1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,160 Emotional bites, serving up respect, no substitutions. 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:06,160 ["Servant Love"] 3 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:25,200 Hey everyone and welcome back for another Deep Dive with us. 4 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,160 Today we're gonna be looking at something 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,520 that I think is probably pretty familiar to pretty much all of us. 6 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,680 And that's family dynamics. 7 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:40,480 But we're gonna be looking specifically at how respect, power and punishment, 8 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,320 all kind of intertwine. 9 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,680 We've got some fascinating academic papers and guides 10 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,040 that are gonna help us unpack all of this. 11 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,960 You know what's really interesting about this to me 12 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:55,880 is that we hear a lot about this idea that parents just automatically deserve respect. 13 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,760 Simply because they're the parents. 14 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:02,640 But like the sources that we're looking at today really challenge that whole notion. 15 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:09,920 The sources are kind of suggesting that respect is something that you earn 16 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,400 more than something that you demand. 17 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,440 It's about how you actually treat other people, 18 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:20,680 how you communicate with them and whether you acknowledge their needs and feelings. 19 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:21,960 Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. 20 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:28,160 I mean, if you think about it, you're much more likely to respect someone who listens to you, 21 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:33,800 who takes your perspective into account and who treats you fairly rather than someone who's just like... 22 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,480 Forcing you to do things because they said so. 23 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,960 Exactly. 24 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,360 And this becomes even more relevant when we think about 25 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,920 how power dynamics shift in families as kids get older. 26 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,720 It's not a static system. 27 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,240 Like when you're a little kid, your parents have all the power like... 28 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,320 They make all the decisions. 29 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,240 They decide what you're going to eat when you go to bed, what you wear. 30 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:55,960 Yeah. 31 00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:00,280 But as you get older, you start to crave more of that independence. 32 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:00,760 Yes. 33 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,880 And you want to have more of a say in your own life. 34 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:08,400 And that's where things can get tricky if parents are stuck in that mindset of, 35 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,600 I'm the parent. 36 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,960 So you just automatically... 37 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,000 You have to respect me. 38 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:12,800 Have to respect me. 39 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,160 Because I am the parent. 40 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:18,560 Yeah, because if you're demanding that respect, but you're not giving it in return... 41 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:19,880 It's going to lead to resentment. 42 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,000 Oh yeah, 100%. 43 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:21,360 Yeah. 44 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:27,160 I remember when I was the teenager, my mom would get so frustrated with me. 45 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:27,600 Yeah. 46 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,280 And she'd say things like, why don't you respect me? 47 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,040 I'm your mother. 48 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,840 Oh yeah. 49 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,600 But honestly, it just made me pull away even more. 50 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,200 Yes. 51 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:36,680 Like... 52 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,440 And dig your heels in more. 53 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:43,680 So that's a classic example of how like demanding that respect can actually completely undermine it. 54 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,000 Undermine the whole thing. 55 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,560 The more you try to force it. 56 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,920 The more resistance you're going to get. 57 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:48,920 It just makes sense. 58 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:49,360 Yeah. 59 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:57,160 So how can parents kind of navigate this shift in power dynamics in a way that actually fosters mutual respect? 60 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:57,440 Right. 61 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:03,560 Well, they talk about this idea of an interdependence structure, which is basically just this idea of 62 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,160 recognizing that everyone in the family contributes in different ways. 63 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,720 So it's not just like... 64 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,880 It's not about one person holding all the cards. 65 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,280 One person being the boss. 66 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:13,840 Exactly. 67 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,920 It's more like you're all on the same team. 68 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:16,360 Yeah. 69 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,120 And you all have different roles to play. 70 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:18,640 Okay. 71 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,800 But the team as a whole needs to function. 72 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,520 Right. 73 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:21,800 Right. 74 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,960 So you've got to figure out how to make that work. 75 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,440 How to make it all work together. 76 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:26,760 Yeah. 77 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,520 And how to kind of respect each other's roles in that. 78 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:29,880 Yeah. 79 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:34,120 It's kind of like, if you think about it, a family is kind of like a band. 80 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:34,800 Oh, I like that. 81 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,000 You've got like the lead singer. 82 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:37,640 Okay, yeah. 83 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,680 The drummer. 84 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,360 The bassist. 85 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,120 The guitarist. 86 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,520 Everybody has their own... 87 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,920 Their own specific part. 88 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:43,640 Hard to play. 89 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,240 Yeah. 90 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,720 But they need to work together. 