Hi, my name is Jordan. I am a special education teacher from the UK. I share my passion for
everything communication, sensory regulation and fun lesson ideas for my classroom of disabled
pupils aged 4 to 11. Each week I am joined by experts in the field answering your questions
and sharing our knowledge and experience working alongside our beautiful young people. Let's get started.
Today we are being joined by an autism parent who's also autistic herself and I thought it
would be a really good insight because lots of us are teachers and half of us are parents.
So it would be a really good insight to have a parent on here to talk about her experience
going through the diagnosis process for her child and also her child is starting special school.
It's all about that kind of collaboration because it's so important isn't it? It's crucial actually.
The relationship between parent or professional and parent is so crucial to the success of any
child. So I'm going to bring Laura on now. Hi Laura! I adore everything you share. You are just,
it's so amazing. I mean the parents that I work with in my school online and offline are just
the most amazing. But obviously like you don't choose this. I've chosen to invest my life in
autism and it just feels like you have just dived straight in with like the life you've been given
I suppose. Yeah and that's what it feels like. Is that fair? Yeah that's what it feels like for the
sort of after diagnosis but obviously also in the time building up you know I knew
I knew Ethan was autistic from one maybe even less than. I knew nothing about autism or I didn't think
I did and I knew you know so you know for such a long period of time before your child is actually
diagnosed and I think actually that's a part of being. So you didn't even saw it. It wasn't a
pediatrician or it wasn't a DP or professional it was you that knew. Yeah. Okay. Yeah I knew Ethan
didn't babble at all. He was basically sort of silent and you know we always say we hear like
I doubt they are newborn but I hear newborn babies saying things or babbling and I think
oh I've never heard that. Right. You know I've never heard that from Ethan. He also did the sort of
hand flapping and he's the who the diagnostic criteria was written for really. He took a lot of the boxes.
Yeah okay. But we still had you know at Health Insta said oh he's not he's not he's a boy
boys speak late boys are lazy. You know we had all of that. You had that or like building up to one.
Building up to or built from one onwards you know even when we're saying you know he hasn't said
anything and things like you can only get preferred to speech and language from two I think it is. So
we're like okay if the waiting list is years long can't he get. Let's get on it. That sort of thing
but obviously that's. So that's not a thing you can't get on it earlier than that. We got on it
pretty quickly and then obviously you kind of think oh when they've got diagnosed great you know
all this support that I keep being told about will appear and obviously we all know it doesn't for
sort of one reason or another. Yeah some some get sent out with a leaflet some don't even get that.
Some get an email saying we agree that your child is autistic and and there's nothing there's no
other information. I think that you're in such a place because I always say that I didn't get a
leaflet or anything and I've been speaking to Ethan's pediatrician a little bit about the things
that I'm doing and she sort of apologized for that and said that I think you are kind of emailed
something but obviously when you're told your child's autistic even though I knew see it's such a huge
life-changing thing I don't know what I've emailed you know but I'm not going to be clicking on it
and reading pages and stuff you know you're you know you're not in the right place. Scientific
professional jargon it's just really scientific and scary doesn't it. It's all it all feels so
obviously it doesn't change the child you have like he's always been autistic
or the email and after the email. Yeah yeah but I can imagine seeing a wall of words
that look really medical yeah could be the worst thing to help you at that moment. Yeah
yeah and however much you know still kind of seeing it in black and white written down is still a
sort of a huge thing and even when we knew and then we're like right we need to ask nursery if
they think he is we need to ask his speech and language service they said yes you know instantly
instantly even then it's still it's all still a shock even though you know. Of course it is I've
just been through it with a friend and colleague actually and everyone around her was saying he is
he is I have no doubt he is and even if it comes back that he isn't we will go again because he is
like she's hearing this all the time she was like I know I know but what you know what if what if
because it's just that niggle in the back of my mind what if I'm just seeing it what if
you know what that health visitor said is true and you know all those kind of things go through
your head but then seeing it in black and white you know whether in a letter or an email
is must feel 50 validation of course I know my son but also 50 this is our life now like
yeah this is this is it this is I was right this is this is what it is yeah yeah and you're just
thrown into this world which you have no understanding of at the time you feel like you're the only
family going through which is why you know before I set up this account Instagram had such a powerful
impact on me like Instagram is where I heard about AAC like just cult language processing
and just knowing that other families live our life you know yeah because then you can kind of take
and take yeah you can kind of take control a little bit and maybe and maybe also a few years
just wondering I think I feel like social media is an incredibly powerful tool when used that way
because it's social and you can tap into all the experts that have years of referrals to wait for
them and yet you can tap into their videos and get a little snippet of information to piece together
it's incredibly powerful and I think as well I could also skip a few years and obviously every
day isn't it isn't brilliant but you know most days are and I think I've skipped a few years in
