WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.700 Hi, my name is Jordan. I am a special education 00:00:02.700 --> 00:00:06.160 teacher from the UK. I share my passion for everything 00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:09.119 communication, sensory regulation and fun lesson 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:11.660 ideas for my classroom of disabled pupils aged 00:00:11.660 --> 00:00:15.300 4 to 11. Each week I am joined by experts in 00:00:15.300 --> 00:00:17.640 the field answering your questions and sharing 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:19.559 our knowledge and experience working alongside 00:00:19.559 --> 00:00:22.559 our beautiful young people. Let's get started. 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:29.859 Hello everybody and welcome back to the Sensory 00:00:29.859 --> 00:00:32.560 Classroom podcast. My name is Jordan and today 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:36.179 I am joined by Lauren or at Victorious who is 00:00:36.179 --> 00:00:41.000 an ex SEN teacher now supporting parents and 00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:44.320 teenagers, young people who are those SEN in 00:00:44.320 --> 00:00:47.420 -betweeners who are not coping in mainstream. 00:00:48.439 --> 00:00:51.579 finding themselves at home or excluded or school 00:00:51.579 --> 00:00:54.640 refusing or needs not being met in school and 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:58.659 I really want it to be a conversation on what 00:00:58.659 --> 00:01:01.100 we can do as educators to do better for these 00:01:01.100 --> 00:01:05.000 children and supporting parents to know and you 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:06.659 know fight for these children's needs because 00:01:06.659 --> 00:01:10.500 everyone deserves education. Hi Lauren. Hi, Jordan. 00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:12.879 Thank you for having me. You are so welcome. 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:14.900 This is such an important conversation and such 00:01:14.900 --> 00:01:17.260 a conversation close to my heart. I don't know 00:01:17.260 --> 00:01:19.659 if you know, 10 years before, I worked just in 00:01:19.659 --> 00:01:22.219 a specialist education school. And I was kind 00:01:22.219 --> 00:01:24.760 of blind to this because all of the children's 00:01:24.760 --> 00:01:26.480 needs were being met how they should be within 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:28.799 my school, within reason. But at the moment, 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:31.560 I am actually in a special education setting 00:01:31.560 --> 00:01:34.989 that's alone. attached to a mainstream school 00:01:34.989 --> 00:01:38.489 so i'm seeing every day these mainstream children 00:01:38.489 --> 00:01:40.329 with some of them with higher needs than the 00:01:40.329 --> 00:01:44.390 children in my class and how that's managed you 00:01:44.390 --> 00:01:46.549 know sometimes it's they're really well supported 00:01:46.549 --> 00:01:48.349 sometimes they have really great support staff 00:01:48.349 --> 00:01:50.569 who are really highly trained and teachers who 00:01:50.569 --> 00:01:53.370 completely give them a sense of belonging and 00:01:53.370 --> 00:01:56.329 inclusion in their classes And I'm also seeing 00:01:56.329 --> 00:01:57.750 the other side of things as well. I'm seeing 00:01:57.750 --> 00:01:59.790 children that are in the corridors. I'm seeing 00:01:59.790 --> 00:02:02.250 TAs without plans, that are having to think off 00:02:02.250 --> 00:02:04.189 the cuff, that are having to deal with really 00:02:04.189 --> 00:02:06.909 tricky situations and children who's ultimately 00:02:06.909 --> 00:02:09.090 educational but also mental health needs just 00:02:09.090 --> 00:02:13.469 not being met. So I can see firsthand the need 00:02:13.469 --> 00:02:16.090 for this conversation. Yeah, absolutely. I think 00:02:16.090 --> 00:02:19.050 it's so important to have because like yourself, 00:02:19.330 --> 00:02:21.530 I worked for Specialist Provision for six years. 00:02:22.169 --> 00:02:25.050 absolutely lovely but before then I was in mainstream 00:02:25.050 --> 00:02:28.610 and I did my degree in social education and then 00:02:28.610 --> 00:02:31.009 I went into mainstream and then I eventually 00:02:31.009 --> 00:02:34.250 went into localistic provision and the need for 00:02:34.250 --> 00:02:37.870 inclusion is so important but it's just not happening 00:02:37.870 --> 00:02:40.689 in the way we would like it to. We have these 00:02:40.689 --> 00:02:44.889 amazing centres for children with autism with 00:02:44.889 --> 00:02:47.509 almost like high support needs and I think they 00:02:47.509 --> 00:02:49.270 do really well like you say it's just absolute 00:02:49.270 --> 00:02:51.860 everyday practice. this is how we do it. We use 00:02:51.860 --> 00:02:54.300 our visuals, we use all those sensory breaks, 00:02:54.379 --> 00:02:57.860 just second -hand nature. But then in a mainstream 00:02:57.860 --> 00:03:02.360 setting, it's high masking, it's children fall 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:05.900 through the gaps because we have, the big thing 00:03:05.900 --> 00:03:08.719 is assessment, it's grades. Oh, well, they're 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:10.599 actually doing really well educationally, so 00:03:10.599 --> 00:03:13.919 let's not put a plan in place, let's not focus 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:15.479 on those other needs because they're ticking 00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:17.830 a box with the grades. Yeah, because sometimes 00:03:17.830 --> 00:03:21.330 these children are very high achievers, actually. 00:03:21.610 --> 00:03:25.930 They're your million word readers in my school. 00:03:26.189 --> 00:03:29.509 They're your top school, oh my goodness, they're 00:03:29.509 --> 00:03:31.770 already ready for year six SATs in eight years 00:03:31.770 --> 00:03:34.949 old children. But it doesn't mean that their 00:03:34.949 --> 00:03:37.310 needs and their sensory needs and communication 00:03:37.310 --> 00:03:41.009 needs and social needs aren't just as prevalent 00:03:41.009 --> 00:03:43.090 as the children in my class that are working 00:03:43.090 --> 00:03:45.449 at a very different level academically. Exactly 00:03:45.449 --> 00:03:48.889 that, and I think... it looks different and people 00:03:48.889 --> 00:03:51.689 are like you know if we go to that that old language 00:03:51.689 --> 00:03:54.530 of you know high functioning like what does that 00:03:54.530 --> 00:03:56.449 even look like it's actually not like that it's 00:03:56.449 --> 00:03:59.710 a spectrum it's they're still experiencing these 00:03:59.710 --> 00:04:01.569 sensory needs and everything but different it 00:04:01.569 --> 00:04:04.530 looks different for them and because they are 00:04:04.530 --> 00:04:09.310 academic in that way how we see as academia it's 00:04:09.310 --> 00:04:12.460 but at what cost They're wearing that mask. At 00:04:12.460 --> 00:04:14.560 the end of the day, they're fine in school, I 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:16.439 quote, but actually at the end of the day, they're 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:18.899 coming home, they're burning out and have a big 00:04:18.899 --> 00:04:21.699 four o 'clock explosion because it's like, wow, 00:04:21.860 --> 00:04:25.399 I couldn't actually, I couldn't move. I'm trying 00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:30.300 to socially interact in the way that it's meant 00:04:30.300 --> 00:04:33.519 for me. A lot of young people with autism will 00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:36.540 be very highly empathetic as well, which is another 00:04:36.540 --> 00:04:40.319 misconception. so they can be really highly empathetic 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:42.300 and all day they're thinking is that wrong i 00:04:42.300 --> 00:04:45.160 did this and you know when you have you know 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:47.819 mixed needs as well someone with adhd as well 00:04:47.819 --> 00:04:52.240 as that it's just constantly exhausting and it's 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:55.339 almost in a mainstream setting it's like oh well 00:04:55.339 --> 00:04:58.300 are they choosing that behavior or actually no 00:04:58.300 --> 00:05:01.240 they they're talking to you behavior is communication 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:05.160 and the biggest communication and i think then 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:08.759 we end up with kids in the corridor rather than 00:05:08.759 --> 00:05:12.240 okay what can we do who is it a problem for if 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:15.220 they're sitting there you know with with a visual 00:05:15.220 --> 00:05:17.439 timetable with something that meets them where 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:19.500 they're at you know not not the business that 00:05:19.500 --> 00:05:20.819 we're in when we're talking about the kids in 00:05:20.819 --> 00:05:23.839 the corridor we're talking about literally kids 00:05:23.839 --> 00:05:27.300 that are educated in cupboards under stairs in 00:05:27.300 --> 00:05:30.319 miscellaneous rooms in outside the head teacher's 00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:33.000 office in corridors they are taught in corridors 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:36.670 and Sometimes it is because they are not coping 00:05:36.670 --> 00:05:40.709 in the classroom. But I still feel like children 00:05:40.709 --> 00:05:45.569 need to be taught in an education setting. So 00:05:45.569 --> 00:05:47.470 yes, okay, the lights might be too bright. It 00:05:47.470 --> 00:05:49.149 might be too loud. It might be too busy in the 00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:53.029 classroom. Okay, fine. Then it needs to be in 00:05:53.029 --> 00:05:54.970 the child's best interest to be educated elsewhere. 00:05:55.110 --> 00:05:59.050 It shouldn't be because they are disrupting the 00:05:59.050 --> 00:06:01.589 rest of the class. It shouldn't be because... 00:06:02.279 --> 00:06:05.399 for the benefit of the 30 other children that 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:07.139 this child can't be in the class. It needs to 00:06:07.139 --> 00:06:10.399 be beneficial for that individual child to make 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:13.720 that decision. Ultimately, also, movement breaks 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:16.480 and visuals support all children. Absolutely. 