Emotional bites, are we respecting our family or just expecting it?
It's that age old question right who owes respect to whom absolutely especially in that wonderful world when we call family
Mm-hmm. So today we're zeroing in on a dynamic, okay, that can be both
Incredibly close. Yeah, and kind of crazy making
Okay, so let's start with this idea sure of respect as a two-way street. Okay, I
remember this one time. Mm-hmm. I was maybe ten, okay, and I
Desperately wanted to go to this sleepover. Mm-hmm. It was the social event of the fourth grade Wow
and
Instead of just saying no outright, okay
My mom actually sat me down and listened to why I thought I was ready
That feeling of being heard even at such a young age can be incredibly powerful. I totally was yeah, and you know what what?
She actually said yes. Oh, wow, but the bigger point is that even though she was the parent. Mm-hmm
She didn't just lay down the law, right? She respected my opinion
Yeah, even if it was about something as seemingly trivial as a sleepover that brings us to a really interesting concept called
Interdependence theory, okay, it basically says that families aren't dictatorships. Okay, they're more like
Complex ecosystems where everyone's actions impact everyone else. So you're saying it's not just about
Kids owing respect to parents absolutely it goes both ways. It's a constant dance. Okay a give and take okay when parents model
Respectful behavior. Mm-hmm children are more likely to reciprocate. Okay, and when children show respect
It can actually influence how parents respond. Wow. That makes a lot of sense
But how does this whole idea of respect change as we grow up? Okay, because let's be real
Yeah respecting your mom when you're 30. Mm-hmm looks a lot different than respecting her when you're 10
That's where things get really interesting right when your little
Obedience often gets equated with respect. Yeah, but as we become adults it becomes way more nuanced, right?
Exactly, I still respect my mom, but I don't need her permission to go to a sleepover anymore. Right hopefully exactly
And that transition can be tricky for both mothers and daughters
Okay expectations shift roles change and it takes a whole lot of open communication to navigate those changes successfully
Yeah, mm-hmm, and it's not just about those big dramatic arguments or demanding permission for a tattoo
Yeah, sometimes it's the little things the everyday moments where respect or disrespect and sneak in
Oh, tell me about it. Yeah, like if my mom's trying to have a serious conversation
Mm-hmm, and I'm glued to my phone right totally zoning her out. Yeah, that's not exactly showing respect
Right, even if I don't mean to be rude exactly. Yeah, it's about being present
Okay demonstrating that you value the other person's time and what they have to say. Yeah putting down the phone is a good start
Okay, so active listening
Digging the digital distractions. What else can we add to our respect toolkit?
One thing that really jumps out from the research. Okay is the power of validating feelings validating feelings. Yeah, okay
I'm intrigued. Mm-hmm. What does that actually look like? Yeah in a real live
Mother-daughter conversation. It means
Acknowledging and accepting the other person's emotions. Okay, even if you don't necessarily agree with the reason behind them
So if my mom's upset about something, yeah, even if I think she's overreacting
Uh-huh. I should still try to understand and acknowledge that her feelings are real for her exactly
Okay, you don't have to agree with the why behind the emotion, right?
But you can still validate the emotion itself. It's about empathy really that makes a lot of sense
Mm-hmm. It's like saying hey, I see you. Yeah, I hear you right and your feelings matter to me
Exactly, even if I don't see things the same way you got it. Yeah, and that simple active validation can go a long way in
building trust and understanding, okay? It shows you care even in the midst of disagreement. Okay, here's a tough one
What about when there are genuine disagreements? Mm-hmm those classic mother-daughter clashes of opinion, right?
Where you just can't seem to see eye to eye. Yeah, how do you maintain respect? That's a good question
Yeah, that's where this idea of respect as a moral duty really comes into play. Okay, it's about
Recognizing that even though you might passionately disagree, right?
The other person is still worthy of respect. So it's not about trying to change each other's minds, right?
