> 00:38:35.960
would have allowed it to impact my job, but you

00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:39.039
never know. You never know. But for sure, I would

00:38:39.039 --> 00:38:43.460
have compromised my overall health and wellness.

00:38:44.019 --> 00:38:46.679
So I'm glad that I didn't know what I didn't

00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:50.340
know at the time. It all worked out. Speaking

00:38:50.340 --> 00:38:54.679
of things that I didn't know, while I didn't

00:38:54.679 --> 00:38:59.989
know I didn't know alcohol was available. I didn't.

00:39:00.110 --> 00:39:03.230
So I thank God for that. But I did have to learn

00:39:03.230 --> 00:39:06.269
some stuff the hard way when I was in Saudi Arabia.

00:39:07.329 --> 00:39:11.909
And it really sucks to have to learn shit the

00:39:11.909 --> 00:39:15.570
hard way if you can help it. And what's sad about

00:39:15.570 --> 00:39:18.570
this is that intellectually, I already knew this,

00:39:18.889 --> 00:39:20.630
what I'm about to tell you and share with you.

00:39:21.010 --> 00:39:23.389
And I'm sharing this, anytime I'm sharing any

00:39:23.389 --> 00:39:25.849
of my business, it's to help you all. you know

00:39:25.849 --> 00:39:27.869
somebody's going to hear this and they're going

00:39:27.869 --> 00:39:33.989
to avoid stepping in some crap okay so eight

00:39:33.989 --> 00:39:36.909
times out of ten i'm going to go ahead and go

00:39:36.909 --> 00:39:38.750
out on the limb and say nine times out of ten

00:39:38.750 --> 00:39:42.630
nine times out of ten it is a horrible idea to

00:39:42.630 --> 00:39:46.210
become romantically involved with a co -worker

00:39:46.210 --> 00:39:50.809
and i knew this i knew it but you have to understand

00:39:50.809 --> 00:39:54.510
like i mentioned before i wasn't quite myself

00:39:54.619 --> 00:39:56.860
When I first arrived to Saudi, I wasn't in a

00:39:56.860 --> 00:40:01.539
good headspace. Just lost my mom was still grieving.

00:40:01.780 --> 00:40:04.280
My mom died quite suddenly. I don't know if I

00:40:04.280 --> 00:40:07.519
share that with you guys. She went into the hospital

00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:09.619
and then less than two weeks later she was gone.

00:40:10.280 --> 00:40:14.380
So I was devastated. I was grieving. I was in

00:40:14.380 --> 00:40:19.340
a bit of a fog. I was present, but I wasn't fully

00:40:19.340 --> 00:40:24.239
present. And it's like I was on autopilot. And

00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:27.739
so anyway, I became romantically involved with

00:40:27.739 --> 00:40:31.159
a colleague, and it just sort of happened. For

00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:33.820
me, it just sort of happened. In retrospect,

00:40:33.880 --> 00:40:37.199
I can see where there may have been some intention

00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:41.860
and motive on her side, but I didn't realize

00:40:41.860 --> 00:40:44.340
I was a marked man, so to speak. And I'll get

00:40:44.340 --> 00:40:47.239
into all that. And for context, this was during

00:40:47.239 --> 00:40:51.170
the early stages of COVID. There wasn't even

00:40:51.170 --> 00:40:53.869
a vaccine available yet. It was still in development.

00:40:54.590 --> 00:40:57.809
So when I first arrived to Saudi, I was in quarantine

00:40:57.809 --> 00:41:03.070
and I hadn't met any of my coworkers or my supervisor,

00:41:03.070 --> 00:41:04.969
not in person. I've talked to them on the phone,

00:41:05.110 --> 00:41:09.429
we've done emails and all of that. So I had to

00:41:09.429 --> 00:41:12.989
quarantine and back then it was for 14 days.

00:41:13.010 --> 00:41:15.130
You came to the country, you had to quarantine

00:41:15.130 --> 00:41:19.920
for 14 days. So it was a very lonely time. Um,

00:41:21.079 --> 00:41:22.840
and everyone was in a state of panic because

00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:25.340
of the pandemic and we didn't know what was going

00:41:25.340 --> 00:41:27.880
on. It was a lot of just a lot of crap going

00:41:27.880 --> 00:41:31.719
on in the Saudis were not playing about quarantining.

00:41:31.800 --> 00:41:34.179
They were screening people very heavily around

00:41:34.179 --> 00:41:37.519
that time. Uh, you were not about to bring COVID

00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:40.219
up in their country. They were not having it.

