1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,840 Hi, my name is Jordan. I am a special education teacher from the UK. I share my passion for 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:11,040 everything communication, sensory regulation and fun lesson ideas for my classroom of disabled 3 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:17,120 pupils aged 4 to 11. Each week I am joined by experts in the field answering your questions 4 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:22,800 and sharing our knowledge and experience working alongside our beautiful young people. Let's get started. 5 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:37,120 Hello everybody, welcome back to another live. I am Sensory Classroom, I'm Jordan and today I am going to be joined with SPD Tuition and Coaching 6 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:43,680 Limited and she is a specialist in sensory behaviours. I know sensory behaviours, the topic 7 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:49,120 comes up a lot so I'm really hoping that you guys come up with loads of questions. Sam, 8 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:54,640 this is what she does, she's an expert so I'm really hoping that I can also come to her with 9 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:59,600 some questions and we can kind of tackle those three together as well. So let's invite her in 10 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:06,560 and get this started. Here she is, hi Sam. I've said a tiny little bit but you were so keen to get in there. 11 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:13,600 I'm so sorry about that. We've been talking about this gym for four months so it's good that you're keen. 12 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:20,400 Yeah so who are you, what do you do, what's your focus, what drives you? We will start there. 13 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:28,640 Alright so I am Sam, hi everyone, nice to meet you. I have been in education and childcare for almost 20 years 14 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:36,160 which is quite terrifying to be honest. It is when you look back and you think gosh. Really? How is that possible? 15 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:46,560 So a long time, I started off in the world of nursery, I was an early years lead for a long time. 16 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:58,000 In fact my first ever kind of, I guess my first ever spark for passion was in a school, an SEND school 17 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:03,760 where I used to work every summer and just go and support over their summer camp 18 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:08,160 as a teenager and that was what sparked my interest with working with children. 19 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:13,680 So yeah, so I've worked with children for a long time in all different fields. I was a Montessori 20 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:19,040 teacher for a while and did that and I love that and I bring a lot of the Montessori stuff into what we do now. 21 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:27,120 I'm also an executive coach and mentor so I do a lot of NLP which is neuro-linguistic programming. 22 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:33,360 So a huge love for the brain and all neuro types and how it works and you know just everything's 23 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:41,120 to do with humanness. And now I guess in a nutshell I am a behaviour consultant and trainer 24 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:48,640 but it all started from working with children to build confidence and communications because I used 25 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:53,680 to be a literacy consultant when I was doing teacher training before jumping into this role. 26 00:02:53,680 --> 00:03:00,320 I went from a deputy headship into that and now I've built my business and the children were 27 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:05,760 coming to me and saying things like you know Sam I'm learning about my brain and I know about my 28 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:11,600 amygdala but I tell my teacher that her amygdala is you know kicking in and she needs to take a 29 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:17,520 big breath and I get sent out. It's true though isn't it? We're getting all this knowledge and 30 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:22,080 these words about their brain and good, I don't need to be told sometimes, actually often. 31 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:29,680 But then it's um but then it's disrespectful and rude. So we were getting this conflict around 32 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:35,520 the fact that our children were being you know very articulate now, effectively communicating 33 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:40,320 which is what the goal was but too effectively to the point where they were then rude. 34 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:47,600 Yes you're not wrong but also how do you tell someone that's dysregulated that they're 35 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:55,440 dysregulated with a power difference. So it was a bit of a a bit of a moment there where we thought 36 00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:00,800 that's interesting. This is in force but we need to shift so we were getting this about parents as 37 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:06,960 well and that's where we started to think we need a holistic approach to this. So we started to do 38 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:12,800 teacher training, we worked with all staff, everyone from teaching assistants to leadership, 39 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:19,440 the whole you know shebang. We started parental strategy sessions where we would run workshops 40 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,520 or we'd work directly with families. Of course we kept working with the children because they're 41 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:30,800 our heart. And then it just grew from there and now last year we launched our online portal, 42 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:37,360 the Behaviour Bank which is a 360 approach within our holistic approach. So not only are we now 43 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:43,200 looking at parents, children and practitioners but we're also looking at a holistic approach 44 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:49,680 within the child. So the bank I think is amazing. Everyone that is part of it thinks it's amazing 45 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,480 but we've got everything from sleep coaches to nutritionalists to speech and language therapists 46 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:59,200 because behaviour is never in the moment. I'm all untouchable at the moment. It's so hard to get 47 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:05,200 access to any of this stuff right now. It is why we launched the bank because the waiting times 48 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:10,720 and also you know if you've got a child that is struggling with numerous things the funding 49 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:17,040 to to have a sleep coach, a nutritionalist, a speech and language therapist. You need all of it don't you? 50 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:22,720 It's so hard to know what the focus should be because well yeah they're not eating but is that 51 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:30,080 anxiety or is that diet? Yes they're not sleeping but is that sensory regulation or is that 52 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:37,360 that they're not sleeping? It's all so linked absolutely. So this is why we were like we 53 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:43,280 need it all. If we're going to set up a platform that is for parents and practitioners we have to 54 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:48,720 have all bases covered. The amount of time as a teacher I'd have children come in in the 55 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:54,400 mornings with a can of coke for breakfast and I'd have cereal and fruit and all sorts in my 56 00:05:54,400 --> 00:06:00,320 cupboard but sometimes in the day they'd just be like you know what's in the cupboard? Is that fancy 57 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:07,600 having a little nose in there? It has to start somewhere doesn't it? Yes. It's really hard to know when you've got all these professionals 58 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,440 involved and all of these things that they all think their thing is the most important. It's really 59 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:18,960 nice to just have some a cohort that are purposefully working together that aren't so you're not being 60 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:24,240 pulled to NHS private school you know all these ways. I think parents are often like 61 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:29,840 hard it's really hard to know okay well but what where do I fit? What's my role in all this? 62 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:36,720 This is it and I think everyone has got so many roles you know. We talk about the roles so 63 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:42,400 recently we in fact we've just we've got the BehaviourPod which is our podcast and this 64 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:47,520 last series that's just kind of launched is all about nutrition it's with our our nutritionalist 65 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:54,560 Emma who's wonderful but we were talking about roles around food because even within roles around 66 00:06:54,560 --> 00:07:00,000 you know when children are not eating there are different roles to support that so what's your 67 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:07,600 role as an adult? What's the child's role and who has the power over each part of that journey? 