WEBVTT 00:00:00.460 --> 00:00:04.080 Dr. Jerry, you got the whole world waiting. Been 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:07.900 ready for you to start the conversation. Your 00:00:07.900 --> 00:00:11.300 point of view, it got the haters confused. Leave 00:00:11.300 --> 00:00:15.259 it up to you to bring us all the good news. Positive 00:00:15.259 --> 00:00:19.280 vibes and the sex appeal too. Dr. Andre Jerry, 00:00:19.579 --> 00:00:26.539 can I get an interview? And welcome to another 00:00:26.539 --> 00:00:29.980 episode of Live with Dr. Andre Jerry, your destination 00:00:29.980 --> 00:00:33.380 for bold conversations, unfiltered truth, and 00:00:33.380 --> 00:00:36.240 practical inspiration to help you unlock your 00:00:36.240 --> 00:00:39.460 best life. I'm your host, Dr. Andre Jerry, broadcasting 00:00:39.460 --> 00:00:42.899 live from San Juan, Puerto Rico. And tonight's 00:00:42.899 --> 00:00:46.759 show is sponsored by Amazon Autos. Because spending 00:00:46.759 --> 00:00:51.320 six hours at the car dealership is so 2005. With 00:00:51.320 --> 00:00:54.200 Amazon Autos, you can browse, buy, and boom. 00:00:54.359 --> 00:00:57.200 Your new ride shows up at your door. So stick 00:00:57.200 --> 00:00:59.299 around. We'll hear more about our sponsor during 00:00:59.299 --> 00:01:01.719 the break. But for now, let's go ahead and get 00:01:01.719 --> 00:01:05.340 into tonight's conversation. So many of you listening 00:01:05.340 --> 00:01:09.959 may have parents or grandparents who are getting 00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:13.159 up there in age, and they may still be doing 00:01:13.159 --> 00:01:16.560 pretty well for themselves. But you may be quietly 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.760 wondering about what type of care they may eventually 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:23.859 need a few years from now. Some of you may already 00:01:23.859 --> 00:01:27.159 be in the thick of it and may be already managing 00:01:27.159 --> 00:01:30.739 care for a parent that has dementia or some other 00:01:30.739 --> 00:01:33.459 type of serious illness, all while trying to 00:01:33.459 --> 00:01:36.719 juggle your own career and your own family and 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:41.280 your own sanity. And here's a question that most 00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:45.700 families don't want to face. Do you have a clear 00:01:45.700 --> 00:01:48.459 plan in place for your loved one's final wishes? 00:01:49.319 --> 00:01:52.599 I'm talking about the type of care that They 00:01:52.599 --> 00:01:54.819 want, you know, the medical treatments they do 00:01:54.819 --> 00:01:57.280 or don't want, how the finances are going to 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:01.099 be handled, and yes, even burial arrangements. 00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:04.379 I know it's a tough conversation and we avoid 00:02:04.379 --> 00:02:07.719 it a lot, often times until it's too late, but 00:02:07.719 --> 00:02:10.199 having that plan in place can be the difference 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:14.240 between chaos and clarity and between having 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:18.270 a family conflict and having family peace. So, 00:02:18.490 --> 00:02:21.150 my guest tonight is here to help us navigate 00:02:21.150 --> 00:02:23.610 some of these questions and a lot more. Janice 00:02:23.610 --> 00:02:26.949 Lombardo is a certified end -of -life doula. 00:02:27.349 --> 00:02:31.270 She's a Willow end -of -life educator, a dementia 00:02:31.270 --> 00:02:34.689 practitioner, published author, and advocate 00:02:34.689 --> 00:02:39.150 with over 24 years of experience in guiding families 00:02:39.150 --> 00:02:42.069 through one of life's most difficult seasons. 00:02:42.870 --> 00:02:46.990 Her work moves families from fear to preparation. 00:02:47.129 --> 00:02:50.550 and from chaos to clarity, bridging the gaps 00:02:50.550 --> 00:02:53.870 in the hospice and palliative care while offering 00:02:53.870 --> 00:02:56.050 the compassion and practical tools caregivers 00:02:56.050 --> 00:02:59.449 need the most. Janice has been a recurring guest 00:02:59.449 --> 00:03:02.210 here on the Artist First Radio Network, having 00:03:02.210 --> 00:03:04.990 recently appeared on the Harriet Tramer's popular 00:03:04.990 --> 00:03:07.729 show, Aging Without Wrinkles. And she's been 00:03:07.729 --> 00:03:10.469 a featured guest on numerous other podcasts and 00:03:10.469 --> 00:03:13.009 panels and other speaking events. And she brings 00:03:13.009 --> 00:03:16.590 both a professional expertise, and a deeply personal 00:03:16.590 --> 00:03:20.689 experience as a primary giver for her own father 00:03:20.689 --> 00:03:24.270 and aunt. She knows the challenges firsthand, 00:03:24.270 --> 00:03:26.469 and that's why I'm excited to have her on tonight's 00:03:26.469 --> 00:03:28.909 show, because she's going to share her insights, 00:03:29.090 --> 00:03:32.349 her resources, and strategies that you can use 00:03:32.349 --> 00:03:35.710 to help prepare, plan, and protect what matters 00:03:35.710 --> 00:03:39.090 most. So Janice Lombardo, welcome to Live with 00:03:39.090 --> 00:03:42.610 Dr. Andre Jerry. So glad to have you on. Well, 00:03:42.610 --> 00:03:46.169 thank you so much. I am thrilled to be here I'm 00:03:46.169 --> 00:03:49.629 so happy that you are willing to talk about this 00:03:49.629 --> 00:03:55.650 because we all need to be prepared and like I 00:03:55.650 --> 00:03:58.710 decided to you know, go through a long long time 00:03:58.710 --> 00:04:02.729 ago and Because I've been a primary caregiver 00:04:02.729 --> 00:04:06.270 for several elderly family members over the last 00:04:06.270 --> 00:04:12.199 24 years and There are things that you just cannot 00:04:12.199 --> 00:04:15.979 understand that are going to pop up. And if you 00:04:15.979 --> 00:04:22.000 have no support or you have no resources, it 00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:25.579 can make that journey incredibly difficult, chaotic, 00:04:26.420 --> 00:04:30.240 and very unpleasant for a caregiver at this point 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:34.519 in time. Yes, that's absolutely true. And that's 00:04:34.519 --> 00:04:36.540 why I've really been genuinely looking forward 00:04:36.540 --> 00:04:39.329 to this conversation tonight. And not because 00:04:39.329 --> 00:04:41.490 it's a glamorous topic or anything like that, 00:04:41.550 --> 00:04:44.949 but it's one of the most important conversations 00:04:44.949 --> 00:04:48.509 that families and caregivers need to be having 00:04:48.509 --> 00:04:51.810 right now. I was just talking with a friend, 00:04:51.810 --> 00:04:54.350 talking about how we all live through one of 00:04:54.350 --> 00:04:57.610 the most devastating pandemics of our lifetime. 00:04:59.209 --> 00:05:02.550 COVID didn't just take millions of lives, including 00:05:02.550 --> 00:05:07.009 my mother's, but it also expose how unprepared 00:05:07.009 --> 00:05:10.129 a lot of families are to handle, you know, the 00:05:10.129 --> 00:05:13.170 realities of end of life decisions and medical 00:05:13.170 --> 00:05:15.470 care, final wishes, all the stuff that comes 00:05:15.470 --> 00:05:18.769 along with having to make those types of decisions. 00:05:19.189 --> 00:05:21.430 And the result for a lot of them has been a lot 00:05:21.430 --> 00:05:25.370 of confusion, stress, heartache on top of having 00:05:25.370 --> 00:05:28.470 to deal with grief. So that's why I'm so grateful 00:05:28.470 --> 00:05:32.829 to have you on here tonight. You coined a phrase 00:05:32.829 --> 00:05:36.370 that you often use in your interviews and in 00:05:36.370 --> 00:05:39.810 your marketing materials, which is you plan for 00:05:39.810 --> 00:05:43.810 birth, now let's plan for all of life too. And 00:05:43.810 --> 00:05:46.050 I love that quote. I'd love for you to unpack 00:05:46.050 --> 00:05:49.029 that a bit and tell us what it means. And in 00:05:49.029 --> 00:05:51.149 your own words, why this conversation we're having 00:05:51.149 --> 00:05:53.730 tonight is so important for families and caregivers. 00:05:55.329 --> 00:06:00.709 Well, thank you so much. You know, growing up, 00:06:01.420 --> 00:06:05.800 We didn't talk about dying death illness you 00:06:05.800 --> 00:06:08.379 had a family member or a loved one pass away 00:06:08.379 --> 00:06:12.019 You went to the funeral and then life just kind 00:06:12.019 --> 00:06:15.639 of carried on as usual grief was not something 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:21.220 that was really Acknowledged or you know, what 00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:23.860 what do you do to help somebody through that 00:06:23.860 --> 00:06:31.199 process? so when I was younger and going through 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:36.399 having my own children. I learned unfortunately 00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:39.220 the hard way about what happens if you don't 00:06:39.220 --> 00:06:42.319 really plan for birth or if the plans that you 00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:46.279 have don't exactly work out as well as you would 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:52.180 have hoped. So when my mom's cancer journey started 00:06:52.180 --> 00:06:58.009 in 2003 and I and my father were her primary 00:06:58.009 --> 00:07:01.689 caregivers. I was also raising two school -aged 00:07:01.689 --> 00:07:04.850 children at the time, so I was a sandwich generation 00:07:04.850 --> 00:07:10.290 parent. And there were so many things that I 00:07:10.290 --> 00:07:14.850 did not know. And before my mother was actually 00:07:14.850 --> 00:07:19.730 diagnosed, I had my own cancer journey that I'm 00:07:19.730 --> 00:07:22.860 really lucky to still be here. And so I made 00:07:22.860 --> 00:07:26.079 up my mind at that point in time that I was going 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:29.740 to do everything in my power to be prepared, 00:07:30.500 --> 00:07:33.259 to make sure that I did the research, make sure 00:07:33.259 --> 00:07:36.579 that when I had my daughter, I had a birthing 00:07:36.579 --> 00:07:40.100 doula, which was still something that really 00:07:40.100 --> 00:07:42.879 was not popular at the time. And you had to pay 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:45.980 for those services out of pocket. But after the 00:07:45.980 --> 00:07:48.360 experience I had with my son, I wasn't going 00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:52.420 to go in by myself. I wanted an advocate. I wanted 00:07:52.420 --> 00:07:57.019 somebody who would be able to talk doctor speak, 00:07:57.060 --> 00:08:00.360 so to speak, while still supporting me and making 00:08:00.360 --> 00:08:03.060 sure that I didn't go through what I did with 00:08:03.060 --> 00:08:07.480 birth of my son. So after my mom passed away 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:11.699 in 2011, I thought I was going to be a nurse. 