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Welcome to Send Me On My Way.

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I'm your host, Audrey Dean Kelly.

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And on this podcast, we're going to talk about everything from music to pop culture to reality

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TV to pretty much whatever I want.

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So let's get into it.

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Welcome to the ADHD episode.

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I was actually inspired to do this episode because I've recently have had quite an aha

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moment with understanding my own ADHD.

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And it happened, believe it or not, on TikTok.

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Surprise, surprise.

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I learned so much there.

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But I will give credit where credit's due.

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This girl's account, Micah, I came across this video that she was sharing where she

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was reading an article about hyper-focus and ADHD.

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And I'm just going to give you this quote as we kick this off.

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So, people who think ADHD means having a short attention span misunderstand what ADHD is.

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A better way to look at it is people with ADHD have a dysregulated attention system.

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All right, we're going to get into that.

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But first, I'm going to back it up.

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We're going to talk about my history with ADHD, my journey with Adderall, being diagnosed.

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So let's go back to, God, what grade was it?

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I think I was in fourth grade.

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Yeah, that seems right.

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I was in fourth grade when they put me on Adderall.

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I think I had been struggling in my math classes.

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And here's what I don't remember.

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I don't remember ever getting any kind of testing.

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I do remember being put on medication.

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I remember going to a doctor, that doctor being like my pediatrician, and being prescribed

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this, not a psychiatrist.

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There was absolutely no evaluation other than my mom just taking me there and saying, I'm

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hearing she hasn't been paying attention in school.

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And my mom was a teacher, so maybe they just took that authority.

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But also, I'm 37 years old.

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So this was really the onset of Adderall even being a thing.

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This was really the guinea pig days.

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My generation, we definitely, us kids that were put on this medication were definitely

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guinea pigs.

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One of my friends had been put on Ritalin at an early age, and then had then transitioned

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to Adderall, I think maybe a year before I was put on it.

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So just to give you that framework, the drug had not been prescribed for that long.

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And in my experience at that time, they were starting to put kids on it.

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Maybe not every kid was on it the way you saw like 10 years later, or maybe even now.

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I mean, 10 years later, it seemed like every other kid was on Adderall.

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But at that time, it was a little fewer and far between.

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And yeah, I mean, I remember the first day that I took it.

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I remember just feeling like I can do anything in the world.

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I mean, in hindsight, and having lived a full life, we'll just leave you with that.

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Yeah, I know what was happening right there.

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And then what would happen in the afternoon is I would be a grumpy little brat that was

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coming off of a high, a synthetic or legal extended release, andphetamine.

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And so yeah, on the one hand, I felt great in the morning.

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I would focus, I guess, in school.

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But I remember just feeling like so anxious, not hungry.

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What I also found later in life, and we'll get to this, was that sometimes the things

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that I would learn, I wouldn't retain them as long when I was in that kind of state.

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It was hard for me to eat because I wasn't hungry.

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That led to later on eating disorders, and I would have trouble getting to sleep at night.

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I struggled a lot with UTIs when I got older.

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That's very TMI, but it's true.

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And I definitely think it's related to this, and I will get to that later in the episode.

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We'll bring it back.

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But basically, I feel like my experience with the drug was not great.

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And with that said, I was on it for a very long time.

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So we're talking fourth grade until through college.

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Now granted, there were a couple of years there where I had to go off of it because

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of the eating disorder.

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So I did take a little break from it then, but I got right back into it my senior year.

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I had a prescription in college.

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And again, I mean, getting the drug was as easy as going to my general practitioner at

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the time, saying that I had been prescribed it before, and getting it.

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That's the truth.

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And so, yeah, I, in college, was the first time I really started to abuse it in the sense

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that I knew that I could cram for a test and take in so much information overnight before

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something so it made it so that it really messed with the way that I approached learning.

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I didn't approach for the things that I didn't enjoy.

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I would basically wait until the end, stay up all night, take out or all.

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I remember just basically living in the library sometimes.

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And my library was 24 hours at college.

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This is so many of you are probably listening and be like, yeah, all of us were doing that.

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We all were doing that.

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Even if you didn't have a prescription, people were taking other peoples.

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It's just, it was so prevalent.

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And I ended up stopping it in college.

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And I just got to a point where I was like, I don't like how I feel on this.

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And so basically, I started to treat my ADHD with cannabis.

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And I think when I was younger, I mean, granted, I lived in California.

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It was legal.

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So just going to give you that framework.

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I had every right to.

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But I did find that if I would get into these states where I was very focused on some things.

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And I think the longer that I wasn't on Adderall and the longer I got away from it, I realized

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how awful it was when I was on it.

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And I think I kind of resented my mom for putting me on it, which, sorry, mom, I deserve

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that because so many parents did it and they didn't know any better.

