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Hello my friends, welcome back to another episode of the CNS podcast.

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Our guest today is Dean Doe.

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He is a real estate investor, ex-VP of sales, and a sales execution manager at Autodesk.

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Today we will discuss how Dean got into real estate, why his dad made him read a book every

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single day, his advice for getting started in real estate.

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How he thinks about networking for career growth.

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How he grew his salary quickly by playing chess with his coworkers.

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His advice for young people starting their careers.

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Why no one will ever be satisfied by accomplishing their goals.

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And much more.

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So up until now these episodes have been a bit inconsistent on the posting schedule.

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So I'm committing to releasing an episode every other week on Monday.

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Wherever you enjoy your podcast, Spotify, Apple, or YouTube, you can expect to see one

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every other week, every Monday.

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And if you like this show and want to support it, the easy way to do that is to go ahead

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and subscribe and share it with someone that you think may enjoy it as well.

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Anyone from a friend or a family member or on your feed, every single share helps.

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Thank you for your support and thanks for listening.

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I hope you enjoy the episode.

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Welcome on Dean.

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You can give us a small introduction for yourself.

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Who are you?

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Pleasure to be here.

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Who am I?

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Dean Doe.

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Yeah, that name gets me in exactly as much trouble as you can imagine, but it is my real

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name.

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Been in Denver for seven years.

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I'm one of a hundred black guys here.

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I work in tech because obviously.

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And yeah, I guess do real estate as my dumb expensive hobby and that's a little bit about

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me.

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Do a lot of real estate.

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How did you get into that?

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How did I get into real estate?

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Well, I actually started my career in finance in New York.

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And so I knew a lot about cap rates already.

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I didn't want to look at numbers all day and move to the middle of the country here in

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Denver, Colorado, where I still ironically look at numbers all day.

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But I played college football many pounds ago and Calif Raymond, who was the returner

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for the Broncos for a while, I figured I wanted to be near a friendly face and I could find

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Denver on a map when I started at Oracle and tech as opposed to Minneapolis, where I just

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knew that was going to be cold and black people in the cold go together like oil and water.

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So pick Denver and noticed the appreciation in this area was uniquely different than everywhere

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else in the nation in terms of available homes, right?

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And ones that would actually cashflow because you have world famous mountains, you can't

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move, which keeps real estate pretty strong and a blossoming tech industry, which gets

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bigger and bigger and bigger as the weeks go by because all of these self-inflated CEOs

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and tech moguls love to have a view from their $16 million Vale or Breckenridge mansion.

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Disgusting millions of dollars for the view and they're empty and they sit empty most

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of the year.

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It's nuts.

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It's bananas and now you're trying to get a piece of that.

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Now I got eight, eight homes, 20 something doors.

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Yeah.

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Oh, how many doors is that?

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Eight homes and some like 23, 24 doors.

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Dang.

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Yeah.

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A lot of doors.

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What are people doing wrong when they try to get into real estate?

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I feel like there's a whole push towards like online influencers like being like, oh, invest

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in real estate, invest in stocks, make your money, whatever.

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It's like all this whole like thing going on and it's like, it's not really that simple,

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right?

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You can't just like go and be like, oh, I'm going to get a loan and then it's going to

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appreciate to $2 million and I'll be rich.

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Exactly.

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That's one of the dumb things people do is they bank on the appreciation.

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If your shit, pardon my French, doesn't cashflow from a 30 year conventional fixed mortgage

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at the time you get it, then don't fucking buy it, right?

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Don't just say, hey, I'll be able to charge more in the future in fucking theory until

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theory is blown out of the fucking water because somebody-

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Yeah, the markets crash or some shit goes wrong.

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Yeah.

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Markets crash.

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The Fed decides not to fucking lower the rate like they say they've been going to for the

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last year and a half.

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And now you're like, ah, shit.

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Oh, it's coming up on two years and I thought I was going to refinance and the bank are

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like, nope, hold that seven, six, buddy.

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That's tough.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So what do you think is kind of the way into the real estate market if you're looking to

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invest?

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If you're looking to invest, the first thing you should do is like yourself, get your most

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advantageous time buying is your first time, right?

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You can put three and a half percent down on a conventional.

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You could even go FHA and put three and a half percent down that way.

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But get a loan for what you can afford and make sure it has multiple units if you can

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in an area that is still coming up and hasn't hit the peak of its appreciation.

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For example, the appreciation in Aurora and now most of my properties are in Aurora.

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I mean, it outpaces Cherry Creek's, for example, or Cherry Hills by a full 8.2% because when

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you're already a 13 million dollars in a house, how much can you go up people who can afford

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a 13 million dollar house is it's not a pool.

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It's a fucking red solo, right?

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It's like 100 people in Colorado.

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Exactly.

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So it's like, of course that's going to appreciate less than a 450 K house here in Aurora.

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That's got six bedrooms and two baths and is 2400 square feet.

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That's going to be 500 K in 14 months in 16 months.

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Yeah.

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So the main thing you're looking at is where can you actually have market growth?

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Where do you have market growth?

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Most importantly, where does it cash flow?

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If it cash flows at 800 bucks, yeah, your cash flow is eventually going to go down.

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Because your property taxes rise, but you're going to have more years of that property

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and figuring out what you want to do with it or selling it 1031 exchanging it, which

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we can get into later in buying a bigger property or an apartment complex or whatever the hell

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you want to buy.

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You're going to have an easier time doing that with this kind of property than going

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after the most expensive dream home you can buy at first.

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That's the dumbest mistake everybody does.

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Or they try to turn it into an influencer house.

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Buy a condo in a big city.

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Classic story.

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Guys, stop buying fucking condos.

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Listen, HOAs, you cannot write off your taxes.

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And they only go up and they do fucking nothing.

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So why would you ever buy a condo?

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No, they'll give you trash service.

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Oh, shiver me timbers.

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You know who's the trash?

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Most of your neighbors that are that fucking close to you because you brought a fucking

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condo idiot.

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It's like just it's just owning an apartment when people are just like, oh, there's always

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hobos outside my place or it's too busy.

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So quiet.

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You know when you should have thought about that before you bought the shit, right?

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Because it's just another it's just an apartment you own and have to pay more and more and

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more and more for every fucking year and doesn't appreciate as quickly as a standalone structure

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in the HOA can do whatever they want to literally anything that actually happened to my sister.

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Like a month ago because she bought a property and she was doing some renovations on it.

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And then they came in this year and they're like, oh, we did some stuff with the water

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for the entire complex.

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So you have to pay up $6,000.

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What do you mean $6,000?

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Like we just spent all this money on renovations.

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They're like, pay it or leave.

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Pay it or leave.

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Or like get kicked out.

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And she was like, all right.

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She paid it and she's like, I'm selling this place.

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Like I hate the HOA.

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Exactly.

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And you know what?

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She could have avoided all of that by not buying a fucking condo in the first place,

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you know, because nobody can tell me what to do with any of my properties.

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And you know, I can paint, I can paint the place black and then paint white dicks all

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over it.

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My neighbors can complain.

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Sure.

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But the county can't make me fucking sell.

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So that's, that's what it's like to own a piece of this earth, right?

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That's what we want.

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It's a nice feeling, dude.

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It's a great feeling.

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I finally experienced it.

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Yeah.

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I'm on a power trip.

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Amazing.

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I'm just high all the time without being high.

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It's crazy.

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I can do whatever I want.

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Literally anything, anything you're like, I can just tear down a wall if I wanted to

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and nothing would happen.

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Nothing.

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Nothing.

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There's no repercussions for anything.

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Like between these walls here, you're Jesus.

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You can, you can turn water to tequila if you want.

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Well, I mean, it is Friday and guys don't tell me with a good time.

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If I want to dress up my sippy cup, right?

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Then be prepared for a sippy cup conversation.

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The 38 year olds will not approach you, not smelling what's on you, which it's Paco Rabanne

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1 million guys.

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That's the, that's the same.

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You buy a lot of cologne.

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Not that much.

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You're not supposed to drown yourself in cologne.

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Once on the wrist, a little on the neck and then you just, you know, stripe down.

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That's all you need.

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If you have more than that, it's the fucking ax and middle school.

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You smell disgusting.

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It's like you walk into a room and they can smell you from like 10 feet away.

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Overpowering.

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It doesn't matter how good it is.

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It's just like, I don't want to smell fucking Dior Sauvage or whatever.

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Everyone has a Dior Sauvage.

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The dumb fucking.

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I have one cologne and it's like, I don't even know what it is.

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Dude, my grandma brought it from Mexico like a year ago and I've just been using it and

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it's kind of, it kind of smells fire.

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It's fire.

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I don't know what brand it is.

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I don't know where it's from.

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I was like, yeah,

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it's the best one because old people like understand like the value of cologne because

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one it can stretch for like a year.

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You know, if you have a good size bottle of it and you don't need to like, because you're

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not like spraying it everywhere.

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It's like a couple sprays a day and it's not something you need to interchange.

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I have like two colognes of which I only use one everywhere all the time, regardless, whether

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it be weddings, work, what have you.

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So guys stop buying $200 worth of drinks to strike out at the bar and go buy some good

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cologne, change your fucking clothes and wash your hair and learn how to hold a conversation.

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You'll be all right.

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Oh, that's by a fucking house.

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You're setting the bar too high.

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I guess the bar is too high.

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Like have a full conversation.

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That's asking a lot, man.

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All right.

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Shower once a day.

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That's all you need to do.

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With buying real estate, we can go back to that.

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Like one of the big things is like prices are kind of shooting up and everyone's like,

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I can't afford to buy anything.

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And like I'm lucky enough to have at least cashflow from a job where I can go ahead and

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throw that into a house.

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Yep.

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Like what are we looking at if like I'm trying to get houses, I'm trying to invest, I'm trying

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to basically build my financial backing.

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What do I even do?

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Well if you already have one, sit on the equity, get it to cashflow as much as possible and

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then skip to buy your next if possible in a year.

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Yeah.

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Well, I mean more like someone who can't afford to buy their first.

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Somebody who can't afford to buy their first should, I mean quite frankly, start wholesaling.

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So wholesaling is essentially a practice where big time flippers, burst strategy people,

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Airbnb people, what have you, they buy properties to fix them up to look a certain way for their

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own commercial ends.

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Now identifying those properties takes the most time.

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So if you just devote yourself to doing some research, finding where things are appreciating,

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where things are going up in the market, where a lot of flips are occurring and seeing one

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of those houses, build a list and essentially get in touch with some of those flippers,

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some of those developers, what have you and just say, hey, is this the list you're looking

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for?

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I don't have time right now and should you go under contract?

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You give me a little bit on the backend.

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So let's say there's a 350K house in Barnum.

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The after repair value is like 450K, only needs about 30K in renovations.

244
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:27,100
And let's say if I identify an ideal property for you that you'll go ahead and go under

245
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:33,040
contract for, give me 10K, give me 12K, give me 15K.

246
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:39,020
Keep doing that and then after two or three of those, you'll have enough for a down payment

247
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:43,960
for probably something you can't afford with your day job on your own.

248
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,640
Like you'll be able to put enough down to where your monthly payment is actually maintainable.

249
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,640
It's actually maintainable.

250
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,640
Exactly.

251
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,760
Because the difference, remember between like a, at least here in this local market, between

252
00:13:54,760 --> 00:14:09,400
a 390K house and a 560K house for a 5% conventional down payment is like four grand.

253
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:16,880
It goes from 29K to 33 and change K. Yeah.

254
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,720
So that's all you need.

255
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,720
That's what you need to get started.

256
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:27,000
What are your thoughts on going in like 20% just to make it cashflow?

257
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:32,320
That's dumb because you tie up too much capital and you're going to remove your chances of

258
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:37,900
acquiring properties more quickly on the offset, which is what you're trying to do until you

259
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,280
reach sort of your limit.

260
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:48,400
And yeah, it's not worth tying up, for example, that same 30K just about, it's not worth tying

261
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:55,640
up a hundred K whereas the median home price is like 505ish around there.

262
00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:04,120
It's not worth tying up an extra 70K that you may or may not have or going to have to

263
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:10,560
wait a certain amount of years to amass for what is essentially a difference of $185 a

264
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,840
month in your monthly payment.

265
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:16,160
That's really the only difference from a 5% conventional to a 20%.

266
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,280
Is it really that small?

267
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,280
It's that small.

268
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,400
A lot of people don't realize that.

269
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:27,200
Our parents had told us, hey, save up till put down 20%, you're not going to have private

270
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,200
mortgage interest.

271
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:33,080
I was like, okay, well, the private mortgage interest one really isn't that much.

272
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:40,660
And once you reach 20% organically anyway from having the house for six or so years,

273
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:43,360
that drops off, which just adds to your cashflow.

274
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:48,280
So you're not paying PMI forever just until you actually reach 20%.

275
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:54,000
And another thing is on a 30 year conventional, if you make one extra payment of your monthly

276
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:59,480
payments every year, you can spread that out, but just apply to the principal, you're actually

277
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:03,160
going to be done paying that loan in 18 years.