00:08:12.060 --> 00:08:15.379 And so I started courses to get into nursing 00:08:15.379 --> 00:08:19.110 school. And then that didn't to pan out, something 00:08:19.110 --> 00:08:23.709 else came up and about two, three weeks before 00:08:23.709 --> 00:08:26.110 the pandemic hit and shut everything down, I 00:08:26.110 --> 00:08:29.089 was actually going to drive to Michigan. I'm 00:08:29.089 --> 00:08:33.590 in Ohio for a four day intensive to become trained 00:08:33.590 --> 00:08:36.769 as an end of life doula because everything that 00:08:36.769 --> 00:08:40.950 I had read about it and was taught about it was 00:08:40.950 --> 00:08:44.450 just, it made so much sense. And it really spoke 00:08:44.450 --> 00:08:49.220 to me. And because of our healthcare system for 00:08:49.220 --> 00:08:51.879 many years. It isn't just a new issue. This has 00:08:51.879 --> 00:08:55.840 been going on for a really long time. I did not 00:08:55.840 --> 00:09:02.620 want another family member or myself to go through 00:09:02.620 --> 00:09:08.799 a chronic illness or a sudden illness or accident 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:13.700 or whatever and not be prepared. So when I started 00:09:13.700 --> 00:09:21.960 this journey in April, March of 2020 I took coursework 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:25.279 online and got my certification that way because 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:27.480 obviously I wasn't going to be driving to Michigan 00:09:27.480 --> 00:09:32.139 when everything was shut down. So I felt that 00:09:32.139 --> 00:09:35.419 a message that would resonate with folks because 00:09:35.419 --> 00:09:37.940 a lot of people do know what a birthing doula 00:09:37.940 --> 00:09:40.419 is. They still don't know what an end -of -life 00:09:40.419 --> 00:09:45.179 doula is. So that's why my tagline is you plan 00:09:45.179 --> 00:09:49.440 for birth. Now let's plan for all of life too 00:09:49.440 --> 00:09:53.740 because that's like I said our religions mostly 00:09:53.740 --> 00:09:58.159 do not deal with death our Families didn't talk 00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:01.860 about it. It's not something that is pleasant 00:10:01.860 --> 00:10:05.759 to think about But if you're going to be the 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:08.799 adult in the room take ownership of it. This 00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:13.340 is part of life and If you go through the process, 00:10:13.580 --> 00:10:16.559 I promise you that it will not be as scary as 00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:18.980 your imagination is leading you to think that 00:10:18.980 --> 00:10:24.179 it is. Absolutely. And I love how your work is 00:10:24.179 --> 00:10:26.779 tied to your personal story, and it speaks to 00:10:26.779 --> 00:10:29.740 the passion that drives the work that you do. 00:10:30.740 --> 00:10:32.580 As you mentioned, one of your official titles 00:10:32.580 --> 00:10:36.340 is certified end of life doula. And as you mentioned, 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:40.399 most people know the role of a doula when it 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:43.539 comes to birth but not death and honestly before 00:10:43.539 --> 00:10:46.000 learning about your work I had never even heard 00:10:46.000 --> 00:10:49.519 the term end of life doula or death doula as 00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:52.559 our mutual friend Scott likes to put it. But 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:55.399 for those listening who may not know, can you 00:10:55.399 --> 00:10:58.059 sort of explain what an end of life doula does 00:10:58.059 --> 00:11:01.740 and how your services differ from other death 00:11:01.740 --> 00:11:04.360 doulas who help people transition to the afterlife? 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:10.840 An end -of -life doula is a non -medical person 00:11:10.840 --> 00:11:14.980 who works with individuals and their loved ones 00:11:14.980 --> 00:11:20.039 and provides holistic care and support and guidance 00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:24.679 and resources so that the individual who may 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:29.940 be terminal or actively dying feels that they 00:11:29.940 --> 00:11:33.159 are being supported and their caregivers, their 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:37.649 loved ones. are also being supported by having 00:11:37.649 --> 00:11:40.509 someone like me with them to help guide and navigate, 00:11:40.950 --> 00:11:44.929 to help with those moments where everything is 00:11:44.929 --> 00:11:47.350 just so overwhelming and just to have another 00:11:47.350 --> 00:11:50.090 individual who says, I understand what you're 00:11:50.090 --> 00:11:53.590 dealing with. I can share with you some tips 00:11:53.590 --> 00:11:57.730 that I learned so that maybe you're not going 00:11:57.730 --> 00:12:00.769 to be suffering so much at this point in time. 00:12:02.879 --> 00:12:06.399 But all end -of -life doulas do not do the same 00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:09.940 job. So there are a number of end -of -life doulas 00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:13.720 who work with hospice. There are end -of -life 00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:17.259 doulas like me who help people create their directive 00:12:17.259 --> 00:12:21.679 plans, final wishes, make sure that they have 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:24.419 those difficult conversations with their loved 00:12:24.419 --> 00:12:28.399 ones to share with them what they want at the 00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:32.600 end of life. Um, and I can go from personal experience 00:12:32.600 --> 00:12:38.080 on this one. When my mom was sick, my only goal 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:42.440 was keeping her alive. I would move mountains. 00:12:42.700 --> 00:12:46.559 I would have traded places with her, but obviously 00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:52.320 that was not possibility. And if I had had someone 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:56.679 who understood the process because What happens 00:12:56.679 --> 00:12:59.120 with hospice and palliative care is that you 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:04.399 have a nurse or someone who is medically trained 00:13:04.399 --> 00:13:08.120 give you about an hour's worth of instruction 00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:12.279 as to how to help your loved one. It's just not 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:15.779 enough time and there are so many things. It's 00:13:15.779 --> 00:13:18.799 like being a deer in the headlights and the nurses 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.279 and the medical staff, they know this and so 00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:24.299 they can just, you know, say it in their sleep. 00:13:24.649 --> 00:13:27.950 You're the family member grieving before your 00:13:27.950 --> 00:13:31.850 loved one has passed watching helplessly wanting 00:13:31.850 --> 00:13:35.830 to do what you can do but feeling so overwhelmed 00:13:35.830 --> 00:13:41.929 and It's just not a good place to be So having 00:13:41.929 --> 00:13:45.429 someone like me to stand by you to stand by your 00:13:45.429 --> 00:13:49.789 loved one to be able to share That time to be 00:13:49.789 --> 00:13:52.720 able to give you a little respite break Those 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:54.659 are the types of things that end -of -life doulas 00:13:54.659 --> 00:13:57.940 do. The other part of an end -of -life doula's 00:13:57.940 --> 00:14:01.740 job, which I do not do, is to actually vigil 00:14:01.740 --> 00:14:06.360 with an individual who is actively dying. I did 00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:09.720 that for my mom. I will do that for other family 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:12.940 members, but it's too hard for me, and I'm going 00:14:12.940 --> 00:14:17.470 to be completely honest. And I would prefer to 00:14:17.470 --> 00:14:19.870 be at the beginning of the journey. I want to 00:14:19.870 --> 00:14:22.629 help you get your ducks in a row. I want you 00:14:22.629 --> 00:14:26.049 to have, you know, those conversations with your 00:14:26.049 --> 00:14:28.490 loved ones because it isn't just about having 00:14:28.490 --> 00:14:32.909 a will or a living will. It's about having powers 00:14:32.909 --> 00:14:36.570 of attorney. It's about having people that you 00:14:36.570 --> 00:14:40.879 trust and know. to assign them and they accept 00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:44.740 that role to make decisions for you based on 00:14:44.740 --> 00:14:50.120 your own wishes as to whether or not you want 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:52.860 to have a DNR, which is a do not resuscitate. 