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But I started to convince myself that I was like, I, and this was after I got out of school.

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So like, we'll give you that framework.

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After I got out of school and I wasn't having to study things that I didn't want to do,

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I didn't feel like I had any problems with focusing.

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And I started to convince myself, I was like, I don't have ADHD at all.

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Like, I don't know why they put me on that.

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I was a guinea pig.

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I was a victim for being put on it when I was a kid and like, look at all of the things

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that did to me.

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And you know, I just didn't, I was like, how could I be, how could I be have ADHD?

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Well, because the ADHD part of it was like, I would think it was like hyper, hyperactivity.

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And I was never a hyperactive person.

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In fact, when I got into things that I liked, I was very focused and I, I mean, God, to

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be a musician, to be able to teach yourself an instrument and, and learn, I just, I could

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spend hours and I did.

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And I would just pour myself, you know, until I was based, you know, I, and so we'll get

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to this article, but I would forget to eat.

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I would, I would get into these states where if I was doing something I liked, I wouldn't

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do anything else.

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And so to me, that wasn't, I didn't have a problem with focus.

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So I wasn't ADD back to the point that I'm trying to make with all of this, which is

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this article about hyper focus made me realize that I absolutely have ADHD.

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I always have.

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I was given a medication that did not work for me.

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A, but B, let's, let's hone in on this.

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I'm going to read you the next part of the article.

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What causes the ADHD brain to hyper focus like distractibility, hyper focus is thought

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to result from abnormally low levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain's funnel

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lobes.

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This dopamine deficiency makes it hard to shift gears to take up boring, but necessary tasks.

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Okay.

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I want to focus on that for a second because that is definitely something that I have done.

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If I get into this hyper focus state, I will forget to do other things.

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I mean, I really will, I will ignore, ignore things that I should be doing, at least in

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my experience.

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And so this really helped me.

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It was really eye opening to see that like, I totally do this.

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I mean, they talked about one woman who had it so badly that she didn't even realize her

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house was on fire until the fireman came into the room and like the rest of her house was

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on fire.

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Um, she was like working so intently.

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Um, but the point of all of this is, is that if you have ADHD, you are able to focus, you

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have a dysregulated attention system.

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You don't want to focus on the things you don't like because it's not fueling that dopamine

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in your brain.

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So that's why you can get on, like for example, you can get on dopamine spiral.

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So someone with ADHD really should not open their social media first thing in the morning,

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ever.

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Like I feel like most 99% of the population knows that fact now, or at least I hope they

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do.

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Your brain, if you open your, so when you first wake up, your dopamine levels and your brain

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are gradually rising to the level that they should be for the day.

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So what happens if you open your social media first thing in the morning is that you are

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getting a surge of dopamine from your social media and the rest of the day, you're going

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to be chasing that.

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And so at least in my experience, and I think with a lot of people, um, if I do that, if

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I make the mistake and I open it first thing in the day, I will be on social media all

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day long.

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I really will.

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I, it can be, it can be debilitating.

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It really can.

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I think, um, I mean, look, when I was, I'm on maternity leave right now.

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So like when I was at work, I couldn't really do that.

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But like being home, being on maternity leave and like we'll get it, I'm going to do a whole

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postpartum episode, we'll get into how I, that really, I think ties into this as well.

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But like basically you shouldn't open your social media first thing in the morning ever.

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You should let your brain warm up for, they say at least an hour in my experience, I need

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to give it like three to five hours.

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And I just, my day is so much better.

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I focus on things in such a different way when I do that.

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I really have learned that over the years.

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So if you didn't know that, maybe that can be of help to you.

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If you find that you're scrolling all day and in what they call a dopamine hole, try

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that out.

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It can help.

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But to shift back to hyper focus and why I wanted to make this episode and we're going

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to tie it all back to music because I feel like I'm going to tie most of these back into

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music.

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Musicians for sure.

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I think a lot of us have ADHD.

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I think a lot of us are tapping into this hyper focus state.

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And so the point of all of this is you can actually yield your ADHD to your advantage

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to learn something that you, but it has to be something you like.

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So knowing that you need to be in a career that you like.

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If you're someone with ADHD, you, it's so important for you to find something that you

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like to do.

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Your day will go by so much quicker.

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Like look, if I have a lot of work when I'm at work, I am so much happier.

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I like want the day flies by.

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I'm into it.

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I'm going, you know, I just, and like, look, I have some days where I'm like more in the

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mood to do one task over the other.

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Some days I'm like really jazzed to do this and like, but once you kind of tap into what

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that is for you, you can use this as a superpower.

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And maybe I mean, look, I think I'm not saying everybody should get off of medication and

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Adderall.

