Hello everybody and welcome to the Sensory Classroom
podcast. Today I am joined by Nicola who you
may know and may already follow on Instagram
as Happy Hands with Hallie. Hello Nicola. Hello.
So you are mum of new I Do Virgin family of some
girls and there's Hallie and Bonnie isn't there?
Yes. and you were one of the first accounts that
i started following when i started sharing on
this account and i was just enamored it was honey
that i saw actually initially and her gorgeous
stims and she's just so cute and she reminds
me of so many of my students i was I was, yeah,
I was just fixated from the start, really, when
I found your account. What was it that made you
start wanting to share? And how long have you
been sharing on Instagram? It must be getting
on three years. It's got to be. I remember Hallie
was, she must have been around the age of two,
two and a half. And I remember starting to have
those thoughts that maybe she's autistic. She
had all these behaviors that I'd never seen before,
like I'd never seen. a child flapping well she
began with kicking her legs so she would just
kick her legs and she would just make like the
o shape with her mouth and stiffen up her whole
body and she would spend so much time doing that
and I was just I'd never met another child that
had done that and then when I started to put
everything together and realize actually I think
she's autistic and we started to go through that
diagnosis process I because I felt in that position
of When I first started out, I had no idea what
this looked like. I thought it'd be so good to
actually share this and actually be kind of be
the person that I needed when I was at that beginning
stage. And so that's kind of how my mindset was
at that was be what I needed. And so that's when
I began sharing and I just began sharing and
I really didn't expect her account to go the
way it went. I was just, I had a few hundred
followers. um and i was just sharing i was just
there was no i didn't even want it to grow at
that point like it was just i was just sharing
and then all of a sudden it just kind of blew
up overnight and then we ended up with this amazing
community and and it went from there really so
yeah you were right though i think lots of people
need what you needed i think lots of people need
to know an inside honest account of yeah what
they're seeing basically and to know that it's
okay it it just means autism and this is what
it can mean and it might mean this and it might
mean that and these are some things that we go
through daily you share so honestly and open
And you do talk about the reality, I feel, but
I feel like you do it in such a way and not all
accounts manage this. I feel like you do it in
such a way that is still really respectful to
your children and what they're going through.
How do you navigate how much you share to keep
it real, but also what you don't share to give
them some kind of, I don't know, anonymity, I
suppose. How do you navigate that? Because that's
tricky. Yeah, I think I tend to do it with my
words. That's one thing that I've always really
enjoyed or even as a child growing up was writing
and expressing through writing so I like poetry
anything expressive so videos I find well I find
an art to it like you know like putting the videos
together putting the words and the music like
I really enjoy putting them together and that's
what I see it as so while I might not be showing
Halle in distress or upset or anything like that
I find if I get the right music and I get the
right words then I can actually put the emotion
of what is going on into that video without actually
showing, you know, stuff that really goes on.
Because for me, I don't want to show Halle in
when she's upset. I don't want to show when she's
in meltdown or anything like that. There's the
odd thing that I've shown that might be Halle
getting cross because... I love it. Sometimes
you have to see the comical side of things and,
you know, when her eyebrows drop and... It is
funny, isn't it? it bless her it's so yeah it's
just so cute it's so cute but I feel like you
you manage that in such a way of also sharing
the reality I know I've followed you since your
you were really struggling with getting high
to school and that was really stressful she missed
a lot of school wasn't she she was out for weeks
at a time and and then day on day you know you
never knew in the morning whether it would be
a wanting to go to school day or not and more
and more it wasn't and wanting to go to school
day yeah And that's a real hard time. And I think
you navigated it really beautifully because you
were sharing the reality, but you were still
advocating for her. It wasn't shaming her. It
wasn't blaming her. It wasn't even shaming or
blaming the school, actually. You did it so incredibly
well. Yeah. Just openly laying it on the table.
