Welcome to live with Dr. Andre Jerry, your prime
time destination for bold conversations. unfiltered
truth and real life inspiration. I'm your host
Dr. Andre Jerry coming to you live from the beautiful
San Juan, Puerto Rico. So whether you're listening
from across the street or across the globe, I
want to thank you for being here tonight and
spending a little time with me this Wednesday
evening. Last show was a little bit intense.
I got some of the feedback, but it was a great
show, much needed. We're going to kind of take
it easy this episode and have a little fun. How
about that? Quick shout out to my cousins who
are tuning in from Greenville, Georgia Harris,
Jakari and Renata Hightower. I love you guys
and thank you so much for all of your support.
I really appreciate it You know Renata actually
isn't a very common name You don't typically
run into a lot of Renata's But I venture to say
when you do they're they're gonna be very unique
and kind -hearted people You know what I mean?
And I'm not just talking about your one of the
meal kind hearted. I'm talking about a unique
sort of kind heartedness. I'm talking about the
type of person who celebrates your success like
it's their own. I think Renata's are the type
of women who will not just call to check up on
you. They will drive or fly to check up on you
personally. And I think Renata's are big on family.
and connections. They may not get all the support
they need from everybody that they love, but
they're going to make sure that everybody that
they love feels supported and seen. And if they
really love you, like if they really, really
love you, if somebody F's with you, it's going
to be hell to pay with a Renata. It just is.
And from my experience, Renatas are kind of like
that neutral member of the family who can pretty
much stay out of all of the that divisiveness
that can kind of creep into your family and all
the family drama and politics, they know how
to stay out of that mess. You know, we may not
be all speaking to one another or have, you know,
these little factions and cliques in the family,
but the Renatas, they can kind of navigate around
all of that and converse with everybody because
they know how to stay out of the crap. You know,
they're also very forgiving people and they're
not big grudge holders I'm telling you if you
have a Renata in your family or if you're friends
with one I guarantee you everything that I'm
saying about The Renata's I know apply to the
Renata's that you know, I guarantee it. It's
something about that name I don't know. I'm 46
years old and I have never met a Renata that
was a shitty person. It's just something about
that name Cory's are pretty good people, too.
You know, they typically don't bother anybody.
Pam. You know, we all, everyone knows a Pam.
Pams are typically good people. Now, I'll tell
you one name that's a little different. Pat.
I'm talking about if it's a male or a female.
I don't care. If you're a Pat or you go by Pat,
you probably are a trip. You probably are a trip.
But anyway, so shout out to my cousin, Renata
Hightower. Shout out to my other good friend,
Renata Jordan, who is the reason why I'm on the
air today. And shout out to all the other Renatas
out there who may be listening. We love you.
We appreciate you. All right. So I got some great
feedback on the shows we did last month. We touched
on toxic friendships. We talked about mental
health. And we also talked about the road ahead
for the class of 2025. And I actually received
a ton of messages from recent grads who caught
the playback of the episode we did about real
talk for the class of 2025. And I'll tell you,
a lot of them said it gave them the clarity and
the encouragement that they didn't really even
know they needed. So if you've got a graduate
in your family or in your social circle, then
send them the link to that show. Send them the
link. Trust me, they'll probably hear something
that could really help them to navigate this
next chapter. And if you're looking for the perfect
graduation gift for a graduate in your circle,
especially for someone just stepping into the
real world, grab them a copy of my latest book,
Not Just a Diploma, your playbook for post -grad
power moves. It's a really short read. It's relevant.
And I wrote it for people who are in that in
-between space. You know, where school ends,
but then you're getting into real life and things
are starting to get really real. It's a really
good resource for them. I priced it adequately,
so it's not going to cost you a lot. But it's
a great investment for someone who is fresh out
of college and they're getting ready for the
real world now. So check that out. It's on Amazon.
All right, so now that we've shown some love
to our grads, we're going to get into our show.
The theme for tonight is random rants and real
talk. So this is part three of our series where
I basically just riff from topic to topic. It
just depends on my mood and how many glasses
of wine I've had. You know, speaking of alcohol,
I'll tell you something. I've noticed that I
have Cut back a lot lately, especially since
I retired back in March and That actually has
saved me a lot of money to be honest I didn't
really realize how much money I spent on alcohol
in a week It was substantial so that definitely
played a part in my decision to cut back a little
bit and I don't know, aside from saving money,
that aspect of that, I also guess I wanted to
just kind of prove to myself that I wasn't an
alcoholic. And I'm not talking about like the
textbook medical definition for alcohol, because
that's some BS. I've never agreed with that.
