Welcome to Send Me On My Way.
I'm your host, Audrey Dean Kelly.
And on this podcast, we're going to talk about everything from music to pop culture to reality
TV to pretty much whatever I want.
So let's get into it.
Welcome to the second episode of Send Me On My Way.
That was really exhilarating and scary and so many feels to have put that story out there.
And you know what?
But I'm proud of myself because I want to talk about part of the reason why I named
this podcast Send Me On My Way, which obviously you hear the intro music.
It is a song that I wrote.
But one of the lines of this song says, into the darkness, you will find the light.
And that's a big reason why I named it that because that's what I'm going to be doing
here.
We're going to be talking about, we're going to be talking.
You guys want to talk?
Anyways, we will be talking about some tough subjects.
And look, that story is hard to hear.
I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are so many more that are so much worse.
I know there are.
And yeah, I mean, I had to warn my mom, but the reality is guys, that story is not the
worst story that I've experienced.
So let's get into the next part of our music series, talking about the music industry,
which is the transactional producer series.
Let's just paint you the picture.
I am 20 years old.
No, I'm 21.
I'm 21 at this point.
Being in Los Angeles, I am a senior in college.
And I had begun working with my cousin as a songwriter and she was the one who had the
connection.
She had the better voice of the two of us.
And, you know, I was just more of the songwriter and I would do some backing vocals.
And we got, she was connected with a couple of big producers and we ended up getting sent
out on a couple of different sessions where, you know, in some of them we would go in and
the producer would have just a beat, you know, and we would write to that beat on the spot
or we would come with something that we had before.
And that really was where I got my start in songwriting, which was, you'll quickly learn
why I've shifted away from writing for other people.
But, anyways, we were being sent around and we got sent to this one producer's place
that it was a very different vibe than any of the other producer experiences that we
had so far.
And this was a producer that had a studio in the Hollywood Hills and he was an ex-NFL
star and he had worked with some really big artists.
And he was very well connected in the industry.
You know, I'm talking, this was like the beginning of when the Kardashians were becoming famous.
So like back then it really, like his connection with Khloe Kardashian, I didn't, they weren't
the level that they are now.
This was like 2008, anyways.
But he was working with people like Khloe Kardashian.
You know, I met Aaron Carter in his studio.
Actually Aaron Carter's dog pooped on my phone and he made me clean it up myself.
So I mean, rest in peace, but still a little salty about that.
No disrespect.
I might have to edit that out.
But yeah, this producer also, and part of why the P Diddy thing that I said has kind
of sparked me to want to talk about these things in this podcast is this producer was
very good friends with P Diddy and that camp.
And he introduced me to a couple of other producers that were also connected to P Diddy.
So know that that's very adjacent to this.
I'm not going to reveal his identity.
And look, I mean, I was a willing participant in all of this.
So I'm not getting on here.
I'm getting on here just to paint you a picture of what happens a lot, a lot to aspiring female
songwriters, artists, and what happened to me.
So we go to this guy's place.
Immediately he kind of fixates on me between me and my cousin.
And we were like a duo together.
And I think this thing that happened kind of ended, it was the last time she and I wrote
together, which is really sad, but it was.
And basically what happened is we were writing, it was more of a party.
I was drinking, I was smoking.
There were a bunch of songwriters.
I will be honest with you, I met some of the most talented vocalist songwriters that I
have met in the setting.
So of course, it was super exciting.
I, you know, he called me his baby breezy.
And I felt like I was getting the attention and just to back up to like my songwriting
partnership with my cousin, because she was so much more talented of a vocalist, I definitely
had a complex of like feeling like I was in the background, because it's like quite literally
the songs that we were releasing.
You know, we were writing together and then it was being produced by her producer.
And so I kind of went into this with feeling like the lesser of the two in the songwriting
situation.
And he then really liked me of the two of us.
And so for me, that was like, oh, well, now I'm going to be the one whose vocals are on
this and I'm going to be the one.