This is, like, it's fact. This is just what it
is. Yeah. Yeah. Hallie doesn't want to be there.
they can't meet her needs like it's like it's
just it just is and i think you did that really
beautifully i think you did it really well yeah
yeah i did it was i do remember at the time like
it may not have there was a lot of things that
i didn't share at that time especially with probably
my emotions and my well -being and things like
i was really struggling and i have shared that
later on down the line and said you know some
mornings like i would be struggling with anxiety
i would get on i'd be on the school run and i
would feel panic and i think i was more panicking
about panicking rather than right yeah it was
like a bit of a vicious cycle that I got into
and I've always been I'm not now I've come really
far but back then and you know growing up I've
always been a bit of a worry I've always been
that person that cares what other people think
so while I was sharing the journey I was also
quite conscious about you know with the school
and I didn't want to say anything to upset the
school because at the end of the day they were
all just doing their best with the resources
and the money that they had and they're lovely
people and I could have come on like there were
times where I could have come on and just cried
and just been like this has been the most awful
morning and there's been sort of times where
especially when she was in nursery where there
wouldn't be enough staff there and so I'd end
up having to take her home with me and it was
some things I didn't share at the time because
I felt that it just it wasn't anybody's fault
and I didn't want it to come across like I was
blaming anybody because I understood that actually
they're not they're not always equipped for a
child that is trying to escape the playground
or not wanting to go in and then they haven't
got that additional member of staff and obviously
back then it was the early days where She didn't
have any EHCP and things like that. So there
were things and there was a lot more things that
were going on that I didn't necessarily share
because I didn't want it. And I never do even
now. I would never want it to come across that
I was mad at that school or mad at any teacher
because they were brilliant and they did their
best. And especially with Hallie and things like
that, like with sharing things about her, like
she would get so angry. And I would always sort
of say on there that it was extreme and it really
was extreme, but I'm never going to show it because
I'm not going to show that. But yeah, I tried
to kind of get it across in the most respectful
way what we was actually experiencing without
actually shaming anybody or showing anything.
And so hopefully I did an okay job at it. I think
that's an incredibly hard challenge. I think
you did do a really, really great job at that.
I think that's exactly how it came across. It
came back. You shared everything you needed to
share and nothing that you didn't. And I think
you navigated that, considering what a place
you must have been in. I think you did navigate
that really, really well. Yeah, yeah. No, it
was. I think it's probably the hardest time.
that I've probably faced so far in my life I
think I'm trying to think if there's anything
that tops it and I don't think there is that
particular year of Hallie going to school me
leaving my job that first year of the school
refusals and then the amount of meetings and
I can feel, even talking about it, I can feel
the tightness of just having to go to those meetings
and have to try and advocate for myself because,
again, I don't think teachers mean to do it.
I really don't think they mean to do it at all.
But because of the process that they've got in
place of you've got to do this and you've got
to do that, it makes, as a parent, you feel like
that's blaming you. And it is just those, like,
bring her in this time, bring her in that time.
So obviously there's an attendance policy. And
obviously that's what they're trying to meet.
And I'm like, I'm not going to bring her in her
pyjamas. I'm not going to bring her in screaming
without a head and without a toothbrush. Like,
it's just not fair. She really doesn't want to
come to the point that she's not even allowing
me to meet her basic needs. But then, like I
say, there's that attendance policy that then...
Yeah, but ultimately, I think you made the right
decision, though, because she was communicating
that she wasn't happy there. Wasn't she? That
was what she was communicating. If that behavior
and all that output of what she was doing, whatever
it was, was words, it would have been saying,
I don't feel safe there. I can't be myself there.
