1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,200 ever get that feeling, you know, 2 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,680 scrolling through Instagram and suddenly, bam, 3 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,480 you're drowning in love advice. 4 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,520 Five secrets to a perfect relationship, 5 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,800 three things your man should be doing. 6 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,120 It's like, come on. 7 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,600 So today, we're diving right into, 8 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,080 are we getting too much love advice these days? 9 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,800 We found this CNBC article and it's got us thinking. 10 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,220 It tackles this whole advice overload thing, 11 00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:25,400 but then get this, it compares it to something from 1938. 12 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,840 1938, wow. 13 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,320 Right, an article from the Atlantic called 14 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,360 Love in America, who knew they were even worried 15 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,400 about this stuff back then? 16 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,360 Okay, so the CNBC article starts off 17 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,360 and it's basically saying what we all know, 18 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,680 relationship advice is everywhere, 19 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,080 but here's where it gets interesting. 20 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,600 They bring up this 1938 piece, Love in America, 21 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,080 totally different time, obviously. 22 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,920 Yeah, talk about a blast from the past. 23 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,440 Societal norms around love and marriage back then, 24 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,440 a whole different world, especially for women. 25 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,360 It's amazing to think about. 26 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,760 No kidding, it's like a time capsule, right? 27 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,240 But that's what's so wild, almost a century apart 28 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,280 and both articles are worried about the same thing, 29 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,040 all this love advice. 30 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,440 The 1938 one, they were worried that people were so caught up 31 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,600 in this idea of perfect love from movies, books, 32 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,680 that they were calling it quits too easily in real life. 33 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,720 It's like they were expecting a fairy tale ending 34 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,260 from day one and get this, there's this line 35 00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:17,040 from the 1938 article that just stuck with me. 36 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,320 You cannot possibly feel cheerful when you see 37 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,840 the art of love, well, reduced to such automatic formulas. 38 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,180 Hmm, that's pretty insightful. 39 00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,940 Right, it's like even back then, 40 00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:27,880 they knew you couldn't just plug and play 41 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:28,800 when it came to love. 42 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,180 Exactly, and that's what makes this comparison so relevant 43 00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:36,360 because that concern from 1938, it's still true today, 44 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,680 maybe even more so. 45 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,760 Following generic relationship advice, 46 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,500 like some kind of recipe, it can seriously backfire. 47 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:45,120 Every relationship is unique, 48 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,800 just like every person is unique. 49 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,020 There's no one size fits all solution. 50 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:53,040 It all comes back to knowing yourself, trusting your gut, 51 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:56,280 relying on your judgment instead of blindly following 52 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,560 someone else's advice. 53 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,640 It's like we're so busy listening to everyone else 54 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,940 tell us how to have a relationship, 55 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,840 we forget to figure out what we actually want, 56 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,460 and then there's that whole thing about the one, you know? 57 00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:07,360 Like find your soulmate and all your problems 58 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,880 magically disappear, both articles talked about that too. 59 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,200 Oh yeah, that's a big one. 60 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,920 It's this idea that finding the one 61 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,800 is the be all and end all. 62 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,880 Like as if life is just some waiting room 63 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,280 until your soulmate shows up and then suddenly, 64 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,380 everything's perfect. 65 00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:24,720 And don't get me wrong, finding someone special is amazing, 66 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,400 but it's about having a life outside of that too, right? 67 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,640 Absolutely, it's about being a whole person 68 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,680 with your own interests, passions. 69 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,440 Yes, your own things. 70 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,640 Don't lose yourself in the relationship, as they say. 71 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,480 You know, what gets me about this whole love advice thing, 72 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,280 it's not even just the amount of advice, 73 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,280 it's also what all that information does 74 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,240 to our expectations. 75 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,240 Oh, 100%. 76 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,000 We start comparing our relationships to everyone else's. 77 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,620 It's like everyone on Instagram 78 00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,760 has this picture perfect love life, 79 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,440 and if yours doesn't look like that, 80 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,360 well, something must be wrong. 81 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,520 Exactly, we see the highlight real, 82 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,040 but not the behind the scenes, 83 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,640 and we end up with these unrealistic expectations, 84 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,720 thinking our relationship should be Instagram worthy 24 seven. 85 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:05,880 Which is impossible, right? 86 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:06,720 Right. 87 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,360 Relationships take work, they have ups and downs. 88 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,640 Exactly, and sometimes that raw honesty, 89 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,340 those real struggles, 90 00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:15,320 that's what makes a relationship strong. 91 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,080 So how do we deal with all this then? 92 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,440 How do we tune out the noise 93 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,280 and figure out what actually matters? 94 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,560 It starts with you, knowing yourself. 95 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,440 Like what you want, what you value in a partner. 96 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,520 Right, what are your non-negotiables? 97 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,600 Think about, you wouldn't take financial advice 98 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,120 from someone who's bankrupt, would you? 99 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,280 Mm-hmm, good point. 100 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,600 So why take relationship advice from someone 101 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,240 just because they have a lot of Instagram followers? 