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I'm not saying that at all.

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It does help some people and it works for them.

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I'm sharing my experience.

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That's all I'm trying to do on this podcast period, but my experience with it was not

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good.

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It wasn't good for my body.

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And I, having come from the guinea pig generation, I do worry about the long term effects of what

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that's going to do to my body and my heart.

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Like let's be real.

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It is, it's not good what amphetamine is doing to your heart if you're taking it every

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day.

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It's just not.

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Yeah, I really enjoy an unmedicated ADHD journey.

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And now I'm going to say that and I do take other medications, but not other medications

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for ADHD.

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And it works for me.

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So if you're finding that you're having to like live your life medicated, like taking

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Adderall so that you can really focus on your work and really hunker down on something

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that if you were not to take that, you, it would be like the last thing you would want

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to do.

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Maybe you should shift because you might find a superpower in doing something that you really

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enjoy.

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And I mean, my God, it's, I was lucky to find that.

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I was lucky to find music when I was younger.

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I'm not going to lie.

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Like even doing this podcast, I'm super excited.

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Like I really enjoy this.

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I really am excited about this.

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And like it's something that I could spend, I mean, Jesus, I've, I've released three episodes

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and past three days.

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Like I could just do it for so long and it's because I enjoy it.

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I like it.

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I'm hyper focused on it.

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Um, now granted, there is a downside to being hyper focused, um, which is why I brought

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up the UTI earlier.

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You can be so focused that you forget to do things like I talked about, I'll be so focused

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that I'll forget to eat.

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I will be so focused and they talk about this in the article, you'll be so focused that

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you forget to pee.

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And like reading that part of the article was like that alone was so interesting because

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I, it just brought me back to being this like young girl who was like getting, you know,

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kitty infections and like, you know, pretty bad urinary situations.

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And I think it was because I was as a young girl, I was like, when I was hyper focused,

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I would like forget to go to the bathroom and I would like hold my pee.

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So you guys are going to get a real unfiltered glimpse into me all buckle up.

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But that might help some of you look into it.

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If you are getting really bad UTIs, um, maybe you aren't remembering because you're so focused

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on something that you're liking.

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I don't know.

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But, uh, yeah, you do have to check yourself with it.

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So I think, um, setting timers can be a good thing.

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I am someone who, my God, Alexa is my, she's my bitch.

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I mean, the amount of timers that I set with her is just out of control, but it does help

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me with staying regulated with it.

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Um, but yeah, I really, I will hold on.

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I should give credit where credit's due on this article.

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So, um, this article was from Attitude Magazine and it's called Hyper Focus, the ADHD phenomenon

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of hyper fixation by Royce Flippen.

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Um, and, uh, yeah, it's really interesting.

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It talks about, you know, the ways it can hurt you, but I, I really want to focus on

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the ways that you can use this to your benefit.

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And I really think the key thing here is since when you're hyper focused, like you're doing

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something you love, you need to shift what you need to shift gears if you're not, you

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know, and I know that's not the easiest advice, trust me.

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Um, but yeah, maybe find a different way to do it.

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It doesn't mean like necessarily upending your job, but even like I said, like I've

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always been someone who can like manage my own tasks and like, yeah, I'll have days where

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I like really want to work on like math kind of like it more analytical things.

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And then other days I want to work on more like project management.

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I don't know.

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I just have different days where I'm into other things and knowing this now, um, it

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makes sense the way I have structured my work life historically.

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Um, and I think I've just, I've naturally been doing this for a while.

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So reading this article and realizing that, oh man, I definitely do have ADHD, but like,

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hmm, that's not necessarily the worst thing.

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It's not.

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It really isn't.

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I mean, there's a lot that comes with it, but I think a lot of us have this.

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So, uh, I think that's all I've needed to say on this episode.

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And uh, yeah, let me know if you guys have questions and once again, thanks for listening

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to me all.

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Love you.

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You can support this podcast by subscribing.

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The

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Yeah, we soak up the last resident like the summer morning

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the cold days of the summer, so

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We can take a drive in the moonlight sometimes

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In the summer, summer, summer, summer, now

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Sit back on the beach with a friend

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We all took something we didn't ask for

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We were so ways running

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I don't want this feeling at the end

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Yeah, we soak up the last resident like the summer morning

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the cold days of the summer, so

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We can take a drive in the moonlight sometimes

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In the summer, summer, summer, summer, now

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the cold days of the summer, so

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We can take a drive in the moonlight sometimes

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In the summer, summer, summer, summer, now

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the summer, summer, summer, summer, now

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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Now I know it's the last river

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the cold days of the summer, so

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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In the summer, summer, summer, summer, now

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Here we sit back, can we wake her up?

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All the days are so good, let us feel it like something new