Hey, welcome back everyone.
Our guest today is Charles Umsalanga.
He is a motivational speaker, an author,
and an entrepreneur.
Charles has coached, mentored, and influenced
thousands of young people throughout his career.
What are people missing when it comes to living
the life of their dreams?
Today, we will discuss how Charles became
a motivational speaker, how lack of mentorship
is affecting the youth's mental health,
why direction in life is more important than speed,
how to not get lost in a culture of achievement,
the challenges Charles is facing to become
the best motivational speaker in the world,
the importance of choosing the right partner,
and much more.
Thank you all for the support on the last few episodes.
And if you've enjoyed it, then there's one large favor
that you could do for me, which is to hit
the subscribe button on YouTube or Spotify.
Thank you all for the support.
Thanks for listening.
["The Voice of the World"]
Thanks for coming, Charles.
It's great to see you.
Thanks for having me.
For anyone who's in the audience who's listening,
can you tell us a little bit about your background,
how you came to the US, what you do?
Yeah, man, Charles Msilanga is the name.
I came to the US through school, through,
that's how we met, University of Colorado in Boulder.
I came for my master's program.
And I realized that for me to do best at what I do,
location matters.
And I believe I was called to influence and change this world.
And that's why I chose the US, because if you make it here,
you make it anywhere in the world.
Literally.
And what I do basically, I am in the business
of developing people.
And what that looks like is I am a coach, an author, a speaker.
And I'm just a human being who believes,
was called by God to help people increase what I call an I3.
And that is influence, impact, and income.
And I got that from one of our great mentor and speaker
who I follow called Dr. Darius Daniels.
And so what was that like when you first
came to the US, that transition period?
Because you come from Kenya, which is quite different
than the US is.
And you were also quite old at that point.
So you were pretty used to having grown up there,
the culture.
What was that transition period like for you?
Man, the transition was what I can say, a paradigm shift
for me, coming to a place where culture is automatic,
to a place where culture is intentional.
And having that perspective that I
will be in a place or an environment
where I will have a culture in an automatic way
the same way I was when I was back in Kenya,
that was a big shift.
And I learned that everything here is about intentionality.
Some of the things don't just happen automatically.
And that shift to me initially was a challenge,
because number one, the speed of how things work here
is very fast compared to back home,
and how basically things operate, the culture,
the system, and everything related to how lifestyle
is all about.
So some of those things to me was a big, big hurdle
to some point.
But on the flip side, or on the positive side,
is I had a realization that there was a part of me
that I never knew existed in me, and that is the ability
to be flexible and the ability to fit in cultures
and environments which are not familiar to the ones
that I'm used to.
So I think it came with a blessing for me
to be able to have the awareness or the ability
to be in a position where you can transform that location
to be home, far away from home.
What are some concrete examples of things
that were different that you had to change your mindset
around, where, like you said, things used to be more
automatic and you had to be intentional?
What are some things where you had to change
your paradigm around that?
Yeah, community, man, community.
Not, you have to be intentional about being in a community
where you have the right mindsets, you have the right vision,
you have the right ambition, and even you have the right
drive to achieve a certain success that you probably
wanna achieve or you wanna get to.
And that to me was something that wasn't automatic
as far as the content or the perspective that I thought
I was gonna get and being coming from a place
where I had created that, or I found myself automatically
to be in a place where we were dreamers.
I come from a very humble background and all we knew
is that this is not the life that I want to be living,
or this is a life where I was born, but this is not
a life where I will stay.
You know what I'm saying?
And we always had this, we always back home with my friends
who we were dreaming big and all that.
We used to say that yes, we might be born from a poor family,
but a poor family will not come out of us.
So that was the notion that I was having coming to the US.
I was realizing and thinking, the American dream,
this is something that I can get in there
and this environment that I had created at home
will happen automatically, but I realized that no,
it's not the same, that you have to be intentional
for you to be exceptional.
And I always wanted to be exceptional.
So that's the difference as far as my experience
is concerned.
And why do you think it was so easy to find dreamers
in your hometown versus finding those people in the US?
First of all, I think those people are there
in the US a lot.
The reason as to why, and also there are people
who don't dream in my home country,
and who are comfortable with where they are
and what they have.
The difference is, in my click back home,
I think it's because when you're born in a place
where the only vessel or the only weapon you have
to succeed is a dream, you have to dream very big.
And that I happen to have a community of people
who that's the only vessel we had.
And that dream was the thing that drove us,
that dream was the thing that was an engine to us,
that propelled us to do what we had to do
so that we can be able to be at a place
where that dream is no longer a dream but a reality.
What's your dream?
Oh man, I have big dreams, David.
But my biggest dream is to be the best motivational speaker
in the world.
That's the thing that I wanna be at.
The place where the world will look for me,
and a place where I will be in demand
because of what I produce and because of what is in me
in terms of speaking, authoring, and coaching.
And I always say, man, I refuse to die
until history records my greatness.
That's awesome.
How did you find out that was what you were called to do
was motivating people to live better lives?
Yeah, man, let me give you this story how I got there.
So there was this kid in high school, and that is me.
I was in high school, I think the third year of high school.
And in high school, man, I knew nothing about life.
All I knew is just go to school,
and what I had was all that the world could offer,
and that was it.
But one day, one speaker came to our school
and did one motivational session
that I can say changed my life.
And that guy, man, God bless him, wherever he is,
he came and he said, you know what?
And he used this saying,
and that's where I got the interest about America.
He said, America did not make Americans,
Americans made America.
And he said that all of us are like diamonds.
The difference between the diamond that we are
and the diamond that is on the shelf that is expensive,
it's attractive, and it's shining,
is because there is a process that that diamond went through
that all of you need to go through
so that you can get there.
Fortunately or unfortunately,
some of you do not have the ability
to go through that process
so that you can realize that progress.
