Hi, my name is Jordan. I am a special education teacher from the UK. I share my passion for
everything communication, sensory regulation and fun lesson ideas for my classroom of disabled
pupils aged 4 to 11. Each week I am joined by experts in the field answering your questions
and sharing our knowledge and experience working alongside our beautiful young people. Let's get started.
Hello everybody, welcome back to another live. I am Sensory Classroom, I'm Jordan and today I am going to be joined with SPD Tuition and Coaching
Limited and she is a specialist in sensory behaviours. I know sensory behaviours, the topic
comes up a lot so I'm really hoping that you guys come up with loads of questions. Sam,
this is what she does, she's an expert so I'm really hoping that I can also come to her with
some questions and we can kind of tackle those three together as well. So let's invite her in
and get this started. Here she is, hi Sam. I've said a tiny little bit but you were so keen to get in there.
I'm so sorry about that. We've been talking about this gym for four months so it's good that you're keen.
Yeah so who are you, what do you do, what's your focus, what drives you? We will start there.
Alright so I am Sam, hi everyone, nice to meet you. I have been in education and childcare for almost 20 years
which is quite terrifying to be honest. It is when you look back and you think gosh. Really? How is that possible?
So a long time, I started off in the world of nursery, I was an early years lead for a long time.
In fact my first ever kind of, I guess my first ever spark for passion was in a school, an SEND school
where I used to work every summer and just go and support over their summer camp
as a teenager and that was what sparked my interest with working with children.
So yeah, so I've worked with children for a long time in all different fields. I was a Montessori
teacher for a while and did that and I love that and I bring a lot of the Montessori stuff into what we do now.
I'm also an executive coach and mentor so I do a lot of NLP which is neuro-linguistic programming.
So a huge love for the brain and all neuro types and how it works and you know just everything's
to do with humanness. And now I guess in a nutshell I am a behaviour consultant and trainer
but it all started from working with children to build confidence and communications because I used
to be a literacy consultant when I was doing teacher training before jumping into this role.
I went from a deputy headship into that and now I've built my business and the children were
coming to me and saying things like you know Sam I'm learning about my brain and I know about my
amygdala but I tell my teacher that her amygdala is you know kicking in and she needs to take a
big breath and I get sent out. It's true though isn't it? We're getting all this knowledge and
these words about their brain and good, I don't need to be told sometimes, actually often.
But then it's um but then it's disrespectful and rude. So we were getting this conflict around
the fact that our children were being you know very articulate now, effectively communicating
which is what the goal was but too effectively to the point where they were then rude.
Yes you're not wrong but also how do you tell someone that's dysregulated that they're
dysregulated with a power difference. So it was a bit of a a bit of a moment there where we thought
that's interesting. This is in force but we need to shift so we were getting this about parents as
well and that's where we started to think we need a holistic approach to this. So we started to do
teacher training, we worked with all staff, everyone from teaching assistants to leadership,
the whole you know shebang. We started parental strategy sessions where we would run workshops
or we'd work directly with families. Of course we kept working with the children because they're
our heart. And then it just grew from there and now last year we launched our online portal,
the Behaviour Bank which is a 360 approach within our holistic approach. So not only are we now
looking at parents, children and practitioners but we're also looking at a holistic approach
within the child. So the bank I think is amazing. Everyone that is part of it thinks it's amazing
but we've got everything from sleep coaches to nutritionalists to speech and language therapists
because behaviour is never in the moment. I'm all untouchable at the moment. It's so hard to get
access to any of this stuff right now. It is why we launched the bank because the waiting times
and also you know if you've got a child that is struggling with numerous things the funding
to to have a sleep coach, a nutritionalist, a speech and language therapist. You need all of it don't you?
It's so hard to know what the focus should be because well yeah they're not eating but is that
anxiety or is that diet? Yes they're not sleeping but is that sensory regulation or is that
that they're not sleeping? It's all so linked absolutely. So this is why we were like we
need it all. If we're going to set up a platform that is for parents and practitioners we have to
have all bases covered. The amount of time as a teacher I'd have children come in in the
mornings with a can of coke for breakfast and I'd have cereal and fruit and all sorts in my
cupboard but sometimes in the day they'd just be like you know what's in the cupboard? Is that fancy
having a little nose in there? It has to start somewhere doesn't it? Yes. It's really hard to know when you've got all these professionals
involved and all of these things that they all think their thing is the most important. It's really
nice to just have some a cohort that are purposefully working together that aren't so you're not being
pulled to NHS private school you know all these ways. I think parents are often like
hard it's really hard to know okay well but what where do I fit? What's my role in all this?
This is it and I think everyone has got so many roles you know. We talk about the roles so
recently we in fact we've just we've got the BehaviourPod which is our podcast and this
last series that's just kind of launched is all about nutrition it's with our our nutritionalist
Emma who's wonderful but we were talking about roles around food because even within roles around
you know when children are not eating there are different roles to support that so what's your
role as an adult? What's the child's role and who has the power over each part of that journey?