00:06:16.500 --> 00:06:20.319 Just because we're creating it for this one child 00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:23.740 to help support them, to have them as part of 00:06:23.740 --> 00:06:27.199 belonging, as part of this classroom. And if 00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:28.560 that's what's needed, then, you know, dimmer 00:06:28.560 --> 00:06:31.779 lights, visuals, movement breaks. If that's what's 00:06:31.779 --> 00:06:34.540 needed, then that doesn't hinder any other child 00:06:34.540 --> 00:06:37.579 from learning. It absolutely doesn't. And, you 00:06:37.579 --> 00:06:40.300 know, so often in mainstream I've heard, and 00:06:40.300 --> 00:06:42.180 unfortunately in other settings as well, they've 00:06:42.180 --> 00:06:43.720 got like a fiddle toy or something like that. 00:06:43.819 --> 00:06:45.459 We've distracted them from the other children. 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:48.879 Actually, you know what? Kids and teenagers are 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:51.120 actually full of empathy. If you can actually 00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:53.639 explain, we'll actually eventually teach them 00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:55.480 to advocate for themselves. I need this to focus. 00:06:56.029 --> 00:06:59.569 or this helps me feel calm if we give children 00:06:59.569 --> 00:07:01.810 young people those skills to advocate for themselves 00:07:01.810 --> 00:07:04.870 more more often than not your children will go 00:07:04.870 --> 00:07:08.769 okay exactly so accepting of it so accepting 00:07:08.769 --> 00:07:11.629 and also i think if they're so easily distracted 00:07:11.629 --> 00:07:14.389 from their work tasks from a silent fidget toy 00:07:14.389 --> 00:07:16.689 then your lesson just isn't that interesting 00:07:16.689 --> 00:07:20.430 absolutely or maybe they need one as well or 00:07:20.430 --> 00:07:23.170 maybe they need one as well or maybe or maybe 00:07:23.170 --> 00:07:25.350 they can be part of them but maybe Like this 00:07:25.350 --> 00:07:27.589 child gets easily distracted. So maybe like that's 00:07:27.589 --> 00:07:29.290 not this child's fault. They shouldn't leave 00:07:29.290 --> 00:07:31.029 the classroom because of that. Maybe they need 00:07:31.029 --> 00:07:33.509 a room divider because they get easily distracted. 00:07:33.709 --> 00:07:35.629 Maybe that's a them thing. Or maybe they need 00:07:35.629 --> 00:07:37.949 their hoodie up so that they can have, you know, 00:07:38.009 --> 00:07:39.990 some barriers. Maybe that's their own sensory 00:07:39.990 --> 00:07:43.189 need. That's not up to the child to change. There's 00:07:43.189 --> 00:07:45.050 a couple of quotes going on in my head. One of 00:07:45.050 --> 00:07:47.649 them is, if a flower doesn't bloom, you don't 00:07:47.649 --> 00:07:49.649 change the flower. You change the environment 00:07:49.649 --> 00:07:51.970 it's in to help them bloom. And that is exactly 00:07:51.970 --> 00:07:55.360 what we're talking about. hear if the child isn't 00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:57.199 coping in the classroom if they're distracting 00:07:57.199 --> 00:07:59.759 if they're disruptive all these kind of words 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:02.160 that we're hearing we don't change the child 00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:04.620 we don't you know we change the environment now 00:08:04.620 --> 00:08:06.899 sometimes that does look like moving them out 00:08:06.899 --> 00:08:09.379 into a different class sometimes sometimes it 00:08:09.379 --> 00:08:11.879 looks like maybe using a quiet area but also 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:13.500 sometimes that just looks like offering movement 00:08:13.500 --> 00:08:17.420 breaks visuals schedules and dimming the lights 00:08:17.420 --> 00:08:20.199 offering fidget toys encourage you know change 00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:23.600 that environment in order to better suit their 00:08:23.600 --> 00:08:25.540 needs. And another quote that comes to mind is 00:08:25.540 --> 00:08:29.120 also, so -called mild autism doesn't mean one 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:32.940 experiences autism mildly. It means you experience 00:08:32.940 --> 00:08:35.919 their autism mildly. You have no idea how hard 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:38.120 they have had to work to get to where they are. 00:08:38.279 --> 00:08:40.159 And I think that's what we're talking about, 00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:42.940 isn't it? Teachers, if you are seeing mild autism. 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:46.659 You have no idea what's going on under the surface 00:08:46.659 --> 00:08:49.919 for this young person. Who knows? Maybe my children 00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:53.559 in my class are low maskers because they are 00:08:53.559 --> 00:08:56.899 less aware or less caring of what other people 00:08:56.899 --> 00:09:00.940 think around them. They stim freely. They communicate 00:09:00.940 --> 00:09:03.000 through their body and through behaviours because 00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:05.340 they don't have that maybe awareness or care 00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:08.559 of what other people think around them. But the 00:09:08.559 --> 00:09:11.259 children in mainstream class, maybe they do care. 00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:14.220 Maybe they are aware. Maybe they have been told 00:09:14.220 --> 00:09:16.799 that they're different. Maybe they, you know, 00:09:16.879 --> 00:09:19.700 have some kind of trauma in the past of having 00:09:19.700 --> 00:09:23.419 to, you know, keep it down, keep their stims 00:09:23.419 --> 00:09:26.360 down because it's seen as behaviour. But that 00:09:26.360 --> 00:09:28.600 doesn't mean their need isn't just as high as 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:30.240 the children that you see flapping and rocking 00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:33.820 and squealing in my class. And that's, they need, 00:09:33.840 --> 00:09:36.320 their needs that need meeting. It's not a choice. 00:09:37.320 --> 00:09:39.980 yeah this is it it just looks different and that's 00:09:39.980 --> 00:09:41.779 it like so many people i think two adults included 00:09:41.779 --> 00:09:44.379 they're like oh i've never really um thought 00:09:44.379 --> 00:09:47.200 that i stim and i'll look at i'll look at their 00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:49.179 hands and their nails and they're they're being 00:09:49.179 --> 00:09:51.980 picked and they'll go well i do this with my 00:09:51.980 --> 00:09:54.639 foot and i'm like yeah that's how you how you 00:09:54.639 --> 00:09:56.940 stim but then you also on the back hand of that 00:09:56.940 --> 00:10:00.919 my absolute bug there is always everyone's a 00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:03.500 little bit autistic no they're not they're not 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:05.820 like you either are autistic or you're not you 00:10:05.820 --> 00:10:08.299 may be that you've got high or low support needs 00:10:08.299 --> 00:10:13.059 but you know it's actually a new neurological 00:10:13.059 --> 00:10:15.360 condition so you either are or you're not we 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:19.340 might have little tendencies so to speak it's 00:10:19.340 --> 00:10:21.820 like you know i have a craving for chocolate 00:10:21.820 --> 00:10:23.759 it doesn't mean i'm pregnant i just have that 00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:27.899 tendency right now and i think and this is all 00:10:27.899 --> 00:10:30.139 well -meaning of the community because people 00:10:30.139 --> 00:10:31.919 are starting to learn about it all these well 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:35.360 -meaning things but it's like well actually know 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:38.899 like really yeah because ultimately human no 00:10:38.899 --> 00:10:42.679 autistic traits are human traits it is a human 00:10:42.679 --> 00:10:45.440 trait to have interest it's a human trait to 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:48.799 feel anxious sometimes it's a human trait to 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:52.639 uh feel safest in your own you know environment 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:56.679 it is a human trait to feel a little bit uncomfortable 00:10:56.679 --> 00:10:59.299 with transitions and change those are kind of 00:10:59.299 --> 00:11:03.110 butterfly feelings they're all normal human experiences 00:11:03.110 --> 00:11:04.629 so I think people hear these things and think 00:11:04.629 --> 00:11:06.750 well I feel like that maybe I you know maybe 00:11:06.750 --> 00:11:08.110 everyone's a little bit autistic I think that's 00:11:08.110 --> 00:11:10.929 where that comes from isn't it but it's the impact 00:11:10.929 --> 00:11:15.429 of those feelings that makes it autism as well 00:11:15.429 --> 00:11:18.909 as sensory you know it's having all of it at 00:11:18.909 --> 00:11:22.110 varying levels and changing throughout the day 00:11:22.110 --> 00:11:25.750 but it is it's having that impact on your life 00:11:25.750 --> 00:11:29.850 it is magnified to the point where it becomes 00:11:29.850 --> 00:11:33.169 debilitating not for everything not for everyone 00:11:33.169 --> 00:11:35.110 it looks different in everyone but that's what 00:11:35.110 --> 00:11:37.870 makes it autism that's what makes it diagnosable 00:11:37.870 --> 00:11:42.279 so yes you might share similarities you might 00:11:42.279 --> 00:11:45.340 share traits if you will for a better word but 00:11:45.340 --> 00:11:48.399 that doesn't necessarily mean it's autism but 00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:50.519 also as we're talking about it maybe it is autism 00:11:50.519 --> 00:11:53.379 maybe you're saying everyone's a little bit autistic 00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:56.299 because you're recognizing those high traits 00:11:56.299 --> 00:11:59.399 in yourself and you never even thought that you 00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:01.019 could be because it looks really different in 00:12:01.019 --> 00:12:04.080 lots of people lots of women are only realizing 00:12:04.080 --> 00:12:05.980 that they're autistic because their children 00:12:05.980 --> 00:12:08.990 are being diagnosed with high support needs And 00:12:08.990 --> 00:12:11.389 then they never even knew that, you know, they 00:12:11.389 --> 00:12:14.169 are autistic with low support needs all their 00:12:14.169 --> 00:12:18.710 lives. If I had a pound for the amount of mums 00:12:18.710 --> 00:12:20.950 particularly, but dads as well, that look at 00:12:20.950 --> 00:12:23.629 their own children and like, okay, maybe I, but 00:12:23.629 --> 00:12:25.950 I do that. And it first starts that dialogue 00:12:25.950 --> 00:12:30.009 of, if I do that and mum's like, okay. And then 00:12:30.009 --> 00:12:32.889 you see, you know, that light bulb moment in 00:12:32.889 --> 00:12:34.649 even some of my parent trainings that I've done. 00:12:35.370 --> 00:12:37.889 You can see the parents going, oh, so it's masking 00:12:37.889 --> 00:12:40.269 that I've done. I don't have, you know, I'm not, 00:12:40.370 --> 00:12:44.129 my sense of me don't look like that. And I do 00:12:44.129 --> 00:12:46.669 like to be social. And that's another myth that's 00:12:46.669 --> 00:12:50.090 being bust. Some children that I work with love 00:12:50.090 --> 00:12:54.389 being social. And they're like, okay, maybe now 00:12:54.389 --> 00:12:57.000 that... because that's very different in the 00:12:57.000 --> 00:13:00.220 90s if you're a millennial yeah I mean it was 00:13:00.220 --> 00:13:02.419 are you flapping are you on your toes do you 00:13:02.419 --> 00:13:04.980 like trains was the kind of the tick box right 00:13:04.980 --> 00:13:09.379 yeah and of course not everybody fits that model 00:13:09.379 --> 00:13:13.679 so if teachers are if teachers have you know 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:15.899 if they're not aware you know they might be listening 00:13:15.899 --> 00:13:17.720 to this thinking well if they're high masking 00:13:17.720 --> 00:13:20.259 how do I even know that there's even needs to 00:13:20.259 --> 00:13:23.539 be met so as that mainstream teacher going back 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:27.440 you know in your career how did you know and 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:30.080 then how did you support them with those needs 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.200 I think the amount of times I wish I could go 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:39.820 back to newly qualified 21 year old me and my 00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:43.840 advice always now is listen to the parents because 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:46.259 so often being a newly qualified teacher years 00:13:46.259 --> 00:13:48.539 ago in mainstream and then the parents would 00:13:48.539 --> 00:13:51.259 be going oh well at home they they need this 00:13:51.259 --> 00:13:54.639 comfort and they're You know, they're melting 00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.440 down, they would say, and they're really struggling 00:13:57.440 --> 00:14:01.019 at home. And I, like so many teachers now, would 00:14:01.019 --> 00:14:04.720 say, but they're fine at school. But then why 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:07.019 are they fine at school? They could be masking, 00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:11.200 100%. They have routine at school quite often, 00:14:11.340 --> 00:14:14.000 which is predictable. They see the same face 00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:17.340 every day and they have strategies in place. 00:14:17.580 --> 00:14:20.019 But I definitely look back and think, I wish 00:14:20.019 --> 00:14:24.850 I knew what I knew now. from going into FDN environment 00:14:24.850 --> 00:14:28.490 coming out of those and even being in a autistic 00:14:28.490 --> 00:14:31.529 provision from age four to nineteen and was leading 00:14:31.529 --> 00:14:33.190 emotional regulation doing all the peer -to -peer 00:14:33.190 --> 00:14:34.590 side of things and the behavior side of things 00:14:34.590 --> 00:14:37.570 which I'm so passionate about even there we're 00:14:37.570 --> 00:14:40.309 turning away I'm going to go a bit of tangent 00:14:40.309 --> 00:14:42.470 now sorry we're turning away 80 odd children 00:14:42.470 --> 00:14:46.570 a year because you know they don't these children 00:14:46.570 --> 00:14:50.600 even with a diagnosis they don't fit the mold 00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:52.879 of a school like the one that you work at or 00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:54.799 they don't fit that mold so we're turning them 00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:56.139 away and they're going to the mainstream and 00:14:56.139 --> 00:14:57.679 we're talking in london as well so going to a 00:14:57.679 --> 00:15:01.299 big big mainstream setting absolutely what i 00:15:01.299 --> 00:15:04.039 would then say to those those teachers is listen 00:15:04.039 --> 00:15:06.460 to the parents how are that child at home that 00:15:06.460 --> 00:15:09.259 is so easy for us to go all is it because of 00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:11.299 the parenting is it because of this is it because 00:15:11.299 --> 00:15:13.820 of trauma and it's so often is there another 00:15:13.820 --> 00:15:16.759 need like the amount of parents i speak to them 00:15:16.759 --> 00:15:19.919 themselves have later been diagnosed with autism 00:15:19.919 --> 00:15:23.220 or ADHD, and it's, oh, well, they have bipolar 00:15:23.220 --> 00:15:26.139 personality disorder, anxiety, depression, and 00:15:26.139 --> 00:15:29.039 all these things. And so many people are now 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:32.480 going, actually, no, it's not that. It actually 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:34.960 is this. And I think the more we can listen to 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:38.019 parents who know their children better than anyone, 00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:40.179 the more we can then support them in the classroom. 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:42.820 We can support them to not see that behaviour 00:15:42.820 --> 00:15:44.799 at home as well, because so many children that 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:46.840 are ticking the boxes, working hard at school. 00:15:47.949 --> 00:15:50.269 especially if they're you know high achieving 00:15:50.269 --> 00:15:53.250 academically they are the ones that fall through 00:15:53.250 --> 00:15:57.070 the gap they are the ones that don't have those 00:15:57.070 --> 00:15:59.490 their needs met because they they're not seeing 00:15:59.490 --> 00:16:02.529 that behavior and at home they're then seeing 00:16:02.529 --> 00:16:06.230 it and it's like why are we almost waiting for 00:16:06.230 --> 00:16:08.570 that exhaustion waiting for that burnout where 00:16:08.570 --> 00:16:11.090 prevention is better than Cure. Cure is the wrong 00:16:11.090 --> 00:16:13.549 word, but I mean for those needs, but the prevention 00:16:13.549 --> 00:16:15.409 of putting their structures in place, putting 00:16:15.409 --> 00:16:16.830 their things on a break. So rather than waiting 00:16:16.830 --> 00:16:19.629 for dysregulation to happen and then giving them 00:16:19.629 --> 00:16:21.990 the squeezes and then offering them a break and 00:16:21.990 --> 00:16:24.049 then offering them visuals, then offering them 00:16:24.049 --> 00:16:26.940 sensory stuff. let's do it prevention let's do 00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:29.120 it before let's we don't need to get to dysregulation 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:31.860 before we put those things in place so if parents 00:16:31.860 --> 00:16:34.340 then so that's for teachers if parents are listening 00:16:34.340 --> 00:16:36.919 and this is exactly what's happening the four 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:39.820 o 'clock burnout is real they are being told 00:16:39.820 --> 00:16:42.600 by teachers they're not doing it at home it must 00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:44.659 be something you're doing you're just not being 00:16:44.659 --> 00:16:47.799 strict enough or whatever it is whatever it is 00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:51.159 what do these parents do about that at home what 00:16:51.500 --> 00:16:54.000 you know actionable things that they could be 00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:57.299 putting in place to support their child including 00:16:57.299 --> 00:17:00.200 what do they say to the school? I think in terms 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:02.419 of what to say to the school and the sad of it 00:17:02.419 --> 00:17:04.859 is you know have to carry on have those conversations 00:17:04.859 --> 00:17:07.440 keep your logs of what's happening and look for 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.400 patterns I find because you know the stress bucket 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:13.680 throughout the day often it looks like parents 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:15.619 go to me oh it looks like they're just having 00:17:16.329 --> 00:17:17.710 you know, they're getting upset over nothing. 