00:41:40.219 --> 00:41:42.639
And you couldn't pull any of this. I don't want

00:41:42.639 --> 00:41:46.079
to wear a mask BS. You couldn't, it was either

00:41:46.079 --> 00:41:49.329
wear a mask or we're sending your ass home. So

00:41:49.329 --> 00:41:53.110
that's how they approached it. So a couple of

00:41:53.110 --> 00:41:56.650
days before I arrived, my boss had someone go

00:41:56.650 --> 00:41:59.590
to the grocery store for me because, you know,

00:41:59.949 --> 00:42:01.550
I get there and you have to quarantine so you

00:42:01.550 --> 00:42:03.429
can't go anywhere. So I sent him a list of some

00:42:03.429 --> 00:42:05.449
items and, you know, food, things that I like

00:42:05.449 --> 00:42:07.969
to eat. And he made sure that I was taken care

00:42:07.969 --> 00:42:10.230
of during that quarantine period. And I'll never

00:42:10.230 --> 00:42:14.469
forget this. It was in October and my birthday

00:42:14.469 --> 00:42:17.809
is in October and my birthday feel right. in

00:42:17.809 --> 00:42:21.469
the middle of that quarantine period. And listen,

00:42:21.530 --> 00:42:25.429
I've never really been a big birthday celebration

00:42:25.429 --> 00:42:28.849
person. I don't tend to really do extravagant

00:42:28.849 --> 00:42:31.570
stuff on my birthday. That's just not me. I'm

00:42:31.570 --> 00:42:33.909
always happy to see another year, but I don't

00:42:33.909 --> 00:42:36.309
really make a big deal out of my birthday. But

00:42:36.309 --> 00:42:40.489
I remember talking on my phone with someone I

00:42:40.489 --> 00:42:45.659
was dating at the time. Yes. Technically, I was

00:42:45.659 --> 00:42:48.559
in a relationship at that time, but just hear

00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:51.360
me out. It was long distance. It's a long story.

00:42:51.380 --> 00:42:53.139
I don't want to get into it. I'm gonna write

00:42:53.139 --> 00:42:54.800
a book about it one day, but for now, just hear

00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:57.440
me out about the story. Okay, so it's my birthday.

00:42:58.619 --> 00:43:01.079
I think I was turning 41 or 42, but you know,

00:43:01.079 --> 00:43:03.000
anyway, I'm in a foreign country. I'm quarantined.

00:43:03.039 --> 00:43:05.079
I'm on the phone with my current situation, right?

00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:08.639
I hear the doorbell ring. So I go downstairs

00:43:08.639 --> 00:43:13.099
and I see this really cute young lady. And I

00:43:13.099 --> 00:43:14.480
could tell she was cute. Even though she had

00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:17.760
her mask on, I could tell she was cute. And she

00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:20.460
introduced herself as one of my colleagues, and

00:43:20.460 --> 00:43:22.320
she explained that she was the one who processed

00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:27.179
all of my paperwork for a newcomer orientation.

00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:29.880
And she wanted to make sure my visa was approved

00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:32.300
and my work permit and all that stuff. She got

00:43:32.300 --> 00:43:35.239
all that stuff squared away. And she had heard

00:43:35.239 --> 00:43:38.380
that it was my birthday, she said. And she knew

00:43:38.380 --> 00:43:40.360
since I was quarantined, I couldn't go anywhere.

00:43:40.539 --> 00:43:42.639
And I didn't know anybody yet. So she brought

00:43:42.639 --> 00:43:46.440
me this gift basket, this really nice gift basket

00:43:46.440 --> 00:43:49.539
that she made. And it had juice, it had snacks,

00:43:50.719 --> 00:43:53.139
soda, some other stuff. I think maybe even a

00:43:53.139 --> 00:43:56.039
couple of beers she put inside. And she wished

00:43:56.039 --> 00:43:58.380
me a happy birthday. And she was like, hey, if

00:43:58.380 --> 00:44:00.880
you need anything, I live right across the street.

00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:09.239
On top of her being obviously good looking, she

00:44:09.239 --> 00:44:11.980
was a little short, but that doesn't matter.

00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:15.659
I thought that was really, really such a kind,

00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:18.260
thoughtful gesture that she would take a moment

00:44:18.260 --> 00:44:20.639
to do that, recognize it was my birthday, and

00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:22.659
just do all of that. I thanked her. I told her

00:44:22.659 --> 00:44:25.800
it was very nice. I went back to my conversation.

00:44:26.519 --> 00:44:30.360
But I remember being glad that at least I was

00:44:30.360 --> 00:44:32.179
working with people who seemed to be pretty nice

00:44:32.179 --> 00:44:36.110
for the most part. Okay, so fast story, I'm out

00:44:36.110 --> 00:44:40.050
of quarantine. I'm working with my team and the

00:44:40.050 --> 00:44:42.010
young lady. You know, she worked in the same

00:44:42.010 --> 00:44:44.329
area. Part of her job, like I said, was processing

00:44:44.329 --> 00:44:47.369
all of the paperwork for the incoming diplomats.

00:44:47.530 --> 00:44:49.909
So she had everybody's information. She had dates

00:44:49.909 --> 00:44:54.030
of birth, social, your picture, your visa. She

00:44:54.030 --> 00:44:55.769
knew your marital status. She knew everything.

00:44:55.869 --> 00:44:57.550
I mean, it was just part of her job, but she

00:44:57.550 --> 00:45:02.409
had access to that information. So as time progresses,

00:45:02.730 --> 00:45:05.599
we're working closely together. We talk every

00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:09.679
day. Eventually she started inviting me to her

00:45:09.679 --> 00:45:13.219
house for dinner and it was innocent enough.