Whatever it was, you know, she was communicating
that she wasn't happy. So you had to be her voice
in that moment, didn't you? And it sounds like
you did that really well. Is there anything looking
back? Now the fog's cleared a little bit. And
you're a little bit more settled in what you're
doing now and we'll get into that in a bit. Looking
back, is there anything that you wished you could
have done or that the school could have done
differently? I think for me, because I was at
the time such a worrier and cared so much about
what everyone was thinking about me, I don't
think I was as transparent as what I could have
been. especially when it came to sort of how
Hallie was struggling. And I think sometimes
I wanted to go along with things and be a bit
of a pleaser. Like, yeah, we can try that. We
can try that. Even though I know deep down that's
not going to work. I know it's not. But the pleaser
in me was wanting to go along with that to make
them happy and look like a good person, I guess.
And now I feel like I've gained that confidence.
I wish I had it back then. I wish I had that
voice back then to be a bit braver and to say
exactly what I was thinking. So yeah, I would
have definitely done that differently. I would
have been just, yeah, more transparent in what
we needed. From the school's point of view. I'm
really not sure because I felt, I did feel like
they was trying really hard. They had, you know,
even if they didn't have a member of staff for
her all the time because she wasn't, I can't
remember how many hours it was now, but it wasn't
all the time. But they would always try to accommodate
for her. So they'd take her outside. And so I
always felt like they were trying and they'd
like done a little corner for her. They'd got
her a swing for outside as well. So I always
felt like they were really trying. I think what
it comes down to is money. I really think that's
what it is. It's that there wasn't enough money
and they just couldn't do it. But they don't
know if it feels like sometimes that they want
you to make you, this might just be a parent
thing, but like they make you want to feel like
everything's okay. So you don't ask, so you don't
want more. And yeah, you feel like you can't
ask for anything. Like what you're getting is
amazing. you yeah you can't ask for anything
more than that i don't know if that makes sense
yeah it does make it definitely makes sense that
the idea is well you're already getting so much
already you're already getting more than more
than most there isn't anything else even if yeah
even if that baseline isn't meeting your child's
needs which of course shouldn't be the case should
it like every child should be able to access
education and be included it sounds it sounds
good to me that they were making reasonable adjustments
and and yeah doing that to support Hallie and
being there. Did you feel at the time that they
wanted her there? Did you feel like they were
really trying to include her and involve her
in school as much as they could? Yeah, I definitely
think that they were. I know she had a few friends
and things like that. It was actually quite strange
because even when I'd gone in for, when I'd gone
to watch my older daughter's sports day and I
could see her in the outdoor area playing and
she did look so, when she was there, she looked,
I saw her, she looked happy and yeah, they would
do all sorts for her and it was just then when
she was at home. and back and then in the mornings
it was this extreme didn't want to go so and
i know there was a lot of masking going on even
though she wasn't a complete masker so she didn't
always she would she would like sort of get upset
and lay in the floor and refuse to do things
and she would do all of that if she really didn't
want to do anything like pee i know at times
was a real struggle so i know she would express
herself but there's also times where she would
mask as well because even though she would have
like her nappy and her pushchair and things that
other children didn't have. As soon as we got
into the school, she would literally want me
to like, you know, the pushchair not to be in
sight. So I knew there was things like that,
that she was actually masking. So maybe it was
that there was a lot of, in school, maybe there
was more masking going on than what I know. And
then that makes sense, doesn't it? That she'd
have found that exhausting. trying to suppress
all of these things that are just you must have
just been absolutely exhausting for her. And
often transitions are really tricky too, you
know, that transition between home and school,
crossing those thresholds, the walk -in. You
know, school can't be predictable all the time,
however much we try to be. We try to have a solid
routine, we try to have visuals, but there are
things that we can't. foresee like people being
absent or a special day or a non -uniform day
that it happens and that bubbling up inside you
must be really anxiety provoking not knowing
what you were coming into if that is what was
happening yeah like you say it's no reflection
on the school necessarily it just isn't maybe
the right environment for her and I think as
well like the more I've learned about PDA she
would have been there would have been so many
demands there that she would have been going
along with even though there were times like
p i know there was certain things like i say
that she just she she would not do and whether
that was more a sensory or something was more
triggering for her but there must have been so
many demands that she was going along with all
day every day because she would I would pick
her up from school and sometimes she would as
soon as she saw me she would just burst into
tears and she'd either just like sort of run
over to me she'd put herself in the push chair
at that point at the end of the day morning she
wouldn't but end of the day she didn't put a
hood over she don't want to see no one and then
it could take me 20 minutes half an hour to get
her to the car because then she might try and
get out of the push chair So then at that point,
it was like I've got to like strap her in. But
then when it came to then I'm going to strap
you in, then she wouldn't get in. And so it was
after school was just such a difficult time to
get her home. And then she would get home and
she wouldn't even even still a little bit now.
