WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.220 Hi everybody, welcome back to my little corner 00:00:03.220 --> 00:00:06.019 of the internet. I'm Eric from timeswithtire 00:00:06.019 --> 00:00:09.439 .co .uk and today I'm tackling a topic that's 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:12.539 been lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce 00:00:12.539 --> 00:00:16.239 on unsuspected couples. Now before you panic 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:19.260 and assume I'm about to launch into the diatribe 00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:22.600 of unmarital bliss going tragically wrong, well 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:26.239 let's clarify this isn't about divorce, this 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:30.210 is about, well... It's about that glorious, long 00:00:30.210 --> 00:00:32.649 -awaited phase of life where you finally get 00:00:32.649 --> 00:00:36.509 to retire, to kick back, to sip gin and tonics 00:00:36.509 --> 00:00:40.450 at 3pm without a shred of guilt, and to spend 00:00:40.450 --> 00:00:43.890 every waking and indeed sleeping moment with 00:00:43.890 --> 00:00:46.950 the person you pledged your eternal love to, 00:00:47.090 --> 00:00:52.630 your spouse. Retirement. The dream. The golden 00:00:52.630 --> 00:00:56.189 years. No more canutes. No more demanding bosses. 00:00:56.369 --> 00:01:02.649 No more... early alarms just you and them all 00:01:02.649 --> 00:01:06.129 the time every meal every square inch of the 00:01:06.129 --> 00:01:11.030 house suddenly that charming idiosyncrasy you 00:01:11.030 --> 00:01:14.170 adored in your partner for 30 years well let's 00:01:14.170 --> 00:01:16.709 just say it's got a little louder a little bit 00:01:16.709 --> 00:01:21.670 more omnipresence because let's be honest for 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:25.469 decades your relationship has been a beautifully 00:01:26.200 --> 00:01:29.099 choreographed dance of separation and reunion. 00:01:29.500 --> 00:01:33.920 You had your work, your hobbies, your independent 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:37.579 life. Your spouse, they had theirs. You'd come 00:01:37.579 --> 00:01:41.140 home, share the highlights, maybe commiserate 00:01:41.140 --> 00:01:45.120 and then retreat to the TV for a bit of decompression. 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:48.980 It was glorious, it was balanced, but it's gone. 00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:54.620 Now, your Venn diagram of life is just one giant, 00:01:54.719 --> 00:01:58.810 glorious... sometimes suffocating circle and 00:01:58.810 --> 00:02:02.890 that my friends is this all truly begins it's 00:02:02.890 --> 00:02:07.909 not a benevolent force it's just the gentle insisting 00:02:07.909 --> 00:02:12.409 nudging of reality saying hey remember the person 00:02:12.409 --> 00:02:14.650 you married well you're about to get to know 00:02:14.650 --> 00:02:19.490 them really well so what happens when two people 00:02:19.490 --> 00:02:23.490 used to have carefully cultivated pockets of 00:02:23.490 --> 00:02:26.949 personal space and individual routines and they 00:02:26.949 --> 00:02:30.250 suddenly find themselves sharing every single 00:02:30.250 --> 00:02:34.270 moment or for starters the kitchen becomes about 00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:37.889 the field or at very least that very crowded 00:02:37.889 --> 00:02:41.250 negotiation table and who makes breakfast who 00:02:41.250 --> 00:02:44.710 cleans the dishes and then does the remote control 00:02:44.710 --> 00:02:49.530 it's a sacred relic often held by one person 00:02:49.530 --> 00:02:53.650 for decades now It's a highly contested item. 00:02:53.949 --> 00:02:57.050 And it could lead to diplomatic negotiations 00:02:57.050 --> 00:03:01.110 with the UN. Now, do we watch documentaries about 00:03:01.110 --> 00:03:04.810 obscure historical figures or that trashy reality 00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:09.990 show? Then the stakes are high. But it's not 00:03:09.990 --> 00:03:14.990 just about trivialities. It's on deeper ships. 