terms of the why me the how is this our life kind of feeling okay also if there's a parent watching
this thinking actually I am grieving I am I've known parents that have grieved for a good five
six seven years as a child they they adore their child they love their child there's absolutely no
judgment but they are grieving the child and the life that they thought they were going to have and
I do think that is nothing wrong with that and it's absolutely and I never hear that and think less
of them no and I don't I never also think that less of their love for their child either I think
it's really important to acknowledge that but do I hope that they come to terms with the child they
have absolutely eventually with support so it's amazing to hear that because how long ago was he
um was was he diagnosed sort of 18 months or so ago in 18 months you've gotten to a point that
not only are you going for it you've also got your own speech and language aren't you you've had
referrals for that and he's doing why does it yeah something I saw on instagram very early on um
and I never say it sort of very well I never say it like she said it but it's basically she kind
of had a moment of just realizing this is our life this is our life forever you know we don't
know what the future holds there's going to be lots of sort of sad in our life but actually if
that if sadness is all I see that's all I'm going to have and there's plenty of sadness that you can
grab isn't there all the time you know and from little bits of sadness like Ethan breaks the phone
for a pastime and you know little things like that or you can just and obviously it's not this simple
but you can just try and kind of flip it a bit and think actually I could also grab the joy and
grab the positives as frequently as you're looking for the sadness and just I think trying to embrace
it and obviously that varies so much depending on if you're falling yourself or if you slept badly
the night before and obviously meds have had sticks in and out but support family support and the
support network you have around you whether you've got a partner or good friendship groups or
family I'm sure that makes must make a difference in your ability to manage and cope with those
initial years as well I'm sure yeah yeah and me and my partner um we run our own business so we
work from home primarily Ethan goes to a specialist nursery but only for sort of 11 hours a week so he
you know we drop him off and he's back he's back all day yeah because we work from home because
we're our own boss so with Ethan's AAC we can model that to him in the day in the privilege I suppose
isn't it yeah but some families don't have and I think it's worth acknowledging that as well
that some families don't don't have that privilege before I go on to talk about schools I'd love to
talk about talk about as we talk about early diagnosis the leaflets that you have created
because I think it is so powerful the fact that it has come from a parent and actually really
important it has come from so basically I designed the flyer that I needed 18 months ago and and my
my dream for it is it to be in the pediatrician's drawer to be in the health visitor's drawer you
know it's not for displaying it's not for putting on a poster book it's for if when the parent first
says I think my child is autistic and they're probably they might be crying they might be upset
they're going through a really hard time and say this this is what you need and on it so I've got
a version that's locally to where I live and a national version and there's sort of charities
to support there's some of my experience so something that I put on there is that you don't
need to learn everything on day one my personality is right I need to learn be an extra Macadam just
call AOC and I drove myself a bit kind of crazy and actually you are the expert on your child
and like some instagram accounts to follow some bits of advice like look when you're ready look
into objects of reference and total communication environment and just thought and things like that
and just giving people hopefully just a bit of hope and just a bit of support and I've got a
few accounts to follow on instagram so just go and see that there's other families like you
read that book do a little bit of research and just and it's kind of bright and colourful it's
almost sort of branding and just and I think it's accessible that people can read there and then
accessible hope yeah but yeah they're not alone and there is something they can do about it and
almost like so they don't have to go seeking for it and possibly finding maybe the wrong thing
potentially um because there are some odd practices out there it's almost like a this is okay like I'm
a parent too this is what helped me it might help you you're not alone it's a hug almost isn't it
yeah and I share on it and I don't think they do it anymore which is such a shame but Scope the
charity have like a navigator service um for for me 18 months ago and I spoke to this lady that she
had cerebral palsy her sister was autistic she understood and she just let me you know come at
it with everything I was feeling and all my advice and I've put that on there and I share on my account
that I go to therapy and I've been talking therapy so it's okay yeah that you need all this and it's
completely fine to ask for help and say actually I'm I'm struggling because the reality is that
being a parent of a disabled child means you have to fight often for help and ask for help that's
almost maybe the hardest bit is is coming to terms with I'm gonna need other people in my life to
help me bring up my child and maybe and that's maybe that's part of the grieving process as well
is you might think you're gonna be the parent that's sitting at the dining room table working
through their homework with their child and you could be that person and and actually I need other
professionals to help my child communicate with me and I need other professionals to help my child
be regulated and I guess that is part of the process is that professionals are going to be
in your life I suppose yeah and like with this sort of grieving process you know like as I said
I'm sort of um a lot better now but I remember one thing that always stood out for me is that I did a
