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Welcome to Send Me On My Way.

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I'm your host, Audrey Dean Kelly.

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And on this podcast, we're going to talk about everything from music to pop culture to reality

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TV to pretty much whatever I want.

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So let's get into it.

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As a musician in the industry, I think there needs to be a discussion had about the fact

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that the Me Too movement has barely scratched the surface in our industry.

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So that has inspired me to come to you today as a 37-year-old musician and mother of two

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to talk about my experiences within the music industry.

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I am someone who started making music when I was about 12 years old.

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I lived in Arkansas and I started playing in bands.

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And I moved to Los Angeles when I was 18 to go to college.

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And that's the point when I started through the help of my cousin working as a songwriter

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in the industry.

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And I think that's where I really got my first glimpse into part of what I'm going to discuss

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about the Me Too movement within the industry.

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But we'll back it up quite a bit because I do want to start off on my first real experience,

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which is the concert experience.

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This is going to be a hard one for me to talk about, to be honest with you, because I have

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buried a lot of these things for a long time.

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And I've talked to my therapist about it a little bit, but I think I finally am ready

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to talk about it.

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And yeah, so we'll start off with one of the worst things that happens and that I experienced

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in the industry, which is very young girls being scouted at concerts to go backstage

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and hang with the artist.

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We can all put together what that means.

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My first experience, I was in, oh God, it was, and I was at Robinson Auditorium in Arkansas.

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And I was there, my older sister brought me there.

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I'm really surprised in hindsight that my parents let us go to this show, just the two

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of us, but alas, they did.

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So my sister and I were at that show and I ended up meeting up with my two friends who

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were my age.

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And I was still going to cathedral school, so that means I was in sixth grade because

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that's the highest grade that I went there.

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And it definitely had to be sixth grade.

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So anyways, my friends were there with their parents.

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I was there just with my older sister who immediately ditched me and went into the mosh pit.

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So I hung back with my friends.

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So we're having fun, we're watching the show, and all of a sudden this guy comes up to us

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and hands us what I very naively thought were stickers.

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Is it to me and my two friends who also were in sixth grade?

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I'm going to protect everybody's identity here.

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Also, just because those girls didn't end up going backstage, they went home with their

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parents and they kept those stickers.

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So if they want to call out who they are, that's fine, but I'm not going to call anybody

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out on this podcast.

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But anyways, we looked at the stickers.

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We were like, oh, cool stickers, free stickers.

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And then I looked at it closer and I realized it says VIP all access.

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This is not just a sticker, this is a backstage pass.

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And it was given to us during the opener, which was, gosh, it was that band they sing.

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But anyways, so my sister, anyway, I met up with my sister at the end of the show and

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I showed her that I was given a backstage pass.

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And my sister got super excited about that and decided that she was going to steal it

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from me and ditch me, leave me alone in a concert as a sixth grader.

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And she was going to go backstage because she was four years older, so it would have

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made her, I don't know, 16, I think, 15, 16.

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So here I am left alone at this concert and people start clearing out.

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And I remember I saw this kid from my church and he also, I guess his brother had gone

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back, I don't remember.

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But he knew the way back.

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So I remember he showed me where they were, they were on basically the side of Robinson

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Auditorium where the tour buses were.

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And yeah, I found my sister there was quite a scene.

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And I'm just racking my brain now thinking that was somebody's job.

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Like, obviously that person was there to do other things, but part of his job was to give

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out backstage passes.

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And what I saw when I ended up making it backstage, despite the fact that my sister

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stole my backstage pass, made it back there anyways, were girls that were definitely under

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18 being taken on the bus, hooking up with these guys.

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Yeah.

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But I just, and like my sister, when we talked about it years later, she was like, oh, I

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protected you by taking it.

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I'm like, I don't think that's why you did that.

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But thank God, thank God I was protected in that situation.

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Now we're going to get into the real trauma in the one that I was not.

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So it was a freshman in high school.

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I don't know.

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It's either ninth, eighth or ninth grade.

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Anyways, so I was at, I am going to drop who, yeah, yeah, I guess I have to.

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So I was at a big, I will say, I guess I have to.

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I will say it was the opening band that had this person sent out, I believe.

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I mean, that's who they brought us back to meet.

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So it was that was bringing us back to backstage.

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But anyways, 14 years old, I am walking around before the show starts or no, the opener was

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playing when this happened.

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I'm walking around with my two girlfriends and a woman this time comes up to us and says,

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hey girls, do you guys want to come backstage and hang with the opening band?

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And we're like, yeah, of course we do.

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We're 14.

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Because like honestly, and like, I have so much shame telling this story, but in hindsight,

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just like the fucked up part of this industry is like the shitty things that happen to us,

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then the victim needs to feel guilt about and needs to feel bad that they said yes to

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the backstage pass and that they hung out with the band at that age and that they felt

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like they couldn't tell anybody what happened.

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And though I'm pretty sure those girls told what happened anyways, so you know what, we're

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just going to tell what happened.

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So we say yes, we go backstage.

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Immediately when we get backstage, they start to offer us like a beer and we're like, oh,

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well, we're 14.

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And at that point, one of the artists kind of shits us that he's like, oh fuck this,

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I'm too smart.

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But the other one is like, oh, well, what a mix up.

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What a mix up.

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But that's okay dolls, you can still stay backstage with us and hang out.

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We'll just give you waters and juices.

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And yes, he was British.