So according to the National Institute on Alcohol
Abuse and alcoholism, you are considered a heavy
drinker if you are a man who drinks more than
four drinks per day or more than 14 drinks per
week. Or if you're a woman who drinks more than
three drinks per day or drinks more than seven
drinks per week. And by the way, they consider
a drink or a standard drink, one 12 ounce beer,
one five ounce glass of wine, or just like one
shot of liquor or something like that. So that's
what they consider one drink. So for me, that's
everybody who drinks. Unless you're talking about
someone that's like the occasional drinker who
only has like alcohol on special occasions or
something like that. But unless I'm just a jaded
drunk, I think four drinks per day, that sounds
like a pretty good time for me. You know, in
fact, I'm kind of pissed if it's just four. Obviously,
I'm kidding. Or maybe I'm using humor to mask
the truth, but you know, in the very worst case
scenario, I would say I'm a very high functioning
alcoholic. And what I mean by that is that regardless
of how many drinks one may consider excessive,
my alcohol consumption has never been a problem
to the extent that it impeded my Upward trajectory
or my aspirations or gotten away of me achieving
any of the goals I set out for myself It's never
been an issue in that regard and because I've
always been pretty good at Self -correction,
you know, like I'm not the guy you're gonna have
to sit down and have an intervention with you
know, I'm not that guy I've always Had a pretty
keen awareness of myself in terms of my negative
behaviors and being able to self correct before
things got too out of hand. And I think for me,
drinking had become more of a habit than it ever
was like an addiction per se. Because it was
just something I had become used to doing. To
be honest with you, I've been drinking since
I was 16. I thought about that too. My parents
were very liberal. We had alcohol in the house.
They didn't lock it up. They didn't hide it.
They didn't do any of that stuff. They was like,
look, it's there. My mom's approach, I remember
she told me I was 16. She was like, look, you're
going to find a way to drink it and to do whatever
you want to do anyway. So you might as well do
it in the house where I can see you and kind
of supervise. So she didn't really encourage
drinking. She was just like. If you're going
to do it, do it at home. I know what it's like
to be a teenager. I know you're going to get
into stuff. Do it at home. So I had a lot of
liberty as a kid. And I thank my mom for that.
Because I think when you take that approach to
parenting and you don't try to keep them away
from this and try to manipulate the situation,
they just end up getting in all types of crap.
But when you give them that freedom, still keep
an eye on them. You make sure you know what they're
doing, but just give them some leeway and some
freedom to F up if they want to, you know within
certain parameters, but they weren't so They
were very liberal with me. I'll say that and
I think Maybe the only reason why I did drink
at 16 and 17 is a because it was there B I kind
of somewhat had permission And for the most part,
I always did it at home. And it wasn't heavy
drink or anything like that. It was like on the
weekends. And even then, it was like a wine cooler.
My mom was a Verdi person. She loved Verdi. She
loved Spumante. A little sweet drink. So we're
talking about like a fuzzy neighbor or something
like that. Anybody that grew up with me remember
the fuzzy neighbors I used to get on the weekends.
So that type of stuff. So yeah, it was never
really excessive until I started, you know, venturing
out and partying and stuff like that. And I would
drink a little bit too much and not so much.
There was too much. It was, I mixed a lot. So
I would go from beer to wine and I would have
a shot of this and Hey, Andre, try this. I'll
have a shot of that. And so I would just end
up getting wasted. Not because of the amount
that I was drinking, but just when you mix so
many different things, you're going to get messed
up. You know, so it was that was kind of how
I grew up. It wasn't a horrible thing but Like
I said, it's always been pretty easy for me to
self -correct But as I got older I had to go
through my changes like with like with anyone
else Oh the point I was gonna make earlier about
why I was drinking at 16 remember the last show
when I shared a little bit about just a few of
the traumas that I went through at age 13. I
think, had it not been for those traumas, I would
not have leaned on alcohol to cope. Back then,
I didn't know I was coping. I just liked the
way it made me feel. And it was just kind of
like a release or something, you know. But looking
back on it, that was my coping mechanism. And
so that's why I was telling you, you really have
to make sure you get to the root of your traumas
because if you leave it unresolved, you're going
to manifest all sorts of different behaviors
and coping mechanisms that you don't even realize
are a coping mechanism. You just think it's normal
behavior, but you're really acting out of trauma.
And so that's for anyone with unresolved trauma.