And I'm here to tell you that if you go through that process
which requires a diamond has to go through refinement,
it has to go through pressure, it has to go through fire.
And that's the process where he told us
that that is challenges in life,
that if you have to go through them,
then you will be that diamond that is shining,
that is in demand, and that is expensive.
And that changed my life, David.
And that guy, as he finished his speech,
I went to him and I told him,
hey, you literally changed my mind.
I never saw life in that perspective
and what you just said changed my life.
And he gave me a book called The Greatness Syndrome.
It's written by a gentleman by the name Pepe Minambo.
And that book became like my Bible.
I looked in that book and there were quotes that says
that the difference between ordinary and extraordinary
is the little extra.
It had quotes that says that excuses are the nails
used to build a house called failure.
And each time I read that book, it changed my life.
And even today, I still read that book
because every time when I'm down, I am low,
I have to go to that book and it usually changed
my perspective and gives me my fuel and drive.
In that moment or that season of my high school moment,
before that guy came, I used to be a poor student, man.
I never used to perform.
I had the potential but I never knew I had the potential
in me and that guy asked me, what do you wanna become?
What do you wanna become in life?
Or what career do you wanna do in college?
And I told him, I wanna be an economist.
And he wrote to me to economist Charles
and he gave me that book.
Trust me, flash forward, David, I found myself
first day in college, enrolled in a university
to do economics and finance.
And I was so uncomfortable and I was like,
what am I doing to the people who that guy cannot reach to?
What am I doing to the people who God will give me
an ability to access that that guy cannot have?
And that's when I decided to do and to follow this mission.
And all my life, I've been in the business
of developing people and I've been able to transform
that passion into a profit.
And that's how I got into that space, man.
That's a great story, dude.
Thanks, man.
I love that.
Thank you.
So you've been doing it for a bit now, right?
Motivational speaking.
Yeah, on November 9th, it will be my 10th year.
10th year.
Yeah, and that's since my first day in college.
That was when you started.
Yeah.
What are some of the things you've seen impacting people
from your work?
What is that like?
And do you have any specific examples of people
that have changed what they're doing
because of what you told them?
Oh, man, 100%, David, 100%.
I've seen people, I've seen young people specifically
being able to be like me,
where they were not performing well in school
to a point where I came into contact with them,
inspired them to a point where they,
some of them are in college,
some of them are in good workplaces.
I've also seen people who are into positions
and starting life of almost giving up.
And when they encountered me,
they had a chance to change their perspective
and had a move.
But the biggest thing that I get is the everyday
on my inbox, either Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp.
Some people have my phone number,
which they get it through my social media handles.
Trust me, I get messages of people telling me,
hey man, this message encouraged me.
Hey man, this thing transformed my life.
And that really, really, really moves me.
And one of the biggest stories I have was,
when I was in college,
I also happened to get into leadership
and had a position of the student president
at my university.
And one thing that I can say is,
when I graduated, I had a young man who I was mentoring.
And this young man had no idea
as far as what they wanna be or they wanna do in life.
And so we walked with him and flash forward,
that young man got an opportunity,
not only to be in the same college that I was,
but also to be a president or the position that I was.
And I realized that he told me that success leaves clues,
that if you wanna be successful,
look for someone who has been where you want to be
and do what he did.
And so that's what I can say.
Oh, success does leave clues too.
That's how I try to model my career in my life,
is most of the friends that I have,
I've seen something inside of them
that I would like to be more like.
And so like, oh, that person's really generous
or that person's really kind, that person's really open.
And I see that and I'm like, oh, I wanna be around them.
That way I can get it by diffusion.
A hundred percent, a hundred percent.
You don't grow as far as your dream.
You go as far as your team.
So that's a hundred percent right, yep.
So you work with young people a lot.
And at least in the US, in more modern times,
since like 2000s, young people have been doing worse
in a lot of different metrics and mental health
and their careers and their connectedness
and their communities.
Why do you think young people are struggling so much?
And how can we help them?
Because it seems to be larger
than just they don't have motivation, right?
Well, there are many factors, David.
There are many factors,
but the main factor I think is there is a gap
as far as mentorship is concerned
between the young people and the generation that is ahead.
And that if you're in a jungle without a map,
any route will be a route that you will walk
with the hope that it will get you out of a jungle.
And the reason as to why I'm saying that
is because direction is more important than speed.
And some of the things we go through
as far as young people having mental health and all that,
I can say it's because there is a group of people
that is supposed to take charge
as far as mentoring these young people
and helping them be able to be the people
that they are meant to become,
or help them to be able to transform their mind
so that they can be able to overcome some of the battles
or challenges or even dream
as far as what they want to become in life.
There's a gap of people,
and that is including you and I,
that have not been able to be in the forefront
as far as being the voice of truth to these young people.
So what happens?
They get to social media,
and anyone that is trending
seems to be the one that is working.
But you and I know that what is trending
does not always mean that it is working.
And the things that are trending,
they are trending.
Tomorrow they will not be trending.
And so if a young people follows what is trending today,
that is not the right thing to do,
and they do it because it's trending,
what happens is that tomorrow
and that thing that is no longer trending,
something else is trending,
you find yourself to be in a sense of confusion
because you're like,
oh, I thought that was the right thing,
but you forgot that that thing that was trending
is not the thing that is working.
So I think the biggest hurdle
or the biggest issue we have is mentorship
as far as young people is concerned.
I think young people need to have,
to be given an opportunity or a chance
to receive mentorship from generations
or people who are ahead of us
so that we can learn,
especially when we're talking about success, right?
We can learn how do we get there
because the reality is
everything and everyone who has achieved
a significant, tremendous result
that we want to see as far as life and success is concerned,
learned that thing somewhere.