00:17:17.849 --> 00:17:21.069 Is it nothing? Or is it that their bus was five 00:17:21.069 --> 00:17:23.269 minutes late? They then were sitting on a chair 00:17:23.269 --> 00:17:25.210 that was scratching them. There was a different 00:17:25.210 --> 00:17:27.750 teacher, it was a supplier teacher in the daytime 00:17:27.750 --> 00:17:30.269 and all these little things, as in all day long. 00:17:30.509 --> 00:17:32.930 So it's all about, I think, working with the 00:17:32.930 --> 00:17:37.109 school and working with home in terms of prepping 00:17:37.109 --> 00:17:40.029 for change and all those things, because although 00:17:40.029 --> 00:17:43.309 I might be masking throughout the day, these 00:17:43.309 --> 00:17:46.240 things are filling into that stress bucket. all 00:17:46.240 --> 00:17:48.940 day long and then at the end of the day boom 00:17:48.940 --> 00:17:52.240 that's the explosion so in terms of what parents 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:56.039 can do is absolutely advocate for your child 00:17:56.039 --> 00:17:57.980 you're the biggest advocate and i know it shouldn't 00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:01.079 be as exhausting as it is that is that is the 00:18:01.079 --> 00:18:04.440 really sad case and obviously then we go into 00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:06.259 local authorities and happen to have those conversations 00:18:06.259 --> 00:18:10.859 it's a real hard fight and especially when it 00:18:10.859 --> 00:18:13.839 is children like this that don't look like they're 00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:16.599 outwardly struggling and i think as well at home 00:18:16.599 --> 00:18:19.359 obviously breaks at home really really work and 00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:21.740 obviously having that time and expression and 00:18:21.740 --> 00:18:24.119 i think that's why we do see that at home you 00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:27.160 know because the mask comes off because they 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:29.960 feel safe and you know for years i've been saying 00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:31.400 to parents they feel safe with you and i can 00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:33.299 say about my own children why why are they like 00:18:33.299 --> 00:18:35.099 this for me they're good as gold at nursery because 00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:37.579 you know they're safe with you and although it's 00:18:37.579 --> 00:18:39.259 not good to hear in the moment it's like well 00:18:39.259 --> 00:18:43.029 actually what is that behavior telling you Because 00:18:43.029 --> 00:18:46.130 the sad thing is, you know, in five, 10, 15 years' 00:18:46.210 --> 00:18:49.009 time, that's only going to look more like anxiety 00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:53.910 and depression. And then I think definitely teaching 00:18:53.910 --> 00:18:57.809 young people about who they are. There's a really 00:18:57.809 --> 00:18:59.829 good resource that I love, and I just, I sing 00:18:59.829 --> 00:19:01.809 its praise all the time. I think it's really 00:19:01.809 --> 00:19:04.690 good for those, for young people, such as teenagers, 00:19:04.930 --> 00:19:07.690 that are trying to become more self -aware. On 00:19:07.690 --> 00:19:09.930 the Pacific Society, there's a really great resource 00:19:09.930 --> 00:19:12.490 called Know Your Normal. and it's about assessing 00:19:12.490 --> 00:19:15.450 what's normal for you on the day to day like 00:19:15.450 --> 00:19:18.029 what are your hobbies what time do you usually 00:19:18.029 --> 00:19:19.849 sleep what do you normally eat do you have like 00:19:19.849 --> 00:19:21.950 your little habits and routines what does doing 00:19:21.950 --> 00:19:24.309 normally look like for you those kind of things 00:19:24.309 --> 00:19:27.549 and then it's a way and i haven't found it myself 00:19:27.549 --> 00:19:29.769 because one of those things you go hang on a 00:19:29.769 --> 00:19:33.009 minute today i did wake up late i didn't want 00:19:33.009 --> 00:19:36.089 to play my normal game or whatever it was i didn't 00:19:36.089 --> 00:19:38.029 do that and it's like a check -in i've got that 00:19:38.029 --> 00:19:40.750 emotional regulation because as much as i love 00:19:41.950 --> 00:19:44.390 emotional regulation in a contemporary classroom 00:19:44.390 --> 00:19:45.670 you know you've got your visual zones regulation 00:19:45.670 --> 00:19:48.710 all that wonderful stuff emotional regression 00:19:48.710 --> 00:19:51.009 isn't a one -size -fits -all when you're talking 00:19:51.009 --> 00:19:52.769 teenagers especially in mainstream school they're 00:19:52.769 --> 00:19:55.049 not going to whack out their colorful inside 00:19:55.049 --> 00:19:58.289 out zones of regulation are they they want something 00:19:58.289 --> 00:20:02.789 that is private to them and they know how to 00:20:02.789 --> 00:20:05.009 check in and we you know we've got these apps 00:20:05.009 --> 00:20:07.349 and like things like calm and that these days 00:20:07.349 --> 00:20:11.490 as well which is really great but i think bespoke 00:20:11.490 --> 00:20:12.910 strategy especially when it comes to emotional 00:20:12.910 --> 00:20:15.690 regulation is the way forward what does it look 00:20:15.690 --> 00:20:18.150 like for you is it energy level based rather 00:20:18.150 --> 00:20:22.509 than we've done the regulation we see it often 00:20:22.509 --> 00:20:25.750 and it's almost what i struggle with it sometimes 00:20:25.750 --> 00:20:30.309 it looks like a ranking it's like some schools 00:20:30.309 --> 00:20:32.809 do it like that don't they sometimes i've actually 00:20:32.809 --> 00:20:36.450 heard a school say we we're a green class like 00:20:36.450 --> 00:20:39.920 as in like we that's the expectation that we 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:41.900 stay on green i was like this isn't zones of 00:20:41.900 --> 00:20:45.380 regulation like they very clearly say all colors 00:20:45.380 --> 00:20:48.579 are equal all colors are okay but yeah lots of 00:20:48.579 --> 00:20:50.559 settings take it and basically turn it into a 00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:53.400 traffic light system yeah exactly that and i 00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:56.299 think it's that like absolutely you can feel 00:20:56.299 --> 00:20:59.359 red it's okay to go in the red zone and i think 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:01.079 it's more of a spectrum and then you know when 00:21:01.079 --> 00:21:04.650 you go to teenagers you have so many more emotions 00:21:04.650 --> 00:21:06.910 there you've got embarrassment and you have less 00:21:06.910 --> 00:21:09.750 puberty in the mix there as well all other complex 00:21:09.750 --> 00:21:12.789 emotions that are so hard for any teenager to 00:21:12.789 --> 00:21:15.970 and you can feel two of things at once right 00:21:15.970 --> 00:21:18.150 you can feel excited about something and incredibly 00:21:18.150 --> 00:21:20.829 anxious and fidgety so is that yellow is that 00:21:20.829 --> 00:21:23.490 red is that orange like it gets confusing doesn't 00:21:23.490 --> 00:21:26.769 it so when you're in those early stages of understanding 00:21:26.769 --> 00:21:30.250 emotions it's really clearly to put it into those 00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:32.549 four categories but as your understanding develops 00:21:33.339 --> 00:21:35.380 it does become muddy doesn't it because feelings 00:21:35.380 --> 00:21:39.420 are so mixed and paralleled and all of these 00:21:39.420 --> 00:21:41.660 things so then it can become incredibly difficult 00:21:41.660 --> 00:21:44.500 to categorize especially if you're autistic and 00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:47.009 you like things being you know fitting the rules 00:21:47.009 --> 00:21:49.589 i mean feelings just don't fit the rules i can 00:21:49.589 --> 00:21:52.809 cry when i'm happy i can feel anxious when i'm 00:21:52.809 --> 00:21:54.809 excited about something like it it doesn't fit 00:21:54.809 --> 00:21:57.910 those rules so having a bespoke strategy that 00:21:57.910 --> 00:22:00.589 actually fits them and makes sense to them or 00:22:00.589 --> 00:22:02.609 what it looks like what it feels like when it 00:22:02.609 --> 00:22:05.769 happens yeah gives them autonomy and understanding 00:22:05.769 --> 00:22:08.829 and links and words to the feelings that they're 00:22:08.829 --> 00:22:12.390 actually feeling absolutely i think look it's 00:22:12.390 --> 00:22:14.369 not a one -size -fits -all it would be a really 00:22:14.369 --> 00:22:17.450 lovely resource like an audit to use that um 00:22:17.450 --> 00:22:20.049 national autistic society what was it called 00:22:20.049 --> 00:22:22.630 know your normal know your normal it'd be really 00:22:22.630 --> 00:22:25.109 great to use that as an audit for any transitions 00:22:25.109 --> 00:22:27.529 into different classes with new teachers yeah 00:22:27.529 --> 00:22:30.069 um if parents could fill that out or if teenagers 00:22:30.069 --> 00:22:31.890 could fill that out young people could fill that 00:22:31.890 --> 00:22:34.630 out about themselves if you feel brave enough 00:22:34.630 --> 00:22:37.369 to share that because it's pretty you know I 00:22:37.369 --> 00:22:40.230 wasn't open to give that information over, but 00:22:40.230 --> 00:22:42.470 if you feel comfortable to, it could really help 00:22:42.470 --> 00:22:44.509 your educators to understand what your normal 00:22:44.509 --> 00:22:47.549 is for you. So they could understand, oh, they're 00:22:47.549 --> 00:22:49.569 actually not moving so much today. Like that's 00:22:49.569 --> 00:22:52.190 actually a bad thing. That's actually like maybe 00:22:52.190 --> 00:22:54.049 they're not learning. Maybe they're so anxious 00:22:54.049 --> 00:22:57.049 that they're not comfortable and relaxed and 00:22:57.049 --> 00:22:59.049 therefore not learning in my classroom rather 00:22:59.049 --> 00:23:02.470 than, you know, they're looking still and ready. 00:23:03.130 --> 00:23:05.609 And actually that not being what still and ready 00:23:05.609 --> 00:23:08.309 and focused looks like for them. Exactly that. 00:23:08.390 --> 00:23:11.289 I think it's feelings are so abstract and it's 00:23:11.289 --> 00:23:13.890 like, well, actually, what's potentially normal 00:23:13.890 --> 00:23:15.970 for one person isn't normal for the other person. 00:23:15.990 --> 00:23:20.430 Like, if we see those regulations under the symbol 00:23:20.430 --> 00:23:22.930 for calm with someone sitting, well, actually, 00:23:23.049 --> 00:23:26.950 calm for someone else is dancing. Could be pacing. 