1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,080 Emotional bites. 2 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:02,200 Who's got time for therapy 3 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,200 that doesn't actually help you deal with life? 4 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,200 ["Touching Bass"] 5 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,600 Ever fire off one of those emails? 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,000 You know the ones I'm talking about? 7 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,200 Subject line, touching bass. 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,520 And the message is just, just checking in on this. 9 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:30,120 Let me know. 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,320 Oh yeah, I've been there. 11 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,960 Right, and then you just sit there like, 12 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,800 did I unleash chaos on the universe? 13 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,920 Turns out NLP Neurolinguistic Programming 14 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,600 has some insights into why we have 15 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,640 these communication mishaps. 16 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,880 It's like, we can upgrade our communication software. 17 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,440 Learn to see the hidden patterns in how we use language. 18 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,480 Think of this deep dive as your chance 19 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,360 to level up your communication. 20 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,760 It's really incredible how our brains use language 21 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,240 and how we can use those patterns 22 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,160 to be more effective communicators. 23 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,720 We've got a stack of NLP resources right here, 24 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,240 excerpts, handbooks, all about giving you those aha moments. 25 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,360 And the best part is it's not just theory. 26 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,680 We're really diving deep into the meta model, 27 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,920 a set of tools you can actually use today 28 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,640 to improve your communication. 29 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,280 But first, let's talk about maps. 30 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:15,520 OK. 31 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,040 Not the kind you use to get around town, though. 32 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,840 Right, NLP, we always say the map is not the territory. 33 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,360 OK, break that down for me. 34 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:22,480 What does that even mean? 35 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,520 Think about it this way. 36 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,680 We all have our own internal maps of reality 37 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,680 based on our experiences, beliefs, and values. 38 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:34,000 So like, my map might show my favorite pizza place 39 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,720 as a massive landmark. 40 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,800 Well, someone who hates pizza wouldn't even 41 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,920 have it on their map at all. 42 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:39,720 Exactly. 43 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,200 Our maps are subjective. 44 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,160 They're not reality. 45 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,440 They're filtered through our individual lenses, you know? 46 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,440 And that's where things get interesting and sometimes 47 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,520 messy in communication. 48 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,520 Because we often assume that other people's maps are 49 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,320 the same as ours. 50 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,360 Oh, yeah, for sure. 51 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:59,320 But as NLP points out, the map is not the territory. 52 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,280 The map is just a representation, not the real thing. 53 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,280 So we're all walking around with these different maps 54 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,360 bumping into each other's realities. 55 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,400 No wonder communication gets so complicated. 56 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,360 Right. 57 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,320 And it explains why we often misinterpret each other 58 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,320 or stuck in conflicts. 59 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,600 We're trying to navigate using different maps 60 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,600 without even realizing it. 61 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:19,080 Right. 62 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,040 Think of it like this. 63 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,960 When we communicate, we don't always 64 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,160 say everything that's on our minds. 65 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,520 We leave things out. 66 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:26,840 Sure. 67 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:27,960 Those are deletions. 68 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,240 OK. 69 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,760 And we make assumptions that those are the things we believe 70 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,600 to be true without necessarily having all the facts. 71 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,120 Right. 72 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,480 The meta model helps us identify those gaps 73 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,840 and ask the right questions to fill them in. 74 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,200 OK, that makes sense. 75 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,040 It's like reading between the lines, 76 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,960 but with a more structured approach. 77 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:44,840 Exactly. 78 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,880 And the meta model breaks it down into three main categories. 79 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:48,720 Deletions. 80 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:49,120 OK. 81 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,080 Distortions and generalizations. 82 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,400 So deletions are like leaving out key ingredients 83 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,960 in a recipe. 84 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,240 You might end up with something edible, 85 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,800 but it's not going to be what you expected. 86 00:02:58,800 --> 00:02:59,920 That's a great analogy. 87 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,840 Deletions happen when we leave out crucial information. 88 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,720 Imagine someone saying, this report needs to be better 89 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,840 without knowing what better means in this context, better 90 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,320 in what specific way. 91 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,840 It's impossible to take any meaningful action. 92 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,720 Oh, I can relate to that. 93 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,200 Just yesterday, someone told me in my presentation, 94 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,560 lacked energy, I was so deflated, 95 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,120 lacked energy compared to what? 96 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,280 A monster truck rally. 97 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,760 A stand-up comedy routine. 98 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:28,400 You see. 99 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,680 And it happens all the time. 100 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,680 We delete information about who, what, when, where, how, 101 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,240 comparisons, reasons. 102 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,440 And then we wonder why there's so much miscommunication. 103 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:41,360 Imagine your boss says, I need this project finished. 