music degree and I'm a singer so when I have a child will I'll teach them the piano and we'll
be singing like the greatest show but I'll do and whatever and then I remember when Ethan and this
is very stereotypical but when I found out Ethan was a boy I was like oh no I hope he likes singing
and and then obviously you know I now have enough because in your mind that would be the worst thing
yeah exactly and and then you know so I obviously I have that and you know there there are always
yeah it's sort of it's things now rather than kind of completely you know setting up camp there and
sort of living there but people call it grief people call it grief for a reason like you can
go through the stages of grief yeah in some way yeah and I'm also very aware that there's probably
triggers and grief and hard things that I haven't even thought about yet for the thing and I think
that's um you know for teachers at specialist schools and it's just and I'm sure you're you're
brilliant but and just kind of knowing that actually lots of the parents you meet are in this
space and actually you don't know what trigger they've had that day or what's kind of happened
or even what stage they're at in their coming to terms with their child and I think it's really
important to acknowledge that I've worked with some 14 year olds uh 10 years ago and whose parents
very much still one had not come to terms that their child was autistic and that was very very
made very very clear and yeah just don't assume I suppose just because their child isn't four or five
or three or even if they have only just if even if they were diagnosed 10 years ago don't necessarily
assume that they're at the same stage as you or other parents in your class I suppose as teacher
and parent yeah and and and their feelings not whatever they are definitely and like you know
I shared a lot on my account of like our fight that we had to get Ethan into specialist school
and we um one or whatever we got the specialist school name like on the deadline day but I also
have been very open with the fact that if we didn't get it and we had to go to tribunal
well we were already at peak stress peak illness peak site we've done everything you know I don't
know and obviously we would have downed everything to fight for Ethan but you know we both run our
own business that we might stop our business and yeah it comes at a cost a financial cost an
emotional cost a family relationship cost yeah it's huge yeah and then I probably wouldn't have done
my flyers you know I wouldn't be doing this account I wouldn't be asking others you know and I'm
obviously as you said every parent you meet is on a completely different journey a completely different
path and just never making assumptions of sort of where people are I suppose just like they say
every you meet one autistic child and you've met one autistic child you meet one parent of an
autistic child yeah met one parent it's as unique as the child is themselves why wouldn't it be why
wouldn't that be the case definitely I think maybe for teachers I think what from my point of view
because I've been doing it for 15 years I've worked with 400 autistic children I've kind of
become blind to the fact it's so normalized for me I've kind of become delusional in a way that
biting hitting chewing shaking flapping it's just part of my day and I don't think that's always
helpful actually because sometimes it's so normalized that I forget that what a parent
might be out with that because it's new to them it's brand new it's scary and it's unknown and
it's they don't know what will happen next you know it's all those feelings and I find it really
hard to relate actually yes because I'm like oh that's great like I had a key a the other day
it's like I haven't ever changed a nappy I haven't ever changed a nappy and they looked terrified and
I was like what are you talking about like I told you today like what yeah and it's like I need to
remember that yeah I need to remember yeah that the average person hasn't changed a nappy of an
11 year old and and I need to guide them through that as if it as if it was the first time and
and I think sometimes I think that's a fault of mine I've kind of become disillusioned in a way
and I've kind of become blind to it because sometimes I go into mainstream classes or I hang
out with my nephews who know typical and I'm blown away because it's not my normal is my
what is normal anyway that is my normal that's my baseline yeah is that so sometimes I'm like oh wow
like I didn't expect that voice to come out with this little one or whatever because I'm just
I'm not used to it definitely but then it makes me helpful when parents of new
diaclosacals come to me because I just see this gorgeous child that to me would fit perfectly into
my class and are perfect and I struggle to relate on that I think it is good that you recognize that
in the first days that is helpful and then I guess you know you mentioned the sort of biting and the
scratching and things and and that's something that Ethan Tuckwood does a lot lot less of since
day C but obviously that's not very nice as a parent having that kind of as part of your day
to day and I can imagine that might be something that you've become a bit you know god they're
only little now like what about when they're I think there is a lot of fear for the future actually
and often in EHCP reviews and for those that don't know those within EHCP have a annual meeting
where the paperwork gets reviewed so there it includes social care stuff education stuff it's
basically a whole plan about everyone around that child and targets for them and what we're all
working on together and it's reviewed every year and it it makes up part of their budget and
schooling and everything isn't it taxis also it's all in there and usually the hardest question
to ask parents is what's your hope for the future for them and it always feels really heavy because
in the early days I think I think it's heavy because their hope is different they've got two
types of hope they've got maybe like unrealistic hope which they're still maybe clinging onto a
little bit and then they've got realistic hope which is happy safe healthy loved as independent
as they can be they're often hit things I hear friends like equal relations yes I hear yeah I