00:23:27.509 --> 00:23:31.250 Yeah, exactly. And again, it goes as well with 00:23:31.250 --> 00:23:34.920 the bespoke strategy. you know going for a regulation 00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:38.099 walk or going to the centre doesn't work for 00:23:38.099 --> 00:23:41.460 everyone other people want music smashing in 00:23:41.460 --> 00:23:44.599 their ears or they just want to gently tap or 00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:47.339 they just need silence they need noise it doesn't 00:23:47.339 --> 00:23:49.480 it's not a one -size -fits -all and I think that's 00:23:49.480 --> 00:23:51.079 what I'm really passionate about is working on 00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:55.799 the motion regulation to be different for every 00:23:55.799 --> 00:23:57.920 individual and for all the teachers that are 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:00.079 saying oh well how can I do it bespoke I've got 00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:03.500 34 kids in my class well you just believe them 00:24:03.500 --> 00:24:06.160 give them the choices have them available and 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.940 believe them that when they pick a choice that 00:24:08.940 --> 00:24:10.920 that is going to be right for them until proven 00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:14.680 otherwise so have the fidgets out have the calming 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:17.299 music on have the movement breaks available they 00:24:17.299 --> 00:24:19.359 don't have to do it that's the point i think 00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:21.640 that that should believe them when the child 00:24:21.640 --> 00:24:23.299 says i don't want to do a sensory break maybe 00:24:23.299 --> 00:24:25.690 they don't need it in that moment maybe they're 00:24:25.690 --> 00:24:27.509 already so alert that they don't need a movement 00:24:27.509 --> 00:24:30.329 break maybe they just need a calm sit under the 00:24:30.329 --> 00:24:32.390 table you know if all those options are available 00:24:32.390 --> 00:24:35.990 and accepted within that time given and you believe 00:24:35.990 --> 00:24:38.930 them give them the benefit of the doubt then 00:24:38.930 --> 00:24:41.329 you are meeting your whole class's needs and 00:24:41.329 --> 00:24:43.049 i say until proven otherwise because sometimes 00:24:43.049 --> 00:24:45.809 children need to try something to know it if 00:24:45.809 --> 00:24:48.470 it doesn't work or not so Allow them all to have 00:24:48.470 --> 00:24:51.869 the fidgets and then you'll soon see who it helps 00:24:51.869 --> 00:24:53.910 focus and who it helps distract. And then you 00:24:53.910 --> 00:24:56.529 can kind of manage that from then on. But they 00:24:56.529 --> 00:24:57.910 might have to try the fidget in order to even 00:24:57.910 --> 00:25:00.630 know themselves if they need it on. Exactly. 00:25:00.769 --> 00:25:03.109 And I think giving it to a lot of children, because 00:25:03.109 --> 00:25:05.490 what I want to speak to about now is pathological 00:25:05.490 --> 00:25:09.150 demand avoidance. So when you have an individual 00:25:09.150 --> 00:25:12.509 with their PDA profile as well, even if you're 00:25:12.509 --> 00:25:14.269 going, OK, you need to go for a sensory walk, 00:25:14.349 --> 00:25:17.259 you need to do this, they're going to go. no 00:25:17.259 --> 00:25:20.819 i do not so we also need to then think about 00:25:20.819 --> 00:25:23.119 how do we then make emotional regulation not 00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:25.799 seem like a demand because then there's another 00:25:25.799 --> 00:25:28.259 demand on them that you're putting they're already 00:25:28.259 --> 00:25:32.059 dysregulated they feel a complete loss of control 00:25:32.059 --> 00:25:34.500 and then you're telling them exactly how they 00:25:34.500 --> 00:25:36.880 need to regulate then their nervous system is 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:39.519 going to even feel even more dysregulated and 00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:43.180 so actually having that choice and giving them 00:25:43.180 --> 00:25:46.549 the power on it to learn how it feels for them 00:25:46.549 --> 00:25:50.569 even like actually practically where do i feel 00:25:50.569 --> 00:25:53.130 anxiety in my body i might feel it in my tummy 00:25:53.130 --> 00:25:56.130 i might feel it in my throat again everyone feels 00:25:56.130 --> 00:25:58.829 it differently do i feel sick how does that look 00:25:58.829 --> 00:26:02.210 like for you because it's so different for everyone 00:26:02.210 --> 00:26:06.369 you know being allowed to stim freely as well 00:26:06.369 --> 00:26:08.730 but then it's like all other people were looking 00:26:08.730 --> 00:26:10.609 at me so if we had that classroom where it was 00:26:10.609 --> 00:26:13.700 just accepted and that is our ethos You know, 00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:17.779 because I think every child, you know, neurotypical 00:26:17.779 --> 00:26:19.900 children, they all benefit from the visuals. 00:26:20.019 --> 00:26:22.000 They all benefit from maybe having a movement 00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.799 break. They all benefit from having, I love the, 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:27.779 using, what's the name, the bands. Oh, there 00:26:27.779 --> 00:26:30.039 are bands? Yeah, having those on the, you know, 00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:32.619 on the chair legs, things like that. It's so 00:26:32.619 --> 00:26:35.440 subtle. Including the adults too, like sensory 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:38.480 breaks and circuits don't just support children, 00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:42.359 they support all humans. Having the teachers 00:26:42.359 --> 00:26:45.559 and the support staff, if you have them, modelling 00:26:45.559 --> 00:26:47.940 that too. If they're feeling a little bit anxious, 00:26:48.099 --> 00:26:50.640 maybe whilst they're teaching, maybe they have 00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:53.660 something to fidget with. If they're sitting 00:26:53.660 --> 00:26:55.400 down and need a bit of grounding, maybe they 00:26:55.400 --> 00:26:59.920 put a lap blanket on. Maybe they wear their sunglasses 00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:04.200 when it's bright outside. Whatever it is, they're 00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:06.799 modelling how they're meeting their own sensory 00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:08.299 needs. It might not look exactly the same for 00:27:08.299 --> 00:27:10.559 the children, but they're embedding that philosophy 00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:14.329 of, We're all sensory beings and it is okay here. 00:27:15.109 --> 00:27:17.369 Absolutely. And then they naturally feel safe 00:27:17.369 --> 00:27:21.250 to do that. Rather than, I feel like often, especially 00:27:21.250 --> 00:27:22.609 when you've got like one -to -one support as 00:27:22.609 --> 00:27:26.490 well, it's a natural being for us to say, what's 00:27:26.490 --> 00:27:28.589 wrong? What's this? What can I do? When, you 00:27:28.589 --> 00:27:32.130 know, when you're trying to fix it. Where I'm 00:27:32.130 --> 00:27:35.410 a big, big fan of waiting someone out. Wait them 00:27:35.410 --> 00:27:38.049 out because when you're trying to teach emotion 00:27:38.049 --> 00:27:40.799 regulation, that... In that moment, and this 00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:42.460 is for, you know, advice for parents as well, 00:27:42.460 --> 00:27:44.619 I say, you know, wait them out because you don't 00:27:44.619 --> 00:27:46.420 teach a drowning person how to swim when they're 00:27:46.420 --> 00:27:49.880 drowning. You wait, you wait it out and you wait, 00:27:49.960 --> 00:27:52.119 you know, and that's when you then teach surgeries 00:27:52.119 --> 00:27:54.480 afterwards. But so often it's all, you know, 00:27:54.500 --> 00:27:56.259 teachers in the mainstream schools and then you've 00:27:56.259 --> 00:27:58.460 got the likes of Ofsted coming in. It's almost 00:27:58.460 --> 00:28:01.180 an Ofsted coming in that children are then feeling 00:28:01.180 --> 00:28:04.099 our anxiety and then there's always behaviour. 00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:07.980 So it's in that panic. And it's like, well, actually, 00:28:08.099 --> 00:28:11.380 sometimes doing nothing in that moment is more 00:28:11.380 --> 00:28:14.720 powerful. You know, switch it down, minimise 00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:18.180 your language and just step back. But as human 00:28:18.180 --> 00:28:21.079 beings, we feel like we always have to be busy. 00:28:21.420 --> 00:28:23.640 And actually, we need to model that as well. 00:28:23.700 --> 00:28:27.819 It's OK to be still. It's OK to be quiet and 00:28:27.819 --> 00:28:31.380 not fill that gap. But us as humans, we always 00:28:31.380 --> 00:28:33.880 want to fill that gap. And it's actually OK. 00:28:34.019 --> 00:28:38.069 And it's OK to... as well like to model choosing 00:28:38.069 --> 00:28:40.170 friendships because we often refer you here especially 00:28:40.170 --> 00:28:42.509 in primary classrooms even at my daughter's nursery 00:28:42.509 --> 00:28:44.710 they say well come and see your friends and I'm 00:28:44.710 --> 00:28:46.190 thinking well they're probably not all our friends 00:28:46.190 --> 00:28:50.529 and that's okay because we all you know as adults 00:28:50.529 --> 00:28:52.809 we choose our friends who do we get along with 00:28:52.809 --> 00:28:55.269 why is it a target in an EHCP especially in a 00:28:55.269 --> 00:28:57.470 mainstream school I've actually seen this target 00:28:57.470 --> 00:29:00.970 before and a target was to fit in with the peers 00:29:00.970 --> 00:29:06.000 what does that mean? wow the way I crossed that 00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:09.420 out and got that taken out but it made me so 00:29:09.420 --> 00:29:12.940 uneasy I was like to fit in I don't think anyone 00:29:12.940 --> 00:29:15.019 fits in I mean that's basically telling them 00:29:15.019 --> 00:29:19.619 to mask yeah don't be autistic like no I don't 00:29:19.619 --> 00:29:21.079 think anyone really feels like they fit in and 00:29:21.079 --> 00:29:23.220 I think that's not to the benefit of the child 00:29:23.220 --> 00:29:25.519 is it I think with all of these targets and with 00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:27.819 all of these resources all of them are right 00:29:27.819 --> 00:29:32.269 if it's to benefit that young person if you feel 00:29:32.269 --> 00:29:34.910 like it's to benefit the others then that's when 00:29:34.910 --> 00:29:37.049 it's a red flag so i feel like if you're a teacher 00:29:37.049 --> 00:29:38.950 a parent anything if you just have a look at 00:29:38.950 --> 00:29:40.769 what you're asking the children to do that's 00:29:40.769 --> 00:29:43.769 a really great measure of is this benefiting 00:29:43.769 --> 00:29:46.589 the child so we're asking them to go out of the 00:29:46.589 --> 00:29:49.809 room during music time that could be a really 00:29:49.809 --> 00:29:51.190 good thing or that could be a really bad thing 00:29:51.190 --> 00:29:53.609 it depends if it benefits the young person in 00:29:53.609 --> 00:29:56.349 question or not if it's to benefit the rest of 00:29:56.349 --> 00:30:00.269 the class then that's a red flag if it's to benefit 00:30:00.269 --> 00:30:02.829 this particular child well yes maybe that's a 00:30:02.829 --> 00:30:04.710 benefit for them but maybe that's for the short 00:30:04.710 --> 00:30:06.910 term but maybe long term we could then be thinking 00:30:06.910 --> 00:30:08.829 okay well how can we change this session so that 00:30:08.829 --> 00:30:11.390 they are included but for the short term maybe 00:30:11.390 --> 00:30:13.289 yes you know you don't have to join assembly 00:30:13.289 --> 00:30:15.769 for example i always talk about inclusion in 00:30:15.769 --> 00:30:18.170 that way lots of my learners choose not to go 00:30:18.170 --> 00:30:21.789 into assembly but it's still inclusion because 00:30:21.789 --> 00:30:24.779 we're giving them the choice And we are accepting 00:30:24.779 --> 00:30:27.339 that they won't sit down and they will stim and 00:30:27.339 --> 00:30:30.839 pace and do their vocal stims during assembly. 