00:45:13.739 --> 00:45:16.800
People did that. You know people would buy groceries

00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:18.699
and cook and invite people over. It was very

00:45:18.699 --> 00:45:21.139
normal because you're away from your family so

00:45:21.139 --> 00:45:23.480
you build sort of a community with the people

00:45:23.480 --> 00:45:26.159
that you're working with and plus she liked to

00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:29.800
cook and it seemed you know appropriate and she

00:45:29.800 --> 00:45:31.719
seemed to appreciate having someone to cook for

00:45:31.719 --> 00:45:36.130
and all of that. Did my current boyfriend know

00:45:36.130 --> 00:45:39.809
I was going to her house for dinner? Yeah, I

00:45:39.809 --> 00:45:44.010
told him he wasn't really a fan of it. He advised

00:45:44.010 --> 00:45:46.469
against it, but I assured him that you know everything

00:45:46.469 --> 00:45:49.889
was above board. We have been hanging out. There

00:45:49.889 --> 00:45:53.690
was nothing inappropriate going on. So you know

00:45:53.690 --> 00:45:59.269
it was fine. So I thought. So. Over the month.

00:45:59.400 --> 00:46:02.119
over the months or whatever we start to hang

00:46:02.119 --> 00:46:05.800
out we get along no issues no one's coming on

00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:08.559
to anybody you know she's good people she put

00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:11.579
me on all the places to go where to shop where

00:46:11.579 --> 00:46:13.840
to get groceries all the cool places to visit

00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:16.739
how to ditch your security detail and just explore

00:46:16.739 --> 00:46:20.119
the city on your own all the the stuff you know

00:46:20.119 --> 00:46:22.840
um she was very clued in she was like a party

00:46:22.840 --> 00:46:26.460
girl off the clock so i would go with her to

00:46:26.460 --> 00:46:30.010
some of the most exclusive house parties. And

00:46:30.010 --> 00:46:32.050
these were house parties where they had all of

00:46:32.050 --> 00:46:35.809
the alcohol, all the weed, hose, just everything.

00:46:36.630 --> 00:46:39.750
And she was the one that put me on to how to

00:46:39.750 --> 00:46:42.610
register for alcohol access through the embassy.

00:46:43.530 --> 00:46:46.730
So we became fast friends and she got to know

00:46:46.730 --> 00:46:50.309
the real Andre very early on. We were really

00:46:50.309 --> 00:46:52.030
comfortable with each other. And in all this

00:46:52.030 --> 00:46:54.690
time, like I said, nothing romantic is happening.

00:46:55.610 --> 00:46:59.750
Well, One afternoon after work. I was at her

00:46:59.750 --> 00:47:03.429
place for dinner She invited me over to come

00:47:03.429 --> 00:47:07.090
later that night to have some drinks or whatever

00:47:07.090 --> 00:47:10.349
and to Watch a show that we have been talking

00:47:10.349 --> 00:47:13.070
about And at first I didn't see any harm in it

00:47:13.070 --> 00:47:15.730
because I mean I knew she kind of liked me But

00:47:15.730 --> 00:47:18.269
it had been over a month at that point nothing

00:47:18.269 --> 00:47:20.690
inappropriate happened I didn't see any harm

00:47:20.690 --> 00:47:22.550
in it plus. She knew I was in a relationship,

00:47:22.909 --> 00:47:25.610
so I was fairly comfortable that nothing was

00:47:25.610 --> 00:47:29.289
going to pop off. So even with that, I wasn't

00:47:29.289 --> 00:47:31.929
a fool. I didn't tell my boyfriend at the time

00:47:31.929 --> 00:47:34.329
that I was going back over there to watch a movie.

00:47:34.349 --> 00:47:38.349
He just would not have understood that. Plus,

00:47:38.389 --> 00:47:40.449
in my mind, I wasn't trying to do anything anyway,

00:47:40.630 --> 00:47:44.369
even if she was. So anyway, we're there. We're

00:47:44.369 --> 00:47:48.429
watching a movie. She had one of those L -shaped

00:47:48.429 --> 00:47:51.030
sectional sofas. So I'm sitting on one side.

00:47:51.030 --> 00:47:53.679
She's sitting on the other. we're laughing we're

00:47:53.679 --> 00:47:55.880
joking whatever all of a sudden she puts her

00:47:55.880 --> 00:48:01.699
feet in my lap and I Can't remember whether I

00:48:01.699 --> 00:48:04.619
shared this with her prior to this or not, but

00:48:04.619 --> 00:48:08.420
I have a foot fetish So if you put your feet

00:48:08.420 --> 00:48:10.460
on me, I'm not talking about no jacked up feet

00:48:10.460 --> 00:48:13.199
They got to be pretty feet. Okay, but and this

00:48:13.199 --> 00:48:15.920
is for me and women I have a foot fetish and

00:48:15.920 --> 00:48:18.579
she has some really pretty feet. They were nice

00:48:18.579 --> 00:48:22.510
and soft and freshly manicured Nails painted

00:48:22.510 --> 00:48:25.650
and all of that. So just instinctively I started

00:48:25.650 --> 00:48:29.349
rubbing her feet and massaging her feet and I

00:48:29.349 --> 00:48:31.429
started cracking her toes and I'm just going

00:48:31.429 --> 00:48:35.170
to town on her feet. Well, before I knew it,

00:48:35.489 --> 00:48:39.949
we started kissing. And I'm talking about passionately

00:48:39.949 --> 00:48:42.809
kissing like this. We about to pick some shit

00:48:42.809 --> 00:48:46.329
up kissing and just everything. And in my head

00:48:46.329 --> 00:48:50.550
I can see my boyfriend's face. And I started

00:48:50.550 --> 00:48:54.210
to feel really guilty. And part of me was like,

00:48:55.110 --> 00:48:58.070
part of me was like, I'm about to tear her up.

