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Hey everyone and welcome back.

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We're doing something kind of fun today,

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taking a deep dive into a recent Dear Prudence column.

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Oh, those are always good for a laugh

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or at least a healthy dose of it's not just me, right?

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Seriously.

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Okay, so for anyone who hasn't stumbled upon it before,

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Dear Prudence is this advice column

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where people write in with their,

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shall we say interesting dilemmas

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and prudence doles out the wisdom.

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It's kind of amazing how these letters

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manage to be both incredibly specific

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and totally relatable at the same time.

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Totally, and this week's badge did not disappoint.

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Let's hear it then.

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What juicy conundrums are we dissecting today?

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So first up, we've got someone wrestling

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with a classic question.

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Is there actually a difference between loving someone

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and being in love?

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The age old debate.

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I'm guessing this is more than just a philosophical musing

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for the letter writer.

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You guessed it.

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They're feeling a little insecure

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because their partner seems hesitant to use the L word

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and they're left wondering like,

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is this relationship going anywhere real?

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It's easy to get caught up in semantics,

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but Prudence offers a really practical perspective.

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She says, instead of fixating on labels,

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focus on the overall health of the relationship.

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It's easier said than done, right?

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Like how do you measure the health of a relationship?

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Is there some kind of universal checklist?

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If only it were that simple.

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But no, there's not one size fits all rubric.

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But that's where some psychological frameworks

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can come in handy.

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One that's often used to understand love

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is Sternberg's triangular theory of love,

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which breaks it down into three main components,

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intimacy, passion, and commitment.

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So it's like a recipe for love.

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You need all three ingredients in the right balance.

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Exactly.

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But just like with any good recipe,

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the proportions can change over time.

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Meaning?

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In the early stages of a relationship,

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passion might be the dominant flavor.

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You know, all those butterflies and intense attraction.

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Then they're.

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Right.

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But as the relationship matures,

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intimacy and commitment often take center stage.

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It doesn't necessarily mean the passion fizzles out

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completely, but it might transform

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into a deeper appreciation for your partner's quirks

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or sharing those inside jokes that only you two understand.

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So it's not necessarily a bad sign

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if those initial sparks aren't like constantly exploding.

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Not at all.

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In fact, that shift can actually be a sign

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that you're moving into a more mature,

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sustainable form of love, characterized by mutual trust,

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shared values, and that deep sense of partnership.

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Which, let's be real, is probably a good thing

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if you want a relationship that lasts longer

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than a Taylor Swift song, right?

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Exactly.

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And you know, this makes me think about how

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our whole concept of love has evolved over time.

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Think about courtly love in medieval times.

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All about chivalry and unrequited passion from afar.

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Our modern take on romantic love is so different.

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100%.

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It seems like understanding those different aspects of love,

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the intimacy, passion, commitment,

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can really help navigate the inevitable ebbs and flows

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that come with, well, just being human,

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being in a relationship.

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It's so true.

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It gives you a framework for understanding

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what you're experiencing

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and what your partner might be experiencing too.

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And that kind of understanding is crucial

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for navigating those inevitable bumps in the road.

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Speaking of navigating relationship hurdles,

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this next letter is basically a crash course

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in everyone's least favorite, Green Eyed Monster.

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Oh, jealousy.

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Tell me more.

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It's such a universal experience, but still so loaded.

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Right.

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This person is dealing with a serious case

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of the post breakup what ifs,

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like scrolling through their ex's Instagram

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and just, you know, spiraling.

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Ah, the comparison game.

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Social media can be brutal for that.

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Though to be fair, this was happening even before

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we were all posting our highlight reels online.

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So true, but what's prudence's take?

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How do you deal with that, like, gut punch of,

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they're doing great without me?

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She emphasizes introspection,

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which might be the last thing you feel like doing

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when you're in that head space, but it's key.

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Instead of just trying to outrun the jealousy,

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she says, try to figure out what's fueling it.

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What do you mean?

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It's like, are you truly jealous of them?

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Or is it more about what their

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new found happiness says about you?

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Are there insecurities bubbling up?

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Fear of being alone.

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Jealousy is often a symptom of something bigger

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going on internally.

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Which I guess is where therapy comes in.

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Prudence also mentions that.

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Absolutely, and not to get too therapy-speak about it,

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but cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT,

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can be really helpful for reframing

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those negative thought patterns

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that jealousy loves to latch onto.

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So instead of going down that rabbit hole

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of my ex is with someone new, I'm clearly unlovable.

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CBT can give you the tools to shift your thinking

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to a more, shall we say, helpful place.

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Like, okay, it's normal to feel a pang of sadness,

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or even, yeah, a bit of jealousy,

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but that doesn't mean I'm fundamentally flawed.

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It's like you're giving yourself permission

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to have those feelings without letting them

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completely take over the narrative

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you're building in your head.

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Exactly, and it's fascinating when you think about

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how our approach to these kinds of difficult emotions

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has changed over time.

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Years ago it was much more of a just stuff it down mentality.

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Oh, 100%, like slap on a smile and tell everyone you're fine,

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even if you're internally screaming.

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Right, but thankfully we're starting to recognize

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that those messy emotions are part of the deal

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of being human.

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And maybe sometimes those negative feelings

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are trying to tell us something.

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Right, exactly, they're not the enemy.

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It's more about learning how to listen to them

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without letting them call all the shots.

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Speaking of learning and growing,

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this next letter takes a turn away from romantic relationships

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and towards something a lot of people struggle with,

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regardless of relationship status,

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making friends across generations.

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Oh, interesting, what's the dilemma?

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I will say, some of my most rewarding friendships

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are with people who are way older or younger than me.