But it was a lot worse than like she wouldn't
eat food with people and she would just completely
isolate herself. And it would just be from the
moment of getting her home from school until.
Whenever she went to bed, because she goes to
bed quite late, it would just be meltdown after
meltdown or isolation. Because she'd been holding
it together all day, hadn't she? She'd been following
the instructions and holding it together all
day, all day, all day. And all of a sudden she's
with her safe people, you, her family. She can
go, ugh. But then she's got nothing where she
can't follow any, she can't keep herself safe.
She can't follow instructions or direction. It's
too much. Can we talk about PDA, pathological
demand avoidance? Because she has a PDA profile,
doesn't she? And that impacts her and your life
pretty much all the time, how you speak to her
and what she does. So do you want to explain
a little bit about how that looks day to day?
So for Hallie, she hasn't got an official diagnosis
of PDA because they actually don't diagnose it
in my area at all. However, she has got it written
into her report from the paediatrician that she
displays a PDA profile, but it just can't go
in that little section where it says diagnosis.
So yeah, just so people know that, because I
know a lot of people ask me that question. I
don't think there's many areas that diagnose
it officially as a standalone diagnosis. Yeah,
so for Hallie, obviously it started to be something
I was thinking about when she began school, really.
She's always been, everything was in her own
way. All the times that we've had, like trying
to make decisions on, you know, spoons and forks
and cups and it could be anything and we'd have
to go through. It's just, yeah, it was hard work.
But then when she went to school, that was when
I found the behaviour started to spiral and things
started to get progressively worse with the refusal
to do anything. And especially as well, when
she... began speaking more so in nursery she
had a few words mainly things like shapes or
numbers. I would say it was in reception age
of school where the school refusal started was
where she actually began to get most of her language
and it was when she began expressing herself
with language that she actually became a lot
harder work even though she was hard work when
I didn't know what she wanted. It was harder
work in a sense that the aggression, the anger,
she would then vocalise herself. Yeah, everything
was a no. And it was just all the time. And so
it could be anything from brushing teeth, putting
socks on, shoes on. Absolutely anything you wanted
her to do, it would be a flat out no, not doing
it. Like I say, that would kind of come in waves
quite a bit. So we'd have stages where she would
be a bit better. And then all of a sudden it
would be no to everything. And that's where we
would have the prolonged periods of school absences.
And it would be not going to school, not getting
ready, not brushing my teeth. If you tried to
get her ready. So there were times where I tried
to get her ready against her will, like, you
know, try to, you know, get a trouser and, you
know, a tie even and put it on a leg and it would
just be legs flying. And so it was like, that's
definite. No, I can't do that. So, yeah, it was
at that point, I would say, probably in nurse
receptionist that I started to look into PDA
a bit more. I started to understand it better.
And I was like. Yeah, this definitely seems like
Hallie. It was one of those moments where it
just made sense. It made sense. And when I took
her to an OT assessment, she sort of confirmed
it for me as well and said, yeah, she definitely
is demand avoidant. That's when I started applying
some of the strategies and I actually found a
lot of them worked. Whereas some of the strategies
for autism don't work with Hallie. So like rewards.
Don't work with Halle. It does depend where she's
at, though. If she's in a good place, she might
like a reward. But if she's in that place of
not tolerating any demands, you can't do anything
like that. It will just send her into a spiral.