68 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:12,560 We talk a lot about journeys we've got the road to regulation which is our go-to for teaching 69 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:18,640 behaviour and emotional regulation skills so we talk a lot around journeys but I think everything 70 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:24,000 is a process and everything is a journey and every stop almost needs a different role at a different 71 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:29,920 time and that can be a different person but for our children they need to be able to navigate 72 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:36,160 that and feel successful along the way. And so do the adults because all of this like this 73 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:41,520 affirming practice we're throwing this word around all the time at the moment and it's often really 74 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:47,360 new for teachers it certainly is like for me like in the last couple of years I've been really 75 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,760 trying like I've shifted my practice so much I think lots of teachers are and lots of speech 76 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:56,880 and language therapists are and so are parents with and gentle parenting all that but also 77 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:03,120 that means that we don't have a model of what that should or could look like so it's really nice to 78 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:10,240 know there's a hand hold to just be like is this what it is like is it too soft like when do I say 79 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:15,440 no what is the benefit of that when do I give them choices when do I you know all of those are so 80 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:19,840 many questions and it's only because they're trying to do it right and I get questions all the time 81 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:25,280 and often I'm like do you know what I don't know like let's work it through let's have a think 82 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:30,480 about it like what you know you have to kind of unpick it a little bit and actually just to know 83 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:37,040 that there are medical professionals and experts that this is their whole job this is their whole 84 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:43,600 expertise to just be like no it's all right like you've got this you're doing it right look up this 85 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,440 try this well actually like what you're doing is great sometimes you just need a little pat on the 86 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:53,440 back and be like carry on. It's torrent keep going it's okay. Yeah because these things aren't the magic one 87 00:08:53,440 --> 00:09:01,200 don't they? It doesn't often often happen overnight often it takes weeks months of consistent approach 88 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:08,640 to support your young person in whatever reason and you know what we just need that. You do and 89 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:15,360 what works one day won't work the next day all the time and I think you know we we really we do look 90 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:22,240 for that cookie cutting process because we like it to be tidy we're predictive organs our brain is 91 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:28,160 always looking for the shortcut which is great but not always useful and I think actually knowing 92 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:34,960 that from the get-go is really helpful because sometimes it's really difficult to try something 93 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,960 one day have success and then it not work the next day and you're like where did I go wrong? 94 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:43,920 Yeah and you lose all you know your faith in yourself and your ability to manage don't you? 95 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:48,720 You do you too. But the opposite then also happens that when it does go right it does 96 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:54,400 you know work and you're supporting your learner and it's all going well or your child then all of 97 00:09:54,400 --> 00:10:01,920 a sudden you're boosting dopamine this is the best thing ever I'm amazing. That's the best teacher 98 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:07,200 look at me go. But actually maybe we need to find a balance in between the two and it's just like 99 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:14,480 okay cool that's good they're regulated let's let's manage tomorrow I suppose it's probably a more. 100 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:19,200 I love that. Do you know Jordan we talk a lot about this with particularly with our 101 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:26,560 particularly with our parents our TBBS parents because I think as parents a lot of what we see 102 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:34,640 in our children we find as a reflection on us and actually our children are their own beings their 103 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:40,800 own little characters their own people and yes of course you'll see yourself in your child at some 104 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,600 point they'll do something and you're like yes I say that too much I've been there myself my son 105 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:50,720 said something the other day and I was like oh yeah maybe veer away from it for a while. 50% you as well 106 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,480 aren't they? So like naturally they'll be doing things that remind you of you however you're 107 00:10:54,480 --> 00:11:02,000 absolutely right. But it's not you know when they are dysregulated it's not it's not because of 108 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:07,040 something that we have created or that we haven't done a lot of the time you know maybe 109 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:12,720 I talk about spotting the signs and maybe practicing that is useful and having these tools 110 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:19,440 we have so many tools in our toolkit but in terms of having that ownership it's a shared ownership 111 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:25,520 isn't it and I think as parents we have so much guilt around that and it can feel really hard 112 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:30,160 which is why the bank for me was so important because I just thought I mean I've worked with 113 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:36,160 a number of the experts in there to support my son and you know was so thankful to have the 114 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:41,600 to have the the opportunity to do so but because you can then say okay right this is what I'm 115 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:46,480 focusing on this is what I'm doing I've got my bit covered my child might not be able to cover 116 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:52,400 their bit at this time but that's okay but that's their bit you know that's not my bit. Often a 117 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:59,440 parent I mean god even if things are going right and parents are often so filled with guilt and 118 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:04,160 shame about all the other things they haven't done you know it's a never you can't win can you 119 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:10,400 you go it's kind of like that so yeah if you're given short-term realistic goals then there's 120 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:15,600 little wins isn't there then you can feel like no I've done enough and I think that's a really 121 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:21,360 important thing for a parent to feel I don't think they think that I don't think that happens enough 122 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:29,760 is I've done enough today or I was enough in that moment. Absolutely and teachers as well 123 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:36,640 we um I don't think I've not got anything here that I can show but we um we set up balance baskets 124 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:42,000 so part of the behaviour balance system which is our wider approach that we set up in homes and in 125 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:50,000 settings is around sensory diet sensory rest supporting sensory input and we set it up for 126 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:55,600 not only the children but the adults as well so when we come in I do a lot of teacher training 127 00:12:55,600 --> 00:13:00,880 on this in set days and things like that we come in and one of the first things that we do is 128 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:05,600 acknowledge how important co-regulation is which is where nervous systems support other nervous 129 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:12,640 systems and then we start to look at actually how do you regulate yourself and nine times out of 130 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:19,040 ten people look at you like oh I don't know you know I'm not sure. How they're like cooking and 131 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:25,680 fiddling with a pen and this is it absolutely so we set up balance baskets for the adults and for 132 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:33,440 the children and the amount of feedback we have had from our tvbs settings and families um they're 133 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:40,560 just the change in just having that go to I mean I bought a new edition I haven't got them here 134 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:45,520 because my son's in bed I don't need them right now um I bought um some loops um I don't I don't 135 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:52,640 work for loops um they might not work for everyone um but I love them because sometimes I just find 136 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:58,560 it's overwhelming going to you know parties and things like that birthday parties or what have 137 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:07,040 you and I just pop them in and I just instantly feel the moment um my child is very um he's very 138 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:11,840 loud and he's very forthcoming he's very confident I don't know where he gets from um but you know he 139 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:16,480 does he does put himself out there which is wonderful but sometimes I need to kind of 140 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:22,640 pull in a little bit um so in my basket there my newest addition at home is just to give myself 141 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:28,240 a bit of sensory rest and I suppose if you're some sitting you accessing the basket for yourself 142 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:36,640 for your genuine own needs you know not you know authentically then he's not gonna feel anything 143 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:41,200 about checking into his basket and I feel like the same can be said for teachers we were speaking 144 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:47,760 um uh recently to um nurture