91 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,400 To create the music. 92 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,000 Beautiful. 93 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:48,720 Yeah, exactly. 94 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:49,960 And in a healthy family. 95 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:50,800 Right. 96 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:56,000 It's kind of like in a really good band where everyone feels heard, respected and valued. 97 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:56,560 Yes. 98 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,000 And appreciated for their unique contribution. 99 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,240 For what they bring to the table. 100 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:00,440 Yeah. 101 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,320 That makes a lot of sense. 102 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,160 Yeah. 103 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,120 And that brings us to like this whole question of punishment. 104 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:05,520 Okay. 105 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,480 And how that can impact respect in families. 106 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,600 Punishment. 107 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,600 A loaded word. 108 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:10,840 Yeah. 109 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,360 We all have kind of different experiences and associations with it. 110 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:14,960 For sure. 111 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,720 And the sources that we were looking at today are suggesting that punishment. 112 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:19,160 Okay. 113 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:26,560 Especially when it's used as a way to control or demand respect can actually be counterproductive. 114 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,120 So you're saying that it doesn't actually work? 115 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,000 Pretty much. 116 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:29,400 Yeah. 117 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,320 Instead of like fostering genuine respect. 118 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:32,640 Yeah. 119 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:38,960 It can often lead to resentment, fear and just like a breakdown of trust. 120 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:39,360 Yeah. 121 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,360 Like if you think about it, if you're being punished. 122 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:41,720 Right. 123 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:46,880 For not showing enough respect, are you really going to learn to respect the person that's 124 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,360 punishing you? 125 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,240 Probably not. 126 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,080 Or are you just going to become more resentful and rebellious? 127 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:52,240 Yeah. 128 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,360 Especially if you don't understand why you're being punished in the first place. 129 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:55,640 Yeah. 130 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,080 Exactly. 131 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,240 Like if someone's just saying like, oh, you're grounded because you were disrespectful. 132 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,200 Yeah. 133 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,520 But you don't actually know what you did. 134 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,120 And you don't know how to fix it. 135 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:03,480 Yeah. 136 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,120 So it's like how are you supposed to learn from that? 137 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,000 That's where communication and understanding come into play. 138 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:09,800 Absolutely. 139 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,520 Like if parents are going to use punishment. 140 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,000 Yes. 141 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,360 It needs to be done in a way that the child understands. 142 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:15,720 Right. 143 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,120 What they did and how to actually make it better. 144 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:18,360 Yeah. 145 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,080 Make amends. 146 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:19,440 Yeah. 147 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:19,800 Right. 148 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,080 So it's more about teaching. 149 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,840 It should be about teaching and guiding rather than just like laying down the law. 150 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:25,200 Yeah. 151 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:25,440 Right. 152 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,360 So here's something I've always kind of wondered about. 153 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,200 Okay. 154 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:35,720 What about that idea that parents need to maintain a certain level of authority? 155 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,320 Okay. 156 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:41,920 Does letting go of punishment completely just undermine that? 157 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,960 Well, I'm in the sources are saying that there's a difference between authority. 158 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:45,480 Okay. 159 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,760 And authoritarianism. 160 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:47,080 Okay. 161 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,800 Like true authority comes from respect and trust. 162 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:50,160 Okay. 163 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,000 Not from fear and punishment. 164 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,200 So it's like being a leader. 165 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:53,760 Yes. 166 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,240 As opposed to being a dictator. 167 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:55,960 Exactly. 168 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,840 It's about setting clear boundaries and expectations. 169 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:04,400 While also giving kids the space to make their own choices and learn from their experiences. 170 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,320 But you're guiding them. 171 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,360 You're guiding them. 172 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,680 Not controlling them. 173 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:14,800 One thing that really struck me in these sources is the idea that punitive actions can actually be seen as disrespectful. 174 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,080 It makes sense. 175 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:22,880 Punishment often comes from a place of power and control which can feel devaluing to the person on the receiving end. 176 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:23,720 Gotcha. 177 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,160 But what happens if they really cross the line? 178 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:26,560 Okay. 179 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,520 What if they do something that is truly disrespectful or harmful? 180 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:30,920 Right. 181 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,640 That's where things can get really tricky. 182 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:33,040 Yeah. 183 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,480 And honestly there's no easy answer. 