We talk a lot about journeys we've got the road to regulation which is our go-to for teaching
behaviour and emotional regulation skills so we talk a lot around journeys but I think everything
is a process and everything is a journey and every stop almost needs a different role at a different
time and that can be a different person but for our children they need to be able to navigate
that and feel successful along the way. And so do the adults because all of this like this
affirming practice we're throwing this word around all the time at the moment and it's often really
new for teachers it certainly is like for me like in the last couple of years I've been really
trying like I've shifted my practice so much I think lots of teachers are and lots of speech
and language therapists are and so are parents with and gentle parenting all that but also
that means that we don't have a model of what that should or could look like so it's really nice to
know there's a hand hold to just be like is this what it is like is it too soft like when do I say
no what is the benefit of that when do I give them choices when do I you know all of those are so
many questions and it's only because they're trying to do it right and I get questions all the time
and often I'm like do you know what I don't know like let's work it through let's have a think
about it like what you know you have to kind of unpick it a little bit and actually just to know
that there are medical professionals and experts that this is their whole job this is their whole
expertise to just be like no it's all right like you've got this you're doing it right look up this
try this well actually like what you're doing is great sometimes you just need a little pat on the
back and be like carry on. It's torrent keep going it's okay. Yeah because these things aren't the magic one
don't they? It doesn't often often happen overnight often it takes weeks months of consistent approach
to support your young person in whatever reason and you know what we just need that. You do and
what works one day won't work the next day all the time and I think you know we we really we do look
for that cookie cutting process because we like it to be tidy we're predictive organs our brain is
always looking for the shortcut which is great but not always useful and I think actually knowing
that from the get-go is really helpful because sometimes it's really difficult to try something
one day have success and then it not work the next day and you're like where did I go wrong?
Yeah and you lose all you know your faith in yourself and your ability to manage don't you?
You do you too. But the opposite then also happens that when it does go right it does
you know work and you're supporting your learner and it's all going well or your child then all of
a sudden you're boosting dopamine this is the best thing ever I'm amazing. That's the best teacher
look at me go. But actually maybe we need to find a balance in between the two and it's just like
okay cool that's good they're regulated let's let's manage tomorrow I suppose it's probably a more.
I love that. Do you know Jordan we talk a lot about this with particularly with our
particularly with our parents our TBBS parents because I think as parents a lot of what we see
in our children we find as a reflection on us and actually our children are their own beings their
own little characters their own people and yes of course you'll see yourself in your child at some
point they'll do something and you're like yes I say that too much I've been there myself my son
said something the other day and I was like oh yeah maybe veer away from it for a while. 50% you as well
aren't they? So like naturally they'll be doing things that remind you of you however you're
absolutely right. But it's not you know when they are dysregulated it's not it's not because of
something that we have created or that we haven't done a lot of the time you know maybe
I talk about spotting the signs and maybe practicing that is useful and having these tools
we have so many tools in our toolkit but in terms of having that ownership it's a shared ownership
isn't it and I think as parents we have so much guilt around that and it can feel really hard
which is why the bank for me was so important because I just thought I mean I've worked with
a number of the experts in there to support my son and you know was so thankful to have the
to have the the opportunity to do so but because you can then say okay right this is what I'm
focusing on this is what I'm doing I've got my bit covered my child might not be able to cover
their bit at this time but that's okay but that's their bit you know that's not my bit. Often a
parent I mean god even if things are going right and parents are often so filled with guilt and
shame about all the other things they haven't done you know it's a never you can't win can you
you go it's kind of like that so yeah if you're given short-term realistic goals then there's
little wins isn't there then you can feel like no I've done enough and I think that's a really
important thing for a parent to feel I don't think they think that I don't think that happens enough
is I've done enough today or I was enough in that moment. Absolutely and teachers as well
we um I don't think I've not got anything here that I can show but we um we set up balance baskets
so part of the behaviour balance system which is our wider approach that we set up in homes and in
settings is around sensory diet sensory rest supporting sensory input and we set it up for
not only the children but the adults as well so when we come in I do a lot of teacher training
on this in set days and things like that we come in and one of the first things that we do is
acknowledge how important co-regulation is which is where nervous systems support other nervous
systems and then we start to look at actually how do you regulate yourself and nine times out of
ten people look at you like oh I don't know you know I'm not sure. How they're like cooking and
fiddling with a pen and this is it absolutely so we set up balance baskets for the adults and for
the children and the amount of feedback we have had from our tvbs settings and families um they're
just the change in just having that go to I mean I bought a new edition I haven't got them here
because my son's in bed I don't need them right now um I bought um some loops um I don't I don't
work for loops um they might not work for everyone um but I love them because sometimes I just find
it's overwhelming going to you know parties and things like that birthday parties or what have
you and I just pop them in and I just instantly feel the moment um my child is very um he's very
loud and he's very forthcoming he's very confident I don't know where he gets from um but you know he
does he does put himself out there which is wonderful but sometimes I need to kind of