And like, yeah, I think that that was part of what played into it.
But I mean, he had game and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
And so, you know, he took me out, he was introducing me to a bunch of celebrities.
These friends with a lot of celebrities, a lot.
And so, and I know what you guys are going to think, Audrey, you're related to celebrities.
That shouldn't be that exciting.
And on the one hand, no, you're right, I am a little bit desensitized to it.
But there is a difference between meeting someone because you are someone's niece and
then getting introduced to someone because you were an artist that this producer is working
with.
But yeah, this was my experience.
So I started hooking up with this guy and he started inviting me on like over for sessions
without my cousin.
A hopeful, desperate, I guess, you know, artist who wanted to make it.
That's what happens in Hollywood.
And I, you know, that's at the core of all of this of these situations where you put
yourself in it.
And I think like look in that situation, I total willing participant, total willing
participant and but I know that there are other situations where the lines are so blurred
and you're really drunk and you consent, but you question that, you know, there's just,
I feel like there's a lot of that, but there's at the core of this, it's a power dynamic
that is taken advantage of.
And at least back then in Los Angeles, in my experience, most male producers were in
a relationship with their artists.
It was so expected ingrained, you know, like I knew this one artist who she was dating
her producer.
And then before that, like she was still having to deal with like his ex-girlfriend because
he had produced that girl before and that was the ex-girlfriend and like now she's the
new artist.
And so that's what happened to me and this guy.
I was his little darling for a little bit and I funnily enough, I think part of why we stopped
working together was because of which, oh God, I guess I'm gonna have to believe that
but like I really wish I didn't have to because it's so good, I might leave it in.
But basically this very famous trainwreck, one of the most famous trainwrecks of 2008
worked with him at the time.
He was known as a producer who like worked with people like that person or actresses
who wanted to get into music and so she was that person.
So anyways, she had gotten into a fight in a club with a girl named Audrey and at the
time I actually was friends with her friend, Allie, who I had also met through songwriting.
I met her, she was another artist and I did a co-write with her another songwriting session.
So she knew me and then this, we'll call her the trainwreck, was working with the producer.
And so he calls me one day and he's like, the trainwreck, I mentioned you because your
friend Allie's over here and she said she knows you and I was gonna invite you over
to write with us but the trainwreck is saying that you fought her in a club, which at that
point I had literally never met her in my life.
I had never met her.
I knew her through my friend Allie and meanwhile on the side, my friend Allie's messaging me
and she's confused, she thinks it's you.
And I'm like, there's plenty of blonde Audries who are musicians.
It was not me.
So here I am.
It's like we had been hooking up.
I had been over there a good amount for the course of maybe, I don't know how long, maybe
a couple weeks.
And then it's like that happens and it's like radio silence.
Then I hear from him like maybe a week later and he invites me over and there's this new
girl there.
And she's the new Breezy and she's the new darling.
And I am being brought in to work with her as a songwriter because she's gonna be the
vocalist.
And again, I'll admit, I'm an artist who's like a growth mindset kind of artist.
The reason why my vocals are what they are today is because I'm a good songwriter at
the core of it and I had to become a better vocalist and push myself.
So on the one hand, yeah, she was a better singer, my cousin was a better singer.
And it just crushed me to be brought in, not to then have the same situation where I'm
just writing for another girl.
Because let's be honest guys, and I'm not afraid to admit it, I've always wanted to
be a star.
How could I not want that with the currency that is the highest value in my family?
And that is not to blame my aunt and uncle and my family structure.
It's not their fault and I'm so proud of them and they are my heroes and they are why I
chase my dreams and I do what I do.
But when that happens in a family, it shifts the dynamic of power in a way that I found
that I question why I felt my whole life.
I have to make it.
I have to be an artist.
I have to be famous.
And I realize it's because as soon as my aunt became famous, that's what we all valued.
She saved us.