And if they didn't learn that thing,
they have been able to obtain those things or those lessons
through journeys that encountered mistakes,
challenges and hurdles.
And this next generation doesn't have to go through that.
They can easily get to learn
through someone else's challenges,
someone else's mistake, instead of going through
that mistakes on themselves.
And if they don't have the stamina to overcome,
that's where we get to mental health issues
and they destroy our young people a lot.
So I think the biggest issue we have
is the lack of mentorship that young people
really, really crave and desire.
And how do you think someone should find a mentor?
Like if I'm a young person and I don't know where to turn,
maybe my parents don't know a lot
or maybe all of my friends don't really wanna
achieve, how do I find someone who is that person
who can give me those lessons?
First, I think the first step is first to be in a position
or in an environment where you are challenged
as far as your mindset is concerned.
And not only being challenged on the mindset,
but also before you look for someone to mentor you,
you need to have that hunger or that urge
to be, do or achieve a particular thing.
And that might come automatically
or it might not come automatically.
And one of the reasons, if it comes automatically,
then look for someone who is doing what you desire to become
or who you desire to do it in a large scale.
Learn from them or if you cannot access them,
go buy their books, read their books,
and be able to get the knowledge that they have invested
as far as the book is concerned.
The other thing is put yourself in an environment
where you are challenged to be better.
You see, if you do what is easy, your life will be hard.
If you do what is hard, your life will be easy.
And the reason as to why I'm saying that
is that young people should not be scared
by looking at a certain journey and thinking that
this journey should not be a journey for me to achieve.
It should not be a journey for me to take because it's hard.
You have to understand and realize that if it was easy,
everyone would have gone through it.
It's the hardness that makes it great.
And that hardness and greatness are on the same land.
So if you are a young person and you're saying,
you know what, I'm looking to get a mentor,
the first thing is not to look to get a mentor.
The first thing is to look at you.
What do you want to become?
Who do you want to be?
By the time you reach age 70,
will you look back with regrets
or will you look back with satisfaction?
Will you be a person who when you're 70 years old,
will you say, you know what,
I'm glad I went through this journey of life
because of what I've been able to do,
what I've been able to accomplish
and the influence I've been able to make in this life?
Or will you be a person who when you look back,
you'll be like, you know what, life sucks
and all that negative stuff?
So I think that's the first step
because there are two most important deaths
in a human being's life, someone said.
The death they were born and the death they realized
they were born and as young people,
I think the first question you have to ask yourself is,
why are you born?
Why do you exist into this life?
And that when you know the why, you will know the how.
When you know the why, you will know who needs to mentor me.
When you know the why, you will know
where can I get that mentorship?
When you know the why, you will know
how can I be able to do the thing
so that I can be able to access that mentorship
or that mentor that I want to get.
So I think young people need to understand and realize
that they have to know their why.
And as we're talking about the why, David,
I have to say this, that no one was born for a mistake
and that we are all born for a reason
and we will be in this world for a season.
Okay, and that every one of us, we were born for a reason
and we will be in this world for a season.
And the thing for us to be able to make sure
that that reason is relevant is when we maximize
the time we have in the seasons that we've been blessed with.
So that's the thing that young people need to understand
and have, and once you have it, trust me,
getting the mentor is the easiest thing
because you already have to look for out.
He did what I want to be or he did where I want to go
or he achieved a certain thing that I want to achieve.
I can learn from him.
If I cannot access him, I will be able to read a book
about him and learn what he did and be able to implement
the things that he did.
So I think that's how I can approach that question.
Hmm. Since everyone who is young maybe doesn't all want
to be a high achiever, what would you say to those people
who are like, oh, I want to live a good life.
I want to have a good job, have a family
and I don't want to be exceptional, right?
They want to maybe be exceptional and being a dad
or something like that, but they don't want to achieve
really highly in their careers.
So you have to understand and realize that achievement
is not about status.
Achievement is about results.
Even if you want to be a dad, you don't want to be just
an ordinary dad.
You want to be the best dad.
Even if you just want to be in a job, you don't want to be
just a job and just do the minimum.
You want to do the best because the reality is being
a high achiever is not about the status or getting to that level.
It's about the results that you have been able to produce.
And I always say you don't have to search or you don't have
to crave to be a valuable person.
Just provide high value and you will be a valuable person.
And that person or that young person who is like, you know
what, I don't want to be a high achiever or anything.
I'll say this.
I think the reason, I think the main thing you're saying
is I don't want to be famous.
Because the reality is being a high achiever is all that
we are talking about.
And being a high achiever doesn't mean that the world
should know you.
Right?
I read something about when the U.S. took their first person
to land on the moon.
There was a story of a sweeper and he did the best.
He did the best and he was asked why are you doing it?
He's like I'm doing my best because we are taking the first
man to land on the moon.
And to him that is high achievement.
He was satisfied and all that.
Right?
And did he want people like me to know about him?
Probably not.
But did he, do I know about him?
Yes.
I can say that results, results can take you to places where
you have never been before.
And it's not about me wanting to shine out there.
Just don't seek that.
Just seek to be effective.
To do the best at the season and the opportunities that you have.
Those are the things that will automatically come that you
should never seek them.
And even if it means to be the best, if even if it means to
just have a family, be in a family or be a dad, be a mom.
You don't just want to be an average mom.
You want to be the mom that when your son, when your daughter
grows up will be like I have the best dad at home.
And if that to you is success, seek it.
That's how I can say it.
I really like that because I think it's really easy to get
lost in making success be being known or being the best,
being the best business or doing something that will be
remembered in the history books.
But the thing that usually brings you the happiness is
being the best at being you.
100%.
And that's something that's really hard to get to the
realization about because those people aren't out on social
media telling you this is how you be the best at being you.
They're probably nobody knows who they are.