00:03:15.189 --> 00:03:18.509 The way you communicate. The way you deal with 00:03:18.509 --> 00:03:21.960 conflict. Because... When you're together 24 00:03:21.960 --> 00:03:25.919 -7, there's less time for things to fester in 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:29.659 silence. Everything comes to the surface and 00:03:29.659 --> 00:03:34.280 that, surprisingly, can be a good thing. And 00:03:34.280 --> 00:03:38.539 that's because retirement forces you to re -evaluate, 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:44.699 to actively communicate, to negotiate. It's not 00:03:44.699 --> 00:03:48.520 just about dividing the chores up or carving 00:03:48.520 --> 00:03:51.520 out a new space for yourself. with physical and 00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:56.300 emotional. It's about honouring the shared life 00:03:56.300 --> 00:04:03.000 you've built. So how do you navigate this glorious, 00:04:03.219 --> 00:04:07.219 terrifying, utterly delightful change? Well, 00:04:07.300 --> 00:04:12.099 here's a few Eric -approved strategies. Number 00:04:12.099 --> 00:04:15.759 one, the designated sanctuary. You need a spot, 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:20.660 a room, a corner. even a really comfortable armchair, 00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:24.779 a place where you can retreat, recharge, or remember 00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:28.439 what silence is all about. And your partner needs 00:04:28.439 --> 00:04:31.519 one too, of course. And then there's number two, 00:04:31.620 --> 00:04:35.879 the scheduled separation. Now it sounds counterintuitive, 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:40.279 but actively plan individual activities, whether 00:04:40.279 --> 00:04:43.079 it's separate hobbies, meeting up with your own 00:04:43.079 --> 00:04:46.899 friends, or just going for a solo walk. Absence. 00:04:47.389 --> 00:04:50.670 In for an hour or so truly can make the heart 00:04:50.670 --> 00:04:53.889 grow fonder. And sometimes a little less likely 00:04:53.889 --> 00:04:59.730 to explode with irritation. And then there's 00:04:59.730 --> 00:05:03.170 three. The communication clinic. And this is 00:05:03.170 --> 00:05:08.209 about talking. And listening. Really listening. 00:05:08.389 --> 00:05:12.829 About routines. About expectations. About what's 00:05:12.829 --> 00:05:16.579 bugging you. But remember. Don't be too negative 00:05:16.579 --> 00:05:20.459 too often. Remember your partner also isn't a 00:05:20.459 --> 00:05:23.660 mind reader, no matter how many decades you've 00:05:23.660 --> 00:05:28.480 spent together. And my fourth tip, embrace the 00:05:28.480 --> 00:05:33.139 new normal. Look, things change. Your rhythms 00:05:33.139 --> 00:05:36.379 shift. There'll be moments where you want to 00:05:36.379 --> 00:05:39.100 scream into a pillow, but there'll also be moments 00:05:39.100 --> 00:05:43.000 of profound connection, of shared laughter, and 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:46.660 of discovering... new depths to your relationship. 00:05:47.819 --> 00:05:50.839 And this wasn't always possible when you were 00:05:50.839 --> 00:05:56.759 both caught in that daily grind. This isn't a 00:05:56.759 --> 00:06:00.439 test to be passed or failed. It's an evolution. 00:06:00.860 --> 00:06:04.540 It can be beautiful, it can be messy, often funny, 00:06:04.699 --> 00:06:09.079 but it's a journey into the next chapter of your 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:13.290 lives together. Embrace the togetherness. Negotiate 00:06:13.290 --> 00:06:15.910 the space. And remember why you fell in love 00:06:15.910 --> 00:06:19.649 with that glorious, slightly irritating human 00:06:19.649 --> 00:06:22.709 in the first place. Because honestly, who else 00:06:22.709 --> 00:06:25.269 is going to share those 3pm gin and tonics with 00:06:25.269 --> 00:06:30.350 you? Mr Kettle. Now, just finishing off the video. 00:06:30.850 --> 00:06:36.370 What are you doing? It is about spending a lot 00:06:36.370 --> 00:06:39.259 of time together when you're at home. Yeah, just 00:06:39.259 --> 00:06:41.199 leave that. Hang on a couple of minutes. All 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:46.740 right, go. In a sec. Anyway, best leave it there 00:06:46.740 --> 00:06:49.480 for today. And I'll see you next time. Don't 00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:51.160 forget to let me know in the comments what tips 00:06:51.160 --> 00:06:57.019 are for you in terms of getting on when getting 00:06:57.019 --> 00:06:59.000 on is 24 hours. Cheers.