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Welcome everybody to another deep dive.

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Today we're gonna be talking about online dating.

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Well, specifically, we're gonna be looking at the experiences

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of plus-size women on online dating.

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You know, we had a request to look into this

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and honestly, when we saw Amari Jones' story,

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my big fat online dating encounter,

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we knew this was the perfect way to dive into this.

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So if you're out there and you've ever felt

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that little pang of anxiety when you open up a dating app

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or you're just curious about what's really going on

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in this whole digital search for love thing,

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you're in the right spot.

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You really are.

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And what's fascinating about Amari's story

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is how much it resonates with a really broad theme,

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you know, about how the things we experience early on,

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especially stuff around beauty standards and body image,

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can really stick with us.

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They can impact how we see ourselves

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in relationships for years to come.

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It's so true.

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Amari talks about how she was bullied as a kid

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and you can see how much that affected her

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as she got older and started thinking about dating.

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And sadly, that's not unique to her.

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It's a really common experience.

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Oh, absolutely.

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And this is where things get really interesting, right?

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We talk about unrealistic beauty standards,

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but online dating really kicks it up a notch,

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especially for women.

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Suddenly there's this pressure

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to fit into this super specific mold.

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It's like the stakes are higher online.

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Exactly.

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And you know what really drives this home?

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There's a statistic from wooplus.com that just floored me.

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71%, a full 71% of plus size women

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said they've experienced harassment

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on those mainstream dating apps.

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Let that sink in for a sec.

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71%, that's not just a one-off thing.

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That's a systemic problem right there.

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It really makes you realize how anonymity online

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can bring out the worst in some people.

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It makes you think, like, what are we even talking about

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when we say harassment in this context?

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How is it different, you know,

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from what other people deal with on these apps?

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Those are the right questions to ask.

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Now Amari doesn't get into the specifics

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of the harassment she faced,

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but research shows that for plus size women,

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it often involves a lot of body shaming comments,

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people sending unwanted sexual messages,

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even threats sometimes.

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It's scary, and it's important to remember

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that this online stuff can have a real world impact.

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It can really mess with your self-esteem

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and your mental health.

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For sure.

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It really highlights that online dating

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isn't just about finding a match.

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It's about navigating this whole other world

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with its own biases and prejudices.

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And sadly, those things can be even worse online.

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It's so true.

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So it's interesting that Amari chose to use Hinge.

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You know, she talks about how she felt like

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it gave her more control,

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like it focused more on personalities.

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But her story shows that even on these apps

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that are trying to be more, you know, curated,

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those anxieties as feels about being judged,

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they don't magically disappear.

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It's like there's this pressure

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to create this perfect version of yourself.

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And for Amari, it's like there's this extra layer

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of worrying about being judged for her body

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on top of all the usual online dating stuff.

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You hit the nail on the head.

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It makes you wonder, what are we really putting out there

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with these profiles and what's the cost?

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It's like we're all trying to like squeeze ourselves

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into these little boxes, you know?

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Trying to be interesting but not too out there.

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Trying to, I don't know, avoid any kind of judgment.

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And for people who already feel like they don't fit in,

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it's gotta be so much harder.

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Yeah, totally.

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Amari talks about how carefully she put together

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her profile, you know?

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Like she wanted to come across as confident.

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But at the same time, she was battling

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all these insecurities, this fear of being rejected.

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Something I think most people can relate to, you know,

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even if it comes from a different place.

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Putting yourself out there, especially online,

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takes a lot of courage.

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100%.

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And what really struck me about her story

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was that feeling of like hesitation

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before meeting someone in person.

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Like she really saw the potential for something real,

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that fear of judgment, you know?

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Worrying about whether her looks would match up

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to what someone had built up in their head.

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That's a tough thing to overcome.

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Oh yeah.

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And that's where things get really interesting, right?

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Because despite all that, Amari decides to go for it.

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She goes on a date, a classic movie date,

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with this guy she's been chatting with.

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A classic, but man, talk about nerve wracking, right?

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Sitting there in the dark,

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hoping the conversation flows as well as it did online.

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It's a lot of pressure.

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So much pressure.

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But here's the thing, the date goes well.

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Like really well.

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Amari even says that the guy was totally into her for her.

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He even said that she looked exactly like her pictures,

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which I don't know,

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knowing how much anxiety that can cause

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must've been so validating for her to hear.

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It's a small thing, but it speaks volumes right.

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It tells me that he was attracted to her,

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to the real Amari she was presenting online.

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He was into authenticity, not some like idealized image.

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It's like he really saw her, you know?

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Through all the online stuff,

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all the pressure to be someone you're not.

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He just connected with the real Amari.

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And that's what makes her story so powerful, right?

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It reminds us that those genuine connections are out there.

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That there are people who value realness, you know?

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Finding them, it's not always gonna be easy.

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And you might run into some bad experiences along the way,

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but Amari's experience gives us hope.

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Yeah, it's like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes.

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Yeah.

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But she went for it, put herself out there,

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and not only did she have a good experience dating,

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but it even had this ripple effect, you know,

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on other parts of her life.

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That ripple effect is huge.

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Think about it.

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Amari went from feeling the weight

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of all these beauty standards,

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dealing with all the negativity

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that can come with online dating,

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to having this experience

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that really boosted her self-acceptance.

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It just shows how much our experiences, good and bad,

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can shape how we see ourselves.

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Totally.

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It's like that saying, right,

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you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

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Easier said than done, of course.

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But Amari's story shows us that self-love is a process,

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and connecting with the right person can really help.

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It's about realizing that you don't have to fit

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into this perfect box to be worthy of love and connection.

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So as we wrap up this deep dive into Amari's story

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and the whole world of online dating for plus-size women,

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I think it's important to remember

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that statistic we talked about,

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that 71% of plus-size women face harassment on dating apps.

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That's a big number.

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And it shows just how important it is

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for these platforms to step up, to protect their users,

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and create a more inclusive space for everyone.

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I'm right there with you.

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And even beyond that,

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it makes you think about our own biases, right?

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The things we might not even realize we're carrying around.

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It's a good reminder to challenge those biases

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and the societal norms that lead to this kind of behavior

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in the first place.

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Totally.

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Our words and actions, online and off, they matter.

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Creating a world where everyone feels accepted,

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that starts with each of us.

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Couldn't have said it better myself.

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So one last thought before we go.

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Yeah.

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If true love is about really connecting with someone,

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sharing values, interests, you know, that special spark,

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what can we do to shift the focus away

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from just appearances, online and in person?

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It's something to think about.

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Something to work towards as we navigate this crazy world

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of dating and relationships.

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Absolutely.

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It's about looking beyond the surface

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and recognizing the beauty of authenticity.

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Beautifully put.

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Well, that's all the time we have for this deep dive.

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Thanks for joining us.

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And until next time, keep the conversation going.