So some retirement subjects are quite difficult
to talk about, really. They're kind of quite
personal. Although they are difficult to talk
about, it probably means they're quite important
to talk about as well. So today, we'll talk about
grandparents. It's a whole new world. It's a
different generation. It's a different set of
rules as well. We're here in retirement because
we want to enjoy some hard -earned freedom. But
we know that at the same time, we might have
these little people, grandchildren, who we love
to bits and we want to leave a real legacy for
them. The question is, can we find a balance?
Now that desire to help, to be involved, to...
shape our grandchildren's lives versus the need
to protect our own well -being our own energy
and our own right to finally finally put ourselves
first say our generation many of us at least
we grew up with a different model of grandparents
and often It was more expected, more ingrained.
The grandparent role was almost fixed. You were
the wise elder, the provider of comforts, perhaps
the source of occasional discipline, but you
were fundamentally always available. Now, the
world is now a much faster place. Both parents
often work. Now, there's more pressure, more
noise. And sometimes the roles become blurred.
Now, we want to help. We really do want to help.
We want to see our children under less pressure.
We want to take some of the load off. We want
to see those beautiful, innocent little faces.
And we want to give them everything that we didn't
have time for to give potentially our own kids.
But let's be honest. Is that the right thing
to do? Because you know what? At the end of the
day, grandparenting is bloody hard work. I remember
not too long ago visiting a friend who was spending
a whole weekend with his two grandkids. Now,
they were absolute bundles of energy. By Sunday
afternoon, he was absolutely knackered. I mean,
he loved them more than words can say. You could
really see that in the way that he was interacting
with them. But he needed a full day to recover
from the joy of their company. And that's the
reality. We are older. We don't have the same
stamina as we did when we were younger. We've
got our own aches and pains and our own health
concerns. And, yeah, our own passions and desires
as well. We've worked all our lives and we've...
And the right to go on that walking holiday to
finish that book or simply sit in the garden
with a cup of tea and do absolutely nothing for
an entire afternoon. Wouldn't that be nice? Now
this tension, this constant internal debate.
Do I say yes to babysitting this weekend when
what I really want to do is meet up with an old
mate? Am I doing too much? Am I doing enough?
It really is difficult to judge. The old script
doesn't work anymore. So let's break it down.
The legacy. What does that actually mean? Now,
for a lot of people, legacy is about property,
it's about inheritance, it's about setting their
grandkids up financially. And that's important,
of course it is. We all want the best for them.
But is that the true legacy? Think back to your
grandparents. Is that the legacy you think's
important from them? Now, in my view, the real
legacy we can leave isn't what's left in our
bank account. It's what's in the hearts and minds
of the people we meet. It's the values we share,
the stories we tell, that unconditional love
and the support and time that we give. It's about
the hours spent on a rainy afternoon, not just
on an expensive holiday. It's about teaching
them how to mend something, how to look after
the garden, how to treat others with respect.
It's also about listening to their small problems
with the same importance, as if they were like
major crises. Well, this kind of legacy takes
time, and it takes presence. But it doesn't mean
being a constant physical presence or caregiver.
We can leave a legacy of independence by showing
them that we have our own fulfilling lives. We
can leave a legacy of curiosity by continuing
to learn and explore. We can leave a legacy of
resilience by being honest about our own challenges
and how we face them. Then there's part two,
the liberty. And this is the part that we often
feel most guilty about. But it is really important
to think about and to talk about. Your retirement,
your freedom, it's not an indulgent reward. It's
an essential part of your health and your well
-being. When we get on a plane, we see the safety
instructions, don't we? And it says to put on
your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone
else. Now, if you were burned out, exhausted,
and resentful because you're doing too much you're
not going to be the source of joy and wisdom
that people want to be with your grandchildren
need you happy they need you rested and they
need you to be you so how do we find this elusive
balance how do we have the legacy and the liberty
So here are my thoughts for what they're worth.