278
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,360
So how does that work?

279
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,280
I mean, you're just paying towards the principal.

280
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,920
Because you're not paying any interest on that payment.

281
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,440
And the interest, yeah, because there's interest rolled into your monthly payment.

282
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:18,160
Sure, the monthly payment stays the same for virtually the life of the loan and 30 year

283
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,200
fixed besides property taxes and insurance.

284
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,600
But the principal itself is just going to be going down and down and down.

285
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,080
It's just a matter of how much is applied to the principal.

286
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,840
The bank wants its money back first, which is why, let's say your monthly payment is

287
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:33,840
$2,400.

288
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:34,840
Yeah.

289
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:35,840
Right?

290
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:41,520
So the interest is like two grand of the $2,400 to start out.

291
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,280
You're paying 400 bucks on principal.

292
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,400
On principal, yeah, which is why it's not going down.

293
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,400
$4,800 a year.

294
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,400
Exactly.

295
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:55,400
So imagine now you're paying the full $2,400, an extra $2,400 in one payment that has no

296
00:16:55,400 --> 00:17:01,800
interest in it, which is essentially six months of paying down the interest.

297
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,280
I mean, paying down the principal of your loan.

298
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:05,280
Right?

299
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,920
And doing that consistently, yeah, you'll be done with a loan in about 18 years.

300
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:09,920
Okay.

301
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:10,920
Is there any reason not to do that?

302
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,480
And are you doing it?

303
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,000
Yeah, I do it pretty regularly.

304
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:22,080
The reason not to do it would be if and make sure this run over through the numbers with

305
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:26,160
your lender because some places, especially institutions, if you don't have a mortgage

306
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,560
broker, which you should have an independent mortgage broker, they can shop better rates

307
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,560
for you.

308
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:36,280
But they have an early repayment penalty because they want to make sure that you are strung

309
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:42,400
out and paying as much interest as possible essentially throughout those 30 years.

310
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,400
So yeah.

311
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,400
So if you get a predatory loan, essentially.

312
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,400
If you get a predatory, yeah, exactly.

313
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,720
If you get an institutionalized early predatory loan, then yeah, they're going to make sure

314
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,600
that you have a repayment penalty.

315
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,080
But you could just as easily not get one of those.

316
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,080
Just get a mortgage broker.

317
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,240
And you won't have that to deal with.

318
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,960
You can advertise three point mortgage broker.

319
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,320
And great mortgage broker.

320
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,680
And one of my best friends, three point mortgage.

321
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:18,200
They're responsible for all of my loans and houses and my $3 million in leverage debt.

322
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,900
That's why you can't get a credit card.

323
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,240
And that's why AMX, you little shits, you won't give me a credit card.

324
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,520
Though you keep fucking sending me these ads my way.

325
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,480
God, I just want to fucking go to the Centurion Lounge.

326
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:35,520
God forbid and DIA, you know I'm good for it, you fucking pussies.

327
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:40,720
But you basically have done, you've cash flowed so much that you could theoretically just

328
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,280
not have a job and live off of it.

329
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,280
Theoretically, yeah, for sure.

330
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,560
Which is like, oh, big dream.

331
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,360
Like, oh, get enough money to passive income and cash flow.

332
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:54,020
Like why are you getting a job now if that's like.

333
00:18:54,020 --> 00:19:00,640
Because it's easier when you have W2 income to go ahead and buy a house.

334
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:05,160
Especially when the bank can look at your statements, look at their own debt coverage

335
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,800
ratios, know that you're going to be good for the loan and approve you so that you can

336
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:13,120
close in 15 days, in 30 days.

337
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,120
That just to make it easier is why.

338
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:19,080
Because otherwise, they're going to have you pay 20%.

339
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,880
Which you may not have the capital to do.

340
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:21,880
Yeah, but it's 20%.

341
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:22,880
Uh-huh.

342
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,480
It's tough.

343
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,480
It's tough.

344
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,760
You know what to do with 100K?

345
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:36,160
I would sooner buy like 20,000 McChickens than fucking pay.

346
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,120
What are you going to do with 20,000 McChickens?

347
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,120
I'm going to eat them.

348
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,200
I didn't get the size by not eating.

349
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,960
20,000 is wild.

350
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,720
Bring back the regular McChicken, not the spicy McChicken McDonald's.

351
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,320
That shit's kind of spicy.

352
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,320
Or the McRib.

353
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,320
Didn't they bring it back?

354
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,320
They always bring back the McRib.

355
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,320
Yeah.

356
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,320
I still love it.

357
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,880
I mean, I always post it on my story and I get a diabolical response.

358
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,320
For good reason, but everybody that responds has never tried it.

359
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,660
Try the McRib, then let me know.

360
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:04,960
When it comes to at least building out that initial cash flow, one of the best things

361
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,640
to do is probably get a job that pays you well.

362
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,640
Yes.

363
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,120
And that's probably hard to do, at least right now.

364
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:16,880
It seems like job prospects are kind of hard, especially for people coming out of graduating

365
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,800
and they're trying to get jobs, trying to figure that stuff out.

366
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:25,000
Just like your advice for somebody like that who's either trying to get a job or has a

367
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:29,160
job that maybe isn't paying them that well and is trying to move up in that world, in

368
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,520
their career, so that they can go ahead and invest.

369
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:40,200
I'd say think very deeply about your mobility in the company.

370
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:49,000
You should be realistically, just about every two years, be making a consistent at least

371
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,160
10% more.

372
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,880
If whatever you're doing doesn't allow for that, I would say look into something else

373
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:04,680
or try and supplement your income with a certificate or something else of that nature.

374
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,720
Maybe learn to code or something else that can pay you higher because-

375
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,640
The CS grads won't like that, dude.

376
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,480
The CS market is not doing well right now.

377
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,480
Oh no.

378
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:16,480
Yeah.

379
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,280
I think people are getting fired left and right or laid off and trying to get jobs.

380
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,280
Damn, that's tough.

381
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,720
Why are they getting laid off?

382
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:28,840
Well, there was just a huge influx of computer science, software-

383
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,840
Beyond the demand.

384
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:30,840
People coming in, yeah.

385
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:31,840
Okay.

386
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:39,920
So now you have a very large pool of entry-level junior, maybe mid-level developers and companies

387
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,880
are like, we don't want these guys, we want the seniors.

388
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,400
They're just like laying off these people.

389
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:48,480
They just want to hire immediately senior engineers.

390
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:49,480
That's fair.

391
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:56,120
Well then, I'd say if you're in that same boat, there tends to be a typical, you're

392
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,520
a charismatic guy.

393
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,880
Most people that are in CS are not.

394
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,360
So you just so happen to have the soft skills to be successful and go far.

395
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:09,880
I would say develop those soft skills and go into project management because you understand

396
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:14,520
the technical of the technical people that you have to actually go ahead from a Gantt

397
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:22,760
chart format and manage in terms of asking for updates, seeing where any disasters or

398
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,800
corrective and preventative actions need to be taken.

399
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:31,280
And then speak English and non-tech speak to those that are simpler on the actual delivery

400
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,360
team side because they're not the technical people.

401
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:40,080
In terms of software implementations, which typically just go wrong for a million reasons,

402
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,360
a very good project manager can curb that.

403
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:52,160
So I would say pivot and use the technical knowledge you already have with your newfound

404
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:59,880
charisma for good and you'll be paid a lot, a lot, and then you can buy a house for sure

405
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:00,880
in a year.

406
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,960
And even if you're a bad project manager, you might still get a job.

407
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,400
You're probably still going to get a job because the certification is really easy to be a project

408
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,200
manager because they're going to hire you because you have the technical experience.

409
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,200
Every engineer will hate you.

410
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,200
Oh yeah.

411
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,200
If you're a bad one.

412
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,200
For sure.

413
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,880
If you're a bad one, oh, every engineer is going to, they're going to try and revolt

414
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,880
on some dragon shit.

415
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:20,880
It's a classic story.

416
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,920
Like, oh yeah, we have these requirements and then project manager comes in and they're

417
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,800
like, yeah, here are your business requirements.

418
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,120
You're like, this tells me nothing.

419
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:29,120
You're very helpful.

420
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:34,840
Like you left, not cleared up any issues for me and now I have to figure it out.

421
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:35,840
Facts, facts.

422
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:36,840
It's horrible.

423
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,440
So that's where the bar is though.

424
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,440
Most of the time.

425
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,920
So if you can do better than that.

426
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,040
Slightly better than that.

427
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,040
You're golden.

428
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,040
You'll make it.

429
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,040
You're golden.

430
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,840
What was your career progression like when you came in to tech?

431
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:54,160
To tech, I started as a BDR at Oracle.

432
00:23:54,160 --> 00:24:00,120
It is a business development rep, essentially dialing for dollars outside of college.

433
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:06,600
And my salary was like 50K with an additional 25K possible based on performance, which I

434
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:11,560
always hit because I'm him, him at the Jones, him in neutron, him, he Turner, and I could

435
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,120
talk on the phones.

436
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:17,480
So I was naturally curious, learned a little bit more about the tech that I was selling

437
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,520
was ERP at the time stands for enterprise resource planning.

438
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,200
For those of you who don't know, that's essentially the financial spine of a company.

439
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,200
Very, very big system.

440
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:32,000
The ERP system is the largest system in a company typically.

441
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:38,480
And yeah, from there, I got promoted early into directly into mid market, which was previously

442
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,760
reserved for external hires.

443
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:48,040
That's something I prided myself in just trying to make more, sell more deals, earn more.

444
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,080
I wasn't even thinking about buying houses at the time.

445
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,120
I was buying stupid shit like this.

446
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:58,160
And I got promoted again.

447
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:03,520
So I got promoted twice while I was at Oracle, which was the big thing for me because I started

448
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:10,920
to realize from a macro scale that they were still paying me as an internal hire, though

449
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:16,760
all of the external hires just base salary wise, we're making way, way, way more, like

450
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,540
literally two to three X as much.

451
00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:22,400
And I was like, OK, I should jump ship.

452
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,400
Did that, paid off well.

453
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:31,600
And then I moved into accounts payable automation for the real estate industry.

454
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,960
Given that it was easy because I already had a finance background and ERP is essentially

455
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,360
just financial software.

456
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:42,480
Moving into a sub segment of that, which is accounts payable automation, it was this company,

457
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,160
small company, good company called Nexus that they later on went to get acquired.

458
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:53,600
And so when I joined on with Nexus, whereas my base had only jumped 5K even after two

459
00:25:53,600 --> 00:26:00,080
promotions, my base jumped 35K.

460
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:14,360
So I went from a 55K base and I'm 23, 24ish to a 90K base.

461
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:17,720
In like one move.

462
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:23,600
And so I was like, OK, then savor this experience because this is the wave.

463
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,040
This is the future and this is how things have to be.

464
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:31,240
And then did well there, went into it was a great opportunity.

465
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,480
And once you can sell software, you can sell software anywhere.

466
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,520
It's more about teasing out the needs for people and actually solutioning for the need

467
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,560
than selling on product, which a lot of reps do poorly because executives don't give a

468
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,800
fuck what the product actually does.

469
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,340
They just want to know that it's going to work and that implementation is not going

470
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:52,560
to fail so that they can get all of the people they manage who are smarter and more technical

471
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,720
than they are typically off their fucking back.

472
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:57,720
That's why.

473
00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:58,720
OK, we found the budget.

474
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,960
We're going to get the software you guys are all asking for.

475
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,400
You're saying it does the thing we need.

476
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:03,400
Exactly.

477
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:04,560
And it does the thing you need.

478
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,720
Are you sure?

479
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,400
Are you fucking positive?

480
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,400
And they will grill you.

481
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,040
That's the hardest thing about at least the large enterprise deals.

482
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:16,520
I'm like, I swear, if you fuck me on this, I will burn you guys alive.

483
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,520
I'm like, yep.

484
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:18,520
And they're like, OK, deal.

485
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,520
Oh, yeah.

486
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,440
The whole thing with software is you can really sell anything, but then it actually has to

487
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:23,440
do it.

488
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,440
It actually has to do the thing.

489
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,440
Yeah.

490
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,960
It's like selling software theoretically is really easy if you actually have the product

491
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,360
that can actually do the thing.

492
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:33,160
Like you just tell them, oh, yeah, you have that need.

493
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,160
I'll solve it.

494
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:35,160
My software does this.

495
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,160
And then they get the software.

496
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:37,160
And then they get the software.

497
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,160
It doesn't do that.

498
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,840
And then you're like, ah, already sold you.

499
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:48,120
Because the reason most software contracts go three years plus is because the IRS says

500
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:54,040
it needs to be at least a three-year contract or more for you to actually capitalize it.

501
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:58,840
So they will get stuff back on their taxes as opposed to just a two-year contract or

502
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:04,720
a one-year contract where you would expense it at a lower tax return rate because it's

503
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,160
just an expense software.

504
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:15,880
It's like you, if you were, I guess, working from home and your company allowed you to

505
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:22,440
expense certain living expenses and get that back, it's like you expensing Netflix as

506
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:31,920
opposed to you expensing, I don't know, furniture or something that's going to last longer than

507
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:37,200
three years that you will continually use if you got a really nice chandelier or some

508
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,200
shit.

