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Welcome to Send Me On My Way.

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I'm your host, Audrey Dean Kelly.

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And on this podcast, we're going to talk about everything from music to pop culture to reality

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TV to pretty much whatever I want.

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So let's get into it.

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Welcome to the second episode of Send Me On My Way.

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That was really exhilarating and scary and so many feels to have put that story out there.

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And you know what?

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But I'm proud of myself because I want to talk about part of the reason why I named

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this podcast Send Me On My Way, which obviously you hear the intro music.

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It is a song that I wrote.

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But one of the lines of this song says, into the darkness, you will find the light.

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And that's a big reason why I named it that because that's what I'm going to be doing

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here.

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We're going to be talking about, we're going to be talking.

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You guys want to talk?

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Anyways, we will be talking about some tough subjects.

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And look, that story is hard to hear.

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I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are so many more that are so much worse.

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I know there are.

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And yeah, I mean, I had to warn my mom, but the reality is guys, that story is not the

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worst story that I've experienced.

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So let's get into the next part of our music series, talking about the music industry,

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which is the transactional producer series.

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Let's just paint you the picture.

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I am 20 years old.

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No, I'm 21.

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I'm 21 at this point.

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Being in Los Angeles, I am a senior in college.

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And I had begun working with my cousin as a songwriter and she was the one who had the

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connection.

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She had the better voice of the two of us.

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And, you know, I was just more of the songwriter and I would do some backing vocals.

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And we got, she was connected with a couple of big producers and we ended up getting sent

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out on a couple of different sessions where, you know, in some of them we would go in and

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the producer would have just a beat, you know, and we would write to that beat on the spot

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or we would come with something that we had before.

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And that really was where I got my start in songwriting, which was, you'll quickly learn

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why I've shifted away from writing for other people.

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But, anyways, we were being sent around and we got sent to this one producer's place

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that it was a very different vibe than any of the other producer experiences that we

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had so far.

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And this was a producer that had a studio in the Hollywood Hills and he was an ex-NFL

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star and he had worked with some really big artists.

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And he was very well connected in the industry.

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You know, I'm talking, this was like the beginning of when the Kardashians were becoming famous.

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So like back then it really, like his connection with Khloe Kardashian, I didn't, they weren't

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the level that they are now.

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This was like 2008, anyways.

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But he was working with people like Khloe Kardashian.

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You know, I met Aaron Carter in his studio.

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Actually Aaron Carter's dog pooped on my phone and he made me clean it up myself.

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So I mean, rest in peace, but still a little salty about that.

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No disrespect.

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I might have to edit that out.

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But yeah, this producer also, and part of why the P Diddy thing that I said has kind

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of sparked me to want to talk about these things in this podcast is this producer was

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very good friends with P Diddy and that camp.

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And he introduced me to a couple of other producers that were also connected to P Diddy.

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So know that that's very adjacent to this.

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I'm not going to reveal his identity.

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And look, I mean, I was a willing participant in all of this.

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So I'm not getting on here.

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I'm getting on here just to paint you a picture of what happens a lot, a lot to aspiring female

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songwriters, artists, and what happened to me.

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So we go to this guy's place.

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Immediately he kind of fixates on me between me and my cousin.

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And we were like a duo together.

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And I think this thing that happened kind of ended, it was the last time she and I wrote

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together, which is really sad, but it was.

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And basically what happened is we were writing, it was more of a party.

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I was drinking, I was smoking.

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There were a bunch of songwriters.

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I will be honest with you, I met some of the most talented vocalist songwriters that I

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have met in the setting.

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So of course, it was super exciting.

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I, you know, he called me his baby breezy.

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And I felt like I was getting the attention and just to back up to like my songwriting

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partnership with my cousin, because she was so much more talented of a vocalist, I definitely

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had a complex of like feeling like I was in the background, because it's like quite literally

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the songs that we were releasing.

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You know, we were writing together and then it was being produced by her producer.

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And so I kind of went into this with feeling like the lesser of the two in the songwriting

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situation.

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And he then really liked me of the two of us.

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And so for me, that was like, oh, well, now I'm going to be the one whose vocals are on

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this and I'm going to be the one.