pull in a little bit um so in my basket there my newest addition at home is just to give myself
a bit of sensory rest and I suppose if you're some sitting you accessing the basket for yourself
for your genuine own needs you know not you know authentically then he's not gonna feel anything
about checking into his basket and I feel like the same can be said for teachers we were speaking
um uh recently to um nurture your own kids similar kind of idea she's a mainstream teacher
and going to school um mom and she was saying exactly that somebody had asked um how do I stop
a child feeling singled out by accessing you know regulation what they need twiddles fiddles like
century diaries and she was like we all do it like that's how they're not singled out is they're not
singled out we do it we all do it we all meet our needs when we need to and I think it really is
as easy as that isn't it as saying and at home that's really interesting that you can do that
at home as well and it almost needs to be both you know this is one of the reasons we set up the
portal the bank the behavior bank was because we were finding there was such a difference between
home and school you know there as you might see this with the children you work with you know
yeah that you'll have parents evening and the children sit there and they watch their worlds
collide and it's terrifying you know they're like oh my goodness my teacher is talking to my mom
it works both ways I often because I'm attached to a mainstream school as well
and often it's uh children are masking all day at school and then it all comes out at home I hear
about that yeah like all the time and teach like oh but they're not like that here you know they're
not like that here we don't have a problem here maybe it's home and it's like no no no
yeah the problem is still that they're not getting the regulation they need at school
or unable to unmask at school and then it's coming out at home actually yes yes home can put in
regulation strategies yes home actually they're coming home with holding all of this stuff from
all day and then letting it out and I think it's really it's too easy for schools to say
that's a you problem because they're not seeing it at school we hear that so much oh but that child
is so good at school yeah and my first question is well let's define good yeah um first of all
because I the amount of parents I work with and teachers that I work with and especially the
schools we do both sides with um you know that those conversations on the doors are the things
that we try and stop immediately that whole well today mummy you know this happened and the voice
drops and that conversation that element is quite a lot of shame in that yeah shame and blame you
need to do something about this is is the underlying tone isn't it um so then what happens the parents
get home and said why did you do that you know because they feel a little bit embarrassed which
is human it's a reflection on them yeah and actually those conversations need to stop because
it's not an onus on the parents a conversation a long time after the fact if the child was massively
dysregulated or even a little bit dysregulated sometimes depending on stage of development of
course they might not even associate what they're talking about with that moment and it might mean
something completely different to them um and we always try and have that conversation they might
at school they might have made things right yeah it might be finished and actually it's just being
brought back up again isn't it which feels really unfair because i feel like adults can say sorry
and move on so like not the children i say i'm so sorry you know if the time has passed if it's
gone if it's moved on they've fixed it they've tied it up whatever it is they need to do
they've gotten back into the class it should be done this is it um one of my closest friends
actually she her son has been quote unquote pinching at school um and she had a message in
the the diary that came home to say that this had happened again and um my first thought was okay
what what what did they do for him you know she was like i don't know what they're going to do
about it but i was like well what are they going to do for him um this is it you know and actually
i think this is this is the conversation this is the language shift is recognizing that all behavior
is an output of something they're experiencing internally and we can we call them positive outs
within the behavior balance system so we do a lot of work with teachers and with parents on
tracking behavior and emotional regulation of course we then look at the foundations of sleep
and all that sort of thing and track that alongside if it's something that we need to
but for for the purposes of kind of looking at behavior is looking at where that output needs
to be put in place you know if you've got a child that is i mean the the pinching was very um loosely
um led it's more of a grab um but in terms of that i was like right okay let's crack out you know
in fact i've got some here because my son was playing with it earlier let's crack out the
pussy because that's that movement because that's feeling that's yeah yeah you know so what what that
child needs in that moment is obviously connection because he's it's it's with his friends yeah and
something to fulfill that physical needs and maybe he's getting like a fun reaction like the
interactions probably quite a far even if it's a negative one like it's probably quite funny
isn't it yeah it feels nice um it's that connection there's so many reasons isn't there and and uh
they've found a way to fulfill all of those however not appropriate so yeah exactly replace
that behavior with something and if and if he doesn't go for the putty well then maybe that's
not what it is maybe it's not a texture thing maybe it's a something else and it's just about
trial and error trying to fill that gap isn't it absolutely and there's so many ways to fill that
gap you know that do not involve a note home to bring shame to the parents and it's not that we
don't want communication between parents and school that's not what we're saying it's just
no gosh no it's how it's put across isn't it absolutely you can say this is what happened today
without saying and what you're going to do about it with that with that time this is it yeah and
i think this is a culture that we want to build you know particularly around communication
books um so many schools that we've you know gone in in those instances and we they've they've got
behavior books but the behavior book feels because it's a your name's going in the book
kind of vibe whereas actually you know what we want we want behavior books because we want tracking
tracking is good you you make progress in what you measure um so this is important but again
it's having that culture that ethos where it's just communication and it's not it removes that