your own kids similar kind of idea she's a mainstream teacher 145 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:54,960 and going to school um mom and she was saying exactly that somebody had asked um how do I stop 146 00:14:54,960 --> 00:15:02,080 a child feeling singled out by accessing you know regulation what they need twiddles fiddles like 147 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:06,720 century diaries and she was like we all do it like that's how they're not singled out is they're not 148 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:13,440 singled out we do it we all do it we all meet our needs when we need to and I think it really is 149 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:16,960 as easy as that isn't it as saying and at home that's really interesting that you can do that 150 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:23,200 at home as well and it almost needs to be both you know this is one of the reasons we set up the 151 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:28,400 portal the bank the behavior bank was because we were finding there was such a difference between 152 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:34,000 home and school you know there as you might see this with the children you work with you know 153 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,840 yeah that you'll have parents evening and the children sit there and they watch their worlds 154 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:42,320 collide and it's terrifying you know they're like oh my goodness my teacher is talking to my mom 155 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,160 it works both ways I often because I'm attached to a mainstream school as well 156 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:53,520 and often it's uh children are masking all day at school and then it all comes out at home I hear 157 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,840 about that yeah like all the time and teach like oh but they're not like that here you know they're 158 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,280 not like that here we don't have a problem here maybe it's home and it's like no no no 159 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,920 yeah the problem is still that they're not getting the regulation they need at school 160 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:13,520 or unable to unmask at school and then it's coming out at home actually yes yes home can put in 161 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:20,400 regulation strategies yes home actually they're coming home with holding all of this stuff from 162 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:26,320 all day and then letting it out and I think it's really it's too easy for schools to say 163 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:31,840 that's a you problem because they're not seeing it at school we hear that so much oh but that child 164 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:38,480 is so good at school yeah and my first question is well let's define good yeah um first of all 165 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:43,360 because I the amount of parents I work with and teachers that I work with and especially the 166 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:48,720 schools we do both sides with um you know that those conversations on the doors are the things 167 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:54,960 that we try and stop immediately that whole well today mummy you know this happened and the voice 168 00:16:54,960 --> 00:17:01,520 drops and that conversation that element is quite a lot of shame in that yeah shame and blame you 169 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:07,520 need to do something about this is is the underlying tone isn't it um so then what happens the parents 170 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,240 get home and said why did you do that you know because they feel a little bit embarrassed which 171 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:19,040 is human it's a reflection on them yeah and actually those conversations need to stop because 172 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:26,160 it's not an onus on the parents a conversation a long time after the fact if the child was massively 173 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:31,520 dysregulated or even a little bit dysregulated sometimes depending on stage of development of 174 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:36,640 course they might not even associate what they're talking about with that moment and it might mean 175 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:42,240 something completely different to them um and we always try and have that conversation they might 176 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:46,960 at school they might have made things right yeah it might be finished and actually it's just being 177 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:52,960 brought back up again isn't it which feels really unfair because i feel like adults can say sorry 178 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:58,560 and move on so like not the children i say i'm so sorry you know if the time has passed if it's 179 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,960 gone if it's moved on they've fixed it they've tied it up whatever it is they need to do 180 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:10,400 they've gotten back into the class it should be done this is it um one of my closest friends 181 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:18,000 actually she her son has been quote unquote pinching at school um and she had a message in 182 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:24,320 the the diary that came home to say that this had happened again and um my first thought was okay 183 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,480 what what what did they do for him you know she was like i don't know what they're going to do 184 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:33,840 about it but i was like well what are they going to do for him um this is it you know and actually 185 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:40,640 i think this is this is the conversation this is the language shift is recognizing that all behavior 186 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:47,920 is an output of something they're experiencing internally and we can we call them positive outs 187 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:53,200 within the behavior balance system so we do a lot of work with teachers and with parents on 188 00:18:53,200 --> 00:19:00,080 tracking behavior and emotional regulation of course we then look at the foundations of sleep 189 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,320 and all that sort of thing and track that alongside if it's something that we need to 190 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:12,240 but for for the purposes of kind of looking at behavior is looking at where that output needs 191 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:19,520 to be put in place you know if you've got a child that is i mean the the pinching was very um loosely 192 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:26,000 um led it's more of a grab um but in terms of that i was like right okay let's crack out you know 193 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,480 in fact i've got some here because my son was playing with it earlier let's crack out the 194 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:34,400 pussy because that's that movement because that's feeling that's yeah yeah you know so what what that 195 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:41,360 child needs in that moment is obviously connection because he's it's it's with his friends yeah and 196 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:47,040 something to fulfill that physical needs and maybe he's getting like a fun reaction like the 197 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:52,800 interactions probably quite a far even if it's a negative one like it's probably quite funny 198 00:19:52,800 --> 00:20:00,160 isn't it yeah it feels nice um it's that connection there's so many reasons isn't there and and uh 199 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:05,760 they've found a way to fulfill all of those however not appropriate so yeah exactly replace 200 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:10,320 that behavior with something and if and if he doesn't go for the putty well then maybe that's 201 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,160 not what it is maybe it's not a texture thing maybe it's a something else and it's just about 202 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:20,640 trial and error trying to fill that gap isn't it absolutely and there's so many ways to fill that 203 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:27,600 gap you know that do not involve a note home to bring shame to the parents and it's not that we 204 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:31,520 don't want communication between parents and school that's not what we're saying it's just 205 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:37,360 no gosh no it's how it's put across isn't it absolutely you can say this is what happened today 206 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:43,680 without saying and what you're going to do about it with that with that time this is it yeah and 207 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:49,680 i think this is a culture that we want to build you know particularly around communication 208 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:55,920 books um so many schools that we've you know gone in in those instances and we they've they've got 209 00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:02,320 behavior books but the behavior book feels because it's a your name's going in the book 210 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:08,160 kind of vibe whereas actually you know what we want we want behavior books because we want tracking 211 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:14,080 tracking is good you you make progress in what you measure um so this is important but again 212 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:20,240 it's having that culture that ethos where it's just communication and it's not it removes that 213 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:26,160 shame and blame and finger pointing and it just replaces it with you know the the head scratch 214 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:32,400 instead like curious like let me find out more yeah often i hear about the traffic light systems 215 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:37,920 lots of teachers use traffic light systems still and which blows my mind but they do they do um 216 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:44,000 so the idea being that they'll put a child on a amber as a warning and then