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Me too, it's so easy to get stuck in our little age bubbles,

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but this person is feeling like,

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how do you actually make those connections?

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Like, where do you even start if your social circle

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is basically a carbon copy

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of your high school graduating class?

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That's so real, I think a lot of us can relate to that.

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Yeah, it's like you can meet people online,

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but actually forming those real life bonds as adults

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can feel impossible sometimes.

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Totally, and it's especially tough

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when you feel like you're limited to people your own age.

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Right, which, thank goodness Prudence

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does not subscribe to that kind of thinking.

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What's her advice for this letter writer?

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How do we break out of our age segregated routines

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and actually meet people?

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Well, she gives some pretty practical tips,

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like think about activities

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where you might naturally encounter people

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from different generations, you know?

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Volunteering, taking a class,

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even just joining a club related to your hobbies.

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That makes a lot of sense.

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It's like you're automatically bonding

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over a shared interest

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instead of trying to force a connection based on age,

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which let's be honest is kind of a weird thing

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to base a friendship on anyway.

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Totally, it's like, hey,

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we both have a passion for pottery

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and also happen to have been born a few decades apart,

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wanna be friends.

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Right, much better to bond over the clay

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and let the rest work itself out naturally.

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100%, plus there's something about being around people

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who are in different life stages

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that just broadens your perspective, you know?

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Absolutely, and there's even a name for that,

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it's called social capital.

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It's the idea that having a diverse network

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of relationships isn't just like a fun thing to do,

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it actually has real value and impacts our wellbeing.

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It's like your social circle isn't just about

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how many Facebook friends you have,

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it's about having those genuine connections

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that enrich your life in meaningful ways.

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Exactly, it's the quality over quantity

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and there's actually a ton of research to back this up.

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Yeah, for real.

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The National Institute on Aging

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has done some fascinating work

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showing that strong social connections

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are linked to better mental and physical health,

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especially as we age.

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Which makes sense when you think about

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how important community has always been throughout history.

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So true, think about like multi-generational households

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or communities where people of different ages

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were constantly interacting,

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it wasn't some novel concept.

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Exactly, it was just woven into the fabric

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of everyday life.

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It's like somewhere along the way,

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we decided to compartmentalize by age

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and I think we've lost something in that process.

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For sure.

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Okay, so we've covered love, we've explored jealousy,

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we've even ventured into the land

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of intergenerational friendships.

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Ready to tackle one more letter before we wrap things up?

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Bring it on, I'm ready for another dose

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of prudence's wisdom.

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Okay, this last one is timely to say the least

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and something I think a lot of us

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are grappling with these days.

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How do you deal with those politically charged

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family arguments, you know, when your aunt starts ranting

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about those people at Thanksgiving dinner?

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Ooh, that's a tough one.

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Family gatherings can be a minefield,

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especially now when it feels like everyone has an opinion

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they're just dying to share.

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Totally, and this letter writer is specifically asking

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for advice on how to handle a relative whose views are,

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shall we say, a bit on the extreme side.

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So what does prudence recommend?

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How do you even begin to bridge that kind of divide

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when it feels like the stakes are so high?

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Well, she had a suggestion that I definitely

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wasn't expecting.

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She said, and I quote,

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get your phone out and start filming.

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That's TikTok gold right there.

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Chuckles.

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OK, I mean, she's not wrong about the TikTok potential,

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but I'm guessing that's not her actual advice.

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Definitely not.

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I think the point she was trying to make more subtly

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is that sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.

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Oh, for sure.

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Humor can be a lifesaver in those situations.

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Yeah.

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But I'm guessing there's a deeper message here too, right?

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It's not just about cracking jokes at your family's expense.

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Exactly.

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It's about recognizing that you can't always

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control what other people say or believe,

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but you can control how you react to it.

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It's about setting boundaries.

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Right.

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You can love your family without signing up

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to be their personal therapist or debate opponent

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every time you see them.

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Exactly.

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And sometimes that means opting out of certain conversations

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or just agreeing to disagree and focusing on, I don't know,

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the delicious food instead of the political climate.

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Which, let's be real, is probably a better use

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of everyone's energy anyway.

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100%.

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And this idea of setting boundaries,

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it's not just good advice for navigating political debates

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with your uncle.

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It's a life skill, really.

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Oh, absolutely.

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Learning to communicate your needs and limits

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is essential for any healthy relationship,

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whether it's with your partner, your family, your friends,

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even your coworkers.

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It's about respecting yourself and respecting others enough

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to say, hey, this topic is off limits,

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or I need a break from this conversation.

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And you know what?

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Sometimes that's the most loving thing

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you can do for yourself and for the other person.

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100%.

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Yeah.

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And on that note of self-respect and healthy boundaries,

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we're going to wrap up this deep dive into dear prudence.

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Always a wild ride with prudence, am I right?

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Truly.

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Yeah.

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But you know what?

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As much fun as we have dissecting these letters,

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I think the real takeaway here is

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that we all have our own inner dear prudence,

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that voice of wisdom and compassion,

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if we just take the time to listen to it.

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I love that.

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It's like prudence always says, you are not

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required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

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Words to live by, for sure.

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Amen to that.

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All right, everyone, thanks for joining us

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on this dear prudence adventure.

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Remember, you can find her column over on Slate's website,

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and she publishes new advice all the time.

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So there's always something new to unpack.

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And who knows?

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Maybe you'll be inspired to write in with your own dilemma.

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Though maybe keep those TikTok-worthy family rants

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for the dinner table.

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Probably for the best.

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All right, on that note, we'll catch you

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all on our next deep dive.

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Until then, take care and keep those boundaries strong.