509
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,200
Yeah.

510
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,600
Well, then you get a higher price tag.

511
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:42,600
Yeah.

512
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,560
And you also get to continually rewrite it off.

513
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:46,560
Exactly.

514
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,440
It's like putting in work on a house.

515
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:54,920
Then you get that depreciation over the 27 and a half years.

516
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:55,920
Yeah.

517
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:56,920
Yep.

518
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:57,920
Exactly.

519
00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:58,920
How did you get good at selling?

520
00:28:58,920 --> 00:28:59,920
How did I get good at selling?

521
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:03,680
Well, I've always been able to talk people into things.

522
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,680
That sounds bad.

523
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:05,680
No.

524
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:11,280
I've always been able to identify with people's needs and solution well.

525
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:16,760
But I'd say I got good at selling by honestly watching better sellers around me because

526
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:21,920
many people are siloed in their cubicles, literal cubicles in the DTC when they're like,

527
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,640
okay, I got to make this amount of calls, this amount of emails, right?

528
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:31,600
And they do not get better at their craft because they're not absorbing what successful

529
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,400
people around them are saying, doing, and how they move.

530
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,040
And I mean, it was just being a sponge.

531
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:43,760
That's how I honestly got better because you can talk the talk, but the way you instill

532
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:51,520
confidence in a buyer is wildly different from your style, from their style.

533
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:56,040
You're going to end up being a chimera of a person with the best traits of yours naturally

534
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:01,840
and then those more experienced and doing better in the field around you.

535
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,120
So I just listened.

536
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,840
I listened and listened and listened and experimented and tried this way and tried that way.

537
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,960
And then all of a sudden I was hit in quota.

538
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:17,280
And did you have anyone in particular that mentored you or did anything like that?

539
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,760
A bunch of mentors.

540
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:20,760
And I was networking.

541
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,400
I did a lot of networking, especially a 180,000 person company.

542
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,840
It's pretty easy to get washed out of the frame.

543
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:36,440
But I would say I learned a lot from Roman and this guy, Chris Warfield.

544
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:45,680
There were two VPs as well as Michael Stays, Charlie Pasenante, people that were in the

545
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:51,640
BDR classes before me that I was just seeing Will Decora become reps and the challenges

546
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,040
that they went through and then how they overcame them.

547
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,800
It sort of gave me like a cheat sheet.

548
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,600
Just walking around talking with them, talking with people that weren't even on the direct

549
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,040
sale side, but also on the account management side to see, okay, what happens after a deal

550
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,040
is actually sold?

551
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,040
Getting a picture of the full life cycle.

552
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,640
How do you actually fulfill it?

553
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,640
Exactly.

554
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,360
Because you speaking about the fulfillment of that goes way further than you talking

555
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,880
about product to an executive or anybody with buying power.

556
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,640
So they want to know what it looks like after they buy.

557
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:18,640
Yeah, exactly.

558
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,800
They're like, okay, well, I want to see a successful implementation.

559
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,520
I want to speak to one of your customers.

560
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,920
And having those go-to customers on hand, they're just like, oh, I've used them as a

561
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,800
customer reference before for X, Y, and Z. They love me.

562
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,840
I can get you talking to them like this.

563
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,840
I can bypass the whole requisition process to put in a ticket to get them to speak to.

564
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,200
I was like, no, I can just have you speak to the people that I want you to speak to.

565
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,520
They're going to instill you with the confidence before that.

566
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,760
And I'm going to tell you, hey, a lot of implementations fail.

567
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:45,760
Executives already know that.

568
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,280
They've been in this for 30 years.

569
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,240
Here's how we're going to make yours not an insurer success.

570
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,600
And they're like, okay, that's what I want to fucking talk about.

571
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:58,840
Yeah, because that's probably the more risky part for the business is the implementation

572
00:31:58,840 --> 00:31:59,840
part.

573
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:00,840
Absolutely.

574
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,320
If that part doesn't work, then.

575
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,760
40% of implementations fail.

576
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:07,440
Even if the product is good, but you can't implement it into whatever they're trying

577
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:08,440
to do.

578
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,440
Yeah.

579
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,440
Then it's cooked.

580
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:11,440
Then it's shit.

581
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:18,040
It's hundreds of thousands of thousands of millions of dollars that they wasted with

582
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,720
the extra implementation fee on the front end.

583
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,400
And it's going to keep fucking them for at least the next two years.

584
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,520
Yeah, because they have to keep it because they have to capitalize it.

585
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,080
And yeah, rip it out and reimplement it.

586
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,120
And business stops while they do that.

587
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,240
You know, imagine what happens if a company can't take fucking orders.

588
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,240
It dies quickly.

589
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,840
It's very risky.

590
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:42,840
Exactly.

591
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,400
You've lost my business then.

592
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,320
Now you still got the fish.

593
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,760
How are you networking in a large company?

594
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:55,960
Like you have 180,000 employees and you probably work with maybe like 10 to 20 people.

595
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,880
How are you really tackling that networking aspect in a company like that?

596
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:04,760
When you're more junior in a role, walk around and see the names on the offices.

597
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:11,600
Write down those names, you probably have Microsoft Teams or Slack or something for

598
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,960
inter channel inter company communication.

599
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,360
There's an org chart function inside there.

600
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:23,080
Click on the org chart function and say, okay, I should know my boss, my boss's boss and

601
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,180
my boss's boss's boss.

602
00:33:25,180 --> 00:33:30,860
And chances are your boss's boss's boss has somebody else in that office.

603
00:33:30,860 --> 00:33:34,360
That is another stem on their org chart rolling up to them.

604
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,080
Know those other people as well.

605
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:42,960
And don't just try and distinguish yourself with the sales you make or your go getter

606
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:48,440
attitude, but try and take on different projects that will get you seen by said people.

607
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:54,880
That way, when you have a vote of confidence or a letter of recommendation like I did from

608
00:33:54,880 --> 00:34:02,580
a VP, somebody who is over the person that I was interviewing with to join their team,

609
00:34:02,580 --> 00:34:04,960
if they're hearing from their boss, hey, I've known this guy for years.

610
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:05,960
He does a good job.

611
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,080
You're hiring him.

612
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:08,080
That's how it goes.

613
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,760
There is no question.

614
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:10,760
There's no question.

615
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:11,760
Okay.

616
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,520
And how are you, what are you doing when you're reaching out to these people getting to know

617
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:16,520
them?

618
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:21,680
I mean, I didn't drink coffee, so I wasn't, I wasn't asking for coffee.

619
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:28,440
But what I would do is essentially these company happy hours, act interested, just sort of

620
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,120
see what's going on in their regular life.

621
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,440
I talk about shows a lot because people bond over shows.

622
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:40,160
And honestly, in the case with Roman, I had this mini chess board and I would just sit

623
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:45,360
and play chess with people literally and happy hours at happy hours.

624
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,160
Well, the ones inside the office, right?

625
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,480
Because like, okay, there's all this compulsory mingling where it's just like, I don't really

626
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,000
care about, I want to appear sociable for my personal brand.

627
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:59,400
But it's like, I mean, it might be a little quirky, but it's like, okay, if they see somebody

628
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,560
with a chess board, they're like, this is a nice change of pace, right?

629
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,800
And then somebody's doing something interesting.

630
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:05,800
Exactly.

631
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,280
Somebody's doing something interesting besides this whole thing that we do every week.

632
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:10,280
It's always awkward.

633
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,320
It's like a little bit like, Oh, how's your day going?

634
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:14,320
Exactly.

635
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:15,800
Your classic happy hour.

636
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:16,800
Exactly.

637
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,080
Co-workers that you probably never see very often.

638
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:21,080
Never see.

639
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,760
They come in the office finally and they're just like, Oh, how are the kids that I've

640
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,400
never asked about?

641
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,400
Because I don't really care.

642
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,600
I'm just assuming you have kids.

643
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:30,600
Exactly.

644
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:35,760
Instead of running into that, you're like, Oh, you must've been the other office looking

645
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:41,400
guy with the software bro jacket that I must've mistaken since you all have the same swag.

646
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:46,400
And I was like, okay, no, this, it was like, I'm just going to be me.

647
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,120
I'm going to play some chess.

648
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,640
And we ended up playing chess like every quarter.

649
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:57,800
And so that's how he got to know me more and I mean, even in a different, even about while

650
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:03,160
I was already working for a different company and I'd been removed from Oracle for years,

651
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:09,760
he was the SVP of sales bigger title at this different company, which he wants to Stanford.

652
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:10,760
He's a genius.

653
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:11,760
Could retire twice, right?

654
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:12,760
One of those guys.

655
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,600
But he's just like, Hey, I'm starting a new team.

656
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,680
I want to hire you.

657
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:27,400
That just reached out out of the blue on LinkedIn and that's the importance of connections.

658
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:31,800
That's why you always have to continue to network and continue to foster those.

659
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,320
And it doesn't have to be something that takes a lot of effort.

660
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,840
It could be that quarterly mind you chess game.

661
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,560
And that'll get you a job position.

662
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,220
That'll get you a job years later.

663
00:36:43,220 --> 00:36:47,040
So pro tip is bring a chess board with you at all times.

664
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,040
Exactly.

665
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,560
And learn how to play.

666
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,480
I'm pretty shit at chess, dude.

667
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:53,480
Oh, I phone names.

668
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,480
I message games.

669
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:59,840
It's pretty easy to get better than your friends because like your average person, but anyone

670
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,840
who actually knows how to play, I get cooked.

671
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:02,840
Yeah.

672
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:03,840
Mitch is pretty good.

673
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:05,240
Mitch Mitch is really good.

674
00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:10,960
Actually don't want to get to your fucking head.

675
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:19,000
Anyways, have you always been kind of like very social, very gregarious, very outgoing

676
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:23,160
or were you maybe different and you kind of move towards this way because it was maybe

677
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,600
more useful or more helpful for what you were trying to do?

678
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,480
I definitely moved this way because it was more useful.

679
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:35,600
Typically like my perfect day is eating something I cook and staying at home and watching anime.

680
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,360
That's what I like.

681
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,640
Do I more deal with people?

682
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:41,240
I seem like an extrovert.

683
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:44,200
I'm actually extroverted introvert.

684
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:51,340
But my social battery is stronger than most.

685
00:37:51,340 --> 00:37:54,280
So I have an appetite for it, but I don't seek it out.

686
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,000
And especially as a kid, I was just mostly introverted.

687
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,400
This was definitely my dad's fault because he made me read a book a day until I was in

688
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,400
sixth grade.

689
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,400
So I had no friends.

690
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:03,400
A book a day?

691
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:04,840
A book a day.

692
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:05,840
It was-

693
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:07,600
From when to when?

694
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:14,560
This must have been like between third and sixth grade.

695
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:15,560
That's crazy.

696
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,560
It's nuts.

697
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,320
900, over a thousand books.

698
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:19,320
Yeah.

699
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:20,320
It was gross.

700
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:27,240
We would just go pretty much, I would go to school, church and the library.

701
00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:28,240
And that was your day.

702
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,240
And that was it.

703
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:30,880
And he'd just bring me there and I'm like, this is hell.

704
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:35,120
But I got to pick one comic book in each stack of books for that week.

705
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:41,280
So I would always pick manga, which is how I was already into Dragon Ball Z, but it definitely

706
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,920
propelled that because that was my release.

707
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:52,160
In hindsight, it gave me a more advanced vocabulary than most, but I had to figure out how to

708
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:59,800
be social or even understand what cool was or what popular trends were through sports.

709
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,360
Because I played in college, but I started my freshman year.

710
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,120
My brother was a senior at the time.

711
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,040
I was terrible because I had just started.

712
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:13,680
Then I got way better my sophomore year and I was on varsity and then the rest is history.

713
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,760
But that adaptation was not natural.

714
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:21,080
It took a lot of work, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of work.

715
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,040
The more plays you make on the field, and especially on defense when your name is actually

716
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:27,840
called out whenever you make a tackle or something like that, the more people that are at these

717
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:32,280
games start to learn your name and then you can spark up conversations in high school.

718
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:38,240
Otherwise, other than that, it was weird because I had a high school musical moment.

719
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:41,800
Well, I was the Virginia State soloist my sophomore year.

720
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,440
I was the best soloist in the state of Virginia.

721
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,600
I got a little trophy and everything.

722
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:52,040
My varsity head coach was like, yeah, you either pick football or singing.

723
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,400
I was like, what?

724
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,400
I want to go my own way.

725
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:59,840
You had your angsty song singing in the locker room.

726
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:00,840
Literally.

727
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:02,560
He was just like, throw the fuck up.

728
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:07,600
I was like, all right, I picked football and then it ended up panning out.

729
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:08,600
But yeah, that's...

730
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,360
But you learned how to get into the social realm through sports, essentially.

731
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:14,360
Exactly.

732
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,280
That was my back door into it for sure.

733
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:18,440
What was that like?