00:30:31.220 --> 00:30:33.339 And that's accepted. But that's still inclusion, 00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:35.480 even though they very rarely choose to attend. 00:30:36.220 --> 00:30:38.019 Because we're giving them the choice and it's 00:30:38.019 --> 00:30:41.200 for their benefit to attend and not to attend, 00:30:41.380 --> 00:30:43.680 depending on how they feel that day. That is 00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:45.359 still inclusion, just because they're not in 00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:48.599 the room. So sometimes it's about, sometimes 00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:51.900 inclusion looks like not being in the room, if 00:30:51.900 --> 00:30:55.220 it benefits. that person in particular and so 00:30:55.220 --> 00:30:57.240 yeah that's I that's kind of what I use to measure 00:30:57.240 --> 00:31:01.039 am I being inclusive or not is is what I am doing 00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:03.819 benefiting the young person or is it for my benefit 00:31:03.819 --> 00:31:05.759 because actually I find that noise quite annoying 00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:08.220 or is is it for the class's benefit because they're 00:31:08.220 --> 00:31:10.859 finding you really distracting or or you're I 00:31:10.859 --> 00:31:12.500 don't know messing up the displays in my room 00:31:12.500 --> 00:31:15.559 you know is that actually why a child is being 00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:17.960 removed well then maybe that's a red flag that's 00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:20.119 not inclusion that's exclusion because you're 00:31:20.119 --> 00:31:22.430 not making it um an environment in which they 00:31:22.430 --> 00:31:25.750 can you know thrive so yeah and how are they 00:31:25.750 --> 00:31:28.829 going to feel how do they feel based on that 00:31:28.829 --> 00:31:31.130 choice do they what they might want to be excluded 00:31:31.130 --> 00:31:33.369 out of that and that will regulate them so absolutely 00:31:33.369 --> 00:31:35.789 do it and that's the thing inclusion doesn't 00:31:35.789 --> 00:31:38.289 always look like being included in a room it 00:31:38.289 --> 00:31:41.529 looks like being seen for who you are and your 00:31:41.529 --> 00:31:44.549 needs accepted and belonging so sometimes belonging 00:31:45.549 --> 00:31:48.170 is more what we mean by inclusion than including 00:31:48.170 --> 00:31:51.529 someone if somebody belongs it means they are 00:31:51.529 --> 00:31:54.309 fully accepted for who they are and their needs 00:31:54.309 --> 00:31:56.789 and that we will meet them their needs no matter 00:31:56.789 --> 00:32:00.670 what and they are loved no matter what and wanted 00:32:00.670 --> 00:32:05.190 no matter what you know if you really want inclusion 00:32:05.190 --> 00:32:07.769 in your classroom it means you really want the 00:32:07.769 --> 00:32:11.529 children to feel part of the classroom and so 00:32:11.529 --> 00:32:13.490 that means that making reasonable adjustments 00:32:13.490 --> 00:32:17.160 doesn't it to your day and to your class. And 00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:20.859 every single teacher in every single class has 00:32:20.859 --> 00:32:24.579 a SEND class. They're all sensory teachers. I 00:32:24.579 --> 00:32:26.740 know I call myself sensory teacher, sensory classroom. 00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:30.599 All teachers have a sensory classroom, even if 00:32:30.599 --> 00:32:34.259 you don't think you do. I promise you, you do. 00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:37.299 You could be teaching A -level science and you 00:32:37.299 --> 00:32:40.440 have a very sensory classroom. Absolutely, because 00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:41.920 like you said earlier, we are sensory beings. 00:32:42.059 --> 00:32:45.450 We all are. And I think... just creating that 00:32:45.450 --> 00:32:48.750 ethos that you know i see you i hear you and 00:32:48.750 --> 00:32:51.650 i love this phrase like i hear you because i 00:32:51.650 --> 00:32:53.970 i say that a lot like sometimes especially when 00:32:53.970 --> 00:32:56.289 you're you know when a child especially with 00:32:56.289 --> 00:32:59.750 a pda profile is dysregulated and they want an 00:32:59.750 --> 00:33:02.910 answer there and it's like you know less words 00:33:02.910 --> 00:33:04.670 you rate them out otherwise you're getting that 00:33:04.670 --> 00:33:07.650 back and forth and i might say i hear you but 00:33:07.650 --> 00:33:09.930 you know just i hear you but often people say 00:33:09.930 --> 00:33:12.670 i hear you but then they don't make the adjustments 00:33:13.500 --> 00:33:16.319 to actually, you're hearing me, but you're not 00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:18.359 listening. Yeah, you're understanding. You're 00:33:18.359 --> 00:33:19.299 not listening to their behaviour. You're not 00:33:19.299 --> 00:33:22.319 listening to a child that's then avoiding school, 00:33:22.420 --> 00:33:24.700 a mainstream school, when actually all probably 00:33:24.700 --> 00:33:27.440 would have helped is when they finish their learning, 00:33:27.740 --> 00:33:30.259 they just need five minutes. As a teacher, you've 00:33:30.259 --> 00:33:31.680 got these grades to hit. Well, why aren't you 00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:33.619 doing this extension? Why aren't you doing this? 00:33:33.900 --> 00:33:36.420 And then the accountability comes on the children 00:33:36.420 --> 00:33:40.640 to be extending their own learning to, I think 00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:43.900 they... we should be teaching how to be responsible 00:33:43.900 --> 00:33:48.000 for your own regulation because actually if we 00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:52.380 were creating an ethos of young people that advocating 00:33:52.380 --> 00:33:54.819 for themselves and go this isn't okay for me 00:33:54.819 --> 00:33:57.660 right now i'm struggling that's heard and respected 00:33:57.660 --> 00:34:00.920 because it would you know as an adult We always 00:34:00.920 --> 00:34:02.740 hear, oh, we're preparing them for the real world. 00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:04.880 But actually, the real world is that I can say. 00:34:05.839 --> 00:34:08.679 Me too. Because what is the real world? Let's 00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:10.440 change the real world then. That's what it looks 00:34:10.440 --> 00:34:13.360 like. And we've all got a mask. I don't want 00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:16.480 that. Because the real world, we do say, that 00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:18.599 doesn't feel okay to me. I'm not going to do 00:34:18.599 --> 00:34:21.820 that. We put our boundaries in place. And obviously, 00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:25.050 we do adapt and we mask slightly because... how 00:34:25.050 --> 00:34:27.190 I would speak to you would be how different how 00:34:27.190 --> 00:34:29.789 I'd speak to my family or how you know you adapt 00:34:29.789 --> 00:34:31.690 and but that's the difference between adapting 00:34:31.690 --> 00:34:34.929 and masking but teaching people to advocate is 00:34:34.929 --> 00:34:37.630 absolutely great and you know even using visuals 00:34:37.630 --> 00:34:40.489 and then that leads on to being teenagers and 00:34:40.489 --> 00:34:43.150 then kids that then put their boundaries in place 00:34:43.150 --> 00:34:45.329 with adults they are they should be safe too 00:34:45.329 --> 00:34:47.289 they're the ones that are going to keep themselves 00:34:47.289 --> 00:34:50.829 safe and because our young people of autism are 00:34:50.829 --> 00:34:53.429 vulnerable and you know teaching consent and 00:34:53.429 --> 00:34:56.860 that's don't think that people are very sheepish 00:34:56.860 --> 00:34:59.159 off that's where it begins you know that's how 00:34:59.159 --> 00:35:01.260 I've explained it to parents actually with young 00:35:01.260 --> 00:35:04.579 with young girls I've you know that are quite 00:35:04.579 --> 00:35:08.300 compliant that are very people pleasers that 00:35:08.300 --> 00:35:11.400 are high masculine class this is how I explain 00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:14.699 it is when they're in a relationship when they're 00:35:14.699 --> 00:35:18.719 in their older teens in their early 20s and they're 00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:21.429 in a relationship that isn't good for them that 00:35:21.429 --> 00:35:24.969 is quite abusive taking advantage of this people 00:35:24.969 --> 00:35:28.070 -pleasing nature this high masking nature that's 00:35:28.070 --> 00:35:30.670 putting everyone else's needs and wants before 00:35:30.670 --> 00:35:33.510 what feels good for their body that puts them 00:35:33.510 --> 00:35:36.829 in an incredibly vulnerable position for abuse 00:35:36.829 --> 00:35:39.210 and that is not what you want for your child 00:35:39.210 --> 00:35:40.570 and that is not what you want for the students 00:35:40.570 --> 00:35:42.349 in your class so what are we actually teaching 00:35:42.349 --> 00:35:45.210 them we need to be teaching them that if something 00:35:45.210 --> 00:35:47.329 doesn't feel good in your body you need to speak 00:35:47.329 --> 00:35:50.760 up and you need to advocate for yourself and 00:35:50.760 --> 00:35:52.559 advocate for your friends when you can see that 00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:55.940 they look uneasy and you need to know that if 00:35:55.940 --> 00:35:57.599 somebody's asking you to do something that doesn't 00:35:57.599 --> 00:36:00.199 feel right and good in your body then that means 00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:01.739 it's not good and right for your body and you 00:36:01.739 --> 00:36:04.880 shouldn't have to do those things and it's horrible 00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:08.340 to use such an extreme example but it is so common 00:36:08.340 --> 00:36:15.980 with adult women and adult autistics to be really 00:36:15.980 --> 00:36:19.039 vulnerable. as adults in relationships because 00:36:19.039 --> 00:36:20.800 of that reason and taken advantage of for that 00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:24.079 reason but it starts in the classroom and it 00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:27.699 starts at home that feeling of like your needs 00:36:27.699 --> 00:36:31.280 don't matter you know you need to do what I say 00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:34.719 it's not time for that now you know mask mask 00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:37.039 mask push down push down push down only then 00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:39.719 inevitably ends up to yeah incredibly vulnerable 00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:42.000 adults that are putting everyone else's needs 00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:45.369 before their own and that That to me isn't the 00:36:45.369 --> 00:36:48.110 real world. That's not a real world thing that 00:36:48.110 --> 00:36:50.050 I want to live in. I want to live in a world 00:36:50.050 --> 00:36:54.769 where women and all groups feel like they can 00:36:54.769 --> 00:36:57.429 speak up when something isn't feeling right. 