I can't think what else I was saying about it.
You often share the strategies that you use for
PDA on your Instagram, don't you? Things that
you do now, now you're homeschooling to encourage
her to... participate to collaborate on different
learning tasks you often involve characters that
she likes yeah do you want to explain a little
bit about that because some parents or teachers
might find that really useful actually those
strategies that you've discovered so i worked
in a school as a children's counselor and so
all of my training that i've sort of done prior
to um home education has all been in sort of
working with children and a what like a child
-led approach and so they're the kind of things
that I would do with characters because children
find it really hard to express themselves being
asked directly any child so I sort of applied
those concepts and for what it's kind of me naturally
anyway I think it's just naturally how my personality
is I always kind of follows people's leads and
and things like that so yeah I applied that to
teaching Hallie and used it with sort of learning
with what we tried phonics and that didn't go
so well and now we're doing the whole word approach
but so I apply it with those characters and get
them involved so instead of asking Hallie directly
Hallie how do you do this I might say Bluey because
she always has Bluey so it's like Bluey what
might this be Would you like to answer this?
So I still use language that's quite open in
that she can choose to reply as that character
or she can choose not to. It's okay. But it won't
be asking her directly. Yeah, she can't fail
at that, can she? Because if it gets wrong or
it isn't right or whatever, it's not her. It's
Bluey. It takes that pressure away from her,
doesn't it? That demand pressure. It's Bluey's
turn or it's Spidey's turn. I know you often
use. Yeah, Spidey. He hasn't been out for a while,
actually, Spidey. It's Bluey and Bingo at the
minute, but yeah, Spidey as well. Yeah, yeah.
It makes sense though, doesn't it? If you don't
want to get something wrong, if you're scared
to, you know, lose or scared to whatever, you
know, if that's really difficult for you. putting
it through another character or through a toy
or just i wonder if we could do this rather than
can you it's really great strategies i see that
in your um on your account all the time and um
you look like you have a lot of fun i'm sure
you share a lot of the good moments but it looks
like she's doing really well with homeschool
she looks really comfortable and happy in her
space is that what you've noticed since doing
homeschool instead of school yeah definitely
when she first came out we had to sort of leave
it quite a while before I did anything with her
so I just sort of focused on sensory and just
being happy doing all the things that she enjoyed
sensory play I didn't do anything in terms of
actual learning I thought let's just wait until
she's back to the Hallie we know and love like
she's yeah because when when before she came
out of school like you may have seen pictures
and videos when I look back and I can see it
in her eyes like I can just see it all over that
she just was she was so worn out and so yeah
we thought let's wait till we've got her back
to to to being happy and then we'll start with
trying some different strategies and things and
I tried lots of things and failed and it's like
nope that's not gonna work that's not gonna work
and she lets you know soon enough oh yeah definitely
yeah definitely and I think that's what's nice
as well because we have got that relationship
where she can she is free to express herself
and you know I always say to both my girls you
know what it is okay to be angry and it's okay
to be sad it's it's just what we do with it at
that point you know we don't want to be breaking
things or we don't want to be throwing things
or hurting ourselves or other people it's what
we then do with it and it's looking at those
strategies um actually feeling the feelings we've
got to feel it we've got to let that feeling
out it can't stay trapped inside so I actually
celebrate them for actually feeling their feelings
and when they do it in a way that's a healthy
way of expressing it's like wow that's amazing
so I tend to do that quite a lot with them so
yeah now we've got into a place where she is
sort of fully out of burnout we still do have
little tips I feel like we sometimes you know
put a tiptoe back into it and and and things
but overall she is so much happier she's so much
happier and she just learns in her own way like
even if i even if i say to her let's just have
you know let's have an afternoon of doing you
know some play and some sensory play some art
or painting all the things she loves she might
even still go over to the to the to the we've
got a whiteboard and she absolutely loves that
and again I think it's a sense of she can rub
it out it's not set in stone so if it's wrong
or she doesn't quite like it or she feels like
it's wrong she can just get rid of it and it's
gone so I think whiteboards are brilliant probably
for PDA children but she'll go over to that board
and she'll start writing things just without
even I don't even need to ask So it's like I
can see moments and I think, oh, that's a really
good moment to see if I can, you know, steady
go in and ask a curious question of what she's
doing. Engage the response first because. I'll
know straight away if she's in the mood for it
or not, because it'll just be a facial expression.