shame and blame and finger pointing and it just replaces it with you know the the head scratch
instead like curious like let me find out more yeah often i hear about the traffic light systems
lots of teachers use traffic light systems still and which blows my mind but they do they do um
so the idea being that they'll put a child on a amber as a warning and then they'll put them
on red and there'll be some kind of consequences is the idea um i've spoken very openly about how
against it my favorite thing to pull off the walls when we go into a new tv is exactly get rid of
these so i remember somebody saying to me the best thing to do in a meeting is to have your own
traffic light system with the teachers or ta's there and start using it on them if they're
fidgeting if they're chatting if they're ever just put them on red and see how they feel
the public shame of that all of a sudden they won't do it anymore and it is so true isn't it
but let's that's quite a big example but also like you say the conversation let's put ourselves in
the parent's shoes let's put ourselves in the child's shoes you know are you having this
conversation with the parent in front of the child like let's not do that let's do a phone call home
you know once before they're even know this happened today i'm trying to put this in place
do you think place tomorrow exactly yeah we've got it we've got an idea but i just need to let
you know that that happened of course you do that's it's it's about safeguarding yourself
isn't it especially if there's children going home with marks on them you know you need to
safeguard yourself as well i understand that but it's just how you have that conversation
isn't it without shame or blame i think is really that's really crucial and also i think it provides
we call it a collective approach but it provides opportunities for parents to share you know i
always say that the parents i always wanted to help the most sometimes i couldn't reach as a
practitioner as a teacher because they didn't have a good relationship with the school themselves or
they were too embarrassed or they got angry very quickly you know we all we all go to different
emotions really quickly at different points and i think having that in place and making sure that
you've got that collaborative approach and that you're all working on the same team and we talk
about teams obviously you know the sense of belonging is so important as one of the human
needs so we have lots of in the bank for classroom kits and things like that that have got you know
posters and all that sort of thing and the same at home but when we start thinking about this
actually parents are part of that team they're part of that community and i think having those
conversations where you can kind of put your heads together is is so important and it really comes
down in my opinion my very humble opinion Jordan to having that are we wanting just compliance
or are we wanting collaboration because our need for control because we have to keep children safe
you know teacher hat back on here and parent hat as well for it to a certain extent but we have more
children as teachers to manage but in terms of this are we worried that we're going to lose control
and has is it coming from a scarcity space in that we need that control so we can't give it away or
are we able to say right this is the goal this is where we're going to get to and loosen the
the reins as it were in your own ability and in the child's ability they can manage that and
to prove and otherwise maybe um i work with lots of teachers that are fearful of relenting control
because it feels very safe yeah yeah and actually they might be surprised if they
just loosen it a little you know just loosen it and just and let the children prove you wrong
um yeah yeah you know and i think for me over the years it's been a lot around you know someone
walking past and what will they think or if someone comes in and that it's a noisy activity
what will they think it comes down to what kind of adults that we wanting in this society are
wanting to apply adults i mean some would say yes i certainly don't i want adults that will advocate
for what they believe in and not specifically scared to or to whistle blow or to um yeah stand
up for themselves as well and to have ambition and to fail creative and yeah exactly that's the world
i want to live in so it starts now doesn't it as teachers we have the privilege of growing and
growing and cold you know broadening the culture for the next generation and and i think it looks
a lot like compliance at the moment and i'd quite like to see quite a big shift away from that
i'd like to feel yeah quite emotionally literate adults actually and and like what exactly how you
started where children are questioning adult behavior that i want to see more of that because
that will be bosses you know they'll be bosses one day and ceos one day how amazing that they've
got the lit emotional literacy to be able to name emotions and to know what that person needs
that sounds like an incredible boss to me right and i think providing alongside the confidence
and the communication and the creativity we are teaching things like empathy and understanding
and self-preservation i think those those are the the skills that need to sit side by side
because you're you know you're right we want a world where people stand up for themselves and
are questioning constantly but we don't want a world where that hurts yes and is insensitive
and misses you know misses the the cues that that could cause i guess bigger bad behaviors that could
you know go against what we're trying to achieve so i think alongside that it's really important
as you said teach that emotional literacy teach that understanding of that social communication
for yeah picking up on someone's differences as to what they're saying and what they're expressing
with their body language and i do a lot of that with a lot of the autistic children i work with
because that's something um quite a few of the children i work with are experiencing they're
saying you know things like my friends are saying this but they're doing this and we look at what
that looks like they are i mean you know these humans it's true because we do yeah but hold on
you do but we do it all the time all of us do it all the time um we yeah i don't eat any chocolate
and then as soon as i go to bed or however trivial it is we do do it a lot don't we but
and i suppose because we're not robots we're human but i suppose as long as our intention
is to get it right i guess that that is that's what we could do isn't it and support each other to
you know get it right and change your face and all of these things help us
uh to be as consistent as possible i've been speaking to someone in the dms who's having