104 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,400 ASAP. 105 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,040 Helpful? 106 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:43,720 Not really. 107 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:47,080 What does ASAP even mean to them today, this week, 108 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,600 before your vacation next month? 109 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,760 Oh, I've been there. 110 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,560 And then you scramble to meet this vague deadline, 111 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,680 only to find out it wasn't what they meant at all. 112 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:55,360 Right. 113 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,680 The MetaModel encourages you to ask questions 114 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,400 to fill in the missing pieces. 115 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,280 You might say, by ASAP, do you mean by the end of the day 116 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,120 or the end of the week? 117 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,240 Are there any specific milestones I should prioritize? 118 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,880 Ah, so it's about getting specific with concrete details. 119 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:11,600 Exactly. 120 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,760 And by asking those clarifying questions, 121 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,800 you not only get the information you need, 122 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,240 but you also help the other person become more aware 123 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,560 if they might realize, oh, right, I 124 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,080 wasn't being very clear there. 125 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:21,720 Yeah. 126 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:25,240 It's like gently holding up a mirror to their communication. 127 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,080 So deletions are about missing information. 128 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,160 But what about when we twist the information we do have? 129 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,240 That's where distortions come in. 130 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,440 They warp reality to fit our own maps. 131 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,000 One of the most common ones is something 132 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,280 we call mind reading. 133 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,160 Ooh, mind reading. 134 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,120 I've always wanted to know what my dog is thinking. 135 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,440 Maybe one day. 136 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,920 But in NLP, mind reading is when we think 137 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,200 we know what someone else is thinking or feeling 138 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,720 without actually checking with them. 139 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,840 Oh, like when I assume my coworkers 140 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,080 mad at me just because they didn't say good morning, 141 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,160 I've got a whole story in my head 142 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,360 and they haven't even had their coffee yet. 143 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,120 Exactly. 144 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,040 We've all done it. 145 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,840 We jumped to conclusions based on our own interpretations. 146 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,000 That's my specialty. 147 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,200 I'm a mastermind reader, especially when 148 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,320 it comes to interpreting text messages. 149 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,760 A single unanswered lull can send me 150 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,360 into a spiral of self-doubt. 151 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,120 Oh, it's so easy to fall into that trap. 152 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,040 They look bored during my presentation. 153 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,560 I must be a terrible speaker. 154 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,440 Ooh, the stories we tell ourselves. 155 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,720 They smiled politely, but I could tell they secretly 156 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,960 hate my new haircut. 157 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,360 Classic mind reading. 158 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,720 And it often leaves to unnecessary drama and conflict. 159 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,680 Because in reality, we rarely have access 160 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,800 to other people's internal worlds. 161 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,240 Right. 162 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,440 But the meta model invites us to challenge those assumptions. 163 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,520 Instead of inventing stories, we can ask, 164 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,520 what makes you think they're angry with you? 165 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,520 Or is it possibly we're distracted 166 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,000 and didn't hear you say hi? 167 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 I guess sometimes the simplest explanation 168 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,880 is actually the most likely one. 169 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,000 But it's hard to quiet that inner drama queen. 170 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,480 It takes practice. 171 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,600 Remember, the meta model isn't about suppressing your feelings, 172 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,920 but rather becoming aware of how your thoughts might 173 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,640 be distorting your perception of reality. 174 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,680 Another distortion is when we turn processes into things. 175 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,320 NLP calls this nominalization. 176 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,040 For example, instead of saying, I'm feeling anxious, 177 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,240 we say, I have anxiety. 178 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,280 So by turning a feeling into a noun, 179 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,680 we make it seem like this solid, unchanging part 180 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:19,440 of who we are. 181 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,080 Yes. 182 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,240 But anxiety is a feeling. 183 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,160 It comes and goes. 184 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,400 That's the distortion. 185 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,800 And the meta model gives us tools to denominalize, 186 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,960 to unpack those solid nouns back into the processes 187 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,680 they represent, which can be incredibly empowering. 188 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,520 Like saying, I lack confidence. 189 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,120 Instead of, I'm feeling unconfident in this situation. 190 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:40,560 Right. 191 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,440 So instead of seeing confidence as a fluid state that 192 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:47,160 can change, we turn it into this concrete thing 193 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,240 that we either have or don't have. 194 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,320 No wonder it feels so insurmountable. 195 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,520 Exactly. 196 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,680 By using the meta model to denominalize, turning, 197 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,680 I have a fear of public speaking, 198 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,920 into I feel afraid when I have to speak in public. 199 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,840 We reclaim our power to change. 200 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,120 It becomes an experience we can manage rather than a fixed 201 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,640 personality trait. 202 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,520 Now what about generalizations? 203 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:10,920 Right. 