hear lots of those things that's like demons I think yeah but I think in the back of their mind
I think why it feels so heavy and why it kind of cuts the air in the meeting is because actually
in the back of their mind their hopes are marriage relationships grandchildren you know living
independently having a job you know and I think and I've had conversation with a four-year-old
parents with four-year-olds and parents with a 19 year old and it still hurts it just seems to cut
that question it does cut the question but also it's as we said at the start you're just kind of
thrown into this world and actually you might not have even thought too far ahead by then but also
um for us and I think is the case for lots of other autistic children Ethan is sort of developing
all the time and changing all the time so you kind of make peace with one thing and then something
happened maybe he can do this and obviously you want to keep the full um sort of hope there
yeah and it's yeah and I always say with Ethan I've always said it but especially now he's got his
AAC and he's just flying with it that Ethan can do and I always use NASA as an example to somebody
but that Ethan could work anywhere and he can communicate via his AAC you know he could write
a novel on his AAC he can say everything he wants to he can do everything he wants to and we will
support him in any way you know he loves music and singing and stuff at the moment but we're
sort of waiting for that real special interest to pop up and we will kind of fly with it and how
interesting how interesting that he loves music and singing isn't that yeah exactly yeah yeah
just wonderful yeah you can share that together through his AAC and through his joy of yeah yeah
he loves yeah he does love playing the piano um with his hands and by sitting on it and doing
all sorts of you know music and like his speech and language therapist has commented like when
we sing or she sings he just sort of stops in his tracks and he listens so yeah like I'm still I
haven't actually thought that I'm still getting that aren't I the music yeah yeah absolutely I
saw you adding loads of um like different songs and phrases to his AAC and and that's a shared
interest isn't it it's your is your singing and music yeah because it's obviously it's genetic
isn't it right it's because it's obviously around him in his home so that is important to you guys
as a family um that's really wonderful yeah yeah it is yeah which is great and I suppose every
parent doesn't know what the future holds exactly it's just I think when your child is diagnosed
sometimes professionals almost like that pressure is put on you to think about it or to plan like
for example the benefit of being him going to a special school I can imagine is that he's there
till he is what 19 I think it's 18 18 yeah so that would I'm sure would have come as part of
the benefit because there's not as many transitions and you know they'll know him and it can be through
even all of those things like I can imagine that was part of the benefit and I feel like other
parents choosing an EYFS class for their children I was thinking about what happens when they're 18
yes yeah yeah yeah but like choosing a special school is such a was a difficult thing as well
because um you know a school we were moving house we were going out of county for the specialist
school and they um rejected Ethan and said they couldn't meet his needs and they said he was too
sort of able to go there because we put on his ASC that he can count and he knows his colors and
he knows his numbers which is true um so then we were thinking you know obviously we have no idea
what we're doing so we're then thinking what is that role do we need to be looking at other
situations but then a specialist school that is the same as the school that rejected Ethan
said yes and welcomed him with open arms which is the one he's going to but there's just so much
don't know what the cohort is like if it's all comparative right like who says more or less
but yeah I guess it depends on like the rest of the group they're getting I suppose like would he
pick into the cohort that they've got and I guess that changes every year I guess it's just luck
a lot of the time exactly and obviously that shouldn't be but that's a whole different
conversation isn't it but um but yeah so then and I remember when I first started realizing
either I need a specialist school for some reason and I sort of don't know why I was doing it but I
think it was helping me I would always say but he can still do GCSEs he can still do GCSEs which I
assume is true in some um that isn't true in the the sort of time yeah because it was true in my
special profession I was in um 10 years ago I think I mean special education is amazing
because it's so individualized if a child um we did have a few if a child is making progress in
a subject and looks like they could get a qualification in it I don't know any school
that wouldn't just apply for that one child to do that qualification whether that's a dance
certificate whether that's a swim certificate whether that's a GCSE I've never worked in a school
that wouldn't even if it's just one child put them through an exam they feel like they would do
because well selfishly it makes the school look good but also on an individual level like I don't
understand why you would do it so even if they're not doing it now there is no reason like if your
child is ready for whatever it is that subject or whatever yeah and also I mean home school parents
can do it and put a child through that anyway so even if they don't you can and that's what I was
used to saying I don't know why I remember it but I remember this like 90 year old man on BBC News
had got his master's GCSE and he decided to do it like you can do anything we can do you know me and
my partner are both churn teachers and we left after a year but we can we can do that and that's
really great to kind of hear you say that and I know we discussed a bit just how you um work to
support kind of all the different needs and I think Ethan um you know on one hand he's he's
very high needs in terms of non-speaking he's very sensory seeking and he doesn't sit still and he's