they'll put them 217 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:49,200 on red and there'll be some kind of consequences is the idea um i've spoken very openly about how 218 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:55,280 against it my favorite thing to pull off the walls when we go into a new tv is exactly get rid of 219 00:21:55,280 --> 00:22:01,760 these so i remember somebody saying to me the best thing to do in a meeting is to have your own 220 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:07,520 traffic light system with the teachers or ta's there and start using it on them if they're 221 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:11,440 fidgeting if they're chatting if they're ever just put them on red and see how they feel 222 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,920 the public shame of that all of a sudden they won't do it anymore and it is so true isn't it 223 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:20,480 but let's that's quite a big example but also like you say the conversation let's put ourselves in 224 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,000 the parent's shoes let's put ourselves in the child's shoes you know are you having this 225 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:30,560 conversation with the parent in front of the child like let's not do that let's do a phone call home 226 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:36,800 you know once before they're even know this happened today i'm trying to put this in place 227 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:42,400 do you think place tomorrow exactly yeah we've got it we've got an idea but i just need to let 228 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,160 you know that that happened of course you do that's it's it's about safeguarding yourself 229 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,440 isn't it especially if there's children going home with marks on them you know you need to 230 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,840 safeguard yourself as well i understand that but it's just how you have that conversation 231 00:22:54,640 --> 00:23:02,000 isn't it without shame or blame i think is really that's really crucial and also i think it provides 232 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:07,280 we call it a collective approach but it provides opportunities for parents to share you know i 233 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,520 always say that the parents i always wanted to help the most sometimes i couldn't reach as a 234 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,880 practitioner as a teacher because they didn't have a good relationship with the school themselves or 235 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:21,840 they were too embarrassed or they got angry very quickly you know we all we all go to different 236 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:27,840 emotions really quickly at different points and i think having that in place and making sure that 237 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:32,640 you've got that collaborative approach and that you're all working on the same team and we talk 238 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:36,880 about teams obviously you know the sense of belonging is so important as one of the human 239 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:43,280 needs so we have lots of in the bank for classroom kits and things like that that have got you know 240 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:48,560 posters and all that sort of thing and the same at home but when we start thinking about this 241 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:53,440 actually parents are part of that team they're part of that community and i think having those 242 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:59,520 conversations where you can kind of put your heads together is is so important and it really comes 243 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:05,680 down in my opinion my very humble opinion Jordan to having that are we wanting just compliance 244 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:13,360 or are we wanting collaboration because our need for control because we have to keep children safe 245 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:18,160 you know teacher hat back on here and parent hat as well for it to a certain extent but we have more 246 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:25,680 children as teachers to manage but in terms of this are we worried that we're going to lose control 247 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:32,480 and has is it coming from a scarcity space in that we need that control so we can't give it away or 248 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:38,320 are we able to say right this is the goal this is where we're going to get to and loosen the 249 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:45,280 the reins as it were in your own ability and in the child's ability they can manage that and 250 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:53,680 to prove and otherwise maybe um i work with lots of teachers that are fearful of relenting control 251 00:24:55,120 --> 00:25:04,800 because it feels very safe yeah yeah and actually they might be surprised if they 252 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:10,800 just loosen it a little you know just loosen it and just and let the children prove you wrong 253 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:19,280 um yeah yeah you know and i think for me over the years it's been a lot around you know someone 254 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:24,800 walking past and what will they think or if someone comes in and that it's a noisy activity 255 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:30,640 what will they think it comes down to what kind of adults that we wanting in this society are 256 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:37,600 wanting to apply adults i mean some would say yes i certainly don't i want adults that will advocate 257 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:46,880 for what they believe in and not specifically scared to or to whistle blow or to um yeah stand 258 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:55,760 up for themselves as well and to have ambition and to fail creative and yeah exactly that's the world 259 00:25:55,760 --> 00:26:03,600 i want to live in so it starts now doesn't it as teachers we have the privilege of growing and 260 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:09,840 growing and cold you know broadening the culture for the next generation and and i think it looks 261 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:15,760 a lot like compliance at the moment and i'd quite like to see quite a big shift away from that 262 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:24,720 i'd like to feel yeah quite emotionally literate adults actually and and like what exactly how you 263 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:29,200 started where children are questioning adult behavior that i want to see more of that because 264 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:35,440 that will be bosses you know they'll be bosses one day and ceos one day how amazing that they've 265 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:40,960 got the lit emotional literacy to be able to name emotions and to know what that person needs 266 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:48,480 that sounds like an incredible boss to me right and i think providing alongside the confidence 267 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:54,640 and the communication and the creativity we are teaching things like empathy and understanding 268 00:26:54,640 --> 00:27:01,920 and self-preservation i think those those are the the skills that need to sit side by side 269 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:07,280 because you're you know you're right we want a world where people stand up for themselves and 270 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:14,080 are questioning constantly but we don't want a world where that hurts yes and is insensitive 271 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:23,120 and misses you know misses the the cues that that could cause i guess bigger bad behaviors that could 272 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:28,240 you know go against what we're trying to achieve so i think alongside that it's really important 273 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:34,720 as you said teach that emotional literacy teach that understanding of that social communication 274 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:39,680 for yeah picking up on someone's differences as to what they're saying and what they're expressing 275 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:45,120 with their body language and i do a lot of that with a lot of the autistic children i work with 276 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,560 because that's something um quite a few of the children i work with are experiencing they're 277 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:55,120 saying you know things like my friends are saying this but they're doing this and we look at what 278 00:27:55,120 --> 00:28:04,080 that looks like they are i mean you know these humans it's true because we do yeah but hold on 279 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:11,200 you do but we do it all the time all of us do it all the time um we yeah i don't eat any chocolate 280 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:19,920 and then as soon as i go to bed or however trivial it is we do do it a lot don't we but 281 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:24,720 and i suppose because we're not robots we're human but i suppose as long as our intention 282 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:31,200 is to get it right i guess that that is that's what we could do isn't it and support each other to 283 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,760 you know get it right and change your face and all of these things help us 284 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:41,200 uh to be as consistent as possible i've been speaking to someone in the dms who's having 285 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:48,560 who sounds like she's having a real crisis with um with her parenting and and childhood um and 286 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:53,360 um in the end i've kind of we've spoken through some ideas and i said if you're in crisis i think 287 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:58,960 you might need to refer to cams or social care like it's kind of you know if this is enough then 288 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:06,240 i think you do i think that's kind of where we're at now um but there was a lot of um uh oh yeah 289 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:12,720 we've tried that or oh yeah um we've