who sounds like she's having a real crisis with um with her parenting and and childhood um and
um in the end i've kind of we've spoken through some ideas and i said if you're in crisis i think
you might need to refer to cams or social care like it's kind of you know if this is enough then
i think you do i think that's kind of where we're at now um but there was a lot of um uh oh yeah
we've tried that or oh yeah um we've done that but then the behavior escalates so then so then
she just got her own way anyway and and i just think oh yeah this felt this sounds like years
and years of um but uh they fight for control and inconsistency loose boundaries so the child doesn't
have a clue where they're going what's happening you know full anxiety and so is the parent so both
of them are trying to navigate this always changing um uh the parameter really so when we're
talking about kindness softness understanding it's also not yeah do whatever you are and nothing
is it so and i think there's a reason why you've called yourself the behavior pod behavior
specialist behavior bank i think it's a very um search for word is behavior and i know what it
really is is communication regulations and you know a literacy and you could have called it
everything we do comes out as behavior and it's not always negative you know um i was working with
one of the schools that we work with is in japan and they're um currently we're looking at behavior
policy and things and actually they have a lot of compliance too much in fact compliance and we're
looking at how we we talk about up regulation and down regulation within the behavior balance system
so some of those children actually need up regulating because there's so much compliance so
much kind of down time um not in terms of academics and things they're very go go go
but they're very driven there's no relaxation there's no rest and so we're actually looking
at how they we can regulate them and also kind of start to balance out a little bit of
life for them over there but i think you know it is everything is behavior and we have this really
negative um association with the word behavior we think all behavior is about you know bad behavior
quote unquote i mean we don't call it that but but it's not it's about what the output is yeah if you
say someone's displaying behaviors what would you assume yeah always i mean it could be a smile i'm
doing some behavior right now jordan yeah it's true so about that so talking about boundaries
what are your thoughts around that and and how can you do that with kindness and softness and
openness and with trusting the child and all of those things empowering the child but still
allowing for that concrete rigid uh confirmation of that you know black and white this is what i'm
expecting this is what's okay how does that look do you think and then there are so many different
things that we can put in place here um for boundaries but first of all i think as the
as the adult whatever the role that you're in as the adult you need to have a think about what the
boundaries need to be are you looking at boundaries for safety are you looking at boundaries for
control are you looking at because whatever you're putting in place is already there whether you are
doing it consciously or not so what have you built the boundaries up with are they with you know which
intention and then from there you can start to remould your boundaries in the the form you want
them um i talk a lot about agreements being in agreement and we do a lot around training on the
power of yes um because our brains like yes um this is not to say that you say yes to everything
your child wants um that would be terrible that's definitely not holding boundaries um we don't want
that at all but what we do want is for them to be able to receive the information that comes beyond
the no and a lot of the time when you're holding a boundary you start with no which means they can't
really receive this is it so anything beyond the no misses completely they're just focused on the no
and then a lot of the time they will double down and you will double down on your no and then it
spirals and you're in a power struggle so a lot of the time we talk about the power of yes using yes
to lead in and then supporting with the information you want to give them so if your child wants to
i don't know eat a bag of sweets just before bed and you've said no in the past but then behavior
goes through the roof and you're not sure what to do it's something around you know having an
agreement in place initially as to you know this as a family we agree that we're only going to eat
this at this time or we're going to do this and whatever your agreement is um so you can always
refer to it and there are some really lovely printouts in the bank if you want to go there
and we've got it's not a shop it's almost like they've already been pre-warned this is the same
yeah and they're involved you know we want them to be part of the family and tell us what they want
as well you know if mommy and daddy does something that they don't really or mommy and mommy or
whoever you know they might not like it when you do something you know my son doesn't like it if i
turn the tv off midway through something so our agreement is that if it's midway through a series
or you know a show what have you he can either watch it the next day or he needs to stop before
it starts yes so before we go into it if he knows that the tv goes off at whatever time he will i'll
say to him you know well it's this time now you've got a certain amount of time left do you want to
stop where you start or stop midway through because they're your options so then we lean
into a micro choice but setting that boundary ahead of time means that you've not just pulled
it out you know you've pulled the rug out yeah and again that's a really nice way to set a boundary
because you're empowering them with a choice as well as having that agreement in place which also
supports with a pda profile doesn't it those choices absolutely and starting with again so
going back to the sweets one yeah would it sound was it sound something like yes you can have them
tomorrow or or yeah i can i hate i hear that you want sweets right now remember the agreement
you like when when do you think it would be safe to have them or when do you think would be a good
idea to have them let's put them in a box they can be yours when it's time is it is that what the yes
sounds like absolutely or something like you know yes i know sweets are good you know i completely
get that i wish we could have some sweets too it's not the right time now we're gonna have them
tomorrow do you want to you know do you want this or this or shall we read a story or are we going
to do this i had brains are not the most forthcoming um so our communication board
it's got emotions on one side and needs on the other um but it's just yeah especially as they