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And he was a charming British rock star who showed me a lot of attention.

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And this was at a time that my parents had gotten a divorce, I think, two years before.

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It was like, I was just a wild, rebellious little teenager, but at the core of it, I

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wanted to be a musician.

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So being in the presence of someone who had my ultimate dream was just so exciting, so

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exhilarating, and it made me just kind of let my boundaries down.

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And yeah, we ended up watching the show from the side of the stage and ended up going back

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and he brought me back into the bathroom area of the backstage and we kissed and he put

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his hands at my pants and was like, oh, and I, you know, then was like, we shouldn't do

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this.

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But so I didn't have sex with him.

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I kissed him.

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He touched me and he gave me his number and he gave me, I remember a little, it was like

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a Wizard of Oz teddy bear.

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That was one of the things that was like thrown up on stage.

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And he wrote his phone number on it.

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And yeah, I just, I mean, back at the time I was so excited and I think I even like kind

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of, I told my mom that like we, I obviously didn't tell her that I hooked up with him,

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but I told her that we went backstage.

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And it was just like this exciting little secret.

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So there I am 14 years old, had a phone call with him after that.

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And he's a pretty famous old man, old man musician who it makes my skin crawl to now

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think about that experience.

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I have so much shame around it.

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I can't believe that I'm even coming on here to talk about it, but it's true and it happened.

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And to be honest with you, within the whole basically something happened in New York where

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they released the statute of limitations where people could come forward.

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And there was part of me, there was like a day where it was expiring.

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And I think it really sucks that like it's amazing they open that up, but also at the

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same time, it really sucks that they put any kind of expiration date on coming forward

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about sexual assault.

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And like look, there is a whole spectrum and I'm not trying to say that me kissing some

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rock star and him putting his hands down my pants and having that experience is anywhere

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in the same realm as an experience that someone else has had.

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So please guys don't don't feel that I'm diminishing someone else's experience because mine is on

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a lower level.

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I was not raped, I was, I willingly went into this situation.

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But the fact that someone, someone's job two different times was to come scout a young

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girl, a couple of young girls.

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And I have no doubt that this person had done that with young girls for a while.

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I have no doubt at all.

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And yeah, it's just, it's wild.

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That's one part of the industry.

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So not even the last experience like that.

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There was another show, I mean granted after that experience, nothing happened like when

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I went backstage, but there was another show.

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I was in Memphis.

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I like met someone, I was like, yeah, actually I remember this.

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I'm not going to say the artist because I actually really like the artist and they didn't

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do anything.

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So I don't want to associate them with this.

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But I was like singing along to the artist and I was harmonizing and basically someone

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who was a guitarist for the next artist was right next to me, heard me harmonizing.

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He was like, oh, you've got a beautiful voice.

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I ended up chatting him up.

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What do you know?

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Then I'm backstage watching the show from the side of the stage.

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That was a little bit less innocuous, but more innocuous.

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Sorry.

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This is going to be very off the cuff.

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But my point in all of this is after the age of 16, I went to plenty of other shows, plenty.

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And I didn't get scouted to go backstage at another show ever again.

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Never at a legal age was I scouted to go backstage at a show.

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So I know that I am probably one of million.

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I don't know.

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I mean, I'm not going to try to quantify those numbers, but maybe this podcast can be a place

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where women can talk about that experience for themselves because you don't need to feel

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ashamed if that was your experience.

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You went to a show and you went to a show to see the artists that you idolized and someone

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taking advantage of that inherent power gap.

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It's not your fault that you took the bait.

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And if you feel ashamed or if something more traumatic happened to you, which I wouldn't

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be surprised.

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Yeah, feel free to, you know, I'll create an email where you guys can send me stories

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and vent and have this be a space where we can talk about this because this has to change.

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It really does the industry.

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And this is the time.

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This is the time to upend all of the sexual abuse that has been happening in the music

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industry for a very, very, very long time.

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It has to be a safe space where you women can anonymously share those stories.

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So think of it as a du moi for all of our experiences in the music industry because

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we have barely scratched the surface ladies and we all know it.

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So that is our inaugural short but sweet episode of Let Me Say.

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If you have made it to the end, thank you for listening and for letting me share my

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story because honestly, I think it's been pretty therapeutic to be more open and honest

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about my life and I've been doing that a lot on Instagram and TikTok lately.

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But I'm creating this podcast because I have a lot to say beyond those platforms.

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And so this will just be a safe space for that.

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And we'll see where this goes.

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I am excited and thanks for listening, guys.

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Love ya.

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Also, this podcast is sponsored by OddRoutineKaliMusic.

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Stay tuned for the full album.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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The album is a monster.

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I don't want this feeling to end

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Can't we soak up the last reason that I like the sun and the rain?

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Can't we stay back, can't we wake up?

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Feeling of the golden days of the summer time

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We can take a drive in the moonlight, sometimes

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I'm in the sunlight, sunrise, sundown, at night

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Can we stay back, can we wake up?

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Can we find the feeling of the golden days of the summer time

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We can take a drive in the moonlight, sometimes

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I'm in the sunlight, sunrise, sundown, at night

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Can't we soak up the last reason that I love the sun and the rain?

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Can't we soak up the last reason that I love the sun and the rain?

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Can we take a drive in the moonlight, sometimes

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I'm in the sunlight, sunrise, sundown, at night

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Can we take a drive in the moonlight, sometimes

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Can we take a drive in the moonlight, sometimes