204 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,320 Generalizations are those sweeping statements 205 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,840 that take one experience and apply it to everything, 206 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,720 like always, never, everyone, no one. 207 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,960 They happen a lot when we're feeling overwhelmed. 208 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,080 Oh, I know those. 209 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,560 Generalizations are like those giant paint rollers. 210 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,160 They cover everything in one big, messy stroke. 211 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,160 Yeah. 212 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,480 This always happens to me. 213 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,760 Or I'm never going to finish this project. 214 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,000 Exactly. 215 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,960 And even though they might feel true in the moment, 216 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,280 they often stop us from seeing other possibilities. 217 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,920 Like we can't see the force for the truth. 218 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:40,600 Exactly. 219 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,080 So let's say you're working on something 220 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,920 and you think, I'm terrible at this. 221 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,200 I'm just not creative. 222 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,400 That's a generalization that's holding you back. 223 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,120 It's probably based on just one experience. 224 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,440 How can we use the meta model to deal with that? 225 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,920 Well, instead of just saying, I'm not creative, 226 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,800 I could ask myself, what makes me think that? 227 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,760 Or when was the time I was creative? 228 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:00,600 Yes. 229 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,200 By asking those questions, you challenge that thought 230 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,720 and you open yourself up to other perspectives. 231 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,480 But don't we need to generalize sometimes? 232 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,440 Of course. 233 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,120 We need generalizations to make sense of the world. 234 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,520 But the danger lies in overgeneralizing. 235 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:18,960 For example, saying, all meetings are a waste of time. 236 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,720 That statement might feel true based on your experience, 237 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,400 but is it really accurate? 238 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,520 Well, there was that one meeting. 239 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:26,960 No, wait, never mind. 240 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,440 It was definitely a waste of time. 241 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,160 But you're right. 242 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,320 There are probably some meetings that are productive. 243 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,400 Exactly. 244 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,880 By challenging those generalizations, 245 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,880 we open ourselves up to new possibilities. 246 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,440 Imagine someone says, I can never 247 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,200 get my point across in meetings. 248 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,640 Instead of accepting that as an absolute truth, 249 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,120 we can use the meta model to explore exceptions, 250 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,080 you might ask. 251 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,560 Is there ever a time when you feel 252 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,440 like you do get your point across? 253 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,800 Or what would it take for you to feel heard in meetings? 254 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,800 Those questions shift the focus from a fixed limitation 255 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,280 to a problem that can be solved. 256 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,240 Exactly. 257 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,160 By digging deeper, we might discover 258 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,760 that they struggle to speak up in large groups, 259 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,480 but excel in one-on-one conversations. 260 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,120 Right. 261 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,960 Or maybe they need to work on structuring their arguments 262 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:11,840 more clearly. 263 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,560 So the meta model helps us move from vague complaints 264 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:18,080 to specific challenges that can be addressed. 265 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,200 And that's the real power of this tool. 266 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,320 It empowers us to take control of our communication, 267 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,200 to become more conscious of the language we use, 268 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,120 and the impact it has on ourselves and others. 269 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,280 This is all so fascinating, but I have to admit, 270 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,440 I'm a little worried about sounding like an interrogation 271 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,240 robot. 272 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,840 If I start peppering people with meta model questions. 273 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:36,720 That's a great point. 274 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,440 And it brings up something really important. 275 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,520 The meta model isn't about grilling people 276 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:41,760 or trying to catch them out. 277 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:46,080 It's about genuine curiosity and a desire to understand. 278 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,040 So it's not just about the words. 279 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,880 It's about the intention behind them. 280 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,080 Precisely. 281 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,200 The most effective way to use the meta model 282 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,440 is with empathy and a genuine desire to connect. 283 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,880 It's about creating a safe space for open and honest dialogue. 284 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:00,480 OK. 285 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:01,520 That makes me feel a lot better. 286 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,960 It's not about being a linguistic ninja. 287 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,040 It's about being a compassionate communicator. 288 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:05,760 Exactly. 289 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,160 So as we wrap up our deep dive into NLP and the meta model, 290 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,040 what's the most important thing for our listeners 291 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,280 to take away from all of this? 292 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,640 You have so much power when it comes to communication. 293 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,040 By understanding how language works and using tools 294 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,640 like the meta model, you can completely change 295 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,320 how you connect with the world. 296 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,800 It's like we've been given the keys 297 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,440 to a whole new level of communication. 298 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,360 I'm definitely going to start listening more carefully, 299 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,160 asking better questions, and approaching 300 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,080 my conversations with more curiosity and connection. 301 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,280 Thanks so much for joining us for this amazing deep dive. 302 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,840 It was great being here. 303 00:10:37,840 --> 00:11:01,840 Until next time, keep those minds curious.