She saved our family.
And then that was placed onto us.
And I'm going to have a whole another episode where we get into that.
Another episode.
And I'm going to pause this because my little Mimi Bhutan baby is waking up so I'm going
to have to come back to this shortly.
I tracked there for a second.
So we're going to go back to the point which is the producer brings me there.
He's parading his new muse in front of me wanting me to write for her.
And also hooking up with her in front of me like as if nothing had just happened with
us.
And it was in hindsight, I'm just thinking about like the kind of person and the kind
like he liked that the showing off of his new girl.
And he liked that I was.
And the craziest part is he kept hooking up with me too.
And he tried and it didn't happen.
It didn't happen.
But I just like I look back and I'm just disappointed in myself for not knowing better.
And for continuing that for as long as I did.
And like being the kind of artist like even for years after that, like I would like support
his shit.
And I would like follow him and be like, yeah, you go.
And was like, oh yeah, I worked with this big name producer.
And it's just it's really hard to look back at that person and that girl and think about
the boundaries that I brought down in hopes of making it in this industry.
But as far as the producer singer dynamic, you know, you see so many different facets
of this in different areas of the music industry.
I've seen, you know, the Nashville version where it's the, you know, 17 year old girl
who works with the producer.
And then they get married when they're like 19 and he was like 15 years older than her.
And it's okay because we got married and we're like songwriting partners and whatever.
And like on the one hand, sure.
There's nothing, look, people fall in love and not every situation is bad, but there
are a lot that are bad and clearly with what's happening with what's coming out with the
Diddy camp, obviously, like there's so much and like talk about like hiding in plain
sight guys like within the rap industry, within even live music, like what I talked about
with the concert experience, like talk about the ultimate pick me girl experience where
I remember back then it was like, you like it was exciting if you got chosen to be taken
backstage like you were the chosen one.
You were the one that the artist you were the hottest girl then, you know, and in the
producer dynamic.
I mean, there are so tail as old as time tail as old as the music industry to be honest
with you.
And it's just, it's been so incessant.
And I think that there is a lot of this like girls getting eaten up and spit out and, you
know, their, their ideas taken them never getting credit for songs that they worked on.
I've had different versions of this.
And like here's, here's the other part of it is like there's like a damned if you do
and damned if you don't situation because I have also had producers work with me.
I come over, I record my song.
I don't hook up with them.
And that song never sees the light of day.
And they never work on that because that's because I didn't take the bait for what was
expected of us artists back then.
Now I'm really curious because I, and yeah, I guess we are going to get into my most toxic
producer relationship, which was a full on relationship when I first moved to Brooklyn,
to New York.
I moved to Greenpoint and I met this producer who had like a pretty sick music studio in
his home in this massive loft in Greenpoint.
And I met him pretty early on when I moved into Brooklyn.
And the first day that I met him, my roommate at the time, I guess she knew him through
somebody's studio.
She introduced us and she was like, Oh, Audrey's a really good vocalist.
And he was like, actually, I need a vocalist like today.
Do you want to come over and do vocals?
And I was like, it's like a Saturday.
I was like, sure, let's whatever.
Like I just moved to New York City and I moved here to do music.
So of course, producer, why not?
So I go over there and this guy is, let's see, I was 25 at the time.
I think he was like 40, 40 something.
He was, he was a lot older than me.
And I start doing vocals for some jingle for him that he's like submitting.
That's like the kind of music that he's doing is for like commercials and like, you know,
there are people in this industry who do a lot of that work where they'll get like spec
ideas sent to them and then they have to like submit different ideas for advertising.
So like, that's what he did.
So I record vocals for him or recording for, I feel like in hindsight, I'm thinking it's
like hours.
And he ends up offering me a scotch and yeah, one thing leads to another and I end up staying
over there and we hook up and I end up dating this guy for like an entire year.
And here's the worst part.
Here's the worst part.
He doesn't commit to me.