00:14:53.220 --> 00:14:57.259 If you want to have any more treatments or if 00:14:57.259 --> 00:14:59.759 you decide that you want comfort care, which 00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:04.139 would be hospice. So having an end of life doula 00:15:04.139 --> 00:15:08.480 help advocate with you for that. makes so much 00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:13.659 more sense and it makes the process much easier 00:15:13.659 --> 00:15:17.259 even though it can be sad and it will be, but 00:15:17.259 --> 00:15:21.200 it isn't like you're completely shifting in the 00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:26.379 wind, so to speak. And I'm glad you broke it 00:15:26.379 --> 00:15:28.659 down because there are a lot of misconceptions 00:15:28.659 --> 00:15:33.399 out there about what an end -of -life doula actually 00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:36.049 does. So I'm glad that you went into detail about 00:15:36.049 --> 00:15:39.490 the services you provide and also what you don't 00:15:39.490 --> 00:15:43.009 provide. Because I can imagine, visualing through 00:15:43.009 --> 00:15:46.110 and helping someone transition to the other side, 00:15:46.889 --> 00:15:51.389 I can imagine that is completely draining. And 00:15:51.389 --> 00:15:54.529 like you said, you did it for a family member 00:15:54.529 --> 00:15:56.889 and you'll do it for other family members. But 00:15:56.889 --> 00:16:00.590 just to offer that to the public, I can imagine. 00:16:00.860 --> 00:16:03.419 only just imagine how draining that would be 00:16:03.419 --> 00:16:07.100 for you. So thanks for the clarification on that. 00:16:08.580 --> 00:16:10.700 Something that really stood out to me when I 00:16:10.700 --> 00:16:15.379 visited your website was the fact that you advertise 00:16:15.379 --> 00:16:19.100 your business as an LGBTQ friendly business. 00:16:19.779 --> 00:16:23.120 And on top of that, you also completed cultural 00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:25.799 competency training to ensure that you're fully 00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:29.649 equipped to serve diverse communities. Why was 00:16:29.649 --> 00:16:32.090 it important to make that commitment so clear? 00:16:32.669 --> 00:16:35.529 And what does that mean in terms of the way you 00:16:35.529 --> 00:16:40.669 serve clients from various backgrounds? I'm an 00:16:40.669 --> 00:16:46.149 equal opportunity supporter. I have had friends 00:16:46.149 --> 00:16:50.929 who have been in the LGBTQ community. My son 00:16:50.929 --> 00:16:56.210 is in the LGBTQ community and I support him no 00:16:56.210 --> 00:17:03.480 matter what. Everyone should have access to every 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.660 kind of care possible. Nobody should be excluded 00:17:06.660 --> 00:17:12.740 for any reason. So I really, I know how challenging 00:17:12.740 --> 00:17:16.180 it can be for different communities, not just 00:17:16.180 --> 00:17:19.960 LGBTQ, but also the black community, the Asian 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:24.640 community, the Hispanic community. We all have, 00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:29.380 it's all the same process. It's just who else 00:17:29.380 --> 00:17:33.019 is there to help guide you? And I don't think 00:17:33.019 --> 00:17:37.099 that those services should ever be excluded for 00:17:37.099 --> 00:17:40.019 anyone. They should be available to everyone. 00:17:41.299 --> 00:17:46.480 Because there's just too many things that could 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:51.440 go wrong. There are too many things that if you 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:54.619 just had a little bit of guidance and someone 00:17:54.619 --> 00:17:58.440 to say, it's okay. You're doing great. I know 00:17:58.440 --> 00:18:01.039 it's hard right now, but it won't last forever, 00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:04.500 but your loved one will be okay. They are going 00:18:04.500 --> 00:18:08.859 to transition, but you're prepared. And so I'm 00:18:08.859 --> 00:18:12.279 here to stand with you to make sure that everybody 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:17.200 is okay. Um, you know, I'm not worried about 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:21.460 any of our political things that are excluding 00:18:21.460 --> 00:18:25.960 people. I will never, ever exclude anyone. That's 00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:30.880 just not how I am. And thank you so much for 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:35.880 your commitment to ensuring diversity and cultural 00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:38.579 competency in your services. It's very much needed 00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:40.819 with so much exclusion going on with this current 00:18:40.819 --> 00:18:44.500 political environment. Not to get into much detail 00:18:44.500 --> 00:18:46.980 about that, but we all know what's happening 00:18:46.980 --> 00:18:49.160 and see what's happening with that. So having 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:52.759 a service and a company such as yours go out 00:18:52.759 --> 00:18:56.099 of its way to say, hey, yes, we welcome LGBTQ. 00:18:56.420 --> 00:18:59.500 We welcome other diverse communities. That really 00:18:59.500 --> 00:19:01.799 means a lot to me and a lot of other people. 00:19:01.900 --> 00:19:04.960 So thank you so much for that. Well, thank you. 00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:10.299 And you know, timing is particularly important 00:19:10.299 --> 00:19:14.640 when it comes to end of life care and planning. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.700 And a lot of people, they don't know when to 00:19:17.700 --> 00:19:20.900 start the conversation or when to bring someone 00:19:20.900 --> 00:19:25.460 like you into the process. So from your perspective, 00:19:25.740 --> 00:19:29.599 when is the ideal time for a family to connect 00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:31.599 with you if they're interested in your services? 00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:35.700 I'm sure it's not best to wait until the person 00:19:35.700 --> 00:19:39.599 has already advanced in their care. But just 00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:41.240 in your own words, when is the best time for 00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:44.339 them to reach out to you for an ideal outcome? 00:19:47.019 --> 00:19:51.759 The sooner the better. I didn't think about this, 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:54.579 but it has pretty much come to my attention. 00:19:55.220 --> 00:19:59.180 Any child that becomes an adult the age of 18, 00:20:00.279 --> 00:20:03.480 they should have directive plans. They should 00:20:03.480 --> 00:20:06.519 have final wishes. They should also have powers 00:20:06.519 --> 00:20:10.359 of attorney chosen because they go off to college 00:20:10.359 --> 00:20:13.980 or they go work somewhere or they move and a 00:20:13.980 --> 00:20:18.029 catastrophic event happens. You as their parent 00:20:18.029 --> 00:20:22.809 have no legal standing You cannot make decisions 00:20:22.809 --> 00:20:26.890 for them. You cannot do anything at that point 00:20:26.890 --> 00:20:32.150 and That would as a mom that would just absolutely 00:20:32.150 --> 00:20:36.069 devastate me personally I know that this has 00:20:36.069 --> 00:20:39.190 happened with some other folks in our community 00:20:39.190 --> 00:20:42.900 where there have been catastrophic events that 00:20:42.900 --> 00:20:45.299 have happened to some of our 18 and 20 -year 00:20:45.299 --> 00:20:51.220 -olds and there was nothing in place. So, barring 00:20:51.220 --> 00:20:55.339 that, anybody over the age of 20, you should 00:20:55.339 --> 00:21:00.019 at least have something in place. These are living 00:21:00.019 --> 00:21:04.559 documents. They can change as life events change. 00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:11.880 And so, If you are in a family, you have multiple 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:16.339 siblings, starting this process sooner than later 00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:21.440 could avoid some of the infighting with your 00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:27.440 siblings as far as how things need to be or who 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:32.480 is going to take responsibility for what. There 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:37.230 are no guarantees in this life. So the sooner 00:21:37.230 --> 00:21:41.970 that you start the process, the better. And that's 00:21:41.970 --> 00:21:48.589 really the only thing I can say. I never had 00:21:48.589 --> 00:21:52.730 that conversation with my mom. And this is one 00:21:52.730 --> 00:21:57.150 of the other reasons why I'm so adamant about 00:21:57.150 --> 00:22:03.069 starting sooner than later. Because of the things 00:22:03.069 --> 00:22:07.769 that had happened with her, I drove them to the 00:22:07.769 --> 00:22:12.609 hospital on Easter Sunday in 2011 and she never 00:22:12.609 --> 00:22:17.930 came home. And so the things that happened in 00:22:17.930 --> 00:22:22.609 that first week, she wasn't getting any better. 