Emotional bites. It's giving self-awareness, but with the side of aha.
Ready to dive into some seriously intense emotions today. We're talking about anger, contempt,
hate, you know those really heated feelings that can really mess with us.
And we're not just scratching the surface here, we're going deep right into the why behind these
emotions. Absolutely, but let's get to the mechanics of these feelings for a bit, especially
anger. Right, appraisals are key. Appraisal theory says emotions aren't random, they're triggered
by how our brains instantly assess what's happening and those judgments, they directly shape how we
feel. So we're not just reacting, our brains are always evaluating, interpreting, and that's what
fuels the feeling itself. Exactly, and when it comes to anger, two appraisals seem to be the most
important. Goal obstruction and what researchers call other person agency. Okay, so goal obstruction,
someone or something's blocking our goal, but other person agency. Does that mean we think
another person's responsible for that roadblock? You got it. Think about this time you get really
angry. Often it's because something or someone is stopping you from getting what you want
and blaming them that you did this to me feeling that's what really gets the anger bumping.
Ever snap at someone out of nowhere then realize later you were just stressed about something
totally unrelated. Oh yeah, all the time. Yeah. Like taking it out on the barista who's just trying
to make my coffee. Exactly. Our emotions are primed for those reactions and sometimes we miss fire,
we blame the wrong target. There's this fascinating study by Rosin, Lowry, Amada, and Haight back in
99. They showed people pictures of faces like showing anger, contempt, disgust, the real deal.
Okay, got it. Different expressions than what? Then they gave descriptions of different moral
transgressions like stealing, lying, breaking promises, that sort of thing. So trying to see
if people could match the face to the crime. Right, and get this, people were amazingly good at it.
Like they could accurately connect the expression to the specific moral no-no. For example, anger.
Almost always linked to violations of autonomy, that feeling of being controlled or having your
choices taken away. Like when someone totally steamrolls your opinion in a meeting as if their way
is the only way. Spot on, our need for autonomy hates that, but contempt. That was consistently
linked to violations of community standards, things that go against our shared values.
So no more like someone cutting in line or blasting music while you're trying to have
a peaceful picnic in the park. Exactly. It disrupts the social flow, makes us question the person's
character, like, do you not get it? Are you really that clueless? And that's where the
action part comes in. Anger is often about righting that wrong. No. About making things right again.
I see. There's actually research that backs this up. Back in the 1980s, Avril's work showed that
over 90% of people experience an urge to act aggressively when they're angry. Wow. So basically
almost everyone has felt that urge to lash out when they're angry, whether it's honking the horn
or firing off a strongly worded email. Right. Contempt is a whole different ball game. Instead
of that fiery energy of anger, contempt is like, well, imagine a door slowly closing. It's less
about changing the other person and more about protecting yourself by emotionally distancing
yourself from them. Interesting. It's like you're saying, this person is so beneath me,
so fundamentally flawed that they're not even worth my time or energy. It's giving, I'm not mad,
I'm just disappointed, but on a whole other level. And that's why recognizing the difference between
anger and contempt is so crucial. Anger, even when it's intense, still holds a flicker of hope for
change. It's like with that coat worker who took credit for your idea, anger might motivate you to
confront them to fight for recognition because you still believe this situation can be salvaged,
but contempt, that's when you start to write the person off entirely. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good
way to put it. It's like the difference between trying to repair a broken vase and just tossing
the whole thing in the trash. With anger, there's still a chance for repair. With contempt, you've
basically given up and moved on. Wow. And that's why as researchers Fisher and Roseman have found,
contempt can be incredibly toxic to relationships. It creates this chasm of disrespect that's a really
tough to bridge. Think about your own experiences. Have you ever felt that fiery anger that actually
led to a productive conversation? Maybe even strengthened a bond? And then on the flip side,
have you ever felt that icy grip of contempt just shut down a relationship? It's not just about what
happens to us, but about how we interpret those events, the meaning we give them. One thing that
really stood out to me was this whole control potential idea and how different it looks across
these emotions. Oh, it's a fascinating concept. Control potential is basically our brain deciding
can we influence the situation or not. High control, we feel like we can change things.
Low control, we feel stuck. Anger often comes from this feeling that we could influence the
situation. Think of it like someone's constantly interrupting you while you're trying to give a
presentation at work. That feeling of, hey, they should know better. This is controllable,
and you've got every right to try and fix it. That's where anger comes in. And that example
makes me think because it can be such a quick jump from anger to contempt, depending on how much
control we actually feel we have. That's a great point. And the research actually backs that up.
With anger, we feel like we can change things, but with contempt, it's almost like we've given up
on that. So anger is more about action. Like they messed up, they better fix it. But contempt is more
like this is just who they are and is pathetic. Exactly. We're judging their character, not just
their actions. Okay, so where does hate fit into this whole spectrum? If anger is about having some
control and contempt is about having less, what happens when it simmers and turns into hate?