So it's nothing to feel ashamed about. we all
have some form of trauma and varying levels of
trauma in our lives, you know. But yeah, so that's
why I was drinking that early in my life. And
I think had my mom and dad been more strict,
I probably would have kind of went in another
direction and been rebellious and found stuff
to get into. But Since I had a little bit of
stuff at home to get into, I didn't go crazy
with it. And so, yeah, so it was just become
more of a habit than really an addiction for
me. Just something I was used to doing. And once
I retired and relocated to Puerto Rico, I noticed
that I was still in that habit of drinking every
day. And it took a friend to sort of challenge
me on that. And by the way, that's what real
friends do. If real friends see where you have
a pattern of behavior that's not in your best
interest, they're gonna call you on it. They're
gonna confront you on it. That's what a real
friend will do. You know, instead of just letting
you just continue to go down a path that's not
good. But yeah, I had a friend that sort of challenged
me on that and They were like, Andre, do you
really feel like you should be drinking every
day? And they asked it very delicately. And at
first, it's easy to take questions like that
and become defensive and be like, look, I'm grown,
or I'm not hurting anybody, or why do you care?
But they care because they're your friends. And
you are hurting yourself if you're drinking every
day, whether you're grown or not. So getting
defensive is a clue that there's something there
that you may want to take a look at it. So in
my case, my friend had a point. And so it really
gave me something to think about. And I was like,
you know what? There really isn't a reason for
me to be drinking every single day. I'm retired
from federal civil service. I don't have the
stress of that leadership position anymore. I
don't have the weight of carrying a team and
making sure everybody's pulling their weight.
I'm not in the toxic states anymore where daily
life is like a nightmare. I'm not around my family,
who I love. I love my family. And I know it's
just not my family, so I'm not demonizing my
family. But my family always has some shit going
on. So I'm away from all of that. So what am
I drinking every day? What for? And so that's
when I really understood that for me, drinking
had become more of a habit than an addiction,
which is my way of unwinding or what I do at
the end of the day. So now I've switched things
up a bit and I only drink on the weekends, Friday,
Saturday and Sunday. And that's been working
really well for me. Do I necessarily like it?
No, absolutely not. I don't. I hate it actually,
but I know when something is in my best interest.
And for me, it's in my best interest that I fast
from alcohol through the week. There's just no
reason to drink during the week unless it's a
special occasion or something. And honestly,
if I'm not willing to or able to make that type
of adjustment and sacrifice for my own health
and wellbeing, then yeah, that would mean I really
do have a problem. but Boy do I live for the
weekends now the weekends are like my jam now.
I never used to be a weekend person Not really
Because I was always a workaholic. I I never
really did anything on the weekends I just found
myself working in some capacity anyway, whether
it was working on the show or you know writing
another book or Doing some work for my regular
job over the weekend. So that's That's what my
weekends were about. But now things are a little
different. My weekends are for wine and whiskey
and whatever else I can get my hands on. But
seriously though, since I've cut back on the
alcohol consumption, I do feel a lot better.
I have a lot more mental clarity and focus. And
my stomach's even got a little flatter. And the
quality of my shows are better when I'm not drinking.
Everybody wins. But all right. OK, so let's shift
gears a little bit and let's talk about. One
of my other character flaws, OK, my legendary
ability to miss every cultural moment as it's
actually happening. So this is going to be a
brand new segment I'm going to do on. These type
of shows where it's more laid -back. I'm gonna
do a segment called better late than never So
this is gonna be where I finally show up to the
conversation That people have had years ago whether
it's a show that everybody's already spoiled
a movie that's been rebooted already or a Trend
that died some slow embarrassing death and I'm
just now discovering it. I admit it. I'm late.
I may be a little behind but I'm committed to
being behind with confidence. So I'm going to
tell you what I think about some things that
you guys probably stopped caring about a couple
of years ago. OK, so like I said, I finally have
a little bit of time on my hands, right? So I've
been catching up on some old movies that I've
been wanting to see. And one of them is Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice. OK, so for anyone that doesn't know,
that's the It's not a reboot. It's just a sequel
to the original Beetlejuice movie Okay, and I
realize some people may not even care about this,
but hey, I'm having fun This is what I want to
talk about today so the first thing is I love
that Michael Keaton and the other main characters
reprise their roles. I love that Tim Burton Came
back and directed the sequel. He also directed
the first movie And I just love his take on dark
fantasy and comedy horror, that whole genre.