get tired you know in evenings and children get tired in the afternoons at school um so we use them
a lot in the afternoons as well you know with children who come in feeling a bit exhausted
after lunch or sometimes if they've had big arguments or disagreements conflicts on the
playground that's tiring emotionally tiring so again having that visual is really helpful
um but yeah leading into that that yes and the choices is always helpful they can get angry
at the visuals and it kind of takes me out of the situation which is weird because they've seen me
draw it but for some reason it kind of diffuses the me versus them and actually puts it on a
third party i can't explain why that works but it does i don't know if that's do you find that
similar yeah absolutely a lot of the time i worked with them with parents particularly who hear
things like you know i hate you or um you know and and it's actually children can't communicate
what it is that they don't like and so you become the embodiment of that thing um so what you're
doing is you're transferring onus onto the imagery so so you're trying to get that
imagery so they have something to replace you with um so that's why it works because actually
what they're talking about is they hate that feeling they hate what that what's happening
but they haven't necessarily got the the the ability in that moment to express that
so it just becomes you yeah and i do this a lot with my own son i will practice i'll be like oh
oh you you hate you hate whatever it is and i'll replace me or it makes me think what i'm saying
oh you're angry with that or you don't like feeling like this and and then he'll be like yeah like
yeah you know and it's not to necessarily tell them what they're feeling or what they're
experiencing but it is to offer something out because yeah i can hear that i'm frustrated
with what i'm saying yeah absolutely just to provide that out it's validating him isn't it
it's yeah and it's also what is validating him but also it's almost like a gentle reminder to
yourself this is not personal no he doesn't hate me he hates the situation but i know that he
actually in the end feels secure in these boundaries and and this is an agreement together and
and and we'll go ahead so i suppose the the first thing is to know what the do's and don'ts are
because they can't be reactive you can't be seeing and decide in the moment that's not fair
it's not fair on you or your partner who's whether it's a colleague or or you know your
um the partner of your child um managing that because you're making up on the fly and the
and the states are going to happen aren't they and you're going and then that's inconsistent exactly
so the idea is that you pick a calm moment away from anything going on where you can sit down
and i love that the children are involved as well if they're able to be i think that's fantastic
and you can make it visual as well you know the younger children when we work with our tbbs
families we we have pictures that they put in and we do images and i think you know or even
even older children that find communication a struggle anything that is a visual representation
a bit like the mood board yeah you know like the goal setting it's the same thing this is the
family goal this is what we're aiming at we're not going to be perfect all the time but this is what
we're aiming at like my learners like anyone could come into my class and they will there's no point
them being involved because they wouldn't understand it but let's just assume competence
like there is nothing there's nothing wrong with them sitting around the table too and who knows
like who are we to say that they're not actually taking everything in they just can't communicate
it back we forget the understanding um and being able to communicate outwards are so different in
skills you know the amount of parents with toddlers that all of a sudden toddlers start speaking
they're like oh my goodness didn't know they knew all this and you think yes but they they had that
skill and now they have this skill so they can tell you what they know and what they've been
taking in it's the receptive isn't it exactly this is what i find my students that have recently got
uh aac tablet is all of a sudden and you're like oh right you do know and you know what
now we're looking at every student differently because we're like you all know you just can't
like you've got all that that receptive language or you hear it you see it here like you'll see a
little smirk like as you're talking or whatever and you're like you know you know what even if
they don't even if they don't because disability is a thing and lots of summer children like
aren't aware and that's they're perfectly beautiful and perfectly um able to be part of that
conversation too like that's okay so sitting down together deciding right when they do this
what do we do you know so we had a conversation for example right right nobody stands on the
furniture and like well actually like sometimes it's okay to stand on furniture when is it okay
so okay right if it's higher than your hip it's and it's unstable we don't stand in it great so
if it's lower than your hip and it's stable then we can stand it that's a really clear boundary it
works because i work with age four to eleven in my class so we couldn't say a meter tall because
you know if it's taller than their hip and it's unstable they can't stand on it and then that's
so clear it's so consistent because as the child grows the boundary grows with them you know and
it makes so much sense doesn't so having really smart targets for yourself you know think about
every eventuality yes of course we don't want them walking around with food but what if it's a this
day that day whatever you know is it every day that we don't want them or is it actually just
at lunchtime or is it just at you know so just keeping it really consistent trying to think of
every eventuality writing and flexible yes which is no it's a difficult one it's true but that's
life no life is consistent and flexible and we have to we talk a lot about flexible seating
but with you know flexible routines and flexible expectations are so important and appropriate
expectations yeah oh we decided this didn't we but actually we do walk around and eat our
uh candy floss or whatever yeah so actually you're right in this situation this is okay
is that all right with you yeah okay cool let's go isn't it i call it consistent compassion
so it's just so it's thinking in the moment actually are we sticking for the boundaries
just for the rigidity and the control control like we talked about before yeah being compassionate
being compassionate in this moment um and often yeah it looks like pillars of rigid doesn't it
actually children and humans often do go in and out of the pillars but but it still holds them
it's still the baseline it's still quite it's still quite comforting in that but yeah sometimes life
