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emotional bites because your feelings are smarter than you think.

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Have you ever like totally misread someone's anger?

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You think they're cool and then bam, explosion.

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Yeah.

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It's like our emotions, they aren't always as simple as they seem, right?

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Right.

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So today we're doing a deep dive on the surprising complexity of anger and sadness.

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Yeah.

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We're going way beyond just those simple labels.

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That's right.

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We often use these words, anger or sadness, to describe a whole bunch of experiences.

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But what if those experiences, even when they feel similar, could actually reflect different things happening in your body?

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Okay.

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Now you've got me intrigued.

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I love when a deep dive uncovers those hitting layers.

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Where do we even begin with untangling something as like universal as anger?

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Well, think about the last time you felt angry.

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Okay.

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What was happening in your body?

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Oh, I can answer that.

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My heart was racing.

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I felt this heat in my chest and my hands like clenched, like I wanted to punch something.

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That's a perfect example of what researchers call modes of action readiness or Mars for short.

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Mars.

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Yeah.

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So, you're preparing for action in different situations.

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And what you just described, that surge of energy, the tension, that all aligns with what's called the antagonism, M-A-R, is that classic fight response.

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So, my body was literally gearing up for a fight, even though I never actually threw a punch.

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Exactly.

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Your blood pressure probably went up, your muscles tensed, all preparing you to confront the source of your anger.

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Wow.

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Now, here's where things get really interesting.

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Anger doesn't always look like that outward aggression.

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Okay.

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There's another M-A-R associated with anger, and it's called inhibition.

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Inhibition.

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That sounds almost peaceful, not very angry.

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It might seem counterintuitive, but inhibition is anger turned inward.

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Okay.

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So, it's that outward burst of energy.

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You experience a suppression of those aggressive urges.

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Huh.

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Imagine feeling that same anger, but instead of wanting to lash out, you get this tightness in your chest, your muscles tense up, but you freeze or you withdraw.

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Oh, wow.

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Yeah, like when you're so angry, you can't even speak.

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Exactly.

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I've totally felt that.

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It's like your body is putting on the brakes, even though your emotions are racing.

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Exactly.

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And the research we're diving into suggests that these different errors can actually lead to very different behaviors.

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Okay.

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Someone experiencing antagonism might yell, argue, even become physically aggressive.

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Right.

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Meanwhile, someone experiencing inhibition might go silent, withdraw, or try to avoid any further conflict.

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That's such a crucial point.

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I'm already thinking about past arguments where, like, someone's silence made me assume they didn't care.

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What if they were experiencing inhibition?

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So, they were actually full of anger, but trying to keep it bottled up.

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That's a perfect example of how understanding these errors can completely change our interpretations of other people's behavior.

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Yeah.

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And even our own, right?

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We might even find ourselves reacting in ways that don't align with our intentions simply because of the MR that's dominant in that moment.

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Wow.

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I can already see how understanding these different errors within anger can be so helpful.

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But we also wanted to untangle sadness today.

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Yeah.

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Does it have these different measures too?

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I mean, it feels so different from anger.

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It does feel different, but just like with anger, what we often label as sadness can actually encompass a couple different modes of action readiness.

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Okay.

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And yes, there are two primary ones that the research points to.

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Okay.

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Hit me with the first one.

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What kind of MA is hiding within sadness?

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The first one is called imploration.

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Imploration?

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Yeah.

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Imagine you've just received some heartbreaking news.

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Okay.

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You might feel that lump in your throat, tears welling up, your chest aching.

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Yeah.

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Your instinct is to reach out to hug someone, to cry on a friend's shoulder.

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Right.

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That urge for connection, for solace, that's imploration.

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So it's like a call for help, a way of seeking comfort and support from others.

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Exactly.

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It's an outward expression of sadness.

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A way of signaling your need for care and understanding.

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Think of a child crying out for their parent when they're hurt.

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Right.

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That's a very pure form of imploration.

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It's interesting because even though it's a painful emotion, it's also a very active one.

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It's about seeking connection, not shutting down.

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Precisely.

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And it serves an important purpose to strengthen social bonds and ensure survival.

