1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,520 Hey friends! Welcome back to Sounds Sketch, 2 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,960 Where we promise that if you give us a lesson, we'll give you a laugh. 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:21,080 I'm your host Kyle James, and I'm excited to have you with us for another episode. 4 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:25,480 We've got a fantastic lineup in store for you, starting with our first sketch of "The 5 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,760 Gardiner song". 6 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:32,120 For those of you who are from Toronto, you can probably already guess where this is going. 7 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:37,160 And if you're from any other city with crazy traffic, then this one goes out to you too. 8 00:00:37,160 --> 00:01:07,000 I'm Kyle James, and this is Sounds Sketchy! 9 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:18,440 When I get off the Gardner Inn, on Gardner, going nowhere but I wish I'd been. 10 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,080 And I see that sick construction sign again. 11 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,920 Why did I get on the Gardner Inn? 12 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:32,360 On Gardner, like a gang of fools we go on down the highway. 13 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:41,160 We all hate each other, man you're crazy if you're trying to get in my name. 14 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:48,600 On Gardner, I can't wait to get off the Gardner. 15 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,240 Life I love this way out there with my friends. 16 00:01:52,240 --> 00:02:02,320 When I get off the Gardner, Gardner, going nowhere but I wish I'd been. 17 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:06,760 And I see that sick construction sign again. 18 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:18,960 Why did I get on the Gardner Inn? 19 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960 Get the fuck out of my lane. 20 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960 Oh my fucking god, I'm not. 21 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,960 You're not to champion fucking serious right now. 22 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:25,960 Get the fuck out of my lane. 23 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:26,960 Oh fuck. 24 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:39,520 Next time I'm taking a short for sure. 25 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:46,920 On the Gardner, just can't wait to get off the Gardner. 26 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:57,480 Life I love this way out there with my friends. 27 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:07,560 I will never take the Gardner Inn. 28 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,640 Hey there, how are you doing on this lovely day? 29 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,160 Ummm... 30 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,160 Meh. 31 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,160 Alright then... 32 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:20,160 I'd like to get one venti mocha-nana soy frap. 33 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:24,200 What? 34 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:29,840 One venti mocha-nana frappuccino with soy 35 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,840 And one old fashioned donut please. 36 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,040 We can't do that. 37 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,160 Oh no no no. 38 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,160 I know. 39 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,640 It's not on the regular menu. 40 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:45,640 It's on the secret menu. 41 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,720 Sir, this is a Tim Hortons. 42 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,080 We have hot coffee and cold coffee. 43 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,080 Those are the only options. 44 00:03:53,080 --> 00:04:03,920 Okay...but what if you take an "iced capp", and then just add like: 48 shots of espresso, some 45 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:09,360 protein powder, two blended bananas, a touch of caramel drizzle and a little bit of soy. 46 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:14,360 Cold coffee or hot coffee? 47 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,760 Of course it would be cold coffee. 48 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,760 It's a frap-- 49 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,240 --I mean, iced capp, whatever you want to call it.... 50 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:29,080 Can you just make me that drink but with 48 shots of espresso and some soy please? 51 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,080 No. 52 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,480 You can't just say no to my order? 53 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,920 No. 54 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:37,920 This is outrageous. 55 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,160 I need to speak to your manager! 56 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,800 I'm the manager. 57 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,320 Why won't you let me order my drink? 58 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,040 Because we don't take kindly to your kind around here. 59 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,040 My kind? 60 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:56,480 Yeah, you people and your whipped cream and your bullshit overpriced coffee, adjacent drinks. 61 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:00,240 I just like whipped cream. 62 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,200 Here. Hot chocolate and an espresso cup. 63 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,200 Take it or leave it. 64 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:15,200 I'll take it. 65 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:20,200 Hello and welcome everybody to the Ultimate Fitness Challenge, the hottest new fitness 66 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,200 craze. 67 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,320 I'm your host Jessica and this is Mark. 68 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:27,640 We're thrilled you're here to transform your bodies and to transform this space. 69 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:28,640 That's right! 70 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,640 Today's class is all about total body workouts and community spirit! 71 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,760 We're starting with some cardio to get those heart rates up. 72 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,320 Everyone grab a ladder and let's get moving. 73 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:42,800 Get out of my studio. 74 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,280 Great job everyone! 75 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,960 Now let's move on to strength training. 76 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,200 We've got a big job today, painting these walls! 77 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,240 Grab a brush and let's get to it! 78 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,800 So Jessica, how does painting walls fit into the fitness plan? 79 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:01,080 Oh, it's all a part of our unique "functional fitness" method. 80 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,000 We blend practical tasks with exercise. 81 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,360 It's about real world strength! 82 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,360 Exactly! 83 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,400 You're not just working out; 84 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:13,160 You're helping us create a perfect space for all our fitness goals. 85 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,360 Isn't that amazing? 86 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:22,400 Um, but shouldn't we be focusing more on traditional workouts? 87 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,240 This seems to be a bit...off. 88 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:31,400 Oh, we like to keep things interesting! And think of it as a full body workout with some 89 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,040 bonus activities. 90 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,720 It's all about staying engaged! 