And maybe they're the best dad.
Maybe they're the best accountant.
Maybe they're the best whatever.
Yep. Yep.
So true.
And we might never know about those people.
But there's a difference between influencing the world
and influencing your world.
And many of us have the ability and the opportunity to
influence our world even though we might not influence the
world.
And to me that is already success.
And if your main goal, if your main vision is to be like you
know what?
I'll be the best as far as my community is concerned.
Go for it.
Do everything humanly possible to achieve that goal.
But the whole essence is what is your goal?
Right?
The why.
So that's the whole thing I can say.
Yeah.
So touching on what you were talking about earlier with
becoming exceptional requires going through those challenges,
fighting the battles.
It's not easy.
It's hard.
What are some of those things on your path that have been hard?
Some decisions you've had to take or things you've had to go
through where you were down and get to that got you to where
you are now.
Hey man.
There is always the flip side as far as any journey you're
taking David.
Let me give you one simple, simple that is very relevant.
Example.
I took a leap of faith to come to the U.S.
I left everything as far as who I know, people who I grew up
knowing, family, friends and all that.
And that thing is hard man.
And just imagine going to a place where it's totally
different.
Maybe you don't know anyone and you don't know how you're going
to start.
That to me was one of the toughest seasons of my life,
being able to be in a position where it's a new ground,
a new territory, you don't know anyone, but you're driven with
that dream, that vision, that mission, that ambition.
That was hard.
The other difficult thing that I can say, it's something that I
encounter almost not every day but in many times, is the
ability to say no.
For example, like you have to say, for you to say yes to
something, for you to say yes to your dreams, for you to say
yes to a certain vision, man, there are things you will have
not to do.
There are places you will not go, not because those places
are bad, but it's because those places don't fuel who you want
to become.
The associations you will not engage with, not because those
associations are bad, but those associations won't lead you to
where you want to be.
There are places you won't go, not because you hate freedom,
but it's because those places won't add any value as far as
who you want to be.
Are those places attractive?
Yes.
Are those people attractive?
Yes.
Are those activities good?
Yes.
Are those activities by the flesh you want to do that?
Yes, but you're looking at who you want to become and you're
looking at how that thing or that action will bring you back
and you're like, no, I don't want to do that.
So those are some of the daily challenges that you have to
overcome as far as being the person who will stand out.
It's like a sportsman, you know what?
They want to rest, they want to chill, they want to sleep,
but they want the Olympic gold at the same time.
Will resting, chilling and sleeping give you that?
Probably not.
So you have to do what you don't like so that you can get what
you like.
So one of the things that happens, I think, with a lot of
people who are very high achievers and are struggling
going into the hard is maybe they can fall into burnout,
to doing too much at once.
And how do you prevent that from happening?
So you need to understand and realize, David, that I always
say if it costs your mental health, it's too expensive.
And one of the things that you have to learn that I think I
personally implement is being able to know what are the
places, spaces and people that fuel you.
Right?
If a car is empty, it has to go to a gas station and get gas
so that it can be able to progress.
I think the same is to us human beings and to me specifically.
This is a theory that I do.
So I have a certain group of men that I reach out to,
if I'm stuck and they are willing to listen to me,
they are willing to encourage me and they are willing to fuel me.
I also read a lot, man.
I read self-help books so that I can be, that's one way that
I've learned that if I do, I get fuel.
Right?
And another thing is that I'm a man of faith, you know,
being able to be part of my community, my church community,
my body of the church or people or studying the Word or being
in the presence of the Lord.
Those are some of the things that fuel me.
And I realized that every time I am in a place where, you know what,
battery low, those are some of the things that I have to do.
And for me to prevent the scenario or the situation where the battery
will be low, I have to do these things consistently so that I can
have the consistency to be able to accomplish or be in the journey
where I will always have the momentum so that I can be able to see
the desired results or the desired success that I envision to have
and I want to be at.
Yeah.
So your church is a big part of that process of refueling who you are,
giving you more energy to keep going forward.
I did go to your church service.
Yeah, man.
Thank you for coming.
It was awesome.
I hope it's not the last.
Yeah, I was telling Andrew that I should take him some time to...
Yep, yep.
You have to come back again.
Yeah.
One of the things that actually stood out to me was how connected the community was.
So I grew up in a Catholic household.
I've been to a lot of Catholic services and it always feels very, very dead.
Like, nobody really wants to be there.
Everyone is just like, oh yeah, I have to go on a Sunday.
Versus the difference was like, everyone was alive, it felt like.
Everyone wanted to be there.
And so, I'm not sure what it was and I was curious if you had any insight
into why these two different communities, which are kind of centered around the same thing,
they're both centered around Jesus, why are they so different?
Yeah, I think, David, you have to understand that there is something that is more
as far as us having that church, the church service experience that you had.
First of all, we are a Protestant church.
So, you know, Catholic and Protestants, they have different ways as far as how they do their masses.
You call them masses and how they do their services on the other side.
But that's a whole different story, which is a whole different topic.
But what I wanted to say is you came to our church and predominantly that church has
majority of them people who are Kenyans, who are from my country, right?
And I think what you experienced is I cannot put it as a standard for church.
I think what you experience is church with community that has a cultural aspect on it.
Like, that's how we operate, like as Kenyans in Africa.
That's how we, you know, engage and associate.
And to us, being in a church is a moment of celebration, a moment of honoring God,
thanking God, and glorifying God.
And what you experience is something that is not only what a church service entails,
you also experience what our culture entails.
So I can say that that doesn't, of course, you had a good moment and a good time,
which I'm glad you did, and thank you for honoring the invitation.
But at the same time, I can say we are a happy community, a happy church, and all that,
but that doesn't make us perfect, right?
And that's a difference that I think we have to embrace.
But do we strive for perfection? Yes. Are we there? No.