Or win the argument. Yeah, but about respecting the right to hold a different opinion. It's tough
Yeah, but even if that opinion makes you want to scream into a pillow
It's about being able to say I hear your perspective and even though I don't agree with it, right?
I respect your right to hold that view. Okay
It's about respecting the person even when you don't respect the opinion. That's a high bar. Yeah, but I can see how important it is
It's like choosing to see the human being behind the opinion even when that opinion drives you absolutely bonkers
And isn't that really the heart of respect?
Right seeing the inherent worth in another human being even when they're being totally human flaws and all we all have those moments, right?
Oh for sure. Yeah, so to recap, okay
We've got respect as a two-way street respect evolving as we grow up
respects power
To balance those tricky family dynamics, right the importance of open communication and validating feelings. Yeah
Anything else we should add to our respect toolkit before we move on. There's one more piece
I think is crucial. Okay, and it builds on what we were talking about earlier. Okay. It's called evolving interdependence
Evolving interdependence. Yeah, okay. Give me the plain English version
Okay, it means that the way we rely on each other in a family
Shifts and changes as we all grow and mature. So like when you're a kid, huh?
You depend on your parents for basically everything food shelter permission to go to that epic sleepover exactly
But as you get older, yeah become more independent, right exactly. Yeah, and as that dependence shifts
So does the way we express and experience respect what felt respectful when you were 10
Yeah might look completely different when you're 30. Okay, I need an example. Okay hit me with a real-life scenario
Okay, think about it. Okay when you were a kid
Respecting your mom might have meant doing your chores without complaining
Uh-huh or as you said asking for permission before going out because she was the authority figure, right?
And I was basically dependent on her for everything, right? Got it. But now as an adult
Yeah
Respecting your mom might look like considering her opinion when making a big life decision or offering her support when she needs it
Even if you ultimately choose to do things differently
The dependings has shifted because the relationship has become more equal exactly. It's no longer about blind obedience
Okay, but about mutual respect and understanding
Recognizing that you both bring valuable perspectives and experiences to the table
So evolving interdependence
Basically means recognizing. Yeah, that the way we show respect
Needs to adapt and change as our relationships evolve. You mailed it. Okay, it's about being sensitive
To the shifting dynamics and adjusting our behavior accordingly. Yeah what felt respectful five years ago might not feel respectful today
Okay, relationships are living breathing things. Okay, so we've got a pretty well-stocked respect toolkit now
We do respect as a two-way street
respect evolving over time
Respects power to balance those tricky family dynamics, right the importance of open communication and validating feelings
Yeah, and now evolving interdependence
Anything else we need to know before we wrap up our deep dive
I think it's important to remember that building a respectful family dynamic, especially in that mother-daughter relationship takes time and effort
It's not like flipping a switch and suddenly everything's perfect. You're telling me, right?
Yeah, it's not like we can just download an app, right? Yeah
Respectful family 2.0 and all our problems are solved. There will be bumps in the road
Disagreements misunderstandings. Oh, yeah, for sure. We're all human after all right, but the key is to keep communicating
Keep trying to see things from the other person's perspective, right and keep choosing respect even when it's hard
Yeah, especially when it's hard because ultimately it's about creating a family. Yes, where everyone feels seeing heard and valued right
Absolutely, whether you're the mom the daughter or anyone else in the family system
Exactly and sometimes that means letting go of the need to be right all the time
Oh, yeah, and instead focusing on understanding deep breaths everyone. Yeah
respect is a choice and
It's a choice with incredible power
The power to heal old wounds right strengthen bonds and create a more loving and supportive environment for everyone involved
Beautifully said those principles we've talked about today can apply across the board absolutely at the end of the day
We all crave respect. It's a powerful force for good
Yeah, and it all starts with those small everyday choices
We make and how we interact with the people we care about most
Because at the end of the day family is the one constant in our lives
It's the place where we learn and grow where we find love and support and where we develop the skills and values that will shape us for a lifetime
And stay curious about how choosing respect even the smallest moments can create a ripple effect