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And like, yeah, I think that that was part of what played into it.

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But I mean, he had game and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

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And so, you know, he took me out, he was introducing me to a bunch of celebrities.

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These friends with a lot of celebrities, a lot.

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And so, and I know what you guys are going to think, Audrey, you're related to celebrities.

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That shouldn't be that exciting.

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And on the one hand, no, you're right, I am a little bit desensitized to it.

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But there is a difference between meeting someone because you are someone's niece and

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then getting introduced to someone because you were an artist that this producer is working

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with.

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But yeah, this was my experience.

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So I started hooking up with this guy and he started inviting me on like over for sessions

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without my cousin.

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A hopeful, desperate, I guess, you know, artist who wanted to make it.

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That's what happens in Hollywood.

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And I, you know, that's at the core of all of this of these situations where you put

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yourself in it.

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And I think like look in that situation, I total willing participant, total willing

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participant and but I know that there are other situations where the lines are so blurred

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and you're really drunk and you consent, but you question that, you know, there's just,

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I feel like there's a lot of that, but there's at the core of this, it's a power dynamic

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that is taken advantage of.

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And at least back then in Los Angeles, in my experience, most male producers were in

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a relationship with their artists.

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It was so expected ingrained, you know, like I knew this one artist who she was dating

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her producer.

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And then before that, like she was still having to deal with like his ex-girlfriend because

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he had produced that girl before and that was the ex-girlfriend and like now she's the

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new artist.

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And so that's what happened to me and this guy.

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I was his little darling for a little bit and I funnily enough, I think part of why we stopped

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working together was because of which, oh God, I guess I'm gonna have to believe that

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but like I really wish I didn't have to because it's so good, I might leave it in.

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But basically this very famous trainwreck, one of the most famous trainwrecks of 2008

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worked with him at the time.

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He was known as a producer who like worked with people like that person or actresses

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who wanted to get into music and so she was that person.

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So anyways, she had gotten into a fight in a club with a girl named Audrey and at the

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time I actually was friends with her friend, Allie, who I had also met through songwriting.

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I met her, she was another artist and I did a co-write with her another songwriting session.

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So she knew me and then this, we'll call her the trainwreck, was working with the producer.

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And so he calls me one day and he's like, the trainwreck, I mentioned you because your

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friend Allie's over here and she said she knows you and I was gonna invite you over

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to write with us but the trainwreck is saying that you fought her in a club, which at that

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point I had literally never met her in my life.

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I had never met her.

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I knew her through my friend Allie and meanwhile on the side, my friend Allie's messaging me

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and she's confused, she thinks it's you.

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And I'm like, there's plenty of blonde Audries who are musicians.

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It was not me.

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So here I am.

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It's like we had been hooking up.

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I had been over there a good amount for the course of maybe, I don't know how long, maybe

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a couple weeks.

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And then it's like that happens and it's like radio silence.

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Then I hear from him like maybe a week later and he invites me over and there's this new

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girl there.

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And she's the new Breezy and she's the new darling.

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And I am being brought in to work with her as a songwriter because she's gonna be the

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vocalist.

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And again, I'll admit, I'm an artist who's like a growth mindset kind of artist.

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The reason why my vocals are what they are today is because I'm a good songwriter at

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the core of it and I had to become a better vocalist and push myself.

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So on the one hand, yeah, she was a better singer, my cousin was a better singer.

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And it just crushed me to be brought in, not to then have the same situation where I'm

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just writing for another girl.

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Because let's be honest guys, and I'm not afraid to admit it, I've always wanted to

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be a star.

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How could I not want that with the currency that is the highest value in my family?

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And that is not to blame my aunt and uncle and my family structure.

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It's not their fault and I'm so proud of them and they are my heroes and they are why I

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chase my dreams and I do what I do.

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But when that happens in a family, it shifts the dynamic of power in a way that I found

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that I question why I felt my whole life.

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I have to make it.

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I have to be an artist.

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I have to be famous.

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And I realize it's because as soon as my aunt became famous, that's what we all valued.

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She saved us.

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She saved our family.

