Welcome everybody to another deep dive.
Today we're gonna be talking about online dating.
Well, specifically, we're gonna be looking at the experiences
of plus-size women on online dating.
You know, we had a request to look into this
and honestly, when we saw Amari Jones' story,
my big fat online dating encounter,
we knew this was the perfect way to dive into this.
So if you're out there and you've ever felt
that little pang of anxiety when you open up a dating app
or you're just curious about what's really going on
in this whole digital search for love thing,
you're in the right spot.
You really are.
And what's fascinating about Amari's story
is how much it resonates with a really broad theme,
you know, about how the things we experience early on,
especially stuff around beauty standards and body image,
can really stick with us.
They can impact how we see ourselves
in relationships for years to come.
It's so true.
Amari talks about how she was bullied as a kid
and you can see how much that affected her
as she got older and started thinking about dating.
And sadly, that's not unique to her.
It's a really common experience.
Oh, absolutely.
And this is where things get really interesting, right?
We talk about unrealistic beauty standards,
but online dating really kicks it up a notch,
especially for women.
Suddenly there's this pressure
to fit into this super specific mold.
It's like the stakes are higher online.
Exactly.
And you know what really drives this home?
There's a statistic from wooplus.com that just floored me.
71%, a full 71% of plus size women
said they've experienced harassment
on those mainstream dating apps.
Let that sink in for a sec.
71%, that's not just a one-off thing.
That's a systemic problem right there.
It really makes you realize how anonymity online
can bring out the worst in some people.
It makes you think, like, what are we even talking about
when we say harassment in this context?
How is it different, you know,
from what other people deal with on these apps?
Those are the right questions to ask.
Now Amari doesn't get into the specifics
of the harassment she faced,
but research shows that for plus size women,
it often involves a lot of body shaming comments,
people sending unwanted sexual messages,
even threats sometimes.
It's scary, and it's important to remember
that this online stuff can have a real world impact.
It can really mess with your self-esteem
and your mental health.
For sure.
It really highlights that online dating
isn't just about finding a match.
It's about navigating this whole other world
with its own biases and prejudices.
And sadly, those things can be even worse online.
It's so true.
So it's interesting that Amari chose to use Hinge.
You know, she talks about how she felt like
it gave her more control,
like it focused more on personalities.
But her story shows that even on these apps
that are trying to be more, you know, curated,
those anxieties as feels about being judged,
they don't magically disappear.
It's like there's this pressure
to create this perfect version of yourself.
And for Amari, it's like there's this extra layer
of worrying about being judged for her body
on top of all the usual online dating stuff.
You hit the nail on the head.
It makes you wonder, what are we really putting out there
with these profiles and what's the cost?
It's like we're all trying to like squeeze ourselves
into these little boxes, you know?
Trying to be interesting but not too out there.
Trying to, I don't know, avoid any kind of judgment.
And for people who already feel like they don't fit in,
it's gotta be so much harder.
Yeah, totally.
Amari talks about how carefully she put together
her profile, you know?
Like she wanted to come across as confident.
But at the same time, she was battling
all these insecurities, this fear of being rejected.
Something I think most people can relate to, you know,
even if it comes from a different place.
Putting yourself out there, especially online,
takes a lot of courage.
100%.
And what really struck me about her story
was that feeling of like hesitation
before meeting someone in person.
Like she really saw the potential for something real,
that fear of judgment, you know?
Worrying about whether her looks would match up
to what someone had built up in their head.
That's a tough thing to overcome.
Oh yeah.
And that's where things get really interesting, right?
Because despite all that, Amari decides to go for it.
She goes on a date, a classic movie date,
with this guy she's been chatting with.
A classic, but man, talk about nerve wracking, right?
Sitting there in the dark,
hoping the conversation flows as well as it did online.
It's a lot of pressure.
So much pressure.
But here's the thing, the date goes well.
Like really well.
Amari even says that the guy was totally into her for her.
He even said that she looked exactly like her pictures,
which I don't know,
knowing how much anxiety that can cause
must've been so validating for her to hear.
It's a small thing, but it speaks volumes right.
It tells me that he was attracted to her,
to the real Amari she was presenting online.
He was into authenticity, not some like idealized image.
It's like he really saw her, you know?
Through all the online stuff,
all the pressure to be someone you're not.
He just connected with the real Amari.
And that's what makes her story so powerful, right?
It reminds us that those genuine connections are out there.
That there are people who value realness, you know?
Finding them, it's not always gonna be easy.
And you might run into some bad experiences along the way,
but Amari's experience gives us hope.
Yeah, it's like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes.
Yeah.
But she went for it, put herself out there,
and not only did she have a good experience dating,
but it even had this ripple effect, you know,
on other parts of her life.
That ripple effect is huge.
Think about it.
Amari went from feeling the weight
of all these beauty standards,
dealing with all the negativity
that can come with online dating,
to having this experience
that really boosted her self-acceptance.
It just shows how much our experiences, good and bad,
can shape how we see ourselves.
Totally.
It's like that saying, right,
you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Easier said than done, of course.
But Amari's story shows us that self-love is a process,
and connecting with the right person can really help.
It's about realizing that you don't have to fit
into this perfect box to be worthy of love and connection.
So as we wrap up this deep dive into Amari's story
and the whole world of online dating for plus-size women,
I think it's important to remember
that statistic we talked about,
that 71% of plus-size women face harassment on dating apps.
That's a big number.
And it shows just how important it is
for these platforms to step up, to protect their users,
and create a more inclusive space for everyone.
I'm right there with you.
And even beyond that,
it makes you think about our own biases, right?
The things we might not even realize we're carrying around.
It's a good reminder to challenge those biases
and the societal norms that lead to this kind of behavior
in the first place.
Totally.
Our words and actions, online and off, they matter.
Creating a world where everyone feels accepted,
that starts with each of us.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
So one last thought before we go.
Yeah.
If true love is about really connecting with someone,
sharing values, interests, you know, that special spark,
what can we do to shift the focus away
from just appearances, online and in person?
It's something to think about.
Something to work towards as we navigate this crazy world
of dating and relationships.
Absolutely.
It's about looking beyond the surface
and recognizing the beauty of authenticity.
Beautifully put.
Well, that's all the time we have for this deep dive.
Thanks for joining us.
And until next time, keep the conversation going.