It reminds me of some of my favorite movies that
he directed, Edward Scissorhands. He directed
a couple of the Batmans. My favorite though is
Batman Returns. But I like a lot of that weird,
creepy, Tim Burton type feel. But I love in this
movie how those characters from the original
those afterlife creatures or whatever they were
all staples in this this new version of the movie
so remember the little shrunken head character
or whatever they were in there um some other
familiar aspects of the the movie um from the
original movie now one thing i could have done
without uh was this storyline about Lydia Lydia
Dietz that's the you know the goth girl the original
goth girl from the original movie Played by Winona
Ryder. They gave her a love interest in this
movie. And I'll give it to them. They found a
kind of a clever way to incorporate it in the
movie without being totally annoying. That was
OK. The only disappointment for me with this
movie is that since Lydia's father, Charles Dietz,
he's deceased in the sequel. OK, apparently he
had some controversy in real life and I guess
the studio didn't want him linked to this brand
and this movie anymore. So they kind of killed
him off. So although they found a way to incorporate
his passing in the story without making it off
brand for the movie, I feel like they missed
an opportunity to make this untimely death of
his a more prominent part of the story. I would
have threw in some mysterious circumstances surrounding
his death. And I would have had the family go
back to that original house. Remember that original
like two, three stories, spooky looking house
on the hill, the White House, which was in the
sequel. They had that in the sequel, by the way.
But I would have used that backdrop to commune
with Lydia's father's dead spirit to find out
what truly happened to him. And then this would
have kind of opened the way to potentially recreating
one of the most memorable scenes from the first
Beetlejuice. which was that dinner party scene.
Remember, it was a dinner party and they end
up having this seance and the entire group is
possessed or something. They do like this conga
line to that song, that popular song, six foot,
seven foot, eight foot, you know, that song.
So I just feel like they really dropped the ball
there. And aside from that, if you're a fan of
the original... Beetlejuice movie, I think you'll
really enjoy the sequel. It doesn't outdo the
original, which, you know, it's hard to do, but
it definitely gives you that feeling of nostalgia
from your childhood if that's what you're looking
for. It does give you that. Okay, all right,
moving on. So now let's talk about this not so
new social media trend that has been going around.
I guess it's more like a challenge. It's where
people post their cash app, right? And these
so -called pay pigs randomly send you money.
Have y 'all seen this? Have y 'all, has anyone
tried this? Okay, so I gave this a try about
maybe two or three days ago. Because I mean,
I just wanna see if it works. I'm not gonna block
my blessing. I'm seeing folks screenshotting
their cash out there getting hundreds of dollars
sent to them. Some of them are getting thousands
of dollars, just from random people who don't
know them. All they did was put their cash up
out there. And a lot of these folks, they aren't
even cute. So I figured, what do I have to lose?
You know, you lose. I still look good. I'm still
sexy. Let somebody that want to be generous go
ahead and send me some weekend drink money. Although
I posted it, I think here's the thing. I think
it only works for women. Because on my TikTok,
I just mentioned it. I said, look, I was like,
where are the pay pigs for men? That's what I
want to know. Let's not discriminate and just
send the women the money. I put myself out there,
send me some money too. You know, it may work,
it may not. I don't know. I don't have anything
to show for it yet, but I know I'm jumping on
the train late. I don't care. I just put it out
there everyone else is doing it. Maybe someone's
gonna send me something great It people getting
five and six hundred and thousands of dollars
for nothing. So hey, why not? If you want to
send me some money, I'll even shout you out on
the radio Because that's sponsor money right
there if you're sending four and five hundred
dollars Speaking of sponsors if you're a business
owner or entrepreneur Maybe you're an author
or a recording artist and you want to sponsor
a future episode or be a guest on the show Just
shoot me an email at live with dr. Andre Jerry
at gmail .com and we'd love to have you on so
yeah, I admit that I'm late to the Pay Pig trend,
but like I said better late than never and if
any pay pigs are listening right now my cash
tag is dr. Andre Jerry Okay All right, y 'all,
listen, I'm having too much fun with this. Let's
take a quick commercial break. But don't go anywhere.
When we come back, we've got more random rants
and more real talk. So stay tuned. We'll be right
back. All right, class of 2025, let's talk real
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And you are listening to the Artist First Radio
Network. Hey everybody, welcome back to live
with Dr. Andre Geary. Hey, thanks for hanging
in with me through the commercial break. If you're
just joining us, our topic tonight is random
rants and real talk. So like I said, this is
part three of our ongoing series. And right before
the break, we wrapped up our brand new segment
called Better Late Than Never. It's a new segment
I'm introducing where I talk about basically
how late I am to pop culture. So listen, I think
I had too much fun catching up on the pop culture
stuff. I'm totally late to the party, but hey,
that's the point. I may not be on time, but when
I show up, I'm gonna try to make it somewhat
entertaining for you. All right, so now we're
gonna shift gears a little bit and we're gonna
move from last to something a little bit deeper,
but not too much. Because part of real talk is
about being real and talking about what's going
on inside. So let's talk about that last episode.