kind of here there and everywhere but he can also you know he's also clever it sounds like his
mathematical understanding is actually pretty good he and he can read now we always used to say we
think Ethan can read and but actually since the day he started saying he can read because he's
fun that you you're not even modeling some words and yet he's squeezing them yeah like um he loves
Bing like Bing is his favorite thing in the whole world and common for guest out language
process yeah because he's so emotive isn't he Bing he seems to go through every situation that
actually matters to a child yeah yeah which is so yeah because my yeah the kids I work with the one
I've worked with today especially um speak through Bing um yeah he's still in a referral for an AAC
it's 11 okay but he I know but he works with a BBC iPlayer he talks through the iPlayer
and will find the right episode and will say like saw a throw yeah or lost hearted and it means he's
like looking for someone or whatever like how clever is that incredible yeah it's incredible
I always say that neurotypicals would absolutely flounder and fail in a neurodivergent based world
can you imagine yeah because it would be like we would have to talk through these things and find
things really quickly and skip learn and like yeah yeah yeah like the exact you know like you
can fast forward it times two or whatever and find it and he loves the camping episode where it goes
it's only Arlo Bing so that's on his AAC and we do actually have a black cat which looks a bit like
Arlo but um he found I think you have to hit like three or four buttons to get to camping on his AAC
and he presses camping because he wants to watch that you know and yeah it's sort of being incredible
but um yeah knowing he can read so when we had the meeting with his new teacher it's something
that I wanted to ask and I'd really be interested to hear what you would say as well but just sort
of how they how the classing kind of sets up looks and if they know that sort of Ethan can count and
Ethan can read do they do you kind of set different activities sort of where does it sort of look
it's exactly that also in special it's kind of I do it for both because I've worked in a special
school and then now I've worked in a special class that's that's with the only class in the whole
school yeah so it looks kind of different so where I work now we've got age four to 11 and we've just
got one class of specialist provision and we're attached to a mainstream school so everybody of
all abilities is in that one class so we've had years with children working at just tracking
something so like three months level in the same class as children taking their maths and english
sats year six sats in the same class so in that situation every single child has a completely
bespoke yes ips lesson plans lessons and you kind of do that I mean god we get experts at it you'll
just be really creative often special ed teachers are really creative because you just constantly
have to be outside the box yes in one group activity say we're building up a tower and
knocking it down one child will be doing a tally and making a graph as to what children knocked
what down or whatever or how long it they'd be timing it and then they'd make a graph over that
and the other child is is learning more yes so we're knocking down and they're asking for more
another child is learned practicing fine motor skills and building up
lots never toiled it's just giving fleeting attention and that's there yeah so it's really
okay you have to be so creative and just think like what does history look like for a child
that's working at four months yes it looks like looking in a mirror because how do you know where
you come from until you know who you are so they're doing history with a mirror and and deep pressure
well the others are learning about i don't know nine figure girl and like the war that's kind
of insane what we do in my car yeah but that's that means we need so many adults so yeah we're
gonna say oh very high adult ratio um at that point when we had the three month cognitive and
the year six cognitive we were one to one plus teacher so we had more adults in the room than
children that's amazing huge luxury yeah now we have a little bit less because the the parameters
have closed in a little bit yeah so we actually just for a need of special ed provision we actually
there's no way you'll ever have a child that could do sats again i don't i don't think
in my mind just because they're such they'll always end up in in mainstream and we'll just
support them in their inclusion class yeah um just because of how things are going however in my
special education school it's the whole school so they can be really they can be much more specific
about levels yeah of children and you might find that in ethan's class there's a range of ages
there might be between three and four kind of years within one class but there'll be a similar
size a similar sensory seeking kind of stuff similar language skills similar maybe similar
interest they do try really hard to prepare children of ability over age often yeah so then
in my classes there there's still complete differentiation still because there's different
special interests there's different language skills ways of working ways of learning but it's
far less i would say than what i'm doing day to day so for example for reading it might be that
maybe the class is split into three groups and even there's in the group that are using their
aac reading a book and they're matching the word yeah the book for example the other two groups in
his class one might be doing comprehension work if you're in a middle group and the others are
just doing the sensory story and it's more about the feeling of the textures and modeling rather
than that so yeah probably kind of like three little things going on rather than it being
a spoke for every student but that's always get anomalies yeah it might be even as anomaly in his
class and then he leaves something a little bit more spoke but the special education is that we
can do that yeah there's a reason why i'm a special education teacher and not and not mainstream is
because i know i can meet every child where they're at and that does feel like a luxury as a teacher
