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Ready to dive a little deeper into relationships.

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Today we're unlocking the secrets

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of Dr. Gary Chapman's five love languages.

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It's a fascinating concept really.

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It's about how we express and experience love

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and sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it.

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It's like this whole unspoken language.

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Sometimes it's like we're not even speaking the same dialect.

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Exactly.

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But hopefully by the end of this deep dive,

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you'll be fluent.

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You sent over some really interesting material

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for this one.

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Yes.

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Including this article by Aaron Ford.

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Oh, fantastic example.

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I think her story really illustrates

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how understanding these languages can really change things.

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Yeah.

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So for those who are new to this whole concept,

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can we just do a super quick recap of what these languages

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actually are?

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Sure.

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We're talking words of affirmation, acts of service,

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receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

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That's right.

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And it really comes down to understanding

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that what makes one person feel loved and appreciated.

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Well, it might not be the same for somebody else.

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That's really what we're trying to unpack here.

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Which is perfectly illustrated in Aaron's story.

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She talks about how she was totally missing her boyfriend's

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love cues because they weren't speaking the same love

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language.

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Yeah.

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She talks in the article about how

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she was really craving that verbal affirmation, those I

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love yous, those compliments, those words.

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And her boyfriend was showing love through actions,

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like clearing snow, making coffee.

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These were things she didn't even

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think about as romantic gestures.

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So he was saying, I love you.

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But she wasn't hearing it because it

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wasn't in the right language.

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Exactly.

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And that's where this idea can be so powerful.

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I mean, what might seem like a simple chore to one person

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can be a huge expression of love to someone else,

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especially someone who really values acts of service.

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OK, that's starting to make sense to me now.

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So how did Aaron kind of make that shift?

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When did she start to see these acts of service

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for what they were?

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You know, it's so interesting.

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It's like she had to figure out her own love language first.

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You know, she realized those words of affirmation.

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That was her way of feeling loved.

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And then she was more tuned in to how other people might

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be trying to communicate with her.

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So self-awareness is a big part of this too.

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Yeah.

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It's not just about figuring out everybody else,

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but understanding what makes you feel loved and appreciated.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And once you're aware of that, you

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can start to see those little things,

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those little gestures in a completely different way.

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Wow.

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OK, this is already blowing my mind.

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So it's not about these big romantic gestures,

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but the everyday things.

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Yeah.

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And that could apply to all relationships, right,

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and not just romantic ones.

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Absolutely.

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While we tend to think about romantic relationships,

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this applies to friendships, families, even

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in the workplace.

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Yeah, at the end of the day, everybody

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wants to feel loved and appreciated.

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And these love languages, I'm starting to realize,

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give us a way to do that in a way that actually

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means something.

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Absolutely.

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It's about recognizing we all have different needs when

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it comes to feeling loved.

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And when we understand that, I think

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it adds a whole new level of connection

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in all our relationships.

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We've got the framework now, the five love languages.

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But how do we actually use this to make our relationship

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stronger?

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It's one thing to understand it, but how do we

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put it into practice?

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Well, it starts with observation.

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Observation.

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You're like, love detectives now.

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Exactly.

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I mean, you wouldn't try to learn, say, Spanish just

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by reading the dictionary, right?

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You have to listen, pay attention to how it's used.

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So we've got to really tune in and see

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how love is being expressed to us by other people.

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Yes.

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And a great way to begin is with yourself.

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Think about what makes you feel most loved.

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Is it a compliment?

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Or maybe is it when someone really

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makes that effort to spend time with you,

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they're really present, really engaged?

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This reminds me of something Erin mentioned in her article.

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She was saying, realizing her need for words of affirmation,

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it actually helped to recognize when other people were showing

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love in different ways, even if it wasn't words.

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It opened her eyes to a whole new language.

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That's it.

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It's so easy to miss things if we're just

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focused on our own language.

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But once you understand your own,

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it's like you can start to appreciate

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all the other ways people are trying to connect with you.

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So it's like figuring out what really makes you feel loved,

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what language speaks to you.

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And then you can start to decode how people around you,

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what language is they're speaking.

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Yes, exactly.

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It's like this fun game.

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And like anything, the more you practice, the better you get.

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You start to pick up on the things

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you might have missed before.

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This is making me think about all the times

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that I probably just totally missed it when someone was

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trying to show me they cared because I

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wasn't paying attention.

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I wasn't speaking the right language.

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It's amazing how powerful it can be.

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And what's cool is as you get better

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at speaking their language, people often

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start speaking yours too.

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It's not about keeping score.

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But it helps to create a more loving environment,

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where everyone feels seen.

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So we talked about observation and being more aware.

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How do we actually do something?

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How do we start actively speaking these love languages

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with the people we care about?

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That is the question, isn't it?

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It's like learning any skill.

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It takes a bit of practice.

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Start with picking just one small thing each week,

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just one thing to speak someone's love language.

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Instead of just thinking about it, actually do it.

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Even if it's small.

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If my love language is acts of service,

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maybe I could surprise my partner

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by doing the dishes or something.

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Or if my friend really thrives on words of affirmation,

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I could send him a quick text, tell him I appreciate them.

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There you go.

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You got it.

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Being thoughtful, being intentional,

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that's what matters.

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It's not about being someone you're not.

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Just show up authentically.

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This is great.

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But how do we know for sure what someone's love language is?

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Is there a magical tool?

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You're in luck.

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Dr. Chapman, he actually created a love language quiz.

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Oh, wow.

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So there's something we can actually use.

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Where can people find this quiz if they want to take it?

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You know, now that you mention it,

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I think I took that quiz a long time ago.

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Oh, really?

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Yeah, yeah.

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What would did you learn?

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It was really eye-opening.

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I went into it thinking that giving gifts

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was the ultimate way to show love, right?

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OK.

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Turns out mine is quality time.

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Whoa.

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Yeah, go figure.

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It's funny how we go through life with these assumptions.

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You take this quiz, and it's like, whoa.

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Yeah, totally.

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Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

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You know, you're putting in the effort,

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but it's not quite working because you're not

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speaking the right language.

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Exactly.

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And the best part is it doesn't just

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have to be for romantic relationships.

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Oh, right, right.

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You can do it with your friends, family members, coworkers

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even.

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It's a great way to understand those dynamics

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a little better.

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So it's like a cheat sheet for better relationships.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Awesome.

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So where can our listeners find this amazing quiz

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if they want to try it out themselves?

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Super easy.

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You can find it online.

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Just search five love languages quiz.

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It'll pop right up.

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OK, perfect.

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They have them for couples, singles, teens, all sorts of.

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Great.

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And we'll include a link in the show notes too,

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so don't worry about writing that down right now.

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Yeah.

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This has been amazing.

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I feel like I've learned so much today

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about the five love languages and just how important it

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is to not only understand your own,

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but the love languages of the people that you care about.

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Yeah, and how to use them to strengthen those relationships.

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Exactly.

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Really just scratching the surface though.

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I mean, we could talk about this for hours, honestly.

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Oh, yeah.

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There's definitely more to uncover here.

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But this is a great starting point for sure.

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So as we wrap up, I want to leave our listeners with this.

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What have you just started paying attention

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to how people are already showing you they care?

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Even in those unspoken ways, how do you

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think that would change your relationships?

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What a beautiful thought to end on.

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Just imagine how much better our world could

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be if we all understood and spoke each other's love

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languages a little bit better.

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Wow.

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Beautifully said.

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OK, well on that note, thanks for taking this deep dive

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with me.

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Oh, thanks.

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Until next time.