That was some pretty heavy stuff, right? We talked
about mental health, childhood trauma, we talked
about coping mechanisms as a result of that trauma.
It was a lot. And as much as it may have helped
you all, it helped me as well because there were
some things that I was just coming to grips with
on the air as I was talking, right? And one of
those things was The realization that my friendship
with John Was always toxic. I Know y 'all are
probably like you on John again. I have been
dragging John lately, but it's not it's not personal,
but I really when I was doing the episode last
week I really dawned on me during that episode
that he was like never really my friend. He just
never was and That whole thing about, you know,
believe people when they reveal to you who they
are. The first time he always presented himself
as an adversary. From day one, he was one of
my bullies. So. Even though he was posing as
a friend, he was just. At best, a friend of me.
You saw how quick he turned on me, betrayed me.
It was that same school year he turned on me.
And I guess. Back then I was so desperate for
friendship and to be accepted By everybody and
by the popular kids that I just went along with
that fake friendship for 30 plus years Looking
back John was always jealous of me even back
when he was a bully and Talking crap about literally
talking crap behind my back like literary literally
There was something he must have saw in me that
maybe I didn't even see For myself at the time,
but there was something about me that made him
feel small or Inferior or envious or something
because like I mentioned before John was one
of the most popular kids in the school And that's
not the only thing he had going for him. I mean,
John was handsome. He was always cute. He was
always the handsome guy. I had to grow into my
looks. But John was always a cute guy. The girls
loved him. He was always tall. He was like one
of the tallest guys in the class or in the school.
So why would he feel intimidated by anything
I had going on? I was scrawny. I was a nerdy
kid. I looked exactly like Steve Urkel, acted
like him too, because I was so awkward. Trying
not to be awkward and in that In in trying not
to be awkward. I was even more awkward. So I
was just a mess you know just something simple
as walking down the hallway in between classes
was just Excruciating for me cuz like Andre watch
how you walk don't walk to this don't walk to
that You know I was just a mess all to keep people
off me cuz back then if you did anything Just
out of the ordinary god forbid you tripped up
or god forbid you dropped your book or anything
It was just on it was just gonna be on it's gonna
be on you all day So I lived on edge in school
trying to be perfect and not make any missteps
because I didn't want everybody on me Don't start
with that crap. You know, I'm just trying to
get through the day. It was like a war zone but
um But yeah, but whatever John had with me I
think that's the reason why he fed me to the
wolves in the lunchroom that day, and why he
never kept any of my secrets, and why he refused
to provide that character witness for me that
I needed all those years ago. I was really relying
on him for that. And it didn't even dawn on me
that he would decline or say no. It was just
like a no -brainer. It was the first name I gave
to my attorney. So like I said, I was just dumbfounded.
But you know, looking back on it, all of that
was done intentionally to hurt me, to harm me.
But it's OK. It's OK. We learn. We grow. We forgive.
Always forgive the people who hurt you. I'm not
mad or upset with John or whatever. I have been
dragging him in the past couple of episodes.
But it's all within context. for educational
purposes, for educational purposes, and to use
my life as an illustration to help you with your
John. I'm not the only one with a John. Your
John is probably worse than mine. And John is
not a bad person. I don't want to demonize him.
He just was not a good friend to me. That's all.
And we're going to get off of John. I'm going
to try not to mention him any more in this show,
because I have been dragging this poor guy. OK,
so anyway, I have this other friend. name Craig.
And I don't know if Craig is listening or not,
but honestly, I don't know what's going to come
of that particular friendship. Craig and I have
known each other for 10 years now. We met each
other 10 years ago last month. And the reason
why I remember that is because that's when I
started my career with the federal government.
