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Emotional bites, are we respecting our family or just expecting it?

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It's that age old question right who owes respect to whom absolutely especially in that wonderful world when we call family

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Mm-hmm. So today we're zeroing in on a dynamic, okay, that can be both

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Incredibly close. Yeah, and kind of crazy making

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Okay, so let's start with this idea sure of respect as a two-way street. Okay, I

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remember this one time. Mm-hmm. I was maybe ten, okay, and I

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Desperately wanted to go to this sleepover. Mm-hmm. It was the social event of the fourth grade Wow

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and

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Instead of just saying no outright, okay

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My mom actually sat me down and listened to why I thought I was ready

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That feeling of being heard even at such a young age can be incredibly powerful. I totally was yeah, and you know what what?

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She actually said yes. Oh, wow, but the bigger point is that even though she was the parent. Mm-hmm

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She didn't just lay down the law, right? She respected my opinion

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Yeah, even if it was about something as seemingly trivial as a sleepover that brings us to a really interesting concept called

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Interdependence theory, okay, it basically says that families aren't dictatorships. Okay, they're more like

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Complex ecosystems where everyone's actions impact everyone else. So you're saying it's not just about

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Kids owing respect to parents absolutely it goes both ways. It's a constant dance. Okay a give and take okay when parents model

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Respectful behavior. Mm-hmm children are more likely to reciprocate. Okay, and when children show respect

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It can actually influence how parents respond. Wow. That makes a lot of sense

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But how does this whole idea of respect change as we grow up? Okay, because let's be real

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Yeah respecting your mom when you're 30. Mm-hmm looks a lot different than respecting her when you're 10

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That's where things get really interesting right when your little

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Obedience often gets equated with respect. Yeah, but as we become adults it becomes way more nuanced, right?

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Exactly, I still respect my mom, but I don't need her permission to go to a sleepover anymore. Right hopefully exactly

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And that transition can be tricky for both mothers and daughters

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Okay expectations shift roles change and it takes a whole lot of open communication to navigate those changes successfully

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Yeah, mm-hmm, and it's not just about those big dramatic arguments or demanding permission for a tattoo

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Yeah, sometimes it's the little things the everyday moments where respect or disrespect and sneak in

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Oh, tell me about it. Yeah, like if my mom's trying to have a serious conversation

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Mm-hmm, and I'm glued to my phone right totally zoning her out. Yeah, that's not exactly showing respect

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Right, even if I don't mean to be rude exactly. Yeah, it's about being present

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Okay demonstrating that you value the other person's time and what they have to say. Yeah putting down the phone is a good start

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Okay, so active listening

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Digging the digital distractions. What else can we add to our respect toolkit?

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One thing that really jumps out from the research. Okay is the power of validating feelings validating feelings. Yeah, okay

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I'm intrigued. Mm-hmm. What does that actually look like? Yeah in a real live

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Mother-daughter conversation. It means

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Acknowledging and accepting the other person's emotions. Okay, even if you don't necessarily agree with the reason behind them

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So if my mom's upset about something, yeah, even if I think she's overreacting

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Uh-huh. I should still try to understand and acknowledge that her feelings are real for her exactly

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Okay, you don't have to agree with the why behind the emotion, right?

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But you can still validate the emotion itself. It's about empathy really that makes a lot of sense

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Mm-hmm. It's like saying hey, I see you. Yeah, I hear you right and your feelings matter to me

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Exactly, even if I don't see things the same way you got it. Yeah, and that simple active validation can go a long way in

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building trust and understanding, okay? It shows you care even in the midst of disagreement. Okay, here's a tough one

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What about when there are genuine disagreements? Mm-hmm those classic mother-daughter clashes of opinion, right?

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Where you just can't seem to see eye to eye. Yeah, how do you maintain respect? That's a good question

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Yeah, that's where this idea of respect as a moral duty really comes into play. Okay, it's about

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Recognizing that even though you might passionately disagree, right?

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The other person is still worthy of respect. So it's not about trying to change each other's minds, right?