184 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,720 Because every family and every situation is different. 185 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,200 So there's no one size fits all approach? 186 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,360 Not really. 187 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,360 But the sources do suggest that even in those like really difficult situations, 188 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:52,360 it's important to remember that the goal is to try and restore respect and connection. 189 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:52,800 Okay. 190 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,400 Not to just inflict punishment or pain. 191 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,560 So even when you're disciplining your child, you're still coming from a place of love and respect. 192 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,600 Ideally, yes. 193 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,440 It's not about winning a battle. 194 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:02,720 Oh. 195 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,160 Or proving a point. 196 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:04,760 Gotcha. 197 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,200 It's about helping your child to understand like the consequences of their actions. 198 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:09,440 Okay. 199 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,600 And how to make better choices in the future. 200 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,040 That's a really powerful message. 201 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:13,520 It is. 202 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,280 It's not always easy to stay calm. 203 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,600 And loving when your kid is like. 204 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:19,880 Especially in the heat of the moment. 205 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:20,000 Yeah. 206 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:20,800 Pushing your buttons. 207 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:21,680 Yes. 208 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,680 But it sounds like ultimately that's the most effective approach. 209 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,720 It does take practice and patience though. 210 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:27,240 For sure. 211 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,160 And you know sometimes you need to take a step back and cool down. 212 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:30,640 Yeah. 213 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,440 And come back to the situation later. 214 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,160 100%. 215 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:33,800 And you know what? 216 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:34,160 Yeah. 217 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:38,200 This whole conversation we're having about punishment and respect. 218 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:38,880 Uh-huh. 219 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,560 It's making me think about the bigger picture of family dynamics. 220 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,080 Okay. 221 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,600 Like it's not just about parents and kids. 222 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,360 No, it's not. 223 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,040 It's about how everyone in the family interacts with each other. 224 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:50,200 Right. 225 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,480 It respects each other. 226 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:51,920 And how they do. 227 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,480 Like the sources actually touch on this. 228 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:54,880 Okay. 229 00:07:54,880 --> 00:08:00,560 They say that respect within families is a reflection of how we view respect in the wider world. 230 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,320 That's interesting. 231 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:06,880 Yeah. It's about recognizing that inherent dignity and worth of every individual. 232 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,240 Right. 233 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,040 Regardless of their age, their position, their behavior. 234 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,160 This is not just about saying please and thank you. 235 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:16,880 It's about creating this whole culture of empathy and compassion and understanding. 236 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:17,320 Exactly. 237 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,480 It's about treating each other with kindness and consideration. 238 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:20,800 Yeah. 239 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,200 Even when we disagree. 240 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,240 Even when we mess up. 241 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,200 Or make mistakes. 242 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,360 Yeah, for sure. 243 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,040 Wow. That's a powerful thought. 244 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:27,720 It is. 245 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,640 So how do we put all this into practice? 246 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:29,960 Right. 247 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:34,880 How do we actually create that family culture where respect is earned and not demanded? 248 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:35,280 Yeah. 249 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,080 And where punishment is used sparingly and thoughtfully? 250 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,280 Well, the sources highlight a few key strategies. 251 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,480 And I think one of the most important ones is open communication. 252 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:45,160 Okay. 253 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,600 And I don't just mean like talking at each other. 254 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,520 I mean actually listening. 255 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:49,840 Yeah. 256 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,840 With the intention to understand, not just to respond. 257 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,120 Yeah. That's tough. 258 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:54,960 It is tough. 259 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,480 It's so easy to just get caught up in your own head like thinking about what am I going to say next 260 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,920 instead of actually taking the time to hear what the other person is saying. 261 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,080 And sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it. 262 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:05,400 Yeah. 263 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:05,960 You know? 264 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,560 Totally. 265 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,440 But it takes a real conscious effort to kind of quiet those voices. 266 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:10,520 Yeah. 267 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,640 And really focus on the other person's words, their tone, their body language. 268 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:14,680 Yeah. 269 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:19,520 Like all those subtle cues that give us a deeper understanding of what they're feeling and why. 270 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,960 So it's like being an active listener. 271 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,160 Like being really present in that conversation. 272 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:23,840 Absolutely. 273 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:30,680 And it's about creating that safe space where everyone feels comfortable expressing themselves. 274 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,160 Okay. 275 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,000 Without fear of judgment or interruption. 