It was May 2015. Craig was the facilitator in
charge of new employee orientation for all federal
employees. It was a requirement if you were an
incoming civilian. And he introduced every speaker
that addressed our group. He did the speaking
between speakers. So he sort of facilitated the
whole thing. Well, One of those speakers was
supposed to be a woman from the base housing
office. And I was particularly interested in
her briefing because I was new to town. I remember
I was staying in a hotel until I found an apartment
or some type of permanent housing. Well, for
whatever reason, the lady from the housing department
who was supposed to speak at a particular time,
she didn't show up. So Craig just went on to
the next speaker and I'm panicking on the inside
because I've been waiting all morning to hear
what this lady has to say because I need to speak
with her about getting on the wait list for housing
and you know tell her my situation because at
$91 a night I remember where I was paying the
little money I had saved up It was just getting
drained more and more every day, you know, so
I'm antsy and I'm waiting I'm sitting through
all these trainings and I'm watching Craig you
know speak or whatever and you know I'm just
waiting for the lunch break to come so I can
speak with him because I'm going to go to him
at the lunch break and ask him about this lady
and you know is she coming to speak later on
today or the next day or what but as I'm watching
Craig speak I can't help but notice that he has
this sadness in his eyes and I remember saying
to myself, that man is going through something.
I don't know what he's going through, but he's
going through something. Something's weighing
heavy on him. And I don't think anyone else could
discern that, but I don't know, with me just
being an empath or whatever, I just saw it. I
don't know if anyone else saw it, but I saw it.
So anyway, we finally get to lunch, and I introduce
myself, and I give my whole spiel about, hey,
I really need to talk to the lady from the housing
office. Do you know if she's coming later today,
tomorrow? And, you know, he was like, I don't
know whether she's coming back to speak or not.
Usually if a person shows up at, you know, or
doesn't show up at their appointed time to brief,
I just move on to the next speaker. And then
he was like, you know, I tell you what, it's
lunch. I'll take you over to their office. It's
right up the street. You can follow me on my
bike. I'll take you there. He was driving his
motorcycle at the time. So I'm super grateful
for his help. I follow him over there. He takes
me into the office. He tells the people my situation
and who I'm here to speak to and all of that.
Turns out the person that I needed to speak to
was out of the office. They didn't know when
the person would return. And it wasn't a little
thing like if she was at lunch and she would
be back at such and such time. She had been out
of the office for, I guess, a couple of days.
You know, um, I guess Craig felt sorry for me.
We went back out to my car and his bike and he
was like, Hey, uh, look, man, um, uh, you know,
I know your situation. You told me you knew in
town, you stay in the hotel. He said, look, I
got a three bedroom, you know, duplex or whatever.
It's just me. He said, you're more than welcome
to take one of the rooms and stay there until
you, um, can find your place, you know, more.
stable or whatever. He wasn't even going to charge
me anything. He just wanted to get me out the
hotel and just give me some place to stay where
I didn't have to worry about paying a whole bunch
of money until I found my own apartment or whatever.
So I was like, yeah, that sounds cool or whatever.
So we went straight from there to his place.
And he showed me the place. He was like, hey,
this is my spot, blah, blah, blah, blah. And
like I said, you're more than welcome. Don't
worry about paying anything. I think it was early
in the month. So yeah, he's gonna let me stay
there to the end of the month or whatever. He
said, you need to stay longer. We'll talk about
maybe some payment arrangements or whatever.
But he said, for now, just feel free to stay
for the rest of the month until you find something.
I'm like, okay, bet. So I move in and we just
click. We click and we just become fast friends.
That sad look. in his eyes that I was telling
you about before, it turns out that he was going
through a divorce. He was at the beginning stages
of going through a divorce. And he was separated
from his wife, his two kids, I think were teenagers
at the time, young teenagers. And during that
interim period where they were separated and
going through a divorce, he moved out and was
just extremely sad. Loved his family, but obviously
made some mistakes. you know, the wife took all
she could take and was, you know, just gonna
move on with her life. And that's what that sadness
was. I knew it was something, but all of that
came out, you know, in the weeks and as you spend
time with people and learn to learn more about
them, we're learning more about each other. And
so that's the heaviness that he was carrying.
And he was just perpetually sad during that time.
You know, he cracked jokes here and there, but
he was just wearing this heaviness. So I guess
long story short, Craig and I became like really
close friends, like brother -type friends. And
we got into cycling. He got me into getting my
first motorcycle. I learned how to ride a motorcycle.
He taught me that. He introduced me to camping
and hiking and different little things. He was
doing all of these activities to keep his mind
off of his family. and off of the divorce and
all the stuff he was going through. And looking
back, that's what he was doing at the time. I
just thought, you know, oh, this guy's cool.
He's into this. He's into that. But he was just
trying to keep his mind occupied. And I can see
that now. And we just developed a bond and became
really, really close. And so Craig's like family.
Over the years... You know, we continue to stay
in contact and stay close. We're always close.