00:48:58.730 --> 00:49:00.570
But then I had this other side of me that was

00:49:00.570 --> 00:49:05.010
like, Andre, you always do this. You always do

00:49:05.010 --> 00:49:08.789
this. You ain't shit if you do this. So I started

00:49:08.789 --> 00:49:11.590
to pull away. I started to pull away from her

00:49:11.590 --> 00:49:14.510
while we were kissing. I literally said, wait,

00:49:14.690 --> 00:49:17.269
we shouldn't be doing this. And she was kind

00:49:17.269 --> 00:49:19.449
of still in it. She was like, why? You don't

00:49:19.449 --> 00:49:22.590
want me? And she's still kissing on me and stuff.

00:49:22.670 --> 00:49:25.269
And I was like, this isn't a good idea. We work

00:49:25.269 --> 00:49:28.510
together. I'm seeing somebody. But she did not

00:49:28.510 --> 00:49:32.110
want to stop. And she was like, we're both adults.

00:49:32.190 --> 00:49:35.030
We know how to keep it professional work. And

00:49:35.030 --> 00:49:37.849
I was like, yeah, I know. But we got to stop.

00:49:38.809 --> 00:49:42.050
So we stop. And we try to go back to watching

00:49:42.050 --> 00:49:44.090
the movie. We're not really watching a movie.

00:49:44.250 --> 00:49:45.809
We're just both kind of staring at the screen.

00:49:45.989 --> 00:49:47.750
And I can tell that both of us are just thinking

00:49:47.750 --> 00:49:50.590
about what almost happened. But at this point,

00:49:50.849 --> 00:49:53.650
I just kind of wanted to leave and go back across

00:49:53.650 --> 00:49:57.889
the street to my villa. But I was hard as a rock.

00:49:58.590 --> 00:50:00.889
And I was kind of ashamed to stand up. So I just

00:50:00.889 --> 00:50:03.269
kind of sat there. And we're both staring at

00:50:03.269 --> 00:50:06.849
the screen. OK, so fast forward. The show goes

00:50:06.849 --> 00:50:12.440
off, and she's like, it's getting late. And I

00:50:12.440 --> 00:50:14.800
know that when she says it's getting late, that's

00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:17.559
my cue to leave. So we get to work the next day.

00:50:18.480 --> 00:50:20.840
Everything's cool. We speak. There's no issue.

00:50:21.579 --> 00:50:23.619
I want to say the following day after that, she

00:50:23.619 --> 00:50:26.679
even invited me over for dinner again. And I

00:50:26.679 --> 00:50:29.000
said yes. And we end up watching another episode

00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:34.820
of that show. And halfway through it, she pops

00:50:34.820 --> 00:50:38.320
her feet up on me again. And mind you, this is

00:50:38.320 --> 00:50:41.010
how we got started last time. And we've already

00:50:41.010 --> 00:50:43.269
established that I'm turned on by pretty feet.

00:50:43.949 --> 00:50:47.510
So she's got her feet in my lap. And I'm like,

00:50:47.610 --> 00:50:50.889
OK, she's trying to start up again. And I can

00:50:50.889 --> 00:50:52.929
already feel myself starting to get aroused.

00:50:54.409 --> 00:50:58.190
The first time she put her feet in my lap, I

00:50:58.190 --> 00:50:59.610
told you I immediately started rubbing them.

00:50:59.610 --> 00:51:02.829
This time, I kind of froze. And I didn't know

00:51:02.829 --> 00:51:07.929
what to do. So instead of rubbing her feet, I

00:51:07.929 --> 00:51:12.320
started kind of patting them. Like kind of like

00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:14.800
you would like a little dog that you just met

00:51:14.800 --> 00:51:20.380
and That shit pissed her off She snatched her

00:51:20.380 --> 00:51:23.539
feet off of me and she was like just forget it

00:51:23.539 --> 00:51:27.059
And I was like what what's wrong with you? I

00:51:27.059 --> 00:51:29.300
thought you mad because I didn't rub your feet

00:51:29.300 --> 00:51:31.699
and she was like nothing nothing Just watch the

00:51:31.699 --> 00:51:36.519
show Andre kind of like that and so We're both

00:51:36.519 --> 00:51:38.679
sitting. We're staring at the screen. The whole

00:51:38.679 --> 00:51:40.920
vibe was different. The whole vibe had changed.

00:51:41.079 --> 00:51:43.800
Everything was off. So after a few minutes, I

00:51:43.800 --> 00:51:45.360
was like, all right, I'm going to go back to

00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:48.579
my place. Good night. And then she was like,

00:51:48.599 --> 00:51:50.739
good night. You know, we're really dry like that.

00:51:51.659 --> 00:51:54.099
So clearly she was pissed off. I get to work

00:51:54.099 --> 00:51:57.280
the next day. And the way the office is set up,

00:51:57.340 --> 00:52:00.320
I have to pass her office to get to my office,

00:52:00.420 --> 00:52:03.380
right? So when I get to her office, I poke my

00:52:03.380 --> 00:52:06.320
head in, like I always do when I say, Good morning.