You know, she could just turn and look at me
and then it's like, yeah, OK, I'll go back to
doing this. So that's what I tend to do is gauge
the response, gauge the response. And then if
I think all clear, then I might go, oh, actually,
let's see if I can ask some questions around
this and expand that little bit of learning just
that little bit further. So she's learned something,
but in a way that she's not going to even realise
that it's learning. yeah do you think that's
why homeschooling works so well for her that
it adds that freedom of flexibility like you
said the environment suit for her it's not rigid
there's no demands it's on her time in her way
in her safe space absolutely yeah definitely
because it was only the last week so Thursday
and Friday um I didn't do any learning with her
whatsoever it was there was it was just all sensory
all play and it was nice weather so he was in
the garden she was doing some drawing and you
know even in those moments she's still did a
little bit of writing because she likes, we've
got a thing at the minute called new words. And
so she asks me, oh, is this a new word? And so
then I'll write it on the board and things. So
we've got a little thing going there. So even
when we do make that kind of decision that she
is starting to express some burnout, she is starting
to look tired and she's, you know, you can kind
of tell because she will stop with tolerating
demands. She will start having meltdowns. She
won't tolerate touch and sensory. she kind of
goes out of whack as well. So it's like when
I start to notice those signs, I think, right,
we'll pull back on anything educational at the
moment and let's just do play -based things.
And even in that, she still does a bit of learning,
but just on her terms. I was going to say that.
I think you'd be surprised coming into my classroom
how that is exactly what it's like. I have lots
of Hallies in my room and we do lots of... what
you've just said and they learn best actually
in those moments of sensory play and outside
just playing no agenda no planning you know learning
actually that's when we get our best communication
it's when we get our best social interaction
the demands are reduced they've got low anxiety
they're in control their needs are met so they're
regulated we get the best stuff and i think you'll
be surprised at how little learning we do in
our room actually structured time i think probably
per child they probably get maximum 20 minutes
a day of like actual focus like let's do the
writing let's do the whatever the rest of the
time is child -led much more free flow so yeah
i think you're doing an incredible job it's exactly
what is exactly what she needs clearly because
she's thriving her writing her speech everything
is it's doing incredibly well Yeah, she really
surprised me. She really has surprised me because
I just... When she first came out of school,
she wouldn't even let me hold a book anywhere
near her. Just real triggering. She would just
throw it. It would be gone. She wouldn't allow
me to read to her. She never has allowed me to
read to her, actually, even before school. Books
have always just been something for her. For
some reason, it's just... a no -go and I don't
know if again if that's a PDA thing because I'm
reading to her and she's not in control I don't
know right but yeah so and it would be if I tried
to do um even if I tried to do anything phonics
related it would be it would be an absolute no
and yeah like now she's just she's just so much
happier and if she accepts that she accepts it
more which is really nice Yeah, definitely. If
there are any parents listening with school refusers
at home that have been thinking about homeschooling
for a while, what advice would you give them?