734
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:19,440
Like trying to...

735
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:23,240
Because you set up until sixth grade, you were maybe a social recluse.

736
00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:24,240
Yeah.

737
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:25,240
Oh, it was terrible.

738
00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:26,240
What was that?

739
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,240
The first time I got invited to a girl's house.

740
00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:31,400
Her name is Shannon.

741
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,920
And there were other people who I knew were popular but didn't know them.

742
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:39,040
Like the first time, oh, I'm getting invited to somebody's house.

743
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,240
Not like a sleepover situation, but we're definitely coming back late.

744
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:45,240
My dad sends me there in a full fucking suit.

745
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,920
A suit.

746
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,480
And I'm just like, I show up, nobody's in a suit.

747
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,480
I'm like, oh, I'm cooked.

748
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,480
Wallahi, I'm finished.

749
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:59,120
I'm so finished.

750
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,200
Bro.

751
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,440
And it was like we were playing spin the bottle.

752
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:08,760
And yeah, no, needless to say, I did not get invited back there, but it was a good learning

753
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:13,800
experience just sort of like, okay, so this is like what people do.

754
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:19,480
And then, yeah, from then on, didn't show up in fucking suits.

755
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:22,360
That was so heinous.

756
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,520
What the fuck was he thinking?

757
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,240
I'm like, you got to have some awareness.

758
00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,640
And again, he's 78 right now.

759
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:29,640
He's been old.

760
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,640
He had me at 50.

761
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,680
He's been old my entire life.

762
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,960
So it's just like he was born in 1946.

763
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:44,560
He's as old as Nancy Pelosi, like World War II shit, when he was born, essentially.

764
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,760
So it's just like sending somebody there.

765
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,640
And it could be the African thing as well.

766
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,640
It's mostly the African thing.

767
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:55,800
But he's like, okay, I think it's normal for my son to show up at somebody else's house

768
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,140
with a full suit.

769
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:58,680
For fucking what?

770
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,640
Because I didn't have normal clothes.

771
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:07,920
Because we'd go to Ross and just buy belts for him to shit back to his African friends.

772
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,560
Why belts?

773
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:13,280
Because he wore belts a fucking ton.

774
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:14,920
And he's an old man.

775
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,720
And he's the epitome of the color brown.

776
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:23,800
So just like old people, like belts and sweaters and cardigans.

777
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,600
Like he wears scarves inside the house.

778
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,760
I bet his style kind of goes crazy.

779
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:30,760
It used to.

780
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,760
His style actually did go crazy.

781
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:33,760
Yeah.

782
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:34,760
Oh no, he used to floss.

783
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,240
Just imagine the guy wearing a scarf inside.

784
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:40,560
That dude's either like really weird or he's like cracked at fashion.

785
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:41,560
That's what I'm saying.

786
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,120
Like in the late 70s, his shit probably went crazy.

787
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,120
Yeah.

788
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:46,120
Like that's why.

789
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,120
His style was probably unmatched.

790
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,560
But then you pull up to 2010s, 2000s.

791
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:51,560
Yeah, you pull up to 20.

792
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,760
And you give them to your kid and you're like, yo, wear this.

793
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:54,760
Yeah.

794
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:59,720
And I'm just like, bro, the high school like, yo, this is wool.

795
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:02,440
I'm wearing wool to high school.

796
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,640
What are you fucking thinking, bro?

797
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:05,640
Like yeah.

798
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,560
So he had no fucking clue.

799
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,200
And then I was trying to find other shit.

800
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:14,720
And it's like, I tried to go in the exact opposite direction to see if I would land

801
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:15,720
in a medium.

802
00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,140
So just essentially they came here and I talked to them.

803
00:43:18,140 --> 00:43:20,980
And we were like, oh, dude, I tried hard.

804
00:43:20,980 --> 00:43:24,100
Because how many times do you look at yourself in the mirror?

805
00:43:24,100 --> 00:43:25,100
Man.

806
00:43:25,100 --> 00:43:26,120
I gave them to his uncle.

807
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,320
And I see them hanging out.

808
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:29,280
I'm like valve on hold.

809
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:30,280
Like we survived.

810
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,380
I did a couple of shows with friend to friend.

811
00:43:32,380 --> 00:43:33,560
Ifectively confused.

812
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,800
And they started their goddamn financing.

813
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:40,500
And like, he was like, every time I wanted to issue a message, I like to get it for each

814
00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:43,240
of the people that are involved in the cure.

815
00:43:43,240 --> 00:43:48,660
Just pants, but they weren't fitted at all couldn't even roll them. The shits were heinous or nuts

816
00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:55,080
So yeah, it took a lot of figuring out. Were you raised by both your mom and your dad? Yep

817
00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:57,260
They end up

818
00:43:57,260 --> 00:44:00,800
Meeting each other and then come in here dumbest Disney movie fashion

819
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:04,400
So my dad was visiting a friend of his in Cameroon

820
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:08,620
My mom was captain of the women's national basketball team of Cameroon for 10 years

821
00:44:08,620 --> 00:44:12,040
So she's an Olympian which is why I look like this. It's not my dad. It's your mom

822
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,040
Yeah, shout out Angeline

823
00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:22,000
Yeah, she was recovering in the same hospital and he just walked into the wrong hospital room and thought he'd stay and strike up a

824
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:27,360
conversation like a fucking cornball in his sweater and all actually back in the day he

825
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:35,560
What did he rock? He'd rock? He's none of his suits ever fucking fit. He's built like a rail, but he had this

826
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:38,240
he had this

827
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,680
everybody hates Chris ass afro and

828
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,440
like the long lapel

829
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,400
like

830
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:49,800
Sport coat with like a wild shirt like they did in the 70s

831
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:56,480
like imagine like now you would look at that same outfit and be like, okay, you look like chlamydia

832
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,920
But it back back then was hot that Lionel Richie shit

833
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:04,880
Yeah, he was rocking that shit and then he I guess rinsed up my mom and

834
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,000
Yeah, so I mean my brother came about

835
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000
Then you guys grew up in Ghana

836
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,480
And well essentially so I was born in New York

837
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:18,520
Yeah, no. Yeah, so I was born born in New York went to Ghana

838
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:25,600
Don't remember shit about it like and for anybody who's ever been to Ghana. It's like

839
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,440
Not much to fucking remember in the first place

840
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:35,000
Like it's a little bit more westernized than other places and that there are malls and you can buy fucking Pringles

841
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:42,400
But Pringles is good Pringles is good Pringles is good, especially when you're starved for Pringles in Africa

842
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,400
Yeah, so like

843
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:49,840
everything that is common here becomes a delicacy because of the

844
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,800
Sarah McLaughlin commercial esque state of things

845
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:56,040
so

846
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,040
When you don't have paved roads

847
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:02,680
Pringles are pretty fucking paved the roads with Pringles exactly

848
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:07,040
At least making that you know heaven in your head. Yeah, but

849
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,800
yeah, going there and

850
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,320
meeting family that I probably

851
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,080
will never see again

852
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:19,680
unless somebody important dies, yep, and

853
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:25,560
Yeah, coming back was very unique experience because I would have much rather have

854
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,400
gone to home

855
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,800
like Cameroon

856
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,800
Like Cameroon

857
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,520
My mom's side of the family

858
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:38,920
goes like

859
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,120
Like Joel and B. That's my cousin. That was interesting to find out

860
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:44,800
like

861
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,360
What else?

862
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,360
just

863
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,560
My dad

864
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:59,480
Definitely changed to be more soft-hearted when he was older, but when I was a

865
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,680
Kid I feel like he was always

866
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:08,320
Anxious about keeping things going

867
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,600
And it was palpable and I didn't really realize

868
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:18,840
Where that stemmed from until

869
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,440
Many many years later

870
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:27,480
But we'll get to that after we come back to the we know say more about that

871
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:33,680
They're more about that. Okay. Well like so he works for the IMF for like 41 years, which is IMF's

872
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,200
International Monetary Fund is like a second World Bank essentially

873
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,000
but

874
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,440
He was only promoted twice. He has a PhD. He's a senior economist

875
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,520
but

876
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,880
It was still he's he's 79 right now

877
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:53,400
It was still an agent which those plenty of rampant racism. He was never promoted as quickly as his peers

878
00:47:54,160 --> 00:48:00,600
Even though he researched and published more than they did. It was never enough and I

879
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:07,200
Had the audacity the childlike audacity to always ask why he was never smiling when he came back home from work

880
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:14,000
And I finally as a child would and he's a child would yeah and um, then I found out and I

881
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:16,480
Thought to myself like wow, that was

882
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,480
very

883
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,200
Short-sighted of me as all children are

884
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:23,920
but

885
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:28,440
It makes sense why he didn't really want to talk about it. Mm-hmm. Yeah

886
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,400
And so after he retired and that

887
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,640
Gorilla was off his back

888
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,400
It became more apparent when things came to light

889
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,120
You know how he was treated the things he thought the things he thought

890
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:48,120
he was treated the things he thought the things he endured and I

891
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,600
just from there sort of vowed to

892
00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:57,960
Hopefully never be in a

893
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,320
Consistent state

894
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:08,480
Like that. Yeah, you know, it's where I'd have to hide something from my child and by something

895
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:15,080
I mean how I really feel about things or how life really is to me in general because of a

896
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:20,760
work situation or any other situation where I couldn't just be completely honest or

897
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,120
in his case, maybe if he was completely honest the

898
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,680
Air would go out of the balloon. He just collapsed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

899
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,120
That's that's what I thought at least. Yeah

900
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:38,160
Yeah, that's crazy. That's nuts. Yeah, it is nuts. I mean that explains a lot of the

901
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:43,760
The the relationship you had with your dad when you were younger. Yeah, just like super hard on you

902
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,760
Yeah, didn't know where was coming from

903
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:51,600
Make you read a book a day day a day like show up to parties

904
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:58,880
No friends and yeah, like even not knowing anything about kids these days because he's like three generations from

905
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:00,880
Yeah, he's all right like

906
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:04,560
A suit you're gonna go to somebody else that you're gonna send your kid

907
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:10,480
To another kid's like little get-together in a suit. Yep

908
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:15,120
Look around what's the last kid you seen wearing a suit?

909
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:21,520
Like none none they all have lunchly in prime these days, dude

910
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:29,440
That's all it is Paul brother you've done very fucking well for yourself haven't you

911
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:34,080
Prime jeez it would happen that way. They were they're sold everywhere now

912
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:40,000
And I mean have you tried prime? Yeah as much as I hate logan

913
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:48,000
She was fire like the flavor you can't hop on the train flavor is actually like great

914
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
They did a lot of flavors that the flavors

915
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:56,320
I'm disowning you it is gas gas. What was your experience like going from?

916
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,120
From young dean who had your dad?

917
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:01,920
breathing over your shoulder

918
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:06,720
With all all his things that he had about how he wanted to raise you and then being dean now

919
00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:08,720
How do you go from that to that? Well?

920
00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:15,040
How exactly would I reconcile that it was a lot of rebellion but rebellion

921
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,200
Rebellion in terms of how I acted and what I did. Yeah

922
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,520
Um as opposed to like directly rebellion against him or talking back

923
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,000
Who I wanted to be was so

924
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,160
Unclear for a long time because of that

925
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,240
extreme discrepancy of not knowing

926
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,440
What the ideal was

927
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:40,720
Knowing what his ideal was

928
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:47,440
But also not knowing exactly how far away from his ideal. I wanted to go

929
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:49,680
Yeah, right because at the end of the day

930
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,880
His ideal was prim and proper

931
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,600
suit wearing and

932
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,960
Put together generally has their life together. Yeah

933
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:03,680
My ideal also had my life together, right? So it's like that part

934
00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:10,000
Didn't differ and so then I was forced to think about how many other similarities

935
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,160
There are between our ideals in terms of respect how you comport yourself

936
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,360
The investments you make is a lot of money

937
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,360
And so I think that's the whole point of

938
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,120
The investments you make in people time

939
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,840
energy money emotions relationships

940
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,000
like

941
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,000
it's

942
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:39,600
It's a journey that I think is finally coming to a conclusion

943
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,000
But

944
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,120
I almost never really be

945
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,160
Sure because

946
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:52,560
Just as people are dynamic

947
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:59,920
That vision of what I had for myself continues to change as the world around me changes. Yeah, because

948
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:02,880
Industries aren't the same as they were

949
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:10,000
Getting to know people is entirely different like the social dystopia caused by dating apps. Yep

950
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,000
Um

951
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,400
I'm in

952
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,480
the ideas of

953
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,640
The activities that one would do to find themselves

954
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:26,960
Like going on vacations going across the world seeing other cultures other people and deciding

955
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:33,920
Okay, how much of this do I want to bring with me to build this ideal? It's a tough thing given that I'd only seen

956
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:41,140
Well until I started going out on my own into the world itself and taking these vacations, uh, africa

957
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,960
Um the united states and

958
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:53,360
My aunts and uncles that made it here to the united states, which those are just other african households

959
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:57,040
Yeah, haven't changed in the united states. So it's like there wasn't

960
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:00,400
I understood that I had a pretty two-dimensional view

961
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:05,520
And then I had to I had to do something

962
00:54:06,720 --> 00:54:08,720
But now it's like

963
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:11,120
Have I done enough?