00:52:06.860 --> 00:52:10.000
You know, that's just what I do. This is exactly

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:13.579
how it went. I walk up past her, her, her office.

00:52:13.840 --> 00:52:16.500
I say, Hey, good morning. And she hits me with

00:52:16.500 --> 00:52:19.280
the good morning really dry like that. And I

00:52:19.280 --> 00:52:21.400
was like, Oh, okay. I see how this is going to

00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:24.460
go. I see how this is going to go. I'm just going

00:52:24.460 --> 00:52:26.940
to let her have her moment today. You know, I

00:52:26.940 --> 00:52:29.420
know some women have a hard time when they feel

00:52:29.420 --> 00:52:33.400
rejected or whatever. So I get it. So I let it

00:52:33.400 --> 00:52:36.190
go. And I continued to be polite every morning.

00:52:36.389 --> 00:52:39.269
I would speak like I always do. And she mumbled

00:52:39.269 --> 00:52:43.230
this dry good morning with an attitude. And this

00:52:43.230 --> 00:52:45.949
went on for like three, four days. I thought

00:52:45.949 --> 00:52:47.610
it was going to go on for like maybe two days.

00:52:47.730 --> 00:52:51.190
This continued for like a week. Until one day

00:52:51.190 --> 00:52:53.329
I got really tired of this shit because we worked

00:52:53.329 --> 00:52:57.869
too close in proximity to be having this type

00:52:57.869 --> 00:53:01.070
of shit going on at work. So one day I walked

00:53:01.070 --> 00:53:02.929
into her office and I was like, are we okay?

00:53:03.629 --> 00:53:05.309
You know, and she was like, what do you mean?

00:53:06.070 --> 00:53:08.230
I was like, I mean, how long are we going to

00:53:08.230 --> 00:53:11.170
be like this with this half speaking and dry

00:53:11.170 --> 00:53:13.090
good mornings and aborting each other? How long

00:53:13.090 --> 00:53:15.030
is this going to go on? Because clearly you are

00:53:15.030 --> 00:53:18.250
upset with me. And she was like, Mr. Jerry, we're

00:53:18.250 --> 00:53:21.110
fine. And I was like, oh, I'm Mr. Jerry now.

00:53:21.269 --> 00:53:24.570
OK. OK, I got you. And I was like, well, look,

00:53:24.610 --> 00:53:27.369
Ms. Green, whenever you're, I didn't mean to

00:53:27.369 --> 00:53:30.210
say that girl name, Z, block that out when you

00:53:30.210 --> 00:53:33.030
do the rerecord. I was like, when you're ready

00:53:33.030 --> 00:53:36.530
to have a real conversation, you know where my

00:53:36.530 --> 00:53:39.949
office is. And then I walked out. But before

00:53:39.949 --> 00:53:43.130
I could walk out of her office, she hit me with

00:53:43.130 --> 00:53:46.570
this, you have a nice day. And I don't like that.

00:53:46.570 --> 00:53:48.929
I don't like that type of passive aggressive,

00:53:49.389 --> 00:53:51.869
gaslighting type stuff. I don't like that. And

00:53:51.869 --> 00:53:54.309
back then, this was before I started to get therapy,

00:53:54.829 --> 00:53:57.650
I had to have the last word back in the day.

00:53:59.090 --> 00:54:01.429
I go back to my office and I'm still pissed.

00:54:02.010 --> 00:54:04.230
I'm pissed at her. I'm pissed at myself because

00:54:04.230 --> 00:54:07.050
I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. I

00:54:07.050 --> 00:54:10.429
knew better than to allow myself to get romantically

00:54:10.429 --> 00:54:13.750
involved with a colleague. I already knew this.

00:54:14.550 --> 00:54:15.989
And, you know, because at this point I've been

00:54:15.989 --> 00:54:18.469
in the workplace over 20 years. I already knew

00:54:18.469 --> 00:54:22.070
what time it was. And plus that have a nice day

00:54:22.070 --> 00:54:24.670
remark, that really kind of stuck in my crop

00:54:24.670 --> 00:54:27.269
because I know what that means. That's corporate

00:54:27.269 --> 00:54:30.610
for fuck you. Basically. So I'm just thinking

00:54:30.610 --> 00:54:32.489
about everything. I can barely concentrate on

00:54:32.489 --> 00:54:36.309
my work. And like I said, back then, I had to

00:54:36.309 --> 00:54:38.769
have the last word. So I stormed back to her

00:54:38.769 --> 00:54:41.269
office, I closed the door behind me, and I just

00:54:41.269 --> 00:54:44.769
let it rip. I was like, see, this is why I told

00:54:44.769 --> 00:54:47.550
you this wasn't a good idea. You swore up and

00:54:47.550 --> 00:54:49.969
down that it wouldn't be a problem, that we were

00:54:49.969 --> 00:54:51.489
those who were going to keep it professional,

00:54:51.650 --> 00:54:55.750
all that bullshit. Now look at us. You clearly

00:54:55.750 --> 00:54:58.369
have like an issue with me and instead of want

00:54:58.369 --> 00:55:00.429
to you know trying to work through it You want

00:55:00.429 --> 00:55:02.730
to try to gloss over everything and play this

00:55:02.730 --> 00:55:05.050
kind of nice nasty game I just kind of let it

00:55:05.050 --> 00:55:09.150
rip and we were never the same after that And

00:55:09.150 --> 00:55:12.250
it kind of morphed into this office vendetta.