00:36:57.750 --> 00:37:01.309 And that starts in nursery for all of our learners. 00:37:01.409 --> 00:37:04.369 If they don't want to hug somebody, if they don't 00:37:04.369 --> 00:37:05.969 want to wear their wellies because they're a 00:37:05.969 --> 00:37:08.050 bit uncomfortable, if they don't really like 00:37:08.050 --> 00:37:09.929 milk and they don't want to drink milk, that's 00:37:09.929 --> 00:37:13.469 when it starts. It seems trivial, but it starts 00:37:13.469 --> 00:37:15.650 then. That's when the learning happens for those 00:37:15.650 --> 00:37:19.150 later relationships and those later years of 00:37:19.150 --> 00:37:21.909 what we want to happen. Because we don't want 00:37:21.909 --> 00:37:25.610 our young people to be in any compromising or 00:37:25.610 --> 00:37:29.269 vulnerable situation. And that is when it's okay 00:37:29.269 --> 00:37:32.389 to come out of that green zone and be in that 00:37:32.389 --> 00:37:35.309 red zone healthily. You know, you can be angry, 00:37:35.449 --> 00:37:39.820 but you can absolutely say calmly, no. And no 00:37:39.820 --> 00:37:42.219 is, you know, teaching young people that no is 00:37:42.219 --> 00:37:45.239 a full sentence sometimes. It's absolutely okay. 00:37:45.300 --> 00:37:47.940 And however that communication looks, like even 00:37:47.940 --> 00:37:51.360 on the communication devices, it brings me joy 00:37:51.360 --> 00:37:53.880 when they are saying no. And it might look like 00:37:53.880 --> 00:37:56.219 a swear word at first. Advocate for yourself. 00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:59.820 Like that no is so strong because as well as 00:37:59.820 --> 00:38:02.940 that, what I've worked with recently, you know, 00:38:02.940 --> 00:38:06.340 set to 19 year olds. And we, you know, still 00:38:06.340 --> 00:38:09.409 then. They haven't been taught, this is in an 00:38:09.409 --> 00:38:13.610 SCM provision, the proper name, scientific names 00:38:13.610 --> 00:38:16.969 of their genitals. And it's like, well, we need 00:38:16.969 --> 00:38:19.210 to keep you safe. And not only are you safe from 00:38:19.210 --> 00:38:22.590 other people for you to say no, but are you learning 00:38:22.590 --> 00:38:24.530 that everyone must be your friend because your 00:38:24.530 --> 00:38:28.590 EHCP says to interact with the variety of people 00:38:28.590 --> 00:38:31.489 and be friends? Is that person your friend because 00:38:31.489 --> 00:38:32.929 they say they're going to get you a Milky Bar? 00:38:33.110 --> 00:38:34.590 Because they're going to get you a PlayStation? 00:38:35.610 --> 00:38:37.429 are they your friends what are their intentions 00:38:37.429 --> 00:38:40.750 and you know we teach about enthusiastic consent 00:38:40.750 --> 00:38:42.809 and i think it's so important to teach because 00:38:42.809 --> 00:38:46.050 not only does it make them vulnerable to not 00:38:46.050 --> 00:38:47.929 saying no themselves but knowing when someone 00:38:47.929 --> 00:38:51.909 else is saying no they might be going yeah no 00:38:51.909 --> 00:38:54.409 like what does it actually look like enthusiastic 00:38:54.409 --> 00:38:58.329 consent and you know and then we got you know 00:38:58.329 --> 00:39:00.469 we talked about girls being vulnerable especially 00:39:00.469 --> 00:39:02.929 to narcissistic relationships or something that 00:39:02.929 --> 00:39:04.570 the pattern that i've seen speaking to a lot 00:39:04.570 --> 00:39:08.389 of them that i've nosed women but i think for 00:39:08.389 --> 00:39:10.530 men unfortunately it can look very different 00:39:10.530 --> 00:39:12.909 and it can look like gang grooming because they're 00:39:12.909 --> 00:39:14.969 going to buy you a nice playstation they're going 00:39:14.969 --> 00:39:16.849 to buy you the trainers they're going to buy 00:39:16.849 --> 00:39:18.730 this and that they must be my friend they're 00:39:18.730 --> 00:39:21.230 buying me something because that's not abstract 00:39:21.230 --> 00:39:24.909 that is practical and a lot of children especially 00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:30.159 with a pda profile they see love as practical 00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:32.139 things if someone is saying they're going to 00:39:32.139 --> 00:39:34.780 give them the world so we should be shouldn't 00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:36.579 be shying away from these conversations with 00:39:36.579 --> 00:39:38.320 teenagers especially when they're on the spectrum 00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:40.400 because i think people are scared to talk about 00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:42.760 sex they're scared to talk about things like 00:39:42.760 --> 00:39:45.679 this because i don't know this thing is not age 00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:47.579 appropriate but we need to talk about it in a 00:39:47.579 --> 00:39:49.860 way that is suitable to them to keep them safe 00:39:49.860 --> 00:39:53.039 yeah and that starts from that starts from teaching 00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:59.610 no You can teach that from 18 months old, that 00:39:59.610 --> 00:40:04.170 when they stamp on the floor and lay on the floor, 00:40:04.329 --> 00:40:08.329 that's their no. And actually lots of the children 00:40:08.329 --> 00:40:09.969 in my class, no matter what age they are, I teach 00:40:09.969 --> 00:40:12.710 age 4 to 11, that's their communication because 00:40:12.710 --> 00:40:15.909 they don't have a spoken word. They use their 00:40:15.909 --> 00:40:19.070 body to communicate no. But we need to hear that 00:40:19.070 --> 00:40:21.190 and we need to honour that and respect that. 00:40:21.449 --> 00:40:25.389 And it might mean... No, full stop, no. It might 00:40:25.389 --> 00:40:28.449 mean not yet. It might mean not today, or I'm 00:40:28.449 --> 00:40:31.489 a bit confused about what you're asking me. Like 00:40:31.489 --> 00:40:33.070 you said right at the beginning, behaviour is 00:40:33.070 --> 00:40:35.309 communication, and that's what we mean by that. 00:40:35.809 --> 00:40:40.710 And when you're saying, I wait it out, that doesn't 00:40:40.710 --> 00:40:43.269 mean ignoring the behaviours. That's a message 00:40:43.269 --> 00:40:47.210 I had this week, actually. It said, I've been 00:40:47.210 --> 00:40:50.369 asked to ignore their behaviours, but that doesn't 00:40:50.369 --> 00:40:53.429 feel right for me. What do you do? I said, oh, 00:40:53.469 --> 00:40:55.670 I know where they're coming from. They mean to 00:40:55.670 --> 00:40:58.650 wait it out. They mean to not pick up on every 00:40:58.650 --> 00:41:01.809 single little thing they're doing wrong. They 00:41:01.809 --> 00:41:04.510 mean not to, just to focus on the main behaviour. 00:41:04.750 --> 00:41:07.789 So yes, okay, normally we don't kick the door. 00:41:07.949 --> 00:41:12.150 Yes, okay, normally we don't slam the door or 00:41:12.150 --> 00:41:14.610 stamp our feet. Yes, okay, usually that wouldn't 00:41:14.610 --> 00:41:17.300 be accepted. But actually right now... That isn't 00:41:17.300 --> 00:41:19.679 the big behavior. You know, swearing at me and 00:41:19.679 --> 00:41:22.800 using hand gestures isn't the big behavior right 00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:26.139 now. The big behavior or the big crisis is that 00:41:26.139 --> 00:41:29.360 they're really anxious because they have a trip 00:41:29.360 --> 00:41:32.380 coming up. That's actually the focus. So when 00:41:32.380 --> 00:41:35.079 it says ignore behaviors, the behaviors I'm ignoring 00:41:35.079 --> 00:41:37.400 are the minimal ones. The ones that I would normally 00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:39.920 not ignore, but actually today I'm only going 00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:41.519 to just regulate them further. I'm going to make 00:41:41.519 --> 00:41:44.320 it more of a crisis situation if I bring those 00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:47.250 up. So that's what I'm ignoring. not the child 00:41:47.250 --> 00:41:49.989 no not the child exactly this is it so when it's 00:41:49.989 --> 00:41:51.869 ignoring the behaviors I'm not ignoring the child 00:41:51.869 --> 00:41:55.610 in fact I also when you say wait it out step 00:41:55.610 --> 00:41:58.210 back and observe that's also not ignoring the 00:41:58.210 --> 00:42:01.650 child I do it very consciously because sometimes 00:42:01.650 --> 00:42:03.010 I don't want to be in their space sometimes they 00:42:03.010 --> 00:42:05.010 because they don't want me in their space they 00:42:05.010 --> 00:42:07.809 just need time to you know calm down regulate 00:42:07.809 --> 00:42:09.750 and and let it out actually because sometimes 00:42:09.750 --> 00:42:12.090 when it goes too far they just need to kind of 00:42:12.090 --> 00:42:15.920 let it out and then come back But I'm there. 