00:22:22.710 --> 00:22:26.390 She was getting sicker. They finally told her 00:22:26.390 --> 00:22:29.650 and I that there was nothing more medically that 00:22:29.650 --> 00:22:33.900 they could do for her. And within an hour or 00:22:33.900 --> 00:22:38.380 so, her oncologist came to me and told me that 00:22:38.380 --> 00:22:41.460 I had 24 hours to find a place to bring her. 00:22:42.759 --> 00:22:45.039 And I just kind of looked at him and I said, 00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:47.779 what if it takes longer than that? Oh, I'm sure 00:22:47.779 --> 00:22:50.119 you can handle it. You'll find someplace. And 00:22:50.119 --> 00:22:53.480 I said, here's the thing. If it takes longer, 00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.039 she's not going anywhere. And I am telling you 00:22:56.039 --> 00:22:59.960 this right now. So... It took us a couple of 00:22:59.960 --> 00:23:03.759 days to find a place. We didn't really have an 00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:06.680 option of letting her come home to pass away. 00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:10.319 I was concerned about what that would do to my 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:16.299 father. And so we found a nursing home that wasn't 00:23:16.299 --> 00:23:20.519 too far away. We brought her by ambulance to 00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:24.039 the nursing home. She fell asleep. When she woke 00:23:24.039 --> 00:23:27.299 up, my dad and I were with her. And she looked 00:23:27.299 --> 00:23:30.259 at me and she said, I cannot believe you did 00:23:30.259 --> 00:23:34.900 this to me. And it tore my heart out. And I said, 00:23:34.980 --> 00:23:38.200 Mom, I can't believe I did either. But I didn't 00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:42.660 know what else to do. So I was trying to make 00:23:42.660 --> 00:23:45.700 sure that my dad was gonna be okay. And I didn't 00:23:45.700 --> 00:23:48.279 know what her wishes were because we never talked 00:23:48.279 --> 00:23:52.680 about it. Which is why it's so freaking important 00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:56.069 to talk about it. Just because you talk about 00:23:56.069 --> 00:23:57.710 it doesn't mean it's going to happen tomorrow. 00:23:58.509 --> 00:24:01.509 We're all going to live for a long time for the 00:24:01.509 --> 00:24:06.170 most part, most of us. So, you know, like I said, 00:24:07.069 --> 00:24:09.410 gird your loins, put your big girl or boy panties 00:24:09.410 --> 00:24:14.069 on, take the bull by the horns, do the job, make 00:24:14.069 --> 00:24:17.329 the decision so that your loved ones don't have 00:24:17.329 --> 00:24:19.990 to while they are actively grieving for you. 00:24:20.329 --> 00:24:23.140 That is one of the worst things. We were planning 00:24:23.140 --> 00:24:25.700 my mom's funeral while she was actively dying. 00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:30.779 I don't recommend it. It's not a fun time and 00:24:30.779 --> 00:24:33.660 it haunts you for a really long time afterwards. 00:24:34.380 --> 00:24:37.599 My mom's been gone for 14 years and I still think 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:40.519 about some of the things that I did and wish 00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:42.799 that I had been able to do them differently. 00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.839 So that's one of the other reasons why I want 00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:49.059 to be that advocate and that resource for someone 00:24:49.059 --> 00:24:51.619 else so they don't have to go through what I 00:24:51.619 --> 00:24:56.099 did. and what my family went through. I understand. 00:24:56.799 --> 00:24:59.759 And Janice, I'm so sorry you had to have the 00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:03.019 experience in that way. And thank you for sharing 00:25:03.019 --> 00:25:05.740 that bit of your personal story. It really does 00:25:05.740 --> 00:25:09.099 help illustrate the importance of the services 00:25:09.099 --> 00:25:12.799 that you provide. And I understand that as much 00:25:12.799 --> 00:25:14.900 as you probably wish you could go back and make 00:25:14.900 --> 00:25:18.279 some changes. Having things happen the way they 00:25:18.279 --> 00:25:20.730 happened. really opened up the door for you to 00:25:20.730 --> 00:25:24.390 help so many other families avoid those same 00:25:24.390 --> 00:25:28.630 types of pitfalls and crisis moments where, you 00:25:28.630 --> 00:25:31.410 know, something happens, unfortunately, and there's, 00:25:31.410 --> 00:25:34.589 you know, nothing written in place or discussions 00:25:34.589 --> 00:25:37.549 haven't been had. So, you know, I hate that that 00:25:37.549 --> 00:25:40.549 was your experience, but because of that, you 00:25:40.549 --> 00:25:44.369 built an entire business and company around helping 00:25:44.369 --> 00:25:48.470 other families to avoid that same, you know, 00:25:48.700 --> 00:25:50.519 type of situations you had to go through with 00:25:50.519 --> 00:25:53.460 your family, so I salute you for taking that 00:25:53.460 --> 00:25:56.500 pain and turning it into something positive to 00:25:56.500 --> 00:26:00.319 help other families. And you mentioned one of 00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:03.460 the documents, and I saw this on your website 00:26:03.460 --> 00:26:07.759 too, where you have recently added advanced care 00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:10.819 plans to your list of services, and I think a 00:26:10.819 --> 00:26:13.819 lot of families may not even know that these 00:26:13.819 --> 00:26:16.519 types of documents exist, let alone how valuable 00:26:16.519 --> 00:26:20.259 they can be. Can you just share a little bit 00:26:20.259 --> 00:26:25.039 about what an advanced care plan is and why documents 00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:27.579 like these are such useful tools for families 00:26:27.579 --> 00:26:32.180 and caregivers? Well, advanced care plans, there's 00:26:32.180 --> 00:26:35.380 two different types. The directive plans are 00:26:35.380 --> 00:26:39.259 pretty much all of your assets and your financial 00:26:39.259 --> 00:26:43.619 stuff. And if you are online and have social 00:26:43.619 --> 00:26:48.740 media or you do online banking, All of that information 00:26:48.740 --> 00:26:53.359 is put into a document so that your power of 00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:57.259 attorney for your financial and or your executor 00:26:57.259 --> 00:27:00.880 of your estate knows where to go to find the 00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:06.359 answers. Now, the final wishes part of that is 00:27:06.359 --> 00:27:10.859 where do you want to die if you have that choice? 00:27:12.099 --> 00:27:16.009 Are you terminal? Do you want medical aid and 00:27:16.009 --> 00:27:20.069 dying if it is offered in your state. Right now 00:27:20.069 --> 00:27:23.130 there are about 12 states that offer medical 00:27:23.130 --> 00:27:27.190 aid and dying and only two of them do not have 00:27:27.190 --> 00:27:33.690 residency requirements. So someone who only has 00:27:33.690 --> 00:27:36.990 six months to live and they have the finances 00:27:36.990 --> 00:27:39.660 to be able to do it. They can go out on their 00:27:39.660 --> 00:27:42.500 own terms, but they wouldn't know, your family 00:27:42.500 --> 00:27:44.480 members would not know that that was your part 00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:48.039 of your wishes if it was not in writing. And 00:27:48.039 --> 00:27:52.339 the other parts of final wishes, how do you want 00:27:52.339 --> 00:27:57.480 to be remembered, your legacy? Do you want a 00:27:57.480 --> 00:28:01.940 traditional religious funeral? Do you want a 00:28:01.940 --> 00:28:05.400 celebration of life? Do you have something else 00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:09.019 that you want? Some people get made into diamonds 00:28:09.019 --> 00:28:13.660 with some of their carbon from their pre -mated 00:28:13.660 --> 00:28:20.140 remains. Some people have it so that they have 00:28:20.140 --> 00:28:24.299 what they call, I just saw this recently, an 00:28:24.299 --> 00:28:29.819 Italian couple made a tree so that your ashes, 00:28:30.059 --> 00:28:33.279 however they processed them, was the basis for 00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:36.980 a tree and it gets planted somewhere. Uh -huh. 00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:40.680 And so there's a number of different ways now. 00:28:40.680 --> 00:28:44.640 It is not just cremation or burial. There are 00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.660 so many other resources and so many other companies 00:28:48.660 --> 00:28:51.880 that are coming into play that are giving people 00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:56.680 options on how do they want to have their ashes 00:28:56.680 --> 00:29:02.759 or have their bodies taken out. Some folks donate 00:29:02.759 --> 00:29:05.900 them to science. But if you donate it to science, 00:29:06.220 --> 00:29:09.420 when science wherever you've taken it to is finished 00:29:09.420 --> 00:29:13.000 with it, the family gets what's left. And then 00:29:13.000 --> 00:29:16.339 they have to decide if it's going to be buried 00:29:16.339 --> 00:29:21.400 or cremated or whatever. So final wishes are 00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:23.400 all of the other things that are not part of 00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:26.480 the financial or the asset part of your life. 00:29:29.180 --> 00:29:33.099 And just as important. And I'm glad that you 00:29:33.099 --> 00:29:35.940 mentioned that as well