964
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,280
Yeah, is it is it good to stop right here?

965
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,800
Do you think you've done it? I feel like i've done enough

966
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:22,720
But do you feel like internally do you feel like you've done enough like no internally? I hope i've done enough

967
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,680
like there's the some sense of

968
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,400
trying to do more to get away from

969
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:33,200
Yeah, this sense of i'm not there yet. I haven't made it yet. I haven't

970
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,160
Correct accomplished everything I need to accomplish

971
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:42,320
Which is it's ironic that I do feel that because not only have I not accomplished everything I need to accomplish

972
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:48,880
But one would argue as far as my contemporaries i'm doing great. So haven't I truly accomplished that and then I tell people to

973
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:52,080
You know go at their own pace. Meanwhile, i'm

974
00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:54,320
accelerating

975
00:54:54,320 --> 00:55:01,440
Out of fucking control. Yeah, what exactly like like this should be enough. Yeah, this should be fine

976
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:06,000
Yeah in theory like if you told most people this amount of success you've had

977
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:11,920
Yeah, they'd be like, oh I wish to have that that would be my finish line. Correct. And it's like

978
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,120
I'm not even 30

979
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,120
yet, you know like it's

980
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,360
It's it's part of the reason why I don't

981
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,680
Tend to share this thing. Like i'm not trying to make them

982
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:23,680
self-conscious

983
00:55:24,420 --> 00:55:26,420
And it's not something that I like

984
00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:32,500
And because of the anxiety that it brings it's not something I ever a path I ever want them to go down

985
00:55:33,380 --> 00:55:37,300
But they also want that for themselves. So then I asked the question. Okay. Well

986
00:55:38,020 --> 00:55:41,380
While I was doing all this what the hell were they doing in their 20s? Yeah

987
00:55:42,100 --> 00:55:48,820
Yeah, yeah, and then nobody special. Yeah, like it was a kid from gana just a kid from gana like

988
00:55:48,820 --> 00:55:50,820
I don't know. It's

989
00:55:51,700 --> 00:55:53,700
It's an interesting thing

990
00:55:54,260 --> 00:55:57,460
To reference to reconcile because I should be able to breathe

991
00:55:57,460 --> 00:56:03,540
I tell people to breathe all the time and I don't I feel the same way. Yeah, I feel like it

992
00:56:04,100 --> 00:56:06,100
I always have this

993
00:56:06,100 --> 00:56:10,180
Ethos of like oh you should be able to like have fun work hard

994
00:56:10,740 --> 00:56:15,220
Enjoy your friends family relationships. Yeah, but then in my own time

995
00:56:15,220 --> 00:56:23,220
Do I actually do that or do I just castigate myself into this forever workhorse?

996
00:56:23,700 --> 00:56:26,580
That just continues to work until I've done

997
00:56:27,780 --> 00:56:33,780
That's what I do. That's like I'm like, when will I die when will like will I feel the regret?

998
00:56:34,340 --> 00:56:36,740
of having made this my

999
00:56:37,380 --> 00:56:40,660
Status quo. Yeah for so long and eschewing

1000
00:56:40,660 --> 00:56:48,180
And literally everything that I tell people about relaxation and taking their breaks while not doing so it makes me

1001
00:56:49,380 --> 00:56:52,260
What's weird is that I don't feel?

1002
00:56:53,920 --> 00:57:00,660
Hypocritical by saying that yeah, even though I recognize it is yeah, I don't feel hypocritical about it

1003
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,460
so

1004
00:57:03,780 --> 00:57:06,340
It's like, you know that you need to work hard and do something but it's like

1005
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:10,100
I tend not to make excuses for the the powers that be

1006
00:57:11,460 --> 00:57:13,460
Or feel sorry for myself

1007
00:57:14,580 --> 00:57:16,580
But like

1008
00:57:17,220 --> 00:57:20,100
I mean in their eyes or what they want their

1009
00:57:21,140 --> 00:57:26,020
Quality of life to be and how they're moving towards that or just where they're at right now

1010
00:57:26,980 --> 00:57:29,140
these people that are around like

1011
00:57:29,140 --> 00:57:35,460
They are lamenting why the price of things just has gone up in general

1012
00:57:36,180 --> 00:57:39,700
Visibly over the last few years and shows no signs of stopping

1013
00:57:40,580 --> 00:57:43,860
And I'm like you could lament about that

1014
00:57:44,580 --> 00:57:51,140
But even if you did so what would be the point? Yeah, you know, it's driving us towards

1015
00:57:51,940 --> 00:57:53,940
mass nihilism

1016
00:57:53,940 --> 00:57:55,940
but at the same time like

1017
00:57:55,940 --> 00:57:57,940
It is what it is yeah

1018
00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:01,380
There's like this this dichotomy between

1019
00:58:02,500 --> 00:58:04,500
thinking about

1020
00:58:04,500 --> 00:58:08,500
All the things in the system that are wrong that we should fix. Oh, yeah

1021
00:58:08,500 --> 00:58:12,420
The employer employee relationship has deteriorated wages haven't kept up with inflation

1022
00:58:13,300 --> 00:58:14,980
People are hopeless at their jobs

1023
00:58:14,980 --> 00:58:20,020
Like all those things are true and they suck and we should probably do something about them

1024
00:58:20,020 --> 00:58:22,020
But at an individual level

1025
00:58:22,020 --> 00:58:23,060
like

1026
00:58:23,060 --> 00:58:29,620
It kind of just is what it is and the only option you really do have is to figure out how to operate within those constraints

1027
00:58:29,940 --> 00:58:31,380
correct

1028
00:58:31,380 --> 00:58:34,180
Boss up. Yeah by any means you have to

1029
00:58:35,780 --> 00:58:37,380
You have to

1030
00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,380
accelerate and outpace

1031
00:58:40,340 --> 00:58:43,060
The rate at which things are getting shitty

1032
00:58:43,940 --> 00:58:48,900
On your own you have to figure out whatever that lane is and do it or else

1033
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:54,820
You think you're depressed now. You'll be really fucking depressed later. Yeah, right and it would

1034
00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:58,420
Honestly have been your fault and then they they you want to say

1035
00:58:58,980 --> 00:59:04,580
Why should I have to do this? Right? Like why can't things just be normal? Why can't inflation just?

1036
00:59:05,140 --> 00:59:09,380
Stay flat. Why why why when it's just like

1037
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:13,380
You can ask that question as many times as you want

1038
00:59:13,380 --> 00:59:16,180
But not only are you never going to be able to do that

1039
00:59:16,180 --> 00:59:21,300
You can ask that question as many times as you want, but not only are you never going to get a straight answer

1040
00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:24,420
It's not going to change your circumstances. Yeah. Yeah

1041
00:59:25,140 --> 00:59:30,660
The only one who can so it's like focus more work think about getting that promotion

1042
00:59:32,180 --> 00:59:33,700
Um by house

1043
00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:37,620
What are the property tax on that house going to look like do I want to stay here?

1044
00:59:37,620 --> 00:59:39,620
Do I want to do I want to go somewhere else?

1045
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:42,500
It's what we're doing

1046
00:59:43,380 --> 00:59:45,380
every action

1047
00:59:45,380 --> 00:59:47,060
one

1048
00:59:47,060 --> 00:59:49,060
engages in

1049
00:59:49,460 --> 00:59:53,140
Should be a means to an end and the end should be happiness

1050
00:59:53,700 --> 00:59:59,060
But not only do people not understand typically for themselves what that looks like because they've been asking

1051
00:59:59,940 --> 01:00:02,980
Why for so long and only getting momentary glimpses?

1052
01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:05,300
but

1053
01:00:05,300 --> 01:00:07,300
it's like

1054
01:00:07,300 --> 01:00:15,540
if you want to secure this thing this ethereal thing called happiness like

1055
01:00:16,020 --> 01:00:18,020
What do I have to do?

1056
01:00:19,060 --> 01:00:22,340
Nobody knows nobody that's that's the big question

1057
01:00:22,660 --> 01:00:27,220
It's the billion dollar question what I would if you knew someone would pay you a billion dollars to know

1058
01:00:27,380 --> 01:00:30,100
It's correct. If you knew if you knew how to go about

1059
01:00:30,580 --> 01:00:33,700
Creating a how-to book to find happiness if you're the richest person in the world

1060
01:00:33,700 --> 01:00:39,380
Yeah, because the richest people in the world aren't happy the people below them that are also still rich aren't happy

1061
01:00:39,780 --> 01:00:42,180
But they're typically a little bit happier than the richest

1062
01:00:42,500 --> 01:00:46,580
Yeah, because they have a little less to worry about and they've streamlined their life, but it's like

1063
01:00:47,380 --> 01:00:48,740
the monks

1064
01:00:48,740 --> 01:00:55,700
The monks themselves also aren't happy the nuns in the monastery also aren't fucking happy the

1065
01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:59,280
subsidized religious groups

1066
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:06,240
Are happy at their tax breaks, but they're not fucking happy the people who the marketers the people who sell money in the

1067
01:01:06,620 --> 01:01:09,440
Kardashianism of life are also not happy

1068
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:13,760
All right, so it's like you try and find a person

1069
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:17,680
That can emulate what happiness is to you

1070
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:24,000
And then the error that we all make is we try and copy it and then we find out that we were fucking wrong

1071
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,080
and even in the

1072
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:31,440
And that's even if we succeed in doing in putting ourselves in the same situation

1073
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:35,040
That they were they weren't fucking happy. I'm sure that

1074
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:39,520
Kobe is content or was content at

1075
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:43,840
How prolific a scorer he became yeah by copying?

1076
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:49,140
Almost all of jordan's game. Yeah, right and winning that many championships

1077
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,160
But was he happy?

1078
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,480
No, because he wasn't jordan. Yeah, right

1079
01:01:54,480 --> 01:02:00,640
But even if he was jordan would he be happy? No, jordan's not fucking happy. He's gonna sell the fucking hornets

1080
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,640
Yeah, like you can you can have

1081
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:09,680
The things you thought would make you happy, but the flaw of the human condition is that the heart

1082
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,760
will never be content and

1083
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:16,720
It's like how do you?

1084
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:20,720
Find things to keep up with

1085
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:27,040
The rate of happiness and beat the rate of monotony and the ensuing depression

1086
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:29,040
that's

1087
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:33,520
That's what it is if people could find happiness if happiness was in the afterlife

1088
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:38,640
There'd be mass suicide. This would be bird box. That's that's what it would be. We would all do it

1089
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:45,200
We would all do it everybody would do it. You can't find one person who would not because ultimately they want

1090
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,800
The world to be

1091
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:52,000
So tailored to their own

1092
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:55,360
like

1093
01:02:55,660 --> 01:03:00,720
Circumstantial happiness and knowing that they can never achieve that they are

1094
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,960
tires tirelessly in the

1095
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:07,760
pursuit of

1096
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,480
Substitutes yeah

1097
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:13,280
It'll just be happy for now

1098
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:16,720
And then once that stops giving you the same feeling of happiness

1099
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:20,000
And then once that stops giving you the same joy and it will

1100
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:23,120
You gotta find something else the god knows what it's going to be

1101
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:28,560
That's you just start that cycle over and over then you feel like you're in an episode of black mirror

1102
01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:35,280
Walls are caving in around. Yeah, because proverbially they are but that's obviously in a dramatized way to say that

1103
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:37,600
Yeah, well, there might be something to be said about

1104
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:42,240
Finding value in just the own the pursuit of the thing

1105
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:47,520
Finding or finding happiness in that finding happiness in the pursuit of perfection is the

1106
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:50,240
I mean, that's the premise of science

1107
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:56,640
Like we we say I want to achieve that thing, but the actual thing we want to do is to just have small

1108
01:03:57,420 --> 01:04:02,960
incremental improvements for the rest of our lives want small successes and improvements and just keep winning

1109
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:09,120
And continue to be happy at getting closer and closer and never making it but being okay with that. Yes

1110
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:13,040
Because none of us are ever gonna get to the finish line. No

1111
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:20,960
And hell most of us are never okay with that. Yeah, and also can't figure out why yeah when something like I said earlier

1112
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:23,840
Should be enough. Yeah

1113
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:25,840
Should be fine like

1114
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:30,800
You should be able to quote what you're doing and go do something else and

1115
01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:33,920
You know not have your life

1116
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:36,480
Ruled

1117
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:43,920
By by this thing. Yeah, whether it be your job your parents your idea your idea of yourself

1118
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:46,720
Your body goals your partner

1119
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:51,760
Like it's like once I have this job or once I have this

1120
01:04:52,620 --> 01:04:57,840
Relationship or once I have then i'll be happy. Yeah once I just have that thing

1121
01:04:58,640 --> 01:05:01,520
and I I forget who said the quote, but it's like

1122
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,400
You've achieved goals

1123
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:06,400
That you said would make you happy

1124
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,480
Verde done it. Yeah, so what do you think's gonna happen now?