Communication, as always, is key. This is a big
one. Have open, honest, and sometimes difficult
conversations with your own children. They're
the parents now. They set the rules. How about
saying, look, we want to help you. Tell us what
you need specifically. But then add. We love
seeing the kids, but we also have our own commitments.
This weekend we're actually busy. How about next
Tuesday afternoon instead? It's about managing
expectations. Your children may be struggling
and they might assume that you're always available.
But you need to politely but firmly ensure that
they know that's not always the case. Now, I
want to address the elephants in the room. Necessity
versus lifestyle. Now, this is a bit sensitive.
It's a bit of a thorny issue. We often hear from
our children, they're the parents of these grandkids,
that they have to work these long hours. They'll
say, mum, dad, we've got no choice. We've got
the mortgage, we've got the bills, we're underwater.
Look. For many families in this day and age,
that's true. Life is expensive, but here's the
but that might ruffle a few feathers. Sometimes
we have to look at what those long hours are
actually buying. Now, if you're being asked to
provide free childcare three days a week because
they're struggling, new leased car sitting on
the driveway or posting photos from a 10 -day
all -inclusive holiday in Mexico. Well, you need
to have a very honest look at priorities. There
is a difference between working to survive and
working to maintain a certain standard of living.
Now, if our children are choosing a high -pressure,
high -spend lifestyle like McQuire's, also to
sacrifice our hard -earned retirement to make
it work, then is there something out of balance
there? It's not just about time. It's about the
example we're setting for the grandkids. What
are they learning? Well, I think they could be
learning that life is a treadmill of earning
and spending where grandma and granddad are just
the safety net that allows that treadmill to
keep going round. It's okay to... gently suggest
a reality check it's okay to say something like
you know what i love you love the kids but i'm
willing to give up my freedom so that you can
keep up with the joneses maybe it's time to look
at your outgoings rather than just the child
care hours now it sounds harsh you know but remember
your retirement isn't a subsidy for their luxury
not a true legacy is showing your family that
time is the most precious currency that we have
and sometimes you have to trade a shiny new car
for a quieter life and more time with your own
children if you want more of your time they may
need to figure out how to reclaim some of their
own now next point we'll talk about is quality
over quantity don't focus on how many hours you
spend with your grandchildren focus on the value
of that time instead of being a full -time unpaid
child mind to be the special event grandparent,
the one who does the trip to the museum, the
one who helps with the school project, the one
who has a sleepover once a month with a hot chocolate
and a scary film. The relationship isn't built
on volume of time, but on the intensity of the
connection. The next thing I want to talk about
is defining your boundaries. And also respecting
your own boundaries. If you're... If you've decided
you only want to do childcare one day a week,
then stick to it. If you've decided you don't
do overnight during the working week, then stand
by the decision. It's not all about being selfish.
It's about being sustainable. You're building
a relationship that you want to last for years,
not just for a season until you collapse from
exhaustion. And the fourth thing I want to talk
about is that it's okay to say no. And this is
the hardest one, the grandparent guilt. It's
real. You feel like you could be letting people
down, but saying no to a specific request is
not a rejection of your grandchildren or your
children. It's a yes to your own well -being,
and in the long run, that could be better for
everyone. Arrested, happy grandparents who can
say no occasionally is far more valuable than
an exhausted, resentful one who always, says
yes. Ultimately, this new role of ours is not
a job, it's a gift. But like any gift that needs
to be cherished and managed, the legacy we leave
isn't written down in a will. It's written down
in the memories we create, the character we help
shape, and the examples we set. And the liberty
we enjoy isn't about running away from our responsibilities.
It's about... honoring the life that we've actually
worked for and in doing so showing the new generation
our full and meaningful life has many different
chapters so go ahead book the holiday finish
the books say no to the babysitting once in a
while and when you are with those grandchildren
give them your whole happy self now that in my
opinion is how you truly win this new grandparenting
game. Well, thanks for watching. And if you found
this useful, don't forget to hit the subscribe
button as it really helps the channel. I'd love
to hear your thoughts on how you find the balance
between that legacy and liberty. So leave a comment
below. I'll see you on the next one.