because we often focus 00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:38.460 so much on the financial aspect and the legal 00:29:38.460 --> 00:29:41.380 aspect. We forget about the, hey, what do you 00:29:41.380 --> 00:29:44.039 really want? Do you want to be cremated? Do you 00:29:44.039 --> 00:29:46.400 want a traditional burial? There's so many, you 00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:48.539 know, do you want a celebrational life? Do you 00:29:48.539 --> 00:29:51.759 want a regular funeral? So many things that we 00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:54.339 just don't take the time to ask because we don't 00:29:54.339 --> 00:29:55.980 want to have the conversation because, oh, it's 00:29:55.980 --> 00:29:58.019 about death and I don't want to have these morbid 00:29:58.019 --> 00:30:00.839 conversations. I'm even guilty of it. I told 00:30:00.839 --> 00:30:03.819 you during our one of our preliminary calls that 00:30:03.819 --> 00:30:06.640 my mom always tried to have the conversations 00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:10.539 about what she wanted. And, you know, we need 00:30:10.539 --> 00:30:12.420 to talk about this now and be like, oh, mom, 00:30:12.420 --> 00:30:15.880 I don't want to talk about that. But it's a good 00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:17.819 thing, especially when your parent is coming 00:30:17.819 --> 00:30:20.619 to you saying, hey, let's talk about what I want. 00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:23.279 Let them express those things, because you never 00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:25.480 know when you're going to come across that time 00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:28.000 where there's a crisis, like with my mom and 00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:31.049 the COVID. You know, and it happened so quick. 00:30:31.089 --> 00:30:33.970 She was in the hospital and then, you know, less 00:30:33.970 --> 00:30:36.890 than two weeks later she was gone. And so these 00:30:36.890 --> 00:30:39.869 crises, they just, they spring up on you and 00:30:39.869 --> 00:30:43.930 you have little or no time to react. It's so 00:30:43.930 --> 00:30:47.009 detrimental to have a plan in place to know exactly 00:30:47.009 --> 00:30:48.910 what you're going to do, what their final wishes 00:30:48.910 --> 00:30:51.569 are. So anyway, I'm just so glad that you're 00:30:51.569 --> 00:30:53.869 on today. We're going to talk about this a little 00:30:53.869 --> 00:30:56.210 bit more. Right now we're going to take a bit 00:30:56.210 --> 00:30:59.089 of a break. uh... but definitely one of the biggest 00:30:59.089 --> 00:31:02.069 takeaways from the first segment that i've i've 00:31:02.069 --> 00:31:05.329 noticed is is that planning early is just critical 00:31:05.329 --> 00:31:08.529 and prevent a lot of this there is stress and 00:31:08.529 --> 00:31:11.069 conflict when the difficult decisions have to 00:31:11.069 --> 00:31:13.529 be made so anyway got when we come back we're 00:31:13.529 --> 00:31:15.589 going to get into the financial and legal side 00:31:15.589 --> 00:31:18.009 of care caregiving we're going to talk about 00:31:18.009 --> 00:31:20.150 what every family should have in place before 00:31:20.150 --> 00:31:23.690 crisis and how to plan for long -term care without 00:31:23.690 --> 00:31:25.920 draining your savings And we're also going to 00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:28.779 talk about where to find trusted caregiver resources 00:31:28.779 --> 00:31:31.839 in your community and how to approach palliative 00:31:31.839 --> 00:31:34.519 care, hospice care, and death doula services, 00:31:34.680 --> 00:31:37.619 all that type of stuff. And don't forget, we're 00:31:37.619 --> 00:31:39.319 going to go over some of your questions that 00:31:39.319 --> 00:31:42.359 you sent in, and we'll have Janice answer some 00:31:42.359 --> 00:31:43.700 of those. So you definitely don't want to miss 00:31:43.700 --> 00:31:46.240 what's coming up. First, let's hear from tonight's 00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:49.660 sponsor. We'll be right back. Looking for your 00:31:49.660 --> 00:31:53.019 next car? Amazon Autos has you covered. With 00:31:53.019 --> 00:31:55.619 just a few clicks, you can shop a wide selection 00:31:55.619 --> 00:31:58.599 of new vehicles, compare prices, read reviews, 00:31:58.819 --> 00:32:01.299 and even arrange pickup or delivery, just like 00:32:01.299 --> 00:32:04.019 ordering anything else on Amazon. 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Welcome 00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:39.180 to another broadcast of Spiritual Concerns, the 00:33:39.180 --> 00:33:41.579 Deborah Ruffini Show on Artists First Radio Network. 00:33:42.299 --> 00:33:44.359 We're live from England on Saturdays and Sundays, 00:33:44.500 --> 00:33:47.980 3pm New York, 8pm London. All past shows are 00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:50.880 podcasts, find them at artistsfirst .com. I'll 00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:53.119 be your host where issues relating to the spiritual 00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:55.779 matters of concern will be largely examined and 00:33:55.779 --> 00:34:08.420 discussed. Enjoy the show. Hello everybody and 00:34:08.420 --> 00:34:11.360 welcome back to live with Dr. Andre Jerry. Hey, 00:34:11.380 --> 00:34:13.840 if you're just joining us we're having an insightful 00:34:13.840 --> 00:34:17.139 conversation about caregiving family dynamics 00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:20.579 and preparing for the future with certified end 00:34:20.579 --> 00:34:24.199 -of -life doula Janice Lombardo. Now in the first 00:34:24.199 --> 00:34:26.059 part of the show we talked about Janice's role 00:34:26.059 --> 00:34:28.860 as an end -of -life doula and the importance 00:34:28.860 --> 00:34:32.500 of cultural competency and when to start planning 00:34:32.500 --> 00:34:36.099 for care and how advanced care plans can bring 00:34:36.099 --> 00:34:39.480 clarity in tough situations. In this next segment, 00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:41.420 we're going to dive into a little bit of the 00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:44.099 financial and legal side of caregiving and talk 00:34:44.099 --> 00:34:46.820 about what every family should have in place 00:34:46.820 --> 00:34:49.980 before a crisis. And we're going to talk about 00:34:49.980 --> 00:34:52.659 where to find some trustworthy resources to help 00:34:52.659 --> 00:34:55.460 lighten the load for caregivers. All right, so 00:34:55.460 --> 00:34:58.000 let's jump right back in. It's one of the things 00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:01.739 that I think doesn't get talked about enough 00:35:01.739 --> 00:35:05.119 is the emotional toll that caregiving takes. 00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:09.300 on the caregiver themselves and also on their 00:35:09.300 --> 00:35:12.860 families. I remember growing up my mother was 00:35:12.860 --> 00:35:16.119 the primary caregiver for my grandmother and 00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:20.219 she suffered from schizophrenia and Alzheimer's 00:35:20.219 --> 00:35:22.780 and she was also legally blind due to cataracts 00:35:22.780 --> 00:35:26.340 in both of her eyes. But my grandmother lived 00:35:26.340 --> 00:35:31.440 with us for many years and so I saw and was able 00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:33.960 to experience firsthand the impact and toll it 00:35:33.960 --> 00:35:37.920 took on not just my mom, but on our entire household. 00:35:39.019 --> 00:35:43.000 My grandmother was not easy, you know? I never 00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:45.139 really remember my mom complaining, but I could 00:35:45.139 --> 00:35:47.920 just imagine the toll it took on her. And you 00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:50.699 know, for many, it starts slowly with, you know, 00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:53.059 the doctor's appointments here, our appointment 00:35:53.059 --> 00:35:55.579 there, but before you know it, it just consumes 00:35:55.579 --> 00:35:59.159 more and more of your time and your energy and 00:35:59.159 --> 00:36:02.079 your whole identity gets sucked into this. So 00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:05.449 from your experience, what are the... first signs 00:36:05.449 --> 00:36:08.829 a caregiver might be approaching burnout. And 00:36:08.829 --> 00:36:10.610 what can they do to protect their own mental 00:36:10.610 --> 00:36:12.849 health while they're still trying to just show 00:36:12.849 --> 00:36:17.949 up for their loved one? You know, that is the 00:36:17.949 --> 00:36:23.949 million dollar question. You know, I live this 00:36:23.949 --> 00:36:29.469 right now myself and going through what my mom's 00:36:29.469 --> 00:36:34.110 eight year cancer journey and being the sandwich 00:36:34.110 --> 00:36:39.809 generation parent, it's amazing how many things 00:36:39.809 --> 00:36:43.829 you can do with limited amount of time. It's 00:36:43.829 --> 00:36:51.190 like you go on autopilot and I've watched some 00:36:51.190 --> 00:36:55.449 families who have siblings who all get along 00:36:55.449 --> 00:37:00.469 and they create their uh... charts and crafts 00:37:00.469 --> 00:37:03.369 and you'll take this appointment and you'll take 00:37:03.369 --> 00:37:06.070 this and bring this meal and you'll do this back 00:37:06.070 --> 00:37:09.389 time and they just you know harmonize and make 00:37:09.389 --> 00:37:13.769 it all work from what i have seen an experience 00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:17.530 that is the exception to the role