lots of parents sort of in my position you have a child going into special school
have probably had a negative experience sort of at mainstream nursery where you're so used
to their needs not being met and they're not sort of being understood so like that sounds
incredible that you can just and ethan has a good ratio of sort of ta's to the teacher and to know
that they can truly support him and and go down whichever path he's going it's just so amazing
i think all i would say was i've known children that can do everything that ethan's doing at home
and and that's what the parents were saying like but they're doing they're having conversation
skills we're having two-way conversations at home and they're using all this language at home and
they're reading at home we weren't seeing it in school yeah i think something about the environment
the noise the light the other people just yeah yeah it's going to be something i mean they weren't
completely relaxed and comfortable they maybe didn't feel as safe whatever it was whatever it
was the parents did really well we couldn't we just weren't doing as well at so we weren't seeing
it so in that instance it's just really important that parent and teacher communication is really
strong yes and your relationship is really strong and then maybe like you add some of what he's doing
to his like evidence like i don't know if it's done through your ipad or photos or whatever
there'll be some way that you could kind of share that with him so that he's not held back yeah
because i've fallen track of that before if i haven't seen it i just assume and unless we
have a conversation about oh no they can do that they can do that yeah yeah i mean i suppose it's
also yes they can do that at home when they're regulated in their environment actually it would
be very unfair for me to expect that in the environment and i'm sure you know our house
is ethan's sort of century kingdom you know so he's heaven isn't it yeah so obviously he's
regulated he's comfortable he's happy um but that's why i've had such joy as well with him having his
aac and obviously i don't want to put loads of pressure on ethan to to go in and kind of prove
himself but just by having it and showing that he can kind of use it he can hopefully the judgment
kind of will be different maybe in that they and i think with ethan um you know the teacher said i
think ethan will kind of keep um them on her toes a bit so for example they had elastic bands and
you can't quite see how it's going to work but round the taps to stop them turning on and ethan
just went up picked up something that looked like a cup went to the tap turned it on had a drink made
himself a drink and like he just cracks on just like and he's quite he's um he's only well he's
five in october but he's wearing like seven to eight clothes like he's gonna be tall and um tall
and strong and when we went to view his specialist nursery they kept trying to hide i think it was
like a tea towel or something but kept trying to hide it from ethan and towards the end he was
pretty much stood on the chair on top of a table to get this ethan and obviously he might in the
future but um the sort of masking side of things um ethan doesn't really do kind of currently he
just goes in full steam ahead as he so sure yeah and i think and obviously you know time will tell
but i do think ethan is ready for school now um you know and he wants things to do yeah and i feel
like the same happens in year six actually you kind of know when they're ready for the next thing
or whatever or the next age or the next stage or whatever you kind of feel it yeah definitely
that's really great that he's ready for school like the next challenge i suppose to really
to to test out in the in out in the world everything you learn at home we've had the
sort of transition days and we've got one more coming but he's pretty much going um you know
nine till three right from the start because actually if we picked him up some lunchtime
the first week he'd always want to be picked up from lunchtime then and i think and we know as
ethan's parents we're also sort of walking distance to his festive school which again it
is lucky so we know that he's there but we can be there in 10 minutes but yeah i do talk to
him but i really do think i'm like a really great transition as well which is really good isn't it
yeah because we don't you know and then i suppose that looks like a six week break isn't it just
keeping those like that like looking at photos and whatever you've taken yeah we can drive past it
and kind of point it out and we've added um the school like to his aac so you can sort of press
that and stuff um have you got any other questions or like you're just wondering about how things work
yeah one thing i wonder was just sort of how long and this is potentially sort of how long is a piece
of steering question but how long do you say it takes for you to truly kind of understand the child
that has joined your class in september and obviously they change you know even changes
in front of our eyes sometimes yeah what do you think shorter the more information parents give
us because if we don't know their special interests their favorite toys what certain phrases mean what
certain what triggers it takes a hell of a longer because we spend all those first weeks just learning
that so if if the transition has been successful and parents communication is really successful
we already know what makes them happy what makes them anxious what triggers are we can start then
from the next step because sometimes that takes two or three weeks yeah then we can spend actually
usually two or three weeks with intensive interaction learning their stims they'll very
quickly tell us what they enjoy doing because they'll be showing us and we can use those as an
opportunity to connect with them motivate them build into lessons that kind of thing so i'd say
two or three weeks usually that is way way shorter if we've got a good solid two-way communication
with parents and even like if you're given like home school communication books ever that's done
through email or written or whatever it's really great if that's used and even if you're like oh
we didn't do anything over there we'll send like just say because they might not be able to tell us