00:55:12.250 --> 00:55:14.849
I didn't speak to her She didn't speak to me.

00:55:14.849 --> 00:55:18.389
It spilled over into our work It was clear to

00:55:18.389 --> 00:55:20.449
everybody in the office that something happened

00:55:20.449 --> 00:55:23.010
between those two And it was just unfortunate

00:55:23.010 --> 00:55:26.010
to have people in our business that way for it

00:55:26.010 --> 00:55:29.530
to end like that. But that's the risk that you

00:55:29.530 --> 00:55:32.369
take when you get involved in these office romances.

00:55:33.769 --> 00:55:36.090
And things of this nature tend to happen. It

00:55:36.090 --> 00:55:39.690
can be all fun and exciting at first, but when

00:55:39.690 --> 00:55:43.750
that shit goes sour, it goes sour. And it's just

00:55:43.750 --> 00:55:48.510
not worth risking your reputation, your career.

00:55:48.980 --> 00:55:51.400
your peace of mind at work. And a lot of us don't

00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:54.400
like going to work anyway. So imagine adding

00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:57.219
this type of unnecessary stress to your job.

00:55:57.380 --> 00:55:58.699
And I'm gonna tell you something else about this

00:55:58.699 --> 00:56:03.420
situation. Back when we were cool, part of the

00:56:03.420 --> 00:56:08.380
camaraderie we had is talking about other people

00:56:08.380 --> 00:56:10.219
at work, talking shit about people, talking about

00:56:10.219 --> 00:56:12.739
our coworkers, talking about our supervisor and

00:56:12.739 --> 00:56:16.599
all of that. After things went sour with us,

00:56:16.889 --> 00:56:19.550
what I didn't know at the time was that she had

00:56:19.550 --> 00:56:23.110
gotten chummy with our supervisor and she told

00:56:23.110 --> 00:56:26.909
him all of the shit that At least I used to say

00:56:26.909 --> 00:56:29.349
about him and how I really felt about him She

00:56:29.349 --> 00:56:32.769
shared all that with him and I had been clocked

00:56:32.769 --> 00:56:35.050
that they were getting chummy or whatever I didn't

00:56:35.050 --> 00:56:38.030
think too much about it, but I never thought

00:56:38.030 --> 00:56:41.889
that With her being mad at me and all of that

00:56:41.889 --> 00:56:43.590
even with all of that I didn't think that she

00:56:43.590 --> 00:56:47.679
would go back and tell our supervisor and share

00:56:47.679 --> 00:56:50.059
our personal conversations like that. That's

00:56:50.059 --> 00:56:52.659
not anything I would have ever done to her. So

00:56:52.659 --> 00:56:55.940
I'm noticing different treatment from my boss,

00:56:56.260 --> 00:56:57.880
and it wasn't long before I started to put two

00:56:57.880 --> 00:57:02.800
and two together. Fast forward, and I never shared

00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:07.219
this part of the story publicly, but my boss

00:57:07.219 --> 00:57:10.440
calls me into his office one day, and this was

00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:12.619
totally out of the blue. He called me into his

00:57:12.619 --> 00:57:15.699
office and he told me that he was reclassifying

00:57:15.699 --> 00:57:20.059
my position. from a managerial coded position

00:57:20.059 --> 00:57:24.960
to a technical coded position, meaning he reclassified

00:57:24.960 --> 00:57:28.699
it. And whoever was the new incumbent for that

00:57:28.699 --> 00:57:30.739
job, the requirement was that they had to have

00:57:30.739 --> 00:57:33.780
an MBA, which I had, and also an engineering

00:57:33.780 --> 00:57:36.199
degree, which I don't have. I'm not an engineer.

00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:44.679
So they were freezing me out. So he told me that

00:57:44.679 --> 00:57:49.179
basically my job was ending. I would not be renewed

00:57:49.179 --> 00:57:53.360
after that 12 month period. So what she did was

00:57:53.360 --> 00:57:55.719
essentially work behind the scenes to get me

00:57:55.719 --> 00:57:57.739
fired. I couldn't do anything about it. I just

00:57:57.739 --> 00:58:00.780
had to take that loss and write out my contract.

00:58:01.500 --> 00:58:04.360
But you know, when you do people like this, and

00:58:04.360 --> 00:58:06.699
see I'm watching the time, when you do people

00:58:06.699 --> 00:58:09.099
dirty like this, a lot of times what they end

00:58:09.099 --> 00:58:13.260
up doing is inadvertently helping you. So long

00:58:13.260 --> 00:58:16.519
story short, I ended up getting promoted. to

00:58:16.519 --> 00:58:21.559
an upper management position. And just a little

00:58:21.559 --> 00:58:24.280
over a year later, I end up coming back to Saudi

00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:27.860
for a second diplomatic assignment. This time

00:58:27.860 --> 00:58:29.699
I was in a higher position, even higher than

00:58:29.699 --> 00:58:33.139
my boss who fired me. And oh, guess what ended

00:58:33.139 --> 00:58:37.480
up happening to my boss? Okay, so apparently

00:58:37.480 --> 00:58:40.559
in a private meeting with the team or whatever,

00:58:41.300 --> 00:58:44.320
he said something really offensive about the

00:58:44.320 --> 00:58:47.070
Saudis. And some kind of way it ended up being

00:58:47.070 --> 00:58:52.110
recorded. Well, that recording ended up being

00:58:52.110 --> 00:58:54.489
heard by the Ministry of Defense in Saudi Arabia.

