Emotional bites.
Who's got time for therapy
that doesn't actually help you deal with life?
["Touching Bass"]
Ever fire off one of those emails?
You know the ones I'm talking about?
Subject line, touching bass.
And the message is just, just checking in on this.
Let me know.
Oh yeah, I've been there.
Right, and then you just sit there like,
did I unleash chaos on the universe?
Turns out NLP Neurolinguistic Programming
has some insights into why we have
these communication mishaps.
It's like, we can upgrade our communication software.
Learn to see the hidden patterns in how we use language.
Think of this deep dive as your chance
to level up your communication.
It's really incredible how our brains use language
and how we can use those patterns
to be more effective communicators.
We've got a stack of NLP resources right here,
excerpts, handbooks, all about giving you those aha moments.
And the best part is it's not just theory.
We're really diving deep into the meta model,
a set of tools you can actually use today
to improve your communication.
But first, let's talk about maps.
OK.
Not the kind you use to get around town, though.
Right, NLP, we always say the map is not the territory.
OK, break that down for me.
What does that even mean?
Think about it this way.
We all have our own internal maps of reality
based on our experiences, beliefs, and values.
So like, my map might show my favorite pizza place
as a massive landmark.
Well, someone who hates pizza wouldn't even
have it on their map at all.
Exactly.
Our maps are subjective.
They're not reality.
They're filtered through our individual lenses, you know?
And that's where things get interesting and sometimes
messy in communication.
Because we often assume that other people's maps are
the same as ours.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
But as NLP points out, the map is not the territory.
The map is just a representation, not the real thing.
So we're all walking around with these different maps
bumping into each other's realities.
No wonder communication gets so complicated.
Right.
And it explains why we often misinterpret each other
or stuck in conflicts.
We're trying to navigate using different maps
without even realizing it.
Right.
Think of it like this.
When we communicate, we don't always
say everything that's on our minds.
We leave things out.
Sure.
Those are deletions.
OK.
And we make assumptions that those are the things we believe
to be true without necessarily having all the facts.
Right.
The meta model helps us identify those gaps
and ask the right questions to fill them in.
OK, that makes sense.
It's like reading between the lines,
but with a more structured approach.
Exactly.
And the meta model breaks it down into three main categories.
Deletions.
OK.
Distortions and generalizations.
So deletions are like leaving out key ingredients
in a recipe.
You might end up with something edible,
but it's not going to be what you expected.
That's a great analogy.
Deletions happen when we leave out crucial information.
Imagine someone saying, this report needs to be better
without knowing what better means in this context, better
in what specific way.
It's impossible to take any meaningful action.
Oh, I can relate to that.
Just yesterday, someone told me in my presentation,
lacked energy, I was so deflated,
lacked energy compared to what?
A monster truck rally.
A stand-up comedy routine.
You see.
And it happens all the time.
We delete information about who, what, when, where, how,
comparisons, reasons.
And then we wonder why there's so much miscommunication.
Imagine your boss says, I need this project finished.
ASAP.
Helpful?
Not really.
What does ASAP even mean to them today, this week,
before your vacation next month?
Oh, I've been there.
And then you scramble to meet this vague deadline,
only to find out it wasn't what they meant at all.
Right.
The MetaModel encourages you to ask questions
to fill in the missing pieces.
You might say, by ASAP, do you mean by the end of the day
or the end of the week?
Are there any specific milestones I should prioritize?
Ah, so it's about getting specific with concrete details.
Exactly.
And by asking those clarifying questions,
you not only get the information you need,
but you also help the other person become more aware
if they might realize, oh, right, I
wasn't being very clear there.
Yeah.
It's like gently holding up a mirror to their communication.
So deletions are about missing information.
But what about when we twist the information we do have?
That's where distortions come in.
They warp reality to fit our own maps.
One of the most common ones is something
we call mind reading.
Ooh, mind reading.
I've always wanted to know what my dog is thinking.
Maybe one day.
But in NLP, mind reading is when we think
we know what someone else is thinking or feeling
without actually checking with them.
Oh, like when I assume my coworkers
mad at me just because they didn't say good morning,
I've got a whole story in my head
and they haven't even had their coffee yet.
Exactly.
We've all done it.
We jumped to conclusions based on our own interpretations.
That's my specialty.
I'm a mastermind reader, especially when
it comes to interpreting text messages.
A single unanswered lull can send me
into a spiral of self-doubt.
Oh, it's so easy to fall into that trap.
They look bored during my presentation.
I must be a terrible speaker.
Ooh, the stories we tell ourselves.
They smiled politely, but I could tell they secretly
hate my new haircut.
Classic mind reading.