I think we started to drift a little bit once
I started going on these tours to like Saudi
and moving to these different bases and things
like that. The distance kind of put a little
bit of a strain, but we were still, you know,
keeping contact. But I think the first break
that we had in terms of because we never had
an argument. To this day, we never had an argument,
but I think the first little fracture in our
friendship was when that woman, when he started
dating that woman. And I talked about her in
one of my other rants. I think it was the very
first rant episode I did. When she came into
his life, that's when things started to take
a turn. We all got along at first. We all hung
out, and I was the third wheel for the longest,
and it was never a problem. And then at some
point he, well, me and his girlfriend had some
type of disagreement, a petty stupid disagreement
at that. And just was never able to recover from
it. And some kind of way Craig and I were able
to still keep our friendship intact. But it came
to a point where I just... didn't f with her
anymore like I didn't want to be if she was around
I'm not gonna be around because I'm seeing that
this person is just not I can't speak for where
she is now but she went through a really tough
spot where she was really difficult and very
nasty just very nasty and I'm like are you with
this woman and And so I fell out with the girlfriend.
It always sucks when your best friend has a girlfriend
that you don't get along. That sucks. If anybody
has ever had to deal with that dynamic, it just
sucks. But some kind of way Craig and I were
able to navigate it as best we could until it
got to the point to where, look, I'm not going
to be over here anymore. All this third wheeling
and throw a fool and hanging out, all of that's
just done. I cannot be around this woman. I understand
y 'all are dating or whatever. I'll hang with
you when I can, but I can't do her. I just can't
do her. And you know, so that really, that plus
the distance and going back and forth to Saudi
and these other places, that kind of just put
us in a weird spot. And we weren't as close,
we were still cool, but we weren't as close as
we used to be. And then so fast forward a couple
of years, I come back from Saudi. And he's just
a straight out atheist now, and has been for
like three plus years. And I grew, not gonna
say I grew up with, but I'm used to the Craig
that was preaching the Bible, and we talk about
scriptures, and he was like a spiritual sort
of mentor. You know, he used to be a pastor.
so when I come back from Saudi and he's like
full -blown atheist it was just at first I thought
it was like maybe a joke or a phase or something
like that and you know because he goes through
different little phases and stuff and so I thought
maybe the atheist stuff was just a phase no he
went full throttle and it got worse and worse
and worse in terms of the rhetoric and he's not
quiet atheist. He's not one of those atheists
that's just going to allow you to still believe
in God and have your belief. He actively tries
to pull people away from God and their belief
and to really fervently tell them that what they're
believing in is a lie and none of this stuff
is real and just you know very intense and so
I'm the type of person I can you don't have to
have it helps if you have the same belief system
as I do in terms of the friendship. I can let
you have your belief, but when you are like coming
at me like, no, this is you still on that Jesus
crap and da da da da that type of vibe and it
is. I saw where it had the potential to take
a combative turn. And rather than let it get
to that point, I just sort of backed away. And
maybe instead of checking in twice a week, it
was just one. And now we're at the point to where
I've been in Puerto Rico for, what, since the
middle of March, near the end of March, and I've
spoken to Craig maybe once. So I don't know where
that friendship fans, um, I don't want to write
him off. I don't want to do that because I don't
think he would write me off. You know, I'm not
perfect. Um, but it's very hard for me and my
spiritual walk where I am to be really close
and chummy and just buddy buddy with a full blown
atheist who was very vocal. and proud of his
atheism. So it's just that's one of those friendships
where I don't know what to do. I prayed about
it. I love Craig, but I just between the atheist
stuff and that girl, I can't. So I'm going to
do what I can to keep that relationship and friendship.
Alive as best I can given this new distance that
we have where he's in Warner Robbins, and I'm
in Puerto Rico But I don't know I That's a difficult
one for me because like I said, I love Craig
a lot and And he's even met Renata My friend
Renata who is the reason why I have this show
and I have a picture and I'm gonna print it out
and put it somewhere but I have a picture of
Craig and Renata together at one of Renata's
book signings. And so to have a picture with
two of my closest friends pictured together like
that, and they're not necessarily friends, but
they've met each other and like each other, I
think I need to print that out and put that up
somewhere. I don't know what made me just think
about that picture. But yeah, I'm going to have
to just keep you guys updated on The Craig situation,
I think. Very soon after this broadcast, I'm
going to reach out to him. I don't know if he
still tunes into the show or what have you, but.