1125
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:15,600
So what do you think's gonna happen next when you say it again? Yep. Yeah, if you give a mouse cookie

1126
01:05:16,140 --> 01:05:20,020
Everybody is a mice everybody's a mouse everybody regardless

1127
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:25,200
Of whether they think this is okay or they bought a farm to fuck off

1128
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,000
in montana

1129
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,120
They are still a mouse

1130
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:33,520
There is still something

1131
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:35,520
that

1132
01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:37,760
They seek

1133
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:39,360
and

1134
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:40,800
they probably

1135
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:46,480
given that level of I mean if you really just sequester yourself from people given that level of asceticism if you are

1136
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:54,160
You're you're probably resenting yourself for still seeking something when you're like this is

1137
01:05:54,160 --> 01:06:02,960
Is my absolute most jeddly's and there will ever be and I am and I still want more and I still want more

1138
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,400
Like well you finished your food

1139
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:09,440
Was really good

1140
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,160
You tried that recipe and it came out great

1141
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:14,960
But then you ate it all

1142
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:19,440
Now you're full now you're full for a little bit. Yeah, except

1143
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:21,680
between that

1144
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:25,920
And getting some ice cream for dessert you wanted one more soup dumpling

1145
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:29,280
What are you looking at at doing now?

1146
01:06:30,300 --> 01:06:35,680
Realizing that the cookie keeps coming you get the cookie and you want another cookie order

1147
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:42,820
Will you accrue more financial success more accolades

1148
01:06:42,820 --> 01:06:49,300
Well that can't really stop can it because

1149
01:06:51,620 --> 01:06:56,260
I mean we are in a death spiral that we don't know where it's headed

1150
01:06:56,900 --> 01:06:58,100
At least in the case of the properties

1151
01:06:58,100 --> 01:07:04,180
I'm definitely going to sell a few of the properties in this next year because i'm i'm studying for my realtors exam right now

1152
01:07:05,380 --> 01:07:06,740
one

1153
01:07:06,740 --> 01:07:12,820
Because it's not that hard if you see every other realtor is just a fucking ex bottle girl

1154
01:07:14,580 --> 01:07:15,940
so

1155
01:07:15,940 --> 01:07:18,820
Yeah, sure enough. It's not that hard and two one

1156
01:07:19,780 --> 01:07:21,780
I wanted to get that

1157
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:24,020
Distinction

1158
01:07:24,020 --> 01:07:29,220
To be able to do that and then i'll probably honestly just use the profits to buy more properties and like

1159
01:07:29,780 --> 01:07:34,340
Say the same thing. Yeah and do the same thing in in cheaper areas with better upside

1160
01:07:34,340 --> 01:07:36,580
that aren't quite as ipa

1161
01:07:37,540 --> 01:07:39,060
but

1162
01:07:39,060 --> 01:07:41,060
Oh, man after that

1163
01:07:42,980 --> 01:07:44,660
It might be the

1164
01:07:44,660 --> 01:07:51,940
As corny as it sounds the journey of self-discovery moment. Yeah, it might be that time it might be the

1165
01:07:52,580 --> 01:07:54,580
you know

1166
01:07:55,860 --> 01:08:00,900
Go to japan for a few months, you know buy a place out there

1167
01:08:00,900 --> 01:08:05,300
Figure out what my zen is momentarily

1168
01:08:10,100 --> 01:08:18,100
Stop being a hoe maybe not though maybe not why would I do that? I'm great putting up great hoe numbers my numbers are crazy

1169
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:22,340
Um, do you want to stop being a hoe

1170
01:08:23,860 --> 01:08:26,900
I'd like to say yeah, I do I really do

1171
01:08:27,700 --> 01:08:29,700
you know

1172
01:08:29,700 --> 01:08:36,100
I'm going out on a date which I used to not date at all. So i'm going out on a date tonight

1173
01:08:37,540 --> 01:08:39,540
So that process has started

1174
01:08:40,660 --> 01:08:42,820
But then it's always like you still have

1175
01:08:43,620 --> 01:08:48,260
The background nihilism because I always gave great relationship advice to my friends

1176
01:08:48,500 --> 01:08:50,980
But you never followed it and I never followed it. Why because

1177
01:08:51,620 --> 01:08:56,100
Coaches don't play. Yeah, those those those who can't coach coach. Yep

1178
01:08:56,100 --> 01:09:02,260
And it's like could I follow the same advice? Sure would something go wrong? Yes exactly what went wrong

1179
01:09:02,980 --> 01:09:03,860
with

1180
01:09:03,860 --> 01:09:08,820
My other guinea pigs I gave advice that I said things would go wrong. Yeah, so it's like I have the

1181
01:09:09,940 --> 01:09:14,820
I don't have a good angel and a bad angel on my shoulders. I just have one

1182
01:09:15,700 --> 01:09:17,700
really really pragmatic me

1183
01:09:19,860 --> 01:09:23,780
That is like sitting on my head and it's just like

1184
01:09:23,780 --> 01:09:25,780
the king of I told you so's

1185
01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:28,500
and

1186
01:09:28,500 --> 01:09:32,260
That's what had been holding me back for the longest, but I feel like

1187
01:09:33,380 --> 01:09:35,380
I'm 29 now

1188
01:09:35,380 --> 01:09:38,020
And I have earned the right to say fuck it

1189
01:09:38,660 --> 01:09:39,620
Yeah

1190
01:09:39,620 --> 01:09:41,620
I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Well

1191
01:09:42,100 --> 01:09:44,100
How we talked about earlier where

1192
01:09:44,420 --> 01:09:47,700
We know you get a cookie and you want another one anyways, correct

1193
01:09:48,580 --> 01:09:52,900
Correct. Does it does it even matter if it doesn't work out realistically?

1194
01:09:52,900 --> 01:09:57,860
Realistically really doesn't may as well try you might as well like

1195
01:09:59,380 --> 01:10:02,340
You know that you're always gonna want another cookie

1196
01:10:02,420 --> 01:10:08,900
You're always gonna want to feel like the man x y and z but it's like at some point it really won't

1197
01:10:09,780 --> 01:10:14,420
Fucking matter at all. So why not have that be sooner than later? Yeah, and if it falls apart

1198
01:10:15,380 --> 01:10:17,300
It falls apart falls apart. All right

1199
01:10:17,300 --> 01:10:20,340
So long as I don't do anything to have caused it falling apart

1200
01:10:20,340 --> 01:10:24,100
You should be fine with yourself not gonna tryston thompson anybody but like

1201
01:10:25,780 --> 01:10:27,780
So again

1202
01:10:28,980 --> 01:10:36,340
He's had an interesting career, yeah the most prolific cheater maybe in a while since tiger was um

1203
01:10:37,460 --> 01:10:39,460
but yeah, like

1204
01:10:40,900 --> 01:10:42,740
She

1205
01:10:42,740 --> 01:10:47,380
Makes me feel like I can be at equilibrium or get me out of my own head

1206
01:10:47,380 --> 01:10:49,780
And box checked and I don't think it

1207
01:10:50,740 --> 01:10:52,740
everybody trying to

1208
01:10:54,980 --> 01:11:02,900
Just like meet somebody with preconceived notions like it's build a bitch workshop will naturally fucking run into failure

1209
01:11:03,220 --> 01:11:09,300
Every time because something is going to be off and they're going to always be pointing the finger like you're not this

1210
01:11:09,300 --> 01:11:11,300
You're not this you're not this you're not this

1211
01:11:11,300 --> 01:11:16,740
And then lose whatever sense of introspection they started with like you're not all that yourself. Yeah

1212
01:11:18,020 --> 01:11:20,420
Did you look at your own checklist? Yeah, like

1213
01:11:21,060 --> 01:11:26,820
What are you checking? What are you checking off? Like now? What are you bringing to the table? What are you checking off?

1214
01:11:26,820 --> 01:11:30,740
Yeah, like it would just be like oh, it's like I make a ton of money

1215
01:11:30,740 --> 01:11:34,660
Of course, you'd want to be with me. Like will you look like you're fucking melting?

1216
01:11:35,460 --> 01:11:37,460
You look like dog shit

1217
01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:42,740
It's like yeah, yeah, you don't think at some point she's thought the same

1218
01:11:43,060 --> 01:11:48,660
Yeah, when you're like, huh? I'm getting a little husky and then she doesn't say anything. Yeah. Well fuck you think she's thinking

1219
01:11:48,900 --> 01:11:52,900
Oh, yeah, you're not the same person. I met. Yeah, like why cuz you're 50 pounds more

1220
01:11:53,220 --> 01:11:57,940
Yep, and then that's the same dig a guy would make on a girl. Yep, right?

1221
01:11:57,940 --> 01:12:00,820
He's just like oh god, you can't know this way. He's like well

1222
01:12:01,620 --> 01:12:03,060
She got promoted

1223
01:12:03,060 --> 01:12:06,100
Twice she's managing more people in the world

1224
01:12:06,100 --> 01:12:08,100
She's managing more people now

1225
01:12:08,900 --> 01:12:10,580
you

1226
01:12:10,580 --> 01:12:16,100
Don't cook she still does all of that and she just orders out more because she doesn't have the time

1227
01:12:16,260 --> 01:12:22,020
You've acquired no new skills during this relationship at all or made her life easier in any fucking way. Yep, right? So

1228
01:12:22,900 --> 01:12:26,420
where are you to point the fucking finger at all when

1229
01:12:27,300 --> 01:12:29,300
your hobby instead of

1230
01:12:29,540 --> 01:12:34,340
Asking her how her day is even like as a chachki here

1231
01:12:34,340 --> 01:12:37,380
Let me feign to show some concern right now

1232
01:12:38,260 --> 01:12:40,260
instead of doing that you're just

1233
01:12:40,740 --> 01:12:47,940
Losing parlay's with the boys every fucking Friday and Saturday and wondering god. She's a real bitch about me not being there

1234
01:12:48,420 --> 01:12:54,340
Okay, I wonder why like it's this shit is the shit was really not that hard

1235
01:12:55,220 --> 01:12:56,820
but

1236
01:12:56,820 --> 01:12:59,860
I like what you said about the the if she makes me just

1237
01:12:59,860 --> 01:13:05,220
Feel get out of my own head boxes check. Yeah, I think everyone just looks for

1238
01:13:06,100 --> 01:13:09,380
Their partner to fulfill every single part of their life

1239
01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:15,060
As opposed to just be their partner and do like that function correctly

1240
01:13:15,380 --> 01:13:21,860
Like your partner is not supposed to be your therapist and your best friend and your like she's got a job

1241
01:13:21,860 --> 01:13:25,940
Yeah, she's got she's got her own life. She can't just fill every function for you

1242
01:13:25,940 --> 01:13:28,900
That's what you have other friends for that. So you have your therapist for that

1243
01:13:28,900 --> 01:13:32,340
You have your therapist for that's what you have your family for you

1244
01:13:32,500 --> 01:13:36,900
They fill those functions and this I think the smaller you make the partner function

1245
01:13:37,780 --> 01:13:39,780
The easier it is for it to function

1246
01:13:40,260 --> 01:13:41,300
way

1247
01:13:41,300 --> 01:13:43,300
way easier like

1248
01:13:43,860 --> 01:13:44,900
people

1249
01:13:44,900 --> 01:13:48,100
Like shout out to the people that say they're low maintenance

1250
01:13:48,740 --> 01:13:50,740
And actually are yeah

1251
01:13:51,060 --> 01:13:55,220
Like that is all it is like if you don't hear from me

1252
01:13:56,660 --> 01:13:58,180
for

1253
01:13:58,180 --> 01:14:00,180
Two days

1254
01:14:00,500 --> 01:14:06,420
And you have my location, you know, i'm at fucking home and I just text you occasionally

1255
01:14:06,420 --> 01:14:11,460
I'm at home watching anime 90 percent of the time. I am at home watching anime

1256
01:14:12,020 --> 01:14:13,860
so

1257
01:14:13,860 --> 01:14:15,620
Not problematic

1258
01:14:15,620 --> 01:14:21,140
Not doing anything illegal not doing anything crazy like it if you are cool with that

1259
01:14:21,140 --> 01:14:27,860
That god bless you, you know, like that we're we're gonna go far

1260
01:14:28,180 --> 01:14:34,340
We're gonna go miles. You're gonna get that ring a lot sooner than you fucking think. Yep, like that's

1261
01:14:35,540 --> 01:14:37,540
Because that's sort of

1262
01:14:38,260 --> 01:14:45,540
If the if that if the if a relationship was a human body that's sort of homeostasis that that resting balance

1263
01:14:45,620 --> 01:14:47,460
If that is good

1264
01:14:47,460 --> 01:14:49,220
That's all you need

1265
01:14:49,220 --> 01:14:52,820
Like you don't need more than that. Yeah, don't

1266
01:14:54,180 --> 01:14:56,180
Need to be

1267
01:14:58,580 --> 01:15:00,580
Trying to be your

1268
01:15:01,300 --> 01:15:03,300
The couple that you emulate

1269
01:15:03,540 --> 01:15:08,900
Which is like your friend's couple because every girl has the mean girlfriend with a perfect life