And because, you know, we are human beings at the end of the day.
But what I can say is that you encountered something cultural that we embrace
so that we can make our fellowship more fun, more engaging, and more welcoming. Yeah.
Yeah. And maybe that's just a general thing with American culture,
where people are very individualistic, and maybe Kenyans and team seems to revolve more around that community aspect.
Yeah, we are community-driven, 100%. Yeah.
How can we have kind of that be more present in our lives in the United States if we're not from Kenya?
And that, I mean, that's the thing that everyone should experience, I think,
is a great, vibrant community where everyone feels connected to each other.
That's a difficult question, man. But I think it's the aspect of just care for each other, man.
Just care for each other and add value for each other.
And there are a lot of great things about the United States, David.
There are a lot of great things that are vibrant and all that.
But when you're talking about that aspect of culture, I think,
caring and just seeking to learn more about the other person and being more engaged about them,
I think that's something that plays a significant role as far as embracing that is concerned.
And maybe visit Kenya more.
Yeah, maybe I'll move to Kenya.
But you work a lot and you also have a wife and a kid now.
Yep.
How are you able to balance all of that?
Well, I have to say, David, that first of all, I'm blessed to have a very, very supportive wife.
I think I'm blessed to have a wife that understands what I want to become.
And she sacrifices a lot in terms of making sure that I get to the point where I want to get.
And I think I'm so blessed for that.
I think she plays a critical role as far as the day-to-day journey,
as far as being in the journey of purpose and being in the journey of realizing that destiny that I dream of.
The other thing is I think I have systems set in place that really, really help me to be able to achieve a particular thing,
to help me achieve a particular thing at any particular time.
And those systems are structured in a way where there is time for family, there is time for work,
there is time for personal development, there is time for spiritual growth, and also there is time for me.
Like my working out and you and I, we know you're in college, you used to hit the gym together and I still do that.
Time for working out, time for just the personal development aspect of me.
So I think I have things, I have those structures in my life,
and that's anything that takes me away of those structures personally, I don't not only do them, but also don't entertain them.
Be it in thoughts, be it in actions, be it in words.
So I think the system helps me a lot in terms of being able to, number one, balance, and also number two, enjoy doing what I'm doing.
And how long have you been married?
In 10 days from now, it will be one year.
That one year ago, how did you know that this was the path you were going to go on?
Actually, my wife is a childhood friend.
Oh really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a childhood friend. I've known her all my life and we've grown up together, literally we were neighbors back in Kenya.
And it has always been a surety that this is the woman that I want.
So that's how it's always been.
Since you were a young boy, you knew?
No, no, no. Well, she says she knew that when she was a little girl, but I think I knew that behind every saint there is a past and ahead of every sinner there is a future.
So I think I knew it when I was much, much older in life.
So yeah.
Like, did you date other people in between there?
Of course.
Yeah.
What was dating like for you before you got married?
Before I got married, dating for me was, so I was looking for someone.
So first of all, David, I think I became very focused from a very, very young age.
And to me, I was looking not just for someone to have fun with, I was looking for someone to create purpose with.
And that's something that I think the reason as to why my previous dating people I dated with didn't work was because I think I didn't find that.
Where someone who we were in the same path as far as purpose is concerned. And that's how it always, that's why that was the experience rather as far as my dating journey is concerned.
And to me, I've always looked for someone who could see the world the way I saw it, who could look at the things that I dreamt of or the things that I envisioned and the person I want to become in life and never thought I was crazy.
And well, there's some girls I dated, they're like, yeah, you're crazy. You can't be that.
Yeah.
And were any of those relationships longer? Like, did it take you longer to figure out that this wasn't a person who understood what you wanted?
It's well, well, it didn't take a long time for me to know, but it took a long time for me to accept.
You know, you can be in a relationship with someone and you're like, you know what, this, I don't think we're going to take.
I don't think we're going to go far with this person, but you're like, let me give her a chance.
And accepting that thing that you saw from the beginning was, you know, you tolerate it and you give it a benefit of doubt.
But I learned that you're not trying to heal it, you're just procrastinating as far as the pain is concerned.
Yeah. Yeah. Putting off the pain till the future date, making it worse every time.
Making it worse. The longer you wait, the longer the worse it gets.
Yeah, because you have to make that decision.
You have to make that decision regardless. You have to make.
And talking of dating, I think a lot of young men are struggling with this.
I never dated many women, first of all.
I think, but my experience is that I think as a young man, if you if you're dating a girl or a woman and you're like, I don't think this thing will work.
And you're certain, I think the longer you wait, as far as making that move, I think it's a harm not only to her, but significantly to you,
because it's going to hurt more and longer the more you wait because their expectations being set by the other party.
And you already have a decision in your heart that you're not going to meet those expectations.
And that girl may be waiting for that expectation. And the longer you wait, the harder, the painful the heartbreak will be.
So that's that's how I will say. And also, like as a young man, like one of the best decisions that you can make is who you decide to spend your life with as far as life partner is concerned.
And I think you either have a wife that will support you or you have a knife that will cut you.
That's brutal.
And the same to husbands, you know, like even like if it's a woman, listen to me like and by cutting, I don't mean physically cutting in terms of your purpose, cutting in terms of your vision, cutting in terms of your dreams.
There will always be friction.
They will be cut short. So that's that's that's how I can say it. And sorry if it appears blue rollers.
Oh, no, I think it's a good way to emphasize the impact it will have.
Significant. I'm talking it out of love and and and not as an expert for whatsoever.
But based on my own personal experience and what I've been also been able to learn from other people.
Yeah, like your experience has been on both sides. You've had one that supports you and maybe one that doesn't support you.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent.
You've seen the impacts of both of them.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And and yeah, of course, I have I dated girls that held me back. Yes.