as full as you can even if they can use their aac and it's a great opportunity for us to initiate
conversation even if you can send photos that would be awesome like just anything that we can
get to know the child and let them know that we're late because usually typically they like home
separate school separate and actually it's quite nice to play the line sometimes and show them
you know this is important to us too like we want to know that you've got a new puppy or
or that you're got kittens or whatever and i know that's another thing i love about special ed
school actually is that you can ask any mainstream teacher and they will be able to tell you what
level the child is at as in like academic level i can't but i can tell you what their cat is called
what their siblings are called when their birthday is you know what their dad's football favorite
football team is to me yeah and that i'm very proud of that yeah and that's lovely and that
matters so much like to me as a parent and you know knowing that you genuinely care about my son
and you care about all the what his hobbies are and what he loves but you also care about his
learning and communicating with us because i think as a parent when you've been so used to kind of
fighting for kind of every service and whatever you know and you're used to being sort of that
parent sort of thing that's and i think actually it's nice to hear that actually once you've
hopefully done lots of the fighting you can just kind of settle a bit and be like actually i'm not
being that parent by talking to the teacher it's just we also never mind that parent exactly
because we also acknowledge the fight that has had to come yeah and that is absolutely understandable
and it's and we are also i hope well i am anyway i suppose i can't speak to everybody i'm absolutely
okay and i do say this to parents being like actually we don't use that word anymore like
the other day for example i was talking to a parent at the gate and i said learning difficulty
like it just came out of my mouth and she was like it's not difficulty it's learning disability
i said of course yeah of course i never mind that please please keep saying that please keep us
learning and being educated because like you said at the beginning and you said it so perfectly
you are an expert of your own child so yes we might have worked with this many children this
many professionals we're not an expert of your child like absolutely tell us yeah absolutely
educate us all please yeah thank you so much to learn isn't there all the time things are so like
ethan's aac i think especially school he's going to you know they hadn't seen an aac um so i kind
of have made sure it's gone with into every same thing because i want it to be ethan comes with his
aac and that's it has to and we've seen some wonderful things of like ethan um he loves bub
eye from being it's a bub eye box oh yeah the bye bye box oh my goodness yeah why don't the
bye bye box he's going to bye bye and he so he can say bye bye when we leave and to see that as a
parent of a non-speaking child to see my child say bye bye and then for people to look at ethan
instead of me and actually say yeah and say bye to ethan you know and it's just given him um
um given him a voice to kind of take with him which is just so brilliant but um i've just seen
a message from a parent whose pupil is actually starting in my class in september and they've said
um should i write a list to tell you guys about my child so yes i send home and this is relevant
for everybody i send home a happiness audit it's on my google drive but anyone that wants it i'll
send it to you and it's basically a what makes your child happy audit it's the first thing we
give so it's what sensory experiences make your children happy what foods make your children happy
what environments make your children happy what people make your children happy what you know
just what does heaven look like for your child because then we can refer to that you know if we
want to support a child coming in from the car or i don't know anything anything throughout the day
we can look at the happiness audit and think oh yeah actually this environment is not ideal for
them let's dim the lights let's put on rock music whatever it is that makes them happy it just might
help it just gives us a clue so for this one parent you're lucky enough to have these
from that um like from the perspective of a parent to know that you do that and again that
you genuinely care and are going to be supporting them with what makes them happy that is just so
incredible to hear um so brilliant yeah it's currency happiness is currency in the specialist
class like how can i assume that a child like Ethan will want to join our group area if it's
not motivating to him and doesn't doesn't hit those buttons you know whereas if it would be
as easy enough and be like oh okay three of our kids like tax yeah okay awesome i'm gonna pick
a story the first week about yeah like it's so easy once exactly and like ethan loves um one two
three four five once they caught a fisher and at the moment like he loves counting it and doing it
all on his aoc and like if we told you that and you could think you could meet ethan and you could
that could be the song you sing exactly that exactly that or like when we picked the music song
we can because we do choice boards we can just make sure that's an option because without knowing
that that was his favorite song we might even not have that as an option and then even if he could
understand the choice board or whatever we're limiting here so the more we know the more
opportunities the better and going back to your question of how long does it take to get to know
a child the more we know we can build those connections that trust yeah and that did surprise
me how quickly you said but but that's amazing and obviously you're with them for such a long
period of time in a day and that's the job is to get to know them like those first weeks are
literally that is what we do it is building trust yeah it's a lot of intensive interaction just to
start building that trust yeah share some language and getting them to know the class you know within
within their own not but trying to stretch them too far it's a real it's a real weird balance