1270
01:15:08,900 --> 01:15:13,700
Yep, who's gonna get engaged to some rich dude. They're gonna have rich kids and they're gonna like all of that

1271
01:15:14,580 --> 01:15:15,620
you

1272
01:15:15,620 --> 01:15:19,860
not only don't want that because

1273
01:15:21,140 --> 01:15:23,380
They're not well adjusted people

1274
01:15:24,100 --> 01:15:27,940
but that's going to come with its own host of issues that are

1275
01:15:28,660 --> 01:15:32,660
Going to sort themselves out in the most malevolent ways

1276
01:15:33,620 --> 01:15:37,300
Like and then they're gonna be divorced and it'll be like, okay. Well

1277
01:15:37,940 --> 01:15:42,420
Oh, you guys looked so instagramable together. It was like well, that was the irony

1278
01:15:42,420 --> 01:15:46,820
Yeah, right the more instagram the couple is correlated

1279
01:15:47,440 --> 01:15:52,820
Inversely with how well their relationship is doing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They're doing terrible

1280
01:15:52,820 --> 01:15:58,340
Yep, if they're doing a fall photo shoot in flannels on a mountain

1281
01:15:58,340 --> 01:16:01,540
Oh, they're cooked their relationship is in the dumps. Oh

1282
01:16:02,100 --> 01:16:08,660
It's not on life support. Yeah, it's cooked like literally one more of those and

1283
01:16:09,540 --> 01:16:11,540
he is

1284
01:16:11,540 --> 01:16:14,180
Either killing himself, which he's already fucking tried

1285
01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:22,500
Or like

1286
01:16:22,500 --> 01:16:30,180
They are in the rockiest patch of all time and it's only a matter of time before one of them does something drastic

1287
01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:32,500
because like

1288
01:16:33,620 --> 01:16:37,620
You know he just wants some wings and to be home watching football

1289
01:16:39,460 --> 01:16:40,980
You know

1290
01:16:40,980 --> 01:16:43,860
That you want to outdo your friends with this photo shoot?

1291
01:16:44,580 --> 01:16:48,740
And this is setting a precedent of having to do a bigger and better one

1292
01:16:49,380 --> 01:16:51,860
every autumn for what

1293
01:16:53,140 --> 01:16:56,740
Like for for whom? Yeah, like if you're if you are

1294
01:16:57,540 --> 01:16:59,220
in a good place

1295
01:16:59,220 --> 01:17:00,820
With your partner

1296
01:17:00,820 --> 01:17:08,340
What that means is that as far as outside of your like support network in close friends and family?

1297
01:17:08,340 --> 01:17:13,380
You don't need anything else. Yeah, what's anybody else's approval to your partners?

1298
01:17:13,940 --> 01:17:15,940
Doesn't mean anything

1299
01:17:16,180 --> 01:17:20,100
Unless they're not married to them as though their relationship as an issue

1300
01:17:20,580 --> 01:17:26,900
They're like I need to get approval from from there to just like okay you but that's when you have to have the balls to broach

1301
01:17:26,900 --> 01:17:31,700
The subject. Hey, do you think this is working from the outside looking in? Well, this is how I've seen them treat you

1302
01:17:32,260 --> 01:17:35,380
How does that make you feel how often does this occur? Yep

1303
01:17:35,380 --> 01:17:40,980
Okay, and then get to a roundabout point where it's just like well, these are the questions you've answered and this is what?

1304
01:17:41,780 --> 01:17:45,860
Fundamentally constructs the basis of a good relationship how mismatched are those?

1305
01:17:46,420 --> 01:17:50,260
Feel they're mismatched and you should probably have a conversation about that if they're not mismatched

1306
01:17:50,260 --> 01:17:55,380
They're going better than ever and think like okay. Is this going scarily? Well, well then

1307
01:17:56,020 --> 01:17:59,620
Great. Yeah, great. Don't change anything. Fuck it up

1308
01:18:00,180 --> 01:18:03,700
Because that's the so many people are just like it shouldn't be going this well

1309
01:18:03,700 --> 01:18:06,500
It shouldn't be going this well. It's like couples need to fight. I was like

1310
01:18:07,300 --> 01:18:08,740
Here's the thing

1311
01:18:08,740 --> 01:18:10,740
while couples do fight fighting

1312
01:18:11,620 --> 01:18:13,620
Manifests in different ways

1313
01:18:14,180 --> 01:18:16,660
Something might not necessarily be a fight at all

1314
01:18:17,220 --> 01:18:21,300
Disagreement was like no there's got to be some schism. There's got to be struggling relationship

1315
01:18:21,460 --> 01:18:26,420
It doesn't it shows the passion or some weird idea of like weird idea of what passion is supposed to be

1316
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:28,500
This is 50 shades of gray. Yep

1317
01:18:28,500 --> 01:18:33,860
Like that's that's not what a relationship the couple that has been cool with themselves

1318
01:18:34,020 --> 01:18:37,060
Since high school for 40 fucking years

1319
01:18:37,700 --> 01:18:39,700
They didn't change anything

1320
01:18:39,780 --> 01:18:41,780
They might have gone to some new places

1321
01:18:42,980 --> 01:18:44,980
They didn't fucking change who they were

1322
01:18:45,140 --> 01:18:51,700
Yep, they were the same people then and they grew together beautifully as the same people now

1323
01:18:51,700 --> 01:18:59,860
Low maintenance without changing fucking anything. You know, they always said the the perfect couple was it was a

1324
01:19:01,780 --> 01:19:05,460
What was it? Oh, yeah blind woman and a deaf man

1325
01:19:06,740 --> 01:19:11,460
I think that's that's always like the the metaphor that they make and I was like

1326
01:19:12,260 --> 01:19:14,260
Okay, if you

1327
01:19:14,980 --> 01:19:16,580
Not tolerate

1328
01:19:16,580 --> 01:19:17,620
but

1329
01:19:17,620 --> 01:19:25,300
Find a better synonym for tolerate but honestly relish the imperfections of your partner like oh, that's always been them

1330
01:19:25,780 --> 01:19:30,900
like your relationship is going to be a whole lot better than

1331
01:19:31,460 --> 01:19:35,940
The ones that came in with expectations try their best to match each other's expectations

1332
01:19:36,020 --> 01:19:39,220
Let the rift between them grow larger and then ultimately end up

1333
01:19:39,840 --> 01:19:44,740
Splitting when they knew way too late when they knew the relationship was over years prior

1334
01:19:44,740 --> 01:19:48,180
They already know years prior and when you know, you know

1335
01:19:48,660 --> 01:19:52,100
Like people that always say they're like, oh I kind of knew when it was over

1336
01:19:52,100 --> 01:19:58,580
I was like it's funny how I always hear that and then you don't fucking do anything about it. Well, why?

1337
01:19:59,140 --> 01:20:00,740
Sex was great

1338
01:20:00,740 --> 01:20:06,580
Grow up grow the fuck up. Are you kidding me? Like it's it's your job to verbalize

1339
01:20:06,740 --> 01:20:11,380
Yeah, yeah a hundred percent and if you can't verbalize it then you don't get to say anything

1340
01:20:11,380 --> 01:20:15,940
You don't get to say anything if you've never had brought up issues that you have

1341
01:20:16,500 --> 01:20:19,140
And then you're mad that those issues have never been resolved

1342
01:20:20,420 --> 01:20:21,700
You have no

1343
01:20:21,700 --> 01:20:25,140
Anything to stand on nothing to stand on you if you can't

1344
01:20:25,940 --> 01:20:27,940
What it's i'll say it

1345
01:20:28,020 --> 01:20:30,660
Till the day I die and everybody says this and it sounds so

1346
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:33,360
fucking like

1347
01:20:33,780 --> 01:20:35,620
It's so played out

1348
01:20:35,620 --> 01:20:42,900
But it is based on communication. There's verbal and non-verbal communication. That's the basis of every relationship and if you don't feel like you can communicate

1349
01:20:42,900 --> 01:20:44,500
with your partner who is

1350
01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:46,260
supposed to be

1351
01:20:46,260 --> 01:20:49,860
The person you can feel most vulnerable with yep

1352
01:20:50,900 --> 01:20:55,060
Then it it's your fault. Yep. It's you're in the wrong. You're wrong

1353
01:20:55,380 --> 01:21:01,780
And if it's because of your childhood trauma figure that out go to a therapist go to a therapist figure out a way to communicate

1354
01:21:02,020 --> 01:21:04,020
There's many there's many different ways

1355
01:21:04,020 --> 01:21:06,340
And if you haven't figured out one

1356
01:21:07,220 --> 01:21:09,220
That works for the both of you

1357
01:21:09,620 --> 01:21:11,620
You're not mature enough to be in a relationship

1358
01:21:13,140 --> 01:21:16,660
Period point blank. Oh, I think i'm ready. I was like

1359
01:21:17,380 --> 01:21:18,740
Really?

1360
01:21:18,740 --> 01:21:20,740
On what grounds are you ready?

1361
01:21:21,700 --> 01:21:23,700
On the last one end

1362
01:21:24,740 --> 01:21:26,740
Did you meet them the exact same way

1363
01:21:27,540 --> 01:21:29,620
Ah, that's crazy friends of friends

1364
01:21:29,620 --> 01:21:33,140
Friends, okay. Let's talk about this readiness

1365
01:21:34,180 --> 01:21:36,420
Are you ready or are you older?

1366
01:21:38,020 --> 01:21:43,140
And you're scared of getting older let's be real because you're very scared of getting older and that's a rational fear

1367
01:21:43,220 --> 01:21:47,220
Yeah, because we have a biological clock and everyone is scared of getting older

1368
01:21:47,300 --> 01:21:53,140
Yep, so it's like oh more of relationship type of person. It's like well if your relationships always famously implode

1369
01:21:54,340 --> 01:21:56,340
Why do you think that is?

1370
01:21:56,340 --> 01:22:00,740
All right. Have you ever once tried to work on your relationship muscle?

1371
01:22:01,620 --> 01:22:06,020
Flex those muscles, right instead of you know paying orange theory another

1372
01:22:06,660 --> 01:22:13,220
2,500 dollars a year to tell you something you already fucking know. Yep. No. Yeah, ultimately I think

1373
01:22:13,860 --> 01:22:15,060
whenever

1374
01:22:15,060 --> 01:22:20,260
I hear anyone say that a certain relationship should play out a certain way

1375
01:22:21,460 --> 01:22:24,980
I I just see it as immaturity. I think yeah

1376
01:22:24,980 --> 01:22:26,980
because

1377
01:22:26,580 --> 01:22:30,580
Nobody ever says that about friendships. Yeah, like no one ever says

1378
01:22:31,140 --> 01:22:32,020
Oh

1379
01:22:32,020 --> 01:22:36,420
This friend doesn't treat me like the friend in the movies did like no one ever

1380
01:22:36,980 --> 01:22:43,780
No one ever says that because there's this not this weird idea that we have to live up to in our friendships

1381
01:22:43,780 --> 01:22:46,180
And for some reason everyone got the idea in their heads

1382
01:22:46,740 --> 01:22:51,460
That oh we have to live up to whatever hollywood is saying or whatever this magazine is saying

1383
01:22:51,460 --> 01:22:56,120
You're not the correct way to do it. You're not jennifer aniston one. You don't look like jennifer aniston

1384
01:22:58,820 --> 01:23:00,020
Like

1385
01:23:00,020 --> 01:23:02,500
That's that there's a reason

1386
01:23:03,380 --> 01:23:07,140
It's not real life. It's meant literally

1387
01:23:07,780 --> 01:23:08,740
everything

1388
01:23:08,740 --> 01:23:10,020
You see

1389
01:23:10,020 --> 01:23:17,140
That is a show that is ideal that made you think about love in its most ideal form whether it be

1390
01:23:17,700 --> 01:23:18,980
bridgerton

1391
01:23:18,980 --> 01:23:20,260
you

1392
01:23:20,260 --> 01:23:21,700
you

1393
01:23:21,700 --> 01:23:23,460
fucking

1394
01:23:23,460 --> 01:23:25,460
All of these hollywood movies

1395
01:23:26,100 --> 01:23:28,500
That have a hero heroine

1396
01:23:29,300 --> 01:23:30,980
Whatever that is

1397
01:23:30,980 --> 01:23:37,700
Anything ever created like that is still ultimately a simulation of real life because it was a real life. It would just be

1398
01:23:38,420 --> 01:23:40,420
you following around

1399
01:23:40,580 --> 01:23:42,580
guys and girls

1400
01:23:43,060 --> 01:23:44,660
Going to bars

1401
01:23:44,660 --> 01:23:46,260
Seeing their friends

1402
01:23:46,260 --> 01:23:52,500
Maybe working out occasionally once in a while in their respective work environments dealing with basic stresses

1403
01:23:53,440 --> 01:23:59,060
Insulating those stresses or rather the negative effects of those stresses from their partners while sharing them

1404
01:23:59,860 --> 01:24:01,460
feeling at home

1405
01:24:01,460 --> 01:24:05,060
ordering peaks rolls watching a movie staying in

1406
01:24:06,100 --> 01:24:12,340
Socially shutting down being with each other being more vulnerable meeting each other's parents

1407
01:24:12,340 --> 01:24:15,560
Uh wondering if things were going to work out

1408
01:24:16,040 --> 01:24:21,720
Uh dealing with the throws of being in a relationship and how one particular instance didn't like

1409
01:24:22,280 --> 01:24:24,280
Didn't make somebody feel

1410
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:29,720
Good and then sharing that and then it being mundane and it being so mundane thing

1411
01:24:30,200 --> 01:24:35,400
Mundane I didn't like the way you looked at me then yeah. Oh that show

1412
01:24:37,080 --> 01:24:40,040
You wouldn't last two episodes. Yeah

1413
01:24:40,040 --> 01:24:43,080
Who wouldn't last one episode be like, oh, where's the passion?