Hate. It's a heavy word, right? Like there's so much darkness to it. We've talked about anger
wanting to change things, even contempt, where you just shut down, shut people out. But hate,
it feels different like it's in its own category completely. You're hitting the nail on the head
there. It's not just anger amplified. You know, researchers, folks like Fisher, Halperin,
Canetti, Giussini, they've been saying this for a while. It's his own thing,
distinct from anger or contempt. It's not a one time thing. It's a pattern of being hurt by someone
or something. Yeah, exactly. And that can be incredibly disempowering, being hurt over and
over. But even in hate, there might still be a desire for revenge or a need to distance ourselves
from the threat. So even in that really dark place, our brains are still searching for some
way to regain control, even if it's unhealthy. Hate often builds after someone's been hurt
repeatedly or betrayed stuff that really chips away at feeling safe and trusting. It goes even
further than that. Way further. With hate. It's not about changing the other person. It's not about
distance. It's about wanting them gone. Wow. Okay. So what does that actually look like? Gone?
It can take a lot of forms, actually. Sometimes it's mental. You just erase that person in your
mind or it can be social, like trying to get them kicked out of a group, spreading rumors.
And then the worst case is hate turns physical, wanting to actually hurt them, even get rid of
them completely. That's really scary, honestly. It's like hate takes away any ability to see
the other person as a person, right? They're just a threat and that's it. And the really messed up
part is hate often takes root when we feel powerless. Remember when we were talking about
control potential with anger and content? Yeah, well, hate, it seems to pop up when that control
is gone. So just to make sure I'm following, anger, it needs that belief that we can change things.
Contempt, that's when we hit a wall, feel like we can't. But hate comes in when there's zero control,
zero hope of things getting better. You got it. Think about it. If you believe you can change
something, even if it's a small chance, you might stay angry or even contemptuous, but there's still
that little bit of agency there, like you have some impact. But when that belief is gone, when it
feels like you have no control over the situation, over your own pain, that's when hate can take over.
So in a way, hate is like this last ditch effort, right? A desperate attempt to protect ourselves
when we feel totally helpless to fight back any other way. Makes you wonder, though,
could you actually dismantle hate somehow by changing those thought patterns? Like if you could
help someone feel more in control or change how they see the other person. That is the question
researchers are trying to figure out. Can you really change someone's deeply held beliefs about
another person or group? Especially when those beliefs, they're based in fear, feeling powerless,
feeling threatened. And it speaks to how deeply rooted these emotions are, how they might have
actually helped our ancestors survive in a tribal setting. What's a connection there between these
strong emotions and our tribal past? Think about it back then. Survival was all about working together
and spotting danger, right? Anger in its most basic form could have been crucial for keeping people
in line. Like a warning system. Hey, this behavior is not okay. Stop it. Right. Essential for keeping
order and protecting the group from threats within. Contempt, though, that might have been how they
identified people who just weren't reliable, maybe even dangerous to the tribe. So by letting others
know someone was untrustworthy, they avoided potential harm, kept the group stable. Exactly.
It's fascinating emotions we see as negative today were probably critical for survival back then.
And even hate as intense and destructive as it is. It would have had a purpose too. Okay, so if
anger was the warning, contempt was the label. What about hate? What was its role in this primal
setup? Hate. Well, that probably meant someone was a serious ongoing danger. Individuals or even
rivals groups who kept causing harm, betraying trust, putting the whole tribe at risk. So not
just someone making a mistake, but a constant threat to everyone. Exactly. And in those situations,
hate might have been the fuel for extreme measures, kicking someone out, banishment, even more
drastic stuff. The stakes were high. And those emotions, even the ones we see as super negative
now, we're likely there to protect the group, make sure it survived. It's a pretty intense way to
think about the emotions we inherit, isn't it? Our appraisals play a huge role in shaping our
emotional responses. But they're part of who we are, you know? So as we wrap up this deep dive into
anger, contempt, hate, all that messy, fascinating stuff, what's the one thing you want our listener
to take away from all this? Hmm. I'd say, stay curious. Stay curious about your emotions. Don't
be afraid to actually explore them, even the ones that make you squirm a little. It's not about
being ashamed or trying to bury them. It's more like they're signals, right? Yeah. Trying to tell
us something. Exactly. Guideposts almost on that journey of figuring ourselves out. It's about
turning toward those feelings, even the intense ones, and using them as opportunities to learn
and grow. 100%. And you're not alone in this. We all feel these things. They're part of what
makes us human. So next time you feel that anger bubbling up, that contempt creeping in, even that
little flicker of hate, ask yourself, what is this telling me about my values, my aspirations,
my insecurities? It's like holding up a mirror to our own inner landscape. Not always pretty,
but definitely eliminating. Well, this has been awesome. It's amazing how much we can learn from
the emotions that we usually try to just avoid thinking about. It's true. So to our awesome
listeners out there, thank you so much for joining us for this emotional roller coaster. And remember,
this is really just the beginning of the exploration. Keep questioning, keep reflecting,
and stay curious about this fascinating world of human emotion until next time.