done that but then the behavior escalates so then so then 290 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:17,760 she just got her own way anyway and and i just think oh yeah this felt this sounds like years 291 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:29,200 and years of um but uh they fight for control and inconsistency loose boundaries so the child doesn't 292 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:36,960 have a clue where they're going what's happening you know full anxiety and so is the parent so both 293 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:46,480 of them are trying to navigate this always changing um uh the parameter really so when we're 294 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:56,240 talking about kindness softness understanding it's also not yeah do whatever you are and nothing 295 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:01,520 is it so and i think there's a reason why you've called yourself the behavior pod behavior 296 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:08,160 specialist behavior bank i think it's a very um search for word is behavior and i know what it 297 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:13,200 really is is communication regulations and you know a literacy and you could have called it 298 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:21,600 everything we do comes out as behavior and it's not always negative you know um i was working with 299 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,480 one of the schools that we work with is in japan and they're um currently we're looking at behavior 300 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:33,440 policy and things and actually they have a lot of compliance too much in fact compliance and we're 301 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:39,040 looking at how we we talk about up regulation and down regulation within the behavior balance system 302 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:43,520 so some of those children actually need up regulating because there's so much compliance so 303 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:50,560 much kind of down time um not in terms of academics and things they're very go go go 304 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,840 but they're very driven there's no relaxation there's no rest and so we're actually looking 305 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:00,640 at how they we can regulate them and also kind of start to balance out a little bit of 306 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:06,960 life for them over there but i think you know it is everything is behavior and we have this really 307 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:13,760 negative um association with the word behavior we think all behavior is about you know bad behavior 308 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:20,160 quote unquote i mean we don't call it that but but it's not it's about what the output is yeah if you 309 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:25,840 say someone's displaying behaviors what would you assume yeah always i mean it could be a smile i'm 310 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:32,960 doing some behavior right now jordan yeah it's true so about that so talking about boundaries 311 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:38,240 what are your thoughts around that and and how can you do that with kindness and softness and 312 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:45,200 openness and with trusting the child and all of those things empowering the child but still 313 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:56,800 allowing for that concrete rigid uh confirmation of that you know black and white this is what i'm 314 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:03,360 expecting this is what's okay how does that look do you think and then there are so many different 315 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:08,560 things that we can put in place here um for boundaries but first of all i think as the 316 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:13,840 as the adult whatever the role that you're in as the adult you need to have a think about what the 317 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:20,160 boundaries need to be are you looking at boundaries for safety are you looking at boundaries for 318 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:25,520 control are you looking at because whatever you're putting in place is already there whether you are 319 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:32,080 doing it consciously or not so what have you built the boundaries up with are they with you know which 320 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:39,600 intention and then from there you can start to remould your boundaries in the the form you want 321 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:47,760 them um i talk a lot about agreements being in agreement and we do a lot around training on the 322 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:55,680 power of yes um because our brains like yes um this is not to say that you say yes to everything 323 00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:01,200 your child wants um that would be terrible that's definitely not holding boundaries um we don't want 324 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:06,640 that at all but what we do want is for them to be able to receive the information that comes beyond 325 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:12,000 the no and a lot of the time when you're holding a boundary you start with no which means they can't 326 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:21,520 really receive this is it so anything beyond the no misses completely they're just focused on the no 327 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:27,440 and then a lot of the time they will double down and you will double down on your no and then it 328 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:33,840 spirals and you're in a power struggle so a lot of the time we talk about the power of yes using yes 329 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:41,040 to lead in and then supporting with the information you want to give them so if your child wants to 330 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:46,480 i don't know eat a bag of sweets just before bed and you've said no in the past but then behavior 331 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:51,120 goes through the roof and you're not sure what to do it's something around you know having an 332 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:55,760 agreement in place initially as to you know this as a family we agree that we're only going to eat 333 00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,880 this at this time or we're going to do this and whatever your agreement is um so you can always 334 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:05,280 refer to it and there are some really lovely printouts in the bank if you want to go there 335 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:10,080 and we've got it's not a shop it's almost like they've already been pre-warned this is the same 336 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:15,840 yeah and they're involved you know we want them to be part of the family and tell us what they want 337 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:21,280 as well you know if mommy and daddy does something that they don't really or mommy and mommy or 338 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:27,920 whoever you know they might not like it when you do something you know my son doesn't like it if i 339 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:36,320 turn the tv off midway through something so our agreement is that if it's midway through a series 340 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:42,320 or you know a show what have you he can either watch it the next day or he needs to stop before 341 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:48,720 it starts yes so before we go into it if he knows that the tv goes off at whatever time he will i'll 342 00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:54,480 say to him you know well it's this time now you've got a certain amount of time left do you want to 343 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:58,720 stop where you start or stop midway through because they're your options so then we lean 344 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:03,440 into a micro choice but setting that boundary ahead of time means that you've not just pulled 345 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:08,880 it out you know you've pulled the rug out yeah and again that's a really nice way to set a boundary 346 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:14,880 because you're empowering them with a choice as well as having that agreement in place which also 347 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:20,560 supports with a pda profile doesn't it those choices absolutely and starting with again so 348 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:26,560 going back to the sweets one yeah would it sound was it sound something like yes you can have them 349 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:34,480 tomorrow or or yeah i can i hate i hear that you want sweets right now remember the agreement 350 00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,440 you like when when do you think it would be safe to have them or when do you think would be a good 351 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:44,160 idea to have them let's put them in a box they can be yours when it's time is it is that what the yes 352 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:51,520 sounds like absolutely or something like you know yes i know sweets are good you know i completely 353 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:56,320 get that i wish we could have some sweets too it's not the right time now we're gonna have them 354 00:35:56,320 --> 00:36:02,480 tomorrow do you want to you know do you want this or this or shall we read a story or are we going 355 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:09,440 to do this i had brains are not the most forthcoming um so our communication board 356 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:17,040 it's got emotions on one side and needs on the other um but it's just yeah especially as they 357 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:24,400 get tired you know in evenings and children get tired in the afternoons at school um so we use them 358 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:28,960 a lot in the afternoons as well you know with children who come in feeling a bit exhausted 359 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:34,320 after lunch or sometimes if they've had big arguments or disagreements conflicts on the 360 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:40,720 playground that's tiring emotionally tiring