And now I'm blessed. My wife is. Yeah.
It's part of the party. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah.
And now in the in our current time, we have dating apps, we have all these different types of ways to find people.
And maybe you didn't have those back then, but you are on the Internet, you are on social media and you mentor young men.
What do you what advice do you give to to men trying to navigate that world of dating and a new technology focused way of dating?
It's the most common way of finding a partner these days is online.
A hundred percent. And first of all, I'll say I'll say
the systems may change as far as how you can get a life partner, but the principles and the foundations will never change.
You can you can pretend who you are, but in the long run, you will always be discovered.
So I think as a as a young man specifically, as you as you look to get for a for a partner, I think, I think one of the biggest thing you have to understand is be a man who has a vision
or grow yourself to be a man who knows what they want in life, because at the end of the day, men are supposed to be providers, protectors and procedures leaders.
Right. If you're if you're not able to have those things as foundations for you, you know, you can get the best girl in the world online or offline.
But it takes one thing to get her and it takes another thing to maintain her.
So I'll tell young men that the biggest foundation is to be able to learn how to maintain, because if you are able to learn how to maintain, look, it's attractive men.
A girl will see you and they'll know this man, how they carry themselves, how they behave and how they live.
This is a man who I would want. So you won't be able to be the person who will chase.
You'll be the one who will attract. So I think that's that's something I can say for specifically young men out there listening to us right now.
And how does how does a young man go from being just the guy who's there, who's not attracting people to what you said, a protector provider and was the third one?
Preceder leader. Yeah. Know exactly what you want out of life, man. Know know, you know, in this journey of life, like what what do you want?
What do you want? What do I want to become?
Like if you don't know where you're going, David, anywhere that is looking like a destination for you will be OK for you.
Right. And I think young people need to know first, what do I want to become? Who do I want to become? And where do I want to go?
The moment you know those questions, those fundamental questions, I think you will know who will fit in your boat and who will not.
Because at the end of the day, if you are if you are looking to get someone or looking to be in a relationship of someone, I believe you.
You either date for marriage or you date for a heartbreak because a relationship with either end for it will either end to marriage or it will end on the other side of a heartbreak.
And ask yourself what is worth it. So you have to be very intentional about it.
But before you get there, you need to ask yourself, am I am I ready to handle and maintain someone if I cannot handle and maintain from it cannot handle and maintain myself.
So I think as a young person, the first thing you want to do is focus on knowing and understanding who you are, what you want to become before inviting someone on the boat to go to where you want to be.
Right. And I will I will not go without saying that I'm a man of faith.
I think knowing your creator and knowing and being intentional about that adds a significant value as far as you being a man who will not only show direction, but you will also have that divine assignment so that you can be the person that God created you to become.
Yeah.
I like the idea of finding who you are before figuring out if you can maintain someone.
But I think it's also possible to get lost in that.
So on the Internet, there's a lot of young people who are working on myself.
I'm building something and then they continue to do that for a really, really long time and they never find who they are and they never get into relationships, never explore that.
And maybe it's because they're scared, maybe because they don't want to be seen.
And so they continue to build up and build up and build up and never get there.
Yeah. So I'll say this, David. I'll say this. I'll say this.
First of all, I'll say that there is no one way of knowing who you are or one way of achieving a certain success in life.
Let me give you an example. You might meet a girl who can be a person who will be crucial as far as getting you into the direction of purpose and the direction of the destiny in your life.
So by me saying that, I'm not saying that you don't engage with girls. No, no, no, no.
I don't want you to be that guy. All I'm saying is...
The Sigma.
Yeah.
I don't want you to be that guy. All I'm saying is, you know, I believe on the aspect of being intentional.
If you're intentional, you will be exceptional.
And to bring all this to simplicity is just be intentional in everything that you're doing.
If you're intentional with everything that you're doing, it's just a matter of time. You will be exceptional.
And there is a difference between movement and progress.
You know, I'm doing this just for that feeling to know that I'm moving, but in reality, you're not making progress.
And I think that's where the conversation of mentorship comes in, because the reality is doing something is not enough.
You have to do things right. Right?
And having the awareness of knowing what your KPIs are, key performance indicators for your life, is very, very important
to the fact that you will be able to be that human being who just doesn't live life for the sake of living life,
but is living life knowing that this is the goal, this is the mission, and this is the target.
And you know, this is what I need to get to that target.
And if you focus on that, when it comes to relationship, you will always know this person cannot fit to the destination that I want to go.
You can always know, even if you're not dating that girl, but if you just interact with them as friends and you're like,
oh, this looks like the person. Yeah.
So that's how I think it's supposed to be. So it's not like movement. It's about progress. Yeah.
Movement can take you in. You can just doggy paddle on the ocean forever. You're not moving anywhere.
Cycling, yep. Yep.
So for you, what are some of those things that you're struggling with in different areas of your life?
Maybe it's yourself. Maybe it's your career. Maybe it's your relationship or your passions.
David, when you're talking about struggles, I think struggles happens in seasons.
Like the things I was struggling with five years ago are not the same things probably I'm struggling with today.
In the current season that I am, I think the biggest struggle that I have is the ability to handle the demands that come.
And these demands are the demands that it takes for me to coach people and all that.
And it can be a bit overwhelming to handle the demands that come as far as coaching people, training people and all that.
I think I'm in a season where I'm still learning how to create a system out of that.
Because if I don't, maybe I'll burn out or maybe I won't be as effective as I should.
The other struggle I'm having is I'm building other things.
One of the things that I see is a big struggle is to get people who can see the vision as you see it and run with it together.
I think the other things that I'm currently working on and building and exploring,
which I've shared with you on a personal level, and getting people who are going to see the vision that you're having and running with it,
I think it's a big, big struggle.