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Now, in contrast to imploration, we have the other MAR within sadness, deactivation.

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Deactivation.

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Okay, I'm already getting the opposite vibe here.

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You're right.

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While imploration reaches out, deactivation withdraws.

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Huh.

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Think about a time when you felt completely overwhelmed by sadness, so heavy you could barely move.

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Maybe you felt numb, drained, completely unmotivated.

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That's deactivation at play.

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Oh, wow.

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Yes.

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So, a particularly rough breakup, I spent an entire weekend in bed barely able to eat or even watch TV.

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It was like my body and mind needed to shut down completely.

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That's a very relatable experience.

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Deactivation is your body's way of conserving energy in the face of overwhelming sadness.

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Wow.

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It's like hitting the pause button on your emotions so you can regroup and recover.

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So, even though it might seem like giving up or being lazy, it's actually a protective mechanism.

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Exactly.

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So, in play like imploration, it serves an important purpose even if it's not always pleasant to experience.

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Right.

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In some cases, deactivation can even manifest as depression, a more prolonged state of withdrawal and low energy.

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This is really making me rethink how I view sadness, both in myself and in others.

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It's not just one thing, it's a whole spectrum of experiences, each with its own purpose.

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But how do we know which M.M.R. is at play in any given moment?

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That's where paying attention to your body and your impulses becomes crucial.

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So, if we really tune into those physical sensations, those impulses, when we're feeling angry or sad,

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we can start to decode which M.M.R. is actually like driving our experience.

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But how does that help us understand other people better?

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I feel like that's where it gets really powerful.

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You're absolutely right.

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Remember that example you gave about misinterpreting someone's silence during an argument?

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Yeah.

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Imagine if instead of assuming indifference, you considered the possibility of inhibition.

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What if their silence was actually a sign they were struggling with intense anger

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but trying to keep it contained?

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It completely changes the interpretation, doesn't it?

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Instead of, they don't care, it's, wow, they're really holding back right now.

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Exactly.

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And that understanding can lead to a whole different approach.

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Instead of escalating the conflict, you might offer them space

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or even gently acknowledge that you sense their anger

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and want to understand it better when they're ready to talk.

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So this framework of M.R.R. isn't just about labeling our emotions.

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It's about becoming better communicators and building stronger relationships.

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Precisely.

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It's about recognizing that what we see on the surface might not tell the whole story.

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Someone who seems withdrawn and unemotional might actually be experiencing deactivation

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as a way of coping with intense sadness.

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Instead of judging them as cold or uncaring,

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we can approach them with compassion,

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recognizing that maybe they just need some time and space to process their emotions.

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Exactly.

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And on the flip side, if you're dealing with someone who's prone to imploration when they're sad,

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you can understand that their need for comfort and reassurance isn't about being needy.

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Right.

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It's their M.R.R. expressing itself.

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This is blowing my mind.

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I'm starting to think about all the misunderstandings I've experienced in my relationships

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and how this framework could have helped me navigate those situations

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with more empathy and understanding.

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That's the beauty of this research.

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It gives us a new lens through which to view ourselves and others.

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Yeah.

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It reminds us that emotions are complex, they're nuanced.

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Right.

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And even seemingly negative emotions like anger and sadness serve important purposes.

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This has been such an incredible deep dive.

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I feel like I have a whole new toolkit for understanding not just my own emotional landscape,

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but the inner worlds of the people around me.

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Any final thoughts before we wrap up?

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Just this.

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The next time you encounter anger or sadness in yourself or in someone else,

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remember the M.R.R.S.

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Okay.

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Take a moment to tune in.

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Right.

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Look beyond the surface and ask yourself,

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what's really going on here?

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You might be surprised by the depth of understanding and compassion that you uncover.

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Such wise words.

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So listeners, next time you feel that familiar wave of anger or sadness washing over you,

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don't just write it out, dive deeper.

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Explore those physical sensations, those impulses, uncover the M.R.R. that's driving your experience.

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You might just unlock a whole new level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

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Thanks for joining us on this fascinating journey into the heart of anger and sadness.

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And stay curious, Messed Up World.