happens and and actually they can stay up later because it's a this day or yeah we don't have to
have a bath on this wednesday because it's this and and that is life and that also teaches children
not to be afraid of change as well and it allows for that safe practice for children you know you
were talking earlier about children that might not be aware of things but we build awareness
that's how it works we build awareness and we we kind of heighten awareness so children get to
experience something over and over again they get to learn within that safe boundary and practice it
and we talk a lot about this when it comes to behavior and expectations and routines and things
what we practice we make progress in and if we are not getting the opportunity to practice the
skills within behavior and practice the skills within a regulation then we just go straight to
consequence and this is not to say and i think this is really important the world has consequences
if you touch the cooker you get burnt like not that i want people to go and touch the cooker
but there is natural consequences this is it but we can remove punishment and consequence and
we can have natural consequences you know i said to my son the other day we're going out it's wet
outside he was adamant he wanted to wear his blue trainers with the holes in them and i said your
feet are going to get wet if you don't put your wellies on they're going to get wet he did not
want to he said no that's not that's not happening so i said right okay and he got very wet feet
yeah and then he was like my feet are wet and i was like yes they are i mean i did take his wellies
yeah of course you know that's that's not the fight in that sense because actually
learn through doing my friends learn time when you have that conversation oh do you
know your feet got really wet you've got some evidence now it wasn't very sensible yeah and
actually if he does it again you know whatever he obviously likes wet feet if that's the case
and there are some things that you can do that with aren't they there are safe things that you can
allow them to practice with yeah yeah absolutely safe no and actually that's different you can't
run across the road and the natural consequence be you run over actually i'm not gonna do that
we're not having that that's not a spare pair of trainers in the bag issue exactly exactly but you
walking to the car barefoot and then putting your shoes on when we get there actually yeah why
wouldn't i allow that because it keeps regulation it stops an argument i'm picking my battles
and we move on yeah right this is it and i think sometimes we prevent children from having you know
i talk a lot about evidence because the brain likes evidence it you know we're building from
from 0 to 7 we're building belief structures memories all of the things the filter systems
within the brain that then create that representation of the world so if we start
to remove opportunities for that children don't have any evidence to base their predictions on
so this is where they are not aware of that natural consequence or what will happen if
so not only are they curious but they have no evidence to base the next step on like lots of
my autistic learners and i don't know about other learners i'm sure other all children would end up
relying on prompts if we're always saying put your coat on put your shoes on they're naturally going
to wait for the adult to say put your coat on because she's an athlete if we don't if we just
stop ourselves for a second and breathe for two minutes yes they might be two minutes later but
what if they do it independently how much more exciting is that right so sometimes it's about
like just step back breathe as a teacher and parent i would say all the way through they
do it themselves maybe they can't do the whole thing but maybe they start and try it shall we
just let them maybe they can sort out the tongue on their shoes themselves maybe they can pull their
trousers the right way maybe they can pull up their pad once you put it on their feet you know
let's just see just slow down like we're so busy aren't we we're so in a rush i was gonna say i
think it's planning it in you know you're planning that time in i'm terrible for this jordan i must
admit you know if it's not in my diary it doesn't happen everything within an inch of my life is
planned into my calendar and it's all multicolored it's probably very overwhelming for some people
but i know exactly where i am when i am and all that jazz and i will put in you know things like
get ready the shower time this time that time because i want to make sure that i plan in
sufficient time for things and we leave a lot earlier well we get ready to leave a lot earlier
because i know that my son wants to do all the things himself and it does take him longer
want to feel the stress of being late so i like to pre-empt that and you know we start a lot earlier
so i tell him we're running late before we start wanting i think he knows i think the rushing
especially before school i think let's talk about that because that affects relationships and school
that rush to get ready for school is such an important one isn't it because already children
have fought and felt frustrated and annoyed and um busy and unheard and un-listened to
and not respected and that's before 8am like it's so much yeah and we we're adults as well you know
it's so much and for i think by the time parents get to work by having done drop-off and all that
does at the beginning of the day they're knackered yeah and teachers feel that and parents feel that
and the children certainly feel that so is it as easy as saying allow more time like is that fair
there's so many elements to this and as i said there's no cookie cutting um there are lots of
different strategies that work for different times for different children but a couple of
the strategies i like are visuals and you can put these in order so your child knows what they're
doing in the morning and it's really useful because it means that they just kind of take them off
you know the start the day i've done i've done that one i'll take it off i've done that now i'll
take it off you know and it can be any there's so many visuals um but having visual prompts is
really useful that they can use independently um i always lay clothes out yeah to make sure that's
done and that's easy i think the brush of finding things losing things all of that yeah that's done
um but one thing that we do and this works for us it doesn't work for every child again we need
to think about sensory needs and things like that is we start every morning with exercise
um because we i'm a firm believer that physiology comes first and this is our three pillars in the
behavior balance system the behavior bank everything that we train on um is physiology beliefs and