right i don't 00:37:17.530 --> 00:37:19.869 know if that's really the case but that's what 00:37:19.869 --> 00:37:23.809 i have seen you know not what i have experienced 00:37:23.809 --> 00:37:30.539 within my own family uh... You get to a point 00:37:30.539 --> 00:37:35.940 mentally, emotionally, and physically where you 00:37:35.940 --> 00:37:42.480 can become depressed, disengaged, you can become 00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:47.099 physically ill yourself. I have seen caregivers 00:37:47.099 --> 00:37:51.559 die before the person that they are caring for. 00:37:51.559 --> 00:37:59.239 Yes. That is beyond a wake -up call. There are, 00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:02.900 if you're dealing with a loved one who is over 00:38:02.900 --> 00:38:09.079 the age of 60 or 65, you have local councils 00:38:09.079 --> 00:38:13.960 on aging that you can contact to get services 00:38:13.960 --> 00:38:20.280 from or find places, a local church. When I was 00:38:20.280 --> 00:38:23.039 caring for my mom, I contacted their church and 00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:25.860 they brought meals once a week and they would 00:38:25.860 --> 00:38:29.449 last a couple of days. That was like the last 00:38:29.449 --> 00:38:33.050 three months that she was with us and it was 00:38:33.050 --> 00:38:37.090 so helpful for me Because not that my father 00:38:37.090 --> 00:38:39.969 couldn't cook but he was still working at the 00:38:39.969 --> 00:38:44.110 time and so I needed to make sure that she was 00:38:44.110 --> 00:38:48.309 eating healthy food and I was also Providing 00:38:48.309 --> 00:38:51.469 some meals that I would make extra because I 00:38:51.469 --> 00:38:57.719 was cooking for my own family trying to find 00:38:57.719 --> 00:39:03.280 other resources. There are nursing students who 00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:06.159 can sometimes pitch in and help. You can pay 00:39:06.159 --> 00:39:11.280 them. There are different organizations within 00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:14.760 different cities and you would just have to kind 00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:18.639 of do a Google search or like I said, contact 00:39:18.639 --> 00:39:22.380 your local council on aging. There are some high 00:39:22.380 --> 00:39:26.480 school students who are doing double duty, so 00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:29.920 they're going to college to become nurses or 00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:33.840 another healthcare individual. They can also 00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:39.440 sometimes help you with either respite care or 00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:43.019 something along those lines. And because most 00:39:43.019 --> 00:39:46.800 high school students, this is in our area, I 00:39:46.800 --> 00:39:49.769 think it's everywhere, You have to volunteer 00:39:49.769 --> 00:39:54.349 a minimum of 40 hours in a year so that you can 00:39:54.349 --> 00:39:57.010 graduate from high school. This is one of the 00:39:57.010 --> 00:40:01.570 things that many high schools do. And so if you 00:40:01.570 --> 00:40:05.210 can find individuals who are already going for 00:40:05.210 --> 00:40:08.269 nursing, they can be a wonderful resource to 00:40:08.269 --> 00:40:14.719 be able to help you. Talking to your friends 00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:19.539 sometimes. Not complaining, but just having a 00:40:19.539 --> 00:40:23.000 cup of tea over the phone. Just so that you know 00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:26.980 that you are being validated and supported even 00:40:26.980 --> 00:40:29.440 if somebody else can't physically be with you. 00:40:30.219 --> 00:40:32.219 There were times where I would talk to my friends 00:40:32.219 --> 00:40:34.940 at night after my kids were in bed and I just 00:40:34.940 --> 00:40:38.340 needed an hour. That's all I needed is somebody 00:40:38.340 --> 00:40:42.530 to just listen. and to tell me that I was doing 00:40:42.530 --> 00:40:46.570 OK. And if they were able to do anything else, 00:40:46.710 --> 00:40:49.730 like either play dates for the kids or other 00:40:49.730 --> 00:40:52.630 things that I might have needed help with, they 00:40:52.630 --> 00:40:54.929 were there to be able to support me in that way. 00:40:56.309 --> 00:41:01.250 It just depends on where you're at. There's also 00:41:01.250 --> 00:41:05.409 some caregiver support groups that are online. 00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:10.699 The Alzheimer's Association, if you have a loved 00:41:10.699 --> 00:41:14.219 one who has either dementia or Alzheimer's, they 00:41:14.219 --> 00:41:18.639 are not the same thing. They actually can provide 00:41:18.639 --> 00:41:22.260 you eight hours of respite care for free depending 00:41:22.260 --> 00:41:25.780 on where you're at. There are some assisted living 00:41:25.780 --> 00:41:29.260 and nursing home facilities that offer respite 00:41:29.260 --> 00:41:32.719 care programs. So if you wanted to drop your 00:41:32.719 --> 00:41:35.929 loved one off, I think they might have a minimum 00:41:35.929 --> 00:41:38.889 of four days and maybe three or four nights. 00:41:39.530 --> 00:41:42.590 But if you need to have a break, that is also 00:41:42.590 --> 00:41:46.670 an option. So there are more things coming to 00:41:46.670 --> 00:41:50.389 light because the need is being finally recognized. 00:41:51.250 --> 00:41:54.989 And I am guilty myself because I am doing this 00:41:54.989 --> 00:41:59.889 and I have been so used to being mostly the only 00:41:59.889 --> 00:42:02.489 one making the decisions and doing the work. 00:42:03.050 --> 00:42:06.329 And so a dear friend of mine said the other week, 00:42:06.750 --> 00:42:09.789 you need to find an online support group because 00:42:09.789 --> 00:42:14.630 you need it. So I am guilty of falling back into 00:42:14.630 --> 00:42:18.269 those habits of doing it all. And it's not healthy. 00:42:18.349 --> 00:42:21.369 It's just not healthy. So the other thing that 00:42:21.369 --> 00:42:24.449 you can do is get out into nature. If you can 00:42:24.449 --> 00:42:27.269 find five minutes to stand in the grass or whatever 00:42:27.269 --> 00:42:31.849 barefoot, you can have a nice cup of coffee. 00:42:32.159 --> 00:42:36.639 listen to music, write in a journal or a diary, 00:42:37.239 --> 00:42:40.059 just whatever it is that you can do to promote 00:42:40.059 --> 00:42:44.079 your own self -care. I know it's one more thing 00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:48.679 on your plate, but it is critical that you take 00:42:48.679 --> 00:42:52.940 care of you. You are beyond important and it 00:42:52.940 --> 00:42:56.360 is imperative for you to be able to help anybody 00:42:56.360 --> 00:43:02.050 else to put your own oxygen mask on first. I'm 00:43:02.050 --> 00:43:05.809 so glad you mentioned that. And it's good to 00:43:05.809 --> 00:43:08.969 know that there are, it's just good to hear that 00:43:08.969 --> 00:43:11.829 there's support out there for caregivers who 00:43:11.829 --> 00:43:17.510 often feel alone in this process. So, you know, 00:43:17.570 --> 00:43:20.250 just to recap some of the things that you touched 00:43:20.250 --> 00:43:24.849 on, there are various programs and different 00:43:24.849 --> 00:43:27.269 things that you can do, nursing students in your 00:43:27.269 --> 00:43:30.469 local area, local agencies, even high school 00:43:30.469 --> 00:43:34.269 students that have to fulfill volunteer requirements, 00:43:35.630 --> 00:43:38.510 friends, support groups, caregiver support groups, 00:43:39.050 --> 00:43:41.829 Alzheimer's, dementia, respite care programs, 00:43:42.210 --> 00:43:45.730 Google that, look into that, online support groups, 00:43:46.409 --> 00:43:51.130 and you know, if all else fails, get out in nature, 00:43:51.769 --> 00:43:53.849 get out your journal, start a gratitude journal, 00:43:54.190 --> 00:43:58.989 something to reset yourself and to... kind of 00:43:58.989 --> 00:44:01.210 center yourself and just find yourself again. 00:44:01.409 --> 00:44:06.590 Don't get lost in just caregiving. Just get back 00:44:06.590 --> 00:44:09.889 centered and just remember your own needs as 00:44:09.889 --> 00:44:12.570 well and refresh your own self. That way you 00:44:12.570 --> 00:44:15.250 can go back and continue to help other people 00:44:15.250 --> 00:44:18.849 as you seek to do. So very important reminders 00:44:18.849 --> 00:44:22.329 there. I want to talk about something I know 00:44:22.329 --> 00:44:24.469 is going to hit home for a lot of our listeners. 00:44:24.730 --> 00:44:27.429 And I know I've received already a number of 00:44:27.429 --> 00:44:30.130 questions surrounding this particular topic. 00:44:30.230 --> 00:44:34.949 But it's about sibling dynamics. I know in so 00:44:34.949 --> 00:44:39.429 many families, the responsibility for caring 00:44:39.429 --> 00:44:43.329 for a parent or a loved one that's aging, it 00:44:43.329 --> 00:44:45.750 often, I don't know why, it always seems to follow 00:44:45.750 --> 00:44:50.320 one sibling. You know, while everyone loves mom 00:44:50.320 --> 00:44:52.659 and dad and grandpa and grandpa, not everyone 00:44:52.659 --> 00:44:56.980 shows up in the same way. You know, I mentioned 00:44:56.980 --> 00:44:59.820 my mother earlier, she had seven other siblings, 00:45:00.260 --> 00:45:02.739 and I don't remember any of them offering to 00:45:02.739 --> 00:45:04.840 take their mom for the weekend, you know, to 00:45:04.840 --> 00:45:08.179 give us a break or, hey, I'll take, you know, 00:45:08.300 --> 00:45:11.559 Kim, we call her Kim, to any of her doctor's 00:45:11.559 --> 00:45:14.000 appointments or bring meals over or anything. 