So for me, it was a bit of a process. I felt
like I had to go through sort of stages, which
was to leave my job to begin with. And I waited
until the time felt right. And then taking them
out of school again, it was like I was I was
waiting for the right time. or like a sign and
now I look back I don't know why I just didn't
do it when I first when I first thought about
it and when it was first in my mind because homeschooling
has been something that I actually originally
wanted to do with Bonnie back when she was younger
and I always thought I would because we had the
lockdown didn't we when she was yeah of course
in reception and I absolutely loved teaching
her like I used I remember like people used to
be really struggling and be like are they back
at school yet and I'd be like I love it I absolutely
love it and we had such a great time so I always
had it in my head then that I would love to be
I would love to homeschool and I'd love to do
all of that because I actually really enjoy it
and I see how much the kids benefit from it so
it was always there so I guess in terms of the
process of that decision it was like I had already
considered it prior and then I was, yeah, just
waiting. I think I was just waiting for a sign,
something to make me make the decision. But I
wish now I'd just gone for it because at the
end of the day, I know things might change at
the minute. So as we speak now, before this new
bill comes in, you can just deregister your child.
doesn't work out you can just re -register them
it's no big deal like you can just go actually
I know for a child like Hallie it is difficult
because obviously you have got your HCP and you
do need to find the school and things like that
but you can still go back there's kind of nothing
to lose though yeah yeah you've not it's not
like once you do register that's it you can't
go back in a school setting again you can give
it a try give it a try see if it works and if
it doesn't look at those next steps but Yeah,
for me, it's been the best thing that I've ever
done. And I don't want to sort of paint it as
this amazing, you know, because there are really
difficult times. There are times where I think
I go through like a bit of a wave, like I feel
like, oh, my God, this is going amazing. And
it might only take one thing just to like, if
Halle gets burnt out or if she has a couple of
bad days that have a knock on effect on me. And
then I start to feel a little bit burnt out.
And then I feel like, oh, have I made the right
decision? And it's like, I go. through this loop
and like for life. That's a good point, actually,
because often regardless of school, ultimately
it gives you respite too, doesn't it? From each
other. From Hallie, from you and you from Hallie
as well, you know, and just everything. It gives
a little bit of respite. Have you noticed missing
that at all? Just a break from each other or
actually you be managing that okay and it isn't.
I do try to do things on my own still. So like
in the evenings, I just have a bit of me time
is by just going out for a run. I really like
things like nature and I like meditation and
just being, being still. And so that's something
I do. That's my little escape is to just, when
dad gets in from work. It might be that I just
pop out for a little bit, have a walk, have a
run and just, you know, sit on the bench somewhere
and just listen to a bit of music and just sit.
And I really, really enjoy that. I can imagine
that's essential as well, so that you have the
strength and energy and capacity to be the best,
because you're a teacher and mum now, to be the
best teacher and mum that you can be to your
girls. Yeah, yeah. It's like I've got so many
roles. I was just saying to Bonnie today, like,
because she was asking me to get her something
and then make a dinner. And I was like, I said,
I feel like Miss Rabbit. I've literally got so
many roles. Because that's something that I am
really trying to work on at the minute is sort
of life skills and independence. So getting the
girls actually, you know, let's make your dinner.
Let's all do it together. And so things like
that and then putting, you know, their rubbish
away. And so it's, you know, all of this. That's
the best. about homeschool isn't it is that you
have the ability to teach things that we never
can we can never you know teach about hygiene
and bath times and teeth brushing and hair washing
and salons and cooking and this in in as much
depth as you can gardening you know we can never
do that just because we don't have the facilities
and taking games as a family going on holiday
you know all those really crucial things that
families can do really important learning actually
probably one of some of the most important learning
that they'll ever do is independence cooking
for themselves um you know spending money going
shopping all of those kind of things yeah so
important you know far important than writing
your name even i would argue for lots of children
is that independence and ability to look after
themselves as best they can so yeah I think that's
that's perfect isn't it that's a great way to
start that's that's the best learning that they
can do I think yeah definitely so yeah that yeah
that is something that I've been working on them
with and especially for Hallie because I think
for Hallie she still does need quite a lot of
things doing for her um yeah a lot of her care
needs um are all still done by me so it's just
even working on things like that as well like
you know just washing her hands and you know
tidying tidying up is a real one for her that's
so difficult for her to do again I think it's
a PDA thing yeah because it's that expectation
of tidying up. So what I tend to do is me and
Bonnie do it and then we'll just see if she joins
in. And sometimes she does. And so I think it's
just modelling at the minute for her that some
of these things that she can do to help around
the house and things and she might join and she
might not. But it's sometimes it's like picky
battles, you know, it's not worth asking sometimes.