so again having that visual is really helpful 361 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:46,640 um but yeah leading into that that yes and the choices is always helpful they can get angry 362 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:51,760 at the visuals and it kind of takes me out of the situation which is weird because they've seen me 363 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:59,760 draw it but for some reason it kind of diffuses the me versus them and actually puts it on a 364 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:07,360 third party i can't explain why that works but it does i don't know if that's do you find that 365 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:13,920 similar yeah absolutely a lot of the time i worked with them with parents particularly who hear 366 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:22,560 things like you know i hate you or um you know and and it's actually children can't communicate 367 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:29,840 what it is that they don't like and so you become the embodiment of that thing um so what you're 368 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:35,760 doing is you're transferring onus onto the imagery so so you're trying to get that 369 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:42,080 imagery so they have something to replace you with um so that's why it works because actually 370 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:48,400 what they're talking about is they hate that feeling they hate what that what's happening 371 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:53,760 but they haven't necessarily got the the the ability in that moment to express that 372 00:37:54,320 --> 00:38:00,240 so it just becomes you yeah and i do this a lot with my own son i will practice i'll be like oh 373 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:07,680 oh you you hate you hate whatever it is and i'll replace me or it makes me think what i'm saying 374 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:12,960 oh you're angry with that or you don't like feeling like this and and then he'll be like yeah like 375 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,040 yeah you know and it's not to necessarily tell them what they're feeling or what they're 376 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:26,400 experiencing but it is to offer something out because yeah i can hear that i'm frustrated 377 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:32,320 with what i'm saying yeah absolutely just to provide that out it's validating him isn't it 378 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:37,040 it's yeah and it's also what is validating him but also it's almost like a gentle reminder to 379 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:47,200 yourself this is not personal no he doesn't hate me he hates the situation but i know that he 380 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:52,960 actually in the end feels secure in these boundaries and and this is an agreement together and 381 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:59,920 and and we'll go ahead so i suppose the the first thing is to know what the do's and don'ts are 382 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:04,880 because they can't be reactive you can't be seeing and decide in the moment that's not fair 383 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:11,280 it's not fair on you or your partner who's whether it's a colleague or or you know your 384 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:18,240 um the partner of your child um managing that because you're making up on the fly and the 385 00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:23,840 and the states are going to happen aren't they and you're going and then that's inconsistent exactly 386 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:31,040 so the idea is that you pick a calm moment away from anything going on where you can sit down 387 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:36,640 and i love that the children are involved as well if they're able to be i think that's fantastic 388 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:43,520 and you can make it visual as well you know the younger children when we work with our tbbs 389 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:49,680 families we we have pictures that they put in and we do images and i think you know or even 390 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:54,560 even older children that find communication a struggle anything that is a visual representation 391 00:39:54,560 --> 00:40:00,720 a bit like the mood board yeah you know like the goal setting it's the same thing this is the 392 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:04,240 family goal this is what we're aiming at we're not going to be perfect all the time but this is what 393 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:09,120 we're aiming at like my learners like anyone could come into my class and they will there's no point 394 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:14,560 them being involved because they wouldn't understand it but let's just assume competence 395 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:21,840 like there is nothing there's nothing wrong with them sitting around the table too and who knows 396 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,800 like who are we to say that they're not actually taking everything in they just can't communicate 397 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:35,200 it back we forget the understanding um and being able to communicate outwards are so different in 398 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:40,880 skills you know the amount of parents with toddlers that all of a sudden toddlers start speaking 399 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:46,000 they're like oh my goodness didn't know they knew all this and you think yes but they they had that 400 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,760 skill and now they have this skill so they can tell you what they know and what they've been 401 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:54,080 taking in it's the receptive isn't it exactly this is what i find my students that have recently got 402 00:40:54,080 --> 00:41:01,680 uh aac tablet is all of a sudden and you're like oh right you do know and you know what 403 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:07,200 now we're looking at every student differently because we're like you all know you just can't 404 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:11,920 like you've got all that that receptive language or you hear it you see it here like you'll see a 405 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:19,200 little smirk like as you're talking or whatever and you're like you know you know what even if 406 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:24,320 they don't even if they don't because disability is a thing and lots of summer children like 407 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:30,640 aren't aware and that's they're perfectly beautiful and perfectly um able to be part of that 408 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:38,160 conversation too like that's okay so sitting down together deciding right when they do this 409 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:43,600 what do we do you know so we had a conversation for example right right nobody stands on the 410 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:50,560 furniture and like well actually like sometimes it's okay to stand on furniture when is it okay 411 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:57,040 so okay right if it's higher than your hip it's and it's unstable we don't stand in it great so 412 00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:01,920 if it's lower than your hip and it's stable then we can stand it that's a really clear boundary it 413 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,720 works because i work with age four to eleven in my class so we couldn't say a meter tall because 414 00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:13,200 you know if it's taller than their hip and it's unstable they can't stand on it and then that's 415 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:20,240 so clear it's so consistent because as the child grows the boundary grows with them you know and 416 00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:25,200 it makes so much sense doesn't so having really smart targets for yourself you know think about 417 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:30,960 every eventuality yes of course we don't want them walking around with food but what if it's a this 418 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:36,400 day that day whatever you know is it every day that we don't want them or is it actually just 419 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:41,200 at lunchtime or is it just at you know so just keeping it really consistent trying to think of 420 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:49,760 every eventuality writing and flexible yes which is no it's a difficult one it's true but that's 421 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:55,600 life no life is consistent and flexible and we have to we talk a lot about flexible seating 422 00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:03,120 but with you know flexible routines and flexible expectations are so important and appropriate 423 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:14,000 expectations yeah oh we decided this didn't we but actually we do walk around and eat our 424 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:19,680 uh candy floss or whatever yeah so actually you're right in this situation this is okay 425 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:24,880 is that all right with you yeah okay cool let's go isn't it i call it consistent compassion 426 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:31,280 so it's just so it's thinking in the moment actually are we sticking for the boundaries 427 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:36,960 just for the rigidity and the control control like we talked about before yeah being compassionate 428 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:44,400 being compassionate in this moment um and often yeah it looks like pillars of rigid doesn't it 429 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:52,240 actually children and humans often do go in and out of the pillars but but it still holds them 430 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:58,800 it's still the baseline it's still quite it's still quite comforting in that but yeah sometimes life 431 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:04,960 happens and and actually they can stay up later because it's a this day or yeah we don't have to 432 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:10,160 have a bath on this wednesday because it's this and and that is life and that also teaches