00:58:55.110 --> 00:58:58.550
And so not long after I left, they got his ass

00:58:58.550 --> 00:59:02.670
out of there. But guess who replaced him? And

00:59:02.670 --> 00:59:06.449
that's my Alexa going off in the background.

00:59:06.590 --> 00:59:10.969
But guess who replaced my boss? This thing, the

00:59:10.969 --> 00:59:13.820
one that got me fired. And, you know, even with

00:59:13.820 --> 00:59:16.960
everything that she tried to do to me, I was

00:59:16.960 --> 00:59:20.119
still happy for her. Because, you know, for a

00:59:20.119 --> 00:59:23.360
woman, especially a black woman, to get that

00:59:23.360 --> 00:59:27.619
level of management position in Saudi Arabia

00:59:27.619 --> 00:59:29.460
where they don't really mess with women like

00:59:29.460 --> 00:59:32.659
that, they don't want women in the meetings answering

00:59:32.659 --> 00:59:36.019
to women, having women head meetings and things

00:59:36.019 --> 00:59:39.480
like that. So for her to attain that level of

00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:42.219
position in Saudi Arabia was quite remarkable.

00:59:42.510 --> 00:59:44.929
And when I saw her again, I made it a point to

00:59:44.929 --> 00:59:47.429
tell her that. I made it a point to go to her

00:59:47.429 --> 00:59:50.570
office. And by the way, when she saw me back

00:59:50.570 --> 00:59:52.610
in Saudi, you should have seen her face. It was

00:59:52.610 --> 00:59:56.250
like she saw a ghost. She couldn't even play

00:59:56.250 --> 00:59:59.969
it off. She was like, hello, Mr. Jerry. I said,

01:00:00.030 --> 01:00:02.989
Dr. Jerry. And she was like, oh, you finally

01:00:02.989 --> 01:00:04.530
finished your doctorate. I was like, yep, sure

01:00:04.530 --> 01:00:08.429
did. And I know she was probably expecting me

01:00:08.429 --> 01:00:11.710
to be nasty, but there was no need for that.

01:00:12.440 --> 01:00:15.500
My title and my position said everything that

01:00:15.500 --> 01:00:18.360
needed to be said But I did pull her to the side

01:00:18.360 --> 01:00:22.079
and I congratulated her on her promotion and

01:00:22.079 --> 01:00:24.280
I told her I said remember when we first met

01:00:24.280 --> 01:00:26.579
You know back when you were miss party girl,

01:00:26.579 --> 01:00:28.980
and I told you I told you that wasn't a good

01:00:28.980 --> 01:00:31.239
look for you I told you stop going all those

01:00:31.239 --> 01:00:35.239
parties house parties dancing drinking Carrying

01:00:35.239 --> 01:00:37.420
on I told I told her I said that was not a good

01:00:37.420 --> 01:00:40.059
look. That's not a good look for you focus on

01:00:40.059 --> 01:00:45.780
your credentials Focus on your job and getting

01:00:45.780 --> 01:00:47.880
rid of that group of people that you're hanging

01:00:47.880 --> 01:00:50.719
with outside of work. Because I told her, I said,

01:00:50.900 --> 01:00:53.179
if anything were to happen to our supervisor,

01:00:54.019 --> 01:00:56.019
you're going to be the first one in line to take

01:00:56.019 --> 01:00:58.079
his position because of your tenure. She had

01:00:58.079 --> 01:01:02.619
the most tenure of anyone there. So I told her,

01:01:02.679 --> 01:01:04.559
you may have stopped talking to me and all of

01:01:04.559 --> 01:01:06.940
that, but you took my advice, didn't you? I see

01:01:06.940 --> 01:01:10.099
you took my advice. And look where you are today.

01:01:10.780 --> 01:01:13.780
You know you run this entire division, and I'm

01:01:13.780 --> 01:01:16.579
proud of you. I told her that you know We never

01:01:16.579 --> 01:01:18.880
went back to being friends, but you know all

01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:21.039
of that that ship has sailed But like I said

01:01:21.039 --> 01:01:23.739
I was happy that we were able to get to a place

01:01:23.739 --> 01:01:27.340
of mutual respect for each other You know so

01:01:27.340 --> 01:01:31.800
I said all that just to share Just to say this

01:01:31.800 --> 01:01:35.219
really that entire situation with her could have

01:01:35.219 --> 01:01:39.099
been avoided Not because I didn't know better

01:01:39.340 --> 01:01:42.239
But because I wasn't in the right emotional state,

01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:46.199
you know Yeah, I knew that I shouldn't be doing

01:01:46.199 --> 01:01:48.460
that but I just was not in a good space Like

01:01:48.460 --> 01:01:51.139
I said, I was grieving I was lonely. I was displaced

01:01:51.139 --> 01:01:54.300
I was in a vulnerable state and when you're vulnerable

01:01:54.300 --> 01:01:56.519
like that and you don't have the proper guardrails

01:01:56.519 --> 01:01:59.739
you make Decisions that could end up costing

01:01:59.739 --> 01:02:03.860
you your piece your job your focus your career

01:02:03.860 --> 01:02:07.920
so here's a takeaway that I want you to to to

01:02:07.920 --> 01:02:10.579
take here. And I really want you to hear these.