00:45:14.460 --> 00:45:17.510 They just sort of all... just let that responsibility 00:45:17.510 --> 00:45:20.110 fall on my mom. And I'll be honest with you, 00:45:20.170 --> 00:45:23.130 seeing that growing up, seeing that, knowing 00:45:23.130 --> 00:45:25.030 that we had a family that could have done more, 00:45:25.030 --> 00:45:28.190 but just chose not to, it really affected me 00:45:28.190 --> 00:45:30.489 and it caused me to have a lot of resentment 00:45:30.489 --> 00:45:35.869 towards my aunts. So how do you recommend the 00:45:35.869 --> 00:45:39.250 primary caregiver address that sort of imbalance? 00:45:42.550 --> 00:45:47.769 Oh, that is a wonderful question. So when I was 00:45:47.769 --> 00:45:52.150 going through the process, because I'm the oldest 00:45:52.150 --> 00:45:58.210 and I'm a woman, and I'm sure that many of your 00:45:58.210 --> 00:46:00.349 listeners out there have heard about the oldest 00:46:00.349 --> 00:46:07.250 daughter syndrome, well, I actually called a 00:46:07.250 --> 00:46:12.230 siblings meeting. And when one of my mom's friends 00:46:12.230 --> 00:46:14.150 heard about that, she was like, what is she in 00:46:14.150 --> 00:46:20.900 the mafia? Oh my gosh. The reason that I had 00:46:20.900 --> 00:46:24.099 called the meeting was because I knew what was 00:46:24.099 --> 00:46:27.539 coming. I didn't know exactly, but I knew it 00:46:27.539 --> 00:46:29.940 wasn't going to be good. And I knew that I couldn't 00:46:29.940 --> 00:46:33.780 handle it all by myself. And I also knew that 00:46:33.780 --> 00:46:36.760 I shouldn't have to handle it all by myself. 00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:41.219 So I scheduled a family meeting. We did it in 00:46:41.219 --> 00:46:43.480 person because we were all still local at that 00:46:43.480 --> 00:46:47.260 point. I was talking about the caregiving responsibilities. 00:46:47.980 --> 00:46:51.420 I tried to set some ground rules and be respectful. 00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:58.380 And I got FaceTime of, oh, yes, we'll do this. 00:46:58.559 --> 00:47:09.179 Mm -hmm. Yeah. OK. I wanted to bring out some 00:47:09.179 --> 00:47:13.789 of the things that needed to be done, like doctor's 00:47:13.789 --> 00:47:17.590 appointments. Because I am a medical advocate, 00:47:17.769 --> 00:47:20.590 because of everything that I have gone through 00:47:20.590 --> 00:47:25.349 and I knew when I wasn't advocating myself the 00:47:25.349 --> 00:47:28.690 horrible negative experiences that I had, I was 00:47:28.690 --> 00:47:32.210 not going to let my mom go through that. So when 00:47:32.210 --> 00:47:36.159 I had a better handle on when she had to go to 00:47:36.159 --> 00:47:38.500 an oncology appointment, or when she had to have 00:47:38.500 --> 00:47:42.039 a chemo appointment, or when she didn't just 00:47:42.039 --> 00:47:47.179 have cancer. She had several other conditions 00:47:47.179 --> 00:47:50.900 that were also, I'll say, fighting for attention 00:47:50.900 --> 00:47:54.760 at that point in time. And so my siblings had 00:47:54.760 --> 00:47:58.260 not been part of her care plan or her team, and 00:47:58.260 --> 00:48:03.159 I was trying to enlighten them with what was 00:48:03.159 --> 00:48:08.519 necessary. And I don't know if some of what I 00:48:08.519 --> 00:48:12.360 said was overwhelming for them, but I tried to 00:48:12.360 --> 00:48:15.179 just make it matter of fact and not put emotion 00:48:15.179 --> 00:48:18.400 into it. That's another thing that I've learned 00:48:18.400 --> 00:48:21.960 is that when you are overly emotional, all it 00:48:21.960 --> 00:48:24.699 does is make things spiral. You got to stick 00:48:24.699 --> 00:48:28.559 to the fact. And that's one of the things that 00:48:28.559 --> 00:48:36.039 I tried really hard to do. My folks had money, 00:48:36.139 --> 00:48:40.159 so there was no real need to be concerned about 00:48:40.159 --> 00:48:44.679 financial issues at that point in time. Tried 00:48:44.679 --> 00:48:49.039 to keep the lines of communication open. Tried 00:48:49.039 --> 00:48:53.699 really hard to recognize and appreciate the differences 00:48:53.699 --> 00:48:57.360 in my siblings, what their strengths were, what 00:48:57.360 --> 00:49:02.260 their... challenges would be in certain situations 00:49:02.260 --> 00:49:04.480 so that maybe they weren't going to be signed 00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:09.900 up to do that part of the caring. Like I said, 00:49:10.159 --> 00:49:14.480 I sought outside help for meals from my parents' 00:49:14.639 --> 00:49:19.920 church, but I did not seek outside help for the 00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:27.239 caregiving part of it. I was hoping to get them 00:49:27.239 --> 00:49:30.860 to understand and focus on this being a shared 00:49:30.860 --> 00:49:35.699 goal to help our parents and to make sure that 00:49:35.699 --> 00:49:41.360 our mom was taken care of. And the first year 00:49:41.360 --> 00:49:47.820 of her cancer journey, my two middle siblings 00:49:47.820 --> 00:49:50.760 decided that they could not participate and be 00:49:50.760 --> 00:49:55.440 part of her care plan. So they... decided that 00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:57.519 they weren't going to show up. They kept the 00:49:57.519 --> 00:50:01.340 grandchildren away, which killed my mother. Um, 00:50:02.000 --> 00:50:06.219 and it's not like my siblings were that far away. 00:50:06.300 --> 00:50:09.019 My sister was five miles away and my brother 00:50:09.019 --> 00:50:16.659 was 20 houses away. So, um, keeping things from 00:50:16.659 --> 00:50:20.519 getting out of hand, um, I became the solo caregiver 00:50:20.519 --> 00:50:24.039 because my third brother or my second brother 00:50:24.039 --> 00:50:27.260 who is the baby of the family lived out of state 00:50:27.260 --> 00:50:30.940 and he's still out of state. So he would talk 00:50:30.940 --> 00:50:33.099 to me and that would be a little bit of a support 00:50:33.099 --> 00:50:36.920 for me that way but the actual physical supporting 00:50:36.920 --> 00:50:43.500 didn't happen. So some of the things that I've 00:50:43.500 --> 00:50:47.840 learned as a solo caregiver to find support when 00:50:47.840 --> 00:50:51.750 family isn't available was to connect with some 00:50:51.750 --> 00:50:54.849 of the local caregiver support groups, either 00:50:54.849 --> 00:51:01.010 in person or online. Researching community resources 00:51:01.010 --> 00:51:06.150 and services. The Council on Aging, United Way. 00:51:07.429 --> 00:51:11.070 I guess there is a, now there is a phone dial 00:51:11.070 --> 00:51:13.949 211 to learn about available services in your 00:51:13.949 --> 00:51:20.340 area. Exploring. with other relationships, building 00:51:20.340 --> 00:51:24.340 relationships with the healthcare provider. I 00:51:24.340 --> 00:51:28.599 took copious notes. I'm one of those people that 00:51:28.599 --> 00:51:32.539 if we have a conversation after we've talked 00:51:32.539 --> 00:51:36.519 and you say something and I pull out my notes, 00:51:37.280 --> 00:51:39.900 you can't really tell me that that's not what 00:51:39.900 --> 00:51:43.880 happened. So it helps to keep me on track. It 00:51:43.880 --> 00:51:46.480 would help to keep the caregiver on track, especially 00:51:46.480 --> 00:51:50.360 because when you are doing everything, you cannot 00:51:50.360 --> 00:51:52.780 remember everything. That's one of the reasons 00:51:52.780 --> 00:51:55.199 that I would take notes. Some of the other things 00:51:55.199 --> 00:51:57.599 that we would do during my mom's appointments 00:51:57.599 --> 00:52:00.199 is we would bring a little tape recorder and 00:52:00.199 --> 00:52:02.639 we would record the appointments to listen to 00:52:02.639 --> 00:52:05.340 later and I would transcribe them if I needed 00:52:05.340 --> 00:52:09.760 to because it was just another way to make sure 00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:13.239 that I didn't miss anything. That something didn't 00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:16.019 fall through the cracks. One of the other things 00:52:16.019 --> 00:52:20.199 that I do, and I still do this, is I always ask, 00:52:20.860 --> 00:52:23.619 okay, you've given us this information, you've 00:52:23.619 --> 00:52:26.940 given us these things that we need to do, what 00:52:26.940 --> 00:52:31.719 else do we need to know? I cannot tell you how 00:52:31.719 --> 00:52:35.219 many times that simple question actually led 00:52:35.219 --> 00:52:39.440 to another solution for something or another 00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:42.599 resource for something. Because if you don't 00:52:42.599 --> 00:52:46.119 ask, They're not going to volunteer it, especially 00:52:46.119 --> 00:52:48.199 when you're sitting in a doctor's office and 00:52:48.199 --> 00:52:52.199 they have 15 minutes with you. And if you don't 00:52:52.199 --> 00:52:54.300 get their attention and you don't make sure they 00:52:54.300 --> 00:52:56.119 understand, you're not going anywhere until you 00:52:56.119 --> 00:52:59.340 get answers. Then things fall through the cracks. 00:52:59.340 --> 00:53:01.960 And for me, that's not acceptable. And I don't 00:53:01.960 --> 00:53:05.260 do that. So I really feel that it's important 00:53:05.260 --> 00:53:09.400 for folks to know, to always ask, what else do 00:53:09.400 --> 00:53:14.510 I need to know? Very good. And I want to make 00:53:14.510 --> 00:53:16.530 sure that we leave sometime on the clock for 00:53:16.530 --> 00:53:18.389 at least a few of the questions that some of 00:53:18.389 --> 00:53:21.690 the listeners sent in. But for the families who 00:53:21.690 --> 00:53:25.750 are listening who are maybe at the beginning 00:53:25.750 --> 00:53:30.690 of this process, consider they don't have any 00:53:30.690 --> 00:53:33.550 legal paperwork, anything in place. What is the 00:53:33.550 --> 00:53:37.630 first thing they need to get done in terms of 00:53:37.630 --> 00:53:44.099 legal paperwork? I would highly recommend creating 00:53:44.099 --> 00:53:48.119 a will. Now if you go online, you can find all 00:53:48.119 --> 00:53:54.079 kinds of templates, legal, zoom, some of these 00:53:54.079 --> 00:53:57.099 other websites. You can create your will for 00:53:57.099 --> 00:53:59.139 free. They will sign you up for like a seven 00:53:59.139 --> 00:54:03.179 day trial. And then you just make sure you cancel 00:54:03.179 --> 00:54:08.099 it before the seven days is up. Well, you know, 00:54:08.340 --> 00:54:10.880 you gotta have, you gotta have someplace to start. 