91 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,240 And the best part, by the end of the day, you'll have helped create a space that's 92 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,240 all your own! 93 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,080 How is it our own exactly? 94 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,400 It's not exactly. 95 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:46,600 In a legal and tangible sense, this would still entirely be ours. 96 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:52,720 But by designing a studio that you can continually come back to and see a piece of you in is 97 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:57,920 almost in a sense like having created a space to call your own. 98 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:03,000 And on top of that, you get a great workout experience that's new and catered to you 99 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,360 every time you come in. 100 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,640 And what do you mean by catered to us? 101 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,760 What Jessica means to say is that we have all sorts of fitness classes and after first 102 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:20,160 time has come for the first session, we will occasionally recommend courses that we think 103 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:24,560 would be more suited for their strengths and goals. 104 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,880 Time for the final touch. 105 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,040 We're adding some motivational quotes with glitter paint. 106 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,840 Here's a stencil and here's some glitter paint for you. 107 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,080 Motivational quotes and glitter. 108 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,880 Yes, a little sparkle makes everything better. 109 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,680 You're adding that extra bit of magic to your studio. 110 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:47,280 This doesn't quite seem like a fitness class anymore. 111 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:52,320 This just sounds like you're using us for free labor. 112 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,760 Yeah, you just want us to paint your studio and pay you to do it. 113 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,280 You should be ashamed of yourselves. 114 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:01,480 Oh, no, no, it's all part of our endurance training method. 115 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:07,360 The real strength comes from handling the unexpected. 116 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,400 And look at what you've already accomplished today. 117 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,120 A fresh new space and a great workout. 118 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,120 It's a win-win. 119 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:20,720 But we signed up to walk out, not to paint and do all this bullshit for free. 120 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,400 And we are working out. 121 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:27,200 This is an advanced form of fitness, blending exercise with community service. 122 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:31,040 Yes, and just think of the story you'll have to tell. 123 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,280 The next class will be more traditional, though, we promise. 124 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,760 You're nothing but a bunch of con artists and you're bold to assume that any of us 125 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:37,760 would ever come back. 126 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,480 I want to fucking refund. 127 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,520 Yay, me too! 128 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,520 Thank you all for all of your hard work today. 129 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,760 We really couldn't have done it without you. 130 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:49,920 Keep an eye out for our next class, where we'll definitely focus more on traditional 131 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,440 fitness instead of functional. 132 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,200 Fuck you, we want our money back. 133 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,960 We absolutely appreciate your effort today. 134 00:08:55,960 --> 00:09:00,240 Until next time, stay strong and stay Ultimate Fitness. 135 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:07,240 If anybody wants a refund, they better fight for it. 136 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,040 What's up, mellow maestro? 137 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,040 It's time to let those thoughts flow. 138 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,800 You're on with Dave from Dave's Dojo, where we attack your problems head on, right here 139 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:40,800 on the phone. 140 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,800 What's your problem, man? 141 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,800 Hi, Dave. 142 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,800 Scared I'm gonna lose my job due to downsides. 143 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,800 What should I do? 144 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,800 That's tough, man, but you know, maybe you could consider transitioning to a position 145 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,800 that doesn't have as high of a turnover rate before they fire you. 146 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:02,000 It's not a bad idea, but I just don't even know what I would do. 147 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,000 I love this job so much, and I'm so used to it. 148 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000 I don't know if I... 149 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,000 I don't know if I'm ready to just leave. 150 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,200 But I'm so much more scared of getting fired. 151 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,000 Dude, have you ever thought about becoming a magician? 152 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,000 It's all about illusion, transformation. 153 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,600 You could dazzle everyone and make that old job disappear like a rabbit out of a hat, 154 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,600 right? 155 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,600 Are you serious? 156 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:27,720 I'm calling you about a real problem, and you're telling me to become a fucking magician? 157 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:32,200 But you were supposed to help with serious issues, not just sit here and blow smoking 158 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,200 gifts ridiculous advice. 159 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,000 Whoa, chill out, bro. 160 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,720 Listen, I'm just saying sometimes you gotta think outside the box to get through the tough 161 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,720 times. 162 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:47,200 But, uh, if magic isn't your thing, maybe look into other careers where you can use skills 163 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,200 you already got, you know? 164 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,200 Ugh, forget it. 165 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,200 I don't know, I'm wasting my time. 166 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,240 Dude, sometimes it's about finding the magic in our own lives. 167 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,240 Fuck you, Dave. 168 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:02,240 You gotta keep your head up, be open to new opportunities, and you'll be alright. 169 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,240 Hello? 170 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,240 Hello? 171 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,240 Whoa, alright then. 172 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:10,240 I guess we're gonna go on to our next caller. 173 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,240 Hey, what's happening? 174 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,240 It's Dojo Dave to happen in. 175 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,240 What's your problem, man? 176 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,240 Hey, Dave. 177 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,240 My partner and I, we just keep fighting. 