00:42:15.960 --> 00:42:17.760 And I think that's the difference between ignoring 00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:22.619 and waiting it out is I am there. I'm not not 00:42:22.619 --> 00:42:25.139 be giving them eye contact. I might be at the 00:42:25.139 --> 00:42:26.719 other complete other end of the room. I might 00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:29.579 be the other side of the door. But my body language 00:42:29.579 --> 00:42:35.219 and my presence is saying, I hear you. I see 00:42:35.219 --> 00:42:39.480 you. And when you're ready, I'm here. That's 00:42:39.480 --> 00:42:43.639 what I hope their senior leadership team meant 00:42:43.639 --> 00:42:47.829 by. ignore behaviors i hope so what we don't 00:42:47.829 --> 00:42:51.690 mean is literally turning our backs on the children 00:42:51.690 --> 00:42:55.190 or the young people and walk in the other way 00:42:55.190 --> 00:42:58.510 or or saying i don't want to see you i don't 00:42:58.510 --> 00:43:00.630 want that that kind of hand gesture is what not 00:43:00.630 --> 00:43:03.429 what we mean in fact we want open palms we want 00:43:03.429 --> 00:43:08.389 open bodies observing waiting i'm here when you're 00:43:08.389 --> 00:43:11.679 ready and then when they are ready What is your 00:43:11.679 --> 00:43:14.340 tone of voice doing? How are you coming at them? 00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:16.579 You know, you don't want to be hit with a snarky, 00:43:16.679 --> 00:43:18.739 okay, you're done now. I've got places to be. 00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:23.739 Or with shame or judgment. Yeah, it's just, okay. 00:43:24.019 --> 00:43:26.519 Even right then, is it the moment to then have 00:43:26.519 --> 00:43:29.360 that, you know, reconciliation? Probably not. 00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:32.920 Not yet. But just let that moment of calm come. 00:43:33.599 --> 00:43:36.980 And like you say, we only focus on behaving. 00:43:37.179 --> 00:43:38.260 We're only seeing we're behaving when they're 00:43:38.260 --> 00:43:41.480 unsafe. to themselves or others and then then 00:43:41.480 --> 00:43:43.480 you might intervene but we like to think you 00:43:43.480 --> 00:43:46.239 know if you're listening to them earlier on and 00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:48.400 giving them a space earlier on when they're swearing 00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:52.099 which is a you know I think who is that a problem 00:43:52.099 --> 00:43:54.239 for in that in that moment because especially 00:43:54.239 --> 00:43:57.039 even in a classroom everyone's probably heard 00:43:57.039 --> 00:43:59.559 that and I think when you're giving that attention 00:43:59.559 --> 00:44:01.039 they've already heard them it's already too late 00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:03.579 so you know and if you're going to pick up on 00:44:03.579 --> 00:44:06.300 it you're only going to hear more so and also 00:44:06.300 --> 00:44:08.320 ultimately what is that behavior telling you 00:44:09.239 --> 00:44:11.659 they've probably done that and slammed that door 00:44:11.659 --> 00:44:13.940 and kicked that thing and thrown that thing because 00:44:13.940 --> 00:44:18.380 they just need space. So hear that and give them 00:44:18.380 --> 00:44:21.000 that space. Coming up into their face and saying, 00:44:21.059 --> 00:44:24.239 don't you say that to me, is not honouring and 00:44:24.239 --> 00:44:26.440 hearing what they're actually communicating with 00:44:26.440 --> 00:44:28.179 you. What they're communicating with you is, 00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:31.539 I need space, you've made me angry or what you've 00:44:31.539 --> 00:44:34.500 done has made me angry and I need space from 00:44:34.500 --> 00:44:37.280 you right now, is what they're saying. and this 00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:39.260 is it like is it an unsafe behavior or is it 00:44:39.260 --> 00:44:41.619 just inconvenient for you like it doesn't feel 00:44:41.619 --> 00:44:44.900 very nice to be sworn out but you you can't actually 00:44:44.900 --> 00:44:47.199 it's probably the safest way of releasing that 00:44:47.199 --> 00:44:49.780 energy it's much better than being punched I've 00:44:49.780 --> 00:44:51.500 had a TA say to me before oh they just told me 00:44:51.500 --> 00:44:55.019 to left off and I said why haven't you then like 00:44:55.019 --> 00:44:57.420 in the nicest way possible yeah that's not great 00:44:57.420 --> 00:44:58.760 how they said that we can talk about that later 00:44:58.760 --> 00:45:00.300 we can talk about that another time we can talk 00:45:00.300 --> 00:45:02.000 about it tomorrow or next week we could have 00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:06.539 a session about this made you know when you said 00:45:06.539 --> 00:45:09.599 that you know I know you meant give space you 00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:11.579 know how else could we have gone around that 00:45:11.579 --> 00:45:13.519 how could would it help if you had a visual to 00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:15.900 ask that or maybe if you just you know put your 00:45:15.900 --> 00:45:17.800 hand like this on the desk I know that you need 00:45:17.800 --> 00:45:21.079 space you know give that kind of talk about it 00:45:21.079 --> 00:45:23.480 in like a contract kind of way an agreement kind 00:45:23.480 --> 00:45:26.000 of way of you know I can see that you wanted 00:45:26.000 --> 00:45:30.380 this and I I hate that I'm you were in a situation 00:45:30.380 --> 00:45:32.780 where you had no other choice but to do but to 00:45:32.780 --> 00:45:36.119 swear, what could I have done better to help 00:45:36.119 --> 00:45:39.300 you not get to that point? Almost like put the 00:45:39.300 --> 00:45:42.280 premise and the responsibility on you changing, 00:45:42.380 --> 00:45:45.380 not them changing their behaviour. Well, that's 00:45:45.380 --> 00:45:47.559 it, because they're probably already really anxious 00:45:47.559 --> 00:45:49.940 and you've just tipped that pot right over the 00:45:49.940 --> 00:45:52.980 edge and then you've got the brunt of it, just 00:45:52.980 --> 00:45:54.780 like the parents probably do at home as well. 00:45:54.900 --> 00:45:56.960 And it's like, well, actually, you know, what's 00:45:56.960 --> 00:45:58.619 going on? And they might not be ready to have 00:45:58.619 --> 00:46:01.000 that conversation right there and then, but they're 00:46:01.000 --> 00:46:03.340 clearly saying to you, something's going on with 00:46:03.340 --> 00:46:06.480 me right now consistency is key but not consistency 00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:11.059 for every child consistency for us for those 00:46:11.059 --> 00:46:13.719 child yeah because it works for one might not 00:46:13.719 --> 00:46:16.059 work for the other yeah everyone's it and that 00:46:16.059 --> 00:46:18.179 is why EHCPs are so important to the services 00:46:18.179 --> 00:46:22.360 if they're written well and the parents and the 00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:24.760 young person have got say on that and that reflects 00:46:24.760 --> 00:46:27.320 them that is when they are powerful because it's 00:46:27.320 --> 00:46:31.130 like well what do I need for that child and there 00:46:31.130 --> 00:46:34.050 is then a legal binding agreement to do that 00:46:34.050 --> 00:46:37.190 and follow that through and a lot often it's 00:46:37.190 --> 00:46:39.010 you know sensory breaks you hear in mainstream 00:46:39.010 --> 00:46:42.309 well that's rewarding bad behavior well actually 00:46:42.309 --> 00:46:45.110 no it's not it's regulating so that you don't 00:46:45.110 --> 00:46:48.329 see that it's not a reward sensory breaks it's 00:46:48.329 --> 00:46:51.869 not first work then essentially break it well 00:46:51.869 --> 00:46:54.449 no first regulated nervous system so i can think 00:46:54.449 --> 00:46:57.250 clearly and i think that flipping that narrative 00:46:57.250 --> 00:47:00.860 and having teachers feel safe enough in the environment 00:47:00.860 --> 00:47:03.000 to do that because they've got the pressure of 00:47:03.000 --> 00:47:05.079 you know exam scores and this and that and that 00:47:05.079 --> 00:47:08.900 comes down to training and the whole school philosophy 00:47:08.900 --> 00:47:10.860 doesn't it so if you're a head teacher listening 00:47:10.860 --> 00:47:14.179 to this you know maybe it's down to you to just 00:47:14.179 --> 00:47:16.920 create the philosophy in the first place of when 00:47:16.920 --> 00:47:19.099 you walk into a room and if there's a child you 00:47:19.099 --> 00:47:21.300 know not in the room and they're like twiddling 00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:24.280 in the corner or up jumping on a bouncy ball 00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:26.719 in the corner or whatever it is or out running 00:47:26.719 --> 00:47:28.860 circuits outside whilst the teacher is teaching 00:47:28.860 --> 00:47:33.320 just assume that that is what's happened and 00:47:33.320 --> 00:47:37.019 until you know told otherwise i suppose if anyone's 00:47:37.019 --> 00:47:38.760 listening to this and they want to learn more 00:47:38.760 --> 00:47:40.860 and find out more about you and your strategies 00:47:40.860 --> 00:47:43.760 and learn more i'm sure there is where can people 00:47:43.760 --> 00:47:47.320 find you and so instagram currently is the best 00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:50.420 place and so i am currently working on making 00:47:50.420 --> 00:47:55.090 these trainings and accessible to parents and 00:47:55.090 --> 00:47:57.550 schools that will be practically in real life 00:47:57.550 --> 00:48:00.469 and online run by myself but also i'm trying 00:48:00.469 --> 00:48:02.650 to offer it in a way that is online as well so 00:48:02.650 --> 00:48:04.150 that will be through my instagram and that is 00:48:04.150 --> 00:48:06.989 on to sell on my fan store so i currently have 00:48:06.989 --> 00:48:09.590 three modules and they are autism awareness and 00:48:09.590 --> 00:48:13.150 emotional regulation and social communication 00:48:13.150 --> 00:48:17.190 all targeted at the individual children that 00:48:17.190 --> 00:48:18.889 i've been kind of speaking about today those 00:48:18.889 --> 00:48:22.920 fbm betweeners and i also so instagram victorius 00:48:22.920 --> 00:48:26.380 .lv is the best place to get me because i also 00:48:26.380 --> 00:48:28.739 offer one -to -one support as well because bespoke 00:48:28.739 --> 00:48:31.960 is the best as much as i can put those rushes 00:48:31.960 --> 00:48:35.280 out there and but i think working with the family 00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:38.519 to create that bespoke support is is the best 00:48:38.519 --> 00:48:41.679 and the instagram is the best place to get me 00:48:41.679 --> 00:48:44.400 currently Thank you so much. And thank you so 00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:46.780 much for joining me today. Such an important 00:48:46.780 --> 00:48:50.079 conversation. Everybody make sure to follow Lauren 00:48:50.079 --> 00:48:54.619 and yeah, find out more about the SEN Inbetweeners. 00:48:54.639 --> 00:48:56.679 I certainly will be. Thank you. I could have 00:48:56.679 --> 00:48:58.980 spoken for ages to you. It was wonderful to chat 00:48:58.980 --> 00:49:00.619 to you. Thank you.