And I think even you as you're running your podcast, I think as you grow, you will want to expand and you will want to get to horizons that you've never gotten.
I think one thing that can be a significant struggle is to be able to find people who have a similar vision like yours
and be able to operate not exactly like you, but with the drive like yours or even more.
So I think that's a struggle that I'm currently having.
Yeah. And how do you think you'll find them?
I'm not impatient about it.
I'm only patient about it. And I know that with consistency, sometimes people will buy into a vision until they see that thing working first.
So I think I want to make some things work, make the initiatives and the programs that I'm building to make them work first.
I think sometimes that will attract people because, and I understand, man, if you want something to do something with you,
if you want someone to do something with you and they all they know is you have that in mind and not in reality, it can be difficult.
So I think the only thing is making that thing to germinate first so that people can see it's working at a small scale so that they can get to it to explode it in a large scale.
And along with the part you're talking about, the demands of everything you're doing, how are you handling that right now?
And do you feel overwhelmed at all?
Yeah, sometimes, man. Sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, David.
But at the end of the day, I think to whom much is given, much is expected.
And life doesn't get easier. You just learn how to handle hard better.
So it's not about expecting things to be easy, but it's about how to learn how to handle the hard things in a better way or in an easier way.
Because the reality is every time you grow, you expand and stretch and your capacity grows.
And if your capacity grows, there's always an extra space that needs to be filled.
So you got to do it anyway. But at the end of the day, it's about the systems also.
I talked about the people who are engaged with my association, my habits and also being a man of faith.
And on your journey, when do you think your finish line is? What are you aiming at?
What is the person that you want to be? And how do you know you've arrived?
You know, that's something that I've learned recently, actually, David. You know, you'll be surprised that in life there's nothing like a finish line.
In life, you will always have a new demand and a new thorn that will be hurting you unless you do something about it.
And when it comes to the journey of purpose, if you say you have arrived at a certain level, there is always something that will be like a new vision that you have to get to.
And I think it's not about arriving. It's about being able to be in a position or a situation in your life where you're being productive.
I think that as long as you're breathing, I believe there is always something you can be producing. Yeah.
Along that question, if things continue to be possible to continue to work, to continue to progress, how do we know when enough's enough, right?
Because one of the stories I heard on a podcast, which I really like, is the story of the Mexican fisherman.
There's this guy in Mexico. He spends his day fishing. He comes home. They eat. They hang out around the fire, sing songs.
He sees his friends, and he goes to bed and does it all over again. And then this guy from America is on vacation. He meets this guy and he goes,
You're so good at fishing. Why don't you do it a few more extra hours a day? Then you'd have extra fish and you could sell it on the market.
And then after that, hire other people with that extra money and then sell even more fish on the market.
And then once you have enough money there, you can build a corporation and expand to different areas of the world and make even more money.
And then you can retire. He's like, Why would I do that?
He goes, So you could hang out with your friends, spend time with your family, sing songs around the fire, and spend time fishing.
And he's like, I already do all of that. Why would I give up any of it?
So a lot of times we can give up the thing that we want for the thing that we think will get what we want.
And I think that's really hard when you're a high achiever is when do you know when enough's enough?
There's people who die working and they go, I never actually lived my life. I spent my entire time achieving.
I think it's from an individual perspective in terms of what the success looks like for you.
There are people that their success is money. There are people that their success is family.
There are people that their success is a certain body type. There are people that their success is all that.
I think I think having an understanding of what success looks like is very, very important.
And I think I've read that story from one of Robin Sharma's book.
One of Robin Sharma's book. I don't know. I don't know which one, but I think I read that there.
But to bring to your point, David, I think being successful or the measure to equate or the measure to define success is not monetary.
I think to me, I think the measure to equate success is impact. Like who have you impacted? Who has gotten better because of you existing in this world?
And to me, I think as long as I'm living to do that and there is satisfaction, I'm good.
And being better is you can go to Kenya and do it. You can stay in the U.S. and do it.
You can go to any other country and do it. But it's all about it's not about what you get, but it's about what you give.
And it's about what people feel based on what you're producing.
So I think it's life in general is all about people and even the money.
Yeah. Even in your story, you get the money so that you can sing songs with friends.
It's all about people like people, people, people. I think if you have a way of influencing and impacting people positively, you are successful.
And that's that's that's how my perspective will be about that.
That matter, because at the end of the day, even if you have all that money and all that cash, where you have no one to spend it with, no one to pay so that they can serve you,
no one to share it with or no one to transform as far as using your money to change their lives is concerned, that money will be useless.
So I think it's about people like how do you how are you are you a person who influences and transforms the lives of people?
I think that's all that matters. Yeah.
Most things actually come down to impact even businesses.
Yeah, even businesses. Correct.
How do you build a business that works? You build something itself, someone's problem, you impact them. Right.
100% 100%. Yeah.
One of the questions that I've come to ask myself is what thing about the way in which I view the world or the way I interact with the world would I want to change
that would impact my life the most in a positive direction?
And for me, it came down to a couple of character traits.
I wish I was more assertive.
And so now that's something that I can work on doing.
It's like that would have a huge impact on my future and my all of the different areas of my life.
So I would ask that same question to you.
What is that that small thing?
To me, it's courageous, courage.
And I actually wrote a book about this.
It's called Protect Your Courage.
It's on Amazon.
I think many people are not courageous to believe in what they feel or they think they can be.
And that hinders them from getting to where they desire to become or where they think they can become.
And fear and doubt has killed many dreams than failure ever has.
So I think to me, it's courage.
Most people need courage so that they can be able to operate in the path that they believe or they envision they can.
And that's a big factor that most people do not have.
And I think it's something that we need to embrace.
We need to learn how to be courageous to do or to chase that journey or to follow that path that is very unfamiliar.