178 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,240 You got any advice? 179 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,240 Get some boxing lessons, they won't know what hit them. 180 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,240 But, you fucking asshole. 181 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:34,240 I called to get help and you want to make jokes about domestic violence? 182 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,240 What's wrong with you? 183 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,240 Whoa, whoa, take it easy. 184 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,240 Listen, dudeette. 185 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,240 It's not always about winning the fight. 186 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,240 Sometimes it's about finding the right time to listen. 187 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:54,240 Might not stop the punches, but it'll stop the blows from landing as hard, you dig? 188 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,240 Wait, what? 189 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:04,240 You realize I'm not talking about actual fist fighting, right? 190 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:14,240 Yeah, man, but I mean like, the world's a fight, and love is like spark sometimes. 191 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:21,240 Like, you gotta know when to stick and when to move, so like, go work on that footwork, dude. 192 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,240 Wait, but what does that even actually mean? 193 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,240 Peace. 194 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,240 What's up, Dreamweaver? 195 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,240 Hope you brought your Viperceaver. 196 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,240 You're on with Dojo Dave. 197 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,240 What's your problem, man? 198 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,240 It's my chance. 199 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,240 Hello? 200 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:44,240 My friends are crawling around in my brain, and they want me to be their queen. 201 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,240 I don't want to let them get the last laugh. 202 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,240 I don't want to be their queen. 203 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,240 Hey, man. 204 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,240 It's your buddy, Dave, from the phone. 205 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,240 I just wanted to check on your vibes. 206 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,240 I'm freaking out, man. 207 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,240 The vibes are off, my dude. 208 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,240 That's heavy, man, but no worries, bro. 209 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:08,240 The universe sent me signs that I may guide back a stray, trippy traveler from the Lost in the Cosmos today. 210 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,240 I think I'm having a bad trip. 211 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,240 You're in the right place, brother. 212 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,240 I don't know what to do, man. 213 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,240 Help me, Dave. 214 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:23,240 You know, sometimes life is like a groovy kaleidoscope full of shifting colors and unexpected turns. 215 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:28,240 Think of yourself as a cosmic traveler on a wild journey just passing through some rough terrain. 216 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,240 But it's too much terrain to handle. 217 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,240 I think we're gonna crash out, man. 218 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:39,240 First, breathe deeply and feel the Earth beneath you. 219 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,240 Connect with the natural rhythm of the universe, man. 220 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:49,240 Embrace the peace within and remember, crashing waves always turn back to still water. 221 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,240 Now let the energy flow and find your center. 222 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,240 Reach out to the people around you, vibe with your frequency. 223 00:13:55,240 --> 00:14:00,240 Share your journey and let the good vibes surround you. 224 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:05,240 Sometimes it's the love from the universe that helps guide us through the storm. 225 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:10,240 And if you ain't got no other love in this year's storm, you got Dojo Dave right here, brother. 226 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:16,240 I can stay with you on the line till the waves clear and we can serve our separate ways. 227 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,240 I think you're right, man. 228 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,240 I think that's a... 229 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:26,240 This bad trip was trying to tell me not to be scared of going off on my own path. 230 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,240 The water looks rough. 231 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,240 But I have better balance than I thought. 232 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,240 Right, uh... 233 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,240 I don't feel as many ants as before. 234 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:42,240 And the terrain seems to be leveling out. 235 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,240 But I think we're gonna be okay. 236 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,240 I just need to ride out the wave. 237 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,240 I'm glad to hear that, man. 238 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:53,240 And if you feel any more ants in your brain before the terrain is all clear, just remember... 239 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,240 That ants hate salt and lemon juice, so drink some salty lemonade and you should be good. 240 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,240 Oh, of course! Salty lemonade. 241 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,240 Dojo Dave, I don't know what we do without you. 242 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,240 I love you, man. 243 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,240 I love you too, man. 244 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,240 I love all of you guys. 245 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:32,240 And with that, I'm gonna take my last bowl and that's it for tonight's show. 246 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,240 Thanks for tuning in, everyone. 247 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:39,240 If you're ever feeling lost or just need a bit of cosmic guidance, just remember... 248 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:43,240 Stay connected and let the universe's love guide you. 249 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,240 Until next time, keep on keeping on. 250 00:15:46,240 --> 00:16:04,240 Alright, that's a wrap on today's episode of Sound Sketchy. 251 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,240 We hope you enjoyed getting to meet all of this week's new characters. 252 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,240 If you found yourself laughing at any of these insane skits, then... 253 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,240 I think we've done our job. 254 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,240 We can't wait to have you guys back for our next episode. 255 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,240 We've got more absurd dark humor coming your way. 256 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,240 So, be sure to tune in next time. 257 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:28,240 I'm Kyle James and this has been Sound Sketchy. 258 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,240 And... 259 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,240 Always remember, man. 260 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:41,240 Sometimes, the best way to deal with life's little frustrations is to laugh at them, bro. 261 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,240 Ah, dojo Dave. 262 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,240 Yeah, until next time, stay sketchy, my friends.