102 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,080 It's like maybe we should be looking inward a little more, 103 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,320 trusting our own judgment. 104 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,860 Exactly, trust your gut. 105 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,880 Deep down, you already know what feels right, 106 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,920 we just gotta learn to listen to that voice again. 107 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:53,640 It's like we need to develop this love-advice filter. 108 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,800 Love that, it's about being selective, 109 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,960 taking what resonates, leaving what doesn't. 110 00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,840 Right, not just blindly following 111 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,200 whatever everyone else is saying. 112 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,720 And here's the thing, 113 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,040 there's no one-size-fits-all in relationships. 114 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,440 What works for one couple might be a disaster for another. 115 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,760 Totally, we're all different people 116 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,360 with different needs and wants. 117 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,000 Exactly, so instead of trying to force yourself 118 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,640 into some cookie-cutter mold, 119 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,000 focus on what feels authentic to you and your partner. 120 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,200 Build something real. 121 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,360 Build something real, I like that. 122 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,240 Okay, so going back to those articles for a sec, 123 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,560 both of them pointed out another biggie, 124 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,280 the whole finding the one 125 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,000 will solve all your problems thing. 126 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,320 Oh yeah, that's a dangerous one. 127 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,600 Right, it's like find your soulmate, 128 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,720 and suddenly life is perfect, 129 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,080 which let's be honest, is not how it works. 130 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,360 Not even close. 131 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,720 Of course, a loving partner can bring 132 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,800 so much joy and support, 133 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,200 but it's dangerous to put that kind of pressure 134 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,560 on one person, to be your everything. 135 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,960 Exactly, it's about having a life outside 136 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,280 of your relationship too. 137 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:57,200 100%, having your own passions, your own friends, 138 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,720 your own sense of self. 139 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,640 It's funny though, because sometimes 140 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,560 it feels like all this love advice out there 141 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,280 actually makes it harder to do that, 142 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,880 to have your own life and a great relationship. 143 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,040 That's a really interesting point, how so? 144 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,440 Well, it's like all this advice, 145 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,480 it can be so focused on the doing, 146 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,160 do this, say that, go on this kind of date. 147 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,840 It's easy to get caught up in all that 148 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,520 and forget to just be yourself. 149 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,320 That's so true, we can get so caught up 150 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,080 in performing a relationship, 151 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,320 we forget to actually connect as real people. 152 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,520 Exactly, and that's where all the problems start, right? 153 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,680 When we're not being authentic, 154 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,800 when we're trying to force something 155 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:32,920 that's not really there. 156 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,520 It's like wearing a mask all the time. 157 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,400 Eventually you get tired of pretending. 158 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,880 And the relationship suffers. 159 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,200 So how do we avoid that? 160 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,400 How do we stay true to ourselves? 161 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,680 While also putting in the work 162 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,360 to have a healthy relationship? 163 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,360 That's the million dollar question, isn't it? 164 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,560 And honestly, I think it starts with self-awareness. 165 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,840 It really is, it's like before you can even begin 166 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,880 to build a healthy relationship with someone else, 167 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,360 you have to know who you are, what you want out of life. 168 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,200 Right, and maybe what you want in a partner too. 169 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,840 Exactly, and those wants, those needs, 170 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,400 they might change over time. 171 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,480 And that's okay, we're always growing, always evolving. 172 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,160 It's like that whole happily ever after thing. 173 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,360 It's not about finding someone who fits perfectly 174 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,280 into your life right now. 175 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,880 It's about finding someone who's willing to grow with you. 176 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,240 Yes, someone who challenges you, supports you, 177 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,880 and accepts you for who you are, even as you both change. 178 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,240 So I guess what we're saying is maybe the best love advice 179 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,400 isn't about following some strict set of rules. 180 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,120 Right, it's about tuning out all that external noise 181 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,320 and listening to your own inner voice. 182 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,320 Trusting your gut. 183 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,160 Exactly, it's your love story. 184 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,280 Right, your own rules, I love that. 185 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:45,680 And remember, there's no one right way to find love. 186 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,840 But there are a million ways to build a happy 187 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,400 and fulfilling life, whether you're single, 188 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,120 in a relationship, or still figuring things out. 189 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,560 So good, well said. 190 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,640 Well there you have it folks, 191 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,960 it's not about silencing all the love advice out there. 192 00:06:58,960 --> 00:06:59,960 It's out there, that's for sure. 193 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,240 Oh, it's definitely out there. 194 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,800 But maybe it's more about like, 195 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,320 taking it all with a grain of salt. 196 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,160 A big grain. 197 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,560 Right, be open to learning, 198 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,040 but don't be afraid to trust your instincts too. 199 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,720 And remember, your relationship is unique. 200 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,360 Your journey is unique. 201 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:39,640 So go out there and write your own love story.