I'm going to try. I'm going to try and if it
gets to the point to where it just no longer
seems to be feasible, which I don't think is
at that point, because there's a lot of love
there. I don't know. I just have to keep you
updated. I just have to keep you updated. I'm
looking through my topics here to see what else
I wanted to rant about. We got a little bit more
time left. We talked about the mental health
episode. We talked about Craig. You know, I have
another childhood friend, too. We talked about
John. I've dragged John enough. I have another
childhood friend named Jerome, and he was sort
of like my other best friend growing up. And
we haven't spoken in a while. There's a bit of
a rift there. So I need to figure out what I'm
doing with that relationship. And that was an
interesting one because I'm his daughter's godparent.
But on their side, So I'm the person, I'm the
reach out person. I'm always the one that's reaching
out. Hey, haven't heard from you in a while.
What's going on? Everything good? Hey, how's
my goddaughter? And I would send her messages
and stuff like that. I don't get anything back
in return. You know, and that's frustrating for
me. I don't want to, where I'm at now, I don't
want to continue with friendships like that.
If I got to be the one always reaching out, it's
not fair. You know, you have all of my addresses.
You have my contact information. Reach out to
me sometimes. You know, have Rosalia send me
a letter or something, or send me a video message
saying hello, or happy birthday, or go to hell,
or something. You know, and so I hate to just
throw that friendship away, especially since
it's connected to my goddaughter, but... I'm
just, I don't have the energy to be the one constantly
reaching out and don't get anything back in return.
I'm just so over that. That's not a real true
friendship. And I know every friendship is nuanced
and everyone's different and has their own way
of communicating. I'm talking about just basic
communication here. Don't, if you're friends
with someone, if you have a friendship that you
care about, don't... always put it on the other
person to be the one to check in and reach out.
Eventually that gets old and they may do it for
years, maybe even decades, but do something to
meet that person halfway. So where I am in my
life now, I have a small circle of friends, a
handful of people that I call a friend. Back
when I was younger and you guys, I've shared
enough to where you already know the psychology
behind that, but. I used to think the more friends
I had, the more popular I was. I just wanted
to have friends all around. This friend, that
friend. I got friends in this state. I don't
care about that stuff anymore. If I can't count
on you to come help me move, if I can't count
on you to call and check up on me after you know
I lost my mom, after you know I just got out
of a debilitating breakup, or just common courtesy
to say, hey, hello. I haven't heard from you.
You doing all right? Where are you at now? Are
you in the States? Where are you? Have you gone
to hell yet? I mean, just anything. Give me something.
I'll take anything. But just don't put it on
me to always be that person to reach out, because
I'm not him anymore. I'm not doing that. I'll
leave the door open if you want to contact me.
But Mr. Reach Out All the Time, all of that,
I'm done with it. I'm not doing it. I got too
much other stuff I want to do. I'm at a different
phase in my life right now. I want peace. And
I'm not going to be fighting to be anybody's
friend, you know? So that's just where I am with
all of that. I think that's a good place to leave
it for tonight. I pretty much talked about all
the stuff that I wanted to talk about. I just
wanted to have a little bit of fun, have a little
bit of... conversation that wasn't so uptight.
So I've enjoyed this. I hope you guys have as
well. Whether we're talking about toxic friendships,
emotional boundaries, pay pigs, one of these
pay pigs are going to send me some money. I don't
know who it is. Somebody's going to send me a
random cash app. I just feel it. It may take
months from now. Somebody's going to send it.
I'm going to update you guys on it. But, uh,
regardless of what we're talking about, the goal
is all the same. It's just to tell the truth,
to feel it fully, and just to take whatever you
learn and do something with it. All right? If
you want to catch the replays of this show, you
can go to artistsfirst .com and check out some
of our other shows while you're at it. We have
a lot of awesome shows on this network. Relevant
Rhythm Renato being one of my favorites. next
to mine. But you can catch the replay here, artistfirst
.com, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube. Don't forget
to grab your copy of my new book, Not Just a
Diploma. Like I said, it's more than advice for
graduates. It's sort of like a survival guide
for life after all the applause and the fanfare.
And listen, if protecting your piece means changing
your number or walking away from people that
you've outgrown or saying no, and saying it full
throat it with your whole chest then you know
so be it all right i've enjoyed you guys i hope
you have too i'm dr andre jerry this is live
with dr andre jerry and i'll catch you next wednesday
at 6 p .m eastern same time same truth right
here on the artist first radio network until
then stay grounded stay growing and stay out
of group chats that drain your spirit all right
good night everybody peace Thanks for watching!