And it often leaves to unnecessary drama and conflict.
Because in reality, we rarely have access
to other people's internal worlds.
Right.
But the meta model invites us to challenge those assumptions.
Instead of inventing stories, we can ask,
what makes you think they're angry with you?
Or is it possibly we're distracted
and didn't hear you say hi?
I guess sometimes the simplest explanation
is actually the most likely one.
But it's hard to quiet that inner drama queen.
It takes practice.
Remember, the meta model isn't about suppressing your feelings,
but rather becoming aware of how your thoughts might
be distorting your perception of reality.
Another distortion is when we turn processes into things.
NLP calls this nominalization.
For example, instead of saying, I'm feeling anxious,
we say, I have anxiety.
So by turning a feeling into a noun,
we make it seem like this solid, unchanging part
of who we are.
Yes.
But anxiety is a feeling.
It comes and goes.
That's the distortion.
And the meta model gives us tools to denominalize,
to unpack those solid nouns back into the processes
they represent, which can be incredibly empowering.
Like saying, I lack confidence.
Instead of, I'm feeling unconfident in this situation.
Right.
So instead of seeing confidence as a fluid state that
can change, we turn it into this concrete thing
that we either have or don't have.
No wonder it feels so insurmountable.
Exactly.
By using the meta model to denominalize, turning,
I have a fear of public speaking,
into I feel afraid when I have to speak in public.
We reclaim our power to change.
It becomes an experience we can manage rather than a fixed
personality trait.
Now what about generalizations?
Right.
Generalizations are those sweeping statements
that take one experience and apply it to everything,
like always, never, everyone, no one.
They happen a lot when we're feeling overwhelmed.
Oh, I know those.
Generalizations are like those giant paint rollers.
They cover everything in one big, messy stroke.
Yeah.
This always happens to me.
Or I'm never going to finish this project.
Exactly.
And even though they might feel true in the moment,
they often stop us from seeing other possibilities.
Like we can't see the force for the truth.
Exactly.
So let's say you're working on something
and you think, I'm terrible at this.
I'm just not creative.
That's a generalization that's holding you back.
It's probably based on just one experience.
How can we use the meta model to deal with that?
Well, instead of just saying, I'm not creative,
I could ask myself, what makes me think that?
Or when was the time I was creative?
Yes.
By asking those questions, you challenge that thought
and you open yourself up to other perspectives.
But don't we need to generalize sometimes?
Of course.
We need generalizations to make sense of the world.
But the danger lies in overgeneralizing.
For example, saying, all meetings are a waste of time.
That statement might feel true based on your experience,
but is it really accurate?
Well, there was that one meeting.
No, wait, never mind.
It was definitely a waste of time.
But you're right.
There are probably some meetings that are productive.
Exactly.
By challenging those generalizations,
we open ourselves up to new possibilities.
Imagine someone says, I can never
get my point across in meetings.
Instead of accepting that as an absolute truth,
we can use the meta model to explore exceptions,
you might ask.
Is there ever a time when you feel
like you do get your point across?
Or what would it take for you to feel heard in meetings?
Those questions shift the focus from a fixed limitation
to a problem that can be solved.
Exactly.
By digging deeper, we might discover
that they struggle to speak up in large groups,
but excel in one-on-one conversations.
Right.
Or maybe they need to work on structuring their arguments
more clearly.
So the meta model helps us move from vague complaints
to specific challenges that can be addressed.
And that's the real power of this tool.
It empowers us to take control of our communication,
to become more conscious of the language we use,
and the impact it has on ourselves and others.
This is all so fascinating, but I have to admit,
I'm a little worried about sounding like an interrogation
robot.
If I start peppering people with meta model questions.
That's a great point.
And it brings up something really important.
The meta model isn't about grilling people
or trying to catch them out.
It's about genuine curiosity and a desire to understand.
So it's not just about the words.
It's about the intention behind them.
Precisely.
The most effective way to use the meta model
is with empathy and a genuine desire to connect.
It's about creating a safe space for open and honest dialogue.
OK.
That makes me feel a lot better.
It's not about being a linguistic ninja.
It's about being a compassionate communicator.
Exactly.
So as we wrap up our deep dive into NLP and the meta model,
what's the most important thing for our listeners
to take away from all of this?
You have so much power when it comes to communication.
By understanding how language works and using tools
like the meta model, you can completely change
how you connect with the world.
It's like we've been given the keys
to a whole new level of communication.
I'm definitely going to start listening more carefully,
asking better questions, and approaching
my conversations with more curiosity and connection.
Thanks so much for joining us for this amazing deep dive.
It was great being here.
Until next time, keep those minds curious.