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Or win the argument. Yeah, but about respecting the right to hold a different opinion. It's tough

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Yeah, but even if that opinion makes you want to scream into a pillow

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It's about being able to say I hear your perspective and even though I don't agree with it, right?

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I respect your right to hold that view. Okay

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It's about respecting the person even when you don't respect the opinion. That's a high bar. Yeah, but I can see how important it is

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It's like choosing to see the human being behind the opinion even when that opinion drives you absolutely bonkers

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And isn't that really the heart of respect?

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Right seeing the inherent worth in another human being even when they're being totally human flaws and all we all have those moments, right?

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Oh for sure. Yeah, so to recap, okay

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We've got respect as a two-way street respect evolving as we grow up

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respects power

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To balance those tricky family dynamics, right the importance of open communication and validating feelings. Yeah

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Anything else we should add to our respect toolkit before we move on. There's one more piece

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I think is crucial. Okay, and it builds on what we were talking about earlier. Okay. It's called evolving interdependence

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Evolving interdependence. Yeah, okay. Give me the plain English version

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Okay, it means that the way we rely on each other in a family

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Shifts and changes as we all grow and mature. So like when you're a kid, huh?

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You depend on your parents for basically everything food shelter permission to go to that epic sleepover exactly

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But as you get older, yeah become more independent, right exactly. Yeah, and as that dependence shifts

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So does the way we express and experience respect what felt respectful when you were 10

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Yeah might look completely different when you're 30. Okay, I need an example. Okay hit me with a real-life scenario

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Okay, think about it. Okay when you were a kid

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Respecting your mom might have meant doing your chores without complaining

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Uh-huh or as you said asking for permission before going out because she was the authority figure, right?

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And I was basically dependent on her for everything, right? Got it. But now as an adult

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Yeah

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Respecting your mom might look like considering her opinion when making a big life decision or offering her support when she needs it

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Even if you ultimately choose to do things differently

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The dependings has shifted because the relationship has become more equal exactly. It's no longer about blind obedience

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Okay, but about mutual respect and understanding

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Recognizing that you both bring valuable perspectives and experiences to the table

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So evolving interdependence

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Basically means recognizing. Yeah, that the way we show respect

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Needs to adapt and change as our relationships evolve. You mailed it. Okay, it's about being sensitive

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To the shifting dynamics and adjusting our behavior accordingly. Yeah what felt respectful five years ago might not feel respectful today

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Okay, relationships are living breathing things. Okay, so we've got a pretty well-stocked respect toolkit now

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We do respect as a two-way street

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respect evolving over time

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Respects power to balance those tricky family dynamics, right the importance of open communication and validating feelings

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Yeah, and now evolving interdependence

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Anything else we need to know before we wrap up our deep dive

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I think it's important to remember that building a respectful family dynamic, especially in that mother-daughter relationship takes time and effort

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It's not like flipping a switch and suddenly everything's perfect. You're telling me, right?

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Yeah, it's not like we can just download an app, right? Yeah

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Respectful family 2.0 and all our problems are solved. There will be bumps in the road

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Disagreements misunderstandings. Oh, yeah, for sure. We're all human after all right, but the key is to keep communicating

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Keep trying to see things from the other person's perspective, right and keep choosing respect even when it's hard

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Yeah, especially when it's hard because ultimately it's about creating a family. Yes, where everyone feels seeing heard and valued right

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Absolutely, whether you're the mom the daughter or anyone else in the family system

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Exactly and sometimes that means letting go of the need to be right all the time

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Oh, yeah, and instead focusing on understanding deep breaths everyone. Yeah

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respect is a choice and

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It's a choice with incredible power

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The power to heal old wounds right strengthen bonds and create a more loving and supportive environment for everyone involved

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Beautifully said those principles we've talked about today can apply across the board absolutely at the end of the day

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We all crave respect. It's a powerful force for good

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Yeah, and it all starts with those small everyday choices

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We make and how we interact with the people we care about most

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Because at the end of the day family is the one constant in our lives

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It's the place where we learn and grow where we find love and support and where we develop the skills and values that will shape us for a lifetime

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And stay curious about how choosing respect even the smallest moments can create a ripple effect