01:02:11.800 --> 01:02:14.579
Being grown and educated and accomplished and

01:02:14.579 --> 01:02:16.619
all of that, none of that stuff makes you immune

01:02:16.619 --> 01:02:19.039
to poor judgment. That can happen to any one

01:02:19.039 --> 01:02:22.860
of us. Like that saying, I forgot who said it,

01:02:22.860 --> 01:02:26.320
but we're all one poor decision away from, you

01:02:26.320 --> 01:02:28.880
know, being in jail or being in all types of

01:02:28.880 --> 01:02:30.860
situations, especially when you have something

01:02:30.860 --> 01:02:33.780
like grief and loneliness and stress going on.

01:02:35.019 --> 01:02:38.239
Second thing, office romances. Rarely, rarely

01:02:38.239 --> 01:02:41.639
worth the risk. They may start out fun. They

01:02:41.639 --> 01:02:44.139
may feel exciting and all of that. But when they

01:02:44.139 --> 01:02:48.440
go left, they go left so bad. And the consequences

01:02:48.440 --> 01:02:51.440
can be something that you may not be able to

01:02:51.440 --> 01:02:54.380
rebound from. Because you still have to go to

01:02:54.380 --> 01:02:55.639
work. You still have to sit in those meetings.

01:02:55.699 --> 01:02:57.619
You still have to deal with the power dynamics

01:02:57.619 --> 01:03:00.340
and the egos and the retaliation and all the

01:03:00.340 --> 01:03:04.159
stuff. OK, so keep that in mind. The third thing.

01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:09.920
When people feel rejected, or embarrassed or

01:03:09.920 --> 01:03:11.980
hurt. And I did apologize to her, by the way,

01:03:12.059 --> 01:03:14.719
for anything I've ever done to make her feel

01:03:14.719 --> 01:03:17.840
some type of way. But when people feel rejected

01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:19.579
and embarrassed and stuff like that, they don't

01:03:19.579 --> 01:03:24.739
have sometimes the emotional maturity yet to

01:03:24.739 --> 01:03:27.760
deal with it. And they'll weaponize information

01:03:27.760 --> 01:03:30.079
that you share with them in moments of trust.

01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:34.059
So watch that. Watch that type of bitterness.

01:03:34.619 --> 01:03:36.840
It's part of my experience, and I just don't

01:03:36.760 --> 01:03:38.900
I don't, if I can prevent someone else from going

01:03:38.900 --> 01:03:42.159
down that road, that's what I want to do. Here's

01:03:42.159 --> 01:03:43.639
the last thing I'll say. Just because someone

01:03:43.639 --> 01:03:45.380
wronged you don't mean you have to become bitter.

01:03:46.039 --> 01:03:48.039
Don't become bitter at the end. God is going

01:03:48.039 --> 01:03:50.800
to take care of you. He's going to make sure

01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:54.800
that you win in the end. If you stay respectful,

01:03:54.800 --> 01:03:56.980
if you stay humble, if you just try your best

01:03:56.980 --> 01:03:59.599
to say, yeah, I f 'ed up, I did. But what did

01:03:59.599 --> 01:04:02.559
I take away from that? What did I learn? For

01:04:02.559 --> 01:04:05.440
me, life end up Correcting itself. I got a better

01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:07.980
position the titles change everybody ended up

01:04:07.980 --> 01:04:11.940
exactly where they were supposed to be So, you

01:04:11.940 --> 01:04:14.019
know there comes a point in life where you just

01:04:14.019 --> 01:04:17.139
kind of stop Blaming other people and you start

01:04:17.139 --> 01:04:20.659
taking a look at yourself You know, so I hope

01:04:20.659 --> 01:04:24.219
I Said something in this episode that helped

01:04:24.219 --> 01:04:27.619
you think Help you make their decisions moving

01:04:27.619 --> 01:04:30.119
forward helped you protect your peace because

01:04:30.119 --> 01:04:31.800
really it's non -negotiable if you don't have

01:04:31.800 --> 01:04:35.019
peace It's going to be hard to get the things

01:04:35.019 --> 01:04:37.679
done that you want to get done this year. All

01:04:37.679 --> 01:04:39.880
right. So look, I've gone over time. That's my

01:04:39.880 --> 01:04:42.559
time for tonight. Like I said, this episode resonated

01:04:42.559 --> 01:04:44.579
with you. Share it with someone. The link will

01:04:44.579 --> 01:04:46.920
be ready soon. Share the playback with someone

01:04:46.920 --> 01:04:49.380
who's learning how to choose themselves without

01:04:49.380 --> 01:04:52.300
all the guilt. All right. As always, thank you

01:04:52.300 --> 01:04:54.739
so much for rocking with me this evening. I appreciate

01:04:54.739 --> 01:04:57.320
it so much. This has been live with Dr. Andre

01:04:57.320 --> 01:05:00.280
Jerry. Until next time, be well, be honest with

01:05:00.280 --> 01:05:03.840
yourself. and stop forcing what no longer fits.

01:05:04.300 --> 01:05:04.780
Good night everybody.