children 433 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:18,080 not to be afraid of change as well and it allows for that safe practice for children you know you 434 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:22,720 were talking earlier about children that might not be aware of things but we build awareness 435 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:30,480 that's how it works we build awareness and we we kind of heighten awareness so children get to 436 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:35,920 experience something over and over again they get to learn within that safe boundary and practice it 437 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:41,120 and we talk a lot about this when it comes to behavior and expectations and routines and things 438 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:46,640 what we practice we make progress in and if we are not getting the opportunity to practice the 439 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:53,200 skills within behavior and practice the skills within a regulation then we just go straight to 440 00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:58,800 consequence and this is not to say and i think this is really important the world has consequences 441 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:04,080 if you touch the cooker you get burnt like not that i want people to go and touch the cooker 442 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:15,120 but there is natural consequences this is it but we can remove punishment and consequence and 443 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:20,720 we can have natural consequences you know i said to my son the other day we're going out it's wet 444 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:26,800 outside he was adamant he wanted to wear his blue trainers with the holes in them and i said your 445 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:31,280 feet are going to get wet if you don't put your wellies on they're going to get wet he did not 446 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:37,440 want to he said no that's not that's not happening so i said right okay and he got very wet feet 447 00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:42,480 yeah and then he was like my feet are wet and i was like yes they are i mean i did take his wellies 448 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:47,120 yeah of course you know that's that's not the fight in that sense because actually 449 00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:53,200 learn through doing my friends learn time when you have that conversation oh do you 450 00:45:53,200 --> 00:46:00,000 know your feet got really wet you've got some evidence now it wasn't very sensible yeah and 451 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:04,560 actually if he does it again you know whatever he obviously likes wet feet if that's the case 452 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:09,120 and there are some things that you can do that with aren't they there are safe things that you can 453 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:17,040 allow them to practice with yeah yeah absolutely safe no and actually that's different you can't 454 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:21,280 run across the road and the natural consequence be you run over actually i'm not gonna do that 455 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:28,000 we're not having that that's not a spare pair of trainers in the bag issue exactly exactly but you 456 00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,960 walking to the car barefoot and then putting your shoes on when we get there actually yeah why 457 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:38,880 wouldn't i allow that because it keeps regulation it stops an argument i'm picking my battles 458 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:45,920 and we move on yeah right this is it and i think sometimes we prevent children from having you know 459 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:50,880 i talk a lot about evidence because the brain likes evidence it you know we're building from 460 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:56,720 from 0 to 7 we're building belief structures memories all of the things the filter systems 461 00:46:56,720 --> 00:47:02,800 within the brain that then create that representation of the world so if we start 462 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:08,160 to remove opportunities for that children don't have any evidence to base their predictions on 463 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:15,600 so this is where they are not aware of that natural consequence or what will happen if 464 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:20,400 so not only are they curious but they have no evidence to base the next step on like lots of 465 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:24,880 my autistic learners and i don't know about other learners i'm sure other all children would end up 466 00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:30,960 relying on prompts if we're always saying put your coat on put your shoes on they're naturally going 467 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:36,000 to wait for the adult to say put your coat on because she's an athlete if we don't if we just 468 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:42,320 stop ourselves for a second and breathe for two minutes yes they might be two minutes later but 469 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:48,480 what if they do it independently how much more exciting is that right so sometimes it's about 470 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:54,160 like just step back breathe as a teacher and parent i would say all the way through they 471 00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:58,720 do it themselves maybe they can't do the whole thing but maybe they start and try it shall we 472 00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:04,000 just let them maybe they can sort out the tongue on their shoes themselves maybe they can pull their 473 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:08,720 trousers the right way maybe they can pull up their pad once you put it on their feet you know 474 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:15,680 let's just see just slow down like we're so busy aren't we we're so in a rush i was gonna say i 475 00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:23,360 think it's planning it in you know you're planning that time in i'm terrible for this jordan i must 476 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:28,320 admit you know if it's not in my diary it doesn't happen everything within an inch of my life is 477 00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:33,280 planned into my calendar and it's all multicolored it's probably very overwhelming for some people 478 00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:39,680 but i know exactly where i am when i am and all that jazz and i will put in you know things like 479 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:47,680 get ready the shower time this time that time because i want to make sure that i plan in 480 00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:52,800 sufficient time for things and we leave a lot earlier well we get ready to leave a lot earlier 481 00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:59,280 because i know that my son wants to do all the things himself and it does take him longer 482 00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:06,720 want to feel the stress of being late so i like to pre-empt that and you know we start a lot earlier 483 00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:12,240 so i tell him we're running late before we start wanting i think he knows i think the rushing 484 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:17,680 especially before school i think let's talk about that because that affects relationships and school 485 00:49:20,240 --> 00:49:27,600 that rush to get ready for school is such an important one isn't it because already children 486 00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:38,320 have fought and felt frustrated and annoyed and um busy and unheard and un-listened to 487 00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:49,840 and not respected and that's before 8am like it's so much yeah and we we're adults as well you know 488 00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:56,560 it's so much and for i think by the time parents get to work by having done drop-off and all that 489 00:49:56,560 --> 00:50:08,720 does at the beginning of the day they're knackered yeah and teachers feel that and parents feel that 490 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:16,800 and the children certainly feel that so is it as easy as saying allow more time like is that fair 491 00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:26,080 there's so many elements to this and as i said there's no cookie cutting um there are lots of 492 00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:31,680 different strategies that work for different times for different children but a couple of 493 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:37,280 the strategies i like are visuals and you can put these in order so your child knows what they're 494 00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:44,000 doing in the morning and it's really useful because it means that they just kind of take them off 495 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:49,040 you know the start the day i've done i've done that one i'll take it off i've done that now i'll 496 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:54,560 take it off you know and it can be any there's so many visuals um but having visual prompts is 497 00:50:54,560 --> 00:51:02,960 really useful that they can use independently um i always lay clothes out yeah to make sure that's 498 00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:09,120 done and that's easy i think the brush of finding things losing things all of that yeah that's done 499 00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:14,880 um but one thing that we do and this works for us it doesn't work for every child again we need 500 00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:19,360 to think about sensory needs and things like that is we start every morning with exercise 501 00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:26,560 um because we i'm a firm believer that physiology comes first and this is our three pillars in the 502 00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:31,600 behavior balance system the behavior bank everything that we train on um is physiology beliefs and 503 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:37,120 communication um so we start every morning whether we've got a trampoline in the corner 504 00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:42,240 and whether it's on that whether it's doing exercise through a youtube thing or whatever