1414
01:24:43,160 --> 01:24:48,600
Where's the excitement because everyone wants to see a hero's journey in their relationships

1415
01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:53,400
But it's like if you just want a relationship that works stop trying to pursue that

1416
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:58,840
Correct. That's never what it's going to be your idea of passion is going to change

1417
01:24:59,400 --> 01:25:04,440
And that's going to be ultimately the one that turned out to be better for you that you could only figure out

1418
01:25:04,760 --> 01:25:08,680
By fostering a good relationship which a show can never do for you

1419
01:25:08,680 --> 01:25:12,360
Yeah, because you're not them. Yeah, you don't have their backgrounds you

1420
01:25:13,000 --> 01:25:17,880
Barely know who you are, right? So how can you expect a show to perfectly play out?

1421
01:25:18,840 --> 01:25:21,800
Some scenario that is your perfection grow up

1422
01:25:22,520 --> 01:25:26,040
Like and I say barely because relationships only work

1423
01:25:26,680 --> 01:25:34,520
When people know who they are ultimately or they can change for the better to suit each other in a symbiotic way

1424
01:25:34,760 --> 01:25:37,640
And it was always on the path of what they were going to be

1425
01:25:37,640 --> 01:25:39,640
That's when relationships work like

1426
01:25:40,520 --> 01:25:46,840
All of the people who've written these lists about what their ideal person should be

1427
01:25:47,640 --> 01:25:51,880
Kill yourself. Where's your list? Where's where's the okay?

1428
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,200
I just created this question for my ideal girl. Let's

1429
01:25:56,760 --> 01:26:01,320
Social experiment this shit. This is my avatar of my ideal girl

1430
01:26:01,560 --> 01:26:05,160
Now if you had her locked down, what would she say about you?

1431
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:08,360
You give him that any thought no, they never

1432
01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:15,320
Fucking do can't treat humans as checklist. It just doesn't work because humans are not checklist

1433
01:26:15,320 --> 01:26:21,160
Yeah, I used to love ketchup as a fucking kid. I ate ketchup and rice

1434
01:26:21,480 --> 01:26:23,480
Now I fucking hate ketchup

1435
01:26:24,360 --> 01:26:27,080
Because I ate too much goddamn ketchup growing

1436
01:26:28,120 --> 01:26:31,720
Ketchup and rice is disgusting. It's crazy work. I couldn't cook back then

1437
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:35,640
I didn't know I knew how to use a rice cooker but like now I was it was ketchup and rice was crazy work

1438
01:26:36,200 --> 01:26:39,720
Ketchup and rice was like some hot dog shot up in it on my african niggas

1439
01:26:39,720 --> 01:26:41,720
You know exactly what i'm fucking talking about

1440
01:26:41,720 --> 01:26:43,720
People will take something like that and say it's an ick

1441
01:26:43,720 --> 01:26:50,040
When it's like what if that person was perfect apart from that thing like they were good for you. Yeah, and

1442
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:52,600
Nope, they'll banish to the ick corner

1443
01:26:52,600 --> 01:26:59,640
The amount of good guys and good girls that have been banished to the ick corner by

1444
01:26:59,640 --> 01:27:02,760
people that were around them is

1445
01:27:04,120 --> 01:27:05,560
in

1446
01:27:05,560 --> 01:27:07,560
the millions

1447
01:27:07,880 --> 01:27:14,920
It's in the multiple millions because they never they never give these people a shot and they're always

1448
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:21,800
Blame them for being judgmental which is ironic

1449
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:27,960
Because of the the need for

1450
01:27:27,960 --> 01:27:34,440
The need of social acceptance and adhering to convention. Yeah. Yeah, it's the that's why they make memes man

1451
01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:37,880
I want a six-figure guys like well your bed is on the floor

1452
01:27:38,360 --> 01:27:40,360
So

1453
01:27:41,080 --> 01:27:43,880
Your roaches are throwing up gang signs in your kitchen

1454
01:27:44,920 --> 01:27:50,760
If you were 20 years old again finishing up or your school starting your career again

1455
01:27:50,760 --> 01:27:54,680
Yeah in the current environment. What advice would you give to young dean?

1456
01:27:54,680 --> 01:27:57,160
Hold on to the 1.2 bitcoin you had

1457
01:28:00,120 --> 01:28:03,160
That's one that's a

1458
01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:15,320
You should I was 20 years old

1459
01:28:17,480 --> 01:28:22,200
Continue to hone the skill of networking and speaking

1460
01:28:22,200 --> 01:28:28,760
And take the concept of kaisen continuous improvement to heart

1461
01:28:29,560 --> 01:28:34,920
Well, no when I was 20, I was still in college. So you mean like 22. Yeah, there's 22

1462
01:28:35,720 --> 01:28:37,720
I would say

1463
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:41,960
My house as quickly as possible instead of all this dumb ass jewelry

1464
01:28:46,360 --> 01:28:48,360
Called

1465
01:28:48,360 --> 01:28:52,920
Your friends from college to see how they are doing

1466
01:28:56,440 --> 01:28:58,440
The girl that

1467
01:28:59,400 --> 01:29:01,400
You thought

1468
01:29:01,480 --> 01:29:04,760
You didn't love and later found out you did love

1469
01:29:05,320 --> 01:29:07,320
Call her too

1470
01:29:07,320 --> 01:29:09,800
And do whatever you can to make that work

1471
01:29:12,040 --> 01:29:14,040
Um

1472
01:29:14,040 --> 01:29:16,040
I

1473
01:29:16,040 --> 01:29:18,040
I'm

1474
01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:22,600
Talk to your parents more

1475
01:29:25,640 --> 01:29:29,160
Be content with being boring

1476
01:29:30,760 --> 01:29:32,760
Being boring is good

1477
01:29:33,080 --> 01:29:37,240
You already have natural charisma. You don't need enough of it. You don't need any more ego

1478
01:29:38,360 --> 01:29:40,200
Be boring

1479
01:29:40,200 --> 01:29:42,200
the boring person

1480
01:29:42,200 --> 01:29:47,800
Is the safe person and the safe person is always better than the

1481
01:29:49,240 --> 01:29:51,240
Dynamic person who?

1482
01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,440
draws crowds in rooms

1483
01:29:55,400 --> 01:29:56,840
because

1484
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:58,840
They are closer

1485
01:29:59,240 --> 01:30:02,120
To truly knowing who they are

1486
01:30:03,240 --> 01:30:05,240
Than that other person

1487
01:30:05,240 --> 01:30:11,640
And drink more water eat those fucking vegetables

1488
01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:15,880
Say no more

1489
01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:18,680
in general

1490
01:30:18,680 --> 01:30:20,120
and in life

1491
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:21,880
Whether it be in work

1492
01:30:21,880 --> 01:30:23,480
or in life

1493
01:30:23,480 --> 01:30:25,480
Know when you're overloaded

1494
01:30:27,240 --> 01:30:29,240
Take your breaks

1495
01:30:30,600 --> 01:30:32,600
Learn constantly

1496
01:30:32,600 --> 01:30:36,920
Learn more read more

1497
01:30:38,280 --> 01:30:40,280
Keep working out

1498
01:30:40,580 --> 01:30:42,580
Consistency is key

1499
01:30:42,600 --> 01:30:44,600
Consistency is always key

1500
01:30:45,720 --> 01:30:47,880
With everything in life

1501
01:30:49,720 --> 01:30:51,720
Protect your peace

1502
01:30:52,760 --> 01:30:58,440
That is aided by saying no more

1503
01:30:58,440 --> 01:31:06,200
The only people you need to impress are yourself

1504
01:31:08,360 --> 01:31:10,360
Your mom and dad

1505
01:31:11,400 --> 01:31:13,400
That's it

1506
01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:18,600
Play your game as best as you can

1507
01:31:20,280 --> 01:31:22,280
And do be

1508
01:31:23,160 --> 01:31:25,160
Be kind to yourself

1509
01:31:25,160 --> 01:31:32,680
For your failures regardless of how frequently or infrequently they occur

1510
01:31:40,680 --> 01:31:46,440
Practice what you're good at the practice which are not harder

1511
01:31:46,440 --> 01:31:51,440
To be a better person and a better person

1512
01:31:53,700 --> 01:31:57,700
Continue to focus on the positives

1513
01:32:03,300 --> 01:32:08,180
Try and get more rest we're going to be clamoring for it later

1514
01:32:10,340 --> 01:32:12,340
And

1515
01:32:12,340 --> 01:32:17,780
No matter what let the people in your life

1516
01:32:19,540 --> 01:32:21,540
Know that you're thinking about them

1517
01:32:25,380 --> 01:32:26,500
That's it

1518
01:32:26,500 --> 01:32:29,060
Yeah, I read a little letter to to young dean

1519
01:32:29,700 --> 01:32:31,700
Probably appreciate it

1520
01:32:31,780 --> 01:32:33,780
A little dickhead will probably roll it up and smoke

1521
01:32:33,860 --> 01:32:35,220
Yeah, probably

1522
01:32:35,220 --> 01:32:39,700
Whenever I think about giving advice to my younger self, i'm like he wouldn't listen to me. He wouldn't yeah

1523
01:32:39,700 --> 01:32:44,740
I know he wouldn't yeah, I know he wouldn't he wouldn't at all. But yeah, let's bring it in

1524
01:32:44,900 --> 01:32:50,820
We have a tradition on the podcast where we ask the guests to participate in a carrots and sticks challenge

1525
01:32:51,380 --> 01:32:55,860
Carrots and sticks. What's that? So a carrot is a two-week challenge

1526
01:32:56,180 --> 01:32:58,180
Oh, but you do that's achievable

1527
01:32:58,740 --> 01:33:03,460
Easy to measure. Okay, and pushes you to live courageously. That's the value

1528
01:33:04,260 --> 01:33:08,420
And the stick is your self-chosen punishment for not completing

1529
01:33:08,420 --> 01:33:10,420
That's pretty good

1530
01:33:10,980 --> 01:33:14,020
What is it? Okay, geez

1531
01:33:16,660 --> 01:33:18,660
Carrot

1532
01:33:19,620 --> 01:33:21,620
No matter what

1533
01:33:22,340 --> 01:33:24,340
I have got to

1534
01:33:25,300 --> 01:33:27,620
For the next you said two weeks. Yeah

1535
01:33:29,620 --> 01:33:31,620
So much inconsistency in my life

1536
01:33:32,740 --> 01:33:34,740
I have got to work out

1537
01:33:34,740 --> 01:33:38,840
I have got to work out Tuesday

1538
01:33:41,380 --> 01:33:45,460
Wednesday and some other day of the week

1539
01:33:46,820 --> 01:33:52,020
At some point religiously at a gym not at home at a gym. Yep

1540
01:33:54,820 --> 01:33:55,940
Yes

1541
01:33:55,940 --> 01:33:59,300
I have to find a way to get that done. Yeah three workouts

1542
01:33:59,860 --> 01:34:03,940
For each week three workouts at least three workouts for each week. Okay

1543
01:34:03,940 --> 01:34:05,540
Okay. Yeah

1544
01:34:05,540 --> 01:34:07,540
What's your self-chosen punishment?

1545
01:34:12,560 --> 01:34:18,020
Self-chosen punishment is fuck it. How about I run that 10k?

1546
01:34:22,420 --> 01:34:24,420
I'm like I want you to fail this challenge

1547
01:34:28,900 --> 01:34:31,940
I know you do I just want to see you run

1548
01:34:31,940 --> 01:34:38,740
I would actually fucking kill myself. You would know I would never get to that like starting line

1549
01:34:38,740 --> 01:34:44,100
I do not want to run a 10k. Oh good motivation. You won't have to if you do do your workouts

1550
01:34:44,180 --> 01:34:50,020
I will I will do those six those six workouts cool. Well, I'll drag somebody

1551
01:34:50,740 --> 01:34:57,860
Into it with me to do it at some point. It'll happen. It's gotta happen. All right, cool. Well, thanks for coming on dean. This is great

1552
01:34:57,860 --> 01:35:01,320
Always pleasure for the world the pleasure is all mine