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And then that was placed onto us.

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And I'm going to have a whole another episode where we get into that.

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Another episode.

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And I'm going to pause this because my little Mimi Bhutan baby is waking up so I'm going

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to have to come back to this shortly.

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I tracked there for a second.

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So we're going to go back to the point which is the producer brings me there.

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He's parading his new muse in front of me wanting me to write for her.

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And also hooking up with her in front of me like as if nothing had just happened with

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us.

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And it was in hindsight, I'm just thinking about like the kind of person and the kind

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like he liked that the showing off of his new girl.

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And he liked that I was.

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And the craziest part is he kept hooking up with me too.

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And he tried and it didn't happen.

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It didn't happen.

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But I just like I look back and I'm just disappointed in myself for not knowing better.

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And for continuing that for as long as I did.

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And like being the kind of artist like even for years after that, like I would like support

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his shit.

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And I would like follow him and be like, yeah, you go.

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And was like, oh yeah, I worked with this big name producer.

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And it's just it's really hard to look back at that person and that girl and think about

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the boundaries that I brought down in hopes of making it in this industry.

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But as far as the producer singer dynamic, you know, you see so many different facets

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of this in different areas of the music industry.

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I've seen, you know, the Nashville version where it's the, you know, 17 year old girl

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who works with the producer.

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And then they get married when they're like 19 and he was like 15 years older than her.

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And it's okay because we got married and we're like songwriting partners and whatever.

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And like on the one hand, sure.

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There's nothing, look, people fall in love and not every situation is bad, but there

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are a lot that are bad and clearly with what's happening with what's coming out with the

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Diddy camp, obviously, like there's so much and like talk about like hiding in plain

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sight guys like within the rap industry, within even live music, like what I talked about

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with the concert experience, like talk about the ultimate pick me girl experience where

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I remember back then it was like, you like it was exciting if you got chosen to be taken

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backstage like you were the chosen one.

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You were the one that the artist you were the hottest girl then, you know, and in the

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producer dynamic.

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I mean, there are so tail as old as time tail as old as the music industry to be honest

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with you.

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And it's just, it's been so incessant.

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And I think that there is a lot of this like girls getting eaten up and spit out and, you

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know, their, their ideas taken them never getting credit for songs that they worked on.

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I've had different versions of this.

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And like here's, here's the other part of it is like there's like a damned if you do

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and damned if you don't situation because I have also had producers work with me.

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I come over, I record my song.

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I don't hook up with them.

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And that song never sees the light of day.

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And they never work on that because that's because I didn't take the bait for what was

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expected of us artists back then.

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Now I'm really curious because I, and yeah, I guess we are going to get into my most toxic

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producer relationship, which was a full on relationship when I first moved to Brooklyn,

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to New York.

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I moved to Greenpoint and I met this producer who had like a pretty sick music studio in

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his home in this massive loft in Greenpoint.

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And I met him pretty early on when I moved into Brooklyn.

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And the first day that I met him, my roommate at the time, I guess she knew him through

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somebody's studio.

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She introduced us and she was like, Oh, Audrey's a really good vocalist.

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And he was like, actually, I need a vocalist like today.

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Do you want to come over and do vocals?

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And I was like, it's like a Saturday.

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I was like, sure, let's whatever.

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Like I just moved to New York City and I moved here to do music.

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So of course, producer, why not?

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So I go over there and this guy is, let's see, I was 25 at the time.

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I think he was like 40, 40 something.

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He was, he was a lot older than me.

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And I start doing vocals for some jingle for him that he's like submitting.

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That's like the kind of music that he's doing is for like commercials and like, you know,

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there are people in this industry who do a lot of that work where they'll get like spec

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ideas sent to them and then they have to like submit different ideas for advertising.

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So like, that's what he did.

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So I record vocals for him or recording for, I feel like in hindsight, I'm thinking it's

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like hours.

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And he ends up offering me a scotch and yeah, one thing leads to another and I end up staying

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over there and we hook up and I end up dating this guy for like an entire year.

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And here's the worst part.

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Here's the worst part.

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He doesn't commit to me.

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He refuses to call me his girlfriend.