00:54:11.150 --> 00:54:16.469 And so this way, if it is a more simple will, 00:54:16.489 --> 00:54:18.949 if you don't have a ton of assets or you don't 00:54:18.949 --> 00:54:22.489 have all kinds of, you don't have a business 00:54:22.489 --> 00:54:26.090 or you don't have something else, you can do 00:54:26.090 --> 00:54:29.429 it that way. If it's going to be much more involved, 00:54:29.489 --> 00:54:32.610 I would really recommend going to see an attorney. 00:54:33.309 --> 00:54:35.730 Now, when you see an attorney, there's going 00:54:35.730 --> 00:54:40.320 to be a flat fee and they are going to be able 00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:44.300 to customize it to your needs and whatever it 00:54:44.300 --> 00:54:47.480 is that you have going on in your life. Now there's 00:54:47.480 --> 00:54:51.400 one thing I want to say about this. My aunt had 00:54:51.400 --> 00:54:57.920 her will done back in 2012 and she also had power 00:54:57.920 --> 00:55:02.019 of attorney paperwork done and made it part of 00:55:02.019 --> 00:55:05.699 her will. Now the thing is that I didn't find 00:55:05.699 --> 00:55:09.449 out until this year that the durable power of 00:55:09.449 --> 00:55:13.489 attorney paperwork that was in her will was 25 00:55:13.489 --> 00:55:18.369 pages long. It doesn't need to be 25 pages long. 00:55:18.530 --> 00:55:21.230 I'm just letting you know because when you're 00:55:21.230 --> 00:55:24.030 dealing with insurance companies or you're dealing 00:55:24.030 --> 00:55:26.929 with long -term care insurance and they want 00:55:26.929 --> 00:55:29.590 to make sure that you are legally her power or 00:55:29.590 --> 00:55:32.570 his power of attorney and you send them these 00:55:32.570 --> 00:55:35.159 massive documents, And then they turn around 00:55:35.159 --> 00:55:37.559 and say, well, according to what it says in here, 00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:40.780 you have to now provide a letter from the doctor 00:55:40.780 --> 00:55:43.519 stating that this individual that you are power 00:55:43.519 --> 00:55:47.860 of attorney for has some kind of incapacitation. 00:55:47.860 --> 00:55:51.239 So either mental, physical, emotional, they can't 00:55:51.239 --> 00:55:53.420 make decisions for themselves. I found this out 00:55:53.420 --> 00:55:56.880 the hard way because I didn't know. So I'm just 00:55:56.880 --> 00:55:59.679 letting everyone know, start out with a will. 00:56:00.079 --> 00:56:03.679 Then make sure that you go and you do a living 00:56:03.679 --> 00:56:08.079 will. Hospitals used to provide those. I don't 00:56:08.079 --> 00:56:11.079 know if they still do, but you can find a template 00:56:11.079 --> 00:56:14.880 online. The next things that you would need to 00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:19.340 be was power of attorney for your health as well 00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:23.179 as for your financial, they call it a durable. 00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:28.420 My suggestion is that you have a primary power 00:56:28.420 --> 00:56:31.530 of attorney. and an alternate or a secondary 00:56:31.530 --> 00:56:33.730 one, unless of course you're from one of those 00:56:33.730 --> 00:56:36.210 lovely families where everybody gets along and 00:56:36.210 --> 00:56:38.730 everybody will agree and nobody at the last minute 00:56:38.730 --> 00:56:40.929 will turn around and say, no, I'm not going to 00:56:40.929 --> 00:56:44.829 do that. Make sure that you know who you are 00:56:44.829 --> 00:56:48.570 choosing for that important role. And the last 00:56:48.570 --> 00:56:52.469 thing that you would need is to choose the executor 00:56:52.469 --> 00:56:56.949 or executrix of your stage, making sure that 00:56:56.949 --> 00:57:00.480 you either have legal backup like an attorney 00:57:00.480 --> 00:57:05.840 or a financial planner or if you're already over 00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:09.420 60, work with an elder attorney because there 00:57:09.420 --> 00:57:12.519 are other things that have to do with Medicaid 00:57:12.519 --> 00:57:15.920 and Medicare and other processes like that that 00:57:15.920 --> 00:57:18.900 they will be able to navigate for you because 00:57:18.900 --> 00:57:21.719 that's what they do. They specialize in that. 00:57:22.199 --> 00:57:25.000 So that would be my recommendation and like I 00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:28.590 said at the beginning If you have an adult child 00:57:28.590 --> 00:57:32.070 who's over 18, they should also have a will, 00:57:32.690 --> 00:57:36.269 a living will, powers of attorney and an executor 00:57:36.269 --> 00:57:39.510 or an executor of an estate. They don't really 00:57:39.510 --> 00:57:42.630 have anything, but it should at least be in writing 00:57:42.630 --> 00:57:45.710 so that it covers everyone because you do not 00:57:45.710 --> 00:57:49.230 want to be in a situation where your child is 00:57:49.230 --> 00:57:51.929 in a hospital fighting for their life and you 00:57:51.929 --> 00:57:56.179 can't help. That would just be devastating so 00:57:56.179 --> 00:57:58.960 I just want to make sure yeah, I just want to 00:57:58.960 --> 00:58:02.960 make sure everybody understands Understood and 00:58:02.960 --> 00:58:05.820 so for it for the families out there listening 00:58:05.820 --> 00:58:09.300 who don't have any paperwork currently get a 00:58:09.300 --> 00:58:14.159 wheel Get a living wheel Get a power of attorney 00:58:14.159 --> 00:58:17.800 a primary and an alternate and name an executor 00:58:17.800 --> 00:58:21.239 or executor executress I hope that I said it 00:58:21.239 --> 00:58:25.789 right for yourself your child if they're 18 and 00:58:25.789 --> 00:58:29.670 up so that you can be in a position to Make sure 00:58:29.670 --> 00:58:32.130 that they receive the care that they need or 00:58:32.130 --> 00:58:36.170 want to receive so oh So we're not going to be 00:58:36.170 --> 00:58:40.170 able to get to The rest of these questions. We're 00:58:40.170 --> 00:58:42.070 trying to squeeze in one more just very quickly 00:58:42.070 --> 00:58:44.150 There's one from Evelyn that I thought was really 00:58:44.150 --> 00:58:45.989 good, and we didn't cover this she says how do 00:58:45.989 --> 00:58:47.989 you navigate situations? Where the person you're 00:58:47.989 --> 00:58:51.820 caring for? refuses help or denies they need 00:58:51.820 --> 00:58:57.559 help even when it's clear they do. I would recommend 00:58:57.559 --> 00:59:04.139 finding a social worker because that way they 00:59:04.139 --> 00:59:07.840 can do a home visit. They can do an assessment. 00:59:08.360 --> 00:59:13.000 I would also contact the primary caregiver of 00:59:13.000 --> 00:59:16.719 that individual if they have one. If they don't, 00:59:16.719 --> 00:59:21.570 that makes it a lot more difficult. But I would 00:59:21.570 --> 00:59:25.349 also contact the Council on Aging in your area 00:59:25.349 --> 00:59:29.989 because they will have resources that you might 00:59:29.989 --> 00:59:33.610 be able to utilize so that you can get the help 00:59:33.610 --> 00:59:38.070 for your loved one. And believe me, I get it. 00:59:39.030 --> 00:59:41.309 That's all I'm going to say on that. I get it. 00:59:41.610 --> 00:59:45.230 But those would be my suggestions. Well, Janice, 00:59:45.230 --> 00:59:47.690 I want to thank you again so much for your time 00:59:47.690 --> 00:59:49.829 tonight and for sharing all of this valuable 00:59:49.829 --> 00:59:51.969 insight that you've gained over the years through 00:59:51.969 --> 00:59:55.170 your experience and personal experiences. We 00:59:55.170 --> 00:59:57.929 really appreciate your time here tonight. Well, 00:59:57.929 --> 01:00:00.429 thank you so much. I'm so happy that you are 01:00:00.429 --> 01:00:03.389 willing to talk about this because we need to. 01:00:03.449 --> 01:00:06.750 We need to talk about it a lot, make it weird, 01:00:06.769 --> 01:00:09.869 but talk about it because it is going to happen. 01:00:09.929 --> 01:00:13.940 Life is finite. We do not have a choice. So if 01:00:13.940 --> 01:00:18.099 you plan for it, it'll be much easier on yourself 01:00:18.099 --> 01:00:22.420 and on your loved ones. Well said. Well listen 01:00:22.420 --> 01:00:24.300 everyone, I hope you enjoyed this show tonight 01:00:24.300 --> 01:00:26.500 and I hope you learned something new. Be sure 01:00:26.500 --> 01:00:29.119 to tune in for the next live episode of Live 01:00:29.119 --> 01:00:31.500 with Dr. Andre Jarrett. It's gonna air on Tuesday, 01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:34.820 not Tuesday, I'm sorry, Wednesday, September 01:00:34.820 --> 01:00:38.699 10th. I hope that's the right date. At 6 p .m. 01:00:38.699 --> 01:00:41.940 Eastern, second Wednesday of September. going 01:00:41.940 --> 01:00:44.179 to be right here during the peak of hurricane 01:00:44.179 --> 01:00:46.099 season in Puerto Rico. So I don't know how things 01:00:46.099 --> 01:00:48.519 are going, but we'll see then. But until then, 01:00:48.659 --> 01:00:50.880 everybody take care. Have a great evening. I'll 01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:52.199 see you next time. Take care.