Ready to dive a little deeper into relationships.
Today we're unlocking the secrets
of Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages.
It's a fascinating concept really.
It's about how we express and experience love
and sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it.
It's like this whole unspoken language.
Sometimes it's like we're not even speaking the same dialect.
Exactly.
But hopefully by the end of this deep dive,
you'll be fluent.
You sent over some really interesting material
for this one.
Yes.
Including this article by Aaron Ford.
Oh, fantastic example.
I think her story really illustrates
how understanding these languages can really change things.
Yeah.
So for those who are new to this whole concept,
can we just do a super quick recap of what these languages
actually are?
Sure.
We're talking words of affirmation, acts of service,
receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
That's right.
And it really comes down to understanding
that what makes one person feel loved and appreciated.
Well, it might not be the same for somebody else.
That's really what we're trying to unpack here.
Which is perfectly illustrated in Aaron's story.
She talks about how she was totally missing her boyfriend's
love cues because they weren't speaking the same love
language.
Yeah.
She talks in the article about how
she was really craving that verbal affirmation, those I
love yous, those compliments, those words.
And her boyfriend was showing love through actions,
like clearing snow, making coffee.
These were things she didn't even
think about as romantic gestures.
So he was saying, I love you.
But she wasn't hearing it because it
wasn't in the right language.
Exactly.
And that's where this idea can be so powerful.
I mean, what might seem like a simple chore to one person
can be a huge expression of love to someone else,
especially someone who really values acts of service.
OK, that's starting to make sense to me now.
So how did Aaron kind of make that shift?
When did she start to see these acts of service
for what they were?
You know, it's so interesting.
It's like she had to figure out her own love language first.
You know, she realized those words of affirmation.
That was her way of feeling loved.
And then she was more tuned in to how other people might
be trying to communicate with her.
So self-awareness is a big part of this too.
Yeah.
It's not just about figuring out everybody else,
but understanding what makes you feel loved and appreciated.
Yeah, absolutely.
And once you're aware of that, you
can start to see those little things,
those little gestures in a completely different way.
Wow.
OK, this is already blowing my mind.
So it's not about these big romantic gestures,
but the everyday things.
Yeah.
And that could apply to all relationships, right,
and not just romantic ones.
Absolutely.
While we tend to think about romantic relationships,
this applies to friendships, families, even
in the workplace.
Yeah, at the end of the day, everybody
wants to feel loved and appreciated.
And these love languages, I'm starting to realize,
give us a way to do that in a way that actually
means something.
Absolutely.
It's about recognizing we all have different needs when
it comes to feeling loved.
And when we understand that, I think
it adds a whole new level of connection
in all our relationships.
We've got the framework now, the five love languages.
But how do we actually use this to make our relationship
stronger?
It's one thing to understand it, but how do we
put it into practice?
Well, it starts with observation.
Observation.
You're like, love detectives now.
Exactly.
I mean, you wouldn't try to learn, say, Spanish just
by reading the dictionary, right?
You have to listen, pay attention to how it's used.
So we've got to really tune in and see
how love is being expressed to us by other people.
Yes.
And a great way to begin is with yourself.
Think about what makes you feel most loved.
Is it a compliment?
Or maybe is it when someone really
makes that effort to spend time with you,
they're really present, really engaged?
This reminds me of something Erin mentioned in her article.
She was saying, realizing her need for words of affirmation,
it actually helped to recognize when other people were showing
love in different ways, even if it wasn't words.
It opened her eyes to a whole new language.
That's it.
It's so easy to miss things if we're just
focused on our own language.
But once you understand your own,
it's like you can start to appreciate
all the other ways people are trying to connect with you.
So it's like figuring out what really makes you feel loved,
what language speaks to you.
And then you can start to decode how people around you,
what language is they're speaking.
Yes, exactly.
It's like this fun game.
And like anything, the more you practice, the better you get.
You start to pick up on the things
you might have missed before.
This is making me think about all the times
that I probably just totally missed it when someone was
trying to show me they cared because I
wasn't paying attention.
I wasn't speaking the right language.
It's amazing how powerful it can be.
And what's cool is as you get better
at speaking their language, people often
start speaking yours too.
It's not about keeping score.
But it helps to create a more loving environment,
where everyone feels seen.
So we talked about observation and being more aware.
How do we actually do something?
How do we start actively speaking these love languages
with the people we care about?
That is the question, isn't it?
It's like learning any skill.
It takes a bit of practice.
Start with picking just one small thing each week,
just one thing to speak someone's love language.
Instead of just thinking about it, actually do it.
Even if it's small.
If my love language is acts of service,
maybe I could surprise my partner
by doing the dishes or something.
Or if my friend really thrives on words of affirmation,
I could send him a quick text, tell him I appreciate them.
There you go.
You got it.
Being thoughtful, being intentional,
that's what matters.
It's not about being someone you're not.
Just show up authentically.
This is great.
But how do we know for sure what someone's love language is?
Is there a magical tool?
You're in luck.
Dr. Chapman, he actually created a love language quiz.
Oh, wow.
So there's something we can actually use.
Where can people find this quiz if they want to take it?
You know, now that you mention it,
I think I took that quiz a long time ago.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
What would did you learn?
It was really eye-opening.
I went into it thinking that giving gifts
was the ultimate way to show love, right?
OK.
Turns out mine is quality time.
Whoa.
Yeah, go figure.
It's funny how we go through life with these assumptions.
You take this quiz, and it's like, whoa.
Yeah, totally.
Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
You know, you're putting in the effort,
but it's not quite working because you're not
speaking the right language.
Exactly.
And the best part is it doesn't just
have to be for romantic relationships.
Oh, right, right.
You can do it with your friends, family members, coworkers
even.
It's a great way to understand those dynamics
a little better.
So it's like a cheat sheet for better relationships.
Yeah, exactly.
Awesome.
So where can our listeners find this amazing quiz
if they want to try it out themselves?
Super easy.
You can find it online.
Just search five love languages quiz.
It'll pop right up.
OK, perfect.
They have them for couples, singles, teens, all sorts of.
Great.
And we'll include a link in the show notes too,
so don't worry about writing that down right now.
Yeah.
This has been amazing.
I feel like I've learned so much today
about the five love languages and just how important it
is to not only understand your own,
but the love languages of the people that you care about.
Yeah, and how to use them to strengthen those relationships.
Exactly.
Really just scratching the surface though.
I mean, we could talk about this for hours, honestly.
Oh, yeah.
There's definitely more to uncover here.
But this is a great starting point for sure.
So as we wrap up, I want to leave our listeners with this.
What have you just started paying attention
to how people are already showing you they care?
Even in those unspoken ways, how do you
think that would change your relationships?
What a beautiful thought to end on.
Just imagine how much better our world could
be if we all understood and spoke each other's love
languages a little bit better.
Wow.
Beautifully said.
OK, well on that note, thanks for taking this deep dive
with me.
Oh, thanks.
Until next time.