276 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,720 Yeah. I mean if you're always feeling like you're getting shut down. 277 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,440 Yeah. 278 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:41,480 Or criticized, you're probably not going to want to share your thoughts and feelings. 279 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,880 Exactly. You're going to get defensive. 280 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:43,000 Right. 281 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,520 And the communication just breaks down. 282 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,640 Okay. So open communication is key. 283 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,120 Yes. 284 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,440 What else? 285 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:52,080 So another important strategy is understanding motivations. 286 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:52,600 Right. 287 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,280 And we kind of touched on this earlier. 288 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:54,800 Right. 289 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,720 But it's about going beyond just like the surface behavior. 290 00:09:58,720 --> 00:09:59,000 Okay. 291 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:04,040 Trying to figure out like what are the underlying needs and emotions that are driving that. 292 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,240 So instead of just reacting to like your kids slamming the door. 293 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:07,920 Right. 294 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,440 You try and figure out like okay what's actually going on that's making them so upset. 295 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,240 Exactly. Like is it something that happened at school? 296 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,360 Is it a conflict with a friend? 297 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,920 Are they just feeling overwhelmed? 298 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,320 Do they need a little bit of space? 299 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:20,840 Yeah. 300 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,400 And by taking that time to figure out what's going on. 301 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:23,880 Okay. 302 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:28,360 You can respond in a way that's just way more empathetic and effective. 303 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:34,760 So even when a kid's behavior is really tough, we should still try and see like the human being behind it. 304 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:40,840 Absolutely. And remember like sometimes the most disrespectful behaviors are actually just cries for help. 305 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,960 Okay. That's a good point. 306 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:47,800 Yeah. And you know that actually brings us to another point from the sources about acknowledging each other's autonomy. 307 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:54,520 Especially as kids get older, they really need to feel like they have some control over their own lives. 308 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,400 So it's about giving them choices and respecting those choices. 309 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,080 Yes. Even if you don't agree with them. 310 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,280 Even if you don't agree. 311 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:05,960 It's about letting go of that need to control everything and trusting that they are capable of making their own decisions. 312 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,760 I feel like that's so hard for so many parents. 313 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:09,400 It is. 314 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:09,640 It is. 315 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,080 Like that I know what's best for you. 316 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,000 Yeah. That I know best mentality. 317 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:13,320 Yeah. 318 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:17,400 But actually like giving kids age-appropriate autonomy. 319 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:17,800 Okay. 320 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:22,440 Foster's responsibility and helps them develop into more confident and self-reliant people. 321 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,200 So it's like teaching someone to ride a bike. You can hold onto the seat for a little while. 322 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:26,760 Exactly. 323 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:27,960 But eventually you have to. 324 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,920 You got to let go. 325 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:29,400 Let go. 326 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,080 And let them find their balance. 327 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:31,640 Exactly. 328 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,760 And then finally the sources talk about focusing on strengths. 329 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,160 Okay. 330 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,280 So easy to get caught up in what people are doing wrong. 331 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:45,320 So instead of constantly pointing out what your kid needs to improve on, you're trying to catch them doing something right. 332 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,080 Exactly. Catch them being good. 333 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:47,240 Yeah. 334 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,920 And make a big deal out of it. 335 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,000 This has been such an insightful deep dive. 336 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,800 Agree. 337 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,400 We've learned that respect is earned, not demanded. 338 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,200 Yes. 339 00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:03,640 And that punishment, while sometimes necessary, should be used sparingly and with focus on teaching and guiding. 340 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,200 Mm-hmm. 341 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,680 And we've explored some really practical strategies. 342 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:07,080 Yeah. 343 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,640 For building a culture of respect in our families. 344 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:10,360 Absolutely. 345 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:17,320 Open communication, understanding motivations, acknowledging autonomy, and focusing on strengths. 346 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,360 Mm-hmm. 347 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:19,480 Any final words of wisdom? 348 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:27,480 Well, if I could just leave you with one key takeaway, it would be this building a culture of respect in your family is an ongoing process. 349 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,960 There will be ups and downs, there will be moments of frustration. 350 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:30,520 For sure. 351 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,800 And times when you feel like you're taking one step forward and two steps back. 352 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,400 But the most important thing is to just keep those lines of communication open. 353 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:37,960 Okay. 354 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,680 To keep learning and growing together and to never give up on the power of respect. 355 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,720 Because at the end of the day, family is the one constant in our lives. 356 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,640 It's the place where we learn and grow, where we find love and support. 357 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:53,160 And where we develop the skills and values that will shape us for a lifetime. 358 00:12:53,160 --> 00:13:09,080 Beautifully said and stay curious about the ever evolving dance of family dynamics.