communication um so we start every morning whether we've got a trampoline in the corner
and whether it's on that whether it's doing exercise through a youtube thing or whatever it is
or whatever it is every morning my son and i we get up we do our exercise he has his breakfast
and he has a good breakfast i'm really kind of focused on what he eats um in the morning and
we're up at five right not for my choice he's up at five every morning so we have a lot of time
in the morning we're very fortunate in that sense um i would like to sleep with you guys i must
admit i've much rather be up at seven and rush around a little bit more and he's like oh my god
i never thought i would be up at five truth be told i never thought this would be
part of my um my routine but it is um we make it work but you know it the good thing is you know
by the time he's done his exercise equals his workout in the morning he has his breakfast
we do an activity we get ready for school and we go sometimes he showers and or bars in the morning
um because it is so regiment because we do do it every day he just knows what's coming
it helps with the expectation does what happens and the movement helps with regulation as well
so if you can get your child moving in the morning it's going to shift that
particularly if they had a challenging night yeah um and i'm a i i believe that every classroom
should have a rebound or a tremor in it because it's so good for your health um there's so many
health benefits again i'm not on commission for for traveling no i agree i agree every classroom
and i think it makes such a difference to your headspace it's a great reason isn't it what a
lovely way to shake off the evening shake off the night start afresh and just raising your
heart rate as well for a positive reason not fear not anxiety it like you know it does so many things
i love that so much and if you if you're a teacher listen to this and you haven't got control over
your pet you know why not start off your school day with a similar thing raise that heart rate do
do exercise together you know it what a lovely community thing to do to like all support each
other in that you can also provide the visuals you know you can fill in the gaps maybe that
um like because not all parents will will access this this stuff um i'm i've got i could talk for
two hours i know i was thinking exactly i think this could be a really long life george this sounds
so exciting and everything you offer as far as resources and uh professionals go is is really
exciting and really needed um yeah it's it sounds incredible and the fact that your staff can span
ages abilities like ages and stages like it's just really exciting and yeah it's so neat and i'm really
pleased that you're doing it because i yeah it's too much for me to take on but it's needed
it is it is and it's you know it's all that stuff in the right direction isn't it you know
because i think teachers and parents sometimes we all feel like we're pushing water up a hill
um it's not it's not easy and we all go in for the right reasons um and i think you know
my goal one of them anyway i've got lots of goals as you can probably imagine um is to keep more of
our amazing teachers in teaching um because staff retention is so difficult um shame and blame
teachers let's not shame and blame shame and blame none the children let's all work together
doing better all of us maybe having those realistic expectations as well as for our
children of course for our children they have to be age-appropriate expectations and realistic ones
um without being you know too low um but also just for ourselves having that that kindness that
empathy showing ourselves all of the things that we want our children to show each other and and
you know show up in the world with is modeling it through through you know doing it for ourselves
first that'd be our goal for the week then yes yes watching let's let's action this rather than
just like having this amazing life and then like off we go back to normal things let's start with
ourselves let's not because we're so about like fixing the children which i'm so good
but the song always on them actually let's make sure that we give ourselves enough time tomorrow
morning so let's you know start there let's make sure that we are have the nutrients we need in our
bodies let's make sure we've had the movement break let's make sure we're prepared for the day
and i bet you'll see a difference in your children's behavior like let's not even think
about the children let us just regulate about yours and have that co-regulation in place
a lot of the time the tweaks what oh who was it paul dicks is burnt the adults that change
yeah um i don't know if you've heard yeah we're going to school this year
yeah he's wonderful um and i think you know actually it's it's so important because without
us changing we can't we can't promote change so having that in place you know earlier you said
about that the big breath um and you know when you do that you almost reset yourself um we have the
balance baskets walking to the balance basket to get the item is a little reset as well you know
but finding those moments just to co you know to lead to the co-regulation we were talking about
not wanting to control the children because you can't control the people you can't control yourself
you can stop then so let's have that be our goal for the week everyone that's watching either now
or um or when when it saves to the grid yes so that to be our goal is to self-regulate
this week let's just focus on that and learn that let's just wait to change yeah exactly
and actually model that to our colleagues as well um yeah i love that so much um let's close off by
where can people find you because i know they're going to want to find out more information
and access your stuff so where can they access you so um we are actually um a little um what's
the word sneak peek behind what we're doing so we've actually just renamed the company because
we started many moons ago as a tutoring company hence the name but we don't do any tuition anymore
um and it's been done for a long time it's all been confidence coaching and that um the behavior
work and things so we're actually renaming the company well it's just been done we haven't done
the online presence here um so it's spd training and consultancy moving forwards but at the moment
it's spd tuition and coaching and you can find us on all of the many social media platforms we're
all part of um and if you want more information about the behavior bank you can google the behavior
bank and it will come up um or you can search spd tuition and coaching and our website will be there
sam you have been amazing i could literally talk to you for hours thank you so much for
being part of this thanks for inviting me join thank you so much um and i hope you have a good
rest of your evening too thank you bye