it is 505 00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:49,520 or whatever it is every morning my son and i we get up we do our exercise he has his breakfast 506 00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:55,440 and he has a good breakfast i'm really kind of focused on what he eats um in the morning and 507 00:51:55,440 --> 00:52:04,640 we're up at five right not for my choice he's up at five every morning so we have a lot of time 508 00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:09,760 in the morning we're very fortunate in that sense um i would like to sleep with you guys i must 509 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:15,680 admit i've much rather be up at seven and rush around a little bit more and he's like oh my god 510 00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:21,440 i never thought i would be up at five truth be told i never thought this would be 511 00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:28,320 part of my um my routine but it is um we make it work but you know it the good thing is you know 512 00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:34,800 by the time he's done his exercise equals his workout in the morning he has his breakfast 513 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:40,800 we do an activity we get ready for school and we go sometimes he showers and or bars in the morning 514 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:46,160 um because it is so regiment because we do do it every day he just knows what's coming 515 00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:55,360 it helps with the expectation does what happens and the movement helps with regulation as well 516 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:59,120 so if you can get your child moving in the morning it's going to shift that 517 00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:05,200 particularly if they had a challenging night yeah um and i'm a i i believe that every classroom 518 00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:12,880 should have a rebound or a tremor in it because it's so good for your health um there's so many 519 00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:19,360 health benefits again i'm not on commission for for traveling no i agree i agree every classroom 520 00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:25,840 and i think it makes such a difference to your headspace it's a great reason isn't it what a 521 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:31,200 lovely way to shake off the evening shake off the night start afresh and just raising your 522 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:38,560 heart rate as well for a positive reason not fear not anxiety it like you know it does so many things 523 00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:42,960 i love that so much and if you if you're a teacher listen to this and you haven't got control over 524 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:48,240 your pet you know why not start off your school day with a similar thing raise that heart rate do 525 00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:53,360 do exercise together you know it what a lovely community thing to do to like all support each 526 00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:58,160 other in that you can also provide the visuals you know you can fill in the gaps maybe that 527 00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:05,520 um like because not all parents will will access this this stuff um i'm i've got i could talk for 528 00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:11,280 two hours i know i was thinking exactly i think this could be a really long life george this sounds 529 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:19,520 so exciting and everything you offer as far as resources and uh professionals go is is really 530 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:27,600 exciting and really needed um yeah it's it sounds incredible and the fact that your staff can span 531 00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:37,040 ages abilities like ages and stages like it's just really exciting and yeah it's so neat and i'm really 532 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:41,680 pleased that you're doing it because i yeah it's too much for me to take on but it's needed 533 00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:48,960 it is it is and it's you know it's all that stuff in the right direction isn't it you know 534 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:52,640 because i think teachers and parents sometimes we all feel like we're pushing water up a hill 535 00:54:53,120 --> 00:55:00,160 um it's not it's not easy and we all go in for the right reasons um and i think you know 536 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:05,840 my goal one of them anyway i've got lots of goals as you can probably imagine um is to keep more of 537 00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:12,960 our amazing teachers in teaching um because staff retention is so difficult um shame and blame 538 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:19,280 teachers let's not shame and blame shame and blame none the children let's all work together 539 00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:27,600 doing better all of us maybe having those realistic expectations as well as for our 540 00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:32,960 children of course for our children they have to be age-appropriate expectations and realistic ones 541 00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:39,440 um without being you know too low um but also just for ourselves having that that kindness that 542 00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:44,880 empathy showing ourselves all of the things that we want our children to show each other and and 543 00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:52,160 you know show up in the world with is modeling it through through you know doing it for ourselves 544 00:55:52,160 --> 00:56:00,800 first that'd be our goal for the week then yes yes watching let's let's action this rather than 545 00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:05,840 just like having this amazing life and then like off we go back to normal things let's start with 546 00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:10,000 ourselves let's not because we're so about like fixing the children which i'm so good 547 00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:16,000 but the song always on them actually let's make sure that we give ourselves enough time tomorrow 548 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:22,480 morning so let's you know start there let's make sure that we are have the nutrients we need in our 549 00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:27,280 bodies let's make sure we've had the movement break let's make sure we're prepared for the day 550 00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:32,400 and i bet you'll see a difference in your children's behavior like let's not even think 551 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:39,040 about the children let us just regulate about yours and have that co-regulation in place 552 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:45,920 a lot of the time the tweaks what oh who was it paul dicks is burnt the adults that change 553 00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:49,520 yeah um i don't know if you've heard yeah we're going to school this year 554 00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:58,400 yeah he's wonderful um and i think you know actually it's it's so important because without 555 00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:04,640 us changing we can't we can't promote change so having that in place you know earlier you said 556 00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:12,720 about that the big breath um and you know when you do that you almost reset yourself um we have the 557 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:17,200 balance baskets walking to the balance basket to get the item is a little reset as well you know 558 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:22,480 but finding those moments just to co you know to lead to the co-regulation we were talking about 559 00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:26,960 not wanting to control the children because you can't control the people you can't control yourself 560 00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:31,760 you can stop then so let's have that be our goal for the week everyone that's watching either now 561 00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:39,600 or um or when when it saves to the grid yes so that to be our goal is to self-regulate 562 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:47,600 this week let's just focus on that and learn that let's just wait to change yeah exactly 563 00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:55,520 and actually model that to our colleagues as well um yeah i love that so much um let's close off by 564 00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,200 where can people find you because i know they're going to want to find out more information 565 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:10,080 and access your stuff so where can they access you so um we are actually um a little um what's 566 00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:14,480 the word sneak peek behind what we're doing so we've actually just renamed the company because 567 00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:20,240 we started many moons ago as a tutoring company hence the name but we don't do any tuition anymore 568 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:25,440 um and it's been done for a long time it's all been confidence coaching and that um the behavior 569 00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:29,440 work and things so we're actually renaming the company well it's just been done we haven't done 570 00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:37,200 the online presence here um so it's spd training and consultancy moving forwards but at the moment 571 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:43,200 it's spd tuition and coaching and you can find us on all of the many social media platforms we're 572 00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:49,120 all part of um and if you want more information about the behavior bank you can google the behavior 573 00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:55,040 bank and it will come up um or you can search spd tuition and coaching and our website will be there 574 00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:01,280 sam you have been amazing i could literally talk to you for hours thank you so much for 575 00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:05,520 being part of this thanks for inviting me join thank you so much um and i hope you have a good 576 00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:19,920 rest of your evening too thank you bye