yeah especially when you've got them all doing it at once yeah don't think that sending him in
with four eight four pages of handwritten information about him is too much if you can't
do that don't that's fine if you want to don't think oh my god i'm that parent please don't
because i've got too much information than not at all and even if i can't read it that first
day it's a bit hectic yeah if it's in front of his book stapled in there at least we can refer to it
definitely that one more question i was going to ask actually that's okay yeah of course
which just sort of what we can is there anything we can do kind of during the summer
so for all the parents who have their children's at especially school to just kind of support
ethan a little bit so we know i think on one of his goals it's to sort of um be able to put
his coat on and off okay is that kind of useful to do with him or depends on like some of them
might give you specific goals like some of them still have a specific thing i would say just really
focus on the transition photos or videos that you've got so if when next time you visit video him
in the space in the classroom if you're allowed to yeah or at least take photos of the adults and
key workers he's working with the entrance door like really important like steps of how he's going
to get there i think probably the most important thing because your job is to get him through the
door and that's sometimes harder i mean it sounds like nathan did brilliantly but for some parents
sometimes just getting them into the car dressed in a different uniform there was so much i think
focus on that focus on practicing uniform wearing on and off no pressure new shoes practice wearing
new shoes because sometimes they're a bit hard and horrible aren't they so wearing new shoes
without any pressure of going in yeah make it a bit of a fun game maybe practice the car journey
parking in the car park and then going home again you know all those things actually that's probably
that's probably the most important thing because your job ends at the gate and then we over summer
we are thinking about from the gate right okay what's learning gonna look like of course but if
you can get them to the gate on time like wearing their uniform whatever it is yes that is awesome
that is awesome okay and it's so good to hear you saying that our job ends and then you take over
so i think you know for us we've had a really funny kind of child care history of like
nursing not meeting his needs and so so to just know that he's going to be somewhere where he's
fully supported he's understood he's accepted and his happiness is the main goal you know just so
brilliant to just be looking forward to that and just sending him kind of safely sort of on his way
and the more the more prepped he is the less anxious he'll feel and the better day he'll have
yeah and if there are if you've practiced over the summer and you're really concerned about
i don't know like i've heard some awful things like some schools making children wear
shirts and ties and i don't know specific things like some schools do like it is okay as a parent
to voice your concerns because you again you're the expert of your child if you feel like them
wearing a shirt is going to hinder them from even entering the building in my mind that's exclusion
and it's absolutely okay to voice that and to keep fighting for that for me i'm happy well my head
teacher hopefully isn't watching i'm happy a kid's up in their pajamas i couldn't get careless if
they're through the gate and they're happy and regulated i'll work with it yeah that's well
but but i think i think probably as a parent i probably expect special schools to be a bit more
lenient with that but as you said if there's ones that are kind of yeah not always it's no not always
sometimes it's we want we want children sometimes it helps having uniform because then they know
it's a school day or a home day you know like for some children it's actually very important
so often we kind of go for a mixture of we have a white t-shirt rather than a white shirt and they
wear the school jumper and they wear jogging bottoms like that kind of thing is quite typical
in our class and they are part of the school they've got the logo but it's a little bit yeah but
i mean that's it's so school it really is school specific yeah some other schools wouldn't but but
also if your gut feeling says that that is hindering your child from entering the building i would say
that's that's probably that's an easy fix isn't it come on yeah um yeah yeah but maybe that says
more about me than well no if you can't get past that with the school it's it would be a lot of
it would be a red flag wouldn't it yeah definitely definitely um yeah so then if you guys follow
spinning world of autism um then and then reach out well one follow because it's such a joy
to watch ethan's journey and i'm so pleased that i started following like from the start of his
schooling because i just know that in 10 years time i'm like oh do you remember when he started
school yeah i know it's definitely so nice to be at this end of the journey yeah because i love
either i followed lots of parents as well and some of them they're teenagers or whatever like
i look back at folks and they come so far it's really lovely to like follow it with you and
you're so open and honest about your journey and yeah you're so encouraging supporting so positive
you're such a light i think um for teachers as well as parents actually i know you you probably
have a lot of parents on your thing but i find it really useful as a teacher to be a better
advocate a better support for my parents so thank you for that i think there'll be parents watching
this and parents eating your feed this is such a comfort to know that they are not alone it's
so important and cannot be overlooked so thank you so much for putting yourself out there everybody
go and follow uh spinning world of autism and your journey you're doing such great work thank you
wow so lovely to finally we've been captured isn't it yeah we're fairly locally thanks
to you yeah we are we we will be in person once because we aren't that far away
because i'm far away from everyone else but not too far from you no exactly exactly that would be
great thank you so much laura