He refuses to call me his girlfriend.
He brings me out to meet his friends sometimes.
But mostly I am schlepping over to him, sleeping at his place, going back to my apartment.
Granted, it was not far.
We were very close to each other.
But let me tell you, I was paying for our dinners a lot of the nights and bringing him, like
I worked at this like organic juice company the time I remember, I'd like bring him juices
and he would let me work on his stuff.
He would like let me do his vocal stuff and never once in the course of that year, never
once would he spend five fucking minutes to record one of my songs.
And when I tried to share my songs, and it's funny because in the course of this, I realized
I was like, this guy's not going to help me.
I'm going to go start my band.
So I started, I was like with my band Shout Out Lone Vice and this was like the end of
the relationship.
And like I was like playing live shows and I remember like he came to a live show and
he kind of like shit on my performance and was just such a manipulative douchebag prick
who just had me in such a brainwashed fog of like thinking that I was in love with him,
which by the way, guess why he broke up with me after a year of dating and him not making
me his girlfriend and me paying for most dinners, most nights.
I tell him I love him and he breaks up with me the next day.
Breaks my heart.
I then end up broken heartedly revenge hooking up with my bassist and my band.
My band then implodes because it was a rebound and it was stupid and don't ever do that.
Don't ever screw up.
If you do have a good band dynamic, don't hook up with your bandmates.
Don't.
I'll do a whole other story, a whole other episode on that story, but like do yourself
a favor, baby girls, baby boys, all y'all, don't hook up with your bandmates.
So yeah, I implode my band in the process of my breakup because I'm heartbroken that
my old man producer that I have loved, supported, schlepped over to and been in a real-ass relationship,
whether or not he wanted to acknowledge it.
And he was like, oh, I'm just doing you a favor.
And like in hindsight, thank you.
Yes, you did.
Thank you.
I'm so glad that we didn't end up together.
I am so glad for that.
But yeah, never did I ever get paid for any of that time.
Any of those vocals, he never produced my stuff.
He degraded me and my music.
He talked down to me.
He, I mean, I guess we both couldn't, we're not going to get into that.
And mommy for all the dinners and all the nonsense.
And actually, I'm going to call you out on this too because that guy then went and got
a girlfriend who was 10 years older than me, made her his girlfriend right away.
Like I'm talking two weeks later after stringing me long for an entire year.
He then keeps hooking up with me secretly, messing with my head, telling me he's got
this girlfriend hooking up with me, meeting me at this bar that had raspberry wings and
like he used to call me his little wing.
And for, so then for like six months after we break up, and he has this new French girlfriend
who I'm so like angry and jealous of and like part of me like I'm not, I haven't ever been
that girl that's been like the other woman.
But in this I was like, well, he was mine first.
So like, I'm like, that's on him.
But I kept hooking up with this guy and let me tell you when it stopped.
This piece of shit.
This is just, these are the toxic men in this industry.
This piece of shit tells me after hooking up with me one time, he's like, so I have
something to tell you.
My girlfriend is pregnant.
And that's when I was like, okay, all right, done.
No, I like, I'm not doing this anymore.
Like I was livid.
I was and you know, it's funny because for years I had, I blocked him on every platform.
I had to just literally block his phone number.
I blocked all of them.
I was like, I'm done.
I'm done.
I have to like cut it and go and like, but anyways, I feel like maybe that's enough for
the episode today.
So thank you for listening to episode two of Semi on My Way.
We're into the darkness.
You will find the light.
Yeah, I'm not sure what the cadence is going to be on this quite yet.
We'll see what I can fit in.
But guys, I got a lot of stories we have barely scratched the surface.
Let me tell you.
So subscribe please.
And thank you for listening.
Love ya.
I was new in the summertime.
You boys and try to show me around.
I'm ready for the season.
Yeah, we soak up the last resident like the summer morning.
We get to drive in the moonlight.
We soak up the last resident like the summer morning.