But faith drives us because we see there is something that we can be or get or achieve, even though we are not yet there.
And even though we cannot see it in the physical.
Yeah.
How has not being courageous impacted your life?
Oh, man, there are many opportunities.
Hey, there are many opportunities I wish I took.
But because I was looking at it, I was like, I'm not too qualified for that.
I'm not too fit for that or I'm not too educated for that or I'm not too qualified for that.
That made me not to even try.
And only God knows where I would have been if I took some of those opportunities.
And yeah, I think it's the same.
And on the on the front side is there are things that I didn't even qualify that I only tried or I showed up.
And they played a big role as far as helping me succeed in different areas as far as life is concerned.
So courage. Yeah.
And how have you dealt with the fear?
You see, I always say fear, F E A R stands for false evidence appearing real.
And excuse me, man, fear is something that everyone faces.
Like even even when you started this initiative, David, I'm sure you felt some certain level of fear or doubt.
And and to me, I always replace fear with faith because the reality is you fear this thing not working or you fear this thing not getting the results that you desire or you want to to get.
And that fear hinders you. It's it's literally makes you not to be able to start, progress or continue with something.
So I think I think to me, I replace fear with faith.
And that's that's that's where my my my journey of faith comes in.
Like, I know that this this this is not something that fear is not fear is not from God.
I am a person who believes that.
And if there is something that I need to do and I fear doing that particular thing, I always get reminded that you need to be strong and courageous.
Well, it's funny you mentioned the fear doing the podcast since we haven't launched yet.
There's still that little bit of fear.
We're like when I first had the idea to bring it together, I was like, oh, I'm going to release it.
Nobody's going to listen to it.
Nobody's going to like it.
People are going to hate on it, etc.
But my strategy for getting around that is I'll film all the episodes first.
Now everyone's waiting for it to release.
I have to release it.
I look at it.
I would rather not look stupid.
So face the fear.
Right.
And you took faith, right?
Yeah.
You're like you took faith.
Let me tell you something else about fear, man.
Fear has made a lot of people procrastinate on something that they desire to become or they desire to do to a point where.
They have procrastinated so much to a point where they're like, I don't have to do it.
And that's how a dream died.
Have you like wanted to do something and you're like, I fear doing that particular thing.
And then days or years or time passes by, you look back, you're like, ah, it's not worth it anyway.
And you have no idea how big of a significance and how big of impact that thing would have brought if only you started.
And you say that and it reminded me of that.
Fear makes people to procrastinate.
And when you procrastinate, you don't see you kill that fire for you to do that thing that you wanted to do.
So fear is something that we have to face.
And often with the fear, I think the outcome is usually not as bad as what the fear tells you it will be.
A hundred percent, a hundred percent, David, a hundred percent.
Let me tell you something.
This podcast will surprise you.
And I'm not telling you to make you feel good.
I'm only telling you that.
What you're doing and the journey that you're taking is a journey that not only will change the lives of others, but it will also change your life.
So keep going, keep doing and keep showing up, man.
Keep showing up.
The world is your oyster.
Even if nobody watches it.
I will watch it and I will share it and make sure that people who follow me watch it as well.
Well, if they don't, that's what they will be aware of it.
Hold them at gunpoint, make them watch it.
Yep.
Whatever it takes.
Yeah.
So one of the closing traditions we have on this podcast is that we'll ask the guest something that is maybe they're struggling with or that they're avoiding, that they're scared of, that would have an impact on their lives.
Something that could be done within a week or two weeks that would make their life easier, would make their life a little bit less stressful.
And then we ask them to challenge themselves in that way.
And so for you, the question is, what is a small thing that you could do within the next week, the next two weeks that would make your life a little bit better, make it a little bit easier, make it a little bit less stressful.
Yeah, I think, I think to me is being, being a person who
is not scared.
I think we talked about fear and courage and, and the reason as to why that was my answer is because I too feel scared to do some particular things.
And, and I think in the next two weeks or two, I have, I have really, really not taken advantage of some opportunities that are ahead of me or opportunities that are around me that I ought to have.
And, and, and, and one of them was, you know, I, somebody told me, man, you should put your content on TikTok.
And I was like, nah, nah, nah.
But that's, that's something that I'm looking forward to be doing in the next two weeks so that I can be able to reach more people and change more lives.
Okay.
And the next part of it is you give yourself a stick, something that will happen if you don't put your content on TikTok to give you that extra motivation.
A stick. So it could be something difficult. Maybe you do a cold plunge, maybe you go on a do a Murph workout.
Do a do three rounds of the ManiQ. You know, the 200 steps in Colorado Springs. Oh yeah.
That's tough, dude. Three rounds. Yeah. Okay. Three rounds. I hope I won't die.
That's the reason. That's the reason not to do it. So yeah, I did one and my challenge, my next challenge is to do two. So three is something that I don't want to do. So yeah.
That's perfect. So if you post your content on TikTok, you won't have to do three. Yeah. And you can keep me accountable.
I'll make sure you do it. Thank you.
But what can people expect from you, from your brand, from any more books? What can people expect in the future?
Yeah, 100 percent more books to come, more content to create, more coaching programs and yeah, more of lives being impacted and changed in a global scale. So yeah.
And where can people find what you're doing? Find more of your content, find your books.
Yeah, I have written two books. One is called Dear Youth for Young People and the other is called Protect Your Courage. So they are both on Amazon.
So if you search Dear Youth or Protect Your Courage by Charles Mselanga, you're going to find those books.
I'm also on social media like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok.
I opened it, by the way, it's just that I'm not as consistent as I should. YouTube.
So all of those handles Charles Mselanga and you can find me there. So that's where people can find me.
Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for coming on the podcast. 100 percent. Great talking to you.
Thanks for having me, Ben. And I wish you the very best. Thank you. Yep.