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He brings me out to meet his friends sometimes.

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But mostly I am schlepping over to him, sleeping at his place, going back to my apartment.

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Granted, it was not far.

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We were very close to each other.

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But let me tell you, I was paying for our dinners a lot of the nights and bringing him, like

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I worked at this like organic juice company the time I remember, I'd like bring him juices

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and he would let me work on his stuff.

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He would like let me do his vocal stuff and never once in the course of that year, never

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once would he spend five fucking minutes to record one of my songs.

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And when I tried to share my songs, and it's funny because in the course of this, I realized

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I was like, this guy's not going to help me.

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I'm going to go start my band.

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So I started, I was like with my band Shout Out Lone Vice and this was like the end of

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the relationship.

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And like I was like playing live shows and I remember like he came to a live show and

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he kind of like shit on my performance and was just such a manipulative douchebag prick

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who just had me in such a brainwashed fog of like thinking that I was in love with him,

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which by the way, guess why he broke up with me after a year of dating and him not making

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me his girlfriend and me paying for most dinners, most nights.

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I tell him I love him and he breaks up with me the next day.

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Breaks my heart.

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I then end up broken heartedly revenge hooking up with my bassist and my band.

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My band then implodes because it was a rebound and it was stupid and don't ever do that.

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Don't ever screw up.

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If you do have a good band dynamic, don't hook up with your bandmates.

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Don't.

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I'll do a whole other story, a whole other episode on that story, but like do yourself

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a favor, baby girls, baby boys, all y'all, don't hook up with your bandmates.

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So yeah, I implode my band in the process of my breakup because I'm heartbroken that

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my old man producer that I have loved, supported, schlepped over to and been in a real-ass relationship,

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whether or not he wanted to acknowledge it.

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And he was like, oh, I'm just doing you a favor.

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And like in hindsight, thank you.

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Yes, you did.

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Thank you.

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I'm so glad that we didn't end up together.

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I am so glad for that.

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But yeah, never did I ever get paid for any of that time.

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Any of those vocals, he never produced my stuff.

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He degraded me and my music.

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He talked down to me.

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He, I mean, I guess we both couldn't, we're not going to get into that.

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And mommy for all the dinners and all the nonsense.

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And actually, I'm going to call you out on this too because that guy then went and got

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a girlfriend who was 10 years older than me, made her his girlfriend right away.

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Like I'm talking two weeks later after stringing me long for an entire year.

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He then keeps hooking up with me secretly, messing with my head, telling me he's got

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this girlfriend hooking up with me, meeting me at this bar that had raspberry wings and

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like he used to call me his little wing.

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And for, so then for like six months after we break up, and he has this new French girlfriend

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who I'm so like angry and jealous of and like part of me like I'm not, I haven't ever been

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that girl that's been like the other woman.

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But in this I was like, well, he was mine first.

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So like, I'm like, that's on him.

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But I kept hooking up with this guy and let me tell you when it stopped.

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This piece of shit.

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This is just, these are the toxic men in this industry.

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This piece of shit tells me after hooking up with me one time, he's like, so I have

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something to tell you.

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My girlfriend is pregnant.

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And that's when I was like, okay, all right, done.

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No, I like, I'm not doing this anymore.

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Like I was livid.

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I was and you know, it's funny because for years I had, I blocked him on every platform.

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I had to just literally block his phone number.

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I blocked all of them.

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I was like, I'm done.

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I'm done.

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I'm done.

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I have to like cut it and go and like, but anyways, I feel like maybe that's enough for

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the episode today.

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So thank you for listening to episode two of Semi on My Way.

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We're into the darkness.

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You will find the light.

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Yeah, I'm not sure what the cadence is going to be on this quite yet.

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We'll see what I can fit in.

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But guys, I got a lot of stories we have barely scratched the surface.

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Let me tell you.

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So subscribe please.

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And thank you for listening.

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Love ya.

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I was new in the summertime.

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You boys and try to show me around.

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I'm ready for the season.

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Yeah, we soak up the last resident like the summer morning.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We get to drive in the moonlight.

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We soak up the last resident like the summer morning.