Emotional bites, decoding the whispers of our inner software.
Okay, so let's unpack this idea of the conscious and unconscious mind. What's the difference?
Well, think of your conscious mind as the things you're actively aware of right now.
What you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're deciding. It's like the screen on your
phone showing you what's happening, you know, in the moment.
Makes sense. What about the unconscious mind?
That's more like the operating system of your phone.
All the stuff running behind the scenes, the memories, instincts, and experiences that shape
who you are. You might not be directly aware of it, but it's influencing like everything you do.
So even though we can't really see our unconscious mind, it's still impacting our thoughts,
feelings, and actions. Exactly. It's like these invisible structures, mental, emotional, and social
that act as like a framework for how we see ourselves, the world, and our relationships.
We don't always realize they're there, but they're constantly shaping our experiences.
Okay, I'm intrigued. Let's start with these mental structures. What are they all about?
Mental structures or schemas. They're like blueprints we develop based on our experiences.
They're mental shortcuts our brains create to help us process information quickly and efficiently.
So we're kind of like mental maps we use to navigate the world.
Exactly. Imagine you're learning to drive. At first, you have to consciously think about every
step, checking your mirrors, signaling, steering, but over time it becomes automatic. You develop a
mental schema for driving, a set of ingrained responses that allow you to navigate the road
without having to consciously think about every detail. That's a great analogy. But how do these
mental structures influence our behavior in say relationships or work? Think about it this way.
If you grew up in a family where disagreements are handled through loud arguments, you might develop
a schema that associates conflict with aggression. Oh, okay. As an adult, when you encounter conflict
at work, you might automatically react defensively or shut down, even if the situation calls for a
more collaborative approach. So it's like these past experiences create a default setting.
And sometimes those default settings are helpful, but sometimes they can hold us back or lead to
misunderstandings. Okay, so mental structures are all about how we process information to make decisions.
Yeah. What about these emotional structures you mentioned? How do those play a role?
Emotional structures or internal working models are the blueprints we develop for relationships.
Okay. They shape our expectations of how others will treat us, how we'll feel in relationships,
and how we'll behave towards others. So kind of like our internal rulebook for love, friendship,
and connection. Exactly. Let's say you grew up in a family where affection is rarely expressed.
You might develop an internal working model that makes it difficult for you to express your own
feelings or to believe that others genuinely care about you. This can lead to challenges in
forming and maintaining close relationships. It's almost like these emotional blueprints
can become self-fulfilling prophecies, shaping our experiences in ways that reinforce our existing
beliefs. That's a great way to put it. And often we're completely unaware of these patterns
until we start to pay attention to them. Okay. So mental structures are about how we think and
process information. Emotional structures are about how we connect with others. Right.
What about these social structures you mentioned? How do those fit into the picture?
Social structures are the unspoken rules and expectations that shape our interactions in
the wider world. They're the invisible forces. That influence everything from cultural norms
to power dynamics to societal expectations. So kind of like the unwritten code of conduct.
Yeah. For how we're supposed to behave in different situations.
Exactly. Think about something as simple as standing in line at the grocery store.
There's no official rulebook. Right. But we all know to wait our turn,
keep a respectful distance, and avoid cutting in line.
And those expectations vary depending on where you are in the world, right?
Absolutely. What's considered polite in one culture might be seen as rude in another.
Absolutely. Social structures are incredibly powerful in shaping our behavior. And they can be tricky
to navigate. Especially when we're unaware of the subtle cues and expectations at play.
Think about a workplace. There are often all these unspoken rules about hierarchy and communication.
A newer employee might hesitate to speak up in a meeting, even if they have really great ideas,
just because they've picked up on this invisible structure that suggests it's not their place yet.
It's like these invisible structures are shaping the very fabric of our interactions.
No wonder it feels like navigating a maze sometimes.
It is. Take, for example, a job interview. There are all these rules about how to dress,
how to speak, and even how to make eye contact.
Right. You're supposed to appear confident and enthusiastic.
It's like there's a whole performance aspect to navigating these social situations.
Exactly. And sometimes we get so caught up in following those social scripts that we lose
sight of our own authentic selves. It's amazing how much of our behavior is influenced by these
invisible structures. Like forces we're not even consciously aware of. But how do we start to
become more aware of them? How do we even know they're there if they're invisible?
It's a bit like learning to read the subtle signs and signals in a new environment.
You start to pay attention to the patterns, the unspoken rules, the way people interact with each
other. And when it comes to our own inner world, our emotions are like our biggest clues.
You mean our feelings can actually tell us something about these deeper structures?
Absolutely. Emotions are like messengers from our unconscious mind trying to get our attention.
They're signals that something important is going on beneath the surface.
So instead of just dismissing our feelings as good or bad, we can actually use them as valuable
information. Exactly. Think of it this way. Imagine your car's engine light suddenly comes on.
Okay. You wouldn't just ignore it. Right. You'd want to figure out what's causing the problem and
get it fixed. Emotions are like our internal warning system, letting us know that something needs our
attention. So if I'm feeling anxious or stressed, that's not just like a random feeling. It's
actually pointing to something like deeper. Precisely. Maybe it's a sign that you're feeling
overwhelmed or that you're facing a situation that triggers an old schema or internal working model.
It's an invitation to get curious and explore what's going on beneath the surface.
Okay. So instead of getting frustrated with myself for feeling anxious, I can try to get curious
about what that anxiety is trying to tell me, what's causing it, what's the message behind it.
And as you start to bring those patterns into conscious awareness, you'll gain a deeper
understanding of yourself and why you react the way you do. This is also insightful. It's like
we're peeling back the layers, revealing all these fascinating complexities beneath the surface.
And the deeper we go, the more we discover about who we truly are. Learning about these
invisible structures, it's like finally getting the instruction manual. It's true.
Once you understand the tools you have, you can start to build something incredible.
Are there other types of these invisible structures? Sure. There are also these invisible structures
that form between us and our environment. Okay. For example, think about how certain places can
evoke really strong emotions or memories that we've like imprinted on that space over time.
It's like those places become infused with meaning based on our past experiences.
Exactly. Imagine returning to your childhood home. Suddenly, you're flooded with all these
memories and emotions, both positive and negative, that you might not have even realized were still
there. Or maybe a certain song like transports you back to a specific time in your life.
Yeah. Bringing back all the feelings associated with that moment.
Yes. Our minds are constantly making those connections between ourselves, other people,
and our environment. It's all interconnected. It's incredible to think about how much is
happening beneath the surface of our like awareness. No wonder it feels so complex sometimes.
It is a complex system. And sometimes our unconscious can even hold these conflicting
desires, fears, and motivations that we're not fully aware of.
So we might have this part of ourselves that craves like security and stability,
but then another part that yearns for adventure and excitement.
Exactly. And those two parts can be in a constant tug of war, creating inner conflict and confusion.
It's like that feeling of being torn between two different paths, not knowing which way to go.
And often we don't even realize why we're so conflicted,
because those unconscious dynamics are playing out behind the scenes.
It's like we're trying to navigate a hidden world that we can't even see.
It is a hidden world. And the most important takeaway I hope you have from this conversation is
the power of curiosity. By approaching our emotions, our thoughts and our behaviors,
with a curious and compassionate mindset, we can start to unravel those hidden patterns and
beliefs that are shaping our experiences. And with that awareness, we can start to
create real change in our lives and relationships. Absolutely. It's a journey of self-discovery
that's well worth taking. Thank you so much for sharing your insights with me today.
I'm feeling inspired to start exploring my own invisible structures and see what I can uncover.
And stay curious about the invisible forces that shape your reality,
because sometimes those glitches, they make the best music.