Because otherwise you've lost her for the day,
haven't you? Yeah, that's exactly right. I'm
going to finish off by saying your sensory room
is incredible. No wonder your girls are so happy
being at home. You've got this beautiful swing
and light and you just have the most amazing
resources. What are yours or the girls' go -to
resources that you use often? I would definitely
say the swing. The swing has got to be a favourite
from both of them. Bonnie, I don't know if you've
ever seen, she literally is like a monkey and
she just swings upside down. And yeah, so she
absolutely loves the swing. I think because Bonnie
is very energetic and bouncy and so she can get
all her needs met through that swing. But equally
so can Hallie because while Hallie doesn't have
the coordination skills to... do a lot of the
things that Bonnie can do. Even things like,
even in the hammock swing, just getting in it,
like she needs help with all of those kind of
things. But then we've got some different swing
attachments that actually she can access and
she can sit in by herself and then, you know,
slow swinging. Because something with Hallie
is she's always struggled with vestibular and
swinging and spinning. It's always been a no
-go for her. So, you know, sometimes just helping
her with to kind of organise that sense. um can
really help her sometimes so and another thing
for her when she's feeling tired i think she
just enjoys even if the swing's not moving i
don't know if it's just because it's just in
the air i don't know she just finds a lot of
comfort from it and then the bean bag as well
is brilliant that we've got so we've got a bean
bag from elephant living and it is just the best
bean bag in the world It is just, it's amazing.
You can just like get in it and we've got the
compression blanket over the top of it. So you
can kind of sandwich in there with the compression.
And yeah, that's another one of their favorites
that they like to get in when they're feeling,
if they get overwhelmed, frustrated. Yeah, they
both always get in that one. So that's definitely
another favorite. trying to think if there's
anything else in there really that I think they're
the main two really and obviously we've got the
little trampoline but then we've got the trampoline
outside that they they're always going on as
well so I think I would be lost without the trampoline
because it's like they can always access it and
that's what I love about home education because
it is this free flow of actually if they need
to go and have a bounce they can just go and
like Bonnie will say to me and like she'll be
doing something and she'll be like I think I'm
just going to go for a quick bounce. Is that
all right? And I'm like, yeah, go for it. And
then she'll go. And yeah, so it's just free flowing
all the time. She just goes and does what she
wants and comes back. And I actually find she
does more that way than actually sitting and
expecting to sit down and do learning. And she
walks around doing stuff. She'll be in the garden
with a notebook, you know, and stuff. It's how
she learns best, isn't it? Yeah. So it's just,
yeah, I would definitely say, going back to your
question, sorry, the swing. The trampoline and
the beanbag are definitely our favourites, I
would say. Brilliant. Awesome. Thank you so much
for joining me this evening, Nicola. I've loved
learning a little bit about an insight into your
family. If there's anyone listening that isn't
following you already, where can they find your
social media? So it is just happyhands with all
one word and then underscore Hallie. And that
is on all of the... platforms we do have a youtube
and i would love to do some actual vlogs and
like days in the life like some proper ones but
it's just so hard isn't it finding the time you've
already got so many hats off yeah that's it so
maybe one day maybe one day we might go onto
youtube and do a bit more on there but yeah we're
on instagram facebook and tiktok Awesome. Thank
you so much. And I love following your account.
It is such a joy to see you and the girls thriving.
It's, yeah, a real joy. Yeah. So thank you so
much for sharing so honestly and beautifully
your lovely family. And thank you for being here.
No, thank you very much for having me. Thanks.